Exactly four years ago (tomorrow, actually) I was in a car, on my way to a selected destination, with the method of ending my life on the seat next to me. I felt nothing. No anxiety, no fear, no sadness. I literally felt nothing. Just an acknowledgement that this was it. Then a song that I always really enjoyed came on, and I didn't really care. I was like, "Oh, that's nice. I used to like that song." But something that always bothered me about that particular song was that it has an abrupt, almost out of rhythm ending. I have always thought that the song should have had a more complete, musically sensible ending. Then it hit me. I pulled off the highway onto the parking lor of a little out-of-the-way gas station. I was about to create an abrupt, out-of-sync ending to my life. I reviewed what I was doing, and how I was leaving a lot of unfinished business. I had not written a note or anything. I had just decided to do it one day and I got in the car. So, after recognizing how I was going to leave a lot of things unsaid and some personal affairs up in the air, I turned around and went to wrap things up. Then I got into a groove of getting things done. Then some circumstances changed and I started feeling something narrowly aligned with hope for the future. Four years later, I have not had a suicidal thought in a long time. Because of one song that does not have an ending that it should have to make sense of the whole thing that came before it.
That was really beautiful. You have a talent for expressing your feelings into written words. I’m glad you’re still here and that things have turned around for you. ❤
ditto to the question of what song it was. I'm gonna guess Radiohead. Glad you're ok dude. I started a solo music project called Keep Her Breathing. The title is all about keeping me alive thru music. peace.
i agree completely. she's scared of the future, and her fear is warranted. things will likely get worse if nobody steps in and helps. and they should. she seems like she has the potential to be a great comfort to others.
I felt that way too, right from the start when she referenced an exact date. I asked myself...Hmm, who does that? Who gives an exact date? My answer...Someone that hopes the right sets of ears hears her cry for help. I hope she finds what she needs.
Hey!! Im so sorry for your loss. Your dogs need you, you are everything for them. Im sending you luck, happiness and healing. You deserve to be happy, keep that in your mind. I know life is horrible sometimes, like an infinite nightmare, but you can transform the darkness into light. Trust me, keep going for your sweet dogs, they deserve you as a dog mum, they love you. Just keep going, things gonna improve. Love yourself and your loved ones, dogs are amazing life partners, best friends and family ❤❤❤
I always have mixed feelings when I see people who are late-stage suicidal. I lost my brother to suicide 4 yrs ago. Life can be very cruel, unbearable, and I don't blame people who choose to leave. This world is fucked up. Unless ppl have real solutions to offer, telling someone to stick it out on some woo-woo shit like "you have so much to offer" is really empty, even if it is true. Choosing to end your life is a heavy decision, but I still believe in some cases it can be justified or at least understandable, even if it's never ideal.
My sister committed suicide on March 11, 2023. She had planned it for at least a year. Her life was one I personally couldn’t have lived, and I didn’t have the solutions so I understand why she did what she did. I don’t have any anger, just deep sadness for the life wasted. Wasted by circumstance, poor choices, a failing system. There are many variables to suicide. It’s complicated yet simple. If she’s gone I hope she finds my sister, and I hope they’re both okay.
I am very sorry for your loss, you are so correct in what you say in that there are many variables. There are so many things both large, and some so small that they may seem insignificant, that may play a part in lifting someone out of the darkness, or pushing them further down.
in my experience it's the bad circumstances that lead to bad decisions and shit just spirals out in a feedback loop from there. when our (formative years') circumstances are bad enough, there is no capacity to make good decisions 💔 hence the woman in the interview saying she doesn't believe in free will and her experience of being neglected at home leading to not having friends at school and the element ot being profoundly betrayed by psychotic family members also resonates deeply with me. at some point trying to navigate a sick world becomes too much.
but sometimes you can't. sometimes people who feel this way can't blend in, can't find or keep a job, hear voices, have nowhere to live, get arrested every other day for "disturbing the peace" merely by existing, particularly if they' present as crazy AND are black or brown,... and didn't choose any of this.. some people need help, and the best this country can do is The Good Samaritans. shout out to the people who understand, empathize, and devote their lives to helping people whose circumstances preclude any semblance of a productive life get back on their feet. because you can't put one foot in front of the other if you have nowhere to go.
And also a shout out to the people who feel this way and don’t get up and work everyday. Anyone who feels this way, period. This is tough, no one should have to feel this way.
As someone who lost their mom at a young age to suicide..please..just stay for your daughter..it's hell out here for a young person who is all alone. It's so damaging.
As a foster parent for the humane society, she seems like a person animals would gravitate to. Maybe animals would be therapeutic for her and give her a purpose. She is definitely one of a kind, and I can feel the compassion and love she has to give. Her heart is too big!
I’m watching this on July 29th 2023…I hope that she’s still alive. I hope she’s found a reason to live. This world can be a harsh, unfair place. Navigating the pain can feel like swimming through muck. But this choice is so absolutely final. I understand her feelings; I thought about ending my life constantly for many years. I just kept swimming and one day I saw some light and some hope. Now my life is filled with peace and happiness. She deserves this too. I hope she’s still swimming.
Last year around Sept I almost did it as well. Talked myself out of it. Then I saw a post on reddit saying he's giving himself a year to do his best, you know give life a chance for a year, and if things still dont go well, he'll do it. I was inspired by it so I did the same. It's almost a year for me. Things arent better but the urge to do it has subsided. But I dont know. I hope we all find something worth staying for. Whatever it is.
Please stay, if just to leave comments that I guarantee helped at least one other lost soul ...not feel so alone. The ripple effect of every action is why we stay.
Please don't go! I assure you that you matter and have a place in this world to do good for yourself, starting with self love. Things go bad and good all the time, but if you check out...you may miss what your true purpose was here on earth, perhaps helping others to stay as well? I'm praying you stick around, I'm sure you're a beautiful soul ❤️
Think about what you may be met with on the other side and the spiritual implications of suicide , for the soul.. I can tell you, as someone who sometimes communicates with those that have died ; it is not a pleasant nor a quick debt to pay if you're successful. May peace be with you and yours
Keep giving yourself another year, it worked for me and things did get better (it took 5 years to get better with lots of ups and downs but mostly ups)
"The biggest mistake that we make is that we build our homes in other people. We build those homes and we decorate them with the love and care and respect that we want to come home to at the end of the day. We invest in homes in other people, and we evaluate our self-worth based on how much those homes welcome us. And when those people walk away, those homes walk away with them, and all of a sudden, we feel empty because everything that we had within us, we put in those homes. We trusted someone else with pieces of us. That emptiness that we feel doesn't mean that we have nothing to give, or that we have nothing within us.It's just that we built our home in the wrong place." -Najwa Zebian
I have Borderline Personality Disorder and a lot of what this woman said was so relatable to me. I hope she finds the right help and the right diagnosis, whatever that may be, and gets better. 🙏
I agree, so many of her traits and responses ring true for BPD. The problem here is doctors have historically misdiagnosed BPD patients for years. I hope she finds the answers she needs
Yesterday was my birthday, i spent it with the only friend i have. We had a good time honestly. I got home and called the suicide hotline but they didn't pick up, I sat at the age of my bed waiting for a sign not to, then i as i started cleaning up everything as to get ready to take my life, i emptied my bag and found a birthday card letter from my friend. I haven't opened it till now, seeing it makes me happy, i have someone who cares. Want to keep it pure.
Those types of things are signs to hold off .. I've been terrible suicidal myself but have 2 kids that keep me here , sometimes even despite that I was on the edge of it .. but those little messages from god keep me here stronger than anything because if some supernatural thing wants to save me I cant argue with it , it's always the weirdest timing those things pop up
Those suicides hotlines are bs! You get to your most desperate and call and all they do is refer you to more numbers to call, they dont understand how to deal with us, so useless
So sad to see a brilliant mind like that be so troubled at the same time. On another note, it would be interesting to hear her daughter perspective on her mother’s issues. Hope she is doing well.
She sold her daughter for validation meth and sexual attention. Now she wants to kill herself but not because of guilt of selling her child. It’s because she has been ultimately embarrassed by the men who had their way with her sexually with a few choice words. Her ego and narcissism being an “intelligent educated woman” won’t let her live with such a bad look. Accountability. She’s no victim. She’s selfish with no self esteem
@@yinx02 i get that she is off kilter but family never cruelly f*cks each other over? i have a malignantly narcissistic family and it makes me give her the benefit of the doubt about the part of her story regarding her brother. complete strangers on the streets of Thailand (i lived there for ten years) have been kinder to me than they eber were to me and no matter what i do, they don't stop the head games & getting pleasure from watching me fail, they set me up to fail more times than i can count and yet always make it my fault. 🤣 it's so sickly absurd that I can only laugh because crying didn't help either.
Finally someone calling it like it is. The thing that struck me most about this woman is the fact that she’s a liar. I normally empathize with *almost* everyone who is featured on this channel, but it was hard for me to empathize with someone who’s this eager to shirk any and all responsibility and convince everyone that someone as smart as her is the perpetual victim.
The fact that my suicide attempt was a failure is one of the greatest blessings of my life. I hope you can look back one day Oli and feel glad to have survived. I hope that for you so much
Thank you for your courage ❤️ My heart absolutely broke hearing your story. I have a 32-year-old son that who seems to be stuck in the same paralyzing, hopeless existence. I have literally tried everything. I can’t make him see his worth. I just continue to pray for him. I know it sounds completely hokey…but when I have felt similarly hopeless… I have found that the best thing to do is help others; no matter how small. It gives me a sense of purpose, and often pulls me back from the edge. I’ll pray for you as well. 💕💐
Sometimes life hands us the wrong deck of cards, She reminds me of myself. I also have bpd and this is how it presents itself which is true employers don’t love I’ve experienced being let go and told off like she was. I wish I could give her the biggest hug because girl I hear you. Life does suck with bpd, and it’s really tough in general. Love you Oli girl, thank you for shedding light on your story.
It's so sad to see the smartest people on this planet seem to be in such deep pain. I relate to you a lot Oli. It's sad you don't see how beautiful you are outside and inside.
Reading thru these comments, for once, I don't resonate with any of them. I just don't buy her story. I feel lk she's leaving parts out and I also just don't agree with her way of thinking in general. Not just her negative victim mentality. She points the finger a lot. She also thinks she's better than certain job etc. There's too much I cld sag abt this one! I hope she's doing OK tho. I just daid a prayer for Oli
Completely agree, definitely something not right with her story. Seems she has lots of excuses and isn't willing to face the reality of what's really going on.
So much of her story hit me so deeply. I can relate to a lot of her experiences with how people perceive and receive her. After I was diagnosed with Autism at 40, it makes so much more sense to me and my circumstances finally changed. Oli reminds me a lot of myself and my fellow neurodivergent friends. I wish she lived nearby, because I think we would click well as friends. My executive dysfunction is terrible when it comes to doing things for myself, but I can run the rails all day and night for other people. My heart aches for her.
As someone who has suffered from depression and anxiety for over 20 years , there are times when you feel that enough is enough. The pain never goes away and suicide becomes an option. A person just becomes tired mentality and physically and cannot do it anymore.
@MG people on here are saying like “oh my husband committed suicide I hate him he’s selfish he ruined me and my kids lives” like it ruined his life too?? He also has to suffer the consequences of this, he’s literally dead. They should be grateful that they are alive and healthy
@MG my thoughts are with you, im so very sorry you lost your mother 😢as someone who also lost their mother to suicide I will never ever doubt someone who says that they are going to do it. My mother wanted the pain to stop- she had zero help, she told as many people as she could what she was going to do. Would you like to know my fathers response? He gave her the gun and encouraged her. Begged her. I was there when he gave it to her and I was there when she went into the bedroom crying, she closed the door and shot herself. She had a photo of my sister and I in her pocket. I love and miss my mother. I was three. I miss my mother. Only God knows. I don’t hate her, o don’t blame her for the mistakes I’ve made in my life or any of that. She would not have left two babies motherless if she saw a way out of her situation. She screamed for help right up til she put that revolver to her temple and pulled the trigger. My mother was in PAIN. And anyone who reads this ends up saying something stupid about my mom and suicide will have me to deal with
@MG agree 100% Not assuming it’s automatically other peoples fault, but the fact that his wife is reacting this way suggests that she wouldn’t have been kind to him when he was alive either. Saying “I hate my husband for killing himself” just makes it sound like you’re taking it as a personal attack rather than understanding that the person was sick and it’s not anyones fault that they died.
I watched Oli's story earlier today. Heartbreaking. My stomach hurt throughout the video listening to her. Her pain and distress are so raw. I kept wanting to reach out and give her a lifeline so she could just take a deep breath. I can't stop thinking about her hoping that she's made it or at least that she is on a more hopeful path. Have you heard from her since the interview and her ominous deadline this month?
