MST3k 416 - Fire Maidens of Outer Space
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- Опубликовано: 10 сен 2024
- Hot Jupiter babes, public domain classical tunes, and running. Lots and lots and lots of running.
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January 1993, I got the flu and was the sickest I have ever been. After a week and a half in bed, I dragged myself to the TV room of the boarding house where I lived and put a tape laying on the table into the VCR. This episode of a show I had never seen began to play, and I was glad that no one had put me out of my misery.
Happy you're still here.
Glad you made it!
Getting over COVID right now and been binging MST3k and Riff Trax.
@@justina208 A true healing balm, the both of them.
@@justina208 feeling better, Justin??Fellow MSTie checking on ya!
At 12:43, Joel's quote, "Pound pastrami, can kraut, six bagels, bring home for Emma," is from Walter M. Miller's outstanding, Hugo Award-winning, 1960 science-fiction novel, "A Canticle for Liebowitz." You have to love the depth of nertitude on MST3K.
The nerditude is what really makes it. Sooo Minnesota!
A Canticle for Liebowitz is 100% dope AF w/legs and strong cultural influence in perpetuity. I mean, the wildly popular and deeply worthwhile Fallout game franchise alone stands as a massive representation of how salient Miller's ACfL is not to mention its massive influence on all post-apocalyptic fiction that followed. Miller was the sh-t and his ACfL books are brilliant. Btw, A Canticle for Liebowitz doesn't require quotations as it's a novel as opposed to, say, a short story, But, yeah. Um....Walter Miller High rules! (Bonus points awarded and the secret "Gypsy's Fallout Shelter" level unlocked if you recognized the not-so-obscure film reference).
One thing that can be said about Cy Roth as a filmmaker: the man knew how to pan a camera.
"CY ROTH HAD TO PAD THE FILM JUST TO GET TO THE PART WITH MORE PADDING!!"
You really can feel Crow's pain on this one.
His pain?!! Everybody's pain!!
Regarding smoking on a spaceship... Who can forget Neil Armstrong's famous words when he first set foot on the moon, "Welcome to flavor country."
US Space command imposes trade sanctions on Jupiter's Moon if they don't open up to tobacco imports
In a true flavor country this comment would have thumb-ups.
One thing I really love about all these old sci fi movies. The aliens all speak English, and use the same standards of measurements and directions as we did at the time.
Why can't aliens just figure it out? Do you want to look like humans or not? Is going to be speaking English or just a bunch of roaring? Come on! Geeze! Just make up your mind already.
Well, that's just polite.
@@johnbyrd7400 According to the movie, the inhabitants of Jupiter's 13th moon aren't aliens; they're humans who emigrated there from Atlantis (somehow) in the distant past. And if they've been monitoring Earth's radio transmissions, there's no reason why they couldn't have learned English. That's the LEAST of this movie's problems!
@@graemesmith6721 Not to mention, these "astronauts" manage to land on this satellite of Jupiter without knowing it's diurnal cycle or the speed of its spin, since they had to question its day-and-night cycle openly after landing; I'm somewhat curious how they've managed to avoid Jupiter's deadly radiation, how they manage to get so much warmth and light, being so far from the sun. Considering how hard it is to find Earth like planets, and the fact that we have failed to discover any yet, it seems remarkable that a satellite of a neighboring planet in such a condition would just happen to have the right conditions for life. Also, where is Atlantis? Where exactly was it located? Why is it not mentioned in any history? What language did they speak originally?And why do they all look Norwegian? And why do they choose to live in abandoned star trek props? I am confused, and feel stupider than ever.
I bet early humanoids had unimaginable ways of getting anywhere they wanted.
It's just amazing that this movie only had a budget of $128.13. If they only spent another $1.49 I'm sure it would have won an Oscar for best movie made for under $130.00.
This is amazing how? The low budget showed how crappy it ended up.
Any extra money would have ruined it, they would have overspent and taken the charm.
Most of that went to cigarettes apparently.
This movie was actually filmed in full color, but because the studio was filled with a permanent haze of cigarette smoke it only appears to be black and white.
