Dealing with a disrespectful employee is SO challenging! I remember how tense and nervous I was as a new manager when I had an employee who was constantly pushing back on my decisions and thought he knew better. How about you? What's been your experience, and what tips do you have for us in how to manage this situation?
I was never in leadership position but as per my observation, if an employee really thinks he knows better and is disrespectful and not just plain kiddish disrespectful (which is much easier to handle) management never reacts in similar way, their temperament is not like common disrespectful employees. They just give time to do a lot of homework against that employee and eventually the employee gets thrown out in worst case or not given any promotion. Ultimately a disrespectful employee is someone who is adamant and cannot learn or go further. Nothing will happen to management.
@@Satarupa902 - that's one way it gets handled, for sure. The problem is that often the employee in question really *does* have ideas that would be worth hearing - but if they don't handle it well, and the manager doesn't handle it well, then exactly as you say - it ends badly.
@@GraceJudson yes true, as I said management will invest time for employees who really knows better but disrespectful. In that time they will extract ideas from the employee. For plain disrespectful, the employees immediately gets thrown out. In either case management wins. There are lakhs of employees in market with ideas, no one is exceptional or irreplacable. Hence being disrespectful can backfire any time, even if things are seemingly going fine now, paper work is still happening. 1. If management is disrespectful towards employee, it means their position is threatened. In that case it is employees job to escalate with proper proof and documents. 2. If an employee is disrespectful towards others, it means they do not want to learn further and they think they knows best. In that case management takes action as I told above.
I was about to leave an angry comment until the end. The last 2 minutes are the most valuable! If an employee is disrespectful then by definition they don’t respect you! Step 1, if you want to lead by example, should always be to ask yourself if they have a valid reason for that! Even if their reasons are not sufficient justification, they might offer some insight into how the resultant behaviour can be prevented!
You have to be willing to let people go when they become a problem for the company or they no longer fit - you will find more people who have a fresh passion and this can breathe new life into your business with new ideas and new energy. You can continue to hold staff with a deteriorating attitude accountable for everything. If they feel like you are seeing everything - they will either step up or step out. Instead of telling them what needs to happen and why it needs to happen. You need to refer them to the SOP. If you don't have it in SOP form, then you can't hold them accountable to your policy.
I agree *up to a point*. Not everything can be documented in an SOP, but people *can* and *should* be held accountable for improvement. And as you say - if they don't make the changes, then they absolutely need to be held accountable all the way out the door. I am vehement about the need to release people when necessary, especially the so-called "toxic rock star."
But, what if the company can't let go of these so-called "toxic rock stars" because they're having a really tough time hiring new staff? It's like being a hostage, and feeling helpless 'cause these toxic employees know you can't just fire them easily. Any tips? Thanks.
Demi1064 - that's a tough situation to be in. I would ask if you've been really thorough in *documenting* every instance of disrespect and undermining? If you have, and your management is still resisting, have they explained why they don't think it's necessary - and what they think you should be doing instead?
It did happened to me, passive aggressive subordinate constantly undermining my authority, creating a hostile environment and talking to others on my back about my leadership methods. It all broke out when this very employee lost his cool and wrote 2 very offensive emails and accused me of harassment.. ofc copying the whole team. I’ve asked help from the top leaders and HR and nothing happened, after I found out that this employee had immunity and was protected by someone from the board. In addition the private equity group who acquired my company will soon divest and it would be really difficult to sell the company for a high price while having a potential lawsuit in parallel which explains management’s wish to hush up the case. I’ve read Never split the difference and watched almost all of Chris’s videos… this situation is not easy and more common than we think!
@@smolvilleDaycare Center...that is the running joke at my workplace. Never in a million years did I think I would have to have "common sense" conversations (tutorials more like it) with "adults". Unreal.
Thank you for making this video. Very helpful and informative! 😊 I have 1 direct report out of 8 who has the lowest performance rating, always answers back, and does not comply to other simple tasks. I stopped wanting to know what was wrong in our 1 on 1 meeting because it's like asking a spoiled brat what he wants to do instead. Don't apply for a job and complain that you don't want to do what is expected of you. If he wants to move to another division, I told him he can. But i can not give a good recommendation letter when he can't even decently finish the day without me reminding him to get back to work. His metric shows that he works 3 hours out of 7! The rest of my employees are doing really well and have progressed to taking more assignments.
SO FRUSTRATING! But - Transferring the problem is never a good answer! Have you put this person on a performance plan? My website has a PIP plan checklist / guide that you can download - I don't even ask for an email address for it. This is the direct link to the PDF: www.gracejudson.com/downloads/Judson_Performance_Improvement_Plan_Checklist.pdf
Its 2023 and I have just found your channel. New Subscriber here. This episode was exactly what I needed after a lot of RUclips searching. I am a new Team Leader of 10 months and am facing the challenge of a disrespectful team member. I was pretty shocked and disappointed to discover there are people like this! I went to have a quiet conversation with them about a matter, and they simply said "am I bad... moving forward I will be aware of this" which gave no further room to discuss because I would be perceived to labour the point rather than 'moving forward'. I definitely have lots to learn!
Hey there! Congratulations on your promotion to Team Lead. And you still have an opportunity to continue that conversation with your team member about exactly *what* behavior they need to be demonstrating, and exactly *what* behavior needs to stop. Being clear is essential. May I also recommend - head over to my website (www.gracejudson.com/resources) and take a look at the mini e-book on managing difficult employees - it includes the disrespectful employee - and under the "useful papers" (under the Resources menu item) there's a guide to using a Performance Improvement Plan. Hope this helps! and feel free to reach out with questions.
Can you go over a gaslighting employee in more detail in another video? You just made me realize that is why im having such a hard time with this particular employee. Thank you.
Melissa, I just posted a blog article on this - I do plan to do a video as well, but not sure when that will happen. Here's the link to the blog post: www.gracejudson.com/5-tips-for-handling-gaslighting-employees/ Thanks again for the idea!
Here’s an example. You assign a task and set a deadline. Later on at the deadline, the task is not complete because of something you said “off the record.” Happens once, perhaps an innocent misunderstanding. If this becomes a pattern, it’s gaslighting in order to avoid accountability. If you don’t document it in email, memo etc, it will literally drive you nuts and may even begin to doubt yourself.
Great video! Unfortunately, in my experience as an employee of 25 years, I have found that at least in IT, people getting promoted into management have no people skills, bad communication, and are easily threaten by good employees.
Yep. Agreed. The *root* problem of that is that people are promoted based on individual performance excellence, and then land in a role where the skillset is ENTIRELY different from what they've done all their career up till that point. The lack of training is the problem. And it's heartbreaking, because it causes SO much trouble.
