I suffer from this disorder. My opinion is that only people with this disorder can actually understand the disorder and how others suffer from it. That’s a problem because we usually aren’t able to get the training, due to our fear. Yet here you are helping others like myself with this disorder.
I agree, it's a hard disorder to understand from the outside. The symptoms sound like things that everyone has dealt with, and gotten past, but it's really incomparable in ways that are hard to convey. I'm really glad I can do a little bit to help others like you :)
As someone who also suffers AVPD, just wanna say I admire the courage you have coming on here to talk about it. Also really resonate with what you said about how no one understands and how the psychiatric and medical community really can't help with it, and how its very understudied. KEEP IT UP!
Thanks so much for sharing. I am a psychiatry resident and It is so helpful to hear this. Not only are you connecting with others who feel similar but you're helping someone like myself who is trying to ensure there is less misdiagnosis and more careful attention is made towards people who seek therapy or help rom Psychiatrists or Psychologists. I look forward to hearing more about your experiences if you feel comfortable!
I've been suspecting that I have AvPD lately. My whole life I've felt inferior, incapable, extremely shy, lonely, invisible, unwanted, etc. I thought it was social anxiety and I tried CBT on my own with an online program. It helped my anxiety but now that I'm in a relationship I'm realizing it's not just anxiety and it affects every area of my life. I avoid conflict at all costs. I haven't had a job since 2019 and before that, it was just seasonal work. Thanks for sharing these videos! No one talks about this. I have my first therapy session this week and I'm nervous. It's taken me 39 years to go and finally get some kind of label so I know what I'm dealing with. Although, I'm pretty sure it's high functioning AvPD and/or maybe rejection sensitivity dysphoria.
I hope your therapy goes well! I definitely think a large part of having success with it is finding the right person, which could take a few tries, but is worth it for many people. The major benefit of getting an official diagnosis is helping yourself understand that your problems aren't imagined, and they don't mean you're a worse person than anybody else!
Hi Nicole, what emotions did you feel when you found the label/diagnosis? I wouldn't say that I have AVPD, but have a few symptoms. Keep on going, and well done for sharing on a public forum
It took my clinical psychotherapist years to land on the diagnosis of avoidant personality disorder because it was hard to tell if I actually WANTED friends or not. I personally have found therapy useful, but I know treatment is not one size fits all, even for people who have the same diagnosis.
A Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) Therapist could positively help you. Also look into DBT: Dialectal Behavioral Therapy. It is not just for Borderlines. Inner Child work is also VERY helpful
There is an "ego-syntonic" quality to the personality disorders. That's to say, the dysfunction is in harmony with the person's view of himself. A narcissist doesn't say: "Please help me -- I hate feeling that I'm perfect." An antisocial personality doesn't say: "Please help me -- I wish I had a conscience." A dependent personality doesn't say: "I sure wish I wanted to be independent and make my own decisions." A borderline doesn't say: "No -- it's NOT immature to rip my hair out if you cancel a lunch date." Avoidant Personality is a bit more obscure: It can be difficult to grasp the self-complacent aspect of it, the part that says: "I'm comfortable feeling reluctant to get involved with people," or "I'm OK with feeling socially inept and inferior." But the person will feel "right" about these deficits. Jake is right that one doesn't need a full psych eval to diagnose a personality disorder. I've handed the DSM to different personality disordered clients. They've read the basic symptom list and said: "Yep. That's me." It's not terribly difficult to diagnose oneself.
I definitely knew I had it when I saw the symptoms. But from my perspective, it's a bit off to refer to those with AvPD as being self-complacent. Just because I relate to these deficits in social functioning does not mean I am satisfied with them and certainly not uncritical of them. They cause me great distress, and the same can be said of every person with AvPD I have spoken to. Just because making efforts to overcome them is extraordinarily difficult doesn't mean that we don't care to. Your descriptions of qualities of other PDs also seem like oversimplifications, that people having those PDs might not find completely fair. I hope I don't come across as rude, I just wanted to offer my perspective, because it seems that some people in your field tend to presume things about their clients that may not apply.
@@JakeAvPD While you may not mean to be rude, spending an entire video complaining about a psychologist seems to bespeak a baseline miserableness or irritability. And I am right about the general ego-syntonic nature of personality disorders, which I've been treating for 23 years. Each individual is different, but true personality disorders -- as opposed to globalized emotionalized attitudes which can form later in life -- have common origins in the first few years of life. They become the person's nature, which cannot entirely be despised by the person as it's their ground. Obviously there must be a difference between mere social phobia or feelings of alienation and Avoidant Personality. My socially phobic clients (typically teens) know their problem is rooted in identity and self-esteem deficits, and work in those areas. Personality disordered individuals leave therapy when they are pressed to challenge their baseline self-acceptance. pessimisticshrink.blogspot.com/search?q=Personality
This was very helpful hearing you talk as a person with this disorder rather than as an expert who is saying I need to change. After years of therapy including cognitive behavior therapy, I am coming to the conclusion that I could be happy if I don’t try to fit in and just do what makes me feel good. I’m sick of people saying I need to get out more and socialize. It’s really just too stressful for me. Thanks for your help and honesty and keep up the good work. You do not appear disheveled and that was not helpful for her to tell you that.
Thanks, I appreciate it a lot, and I'm glad I could help. I'm also never going to be the type that just randomly goes out and socializes, but there are some things I want to do that I can't do alone, and I'm not there yet. I wish you luck in getting where you want to be.
No I think this video is super super helpful because I'm on my way for the "official diagnosis" because they finally noticed it's more severe than general social anxiety, and I need the doctors official signed off note diagnosis in order to apply for insurance things like a psychosomatic clinic or sth like that. Basically I kinda hope the thing with the "vocational recommendations" service you mention here will work out better if I can prove what's wrong and they might be able to help me find a job I can keep for longer than a few months without ending up suicidal. It really helps to have your insight and some info on what type of tests are awaiting me so thank you for that and your honest opinion regarding the recommendations. I totally get why those would turn out less than helpful, AvPD seems to be kinda one of the psychological orphan diseases, any time I see a specialist with "personality disorder expertise" they end up specializing in borderline personality disorder... Its probably way under diagnosed because we are all too anxious to reach out for help and apply for any programs or even any studies as you say.... kinda disheartening to think about.
Dr. Kirk Honda did a deep dive on AVPD on his podcast Psychology in Seattle. Was hours long and very validating to hear a professional do so much research and take the time to explain. Thanks to you too!
Keep posting videos. These were super helpful and created some good insight for me. I've been looking into AvPD for about a year and you do a good job of bringing all the info together in a linear way. Thanks for sharing.
Jake, I am glad you did this. I plan to watch your video about your history and upbringing. (Parents, ect) This video is very helpful to hear your feelings about the process and the diagnosis too. Don't worry. This is great and you are doing a good job. I watched the video about your life story today and it was a very good video.
I hear what you're saying in the description (sounding negative) however, I appreciate it a lot as this is my attitude with the (lack of) help and suggestions I have received for decades from professionals. Not hating on the profession, that's how we find out about this stuff. I think CE and well, I have a lot of thoughts abt what would help with the effectiveness on a macro and micro level.
I love your cynicism towards psychiatry (don't know if that was the intention, if not I apologize). I've been in treatment for over 4 years, with different doctors, and none of them got me right, coming to the point where I've been sort of abused psychologically by one and finally had enough. I've left my therapist and the only reason I didn't cancel with my psychiatrist yet is because I finally discovered AvPD and I think it's what I actually have. It explains a lot. I think I'll talk to him about this and then either give up on treatment altogether or try group therapy. The only types of people I can ever manage to feel a least a single bit comfortable with are other mentally ill folks haha there's less judgment with them, so maybe it could work. I am a bit scared of the IQ test though, my intelligence is one of my main insecurities, so that'll be fun. I also don't have many reasons to get the diagnosis, apart from the foolish hope that it'll help people understand me, and also because I'm a very curious overthinker. Thank you for the videos. I'm also a bit more on the low-functioning side of things, I believe. I'm 23 years old and never had a job, currently on the process of dropping out of uni for the second time, yay!
