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The Truth about Dating with ADHD (cry baby warning)
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- Опубликовано: 14 авг 2024
- Dating with ADHD can be complicated so let’s talk about it, cry a little and laugh a lot 💕
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I wish I understood myself at your age. You are explaining me at 62. Thank you..
🥹 that’s so sweet
51 here and SAME
Me too!
54 same
28 here and the same ❤
This video spoke to me on a spiritual level. The "too much" comment really almost caused me to cry too. I've only just recently been told I was too much and it hurt a lot.
Ive always been told that too. I think its why i have been single five years and the thought of putting myself out there is terrifying but i feel like the loneliness is going to completely swallow me and the saddest part is idk if anyone would even notice i was gone.
I am married to a guy with ADHD, and he didn't tell me until YEARS into it haha I had sort of figured it out on my own but having it confirmed really helped. I can understand behaviors of his better and I changed my expectations in our relationship to match what he is capable of. We have been married for almost 10 years and now have two kids (who also have ADHD). I LOVE our life. So just know you never have to settle, you deserve a happy and fulfilled relationship and there are people who will understand you, love you and accept you no matter what ❤
so, just another perspective on this. Dating is scary to me when you are comfortable with yourself too. And ADHD or not.
I've been single for years now, (I'd love to blame it on the pandemic, but its also me) and I've spent lots of time working on myself and improving myself. and I'm very proud of what I've done.
Then I take one step into the dating world and its horrific again. Not for a lack of self worth, though that is also there. But also because its just terrifying to look vulnerable. I have a comfortable nest inside where I can completely control my environment and time. The idea of even sharing that space bothers me. let alone leaving it. And even if I'm confident enough to know I will survive any bad experience, I don't know that I'm confident enough to risk chasing one.
Buuuuut also People need people. so harumph.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I hope you find some beautiful things along you journey regardless what it is.
I like what you've said about feeling comfortable in your controlled environment (nest). I feel the same way. Simultaneously I suffer from the sensation that time is passing and I am losing valuable bits of it, but staying in the safety of my controlled environment. I love being by myself at this point. I feel emotionally stable and at peace and honestly I don't want to jeopardize it. I want companionship but I don't want to deal with "modern dating." It's a cess pool where no one is honest and everyone hides their intentions out of fear of rejection/getting hurt. I'm to blame for similar behavior as well. It's just difficult to build true connections with others with so much access to many options in a fleeting moment.
I just realized because of this comment that i have this personal comfort zone and i dont like letting people in. I know this is mostly about a mental version of letting someone in but have noticed that because i live about an hour from everyone i know, no one has been coming to my place in the last like 7 years and it feels very weird and almost uncomfortable to let anyone in my house even though i am an extremely extroverted person. The same goes for my mental “house” since i havent had anyone be that emotionally close to me for a while.
I hope my comment was understandable, was a bit of rambling. The point of it was that you made me realize something i didn’t know about myself
@@jipgeerts7918I feel you, I moved in with an older relative 6 years ago and besides family, nobody really ever comes to visit me.
I do relate a bit. I’m on the aroace spectrum and not very interested in dating. I keep forgetting people are so interested in dating bc it has never been anything I prioritize at all. I thought that maybe one day it would change but I’m 28 and it hasn’t. I don’t think I’m scared of it bc I think if I was scared I would still have the desire to make it happen, but I just don’t. Sometimes I wonder if I’m in denial about it though just bc I don’t want to get hurt or something but being on my own doesn’t scare me really anyway.
"I'm starting to treat myself the way that I want someone to treat me. So I'm buying myself flowers, I'm taking myself on little dates, I'm prioritizing my health and my wellness and I'm doing all of those things because I don't need somebody else to do them for me. But when the day comes that someone wants to do those things for me and they're a helpful, kind, productive person, then great I will welcome it with open arms."
Gosh I didn't realize how much I needed to hear that. Thank you.
Your videos are a godsend for me. I'm 25 and was diagnosed 2 months ago, I've never had a long term relationship, never dated anyone for longer than about three months. I'm finally starting to figure out why! Hopefully I will be brave enough to allow myself to be vulnerable and have real conversations so I can find a partner some day.
Bro Same here, Diagnose 1 year ago, no dating longer than 2 months, 25 years, Fall in love too hard for the other one too handle. Cant think of anything Else or get jealouse loose all my confidence and this Person is from on day to another Everything, no matter what I did the rest of my life. Do you have Tipps ?