OMG I love you, I've struggled with managing people for a while.. I focused on managing tasks only and literally I faced all the points you discussed to the point that I left the job all together Much thanks to you and please continue with this rare great content
Easier than dealing with a disrespectful boss calling you at night, asking for calling you during weekend, calling you during your holidays, screaming in your ears, hailing you and so on...
Ooof. In a situation like that, I have to say - given the one-sentence description here - that the best option if you can't go to a more-senior person or to HR, is to find another job. Which I know is a whole lot easier said than done.
I was told to lock eyes with people, and let them know my displeasure through body language first. Some people understand body language better than verbal reprimand. So people collapse under direct pressure 🤔
This sounds like power struggling. How about treating the employee like a person. Seeing if there is a way to come to common ground. Also, what about the supervisor that spins situations into something they are not or perhaps the supervisor is not a good supervisor? In other words abuse of the power dynamics
Very informative! I have a direct report that has made several outburst about her displeasure either with the team or myself. The behavior has become more frequent since her spouse was promoted to CFO… There was an “incident” yesterday, that made 3 of my employees upset and a manager called me to inform about the outburst because she was on the phone with one of our direct reports and heard the outburst over the phone. I need to speak with her tomorrow. This video was helpful. Thank you.
Ooooof. That's hard - the connection with a spouse in the C-suite makes life really challenging. I wish you luck, and please let me know (a) if I can help, and (b) how it goes!
Absolutely. Which is exactly why I create these videos - to help the shitty managers improve. And yes, I recognize that the ones who don't realize that they need improvement are the bigger problem.
With years of hr experience, when you hired employees, they are the best people you can find. Why would they turned against you? These kind of employers never think of what they did, hurting employees' mentally and physically. Respect is 2 way streets. Don't deny or ignore these kind of situation. Most likely is employer's lack of understanding and communication
Agreed. There are always reasons why someone is behaving as they are - and not all of those reasons have to do with the employee alone, though some do.
Absolutely wonderful video full of knowledge. I needed to hear this. I am a new GM and my floor manager has been gaslighting me to the max. This video is very helpful. Thank you!
I am an easy supervisor whom my team is used to walking all over to the point where once in a 'blue moon ' when my buttons are pushed and I open my mouth although in the most professional calm way ...I am the bad girl against my team... cornered etc. Upper management has no back bone tells me to compromise... regardless, Grace's feedback is like medicine 👍
Well, thank you! In your brief description, I think I see a bit of what's going on. I suspect that when you react to having your "buttons pushed," it's SO different from your normal way of being, everyone is shocked and startled and the wide contrast creates a sense that you're being the "bad girl." My suggestion would be to even things out. Don't let yourself be "walked all over" at all. Decide for yourself - this could be a writing exercise for you, to sit down and write out answers to the question, "How can I be more consistent as a manager and leader, so I'm not walked over *and* don't have to react when my buttons o pushed?" When you know *for yourself* how you want to show up as a more consistent leader, then you can start to put that in practice day-to-day. It won't be an overnight change, by any means, but it will help you gradually bring things around to being better across the board. Does that make sense? does it help?
@@GraceJudson yes that makes perfect sense. I guess I really need to literally work on myself. Drawing boundaries. I guess that will work it's way up to being on of examples of like you have mentioned a consistent leader. Thanks alot Grace once again 🙂
@@bestwishesforall... YES. Just remember that boundaries are for *you*. They're not about expecting anyone else to change because you've decided you need boundaries. They're about YOU holding the line. If you want, come over to my website (www.gracejudson.com) and drop me a note through my Connect page and we can dig into this in more detail!
When 3 quarters of the team leaves in less than 18 months, some citing mental illness like its a catching disease perhaps its not the staff. Respect has to be earned and when you manage a team, a technical , scientific team and you know nothing and cant be bothered to learn the basics or respect the people who do know, then perhaps disrespect should be expected.
100% agreed. Disrespect can come from all levels of any organization, and a company that tolerates a manager who's failing - as you describe - is a company with a toxic culture.
Appreciate the reminder of the 'paradoxical' tactic that allows P/A actor to say no. Also agree that saying 'I feel like..." isn't useful for most of these feedback conversations, especially since 'I feel like...' is a thought, not an expression of a feeling.
Thanks, Rebecca! It's actually a lot of fun to play with the no-oriented question, even in situations that aren't crucial. And a big YES on the un-usefulness of "I feel..." The simple fact is, most employees don't really care - especially in a tough situation - what their manager "feels" like. HA!
I'm learning now a lot of it is just childish office politics and posturing. Every environment/office is different. Sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone, can't always be too nice and you have to push a "little" bit. people will project their insecurities about their performance on you so it seems like you're underperforming. people will shift blame to you. they'll do all those things and more if you "let" them. once you've made your point, then just let the chips fall where they may. in a perfect world, your manager and higher ups stick up for your team so then you don't have to worry. Those managers are the best.
Those managers are indeed the best ... sadly, we don't always have them in our corner. "Nice" isn't usually the way to go. Kind, yes; honest, yes; but nice can be people-pleasing and won't get you where you want to go. Office politics can definitely be childish, but it can also be problematic if you don't pay attention to who might be undercutting you!
It is a VERY VERY different ballgame! I have a bunch more resources available on my website to help - www.gracejudson.com. And do reach out if you have specific questions.
You might think so, right? But generally speaking, they don't. However, if you feel that's going out on a limb, try one of the other no-oriented options and see how it goes!
Private meetings are a huge challenge because they cannot be recorded. Essentially a nasty employee can practically go off on the Manager. All the Manager can do is document and inform its not appropriate to be disrespectful. These scenarios are irritating because the Manager is very limited in how they can protect their emotional health. A crafty disrespectful employee will deny any disrespectful behavior. I don’t see how the “no-oriented” question works when they actually say “yes”.
Absolutely all true. Which is why, when things have gotten this drastically out of control, I (1) always recommend NOT meeting one-on-one, but having a witness, whether that's your boss or someone from HR. No interpersonal communication tactic works 100% of the time. Every tactic or tool must be adapted to the situation. Again, in the type of situation you describe, a no-oriented question should be crafted so carefully that a "yes" answer would be outrageous - or else, don't even try using it. When disrespect has risen to the level you imply, it's too late for a lot of these types of interventions. At this point, HR should be involved, and the person should be on a performance plan. I seldom advocate for using a performance plan as a tool for documenting a person's behavior so you can terminate for cause, but when things have been allowed to go this far, that may be the only recourse. I would also want to know *why* things got to this extreme. An employee doesn't generally just start being disrespectful right out of the gate upon being hired. What was the trigger? Why wasn't it dealt with sooner? And so on.