It's hard not to be at least a bit cynical about it, since many people in the field seem to be very self-assured of their own insights, which isn't necessarily a great fit for people like us. I try not to go too hard because it definitely helps some types of people. Group therapy sounds like it might be worth a try for you if you feel a little better around similar people - I haven't managed to try it yet, but hey, it's definitely a more reasonable option than just trying to re-insert myself into public existence :) The IQ test made me feel kinda shitty too. Like, I haven't done math without a calculator in five years, obviously I'm gonna fuck this up. But in a random guy's opinion, you're well-spoken/written and insightful, so I'd have to assume you're pretty smart :) Even though I mentioned "reasons" to get or not get a test for the purpose of the video, you don't really have to justify it. It sounds to me like you want to get it, really just to get it - which is pretty much what I did, and though it wasn't magically helpful, I don't have any reason to regret it, and it makes me feel a bit more official when sharing info about it. If you do get diagnosed and/or try group therapy, I'd love to hear how it goes. Thanks for sharing!
It seems as if those with a "useless" bachelor's degree ran towards a master's degree in psychology to be able to find a decent job. It's much like a career in prostitution or taxation - in demand. I have officially given up after receiving therapy with almost a dozen professionals in the last 13 or so years.
thank you for posting this and shedding some light on what it's like. I got diagnosed with AvPD about 3 years ago (it's a long story that I don't really want to get into). I'd never even heard of this disorder before (and on top of it, the psychologist didn't even tell me; I read it off a note that he gave to another doctor), but once I looked into the symptoms/traits of AvPD, it all made sense (well, except the part of not even being told my diagnosis; that still pisses me off). If I had one thing to say about therapy, it would be that therapists are a lot like sports teams: 1 or 2 are amazing & know how to get the best out of their clients; a bunch of them are just "there" to look like they know what they're doing; and the rest of them just flat-out don't have a clue. yes, I'm a cynic lol. If I had *two* things to say about therapy, then I'd also say that it's helpful to have some idea of what you want out of it, and if you're therapist is worth a damn, (s)he can help you achieve that. When I first started going to counseling in my teens, all I knew that I wanted was to "feel better"... those two words are so vague on their own that they don't really mean anything (it also didn't help that those "mental health professionals" only did two things: prescribed medication that made things worse, and blew smoke up my ass). Now that I'm in my mid-to-late 30s, with a proper diagnosis, I can pinpoint certain problems that I can actually address. "I feel overwhelmed when trying to approach people I don't know/keep a conversation going with someone new. what are some ways I can deal with that?" "When I have the chance to get closer to someone I really care about, I start to get panic attacks. What's causing this? how can I counter that intense feeling? Will intimate relationships always be this difficult? Or is this just a growing pain that will be easier to manage over time?" "I hate dealing with conflict with other people, no matter how inevitable it is. is there a healthy way to handle certain situations without feeling like I'm having a heart attack or a nervous breakdown?" "I'm having trouble staying motivated, and have always struggled with motivation to do things, even things that benefit my overall well-being. How can I stay motivated, even when my conscience is telling me to be lazy? If I do stay motivated, how can I tell when I need to rest (without overdoing it, of course)?" "I noticed my self-talk at work is very negative & harsh, and sometimes it comes out as sarcastic quips at my coworkers. I don't mean it to be mean-spirited, but I can be rather insulting sometimes, and I know it rubs some people the wrong way. Is there something deeper at the root of this negative self-talk? What fuels it? Is there a way to make this self-talk more *con*structive than *de*structive?" These are just a few personal examples. I've discovered a lot about myself over the years, but I've found that trying to do this all on my own, with no outside help from anyone, takes a lot more time for a lot less gain. Being able to grow alongside someone else can make a huge difference; that is, as long as the both of you know what page you're on. I've had a lot of shitty therapists, and a couple damn good ones, and if you can find the right therapist with the right know-how, it can make all the difference. at least that's my opinion, anyway 🤷
I agree completely. Picking a therapist feels like rolling weighted dice. I'm not yet convinced there's a good one in my area, and unfortunately I'm even less comfortable with phone/webcam appointments than in-person. It absolutely helps to have goals in mind. I didn't know about AvPD when seeing my longer-term psychologist, and so my goals were more oriented about getting over my depression, which I thought would help my anxiety and help me get a job. These were the wrong goals for me - I need help with my anxiety to help with anything else. I still tend to believe therapy is largely about developing self-insight, and I'm already so self-aware I'm not sure how much it can help. Nevertheless, I plan to try it in some capacity again when I feel up to it.
@@JakeAvPD I feel ya there, man, especially when you said you were in a rural area. I grew up in a small town myself, and unfortunately, that's where the shitty therapists were. I'm living in a bigger city now (well, it's big for Canada lol), and I found a therapist that deals with personality disorders like AvPD. Right now, my biggest problem is financial. Sure, hospital visits are covered by Canada Health, but therapy still costs money. Never had a therapy session online, but I did do a fair number of online AA meetings during Covid. I didn't mind it, but it just wasn't the same as being there in-person. There were also a lot of AA people I know who couldn't stand the online meetings. Speaking of AA & therapy, I do find that the two have something in common: there's a lot of sharing and self-discovery, but there's also a lot of tools that can help you grow as a person. As far as my character defects & shortcomings go, I've figured out what most of them are, and don't know how much more digging I can/need to do. But to do something to move past them, possibly even correct them, is something I have struggled with on my own for years. Having someone that can give me feedback (whether it's an AA member when I'm struggling with addiction, or a therapist for other personal/emotional issues) has certainly been helpful to not just identify a problem, but learn how to deal with it. For me at least, I find learning to deal with my disorder without having feedback is like learning guitar by playing air guitar: without the extra piece in my hands, I just make empty movements. Even Jimi Hendrix had a broomhandle before he picked up a guitar. Sorry, I'm rambling now, and I keep sending you novels lol. I'm gonna shut up now, but I wish you the best, man! Keep your head up & your spirits high, and other cliché sayings🤘
Thanks for sharing Jake. Your experiences and perspective is valuable, no matter how it is delivered. We as the human race need each and everyone and their unique story to help each other feel not alone and understood. I found your insights to be intelligent, thoughtful, and thought provoking. Keep up the good work. Thanks again!
I grew up in a high demand religion around people who loved to gossip. I simply learned to build up walls around myself, not let anyone in on my worries, fears, and struggles out of fear that that information would somehow be used against me. Luckily, I found a job where I don't really have to deal with people, and I rarely have to interact with my supervisors. When I finally decided to talk to a psychologist, he said he doesn't like to diagnose people. I don't know if I have it or not, but out of all the mental health clips, I have watched on RUclips, I related to nearly every symptom of Avoidant Personality disorder.
Yep, that's how I knew I had it. The diagnosis was just a formality I took to try to make other people believe me. A psychologist that refuses to diagnose seems like a very strange thing - it's not like a diagnosis instantly makes things better, but the names exist to help you and the psychologist communicate about what you might be dealing with. I hope you're doing alright these days. If you are comfortable sharing, I'd be interested in hearing what sort of job you have. Thanks either way.
@@JakeAvPD I believe his worry is that getting a diagnosis may influence me in some negative way. I work a weird schedule so I haven't been to therapy for over a month. I also have anxiety when it comes to making calls to schedule appointments, so I should have seen him about 2 weeks ago. I am just struggling to motivate myself to make an appointment. I work a manual labor job. I load sulfuric acid into train cars. It doesn't take much of my attention, so I usually throw in my headphones, and either listen to music or podcasts while I work.
@@davidford5896 That work does sound relatively peaceful, at least mentally speaking. I can definitely understand having trouble making another appointment. The psychologist I saw insisted on rescheduling during the appointment, so that it would be on me to call and cancel if I needed, rather than to schedule. I imagine that could be difficult with your weird work schedule, though. If he is helping you out in any way, I do hope you're able to reschedule. Personally, if I managed to go back in for another appointment, I would talk to him about the difficulty rescheduling. If he understood that the phone call was an obstacle, he might offer to give you an email address or something similar to use to reschedule.
Hey, I just found your channel and it's really comforting to hear and relate to a lot of what you mention. I have also been diagnosed with AVPD, I'm 27, female, from the UK. It's very interesting to hear about how you experience the disorder, especially from somewhere else in the world. Thanks for posting this video. :)
Very interested to hear your journey. I do get the sense that people scoff at self-diagnosis, even it's clear to you that you have the symptoms. Also, if a person has a psych disorder and doesn't get an "official" diagnosis, they can't get accommodations at school or work. On the other hand, once you have a diagnosis, that might increase the pressure on you to "cure" yourself. BTW, your video was just fine--straightforward and to the point. Thank you for sharing.
