Summary Notes, by timestamp 2:25 The Four Types of Anxious Attachment - Internal Repressive - External Expressive - Socially Focused - Secure Leaning Anxious 2:45 Internal Repressive doesn't like expressing their anxiety. Even though they are aware of their anxiousness to a certain degree, they've negative associations to the idea of expressing their anxiety in a relationship. 3:06 Their anxiousness happens in the following stages: 1) Feel internally anxious. 2) Want to express, but will not as they fear they will be abandoned. 3) If without a good outlet to work through their anxiety, turns to manipulative tactics or activating strategies to get closer (making partner jealous, posting on social to get a reaction) 4:36 Though all four types of AA will use these strategies, the Internal Repressive follows these exact steps. 4:59 You won't necessarily know that a person is Internal Repressive from what they say, or in their vulnerability. You might be able to feel the anxiety coming from the person, though not openly. For example, in the dating stage of a relationship, even thought they'll be hoping for quick movement, they'll hold themselves back. They believe that in doing so it increases their chances at getting close. 7:33 Internal Repressive can stay single for good chunks of time between relationships as long as they have close friends and other social connections. 5:48 External Expressive are ones with really strong abandonment wounds. They are usually unaware that they are anxious or their anxiousness is so strong that they feel like they have no control over it. 6:35 Qualities of External Expressive - Very expressive Sometimes overly expressive of their fears even early in relationships. If it's not fine-tuned pushes people away. 6:52 - Tend to spend a lot of time ruminating about their romantic relationship. For example they'll like think back about what they did, what they should have done etc. 7:33 - Doesn't like to spending time out of relationships. If they aren't in a relationship, they're pursuing somebody. 8:27 - Tend to get so engulfed in a relationship that they disappear from their social connections. They micromanage their relationships, taking so much of their time and energy that they don't have any left for other relationships. 8:53 They fear that by taking time away from the relationship they will feel separation anxiety and fear of abandonment. 9:16 Socially Focused Anxious Preoccupied has bigger wounds with their social connections than with romantic relationships. 10:09 They might at times get more anxious about their friendships than about their romantic relationships. 10:18 The have wounds with friendship, feeling like they don't belong. They are very focused on fitting in and wanting approval from everybody. 10:30 They too ruminate about their interactions, but more so about their social interactions than romantic ones. 10:39 They can spend decent amounts of time outside of relationships. They can be very engulfed in their friendships as long as they are doing well. 10:52 They derive a lot of their sense of self and self-identity through their social interactions. 12:32 Socially Focused individual does not like being alone. They'll spend a lot of time with friends. They fear more of being alone than of being romantically abandoned. 10:54 To them sometimes romantic relationships can even be secondary. Though this is rare, it is no unheard of. 11:11 Secure Leaning Anxious is usually securely rooted. But they will have some of the core wounds giving them the outer components of being an Anxious preoccupied. 11:36 Their systems of relating and subconscious programs might not have a focus on being Anxious. 11:56 They have decent boundaries and derive their identity from a balanced perspective from all the seven areas of life. 12:10 But this person will fall into the role of the anxious preoccupied person if there's a shift in the patterns in the relationship. For example, a partner pulling away, a conflict, circumstantial challenges etc. They will then experience the same core wounds and fears as an Anxiously Attached. 12:48 Secure Leaning Anxious doesn't really fear being alone so much and are usually balanced there. But they have wounds of being abandoned and excluded by their partner (Eg, their partner goes out with friends and doesn't invite them). 13:13 All the four types value approval because they have linked approval, connection, togetherness, and closeness to survival and safety. Hence what they prioritise, their needs, tend to be about deriving their sense of self through their external relationships.
I was super anxious attachment style and I’ve healed to secure attachment style! Becoming self aware of my patterns and really working through the discomfort is the best thing you will ever do! I feel free ❤️ It stemmed from a sick parent as a child growing up seeing my mom sick and all the uncertainty and trauma that came with her going through episodes of low blood sugar. Earliest memories are of my mom and all the stress that was caused around seeing her almost die many times.