You’re legally allowed to record as long as you say “this meeting is being recorded”. You just have to notify them before you start recording. If they don’t consent then tell them “ok there’s the door if you wanna quit”
I’m a new manager and I have two very similar people on my team who do not want to be bothered by me. If I give one an assignment, she says I’m targeting her. If I give the other an assignment, she says I’m micromanaging her. One goes around me to my boss..l the other one goes around me to my peer. It’s very disheartening by all four parties allowing it.
That's hard! I'd start by asking yourself: how are you communicating the assignments? Is there any chance the micromanaging comments are real? As a new manager it's VERY common to feel like you need to know everything that's going on (you're used to knowing it all from the days when you did the tasks, instead of assigning them). I would also STRONGLY recommend going to the people - your boss, your peer - and respectfully asking them to NOT PARTICIPATE when your team members go around you. That's a reasonable request on your part and, frankly, they shouldn't have participated in the first place. I hope this is at least a little helpful. There's a follow-up mini e-book on my website that covers the 6 most challenging employee types, this being one of them (gracejudson.com/resources) that might offer a few more ideas for you. And feel free to reach out to me directly through the contact form there. GOOD LUCK. Being a new manager is HARD.
Yay! Glad to hear it was useful. Good luck! and take a look at my website (www.gracejudson.com/) for more ideas and information that might also be useful!
Sorry to hear about the touchy issue - very glad I was able to help. Reach out through my website (gracejudson.com) if I can offer some further support!
Hey there! Great to see you too - it really HAS been years - what are you up to these days? (And this is probably not the place to have that conversation - hmm!)
Hmm. I have sound. Something I've noticed happens sometimes is that RUclips has the video muted. Is the little speaker icon on the bottom left, just to the left of the video length and time played, crossed out? That might be the problem. Otherwise, if you're sure you have your volume turned up (been there, oopsed that), then if you're still not getting sound, try watching with closed-captions on - click the CC button on the bottom.
Yay! Thank you! Come back at the end of the month (January 2023, for those reading this in the future) - I have another video on disrespectful employees that offers a different (and somewhat challenging) perspective.
ALL people need to work their own way! But ... I do wonder if you've ever had a *good* boss. And I also wonder if you've ever considered being your own boss - finding a way to start a business for yourself.
If you hired an expert, consider their expertise before demanding obedience from them. What good is an expert, if they can be managed into doing things that an expert should not do? Consider a pilot that takes exclusive direction from a non-pilot. This would invite disaster, the tenets of their profession are of higher priority than management or even continued employment itself.
Absolutely. You point out an interesting aspect when we look at "what is disrespect?" How do we define it? And as you imply, if you're thinking someone is disrespectful because they're pushing back on something they know more about than you do ... you might want to rethink things. In that situation, *you* are actually the disrespectful one, because you're not respecting their expertise.
Absolutely. Well said. Just left a job because younger, inexperienced, unsupportive administration do not recognize my expertise, experience, and worth.
There's a work colleague at work always undermines my work she nitpick stuff very uncomfortable to work with she blanks me when I try to speak to her. Hate going into. Work when she's on shift with. Me
That's a really tough situation, and I'm sorry you're having to deal with it. Does this person have authority over you - is she a supervisor, or a peer? If she's a peer, then what I'd suggest is just saying, "Okay!" when she nitpicks. This isn't agreement, and it's not argument, so there's nothing for the person to grab onto to continue the conversation. Try it and see what happens!
Yay! and you're welcome. Hope you also picked up the resource document on my website for the Five Challenging Employee Types (of which this is obviously one)! Let me know if you have any questions!
That's an interesting question. On the one hand, I'd say - let them go! because someone like that isn't a good person to have on your team. I'd also say: check your assumptions. Are you sure that's what's happening? What makes you so sure? Have you had the necessary conversations with them about their behavior? The challenge, of course, is that when someone collects unemployment, the company's unemployment insurance rates get dinged (i.e., increased). ALSO: It's important to understand that firing for cause - depending on what state you're in - MAY disqualify the person from receiving benefits. Does this help at all? It's a complicated question!
@@GraceJudson OH yes. We've tried to talk to her and I'm not assuming anything. Her bad behavior is very obvious to everyone and she directs her anger at me.. I can't even ask her to do somethimg without getting an attitude. She listened to a disgruntled previous employee and assumed that woman was telling the truth about myself and my co-manager. The previous employee had serious attitude problems too. The current awful employee is bullying and she tries to intimidate me as well. I should add that no one else has any issue with me and I try to be helpful and as understanding as I can.
@@julisnyderart Blergh. That's hard. What options do you have for going to your HR people and putting her on a performance plan? Even if you're not in a position to fire her, if she reports to you, there must be some sort of recourse? I have a Performance Improvement Plan checklist that people find helpful - here's the link, if you'd like to take a look. (It does require an email address to download it, FYI) www.gracejudson.com/pip-checklist/
What you should do is instead of firing them, just greatly reduce their hours. Give them the opposite of what they want, and let them know that you know what they’re doing and it’s not going to happen. Let them realize you’re not falling for it
I live in my mum's farm and we have a young man helping us around. I've always been shy to order them around because I already knew they were jelous of me as the daughter of the farm owner and I didn't want to make them feel uncomfortable. I would avoid asking them to do anything... Until recently. I just got tired of pushing myself to a corner when it doesn't make them like you any more and makes it harder for them to listen to you when you have no choice but to ask them to do something. (It's an extremely tense dynamic, the one working for us was in hospital the other day and lied to the doctor that my mum is his mum as he handed over tyhe phone so my mum could talk to the doctor. So you can imagine all the passive aggressive resentment) I try to treat them with respect but I just got tired of tiptoeing because they will resentyou whether you take up your position as second in command or not. So I took it... Recently, there was a sick lamb. I told him how to take care of it but he fefied my orders and did his own things... The lamb died. The worst thing is that my mother doesn't stand up to his disrespect or make him feel like he did something wrong and actually admonishes me when I tell him that he's done something wrng. (She says I'm attacking him and I should stop attacking people) It's a very hard situationbecause I live here(can't wait to move out) and I feel like people are not respecting me. And I know, being the person that he is, that making him say "no" will not change how he feels about me. It will just make him resent me even more and with no one to run to, I'll just be in a worse situation until I move out
Lacey - you're right that this is a really, really hard situation. And given what you've said, I would agree that your best option is to move away as soon as you can manage it. There's too much going on, and not much that you, as someone who's not being given any authority, can do about it. If your mother refuses to back you up, then ... The only thing I can even slightly suggest is that you have an honest talk with your mother about how you feel and about what's going on. I can't tell from what you've said if this would have any chance of helping, or, indeed, if it's emotionally and / or physically safe to do. I wish there were more I could suggest!
