My narc husband would tell me that if he showed his “real” self to others they wouldn’t want to be around him, but the kids and I were stuck with him. I’ve been NC for 6 months and it’s been pure bliss now! It was 28 years of hell.
Quiet-keeps you at a distance- always in the phone- but as soon as the kids come around or someone else is there- they’re happy, talkative and playful. Cruel and insidious. Just his energy alone felt sinister.
@ Lee- sometimes I feel bad for leaving comments about my experience. Do you ever feel hurt/bad when we’re saying, “the narc this… the narc that…” All of your videos hit home for me- in some way it confirms what I felt- gives words to it- as well as everyone leaving comments. And other times, I’m like, oh, wow--that’s what that was? I have two of the most beautiful daughters with a man who was a monster to me- but I somehow adored and tried so hard to please. Sometimes I do feel like I’m the narc- don’t know anymore- I was the one chasing snooping making empty threat of leaving- feeling like I was going to go crazy from the silent treatment. Coming out of this is hard- it’s been 11 months since I threw him out, after 21 years. I still don’t feel good/relieved. There’s so much that needs to get done and I just wanted to be in bed after working and cooking for the kids. Thank god they’re almost 18 and have their own life and aren’t around me/ I’m always crying.
Evil! Mean, silent treatment, prideful, doesn’t want to be bothered by ANYTHING unless they need to talk to you or need something! I was always walking on egg shells and he loved that! Mine was messy! His space was such a mess! 😩😩😩😩
HOW DOES IT FEEL NOW TO BE FREE OF THAT MISERY AND TOXIC ENVIRONMENT? The new supply thought it was going to be different with them,but found out the same way we all did!! If you were BOLD enough to WALK away, don't ever RETURN!! LIVE, LAUGH AND ALWAYS, ALWAYS LOVE ❤❤❤❤❤
@@Annie-ol3jx why am I struggling to feel this relief??? God, the new supply is illiterate and nasty. The vile things she’s said to me makes me want to scream. I can’t believe this is the trash is what he chooses to spend time with over being there for our daughters- she’s the reason I am staying away for good. She got her ammunition from him.
Everything you’re saying is so true I’m going through a divorce right now being married to a narcissist for 26 years and I’m just now finding out what was really going on
@MentalHealness being in a relationship with someone like that and not even realizing it till a couple years ago. We were married 24 years we lived together about 7 years before we got married it was a nightmare I tried so hard to love him more than I love myself and now I'm trying to figure out how to get my life together. He died in 2014 and I'm still struggling to get my life together. Shot stabbed beaten raped he did all those things and I stayed because I loved him I told myself now I think I was a f****** nut job. 😏
@@annfuqua6610 🥹 you didn’t deserve any of that. All of us have chased the person we loved just wanting to be loved back. It’s really difficult to explain the phenomenon that occurs. We see the good and forget the bad so quickly because that’s what children of abuse learn. Forgive and forget- I was doing laundry at a laundry mat a few years ago a little girl was crying, “please, mom.. please” and I looked up and watched and she was trying to hold her moms hand and her mom was batting it away. This went on and on. I wanted to jump out of the car and slap the mom. But I also had no idea what was going on and didn’t want to make it worse for the child. It struck me how awful the daughter was being treated and still- she was looking for comfort from her mom-- The same thing happens to us- our wiring becomes fixated on pleasing them that we don’t even consider what’s healthy and. Oral and what isn’t. I went from being a calm person to one who would yell right back in public. So embarrassing. But, he also always banked on me being quiet. By the end of the 21 yr relationship- it hit me that our daughters were 16 and would be dating and that’s actually the point I didn’t feel as scared to be a single mom or the girls not have their dad everyday. Although he treated them well and with love- they didn’t see him treat me that way- and I didn’t want them to think splitting or dissociating was normal- or that I somehow deserved that kind of abuse. Anyway- I threw him out without a plan because one night I just lost it- after he made some snide and disrespectful remark to me after calling me weak for staying with him…. The months that followed were unusual. Month one- I didn’t care. I told myself he will be fine- don’t worry about him- blah blah blah. If he emailed and asked for something k kept it short and said yes you can pick this up that up. Same with the kids. It wasn’t till he switched up (enter--new supply) stopped seeing our girls etc that I was literally chasing him. Unbelievable because I thought I made peace with the “end” and the more he distanced himself and became cold the more I was reaching for his hand…. This would last many, many months. I suffered, my business suffered, my income suffered… and I was left with all the responsibility begging him to come back and be a family not thinking what it’s actually like when we do live together- what I really wanted was for him not to make the girls feel hurt by the absence. Once his new supply revealed her wicked tongue- and basically revealed what she knew of me through him- (that happened just weeks ago) I cut ties for good. I changed my number, and changed everything. That’s when I threw the rest of his stuff away (everything else I have away for free) and seldom communicate by email only when necessary since our kids are going to college and I need his jnfo- I can’t imagine if he passed away. It’s sad to think about. But his life is also sad to think about. I just want to reach a place where I don’t care- genuinely don’t care. I don’t wish harm but I don’t care- I also want all of the harm done to me to stop flooding my mind. I wish you great peace and healing on your journey. Just know- you aren’t alone. You aren’t crazy. Somewhere along the line, we thought we were not worthy or deserving of real, healthy, genuine love. Our aim has to be resolving that--somehow.