Would you be a more in depth video explaining the internal repressive anxious attachment.. the little you said very much resonates w me ! I’d like to know more key points and how to work on it! Thanks if you end up being able to in advance :)!
Love this. Would love to hear more about the secure leaning AA and more about enmeshed DA and secure leaning AA dynamic. . Very much resonate with feeling good about space, developed in the 7 areas of life, want a partner but don't settle for fear of being alone (ok to wait although sometimes lonely), not hypervigilant or overly focused on partner, but then when conflict or partner deactivates abruptly, or pattern shifts significantly, I see the AA really come out. Its hard because I'm less ready for it, and so I can feel beside myself. It would be one thing to always feel AA and the be prepared for the wounds to come up, but these sort of spirts, during the conflict in relationship, I feel like I am not as well equipped. The PDS is REALLY helping and I feel like I am going to be able to handle this type of thing way better.
The sub-types written out: 2:41 #1.Internal Repressive 5:45 #2. External Expressive 9:14 #3. Socially Focused 11:07 #4. Secure Leaning I don't see much information on these subtypes elsewhere, thanks for this video.
I was in denial of being an anxious attachment since I didn't really exhibit any traits of being clingy or getting upset when my partner left to hang out with others. Now I'm learning more about it and seeing that I have different traits and that these fears of being excluded/ abandoned manifested differently in me . Thank you for this video, it was very informative and I found out I'm a socially focused one!
Yup. Whether it's getting dumped, losing home and family, or just no room in the elevator, the strong sense of being kicked out of the world and unwanted by human race is everpresent. Just like in an rx,I'm constantly fighting the badly hidden needy, whiny, yearning side and reacting against it. These vids are full of unpleasant but vital,useful info. Thanks for posting.
I've always been the 4th type: secured leaning anxious, until the day I met my DA ex... dear lord, only with him and him only did I turn anxious and I mean an extreme AP. He really triggered me and I in turn triggered him and it of course fell apart in the most toxic way.
I’m the second type, and wondered why I was struggling so much with getting on board with a polyamorous relationship style. Anxious and fully terrified most of the time. So glad to be moving on from that relationship.
I didn't know about the 4 different types and was wondering why I seem to struggle quite a bit more than some of my friends that are anxious preoccupied. Very informative. I am defintely type 2
External expressive 🙋🏽♀️ working my way to secure. Very frustrating! Once I get over the “attachment hump” as I call it (when i first meet/connect with a person i am anxious af) but if that person actually sticks around (which is rare) then I mellow out like 80%. And the people who do stick around become friends and not romanic partners (because I turned them off due to my anxiety when first connecting with them). Soooooo frustrating but I am making progress. Thank you for your work! So helpful.
Thanks for sharing.... you'll get there! we're all working ways of healing and improving ourselves. Keep at it and be gentle with yourself, you're still awesome no matter what - PDS team member
You’ve helped me so much! I’ve done so much feminine energy work over the past year, but still have a ton of anxiety in dating, especially when I feel an attraction with a man. When I came across your work it clicked that while I’ve learned how to date and attract men I can’t seem to get out of the dating phase and this is largely due to my own limiting beliefs and fears of abandonment. I’m dating who I believe to be a DA and omg did/does he trigger me. It has forced me to work on my anxious attachment bc I was well on my way to self sabotage and being a mess over a man who may just not be capable of a deep emotional connection. I’m glad I’m dating him though as it’s forcing me to work on myself and I’m blessed to have found you. 💕
AHA there it is. Been binging these videos tryong to figure this out cause i have many traits of AP but a strong sense of self and robust boundaries. Secure-leaning-anxious hit the nail on the head. If you have any resources i could look at id be very appreciative this isnt something ive investogated really at all previously
Good job, I’m definitely SA 80% leaning anxious 20%. Yes I’m going through a situation now ending a romantic/friendship the situation has definitely woke up a few of my core wounds. But ultimately as I continue to self soothe, and journal and take steps to truly see the relationship for what is was, I can see that after several months ending things is truly for the best. I’m not upset, just sad... but I don’t see the need to continue to hold space for someone who don’t see anything wrong with how they behave and won’t take steps to correct their behavior or work in themselves.
