How to Make New Friends!
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- Опубликовано: 14 июл 2024
- I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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Loneliness is something that SO MANY of us experience but nobody seems to talk about, as a result it often feels like we are the only one in that position, so thank you for this Kati!! xx
Of course!! This question was voted on by so many kinions.. you are definitely not alone with it!! xoxo
I agree Alice. Im so confused because I had thought I had worked through all of this. The 15 years later, bam. The after affects of trauma has claws. My loneliness is due to my illness because I havent been alone for 25 years. So when I didn't get into another relationship I got the withdrawals of the female species , then my adult trauma was around the corner. losing my girlfriend ( not the Narc) of 7 years , she had to move , then my sons mom starts keeping him from me again. Its odd my body craves the companionship but my mind is in terror. Anyway someone says it takes 2 years to be healed for Trauma. Lets add 2 more for my self- induced crisis.
I agree. And I try to connect with people.. who dont have time.. or say hi to new people which is so hard for me but try to say hi to everyone I passwhen walking...but mostly get discouraged when no one replies back and walks right past me.. occasional older person says hi back ans recently had a an older lady heckle me for only walking my dog up tge shady street n back....but only cuz it was so hot out..and didnt want him to burn his paws or get overheated.
This woman says you need to walk farther than that... even your dog is pulling you to keep going.
So i may seem our of shape ..but i had never met this person...
So it was either nothing..or rude people... with a few replies after 100 or so people passed in a week.
I used to mske friends easily as a kid..becausd i said hi to everyone... at one point my mom said two strangers asked me if j wanted to go for s ride with them as she was coming out from inside.
I dont remember that at all.
Now people dont know how to even say hello.. how to make a connection with people?
On a lighter note one person who never replied in the year ans z half ive seen him maybe once a moth walking..sometimes more but say hello....to everyone.
Old people ..people pushin carts say hello..some older people say helloback..maybe its tge people lackin that connection who actually say hi back...people w headphones i get ..no reply..but if i noticecheadphones.. i wave as i say hi.
Well this person finally said hi back...and im not interested in dating everyone i say hi to....and i wonder if thats why people dont reply.
Im just a person saying hi to another person...no hidden agenda.. nocrush.. just a hello.
I think people need to start saying hi back....no strings attached.. and its the first word we learn. It all atarts with a smile and a hello..
Or sayin morning!...doesnt have to be s good morning but do yourselves both s favor say hi..or morning..back.
@@bobhunley6457 **my body craves the companionship but my mind is in terror.** That fits me like a tailored glove.
Alice i self induced loneliness by doing a 180. I went from loose to nada and the first 3 months without having someone to cuddle etc. Put me into female withdrawals big-time. Now my fast is over I'm too lazy to go through it. Angelic beings you.
Just came out of a long term relationship and was pretty lonely. Decided to join an evening photography class. Love it so much. We all have this shared passion, so it is super easy to talk to people; would recommend doing a class/group hobby you love to anyone xx
Yay!! Thank you so much for sharing!! xoxo
great comment, i find that when your on a course it helps to make friends
my friend say you should just talk to random people on the street
I’m 61 and alone I really would love to meet someone
I hope you've found some beautiful souls to add your life 💗
What town do you live in? I’m 62 yo married female looking for new female friends.
Kati, you’ve inspired me to finally get counseling! I’m getting married next year and I have a lot of deep rooted issues from my childhood and youth, and I want to work on myself and get better and loose my hurt
I’m a person who rarely makes any new friends and usually abandon old relationships. This video really motivates me to make a big change in my life. I have scheduled travels and events this year so I have many opportunities to make and reopen friendships. Thanks for the video, Katie!
I hope it went well and that you had amazing experiences. I wish you the best
Positive self talk is so bloody hard though. 💕
I know.. but just give it a try.. little by little it gets easier :) xxoo
Kati Morton I’ve started journaling but I’m sure it’s a practice kind of situation. Thanks though 💕
Bethanie P journaling is AMAZING self-care, I can't recommend it highly enough! Stick with it :) even if you just write about your day, it gets things out of your mind and I find that it's nice way to process some things :)
I believe in you gurl! A little each day 😊 and if you fall back into that negative thinking, dust yourself off and try again. Xx
Thank you
It’s so hard making new friends, especially if your lifetraps hold you back; I know mine sure do. But, watching this video gave me new hope on friendships! Thanks, Kati! ❤️
Yay! So glad I could help :) xoxo
Lifetraps...good way to put it. I’ll be using this from now if you don’t mind.
its actually more difficult to make friends for someone who has social anxiety like me! I can't speak a single word without shaking and feeling nervous in public. Imagine that!! NOT A SINGLE WORD WITHOUT SHAKING!!