Needed to pause the video and cry when you mentioned how dating can be scary. I resonate with how daunting being too clingy, or being too much for someone to handle. I see myself more as broken goods bc of what I’ve endured, And then I believe I am not good enough for any partner. So I’m still working thru that now and learning how to love me before I love others. Hayley, thank you for what you do. I’m starting to recognize my own RSD in what you shared and it’s helping me make those steps to love myself more 💛
I’m so grateful to see content like this so that later in life I can know this to avoid/prevent/handle the struggle that people before me have had.
I’m so glad you see it this way!! Having knowledge in advance is such a powerful thing 🥺
My girlfriend has ADHD and I didn't know til she told me, I'm learning about this she had me confused for me. everything was becoming red flag and she gets side track at times and loses track of time aswell I'm still learning and it's not easy she's a great person so anyone datings someone with this please look into the behaviors of this condition it will help you understand why they do the things they do it's not intentional hope this helps someone 👌
Flash forward to today, and she posted a short with her new partner which was so sweet! He seems like a happy goofy dork who understands what matters to Hayley.
Being silly while cooking, dancing with the dog, and still getting the meal done made it such a great vid, and I’m so happy for both of you!
My current relationship we are long distance and both AuDHD and knowing that and being able to make allowances has been a godsend, Despite the trials of being long distance this is the best relationship I've ever had and it's because we are both ND and we both know it. Open communication without the fear of being misunderstood was something I never truly believed I could have but here we are.
I hate the crybaby warning, you aren't being a crybaby, or arrogant or cocky. You are being raw, real, vulnerable and confident. And you should be proud of that, and less self depricating or self abusive honestly! Be nice! You wouldn't talk to a friend that way, be your own friend! Protect the seven year old haylley thats inside you! I think once you can treat yourself the way you'd treat her that is when you'll find your person.
Gosh, when you said, "dating is scary." That hit. Thanks for being real.
You do rock! We have very different adhd but I struggle a lot with the "am I too much?" question. Especially while dating. So thank you so much for this video💛
I love your mushroom stool in the background 🍄
hii, im struggling a lot with symptoms of adhd ,more than ever these couple months (i have never been diagnosed) and watching ur videos helps me feeling not so stupid and stuff, and i just wanna say thank u :D ur content its great
How are you doing now?
I love this ❤ needed to hear this. Like you truly described so much how I feel about relationships and my adhd
Thank you for the support!! 💛😘
Captivating video! Love how your dog’s fur is great to ‘soak up tears’…. So sweet 🥹 also the way the red mushroom on your sweatshirt is reflected as the little stool by the window…
thank you so much for uploading this. I too have avoided hook up culture (which I guess I was unconsciously doing due to RSD lol) but now I caught feels for a classmate who also has mutual feelings but doesn't want to start a relationship yet. Because of that, I've noticed that I'm feeling a lot more nervous around them since I had that convo and its been rather intense. But then I remembered today that I had ADHD and maybe the reason I'm feeling all types of ways is because of it. Point being, this video helped me a lot come to terms with that and you voiced a lot of things that my mind was having a hard time articulating. Appreciate you
every. single. thing. and emotion. has described me in this video. I feel heard and for once I don’t completely feel like i don’t make sense to the outside world. thank you truly
Great content, I subbed. The issue I struggle with is 'settling'; life is compromise. You're gonna have to settle on something in every relationship, so it's about what you're willing to be negotiable with, and what you're not.
Thank you for putting this into words. It means a ton to me. Hugs
My bed is also my safe space! I'm always there, like a kitty lol its just most comfortable for me in terms of physical and emotional levels
In my book, if you are an out of sight, out of mind type of person, or isolate to protect yourself without understanding that that makes me feel rejected, or if you are inattentive to me, those things make you the opposite of the type of partner I’m looking for.
Wow thanks for the input😂 that’s why we take medication and use methods to work on these things. We’re aware it’s not attractive to others.
Man everything you said about 24 hour notices or imagining your significant other rather than processing what’s is fact in front of you and having comfort be the only thing that seems real is exactly what I’m going through.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You are in my brain right now and have articulated what I could not.