This helped. Secure anxious leaning man here and can say Dating a dismissive avoidant is triggering and does not work...I can soothe the anxious side of a fearful avoidant but struggle with their cold/dismissive nature and self sacrifice or give up boundaries or give 80 /20 to keep it going and survive that cold streak. I can date an anxious and meet their needs making then more secure but some of their deep wounds can lead me to trigger them unintentionally. If I date a secure my anxious side is either soothed or they question my people pleasing Nature or I am scared to set boundaries as I fear losing them and resentment grows...being vulnerable about core wounds can cause them to look elsewhere. Also no one is fully secure so I may cause them to swing more dismissive.
Thank you, Thias! I love this...I would say that I have leveled out over the years. In my early-to-mid twenties, I was definitely more of the second type of Anxious-Preoccupied individual. My experiences, coupled with ample self-awareness and more inner work, has made me resonate more with #4 (leaning Secure). I am enrolled in your Personal Development School and am absolutely loving it. I am actively working toward a greater amount of earned Secure attachment. I cannot thank you enough for what you do and for sharing your knowledge and gifts with the world! :)
Can you do a video about socially focused anxious attachment? I am FA. He shows up in such beautiful ways. I adore him. But his social circle and friends are a priority over our relationship and future. I could never put my finger on how someone could be so amazing but when I express feelings in regards to being too available to female friends in a way that makes me uncomfortable he says he would rather shut down the relationship than explain to his female friends he needs to step back to balance out his personal relationship. There is no room for discussion. If friendships are linked to feeling of survival then his behaviour makes sense. It is such a struggle for me to share him emotionally with her.
I am assuming that like the attachment styles, there is the possibility to be a mix of these four types. I don't see a majority of traits in one, but rather several in Secure Leaning and Externally Expressive. I had no idea that I had an anxious attachment style. After all these years it was definitely an event that triggered the wounds. It took me almost 6 months later, when I found out about attachment styles, to put together what really happened. For me it helps to see the reasons why, not as an excuse, but how to utilize tools and strategies to avoid that type of pain again. Not only am I learning as much as I can about my attachment style, I am doing my best to understand that of the DA, as that was the dynamic in my relationship. Thais, I can't thank you enough for the information you are putting out on youtube. It is painful as HELL, but it is really helping me become a better person for myself and hopefully for my partner. Once things settle down soon, I plan on getting a membership in the school, as I can only see benefits from doing so.
Thank you so much for sharing that Glenn and thank you for the support of Thais's work. So happy to hear this is working and I really hope you do become a school member because if these videos resonate with you, you will be impressed by the level of insights you will get from the material and the tools within. - PDS team member
Definitely external expressive who is trying to become secure but probably going to default into internal repressive. I remember being reassured about my personality and affection being okay, no need to censor, just to be left hanging. Next guy i date, I'll just go hug a dog every 3x I feel scared or loving and keep my anxieties to myself. Not falling for that again
I am anxious preoccupied, but at times I thought maybe I wasn't because I am rarely in a romantic relationship and don't feel the need to jump desperately from relationship to relationship. But now I see that its because I am internal repressive, I do try to hide my anxiety especially as I have gotten older because i see how being highly anxious and being the pursuer has always pushed men away. So now i try to calm my self down and be less pushy in a relationship to not push the other person away. It makes more sense now why I can go years without being in a relationship. Also I am not anxious in my other relationships.
