I'm 38, never married and no children (just my purrbabies) and I LOVE my blessedly singular life! In my younger years (teens and 20's), I cringe when I think of how scared I was of being alone and how I hung in terrible relationships just to avoid it. After several life changing incidents, my mindset completely changed and I embraced myself and my independence. Now, after 8 years single, I can truly say that I thoroughly enjoy my own company and feel completely at peace when I'm alone. I'm free to pursue my own hobbies and joys and have only myself to satisfy and make happy. If a wonderful partner comes into my life, awesome, I'm open to love, but I'm also perfectly fine living the spinster lifestyle haha!
"My person can be myself." THIS. THIS times 100! It took me till my early 30s to realise this, it's honestly just so powerful. My person in the past has been my significant other, my cat, my best friend and my parents, but right now, it's me :) This video is full of wisdom, I admire how you tackle huge topics so eloquently 🧠💜💡
Such a good insight! I'm 22 and i've been single since birth. The past few years, I've been wanting to have a boyfriend and so I forced a lot of relationships to happen, had multiple flings, committed to the wrong people, but nothing got really official. In the end, it just all turned out to be such a waste of time and feelings and tears plus I definitely lost myself during those times. Now I have been spending lots of time with myself lately and I'm just grateful for this video. And for the state that i'm in. So much self love and appreciation, not rushing things to happen, and just taking my time. Thanks for the video Rowena! 💕
you are wise beyond your years Chlo 💕 it's not easy to be so brutally honest with ourselves and with our realities but proud of you for finding the courage to do so nonetheless 😌
I've been single a good portion of my life and most people have complained that there are two main reasons why I've been single: my standards are too high and I won't sleep with the guy which is difficult in "this day in age". I ended up lowering my standards and giving certain guys the benefit of the doubt but they were definitely not right for me. Like you said, it doesn't matter how good a person is, if the other one isn't stable or pulling their weight then it's not gonna work. Also I've dealt with guys who are very pushy and wanna makeout not long after meeting or have sex and I'm not NO, stop pushing it! You're so right that it's hard to find someone who shares similar values as yourself. In my current "dilemma" I meet guys who are super loving, sweet, understanding, and nurturing but have nothing going for themselves and are too sensitive to life, and then on the other side I've met guys who have it all together financially and got life goals but they end up being horny douches who don't really care. And I've met A LOT of unstable guys be it mentally, emotionally, financially, etc or just not mature or driven. Which is draining even if we're not dating. So at this point I'm so done and just sticking with my standards and not wasting my time. As a female it can be daunting with out biological clock ticking, as well as wanting to experience things in life and was hoping to share them with someone. But now I'm just gonna live my life for me, and if mr. Right comes along the way to be my future husband then so be it. Thank you for the encouraging and insightful video.
Well-said!! You speak words of wisdom, and I feel the same way. I am 34 and single and happy at the moment. A man should enhance my life and make it better, not make it more complicated.
I've never been in a relationship for almost 22 years and I am completely fine with that! There were times when I ask myself if I'm not lovable enough, pretty enough, just never enough. But now, I've grown to accept that love will come when it will. No point in chasing people, changing yourself for others, or all that jazz. I'm happy that you went to this topic! Rowena will always be an inspiration~
Thank you so much for this. I ended a 5 year relationship during quarantine and had had a 7 year relationship right before that....I would say I'm in that weird gray area right now. Definitely still struggling with letting go of what happened to end those relationships and trying to be truly single for the first time since I was old enough to be dating. It's a weird adjustment but this was so helpful to hear. I've recently found your channel and it's such a refreshing change from the content I had been watching, which had become negative. I'm a teacher which is tough rn and is hitting my mental health hard. Your videos are so wonderful and are definitely helping me through this tough time.
I remember watching this two years ago. Tonight we had to take our blinders off and face reality. It was a 6 year relationship and we decided we were hindering each other from greater things in life by being together. I’ll admit I feel numb right now but I remembered this video that Rowena made about how to cope with this grief I’m about to face. This is so helpful. Thank you so so much 😌
This is so important - thank you for being so vulnerable in front of the camera for us, Rowena 💜 I’m so glad so many people are coming to realize that the only person we really *need* is our own self
Could you make a video about how to find yourself? I am trying to find who I am right now but I don't really know how too or if I'm going in the right direction. If that makes sense?
hi Katherine! yes I'll definitely look into this topic. it's a bit tricky because "finding yourself" is such a personal thing and a personal journey. but I'll see what I can do 💕
I agree with some and disagree with some but boy oh boyyyy, it is SO refreshing to have this kinda content available on RUclips! So grateful for people like you who strive to make the world a happier place by encouraging people to be happy with themselves first!!
You're amazing Rowena! I recently went through my first heartbreak and it sucked. This person filled a void in my heart, without them I felt empty. I even settled for less. I settled for this person because they gave me love, and attention. But that is no longer okay. Never settle for someone who comes to you first. I now know my self worth and I am working on giving myself love every single day. I am enjoying my own company and I bring myself on dates. I no longer rely on others to give me what I need to give myself, love, kindness & care. The most important relationship you have in life is yourself. Without this heartbreak, I wouldn't be who I am today and I am thankful for it!
You’ve made a beautiful video that not only helps cut out a lot of unnecessary self-blame, but also brings in joy and energy into life, especially for me as a college student. Thank you
I’m in a relationship and I try to apply a lot of these advices.loving yourself and spending alone time figuring out what you feel and need is really important to be with someone else (even with a friend). If you don’t let go the fear of being alone it’s impossible to feel good in a relationship (i suffered that in the past and trust me is better to be alone rather than be with someone that doesn’t makes you happy, even if is apparently the ‘perfect’ guy/girl to you). I enjoyed the video 💜
Thank you for doing this video, Ro! It helps me a lot because I'm struggling with some relationship problems recently. I was so calm at first when my bf broke up with me, and then the sadness came just a few days later. Watching your video is very motivated. It gives me the strength to overcome it and focus more on being the better version of myself :)
I love hearing your insights! Also, reading through everyone’s replies and see different perspective has made me become aware of some things I’m going through at the moment. I’d like to hear you go deeper in the topic of letting go of attachments. I think I’m in this stage where I’m aware of what went wrong and why things didn’t workout in my recent relationship, however, I don’t know how to let things go. Of the good and the bad. I somehow keep romanticizing both areas, and the idea of this person who have made me the happiest and broken at the same time. Would love to hear from other viewers as well and for anyone who can relate. I love this community!