That cry is because you said your needs outloud and you actually HEARD it and it was powerful ❤ rub that tear in and love it
Also I'm new to your videos (love) and watching you talk is like looking in a mirror! Something is ~different~ about me but I was never presented with autism as an option so I have very little knowledge and am just now at 34 beginning to explore that. It has always been either anxiety or adhd and I will be watching you much more to gain some insight! ❤
I love this, very well said, honestly you remind me so much of myself. I love you and your advice and you are my inspiration. 😊❤
this is so helpful😭
also it feels illegal to be this early
I’m so glad!! Also HI! 💕☺️
@@hayley.honeyman THE WAY I JUST SHRIEKED OMG HI
I was at the reciving end of that hyperfixation. I know it wasnt on purpose. It felt horrible for a good while when he "dropped" me, because his focus changed, like a heartbreak almost. I really like him still, and it almost doenst bother me anymore that hes that out of sight out of mind type. We still have a friendship but that only works because im not the resentful type and learned a lot about adhd because i also need to know it for my job.
THANK YOU for this video and I APPLAUD your courage to speak on this.
I relate strongly with the topics and content of this video, and I definitely feel much less alone to hear somebody else honed in on the same problems I'm experiencing independently in my own dating life. How lovely! Thank you again!
only sad part im combined adhd (more innatentive) no dating life . i'm 30 years and never got given a chance to get to know people. imagine the rsd that gives. even i got nobody to talk to anymore in general
Thank you for being so honest & real ! You are a great communicator
So much indetification with I makes you think and believe in everything you come up with in relation to your ego. It's time to let go.
That ADHD moment when you have to watch the video twice because you were too distracted the first time. 😅
Love this, and LOVE the aesthetic you got goin on. I see you matching your mushroom sweater to your mushroom stool, I see you. 😜
I think I make an amazing partner.
I just hate my flaws too much right now to make someone else deal with that. And I'm so tired from working on all my issues that I don't have energy to spend on finding love.
That and I don't meet enough new people... Which also means I don't meet any new dating options
I could use apps but I've never been a fan. And the other mathods like pressuring my hobbies bring me right back around to being tired and overworked
That moment when your sense of utter sadness and despair gets triggered by something you never expected to trigger it……it’s happened to me, but now I don’t really find it all that disturbing, because it’s the only time I can really release my emotions. It’s weird, but I guess in a way it’s also a somewhat useful defense mechanism in case we literally can’t cry any other way.
Thanks for a great video!
can you turn off the music when you’re talking? it’s really distracting
Thank you for this video!
I like your video, great setting and sense of humor, so many good things. The back ground music could be little lower? Keep up the great work!
I had a rough childhood. A year ago I finally understood that my parents were abusive because of my ADHD. It was hard to tell because they were also nice to me and never punched my face. And because no one agrees with me. My mom had a miscarriage when I was 7. It was the most devastating news I ever had to hear. I was bullied and teased a lot. My half siblings have always been incredibly distant. And I don't have any real friends. I really think that without meeting him, without having some light in my life, I wouldn't have made it to my twenties. When I was 15, I met a classmate who didn't make me feel ashamed for being too emotional or oversharing, he was incredibly funny and smart, he also struggled a lot in classes, we could talk about weird things or just sit in silence next to each other, he is the only person that made me feel like I could just be myself, I got the dopamine rush, so I thought I loved him, the rush never happened to me before, and I didn't know about ADHD at that time. It didn't happened fast, we became friends throughout 2018, in 2019 I ignored him out of impulsivity and the fact that he was too angry sometimes, I wasn't prepared to deal with that. But I talked to him again after some self-reflecting and researching about ADHD, and he wasn't too angry at me, we fixed things, at least for a bit. Man, this is just nonsensical rambling, just ignore it people, I just need it to say it somewhere. My parents didn't understand, they said it was just a phase, a silly crush, just like they did when I said I was bisexual and when I said I had ADHD, I have a diagnose now, and I'm still bi, but what's done it's done. I told him that I loved him and I got too scared of being rejected. I haven't talk to him in 3 years. I don't get the dopamine rush anymore, but I still care about him, I still miss him, so I know I still love the only person who has never made me feel hatred towards myself. Knowing what actual acceptance looked like made me realize that I need to leave my parents. I've talked to them over and over about how my ADHD affects me. And they didn't listen. My "friends", family, psychologists didn't listen either. There is help out there, I have looked. I'm burned out from school and being a people pleaser. I have C-PTSD. And I'm never going to heal if I stay. It's going to be really hard for several reasons. I feel like I'm the most selfish person in the world for wanting to do this. But I'll be damned to hell if I don't find a way to make it out the other side victorious.
