I Ghosted After the Honeymoon Phase and Here’s Why feat. Brenden Durell
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
- Are you struggling with the fear of commitment? Feeling like there’s something wrong with you because all of your relationships have ended shortly after the honeymoon phase? You're not alone! Join Brenden Durell as he talks about his own experiences with the fear of commitment and how he learned to address it. In this video, Brenden will be opening up about why he never stayed past the honeymoon phase and how to combat the fear of commitment. It's time to give love another chance!
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He said something so profound early on… leaving someone hanging is detrimental for the nervous system… that part needs to be discussed deeper
agree 🎯
Agreed🙌🏾
Just because you are in a relationship doesn't necessarily mean you are not scared to commit to love/relationships. It will show up in how far you are willing to go
So, the house thing is a pretty way of saying leading someone on and then dipping and vice versa? Got it. Sometimes with these conversations there’s parts when it feels like folks are romanticizing being crappy here and there lol
Facts 😂😂😂😂
Humans are really good at bending and twisting their own thoughts to avoid sullying their self image. Sometimes you're the villain, plain and simple, and all this woowoo bs doesn't change or justify your actions. We're all the bad guy sometimes, a grown responsible adult will confront that and grow from it.
This!
true.
I totally agree I feel like he is evasive and omitting some information that he could easily say and be honest. Ghosting is bad and hurtful and he needs to acknowledge that
It sounds like he was just intellectualizing everything throughout this conversation. I didn’t feel any honesty or openness from him. Life is hard, relationships are hard.. and he’s humans just like the rest of us - but I don’t think he’s in a space to be anyone’s “masculinity coach” or to be giving cringy generalized advice like “don’t ever do potential”.
I totally agree. To me masculinity (at least in the romanticized, traditional sense) is a rejection of pleasure for the acceptance of responsibility, duty and honor. That there is some purpose to which a man commits that is greater than himself, that may require him to give up his own pleasure and even life to protect. That is why soldiers with a purpose to serve their country over the love of their wife are masculine. That is why men who abandon their families are seen as lacking masculinity. The ability to stay rather than run away when the relationship requires you to step up (whether in a romantic relationship or in friendship) because you are an honorable man and have a duty to the person you are building a relationship with is a masculine trait.
To be honorable doesn't have to involve a woman, but I think the way a man treats women and his relationship with them is mostly reflective of the principles he holds true in every other aspect of his life. The best reflection of how this principle is lacking throughout is the fact that he said his friendships are those in which he can "pop in anytime" and "things are not awkward". But true friendship, just like true romance, is one that goes through shaky ground and survives.
I just commented that he’s a sleazeball. I clocked it before the story just by his phony mannerisms and speaking tone. I bet women fall all over him. Girls are very gullible to certain types of hustlers.
@@bezawitgetahun427wow. This is such a profound analysis. But I agree
💯
I agree. Needs to do more work. Work through FEELING the feelings instead of intellectualizing them. I can still see fear of commitment on him. Energy don’t lie.
worst feeling ever. not knowing why/what happened/just in your head about it but feeling like u have to appear unbothered since it wasn’t official, or didn’t last long. 😫
“Because I wasn’t in the space to be like ‘hey, this isn’t happening’.” rather than saying “I didn’t communicate clearly what I wanted.” sounds like still carrying a refusal to be accountable.
I believe we’re all driven towards our purpose by the desire to acquire certain medicine, and I believe we all deserve the space to integrate it as we share it. Aaaand, something about him teaching intimacy but not being able to take full accountability for blocking intimacy in his own life while getting paid to preach about it gives me the yuck. Probably because seeing men do the real work feels so rare 🤷🏻♀️
But he did say that he took accountability several times throughout the interview. U just chose to interpret what u wanted to understand, maybe he didn’t use the language u preferred.
17:50 „So did you ghost her ?” Roundabout answer, instead of OWNING IT and saying „YES, I ghosted even though I knew it wqs over for me. Not proud of that but this was my level of awareness/emotional capacity at the time.”