I had a similar aha moment to your 'my person can be me' when I was 16. I used to be very unhappy about a lot of things in my life and being the Disney movie lover that I am I was just waiting around for a significant other to come along and fix it all for me. And then I realised, wait a minute - I can be my own Prince Charming! When I actually looked at all the things that made me unhappy, being single (so the part having a SO would help with) was just like 2%. So I focused on the remaining 98% I could improve on my own and soon enough felt heaps better :) Also, thank you so much for your videos - they are full of actual vulnerably honest useful self-care ideas unlike some other self-care videos that seem perfect on paper but are actually quiet useless in real life.
You have NO IDEA of how much I needed this today. I'm in this path of realizing I am my person and fighting the fear of being alone forever. We freak out about so many things, right? Our age, our family expectations, our friends and their choices... and at the end of the day, we have not lived well. We need to live for ourselves and get to know ourselves a little bit more everyday. I love you, Rowena. Even if we never meet in life, please, know that I'm very grateful for your videos. Sorry for my english. Much love from Brazil!
I had one relationship for 4 years. Its seven years after and I haven't tried for another. Like I still have shock from that time passing. Now I'm trying to learn that 20's is nothing of permanence but trials, tests and learning. As you put it, im losing that "hanging on to people" and trying to make them permanent. I need that realization that I need self development over external loving.
I'm glad this video exists because I had an almost 6 years long relationship and it ended and I'm ok, but I'm really struggling with the idea of being alone forever and I come back here and watch this video each time thoughts get too hard to deal with. Thanks Rowena for sharing this and for being one of the kindest humans I've seen on the Internet ❤️
@@Cookie-wt4uz I'm still single but wayyy less worried about finding *a person*, I have more friends now and stronger bonds with the people around me :)
thank you thank you! comes at a perfect time. i got out of a relationship in july, was totally crushed by it but slowly have found back into such a blissful state! i love being single and doing what i want all day long :) its really great to be able to invest all the time you have into yourself!
I initially watched this with my break ups in mind, oh yeah plural! I’ve been single for four years to, my best friend since school died after a two year battle with breast cancer. That has been hardest relationship to let go because it wasn’t a decision, it was pure suffering. You said this and I thought WOW that’s me!! Find something fulfilling that you can do and do it over and over again. As the Buddhists say “Life is Suffering” so it’s our job to try and reduce suffering in others by living a fulfilling and self aware life. Great video Rowena and perfect timing 💕☺️
Hi Rowena. Firstly, LOVE your shirt! Secondly, such an insightful video. It's coming on 4 years of being single for me, too. And only recently have I gotten to a point where I am finally starting to feel comfortable in my own skin, as well as, being fully happy with being my own person. For a long time, I carried the burden of my past pain, probably because I believed that it was part of my identity. But you know that saying: "We are not what happens to us; rather how we rise above it," or something to that effect. I feel like I finally feel this to be true in my own life. And how validating to have others, like yourself--who is so open and brave, someone who strives for authenticity and connection--express and produce work that speaks to so many of us who have also experienced the same kinds of pain. As always, thank you, Rowena!
Honestly I have struggled with this a lot through my teens and your videos in general have helped not only with mindfullness and self love, but also with being okay with being single and my own person. You have made me a much more empowered woman
Rewona, thank you for sharing. My last official relationship was also 4 years ago, after that I bounced back and forth between loneliness and datings, which never worked out because I didn’t know who I was looking for. It took me a while to realize what you are talking about now. 2020 has been tough but it really taught me to be with myself completely and embrace my thoughts and feelings. Yes the loneliness doesn’t go away but knowing it’s a part of human, then giving it a purpose, I have been able to live and breathe more easily. I agree, we should be the best version of ourselves first, before we can be the best of someone else’s ❤️
Rowena, I can not really express how grateful I am to you. You motivate me like noone else, your thoughts are delightful to hear. Keep up the good work and stay yourself and thank you for making me want to be myself. ❤️
Thank you Rowena for reminding me to focus on bettering myself, to know that I am my best friend and I can rely on myself. It really helps to remove the insecurity that I felt in friendships. 💜💜💜
The phrase 'the power of now' immediately popped into my head as you were explaining the importance of doing things while we still have 'me' time. Always a pleasure to hear your insights on life in general, your advice is always so useful. Thank you Rowena!
Rowenaaaa! This hit me somehow ! Ive been struggling for somewhat 4 years or so about the significant other! How i strongly and deeply desire for romantic or platonic significant other but never had the privilege of ! This branched from the reason ive always envied others who had proper support system and i hated my broken self and feel so trapped idk how to get out anymore. At the very least i have the answer now just i have yet to fully comprehend it. Well, i'll take my steps slowly now :D and do my best to move on from the desire. Thank you so much, Rowena!
Thank you so so much for this. I got out of a narcissistic and physically abusive relationship last November and the man just discarded me the last month... He was trying to hurt me on purpose by cutting short conversations and even looking maliciously at other girls to make me feel bad. He even insulted so much of my appearance in the end. The best thing that man did was to leave me alone, really... Now I am at a stage in life that I believe is the start of my journey to becoming who I am called to be, in service of God and others in this world. Your content is always so inspiring and relatable, Rowena. I pray to make my life meaningful as well like yours! ❤️
I'm 20 and my boyfriend broke up with me two months ago. After three weeks I thought I was over it, but then I started feeling bad physically with a fast heartbeat, troubles breathing probably and feeling like I have a lump in my throat. I decided to start seeing a psychologist which is really good but also so hard since I'm slowly realizing that I have been neglecting myself for the past many years. Your videos are so great and I love watching them and what you say really resignation with me, cause it is so true but I just don't or can't realize it.
I think it's really important to remember that you're good enough in all situations! You always have been and you always will be! I see the "greatness" Rowena is talking about here more as like being aware of your thought/behaviour patterns, knowing what you want from life, having self-discipline etc! Things that just help you function better as a human being. But you are ALWAYS worthy of love in all situations, and that will never change.
This is your best video so far. I'm sure you have been told this before, but you are wise beyond your years. The process of self-awareness and awakening is one that not many people are into or even understand, or have the mindset for. So yes I can relate to the "pool" of potential partners being very small. I have faith that I will meet someone like you one day.