Hey I am up for a store manager Position and another coworkers up for the same she’s constantly confliction like and fighting and coming after me and I pushed back and got in trouble I didn’t push back and I got in trouble what can I do to help myself
Hi, Karin - sounds like a really tough situation! It's hard to answer without knowing a few more specifics on what's happening. The one thing I would say is, focus on being respectful in all cases. Just because she's acting badly, make sure you stay calm and respectful. That will put you in the best possible light with your supervisors. This doesn't mean letting her walk all over you. But it does mean not reacting if she says something to you that you don't like. For instance, if she tries to pick a fight or says something critical, just smile and say, "Okay." You're not agreeing with her - but you're also not giving her anything to grab onto and carry the conflict forward. And if she tries, just stick to, "Oh, okay." NOT - I hasten to add! - "Okay, BUT here's all the reasons why you're wrong." JUST "Okay." Try it and let me know how it goes!
How can it be disrespectful if an employee blows up silently, I did this many years ago, after years of work abuse. Literally the tasks were overbearing, I was making 12 dollars an hour at the time, working 8-5, and all of a sudden I just blew my cool and wrote some diragatory message on my work situation. The owners were banking millions every year, yet they couldn't pay a hardworking employee over 24k a year?!! I didn't even have benefits at the time too, so it was like, you treating me like garbage yet you have something bad to say about a comment I posted on a social site. I'm still not sorry, cause if I was, i'd be living good, instead of owners retired and on the golf courses.
Ouch. It's really hard when you're in a low-paying job and you're being treated with disrespect, but you don't feel like you can say anything without having it come back on you. I get the need for silence in a situation like that, and I also get that it can lead to the pressure building, as you describe, so that you blow up and say things that, in the end, might be better left off social media. I'm sorry it's been so hard for you!
I have one employee who os so mild tempered and quite and responsiblle and am really happy with him. Before i fired a guy for the reason that he was so emotionally unstable for ising cocain. I my self when i was an employee i beeb good and bad. But when i been desrespectfull it was porpusefully. Like when i was getting bully by a forman and i asked for a report to be filled about it and the manager didnt doit and did talk to him and nobody talk to me about it. I was just being a asshole porpusefully to feel better my self. I was really imature back then.
I grew to understand the situations my bosses were in as time went by. Most were nice people just doing their job....life is short and teamwork makes everyone's life easier and the company more productive. I am a company in my own right and I remember to always perform in my own best interest. Everyone wins.
Add more parts saying If you have a disrespectful employee hit that like button Or if you ever had a situation give me a like so i know you get me ...your information good is good you'll get more traffic and activity if you engage more Ex. Share this video if your going to document and stop allowing the passive aggressive energy affect your workplace anymore...good luck
Do you mean, you're managing managers - or - do you mean, you're managed by too many managers? If it's the latter, that's a great question, and it's one I cover in my Empowered Leadership program (see my website, gracejudson.com). It's a bigger question than I can answer here; I'm making a note to do a video on it, though, so check back in a few weeks!
My “management” has these bad behaviors. My cliquey peers just stare at me and speak little. I am toxic or negative for asking questions but they are brilliant in their toxic positivity. It’s like they will not allow anyone except the clique to get to a vested state.
Toxic positivity is awful, and it sounds like you've been excluded from meaningful conversation about making change. It's hard. Sometimes there's just nothing to be done except accept the situation and either decide to live with it (and all the stress that comes with that) or find another position elsewhere. I wish I had something more hopeful to suggest, but in reality, finding another position can be *very* hopeful!
After being forced to participate in experimental medical procedures nothing you say is going to change my anger and disengagement towards the employer forever and ever and ever. No discussion is ever going to change anything.
Eliminating feelings and setting expectations is a great tip that I keep getting. How do I reign this behavior in. Do I tame the horse, or break it. Nice with a hand of sugar to help them understand their role, or crack the whip to spread fear. I don't want enemies, I want trust.
You really don't want to try to eliminate feelings, because they're there and they're real. Allow yourself to have the feelings, but then - you don't want them front and center. You don't want them to be part of the expectation-setting conversation, because in the end, they're *your* feelings, and they won't be relevant to the person you're working with.
@@GraceJudson he hit a house with the mower today, and he was actively challenging me with it. He insisted on passing me with the mower and spraying me with clippings. He would also make me move to avoid him. Mind you he hit someone else that was driving another mower. What should I do if he is friends with the main crew leader. I'm a sub crew leader until I know my duties.
@@RandomsFandom - I think there's grounds for raising this with *someone*... I don't know enough details to say, with whom. Sounds like it's a landscaping business? Do you have any sort of HR staff?
@@GraceJudson yes, they actually have an HR, but I'm still in training and don't want to make waves. My trainer has promised to handle it first think Monday.
Dealing with a disrespectful employee is SO challenging! I remember how tense and nervous I was as a new manager when I had an employee who was constantly pushing back on my decisions and thought he knew better. How about you? What's been your experience, and what tips do you have for us in how to manage this situation?
I was never in leadership position but as per my observation, if an employee really thinks he knows better and is disrespectful and not just plain kiddish disrespectful (which is much easier to handle) management never reacts in similar way, their temperament is not like common disrespectful employees. They just give time to do a lot of homework against that employee and eventually the employee gets thrown out in worst case or not given any promotion. Ultimately a disrespectful employee is someone who is adamant and cannot learn or go further. Nothing will happen to management.
@@Satarupa902 - that's one way it gets handled, for sure. The problem is that often the employee in question really *does* have ideas that would be worth hearing - but if they don't handle it well, and the manager doesn't handle it well, then exactly as you say - it ends badly.
@@GraceJudson yes true, as I said management will invest time for employees who really knows better but disrespectful. In that time they will extract ideas from the employee. For plain disrespectful, the employees immediately gets thrown out. In either case management wins. There are lakhs of employees in market with ideas, no one is exceptional or irreplacable. Hence being disrespectful can backfire any time, even if things are seemingly going fine now, paper work is still happening.
1. If management is disrespectful towards employee, it means their position is threatened. In that case it is employees job to escalate with proper proof and documents.
2. If an employee is disrespectful towards others, it means they do not want to learn further and they think they knows best. In that case management takes action as I told above.
I was about to leave an angry comment until the end. The last 2 minutes are the most valuable!
If an employee is disrespectful then by definition they don’t respect you! Step 1, if you want to lead by example, should always be to ask yourself if they have a valid reason for that! Even if their reasons are not sufficient justification, they might offer some insight into how the resultant behaviour can be prevented!
Exactly!
You have to be willing to let people go when they become a problem for the company or they no longer fit - you will find more people who have a fresh passion and this can breathe new life into your business with new ideas and new energy.