I think i am more of a SA cause as long as i remember i had never any struggle for abandonment and chasing people but i just got out of a relationship with a DA which literally ruined all my beliefs about my self worth and stuff...i even catch myself behaving anxiously with my close friends now sometimes that is totally brand new!! I dont want to blame him for being avoidant and god knows i never did! But siriously dismissive people! Why you just dont f...ing take responsibility for your wounds and actions😑😑 its really devistating for a partner to constantly carry aaaalll the blame on his/her shoulders😑 its a tremendous pain for anxious people☹️
I took the attachment quiz and got 35% Secure, 30% Anxious - do you think that’s a valid marker for being the “Secure Leaning Anxious” type? I have traits of the other three types presented in this video (need for approval from peers, over-expressing vulnerability, etc) but it’s romantic attachment in any form, even a crush, that seems to trigger all of my anxious tendencies. I was fine being alone for most of 2020 due to quarantine, but I met someone I believe is special and I’m experiencing limerence for possibly the first time, and things like daydreams and fantasies that are disrupting my daily life. I told him how I felt, and he said he didn’t feel the same way - he has “gone there” in his mind about us but he has a lot of fears around intimacy and doesn’t want to pursue anything. And I’m tripped out because I got so many strong signals from him. I am pretty sure he’s a Fearful Avoidant and I’m afraid I scared him off with my strong declaration after just a few months of knowing each other, and I can sense him pulling away. So now I find myself ruminating and doing the activating strategies (tailoring social media posts that I know he would react to, etc) to try to win him over, and it’s taking up all my mental energy. I am really gonna look into the courses. Thanks!
Hi, Thais! I took the attachment style quiz on your website, and my results are Fearful Avoidant 38% and Anxious Preoccupied 38% as the two main. If I were to join a bundle of courses in your school, should I start with FA or Anxious Preoccupied?
I would email her team and see what they can do. Maybe you can start on a scholarship and they can hold the current lifetime rate for you or something like that 🤷♀️
Curious, if I relate to the internal repressive description more but show signs of external expressive (always in a relationship or looking for one and usually not in a relationship for very long), which one would I be? Is it possible to have a bit of both?
So I am a 1/3 AP and 1/3 FA and 1/3 secure, but I can tell when my anxiety starts to intensify and can take a step back most of the time... but if I get blindsided in a relationship sometimes the anxiety gets so intense it hard to breathe and step back and not let emotions get the best of me. I always feel horrible afterward that I could not control my anxious actions. So is it common to fall under different categories depending on the situation? Meaning go from secure, to anxious if unbalanced and when had enough switch to avoidant and walk away and never look back? This sounds so bad now it is written down!!! Wow!
@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool yeah would really love a more indepth test, maybe with more examples of what the questions mean perhaps! I tried taking the test and got almost an even score btw FA AA and secure. Still confused lol
The information is awesome!! But I feel that the person who is speaking is talking to fast and at times makes it hard to understand what she is saying.
Summary Notes, by timestamp
2:25
The Four Types of Anxious Attachment
- Internal Repressive
- External Expressive
- Socially Focused
- Secure Leaning Anxious
2:45
Internal Repressive doesn't like expressing their anxiety. Even though they are aware of their anxiousness to a certain degree, they've negative associations to the idea of expressing their anxiety in a relationship.
3:06
Their anxiousness happens in the following stages:
1) Feel internally anxious.
2) Want to express, but will not as they fear they will be abandoned.
3) If without a good outlet to work through their anxiety, turns to manipulative tactics or activating strategies to get closer (making partner jealous, posting on social to get a reaction)
4:36
Though all four types of AA will use these strategies, the Internal Repressive follows these exact steps.
4:59
You won't necessarily know that a person is Internal Repressive from what they say, or in their vulnerability. You might be able to feel the anxiety coming from the person, though not openly.
For example, in the dating stage of a relationship, even thought they'll be hoping for quick movement, they'll hold themselves back. They believe that in doing so it increases their chances at getting close.
7:33
Internal Repressive can stay single for good chunks of time between relationships as long as they have close friends and other social connections.
5:48
External Expressive are ones with really strong abandonment wounds. They are usually unaware that they are anxious or their anxiousness is so strong that they feel like they have no control over it.
6:35
Qualities of External Expressive
- Very expressive
Sometimes overly expressive of their fears even early in relationships. If it's not fine-tuned pushes people away.