People definitely rolled their eyes (figuratively and occasionally literally) when I told them I had AvPD before I got diagnosed. Afterwards, though, they still tended to sorta shrug it off. You definitely make a good point with accommodations, and I for example used my diagnosis to get out of jury duty; the situation was a bit different for me because I had already been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, and people seem to more or less treat in the same in those regards (even though it's not). Thank you, I'm glad you found it interesting.
Usually with personality disorders, the biggest difficulty with treating them is that the person doesn’t recognize they have the disorder because it’s entrenched in their personality, and often people externalize their problems. So when someone comes to a psychiatrist with some insight and actually has a good idea of what their disorder likely is, the psychiatrist should be grateful and eager to hear more about why the client feels they have this disorder. Skepticism from a psychiatrist who hardly understands the disorder themselves is just unprofessional and lame and it really points more to incompetency on the part of the psychiatrist, in my opinion.
In your last video when you described the DREAD.PANIC.SHAME cycle, that really hit home. It seems like every experience I have in life, negative or positive, follows that cycle. Thanks for speaking out.
I look forward to the video where you discuss the meds you've tried. It's unfortunate that a personality disorder really can't be managed with a medication. However, anxiety certainly can, and it surprised me that you didn't have any success with the five you tried. I'm still aware of my hesitation to live life more similar to "normal" people. But I don't have the anxiety with my Paxil and it is very useful for my depression. I do not think you were negative explaining the testing . You had already self=diagnosed ... so it must have been a bit of a let down to spend all that money and not get any insight. For myself, finding out I had an actual disorder and how I most likely developed it was invaluable. Keep up the good work. Cheers!
I think when I spoke to my psychologist in 2017 he shared, based on scientific studies, that about 40% of people that tried anxiety meds never found any that worked. You're a great example of why it's worth hunting for the right medicine, but it seems to require some luck. Some of the meds I tried were also geared more towards depression than anxiety, but they didn't help with that either. I have not tried Paxil - hopefully someday soon I'll feel up to trying some more, and I'll keep that one in mind. Thanks!
Thanks for making this video. You’ve kind of confirmed that I probably don’t need an official diagnosis for this, since there’s not much that can be done about it. I’m extremely self aware. The moment I heard about AvPD things started going off in my brain. It explains so much. I can relate to your cynicism about these professionals also. The few psychologists that I’ve spoken to in life were very unhelpful. I was once told to go to church to work on my self esteem 🤷♀️
I got out of jury duty once using my AvPD diagnosis, so there's that I guess (though I had also done that once already with my earlier social anxiety disorder diagnosis). It's funny that the church comment not only includes imposing their personal religion on a client, but also makes no sense as far as how it's supposed to help your self-esteem, or how you're supposed to get over your anxiety to stuff yourself in a room with a bunch of people.
I feel like I'm chasing a goddamn unicorn.. I'm 34 years old.. A female.. Been seeing different professionals since age nine.. I was told that my social anxiety and depression would all get better after my teenage years.. The opposite happened.. I've never been this anxious, I'm popping benzodiazepines because the SSRIs never helped me. At 20 or so I started wondering whether it could be aspergers but after talking to "aspies" I couldn't really relate to what they were saying.. I don't stim, I don't have a peculiar special interest like idk, train schedules or dinosaurs. I do understand jokes and sarcasm. I do know when the other person is getting bored etc. I have some traits but I don't truly think I'm autistic, I'm not even a picky eater, just allergic to certain things like eggs and fish for example. I have taken the BPD borderline self-assessment test because that has been discussed before, I always get a very very low score.. I don't try and get into relationships, I hate first dates, I'm not even into seggsual relationships.. Somewhere on the asexual spectrum even if I'm not fully ace. I'm definitely NOT a histrionic. I feel paranoid around people because I simply do not trust them, not like "would they cheat on me" more like.. I just can't deal with even more heartache and anxiety and I see others in a pessimistic light I guess. I think I'm fairly pretty (like 7 out of 10) but also not photogenic at all, I look like crap if I'm not the one taking my own pictures. What is my problem. I do have some identity issues but I think some of it stems from never having any friends.. I never received any proper feedback from others, "you're like this"... Well I did get bullied in school. Im tired of looking for a diagnosis, I'm tired of looking for the right med.. I'm tired of always seeing new faces and getting disappointed..
It definitely sucks feeling like you don't know what's going on with yourself, or not having a name for it. Even if you know exactly what it is, it doesn't necessarily mean there's anyone that knows how to help you. I'm still stuck in the endless treatment guessing game, too. I wish I had something more helpful to say, but I wish you the best of luck in figuring things out-we have to keep trying to believe that we eventually will.
Thank you for making your videos Jake! Interesting to hear how the process went. When I look at you I just hear and see an incredibly smart and capable person... it makes me sad to hear how much trouble you experience from your disorder. The disheveled remark is really strange by the way. You probably broke the IQ test and that's why she wanted revenge :') In al seriousness, I am looking forward to your next video. I suspect I have AvPD and am doubting whether to get tested. I come from a different country than you (Netherlands) so the system is very different. I think it is even costless to get tested which is just unfair. Would be interesting to see how the process here compares to yours. I also read things about group therapy. Doesn't that just sound like absolute hell? Have you ever considered trying that? I wish you a nice day!
Thanks Lisa :) It's great that diagnosis is potentially free in the Netherlands (and I do think it is in quite a few places, but in America we pay $150 to make eye contact with a doctor). It is similar as far as I know in that there aren't any specific treatments/benefits issued to people diagnosed with AvPD, so the main reasons to get diagnosed would be if you're not sure of what exactly you're dealing with or if it'll help you feel validated to have the official diagnosis (you also might have more luck finding someone there who actually knows about the condition and could offer more useful therapy than what luck I've had here). Before I heard of AvPD, there were a few things I thought maybe, kinda fit (inattentive ADD, autism, schizoid personality disorder), but none seemed completely right. When I heard about AvPD it was immediately obvious that's what I had. If you think you might be in the first category, it could be worth getting diagnosed. If it doesn't cost money, it's just an investment of time - and getting over the anxiety to do it, of course (which I was eventually able to, not without the usual extreme discomfort, out of sheer frustration). The psychologist in charge of my diagnosis last year suggested I try group therapy with him. It wasn't entirely clear to me who would have been in the group, but I suspect it would have been people with any Cluster C personality disorder. It did sound hellish, and since I didn't like the doctor at all, it was pretty easy to pass on that - however, I guess it's like an in-person version of what I'm doing now talking to people on RUclips. It might be something I try eventually, but I think that even though it's important to keep making yourself progress and try new things, people with AvPD can lose progress by forcing themselves to do things that end up going poorly (or just not well). Right now, it feels more like something I would have to force myself to do rather than something I want to push through for, so it's just in the back of my mind.
@@JakeAvPD Thank you Jake for your response! It's good that you keep group therapy as an option but completely understandable that you rejected the offer from the psychologist that you did not like to begin with. I agree with you that it's important to be careful about stepping into things that might go badly because that can lead to a lot of negative emotions and disappointment. I think that, if I were to get tested, I would do it first and foremost to get clarity. I don't know if you recognize this but I have a tendency to downplay things. I suspect other people have the same issues and that it isn't all that bad. Also if I am a little good at something or achieve something, I tend to think it is normal and sort of remain unimpressed if that makes sense. A diagnosis would confirm that there is genuinly something that makes some things more difficult or complicated for me than the average person. I then hope this would help me be a little less hard on myself. Have you noticed this happening to you? It is interesting that you mention inattentive ADD. I have a twin sister and we pretty much have the same problems. For the longest time she and I thought we both had social anxiety. She has been saying recently that she thinks she might have inattentive ADD. I am pretty sure however that AvPD is a better fit. She hasn't looked into it yet but I will make sure she watches your videos ;) As you mentioned as well, when I read about AvPD everything made sense. The feelings of inadequacy, inferiority, shame and fear of criticism is something that lacked in the descriptions of social anxiety and I think inattentive ADD doesn't cover everything either. I enjoyed your newest video and look forward to the next. You're doing very well so I hope you will make many more videos :)
@@Lisa-qt4hh Yes, I definitely do downplay things. I have a tendency to always compare myself to everyone else, because I assume that's what they're doing. Since obviously other people have also accomplished things and also have problems of their own, I compare myself and it feels like I haven't achieved anything, and I can't blame it to any extent on my issues because other people have them too. It's incorrect and unhelpful to think of it that way, but my brain does it. It was definitely easier to accept my shortcomings when I realized I had AvPD. I hope you are able to get help with a diagnosis, it seems like it would help you a lot. Yeah, I thought maybe my anxiety and inability to focus on things were either unrelated, or the anxiety might have been caused by the inability to focus, which could mean ADD. When I heard about AvPD, it was immediately obvious that was the problem, and my lack of focus was essentially down to the low self-esteem from the other AvPD symptoms. Realistically, I might never have considered ADD if I was able to find the info I needed about AvPD in the first place, which is why I'm trying to do what bit I can to help people find out about it. Thanks for the encouragement, I'll try my best to keep it up.
