+Marie Cargille After "I'd tried going to things, I'd tried to make friends, and I thought I had failed. In fact, though, I just hadn't" I was so expecting his statement to continue with "tried hard enough". I'm really glad it didn't.
IncipientBeauty Yep. That works. I was best friends for almost 3 with an extremely extrovert and popular girl in my late twenties. We sadly had a falling out at some point, but I have never had as much fun before or after with anyone else. Sigh.
or find the little island or introverts and sort of sneak in there. Just don't talk at first, then start talking slowly, and eventually you will already be their best friend.
This is a general "thank you" to all the generous people who make the first move and invite new friends over to watch TV and join Indie car fantasy leagues. I'm always too nervous to make those initial moves in a new friendship and I always feel so excited and wanted when someone thinks to invite me over 💕
I want to move out west to achieve something, and my biggest fear is not being able to meet people or make friends. Hopefully one day I’ll be able to look back and sigh, an old man with longtime friends and kids and stuff. Thanks for this discussion guys, it’s really enlightening.
I’m in Arizona, summers here are brutal but the rest of the year is great. Same with most out in the Southwest. It’s going to be tough to take that first step, but when you do, it will be that momentum that keeps you going. Hope you move out west someday.
It’s odd being in high school because you’re kind of “friends” with everyone, but only because they’re with you all the time. So many people call themselves friends but very few stick it out for the long run. Personally I do not believe I have many friends, even though people always say stuff like “oh my god but people are always around you and you know everyone.” But that doesn’t define friendship, it’s simply proximity. You have to get along with those around you otherwise you’d probably go crazy.
One way I have found to make friends as an adult is to look for people who could use a friend. It can be hard, especially if you are in a place of great enough need that it makes it difficult to look out for the wellbeing of others, but if trying to make friends with socialites hasn't worked for you then start looking on the outskirts. Who else is a wallflower at the social gathering? Who always shows up to things but leaves early after very little interaction? If you find another person who wants a friend then suddenly you're in position where you're rarely going to be rejected when you try to talk to or hang out with them. You may find that the person you meet isn't someone you want to spend a lot of time with, but more often than not, a good friendship just comes from two people who decided to like each other, regardless of what they have in common. Just a thought. :)
I really feel for what John is saying about making an effort and trying to be social, going to events by yourself despite how nervous it makes you hoping that you will connect with someone, but failing. It’s the worst feeling in the world because it’s like you’re alone in a crowded room and also because there’s no excuses anymore; you can’t blame your lack of friends on your lack of trying because you did try. It makes you feel like there’s something wrong with you. I struggled with that in college and it lead to extremely destructive thoughts and behaviors. But eventually I found my niche like John did. So just hang in there, keep putting yourself out there, remember there’s nothing wrong with you and that people do care about you more than you think.
This is a classic example of the difference between the brothers and how they complement each other: one talks about how friendship is labor and what friendship is in a scientific, synthetic level, where the other on how it was for him in his life and his feelings about it, frustrations and inevitable triumphs.
First week of university every old friend from school assured me how great I am and how much they love me and that I would for sure find new close friends. This September I will start my third year and I still haven't made more than 3 vague acquaintances. It's really difficult to form strong connections and I miss my old friends who were like my family.
Jam Brownies I went through my first three years of university thinking I had great friends (they were all just toxic relationships) then in my final year I made two friends who I'm still in contact with a year after graduating. Good friends are worth the wait, and like John said, you just haven't succeeded yet
Jam Brownies I am also currently without deep friendships because I went abroad for a year during high school and it didn't click again when I got back. I think we just have to be patient and not lose hope.
Keep trying! You never know when you'll find someone you click with :) I really pushed myself to be more social and even pledged for a fraternity (despite my social anxiety) because I felt like I hadn't met enough people in university. I had some great experiences and I met my boyfriend of almost 6 years during that year.
eat with people. this gives you an excuse not to talk while you sit with them and get used to each others' presence. keep their numbers. because at least you have it. send them memes. because what else is their. shared humor is a good way to make friends and leads to more unusual situations that cement it.
Mol Berry this is actually the best advice ever from personal experience. Food + strangers = much less awkward convos. And inside jokes are often what makes a friendship go beyond an acquaintance. Send all the memes!
Thank you for reminding me not to give up on trying to make new friends. People seem to float in and out of my life, which is normal, but I really need to get back into putting myself out there and trying to find ways to make friendships last beyond fracturing points (i.e. job changes, graduation, etc).
Hi John, I had a chance to speak with you a few times at VidCon US this year and you did a great job at being "friendly." While it may have helped that you had familiar people around and/or that VidCon puts you in a position of power, I'm sure it still takes an unbelievable amount of effort. I just wanted you to know that any anxiety you may have been harboring didn't show on the outside. 😊
The biggest thing I've found in making friends is to listen to them. I had such a hard time starting relationships in high school because I thought I could instantly make friends by saying or doing one interesting thing.
I Agree.I love reading an sharing stuff but it also makes me seem like obnoxious. So listening and acknowledging others helps. Also, kindness is underrated. A basic 'the office has free coffee the cups are over there' or 'I can show you where that is' works. Its not deep but its a good way to start.
I've struggled similarly over the years in going to social events and developing a deep enough connection with people to make friends. It's nice to be reminded how common this is among introverts and that at least I'm not alone.
"In fact, though, I just hadn't succeeded yet." I need to remember that sometimes going to a party, or answering a question in class, or having the guts to talk to someone new, leads to success. It seems that I remember the failures much more than those successes, and I'm holding myself back.
Even John’s videos that are so minute and small, that he will forget in 5 years that he even made, mean so fucking much to me and bring tears to my eyes every damn time. I love being a nerdfighter!😭❤️
As a Hoosier, knowing that somebody of your esteem is in Indianapolis fills me with hope for the future of the city. It's a wonderful thing to hear that our town has won you over, and I'm grateful to Chris for that. John, I'll see you and Hank in September
John I love and appreciate your videos, but do all of them have to be deep, relatable and cause me to re-examine my existence!? Seriously though, thank you for being you and sharing with us.
I love these kind of videos. So real, so relatable. Friendships can appear in the most unexpected situations and those can also be the most beautiful and important ones. I met my dearest friend in a bookstore. We wanted the same book but there was only one left. So he suggested that I could buy it and that he could get my number so he could borrow it from me when I was done with it. This was four years ago and to this day we’re friends and I am for ever thankful for that book.
He’s lovely. The book is called ”If I stay” and is written by Gayle Forman. As you can imagine it’s very special to me, but besides it being special to me, it’s also a wonderful book!
I had to show this to my mom. She's currently feeling those exact feelings you spoke of and is deeply discouraged about making new friends. "My God..." she said as she listened because she felt like she was alone (we live in Jamaica, where you go big or go home) Thanks John.