It’s bandaid when people try to help. There must be a way for her to empower her self. It needs to come from within. There are no easy ways. I hope she finds her way. She’s smart, beautiful and intense.
Oli, I have been where you’re at. I just recently got out of a rehab facility for my bipolar and depression / suicidal thoughts. Please allow these next few months to work on yourself and learn to live for yourself. Its a conscious effort to choose life daily,
Listening to her I see why she is homeless. Her sense of entitlement is unsettling. Her description of her daughter's 'kidnapping" is so skewed. She describes a life of instability. When her daughter came into the picture she focused on herself instead of her child. No mention of an active father, either. She was emotionally neglectful to her daughter, as her mother was to her. The 17 year old daughter wasn't kidnapped. Her mother voluntarily left her with the brother due to her own unstable mental health. The daughter is an adult now. They communicate. The daughter doesn't want to become tangled in her mother's dysfunctional life. Don't let intelligence and articulate rantings fool you. She is a very sick woman. There's help available to her if she wants it. I hope she gets help.
You need to come down off your high horse! Who are you to judge this lady you have never walked in her shoes you have no idea what she is going through! Do you have a warm bed and food in your stomach? I bet you do. You have no idea what leads to homelessness, She has a very broken life and you need to have some compassion about you before you open your mouth!
Should have just been a normal housewife, but she was mind poisoned and brainwashed by j-ish mind virus. She describes herself as a hard worker. Should have been a good wife and mother, women should stop trying to focus on being independent or they will end up like this.
This is so sad. I do believe she might have BPD or PTSD, she claims she did not have a hard life but she looks so sad. Oli, if you read this: You are right, no one is going to save you and I know it feels like it's the end. Do what whatever brings peace to you. I hope they update this on June 2.
I have the feeling she’s just desperate for help out of the pain. But as far as I know she found love the first time in her life. At least that’s what I heard Mark said in the comment section
This kills me… I want her & her daughter to get help - REAL help, not family who “think” they know what’s best… So many people in this world are denied their wings, it’s fucking heartbreaking…
I wish you stay alive for your daughter Oli. I am 33 and have been in recovery for BPD and complex trauma for 3 years and I promise it gets better. Getting a diagnosis and treatment (EMDR trauma therapy and DBT) have allowed me to clear up space to reduce suicidal ideation. My daughter is younger than yours and lives with me but she is my whole reason for being here. I am building a life worth living and I hope you do too 💜
Stop telling people to stay alive for someone else! Do you understand how dismissive that is? You claim you suffer from mental illness so you should know that's something you don't say. Stay for herself. If she can't stay for herself--
Oli, I can’t believe how much I relate to what you’re saying. I wish I could talk with you and have an intellectual conversation about suicide and empathy and suffering and free will and illness. I don’t think you want to die, you just want the suffering to end. I wish you peace. ❤ Mark, thank you for creating space for people to share their experiences.
Oli, you are so intelligent, and well spoken. People are cruel and I can understand why you wouldn't want to be around mankind. However, there is a place for you in this crazy world. Keep up the fight, you are a very worthy human being. The world needs people like you. Once you are stronger, I can see how you could mentor others who have had similar experiences. Please don't give up on life! Mark, please continue to give us updates on Oli. We care about her very much.
but there isn't a place for her. not right now. she needs a place RIGHT NOW. why is this so hard for people to understand? being unemployed and on the street MAKES YOU CRAZY. if you had issues to begin with, it makes those issues insurmountable. and the affordable housing crisis is completely out of control, particularly in big cities, and social services, which were shir to begin with, are conveniently getting slashed. and once you're out on the street, the clock starts ticking. the longer you stay homeless, the lower your odds are of getting back inside. Or staying inside if you’ve lost your damn mind and can’t function. Nobody cares if you’re smart. I care, but I’m nobody.
Absolutely worth living. I feel she's still fight subconsciously because she keeps telling people her plan. Another form of trying every last hope of survival. She doesn't really want to go. I want the best for this lady more then any if these people.
At times she wants to die. It is in one of those moments when she will likely do it.😢 Respect for her, she has a pretty keen understanding of herself. Our society doesn’t allow people to feel suicidal without assuming they don’t/won’t do it. The question is not “if” but “when”.
If we don't feel loved, valued, or cared about, it's hard to feel our own self worth. If you feel like your not worth anything, what do you feel you have to offer yourself? Let alone life in general, or other people/animals/ or living things? I understand how this can make Oli feel like she doesn't want to continue. I hope that some how, the feeling of hope could touch you Oli. It does exist, but you kind of have to create it for yourself, if you don't have any. You have to change things a little bit. Get out of the routine of appearing ok, and start doing things that make u feel better. Even if it's just putting lotion on your face, or listening to the birds, instead of drowning them out. I have hope for you, and I have to have hope for me too. I think you are beautiful, and I pray you get through thisxx
Exactly. She even stated that she was the problem. No offense to her, but I could never work around someone like her. She makes a mountain out of molehill. I don’t doubt she’s lonely but as Mark asked, could it be her personality? Yes, definitely! I hope she can realize this and find happiness.
After 15 years in the Adult Mental Health field I can honestly say the the complete lack of empathy some show is still unreal to me. It's literally her major depression (at this point most likely a disorder because she has felt this way her entire life) that doesn't let her see the positive in any situation past, present, or future. Her mind is clouded by trauma and it is difficult to deal with every minute of the day for some. It can be exhausting to feel that way for her. She doesn't want to feel the way she does. It usually comes from severe trauma and being around narcissistic abusers. She in turn has made herself a total victim because she can not see the light at the end of the tunnel. She is planning her own demise. Why would you think she can see the positive? Have empathy for her not concern for your ears. You literally got to hear a first person account of something most don't speak about until after they survive an attempt. She handed you the ability to see that your friends and family can have a shift in personality. They can become more negative and you can help instead of abandon them, criticize, or judge them to move towards an attempt instead of moving away from it. Hopefully she learns to reframe her thoughts to positive things but her mind fights against her to continue to want to think the way she has for her whole life. She had managed to navigate intense educational programs but can't manage her negative thoughts. No way anyone would want that for themselves. It's not like she can erase it and get a spotless mind. She may be able to try a milder, newer form of the old-school EST as a last ditch effort because medications may not be working for her at all. We can only pray she makes it through it not judge her for her clear mental illness.
She reminded me SO much of a friend of mine that I started to predict her answers. Her speaking style is exactly the same. Her perspective on life is astoundingly similiar. Their experiences are similar. A few years after knowing my friend she was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. With treatment she is doing so much better.
After listening for 20 minutes I realized that she doesn’t want to kill herself, she just needs someone to love her. I hope it finds her and she could get through this stage in her life. We all need someone to get to the next level mentally. ❤
I felt that way too. I would love to smoke a jay with her and let her just vent and hug her. Sometimes we need that. I have been low before and a hug got me just a few steps farther so I could catch myself again. Kinda like a bridge missing planks. I wish I were her plank 🤗
She's a master manipulator, so she naturally can shape-shift into whatever person she wants in order to appeal to the viewers. I hope you realize that. This woman suffers from narcissism. I wish her the best and I hope she finds the help she needs, but don't be fooled, this woman knows very well what she is doing.
I find it amazing that someone this smart, an activist in life and a fighter feels that she has no way out. I think the world needs you Oli and your life skills, knowledge and strength could be utilised by others that could learn so much from you. Please stay here with the world. Yes this life is hard, the world is dark but people like you can change so much ❤
She takes so little responsibility for herself and her needs. As soon as her daughter is 18 she is free to go wherever she wants. Very low agreeableness and very rigid. She could improve by seeking to be more agreeable, more self-efficacy, and much more flexible in her thinking - seeking connection more than being right with people. She wants someone else to save her unconditionally. We all gotta save ourselves first and give ourselves living peace.
Beautifully and accurately put, however I believe she has a personality disorder which brings great complexity to her case unfortunately, as self reflection, taking responsibility, unable to be honest in her narrative and immersing herself in victimhood are stopping her from changing/healing.
Just different personality styles. Disagreeable people fit into this world too and their are good positions for people like that. She might make a good leader in another dimension
I connect with her experiences very deeply. I keep coming back to this interview and I hesitate looking her up online out of fear that she is no longer with us. Her talking about the faces she makes and the emotions she deals with I completely relate to. I wish I had the chance to meet you, Olli.
out of all the interviews, this one is the one that will stick with me. I hope shes still here & got all the best outcomes from the given circumstances..
"My daughter got kidnapped" ~ In reality, turns out, it was nothing like that. The mom was struggling, her mental health was worse than ever before, they had no steady place to live, running out of money, she was smoking weed even at her office.. Looking in from the outside, the best decision was to remove the daughter out of that scenario, to give her a safe and stable surrounding... I understand it's horrible for any mother, but it's a brain-decision, not heart...
Agree, the daughter needed to be protected from her mother and at the moment, I can't see a time when it will be healthy for the daughter to have a great deal of contact wtih her mother.
I started reading this book by Mark Wolynn about transgenerational trauma. ..it basically says trauma can get passed down from 3 generations back. So often people with suicidal thoughts are not just battling their own traumas but the cumulated traumas of several generations before.
if my father drinks and beats me and as I grow up I drink and beat my children also for revenge and them as they grow up they will drink and beat their children out of revenge, out of vent, out of desperation. Sometimes it is "easier" not to break the chains and then pass on the trauma.🌹
@@christiexjmdmj You're welcome, it's an eye opener, I come from a lot of trauma too. And when she mentioned her father was a vet, I could see it even more...my father was in the military and had very risky top secret jobs, plus alcohol issues when I was growing up, I have CPTSD too.
ive been thinking about oli ever since i first saw this video. i really wept listening to her, and she's been a regular on my mind since. my heart aches. its been a month since her deadline. i hope she is in a place where she isn't suffering so, wherever that is. im sorry the world was so cruel to you, oli.
I'm autistic and I can relate a lot to what she is saying. To succeed as an adult when you're autistic you need a very supportive family, a specific for your needs job, and a right environment. Otherwise it's like being tortured everyday, and people blame you, it's always your fault. And you try your best 1000 times more then average person. But it's always your fault. So it's tough. I really really hope someone helps her find the place to stay and a right job.
My nephews are autistic and I worry for them . They are very smart but maybe it’s just me knowing how cruel the world is. What kind of support do you have if you don’t mind me asking as an adult.
Yes I feel she is autistic and with no support system you can have the same struggles she is having. I can't believe no therapist has informed her properly and really helped.
She says she has no free will, yet she has chosen to end her life. That’s free will. Soooooo many inconsistencies. You don’t get into a Doctoral program straight out of an undergraduate degree. Then she says she quit the PhD program and went into a Master’s. So much victim mentality. She’s wallowing in her “misery”. She’s loving this, she’ll never complete. Strong borderline traits. Their main fear is fear of abandonment.
For the record, you can go straight into a PhD program after your bachelor's-they have combined Masters/PhD programs. They're quite common. Too, it is possible to switch from pursuing a PhD to a Masters depending on the school/program/director. On the subject of higher education, I am going to take a WILD guess and assume you have neither the degrees nor training required to offer an educated opinion on Oli's possible diagnoses and motivations. Just because you don't like her doesn't mean you should spread misinformation.
Talking out of your ass. You can def go into a PhD program straight out of undergrad. I bet you didn't even go to college, let alone do postgrad education to be talking like you know something. Straight chatting BS and armchair psychology.
Please Oli, if you ever see this. Please get checked for ADHD. My daughter has many similarities to you. 1. Extreme attention to things you love. 2. Rejection sensitive dysphoria - that's the freak-out. 3. Never feeling like you fit in with your peers. Masking is exhausting. It works until it doesn't. I hope you find a way out of this cycle. You deserve more. You are worthy. Keep searching for your tribe. ❤️🩹
This is way more than adhd..classic BPD like she stated. This woman studied physics and had a degree.. highly doubt adhd is the case. People have to stop minimizing what people say that suffer from mental illness..its annoying.
I feel so sad for Oli. Her story about her daughter being kidnapped by her brother...she has victim mentality (like Mark suggested) because it sounds like her brother actually rescued the girl from a crystal meth addict mom. When she took out her teeth its obvious its meth that shes addicted to. She is deeply mentally unwell. Why didnt she pursue the police further to get her daughter back? She said she didnt have any options. Her stories dont make any sense, my take is its psychosis she got from meth and its destroyed her mind and because shes trapped in this mental hell she wants to kill herself. Its such a tragic situation for this poor woman.
I really don’t want to be disrespectful to her and her struggles but she is not telling the whole story and she is definitely creating a narrative where she is a victim with absolutely no responsibilities for her behavior. I really hope she can be true to herself, be honest and reclaim her life.
Nobody's perfect she stated she has mental-health issues just leave it at that let's not put the woman down shall we when she's already got a suicide have some respect please. What has happened to humanity it's absolutely disgusting anymore.
