This is one of my favorite videos on RUclips. I was watching a hockey game and one of the announcers said something about “respect points” and I started laughing remembering this video. I had to come back and give it another watch.
Cowen Hames once went out to go drinking, but couldn't find a bar. After a while, he just stopped in a vacant lot and said, "Here it is." He sat there for a year and a half. Sure enough, someone constructed a bar around him. The day they opened it, he ordered a shot of finest, most expensive Scotch they had, drank it, and then burned the whole place to the ground. While he was walking away into the night, he looked back, and over the roar of the fire, he yelled out, "Always leave things the way you found 'em!"
dude, i really laughed on the: "no dog is visible on the picture" "You gotta have balls to upload such a ridiculous picture on facebook" "Stay true is a good phrase"
Can you add this on your wiki: Snail Trail Born in 1986, professional gamer since 1734. Over 329489 galactic records, 30% of those are global WRs, 2 of em regional WRs. He speedran his way out of the womb since he was born 3025 months too early, which is still a galactic world record for fastest birth. Absolute crushing legend, sleeps with at least 100 models every night, and he is literally the only speedrunner who has turned his skill into billions of dollars and hot chicks. It's funny cuz it's true.
hahaha In that conversation with Bismuth you can tell he is trying to come up with every excuse in the book not to stream or make any of his gameplay visible to the public through video because he thought people were fooled by his bio but would easily be able to call his bullshit if they actually saw him play.
The speedrun wars were raging.... and our hero Darklight93 was nowhere to be seen... On a serious note, Nightfire speedrunning has really taken off. The game has become relatively technical with difficult OoB clips and obscure timesavers. It's never going to reach GE007's level, and IL times will probably max out relatively soon, but it's a pretty accessible and fun IL and any% game. Agent Under Fire has even more potential for IL competition and super high ceiling IL times as it focuses more on intensive aiming and physics momentum tricks like wall surfing, bunny hopping, nade boosting, etc. I've focused on AUF for a while and I keep coming back every so often to find more obscure timesavers. AUF just has no active players...
aleckermit I know of Mr. Shasta, who did regular runs of AUF (I forget what catagory if it has any differing ones), but I wasn't able to watch any livestreams for a very long time, and I just got back to watching him again. I suppose recently he's been focusing on gba games, did he drop AUF for now?
this is great. i remember running into dozens of people on message boards in the late 90s while in high school. couldn't understand how so delusional some people can be.... and we have this video along with the one about Mark... something about Speedrunning attracts the crazies
I will absolutely fight you on the NightFire comment, I have had way more memories of the GameCube games than GoldenEye. Granted, I still think GoldenEye holds up unlike many people and still love that game as well, but I love the GameCube ones more. Anyway, this guy is hilariously insane.
I love the tone of the video. No doubt one way to get enjoyment out of the life that is Cowen Hames would be to make fun of him and his lies. But you speak about Cowen Hames as a phenomenon, an interesting story to tell. Good shit. Check out the story of Chris-chan to learn about another human being who has also been well documented and whose life tells a story.
DiggOlive Lol this looks like just a small cabin get Away for his family: Bernie Sanders has houses 15x the size.... If his family had the money to buy this i don’t know why you would fault goose
@@BigScewleo lol honestly, a small cottage on Lake Simcoe isn't that expensive and it certainly would have been cheaper at the time his family purchased it. Shit take from a guy who really has no idea what he's talking about.
The city folk lol white goose. Over time your channel has made me grow to love speedrunning I've always been a good gamer putting hundreds of hours into my favorites including nioh dark souls and even the occasional switch game like breath of the wild or hollow knight, it baffles me to see these games and others done so amazingly quick I love how thorough you are and how entertaining keep up good work thanks
Ahhh Goose. This video really cracked me up! Great work bringing to light the amazing achievements Of Cowen Hames and how he has covered himself in Glory in his incredible career. Literally incredible ie lacking any credibility. But I am still in awe of him. The truest madman!!
Fun fact, despite "year zero" being a relatively common expression, the Common Era (CE/AD. CE being the securalized equivalent to Anno Domini) calender actually begins with 1 CE, not 0 CE.
Im from iowa and Cowen Hames is a fucking legend. he once beat ocarina of time in 2 minutes by ejecting the cartridge pooping into the machine and then putting the cartrige back in. I didn't believe in but when he turned the game back on the ending came up instead of the title screen.
"Where it all began. Goldeneye: 007 N64. The 2'nd most popular game DL has speed runned behind 007 Nightfire. DL was a mainly competitive player from 1999, all the way until late 2009, accomplishing many competitive victories throughout the years. Eventually he joined The Elite in 2007, although never got anywhere with them. By the end of 2009, Goldeneye and Perfect Dark had become almost virtually extinct, and DL left them to gain dust on the shelves." On the speedrun wiki...