Minh Nguyen Of course! My counselor introduced me to that term, and there are many books on it!
BIM Brothers America you have social anxiety too??
“Just say yes”
The only thing I get asked to do is take people’s shifts and go to work tho
This is all fine and well, but my avoidance is telling me imma go live in a forest instead :D
Hairyfrankfurt I’ll come too. We can be neighbours 😂
Hairyfrankfurt SAME
Yeah, I wish life were that simple and easy...
Just become Snow White and make friends with the animals instead
Haha, me too. But I struggle to know what is me being anxious and avoidant and what is me just being introvert me, when to push myself and when to just accept myself as I am.
It’s too terrifying to meet new people. I don’t trust the old ones.
bruh, the old ones are who I'm trying to meet. No new friends.
I feel exactly same as you joycloud...
Just don’t give away more than you are willing to lose.
Same 😫😣
I make friends at 30 the same way I did at 3. I walk up to them and go : 'Hi, person! I like you, wanna be friends?' I freaked out a lot of people but made some great friends along the way 😁 When in doubt, just connect to your child-like self ❤️
I'm so happy this exists! I literally had a whole therapy session about how I suck at socializing as an adult thank you!!!
Moved to a new town and found myself scared to make new friends. This video came just in time! Thank you for this, I think a lot of people are struggling with this as adults.
Kati you are awesome! I am finally in therapy because of you. Thank you for making these videos!
Awe of course!! I am so proud of you for reaching out and getting help!! xoxo
Allison we all need therapy - should be a MUST in live - good for you
Allison what f I want know you here 😄😉
I swear your video topics always come at the perfect time! It’s crazy! Thank you Kati for all that you do for us. You’re amazing ❤️
Your voice is so comforting... I've been looking for videos like yours my whole life. Thank you for putting content out there. I'm just watching one after the other feeling warm and fuzzy
I don’t have any friends outside of my family but I made that choice. After being hurt in the past, I decided to focus on myself but it’s been a while since I’ve really socialized. I’m so busy with grad school, work, and personal stuff that I need all the down time I have to recharge. I’m never motivated to talk to someone, ask how they’re doing, or get to know someone better. I’m just comfortable being alone but I know it isn’t healthy. :/
There’s nothing wrong with that!
Brittany S well I think it’s ok to not want a huge group of friends, especially if you’re as introverted as me... but I should at least have a couple eventually.
guiltmenot I’m also an introvert and only have one friend . She lives far away. Haha.
In my opinion, being alone isn't necessarily a problem unless being alone makes you feel unhappy or unloved or unlovable. If you've been hurt in the past and your family is your comfort zone and you can depend on them to be there if you need something, I don't really see a problem with being happy with your own company. Some people have a real hard time being alone with themselves and can't handle dealing with their own thoughts. That can be a problem if a person is working so hard to avoid themselves that they MUST have constant activity and input from others. Two ends of the scale. It sounds as though you've found a balance. And that, to me, is quite healthy.
What makes you think this is unhealthy?
I graduated from high school last year and am not attending college. I have a job, but I've been working there for three years and haven't really connected with anyone. I've been feeling extremely lonely lately, and I think this video will really help me Branch out a bit
Yay!! I hope so too :) xxo
Same here but I'm not even working and I left college months ago :/
I really needed this! Thank you for the advice 😊
Of course!! I hope it was helpful :) xoxo
You seem like a beautiful soul.
It’s easy for me to meet new people. The hard part for me is to keep in touch with them.
I’m not an adult but great video! :) “If you don’t ask, your not going to know the answer” this is what I need to get in my head for many things in life other then making friends. Thank you Kati!
I REALLY like your channel! You really go in depth! I'm currently in therapy and I've learned more in these few hours watching ur videos than I have going the last 4 months!!
Thank you so much for summarizing your video in the description. You're the first person I've ever seen do that.
1. Work on your self awareness
2. Find your interest and join club
3. Reconnect with old friends.
4. Say the hell yesssssss!!!
5. follow up people :)
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
This is SO important! One of those things people don't really talk about, but is critical for our wellbeing!