Smoking pot was the only way to endure making the film.
You jest.
Joel always looks stoned
@@bethhollins3556 According to MST3K lore this is because, when they filmed the very first episode, Joel hadn't slept in four days. He kept the mannerisms throughout the show.
Same as my childhood!
Apparently this director's philosophy was "never use one establishing/travel shot where you can use three."
... or twelve!
I am charmed how they indifferently accept there's people on a moon of jupiter, but the idea that they're Atlanteans is a step too far.
yeah, i didn't buy it either
I was fine with the diurnal plantscape and oxygen and microbial compatibility, but I was put off by the availability of Sear's new fall line in the moon palace
Also they speak English. They'd be screwed if they spoke ancient Greek or Atlantian....
@@idontknow164 and would that language be a descendant of Cromag or Neanderthal?
@@AdamWestish Cromag according to Sepehr.
I guess back when this movie was made, people just assumed that if we ever did go to Jupiter, the most important provision we'd take would be a couple cartons of Lucky's.
Ha ha Chesterfield one hundreds
Was waiting for a Lucky strike commercial.
Little known fact, the space vessel is actually MADE of Lucky Strike® cigarettes.
Yeah I guess so. Haha
LSMFT!
11:56 for the TRULY ASTONISHING scene of the secretary's famous endless arrival followed soon after by the secretary's famous equally long LEAVETAKING. This scene baffles me more than any idiocy in Plan 9.
I'm more than a little certain that was titillation. In the days of the Hays Code, focusing on the woman's legs for that long is the equivalent of a cleavage shot.
You'll notice that the camera seems very focused on the maidens' legs throughout the film
@@Mukyoukai Those were long mid calf length early fifties skirts and I don't think ankles have turned men on since 1890. This length skirt was THE ugliest creation of women's wear in the century.
The two gates are unnecessary. I sort of appreciate the rest of it though.
@@Mukyoukai Fire Maidens was a British film, and therefore not subject to the Hayes Code. However, Cy Roth was an American and it was intended for distribution in both the US and the UK, so they may have kept it within the Hayes Code's restrictions in order to placate their American distributors, because God forbid they offend the delicate, puritanical sensibilities of Middle America!
@@graemesmith6721 Ha ha ha well said.
Imagine, a scant 11 years after this pile of smelly socks was made Stanely Kubrick made *2001: A Space Odyssey*
Yes. Imagine.
I love how after all the nonsexy "suggestive" dialogue, Joel says, "why don't you play with each other," with a completely straight face.
Maybe he didn't even think about it.
I like that the movie was so full of emptiness that with Timmy wreaking havoc in the theater the viewer still didn't miss anything.
Point: Timmy
I gotta give it to Jef Maynard and Trace Beaulieu. Trace because he directed those fantastic host segments and was great as Crow as always, and Jef because he did some DAMN GOOD PUPPETEERING as... TIMMY.
And WAY before South Park. Jimmy and Timmy!
That whole secretary scene when she comes down the stairs in what seemed like hours just stay downstairs for a few seconds of note taking, only to then that another five hours to walking up the stairs had me rolling. Capping it with the 'knee to the groin' joke, and I was gone!
They edited out the part where she walks on the glass walled ramp above the steps: "she's not wearing underwear". with the reply: "That means it's Thursday in England".
I love that the little girl Ashley, who wrote the fan letter, was Joel's guest for Turkey Day 2015. It would be neat if they did a few more of those next year.
As a sci-fi luvvin' kid, I growled at this 🤬 of a movie, and felt totally ripped off by the "monster". Nearly two decades later, MST3K ripped it a new one, and it felt like Chet getting his comeuppance in Weird Science.
Crow's freakout at 27:10 never fails to amuse.
"King Dinosaur! That's from King Dinosaur! I'm outta here!"
My First MST3k episode I ever saw, back in 2007 when in was 9. It has a special place in my heart, I've built replicas of both Tom Servo Crow T. Robot, hopefully Gypsy, eventually I'll build Timmy.
Update?