Just got broken up with, so times are hard. But I really appreciate the perspective you gave me through this video Rowena. It really gave me a lot to think about. Thank you 🌻
Hi Rowena! Love love this video it's on point! The only thing I would add on the 6th point, it's true that before marrying and having kids is your only alone time and you should try to do/start a lot of your things first. From my experience (I am a wife and a mum now woop! ) you have to MAKE time for the things that matter to you. Where as before you just HAD it. You know what I mean? So I've learnt to make the time and it's never too late to start looking after you. Love your videos 👌
Hi I’m watching it from Japan tokyo!! your videos inspire me sooo much :) I’ve been single for 3 years and in those years I’ve learned so much about myself. The best part is that I love myself way better than the girl I was in a relationship. It feels like I’ve fallen in love with myself lol Yet I do have to admit that I felt relieved when you said you’ve been single for few years learning about yourself. I thought I was the only person that has this awkward thinking(I think Asian society requires us to be in a relationship and marry by certain age but I never thought I could be in a relationship without knowing what I want or who I am because I would never feel blessed being with my partner without figuring it out) good to know how you dealt with yourself:)
as odd as we think we may be, we're all more or less going through similar things hehe sending you so much love! 🐼💕 ps, Tokyo's been on my to-visit-list for years now!
I'll be honest with you Rowena, I cried so so hard watching this video, it felt so emotionally relieving. I've been single my entire life and to see people my age or even people younger than me be in relationships and experienced more than I have ever had, it makes me very sad and very anxious. I've constantly felt like I'm doing something wrong or that something is not right with me, I'm not normal, simply because everyone seems like they're getting action, or they're in a satisfying relationship. I keep feeling like I'll run out of time to experience being in a relationship despite the fact that I'm only 20 years old. I think, all of this has resulted in me being very insecure about myself, and it's allowed me to shift more of the responsibility on my future partner to fix my insecurities. So, I'd like to thank you, for reminding me that I can be my own person, and that I don't need to have a relationship to be content with who I am. I'd like to thank you for reminding me that a relationship will not fix my problems and my deep rooted insecurities, and that I have to take the time to figure it out and unlearn my toxic view of myself. Talking to some of my friends have made me realise that I've done myself a favour for not going after mediocre relationships because it'll eventually leave me regretful. I think I've come back to this video for the third time now, to remind myself of all of this and I just, I just really want to thank you for putting this video out.
I think about this often and I'm glad you mentioned it at the end. The fact that the most pressing issue (or one of the top issues) on our minds can be a relationship and not how we're going to feed our children or if we'll be bombed within the next 24 hours is such a blessing in and of itself. I try to use that to refocus myself whenever I go down a rabbit hole like that.
My boyfriend broke up with me one week after New Year and I still think about him everyday, and it's hard not to think about him because I get to see him in school everyday. Thanks for this video tho! It really helped me!
You are a blessing. I was going back and I made a note to go to the library and get the books, but I thought to look in your discription and they were there 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿 I’m definitely subscribing
Stellar video. "Figure out who you are", "Work on yourself so that your future partner can cope with you". These are things that I tell my friends and they look at me like I'm crazy. And along comes this video to make me feel sane..
This came at a good time in my life. I just broke up with my boyfriend on Tuesday and I've been going through a lot so seeing this makes me really happy.
Thank you for posting this! It really hit home and I am walking the journey of being single to really heal and finding my purpose and letting life bring love when it comes. I love this.
The biggest thing for me was committing to myself. To work on myself and focus on me. I was always waiting for someone else and scheduling my life around a person who never did the same, they constantly cancelled our plans and were never fully honest about why. Eventually I reached the conclusion that they lost interest in me which hurt lots but I promised myself I was going to focus on me and when asked out I wasn’t going to say yes just because I was desperate to have somebody but really evaluate the situation and see if I think we would make a good match and complement each other. Wishing you the best and loved the video!
I think that a lot of people need to understand that being in a relationship doesn't mean that you will be always happy and doesn't feel alone any time Sometimes being alone and working on yourself is much more better that being in a relationship where you can't move forward
Rowena can you make a video on living with roommates who are lazy(maybe not lazy but who don't have a purpose rn and watch Netflix ) but still to work and find yourself in that space... Thank you so much I love you alot and virtual hug! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
hello I am an old potato viewer of yours but a 22 yrs old though. I have been watching your content for maybe 2 yrs and i have been really learning a lot from you like dealing with anxiety especially your recent video and this video too. people around me are amazed when i say i feel good that i am alone right now i don't feel like i need/want a partner. i feel whole just by myself and i think i might continue so for my twenties. anayway, just wanted to tell you if you happen to read this comment that i enjoy and learn from your content, please keep up the good work. thanx, buy ;)
@@rowena thank you!! You have had such an impact on my mental health and mindfulness journey over the past six or so months, and I am so thankful for you!! Have a wonderful week! ❤️
oh man you are so.... everything. you are everything i hope to find in a partner. you are funny, smart, grounded, aware, take good care of yourself and others... sorry i'm super crushing at you while this video is about tips on how to be single hahaha. thank you for this video, half of the time i was like 'amen girl yas preach'. been learning alot about myself lately about being single and totally agree that you should'nt be chasing it, something i needed to be reminded of myself. again thank you for this video!!
Hi Rowena, thank you for making this video. I was just sitting here thinking "why doesn't anyone love me". My 2nd divorce ended in 2006 and I have been single since. Every year I keep saying I am going to work on "me", but here I am and I still don't know who the real me is. Both marriages took up 18 years. I am 56 now. I have watched many of your videos and you have sparked me into really wanting to create a better me. I am looking forward to watching the continuation of this video if you please. Thank you for being you and putting yourself out there for us.
I don't usually comment on youtube vids but you are so amazing, Rowena! I completely relate to where you're coming from and hearing the wisdom you've gained and how content you've become with where you are is so encouraging to me. Making peace with the past and being grateful for the lessons learned really seem to be the best way to let go and focus on living your best life. Love ya girl!
I think it’s sad that I can’t comprehend this video and probably won’t be able to for a while. I want to have someone to be able to be with truly. I know that it takes time but I always find myself sinking back into that place and I keep having to wake myself up. It’s hard striving and working on who you want to be down the line.