GE in the late 90s, Halo in the early 00s, CoD in the mid 00s Meanwhile there were so many substantial FPS games on PC at that time that I couldn't even name them all
I started watching your content because of a suggestion for a fake Perfect Dark (loved that game, couldn't pass it up, and I also love speedruns, although I have only tried it in Dark Souls 1), got hooked and started watching everything, and after a lot of suggestions from youtube to watch this one, I finally didn't say no and clicked it, and by god do I already love it. HAHAHAHA This man might not have been the speedrunner he proclaims, but he is certainly quite easily the most elaborate troll to ever be. HAHAHAHA
Just as I was afraid, I meant to backup the pastebin as I already backed up most other old videos since a lot of old content is being removed on many platforms. The pastebin is now gone, but hopefully someone has it saved..
From what i can tell the troll was obvious and hilarious, and took place at a time when reading wikis had more of a place in our internets surfs of the mid 2000s to early 2010s.
3:25 ".....but the reason Cowen wasn't so well-received was because heee....there was no evidence he actually even played Goldeneye or Perfect Dark" My sides are already splitting. The way you tell this story makes it even more hilarious. Stay True, Goose, and especially you, Cowen.
I picture this Hames guy going around with his little Pokemon badge case telling everyone he's some sort of speedrun celebrity. Also, for a moment I thought you'd pull a smoking pipe and grab that book to read us a little story.
"I've been champion of Skyrim divisional one time gold, last year erh Call of Duty: Black Ops, erh, you know, Oblivion, erh Spiderman, Halo:Reach, Dragon's Dogma, Dead Space 2."
![Why does GoldenEye use In-Game Time? [Fireside Chat]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/CqW-Z8BWsD8/mqdefault.jpg)
![Why does GoldenEye use In-Game Time? [Fireside Chat]](/img/tr.png)
The greatest trolling I ever did. LMAO
Oh Goose, go to the elite forum for Goldeneye. I posted a final message for you and the OG's!
Holy shit, _the_ _absolute_ _madman_
@@jakethreesixty haha. I just had way too much time on my hands when I was younger. Those were some crazy days.
Troll of the century
Truly Remarkable.
This is one of my favorite videos on RUclips. I was watching a hockey game and one of the announcers said something about “respect points” and I started laughing remembering this video. I had to come back and give it another watch.
Goose, just weekly record you talking about shit. For like 20 minutes.
you should make story time with goose a regular thing. the cottage setting is surprisingly cozy
And he did
@@SPFLDAngler he did indeed!
i really fuck with the shape of the glass on the microwave.
Gangsta Supreme how specific....
goose this was beautifully told. u need to make more videos like this.
Cowen Hames disliked this once, Marc Rutzou disliked it 8 times.
Marc yeah
Marc with the alt accounts again Lol
I love this
Apollo Legend Love this man's videos. Always entertaining and thorough. Keep uploading!
*+Alolan Vulpix Getting Railed* Be of any worth first.
Sanka, ya ded mon?
Come home son
@Carl Glennerster lol
Love the rain in the background. Makes this story time even better.
Honestly, this just seems like a video made by a guy who's jealous that he doesn't have 12 million respect points.
Standing in a corn field with a dog leash around his neck, what a guy.
“No dog is visible in the picture.”
Cowen Hames once went out to go drinking, but couldn't find a bar. After a while, he just stopped in a vacant lot and said, "Here it is." He sat there for a year and a half. Sure enough, someone constructed a bar around him. The day they opened it, he ordered a shot of finest, most expensive Scotch they had, drank it, and then burned the whole place to the ground. While he was walking away into the night, he looked back, and over the roar of the fire, he yelled out, "Always leave things the way you found 'em!"
Cowen posted a new video about this as of 4 days ago (July 11, 2022).
What a time to be alive
+1 respect point, Goose. Stay true~!
dude, i really laughed on the:
"no dog is visible on the picture"
"You gotta have balls to upload such a ridiculous picture on facebook"
"Stay true is a good phrase"
To be fair the dog is probably off its leash since theyre in an open field
Well, I doubt the dog is on the leash...
He made it to Divisionals?? Wow, I only made it to the Travelers.
i dont play goldeneye or speedrun but i love your channel!
What a perfect setting for story time, and a perfect host to match!
“I think I’m the foremost on cowen hames “
“Because I’m cowen hames “
Can you add this on your wiki:
Snail Trail
Born in 1986, professional gamer since 1734. Over 329489 galactic records, 30% of those are global WRs, 2 of em regional WRs. He speedran his way out of the womb since he was born 3025 months too early, which is still a galactic world record for fastest birth. Absolute crushing legend, sleeps with at least 100 models every night, and he is literally the only speedrunner who has turned his skill into billions of dollars and hot chicks. It's funny cuz it's true.