David Stevens this episode's host segments were great just they could a have done a better job with the riffing, the riffing was good though👻
Timmy is actually the Crow puppet used in the theater.
@@phylliselizahb1041 aah that makes sense... they would have to be painted black/dark...
Can’t just be normal & just watch the damn thing eh?
So someone unironically made a whole film about the castle anthrax
Ohh, wicked, bad, naughty, *evil* Zoot!
These are all available on streaming apps, but there's a charm to these uploaded ones I keep coming back to: watching an old VHS tape. Thank you for uploading these. They save my life once a year when I watch them all.
Love Tom singing "I'm bored already"...I use that one a lot!
Joel's entrance with that broom @ 1:09 is one my favorite MST3K moments ever.
"Let go of him you bitch!" 🧹🏌️
It's like they knew how painful the movie is and came up with the Timmy stuff so the audience wouldn't fall asleep. You wouldn't think a silent Crow double moving around the theater would be so creepy, but it is.
It's really a bad film if the action Joel and the Bots put on is more tense and entertaining than the film they're riffing
that's some Alien Isolation shit there
@@alexiaNBC yeah. That makes it more hilarious!
It was like a proto Five Nights at Freddy's
if Data can have an evil twin so can Crow!
*woman's scream*
"Steve, was that you?"
So great. Thanks for the upload
Please remain seated until the movie grinds to a complete halt.
Crow "There's more action in the wallpaper" 😂
“You’ve got air sneakers and gel sneakers, but what good are they if you can’t eat ‘em?” Never were truer words spoken.
Rasha Seden lol😉
Ew
"#3 - The Larch."
A circa 1970's Monty Python reference.
@Tommy Litz and not their first or only one, either. A deep inhale of either MST3K or MPFS and you know they both have very congruent scents of humor!
No larches were harmed during the making of this film!
you either very well studied on MPFS or very Olde like me, to know such a thing. cheers.
The. Larch. The Larch. TheLarch.
The.
Larch.
"That's one small tush for a man, one shapely thigh for mankind."
"Jupiter: America's dairy land."
Guess that's why Trump created Space Force !!!
Love Crow's special effect squeaking noise.
"Please remain seated until the movie grids to a complete halt". Lol...perfect line! :D
"It's a Wonderful Life" has got to be the most oft-cited pop culture reference in all of MST3K's history (and well into Rifftrax, too) and wow, does this episode have a ton of quotes from it. Every time a bot riffs an angel gets its wings!
"It's probable, but it's highly doubtful." This from a "top nuclear scientist." Riiiiiight.
I like that Timmy is watching the film before he attacks Servo
Me too
Fire Maidens of Outer Space -- a truly nothing flick. The monster's head wasn't bad looking when under-exposed, but the thermal underwear outfit is said to have kept the film from being nominated for best costume design. The space ship was really roomy for a V2 rocket. The film also made space travel look and feel about as complicated as driving to Wal-Mart. These are the sort of things that happen when a producer is too cheap to hire someone like Werner von Braun as a technical advisor. I got the distinct impression that a tobacco company may have helped sponsor this film. The twin-screw controller that operated everything on the ship actually compelled the Screen Actor's Guild to make a rule revision that required a minimum of two props per film -- proof that good things can and do come from bad.
V2 was 1.6 meters in diameter lol.
The artificial gravity was remarkably effective too. In those days nobody thought about acceleration either, how a rocket would have to flip over in order to decelerate and straps would have to be used to hold astronauts _down_ ...
Not to mention that they had to "guess" the rotation of the moon because: why would you have to know that to land on it?!?
@@AdamWestish And a ladder from Ace Hardware (not even retractable). Very low budget.
@@AdamWestish Well, simulating zero-G would have cost money, and they only had 27 bucks for the whole thing!
@@graemesmith6721 oh man, that's sad to hear. If they'd only spent $21, they may have made it all back in ticket sales!
This film had padding to increase the time between the padding.
Absolutely one of my favorite MST3K's. The odder the movie the better. Just hilarious. This is my 3rd viewing in 3 months.
I agree, but for some reason one of the least recognized in MST3K lists. This was the first episode that hooked me on MST3k back in the early 90s.
