How Narcissistic Evil Corrupts Your Goodness
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
- Some narcissists are so committed to dominance that they become evil, unable to see your humanity. When this happens, their attitudes and behaviors can have a corrosive effect on you. You can't allow that to happen. Dr. Les Carter tackles this difficult topic by highlighting ways to combat the narcissist's desire to corrupt you.
If you are interested in online therapy, Dr. Carter has a sponsor who can assist. Go to our sponsor betterhelp.com... for 10% off your first month of therapy with BetterHelp and get matched with a therapist who will listen and help.
If you have any questions about the brand relating to how the therapists are licensed, their privacy policy, or therapist compensation model, check out this FAQ: www.betterhelp...
📣 Dr. Carter's new course, Anger Games, is now available! 📣
Learn more about the course and register at: courses.surviv...
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his RUclips channel, his videos have received more than 120 million views.
Join the Team Healthy community HERE: survivingnarci...
Check out videos, articles, quizzes, and more at our website: survivingnarci...
You can follow Surviving Narcissism on:
Twitter: @SNarcissism101
Instagram: @survivingnarcissism101
Facebook: @survivingnarcissism101
Dr. Carter has three other courses that you may find to be useful:
Free to Be: Reclaim & rediscover your uniqueness survivingnarci...
This Is Me: Setting boundaries with the controllers in your life survivingnarci...
Ready, Set, Connect: Strengthen relationship skills; live authentically survivingnarci...
Dr. Carter's personal website: drlescarter.com/
Dr. Carter's other RUclips channel: / drlescarter
Bookstore: survivingnarci...
![MISSING: SLIM SHADY [Expanded Mourner’s Edition Trailer]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/xh8qgHrOO1g/mqdefault.jpg)
“Bad company corrupts good morals!” 💐
No heart, no soul and no conscience
Emptiness
Hence not my problem.
@@AlbertoSalviaNovellaNot my problem anymore neither, indeed! The jig is up for them!!
I absolutely agree!!! Narcissists are the lowest vibrational people on the planet beyond help!!!! It's very sad, but more so for the victim!!!! Therefore the only solution is to run as far from these people as you can before they traumatize you and destroy your life!!!! Many of them are not only dangerous mentally and spiritually, but also physically in where many are criminals. Thank you Dr Carter for your excellent videos!!!! I wish I would have known about you when I was younger and dealing with several narcissistic people at that time!!!! I still highly recommend your channel to many though, since now more than ever we are dealing with narcissistic people in power now!!!!
You know my wife?!?!😂
My biggest fault is being too nice. I was raised to treat others the best, rather than to treat myself the best first. I used to be proud of that, but now, I hate it.
The key is balance, moderation. Being nice is, well, nice. It’s a good thing to sometimes sacrifice so another can benefit. Hopefully, that draws others that would be willing to sacrifice for your benefit. This obviously excludes narcissists. They leech your goodness. This is where boundaries are important.
I think it's often weaponised against us, being nice. A lot of people take advantage. A person should not be penalised for that. Don't hate it. Embrace it. It's not a fault. It's their fault if they can't embrace that.
I was trained from an early age to be 'nice', to the point where I was a healthcare worker. On her deathbed, my mother told her she only had me so that I'd look after her.
It's a tough journey.
@@EL-gu8fv Jesus! What a horrible thing to say. Do not take this to heart. She was mentally sick and you did not inherit her gene. ☮️
The narcissist is a solipsist; he cannot perceive that other people have needs, priorities, dreams, fears, hopes, emotions, and cognitive processes.
Sometimes they hide their cruel and controlling persona and instead use a persona of flattery and false kindness
@@mannyisaacs1017 Very true indeed. And they even need to hide their evil in the first place, because otherwise you would never fall into their trap.
Or they will show up as victims / lost souls / very vulnerable etc.
Truly, malignant narcissism is evil!
@jayneking8340 Check out the book People of the Lie. Literally defines malignant narcissism as evil.
Definitely!!
If you get in the crosshairs of a malignant narcissist, they will make their life mission to destroy you. Nothing is off-limits to them.
Amen God said: "bad company corrupts good character." This is why He tells us to stay away from evil people.
That's why the band Bad Company had the song "Bad Company":
They force you into a "kill or be killed" situation. Let them ride off into the sunset as a FAKE HERO.
People who bought into their fake smear campaign are people you never needed it all. Thanks for revealing the toxic people I never knew I had in my life! (Narcys pretend to get MAD when you call them out in a setup of DARVO, but GOD will sort them out in due time)
That's cute but what about the contradiction when you find yourself married to one?
You end the marriage.@@pescatoralpursuit1726
@@pescatoralpursuit1726 ummm that's not a contradiction, you chose to marry that person, though there's many contexts and examples of good people joined with such people
the ultimate control the narc didn't (couldn't) see coming: *BLOCKED* ✔
Healthy people are good by themselves, (senses of inner contentment).
Narcissist they can only be good by comparison (by competition), and they have to win( sense of superiority).
Well stated, Fred.
Anger has definitely been an issue. It’s taken decades of life experiences to recognize patterns, distance myself from the abusive mother and learn self-care. It’s been a long journey
Ironic that in their eyes, we've lost our dignity to someone without any. JADED!
also it corrupts us because we have to supress ourself around them, they have to do all the talking and last word alwaysand they have to win always.