I started to cry when she said people are afraid of her face 😔 not only is she an attractive woman but shes smart, deep, and passionate, this woman is a BEAUTIFUL soul in EVERY possible way 🥲 id give anything to jst give her a hug and tell her everything is gunna be ok…. i really hope she finds her way out of her plans of suicide 🙏🏻 kuz damaged people like her make THE BEST HUMAN BEINGS
Hopelessness & pain are ugly. She isn't unattractive at all. She is setting dates & talking about suicide. She is screaming for help & I hope it finds her soon.
I agree. She needs better dr.'s. This is psychosis shes pretty and smart. This is all about her crippling herself with worries. She has to realize how special she is.
As somebody with BPD, I strongly feel that she has a lot of the traits. Setting her own date to end her life is a loud cry for help and can be common amongst those with BPD. I pray her life gets better and she finds the strength to get the help she needs.
Same, and I can totally relate! But I went through those thoughts and feelings about 20 yrs ago, and have since outgrown them at 60. Hopefully she can hang in there, and work on her BPD meanwhile, and it'll get better! Peace and love 😍
My mom was BPD. I also have the general feeling that she's BPD from listening to her. She talks a lot about people in her life who started out being nurturers, but let her down horribly. Everything is someone else's fault, and she's a "persuasive blamer." I feel like a lot of her stories are either exaggerations or are untrue. And it's exhausting listening to her. It was obvious to Mark that this is her situation.
I've also thought she probably had BPD (as someone who's not a doctor and doesn't have it) but I sense some narcissistic traits in her. Like, some of the anecdotes she shared dating all the way back to her middle school years make me think she's still attached to some past identity that made her stand out in her mind and she doesn't want to let go of. Is that common with BPD? All in all she appears like an overgrown teenager.
Ive watched a ton of these interviews but none of them have made me feel so deeply as this one. This poor soul, I just want to give this woman a hug. She deserves so much love & support. I truly wish she doesnt go through with her plan. I hope we get an update video.
This is truly heart breaking...I'm so sorry you're in this horrible place and can't get any help. I've struggled with severe depression and BPD for over 20 years and I have literally never known pain like it. But, because it's an invisible illness nobody cares enough to see if you're alright. I really hope things improve for you, you deserve a chance at life like everybody else. Xx
Oli seems like classic BPD and I feel like that has such a stigma but she opened my heart. For that reason, and for infinite reasons outside of that, I hope that she finds a reason to continue on. What a force she has. Amazing person. Really great interview questions and genuine, vulnerable responses. You disarm people.
So glad I found this channel. That said, there’s a trend here with the interviewees: the more specific they are, the more self-indulgent they are, the more they want to lean into the bad, the more they want to make themselves the hero of their own story. The people that are specific when they need to be, but talk in general terms, have more perspective and wisdom. When you hold on to trauma, you force yourself into holding onto every detail because you don’t want to allow yourself to move on. She said she doesn’t use meth; she sounds like a meth addict. A good therapist or clergy could help her peel back some layers. A lot of dharma in her life, but not making any room for karma. 🤔
I think when you’re personality is very intense and you are hyper aware of everyone and their motives it is exhausting for yourself and everyone else. I knew someone like this and it’s like they are compelled to verbalise every thought they have. This kind of sucked the energy out of everything. Probably why they got you doing yoga so you are more in your body and less in your mind. I think this is the right track, to actually be more in the body. Calmness needs to be the goal even in your present situation. I hope things get better for you.
Thank you for saying this because i recognize bits of this in myself. I definitely would benefit from being more in my body and this was confirmation of that, thank you!
I don’t agree with her thought process on “saving a life and being your responsibility to take care of that person for the rest of your life “. Tbh I feel like that’s selfish to expect and to put that on a person…..
Fascinating interview, there are so many with a personality like hers. She’s intelligent, but focuses on her own feelings far too much, to the point of obsession. This is common with people suffering from depression.
@@MypronounIsKing Well, personally, I find that any living being that decides to destroy itself fascinating. Alright she is wrong to have been able reasoned herself into that decision but still, nonetheless, fascinating.
@@MypronounIsKing it’s difficult for YOU, and that lack of empathy is YOUR problem. Some people have the courage to live, some have the courage to die. You can never understand her struggle.
@@tees5983 I guess, feels more like I just don’t have the energy to sit and listen to her drone on and on about how everything is everyone else’s fault.. she sounds like she needs Prozac bad
As someone with autism I can relate a lot to her. I do the same talking about myself, but obviously for her the cause of this could be depression or trauma. I don’t know, but I can feel the desperation.
"THIS IS NEUTRAL ME"?!?!! THIS!?!!? If this is "neutral" for her then she's manic depressive. That explains a lot here. The strange emotional behavior at work. Her childhood doesn't show much that could have caused PTSD (nothing to compare remotely to many of the others on this channel). She doesn't seem manipulative or play dominance games (but maybe that takes time to experience) and doesn't seem to have impulsive or extreme sexuality, but her religious childhood might possibly have had a moderating effect there. Near the end when she goes from Happy/Rage to extreme despair on a dime- That's manic depression. She needs proper meds for manic depression, and a lot of therapy for the problems in life caused by living with a judgment that's been affected by living with manic depression. I pray to the flying spaghetti monster she sees sense and doesn't take her own life. If she can get a handle on it she can have a good life, as she seems highly capable if she can get her emotions under reasonable control.
there's always someone. whether you realize it or not. Some guy or gal has feelings for you somewhere and you just haven't found out about it yet. someone thinks highly of you and just hasn't said it openly. there's always someone
What I'm hearing is "I want things to change" not "I want to kill myself permanently ". I'm hearing "I need connection and support" not "I keep freaking out". Loneliness and despair is the #2 killer, #1 being stress
My prayers for this lady. I wish her the best of luck, and I really hope we can see a follow up video of her story. I wish I had the funds to be able to help her out. Prayers your way Oil🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
as someone who has a sister who is suffering from BPD, this is rlly triggering, cause I see so many parallels and as much as I feel for her, I can also imagine how much destruction she has caused in her own life and the lives of those closest to her…I know ppl with this disorder suffer a lot, but so do the ppl trying to stay close to them…I wish everyone involved lots of strength, cause I know how devastating this can feel.
Have a sister diagnosed with schizophrenia and BPD. It can be very damaging for the family. Had to learn quite a bit on how to work the system (live in SoCal) to get her the help she needs. In this case it to get a legal order to enforce medication. On once a month shot, she does amazing. Completely productive member of society, wife, mother and grandmother. Without the meds and the intervention I have no doubt that she would be homeless or dead. It took several family members to get it done. I was the knowledgeable one who figured out how to get the system to work. There were family members who took her chit patiently. When one of us felt overwhelmed, the other would give a pep talk to keep us going. I completely symptomize with you, because they are really aholes when not under proper treatment. Before the onset of her mental illness she was probably the most beloved member of a large close knit family. But when her mental illness hit she was a nightmare. I probably did the most to get her the positive results, but I will be honest that I did it mostly for her children at that point, because you become disconnected from them and so frustrated with them. From your comment I can tell that's where you are at. I will finish by saying this. As complicated as my sister's diagnosis was, on the right meds and proper medical care, she is doing amazing. Fully engaged with her family, beloved by them. Taken on intellectual interests. I wish you the best of luck. If you wish to be in contact on how I got the system to work for her, leave a comment on here and I will give you my email address.
@@John-od7ps Hi so I'm not OP but I also live in soCal and have been trying to get help for the longest time. I don't have much resources so it's never worked out or takes ages to get an appointment. I would soo much appreciate any resources about this 🙏 if possible
@@YourInASoulTrap No, you should be ashamed! He did his best to protect her children. If one is unable to care for themselves it’s called a conservatorship - designed to conserve LIFE. So, let a pet die, they can’t consent & usually hate every minute of procedures designed to save them. Before you judge, why not see his truth and her current ability to function as a blessing. Go shame actual abusers!
Oli, have you ever explored the autism spectrum? I'm a 35 year old female who went undiagnosed for most of my life because I became so good at masking, and I also have a history of neglect and PTSD. I've always felt like an alien trying to fit in with humans, and no mental illness could really explain that. It took a while for me to even truly accept it because I was so sure if I was autistic, SOMEONE would have noticed and told me (one woman did but none of the "professionals" did). But after joining support groups, on Facebook and locally, with other autistic woman/AFAB, it's clear that many, many fly under the radar. I see a lot of the traits and mannerisms in you, and I just want you to know that there's a group of people out there who understand. Who get taken advantage of because we trust easily, who seem aloof yet are extremely intelligent, and who just struggle to fit in and communicate with others effectively. It's really hard to navigate the world as an autistic person and even harder yet when you're an undiagnosed autistic person who doesn't understand why its so difficult. I wouldn't want you to leave this world without exploring this and perhaps finding your people! It's not a bad thing at all, it's a huge relief to have an explanation and then to begin to heal with people who understand. Please at least research it before your final date to see if any of it fits for you. ♡
I thought the same. I got BPD diagnosis at 28. Then at age 42 (my BPD coaches hinted at ADHD several times) they evaluated me for 3 months and there it was: ADHD. Three years later high scores on the ASD tests and minimal on Personality Disorders. Now at 47 I'm on the right meds (only for adhd) and I'm doing better. Also, a lot of people with ADHD and/or ASD have sleeping issues. I have insomnia and not getting enough sleep for years & years makes you kinda act "crazy". Combine that with misdiagnosis, wrong meds etc & it's a total disaster. Women and girls are very much overlooked when it comes to ASD and ADHD.
Was it Atypical Autism?? I have been trying to get assessed for that for Months and my doctors have all flat out said “you don’t have it.” It is so frustrating - what’s the harm in ruling it out??
She absolutely is. Listening to her describe her childhood… she checks all the boxes. People are “intimidated “ because she can’t read social cues and those freak outs are MELTDOWNS. She’s adamant about rules and fairness and without structure she gets lost. It would be easy for her brother and others to manipulate her. The suicide rate for autistic females is astronomical
@@seaturtlepoppy7679 don’t listen to this Adam guy. One in 50 people is not “rare” and females are so good at masking they slip thru the cracks. It’s very much UNDER diagnosed this guy has no clue. He probably thinks all autistics act exactly like his non verbal nephew. Every one is different and getting diagnosed, especially in the states is hard. Most drs aren’t trained in how to diagnose adults and girls. But as long as you meet the DSM criteria, you ARE. Good luck to you
❤❤❤Dearest Oli, prayed so very hard for you today. Hope you are here with us. We need you here with us now, and in the future. Sending you all the quantum love and healing energy. We can do this. Love you so much ❤️❤️❤️
Oli reminds me in many ways of my eldest sister who was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Bipolar 2 back in 2017. I wonder if there is an element of vulnerable narcissism within Oli that she can’t see and also can’t accept because of the disorder.
You betcha. Basically half of this video was about how smart and great she is, it's common for BPDs to have a narcissistic streak. The two disorders are very similar.
The ultimate victim ...with a vindictive twist....Blaming the person who saved her life? She claims to be ""a self-aware person". I think she means self-focused. If she was self-aware she see that she is not the center of the universe and not everything in life revolves around her wants and needs. Setting a date for your suicide? That puts everyone you come in contact with in a position of being responsible for your life. It's sort of mind-blowing in its selfishness. Her poor daughter!
This world needs her daughter more. Where she at? She’s a free lunch. Food. She brought a life into this world and fed her to a wolf for male attention. Disgusting
Hi Oli. Your story resonates so loudly to me. As if I was meant to hear it. 10 days ago my close and very dear friend took her own life. She talked through with me what she was going to do and I held her hand through this until the day before she died. When I woke up one morning I realised she still hadn’t replied to my message and I went round her house knowing no one else would. And I found her gone.. I am devastated and traumatised but mostly heartbroken and it’s all so raw and traumatic still. She was in the hands of the professionals who were aware of her suicidal thoughts and practical plans to do so. I was with her every day in the moment and only once asked her “please stay”. It was selfish and she told me she just couldn’t. She had already stayed longer than she could and was in pain. I forgive her of course and have nothing but love for her. So many things you talk about are the same as my friend and I stopped in my tracks today listening to you open your heart. It’s like listening to her again. God bless you and your decision. I knew how hard my friend fought and can hear the agony in your voice too. I wish you peace and love from now on in and thank you for sharing your life with total strangers like me🙏🏼
Oh my heart, your dear friend, may she Rest In Peace. I’m so glad she had you to talk to so she didn’t have to feel alone. My heart broke reading your story. Big hugs to you and so sorry for the loss of your friend.