And what’s especially disturbing in his answer is that he responded with „we maintained a connection, there was a lingering… (depersonifying)” instead of responding with „I … xyz” (where he owns his behaviour)
Men or anyone who beats around the bush with their language is not to be trusted as much as I can appreciate how hard vulnerability can be in a patriarchal paradigm.
@@alexusrenee7258He actually didn’t. He only explained why he felt it was right to ghost. Taking accountability is literally just that. No explanation needed.
I am so glad I am not alone in this thought. Well said.
@@bbyphathoneeidid he say it was right or was he explaining where his mind was at during that time? I mean it’s a conversation. Someone admits they did wrong and apologizes. Great. Should they not try to make sense of why they did it? Kinda impossible to fix the behavior if they don’t no? Not trying to argue just trying to make sense of this discussion.
He has somewhat of a wry smile/smirk that adds to his disingenuous message. It’s a choice not a challenge to be completely honest. He goes to show what seems to be the inherit extremely selfish nature of some men.
Too many deem themselves to be worthy of the title coach when they still are doing the work as a student of life experiences.
I got ghosted on my birthday after 8 months. The hardest part is the not knowing why.
🫂 😢
There’s is no why. ‘Why’ implies you did something wrong and you wasn’t to know what it is so you can learn from it …. Or whatever. You didn’t!!! That person is the wrong for how they choose to traverse their relationship with you. Sometimes people come into your life just to shake Shìt up. And sometimes that person is your karma. Only you know, if you’re honest with yourself.
Ghosting on your birthday is something they did on purpose.
Ghost is so childish
@@DaintyDoe84I know I’ve never did anything to anyone to deserve that level of disrespect so my conscious is clear.
Ever now and again, we hear through thought leaders where the culture is going. He represents a new culture of man that have learned if not overlearned "self work". They will always be " learning" and not applying. If you're the woman in his life you will be forever on a quest to get him to come out of his 🧠 and see you. Help you live REAL life. Wash dishes, pay mortgage...🤷🏾♀️ . Simple
This was really hard to listen to being someone who was recently ghosted. I was hoping to gain more from this but his explanations were almost non existent. Shan asked very direct questions and he didnt provide direct answers in my opinion.
Hmm shrug 🤷🏿♀️. Thank goodness I have therapy tomorrow. 😅
I was recently ghosted on Sunday. He was going to ignore me but I text him. Then he sent me a voice note then I said he couldn’t even have the courage to speak to me. We have been consistent with each other for almost 2 months. We didn’t lead with sex and did have any. We kissed and went on dates. Long story short after he sent the voice note I called him out and called him. He picked up and unfortunately I cried and asked him why. We had a disagreement the day before and he could have taken space and come back and handle it. But he gave up so quick. He paid for my car battery on my hybrid. So he was into me. But apparently not so much to make it work. I’m okay now it’s been 4 days. We talked Childs and marriage. Thankfully we didn’t have sex and god protected me.
I think there's a difference between understanding what you are causing in the lives of yourself & others vs actually giving a damn. From the mention of living a "nomadic" lifestyle, the behavior seemed to be aligned with his experiences. IMO, this came across like a man who's aware of his actions yet doesn't truly care about what will happen. Ultimately it's easy to bypass the "shame" he may feel from leaving partners confused while they continue to pour into him energetically.
So hard to listen to. I feel the pain of those who were on the receiving end of the inability for him to communicate those feelings. I am working through my struggles where this is how I was treated hence my connecting with that space. I commend Brenden for coming out and helping us understand the deeper reasons behind 'the boom' or 'ghosting'
So hard to watch 😩
17:50 „So did you ghost her ?” Roundabout answer, instead of OWNING IT and saying „YES, I ghosted even though I knew it wqs over for me. Not proud of that but this was my level of awareness/emotional capacity at the time.”