Your videos have helped me so much, I’m so grateful for amazing kind souls like you. Your inspiring me to get therapy for my depression and anxiety
Thank you! I have social anxiety (along with GAD and depression) so this is a difficult topic for me. But I'm working a lot with my treatment team to overcome my struggles. Again thank you for the video :)
Wow! This is worth a lot to me. Thanks, Kati! I made 2017 my socialization year and I was in the dark about making friends as an adult. Whenever I did, it was by accident. But, this video codifies what I was learning. Great work as always! What a neat tool.
Kati, you are a wonderful human being. Im grateful for your existence
Kati, thank you for your positive energy and open style of communication. I just found your channel and really appreciate your messages.
I have been searching for videos with this exact title for the past week and I'm so happy that you made this 😭🎉 I love your channel! tfs 😊
You posted this literally on just the right day. I feel SO lonely right now and was just texting people back home saying that I need friends here where I am at! XD
I hope it was helpful :) xoxox
These are all great! Another important thing to note, I think, is that sometimes you just gotta be yourself while putting yourself out there and trying to engage, and wait to see what kind of relationships strike up; particularly if you desire more deeply engaging relationships for your psyche. Also, it's important to remember that you can be friends with people on a not-such-a-deep-way-but-still-genuine level, and it still be incredibly valuable and true, for the both of you.
Solid advice, cheerfully delivered. Thank you!
thank you for this video. just what i needed honestly
I'm new to your channel but I need you to know how grateful I am already. I've felt understood for the first time, from the first minute I watched. thank you.
I’ve been going through my own personal hell! I’m so glad I found you through Shane. I was a no-show to my first therapy session (in over ten years) and your videos remind me that ITS HEALTHY DO IT. ❤️
Katiii your positivity help me to get out of my clouds and see the sun hehe. Just for thanks. >.<
Man, I'm so emotional... I hope you're fine as well. We are so glad to have you in this world! ❤
I’ve been thinking lately I would like to join my social village events. It’s scary but I want to give it a go. Thanks Kati. Great advice as always ❤️
I just discovered you recently and I'm so happy about it. Your videos are so helpful, and entertaining too!
Yay! Welcome to the community Jennifer!! xoxo
Hey Kati. Your videos have helped me in my aniexty. Whenever I am spiraling, I watch your videos, they make me feel so better. Thankyou for making these videos
I was laid off two years ago at my job in ATL, so my wife and I decided to move to Santa Monica with no jobs and just my severance and give it a shot out here. I have never been a social butterfly and dreaded having to meet new people, but I knew it was something I had to do. Slowly but surely, I'm getting over the anxiety of having coffee with people and going to mixers. I've worked in TV for 20 years and always wanted to be in LA so I feel like I owe it to myself to get out and meet others, and I plan on doing more of that this year. Thanks for such a great inspirational video and everything you do!
Thank you for your advice! My social isolation comes from being a middle-aged woman without children living in the suburbs . Everyone I meet in my neighborhood wants to discuss their kids, and that's the first thing they ask me about.. It creates such a distance between me and most women in their 40s and 50s because I never had children. I am also divorced, and most women my age are married or in long-term relationships, so that adds another layer of complexity. I'd love to move to the city where other lifestyles are more common and embraced, but it is too expensive for me now,; the suburbs are all families or retired couples whose children are grown and moved away. I would appreciate any advice. I've tried different types of meetups and activities, such as a Sailing Club, yoga, and book clubs, but they are all filled with the same types of people, married , usually with children, and no matter what the topic of the Meetup or activity is, the conversation always circles back to family life.
keep your head up , keep trying and don't lose faith because the people you are looking for are closer than you think ! I'm praying for you
How are you doing nowadays? Are there any changes?
@@JC-fx3wh The main change has been a growing level of acceptance with my life and valuing the social support I do have. Thank you for asking!
I'm just too weird to be friend material. I'm extremely shy, not outgoing & have severe anxiety. I can't do the regular things people do like go shopping (built up crowded stores) or goto the pubs. I have a very lonely life for a 29yr old.
Michael Wilts do you have any hobbies? Maybe you would feel more comfortable meeting people that have the same interest as you.