Thank you, thank you, thank yooouu ! I really loved this (and having been single for five years, I probably needed a little grounding). I really am going to keep in mind the gratitude part, and the fact that if I am feeling a little sad or lonely, I should consider myself lucky because not everyone can have that luxury. You're the best ! *hugs all around* (and to the people scrolling past this, please remember to drink a glass of water and stretch your face a little. Have a great day. The hug is for you too.)
Constant heartbreaks, quitting my job, losing friends, being rich/stable to become broke all these things made me depressed. I am still suffering and fighting with my depression and anxiety. I wanna love myself at first. The rest comes later. Thank you for the video what really is giving me hopes again❤️❤️
I love you! The person I’ve been looking for my whole life is sitting right here! It’s me! 😍 I am married but my hubbs is gone months at a time for work and I’m having to learn to be my own happiness. Thanks for the reminder - I actually do know best how to make me happy 😂
I just re-watched this video after 1 year and a half, and I want to meet you right now and give you a hug ❤️I agree with everything you said soooo damn much! And you just talk to us, unknown people of the internet, as if we were just best friends, or even family. And that makes me feel soooo loved and supported, so thank you v much :)
Thank you for this video, literally something that I needed to hear today. I’ve been single for 4/5 years now, often times I’ll get lonely & stuck in my head thinking I need someone to cater to me/my ego. But as you said you have to let go of old notions, in order to grow & become a better you. Thank you for this reminder🙏🏾 .
i really needed this. going through a very similar situation like yours where we broke up and got back together but not really officially and everything is very confusing and it's hurting a lot right now. but hearing that you were able to get through it on your own helps a lot
I personally don’t put any pressure on myself to say ‘when I eventually meet the one’. I think it’s possible to live a happy and fulfilled life without worrying that meeting a partner is the end goal of finding true happiness. Life seems much easier with ‘the ones’. That is, having good friends and family that you don’t have to compromise your life in any way for.
Thanks Rowena, Im in a relationship and what you said it’s not only important to remember when you’re single, but in a relationship you loose track of those things too and it’s important to ser back and analyze and set yourself for a better person so that you can have an even better relationship. 🙂
Thank you so much, it was so good to hear ! Once you are ok with who you are and don t need another person to feel complete, it feels weird to look back and remember how sad you used to be. Young people, especially girls, should be educated and informed that they do not "need" another person to be happy.
Rowena!!! How did you know I needed this? I broke up with my ex two days ago. I'm over the initial sadness and anger and am ready to pick up the pieces and be the best person I can be. Thank you for another great video
I'm not currently single BUT this was needed still. In fact, I wonder a lot about my relationship, myself, where it's gonna drive me and everything. The fact that I'm also a bit lost in my life right now makes it harder. Definitly agree on the fact that you need to find yourself and ground yourself to rock either alone or with someone!
I agree with all the ideas you mentioned. I am my own best friend and need to enjoy the time I have for myself. I am the person, I've been looking for.
Rowena, thanks. During the last week i had the same question in my mind ("why am i single ?") even if i am someone really independant and who want to "optimise my time". I am really happy to be free and i always have a lot of project in my life. I don't want to lose that freedom. But i don't know why, this week i was feeling in that way and it's funny because i've been approached twice by a guy in the street to get my number. (ahah, I started to wonder if it was on my face) Yesterday, i was watching drama all day ("this is my first life") in order to treat myself and go somewhere. I was feeling guilty and at the same time, i stopped working and it's good. Because it's pretty hard to me : saying that i can loose my time. Anyway... i feel more productive today! have a lovely day!! (= "Passe une bonne journée" in my native language: French ) :) (sorry for my english, i tried to write without a translate website :p )
Fantastic video about being single. I broke up with my boyfriend at the top of this year (2020 has been a rollercoaster), and not enough people make these points. Being single, staying single, is seen as such a death sentence when its a chance for new life. I love your videos and I’m so happy you take the time to make them and share your thoughts with us, today I am grateful for you. Thank you!
Love this!!! 2:22 Be at a good place mentally, physically and is centered and grounded you should refocus your attention back onto yourself before being with someone else.
Rowena is like the older sister I never had.
and you're like the little brother I always wanted 😌 thank you for being here Andrew!
wouunntt
I'm 38, never married and no children (just my purrbabies) and I LOVE my blessedly singular life! In my younger years (teens and 20's), I cringe when I think of how scared I was of being alone and how I hung in terrible relationships just to avoid it. After several life changing incidents, my mindset completely changed and I embraced myself and my independence. Now, after 8 years single, I can truly say that I thoroughly enjoy my own company and feel completely at peace when I'm alone. I'm free to pursue my own hobbies and joys and have only myself to satisfy and make happy. If a wonderful partner comes into my life, awesome, I'm open to love, but I'm also perfectly fine living the spinster lifestyle haha!
OMG same mindset as you and I’m almost 21. Just going with the flow 🙂🙈
@@maed3266 hey, good on you for figuring it out at a young age haha!
Not interested in anything now. Just trying to survive this life!
Who’s here after watching the new bf reveal video 😂 love rowena so muchh
Me 😂
Me either
🙋🏾♀️
Rowena has grown so much, she is so beautiful, in and out. She inspires me.
😭💕 I appreciate you!