@@susannakotoff7095, It says a whole lot about them. It's not worth your health to be around them.
@marmaladesunrise In their eyes maybe but never our self respect!
@@amandaliverpool3374 So true!
@@susannakotoff7095 thank-you for saying this because I had to suppress myself and you are the first person who has said this. This really helps me a lot.
I think that they leave you with a nothingness. A total invalidation of your time spent together. It’s their final messsge, the discard. To leave you with nothing and to make you less than them. All this and more, even if you ever helped and loved them. Only one way to describe this really and that word is “evil”. They are anti-human and anti-love in what they do. I am pretty sure that they do not win in the long game.
You’re right 😉 nothing worse than an aging narcissist 🤦♀️ in the end they’re truly pitiful
This sounds like my story.
Narcissists already deeply hate themselves and I think this may be unfixable. In a way, they have already lost their lives, there is no cure for the immense self-hatred they carry because to heal it they would have to view the world as it truly is and not through a delusional filter. They are already losing, they need the people around them to lose MORE, their goal is to drag anyone they can get into the abyss with them before they're gone.
These people get out of control easily
Let me tell you brothers and sisters these people out here explaining this problem to you is a miracle. Don’t fight them. God sent these people help you.
When I left Tony my abuser I had none of this information. I was lucky the Lord hid me in the palm of his hand. Holy moly “I am alive” and I got enjoy with hard work my Grand children DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THEIR LOWNESS for they will pull you down stomp on you and leave you for dead. You are not real to them you are a snapshot. Run when you can.
Oh and no one is going to believe you. YOU believe you. I will pray for you. You can do it. K.
the more u stand up for yourself it gets worse or if u supress, that s why no contact is the only way
@@susannakotoff7095. Oh, yes. For financial reasons, I am in the same house as my bp/np husband. It’s such a long story of his goodness in front of others and his psychological abuse when we are alone. I hate him at times. I keep buying lottery tickets. It would give me such satisfaction to have him answer the door when the moving van comes. And I am an empath and I truly do not like hurting people. He hid his mood disorder from me until right after our marriage (love bombed me). We had three daughters and raised them in between his fits. I always said that I kept the marriage together because of the kids. Now I say I should have left because of the kids. ☮️
I believe what you say. I believe me too.
Thank you for the inspiration 🙏 ❤️
@@cherylsavage6178 please pray for me ty
I've seen and experienced gaslighters try and change or divert the narrative on healthy thoughts and actions. Evil likes the element of shock/surprise to catch us off guard!
It tries to get us to react, not respond.
It takes strength to stay focused!
It's definitely an ongoing learning process!!!
Well said. Sorry you've experienced such evil
Very well stated. Yes, indeed "evil likes the element of shock/surprise to catch us off guard".
I remember the Sociopath saying to me over and over again, "I do not understand why you are always so surprised and even shocked!!!!" At that time I did not know that he was a Sociopath, so I did not know that he just "loved" my reactions for he was just getting satisfaction out of it. Very insane.
P.S.: I tried to answer you on the other chat several times but it never showed up.
Thank you, Amanda ❤🫂🕊☀️🌴
@roxymovie3938 Oh yes. They get a kick out of it. It's entertainment for them!!
No worries Roxy. I've had similar experiences. Take care ❤️🩹🕯🙏
I'll have to try to remember that evil likes to shock you with over-the-top abusiveness so that you can't respond from your place of dignity. He did exactly that, walking calmly into the living room and sitting down with a look of expectation for my attention. Once he had it, he laid into me with the scariest rage attack, screaming about my lack of appreciation, which lasted for what seemed like an hour. I automatically fell into a take cover position with my back side facing him. He calmly acknowledged it and resumed his screaming. That was 9 months ago, and I haven't spoken to him since except to say I must have been turning the other cheek, because I had no idea where my reaction came from, except that I was in fear of losing my life.
@@amandaliverpool3374 classic behavior of my mother
I recently read Good boundaries and Goodbyes by Lisa Terkheurst. It led me to become a "baby Christian." I focused on caring more about what God thinks of me, rather than the narcissists in my life. In my most recent conflict with one of my narcissists, when he started attacking my character, for the FIRST time ever, I was able to stay in a detached neutral observer mode and not take his words as my truth. Plugging into God rather than people has made all the difference in my ability to shield myself from his attack.
Beautiful!
I totally agree. 🙌 When I first went no contact with my ex narc, I wld go for walks and remind myself that I am worthy of someones love, I am a beloved child of the Most High. I had to retrain my brain from all of the negative msgs I was told, to telling myself what God thinks of me. 😊
@@cindyrobinson3882 Wonderful!!
@@sorshae.elsbernd are you saying the book helped you or set you back on your walk with the Lord?
@@slowdriver1393 I mean, it brought me back to Christianity after years away.
Removing myself from an evil presence is essential. I need to get away from those evil people as far and as fast as I can. Thank you so much dr Carter ❤😊 God bless you ❤
Theor evil can only corrupt your goodness if you let it! Narc people may ""win" here & there, but they are actually extremely weak. Dont be afraid of their seemingly dominance over you. Take a step to stand up to the goodness in you. They are ultimately cowards and most often will turn & run.
They are most afraid of your determination.