Yes, WW, I laughed right through some of the jokes, I'm sure, so I'll have to watch again.
Thats all!!!
Man, this Cy Roth guy can pad circles around Roger Corman.
His son is Eli Roth who basically owns nickelodeon
11:50 "It's probable but highly doubtful..."
One of these things is not like the other...
I'm guessing he meant to say "possible" and no one bothered to correct him.
That phrase kept gnawing on my mind
I once saw a filmed news item about a conference doctors held about deciding if cigarette smoking was dangerous or not. The whole room was full of smoke.
For those playing along at home, Timmy enters the cinema at 54:00
The early episodes of MST3k with Joel really were the funniest. This is on of the best.
Agreed!
Oof, I'm sure glad they showed the entire trip that the secretary took to come in and take that dictation. How else would we have known how and when she got there?
That is still one of my favorite MST3K scenes. Laugh every time.
Exhausted Elox Creeeaaaaakkk! Creeaaaaaaaoook!
The editing on this movie was so tight, there was so little time for pointless footage.
Oh my gawd. What are the odds I watched King Dinosaur right before this...
Lol I love Timmy! He's just sitting there all silent and creepy like haha
I hope you're still around and healthy Analogkid...We were on youtube from the beginning...Yours were the first MST3K videos I watched if you can go back in your comments, you'll see me thanking you a million times...:) over the years......Oh man that Lockheed Super Constellation in the beginning! What a beauty! That's an aircraft with style...USAF vet.
that plane is classy and gorgeous. it's the Sophia Loren of the sky.
@@HungryForTastyFoodAndComicArt Harkens back to a better time...
and you cab smoke in it!@@HungryForTastyFoodAndComicArt
"She is built like a brick showboat" I love the fiftys.
Those chicks are exactly what empire waistlines were invented for. Not a waistline
42:09 Poor Crow. His new friend is being mean and Joel doesn't believe him! :-(
Back in '56, there were 12 known moons of Jupiter. Today? 67 confirmed moons. I love the (accidental) naivete of those b-grade sci-fi films.
Cubby, Roy, Ronnie, Bobby, Darlene.
1956: 9 Sol system planets
2006: 8 Sol system planets
🤔🤣
@@ethzero To be fair, in 1956 they didn't actually have a working definition of what a planet was. When the Kuiper Belt turned out to contain numerous objects that were just as qualified to be called planets as Pluto, they had to make a choice--either disallow Pluto and limit the solar system to eight planets, or allow all those other objects and have about 20. They opted for the former, because it was easier and because Pluto was always kind of a weird outlier anyway.
meh. They just ran out of names.@@graemesmith6721
And now where up to 95 confirmed Jupiter moons. Though it's not much to get exited about, considering most are smaller than the average SUV
26:52 He actually said Van Gogh properly!
Definitely had the best host segments, and you've got Trace Beaulieu to thank for that; he directed them!
"Cy Roth, shame on you." sums this movie up better than anything I could think to say...
"Have laundered your shorts; will be ready today.
Kiss-kiss,
Bunny"
Deep space music courtesy of the BBC's "Quatermass" productions.
Very distracting it is as well. Bad movie, bad movie, Trevor Duncan music from great sci-fi TV, bad movie bad movie.
Blaidd Llwyd
"I've done things I'm not proud of"
1:11:33 "Fire walk with me" Joel says during the liturgical dance scene. A Twin Peaks reference.
Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me was released in August 1992. This episode, November 1992.
It was a quote from the series too though.
"Through the darkness of future past
The magician longs to see
One chants out between two worlds...
Fire... Walk with me.
Joel was the best host for people who get a lot of references, but Mike was better for most everybody else. I'd say they're about equal due to those qualities.
@@BigPuddin Mike was your classic “every man,” Joel was… Joel. Of course that’s partly why Mike could do so many impressions and why Joel was always Joel. I love them both as hosts. I’m glad they’re both still out there riffing.
Is it weird that I’m still scared of Timmy after all these years?! Lol
Yes.
The scars will heal.
Ssh! Don't say that name!
