I have Avoidant Personality Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder and quite a bit of childhood trauma. I had to heal a lot before I could launch, stuff way beyond what I was able to understand. My point is this: be careful about “tough love”, it can be harmful.
I don't advocate "tough love" either - it just doesn't seem to help. It can be tempting, though, to see hikikomori/neet as exclusively a product of the person, and to ignore the context within which it appeared and is maintained. Some parents, for example, believe they are "all-in" with the idea of fostering development, but when we look at their actual behaviour we find they are inadvertently removing all the sources of motivation that help most individuals move forward. By being solicitous as though their young adult was helpless, they create and promote learned helplessness. You mention Avoidant Personality Disorder. This is a problem defined by the person's behaviour - and there are relatively few hikikomori/neets who do not meet the description of this problem. When we treat this issue it is generally through nonjudgemental support for gradual fear-approaching moves, which is at the core of therapy designed to help independence and self-confidence build. You also mention Major Depressive Disorder. This is a problem that has many causes - predisposing, precipitating, and maintaining. When an individual living a neet/hikikomori lifestyle reports depression, it's standard practice to do a careful assessment of as many of the factors pushing in that direction as possible. One thing we find with neet/hikikomori populations, though, is that the lifestyle is almost guaranteed to bring about standard depressive symptomatology: poor diet, randomized or nocturnal sleep cycle, little physical activity, social isolation, excessive screen time, little engagement with goals, conflicted relationships with family, and so on. In most instances it can seem that the lifestyle alone is sufficient to account for the depression - though there are usually other causes as well. Treatment involves helping the individual identify a life that would be more sustaining for them in the long term, giving up on achieving that in one step, and plotting a course to build the elements of that life.
@@RandyPaterson I want to be clear that I don’t intend any shade on you or the video. I just wanted to add an example of some of the very dangerous and painful things that might be going on that no one might know about.
Do you think it's important for an adult to live on their own away from their family even if they are mostly independent living at home? I feel like in lots of Asian countries it's more typical to live with your family your entire life.
No, I don’t think there is any problem with multigenerational households. Quite the opposite, if they serve the needs of those in the home. So-called “failure to launch” often gets conflated with remaining in the family home, which isn’t the intention. We’re really talking less about where a person lives than the role they play. Many are living the life of a child long after childhood has ended: neither working nor attending education, and receiving care that might be appropriate for a person with very severe physical disabilities, but far beyond that required (or helpful) even by those with significant mental health difficulties.
I have Avoidant Personality Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder and quite a bit of childhood trauma. I had to heal a lot before I could launch, stuff way beyond what I was able to understand. My point is this: be careful about “tough love”, it can be harmful.
I don't advocate "tough love" either - it just doesn't seem to help. It can be tempting, though, to see hikikomori/neet as exclusively a product of the person, and to ignore the context within which it appeared and is maintained. Some parents, for example, believe they are "all-in" with the idea of fostering development, but when we look at their actual behaviour we find they are inadvertently removing all the sources of motivation that help most individuals move forward. By being solicitous as though their young adult was helpless, they create and promote learned helplessness.
You mention Avoidant Personality Disorder. This is a problem defined by the person's behaviour - and there are relatively few hikikomori/neets who do not meet the description of this problem. When we treat this issue it is generally through nonjudgemental support for gradual fear-approaching moves, which is at the core of therapy designed to help independence and self-confidence build.
You also mention Major Depressive Disorder. This is a problem that has many causes - predisposing, precipitating, and maintaining. When an individual living a neet/hikikomori lifestyle reports depression, it's standard practice to do a careful assessment of as many of the factors pushing in that direction as possible. One thing we find with neet/hikikomori populations, though, is that the lifestyle is almost guaranteed to bring about standard depressive symptomatology: poor diet, randomized or nocturnal sleep cycle, little physical activity, social isolation, excessive screen time, little engagement with goals, conflicted relationships with family, and so on. In most instances it can seem that the lifestyle alone is sufficient to account for the depression - though there are usually other causes as well. Treatment involves helping the individual identify a life that would be more sustaining for them in the long term, giving up on achieving that in one step, and plotting a course to build the elements of that life.
@@RandyPaterson I want to be clear that I don’t intend any shade on you or the video. I just wanted to add an example of some of the very dangerous and painful things that might be going on that no one might know about.
Awesome vid! could you get the audio version of it on audea? I listen to most of my audio there would love to hear this on there!
I'm afraid this content is only available on RUclips.
Do you think it's important for an adult to live on their own away from their family even if they are mostly independent living at home? I feel like in lots of Asian countries it's more typical to live with your family your entire life.
No, I don’t think there is any problem with multigenerational households. Quite the opposite, if they serve the needs of those in the home. So-called “failure to launch” often gets conflated with remaining in the family home, which isn’t the intention. We’re really talking less about where a person lives than the role they play. Many are living the life of a child long after childhood has ended: neither working nor attending education, and receiving care that might be appropriate for a person with very severe physical disabilities, but far beyond that required (or helpful) even by those with significant mental health difficulties.
@@RandyPaterson Thanks, makes sense.