5:00 i bet one of the reasons they want this is because misery not only loves company, it needs its guilt assuaged; nothing like making someone as crappy as yourself so you have something to then point at and say, "You're not so great!" -- while you weren't aiming for great... You were aiming for being human.
They are just needy. And because they believe nobody will like them, they get the validation through harm.
I just had to cut ties with yet another person like this. I have been abused by narcissists my whole life. Fortunately, I am learning how to see through them sooner rather than later. I knew this person for three months and during that time all they did was run other people down and try to use me. Thank goodness for the help that I have received from Dr. Les Carter and others. It is invaluable when trying to navigate life these days.
My ex desperately wanted to see me become unglued. If I questioned his behavior or barely raised my voice, he'd call me abusive. In our entire 4yr relationship, I never once called him a derogatory name. He knew that I had struggled with my emotions during times in my life. The thing he didn't realize was how much intense therapy work I have put into my growth over time. In the end, I watched him have a horryfying rage fit like a giant toddler, but I remained calm throughout...minus telling him to get the F out of my car. He finally got out, sent me texts blaming me for 'losing his temper' and disappeared for 9 days. At that point, I was told he had new supply & I realized his erratic & deceitful behavior would never change. He had such deep hatred for me and I deserved better than this trash human. I went no contact. Best decision I could have made. My peace & joy have returned for myself and my children.
Brilliant story. Thank you for sharing g. I hope you are in a healthy and happy situation now
Sam Vaknin just did a video on their smear campaign, also very informative.
This is truly a success story. Good for you. It’s ok for them to flip out and call you derogatory names, but if you once say something negative about him, I become psychotic ( per him). Four years is a long time. I have tapes of him ranting and raving that he doesn’t know about. When I think that maybe he’s trying, I’ll play one to myself and I could feel my blood pressure rise. They are mind game masters. We are both retired and it’s now worse. He hardly leaves the house.
@@sturobertson6791 It's only been a year since going no contact. I had began weekly therapy a few months before the end of that relationship and I continue to work through the trauma weekly. I'm remaining single and focusing on my children & those that love & care for me. Unfortunately shortly after the break up, I was diagnosed with an incurable ultra rare genetic condition that will be shortening my life. As sad as this is, I'm grateful that I woke up & snatched my life back. No more walking on eggshells. My house is a happy home, my kids have their goofy silly mama back & the rest of my life will be as peaceful as it can possibly be.
The wife did all kinds of stunts to provoke me to lay on my hands on her, including dating in front of me. I was dealing with a Jezebel spirit. On her way of leaving our kids and me, she said she hated me. I had never experienced such evil in a person. I got the divorce done as quickly as possible.
1 Corinthians 15:33 KJV - Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.
Yes cody
Amen.
Amen
I think this is the first time I liked a Bible verse.
@@sage9836 the entire Bible is a warning about narcissists....
A few months ago, we were at a family gathering (my family). My sister in law was discussing a gold bracelet she had lost. My borderline personality disorder (diagnosed by a Psychologist) and Narcissist (diagnosed by me thanks to Dr. Carter) husband said “Not like the s--t jewelry that Nancy makes. I stood up in front of everyone and turned to him and simply said F--k you. He shut up after that. You see 11 years ago, I put down a bottle of wine and picked up a bead and started my own jewelry business which does well. He tries to flatten me but I won’t allow it.
Good for you starting your own business. One of their characteristics is to wreck your business.
I'm glad you stood up for yourself.
Good for you. F him. I could have started a bunch more of businesses but narc people laughed at me. No more!! 🐎🐎🐎
I went ballistic when they insulted my family. But hey, I'd never been in a similar situation before. It takes incredible strength to disengage with civility from a dangerous person.
My family’s specialty is the Silent Treatment when I set boundaries.
They also exhibit zero interest in my life unless they need something. It’s all transactional for them.
2 ways to hang on to your goodness if you feel it being corrupted or destroyed.....
1. Live every moment with Dr Carter's DRC (Dignity Respect Civility)
2. Follow Aaron's mantra of "Get up, try to do the right thing, Go to bed, Repeat"
Thank you Dr C, and Aaron for this kind wisdom
Thanks, Stu!!!
@SurvivingNarcissism Dear Dr Carter, I'm sitting here on my couch feeling grateful to you, and others here.
You give us the tools and strength so we can continue our healing journey.
Thank you🙏
@@sturobertson6791 My “mantra” is still dependent upon DRC.
@@aaronkwolfeAbsolutely Aaron.
When I can't figure out what the right thing to do is, I try to think DRC to guide me.
When you said the "Get up....etc" quote a long time ago, it blew me away in its inspired power.
I try to do it, not always well or successfully, but I try
@@sturobertson6791 Trying is always the best path toward succeeding. Not trying is always the best path to failing.
That explains how they get pleasure from your pain, sorrow, humiliation, confusion and despair, which they caused. Glimpses of their glee confused me for so long.
Oh wow. This was my life for over 12 years. Now he's continuing the abuse in family court and the judges enable it.
It's insane isn't it? Our judicial system is a joke for the most part.
Yes Judge’s are all lawyers who sucked! Lazy! The dumbest lawyers are now judges. I feel your pain, over 2 years in court over a very short term marriage. 😢
Dr Ramani has another great upload today.