Nope
ET STILL scares the hell out of me and it's been eons since I've seen the movie.
The VCR tracking lines give me nostalgia.
Young people, take note of the size of the seats and the roominess of the plane. This is from the days when airlines actually gave a flying f--k about passenger comfort and not just the almighty dollar.
But the price of a ticket was 5x as now.
@@naturesinterface6663 So what? It kept bums off of planes. I wish they'd go back to props. You could smoke on a plane then.
@@mikezylstra7514 somehow that aint a turn on to me for flying...a cabin filled wth 2nd hand smoke
@@davidschwartz6380 First off, the cabins apparently had controlled air flow, secondly, I never heard anybody complaining. I guess it was a different day.
The funniest thing about this movie is even with the impossible padding its still 80 minutes long
The Timmy parts were hilarious lmao this is definitely one of those movies I wonder how Joel and co. Even made it through watching it. I'm baffled as to what this film was even about? A giant commercial about pads?
Everyone is/was baffled. Even them.
analogkid01 THANK YOU!!!!! For ALL the MST3K!
Yeah, hey: Like, thanks, analogkid01. Valuable public service: archiving and disseminating high-value, high-humor and completely dope AF TV culture.
12:46. Like the reference to "A Canticle for Leibowitz"
I can't believe how much I'm in London. Really, really London...
This actually was filmed in the UK, they just chose terrible cheap-to-film-at locations.
Melissa Warner 😁😁
@@elizabethhogan1610 So that's why the telescope is in the bus station.
24:33 "Take her down, Skipper, we're in the satellites atmosphere." "Shut up Gilligan, I'm the Skipper here!"
Now I'll be humming the score from KISMET all night long.... Harry Fowler was one of the most popular actors in the UK over the decades, starting as a teen and finishing many years later even an appearance on EASTENDERS. Multitalented, he was adept at comedy and drama. Rodney Diak was primarily a stage actor and playwright. Apparently he was mortified that his first picture for MGM was this one. Princess Margaret seeing him perform Shakespeare on stage said “That’s the most handsome actor in Britain.”
Not gonna lie, that Timmy was kind of unnerving in the beginning.
Washu Hakubi LOL
Very creepy!
But he was funny while in the theatre
Timmy, Robot Pinball Wizard
Interestingly it is actually Timmy who always goes into the theater. The crow we usually see is only for the host segments.
Best 'Aliens' spoof I've ever seen! Timmy!!
"Quickly? In _THIS_ film?? I don't think so!"
If all the fire maidens are dancing, who's playing the music they're dancing to?
It's all in their heads
+Hylian Fox +King Vulturo
What I want to know is how they used the song "Baby Got Back"?
You know, there are certain flaws in this film
Yeah, no kidding.
"I thought I saw something move."
"Well, it sure wasn't us. "
*machine whines
"Sounds like Mariah Carey."
This is like watching a group of kids as they play spacemen.
Perfect analogy.
A group of kids with a serious nicotine addiction.
Yeah that's precisely how it looks. Maybe mixed with some old sci-fi comic book hornyness too.
@@tsnophaljakarax9963 "Man, sure is convenient that all the moons of Jupiter have breathable atmospheres and temperate conditions despite being vastly farther away from the warmth of Sol and having very weak gravity. Now let's go find some space babes while burning through a fresh Pall Mall every third second."
@@BigPuddin Not to mention that the feeble light of the distant sun is able to sustain abundant plant growth.
"Lets all watch it on the speaker."
19:36.
LMAO!!!!!
I gotta say, Timmy has to be one of the *creepiest* characters in MST3K. Not only does he have the mentality of a xenomorph, but he somehow managed to freak out Magic Voice.
And then there's the parts where he just shows up in the theatre. He's just standing there.... MENACINGLY!
Cy Roth: the Hideo Kojima of bad 50s movies (at least as far as credits are concerned).
The use of Borodin's "Povlotsian Dances" on the soundtrack predates Kubrick's using the music of Strauss, Khachaturian, etc.in "2001: A Space Odyssey" by over a decade. But does Cy Roth get any of Kubrick's respect? Noooooo. tsk tsk.