6:52
- Tend to spend a lot of time ruminating about their romantic relationship. For example they'll like think back about what they did, what they should have done etc.
7:33
- Doesn't like to spending time out of relationships. If they aren't in a relationship, they're pursuing somebody.
8:27
- Tend to get so engulfed in a relationship that they disappear from their social connections. They micromanage their relationships, taking so much of their time and energy that they don't have any left for other relationships.
8:53
They fear that by taking time away from the relationship they will feel separation anxiety and fear of abandonment.
9:16
Socially Focused Anxious Preoccupied has bigger wounds with their social connections than with romantic relationships.
10:09
They might at times get more anxious about their friendships than about their romantic relationships.
10:18
The have wounds with friendship, feeling like they don't belong. They are very focused on fitting in and wanting approval from everybody.
10:30
They too ruminate about their interactions, but more so about their social interactions than romantic ones.
10:39
They can spend decent amounts of time outside of relationships. They can be very engulfed in their friendships as long as they are doing well.
10:52
They derive a lot of their sense of self and self-identity through their social interactions.
12:32
Socially Focused individual does not like being alone. They'll spend a lot of time with friends. They fear more of being alone than of being romantically abandoned.
10:54
To them sometimes romantic relationships can even be secondary. Though this is rare, it is no unheard of.
11:11
Secure Leaning Anxious is usually securely rooted. But they will have some of the core wounds giving them the outer components of being an Anxious preoccupied.
11:36
Their systems of relating and subconscious programs might not have a focus on being Anxious.
11:56
They have decent boundaries and derive their identity from a balanced perspective from all the seven areas of life.
12:10
But this person will fall into the role of the anxious preoccupied person if there's a shift in the patterns in the relationship.
For example, a partner pulling away, a conflict, circumstantial challenges etc. They will then experience the same core wounds and fears as an Anxiously Attached.
12:48
Secure Leaning Anxious doesn't really fear being alone so much and are usually balanced there. But they have wounds of being abandoned and excluded by their partner (Eg, their partner goes out with friends and doesn't invite them).
13:13
All the four types value approval because they have linked approval, connection, togetherness, and closeness to survival and safety. Hence what they prioritise, their needs, tend to be about deriving their sense of self through their external relationships.
Thanks
@@lorenacarvalho4228 you are welcome.
Thank you sir
@@gacem.hassina my pleasure
P
I was super anxious attachment style and I’ve healed to secure attachment style! Becoming self aware of my patterns and really working through the discomfort is the best thing you will ever do! I feel free ❤️ It stemmed from a sick parent as a child growing up seeing my mom sick and all the uncertainty and trauma that came with her going through episodes of low blood sugar. Earliest memories are of my mom and all the stress that was caused around seeing her almost die many times.
Would you be a more in depth video explaining the internal repressive anxious attachment.. the little you said very much resonates w me ! I’d like to know more key points and how to work on it! Thanks if you end up being able to in advance :)!
Love this. Would love to hear more about the secure leaning AA and more about enmeshed DA and secure leaning AA dynamic. . Very much resonate with feeling good about space, developed in the 7 areas of life, want a partner but don't settle for fear of being alone (ok to wait although sometimes lonely), not hypervigilant or overly focused on partner, but then when conflict or partner deactivates abruptly, or pattern shifts significantly, I see the AA really come out. Its hard because I'm less ready for it, and so I can feel beside myself. It would be one thing to always feel AA and the be prepared for the wounds to come up, but these sort of spirts, during the conflict in relationship, I feel like I am not as well equipped. The PDS is REALLY helping and I feel like I am going to be able to handle this type of thing way better.
The sub-types written out:
2:41 #1.Internal Repressive
5:45 #2. External Expressive
9:14 #3. Socially Focused
11:07 #4. Secure Leaning
I don't see much information on these subtypes elsewhere, thanks for this video.
Wow. I am 100% internal repressive. You just described me 100% This is an eye-opener, and something to work on. Thank you!