Family court can be truly clueless. I hope you won't lose heart. Many narcissists just can't keep their mask on over time and eventually they slip. Obviously, I don't know your situation or your narcissistic ex. In my case it took 8 years to get the state of Oregon to protect our daughter. I had almost given up hope. Getting good counsel and emotional support for yourself and your children is important. Wishing you peace, safety, kind friends, and an end to the abuse!
@@gobigirl1 amen, thank you for your words of encouragement and support. I pray justice is served soon before my son and I suffer any more damage.
Evil = The manifestation of inability to generage and sustain compassion for yourself and other living beings = that which destroys living beings = disease = that which we can progressively attempt to diagnose and treat with ongoing research and development in the human condition.
They love to exploit and are very sadistic
I wish I could say I wasn't corrupted, but I was.
Actually, my corruption was nowhere nearly as bad as what corruption I was accused of, but fighting fire with fire is a natural instinct. I just didn't have the moral lack to actually go through with it. So, I fought fire with sparks. My sparks included grey rock and passive resistance.
Hi Aaron. What a wonderful and touching comment. I respect your willingness to share an aspect of your character that shows what some may see as a vulnerability.
I think it shows how much you've learned to have confidence and faith in your healthy self.
Nice one👍🙏
Same
It feels like being tossed into the sea and you’re fighting to keep your head above water.
@@aaronkwolfeYou are a wonderful and eloquent teacher in your humanness and I so appreciate you and the way you gently hold people to the fire of their own reality and to face the music of life with NPD types. You’ve been through it and have come out stronger.
Narcissists want to destroy and steal what is left of your kindness, compassion and empathy.
It's next to impossible to rid yourself of a narcissistic ex when you share children...even minimizing contact and interactions is not enough to eliminate their reach especially when our judicial system and society enable these types of people to thrive. It really is disheartening but true, my wife and I are both living this nightmare.
It's difficult even with an ordinary ex. Add in a nex and you've got double trouble.
@@Hatbox948 this guy is the worst I've ever heard of or witnessed, straight up possessed by a demon. The type that you can attempt to warn people about and they won't believe you until dealing with him for a couple of months then realize he's on the level of a serial killer that hasn't killed anyone yet. It's unreal how manipulative he is and most people absolutely do not see it until they have been manipulated by him and fell for it. Psychologists, judges, lawyers, co-workers, family and friends...but then there are a few that have him pegged before the first interaction is over.
There are people out here among us like this, lots of them.
It's not what they do what makes you lose yourself. It's when you react when you start losing your emotions.
You don't need to handle their temper or opinions.
Just give them short answers to get by with the task at hand, and nothing else. You are now a robot.
@@AlbertoSalviaNovellagreat advice
A person may feel dark inside because they have been deprived love, respect, grace, kindness, compassion from someone to whom they probably gave all these things to - not only did they not receive, but cruelty and abuse was substituted: what happens to our inner being, our heart, soul, when we are mistreated consistently? How can we not feel and even internalise the pain and injustice into something that is less than dignified? How much can one shield one’s sense of ethics, morality, and justice? Look at shelter dogs that have been mistreated: some may become vicious and wary of others; it takes a lot of love and patience to heal them back to where they need to be. How much can one person withstand? I don’t know the answers to these questions. This is where prayer is so much needed.
After listening to Malachi Martin, I've come to believe that only an exorcist could help my sister. Her situation feels beyond anything human intervention can fix.
@@SusieAspen Malachi Martin was very interesting and I learned a lot from him. Have you listened to Fr. Chad Ripperger? He is also an amazing teacher.
I used to be the most gentle, peaceful person. I have never raised a hand to my spouse but I’ve been punched kicked stabbed hit with objects and hit by a car. Now I am the meanest most suspicious person I know.
bless :( ...stay strong but stay beautiful.
My brother and sister in law are masters at this. They tried to tell me I was inconsiderate by spending time with other family members and went as far as to make serious false accusations. When I said I was done with the manipulation and gaslighting my brother said "Talking to you just seems to make you angry. You should get counseling to deal with your feelings." 🤦♀️ It was at that point I just had to cut ties. Their behavior is so sick and twisted. I feel so bad for whoever their target is now that I've walked away.
I am learning these days to say less “you” instead I use we specially on team healthy.
In using; you, means I already know and I am giving advice, when I use we means we are all learning together, I am sure you all know that, maybe I am little late, better late than never!
Hi Fred. Interesting comment👍
Years back, I worked in a behaviour unit for young people who had been excluded from school.
One of our policies was to avoid using the word "you"
We found it carried an accusing or superior tone, as you suggest.
We made more progress when we consciously used the word "we"
Keep leaning forward, Fred!
That's one that I have had to change. When I've started a sentence with "you" it can look as though I'm on the attack.
@@sturobertson6791 I've done similar work with some youngsters acting in defiant ways. Staying away from "no" as well as "you" really cut down on the power struggles we likely would have had with them!
@daydream_believer absolutely! Since writing this comment ive6remembered so many things gs we did. Flat palm instead of pointing, respecting personal space, a million strategies to de escalate...at the time I hadn't heard of narcissism. We did lots and lots of training tho I think I'm learning a whole new world of stuff here.
Thanks for your reply
4 yrs ago I left comment on your Dr Les Carter channel late at night ,so touched by your video ,and here we are Dr. Carter,today. Thank you very much for your calm steadiness. I’m glad to know you
That's very kind of you, Jody. Thank you.