36:47 "...either these drapes go or we do." 😂
This film is not up to the same standards as "Forbidden Planet."
Ken Saber This film isn't even up to the same standards as "Cat-Women of the Moon."
This movie was so bad! I loved every scene! I loved our three guy's smart comments!
Janet Craft agreed 👻
Half the budget was the 50 foot ladder to the "spaceship."
2:10 Five Nights At The Satelite of Love
+Homsesnurr Anekth "A Five Nights at Freddy's fan game with a MST3K theme on it? Oh give me some of that!"
~Servo, under the effects of his Sarcasm Sequencer.
But seriously. That would be awesome.
@@ThatAnnoyingBird That sounds like something Tom would say.
The spaceship crew capsule is larger than the command center, back on earth. Well that's just poor planning right there.
SpaceX has sure made improvements on Space Ship design!!👍💪🌛
8:38 they really went over budget with that London Airport sign, huh?
"I question the relevance of this scene." Perfect.
"Let's make a movie about smug sexists doing nothing."
"Okay."
Well, they do smoke a lot.
@corbin dallas LOL
"Smug sexists" went to the moon. After building the civilization that made it possible.
@@moremoneyfordreadnoughts1100 Aw, are the white supremacists throwing a tantrum in the comments of a dumb movie about Atlantis?
@@JwebGuru Are you going to reeeeeeeeeee and scream incel now?
Host segments:
1:23- 2:19 Proper Posture
2:23- 5:36 Invention Exchange ( The Big CheckBook and the Cheese Sneaker)
21:09- 23:00 Seductive guide.
41:24- 44:00 The twin Screw-You-Niversal control
1:09:29- 1:10:50 Attack of Timmy
1:27:12- 1:30:02 Trying to make sense (Final segment and some mail)
that slide bar on the bottom is heaven sent, like the mute button
The trumpet fanfare music in this "film" was originally from the BBC's Quatermass and the Pit. So... there's that.
***** And I know where that trumpet fanfare came from at 19:36.
Ba-dum-bump!
Quartermass and the Pit is a classic - I've seen it several times. OK...
This has got to be one of the best mistie episodes ever !
"Take my haaaand, I'm a stranger with parasites..." (You'll not be able to get that out of your head now you've read this).
09:22 "Keep left! ON THE LEFT!!! DICKWEED!!!!" XD
Man, those 50’s movies were one long tobacco comercial.They seem to light up anywhere.
Can we get a table closer to the plot? 😂😂😂
Timmy, everyone's favorite mute sociopathic neighborhood droid! Get yours today!
Need a silent sentinel to WATCH your baby sleep peacefully in the crib?
Want a companion that ALWAYS listens?
He's just like your closest pal, EXCEPT with the benefit of unquestioning, black, soulless, eyes!!
Bored of uneventful evenings? WORRY NO LONGER! A void in Timmy's programming gives him the urge to call you at random times of the night, and breathe ominously through the phone! EXCITEMENT!
Have you ever needed encouragement to take self-defense courses? WORRY NOT! Timmy's constant stalking will provide endless encouragement!
BUY YOURS TODAY!!
How much?!
Simon Walter
$1000 (plus tax and S&H. Visa and Mastercard are accepted)
However, there is no warranty and the company is not liable for any murders your Timmy may commit.
Is there some type of thing that makes Timmy calm down or something?
I'll take one... Million
In light of current video game developments, I now conqur that Timmy is the very origin for the FNAF animatronics. ;)
28:34 "uh, we got a helium leak sir. its pretty back here."
During the popcorn..eerrrrr meteor shower I was hoping for a David Bowie reference, LOL
The same image occurs in a number of these movies. I call it The Fiddle Faddle Belt.`I think it was put in to increase popcorn sales.
Gotta love it--they're all sitting on ordinary kitchen stools, no deeply cushioned seats that can cushion their bodies during high G forces; they're way out in deep space with no space suits and helmets, therefore no oxygen; there's no sign of any kind of flight instruments---only in 1950's sci-fi movies 😄.