Group therapy - “doesn’t that sound like absolutely hell?” Haha. Yes it does for most people even without any disorders. It’s like college group projects. What a nightmare. One person always does all the work. The one with the most conscientiousness. The ones who don’t do their part don’t care. It’s so bizarre that school systems still do that type of thing. And why would psychologists plan group therapy for individuals with AvPD. Hellish.
@@Lisa-qt4hh In order to get any AvPD to join group therapy you'd have to guarantee them that they'd be liked, welcomed, not judged, etc. No one has to make eye contact or even be in the same room - lol
Thanks for your courage to speak! My Ex love suffers from that disorder, and I can imagine how hard it is to speak for you! I didn't know about his problems until it was too late, I just didn't get him and in hard times I felt completely left alone even though he always was "saying" he wants to be there. It's hard to explain. He is so helpful, physically! But I didn't get a true connection when it came to feelings wich is disturbing and frightening for a woman. I was afraid to trust him fully emotionally because I had hard times with him in the beginning and after that myself went through very tough times. He often was to a degree "paranoid" about me lying to him, it even became a self-fulfilling prophecy because with little things, I thought would hurt him but had nothing to do with our relationship or my deep and honest feelings for him I thought it would make him more insecure than help our relationship when I tell him, wich was wrong (for example signing a contract with the guy I had before him about something unpleasant). I always tried to kind of protect him like a child instinctively wich was wrong (did it unconsciously). Then it came all out and he felt confirmed in his suspect about "almost everything" then, wich was in fact BS because I was talking openly and honestly to him. He for example wanted me to prove things I said, wich hurt me so much, how much he distrusted me although I thought I had given him everything, my life and love, forever, so to say and wanted to build a home with him during the years, wich was mostly on me because he was unemployed. If I had known about his problems my life had gone another way with him, because I loved him so much and with all my heart. But he decided to close himself. I guess due to my lack of understanding his condition and going into a lone fighter mode (me AND he I guess). Today I guess he was never fully committed to me, but never spoke out about this. He said it sometimes but then he needed this or that from me to "imagine it going further". He always said that in such a sweet and insecure way, but it felt so brutal. I lived in permanent fear of his rejection, wich became a self-fulfilling prophecy as well. As a lone fighter I went beyond my powers. He still doesn't know what's up with him I guess.... I wish I could help him now. I care about him a lot. I was ready for a psychotherapist myself in this relationship (no critique about him, its just, one has to understand what's going on otherwise you will question yourself in an unhealthy way) and talked about him for hours..my psychotherapist came up with this diagnosis for him, wich is risky but when you know someone for so long it's clear to you when you are brought on the right path by a psychotherapist... I wish you all the best... I hope you don't read my text about how it felt to be in a relationship with someone with avdp as offensive or so...you all DESERVE the love that is given to you...but its so hard to feel it, right....?
Thank you so much for sharing this :) It's not offensive at all. I can tell how much you cared about him. I can't speak for him, but I know how I would feel in his position. I would feel extremely guilty every time I failed to be there for you, but comforting words to others feel so fake coming out of my mouth that I can't even say them, even though I really want to make you feel better. I would want so badly to connect emotionally, but I would find it impossible to believe that someone would care about me like that. I'm not sure I will ever really believe that anyone wants to be around me. It always feels like I'm forcing my presence on anyone I'm around. I don't distrust people in general, but I have a very hard time trusting that they actually care for me, since I don't particularly care for myself. Very small things can quickly grow that distrust, and then I can't forget about it. It's a feeling like the other person is looking for a way to get away from me, so it'd be better for us both if I give it to them. I've never been in a romantic relationship, but I've experienced something similar with family. When he was having trouble "imagin[ing] it going further", it was not because of anything you did or didn't do, it was because he didn't think he was worth your trouble. I can't imagine how painful that must have been for you. If someone wants to care about a person with AvPD, it's very important that they both understand the disorder as much as possible. I'm trying very hard to change, but I will probably never be able to fully trust people or show all my emotions at all the right times, because of what's happened to me before when I tried to do that, and I hope someone can like me in spite of that. The person with AvPD also has to make a constant effort to show that they are open to the trust and emotions of others, or no one can feel comfortable giving them. It requires a lot of work from both people, and I can't say that I'm certain it's worth it, but I really hope it is. Even if it didn't seem like it, I'm pretty sure that he knew how hard you tried, and it probably means so much to him that someone did :)
@@JakeAvPD Thank you so much for your words... It helps me understand him even better...:) You're right about your advice that both have to work things out knowing well about the diagnosis. Not knowing what was going on was the problem in our case I guess. I sometimes felt desperate because he didn't open up, he didn't look into my eyes, I thought he was expecting much from me (f.e. living together) but not provide it, you know what I mean? He could have helped me with renting an apartment for us I thought, and felt left alone with organizing a place (he still lived with his parents and had a tiny apartment in town wich was not for 2) and I was in a chaotic moving situation and he never said: So! I want to do it this way now! He always said: ok. (But guess he felt different.) I understood instinctively I had to organize our living, but I expected his full support (emotionally f.e. on the phone) for this (I had 12 hours long workdays sometimes). If I had known there was nothing to expect because he truly needed me I would have felt true loving compassion and would not have gone frustrated. He truly needed someone. It must be hard for him... I know he felt guilty and inferior... And I also know he cared a lot for me, that's why I committed fully to him. But what I still didn't get is that he seems to not having "seen me fully". Also hard to explain. He's been so kind, and then he suddenly got so frustrated with me and it felt like he didn't even see how hard I worked for us. He started seeing only negative things about me, even forgot beautiful things we did together, it was spooky in the end.. He hurt me like no one hurt me. But after all I don't blame him, I still care so much. I'm so impressed by your awareness and your courage, how you do your inner work and how conscious about yourself you are... Thank you for being here on RUclips:)
@@wildnisfarm2754 I know exactly what you mean about him expecting more than he provided, and you're right to feel that way. Just because we have a lot of problems of our own does not mean that it's fair for others to do more for us than we can do for them. I will not try to be in a relationship until I feel like I really can bring something to it, which includes stuff like being able to work a job, but also emotional stuff. I can definitely relate to his inability to look into your eyes. I can't make eye contact with anyone, I guess because it feels like making a promise of trust and comfort that I feel like I can't keep. And other things, like how it seems that it should be at least as easy to talk over the phone as in person, but it can actually be harder, because we can't read the body language and facial cues that we need to feel certain about how you really feel. Anyway, I'm rambling, but I'm glad I could clarify a bit, and it really helped me to hear how you feel, so thank you too :)
@@JakeAvPD I'm so glad you say it helped you, I kind of felt bad..like..bothering you with difficulties I had in my relationship with a avpd boyfriend.. But you're right, maybe you can also learn something about women when dealing with this disorder in a relationship:) I think you DO A GREAT JOB! And because you're aware of your disorder you should allow love to come when it comes:)) Talking about what you found out about yourself and the amount of inner work you've already done will impress many women I guess:)) Thank you so much. It really helped me understand better writing here with you:) You're strong. Thanks for sharing. Sorry for my bad English, I'm German..
