How to Stop Being Codependent in Relationships: Find Your Independence
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- Опубликовано: 6 окт 2024
- How to Stop Being Codependent in Relationships: Find Your Independence / Are you in a codependent relationship or friendship? Do you ever ask yourself, “why am I so controlling in relationships?” Are you in any relationship where you try to fix (or “help”) the other person consistently? Do you come up with lists and scenarios of what your sister or best friend “should” do to have a better life? Do you obsess (even a little) about your partner’s problems or how they’re making you unhappy? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, it’s possible that you’re a wee bit codependent and I’m here to help.
In this video, I’ve got examples of codependent behavior and questions for you to ask yourself so you can break the cycle of codependency. If you want to go from frustrated and annoyed to peaceful and free, in any of your relationships, then stay right here while I teach you the 4 things to ask yourself to stop being codependent. It’s time to be codependent no more!
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What's one big struggle you're still having in your relationship? Let me know and I'll address it in a future video!
I'm a man (dont be fooled by the name) with someone new and she is as independent as it gets and im just one of the loneliest guys on the planet. It's been really hard to see a way out of codependency besides just working and lifting and self-love. I've tried to stop being this way but it seems the only way through it is head-on. I suffer from chronic loneliness due to what I believe to be PTSD (one therapist disagreed) and have since long before the pandemic. This isolation we all face now is nothing new to me. The only thing that ever soothes this rage and hopelessness is a woman's component of a relationship with me - here's the kicker - over the internet. I tried to stop having such relationships but guess what, it's a pandemic. Now I'm at an all-time low where I'm in a submissive role out of a place of pain and fear and because of that she decided not to be as dominant and allow me to be more of an equal, but she still has someone else who lives further away than I do and is more important to her. I do this out of guilt and shame because I'm running out of time to become a father, the father that I never had. I'm studying to become a geneticist and I'm fully aware of what's going to happen if I take too long. It might be selfish anxiety, but if I don't meet someone with that same desire soon and bond with her about it, maybe my child will have a disease and I'll have no one to blame but myself. They say it starts at 35 and I'm already 29.
Family drama, immediate family too involved in our future decison making, house-living location. I dont like having that pressure or even assistance. Makes me reject any sort of help for wedding planning etc, as certain members (mom) is overstepping boundaries I feel
Review:
1. Who is working harder?
2. What is my motive? (Am I doing this for myself or the other person?)
3. What does my gut say? (Do I feel any icky feelings? Practice mindfulness.)
4. Am I teaching them to fish? (or am I giving them the fish?)
Bonus tips:
Practice loving detachment.
- You cannot control others.
- Rely on yourself for your own happiness, don't rely on others for your happiness.
- Others successes and failures belong to them, they are responsible for the consequences.
Finding my own source of happiness is the challenge along with lack of control
Yup - this is the meat of the issue - you've nailed it! I have a TON of free content here and on my website so please look around with these keywords - you'll find a lot of actionable tips to help. I'd start here: ruclips.net/video/rTtwuLM0Qvk/видео.html and here: ruclips.net/video/yQq2IISE0TY/видео.html Sending you much love as you find your way forward!
The questions to ask myself are really helpful. But yours make it more in depth. I’ve only had one question for myself and it helps a lot because I really don’t know what I want or should do. I never answer a yes or no question. I always say I don’t care or whatever you want I’m good with that…. I started pausing before I answer questions and ask myself “What do I want?”, many times I truly didn’t know. I had to make myself pick. Sometimes people just want you to decide or really want to know what would please you. It was a couple weeks before I could say my choice.
My next thing to work on is boundary setting. I have very few. I thought I was always so easy going and I do believe in trying anything once. I’ve gotten myself into situations that really went against my core values in some way. I want to make more boundaries clear and solid. Most of mine are somewhat soft and flexible. Learning some ways to think about defining and defending boundaries would really be helpful. Thanks.
Very helpful!!! I struggle with not spending time with my husband if we’re both home. I always feel like we need to be together
Well spoken Miss.....codependency no more .....
Thank you!
Such an awesome video. Very hard to know when attachment in marriage becomes co-dependent and unhealthy vs. that supportive interdependent healthy attachment style. Best information I’ve found yet on the difference.
Thank you for your comment. I'm so glad you found this helpful! ❤️
Hey Abby, where can I learn more about what co-dependency looks like in a marriage? I believe my spouse should be my #1 priority, under God, or my own ‘life’s purpose.’
So basically my husband is babysitting me.. What do I do to be insependent