Im oin tears for you and your friend. Such a lovely testimony and sharing for Oli. You were such a good friend, thank you for going and checking on her. God Bless You 💜
I'm sorry you lost your dear friend. I know you did everything within your power to help her. I'm sure that meant a great deal to her. When an individual's pain is so deep, there's nothing a person can do to stop them. I'm a survivor of suicide so I know. Remember her love for you and hold on to the best times you shared. She would have wanted only happiness for you. ❤️
It is apparent she wears the victim cloak. When she asks herself why it keeps happening to her, perhaps she needs to look in a mirror. Stating her suicide date is so harmful to her daughter, extremely manipulative. Ketamine therapy may work, since traditional therapy reinforces her victim role. So tragic for her daughter. Can really see how she starts out somewhat depressed and escalates to almost a mania presentation. Hoping her daughter get what she needs.
Not everyone can afford insurance. Having said that there are organizations that will help you with medication and counseling. As well as housing,food and clothes.
There are numerous people who unfortunately have been made victims numerous times even when they shut themselves away from others and do their best to use their instincts, get better, recover. There are people who have gone through way worse than you who have nothing. There is a reason we call people “needy”. We don’t tell them to buck up and just “do better”. the woman is homeless, with much less than you have yet this is the compassion you show her. Not knowing where you are in life or how you got there due to trauma, the learned helpfulness ness brought on by mentally ill parents, your own mental health, leaves you exhausted. I’ve tried ketamine, ECT, all kind of therapy, meds, and still I struggle like her. You’re lucky things work for you and life has been kinder in some ways. Even so called people who play victims are suffering to an extent, we all need help. Some people do play the victim but again, having faith in life and people when nothing works and your mind and body are done, is quite hard.
@@gemimarigby2471 I can see you are invested in this reply, and I appreciate what you have written. Parts of what you write I agree with and parts I do not. Thankfully, we can have our opinions without being shamed. Since neither of us know one another we truly can not know our unique narratives…but as you pointed out we all have our wounds. Suffice it to say, I have lived abroad and have witnessed unspeakable poverty and seen the results of war on tiny infants and children. These visions are inescapable, so I am commenting on Oli’s story from my perspective and experience just as you have. Be well.
@@JackieDay-001 I have traveled extensively as well and seen people in horrible situations and I too am in ongoing suffering and a type of homelessness myself. Doing my best to survive and exist but keep getting knocked down no matter what I do it seems. Compassion and access to therapy like EMDR or Brainspotting as well as society improvement goes a long way, beyond just personal responsibility. As even that doesnt’ seem to help some of us. I get what you are saying but you don’t seem to get what I am saying. YOu may have the capabilities to lift yourself up, but I question why you are here on this channel if you don’t like victim narratives as this channel is literally about people who have been victimised repeatedly as I have been. Even so, I still help others but many of us are too deeply hurt and damaged and have faced almost 30 years of trauma. I’ve even taken “over responsibility” and it hasn’t worked. Sometimes showing compassion and validation helps people make some better choices. But in this world of literal constant violence and genocide as we speak, personal responsibility isn’t stopping the big people in power from destroying everything.
@@gemimarigby2471 I disagree that this channel is “literally about people being victimized…” I believe 85% of this channel profiles survivors, folks who don’t wish to be a victim, people who, in spite of their history are thriving! What I find interesting is you have labeled all these people as victims, that may be something for you to think about. Be well.
I can totally relate to Oli very much because I remember the first time I tried suicide and I was 16 yrs old and I was saved by the person who I hated at the time. Over the decades I've failed to do it right so to speak. But I decided I'm gonna die anyways so what's the rush? I never had children because I didn't want to leave behind a child who would be alone in this screwed up world. I hope Oli is still with us because she should think about her daughter and not just herself. It's so unfair to her kid,if she is still here I do pray that she hangs on with all her might. It's when we give up is when we lose the war. I live alone with my two kitties and they love me and I love them. Dear God anyone who is thinking about suicide please don't just go away and leave this planet. You will be missed and this temporary problem will pass because death is forever... don't give up on yourself!! I've been there and I know death will come soon enough to all of us, so what's the dam rush!!? I'm 62 now and I've dealt with tons of trauma and physical issues as well. Stay strong out there!!
The more I listen to this woman, the more excuses I hear. I’ve tried to get jobs but I’m used to having more authority at my job so I had no choice to leave. I didn’t know I could call the police when my brother refused to let me have my daughter. I can’t do entry level work. Just excuse after excuse after excuse. Like I get it…life is fucking hard. It’s really fucking hard and it will absolutely throw some serious shit at you. And maybe she needs some kind of therapy or something but all I’m hearing is excuses.
Agreed. Nothing is her fault. Her lack of accountability is ruining her life. I don't fully believe her framing of these things either. Like I would go to war over my kid being taken by someone within seconds. I wouldn't not think of calling the police for YEARS
A trip to another country would help her. Not once did she share a nurturing story about her child, but she's furious of her absence? I think it's delusion and nothing else. Also waste of an education.
Suicidal people take everything to heart , the words you say , the actions you do. The sadness and anger seems to pile up and they never let it go truly. They remember being sad when they were an infant . I hope she gets the help that works . She obviously has an amazing intellect.
"Suicidal People" can't be grouped like that...everyone has different motivations and different perspectives, at different times. This person seems to have a lot of trauma she hasn't been able to let go of, true. But other people can and do experience suicidal thoughts with different motivations.
@@kelliedoxiern4308 Experienced it in the first place. They experienced all Trauma, anxiety, shame, guilt, isolation, self esteem, depression before suicide or an attempt, which is end of the line. And the root of it can be trace back to childhood where they were left alone to deal with some emotions they didn't know how to deal in most cases.
I know somebody similar to her. We've been really close friends for 30 years. The spiral down is so intense that it's heartbreaking to watch. I couldn't imagine actually going through it. She had so much spark, but she found every opportunity to be the victim and push away. My friend is homeless and addicted now. Had a conversation with her in a hospital recently. She was being treated for her second infection of cellulatis within a few months. She was arrested in a raid with a bunch of squatters. Learning how bad her life has gotten, I researched a lot about this system and how hopeless it really is. Collectively we have all been waiting for the call her body was found. She has been talking about suicide for over 20 years. I hope she bounces back, but I don't think she will. All she wants is to be loved, but if you try to show that in any way shaper or form, she will reject it. Her spark is still there, but it is very tiny.
I wrote a book for her and I know they may never get to read it, but the childlike hope is still there. It’s called “The Theory of Oliver”, if anyone knows her.
@@KevlarVTXmaybe they meant they wrote one..doesnt mean she's saying she had it published. You know you can write without it being publicized. Maybe you should've asked that first..
”Even when i feel like an insider it doesnt seem to take too long before i realize that i’m still just kind of an observer” She put words on something I’ve been feeling all my life
This is the human condition, you can always find a way to feel different if you try. You’re comparing your own intimate knowledge of your thoughts and feelings to your perception of a stranger. Start looking for things you have in common with others and perhaps you’ll feel more connected.
"Me on my own is not enough." This is the statement that every suicidal human can relate to.
I can relate to this 💯
Absolutely!
And then you find people who say they’ll help but ruin you further
@@D0vin00 Exactly
Yez
Exactly four years ago (tomorrow, actually) I was in a car, on my way to a selected destination, with the method of ending my life on the seat next to me. I felt nothing. No anxiety, no fear, no sadness. I literally felt nothing. Just an acknowledgement that this was it. Then a song that I always really enjoyed came on, and I didn't really care. I was like, "Oh, that's nice. I used to like that song." But something that always bothered me about that particular song was that it has an abrupt, almost out of rhythm ending. I have always thought that the song should have had a more complete, musically sensible ending. Then it hit me. I pulled off the highway onto the parking lor of a little out-of-the-way gas station. I was about to create an abrupt, out-of-sync ending to my life. I reviewed what I was doing, and how I was leaving a lot of unfinished business. I had not written a note or anything. I had just decided to do it one day and I got in the car. So, after recognizing how I was going to leave a lot of things unsaid and some personal affairs up in the air, I turned around and went to wrap things up. Then I got into a groove of getting things done. Then some circumstances changed and I started feeling something narrowly aligned with hope for the future. Four years later, I have not had a suicidal thought in a long time. Because of one song that does not have an ending that it should have to make sense of the whole thing that came before it.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
That was really beautiful. You have a talent for expressing your feelings into written words. I’m glad you’re still here and that things have turned around for you. ❤
What’s the song that saved your life? Maybe that was its purpose.
Wow your story is so deep and glad you shared !
ditto to the question of what song it was. I'm gonna guess Radiohead. Glad you're ok dude. I started a solo music project called Keep Her Breathing. The title is all about keeping me alive thru music. peace.
SWU responded to one of the comments that Oli did not follow through with her plan but fell in love instead❤
Mark should have her on again
Wow. Yes. I would love to see this woman come back on.
Really? Mark, can you bring her back?
Omg please bring her back
Yaaay ❤
You're lovely Oli.
I was badly tortured for years as a child. I didn't want to live. Later I decided to live out of pure spite.
She doesn’t want die, she wants to live, she wants help. You can hear in her voice 😢
i agree completely. she's scared of the future, and her fear is warranted. things will likely get worse if nobody steps in and helps. and they should. she seems like she has the potential to be a great comfort to others.
I think she just wants peace .Death is the ultimate state of peace .
I felt that way too, right from the start when she referenced an exact date. I asked myself...Hmm, who does that? Who gives an exact date? My answer...Someone that hopes the right sets of ears hears her cry for help.
I hope she finds what she needs.
@@nhlibra amen 🙏
Agree .
I lost my son to suicide. The aftermath is indescribable pain. I have had a rough life. I just stay for my dogs. I want to be with my son.
So sorry for your pain. I can’t begin to imagine.
life is pain , that's what i've learnt
❤❤❤ hang in there hunnie my thoughts are with you from London ❤️❤️❤️
Hey!! Im so sorry for your loss. Your dogs need you, you are everything for them. Im sending you luck, happiness and healing. You deserve to be happy, keep that in your mind. I know life is horrible sometimes, like an infinite nightmare, but you can transform the darkness into light. Trust me, keep going for your sweet dogs, they deserve you as a dog mum, they love you. Just keep going, things gonna improve. Love yourself and your loved ones, dogs are amazing life partners, best friends and family ❤❤❤
@@Frank75288 yes it is.
Sounds like my mom. No one can help her the way she needs them to. It’s a hole of sadness that can never be filled.
Don't let her take you down with her. It's hard having a parent like that.
Just letting I hear you
So hard to heal childhood wounds
❤😢
God heals
It's kind of like this: please help me, stay away from me.
I think loneliness and parental neglect for a child is one of the worst things there is. That feeling doesn’t seem to go away.
I think anyone willing to plan and wait for their death and to talk about it so openly really is crying out for a WAY to live
this is a great platform for it. im sure its a last shot.
Great post Op and I think you’ve nailed it.
Crying out for someone to care, feeling sorry for herself too, and hurting.
I agree with you 💯
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
how?
I always have mixed feelings when I see people who are late-stage suicidal. I lost my brother to suicide 4 yrs ago. Life can be very cruel, unbearable, and I don't blame people who choose to leave. This world is fucked up. Unless ppl have real solutions to offer, telling someone to stick it out on some woo-woo shit like "you have so much to offer" is really empty, even if it is true. Choosing to end your life is a heavy decision, but I still believe in some cases it can be justified or at least understandable, even if it's never ideal.
I agree
Thank you.
Very well put. Thank you.
Yup
Thank you for being real.
My sister committed suicide on March 11, 2023. She had planned it for at least a year. Her life was one I personally couldn’t have lived, and I didn’t have the solutions so I understand why she did what she did. I don’t have any anger, just deep sadness for the life wasted. Wasted by circumstance, poor choices, a failing system. There are many variables to suicide. It’s complicated yet simple. If she’s gone I hope she finds my sister, and I hope they’re both okay.
I am very sorry for your loss, you are so correct in what you say in that there are many variables. There are so many things both large, and some so small that they may seem insignificant, that may play a part in lifting someone out of the darkness, or pushing them further down.
in my experience it's the bad circumstances that lead to bad decisions and shit just spirals out in a feedback loop from there.
when our (formative years') circumstances are bad enough, there is no capacity to make good decisions 💔 hence the woman in the interview saying she doesn't believe in free will and her experience of being neglected at home leading to not having friends at school and the element ot being profoundly betrayed by psychotic family members also resonates deeply with me. at some point trying to navigate a sick world becomes too much.
❤❤❤
❤🙏🏽🙏🏽💐
You are guilty
I seriously hope we get an update on Ms. Oli soon...
Shout out to all the people who feel this way and still put one foot in front of the other, and get up and work everyday. Salute
A focken men brother. 🙏
but sometimes you can't. sometimes people who feel this way can't blend in, can't find or keep a job, hear voices, have nowhere to live, get arrested every other day for "disturbing the peace" merely by existing, particularly if they' present as crazy AND are black or brown,... and didn't choose any of this.. some people need help, and the best this country can do is The Good Samaritans. shout out to the people who understand, empathize, and devote their lives to helping people whose circumstances preclude any semblance of a productive life get back on their feet. because you can't put one foot in front of the other if you have nowhere to go.