You’re not weird. You would be surprised how many other people are like you :)
Positive self talk, honey. Tell us a positive thing to every negative point you made up there
In addition to Katies super helpful content ...I Encourage you to Watch Dr. gerlachs videos on Anxiety & ....They are very helpful & offer great insight and information. Hope it helps 🕊
Michael Wilts you overgeneralizing lonely few people go crowded places join smaller groups walking groups craft groups if u can’t find any stock a wanted advert in a library or coffee shop
Saying I am looking people to do pairing or knitting or walking you be surprised how many people are looking for friends to do quiet hobbies
This video came just as I've started making friends as an adult, so thanks for all the advice on having patience of myself! :D
Lovely, lovely words.
This honestly couldn't have been uploaded at a better time, I'm on a gap year and all my friends are all over the country at uni so I barely get to see them, and I'm working at a place where I feel like I don't really fit in, but I'm slowly starting to speak to people there:) thanks for the vid Kati! X
This was a recent topic with my therapist. Thank you, Kati!
You do not realize how badly I need this thank you so much for making this video
This was a very great video, Kati! I've been watching for about 2 years but I just don't really comment haha but you make awesome vids! Your last point stood out to me because I know in high school especially with my friendships I was not a vulnerable person. I was understanding and listened to people but, as I told my sister, I think everybody has their "label" in their friend group and I'm not the one who complains. Not that I never have bad days but I just don't speak to people outside my family about that. Now, since graduating college, I have a really good friend that I speak to sometimes but I think I'm in a "you don't need friends, just figure your life out" sort of stage in life where I feel quite lost and disappointed in myself. I feel like some people wear their insecurities on their sleeve and they'll talk about them but to me I never want to be someone who's constantly talking about what I dislike in life so I just hold it in and strive to be better even when it hurts. I've found lately that I could have high-functioning depression but I think that's rather silly (not the diagnosis but dwelling on that possibility) when I have other things to do haha. I sought counseling in college and it was really good I just don't have the time or space for that now. I'd rather handle my business instead of psychoanalyzing everything (I overthink way too much). All in all this is quite a long comment! But you do fantastic work and articulate your points quite well. I just wanted to share my POV. Thanks and have a great day! :)
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thats literally meày life right now in one big paragraph ,lol ! i hope you are doing better jasmyne !
You have no idea how much I needed this video today! Been thinking about this a lot lately!!
Yay! SO happy to help :) xoxo
Hi
Great advice, thanks Kati!
Wow this came at a perfect time, thanks! :)
"Why am I spending all this time alone? I already do that."
It's like you read my mind.
Another great video!
YOU ARE GREAT KATI.
I moved to a new city that is mostly family city and doesn't have that many activities. It was HELL but you learn a lot about yourself when you are alone for longer period of time. I see it as a growing period in which you have to learn how to deal with life. New start is never easy.
You are not alone, its gonna be alright✨
Hey Kati! I just discovered your channel and I am so glad I did. This video particularly struck me. I’ve made a whole bunch of new friends in the last year but I am finding it IMPOSSIBLE to get anyone to meet outside of work. People either tell me they’re busy or blow me off completely last minute. Out of the people I’ve met, I’ve met up with two of them outside of work twice. I’ve been canceled on so many times I don’t even bother to make plans anymore. I want to have a social life but it feels impossible with everyone seeming so busy. And it makes me feel like no one wants to hang out with me specifically, like I’m not an interesting enough of a person to hang out with outside of work.
Thank you for this Kati 💟
I just found this, and I'm glad I found it. It fits me so much. Loneliness stinks for sure.
thank you Katie, this video gave me the courage to finally message a girl I met in the street a couple months ago when I complimented her boots. we stood there chatting for like 20 minutes then added each other on facebook. if she doesn't message back it's okay, I'd just been thinking about it so long I'm glad I finally did it!
This is the perfect video.
I get a lot of attention but I don’t act on it because I’m afraid people won’t like the real me.
The real me is scarred and terribly flawed in relationships. But I’m also very caring and friendly. I love making other people happy ( in a genuine, not self punishing kind of way ).
I would highly recommend looking up Brene Brown, if you haven’t already. She has studied vulnerability in great depth and has some really sound advice on this.
I hope my tips are helpful and give you some ideas on how to slowly get comfortable making new friends. xoxo
Kati Morton thanks Kati!
iflymilly I will, thank you!
Thank you for the video. I'm having a horrible day and needed some inspiration. Thank you for everything
Thank you very much Kati, this video was very nice and helpful.
You are very welcome!! I am glad you enjoyed it and found it helpful :) xoxo
Thank you so much for this video!😀
this is actually an embarrassing topic, but a very real problem. This is great advice!
Hii
Hi
Thank you for this video!