You're absolutely right.I'm the only one that my mother mistreated my sisters and brothers and everybody else,She treated good so now that I'm out of the toxic manipulative cult family dynamic, she Started a smear campaign talking bad about me😂 I don't care,I'm just glad to be away from her ✌️Never treat someone good,Who treats you bad NO contact
Just as you narcissists within a dynamic like this either family, work or a friendship will target, abuse, go on smear campaign, and so on against someone else within their orb of influence. Your mother will target and abuse one of your siblings and treat them the same way as she treated you. Narcissists will always target and scapegoat on someone else within their orgin of influence. You will not be the only one and they as you did in time will remove themselves, because of her toxic and abusive behavoir and jump ship. Her behavoir will never change as she will go after another one of your siblings. Same story...same scenario...the story never changes.
@@Angelique-q9g it’s true. I first threw him out in 2016. Took him back 8 months later. At this point I still didn’t know about narcissism. In fact, I was watching videos about how to level up to get “my man” back. When he came back I thought he worked on himself like I worked on me- everything escalated for the worse the moment he moved back in with me and our kids. Treated our home like a hotel. Throwing things in my direction, eventually choking me, kicking me etc. over the next 7 years I would gain 150lbs and my eyes had gone dull. Somehow, when he called me fat and unattractive- it started to click that it doesn’t matter what I look like I am always made to think there’s a justification for being treated so bad because when I was fit and thin it was no different. Being a good mom didn’t matter, sacrificing didn’t matter- trying to build didn’t matter- it’s like- always moving goal posts because there’s never really an end to the chaos- I was chasing my own tail and while I did that he was off lying cheating scheming berating me behind my back. I’d walk into rooms with people he knew and it would just feel off
I just be looking back over how many years we were together and all the things i learned today is what was then. But i guess when I was in it i was in it for feeling like I could save him for some reason but looking back at it i couldn't
Seriously! A therapist had to apologize to me because they didn't believe me in the beginning .Only until hardcore proof! 😂 Laugh to keep from crying...
Most people are emotional thinkers🤔This is why they stay in these situations Not realizing it's not their Fault You cannot fix somebody who do not want to be fixed,Love Yourself, and protect the children🙏🏽
It's true it's a sacrifice if you really want to be free and gain your authentic reality enjoy your value and worth and so much more run for your life 🏃🏃🏃🏃
Light🌞 And dark cannot live in the same place,The narcissus 🌑is dark and empath are the light🌄 Now you know why you cannot get along with narcissistea Teachable moment🤗
What was so confusing was when i left he act like i was the bad guy. Made no sense when I left he would kill himself to want me to stay it was so crazy. Kids were way younger then
My Co-worker That's 50 Yrs Old Is Acting Like This!! Mannn Let Me Tell You This 50 Yr Old Gemini Is Something Else Forreal. Like For A Long While He Was Showing Me Respect, Funny etc. He Was Treating Me Like This Even Behind Closed Doors With Respect, Being Funny etc. Then Last Month He Saw Me Sitting Down In A Room At Work and Literally Started To Trip Over Nothing When He Does The Same Thing Sitting Down When He Wants and The Moment I Confronted Him Everything Changed Like Bruhh 🫠🫠 Now I Just Laugh Cause It's Comedy To Me 😂😂
@@Angelique-q9g oh, my god…. This makes me think of how my ex would say, “there’s a thin line between love and lust” It’s true that they tell on themselves
Question, if Shame is kryptonite to a narcissist, why not just stop when given a get out of jail free card. I said I know what you’re doing. Just stop and we can move forward. But he wouldn’t do it so I had to out him to get the abuse to stop. And now he’s got all the shame.