I was in denial of being an anxious attachment since I didn't really exhibit any traits of being clingy or getting upset when my partner left to hang out with others. Now I'm learning more about it and seeing that I have different traits and that these fears of being excluded/ abandoned manifested differently in me . Thank you for this video, it was very informative and I found out I'm a socially focused one!
Yup. Whether it's getting dumped, losing home and family, or just no room in the elevator, the strong sense of being kicked out of the world and unwanted by human race is everpresent. Just like in an rx,I'm constantly fighting the badly hidden needy, whiny, yearning side and reacting against it. These vids are full of unpleasant but vital,useful info. Thanks for posting.
2:15 starts
I've always been the 4th type: secured leaning anxious, until the day I met my DA ex... dear lord, only with him and him only did I turn anxious and I mean an extreme AP. He really triggered me and I in turn triggered him and it of course fell apart in the most toxic way.
I’m the second type, and wondered why I was struggling so much with getting on board with a polyamorous relationship style. Anxious and fully terrified most of the time. So glad to be moving on from that relationship.
I didn't know about the 4 different types and was wondering why I seem to struggle quite a bit more than some of my friends that are anxious preoccupied. Very informative. I am defintely type 2
External expressive 🙋🏽♀️ working my way to secure. Very frustrating! Once I get over the “attachment hump” as I call it (when i first meet/connect with a person i am anxious af) but if that person actually sticks around (which is rare) then I mellow out like 80%. And the people who do stick around become friends and not romanic partners (because I turned them off due to my anxiety when first connecting with them). Soooooo frustrating but I am making progress. Thank you for your work! So helpful.
Thanks for sharing.... you'll get there! we're all working ways of healing and improving ourselves. Keep at it and be gentle with yourself, you're still awesome no matter what - PDS team member
I'm so glad this video finally made it, this is a fantastic series, Thais. Thank you!
Yay! happy that you are happy. thanks for the support - PDS team member
You’ve helped me so much!
I’ve done so much feminine energy work over the past year, but still have a ton of anxiety in dating, especially when I feel an attraction with a man. When I came across your work it clicked that while I’ve learned how to date and attract men I can’t seem to get out of the dating phase and this is largely due to my own limiting beliefs and fears of abandonment. I’m dating who I believe to be a DA and omg did/does he trigger me. It has forced me to work on my anxious attachment bc I was well on my way to self sabotage and being a mess over a man who may just not be capable of a deep emotional connection. I’m glad I’m dating him though as it’s forcing me to work on myself and I’m blessed to have found you. 💕
AHA there it is. Been binging these videos tryong to figure this out cause i have many traits of AP but a strong sense of self and robust boundaries.
Secure-leaning-anxious hit the nail on the head. If you have any resources i could look at id be very appreciative this isnt something ive investogated really at all previously
Finally I see a video on Secure leaning Anxious because it’s so hard to find material out there on this. Would love to see more. Thank you! ❤️
Great video. I wasn't aware that there were four types of Anxious Attachment styles.
Thank you Thais!!! Being an APA I had no clue there was 4 types. The last one min on this video is HUGE!!!
Good job, I’m definitely SA 80% leaning anxious 20%. Yes I’m going through a situation now ending a romantic/friendship the situation has definitely woke up a few of my core wounds. But ultimately as I continue to self soothe, and journal and take steps to truly see the relationship for what is was, I can see that after several months ending things is truly for the best. I’m not upset, just sad... but I don’t see the need to continue to hold space for someone who don’t see anything wrong with how they behave and won’t take steps to correct their behavior or work in themselves.
This helped. Secure anxious leaning man here and can say Dating a dismissive avoidant is triggering and does not work...I can soothe the anxious side of a fearful avoidant but struggle with their cold/dismissive nature and self sacrifice or give up boundaries or give 80 /20 to keep it going and survive that cold streak. I can date an anxious and meet their needs making then more secure but some of their deep wounds can lead me to trigger them unintentionally. If I date a secure my anxious side is either soothed or they question my people pleasing Nature or I am scared to set boundaries as I fear losing them and resentment grows...being vulnerable about core wounds can cause them to look elsewhere. Also no one is fully secure so I may cause them to swing more dismissive.