People with ADHD are inattentive, will forget about you, and be so wrapped up in their own fears that they will withdraw from you without thinking of how that affects their partners. I’ll pass.
For me, i just feel like people see that there is something wrong with me, and they don't want anything to do with me. They don't like broken toys
Been following your IG for a while glad I discovered your RUclips!
We share a lot of the same traits. Shame I don't know anyone that's on my level and also 🔥 like yourself. Great video, thanks.
I loved this! Would love a part 2, 3... 😊
My problem with sex and rsd is that I like sex and I also like love, giving love and being loved but I am absolutely terrified of being rejected. I can’t do hookups but fall into it whenever I’m in the mood then regret it afterwards.
Trust me guys respect and like women more who make us wait. We want to earn. The dumb guys will sort themselves out lol
so from experience, that red flag ick gets more measured over time. right at the start after a bad relationship/breakup you overanalyze, it gets better. side tangent, oh my god people can just process emotions in the background what the fuck?
I FUCKING LOVE YOU!!!! THANKS FOR THIS VIDEO, I JUST GOT DIAGNOSED AND I'M TRYING TO UNDERSTAND MYSELF AND ACCEPT THAT I HAVE ADHD AND I JUST RELATED SO MUCH TO THIS VIDEO, I'M TRYING TO NOT CRY.
I feel you.. i am in the Moment at the same phase in my Life. I just want to care for my self first, would be nice to find a Woman who knows how to appreciate when i treat her like i wish others would treat me. Ps: I get very quick, very emotional too and start crying then.
Greetings from Germany
Fuck now I feel like crying
I thought I was the only one who goes from dating is scary, I need to be loved to I'm awesome, I buy myself flowers because every time I had that thought, I was called desperate for wanting love and things in relationship. And now I don't let myself think I'm desperate like somehow that's a bad thing. So I too suddenly switch to saying how I'm awesome alone. Fact is I'm desperate and I'm more scared of being called desperate and there's nothing I can do about it.
wait I know this is the least important takeaway but what a STELLAR decoration job you've done with your room. I'm so jealous of every single piece I see
SiStar🌟 from another MiStar🌟 xoxo You are awesomely incredible Hayley with your honesty. I see you. I appreciate you. Thank you 💚💛🇦🇺👋🏻✌🏻🙏🏻 #adhdadult #adhdtribe #selfcareishealthcare #AllinthisTogether #MentalHealthAwareness #MentalHealthMatters
This is exactly why I am trying to take things slow. I struggle with rsd and adhd. I’m talking to someone at the moment and I don’t want to do the same mistake I did in the past where me and my ex got a place and it lasted for 3 years but I didn’t know I had adhd and I found out after the relationship that I was diagnosed when I was a kid which I didn’t know.
So now with the girl I’m talking to I’ve been asking her out for coffee and dinner and getting to know her.
But yeah rsd is a big problem for me!
It’s nice to know I’m not alone in this, although I’m solely ADHD. Also we have the same last name???? That’s SOOOO rare for us Honeyman’s 😂😂😂
My girlfriend was hyperfixated on me and then broke up with me. She wants my baby and marriage then she dont care about me no more. Its a total mindfu*k. Im neurotypical and I used to keep my heart an open book, but she made it close for good. If I can not trust her, who can i trust? Who i am for trusting her? I think its not ok like not communicating properly
I think you need to heal from the situation. Have you ever considered therapy? Even short-term therapy think can help you play short term therapy I mean like 4-6 months. Alternatively you can get a book, follow a therapy channel and start the healing process but therapy might help with trust.
@@jclyntoledo Thank you for the advice 🙏🏻 I have been getting coaching since january and its been good. But i still deal with it everyday
I am still have hyper-fixation with my ex who hurt me and I still want to be with him wish I had asked questions when I saw you asking questions earlier in the day
Hyperfixation is a huge thing while being in a relationship too. I almost broke up my longtime relationship for a hyperfixation and then forgot about the person after a while. Now that I know I have ADHD I know what that was 🙈 but that was such a bad feeling and so weird to me 🙈
So to all my fellow ADHDers: don’t answer the person you might have a hyperfixation on that frequently and most importantly wait (!) for a while and then ask yourself what this is 🙈
I like your sweatshirt! :D
God I needed this.
Sometimes the hyperfixation can scare people off. "Too full on" is one of two possible outcomes. 😂😅 I've learnt to dial it way down but it can be hard.