And also a shout out to the people who feel this way and don’t get up and work everyday. Anyone who feels this way, period. This is tough, no one should have to feel this way.
...while this woman wallows in her self-pity and blames the world for her bad choices.
A miserable existence should not to be celebrated.
As someone who lost their mom at a young age to suicide..please..just stay for your daughter..it's hell out here for a young person who is all alone. It's so damaging.
Tell me about it. It’s been nearly 20 years and I’m worse now than I ever was. I hope you faired better.
❤ so sorry
Her daughter is already accustomed to living without a mother. She left her and is making excuses for it.
I hope she reads the comments and see all of us out here that care ❤
@@julesla9541 I don't think your response is helpful. We need more kindness in this world.
As a foster parent for the humane society, she seems like a person animals would gravitate to. Maybe animals would be therapeutic for her and give her a purpose. She is definitely one of a kind, and I can feel the compassion and love she has to give. Her heart is too big!
Thanks for being a foster provider. I'm one, too!
@@anjiwarren6803why are you so ignorant? Excuses for what?
I agree. My pup is the main reason I hang on
@@anjiwarren6803
Nasty, nasty, nasty
When she’s in heat yes
I’m watching this on July 29th 2023…I hope that she’s still alive. I hope she’s found a reason to live.
This world can be a harsh, unfair place. Navigating the pain can feel like swimming through muck. But this choice is so absolutely final.
I understand her feelings; I thought about ending my life constantly for many years.
I just kept swimming and one day I saw some light and some hope. Now my life is filled with peace and happiness. She deserves this too. I hope she’s still swimming.
Perfectly said I'm so glad you are doing better I do hope she is !❤
I was told once that fair is a place where u eat funnel cakes and ride the 🎡
Yes.😔😌🙏❤️
Mark is she ok
Last year around Sept I almost did it as well. Talked myself out of it. Then I saw a post on reddit saying he's giving himself a year to do his best, you know give life a chance for a year, and if things still dont go well, he'll do it. I was inspired by it so I did the same. It's almost a year for me. Things arent better but the urge to do it has subsided. But I dont know. I hope we all find something worth staying for. Whatever it is.
Please stay, if just to leave comments that I guarantee helped at least one other lost soul ...not feel so alone. The ripple effect of every action is why we stay.
Please don't go! I assure you that you matter and have a place in this world to do good for yourself, starting with self love. Things go bad and good all the time, but if you check out...you may miss what your true purpose was here on earth, perhaps helping others to stay as well? I'm praying you stick around, I'm sure you're a beautiful soul ❤️
Think about what you may be met with on the other side and the spiritual implications of suicide , for the soul..
I can tell you, as someone who sometimes communicates with those that have died ; it is not a pleasant nor a quick debt to pay if you're successful.
May peace be with you and yours
Keep giving yourself another year, it worked for me and things did get better (it took 5 years to get better with lots of ups and downs but mostly ups)
Please stay! 💕
Relying on others for your happiness never works.
Relying on others is almost as funny as being able to count on your friends to help you when your down and out
Thank you for this reminder. ♥️
"The biggest mistake that we make is
that we build our homes in other people. We build those homes and we decorate them with the love and care and respect that we want to come home to at the end of the day. We invest in homes in other people, and we evaluate our self-worth based on how much those homes welcome us. And when those people walk away, those homes walk away with them, and all of a sudden, we feel empty because everything that we had within us, we put in those homes. We trusted someone else with pieces of us. That emptiness that we feel doesn't mean that we have nothing to give, or that we have nothing within us.It's just that we built our home in the wrong place." -Najwa Zebian
Relying on others is a basic HUMAN NEED
A baby needs to rely on others
I have Borderline Personality Disorder and a lot of what this woman said was so relatable to me. I hope she finds the right help and the right diagnosis, whatever that may be, and gets better. 🙏
same here. this resonated way too much with me i really hope she gets the correct professional care
I agree, so many of her traits and responses ring true for BPD. The problem here is doctors have historically misdiagnosed BPD patients for years. I hope she finds the answers she needs
@Lionesslocs what is the misdiagnosis typically?? I never understood bpd.
@@BioLiveMagic bi polar
I too thought that she may have BPD. Maybe in combination with bipolar and/or CPTSD. I hope she finds the right treatment.
I really wish Mark would give us an update on what happenwd to Oli. Her story was so sad
I have a lot of compassion for this woman, she's obviously struggling. But there are a ton of holes in this story. Something is not right here.
Yesterday was my birthday, i spent it with the only friend i have. We had a good time honestly. I got home and called the suicide hotline but they didn't pick up, I sat at the age of my bed waiting for a sign not to, then i as i started cleaning up everything as to get ready to take my life, i emptied my bag and found a birthday card letter from my friend. I haven't opened it till now, seeing it makes me happy, i have someone who cares. Want to keep it pure.
Those types of things are signs to hold off .. I've been terrible suicidal myself but have 2 kids that keep me here , sometimes even despite that I was on the edge of it .. but those little messages from god keep me here stronger than anything because if some supernatural thing wants to save me I cant argue with it , it's always the weirdest timing those things pop up
L 11 AZ@=/7/
Those suicides hotlines are bs! You get to your most desperate and call and all they do is refer you to more numbers to call, they dont understand how to deal with us, so useless
Everyday is a new day to start again. Don’t give up on yourself. You got this!
I glad you had something beautiful and awesome to give you a moments pause❤️
So sad to see a brilliant mind like that be so troubled at the same time. On another note, it would be interesting to hear her daughter perspective on her mother’s issues. Hope she is doing well.
I would really like to hear her daughters perspective on what happened. Some things don’t seem to add up.
She sold her daughter for validation meth and sexual attention. Now she wants to kill herself but not because of guilt of selling her child. It’s because she has been ultimately embarrassed by the men who had their way with her sexually with a few choice words. Her ego and narcissism being an “intelligent educated woman” won’t let her live with such a bad look. Accountability. She’s no victim. She’s selfish with no self esteem
@@yinx02 i get that she is off kilter but family never cruelly f*cks each other over? i have a malignantly narcissistic family and it makes me give her the benefit of the doubt about the part of her story regarding her brother. complete strangers on the streets of Thailand (i lived there for ten years) have been kinder to me than they eber were to me and no matter what i do, they don't stop the head games & getting pleasure from watching me fail, they set me up to fail more times than i can count and yet always make it my fault. 🤣 it's so sickly absurd that I can only laugh because crying didn't help either.
Every time there’s a glaring hole in her story, she only gives the statement “it didn’t work out”. The truth of her faults are in those missing parts
Finally someone calling it like it is. The thing that struck me most about this woman is the fact that she’s a liar. I normally empathize with *almost* everyone who is featured on this channel, but it was hard for me to empathize with someone who’s this eager to shirk any and all responsibility and convince everyone that someone as smart as her is the perpetual victim.
@@rustyshackleford4238 that’s part of BPD. It’s emotional dysregulation that she can’t control. And I couldn’t control before I got treatment.
It might be confabulation
Her comment about her ex preventing her from a suicide attempt was a red flag for me
Looking for "the person's fault" is definitly a huge one no suicidal person needs to hear from relatives
The fact that my suicide attempt was a failure is one of the greatest blessings of my life. I hope you can look back one day Oli and feel glad to have survived. I hope that for you so much
❤❤
❤ glad you are here Chloe
😮 I AM SO Glad IT Did NOT WORK 🙏👍😌❤!
Thank you for your courage ❤️ My heart absolutely broke hearing your story. I have a 32-year-old son that who seems to be stuck in the same paralyzing, hopeless existence. I have literally tried everything. I can’t make him see his worth. I just continue to pray for him.
I know it sounds completely hokey…but when I have felt similarly hopeless… I have found that the best thing to do is help others; no matter how small. It gives me a sense of purpose, and often pulls me back from the edge. I’ll pray for you as well. 💕💐
😢l
Sometimes life hands us the wrong deck of cards, She reminds me of myself. I also have bpd and this is how it presents itself which is true employers don’t love I’ve experienced being let go and told off like she was. I wish I could give her the biggest hug because girl I hear you. Life does suck with bpd, and it’s really tough in general. Love you Oli girl, thank you for shedding light on your story.
It's so sad to see the smartest people on this planet seem to be in such deep pain. I relate to you a lot Oli. It's sad you don't see how beautiful you are outside and inside.
Ignorance is bliss 😔
@killawalez3944 Maybe? It might be a very empty hollow experience.... can that be bliss?
@@alvaroLguevara I think sometimes empty and hollow feels better than pain. But in the end I know not true bliss 😩
It's sad that these unstable people are in charge of teaching our children. #keepthiswomanawayfromkids
@@6FootAmazon STAY WOKE BYYATCH
Reading thru these comments, for once, I don't resonate with any of them. I just don't buy her story. I feel lk she's leaving parts out and I also just don't agree with her way of thinking in general. Not just her negative victim mentality. She points the finger a lot. She also thinks she's better than certain job etc. There's too much I cld sag abt this one! I hope she's doing OK tho. I just daid a prayer for Oli
Completely agree, definitely something not right with her story. Seems she has lots of excuses and isn't willing to face the reality of what's really going on.
So much of her story hit me so deeply. I can relate to a lot of her experiences with how people perceive and receive her. After I was diagnosed with Autism at 40, it makes so much more sense to me and my circumstances finally changed. Oli reminds me a lot of myself and my fellow neurodivergent friends. I wish she lived nearby, because I think we would click well as friends. My executive dysfunction is terrible when it comes to doing things for myself, but I can run the rails all day and night for other people. My heart aches for her.
Yep…..me too. And all these people in the comments having no empathy for her yet accusing us of having no empathy….
Yeah I got the same impression as someone who has grown children with autism and possibly undiagnosed myself.
This was my first thought too. She feels familiar, sadly.
As someone who has suffered from depression and anxiety for over 20 years , there are times when you feel that enough is enough. The pain never goes away and suicide becomes an option. A person just becomes tired mentality and physically and cannot do it anymore.
Absolutely.
Totally true
If you don't become an advocate for other lonely children that need your voice, it will be a crime. You are special.
I second that.
@MG agreed
@MG people on here are saying like “oh my husband committed suicide I hate him he’s selfish he ruined me and my kids lives” like it ruined his life too?? He also has to suffer the consequences of this, he’s literally dead. They should be grateful that they are alive and healthy
@MG my thoughts are with you, im so very sorry you lost your mother 😢as someone who also lost their mother to suicide I will never ever doubt someone who says that they are going to do it. My mother wanted the pain to stop- she had zero help, she told as many people as she could what she was going to do. Would you like to know my fathers response? He gave her the gun and encouraged her. Begged her. I was there when he gave it to her and I was there when she went into the bedroom crying, she closed the door and shot herself. She had a photo of my sister and I in her pocket. I love and miss my mother. I was three. I miss my mother. Only God knows. I don’t hate her, o don’t blame her for the mistakes I’ve made in my life or any of that. She would not have left two babies motherless if she saw a way out of her situation. She screamed for help right up til she put that revolver to her temple and pulled the trigger. My mother was in PAIN. And anyone who reads this ends up saying something stupid about my mom and suicide will have me to deal with
@MG agree 100%
Not assuming it’s automatically other peoples fault, but the fact that his wife is reacting this way suggests that she wouldn’t have been kind to him when he was alive either. Saying “I hate my husband for killing himself” just makes it sound like you’re taking it as a personal attack rather than understanding that the person was sick and it’s not anyones fault that they died.
I watched Oli's story earlier today. Heartbreaking. My stomach hurt throughout the video listening to her. Her pain and distress are so raw. I kept wanting to reach out and give her a lifeline so she could just take a deep breath. I can't stop thinking about her hoping that she's made it or at least that she is on a more hopeful path. Have you heard from her since the interview and her ominous deadline this month?
I hope she's doing well!!! So smart and beautiful!!!
I put that date in and kept coming and checking to see a follow-up for her. I really hope she's in a better place. 😔
It’s bandaid when people try to help. There must be a way for her to empower her self. It needs to come from within. There are no easy ways. I hope she finds her way. She’s smart, beautiful and intense.
Oli, I have been where you’re at.
I just recently got out of a rehab facility for my bipolar and depression / suicidal thoughts.
Please allow these next few months to work on yourself and learn to live for yourself.
Its a conscious effort to choose life daily,
a
Continued healing.❤️
Listening to her I see why she is homeless. Her sense of entitlement is unsettling. Her description of her daughter's 'kidnapping" is so skewed. She describes a life of instability. When her daughter came into the picture she focused on herself instead of her child. No mention of an active father, either. She was emotionally neglectful to her daughter, as her mother was to her. The 17 year old daughter wasn't kidnapped. Her mother voluntarily left her with the brother due to her own unstable mental health. The daughter is an adult now. They communicate. The daughter doesn't want to become tangled in her mother's dysfunctional life. Don't let intelligence and articulate rantings fool you. She is a very sick woman.