My coworkers would call him apostle John. He was so nice in the beginning but once that mask dropped and I criticized him when I would drink. I was bruising that ego left and right. I knew at the end he hated me. He was anything but an apostle more like the Devils brother.
@@empathicwarriorlissy3716 the hatred is so hard to reconcile. That someone we love hates us in return. Eh- I hope you have had better support in your life to carry you through it than I have. So many people in my life make me feel like it’s me, “he “just” doesn’t love you” as if there’s so much wrong with me- this can make it worse.
Im sorry you are going through that. I have learned who my true friends are I only have like three. People who don't support you are not your friends. I learned to be alone and have become my own supporter.
I was caught between my mother and ex-husband. They each would criticize me, to me for allowing the other to abuse me while simultaneously be angry, that they weren't the one that was abusing me. 🤯
How do we live with a Narcissist when we can’t leave? I can’t afford it and I’m sick. Can you someday provide some insight on how to live with these people?🥹
![Felix "Unfair" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Oswujxm2Ag0/mqdefault.jpg)
My narc husband would tell me that if he showed his “real” self to others they wouldn’t want to be around him, but the kids and I were stuck with him. I’ve been NC for 6 months and it’s been pure bliss now! It was 28 years of hell.
Quiet-keeps you at a distance- always in the phone- but as soon as the kids come around or someone else is there- they’re happy, talkative and playful.
Cruel and insidious. Just his energy alone felt sinister.
💯
@ Lee- sometimes I feel bad for leaving comments about my experience. Do you ever feel hurt/bad when we’re saying, “the narc this… the narc that…”
All of your videos hit home for me- in some way it confirms what I felt- gives words to it- as well as everyone leaving comments. And other times, I’m like, oh, wow--that’s what that was? I have two of the most beautiful daughters with a man who was a monster to me- but I somehow adored and tried so hard to please. Sometimes I do feel like I’m the narc- don’t know anymore- I was the one chasing snooping making empty threat of leaving- feeling like I was going to go crazy from the silent treatment.
Coming out of this is hard- it’s been 11 months since I threw him out, after 21 years. I still don’t feel good/relieved. There’s so much that needs to get done and I just wanted to be in bed after working and cooking for the kids. Thank god they’re almost 18 and have their own life and aren’t around me/ I’m always crying.
Evil! Mean, silent treatment, prideful, doesn’t want to be bothered by ANYTHING unless they need to talk to you or need something! I was always walking on egg shells and he loved that! Mine was messy! His space was such a mess! 😩😩😩😩
😫
HOW DOES IT FEEL NOW TO BE FREE OF THAT MISERY AND TOXIC ENVIRONMENT? The new supply thought it was going to be different with them,but found out the same way we all did!! If you were BOLD enough to WALK away, don't ever RETURN!! LIVE, LAUGH AND ALWAYS, ALWAYS LOVE ❤❤❤❤❤
💜
It’s liberating. Loving it! I’m never second guess myself again.
@maggielucy9824 ❤️💙💚🧡💕💯💯
@@Annie-ol3jx why am I struggling to feel this relief??? God, the new supply is illiterate and nasty. The vile things she’s said to me makes me want to scream. I can’t believe this is the trash is what he chooses to spend time with over being there for our daughters- she’s the reason I am staying away for good. She got her ammunition from him.
Everything you’re saying is so true I’m going through a divorce right now being married to a narcissist for 26 years and I’m just now finding out what was really going on
Narcissist will reap what they soe
💯
Something I never want to encounter again in life
Stay strong
@MentalHealness being in a relationship with someone like that and not even realizing it till a couple years ago. We were married 24 years we lived together about 7 years before we got married it was a nightmare I tried so hard to love him more than I love myself and now I'm trying to figure out how to get my life together. He died in 2014 and I'm still struggling to get my life together. Shot stabbed beaten raped he did all those things and I stayed because I loved him I told myself now I think I was a f****** nut job. 😏
@MentalHealness thanks for spreading awareness
@@annfuqua6610 🥹 you didn’t deserve any of that. All of us have chased the person we loved just wanting to be loved back. It’s really difficult to explain the phenomenon that occurs. We see the good and forget the bad so quickly because that’s what children of abuse learn. Forgive and forget-
I was doing laundry at a laundry mat a few years ago a little girl was crying, “please, mom.. please” and I looked up and watched and she was trying to hold her moms hand and her mom was batting it away. This went on and on. I wanted to jump out of the car and slap the mom. But I also had no idea what was going on and didn’t want to make it worse for the child. It struck me how awful the daughter was being treated and still- she was looking for comfort from her mom--
The same thing happens to us- our wiring becomes fixated on pleasing them that we don’t even consider what’s healthy and. Oral and what isn’t. I went from being a calm person to one who would yell right back in public. So embarrassing. But, he also always banked on me being quiet.