You can continue to hold staff with a deteriorating attitude accountable for everything. If they feel like you are seeing everything - they will either step up or step out. Instead of telling them what needs to happen and why it needs to happen. You need to refer them to the SOP. If you don't have it in SOP form, then you can't hold them accountable to your policy.
I agree *up to a point*. Not everything can be documented in an SOP, but people *can* and *should* be held accountable for improvement. And as you say - if they don't make the changes, then they absolutely need to be held accountable all the way out the door. I am vehement about the need to release people when necessary, especially the so-called "toxic rock star."
But, what if the company can't let go of these so-called "toxic rock stars" because they're having a really tough time hiring new staff? It's like being a hostage, and feeling helpless 'cause these toxic employees know you can't just fire them easily. Any tips? Thanks.
What if your upper management does not support you disciplining the employee who is disrespectful and undermining you
Demi1064 - that's a tough situation to be in. I would ask if you've been really thorough in *documenting* every instance of disrespect and undermining?
If you have, and your management is still resisting, have they explained why they don't think it's necessary - and what they think you should be doing instead?
It did happened to me, passive aggressive subordinate constantly undermining my authority, creating a hostile environment and talking to others on my back about my leadership methods. It all broke out when this very employee lost his cool and wrote 2 very offensive emails and accused me of harassment.. ofc copying the whole team.
I’ve asked help from the top leaders and HR and nothing happened, after I found out that this employee had immunity and was protected by someone from the board. In addition the private equity group who acquired my company will soon divest and it would be really difficult to sell the company for a high price while having a potential lawsuit in parallel which explains management’s wish to hush up the case.
I’ve read Never split the difference and watched almost all of Chris’s videos… this situation is not easy and more common than we think!
Disciplining?? What is this. A day care center?
@@smolvilleDaycare Center...that is the running joke at my workplace. Never in a million years did I think I would have to have "common sense" conversations (tutorials more like it) with "adults". Unreal.
Upper management is only bothered about productivity
Thank you for making this video. Very helpful and informative! 😊
I have 1 direct report out of 8 who has the lowest performance rating, always answers back, and does not comply to other simple tasks. I stopped wanting to know what was wrong in our 1 on 1 meeting because it's like asking a spoiled brat what he wants to do instead. Don't apply for a job and complain that you don't want to do what is expected of you. If he wants to move to another division, I told him he can. But i can not give a good recommendation letter when he can't even decently finish the day without me reminding him to get back to work. His metric shows that he works 3 hours out of 7! The rest of my employees are doing really well and have progressed to taking more assignments.
SO FRUSTRATING!
But - Transferring the problem is never a good answer!
Have you put this person on a performance plan?
My website has a PIP plan checklist / guide that you can download - I don't even ask for an email address for it. This is the direct link to the PDF:
www.gracejudson.com/downloads/Judson_Performance_Improvement_Plan_Checklist.pdf
Its 2023 and I have just found your channel. New Subscriber here. This episode was exactly what I needed after a lot of RUclips searching. I am a new Team Leader of 10 months and am facing the challenge of a disrespectful team member. I was pretty shocked and disappointed to discover there are people like this! I went to have a quiet conversation with them about a matter, and they simply said "am I bad... moving forward I will be aware of this" which gave no further room to discuss because I would be perceived to labour the point rather than 'moving forward'. I definitely have lots to learn!
Hey there! Congratulations on your promotion to Team Lead.
And you still have an opportunity to continue that conversation with your team member about exactly *what* behavior they need to be demonstrating, and exactly *what* behavior needs to stop. Being clear is essential.
May I also recommend - head over to my website (www.gracejudson.com/resources) and take a look at the mini e-book on managing difficult employees - it includes the disrespectful employee - and under the "useful papers" (under the Resources menu item) there's a guide to using a Performance Improvement Plan.
Hope this helps! and feel free to reach out with questions.
Can you go over a gaslighting employee in more detail in another video? You just made me realize that is why im having such a hard time with this particular employee. Thank you.
GREAT suggestion! thank you. I'll add it to my newsletter article list as well.
(Hint: are you on my newsletter list? 😉 )
Melissa, I just posted a blog article on this - I do plan to do a video as well, but not sure when that will happen. Here's the link to the blog post: www.gracejudson.com/5-tips-for-handling-gaslighting-employees/ Thanks again for the idea!
Here’s an example. You assign a task and set a deadline. Later on at the deadline, the task is not complete because of something you said “off the record.” Happens once, perhaps an innocent misunderstanding. If this becomes a pattern, it’s gaslighting in order to avoid accountability. If you don’t document it in email, memo etc, it will literally drive you nuts and may even begin to doubt yourself.
Great video! Unfortunately, in my experience as an employee of 25 years, I have found that at least in IT, people getting promoted into management have no people skills, bad communication, and are easily threaten by good employees.
Yep. Agreed.
The *root* problem of that is that people are promoted based on individual performance excellence, and then land in a role where the skillset is ENTIRELY different from what they've done all their career up till that point.
The lack of training is the problem. And it's heartbreaking, because it causes SO much trouble.
OMG I love you, I've struggled with managing people for a while.. I focused on managing tasks only and literally I faced all the points you discussed to the point that I left the job all together
Much thanks to you and please continue with this rare great content
You're very welcome! so glad to be helpful.
Easier than dealing with a disrespectful boss calling you at night, asking for calling you during weekend, calling you during your holidays, screaming in your ears, hailing you and so on...
Ooof. In a situation like that, I have to say - given the one-sentence description here - that the best option if you can't go to a more-senior person or to HR, is to find another job. Which I know is a whole lot easier said than done.
@@GraceJudson Leaving is already done. Searching another job is my new challenge. Gratitude for your response.
@@sandrakirch6601 Good for you! and best of luck to you. Hopefully you'll find something LOTS better and VERY quickly!
I was told to lock eyes with people, and let them know my displeasure through body language first. Some people understand body language better than verbal reprimand. So people collapse under direct pressure 🤔
This sounds like power struggling. How about treating the employee like a person. Seeing if there is a way to come to common ground. Also, what about the supervisor that spins situations into something they are not or perhaps the supervisor is not a good supervisor? In other words abuse of the power dynamics
Very informative! I have a direct report that has made several outburst about her displeasure either with the team or myself. The behavior has become more frequent since her spouse was promoted to CFO…
There was an “incident” yesterday, that made 3 of my employees upset and a manager called me to inform about the outburst because she was on the phone with one of our direct reports and heard the outburst over the phone.
I need to speak with her tomorrow. This video was helpful. Thank you.
Ooooof. That's hard - the connection with a spouse in the C-suite makes life really challenging. I wish you luck, and please let me know (a) if I can help, and (b) how it goes!