"My person can be myself." THIS. THIS times 100! It took me till my early 30s to realise this, it's honestly just so powerful. My person in the past has been my significant other, my cat, my best friend and my parents, but right now, it's me :) This video is full of wisdom, I admire how you tackle huge topics so eloquently 🧠💜💡
appreciate you, as always, Kezla 😌💕
Who's here watching this again after the meet her bf video? :)
Such a good insight! I'm 22 and i've been single since birth. The past few years, I've been wanting to have a boyfriend and so I forced a lot of relationships to happen, had multiple flings, committed to the wrong people, but nothing got really official. In the end, it just all turned out to be such a waste of time and feelings and tears plus I definitely lost myself during those times. Now I have been spending lots of time with myself lately and I'm just grateful for this video. And for the state that i'm in. So much self love and appreciation, not rushing things to happen, and just taking my time. Thanks for the video Rowena! 💕
I feel at your age u definitely should take this time to focus on yourself the possibilities of a boyfriend will always be there dont stress it
you are wise beyond your years Chlo 💕 it's not easy to be so brutally honest with ourselves and with our realities but proud of you for finding the courage to do so nonetheless 😌
Gosh Rowena, you read my mind! I honestly really needed to see this tonight 😌
I gotchuu
I've been single a good portion of my life and most people have complained that there are two main reasons why I've been single: my standards are too high and I won't sleep with the guy which is difficult in "this day in age". I ended up lowering my standards and giving certain guys the benefit of the doubt but they were definitely not right for me. Like you said, it doesn't matter how good a person is, if the other one isn't stable or pulling their weight then it's not gonna work. Also I've dealt with guys who are very pushy and wanna makeout not long after meeting or have sex and I'm not NO, stop pushing it! You're so right that it's hard to find someone who shares similar values as yourself. In my current "dilemma" I meet guys who are super loving, sweet, understanding, and nurturing but have nothing going for themselves and are too sensitive to life, and then on the other side I've met guys who have it all together financially and got life goals but they end up being horny douches who don't really care. And I've met A LOT of unstable guys be it mentally, emotionally, financially, etc or just not mature or driven. Which is draining even if we're not dating. So at this point I'm so done and just sticking with my standards and not wasting my time. As a female it can be daunting with out biological clock ticking, as well as wanting to experience things in life and was hoping to share them with someone. But now I'm just gonna live my life for me, and if mr. Right comes along the way to be my future husband then so be it. Thank you for the encouraging and insightful video.
wow such a mature perspective
“The person who would take care of me, that is me” Rowena!!! I needed to hear that!!!!!!!!! Bless you
sending you so much love Julia!! 💕
Thank you for making me realize that being alone is not a scary thing after all.
Well-said!! You speak words of wisdom, and I feel the same way. I am 34 and single and happy at the moment. A man should enhance my life and make it better, not make it more complicated.
This is exactly what I needed right now.
sending you so much love Joed 💕
Rowena would you ever consider writing a book? I would love love love lovvvveeee to read your wisdom!!
maaaybe in the future 😬
Who is here after James❤️❤️I'm so happy for them!!!!!
It’s been 2 years and I force myself to watch this video every time I miss my ex and it grounds me again thanks rowena you are such a blessing
I friggin’ loved every word you said in this video. Miss u sister💕💕💕
I've never been in a relationship for almost 22 years and I am completely fine with that! There were times when I ask myself if I'm not lovable enough, pretty enough, just never enough. But now, I've grown to accept that love will come when it will. No point in chasing people, changing yourself for others, or all that jazz. I'm happy that you went to this topic! Rowena will always be an inspiration~
Wow how you broke down the fact that we only have so many years for ourselves. That’s deep .. amazing insight
Thank you so much for this. I ended a 5 year relationship during quarantine and had had a 7 year relationship right before that....I would say I'm in that weird gray area right now. Definitely still struggling with letting go of what happened to end those relationships and trying to be truly single for the first time since I was old enough to be dating. It's a weird adjustment but this was so helpful to hear.
I've recently found your channel and it's such a refreshing change from the content I had been watching, which had become negative. I'm a teacher which is tough rn and is hitting my mental health hard. Your videos are so wonderful and are definitely helping me through this tough time.
I remember watching this two years ago. Tonight we had to take our blinders off and face reality. It was a 6 year relationship and we decided we were hindering each other from greater things in life by being together.
I’ll admit I feel numb right now but I remembered this video that Rowena made about how to cope with this grief I’m about to face. This is so helpful. Thank you so so much 😌
This is so important - thank you for being so vulnerable in front of the camera for us, Rowena 💜 I’m so glad so many people are coming to realize that the only person we really *need* is our own self
thank you for the kindest words Preethi 🙈💕 I appreciate you!
Could you make a video about how to find yourself? I am trying to find who I am right now but I don't really know how too or if I'm going in the right direction. If that makes sense?
hi Katherine! yes I'll definitely look into this topic. it's a bit tricky because "finding yourself" is such a personal thing and a personal journey. but I'll see what I can do 💕
I agree with some and disagree with some but boy oh boyyyy, it is SO refreshing to have this kinda content available on RUclips! So grateful for people like you who strive to make the world a happier place by encouraging people to be happy with themselves first!!
Thanks for being a good influencer. Life is tough yet it's a battle to understand it.
You're amazing Rowena! I recently went through my first heartbreak and it sucked. This person filled a void in my heart, without them I felt empty. I even settled for less. I settled for this person because they gave me love, and attention. But that is no longer okay. Never settle for someone who comes to you first. I now know my self worth and I am working on giving myself love every single day. I am enjoying my own company and I bring myself on dates. I no longer rely on others to give me what I need to give myself, love, kindness & care. The most important relationship you have in life is yourself. Without this heartbreak, I wouldn't be who I am today and I am thankful for it!
You’ve made a beautiful video that not only helps cut out a lot of unnecessary self-blame, but also brings in joy and energy into life, especially for me as a college student. Thank you
I’m in a relationship and I try to apply a lot of these advices.loving yourself and spending alone time figuring out what you feel and need is really important to be with someone else (even with a friend). If you don’t let go the fear of being alone it’s impossible to feel good in a relationship (i suffered that in the past and trust me is better to be alone rather than be with someone that doesn’t makes you happy, even if is apparently the ‘perfect’ guy/girl to you). I enjoyed the video 💜
"My person can be myself" = mind blown as well. Like, huh...I'm actually shaken by this in a great way. :)
Thank you for doing this video, Ro! It helps me a lot because I'm struggling with some relationship problems recently. I was so calm at first when my bf broke up with me, and then the sadness came just a few days later. Watching your video is very motivated. It gives me the strength to overcome it and focus more on being the better version of myself :)
EGO!!! I literally am 29 and barely figuring all this out I’m so glad i found this
I love hearing your insights! Also, reading through everyone’s replies and see different perspective has made me become aware of some things I’m going through at the moment.
I’d like to hear you go deeper in the topic of letting go of attachments. I think I’m in this stage where I’m aware of what went wrong and why things didn’t workout in my recent relationship, however, I don’t know how to let things go. Of the good and the bad. I somehow keep romanticizing both areas, and the idea of this person who have made me the happiest and broken at the same time.
Would love to hear from other viewers as well and for anyone who can relate. I love this community!