I became so corrupted that I couldn't protect my younger child to any effective degree. I am ashamed that I stayed in the relationship and subjected her to all the abuse she suffered.
Same. 💯. Pretty sure my kid now identifies as a trans boy because how i conducted myself in this "marriage" made being a woman look like a losing proposition. 😔
Trying to have a relationship with my brother who is under my narc dads thumb I’ve raged at the unfairness and it is all used against me to the point they both say they pray for me and will play video games but won’t talk to me… except they do and demean me at every opportunity or predicate interactions on me being around my father so he can control me more.
Talk about corruption
glad you realize and take responsibility. I watched my mom be used and abused until it killed her at age 55. brother died at 37...I got out...they know me as the crazy daughter...scapegoat....I know myself as healthy, sane and loving
Rather realize that handling this kinds of situations is very challenging for everybody.
When you get out from them it means you got to be highly skilled.
@@b8akaratn Being trans is an inside thing. It's not from viewed family dynamics. If that helps.
Having an Evil Twin has been a lifelong education. You have helped me So Much, Dr. Carter! THANK-YOU
Make sure to wear your name on, so nobody confuses them for you!
@@AlbertoSalviaNovella Oh no, that would never happen, we look differently and live in different cities. We are complete opposites in every way. I do believe she is a psychopath and has also turned my siblings against me, given her
“Credible” Acting abilities. The damage she’s caused is enough for a true crime story. If I am ever in the same room with her, again, it will be in a Court room! I even told her I won’t be coming to her funeral, if she goes first!
Well, I’ve helped a lot of them succeed then. I can only take so much before I lose it…then I’m ashamed of myself for “hurting” them. Ugh!
This is sadly true. Under the influence of decades of my NPD wife's abuse I became a completely different person. And not a better person. It has only been 9 months since I separated from her, so there's a lot of damage to undo, but at least I'm on the right path now.
@@davidhynd4435 Our son is in a similar situation. The fact that you got away gives us hope.
I am so amazed, everything you say has given me a voice. How do you understand this so well??? You've helped me so much. Thankyou Thank-you!!
I learned, and walked on. Game over.
Thank you for calling out evil. Healthy people should stay away from evil ones if it is at all possible. That's hard to do in the workplace, especially if they are in management or in the immediate group that you must work with.
Yes, I was a teacher who was expected to "take care" of a teammate. The other teammate was at least capable, but she enabled the toxic one. I was bullied by these two for four years.When I finally stood up for myself I was the source of gossip, contempt, and ridicule. I was yelled and humiliated in staff meetings. One of my compassionate friends on the staff came to me in tears, telling me I need to leave be cause they were taking advantage of my goodness. She said they will never change. She was correct. I left a nervous scared wreck and NO one who caused me such hurt ever took responsibility for the harm they did to me.They stole my books and supplies, trashed my good reputation, took unearned credit for the work and projects I created and shared. My mother was a wonderful role model who raised us to put others first and be kind always. It didn't work well for me in this situation, and my livelihood depended on it. 18 years later I remain traumatized by the lack of justice.
@@kb1625 Sorry to read of your difficulties. We're all learning from Dr. Carter, but I wish I'd known these facts long ago. You mentioned, "She said they will never change." So true. The narcs got away with it for so long, perhaps from childhood, and they've learned they can almost always get what they want by harming others. The first teammate you mentioned sounds like a flying monkey. Some flying monkeys are narcs themselves; some are not, but they all enable the "chief" narc. When you finally do stand up for yourself, they're shocked and angered by the "sudden" change. Then they say, "Look how he/she is reacting; what an angry person." The narcs and flying monkeys all protect each other, and in some companies or departments, they are the majority, so they can misrepresent you as the odd one out who must be wrong. Some are insidiously evil. Leaving an employer with toxic coworkers is financially risky, but it's necessary to safeguard one's own mental and physical health.
@@kb1625 For some reason, my reply to you was deleted. It sounds like your teammate was a "flying monkey" for the narc. Sometimes, flying monkeys are narcissists themselves but usually enable the worst narc. Although it's financially risky to leave an employer that has toxic, harmful people, it's more dangerous to stay and let the narcs harm your psychological and physical health.
I ended up doing many things during the course of my 10 year marriage that im not proud of. Some of the things I did, I think, was to feel closer to my ex narc, because if i was doing them too then he wouldnt, most likely, lie to me, or i ended up doing hurtful things to him as a result of being treated horribly again and again and I figured if I did them back to him, he wouldnt come back to me since i didnt trust myself. Of course, he did come back , only to abuse me all the more for it. After leaving the marriage, certain issues still remain, but i know I still have goodness and empathy for people, even if im more guarded and less trusting now. I try to remind myself of how much i have gained from this experience, the lessons and wisdom. Otherwise, I end up drowning in the ocean of loss and that feeling, I know, will never bring me healing ❤
Their evil is so pervasive that you begin to second guess yourself even when you know the truth from the deceptive lie. May God strengthen our resolve as we learn ways to self-protect from their evil intent. Thank you, Dr. C. It's a timely word in this season.
I think I have managed to detach from the narc. I realise they will never change and are a lost cause. I tell myself theres nothing I need from you. At any contact I am indifferent and will not engage.
Trauma bonds take a year to cycle through so you must stay the course ❤️🩹 it gets better each day & indifference is the ultimate goal here
When you divorce the narc, you now have to protect your children (mostly my daughter) from becoming their father's next "catch". So hard....