We just moved up to Indy a year ago and I think I'm in a similar boat to the one you were in then - writer with a garden, not getting out much, trying to find a way to be social, living in a neighborhood of older people, just don't know anyone nearby. I just hope my life turns out even half as well as yours.
I live in Indy too. Moved here in 2010 and now live on a street with mostly old people. We are the only family with a small child. This is the exact story I needed. Also, I met Chris once. I introduced myself and he was SO nice.
I'm on the east side and there's a library nearby that I bike to often, but I have a hard time just going up and talking to random people there... which is weird because that's kinda what I was known for back in college. lol Cities seem so much less friendly than a campus sometimes. That's cool you've met Chris - degrees of separation always fascinate me.
I live on the west side. We go to the library near us a lot but my son LOVES elevators and the downtown library is so nice. We go there a lot too. They have a lot of free programs. I actually bought a ticket to Hank's book tour stop in Indy. Hoping to meet some local nerdfighters there.
Aimee Aikins I've thought about getting a ticket, but we're keeping a tight budget this month. That would be a good place to meet people though. Hmm. Something I'll have to consider. lol
Thank you, sir. I am a late diagnosed autistic person and my particular problems seem to cluster in social areas. You remind me that it's not never, it's not yet.
My husband and my pregnant self and our 2 kids moved to a new home last year. And the neighborhood we arrived in feels like a weird slice of paradise. The kids play outside together every single day, the adults all include each other on boat outings and parties and barbecues. When we came here it was easy to initially feel like an outsider and decline invitations but I am so grateful that they kept inviting us, they kept including us. We've only lived here a year, and already it feels like home.
you can avoid awkward handshakes by turning it into a best grip contest. If the person on the receiving end doesn't get it then they're the one making it awkward.
You just have to tank the awkwardness. It's all in your head, if everyone can do it so can you. Fake the confidence until it arrives, I promise you it will :)
John, thank you so much for sharing this story...I have lived in Indianapolis my entire life, and for almost all of it I felt the way you did when you first moved here. I was homeschooled, then started a RUclips channel and ended up working from home when I moved out at 19. The isolation I felt was crushing, and it felt impossible to break into everyone else’s groups they’d been forming since childhood. I tried to make friends just like you did and had become quite disillusioned with it. Finally early this year I was going to make my big move out to the west coast to pursue filmmaking (and get out of Indy), but to my dismay some things happened with my channel that cut income in half quite suddenly. No longer could I afford the west coast. I was devastated again, but then thankfully I decided to try one last time something that had failed so many times before. There was this guy who had taken my order at chick-fil-a every week for over 2 years...I was really interested in him but such an introvert I had never tried to talk to him. I got lucky one day and he wore a name tag with his full name on it. I started messaging him on Instagram. Most people would always ghost me eventually, so I had low expectations. But to my shock he actually asked me on a real date, and long story short we’ve been together 4 months now. Meeting him has opened me up to so many more friends and even business connections, and for the first time I feel at home in my hometown of Indy. Yes it’s so true, you just have to keep trying because one day you will succeed.
Great video! I am now 59 and still struggle to make friends and meet romantic partners. I take care of my elderly parents and their house in addition to my own home...It's a lovely job, but it's difficult to find time even for my few existing friends. Thanks for the kindred spirit feeling I find in your videos, especially today's.
@@tomrogue13 Thank you for your concern. My father has passed away but I am still caring for my mother. Things are generally better. I have reached out to some old friends from school and have taken some time to visit them. My nephew has moved in with my mom. His wonderful sense of humor brightens a lot of days, and although he's busy, he helps me with many little tasks around her house. I am dating someone I met online. So far it's not serious, and perhaps will never be, but I do feel less isolated. The funny thing is that I feel more and more comfortable on my own, and treasure my solitude, whether backpacking or just taking an hour or so off to read in the afternoons. This past winter I made skiing a priority, and that has fired some passion for life in me that had been missing for quite a while. I hope you are doing well in your life. I glanced at your channel and enjoyed some of your music!
@@laurak8240 I'm sorry for the loss of your father. I'm glad your nephew can help. Even if it's just with the little things. Those are often the things that are most appreciated but go unnoticed too often. I've always wanted to try skiing. It looks fun. Have you skied before or was this your first time? And thank you for the kind words about my music! I didn't expect you to check it out 😅
I'm in that same boat too today I felt really alone surrounded by people if that makes any sense and he always knows what to say. He gives me hope about finding friends
As someone currently living in Indy, may I say the assumption that everyone have known each other since elementary school is 100% true, but it makes me really happy you were able to still put yourself out there and find your Jenna (She is my Chris)
Thanks so much for sharing this story, John. I moved to LA a couple years ago, and since then, my friends from college have either become distant due to a lack of physical proximity or have grown apart. Lately I’ve felt daunted and defeated by the prospect of building a new community, after a few failed attempts here already. I don’t have work to bolster my social life, and it’s really been getting me down. Its extremely comforting to see examples of people building new relationships as adults. This video makes me feel much more optimistic about trying.
This is a lovely video that is also true to my experiences of making friends as an adult. I just kept trying until it happened somehow, and I am so grateful to the Chrisses in my life who kept inviting me to things so that now I have many friendships that are extremely precious to me.
Also, I know it was said in jest, but there are amazing friendships to be had with “old” people. I am 28 and one of my most beloved friends is 65, and you would not believe how much fun we have together.
My husband and I just moved to Portland a month ago and it's been hell dealing with the isolation along with both of our battles with depression. Thank you for this. It's so important to hear.
Thank you John, this is just the thing I needed to hear right now. I'm starting high school this September, and because it's so far from where I live and went to elementary school, none of my friends are going there. I'm terrified of suddenly being surrounded by people I've never met before and the new environment. I mean I've spent the last eight years with the same thirty people in my class, we've known each other since we were seven! But hearing your experience somehow helps, maybe it's just the fact that I'm not the first to go through this, nor will be the last. It's encouraging.
I didn’t really have close friends in school and lost track of university friends after we graduated. But I took up activities I enjoyed (acting and improvisation) in my mid 20s and met people and met other people and now I’ve known my best friends for 8 years now. A few years ago they showed up to help me move house on New Year’s Day after my boyfriend dumped me the night before and now I’m cuddling their babies and supporting them through serious medical issues. And because I went through all those years without close friends I know exactly how precious their friendship is. ❤️
FINALLY the Chris/John Origin Story!!! DFTBA! I have no idea if this will be helpful nuit I’m gonna leave it here anyway because maybe somebody needs it. Once upon a time, I was a lonely chronically ill and disabled 23 year old who’d just gotten my own accessible apartment. Pretty much everyone in my building was in their 60’s or older and seemed very sad. I spent the first 6 months or so by myself because I thought I cannot possibly relate to any of these people. After a while, I got tired of that, and started getting to know people in the lobby. I made some pretty interesting friends in those years. Don’t put walls where you can put fences.