I had a similar aha moment to your 'my person can be me' when I was 16. I used to be very unhappy about a lot of things in my life and being the Disney movie lover that I am I was just waiting around for a significant other to come along and fix it all for me. And then I realised, wait a minute - I can be my own Prince Charming! When I actually looked at all the things that made me unhappy, being single (so the part having a SO would help with) was just like 2%. So I focused on the remaining 98% I could improve on my own and soon enough felt heaps better :) Also, thank you so much for your videos - they are full of actual vulnerably honest useful self-care ideas unlike some other self-care videos that seem perfect on paper but are actually quiet useless in real life.
You have NO IDEA of how much I needed this today. I'm in this path of realizing I am my person and fighting the fear of being alone forever. We freak out about so many things, right? Our age, our family expectations, our friends and their choices... and at the end of the day, we have not lived well. We need to live for ourselves and get to know ourselves a little bit more everyday. I love you, Rowena. Even if we never meet in life, please, know that I'm very grateful for your videos. Sorry for my english. Much love from Brazil!
I had one relationship for 4 years. Its seven years after and I haven't tried for another. Like I still have shock from that time passing. Now I'm trying to learn that 20's is nothing of permanence but trials, tests and learning.
As you put it, im losing that "hanging on to people" and trying to make them permanent. I need that realization that I need self development over external loving.
I'm glad this video exists because I had an almost 6 years long relationship and it ended and I'm ok, but I'm really struggling with the idea of being alone forever and I come back here and watch this video each time thoughts get too hard to deal with. Thanks Rowena for sharing this and for being one of the kindest humans I've seen on the Internet ❤️
Hey so what about you this year? Did you find someone? Hope you are doing much better now ❤️❤️
@@Cookie-wt4uz I'm still single but wayyy less worried about finding *a person*, I have more friends now and stronger bonds with the people around me :)
thank you thank you! comes at a perfect time. i got out of a relationship in july, was totally crushed by it but slowly have found back into such a blissful state! i love being single and doing what i want all day long :) its really great to be able to invest all the time you have into yourself!
I initially watched this with my break ups in mind, oh yeah plural! I’ve been single for four years to, my best friend since school died after a two year battle with breast cancer.
That has been hardest relationship to let go because it wasn’t a decision, it was pure suffering. You said this and I thought WOW that’s me!!
Find something fulfilling that you can do and do it over and over again. As the Buddhists say “Life is Suffering” so it’s our job to try and reduce suffering in others by living a fulfilling and self aware life. Great video Rowena and perfect timing 💕☺️
sending you so much love Ianthe ❤️ loss is never an easy thing but it's able to teach and show us so much about ourselves
Hi Rowena. Firstly, LOVE your shirt! Secondly, such an insightful video. It's coming on 4 years of being single for me, too. And only recently have I gotten to a point where I am finally starting to feel comfortable in my own skin, as well as, being fully happy with being my own person. For a long time, I carried the burden of my past pain, probably because I believed that it was part of my identity. But you know that saying: "We are not what happens to us; rather how we rise above it," or something to that effect. I feel like I finally feel this to be true in my own life. And how validating to have others, like yourself--who is so open and brave, someone who strives for authenticity and connection--express and produce work that speaks to so many of us who have also experienced the same kinds of pain. As always, thank you, Rowena!
Honestly I have struggled with this a lot through my teens and your videos in general have helped not only with mindfullness and self love, but also with being okay with being single and my own person. You have made me a much more empowered woman
this made my day, thank you for taking the time to write Hailey 💕
Rewona, thank you for sharing. My last official relationship was also 4 years ago, after that I bounced back and forth between loneliness and datings, which never worked out because I didn’t know who I was looking for. It took me a while to realize what you are talking about now. 2020 has been tough but it really taught me to be with myself completely and embrace my thoughts and feelings. Yes the loneliness doesn’t go away but knowing it’s a part of human, then giving it a purpose, I have been able to live and breathe more easily. I agree, we should be the best version of ourselves first, before we can be the best of someone else’s ❤️
Rowena, I can not really express how grateful I am to you. You motivate me like noone else, your thoughts are delightful to hear. Keep up the good work and stay yourself and thank you for making me want to be myself. ❤️
Thank you Rowena for reminding me to focus on bettering myself, to know that I am my best friend and I can rely on myself. It really helps to remove the insecurity that I felt in friendships. 💜💜💜
you got this Ziwei 😊 sending you so much love!
"The most important thing was that i realized my "person" can be myself,I can be my own person".
How powerful is that?!
The phrase 'the power of now' immediately popped into my head as you were explaining the importance of doing things while we still have 'me' time. Always a pleasure to hear your insights on life in general, your advice is always so useful. Thank you Rowena!
this book helped me so much! thanks for being here Claudia 😌💕
It's like you knew I got heartbroken in the last 48 hours.
Thank you. ♥
you really clear my mind and my soul now bcs i just was in need of someone to tell me what you just said thank you girl , much loveeee
The same
Rowenaaaa! This hit me somehow ! Ive been struggling for somewhat 4 years or so about the significant other! How i strongly and deeply desire for romantic or platonic significant other but never had the privilege of ! This branched from the reason ive always envied others who had proper support system and i hated my broken self and feel so trapped idk how to get out anymore. At the very least i have the answer now just i have yet to fully comprehend it. Well, i'll take my steps slowly now :D and do my best to move on from the desire. Thank you so much, Rowena!
All the best to you, we are rooting for you!!
Thank you so so much for this. I got out of a narcissistic and physically abusive relationship last November and the man just discarded me the last month... He was trying to hurt me on purpose by cutting short conversations and even looking maliciously at other girls to make me feel bad. He even insulted so much of my appearance in the end. The best thing that man did was to leave me alone, really... Now I am at a stage in life that I believe is the start of my journey to becoming who I am called to be, in service of God and others in this world. Your content is always so inspiring and relatable, Rowena. I pray to make my life meaningful as well like yours! ❤️
Ultimately, the only person you can totally rely on is yourself, so be your own best friend 👍🏻😊
I don't finish the video yet and I wanna cry. Rowena!!!!! You get the point and you share it with us ❤❤❤ you're the best
I wake up and listen to your videos after a short meditation. Your voice and your words just inspire me.
Just looove Rowena’s makeup in this video! She’s so inspired and such a ray of sunshine during my finals week!!
you're too sweet 🙈 good luck on finals Alex!!!
Rowena Tsai thank u!!!✨✨✨looking forward to new posts!
