I love this conversation! Such a great mix of comedy and education! I am a polyamorous woman who has Ehlers Danlos syndrome. My life goals are to raise awareness about EDS as well as try to normalize polyamory. I love both of you Leanne and Chad!
10:34 - 11:10: posessiveness is, at least socioculturally, regarded as the basis of love, specially romantic love (which is idealized as more important than any other social connections), because that never really fit me perfectly, eventually I realised I was not only somewhat non-monogamous, but also somewhat aromantic, then my relationship orientation turned to Relationship Anarchy (RA) because of that.
It is not true to say women trust other women more. My female partners have reported the opposite in fact. They tell me that other women tend to compete with them for men and be more critical of there appearance. There is a phenomenon called "c*ck blocking" that is the behaviour of interference in flirting between a female friend and a man. I have observed such and experienced it whilst engaged in talking with a woman when she has female friends nearby; "she isn't interested in you", "shall we move on somewhere else?", "Are you OK?", Etc
I find when dating that women are very reluctant to reciprocate compliments or share whether they find me attractive. There is not much information flowing my way about how it is going. I also find that communication tends not to include flirting and that ghosting is often used to express disapproval. Women tend not to be initiators which means that men risk rejection. being the receiver of initiation is a win win situation because you control the situation whether you accept the invitation or not. People report that in sexually satisfying relationships, initiation is equal. There is a shared risk of rejection and so exploration is encouraged and sex does not default to "vanilla" acts that become boring.
Probably the core fundamental metaphysical difference between masculinity and femininity is the difference between competition and cooperation. Competition is masculine and cooperation is feminine. Certainly men should work to connect with and integrate their feminine side, as cooperation is super valuable etc. But this dude has just defined non toxic and "healthy Masculinity" as Femininity. Thereby declaring all masculinity as toxic. You can't have a masculinity that is cooperative rather than competitive. It isn't a masculinity then. Femininity is still really important and valuable etc. But so is masculinity and this dude has just tried to define it out of existence
There is far too much focus on sexual politics and what divides the sexes within this community. That is the toxic element. Both men and women exhibit unethical behaviours towards other men and women. On the whole, women seem to have evolved better passive-agressive tendencies and men, direct agressive ones. This is probably consequence of physical inequalities. Passive-agressive behaviours are more damaging emotionally because they are more likely to be denied when challenged and involve social isolation. They can be used to public shame because they are passive. We also know that women do physically abuse men in private, where it cannot be witnessed. I have personal experience of women fabricating physical abuse by men in private and making false allegations to police. The police and justice systems will tend to believe the false story because of terms such as Toxic Masculinity being coined. Please all just stop blaming men for abuse, it is sexist, abusive and demeaning. A victim is a victim, regardless of sex and both men and women abuse. Men are being made scapegoats for unethical relationship behaviours for all.
I think my masculinity is cooperative. I think "masculinity" and "femininity" are so culturally depended and represent a false binary. I associate my masculinity with being a cat dad, making a comfy organized home, treating my partners well, and generally being supportive. I think there's a lot of history of masculinity being more expansive and collaborative than the current hetero patriarchy would like to acknowledge.
I've met quite a few very masculine men who are socialists/anarchists, union organizers etc, that would disagree with you, meanwhile there's all the women climbing the corporate ladder or competing with each other to be the best PTA mom, beauty queen etc. Neither trait is inherently gendered, we define competition as male because people are stuck on the idea of evolutionary mating practices, if we were going with that we can't explain the weak nerdy poly guys that get women....or men for that matter!
I very briefly dated a polyamorous girl. I could not care less what she did with other men when she wasn't with me. However, I had a jealousy issue come up with a male metamour. This girl had a primary partner to whom she needed to report back on EVERY DETAIL of her interactions with me. She referred to him as her "partner." She did not explicitly use the term "primary." But it became obvious almost immediately that that was what he was. She and I were about to try a new (for her) form of intimacy. However, her primary said NO, because he didn't like the way that it made him feel. He said he would feel uncomfortable if she tried something with me that she wasn't willing to do with him. YIKES! DEAL BREAKER! The specific forms of intimacy that she and I may or may not experiment with are literally NONE OF HIS BUSINESS!!!
Thank you for inviting me to have this much needed talk. I can't wait to do it again. 😊
What is the podcast you recommended?
Thank you so much for your outreach and skills as an educator! 💙🙏❄️
Sending love from Seattle.
@@SnakeAndTurtleQigong Glad you enjoyed! Much love.