John- We’re your former neighbors and even though we barely had time to talk at one of those neighborhood gatherings, we miss you the opportunity we had to get to know you. You’re right about Chris and Marina being so friendly and charismatic . As an aside, your wife’s homemade cobbler was heavenly. I remember returning to Indianapolis, my home city, and being single and lonely. I have anxiety issues but, even so, it got easier as I attended regular writer events a poetry readings. It was hard to push myself to do that. So I relate to your post. We hope your new neighborhood has what we were lucky to find: good neighbors with a nice blend of quirky and helpful personalities, , regular opportunities for get togethers, a mix of ages, no restrictive HOAs, etc. By the way, we “old people” would have loved getting to know you better. Sometimes it’s nice to know what we each face at our stage of life. We wonder about how life is so different for people your age and would love to share our take as people who remember when there weren’t computers, cell phones, etc. Economic pressures are different for younger people. We’d like to know about that and for boomers, millennials and others to get past stereotypes we might have about various age groups. I wish you’d share your take in a future post. Anyway, that’s my take.
He is my friend’s boss and I got to meet him once. I introduced myself and told him I was a fan of 100 Days. I felt like a total geek but he was so nice.
I've been where I am now for 2 years and i only have the same 5 friends when i started that I can rarely count on to go anywhere with. I'm incredibly social and it actually gives me energy when I'm in conversation with others and it's incredibly depressing for me when I can't be around others. This gave me hope that my repeated efforts will one day pay off. I have never stopped trying. But knowing someone was in the same frame of mind as me and found friends gives me hope to try even more. Thank you John.
If Chris would be up for it, I'd love to know his point of view on making adult friends, particularly as a more outgoing person. As someone who ends up taking on that role to help my more socially anxious friends, it'd be great to hear his experiences.
I find this topic to be very important since I've always noticed how many people are quick to decide the place they live in is bad when really it's not the place, but the people, that they're dissatisfied with.
My husband is the same, he has a solid group of 5-6 friends and as they all get spouses and start having kids it’s just getting bigger and bigger. Meanwhile I have one friend from high school that I’m close to 🤷🏼♀️ Sometimes it just works out that way.
It makes me so happy to hear your stories. It gives me hope to think there are people like you out there who really care for others and are ready to open up to new experiences
At age 25, and as someone who has never lived a full decade in one state, this spoke to me. It’s amazing how one warm and welcoming friend can open the door to us when we’re in a lonely mind space. After we’ve settled in, it’s important to also become that gateway friend. Wishing you all the best John Green!
Having met all four of you, I think you're all amazingly kind, compassionate, and warm people. It makes me so happy to hear stories like this about the beginning of lifelong friendships.
This summer I had a huge, dramatic falling out with my 2 roommates/only friends/pretty toxic people, and I'm entering my senior year of college feeling like I'll have to start all over. Having social anxiety and depression is making this particularly scary. I don't know what my point is. I'm not looking forward to the coming year. But thank you for your constant positivity, John. It's a ray of light in these lonely times.
Hi John. I’m a tag along spouse as well and now my husband and I are moving across country...again. This time to another country, Canada. There’s a lot going on in my life between mental illness and friends I thought were friends, and I’ve been extremely torn on the move. Mostly I’ve had my anxiety flailing at me almost all the time. But listening to this and Hank’s video has actually made me feel a bit better. Especially yours. “I haven’t succeeded yet.” I’ll remember that. Thank you.
Thanks John, I really needed this video. I'm a trailing not-quite-yet-a-spouse in a big city more than 20 hours from where I grew up. I've been here 6 months and still don't have any form of a social network. I've kept waiting for that 'aha' moment where it just falls into place, but your video has reminded me, even if subtlety, that if i'm not putting myself out there that moment can't come. It good to know it can feel this hard for others too- that makes it more bearable to think about going to more events where the possibility of meeting people is. And it reminds me that going to those events, in and of itself, isn't enough either- I have to be willing and proactive about engaging and being engaged by those potential friends. So thanks John, have a good one.
The timing of this and Hank's video is perfect. I just moved to Laramie WY for graduate school and, while there is the university, I've grown out of the college-style social life and am constantly anxious over how an ancient one like me will make friends in this new town. Seeing you share these experiences is a comfort :)
Going through my favorite videos of all time to reconnect with my past self, and this one is especially striking a cord with me tonight. Thanks for all you've done over the years, you've inspired and guided me in ways that you'll never know, and that I wish I could tell you about face to face.
29th comment? Wow. Now, on to the video for a real comment... "How did you do it?" "With great difficulty." (-Newt Scamander) Making friends as an adult isn't easy, so you should be careful with the friends you have.
John and hank, I don't know if youll see this, but I felt like I needed to tell you this video and hanks video about making friends were literally answers to my prayers. I have been struggling with this for a long to time and have been putting a lot of energy into reaching out to others. And while I've met people and made friends I don't really have many people in my like who value me and are putting in the energy to return my friendship. I have been lonely and felt like I was failing. These videos were a good reminder to me that I'm not failing, that I deserve to be valued and while I may not have found those friendships yet, I will.
The more content I see you produce the more grateful I am that you are a public figure. I really enjoy your honesty and the vulnerability you choose to share!!!
One thing I've always loved about life is looking back and seeing how things change. I'm currently in the second semester of my first year in college. A college that's oddly enough not my town college as I'd never even considered visiting here until I got accepted. In the seven months since I moved here I've met one of my best friends and beginning building a family out of people who were once strangers. Looking back it seems crazy how much has happened and even crazier that I still have 3 and a half years here before I'm expected to move to a new part of my life
I never would've imagined that someone else could so articulately describe the way social interactions make me feel. It feels good knowing someone (especially someone I respect as much as I respect you) has shared my feelings in these situations. Kudos on yet another great video! :)
I was deeply moved by your speech about how towns are made of people and how it is hard to make friends. I'm struggling to make friends for a long time now, and so, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, for saying such kind words to us. I'm gonna try to be more positive about it and think that I just didn't succeded yet. 💜
Dear Hank and John (I couldn't resist!!) I think you guys may have just hit on one of the most important topics that no one is talking about with these last 2 videos! 11 years ago I was in the same boat as John. I had just moved to Minnesota for my husbands fancy new job in the twin cities. I moved from a town I loved (Ames, Ia) to a smallish town 45 minutes south of the twin cities. I was a stay at home mom for the 1st time and pregnant with my 3rd child, my oldest was 4. I lived in a very tiny 2nd floor apartment, and I didn't go out much as it is difficult to take a 2 year old who refuses to walk any where in the middle of winter, especially when you are pregnant with what I was sure was a hippo!! I knew no one, and I met basically no one. My husband was making friends at work and he traveled a lot at the time. I was miserable! I was, in fact, miserable for nearly 2 years! Then in 2008 by meer chance I went to the Mall Of America, all 3 kids in tow. Stood in line with 500 people I had never met before (With 3 small kids I will remind you), and managed to land my self a wrist band to get in to actually meet my childhood loves, the New Kids On The Block in the time of their reunion tour!! My husbands office is across from the mall, so I took him the kids and headed back to a mall full of strangers to do something I had dreamed of as a child all by my self. We had to wait in line for something like 4 hours for them to get there on their flight that had been delayed due to weather. There were 499 other woman there, but I knew 0. I kind of chatted with the ladies next to me, but I can tell you, that Minnesota Nice thing they talk about.... all a bunch of lies!!! Any who, i was 1/2 listening to all of the other people there chatting when I heard a girl I could not see, say she was from my town!!! I realized she was right in from of the gal in front of me. I mustered up all of the "Talk to strangers" nerve I had a started a conversation with her only to find out that her 2 kids were the same age as my older 2 kids. We ended up having tons in common! She was my 1st friend in my town and I had to travel 45 minutes to meet her. We didn't go on to become best friends as you and Chris did (I have a best friend who has been so for 32 years), but I met so many more people from that one chance meeting! Our now 14 year old sons are friends so we still touch base now and then, but with out her, i would not know a good chunk of people! It is hard to put your self out there and meet new people, but if we don't do it we are cutting our selves off at the knee!! Thank you so much for talking about this, and please forgive me for writing an essay with too many words and bad grammar. Since I started this way, I shall end this was too. Thanks so much, Signed Amber Waves with Grain P.s. I thoroughly amuse myself!!