My ears perked up when I heard about the second type. It's me! And my mom has always been that way as well :)
Thank you, Thias! I love this...I would say that I have leveled out over the years. In my early-to-mid twenties, I was definitely more of the second type of Anxious-Preoccupied individual. My experiences, coupled with ample self-awareness and more inner work, has made me resonate more with #4 (leaning Secure). I am enrolled in your Personal Development School and am absolutely loving it. I am actively working toward a greater amount of earned Secure attachment. I cannot thank you enough for what you do and for sharing your knowledge and gifts with the world! :)
Thanks soooo much for this video! I was surprised to find that I resonated most with secure leaning toward anxious preoccupied! 💙💙💙
Can you do a video about socially focused anxious attachment? I am FA. He shows up in such beautiful ways. I adore him. But his social circle and friends are a priority over our relationship and future. I could never put my finger on how someone could be so amazing but when I express feelings in regards to being too available to female friends in a way that makes me uncomfortable he says he would rather shut down the relationship than explain to his female friends he needs to step back to balance out his personal relationship. There is no room for discussion. If friendships are linked to feeling of survival then his behaviour makes sense. It is such a struggle for me to share him emotionally with her.
I am assuming that like the attachment styles, there is the possibility to be a mix of these four types. I don't see a majority of traits in one, but rather several in Secure Leaning and Externally Expressive. I had no idea that I had an anxious attachment style. After all these years it was definitely an event that triggered the wounds. It took me almost 6 months later, when I found out about attachment styles, to put together what really happened. For me it helps to see the reasons why, not as an excuse, but how to utilize tools and strategies to avoid that type of pain again.
Not only am I learning as much as I can about my attachment style, I am doing my best to understand that of the DA, as that was the dynamic in my relationship.
Thais, I can't thank you enough for the information you are putting out on youtube. It is painful as HELL, but it is really helping me become a better person for myself and hopefully for my partner. Once things settle down soon, I plan on getting a membership in the school, as I can only see benefits from doing so.
Thank you so much for sharing that Glenn and thank you for the support of Thais's work. So happy to hear this is working and I really hope you do become a school member because if these videos resonate with you, you will be impressed by the level of insights you will get from the material and the tools within. - PDS team member
I’m the second one completely!
Definitely external expressive who is trying to become secure but probably going to default into internal repressive. I remember being reassured about my personality and affection being okay, no need to censor, just to be left hanging. Next guy i date, I'll just go hug a dog every 3x I feel scared or loving and keep my anxieties to myself. Not falling for that again
Love how clear you explain each style with examples and everything! Great video! Keep up the good work!
I just want someone who can just cuddle with me. Not sexual but just a cuddle session 1x every 2 weeks. This calms my anxiety.
Your videos are so informative and inspirational Thais❤️
Thanks for your comment Abby. Happy you are getting so much out of the vidoes - PDS team member
Thank you for your videos! Do attachment styles have any correlation to how a person may grieve bereavements especially if it was a parent?
I am anxious preoccupied, but at times I thought maybe I wasn't because I am rarely in a romantic relationship and don't feel the need to jump desperately from relationship to relationship. But now I see that its because I am internal repressive, I do try to hide my anxiety especially as I have gotten older because i see how being highly anxious and being the pursuer has always pushed men away. So now i try to calm my self down and be less pushy in a relationship to not push the other person away. It makes more sense now why I can go years without being in a relationship. Also I am not anxious in my other relationships.
I think i am more of a SA cause as long as i remember i had never any struggle for abandonment and chasing people but i just got out of a relationship with a DA which literally ruined all my beliefs about my self worth and stuff...i even catch myself behaving anxiously with my close friends now sometimes that is totally brand new!! I dont want to blame him for being avoidant and god knows i never did! But siriously dismissive people! Why you just dont f...ing take responsibility for your wounds and actions😑😑 its really devistating for a partner to constantly carry aaaalll the blame on his/her shoulders😑 its a tremendous pain for anxious people☹️
im a mix of all four of these anxious types..