And what’s especially disturbing in his answer is that he responded with „we maintained a connection, there was a lingering… (depersonifying)” instead of responding with „I … xyz” (where he owns his behaviour)
Men or anyone who beats around the bush with their language is not to be trusted as much as I can appreciate how hard vulnerability can be in a patriarchal paradigm.
I am not one to troll but I can’t stand hipocricy and he’s selling „healthy masculinity & intimacy” based on bis experience from nomadic flings… 🙄
Sorry that you feel he didnt own up to it. I think he did. Coming here to talk abt him ghosting other people is owning up to it.
@@melmel7011People can give an explanation all day, but there’s a thin line between justifying and taking accountability. Taking accountability no explanation is needed.
@@bbyphathoneei for real. Let her keep on accepting narcissistic behaviour and she will attract vulnerable covert narcissists who prey on people's empathy. I think it will then wake her up. In the adult's world, there are no things such as making excuses. Take accountability and make changes.
How is he an intimacy coach and he keeps blocking it?
😂
I cant even finish this interview. He's in the intimacy arena but he allows no one to "see into him". He is no doubt an avoidant commitment phobe who has learnt to speak slow & learnt therapy speak. A drifter.
Definitely worth a re watch. I gotta start watching these with a journal but Shan is there some type of chat group for your interviews? I forgot what the app is called but like after you drop a video, folks can just chat among themselves and it’s a lot more fluid than RUclips comments
I watch almost every episode and i take in the information but rarely comment bcus i never have much to add. So i’m just here to say i love your content and always enjoy the stories you share ♥️
Ion man… I also struggle to go past the honeymoon phase but I always communicate it. I always end things so I’ll never understand ghosting with the exception of someone who refuses to take no for an answer.
I think people in the comments need to realize that this whole video is about his personal issues and being a work in progress like everyone else. Therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist all have their own issues. Some of them decided to take on their professions because of those same issues. You can have a great therapist that deals with their own mental health issues and that makes them relatable because they understand.
What an eloquent young man, I love how he was able to explain his journey and struggles in such an emotionally Intelligent way.
Beautiful to the ears but cruel to the heart.
Shan putting in that work 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
This is my first time commenting, although I've thought about it for a while. In light of the ongoing war in Israel-Gaza, and because I haven't seen anyone mention it: BetterHelp is an Israeli-based company that has decided to offer 6-month free therapy to "people affected by the war in Israel" only, blatantly ignoring the ethnic cleansing of Palestinians at the hands of the state of Israel that has been happening for 70 years and is accelerating as we speak. Not only that, but BetterHelp has also been infamous for misusing patient's personal data (including health-related) and selling it to companies for advertising. I love your podcast and never miss an episode. You've talked about doing work that's in alignment with your values. I'm sure you mostly accept money from companies that share similar values to you, and I hope you were simply not aware of this. It's very unlikely Shan or anyone working on the podcast reads my comment but I still had to say something.
❤
Thank you for speaking up!
Its interesting to hear him talk about the absolute certainty that he was done with a relationship and then the fear that he wouldn't get the positive benefits of what he was participating in and just back and forth with it. Yikes! I feel like this would make folks who have been ghosted at least know that the fault wasn't all on the ghostee. Hey, the ghoster knows its messed up, too.
Yeah the lack of straightforwardness in his answers is a no for me dawg✌️
Me as well…I feel like Shan tried and asked questions I was thinking and it just wasn’t making any sense on his end.
Shan, the misspelled title is killing me!
LOL ME TOO
Omg
Me too
This is a very important conversation. I’ll be sharing in my group. Such a RICH conversation. ❤
Regarding all the confusion and disgust in the comment section of this video about how he can teach intimacy but doesn't practice commitment in his own life... Do you really think that every therapist or doctor is doing exactly what they tell their patients to do in their own personal lives? Do you separate the artist from the art?
If you listen closely and get out of your feelings you'll hear that he actually is giving a lot of insight into the technicalities of connection, the opening and the closing of the heart... which for many people with an avoidant attachment style is hard to get in touch with that process.