Give me a break. It’s not always the employee that’s the problem. Shitty management is a major issue
Absolutely. Which is exactly why I create these videos - to help the shitty managers improve.
And yes, I recognize that the ones who don't realize that they need improvement are the bigger problem.
With years of hr experience, when you hired employees, they are the best people you can find. Why would they turned against you? These kind of employers never think of what they did, hurting employees' mentally and physically. Respect is 2 way streets. Don't deny or ignore these kind of situation. Most likely is employer's lack of understanding and communication
Agreed. There are always reasons why someone is behaving as they are - and not all of those reasons have to do with the employee alone, though some do.
Absolutely wonderful video full of knowledge. I needed to hear this. I am a new GM and my floor manager has been gaslighting me to the max. This video is very helpful. Thank you!
Excellent! so glad it helped. Let me know how it goes and let me know if you have other questions!
I am an easy supervisor whom my team is used to walking all over to the point where once in a 'blue moon ' when my buttons are pushed and I open my mouth although in the most professional calm way ...I am the bad girl against my team... cornered etc. Upper management has no back bone tells me to compromise... regardless, Grace's feedback is like medicine 👍
Well, thank you!
In your brief description, I think I see a bit of what's going on. I suspect that when you react to having your "buttons pushed," it's SO different from your normal way of being, everyone is shocked and startled and the wide contrast creates a sense that you're being the "bad girl."
My suggestion would be to even things out. Don't let yourself be "walked all over" at all. Decide for yourself - this could be a writing exercise for you, to sit down and write out answers to the question, "How can I be more consistent as a manager and leader, so I'm not walked over *and* don't have to react when my buttons o pushed?"
When you know *for yourself* how you want to show up as a more consistent leader, then you can start to put that in practice day-to-day. It won't be an overnight change, by any means, but it will help you gradually bring things around to being better across the board.
Does that make sense? does it help?
@@GraceJudson yes that makes perfect sense. I guess I really need to literally work on myself. Drawing boundaries. I guess that will work it's way up to being on of examples of like you have mentioned a consistent leader.
Thanks alot Grace once again 🙂
@@bestwishesforall... YES. Just remember that boundaries are for *you*. They're not about expecting anyone else to change because you've decided you need boundaries. They're about YOU holding the line.
If you want, come over to my website (www.gracejudson.com) and drop me a note through my Connect page and we can dig into this in more detail!
When 3 quarters of the team leaves in less than 18 months, some citing mental illness like its a catching disease perhaps its not the staff. Respect has to be earned and when you manage a team, a technical , scientific team and you know nothing and cant be bothered to learn the basics or respect the people who do know, then perhaps disrespect should be expected.
100% agreed.
Disrespect can come from all levels of any organization, and a company that tolerates a manager who's failing - as you describe - is a company with a toxic culture.
I *love* the "no" technique. Thank you!
It's a lot of fun to play with, isn't it? And best to practice in low-stakes situations first!
Appreciate the reminder of the 'paradoxical' tactic that allows P/A actor to say no. Also agree that saying 'I feel like..." isn't useful for most of these feedback conversations, especially since 'I feel like...' is a thought, not an expression of a feeling.
Thanks, Rebecca! It's actually a lot of fun to play with the no-oriented question, even in situations that aren't crucial.
And a big YES on the un-usefulness of "I feel..." The simple fact is, most employees don't really care - especially in a tough situation - what their manager "feels" like. HA!
I'm learning now a lot of it is just childish office politics and posturing. Every environment/office is different. Sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone, can't always be too nice and you have to push a "little" bit. people will project their insecurities about their performance on you so it seems like you're underperforming. people will shift blame to you. they'll do all those things and more if you "let" them. once you've made your point, then just let the chips fall where they may. in a perfect world, your manager and higher ups stick up for your team so then you don't have to worry. Those managers are the best.
Those managers are indeed the best ... sadly, we don't always have them in our corner.
"Nice" isn't usually the way to go. Kind, yes; honest, yes; but nice can be people-pleasing and won't get you where you want to go.
Office politics can definitely be childish, but it can also be problematic if you don't pay attention to who might be undercutting you!
I wish I would have found this video sooner. However I feel more prepared than I did before.
I'm glad you feel more prepared; sorry that things apparently didn't go exactly great before. Do let me know if you have questions!
Thank you for the video. I am a very green manager and it is a different ballgame to being a team member.
It is a VERY VERY different ballgame!
I have a bunch more resources available on my website to help - www.gracejudson.com. And do reach out if you have specific questions.
Saying something like "am i crazy to ..." just seems to be inviting the subordinate to answer in the affirmative.
You might think so, right? But generally speaking, they don't. However, if you feel that's going out on a limb, try one of the other no-oriented options and see how it goes!
I'm trying to be a better person, especially because he's bigger. The problem is i think he knows that and is pushing buttons.
Just stumbled across you and your videos. You are incredible!
Thank you!
Private meetings are a huge challenge because they cannot be recorded. Essentially a nasty employee can practically go off on the Manager. All the Manager can do is document and inform its not appropriate to be disrespectful. These scenarios are irritating because the Manager is very limited in how they can protect their emotional health. A crafty disrespectful employee will deny any disrespectful behavior. I don’t see how the “no-oriented” question works when they actually say “yes”.
Absolutely all true. Which is why, when things have gotten this drastically out of control, I (1) always recommend NOT meeting one-on-one, but having a witness, whether that's your boss or someone from HR.
No interpersonal communication tactic works 100% of the time. Every tactic or tool must be adapted to the situation. Again, in the type of situation you describe, a no-oriented question should be crafted so carefully that a "yes" answer would be outrageous - or else, don't even try using it.
When disrespect has risen to the level you imply, it's too late for a lot of these types of interventions. At this point, HR should be involved, and the person should be on a performance plan. I seldom advocate for using a performance plan as a tool for documenting a person's behavior so you can terminate for cause, but when things have been allowed to go this far, that may be the only recourse.
I would also want to know *why* things got to this extreme. An employee doesn't generally just start being disrespectful right out of the gate upon being hired. What was the trigger? Why wasn't it dealt with sooner? And so on.
You’re legally allowed to record as long as you say “this meeting is being recorded”. You just have to notify them before you start recording. If they don’t consent then tell them “ok there’s the door if you wanna quit”
@@charlesg7926 it's mentalities like that which are making being an employee a hopeless hellscape
@@charlesg7926remember, employer's/manager's faces are VERY punсhable and it's silent, you pieces of work
I’m a new manager and I have two very similar people on my team who do not want to be bothered by me. If I give one an assignment, she says I’m targeting her. If I give the other an assignment, she says I’m micromanaging her. One goes around me to my boss..l the other one goes around me to my peer. It’s very disheartening by all four parties allowing it.