There's help available to her if she wants it. I hope she gets help.
Spot on !!!!
for real i didnt understand why she couldent just go get her daughter if she wanted her
You need to come down off your high horse! Who are you to judge this lady you have never walked in her shoes you have no idea what she is going through! Do you have a warm bed and food in your stomach? I bet you do. You have no idea what leads to homelessness, She has a very broken life and you need to have some compassion about you before you open your mouth!
Should have just been a normal housewife, but she was mind poisoned and brainwashed by j-ish mind virus. She describes herself as a hard worker. Should have been a good wife and mother, women should stop trying to focus on being independent or they will end up like this.
Yes the entitlement stood out too me also my goodness.
This is so sad. I do believe she might have BPD or PTSD, she claims she did not have a hard life but she looks so sad. Oli, if you read this: You are right, no one is going to save you and I know it feels like it's the end. Do what whatever brings peace to you. I hope they update this on June 2.
She said she's been homeless, beaten and abused.
@@sinverrette9803is there an update on her?
@@giddyghoul7010 Just saw a comment that she's alive, and fell in love with someone!!
She’s pretty, she’s smart, she can communicate…. But she’s bitter as hell. Her life sucks but her bitterness keeps her stuck
I have the feeling she’s just desperate for help out of the pain. But as far as I know she found love the first time in her life. At least that’s what I heard Mark said in the comment section
Histrionic, perhaps? It'd be great if she could see n experience real love through Jesus Christ for sure. God bless her❤
This kills me… I want her & her daughter to get help - REAL help, not family who “think” they know what’s best… So many people in this world are denied their wings, it’s fucking heartbreaking…
This 🙏
I'd love to hear the brother's side. I get the feeling there's a lot that she's omitting.
Yep, it's obvious
👍💯
Meth much
Her dental issues would back up that theory.
I don't trust her either
I wish you stay alive for your daughter Oli. I am 33 and have been in recovery for BPD and complex trauma for 3 years and I promise it gets better. Getting a diagnosis and treatment (EMDR trauma therapy and DBT) have allowed me to clear up space to reduce suicidal ideation. My daughter is younger than yours and lives with me but she is my whole reason for being here. I am building a life worth living and I hope you do too 💜
Stop telling people to stay alive for someone else! Do you understand how dismissive that is? You claim you suffer from mental illness so you should know that's something you don't say. Stay for herself. If she can't stay for herself--
Oli, I can’t believe how much I relate to what you’re saying. I wish I could talk with you and have an intellectual conversation about suicide and empathy and suffering and free will and illness. I don’t think you want to die, you just want the suffering to end. I wish you peace. ❤ Mark, thank you for creating space for people to share their experiences.
Oli, you are so intelligent, and well spoken. People are cruel and I can understand why you wouldn't want to be around mankind. However, there is a place for you in this crazy world. Keep up the fight, you are a very worthy human being. The world needs people like you. Once you are stronger, I can see how you could mentor others who have had similar experiences. Please don't give up on life! Mark, please continue to give us updates on Oli. We care about her very much.
but there isn't a place for her. not right now. she needs a place RIGHT NOW. why is this so hard for people to understand? being unemployed and on the street MAKES YOU CRAZY. if you had issues to begin with, it makes those issues insurmountable. and the affordable housing crisis is completely out of control, particularly in big cities, and social services, which were shir to begin with, are conveniently getting slashed. and once you're out on the street, the clock starts ticking. the longer you stay homeless, the lower your odds are of getting back inside. Or staying inside if you’ve lost your damn mind and can’t function. Nobody cares if you’re smart. I care, but I’m nobody.
Absolutely worth living. I feel she's still fight subconsciously because she keeps telling people her plan. Another form of trying every last hope of survival. She doesn't really want to go. I want the best for this lady more then any if these people.
At times she wants to die. It is in one of those moments when she will likely do it.😢 Respect for her, she has a pretty keen understanding of herself. Our society doesn’t allow people to feel suicidal without assuming they don’t/won’t do it. The question is not “if” but “when”.
@@RussiaIsARiddle778 The means are often too convenient especially when someone is at an all-time low and left to themselves.
If we don't feel loved, valued, or cared about, it's hard to feel our own self worth. If you feel like your not worth anything, what do you feel you have to offer yourself? Let alone life in general, or other people/animals/ or living things? I understand how this can make Oli feel like she doesn't want to continue. I hope that some how, the feeling of hope could touch you Oli. It does exist, but you kind of have to create it for yourself, if you don't have any. You have to change things a little bit. Get out of the routine of appearing ok, and start doing things that make u feel better. Even if it's just putting lotion on your face, or listening to the birds, instead of drowning them out. I have hope for you, and I have to have hope for me too. I think you are beautiful, and I pray you get through thisxx
Can't help but wonder if she's ever appreciated anything considering she seems extremely comfortable pointing out what everybody else is doing wrong.
Exactly. She even stated that she was the problem. No offense to her, but I could never work around someone like her. She makes a mountain out of molehill. I don’t doubt she’s lonely but as Mark asked, could it be her personality? Yes, definitely! I hope she can realize this and find happiness.
Right on
@@bbe3034 definitely what I was thinking. I bet the people she worked with can't stand her. She's a narcissist.
After 15 years in the Adult Mental Health field I can honestly say the the complete lack of empathy some show is still unreal to me. It's literally her major depression (at this point most likely a disorder because she has felt this way her entire life) that doesn't let her see the positive in any situation past, present, or future. Her mind is clouded by trauma and it is difficult to deal with every minute of the day for some. It can be exhausting to feel that way for her. She doesn't want to feel the way she does. It usually comes from severe trauma and being around narcissistic abusers. She in turn has made herself a total victim because she can not see the light at the end of the tunnel. She is planning her own demise. Why would you think she can see the positive? Have empathy for her not concern for your ears. You literally got to hear a first person account of something most don't speak about until after they survive an attempt. She handed you the ability to see that your friends and family can have a shift in personality. They can become more negative and you can help instead of abandon them, criticize, or judge them to move towards an attempt instead of moving away from it. Hopefully she learns to reframe her thoughts to positive things but her mind fights against her to continue to want to think the way she has for her whole life. She had managed to navigate intense educational programs but can't manage her negative thoughts. No way anyone would want that for themselves. It's not like she can erase it and get a spotless mind. She may be able to try a milder, newer form of the old-school EST as a last ditch effort because medications may not be working for her at all. We can only pray she makes it through it not judge her for her clear mental illness.
She's textbook BPD. they are always the victim
She reminded me SO much of a friend of mine that I started to predict her answers. Her speaking style is exactly the same. Her perspective on life is astoundingly similiar. Their experiences are similar.
A few years after knowing my friend she was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. With treatment she is doing so much better.
Yeah, I heard BPD throughout the interview.
Same. I too know a person like this. Sounded familiar the whole interview.
My heart hurts for this beautiful woman. I hope she finds the happiness she deserves and is reunited with her daughter ❤❤
After listening for 20 minutes I realized that she doesn’t want to kill herself, she just needs someone to love her. I hope it finds her and she could get through this stage in her life. We all need someone to get to the next level mentally. ❤
Please say a prayer for her.
@@mfranck1 They're not speaking for her... They're just offering their perspective. We all have one.
@@mfranck1 you don’t have to be rude baby girl. it’s ugly.
Truthfully, we are all struggling with ourselves in some way.
@@mfranck1 leave it
I think she's crying out for help, she's seems like a good person and I hope she gets the support that she needs.
I felt that way too. I would love to smoke a jay with her and let her just vent and hug her. Sometimes we need that. I have been low before and a hug got me just a few steps farther so I could catch myself again. Kinda like a bridge missing planks. I wish I were her plank 🤗
I believe so too. And she is yearning for someone to love her.
She's a master manipulator, so she naturally can shape-shift into whatever person she wants in order to appeal to the viewers. I hope you realize that. This woman suffers from narcissism. I wish her the best and I hope she finds the help she needs, but don't be fooled, this woman knows very well what she is doing.
Obviously she loves the attention of it all. If she was really going to off herself she would just quietly do it.
@@eagleflies8681 how did you reach that conclusion?
I find it amazing that someone this smart, an activist in life and a fighter feels that she has no way out. I think the world needs you Oli and your life skills, knowledge and strength could be utilised by others that could learn so much from you. Please stay here with the world. Yes this life is hard, the world is dark but people like you can change so much ❤
her feelings are so valid, i hope she is okay. i want her to make it past june 1st and live her best life.
She takes so little responsibility for herself and her needs. As soon as her daughter is 18 she is free to go wherever she wants. Very low agreeableness and very rigid. She could improve by seeking to be more agreeable, more self-efficacy, and much more flexible in her thinking - seeking connection more than being right with people. She wants someone else to save her unconditionally. We all gotta save ourselves first and give ourselves living peace.
Beautifully and accurately put, however I believe she has a personality disorder which brings great complexity to her case unfortunately, as self reflection, taking responsibility, unable to be honest in her narrative and immersing herself in victimhood are stopping her from changing/healing.
I agree. The fact that she is super angry at the guy who convinced her to keep living for not being responsible for her life is kind of crazy.
Just different personality styles. Disagreeable people fit into this world too and their are good positions for people like that. She might make a good leader in another dimension
Perfectly stated.
You are absolutely right, I’m drained just listening to her. I wish she would get help and make a life for herself!
I connect with her experiences very deeply. I keep coming back to this interview and I hesitate looking her up online out of fear that she is no longer with us. Her talking about the faces she makes and the emotions she deals with I completely relate to. I wish I had the chance to meet you, Olli.
out of all the interviews, this one is the one that will stick with me. I hope shes still here & got all the best outcomes from the given circumstances..
"My daughter got kidnapped" ~ In reality, turns out, it was nothing like that. The mom was struggling, her mental health was worse than ever before, they had no steady place to live, running out of money, she was smoking weed even at her office.. Looking in from the outside, the best decision was to remove the daughter out of that scenario, to give her a safe and stable surrounding... I understand it's horrible for any mother, but it's a brain-decision, not heart...
Seems your cherry picking what to believe
How do you know this??
Do you know her? Its people you why she wants to die.
Agree, the daughter needed to be protected from her mother and at the moment, I can't see a time when it will be healthy for the daughter to have a great deal of contact wtih her mother.
@@D3000_ she actually says this in the interview
I started reading this book by Mark Wolynn about transgenerational trauma. ..it basically says trauma can get passed down from 3 generations back. So often people with suicidal thoughts are not just battling their own traumas but the cumulated traumas of several generations before.
That means a lot to me. Thank you for sharing that!
What is the mechanism of transmission?
if my father drinks and beats me and as I grow up I drink and beat my children also for revenge and them
as they grow up they will drink and beat their children out of revenge, out of vent, out of desperation. Sometimes it is "easier" not to break the chains and then pass on the trauma.🌹
@@timhsvwalkinsha DNA
@@christiexjmdmj You're welcome, it's an eye opener, I come from a lot of trauma too. And when she mentioned her father was a vet, I could see it even more...my father was in the military and had very risky top secret jobs, plus alcohol issues when I was growing up, I have CPTSD too.
I hope Oli is still with us & has found the right help ❤ She has such a kind heart & so much potential, I hope she's found her peace ☮
ive been thinking about oli ever since i first saw this video. i really wept listening to her, and she's been a regular on my mind since. my heart aches. its been a month since her deadline. i hope she is in a place where she isn't suffering so, wherever that is. im sorry the world was so cruel to you, oli.
Do you know if she is still alive?
@@333Hedgehogs...wow.
@MIST888 it's not always easy to locate people that live on the streets.
I'm autistic and I can relate a lot to what she is saying. To succeed as an adult when you're autistic you need a very supportive family, a specific for your needs job, and a right environment. Otherwise it's like being tortured everyday, and people blame you, it's always your fault. And you try your best 1000 times more then average person. But it's always your fault. So it's tough. I really really hope someone helps her find the place to stay and a right job.
My nephews are autistic and I worry for them . They are very smart but maybe it’s just me knowing how cruel the world is. What kind of support do you have if you don’t mind me asking as an adult.
I feel this way with BPD
Same, I have high functioning Autism. I’ve never felt so seen…
Yes I have high functioning autism and have struggled so much with it. People will never understand the level of pain we feel.
Yes I feel she is autistic and with no support system you can have the same struggles she is having. I can't believe no therapist has informed her properly and really helped.