You have to be comfortable with yourself. Ive taken almost a year out just doing my thing to be healthy and happy. I am 44 and still learning about keeping myself healthy and happy. 😅
I feel this so hard with having ADHD and Autism. I find myself falling so hard for people so quickly and then having that let down of them not liking you is so fucking hard. Throw being gay with a terrible gaydar on top of it.. it's even worse. Love is rough I've never been in a fully committed relationship because of it.
11:26 should I be worried if I date myself too much? I feel like I don’t need anyone to do the activities I enjoy. Tho companion is always welcomed. ( most of the time)
Its so hard to be alone and think all my needs are met. And then yah isnt it human nature to want another person or even friends? I get that you want a relationship but idk i think ppl who have alot of friends have a hard timr being alone. As why they need alwayw friends . What if your relationship is your friend
Do people with adhd do better dating others with adhd than with neurotypicals?
Are those magnets you're playing with in your right hand? I think I have some just like them!
I was only recently diagnosed and so much of my life makes more sense as I learn more about it and hear others' experiences.
I wonder 🤔 if my adhd plays a role in me being in a polygamous relationship.
How did you get from this to happy relationship just a year later??
I dont wanna be alone, but everyone is just so uninteresting they feel like a waste of time rofl
I should have looked at my homework, folded my clothes, and done the dishes, but I was looking for my plane flight for my trip coming up gotta love adhd brain oh did I mention I can sleep
As a man, I have lived alone a lot. You need to say in your head, no this doesn't service me. It's hard to think of the positives as we are made to see the negatives. I am scared too. But if I don't try, I will never learn. Stay positive and kind to yourself. Don't rush in as you will only pic wrong. Your a woman and can a man in seconds. Chose a good 1
Thank youuuu.. ❤
Why dating at all, you should inform the NT partner about it and say you are dangerous and he/she should walk away.
I bet you’ve never felt loved in your life, I’m sorry you choose to be hateful and uneducated, what a sad life you must lead.
@@hayley.honeymanChrist. RSD on full display.
Whaaat passively processing emotions is a thing ??? That explains a lot 😭
Did you do just youtube at that time??
It's been about 15 years since I've been on a date. I'm not sure if ADHD is what's to blame.
Lol your hilarious 😂😂..
Really really enjoyed the video but i have a kinda random request (please do feel free to reject btw)
I watch pretty much everything above 1x speed, often 1.5x or 2x, which works fine most of the time but it turns music into garbled nonsense and it's konda distracting when I'm listening to you speak, would it be possible to host a music free kinda podcast version somewhere? Maybe just an unlosted video linked in the description or something?
Idk, probably a lot of work, feel free to ignore!
oh my god.
the music in the background is so distracting I cant even listen to your voice even tho I want to.
Red flags are great, unless you paint them green. But they will be red in your head until you run away.
11:55 interesting you said you hope your future partner is a “helpful, kind, productive person”
You’re working on not measuring your value by how productive you are right? Yet it’s the the top 3 basic requirements for you to love someone else?
Maybe it’s just a sign there’s still work to do but maybe learning to value that less in others could help you minimise it’s importance in your own self image?
Idk just a thought or a topic for you to maybe think more about ☺️
I hope that wasn’t totally out of line lol 😅
I don’t think she meant “productive” in terms of fiscal earnings. Or even in measuring a flat amount of tasks done. I saw that more as “does my partner understand how to maintain their life?”
“Being productive” in a human context is keeping your space livable, eating food that nourishes your body, doing the things that make you the happiest (like making art, taking care of your pets, or spending time with friends) - and just making progress towards your goals.
I wanna be your friend so bad 😅🥰
Woman: I've been single for a week, *makes a RUclips video*
Man: I've been single for 40 years and I may take my life at any moment, *tells no one*
Society today
Make use of the society today and speak up Mark. We care about men too. It's not how it was 40 years back. If you don't tell, how would we know ?
@@aswathybabu8043 Hi, thx for the nice words, luckily I've just wrote a comment about why I didn't communicate:
"Thx for the tips, yes I recognise a lot of things that have a sligh positive effect like the washing machine going and all of that but... Take in mind that I've been undiagnosed for 39 years, the comorbidities are huge at this point especially the chronic loneliness and narcissistic symptoms.
These type of strategies are kind of a mondane thing to think about given that every few months I'm in danger of taking my own life and these episodes are always related with my relationship with the opposite sex (woman and girls)"
describing literally anybody. y'all tripping excusing every trait using adhd 🤦🏾♂️