But I realize that you are triggered by what he is saying because many of you have been on the receiving end of ghosting and that hurts and that sucks. And... the person on the other side of that ghosting is a human too. I think yall are hurt because he didn't make a commitment to stopping that behavior, which was very authentic to just say who is he right now. Doesn't mean he won't change his mind one day. Either way, it's your own responsibility to learn how to be vigilant and weed out these types of folks in your own life and set boundaries.
Listen to Shan's previous podcast episode entitled on spotify: "How i stopped looking for love in toxic people."LoL
Hmm thinking the grass is always greener is a fear of commitment 😂
This guy definately grew up with an insecure attachment to his caregivers resulting in an insecure attachment disorder. I know, because I've been there and I'm so glad that I've made it out. Today, I've sustained a healthy and beautiful relationship with my husband for 13 years ❤ but it took wanting to sit with myself and being 100% open and honest with myself and another human being (my husband) to be able to sustain a lifelong relationship while loving every minute of it.
Before we met, all of my relationships had an expiration date. It was like a "best before 3 years" kind of thing. I never ghosted anyone but, like this guy, I always left before I got left.
Shan you are such an inspiration! Thank you for the work that you do !!! I cannot wait to work with you 🙏🏼🫶🏼
I love your work ethic! You and Jared! Most people can’t in front of the camera and behind the scenes at the same time! I’m happy to support y’all! I am a SoCal girl! Love kiddos and I have many talents from cooking, cleaning and baby whispering
His voice is SO CALMING! I loved this segment & hearing about white tantra.
You CAN'T LEAD ANYONE ANYWHERE IF YOU ARE IN A STATE OF CONFUSION
this podcast is amazingly gooooddd
@10:00 it reminds me of the Milli Vanilli song “Girl I’m gonna miss you”
Why not celebrate what was and and its, ok. Be apart of the closing and it's ok to miss the experience. Stop mucking up great experience with fear abd the need to make an ending, feel like a loss or nothing. An ending, can be a wonderful season. Bith can keave full and loving what goodness has passed. At anytime, u can call the other and just say," hi, how are u!" Its not painful to hear from them. Be a freaking friend in a relationship.
Shan got lip fillers!!?? She didn’t need that😱
Influenced by the Instagram look. The girls look so crazy with the bubble lips. Gives me mama piggy vibes and that “surgery botox” face look.
Came in strong, ready to feel superior to Brandon, with this insecurity attached and power struggle avoiding self.
But no! Instead getting triggered by this high bar for intimate friendships we have set here. People! Who know what?? What's going on with me all the time?
Lol, no, thankfully: introvert and happy, Treasure those few who love me, confident and comfortable being my own best friend. I always know what's going on inside of me. Recently! Not long ago,, hughly dismissive avoidant. So no judgment for each of us on our own journey. ❤
Attn: misspelling in thumbnail.
which word?
"amdit" instead of admit - not a big deal tho!! xo @@shanboody
@@andrea384I kind of love it
@@shanboody “admit” on the thumbnail. I just wanted to bring it to your attention. Thank you for your content! ♥️
Yo, it is 3AM. I am just seeing this. I need to hear this. I had 3weeks of absolutely chemistry and boo he ghosted me because I ask him to not say hi or good morning to me after posting for the world. I felt like dying 😅 but I need sleep . I will watch in the morning.
What do you mean that he posted to the world then came to you?
@@dantoinettetaylor1663 well every night he will fall asleep while we are talking then in the morning. He will post on his WhatsApp, meme, quote ,wish the whole good morning. Then talk to me way after . I did address it . He promised to never do that again then he did just few days after. I brought it up again. He just stopped talking to me. For him to comeback 4months later .