She says she has no free will, yet she has chosen to end her life. That’s free will. Soooooo many inconsistencies. You don’t get into a Doctoral program straight out of an undergraduate degree. Then she says she quit the PhD program and went into a Master’s. So much victim mentality. She’s wallowing in her “misery”. She’s loving this, she’ll never complete. Strong borderline traits. Their main fear is fear of abandonment.
I thought the exact same thing. It's free will deciding to end your life. smh
Agree
For the record, you can go straight into a PhD program after your bachelor's-they have combined Masters/PhD programs. They're quite common. Too, it is possible to switch from pursuing a PhD to a Masters depending on the school/program/director. On the subject of higher education, I am going to take a WILD guess and assume you have neither the degrees nor training required to offer an educated opinion on Oli's possible diagnoses and motivations. Just because you don't like her doesn't mean you should spread misinformation.
Talking out of your ass. You can def go into a PhD program straight out of undergrad. I bet you didn't even go to college, let alone do postgrad education to be talking like you know something. Straight chatting BS and armchair psychology.
you can definitely start at PhD out of undergrad. sincerely, a person who works in academia
Please Oli, if you ever see this. Please get checked for ADHD. My daughter has many similarities to you.
1. Extreme attention to things you love.
2. Rejection sensitive dysphoria - that's the freak-out.
3. Never feeling like you fit in with your peers. Masking is exhausting. It works until it doesn't.
I hope you find a way out of this cycle. You deserve more. You are worthy. Keep searching for your tribe. ❤️🩹
This is way more than adhd..classic BPD like she stated. This woman studied physics and had a degree.. highly doubt adhd is the case. People have to stop minimizing what people say that suffer from mental illness..its annoying.
And you took 3 things that your daughter has that could apply to anyone. Not the 3 main symptoms of adhd.
shes in her 40s, the thought that she hasnt tried to get help or checked for mental illness is kind of insulting.
I feel so sad for Oli. Her story about her daughter being kidnapped by her brother...she has victim mentality (like Mark suggested) because it sounds like her brother actually rescued the girl from a crystal meth addict mom. When she took out her teeth its obvious its meth that shes addicted to. She is deeply mentally unwell. Why didnt she pursue the police further to get her daughter back? She said she didnt have any options. Her stories dont make any sense, my take is its psychosis she got from meth and its destroyed her mind and because shes trapped in this mental hell she wants to kill herself. Its such a tragic situation for this poor woman.
I really don’t want to be disrespectful to her and her struggles but she is not telling the whole story and she is definitely creating a narrative where she is a victim with absolutely no responsibilities for her behavior. I really hope she can be true to herself, be honest and reclaim her life.
Nobody's perfect she stated she has mental-health issues just leave it at that let's not put the woman down shall we when she's already got a suicide have some respect please. What has happened to humanity it's absolutely disgusting anymore.
Agree 💯
I started to cry when she said people are afraid of her face 😔 not only is she an attractive woman but shes smart, deep, and passionate, this woman is a BEAUTIFUL soul in EVERY possible way 🥲 id give anything to jst give her a hug and tell her everything is gunna be ok…. i really hope she finds her way out of her plans of suicide 🙏🏻 kuz damaged people like her make THE BEST HUMAN BEINGS
❤❤❤
Hopelessness & pain are ugly. She isn't unattractive at all. She is setting dates & talking about suicide. She is screaming for help & I hope it finds her soon.
You put this beautifully I feel the same way
I agree. She needs better dr.'s. This is psychosis shes pretty and smart. This is all about her crippling herself with worries. She has to realize how special she is.
@@elysowers5033 she needs to be force fed Prozac until she can see the light
As somebody with BPD, I strongly feel that she has a lot of the traits. Setting her own date to end her life is a loud cry for help and can be common amongst those with BPD. I pray her life gets better and she finds the strength to get the help she needs.
Same, and I can totally relate! But I went through those thoughts and feelings about 20 yrs ago, and have since outgrown them at 60. Hopefully she can hang in there, and work on her BPD meanwhile, and it'll get better! Peace and love 😍
I have BPD. She 💯 for sure has it
I agree 100%.
My mom was BPD. I also have the general feeling that she's BPD from listening to her. She talks a lot about people in her life who started out being nurturers, but let her down horribly. Everything is someone else's fault, and she's a "persuasive blamer." I feel like a lot of her stories are either exaggerations or are untrue. And it's exhausting listening to her. It was obvious to Mark that this is her situation.
I've also thought she probably had BPD (as someone who's not a doctor and doesn't have it) but I sense some narcissistic traits in her. Like, some of the anecdotes she shared dating all the way back to her middle school years make me think she's still attached to some past identity that made her stand out in her mind and she doesn't want to let go of. Is that common with BPD? All in all she appears like an overgrown teenager.
Ive watched a ton of these interviews but none of them have made me feel so deeply as this one. This poor soul, I just want to give this woman a hug. She deserves so much love & support. I truly wish she doesnt go through with her plan. I hope we get an update video.
She is so brave for being so open and honest! Sounds like her freak outs have something to do with learned helplessness.
Which she has tried getting help for as many of us have, and still get beaten down.
Today is the 3rd year anniversary of my best friend that took her own life. Please please know you are valued and mean something to this world. ❤
This is truly heart breaking...I'm so sorry you're in this horrible place and can't get any help. I've struggled with severe depression and BPD for over 20 years and I have literally never known pain like it. But, because it's an invisible illness nobody cares enough to see if you're alright. I really hope things improve for you, you deserve a chance at life like everybody else. Xx
Oli seems like classic BPD and I feel like that has such a stigma but she opened my heart. For that reason, and for infinite reasons outside of that, I hope that she finds a reason to continue on. What a force she has. Amazing person. Really great interview questions and genuine, vulnerable responses. You disarm people.
So glad I found this channel. That said, there’s a trend here with the interviewees: the more specific they are, the more self-indulgent they are, the more they want to lean into the bad, the more they want to make themselves the hero of their own story.
The people that are specific when they need to be, but talk in general terms, have more perspective and wisdom.
When you hold on to trauma, you force yourself into holding onto every detail because you don’t want to allow yourself to move on. She said she doesn’t use meth; she sounds like a meth addict.
A good therapist or clergy could help her peel back some layers. A lot of dharma in her life, but not making any room for karma. 🤔
I think when you’re personality is very intense and you are hyper aware of everyone and their motives it is exhausting for yourself and everyone else. I knew someone like this and it’s like they are compelled to verbalise every thought they have. This kind of sucked the energy out of everything. Probably why they got you doing yoga so you are more in your body and less in your mind. I think this is the right track, to actually be more in the body. Calmness needs to be the goal even in your present situation. I hope things get better for you.
Thank you for saying this because i recognize bits of this in myself. I definitely would benefit from being more in my body and this was confirmation of that, thank you!
What a horrible world we live in when people feel like this is there only option 😔
I don’t agree with her thought process on “saving a life and being your responsibility to take care of that person for the rest of your life “. Tbh I feel like that’s selfish to expect and to put that on a person…..
Fascinating interview, there are so many with a personality like hers. She’s intelligent, but focuses on her own feelings far too much, to the point of obsession. This is common with people suffering from depression.
This isn’t fascinating, it’s beyond annoying, trying to be empathetic with people like her is extremely difficult even for the nicest of people .
@@MypronounIsKing Well, personally, I find that any living being that decides to destroy itself fascinating. Alright she is wrong to have been able reasoned herself into that decision but still, nonetheless, fascinating.
@@MypronounIsKing it’s difficult for YOU, and that lack of empathy is YOUR problem. Some people have the courage to live, some have the courage to die. You can never understand her struggle.
@@tees5983 I guess, feels more like I just don’t have the energy to sit and listen to her drone on and on about how everything is everyone else’s fault.. she sounds like she needs Prozac bad
As someone with autism I can relate a lot to her. I do the same talking about myself, but obviously for her the cause of this could be depression or trauma. I don’t know, but I can feel the desperation.
"THIS IS NEUTRAL ME"?!?!! THIS!?!!? If this is "neutral" for her then she's manic depressive. That explains a lot here. The strange emotional behavior at work. Her childhood doesn't show much that could have caused PTSD (nothing to compare remotely to many of the others on this channel).
She doesn't seem manipulative or play dominance games (but maybe that takes time to experience) and doesn't seem to have impulsive or extreme sexuality, but her religious childhood might possibly have had a moderating effect there.
Near the end when she goes from Happy/Rage to extreme despair on a dime- That's manic depression. She needs proper meds for manic depression, and a lot of therapy for the problems in life caused by living with a judgment that's been affected by living with manic depression.
I pray to the flying spaghetti monster she sees sense and doesn't take her own life. If she can get a handle on it she can have a good life, as she seems highly capable if she can get her emotions under reasonable control.
She needs to be medicated for her mental illness and get into intensive therapy. I hope she can find the help she deserves
Flying spaghetti monster....I see what u did there ❤️ ha
it’s hard when you realize that there’s no one who’s life would be significantly impacted by your passing. 😢
there's always someone. whether you realize it or not. Some guy or gal has feelings for you somewhere and you just haven't found out about it yet. someone thinks highly of you and just hasn't said it openly. there's always someone
Her daughter will be. 😒
Yeah. Life goes on.
Exactly. I hope you haven't had that experience.
What I'm hearing is "I want things to change" not "I want to kill myself permanently ". I'm hearing "I need connection and support" not "I keep freaking out".
Loneliness and despair is the #2 killer, #1 being stress
My prayers for this lady. I wish her the best of luck, and I really hope we can see a follow up video of her story. I wish I had the funds to be able to help her out. Prayers your way Oil🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
as someone who has a sister who is suffering from BPD, this is rlly triggering, cause I see so many parallels and as much as I feel for her, I can also imagine how much destruction she has caused in her own life and the lives of those closest to her…I know ppl with this disorder suffer a lot, but so do the ppl trying to stay close to them…I wish everyone involved lots of strength, cause I know how devastating this can feel.
Have a sister diagnosed with schizophrenia and BPD. It can be very damaging for the family. Had to learn quite a bit on how to work the system (live in SoCal) to get her the help she needs. In this case it to get a legal order to enforce medication. On once a month shot, she does amazing. Completely productive member of society, wife, mother and grandmother. Without the meds and the intervention I have no doubt that she would be homeless or dead.
It took several family members to get it done. I was the knowledgeable one who figured out how to get the system to work. There were family members who took her chit patiently. When one of us felt overwhelmed, the other would give a pep talk to keep us going.
I completely symptomize with you, because they are really aholes when not under proper treatment. Before the onset of her mental illness she was probably the most beloved member of a large close knit family. But when her mental illness hit she was a nightmare. I probably did the most to get her the positive results, but I will be honest that I did it mostly for her children at that point, because you become disconnected from them and so frustrated with them. From your comment I can tell that's where you are at.
I will finish by saying this. As complicated as my sister's diagnosis was, on the right meds and proper medical care, she is doing amazing. Fully engaged with her family, beloved by them. Taken on intellectual interests. I wish you the best of luck. If you wish to be in contact on how I got the system to work for her, leave a comment on here and I will give you my email address.
@@John-od7ps Hi so I'm not OP but I also live in soCal and have been trying to get help for the longest time. I don't have much resources so it's never worked out or takes ages to get an appointment. I would soo much appreciate any resources about this 🙏 if possible
You took the words right out of my mouth! My story is the same and she reminds me of my sister too.
@@John-od7ps what is the name of the medication ??
@@YourInASoulTrap No, you should be ashamed! He did his best to protect her children. If one is unable to care for themselves it’s called a conservatorship - designed to conserve LIFE. So, let a pet die, they can’t consent & usually hate every minute of procedures designed to save them. Before you judge, why not see his truth and her current ability to function as a blessing. Go shame actual abusers!
Oli, have you ever explored the autism spectrum? I'm a 35 year old female who went undiagnosed for most of my life because I became so good at masking, and I also have a history of neglect and PTSD. I've always felt like an alien trying to fit in with humans, and no mental illness could really explain that. It took a while for me to even truly accept it because I was so sure if I was autistic, SOMEONE would have noticed and told me (one woman did but none of the "professionals" did). But after joining support groups, on Facebook and locally, with other autistic woman/AFAB, it's clear that many, many fly under the radar. I see a lot of the traits and mannerisms in you, and I just want you to know that there's a group of people out there who understand. Who get taken advantage of because we trust easily, who seem aloof yet are extremely intelligent, and who just struggle to fit in and communicate with others effectively. It's really hard to navigate the world as an autistic person and even harder yet when you're an undiagnosed autistic person who doesn't understand why its so difficult. I wouldn't want you to leave this world without exploring this and perhaps finding your people! It's not a bad thing at all, it's a huge relief to have an explanation and then to begin to heal with people who understand. Please at least research it before your final date to see if any of it fits for you. ♡
I thought the same. I got BPD diagnosis at 28. Then at age 42 (my BPD coaches hinted at ADHD several times) they evaluated me for 3 months and there it was: ADHD. Three years later high scores on the ASD tests and minimal on Personality Disorders. Now at 47 I'm on the right meds (only for adhd) and I'm doing better. Also, a lot of people with ADHD and/or ASD have sleeping issues. I have insomnia and not getting enough sleep for years & years makes you kinda act "crazy". Combine that with misdiagnosis, wrong meds etc & it's a total disaster. Women and girls are very much overlooked when it comes to ASD and ADHD.