Dr. Carter, you have a very warm and reassuring presence. Because of who you are, along with your gentle delivery in showing us the reality of our lives, it becomes more apparent how messed up and evil our narcissist is. It's clear that there is something very wrong in these relationships. If only we could ALL aspire to be more like you. Over the past 20+ years, my sister has had a goal to tear me down. I'm not sure what she gets out of those attempts because I am still standing! You provide excellant ways of coping. Bless you, Doctor. I really appreciate what you are doing. P.S. I'm so glad to know the name of your little doggie now! 🐕😊 (I'm long winded/ wordy & apologize for that. Hope what I've said makes sense.)
Everything you said makes sense to me!
I found that the difficult part is accepting how wrong their actions are.
For example saying that they are sadistic, and they get off from harming you, may be an uncomfortable truth. But it's the truth.
@@sturobertson6791 Phew! OK good, thanks. 😌
@@AlbertoSalviaNovella So true. It has also taken me over 20 yrs to understand what it is that I've been experiencing. She's very skilled at conning people. She may have conned me tool! When you say "they get off from harming you," do you mean they're benefitting from the effects of their actions on us or are you saying that they get away with doing what they do as in no accountability?
I started a new job 6 weeks ago and just quit on Friday, due to narcissistic abuse from my supervisor. I tried everything in my toolbox but eventually my only option was to remove myself from the situation. I stayed as long as I did because I need the paycheck and health insurance, but it got to the point where my self-esteem was going to be damaged, and that was going to affect my ability to get a better job in the future. I know I made the right decision, and that's a huge indicator that I've healed quite a bit - not so much my quitting, but my KNOWING that I did the right thing in quitting- not doubting my choice, even though it's going to be hard. I'm pretty sick of encountering these people, though!!!
I was corrupted too by me ex. I was trauma bonded too. I’m now feeling better and I’m selling baked goods to help those in need. I’ve always wanted to do this but he always told me I couldn’t. I’m feeling like I’m getting back to my old self . This will definitely help me get back to where I was before I met him . 😊
Thats such a nice comment to read, that you now know you CAN, when he told you you couldn't.
Nice one, good for you👍
The main thing is to know yourself - enforce your boundaries - what you will and won't do for someone - it's a code of conduct that you live by - if you EVEN feel or see that someone is trying to break thru your code of conduct - RUN. Just leave.
@@happyday3368 👍👍
Im learning so much from you, Dr. Carter. After 41 years of marriage, i got out through separation and then a recent divorce. Im grieving and. II am in therapy and i can see the mistakes I made. Severe childhood abuse along with being nice, caring and empathy. Your podcasts, reflection and therapy are helping me a lot.
Very pleased! Keep learning!
There is Good and Evil,in this world.I believe that Reaching out from the inside let's us love each other. As He LOVES😅 Us
My ex was so evil that he revelled in the discovery that his ex-wife before me was homeless and toothless, and he danced a jig when his ex-business partner got cancer and had to have a leg amputated. Now that I’ve escaped he goes around telling everyone that he’s a better person now that I’m gone, but then continues to brag about his perceived accomplishments.
Reminds me of the book people of the lie. By scott peck. Thanks dr c
It hurts so much to be involved with these people. I have a problem with inviting the worst offenders back in my life, and I have a hard time distancing myself even when I know it's coming. Healing is very hard work, but resources like what you provide, Dr. Carter, are essential for people like myself. Thank you, sir.
There's a difference between a person who loses their temper, and someone who is sadistic.
If someone gets off by proactively harming others, that is the biggest red flag. And trying to handle it, the biggest risk.
It's an uncomfortable truth. Specially because they usually hide behind the complete opposite persona. But the truth you need to embrace.
True
Yes. I know two of these people- in my family. "From such stay away, sayeth the Lord".
Only ever “reacted” once with two people in my adult life & didn’t need to anymore. 😌 They both “discarded” me but decades later TRIED to break through my force field. Wish there was something I could have done as a child against my parents. Alas, it’s over & peacefulness reigns.
Run! And go and have fun. Yes Doc. I'm treated like a thing alright!
If we allow it!
Agreed Fred. If we refuse to accept the evil, it remains with them
Problem is when you see someone being corrupted but they have been in a “trauma bond” with these people for years.
The trauma bond is avoiding the uncomfortable truth that this person is a sadist.
@@herbylovebug1340 How do you stand by and watch a loved family member being abused by their spouse? A trauma bond makes it impossible to help. My son is being abused by his narcissistic wife. They have two children. We have just been isolated from our son and grandchildren. Our son won’t speak to us. He’s changed completely in the last ten years of their relationship.
From my personal experience..there really isn't much you can do except let them know that you love them and will always be there for them when they can pull themselves out of the hell that they are living in and continue to deny. Looking back now, I'm truly sorry for how much pain I caused my family and friends while I was in my 10 year narcissistic highly abusive marriage. All you can do is pray for their safety and that God will reveal the truth of their situation ❤
This was definitely one I was more curious about. I will be watching again and again. Plenty of food for thought. Thanks again ✨️
Me too!