Me too
I took the attachment quiz and got 35% Secure, 30% Anxious - do you think that’s a valid marker for being the “Secure Leaning Anxious” type? I have traits of the other three types presented in this video (need for approval from peers, over-expressing vulnerability, etc) but it’s romantic attachment in any form, even a crush, that seems to trigger all of my anxious tendencies.
I was fine being alone for most of 2020 due to quarantine, but I met someone I believe is special and I’m experiencing limerence for possibly the first time, and things like daydreams and fantasies that are disrupting my daily life. I told him how I felt, and he said he didn’t feel the same way - he has “gone there” in his mind about us but he has a lot of fears around intimacy and doesn’t want to pursue anything. And I’m tripped out because I got so many strong signals from him.
I am pretty sure he’s a Fearful Avoidant and I’m afraid I scared him off with my strong declaration after just a few months of knowing each other, and I can sense him pulling away. So now I find myself ruminating and doing the activating strategies (tailoring social media posts that I know he would react to, etc) to try to win him over, and it’s taking up all my mental energy. I am really gonna look into the courses. Thanks!
Excelent! Thank you so much.
Thank you for posting ~
Hi, Thais! I took the attachment style quiz on your website, and my results are Fearful Avoidant 38% and Anxious Preoccupied 38% as the two main. If I were to join a bundle of courses in your school, should I start with FA or Anxious Preoccupied?
start with the FA first as FA can encompass DA and AA characteristics whereas the AA course is strictly AA based. -PDS team member
This video was so helpful it gave me a lot of insight to why I feel the way I feel sometimes thank you so much.
I wonder, what would happen if someone with a anxious preoccupied gets into a relationship with someone who is controlling? How would that look like?
I'm currently out of job and really want to sign up for the lifetime membership... I'm just wondering if it's possible to extend it further...
I would email her team and see what they can do. Maybe you can start on a scholarship and they can hold the current lifetime rate for you or something like that 🤷♀️
Can the anxious type flit between these types and/or have different severities of these types?
I’m a little bit of all of them!!! 🤷🏻♀️
I thought that there was a 5th type - Amvbivalent. Could you do a video on this?
Curious, if I relate to the internal repressive description more but show signs of external expressive (always in a relationship or looking for one and usually not in a relationship for very long), which one would I be? Is it possible to have a bit of both?
So I am a 1/3 AP and 1/3 FA and 1/3 secure, but I can tell when my anxiety starts to intensify and can take a step back most of the time... but if I get blindsided in a relationship sometimes the anxiety gets so intense it hard to breathe and step back and not let emotions get the best of me. I always feel horrible afterward that I could not control my anxious actions. So is it common to fall under different categories depending on the situation? Meaning go from secure, to anxious if unbalanced and when had enough switch to avoidant and walk away and never look back? This sounds so bad now it is written down!!! Wow!
is there an anxious type test?
no! but I will suggest it to the team for future consideration - PDS team member
Relationships :)
@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool yeah would really love a more indepth test, maybe with more examples of what the questions mean perhaps! I tried taking the test and got almost an even score btw FA AA and secure. Still confused lol
hi Thais! is it possible to be all of these? i related the most to the social AA/Secure AA
Thank you, will look into this evening 🙏❤️selfhelpchampion
Are external expressives more likely to suffer from BPD?
Yes. I'm.
I am.
Doesn't everyone associate connection with survival?
Yes
What if I’m all
The information is awesome!! But I feel that the person who is speaking is talking to fast and at times makes it hard to understand what she is saying.
When I think about the external expressive AP I immediately remember Ariana Grande 🤷♀️😅
I'm internal repressive. 😰
Ummm.....is it ok to be all 4? 😳😳
Playback .75
I wish you could speak more slowly. It is hard to catch up with your speed.
is it possible to be all of these lmao