Glad I could help. Hopefully your therapist is the sort of person that will give you a natural opening to bring up any specific things you might wonder about within a couple sessions. If not, you might ask them what they know about AvPD, and they'll probably be interested in talking about it even in the likely scenario that they aren't all that familiar with it beyond the basics. I wish I could give more specific suggestions, but I'm in the same sorta boat. Either way, I hope it goes well for you!
Hey, your videos have helped me a lot. I never really thought of AvPD in terms of high-low functioning. What do think constitutes low functioning? Because I think I am low functioning
It's definitely not an official designation for AvPD. I mainly started using it because I noticed, of the few people with AvPD that had talked about their experiences online, many of them had day-to-day lives that were a bit more "normal" than mine, and I wanted to share my experiences as someone whose was so severe that I was unable to live like that. So for example, I'm not able to work a normal job, I wasn't able to finish college, I don't have a social life, and basic everyday things like buying groceries are really difficult for me, all because of my anxiety in interacting with other people, and that's what I mean by low-functioning. It's not a super-definite thing, and it's not fixed either - I'm becoming more functional bit by bit. Even if my anxiety never really improves, I can improve how I handle it - so it's basically just an abbreviated way of expressing how much I'm currently avoiding people as a (suboptimal) method of managing my anxiety. Hope that helps :)
Hey, so I’ve been doing a lot of research on AVPD, because I believe I have it as well. And maybe even have dependent and paranoia personality disorder as well. But I was recently diagnosed with inattentive adhd. I was wondering if you think you could possibly have this as well?
I actually thought I had inattentive ADD before I learned about AvPD - I have enough of the ADD symptoms that I could have been diagnosed with it. However, if something else explains the symptoms of ADD better than ADD itself, they tend to not also diagnose ADD. In my case, once I realized I had AvPD, I realized that my ADD symptoms (inability to focus, etc.) are mostly because of my anxiety, whereas someone with ADD might instead have AvPD-like anxiety symptoms because of their inability to focus. I think you technically could have both AvPD as well as ADD that isn't related to your anxiety, but you could also have symptoms similar to one arising as a result of the other. Kinda confusing, but you can definitely experience symptoms of both, which I do, regardless of what a psychologist decides to diagnose. I would suggest thinking about whether one could be related to the other and possibly bringing it up with whoever diagnosed your inattentive ADD. I also talked a bit more about it in another video on the channel ('AvPD or something else?'). I hope that helps a bit!
@JakeAvPD I went for an adhd diagnosis and in the end was diagnosed bpd. Now ocd and social anxiety. Weird how there's the connection with adhd with other people too
Thank you for sharing. It is not a lot of information about this diagnosis. Considering that this might be the most common personality disorder and also have a lot of silent suffering it is a bit odd. Do you think it is good for your family and relatives to know about your AVPD? Or is it still hard to explain - the name of the personality disorder is a bit odd and I do not think it is as well known as e.g. bipolar disorder, autism spectre disorder or ADHD?
Honestly, I think it barely changed how my family felt about me and my difficulties, because they already felt like they understood. It's a tricky disorder to explain. Most everyone has experienced anxiety, so they might have trouble understanding why mine never ends. Most everyone has gotten their feelings hurt and hurt someone else's, so they might not get how little things they say or do seem to really dig deep for me. So the causes and symptoms sound like things they've experienced themselves, and they might not get how those things in other people's experiences can lead to the AvPD maladaptations like avoidance. I think more societal awareness about social anxiety and poor self-esteem is the best thing to help people understand and accept the reality some of us deal with.
I do still meet the diagnosis for AvPD, yeah. For most people it's a lifelong thing, though it can improve. I don't have any new diagnoses. I still suspect I probably could have inattentive ADHD, but I've remained focused on trying to manage AvPD :)
I did mean to make a video about AvPD fantasies, and I might still later, but I wasn't sure whether I had enough more to say. It seems really weird to me, but I realized it's pretty much just daydreaming, just triggered by specific things (a project I'm working on, or a person I see), and it's always just dialogue between myself and somebody else. A little skit, like my brain is trying to convince me that I should try to do something, because other people will react really well to it, but it seems farfetched when it's over. I'll try my best to keep it up.
Not to mention a lot of psychologists get into the field because of their own family or their own mental health issues so you have to take that into account into accounts you don't even know if they're on their own 15 meds or not
serious question for you, and anybody else. what about this as a therapy idea. i understand how difficult it is for you to face people, and how you might beat yourself up about your current state in life. as a way of confronting your fear of people, why not have a series of short meaningless interactions with people in a low consequence situtraion. what about doing 2-3 hours of door dash before your therapy session? you could prepare yourself a priori that there are a lot of types of people our there, and you doh't have to please them. could you try that out and then sit through a therapy session directly thereafter for some discussion of how it went?
That disheveled comment was probably there because they want to also evaluate for schizoid pd, as it's basically adjacent to avoidant on the schizo spectrum. I don't think she meant to be mean
Eat meat and veggies cut off sugar and carbs get some marcogreens green drink get some lemon balm herb supplements take 1000 MG magnesium a day drink water And the one thing that helped me is lay down and let the anxiety go it'll be scary pretend your on a roller coaster knowing it'll end its a trip I won't lie but if you feel it move through you it's a trip And when you have anxiety when you're a by yourself the things that make you anxious make yourself do them I used to be afraid to check the mail for fear of bad news from like the IRS or something or answer my phone so I basically forced myself And typically if you know a time when you didn't have anxiety 80 chances are something gave it to you something got you stuck in the flight mode if you can't remember before you had this anxiety cancer possibly it is your personality I know mine came from3 events that happened back-to-back that were just medical that were just medical personal personal and my dog passed away and I lost a pregnancyAnother thing that helps is if you put headphones on and listen to music and go walking or or hiking I used to just put my favorite radio show with the mixed music and go walking it really really helped help like burn off that energy because you're basically running the marathon but not going anywhere inside your body
Maybe people should be avoided. Especially the people deeply woven into society with their big smiling faces. It's truly a madhouse. I would posit that there is no disorder, just taboo wisdom.
That's one way to look at it, but I would say that overlooks a fair amount of people who probably aren't that different from us. Personally, I have enjoyed some social interaction, but the difficulties I've outlined in these videos make them harder to enjoy, and I know it's a "me thing" to some extent. There are certainly people that just enjoy life more alone, and while I can relate, I'm not entirely like that (though for a while I thought I was; introspection changed my view), and I think many people with AvPD aren't.
I suffer from this disorder. My opinion is that only people with this disorder can actually understand the disorder and how others suffer from it. That’s a problem because we usually aren’t able to get the training, due to our fear. Yet here you are helping others like myself with this disorder.
I agree, it's a hard disorder to understand from the outside. The symptoms sound like things that everyone has dealt with, and gotten past, but it's really incomparable in ways that are hard to convey. I'm really glad I can do a little bit to help others like you :)
As someone who also suffers AVPD, just wanna say I admire the courage you have coming on here to talk about it. Also really resonate with what you said about how no one understands and how the psychiatric and medical community really can't help with it, and how its very understudied. KEEP IT UP!
Thank you!
thank you, it's so hard to find people talk about this disorder who aren't doctors.
Thanks so much for sharing. I am a psychiatry resident and It is so helpful to hear this. Not only are you connecting with others who feel similar but you're helping someone like myself who is trying to ensure there is less misdiagnosis and more careful attention is made towards people who seek therapy or help rom Psychiatrists or Psychologists. I look forward to hearing more about your experiences if you feel comfortable!
Thanks!
I've been suspecting that I have AvPD lately. My whole life I've felt inferior, incapable, extremely shy, lonely, invisible, unwanted, etc. I thought it was social anxiety and I tried CBT on my own with an online program. It helped my anxiety but now that I'm in a relationship I'm realizing it's not just anxiety and it affects every area of my life. I avoid conflict at all costs. I haven't had a job since 2019 and before that, it was just seasonal work. Thanks for sharing these videos! No one talks about this. I have my first therapy session this week and I'm nervous. It's taken me 39 years to go and finally get some kind of label so I know what I'm dealing with. Although, I'm pretty sure it's high functioning AvPD and/or maybe rejection sensitivity dysphoria.
I hope your therapy goes well! I definitely think a large part of having success with it is finding the right person, which could take a few tries, but is worth it for many people. The major benefit of getting an official diagnosis is helping yourself understand that your problems aren't imagined, and they don't mean you're a worse person than anybody else!