Oh man, this was encouraging, because I relate so much. Solitary hobbies, introverted personality, the people around me have kids and stuff, and when I go to some kind of people-y thing, no meaningful connection is made and it just feels so exhausting. But it's good to be reminded that you never know when you're going to make a new friend.
I make a lot of friends online because I rarely leave the house (working on it) and a while back I started to treat them as "real" friends and it's awesome - my latest friendship was formed on tumblr by messaging someone whose comment I liked and their response was "OMG YOU'RE NOT A PORN BOT LETS BE FRIENDS" 😂 Btw, if anyone wants to be friends say hi! I'm Margaret, disabled with big dreams, workaholic (how my friendships end oops), sarcastic and optimistic (I know, makes no sense together) and I like cats (dogs are cool too).
I'm disabled too. Luv your username. I know my comment is belated, but feel free to message me. It's hard for me to meet like-minded disabled people irl :)
These last two videos from you and Hank have come at the most opportune time for me as I have JUST moved to a brand new town to begin my Big Girl Job. While I haven't met anyone yet, hearing your story is incredibly encouraging! Thanks!!
The world needs more Chris'... Chris' who help to support the happiness and wisdom of more John's... And John's that help the world by sharing their stories and experiences, which give us hope. Thank you John, Chris and all of the people out there doing whatever they can to inspire hope in both their own lives and those of others. ❤️
"I thought I had failed. In fact, though, I just hadn't succeeded yet." That is the wisest thing I've heard in a long time. Thanks, John.
Maria Cargille +
I had chill-bumps - and I'm way over 40 :)
+Marie Cargille After "I'd tried going to things, I'd tried to make friends, and I thought I had failed. In fact, though, I just hadn't" I was so expecting his statement to continue with "tried hard enough". I'm really glad it didn't.
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"Towns are made out of people" is a great way to think of it. :D
New york is made out of terrible apartments and cement
Are paper towns made out of paper people?
Fancy seeing you here. Also, can you make a video about trains? Not any train specifically but like different types of vehicles on rails in cities
It's on my list! I don't know when I'll get to it, though.
+RageMaster05 -- Yes, but the concrete _foundation the terrible apartment is built on_ contains Jimmy Hoffa. So it's _Kinda_ made of people
Guys the real answer is that you befriend an extrovert who is willing to adopt you. It’s your best chance.
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IncipientBeauty
Yep. That works. I was best friends for almost 3 with an extremely extrovert and popular girl in my late twenties. We sadly had a falling out at some point, but I have never had as much fun before or after with anyone else. Sigh.
may we all rise to be that extroverted friend for someone else
IncipientBeauty amen sister
That's pretty much exactly what Miles did in Looking for Alaska.
Making friends as an introvert involves latching onto a more extraverted type and making more friends through them
Zoe S Or getting 'adopted' by said extroverts and having them drag you to everything
or find the little island or introverts and sort of sneak in there. Just don't talk at first, then start talking slowly, and eventually you will already be their best friend.
Zoe S I feel like I've been doing that my entire life
Yeah I would probably never see the light of day if it weren´t for my extraverted husband dragging me to stuff and forcing me to talk to people! haha
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This is a general "thank you" to all the generous people who make the first move and invite new friends over to watch TV and join Indie car fantasy leagues. I'm always too nervous to make those initial moves in a new friendship and I always feel so excited and wanted when someone thinks to invite me over 💕
Yes people like that are the best
I try to be like that but it’s hard sometimes
Relatable 😊
"Old, like 40. And had kids and stuff." Hey now.
Ben Rollman john is old now
N. J. Saroff Yup. We have club shirts.
2:44 "I asked for Chris' number and he gave it to me" SO CUTE!!
Love the little proud smile he has when he says that 😄
"I thought I had failed. In fact, though, I just hadn't succeeded yet."
My new motivational quote
That is a poster-level motivational quote. Can someone get that onto the DFTBA store please?
It reminds me of the quote attributed to Thomas Edison about how he didn't fail, he figured out a bunch of ways not to make a lightbulb. :-)
YES!
Truly, it takes your entire life to ultimately fail. Persistence is key. =)
Why do you gotta make me cry every week, John???
I'm glad I wasn't the only one
So sweet. Teary eyed over here, too!
I'm not crying, just something in both my eyes at the same time
😭😭😭😭
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Same this video was so beautiful
I want to move out west to achieve something, and my biggest fear is not being able to meet people or make friends. Hopefully one day I’ll be able to look back and sigh, an old man with longtime friends and kids and stuff.
Thanks for this discussion guys, it’s really enlightening.
You can make it! Come out west; it's nice here.
The west is the best! I've been moving around the west coast most of my life and every city I land in is rad and magical
Yeah , now go make more fun of old RUclips celebrities to validate your intellectual superiority
I’m in Arizona, summers here are brutal but the rest of the year is great. Same with most out in the Southwest. It’s going to be tough to take that first step, but when you do, it will be that momentum that keeps you going. Hope you move out west someday.
Quinton Reviews You can always move back if it doesn’t work out. Any way you will be richer at least with lots of new experiences.
It’s odd being in high school because you’re kind of “friends” with everyone, but only because they’re with you all the time. So many people call themselves friends but very few stick it out for the long run. Personally I do not believe I have many friends, even though people always say stuff like “oh my god but people are always around you and you know everyone.” But that doesn’t define friendship, it’s simply proximity. You have to get along with those around you otherwise you’d probably go crazy.