By the end of the 21 yr relationship- it hit me that our daughters were 16 and would be dating and that’s actually the point I didn’t feel as scared to be a single mom or the girls not have their dad everyday. Although he treated them well and with love- they didn’t see him treat me that way- and I didn’t want them to think splitting or dissociating was normal- or that I somehow deserved that kind of abuse.
Anyway- I threw him out without a plan because one night I just lost it- after he made some snide and disrespectful remark to me after calling me weak for staying with him…. The months that followed were unusual. Month one- I didn’t care. I told myself he will be fine- don’t worry about him- blah blah blah. If he emailed and asked for something k kept it short and said yes you can pick this up that up. Same with the kids. It wasn’t till he switched up (enter--new supply) stopped seeing our girls etc that I was literally chasing him. Unbelievable because I thought I made peace with the “end” and the more he distanced himself and became cold the more I was reaching for his hand….
This would last many, many months. I suffered, my business suffered, my income suffered… and I was left with all the responsibility begging him to come back and be a family not thinking what it’s actually like when we do live together- what I really wanted was for him not to make the girls feel hurt by the absence. Once his new supply revealed her wicked tongue- and basically revealed what she knew of me through him- (that happened just weeks ago) I cut ties for good. I changed my number, and changed everything. That’s when I threw the rest of his stuff away (everything else I have away for free) and seldom communicate by email only when necessary since our kids are going to college and I need his jnfo-
I can’t imagine if he passed away. It’s sad to think about. But his life is also sad to think about. I just want to reach a place where I don’t care- genuinely don’t care. I don’t wish harm but I don’t care-
I also want all of the harm done to me to stop flooding my mind.
I wish you great peace and healing on your journey. Just know- you aren’t alone. You aren’t crazy. Somewhere along the line, we thought we were not worthy or deserving of real, healthy, genuine love. Our aim has to be resolving that--somehow.
You're absolutely right.I'm the only one that my mother mistreated my sisters and brothers and everybody else,She treated good so now that I'm out of the toxic manipulative cult family dynamic, she Started a smear campaign talking bad about me😂 I don't care,I'm just glad to be away from her ✌️Never treat someone good,Who treats you bad NO contact
Just as you narcissists within a dynamic like this either family, work or a friendship will target, abuse, go on smear campaign, and so on against someone else within their orb of influence. Your mother will target and abuse one of your siblings and treat them the same way as she treated you. Narcissists will always target and scapegoat on someone else within their orgin of influence. You will not be the only one and they as you did in time will remove themselves, because of her toxic and abusive behavoir and jump ship. Her behavoir will never change as she will go after another one of your siblings. Same story...same scenario...the story never changes.
He is definitely a bum pretending not to be a bum. I learned the hard way
Scary no doubt...a whole nother type of monster 🤬
💯
The abuse continues to escalate.l promise you please gain strength and run for your life 🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🙏🙏🙏
🏃♂️
@@Angelique-q9g it’s true. I first threw him out in 2016. Took him back 8 months later. At this point I still didn’t know about narcissism. In fact, I was watching videos about how to level up to get “my man” back.
When he came back I thought he worked on himself like I worked on me- everything escalated for the worse the moment he moved back in with me and our kids. Treated our home like a hotel. Throwing things in my direction, eventually choking me, kicking me etc. over the next 7 years I would gain 150lbs and my eyes had gone dull. Somehow, when he called me fat and unattractive- it started to click that it doesn’t matter what I look like I am always made to think there’s a justification for being treated so bad because when I was fit and thin it was no different. Being a good mom didn’t matter, sacrificing didn’t matter- trying to build didn’t matter- it’s like- always moving goal posts because there’s never really an end to the chaos- I was chasing my own tail and while I did that he was off lying cheating scheming berating me behind my back. I’d walk into rooms with people he knew and it would just feel off
Spooky 😳 frightening, walking on egg shells,in Hell 🔥🔥🔥 etc.👿😈😈
Stay strong
I just be looking back over how many years we were together and all the things i learned today is what was then. But i guess when I was in it i was in it for feeling like I could save him for some reason but looking back at it i couldn't
I truly thought I could save him as well and even change him however, I was sadly mistaken….