Wow, 39 years to get a diagnosis, that's incredible. I'm bipolar, so I identify with some of your symptoms, stay strong 😀
@@acombustiblelife5224 Not as incredible as 60 years, and STILL NOT DIAGNOSED!
Hi Nicole, what emotions did you feel when you found the label/diagnosis? I wouldn't say that I have AVPD, but have a few symptoms. Keep on going, and well done for sharing on a public forum
@@marcse7en what's up Marc, wow man, you must have had it tough! Have you felt confused or that you lose sight of why you are? Massive respect.
I find your videos very honest and relatable. You're helping a lot of people here, thank you!
It took my clinical psychotherapist years to land on the diagnosis of avoidant personality disorder because it was hard to tell if I actually WANTED friends or not.
I personally have found therapy useful, but I know treatment is not one size fits all, even for people who have the same diagnosis.
Very articulate well done very helpful & inciteful keep going if you can but much love if you can't x
A Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) Therapist could positively help you.
Also look into DBT: Dialectal Behavioral Therapy. It is not just for Borderlines.
Inner Child work is also VERY helpful
There is an "ego-syntonic" quality to the personality disorders. That's to say, the dysfunction is in harmony with the person's view of himself. A narcissist doesn't say: "Please help me -- I hate feeling that I'm perfect." An antisocial personality doesn't say: "Please help me -- I wish I had a conscience." A dependent personality doesn't say: "I sure wish I wanted to be independent and make my own decisions." A borderline doesn't say: "No -- it's NOT immature to rip my hair out if you cancel a lunch date." Avoidant Personality is a bit more obscure: It can be difficult to grasp the self-complacent aspect of it, the part that says: "I'm comfortable feeling reluctant to get involved with people," or "I'm OK with feeling socially inept and inferior." But the person will feel "right" about these deficits. Jake is right that one doesn't need a full psych eval to diagnose a personality disorder. I've handed the DSM to different personality disordered clients. They've read the basic symptom list and said: "Yep. That's me." It's not terribly difficult to diagnose oneself.
I definitely knew I had it when I saw the symptoms. But from my perspective, it's a bit off to refer to those with AvPD as being self-complacent. Just because I relate to these deficits in social functioning does not mean I am satisfied with them and certainly not uncritical of them. They cause me great distress, and the same can be said of every person with AvPD I have spoken to. Just because making efforts to overcome them is extraordinarily difficult doesn't mean that we don't care to. Your descriptions of qualities of other PDs also seem like oversimplifications, that people having those PDs might not find completely fair. I hope I don't come across as rude, I just wanted to offer my perspective, because it seems that some people in your field tend to presume things about their clients that may not apply.
@@JakeAvPD While you may not mean to be rude, spending an entire video complaining about a psychologist seems to bespeak a baseline miserableness or irritability. And I am right about the general ego-syntonic nature of personality disorders, which I've been treating for 23 years. Each individual is different, but true personality disorders -- as opposed to globalized emotionalized attitudes which can form later in life -- have common origins in the first few years of life. They become the person's nature, which cannot entirely be despised by the person as it's their ground. Obviously there must be a difference between mere social phobia or feelings of alienation and Avoidant Personality. My socially phobic clients (typically teens) know their problem is rooted in identity and self-esteem deficits, and work in those areas. Personality disordered individuals leave therapy when they are pressed to challenge their baseline self-acceptance. pessimisticshrink.blogspot.com/search?q=Personality
This was very helpful hearing you talk as a person with this disorder rather than as an expert who is saying I need to change. After years of therapy including cognitive behavior therapy, I am coming to the conclusion that I could be happy if I don’t try to fit in and just do what makes me feel good. I’m sick of people saying I need to get out more and socialize. It’s really just too stressful for me. Thanks for your help and honesty and keep up the good work.
You do not appear disheveled and that was not helpful for her to tell you that.
Thanks, I appreciate it a lot, and I'm glad I could help. I'm also never going to be the type that just randomly goes out and socializes, but there are some things I want to do that I can't do alone, and I'm not there yet. I wish you luck in getting where you want to be.
Yep I finally realized a few years back that for me that “trying to fit in” only led to constant frustration, disappointment and depression.
No I think this video is super super helpful because I'm on my way for the "official diagnosis" because they finally noticed it's more severe than general social anxiety, and I need the doctors official signed off note diagnosis in order to apply for insurance things like a psychosomatic clinic or sth like that. Basically I kinda hope the thing with the "vocational recommendations" service you mention here will work out better if I can prove what's wrong and they might be able to help me find a job I can keep for longer than a few months without ending up suicidal.
It really helps to have your insight and some info on what type of tests are awaiting me so thank you for that and your honest opinion regarding the recommendations. I totally get why those would turn out less than helpful, AvPD seems to be kinda one of the psychological orphan diseases, any time I see a specialist with "personality disorder expertise" they end up specializing in borderline personality disorder... Its probably way under diagnosed because we are all too anxious to reach out for help and apply for any programs or even any studies as you say.... kinda disheartening to think about.
Dr. Kirk Honda did a deep dive on AVPD on his podcast Psychology in Seattle. Was hours long and very validating to hear a professional do so much research and take the time to explain. Thanks to you too!
That's really cool, I'll have to check it out! Thanks :)
Keep posting videos. These were super helpful and created some good insight for me. I've been looking into AvPD for about a year and you do a good job of bringing all the info together in a linear way. Thanks for sharing.
I'm glad I could help in some way!
Jake, I am glad you did this. I plan to watch your video about your history and upbringing. (Parents, ect) This video is very helpful to hear your feelings about the process and the diagnosis too. Don't worry. This is great and you are doing a good job. I watched the video about your life story today and it was a very good video.
I hear what you're saying in the description (sounding negative) however, I appreciate it a lot as this is my attitude with the (lack of) help and suggestions I have received for decades from professionals. Not hating on the profession, that's how we find out about this stuff. I think CE and well, I have a lot of thoughts abt what would help with the effectiveness on a macro and micro level.
I love your cynicism towards psychiatry (don't know if that was the intention, if not I apologize). I've been in treatment for over 4 years, with different doctors, and none of them got me right, coming to the point where I've been sort of abused psychologically by one and finally had enough. I've left my therapist and the only reason I didn't cancel with my psychiatrist yet is because I finally discovered AvPD and I think it's what I actually have. It explains a lot. I think I'll talk to him about this and then either give up on treatment altogether or try group therapy. The only types of people I can ever manage to feel a least a single bit comfortable with are other mentally ill folks haha there's less judgment with them, so maybe it could work. I am a bit scared of the IQ test though, my intelligence is one of my main insecurities, so that'll be fun. I also don't have many reasons to get the diagnosis, apart from the foolish hope that it'll help people understand me, and also because I'm a very curious overthinker.
Thank you for the videos. I'm also a bit more on the low-functioning side of things, I believe. I'm 23 years old and never had a job, currently on the process of dropping out of uni for the second time, yay!
It's hard not to be at least a bit cynical about it, since many people in the field seem to be very self-assured of their own insights, which isn't necessarily a great fit for people like us. I try not to go too hard because it definitely helps some types of people.
Group therapy sounds like it might be worth a try for you if you feel a little better around similar people - I haven't managed to try it yet, but hey, it's definitely a more reasonable option than just trying to re-insert myself into public existence :)
The IQ test made me feel kinda shitty too. Like, I haven't done math without a calculator in five years, obviously I'm gonna fuck this up. But in a random guy's opinion, you're well-spoken/written and insightful, so I'd have to assume you're pretty smart :)
Even though I mentioned "reasons" to get or not get a test for the purpose of the video, you don't really have to justify it. It sounds to me like you want to get it, really just to get it - which is pretty much what I did, and though it wasn't magically helpful, I don't have any reason to regret it, and it makes me feel a bit more official when sharing info about it.
If you do get diagnosed and/or try group therapy, I'd love to hear how it goes. Thanks for sharing!
It seems as if those with a "useless" bachelor's degree ran towards a master's degree in psychology to be able to find a decent job. It's much like a career in prostitution or taxation - in demand. I have officially given up after receiving therapy with almost a dozen professionals in the last 13 or so years.
thank you for posting this and shedding some light on what it's like. I got diagnosed with AvPD about 3 years ago (it's a long story that I don't really want to get into). I'd never even heard of this disorder before (and on top of it, the psychologist didn't even tell me; I read it off a note that he gave to another doctor), but once I looked into the symptoms/traits of AvPD, it all made sense (well, except the part of not even being told my diagnosis; that still pisses me off).