Was it Atypical Autism?? I have been trying to get assessed for that for Months and my doctors have all flat out said “you don’t have it.” It is so frustrating - what’s the harm in ruling it out??
@@seaturtlepoppy7679 I mean maybe you just don't have it. Honestly autism is a somewhat rare disorder and if anything seemed overly self-diagnosed
She absolutely is. Listening to her describe her childhood… she checks all the boxes. People are “intimidated “ because she can’t read social cues and those freak outs are MELTDOWNS. She’s adamant about rules and fairness and without structure she gets lost.
It would be easy for her brother and others to manipulate her.
The suicide rate for autistic females is astronomical
@@seaturtlepoppy7679 don’t listen to this Adam guy. One in 50 people is not “rare” and females are so good at masking they slip thru the cracks. It’s very much UNDER diagnosed this guy has no clue. He probably thinks all autistics act exactly like his non verbal nephew. Every one is different and getting diagnosed, especially in the states is hard. Most drs aren’t trained in how to diagnose adults and girls. But as long as you meet the DSM criteria, you ARE.
Good luck to you
The laws are not for humanity , but for cooperations . If you havent noticed yet.
thank you so much - saw that interview 5 years later than needed :D
This seems like the kind of person that lies so much, she starts to believe it.
Agreed. She is absolutely manic and grandiose. Hope she can find medical assistance and find peace.
Ouch
@@Varo3121 #TRUMP2024PRESIDENT
“The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night.”
― Nietzsche
That's SO REAL👍 🙏😞❤!
it should Always remain an option
❤❤❤Dearest Oli, prayed so very hard for you today. Hope you are here with us. We need you here with us now, and in the future. Sending you all the quantum love and healing energy. We can do this. Love you so much ❤️❤️❤️
She didn't do it. Can she stay with you while she tries to get back on her feet?
I’m am so happy to hear the news that she is still here....do you know her? Does she need hall with housing? Thank you for reaching out 💕
Oli reminds me in many ways of my eldest sister who was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Bipolar 2 back in 2017. I wonder if there is an element of vulnerable narcissism within Oli that she can’t see and also can’t accept because of the disorder.
You betcha. Basically half of this video was about how smart and great she is, it's common for BPDs to have a narcissistic streak. The two disorders are very similar.
Bingo with vulnerable narcissism imho.
The ultimate victim ...with a vindictive twist....Blaming the person who saved her life? She claims to be ""a self-aware person". I think she means self-focused. If she was self-aware she see that she is not the center of the universe and not everything in life revolves around her wants and needs. Setting a date for your suicide? That puts everyone you come in contact with in a position of being responsible for your life. It's sort of mind-blowing in its selfishness. Her poor daughter!
I love you Oli. Please don't die. This world needs you.
👍❤😢 Awwwww👍I Feel This too❤🙏😞😭
In what way
This world needs her daughter more. Where she at? She’s a free lunch. Food. She brought a life into this world and fed her to a wolf for male attention. Disgusting
I smell deceit and manipulation. I hope she gets her life straight.
Well yeah, but it's not like she's playing everyone and skipping thru life. She is messed up.
Mark your patience is amazing. Just amazing.
Hi Oli. Your story resonates so loudly to me. As if I was meant to hear it. 10 days ago my close and very dear friend took her own life. She talked through with me what she was going to do and I held her hand through this until the day before she died. When I woke up one morning I realised she still hadn’t replied to my message and I went round her house knowing no one else would. And I found her gone.. I am devastated and traumatised but mostly heartbroken and it’s all so raw and traumatic still. She was in the hands of the professionals who were aware of her suicidal thoughts and practical plans to do so. I was with her every day in the moment and only once asked her “please stay”. It was selfish and she told me she just couldn’t. She had already stayed longer than she could and was in pain. I forgive her of course and have nothing but love for her. So many things you talk about are the same as my friend and I stopped in my tracks today listening to you open your heart. It’s like listening to her again. God bless you and your decision. I knew how hard my friend fought and can hear the agony in your voice too. I wish you peace and love from now on in and thank you for sharing your life with total strangers like me🙏🏼
So very sorry that you lost your dear friend. ❤
@@gollbach-cardenas5605 thank you so much 😔
Oh my heart, your dear friend, may she Rest In Peace. I’m so glad she had you to talk to so she didn’t have to feel alone. My heart broke reading your story. Big hugs to you and so sorry for the loss of your friend.
Im oin tears for you and your friend. Such a lovely testimony and sharing for Oli. You were such a good friend, thank you for going and checking on her. God Bless You 💜
I'm sorry you lost your dear friend. I know you did everything within your power to help her. I'm sure that meant a great deal to her. When an individual's pain is so deep, there's nothing a person can do to stop them. I'm a survivor of suicide so I know. Remember her love for you and hold on to the best times you shared. She would have wanted only happiness for you. ❤️
It is apparent she wears the victim cloak. When she asks herself why it keeps happening to her, perhaps she needs to look in a mirror. Stating her suicide date is so harmful to her daughter, extremely manipulative. Ketamine therapy may work, since traditional therapy reinforces her victim role. So tragic for her daughter. Can really see how she starts out somewhat depressed and escalates to almost a mania presentation. Hoping her daughter get what she needs.
Not everyone can afford insurance. Having said that there are organizations that will help you with medication and counseling. As well as housing,food and clothes.
There are numerous people who unfortunately have been made victims numerous times even when they shut themselves away from others and do their best to use their instincts, get better, recover. There are people who have gone through way worse than you who have nothing. There is a reason we call people “needy”. We don’t tell them to buck up and just “do better”. the woman is homeless, with much less than you have yet this is the compassion you show her. Not knowing where you are in life or how you got there due to trauma, the learned helpfulness ness brought on by mentally ill parents, your own mental health, leaves you exhausted. I’ve tried ketamine, ECT, all kind of therapy, meds, and still I struggle like her. You’re lucky things work for you and life has been kinder in some ways. Even so called people who play victims are suffering to an extent, we all need help. Some people do play the victim but again, having faith in life and people when nothing works and your mind and body are done, is quite hard.
@@gemimarigby2471 I can see you are invested in this reply, and I appreciate what you have written. Parts of what you write I agree with and parts I do not. Thankfully, we can have our opinions without being shamed. Since neither of us know one another we truly can not know our unique narratives…but as you pointed out we all have our wounds. Suffice it to say, I have lived abroad and have witnessed unspeakable poverty and seen the results of war on tiny infants and children. These visions are inescapable, so I am commenting on Oli’s story from my perspective and experience just as you have. Be well.
@@JackieDay-001 I have traveled extensively as well and seen people in horrible situations and I too am in ongoing suffering and a type of homelessness myself. Doing my best to survive and exist but keep getting knocked down no matter what I do it seems. Compassion and access to therapy like EMDR or Brainspotting as well as society improvement goes a long way, beyond just personal responsibility. As even that doesnt’ seem to help some of us. I get what you are saying but you don’t seem to get what I am saying. YOu may have the capabilities to lift yourself up, but I question why you are here on this channel if you don’t like victim narratives as this channel is literally about people who have been victimised repeatedly as I have been. Even so, I still help others but many of us are too deeply hurt and damaged and have faced almost 30 years of trauma. I’ve even taken “over responsibility” and it hasn’t worked. Sometimes showing compassion and validation helps people make some better choices. But in this world of literal constant violence and genocide as we speak, personal responsibility isn’t stopping the big people in power from destroying everything.
@@gemimarigby2471 I disagree that this channel is “literally about people being victimized…” I believe 85% of this channel profiles survivors, folks who don’t wish to be a victim, people who, in spite of their history are thriving! What I find interesting is you have labeled all these people as victims, that may be something for you to think about. Be well.
I can totally relate to Oli very much because I remember the first time I tried suicide and I was 16 yrs old and I was saved by the person who I hated at the time. Over the decades I've failed to do it right so to speak. But I decided I'm gonna die anyways so what's the rush? I never had children because I didn't want to leave behind a child who would be alone in this screwed up world. I hope Oli is still with us because she should think about her daughter and not just herself. It's so unfair to her kid,if she is still here I do pray that she hangs on with all her might. It's when we give up is when we lose the war. I live alone with my two kitties and they love me and I love them. Dear God anyone who is thinking about suicide please don't just go away and leave this planet. You will be missed and this temporary problem will pass because death is forever... don't give up on yourself!! I've been there and I know death will come soon enough to all of us, so what's the dam rush!!? I'm 62 now and I've dealt with tons of trauma and physical issues as well. Stay strong out there!!
The more I listen to this woman, the more excuses I hear. I’ve tried to get jobs but I’m used to having more authority at my job so I had no choice to leave. I didn’t know I could call the police when my brother refused to let me have my daughter. I can’t do entry level work. Just excuse after excuse after excuse. Like I get it…life is fucking hard. It’s really fucking hard and it will absolutely throw some serious shit at you. And maybe she needs some kind of therapy or something but all I’m hearing is excuses.
Agreed. Nothing is her fault. Her lack of accountability is ruining her life. I don't fully believe her framing of these things either. Like I would go to war over my kid being taken by someone within seconds. I wouldn't not think of calling the police for YEARS
A trip to another country would help her. Not once did she share a nurturing story about her child, but she's furious of her absence? I think it's delusion and nothing else. Also waste of an education.
Your harsh, I see a woman with cptsd who work hard to get ahead but don’t know how
Suicidal people take everything to heart , the words you say , the actions you do. The sadness and anger seems to pile up and they never let it go truly. They remember being sad when they were an infant . I hope she gets the help that works . She obviously has an amazing intellect.
How do you know that?
"Suicidal People" can't be grouped like that...everyone has different motivations and different perspectives, at different times.
This person seems to have a lot of trauma she hasn't been able to let go of, true. But other people can and do experience suicidal thoughts with different motivations.
@@kelliedoxiern4308 Experienced it in the first place. They experienced all Trauma, anxiety, shame, guilt, isolation, self esteem, depression before suicide or an attempt, which is end of the line. And the root of it can be trace back to childhood where they were left alone to deal with some emotions they didn't know how to deal in most cases.
She needs to get a grip..life is a challenge ..we all struggle thru tough times...
WOW.... your statement is so true, thanks for sharing that!
Oli does not come across as honest.
I know somebody similar to her. We've been really close friends for 30 years. The spiral down is so intense that it's heartbreaking to watch. I couldn't imagine actually going through it. She had so much spark, but she found every opportunity to be the victim and push away. My friend is homeless and addicted now. Had a conversation with her in a hospital recently. She was being treated for her second infection of cellulatis within a few months. She was arrested in a raid with a bunch of squatters. Learning how bad her life has gotten, I researched a lot about this system and how hopeless it really is. Collectively we have all been waiting for the call her body was found. She has been talking about suicide for over 20 years. I hope she bounces back, but I don't think she will. All she wants is to be loved, but if you try to show that in any way shaper or form, she will reject it. Her spark is still there, but it is very tiny.
I wrote a book for her and I know they may never get to read it, but the childlike hope is still there. It’s called “The Theory of Oliver”, if anyone knows her.
Can't find that book. Don't think it exists.
@@KevlarVTXmaybe they meant they wrote one..doesnt mean she's saying she had it published. You know you can write without it being publicized. Maybe you should've asked that first..
@@KevlarVTX It's on Amazon, if you wanted to read it. It's been out and published since June 3rd, 2023.
@@sinverrette9803 Thank you for that, I did in fact have it published. In six days it will have been a year.
Where does this woman live, she needs some love in her life. She’s very intelligent.
Sure all she needs is a good friend and she will no longer feel like ending it. Psshhh dream on, it runs way deeper than that.
@@windwhisprz chill. as someone suicidal at the moment, yes it doesnt solve all things, but goddamn does it help a lot.
Nobody ever wants to commit suicide. They want the pain to end. If we have the resources to help them.
She is very matter of fact . I hope she doesn’t but I think she will
I will I could friend her. I feel what she feels🩵
”Even when i feel like an insider it doesnt seem to take too long before i realize that i’m still just kind of an observer”
She put words on something I’ve been feeling all my life
Me too!
Watching the world go by ....
The more you engage with channels like this one, the more you'll see you're not alone.❤️
This is the human condition, you can always find a way to feel different if you try. You’re comparing your own intimate knowledge of your thoughts and feelings to your perception of a stranger.
Start looking for things you have in common with others and perhaps you’ll feel more connected.
Yeah, same.