Friends of circumstance
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One way I have found to make friends as an adult is to look for people who could use a friend. It can be hard, especially if you are in a place of great enough need that it makes it difficult to look out for the wellbeing of others, but if trying to make friends with socialites hasn't worked for you then start looking on the outskirts. Who else is a wallflower at the social gathering? Who always shows up to things but leaves early after very little interaction? If you find another person who wants a friend then suddenly you're in position where you're rarely going to be rejected when you try to talk to or hang out with them. You may find that the person you meet isn't someone you want to spend a lot of time with, but more often than not, a good friendship just comes from two people who decided to like each other, regardless of what they have in common. Just a thought. :)
I'll have to try this. Sounds like it makes sense.
Kieyra Haywood It works for me. ❤️
I really like your channel, I love when people make stuff like what John and Hank do.
Kieyra Haywood Thanks! They are my biggest inspiration! I’ve been watching for more than 10 years.
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I really feel for what John is saying about making an effort and trying to be social, going to events by yourself despite how nervous it makes you hoping that you will connect with someone, but failing. It’s the worst feeling in the world because it’s like you’re alone in a crowded room and also because there’s no excuses anymore; you can’t blame your lack of friends on your lack of trying because you did try. It makes you feel like there’s something wrong with you. I struggled with that in college and it lead to extremely destructive thoughts and behaviors. But eventually I found my niche like John did. So just hang in there, keep putting yourself out there, remember there’s nothing wrong with you and that people do care about you more than you think.
That's very encouraging! Thank you :)
This is a classic example of the difference between the brothers and how they complement each other: one talks about how friendship is labor and what friendship is in a scientific, synthetic level, where the other on how it was for him in his life and his feelings about it, frustrations and inevitable triumphs.
First week of university every old friend from school assured me how great I am and how much they love me and that I would for sure find new close friends. This September I will start my third year and I still haven't made more than 3 vague acquaintances.
It's really difficult to form strong connections and I miss my old friends who were like my family.
Jam Brownies I went through my first three years of university thinking I had great friends (they were all just toxic relationships) then in my final year I made two friends who I'm still in contact with a year after graduating. Good friends are worth the wait, and like John said, you just haven't succeeded yet
Jam Brownies I am also currently without deep friendships because I went abroad for a year during high school and it didn't click again when I got back. I think we just have to be patient and not lose hope.
Keep trying! You never know when you'll find someone you click with :) I really pushed myself to be more social and even pledged for a fraternity (despite my social anxiety) because I felt like I hadn't met enough people in university. I had some great experiences and I met my boyfriend of almost 6 years during that year.
eat with people. this gives you an excuse not to talk while you sit with them and get used to each others' presence.
keep their numbers. because at least you have it.
send them memes. because what else is their. shared humor is a good way to make friends and leads to more unusual situations that cement it.
Mol Berry this is actually the best advice ever from personal experience. Food + strangers = much less awkward convos. And inside jokes are often what makes a friendship go beyond an acquaintance. Send all the memes!
This is the quality nerdy advice I subscribed for!
It IS, and it's no doubt going to be tempered by more dubious advice via the pod.
Thank you for reminding me not to give up on trying to make new friends. People seem to float in and out of my life, which is normal, but I really need to get back into putting myself out there and trying to find ways to make friendships last beyond fracturing points (i.e. job changes, graduation, etc).
Hi John, I had a chance to speak with you a few times at VidCon US this year and you did a great job at being "friendly." While it may have helped that you had familiar people around and/or that VidCon puts you in a position of power, I'm sure it still takes an unbelievable amount of effort. I just wanted you to know that any anxiety you may have been harboring didn't show on the outside. 😊
I too often think about my deep connection with the bacteria in my body, I even have conversations with one. I named him E. Cole, what a bright fella.
Marc Shanahan I think you spelled E. Coli wrong
Wow such an original name
like J. Cole's less famous cousin
It's all fun and games until E.Cole's cousin, V.Chole shows up. I hear he dries the conversation to boredom....
I cry every time I hear about E. Coli. Talking about the lac operon scarred me
That was such a nice way to honor his friends.
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The biggest thing I've found in making friends is to listen to them. I had such a hard time starting relationships in high school because I thought I could instantly make friends by saying or doing one interesting thing.
I'm the opposite. I have to remind myself that it's ok to talk, and that not everything I say has to be planned out.
Excellent advice for any relationship!
I wish I knew more folks like this. I enjoy silence sometimes. Not every lull in conversation needs to be filled with words.
I Agree.I love reading an sharing stuff but it also makes me seem like obnoxious. So listening and acknowledging others helps. Also, kindness is underrated. A basic 'the office has free coffee the cups are over there' or 'I can show you where that is' works. Its not deep but its a good way to start.
I've struggled similarly over the years in going to social events and developing a deep enough connection with people to make friends. It's nice to be reminded how common this is among introverts and that at least I'm not alone.
"In fact, though, I just hadn't succeeded yet."
I need to remember that sometimes going to a party, or answering a question in class, or having the guts to talk to someone new, leads to success. It seems that I remember the failures much more than those successes, and I'm holding myself back.
Even John’s videos that are so minute and small, that he will forget in 5 years that he even made, mean so fucking much to me and bring tears to my eyes every damn time. I love being a nerdfighter!😭❤️
As a Hoosier, knowing that somebody of your esteem is in Indianapolis fills me with hope for the future of the city. It's a wonderful thing to hear that our town has won you over, and I'm grateful to Chris for that.
John, I'll see you and Hank in September
John I love and appreciate your videos, but do all of them have to be deep, relatable and cause me to re-examine my existence!?
Seriously though, thank you for being you and sharing with us.
I love these kind of videos. So real, so relatable. Friendships can appear in the most unexpected situations and those can also be the most beautiful and important ones. I met my dearest friend in a bookstore. We wanted the same book but there was only one left. So he suggested that I could buy it and that he could get my number so he could borrow it from me when I was done with it. This was four years ago and to this day we’re friends and I am for ever thankful for that book.
He sounds great! What was the book?
He’s lovely. The book is called ”If I stay” and is written by Gayle Forman. As you can imagine it’s very special to me, but besides it being special to me, it’s also a wonderful book!
I had to show this to my mom. She's currently feeling those exact feelings you spoke of and is deeply discouraged about making new friends. "My God..." she said as she listened because she felt like she was alone (we live in Jamaica, where you go big or go home)
Thanks John.
I love when the videos are more like responses to the last video, it feels more like a conversation and I think it’s awesome
Angie Wagner +
We just moved up to Indy a year ago and I think I'm in a similar boat to the one you were in then - writer with a garden, not getting out much, trying to find a way to be social, living in a neighborhood of older people, just don't know anyone nearby. I just hope my life turns out even half as well as yours.