That's hard! I'd start by asking yourself: how are you communicating the assignments? Is there any chance the micromanaging comments are real? As a new manager it's VERY common to feel like you need to know everything that's going on (you're used to knowing it all from the days when you did the tasks, instead of assigning them).
I would also STRONGLY recommend going to the people - your boss, your peer - and respectfully asking them to NOT PARTICIPATE when your team members go around you. That's a reasonable request on your part and, frankly, they shouldn't have participated in the first place.
I hope this is at least a little helpful. There's a follow-up mini e-book on my website that covers the 6 most challenging employee types, this being one of them (gracejudson.com/resources) that might offer a few more ideas for you. And feel free to reach out to me directly through the contact form there.
GOOD LUCK. Being a new manager is HARD.
@@GraceJudson thank you. Good tips! The one girl just quit today. That was a win. 😂
@@gourmetthursday Sometimes it works out that way - I'm glad for you. Hopefully things will settle better with the other one, too!
This was great! im a new manager, and conflict in this dynamic is a difficult terrain for me. This helped :)
Yay! Glad to hear it was useful. Good luck! and take a look at my website (www.gracejudson.com/) for more ideas and information that might also be useful!
Thank you for sharing your experience & perspective. I’m dealing with a touchy issue right now and this video was really helpful.
Sorry to hear about the touchy issue - very glad I was able to help. Reach out through my website (gracejudson.com) if I can offer some further support!
Grace - wild - I just stumbled upon your video - been years since we have connected - nice to see you here!
Hey there! Great to see you too - it really HAS been years - what are you up to these days? (And this is probably not the place to have that conversation - hmm!)
sorry but am I the only one cannot get sound from this great video (the rest are ok from Grace's channel), thanks.
Hmm. I have sound. Something I've noticed happens sometimes is that RUclips has the video muted. Is the little speaker icon on the bottom left, just to the left of the video length and time played, crossed out? That might be the problem. Otherwise, if you're sure you have your volume turned up (been there, oopsed that), then if you're still not getting sound, try watching with closed-captions on - click the CC button on the bottom.
LOVED IT
Yay! Thank you! Come back at the end of the month (January 2023, for those reading this in the future) - I have another video on disrespectful employees that offers a different (and somewhat challenging) perspective.
@@GraceJudson sure
Excellent.
Thanks!
Some people need to work their own way, I feel depressed if I have a boss
ALL people need to work their own way!
But ... I do wonder if you've ever had a *good* boss.
And I also wonder if you've ever considered being your own boss - finding a way to start a business for yourself.
Very very useful recommendations. Thank you very much.
You're welcome! Glad to help!
If you hired an expert, consider their expertise before demanding obedience from them.
What good is an expert, if they can be managed into doing things that an expert should not do? Consider a pilot that takes exclusive direction from a non-pilot. This would invite disaster, the tenets of their profession are of higher priority than management or even continued employment itself.
Absolutely. You point out an interesting aspect when we look at "what is disrespect?" How do we define it? And as you imply, if you're thinking someone is disrespectful because they're pushing back on something they know more about than you do ... you might want to rethink things. In that situation, *you* are actually the disrespectful one, because you're not respecting their expertise.
Absolutely. Well said. Just left a job because younger, inexperienced, unsupportive administration do not recognize my expertise, experience, and worth.
There's a work colleague at work always undermines my work she nitpick stuff very uncomfortable to work with she blanks me when I try to speak to her. Hate going into. Work when she's on shift with. Me
That's a really tough situation, and I'm sorry you're having to deal with it. Does this person have authority over you - is she a supervisor, or a peer?
If she's a peer, then what I'd suggest is just saying, "Okay!" when she nitpicks. This isn't agreement, and it's not argument, so there's nothing for the person to grab onto to continue the conversation. Try it and see what happens!
Thank you for the advice! I will be implementing these skills/tips into my leadership style. Subscribed!
Yay! and you're welcome. Hope you also picked up the resource document on my website for the Five Challenging Employee Types (of which this is obviously one)!
Let me know if you have any questions!
What about when an employee WANTS to get fired (so they can collect unemployment) so they purposely are rude, hostile and disrespectful?
That's an interesting question. On the one hand, I'd say - let them go! because someone like that isn't a good person to have on your team.
I'd also say: check your assumptions. Are you sure that's what's happening? What makes you so sure?
Have you had the necessary conversations with them about their behavior?
The challenge, of course, is that when someone collects unemployment, the company's unemployment insurance rates get dinged (i.e., increased).
ALSO: It's important to understand that firing for cause - depending on what state you're in - MAY disqualify the person from receiving benefits.
Does this help at all? It's a complicated question!
@@GraceJudson OH yes. We've tried to talk to her and I'm not assuming anything. Her bad behavior is very obvious to everyone and she directs her anger at me.. I can't even ask her to do somethimg without getting an attitude. She listened to a disgruntled previous employee and assumed that woman was telling the truth about myself and my co-manager. The previous employee had serious attitude problems too. The current awful employee is bullying and she tries to intimidate me as well.
I should add that no one else has any issue with me and I try to be helpful and as understanding as I can.
@@GraceJudson Unfortunately I work for the state I live in and it's a civil service job so it's not up to me to fire someone.
@@julisnyderart Blergh. That's hard.
What options do you have for going to your HR people and putting her on a performance plan? Even if you're not in a position to fire her, if she reports to you, there must be some sort of recourse?
I have a Performance Improvement Plan checklist that people find helpful - here's the link, if you'd like to take a look. (It does require an email address to download it, FYI) www.gracejudson.com/pip-checklist/
What you should do is instead of firing them, just greatly reduce their hours. Give them the opposite of what they want, and let them know that you know what they’re doing and it’s not going to happen. Let them realize you’re not falling for it
Great advice!
I live in my mum's farm and we have a young man helping us around. I've always been shy to order them around because I already knew they were jelous of me as the daughter of the farm owner and I didn't want to make them feel uncomfortable. I would avoid asking them to do anything... Until recently. I just got tired of pushing myself to a corner when it doesn't make them like you any more and makes it harder for them to listen to you when you have no choice but to ask them to do something. (It's an extremely tense dynamic, the one working for us was in hospital the other day and lied to the doctor that my mum is his mum as he handed over tyhe phone so my mum could talk to the doctor. So you can imagine all the passive aggressive resentment) I try to treat them with respect but I just got tired of tiptoeing because they will resentyou whether you take up your position as second in command or not. So I took it... Recently, there was a sick lamb. I told him how to take care of it but he fefied my orders and did his own things... The lamb died. The worst thing is that my mother doesn't stand up to his disrespect or make him feel like he did something wrong and actually admonishes me when I tell him that he's done something wrng. (She says I'm attacking him and I should stop attacking people) It's a very hard situationbecause I live here(can't wait to move out) and I feel like people are not respecting me. And I know, being the person that he is, that making him say "no" will not change how he feels about me. It will just make him resent me even more and with no one to run to, I'll just be in a worse situation until I move out
Lacey - you're right that this is a really, really hard situation. And given what you've said, I would agree that your best option is to move away as soon as you can manage it. There's too much going on, and not much that you, as someone who's not being given any authority, can do about it. If your mother refuses to back you up, then ...