Your microwave keeps winking at me.
Nothing more Canadian than story time by the fire with some Timmies
Awwww...he studied vigorously with Todd Rogers and his “human element” style of gameplay and reporting....
this dude sounds like the best troll ever i really want to figure what goes on this man brain
This whole channel is AMAZING. love it.
Bismuth's convo with Cowen is great. He strings him along beautifully.
There actually is no Cowen Hames. He's a creation of multiple Elite community users. I wouldn't be surprised if Goose was one of them.
Goose, love these fireside chats and the telling of legends in speedrunning! Keep up the good work!
hahaha In that conversation with Bismuth you can tell he is trying to come up with every excuse in the book not to stream or make any of his gameplay visible to the public through video because he thought people were fooled by his bio but would easily be able to call his bullshit if they actually saw him play.
Fireside chats with Ryan White, love it.
The speedrun wars were raging.... and our hero Darklight93 was nowhere to be seen... On a serious note, Nightfire speedrunning has really taken off. The game has become relatively technical with difficult OoB clips and obscure timesavers. It's never going to reach GE007's level, and IL times will probably max out relatively soon, but it's a pretty accessible and fun IL and any% game. Agent Under Fire has even more potential for IL competition and super high ceiling IL times as it focuses more on intensive aiming and physics momentum tricks like wall surfing, bunny hopping, nade boosting, etc. I've focused on AUF for a while and I keep coming back every so often to find more obscure timesavers. AUF just has no active players...
aleckermit I know of Mr. Shasta, who did regular runs of AUF (I forget what catagory if it has any differing ones), but I wasn't able to watch any livestreams for a very long time, and I just got back to watching him again. I suppose recently he's been focusing on gba games, did he drop AUF for now?
Yeah, he stopped playing AUF but he recently expressed interest in picking it back up.
I guess it's time to start running 007: The World is Not Enough on ps1
Press F to Pay Respect Points
this is great. i remember running into dozens of people on message boards in the late 90s while in high school. couldn't understand how so delusional some people can be.... and we have this video along with the one about Mark... something about Speedrunning attracts the crazies
I will absolutely fight you on the NightFire comment, I have had way more memories of the GameCube games than GoldenEye.
Granted, I still think GoldenEye holds up unlike many people and still love that game as well, but I love the GameCube ones more. Anyway, this guy is hilariously insane.
It was Mark routzu who clicked all those respect points
Cody Vautour he thought it was the dislike button
Best informative video I have seen in a while :D Great! One correction my friend: the Marc Rützou parody video happened on ARCHIVES
Can't believe this video is 7 years old. What a journey
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When you’re watching this and you find you your favourite runner is Canadian like you
I love the tone of the video. No doubt one way to get enjoyment out of the life that is Cowen Hames would be to make fun of him and his lies. But you speak about Cowen Hames as a phenomenon, an interesting story to tell.
Good shit. Check out the story of Chris-chan to learn about another human being who has also been well documented and whose life tells a story.
How do you own a cabin if you are a jobless, speedrunning, degenerate?
He's a privileged loser who doesn't have to work.
DiggOlive Lol this looks like just a small cabin get Away for his family: Bernie Sanders has houses 15x the size.... If his family had the money to buy this i don’t know why you would fault goose
@@BigScewleo lol honestly, a small cottage on Lake Simcoe isn't that expensive and it certainly would have been cheaper at the time his family purchased it.
Shit take from a guy who really has no idea what he's talking about.
Goose is a legend, Baby,
The city folk lol white goose. Over time your channel has made me grow to love speedrunning I've always been a good gamer putting hundreds of hours into my favorites including nioh dark souls and even the occasional switch game like breath of the wild or hollow knight, it baffles me to see these games and others done so amazingly quick I love how thorough you are and how entertaining keep up good work thanks
Even I don't have that much time in nightfire. And I play it all the time
Love the convo with Cowen and Bismuth, can just tell how much fun Bismuth was having with that.
So he's the Jason Blaha of gaming then? Christ.
So does that mean that Ryan is the Elgin of gaming? Fair enough
Ahhh Goose. This video really cracked me up! Great work bringing to light the amazing achievements Of Cowen Hames and how he has covered himself in Glory in his incredible career. Literally incredible ie lacking any credibility. But I am still in awe of him. The truest madman!!
More please. I love the fireside chats.
Fun fact, despite "year zero" being a relatively common expression, the Common Era (CE/AD. CE being the securalized equivalent to Anno Domini) calender actually begins with 1 CE, not 0 CE.