Half as well, I'd settle for that. Not that I have any hopes for that left.
I live in Indy too. Moved here in 2010 and now live on a street with mostly old people. We are the only family with a small child. This is the exact story I needed. Also, I met Chris once. I introduced myself and he was SO nice.
I'm on the east side and there's a library nearby that I bike to often, but I have a hard time just going up and talking to random people there... which is weird because that's kinda what I was known for back in college. lol
Cities seem so much less friendly than a campus sometimes.
That's cool you've met Chris - degrees of separation always fascinate me.
I live on the west side. We go to the library near us a lot but my son LOVES elevators and the downtown library is so nice. We go there a lot too. They have a lot of free programs. I actually bought a ticket to Hank's book tour stop in Indy. Hoping to meet some local nerdfighters there.
Aimee Aikins I've thought about getting a ticket, but we're keeping a tight budget this month. That would be a good place to meet people though. Hmm. Something I'll have to consider. lol
John & Chris: A Star Wars Story
John, this made me cry. It popped up on my feed precisely when I needed to see it. Thank you.
Thank you, sir. I am a late diagnosed autistic person and my particular problems seem to cluster in social areas. You remind me that it's not never, it's not yet.
My husband and my pregnant self and our 2 kids moved to a new home last year. And the neighborhood we arrived in feels like a weird slice of paradise. The kids play outside together every single day, the adults all include each other on boat outings and parties and barbecues. When we came here it was easy to initially feel like an outsider and decline invitations but I am so grateful that they kept inviting us, they kept including us. We've only lived here a year, and already it feels like home.
Teach me how to avoid awkward handshakes and make friends.
Finger guns!
you can avoid awkward handshakes by turning it into a best grip contest. If the person on the receiving end doesn't get it then they're the one making it awkward.
I make friends by finding people who have more awkward handshakes than myself. My people are the awkward people lol
The same applies for hugs, most people will recognize a good hugger
You just have to tank the awkwardness. It's all in your head, if everyone can do it so can you. Fake the confidence until it arrives, I promise you it will :)
John, thank you so much for sharing this story...I have lived in Indianapolis my entire life, and for almost all of it I felt the way you did when you first moved here. I was homeschooled, then started a RUclips channel and ended up working from home when I moved out at 19. The isolation I felt was crushing, and it felt impossible to break into everyone else’s groups they’d been forming since childhood. I tried to make friends just like you did and had become quite disillusioned with it. Finally early this year I was going to make my big move out to the west coast to pursue filmmaking (and get out of Indy), but to my dismay some things happened with my channel that cut income in half quite suddenly. No longer could I afford the west coast. I was devastated again, but then thankfully I decided to try one last time something that had failed so many times before. There was this guy who had taken my order at chick-fil-a every week for over 2 years...I was really interested in him but such an introvert I had never tried to talk to him. I got lucky one day and he wore a name tag with his full name on it. I started messaging him on Instagram. Most people would always ghost me eventually, so I had low expectations. But to my shock he actually asked me on a real date, and long story short we’ve been together 4 months now. Meeting him has opened me up to so many more friends and even business connections, and for the first time I feel at home in my hometown of Indy. Yes it’s so true, you just have to keep trying because one day you will succeed.
Great video! I am now 59 and still struggle to make friends and meet romantic partners. I take care of my elderly parents and their house in addition to my own home...It's a lovely job, but it's difficult to find time even for my few existing friends. Thanks for the kindred spirit feeling I find in your videos, especially today's.
How's it going for you, 4 years later?
@@tomrogue13 Thank you for your concern. My father has passed away but I am still caring for my mother. Things are generally better. I have reached out to some old friends from school and have taken some time to visit them. My nephew has moved in with my mom. His wonderful sense of humor brightens a lot of days, and although he's busy, he helps me with many little tasks around her house. I am dating someone I met online. So far it's not serious, and perhaps will never be, but I do feel less isolated. The funny thing is that I feel more and more comfortable on my own, and treasure my solitude, whether backpacking or just taking an hour or so off to read in the afternoons. This past winter I made skiing a priority, and that has fired some passion for life in me that had been missing for quite a while. I hope you are doing well in your life. I glanced at your channel and enjoyed some of your music!
@@laurak8240 I'm sorry for the loss of your father. I'm glad your nephew can help. Even if it's just with the little things. Those are often the things that are most appreciated but go unnoticed too often.
I've always wanted to try skiing. It looks fun. Have you skied before or was this your first time?
And thank you for the kind words about my music! I didn't expect you to check it out 😅
" I just hadn't succeeded /yet/" is exactly what I needed to hear tonight. Thank you so much, John
As an adult who is almost "old" and without kids 'n stuff, I feel like I needed this.
Thank you John.
I'm in that same boat too today I felt really alone surrounded by people if that makes any sense and he always knows what to say. He gives me hope about finding friends
This is so sweet and now I want to go and rewatch all of 100 Days. I'm so happy that you found your people in Indianapolis, John.
about to start my second year of college after not succeeding yet...thanks for pushing me to keep trying
"In fact though, I just hadn't succeeded yet" that about bring a tear
As someone currently living in Indy, may I say the assumption that everyone have known each other since elementary school is 100% true, but it makes me really happy you were able to still put yourself out there and find your Jenna (She is my Chris)
Thanks so much for sharing this story, John. I moved to LA a couple years ago, and since then, my friends from college have either become distant due to a lack of physical proximity or have grown apart. Lately I’ve felt daunted and defeated by the prospect of building a new community, after a few failed attempts here already. I don’t have work to bolster my social life, and it’s really been getting me down. Its extremely comforting to see examples of people building new relationships as adults. This video makes me feel much more optimistic about trying.
This is a lovely video that is also true to my experiences of making friends as an adult. I just kept trying until it happened somehow, and I am so grateful to the Chrisses in my life who kept inviting me to things so that now I have many friendships that are extremely precious to me.
Also, I know it was said in jest, but there are amazing friendships to be had with “old” people. I am 28 and one of my most beloved friends is 65, and you would not believe how much fun we have together.
Hannah +
My husband and I just moved to Portland a month ago and it's been hell dealing with the isolation along with both of our battles with depression. Thank you for this. It's so important to hear.
This video just makes me want to shout "friendship!" While wiping a tear from my eye. That's a lie, I don't just want to, that's what I did.
Thank you John, this is just the thing I needed to hear right now. I'm starting high school this September, and because it's so far from where I live and went to elementary school, none of my friends are going there. I'm terrified of suddenly being surrounded by people I've never met before and the new environment. I mean I've spent the last eight years with the same thirty people in my class, we've known each other since we were seven! But hearing your experience somehow helps, maybe it's just the fact that I'm not the first to go through this, nor will be the last. It's encouraging.
That's the sweetest video! In the end, friendship happens when you least expect, although it is really difficult to make friends in adulthood.