@@Hatbox948 ❤️🩹
My parents and every one I met after them
I continue to learn something knew from you Dr. C. Thank you. 😊 I try to learn from my mistakes I made from being with the narc(s) in my life and try to give Grace, bcuz so much has been given to me. I still keep my boundaries from those who try to cross those boundaries. 😊
Keep leaning forward, Cindy!
Thank you, Dr. C
You are very welcome
Thank you very much. I’ve been on the fence. Narcissists pretend to care and then become monsters when there aren’t witnesses.
Thank you Dr C. It’s been just over a year leaving behind a communally popular “sweet” man who I dated 2 years and he struck me. I grew up with a covert and overt parent. I had to face at 65 that I was trauma bonded in that relationship and 2 strikes more and I still had great difficulty leaving. Heartbreaking and my soul wake up I needed to know why I minimized and rationalized physical violence the way I did. You have shone me the way out and I feel saner than I’ve ever felt. I was in a cult, hidden in society and feared by me. You and others are proving love and sanity is stronger than fear and it’s horrifically confusing (until it’s not) weakness of insanity. I don’t feel alone anymore. Scared of system mobbing like I once did.
You are definitely not alone.
Your physical safety is top of any list. No one has any right to make you feel unsafe.
My passive aggressive son in law who is exploitative to all those around him. Whatever kindness there was towards his family has been drained out of me. Sad for my grandbabies
I could feel his evil in my soul from early on. I was never at ease. He was so overly fake even when he tried to be nice. An absolute monster.
Bingo I got shut with in one month even though I at the time knew nothing about NPD. I did thing he was a sociopath.
Dr. Carter, Your explanation of the trauma bond and the nature of evil within the narcissistic person is exceptional. The manner in which you take a complicated personality and break down what’s happening here is beyond helpful. I will refer
again to this video to help me understand my circumstances. God bless you!
So pleased it resonated!
To take what's good and corrupt it has to be a non negotiable before it becomes second nature!
Hi. I'm being slow, not 100% sure what you mean here.
Could you say a bit more, please
Your comments are always helpful
@@sturobertson6791 If you start to act differently in character because of bad influence you can't allow it to change you at the core or your behavior will become disruptive and distorted.
@@t_nelsThanks for that. I'm getting there!
I know when I was with my nex (a few years back now) I definitely reacted / responded to her rages and aggression in ways I definitely shouldn't have.
Since we parted, it's been a long road to finding g my good healthy inner self again
@@sturobertson6791 I am not doing good enough explaining. Dr George K Simon has helped understand a lot. I'm still learning.
I guess one could look at corruption in different degrees. I'm just stating that a person needs to establish non negotiables. At the point it changes and distorts your view (not just in the moment) and you recognize it as a non negotiable it might be too late.
@@t_nelsI think I need to do some reading!
Are the non negotiables like your rock solid boundaries?
And are you saying these shouldn't be distorted / disrespected so as to cause you to permanently alter your behaviour?
I'm trying to understand but it's 1am and my brain needs a rest!
Thanks for your messages. I appreciate them
“Radical Intelligent Evil” ~ Nate R. Doubt it not.. Thank you Dr. C
Become incorruptible- that’s freedom! Thank you Dr. C take care and stay safe everyone.
Evil is present when we serve fear. The legacy of our service to fear, is the growth of our ego. When another gives their worse, what a great opportunity for you to give your best. Know your/you're love
This kind of evil is what I call ''Narcopath'' in which the narcissist becomes sociopathic or psychopathic, and thus, lose all their humanity and goodness out of their own hearts. All just to feel secure about themselves.
My favorite Dr. C video (thus far) !!! Learning how to respond is even better than knowing what makes them tick. Thank you Dr. C, for the truth and solid advice !!! 👍
I had that one and they establish a status- quo where they are in control. There is a futility in that relationship as relationships take a lot of time. You are right in seeing the role as a role is how you function.
One thing I noticed is I think they received the opposite of praise and were totally dominated by a parents ego. We have to work out if praise is any good for them or a total waste of time? Probably a waste of time and energy if it’s not reciprocated.
A 'friend' would "help orhers" with needs--rides to appointments, shopping, church--but drove erratically with her cell phone usage, helping others with their bills--calls, et --and would show a superior attitude with controlling conversations, dominating with their rudeness.....narcisstic tendencies.
DR. C, I can't express my gratitude to you enough. You have helped me in changing my life. I now understand so much of what had been hindering my progress in life throughout the years. I had no definitive knowledge or wisdom regarding what I was experiencing and how to handle myself until a year ago when I discovered you on RUclips. Thank you so much sir for your kindness, compassion and ability to initiate authentic healing from within my soul.💚💚💚
So pleased. You are the reason I do these videos, Mario.
Hi Mario. That's a really nice comment to read👍
you seem to be describing my past marriages. yep
I hope dr. c can provide a clear definition of evil. It seems to have become subjective to one’s point of view lately.
I think that they fit the bill of most English dictionary definitions - morally bad, cruel, very unpleasant are all mentioned in the Cambridge dictionary. Mine was certainly all three!
Evil and corrupt is the absolute truth! And getting away is the only answer. I know you are trying to help people who cannot get away- but I’m so glad you clearly stated that getting away is the only answer. Thank you 🙏🏽
I know the type of individual Dr C describes here VERY well! I even married it! Twice! When you feel all your Healthy is being siphoned off for their supply and the "You" that existed before that relationship is diminishing daily - it's time to correct course, find Healthy and Stay Healthy!