I really needed this ! I’ve always had this problem.... not just as an adult .
Just what I needed- thanks heaps! x
Thank-you so much. This was so helpful. 💛
Holy hell this vid helped more than I ever imagined. Thank you Kati.
Saying yes is one of the hardest things for me, being an introvert and having social anxiety - and this is why I struggle with friendship, but I’m working on it! So I’m glad I’m not the only one 😊
Awesome tips! I love your channel so much!
This thing actually helped me out thank u Katey
Hi, Kati. Thanks so much for the video 🙏🏼
Love this post
I have way more friends as a 30 year old than I ever did as a kid or teenager. Hands down, the biggest piece of advice I can give is to ask people about themselves. As kids and teenagers I think we tend to make friends by finding something in common between us, but as an adult that doesn’t really work so well because we aren’t naturally surrounded by people in the same position or age group as us. People LOVE to talk about themselves and you get to learn details that might confirm the possibility of a future friendship. (I like to ask people about travel, books, and video games.)
Thanks. I love your videos so much!!!
Thanks kati !! What a great video - I have just been talking about this in my own therapy sessions about trying to make friends after a year of shutting everyone out - I’m going to try and join a local running group for beginners ..... 🙂
I'm 17, so not an adult but this still helped me. I find it difficult to have friendships because of my social anxiety, aspeergers, and depression. Thank you !! :)
Good topic, thanks.
I really appreciate this video, Kati! I'm going to be graduating university soon and find that making friends as an adult is quite difficult.
Wow just found your channel and it is amazing. Tons of helpful videos and content.
Great tips! Thanks! :)
I'm 25 and had a pretty large group of "friends" growing up (say 13-20 years old-ish). I liked them and spent tons of time with them but something just always felt empty/wrong with them. I completely dropped contact with every single person when I was about 21 and had zero friends until about 6 months ago.
I had been invited out by some guys at work a couple times but always just said no because I thought it would be the same shit as when I was younger. I have never been so wrong about anything in my life. I randomly said yes one day and had a great time.
It's been roughly 6 months and now the guys at my work truly feel like my brothers at this point and I'm more comfortable with them than I ever was with the people who I knew for almost a decade.
I guess my point here is that there's friends out there for all of us, you just have to take a chance!
I really like this one! Helpful and practical 🙂
Thanks for helping me out❤
Thank you!!!!
I really like this post. Thank you
Thank you, Kati! Very helpful suggestions. xo
Hi
Wow, this is good, ❤, thank you
Great topic
I just moved and am in the Saturn Return phase of my life. I needed this right now. Thank you, thank you!
I’m soooo picky with friends, I like to talk with most people for 5 mins but after that I’m just bored :(
Do you play games with yourself? Drop buzzwords into casual conversations and see who bites, move on from the rant-ers and dramatists and catastrophisers , or say something bland or vague and see who responds passionately and with opinions you can relate to or discuss.
I want to say to you that there is NOTHING wrong with a 5 minute taster rule
sarahwithstars Oh thank you for the ideas! I will try it :) i’ve always found it hard to connect with people
Malou Mas. There is nothing fake or inauthentic about preparing questions or having rehearsed conversation starters fr any events where you find yourself with new people. And if preparation helps overcome that anxiety, you will read and notice people you could like and others will see a truer reflection of you, instead of only seeing an anxious exterior that could pass with some tools xxxxxx good luck beautiful xxxxxx
sarahwithstars Thank you, that is very sweet :) and no fr3dricks0n, I’m mainly talking about people in university
So be the excitement. Talk about what you enjoy and go from there. If you don’t have a solid idea of your interests, like Kati said, figure that out. Adding to that, I think entertaining your interests, as obvious as that sounds, is also key. So if you enjoy art, for example, keep tabs on upcoming exhibitions you’re interested in so you can talk about it with others and maybe even go to if they’re also interested.
Now this is a video I truly need
Thank you so much for considering social anxiety because I struggle with this majorly!
Hi friend
Thank you for your videos.... cause of you im going to therapy to get help with my dermatillomania..... really thank you
This is a great video topic, Ever since college started it's hard to connect to people because i'm a commuter
I just left university and moved back home (where I don’t have any friends) and I really needed this video thanks
When I moved away from everything and everyone I knew I really struggled with this! I’m an introvert by trade; have social anxiety tendancies, along with other issues. I’m content being alone; though I know socializing is necessary, so I tend to allow people to approach me because I’m afraid to start.