I didn’t really have close friends in school and lost track of university friends after we graduated. But I took up activities I enjoyed (acting and improvisation) in my mid 20s and met people and met other people and now I’ve known my best friends for 8 years now. A few years ago they showed up to help me move house on New Year’s Day after my boyfriend dumped me the night before and now I’m cuddling their babies and supporting them through serious medical issues. And because I went through all those years without close friends I know exactly how precious their friendship is. ❤️
FINALLY the Chris/John Origin Story!!! DFTBA! I have no idea if this will be helpful nuit I’m gonna leave it here anyway because maybe somebody needs it. Once upon a time, I was a lonely chronically ill and disabled 23 year old who’d just gotten my own accessible apartment. Pretty much everyone in my building was in their 60’s or older and seemed very sad. I spent the first 6 months or so by myself because I thought I cannot possibly relate to any of these people. After a while, I got tired of that, and started getting to know people in the lobby. I made some pretty interesting friends in those years. Don’t put walls where you can put fences.
John-
We’re your former neighbors and even though we barely had time to talk at one of those neighborhood gatherings, we miss you the opportunity we had to get to know you. You’re right about Chris and Marina being so friendly and charismatic . As an aside, your wife’s homemade cobbler was heavenly.
I remember returning to Indianapolis, my home city, and being single and lonely. I have anxiety issues but, even so, it got easier as I attended regular writer events a poetry readings. It was hard to push myself to do that.
So I relate to your post. We hope your new neighborhood has what we were lucky to find: good neighbors with a nice blend of quirky and helpful personalities, , regular opportunities for get togethers, a mix of ages, no restrictive HOAs, etc.
By the way, we “old people” would have loved getting to know you better. Sometimes it’s nice to know what we each face at our stage of life. We wonder about how life is so different for people your age and would love to share our take as people who remember when there weren’t computers, cell phones, etc.
Economic pressures are different for younger people. We’d like to know about that and for boomers, millennials and others to get past stereotypes we might have about various age groups. I wish you’d share your take in a future post.
Anyway, that’s my take.
I know this is not the main focus of the video, but Chris was in the peace corps? That is awesome!
He was! In fact, he and Marina only met BECAUSE of the peace corps. But that's another story! -John
Okay, now that is amazing! I'm dying to hear that story
same! It sounds like a great one.
Now I want to know Chris´s PC story!!
He is my friend’s boss and I got to meet him once. I introduced myself and told him I was a fan of 100 Days. I felt like a total geek but he was so nice.
I've been where I am now for 2 years and i only have the same 5 friends when i started that I can rarely count on to go anywhere with. I'm incredibly social and it actually gives me energy when I'm in conversation with others and it's incredibly depressing for me when I can't be around others. This gave me hope that my repeated efforts will one day pay off. I have never stopped trying. But knowing someone was in the same frame of mind as me and found friends gives me hope to try even more. Thank you John.
If Chris would be up for it, I'd love to know his point of view on making adult friends, particularly as a more outgoing person. As someone who ends up taking on that role to help my more socially anxious friends, it'd be great to hear his experiences.
I find this topic to be very important since I've always noticed how many people are quick to decide the place they live in is bad when really it's not the place, but the people, that they're dissatisfied with.
I can't wait (though I must) to be the old person with kids and stuff.
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This popped up again as I'm about to move city for work. So grateful that your videos stand the test of time.
I'm a weird person in that I still hang out with all of my best friends from highschool, 10 years on. Not just one or two, but around 9 or 10 of them.
Matt Roszak same here! i live in a big city so it's hard making friends, gotta hold on to the good ones :)
I didn't even have 9 or 10 friends in High School lol
Sounds like most people in Ottawa Canada
Matt Roszak haha i still hang out with my friends from elementary!
My husband is the same, he has a solid group of 5-6 friends and as they all get spouses and start having kids it’s just getting bigger and bigger. Meanwhile I have one friend from high school that I’m close to 🤷🏼♀️ Sometimes it just works out that way.
It makes me so happy to hear your stories. It gives me hope to think there are people like you out there who really care for others and are ready to open up to new experiences
I love this story! I miss seeing Chris and John together on 100 Days!!
At age 25, and as someone who has never lived a full decade in one state, this spoke to me. It’s amazing how one warm and welcoming friend can open the door to us when we’re in a lonely mind space. After we’ve settled in, it’s important to also become that gateway friend. Wishing you all the best John Green!
Great story! It seems like friends just show up in my life without me looking. Haha!
I found the extrovert.
Having met all four of you, I think you're all amazingly kind, compassionate, and warm people. It makes me so happy to hear stories like this about the beginning of lifelong friendships.
We are all your friends John!
This summer I had a huge, dramatic falling out with my 2 roommates/only friends/pretty toxic people, and I'm entering my senior year of college feeling like I'll have to start all over. Having social anxiety and depression is making this particularly scary. I don't know what my point is. I'm not looking forward to the coming year. But thank you for your constant positivity, John. It's a ray of light in these lonely times.
Towns are made of people and not paper???!
Hi John. I’m a tag along spouse as well and now my husband and I are moving across country...again. This time to another country, Canada. There’s a lot going on in my life between mental illness and friends I thought were friends, and I’ve been extremely torn on the move. Mostly I’ve had my anxiety flailing at me almost all the time. But listening to this and Hank’s video has actually made me feel a bit better. Especially yours. “I haven’t succeeded yet.” I’ll remember that. Thank you.
After 100 days, i wanna be friends with Chris too
Thanks John, I really needed this video. I'm a trailing not-quite-yet-a-spouse in a big city more than 20 hours from where I grew up. I've been here 6 months and still don't have any form of a social network. I've kept waiting for that 'aha' moment where it just falls into place, but your video has reminded me, even if subtlety, that if i'm not putting myself out there that moment can't come. It good to know it can feel this hard for others too- that makes it more bearable to think about going to more events where the possibility of meeting people is. And it reminds me that going to those events, in and of itself, isn't enough either- I have to be willing and proactive about engaging and being engaged by those potential friends. So thanks John, have a good one.
“About how much I’m talking”... about 65% of the time on Dear Hank and John. (Or is it Dear John and Hank??)
The timing of this and Hank's video is perfect. I just moved to Laramie WY for graduate school and, while there is the university, I've grown out of the college-style social life and am constantly anxious over how an ancient one like me will make friends in this new town. Seeing you share these experiences is a comfort :)
Showing this to my 2 adult sons.
Going through my favorite videos of all time to reconnect with my past self, and this one is especially striking a cord with me tonight. Thanks for all you've done over the years, you've inspired and guided me in ways that you'll never know, and that I wish I could tell you about face to face.
29th comment? Wow. Now, on to the video for a real comment...
"How did you do it?" "With great difficulty." (-Newt Scamander)
Making friends as an adult isn't easy, so you should be careful with the friends you have.