If I had one thing to say about therapy, it would be that therapists are a lot like sports teams: 1 or 2 are amazing & know how to get the best out of their clients; a bunch of them are just "there" to look like they know what they're doing; and the rest of them just flat-out don't have a clue. yes, I'm a cynic lol.
If I had *two* things to say about therapy, then I'd also say that it's helpful to have some idea of what you want out of it, and if you're therapist is worth a damn, (s)he can help you achieve that. When I first started going to counseling in my teens, all I knew that I wanted was to "feel better"... those two words are so vague on their own that they don't really mean anything (it also didn't help that those "mental health professionals" only did two things: prescribed medication that made things worse, and blew smoke up my ass). Now that I'm in my mid-to-late 30s, with a proper diagnosis, I can pinpoint certain problems that I can actually address.
"I feel overwhelmed when trying to approach people I don't know/keep a conversation going with someone new. what are some ways I can deal with that?"
"When I have the chance to get closer to someone I really care about, I start to get panic attacks. What's causing this? how can I counter that intense feeling? Will intimate relationships always be this difficult? Or is this just a growing pain that will be easier to manage over time?"
"I hate dealing with conflict with other people, no matter how inevitable it is. is there a healthy way to handle certain situations without feeling like I'm having a heart attack or a nervous breakdown?"
"I'm having trouble staying motivated, and have always struggled with motivation to do things, even things that benefit my overall well-being. How can I stay motivated, even when my conscience is telling me to be lazy? If I do stay motivated, how can I tell when I need to rest (without overdoing it, of course)?"
"I noticed my self-talk at work is very negative & harsh, and sometimes it comes out as sarcastic quips at my coworkers. I don't mean it to be mean-spirited, but I can be rather insulting sometimes, and I know it rubs some people the wrong way. Is there something deeper at the root of this negative self-talk? What fuels it? Is there a way to make this self-talk more *con*structive than *de*structive?"
These are just a few personal examples. I've discovered a lot about myself over the years, but I've found that trying to do this all on my own, with no outside help from anyone, takes a lot more time for a lot less gain. Being able to grow alongside someone else can make a huge difference; that is, as long as the both of you know what page you're on. I've had a lot of shitty therapists, and a couple damn good ones, and if you can find the right therapist with the right know-how, it can make all the difference.
at least that's my opinion, anyway 🤷
I agree completely. Picking a therapist feels like rolling weighted dice. I'm not yet convinced there's a good one in my area, and unfortunately I'm even less comfortable with phone/webcam appointments than in-person.
It absolutely helps to have goals in mind. I didn't know about AvPD when seeing my longer-term psychologist, and so my goals were more oriented about getting over my depression, which I thought would help my anxiety and help me get a job. These were the wrong goals for me - I need help with my anxiety to help with anything else. I still tend to believe therapy is largely about developing self-insight, and I'm already so self-aware I'm not sure how much it can help. Nevertheless, I plan to try it in some capacity again when I feel up to it.
@@JakeAvPD I feel ya there, man, especially when you said you were in a rural area. I grew up in a small town myself, and unfortunately, that's where the shitty therapists were. I'm living in a bigger city now (well, it's big for Canada lol), and I found a therapist that deals with personality disorders like AvPD. Right now, my biggest problem is financial. Sure, hospital visits are covered by Canada Health, but therapy still costs money.
Never had a therapy session online, but I did do a fair number of online AA meetings during Covid. I didn't mind it, but it just wasn't the same as being there in-person. There were also a lot of AA people I know who couldn't stand the online meetings.
Speaking of AA & therapy, I do find that the two have something in common: there's a lot of sharing and self-discovery, but there's also a lot of tools that can help you grow as a person. As far as my character defects & shortcomings go, I've figured out what most of them are, and don't know how much more digging I can/need to do. But to do something to move past them, possibly even correct them, is something I have struggled with on my own for years. Having someone that can give me feedback (whether it's an AA member when I'm struggling with addiction, or a therapist for other personal/emotional issues) has certainly been helpful to not just identify a problem, but learn how to deal with it. For me at least, I find learning to deal with my disorder without having feedback is like learning guitar by playing air guitar: without the extra piece in my hands, I just make empty movements. Even Jimi Hendrix had a broomhandle before he picked up a guitar.
Sorry, I'm rambling now, and I keep sending you novels lol. I'm gonna shut up now, but I wish you the best, man! Keep your head up & your spirits high, and other cliché sayings🤘
@@somedude3443 I don't mind long comments at all, I appreciate hearing your thoughts. Thanks man.
Yep I think if your self aware it doesn't do much good because you already know what you SHOULD DO But you CAN'T otherwise you'd be doing it 🤔
Thanks for sharing Jake. Your experiences and perspective is valuable, no matter how it is delivered. We as the human race need each and everyone and their unique story to help each other feel not alone and understood. I found your insights to be intelligent, thoughtful, and thought provoking. Keep up the good work. Thanks again!
Thank you!
I grew up in a high demand religion around people who loved to gossip. I simply learned to build up walls around myself, not let anyone in on my worries, fears, and struggles out of fear that that information would somehow be used against me. Luckily, I found a job where I don't really have to deal with people, and I rarely have to interact with my supervisors. When I finally decided to talk to a psychologist, he said he doesn't like to diagnose people. I don't know if I have it or not, but out of all the mental health clips, I have watched on RUclips, I related to nearly every symptom of Avoidant Personality disorder.
Yep, that's how I knew I had it. The diagnosis was just a formality I took to try to make other people believe me. A psychologist that refuses to diagnose seems like a very strange thing - it's not like a diagnosis instantly makes things better, but the names exist to help you and the psychologist communicate about what you might be dealing with. I hope you're doing alright these days. If you are comfortable sharing, I'd be interested in hearing what sort of job you have. Thanks either way.
@@JakeAvPD I believe his worry is that getting a diagnosis may influence me in some negative way. I work a weird schedule so I haven't been to therapy for over a month. I also have anxiety when it comes to making calls to schedule appointments, so I should have seen him about 2 weeks ago. I am just struggling to motivate myself to make an appointment.
I work a manual labor job. I load sulfuric acid into train cars. It doesn't take much of my attention, so I usually throw in my headphones, and either listen to music or podcasts while I work.
@@davidford5896 That work does sound relatively peaceful, at least mentally speaking.
I can definitely understand having trouble making another appointment. The psychologist I saw insisted on rescheduling during the appointment, so that it would be on me to call and cancel if I needed, rather than to schedule. I imagine that could be difficult with your weird work schedule, though. If he is helping you out in any way, I do hope you're able to reschedule. Personally, if I managed to go back in for another appointment, I would talk to him about the difficulty rescheduling. If he understood that the phone call was an obstacle, he might offer to give you an email address or something similar to use to reschedule.
Hey, I just found your channel and it's really comforting to hear and relate to a lot of what you mention. I have also been diagnosed with AVPD, I'm 27, female, from the UK. It's very interesting to hear about how you experience the disorder, especially from somewhere else in the world. Thanks for posting this video. :)
Thank you. I'm glad I could help a bit :)
Very interested to hear your journey. I do get the sense that people scoff at self-diagnosis, even it's clear to you that you have the symptoms. Also, if a person has a psych disorder and doesn't get an "official" diagnosis, they can't get accommodations at school or work. On the other hand, once you have a diagnosis, that might increase the pressure on you to "cure" yourself. BTW, your video was just fine--straightforward and to the point. Thank you for sharing.
People definitely rolled their eyes (figuratively and occasionally literally) when I told them I had AvPD before I got diagnosed. Afterwards, though, they still tended to sorta shrug it off. You definitely make a good point with accommodations, and I for example used my diagnosis to get out of jury duty; the situation was a bit different for me because I had already been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, and people seem to more or less treat in the same in those regards (even though it's not). Thank you, I'm glad you found it interesting.