@@dantoinettetaylor1663I guess she meant he post a story on snap or Instagram or else and THEN text her 'good morning'?🤷🏾
Yeaaa he wasn’t there to be honest and present. He still not there, keep working. Intimacy starts with self
He looks like Chris Brown, but with dreads
Omg, now I can't unsee it
He wishes
I understand him wanting something better , when he says he was always looking for the grass is greener on the other side because we always want better for ourselves but I think he did a disservice to himself for not letting himself morn those relationships or even giving that person the option to morn it for them selfs . It’s like eating junk food all day but never shitting it out lol that waste feeling is still there . And with him always looking for something better makes me feel like does he even know what his looking for if he can’t even be real with himself ? I feel like most men don’t let them selfs have feelings because us as a society look down on men expressing themselves , the term that’s not manly or man don’t cry … Us as a Society should start to let men be more vulnerable . So they can start to feel more comfortable expressing themselves, even if it’s not what we want to hear as women , so that’s why they ghost us because it’s better to just leave and have those hard conversations
the timeliness of the podcast it is spot onnn
I thought I was alone
H.. move how h.. move. Goes for male h.. too. It’s predictable why even entertain these clowns is something the ghosted person should ask themselves
Shan for some reason the captions don’t work on this video, can you fix that?
Commenting for the algorithm. ✌🏾
i love that house analogy! Definitely will reflect on that one in my journal
Thanks for this episode. I love how it showcases yet another dimension of male sexuality and masculinity. It just adds more nuance to the male archetype which is often seen as one-dimensional in our culture. Super sexy content!
36:12 😂😂😂😂 Shan you're wrong for this 😂😂😂😂
I know him from Too Hot as well!
wow, the male version of me, i just will tell you i’m doing abs more honest about my feelings
So many gems!! Loved this one
Completely off topic, but is the background a green screen and filmed in 4k?
Who is this guy?
I don’t know I’m full of the belief that people are entitled. People are allowed to go ‘ghost’. It’s the cell phones and social media they have people feeling like they’re entitled somebody else’s answer. There often is no closure. Demanding closure is extremely childish and naïve
I do believe that if two people are mutually dating and they’ve been dating and it’s past a couple of dates and obviously if you all talk about it from the beginning hey if at any point this isn’t for you simply let me know. I think people forget that it’s mutual feelings. In the beginning this person isn’t having feelings all by themselves they’re having feelings because you have feelings with them. You guys are going out on dates. You guys are talking and consistently keeping in contact with each other to completely go ghost on somebody without allowing them to have a voice is cowardly, it’s like you wanna date but you don’t want what comes with dating what comes with dating is open communication no I could understand if you went on in the first day and I was it but if you have going on on multiple dates and have talked to someone and it’s been over a month and I’m talking about consistent like on a daily basis they definitely owe me a message of parting of ways I will respect it. People who can’t should not be dating that’s just like we know how to drive right but we have insurance just in case things happen. We necessarily don’t necessarily need insurance but that’s what comes with the territory. I’m driving that’s the same thing with dating people don’t have to tell you, but that is respectable, especially if it was a serious connection. That’s all I’m saying, but I see what you’re saying.
@@CL-do5eq completely agree. I just think some people expect more when the relationship is less serious than that too and it blurs lines
Everything is permissible, but not all things are beneficial.
Shalom-Shalom 🙏. Can you please provide the details on your hoop earrings in the introduction when you are wearing the red cap? Simply Gorgeous 🔥🔥🔥!!!
I created something for you guys. Can i send it to you somewhere?
Deep😂❤ thank you for the awesome interview, couldn’t of done better😊
Admit is spelled wrong
41:16 😂😂 💯
Wait u worked on too hot to handle? 👀
Hey fyi I clicked your social media links and they were wack if you wanna take a look
You need to change amdit to admit in the thumbnail.
Yo
A male 304 with lil patience, character or empathy
There no reason the viewer needa hear u BS for 10min before starting an actual podcast convo. ✌️
AMDIT🤥
😅 sorry I can’t with him. SMH.
I don’t hear an ounce of sincerity or remorse for how he operates. Yet alone even take responsibility and acknowledge that his behaviour is toxic, he just talks around it and try’s to justify it using pseudo spiritual reasonings.