John and hank, I don't know if youll see this, but I felt like I needed to tell you this video and hanks video about making friends were literally answers to my prayers. I have been struggling with this for a long to time and have been putting a lot of energy into reaching out to others. And while I've met people and made friends I don't really have many people in my like who value me and are putting in the energy to return my friendship. I have been lonely and felt like I was failing. These videos were a good reminder to me that I'm not failing, that I deserve to be valued and while I may not have found those friendships yet, I will.
Speaking of making friends, there's plenty of great Nerdfighter friends to be made over in Tuataria! (tuataria.com)
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friends and also tea!
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:electric_plug: Yes, it's wonderful 11/10
friends and also tea and also hugs!
The more content I see you produce the more grateful I am that you are a public figure. I really enjoy your honesty and the vulnerability you choose to share!!!
Will you be my friend, John?
Aren't all nerdfighters friends?
Yes, yes we are :)
bwahahaha
Hello friend, thanks for laughing at me.
SANYUKTA My apologies. Didn’t mean to laugh like that.
One thing I've always loved about life is looking back and seeing how things change. I'm currently in the second semester of my first year in college. A college that's oddly enough not my town college as I'd never even considered visiting here until I got accepted. In the seven months since I moved here I've met one of my best friends and beginning building a family out of people who were once strangers. Looking back it seems crazy how much has happened and even crazier that I still have 3 and a half years here before I'm expected to move to a new part of my life
Chris from 100 days fame?
f***ing majestic
I never would've imagined that someone else could so articulately describe the way social interactions make me feel. It feels good knowing someone (especially someone I respect as much as I respect you) has shared my feelings in these situations. Kudos on yet another great video! :)
Friends are an interesting concept!
Okay this is without a doubt my favorite vlogbrothers video. Absolute wholesome. Didn’t know I needed this, thank you John
I give having friends five stars.
A vlogbrothers video has never made me cry before this one. Thanks a lot John (and Hank for beautifully talking about this problem on Friday)!
Have you progressively gotten farther away from your book case in the back ground through the past few videos?
I think I just switched lenses. But I am going to switch back because I liked the old way better! -John
I was deeply moved by your speech about how towns are made of people and how it is hard to make friends. I'm struggling to make friends for a long time now, and so, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, for saying such kind words to us. I'm gonna try to be more positive about it and think that I just didn't succeded yet. 💜
Thanks John. Maybe there is hope.
Dear Hank and John (I couldn't resist!!) I think you guys may have just hit on one of the most important topics that no one is talking about with these last 2 videos! 11 years ago I was in the same boat as John. I had just moved to Minnesota for my husbands fancy new job in the twin cities. I moved from a town I loved (Ames, Ia) to a smallish town 45 minutes south of the twin cities. I was a stay at home mom for the 1st time and pregnant with my 3rd child, my oldest was 4. I lived in a very tiny 2nd floor apartment, and I didn't go out much as it is difficult to take a 2 year old who refuses to walk any where in the middle of winter, especially when you are pregnant with what I was sure was a hippo!! I knew no one, and I met basically no one. My husband was making friends at work and he traveled a lot at the time. I was miserable! I was, in fact, miserable for nearly 2 years! Then in 2008 by meer chance I went to the Mall Of America, all 3 kids in tow. Stood in line with 500 people I had never met before (With 3 small kids I will remind you), and managed to land my self a wrist band to get in to actually meet my childhood loves, the New Kids On The Block in the time of their reunion tour!! My husbands office is across from the mall, so I took him the kids and headed back to a mall full of strangers to do something I had dreamed of as a child all by my self. We had to wait in line for something like 4 hours for them to get there on their flight that had been delayed due to weather. There were 499 other woman there, but I knew 0. I kind of chatted with the ladies next to me, but I can tell you, that Minnesota Nice thing they talk about.... all a bunch of lies!!! Any who, i was 1/2 listening to all of the other people there chatting when I heard a girl I could not see, say she was from my town!!! I realized she was right in from of the gal in front of me. I mustered up all of the "Talk to strangers" nerve I had a started a conversation with her only to find out that her 2 kids were the same age as my older 2 kids. We ended up having tons in common! She was my 1st friend in my town and I had to travel 45 minutes to meet her. We didn't go on to become best friends as you and Chris did (I have a best friend who has been so for 32 years), but I met so many more people from that one chance meeting! Our now 14 year old sons are friends so we still touch base now and then, but with out her, i would not know a good chunk of people! It is hard to put your self out there and meet new people, but if we don't do it we are cutting our selves off at the knee!! Thank you so much for talking about this, and please forgive me for writing an essay with too many words and bad grammar. Since I started this way, I shall end this was too. Thanks so much,
Signed
Amber Waves with Grain
P.s. I thoroughly amuse myself!!
Awhh John you gave me the warm fuzzies
Oh man, this was encouraging, because I relate so much. Solitary hobbies, introverted personality, the people around me have kids and stuff, and when I go to some kind of people-y thing, no meaningful connection is made and it just feels so exhausting. But it's good to be reminded that you never know when you're going to make a new friend.
I make a lot of friends online because I rarely leave the house (working on it) and a while back I started to treat them as "real" friends and it's awesome - my latest friendship was formed on tumblr by messaging someone whose comment I liked and their response was "OMG YOU'RE NOT A PORN BOT LETS BE FRIENDS" 😂
Btw, if anyone wants to be friends say hi! I'm Margaret, disabled with big dreams, workaholic (how my friendships end oops), sarcastic and optimistic (I know, makes no sense together) and I like cats (dogs are cool too).
I laughed at not-a-porn-bot...because it's true. Of course, now I'm stuck thinking "not-a-porn-bot" is a good username. >_>
Hello! I'd be friends!
That' be a great username! 😄
I'm disabled too. Luv your username. I know my comment is belated, but feel free to message me. It's hard for me to meet like-minded disabled people irl :)
Hi!Let's be friends😊
"In fact, though, I just hadn't succeeded yet." Thanks for that reminder, John. I needed it.
Does anyone else ever wonder if John will eventually pull all of his hair out?
These last two videos from you and Hank have come at the most opportune time for me as I have JUST moved to a brand new town to begin my Big Girl Job. While I haven't met anyone yet, hearing your story is incredibly encouraging! Thanks!!
I’m crying cuz it’s sweet but also cuz I’m really lonely
thenormalstate it will turn out alright! If you're looking for people to talk to, there's usually active people on the Nerdfighteria Discord channel!
Can u accept me as ur friend....
The world needs more Chris'...
Chris' who help to support the happiness and wisdom of more John's...
And John's that help the world by sharing their stories and experiences, which give us hope.
Thank you John, Chris and all of the people out there doing whatever they can to inspire hope in both their own lives and those of others. ❤️
my kind of tutorial
....why am I crying?... Beautifully genuine video, John. I so long for what you have.