The only thing I can even slightly suggest is that you have an honest talk with your mother about how you feel and about what's going on. I can't tell from what you've said if this would have any chance of helping, or, indeed, if it's emotionally and / or physically safe to do.
I wish there were more I could suggest!
Hey I am up for a store manager Position and another coworkers up for the same she’s constantly confliction like and fighting and coming after me and I pushed back and got in trouble I didn’t push back and I got in trouble what can I do to help myself
Hi, Karin - sounds like a really tough situation! It's hard to answer without knowing a few more specifics on what's happening. The one thing I would say is, focus on being respectful in all cases. Just because she's acting badly, make sure you stay calm and respectful. That will put you in the best possible light with your supervisors.
This doesn't mean letting her walk all over you. But it does mean not reacting if she says something to you that you don't like. For instance, if she tries to pick a fight or says something critical, just smile and say, "Okay."
You're not agreeing with her - but you're also not giving her anything to grab onto and carry the conflict forward. And if she tries, just stick to, "Oh, okay."
NOT - I hasten to add! - "Okay, BUT here's all the reasons why you're wrong."
JUST "Okay."
Try it and let me know how it goes!
thank you
You're welcome!
Great video - keep up the good work !
How can it be disrespectful if an employee blows up silently, I did this many years ago, after years of work abuse. Literally the tasks were overbearing, I was making 12 dollars an hour at the time, working 8-5, and all of a sudden I just blew my cool and wrote some diragatory message on my work situation. The owners were banking millions every year, yet they couldn't pay a hardworking employee over 24k a year?!! I didn't even have benefits at the time too, so it was like, you treating me like garbage yet you have something bad to say about a comment I posted on a social site. I'm still not sorry, cause if I was, i'd be living good, instead of owners retired and on the golf courses.
Ouch. It's really hard when you're in a low-paying job and you're being treated with disrespect, but you don't feel like you can say anything without having it come back on you.
I get the need for silence in a situation like that, and I also get that it can lead to the pressure building, as you describe, so that you blow up and say things that, in the end, might be better left off social media.
I'm sorry it's been so hard for you!
Great video and awesome tips .
Thanks! glad it was helpful.
I have one employee who os so mild tempered and quite and responsiblle and am really happy with him. Before i fired a guy for the reason that he was so emotionally unstable for ising cocain. I my self when i was an employee i beeb good and bad. But when i been desrespectfull it was porpusefully. Like when i was getting bully by a forman and i asked for a report to be filled about it and the manager didnt doit and did talk to him and nobody talk to me about it. I was just being a asshole porpusefully to feel better my self.
I was really imature back then.
I think we all do things that, looking back, may not have been the best choice. Good for you for recognizing what happened!
I grew to understand the situations my bosses were in as time went by. Most were nice people just doing their job....life is short and teamwork makes everyone's life easier and the company more productive. I am a company in my own right and I remember to always perform in my own best interest. Everyone wins.
Add more parts saying If you have a disrespectful employee hit that like button
Or if you ever had a situation give me a like so i know you get me ...your information good is good you'll get more traffic and activity if you engage more Ex. Share this video if your going to document and stop allowing the passive aggressive energy affect your workplace anymore...good luck
Great ideas - thank you!
Good advice
Thanks!
Employees always want to look innocent when they are defiant and insubordinate. I just fire them
Well, that's certainly one approach...
Matrix at it's best. How do you manage too many managers?
Do you mean, you're managing managers - or - do you mean, you're managed by too many managers?
If it's the latter, that's a great question, and it's one I cover in my Empowered Leadership program (see my website, gracejudson.com). It's a bigger question than I can answer here; I'm making a note to do a video on it, though, so check back in a few weeks!
@@GraceJudson either way what are you managing?
@@leon4695 I have managed quite a few different teams and departments in my career, as well as helping to manage client teams as a consultant.
@@GraceJudson still haven't managed the *I* though
@@leon4695 Not sure what you mean there?
Bad microphone. Sorry, I will find a better route to this information
My “management” has these bad behaviors. My cliquey peers just stare at me and speak little.
I am toxic or negative for asking questions but they are brilliant in their toxic positivity. It’s like they will not allow anyone except the clique to get to a vested state.
Toxic positivity is awful, and it sounds like you've been excluded from meaningful conversation about making change. It's hard.
Sometimes there's just nothing to be done except accept the situation and either decide to live with it (and all the stress that comes with that) or find another position elsewhere. I wish I had something more hopeful to suggest, but in reality, finding another position can be *very* hopeful!
This video had about 2 minutes of real content and the first 5 minutes is a waste of time.
I'm sorry you feel that way! but at least there were two minutes of useful material!
After being forced to participate in experimental medical procedures nothing you say is going to change my anger and disengagement towards the employer forever and ever and ever. No discussion is ever going to change anything.
Of course not. That is way, way beyond mere "disrespect" - it's wrong, and should never, ever be tolerated.
Eliminating feelings and setting expectations is a great tip that I keep getting. How do I reign this behavior in. Do I tame the horse, or break it. Nice with a hand of sugar to help them understand their role, or crack the whip to spread fear. I don't want enemies, I want trust.
You really don't want to try to eliminate feelings, because they're there and they're real. Allow yourself to have the feelings, but then - you don't want them front and center. You don't want them to be part of the expectation-setting conversation, because in the end, they're *your* feelings, and they won't be relevant to the person you're working with.
@@GraceJudson he hit a house with the mower today, and he was actively challenging me with it. He insisted on passing me with the mower and spraying me with clippings. He would also make me move to avoid him. Mind you he hit someone else that was driving another mower. What should I do if he is friends with the main crew leader. I'm a sub crew leader until I know my duties.
@@RandomsFandom - I think there's grounds for raising this with *someone*... I don't know enough details to say, with whom. Sounds like it's a landscaping business? Do you have any sort of HR staff?
@@GraceJudson yes, they actually have an HR, but I'm still in training and don't want to make waves. My trainer has promised to handle it first think Monday.
@@RandomsFandom Okay - that's good - good luck! and hey, let me know how it goes, okay?