I'm 20 and my boyfriend broke up with me two months ago. After three weeks I thought I was over it, but then I started feeling bad physically with a fast heartbeat, troubles breathing probably and feeling like I have a lump in my throat. I decided to start seeing a psychologist which is really good but also so hard since I'm slowly realizing that I have been neglecting myself for the past many years. Your videos are so great and I love watching them and what you say really resignation with me, cause it is so true but I just don't or can't realize it.
I think it's really important to remember that you're good enough in all situations! You always have been and you always will be! I see the "greatness" Rowena is talking about here more as like being aware of your thought/behaviour patterns, knowing what you want from life, having self-discipline etc! Things that just help you function better as a human being. But you are ALWAYS worthy of love in all situations, and that will never change.
You're the big sister I never had. I watch you to hopefully one day have a similar soul and similar outlook on life as you, thank you for existing!
thank you for being you Amanda 😭💕 you're too sweet!
This is your best video so far. I'm sure you have been told this before, but you are wise beyond your years. The process of self-awareness and awakening is one that not many people are into or even understand, or have the mindset for. So yes I can relate to the "pool" of potential partners being very small. I have faith that I will meet someone like you one day.
Just got broken up with, so times are hard. But I really appreciate the perspective you gave me through this video Rowena. It really gave me a lot to think about. Thank you 🌻
Going through the same thing
Hi Rowena! Love love this video it's on point! The only thing I would add on the 6th point, it's true that before marrying and having kids is your only alone time and you should try to do/start a lot of your things first. From my experience (I am a wife and a mum now woop! ) you have to MAKE time for the things that matter to you. Where as before you just HAD it. You know what I mean? So I've learnt to make the time and it's never too late to start looking after you.
Love your videos 👌
Hi I’m watching it from Japan tokyo!! your videos inspire me sooo much :) I’ve been single for 3 years and in those years I’ve learned so much about myself. The best part is that I love myself way better than the girl I was in a relationship. It feels like I’ve fallen in love with myself lol Yet I do have to admit that I felt relieved when you said you’ve been single for few years learning about yourself. I thought I was the only person that has this awkward thinking(I think Asian society requires us to be in a relationship and marry by certain age but I never thought I could be in a relationship without knowing what I want or who I am because I would never feel blessed being with my partner without figuring it out) good to know how you dealt with yourself:)
as odd as we think we may be, we're all more or less going through similar things hehe sending you so much love! 🐼💕 ps, Tokyo's been on my to-visit-list for years now!
I'll be honest with you Rowena, I cried so so hard watching this video, it felt so emotionally relieving. I've been single my entire life and to see people my age or even people younger than me be in relationships and experienced more than I have ever had, it makes me very sad and very anxious. I've constantly felt like I'm doing something wrong or that something is not right with me, I'm not normal, simply because everyone seems like they're getting action, or they're in a satisfying relationship. I keep feeling like I'll run out of time to experience being in a relationship despite the fact that I'm only 20 years old. I think, all of this has resulted in me being very insecure about myself, and it's allowed me to shift more of the responsibility on my future partner to fix my insecurities. So, I'd like to thank you, for reminding me that I can be my own person, and that I don't need to have a relationship to be content with who I am. I'd like to thank you for reminding me that a relationship will not fix my problems and my deep rooted insecurities, and that I have to take the time to figure it out and unlearn my toxic view of myself. Talking to some of my friends have made me realise that I've done myself a favour for not going after mediocre relationships because it'll eventually leave me regretful. I think I've come back to this video for the third time now, to remind myself of all of this and I just, I just really want to thank you for putting this video out.
I think about this often and I'm glad you mentioned it at the end. The fact that the most pressing issue (or one of the top issues) on our minds can be a relationship and not how we're going to feed our children or if we'll be bombed within the next 24 hours is such a blessing in and of itself. I try to use that to refocus myself whenever I go down a rabbit hole like that.
My boyfriend broke up with me one week after New Year and I still think about him everyday, and it's hard not to think about him because I get to see him in school everyday. Thanks for this video tho! It really helped me!
You are a blessing. I was going back and I made a note to go to the library and get the books, but I thought to look in your discription and they were there 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿 I’m definitely subscribing
Stellar video. "Figure out who you are", "Work on yourself so that your future partner can cope with you". These are things that I tell my friends and they look at me like I'm crazy. And along comes this video to make me feel sane..
This came at a good time in my life. I just broke up with my boyfriend on Tuesday and I've been going through a lot so seeing this makes me really happy.
Me too..
@@lovelynbitas1787 it'll be okay dear
sending you so much love Jessica 💕 as you said, it really will be ok. sending you the biggest bear hug ily
@@rowena aww thank you so much! 💜
“My person can be myself” YES ROWENA!!!
Thank you for posting this! It really hit home and I am walking the journey of being single to really heal and finding my purpose and letting life bring love when it comes. I love this.
The biggest thing for me was committing to myself. To work on myself and focus on me. I was always waiting for someone else and scheduling my life around a person who never did the same, they constantly cancelled our plans and were never fully honest about why. Eventually I reached the conclusion that they lost interest in me which hurt lots but I promised myself I was going to focus on me and when asked out I wasn’t going to say yes just because I was desperate to have somebody but really evaluate the situation and see if I think we would make a good match and complement each other. Wishing you the best and loved the video!
I think that a lot of people need to understand that being in a relationship doesn't mean that you will be always happy and doesn't feel alone any time
Sometimes being alone and working on yourself is much more better that being in a relationship where you can't move forward
Rowena can you make a video on living with roommates who are lazy(maybe not lazy but who don't have a purpose rn and watch Netflix ) but still to work and find yourself in that space...
Thank you so much I love you alot and virtual hug! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
hello
I am an old potato viewer of yours but a 22 yrs old though. I have been watching your content for maybe 2 yrs and i have been really learning a lot from you like dealing with anxiety especially your recent video and this video too. people around me are amazed when i say i feel good that i am alone right now i don't feel like i need/want a partner. i feel whole just by myself and i think i might continue so for my twenties. anayway, just wanted to tell you if you happen to read this comment that i enjoy and learn from your content, please keep up the good work. thanx, buy ;)
this is so gooooooooooooood. important for everyone
Lord Rowena, you practically read my mind. I needed this so freaking bad today.
gotchu Megan 😅 sending you so much love!!