Everything Or Nothing on PS2 is the real Bond game. Not just a shooter based on a two-year old movie.
Im from iowa and Cowen Hames is a fucking legend. he once beat ocarina of time in 2 minutes by ejecting the cartridge pooping into the machine and then putting the cartrige back in. I didn't believe in but when he turned the game back on the ending came up instead of the title screen.
Cowen has to be a troll, no one goes that far into the rabbit hole.
I don't know why but I LOVE Goose's tales of Cowen Hames lol. I got pretty excited to see this video in my feed
Goose by the fire? This is next level. Love you goose
The best part about that OoT 15:36 is that it's since been beaten so much that it would be considered a bad time now.
"Where it all began. Goldeneye: 007 N64. The 2'nd most popular game DL has speed runned behind 007 Nightfire. DL was a mainly competitive player from 1999, all the way until late 2009, accomplishing many competitive victories throughout the years. Eventually he joined The Elite in 2007, although never got anywhere with them. By the end of 2009, Goldeneye and Perfect Dark had become almost virtually extinct, and DL left them to gain dust on the shelves." On the speedrun wiki...
GE in the late 90s, Halo in the early 00s, CoD in the mid 00s
Meanwhile there were so many substantial FPS games on PC at that time that I couldn't even name them all
I started watching your content because of a suggestion for a fake Perfect Dark (loved that game, couldn't pass it up, and I also love speedruns, although I have only tried it in Dark Souls 1), got hooked and started watching everything, and after a lot of suggestions from youtube to watch this one, I finally didn't say no and clicked it, and by god do I already love it. HAHAHAHA
This man might not have been the speedrunner he proclaims, but he is certainly quite easily the most elaborate troll to ever be. HAHAHAHA
Don't you guys know that Cowen Hames had 50 speed running titles under his belt and 300,000 respect points 2 years before he was born?!
So that's where "Stay true" came from lol. I thought it was Goose.
Really wanting to see that MR parody of Cowen now.
Youre a cool dude man, never stop never stopping.
I like when you speak slowly, it's relaxing.
I thought the whole generation thing was each console generation and when he played it. Great video, man, that article is hours of hilarity.
"even if it was 6 million minutes"
You should make a popping sound after you finish a word more, and stay true
Pretty comfy with the rain.
Damn dude youve gotto come back and tell more stories
@rwhitegoose is Cowen Hames the Charlie Zelenoff of the speedrunning world? I thnk so!
So, has anyone ever actually met him or seen him play a game?
You should remake this. Has way too few views compared to your new content. The wider audience need to know all about this alpha gaming legend.
Just as I was afraid, I meant to backup the pastebin as I already backed up most other old videos since a lot of old content is being removed on many platforms. The pastebin is now gone, but hopefully someone has it saved..
I remember the summer contests. Would’ve been nice to make it past the first round. XD
You know what is he hurting? Let him do him.
The speedrunning 1337. I loved the streets 1:12 lore story, was a good one. This was good too!
From what i can tell the troll was obvious and hilarious, and took place at a time when reading wikis had more of a place in our internets surfs of the mid 2000s to early 2010s.
Cowen Hames: Making Press F memes before Press F even existed
7000 records?! That's more than Todd Rogers!
Oh wait...
This kid sounds absolutely bananas.
Stay true.
There was a person like this at my school, he claimed he had a glass eye and was the lead guitarist in three bands. Fucking bizarre.
Ah good old years: '08, '09, '010
Any more of these coming?
Seems like he was a real fun guy
3:25 ".....but the reason Cowen wasn't so well-received was because heee....there was no evidence he actually even played Goldeneye or Perfect Dark"
My sides are already splitting. The way you tell this story makes it even more hilarious. Stay True, Goose, and especially you, Cowen.
This is the greatest video I've ever saw.
I picture this Hames guy going around with his little Pokemon badge case telling everyone he's some sort of speedrun celebrity.
Also, for a moment I thought you'd pull a smoking pipe and grab that book to read us a little story.
He is either deluded or a very passionate troll! Either way he got people talking
Good video. +1 respect point.
Nightfire was an awesome game!
Todd Rodgers son?
That OoT video is absolutely hilarious.
"I've been champion of Skyrim divisional one time gold,
last year erh Call of Duty: Black Ops,
erh, you know, Oblivion, erh Spiderman, Halo:Reach, Dragon's Dogma, Dead Space 2."
More legit than Todd Rogers tbh
Maybe he's Billy Mitchell? Sounds a lot like him.
Cowen: I'm from Iowa!
Red Team: NO ONE CARES!
Very entertaining! I've just checked out his wiki page and I feel very honoured to have recieved two mentions. All completely made up of course...
His FB is still up with this picture LOL
This cowen guy is this generations Todd Rogers.