@susanhenderson9739 understand
Seriously! A therapist had to apologize to me because they didn't believe me in the beginning .Only until hardcore proof! 😂 Laugh to keep from crying...
Most people are emotional thinkers🤔This is why they stay in these situations Not realizing it's not their Fault You cannot fix somebody who do not want to be fixed,Love Yourself, and protect the children🙏🏽
It's true it's a sacrifice if you really want to be free and gain your authentic reality enjoy your value and worth and so much more run for your life 🏃🏃🏃🏃
🏃
U know at least i can say i learned all these things years later i see the nature of it
Light🌞
And dark cannot live in the same place,The narcissus 🌑is dark and empath are the light🌄 Now you know why you cannot get along with narcissistea Teachable moment🤗
Total silence unlike ever before. Total stranger.
What was so confusing was when i left he act like i was the bad guy. Made no sense when I left he would kill himself to want me to stay it was so crazy. Kids were way younger then
My Co-worker That's 50 Yrs Old Is Acting Like This!! Mannn Let Me Tell You This 50 Yr Old Gemini Is Something Else Forreal. Like For A Long While He Was Showing Me Respect, Funny etc. He Was Treating Me Like This Even Behind Closed Doors With Respect, Being Funny etc. Then Last Month He Saw Me Sitting Down In A Room At Work and Literally Started To Trip Over Nothing When He Does The Same Thing Sitting Down When He Wants and The Moment I Confronted Him Everything Changed Like Bruhh 🫠🫠 Now I Just Laugh Cause It's Comedy To Me 😂😂
Be mindful Gemini’s are the Zodiac sign of the Twins… My experience connecting with Geminis was split personality traits….
Great video!! Me too these planes ain't staying in the air.😢 I couldn't stay with these narcs .....I didn't have the health or the wealth.😂
I look back over those years in my past relationship with my kids daddy a lot of these things are so true
Stay empowered
@MentalHealness 🙏
Yes you must have discipline to avoid being apart of the Narc's 👿😡😡 hell 🕳️🕳️ hold they don't have love it's called LUST ❤️🔥❤️🔥
❤️🔥
@@Angelique-q9g oh, my god…. This makes me think of how my ex would say, “there’s a thin line between love and lust”
It’s true that they tell on themselves
Question, if Shame is kryptonite to a narcissist, why not just stop when given a get out of jail free card. I said I know what you’re doing. Just stop and we can move forward. But he wouldn’t do it so I had to out him to get the abuse to stop. And now he’s got all the shame.
It’s deeper. The personality is difficult to change
Absolutely preach lee🔥🔥🔥🍕
Mine would just go to bed and not say good night or anything
My coworkers would call him apostle John. He was so nice in the beginning but once that mask dropped and I criticized him when I would drink. I was bruising that ego left and right. I knew at the end he hated me. He was anything but an apostle more like the Devils brother.
Oh wow
@@empathicwarriorlissy3716 the hatred is so hard to reconcile. That someone we love hates us in return. Eh-
I hope you have had better support in your life to carry you through it than I have. So many people in my life make me feel like it’s me, “he “just” doesn’t love you” as if there’s so much wrong with me- this can make it worse.
Im sorry you are going through that. I have learned who my true friends are I only have like three. People who don't support you are not your friends. I learned to be alone and have become my own supporter.
Yupyupyup everyone loves my husband and thinks he deserves better
Protect your peace
I love when you use cussing words because they are the ones I'm using in my own mind! Keep on keepin' it real ❤🙏🙏🙏🙏
This is so true.ive been through this. Outside he's different in the world.behide close doors he's a totally different. Silent treatment etc
He can never keep a job ,his employers told him that he is too difficult.
this really hit home ….going through this now🙏🏽🙏🏽
They are hypocrites !!
Absolutely
I was caught between my mother and ex-husband. They each would criticize me, to me for allowing the other to abuse me while simultaneously be angry, that they weren't the one that was abusing me. 🤯
I just got free after 10 years
Good job! Congratulations!
I'll be coming up on 7 years July 2025❤
@ Thank You
💪
Peace❤
When we broke up she told me NOT to tell ANYONE about her mentally abusive nature. She couldn't handle the fact that she could be the bad guy/gal.
May I answer this?? Please let me answer this…They are MONSTERS!!!!👺😂😂😂
And has the nerve to tell me he’s “keeping me safe” when safety is literally whenever he ISNT AROUND😂
💯
Behind close door dont have enough words 🙄🙄
How do we live with a Narcissist when we can’t leave? I can’t afford it and I’m sick. Can you someday provide some insight on how to live with these people?🥹