I married one of those also!
@@amandaliverpool3374 🧡 🫂
I've been realizing how I was in denial because I felt like I couldn't be Independent without my dad but now I realize it's because of how he whittled down all my confidence and has control of my basic needs, and tries to sabotage my efforts to be independent but claims that he's supporting me but really he just doesn't want me to move out because then he can't fuck with me and he has no friends or other family that talks to him. I just gave him the benefit of the doubt too long and tried to meet his never meet able expectations and constant criticism and doubt.
Now I realize I will be fine. I have a plan to get out of here and it'll be hard but I can't count on my dad anymore. Not knowing if he's gonna randomly kick me out of the house. I don't engage in his bullshit anymore and so he's gone to greater and greater lengths to try to get a reaction out of me. I know I just gotta ignore him but I spent years in a dissociated depression just trying to be invisible from him and survive but now I'm trying to engage In life and move forward and know my dad isn't going to help me. And it's hard to ignore his nonsense without either shutting down or getting angry. But I can't shut down anymore. My health physically and mentally was getting horrible. My neck is fucked up from curling up in a ball in the corner of the couch for years just trying to be invisible. Now when I express any signs of being happy, he makes sure to try to provoke me into anger or fear. Things were "fine" when I was a depressed shell that needed him, but as I began to move on my own path he HATES it and tries to do anything to get in my way but without being so obvious that it's easy to call out.
He still sort of tries to contact my mom and if he did anything too irrational and I don't react, my mom would definitely cut him off for good and he doesn't wanna die alone with no narcissistic supply.
I tried so hard thinking If I just did and said the right things my dad and I could have a real relationship but if he never changes it's pointless. I just gotta get out of here and stay regulated. I just wasted so much time feeling worthless and now after starting a job with an awesome manager and coworkers in realizing how all I needed was encouragement and guidance that my father never gave me. I just felt like "if my dad doesn't even care about me, no one will" but most people do.
Thank you. Already recognizing this, and your video is some more strength for me. There is NO WAY, I will relinquish my good for any narcissistic aholes. It is hard, and I may lose a court battle, brought on by this ahole, who has $ and I don't. But they can NOT rip away my dignity, my empathy, my self respect, nor civility, that I will continue to do towards others.
I have thought about this so many times. I feel like I really became a worse person after living with my narcissistic husband. I feel so much remorse over the way I have allowed to be influenced by him.
Set boundaries but stay beautiful.It's a winner❤
You see the evil in their eyes, hear it in their words when they know but still continue to harm. I've seen that with my father, next and mother. It's a split second and they have a choice, a fork in the road and they choose the wrong one. You feel like you're in a vacuum and all the air is sucked out of you as their words and actions land. I always felt shocked, how can this person say and nd do these things to me. They know it's going to hurt but they do it anyway. Then and nd few hours days or weeks later, they act like nothing happened. Crazy making until you learn about it, fight through the grief pain and guilt to save yourself because the people you love who have narcisstict traits won't save you, they'll shove you under the bus it it saves them.
It’s the energy exchange. Took me YEARS to grasp this dynamic fully (because of its very spiritual, not just psychological nature ) and unless you are aware of it, you won’t be able to take control over what is happening, and you gonna be walking around displaying these very negative feelings that the toxic person is feeling, but is unable to process these emotions, so they must dump it on someone else, usually using very covert, sneaky, passive aggressive behavior, pushing buttons
Once they see you angry, frustrated, sad - they INSTANTLY becoming calm, turning their back smirking with satisfaction.
Also, what took me another years to realize that when a normal human being is being surrounded by cluster B, he/she will develop cluster A, or C …or combination of both.
LOVE TEAM HEALTHY.
Thank you Dr. C and Gus.
From Cynthia Ann in JANESVILLE, WI
When "they
" need a foil, you can't get away. They involve thru proxy every place i find find peace and dignity. Evil, cruel. Very.sad. it's not always that we want them in our lives thru trauma bonding.
When I read the comments, it's as enlightening as your teaching Dr. Carter. It's a suffering beyond description. The only solution is to leave, because they are without a reasonable bone in their Narcisstic body. The coldness, hardness of heart and victim-hood thinking is off world!
The focus on the level of evil is so appreciated!
You must know my spouse. I listen to your post a lot and they always describe him. This one is right on . Ive unfortunately wasted 35 years on him .
OMG I have dated a few narcs unfortunately. The 1st took my jokes and friends, my interests and tried to become me. The second said I was him when I asked him why he wouldn't clean the house. He said you are me so I don't need to clean up, we are the same person! Number 3 took my individual mannerisms and said he had the same obscure religion I had. No more narcs thanks!
Great message, thank you. Towards the end, I decided he lived in a cesspit, and he was trying to pull me in. I got out thanks to utubers such as yourself. The last time I saw him in court, I could not bear to look at him, so I turned away when he tried to make eye contact. I had found nude photos he had taken of a preschooler, hidden in his wardrobe (which I gave to the police). He truly was evil. I never could have imagined how totally corrupt he was. And yes, he had definitely lost his moral compass.
Nobody is corrupting anything over here. Not anymore anyway. Truth blaster till I die.
"They" may have succeeded with several friends and some family but we did not exploit ourselves!!!
Position ourselves to grow 🌱🌿with ppl who develop an environment of dignity, respect, and civility.