I love this conversation! Such a great mix of comedy and education! I am a polyamorous woman who has Ehlers Danlos syndrome. My life goals are to raise awareness about EDS as well as try to normalize polyamory. I love both of you Leanne and Chad!
I’m so happy that you appeared on PolyWeekly! Lots of fun to follow your conversations. 💙🌲☯️
10:34 - 11:10:
posessiveness is, at least socioculturally, regarded as the basis of love, specially romantic love (which is idealized as more important than any other social connections), because that never really fit me perfectly, eventually I realised I was not only somewhat non-monogamous, but also somewhat aromantic, then my relationship orientation turned to Relationship Anarchy (RA) because of that.
This episode is absolutely spot on, wow. Have shared far and wide.
It is not true to say women trust other women more. My female partners have reported the opposite in fact. They tell me that other women tend to compete with them for men and be more critical of there appearance. There is a phenomenon called "c*ck blocking" that is the behaviour of interference in flirting between a female friend and a man. I have observed such and experienced it whilst engaged in talking with a woman when she has female friends nearby; "she isn't interested in you", "shall we move on somewhere else?", "Are you OK?", Etc
You have no idea how much I needed this. Thanks a lot
I find when dating that women are very reluctant to reciprocate compliments or share whether they find me attractive. There is not much information flowing my way about how it is going. I also find that communication tends not to include flirting and that ghosting is often used to express disapproval. Women tend not to be initiators which means that men risk rejection. being the receiver of initiation is a win win situation because you control the situation whether you accept the invitation or not. People report that in sexually satisfying relationships, initiation is equal. There is a shared risk of rejection and so exploration is encouraged and sex does not default to "vanilla" acts that become boring.
Probably the core fundamental metaphysical difference between masculinity and femininity is the difference between competition and cooperation. Competition is masculine and cooperation is feminine. Certainly men should work to connect with and integrate their feminine side, as cooperation is super valuable etc.
But this dude has just defined non toxic and "healthy Masculinity" as Femininity. Thereby declaring all masculinity as toxic. You can't have a masculinity that is cooperative rather than competitive. It isn't a masculinity then. Femininity is still really important and valuable etc. But so is masculinity and this dude has just tried to define it out of existence
There is far too much focus on sexual politics and what divides the sexes within this community. That is the toxic element. Both men and women exhibit unethical behaviours towards other men and women. On the whole, women seem to have evolved better passive-agressive tendencies and men, direct agressive ones. This is probably consequence of physical inequalities. Passive-agressive behaviours are more damaging emotionally because they are more likely to be denied when challenged and involve social isolation. They can be used to public shame because they are passive. We also know that women do physically abuse men in private, where it cannot be witnessed. I have personal experience of women fabricating physical abuse by men in private and making false allegations to police. The police and justice systems will tend to believe the false story because of terms such as Toxic Masculinity being coined. Please all just stop blaming men for abuse, it is sexist, abusive and demeaning. A victim is a victim, regardless of sex and both men and women abuse.
Men are being made scapegoats for unethical relationship behaviours for all.
I think my masculinity is cooperative. I think "masculinity" and "femininity" are so culturally depended and represent a false binary. I associate my masculinity with being a cat dad, making a comfy organized home, treating my partners well, and generally being supportive. I think there's a lot of history of masculinity being more expansive and collaborative than the current hetero patriarchy would like to acknowledge.
I've met quite a few very masculine men who are socialists/anarchists, union organizers etc, that would disagree with you, meanwhile there's all the women climbing the corporate ladder or competing with each other to be the best PTA mom, beauty queen etc. Neither trait is inherently gendered, we define competition as male because people are stuck on the idea of evolutionary mating practices, if we were going with that we can't explain the weak nerdy poly guys that get women....or men for that matter!
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I very briefly dated a polyamorous girl. I could not care less what she did with other men when she wasn't with me.
However, I had a jealousy issue come up with a male metamour.
This girl had a primary partner to whom she needed to report back on EVERY DETAIL of her interactions with me. She referred to him as her "partner." She did not explicitly use the term "primary." But it became obvious almost immediately that that was what he was.
She and I were about to try a new (for her) form of intimacy.
However, her primary said NO, because he didn't like the way that it made him feel. He said he would feel uncomfortable if she tried something with me that she wasn't willing to do with him.
YIKES! DEAL BREAKER!
The specific forms of intimacy that she and I may or may not experiment with are literally NONE OF HIS BUSINESS!!!