@@rowena thank you!! You have had such an impact on my mental health and mindfulness journey over the past six or so months, and I am so thankful for you!! Have a wonderful week! ❤️
oh man you are so.... everything. you are everything i hope to find in a partner. you are funny, smart, grounded, aware, take good care of yourself and others... sorry i'm super crushing at you while this video is about tips on how to be single hahaha. thank you for this video, half of the time i was like 'amen girl yas preach'. been learning alot about myself lately about being single and totally agree that you should'nt be chasing it, something i needed to be reminded of myself. again thank you for this video!!
#2 was mind-blowing. You put what I’ve always felt from high school through college into words. Seriously SO TRUE.
I could sit and listen to you talk FOR HOURS!!! :))
Hi Rowena, thank you for making this video. I was just sitting here thinking "why doesn't anyone love me". My 2nd divorce ended in 2006 and I have been single since. Every year I keep saying I am going to work on "me", but here I am and I still don't know who the real me is. Both marriages took up 18 years. I am 56 now.
I have watched many of your videos and you have sparked me into really wanting to create a better me. I am looking forward to watching the continuation of this video if you please. Thank you for being you and putting yourself out there for us.
I don't usually comment on youtube vids but you are so amazing, Rowena! I completely relate to where you're coming from and hearing the wisdom you've gained and how content you've become with where you are is so encouraging to me. Making peace with the past and being grateful for the lessons learned really seem to be the best way to let go and focus on living your best life. Love ya girl!
appreciate you Arijoon 💕
I think it’s sad that I can’t comprehend this video and probably won’t be able to for a while. I want to have someone to be able to be with truly. I know that it takes time but I always find myself sinking back into that place and I keep having to wake myself up. It’s hard striving and working on who you want to be down the line.
Thank you, thank you, thank yooouu ! I really loved this (and having been single for five years, I probably needed a little grounding). I really am going to keep in mind the gratitude part, and the fact that if I am feeling a little sad or lonely, I should consider myself lucky because not everyone can have that luxury. You're the best ! *hugs all around* (and to the people scrolling past this, please remember to drink a glass of water and stretch your face a little. Have a great day. The hug is for you too.)
you just put the biggest smile on my fave Fleur. thank you 😌💕
Constant heartbreaks, quitting my job, losing friends, being rich/stable to become broke all these things made me depressed. I am still suffering and fighting with my depression and anxiety. I wanna love myself at first. The rest comes later. Thank you for the video what really is giving me hopes again❤️❤️
I love you! The person I’ve been looking for my whole life is sitting right here! It’s me! 😍 I am married but my hubbs is gone months at a time for work and I’m having to learn to be my own happiness. Thanks for the reminder - I actually do know best how to make me happy 😂
I just re-watched this video after 1 year and a half, and I want to meet you right now and give you a hug ❤️I agree with everything you said soooo damn much! And you just talk to us, unknown people of the internet, as if we were just best friends, or even family. And that makes me feel soooo loved and supported, so thank you v much :)
Thank you for this video, literally something that I needed to hear today. I’ve been single for 4/5 years now, often times I’ll get lonely & stuck in my head thinking I need someone to cater to me/my ego. But as you said you have to let go of old notions, in order to grow & become a better you. Thank you for this reminder🙏🏾 .
i really needed this. going through a very similar situation like yours where we broke up and got back together but not really officially and everything is very confusing and it's hurting a lot right now. but hearing that you were able to get through it on your own helps a lot
I personally don’t put any pressure on myself to say ‘when I eventually meet the one’. I think it’s possible to live a happy and fulfilled life without worrying that meeting a partner is the end goal of finding true happiness. Life seems much easier with ‘the ones’. That is, having good friends and family that you don’t have to compromise your life in any way for.
Ahhhh... saving this, so when I’m feeling weak about being single. Thank you for sharing your two cents. Love this.
Thanks Rowena, Im in a relationship and what you said it’s not only important to remember when you’re single, but in a relationship you loose track of those things too and it’s important to ser back and analyze and set yourself for a better person so that you can have an even better relationship. 🙂
Thank you so much, it was so good to hear ! Once you are ok with who you are and don t need another person to feel complete, it feels weird to look back and remember how sad you used to be. Young people, especially girls, should be educated and informed that they do not "need" another person to be happy.
Rowena!!! How did you know I needed this? I broke up with my ex two days ago. I'm over the initial sadness and anger and am ready to pick up the pieces and be the best person I can be. Thank you for another great video
4:30 "my person can be myself" is ultimately the most valuable enlightment
I'm not currently single BUT this was needed still. In fact, I wonder a lot about my relationship, myself, where it's gonna drive me and everything. The fact that I'm also a bit lost in my life right now makes it harder. Definitly agree on the fact that you need to find yourself and ground yourself to rock either alone or with someone!
Can you make a video about studying and being motivated?
of course :) is there something specifically about studying & motivation?
@@rowena maybe staying focused in a world full of distractions? I.e Social Media etc
I agree with all the ideas you mentioned.
I am my own best friend and need to enjoy the time I have for myself.
I am the person, I've been looking for.
Thanks for the video, I needed, my mind is clear and my eagerness to not pressure anything, appears
Rowena, thanks. During the last week i had the same question in my mind ("why am i single ?") even if i am someone really independant and who want to "optimise my time". I am really happy to be free and i always have a lot of project in my life. I don't want to lose that freedom. But i don't know why, this week i was feeling in that way and it's funny because i've been approached twice by a guy in the street to get my number. (ahah, I started to wonder if it was on my face)
Yesterday, i was watching drama all day ("this is my first life") in order to treat myself and go somewhere. I was feeling guilty and at the same time, i stopped working and it's good. Because it's pretty hard to me : saying that i can loose my time. Anyway... i feel more productive today! have a lovely day!! (= "Passe une bonne journée" in my native language: French ) :)
(sorry for my english, i tried to write without a translate website :p )
So informative..loved it ❤️ thanks 🙏
Fantastic video about being single. I broke up with my boyfriend at the top of this year (2020 has been a rollercoaster), and not enough people make these points. Being single, staying single, is seen as such a death sentence when its a chance for new life. I love your videos and I’m so happy you take the time to make them and share your thoughts with us, today I am grateful for you. Thank you!
Love this!!!
2:22
Be at a good place mentally, physically and is centered and grounded you should refocus your attention back onto yourself before being with someone else.