Usually with personality disorders, the biggest difficulty with treating them is that the person doesn’t recognize they have the disorder because it’s entrenched in their personality, and often people externalize their problems. So when someone comes to a psychiatrist with some insight and actually has a good idea of what their disorder likely is, the psychiatrist should be grateful and eager to hear more about why the client feels they have this disorder. Skepticism from a psychiatrist who hardly understands the disorder themselves is just unprofessional and lame and it really points more to incompetency on the part of the psychiatrist, in my opinion.
In your last video when you described the DREAD.PANIC.SHAME cycle, that really hit home. It seems like every experience I have in life, negative or positive, follows that cycle. Thanks for speaking out.
I look forward to the video where you discuss the meds you've tried. It's unfortunate that a personality disorder really can't be managed with a medication. However, anxiety certainly can, and it surprised me that you didn't have any success with the five
you tried. I'm still aware of my hesitation to live life more similar to "normal" people. But I don't have the anxiety with my Paxil and it is very useful for my depression. I do not think you were negative explaining the testing . You had already self=diagnosed ... so it must have been a bit of a let down to spend all that money and not get any insight. For myself, finding out I had an actual disorder and how I most likely developed it was invaluable. Keep up the good work. Cheers!
I think when I spoke to my psychologist in 2017 he shared, based on scientific studies, that about 40% of people that tried anxiety meds never found any that worked. You're a great example of why it's worth hunting for the right medicine, but it seems to require some luck. Some of the meds I tried were also geared more towards depression than anxiety, but they didn't help with that either. I have not tried Paxil - hopefully someday soon I'll feel up to trying some more, and I'll keep that one in mind. Thanks!
Thanks for making this video. You’ve kind of confirmed that I probably don’t need an official diagnosis for this, since there’s not much that can be done about it. I’m extremely self aware. The moment I heard about AvPD things started going off in my brain. It explains so much. I can relate to your cynicism about these professionals also. The few psychologists that I’ve spoken to in life were very unhelpful. I was once told to go to church to work on my self esteem 🤷♀️
I got out of jury duty once using my AvPD diagnosis, so there's that I guess (though I had also done that once already with my earlier social anxiety disorder diagnosis). It's funny that the church comment not only includes imposing their personal religion on a client, but also makes no sense as far as how it's supposed to help your self-esteem, or how you're supposed to get over your anxiety to stuff yourself in a room with a bunch of people.
I feel like I'm chasing a goddamn unicorn.. I'm 34 years old.. A female.. Been seeing different professionals since age nine.. I was told that my social anxiety and depression would all get better after my teenage years.. The opposite happened.. I've never been this anxious, I'm popping benzodiazepines because the SSRIs never helped me. At 20 or so I started wondering whether it could be aspergers but after talking to "aspies" I couldn't really relate to what they were saying.. I don't stim, I don't have a peculiar special interest like idk, train schedules or dinosaurs. I do understand jokes and sarcasm. I do know when the other person is getting bored etc. I have some traits but I don't truly think I'm autistic, I'm not even a picky eater, just allergic to certain things like eggs and fish for example. I have taken the BPD borderline self-assessment test because that has been discussed before, I always get a very very low score.. I don't try and get into relationships, I hate first dates, I'm not even into seggsual relationships.. Somewhere on the asexual spectrum even if I'm not fully ace. I'm definitely NOT a histrionic. I feel paranoid around people because I simply do not trust them, not like "would they cheat on me" more like.. I just can't deal with even more heartache and anxiety and I see others in a pessimistic light I guess. I think I'm fairly pretty (like 7 out of 10) but also not photogenic at all, I look like crap if I'm not the one taking my own pictures. What is my problem. I do have some identity issues but I think some of it stems from never having any friends.. I never received any proper feedback from others, "you're like this"... Well I did get bullied in school. Im tired of looking for a diagnosis, I'm tired of looking for the right med.. I'm tired of always seeing new faces and getting disappointed..
It definitely sucks feeling like you don't know what's going on with yourself, or not having a name for it. Even if you know exactly what it is, it doesn't necessarily mean there's anyone that knows how to help you. I'm still stuck in the endless treatment guessing game, too. I wish I had something more helpful to say, but I wish you the best of luck in figuring things out-we have to keep trying to believe that we eventually will.
Thank you for making your videos Jake! Interesting to hear how the process went. When I look at you I just hear and see an incredibly smart and capable person... it makes me sad to hear how much trouble you experience from your disorder. The disheveled remark is really strange by the way. You probably broke the IQ test and that's why she wanted revenge :')
In al seriousness, I am looking forward to your next video. I suspect I have AvPD and am doubting whether to get tested. I come from a different country than you (Netherlands) so the system is very different. I think it is even costless to get tested which is just unfair. Would be interesting to see how the process here compares to yours.
I also read things about group therapy. Doesn't that just sound like absolute hell? Have you ever considered trying that?
I wish you a nice day!
Thanks Lisa :)
It's great that diagnosis is potentially free in the Netherlands (and I do think it is in quite a few places, but in America we pay $150 to make eye contact with a doctor). It is similar as far as I know in that there aren't any specific treatments/benefits issued to people diagnosed with AvPD, so the main reasons to get diagnosed would be if you're not sure of what exactly you're dealing with or if it'll help you feel validated to have the official diagnosis (you also might have more luck finding someone there who actually knows about the condition and could offer more useful therapy than what luck I've had here).
Before I heard of AvPD, there were a few things I thought maybe, kinda fit (inattentive ADD, autism, schizoid personality disorder), but none seemed completely right. When I heard about AvPD it was immediately obvious that's what I had. If you think you might be in the first category, it could be worth getting diagnosed. If it doesn't cost money, it's just an investment of time - and getting over the anxiety to do it, of course (which I was eventually able to, not without the usual extreme discomfort, out of sheer frustration).
The psychologist in charge of my diagnosis last year suggested I try group therapy with him. It wasn't entirely clear to me who would have been in the group, but I suspect it would have been people with any Cluster C personality disorder. It did sound hellish, and since I didn't like the doctor at all, it was pretty easy to pass on that - however, I guess it's like an in-person version of what I'm doing now talking to people on RUclips. It might be something I try eventually, but I think that even though it's important to keep making yourself progress and try new things, people with AvPD can lose progress by forcing themselves to do things that end up going poorly (or just not well). Right now, it feels more like something I would have to force myself to do rather than something I want to push through for, so it's just in the back of my mind.
@@JakeAvPD Thank you Jake for your response!
It's good that you keep group therapy as an option but completely understandable that you rejected the offer from the psychologist that you did not like to begin with. I agree with you that it's important to be careful about stepping into things that might go badly because that can lead to a lot of negative emotions and disappointment.
I think that, if I were to get tested, I would do it first and foremost to get clarity. I don't know if you recognize this but I have a tendency to downplay things. I suspect other people have the same issues and that it isn't all that bad. Also if I am a little good at something or achieve something, I tend to think it is normal and sort of remain unimpressed if that makes sense. A diagnosis would confirm that there is genuinly something that makes some things more difficult or complicated for me than the average person. I then hope this would help me be a little less hard on myself. Have you noticed this happening to you?
It is interesting that you mention inattentive ADD. I have a twin sister and we pretty much have the same problems. For the longest time she and I thought we both had social anxiety. She has been saying recently that she thinks she might have inattentive ADD. I am pretty sure however that AvPD is a better fit. She hasn't looked into it yet but I will make sure she watches your videos ;) As you mentioned as well, when I read about AvPD everything made sense. The feelings of inadequacy, inferiority, shame and fear of criticism is something that lacked in the descriptions of social anxiety and I think inattentive ADD doesn't cover everything either.
I enjoyed your newest video and look forward to the next. You're doing very well so I hope you will make many more videos :)
@@Lisa-qt4hh Yes, I definitely do downplay things. I have a tendency to always compare myself to everyone else, because I assume that's what they're doing. Since obviously other people have also accomplished things and also have problems of their own, I compare myself and it feels like I haven't achieved anything, and I can't blame it to any extent on my issues because other people have them too. It's incorrect and unhelpful to think of it that way, but my brain does it. It was definitely easier to accept my shortcomings when I realized I had AvPD. I hope you are able to get help with a diagnosis, it seems like it would help you a lot.
Yeah, I thought maybe my anxiety and inability to focus on things were either unrelated, or the anxiety might have been caused by the inability to focus, which could mean ADD. When I heard about AvPD, it was immediately obvious that was the problem, and my lack of focus was essentially down to the low self-esteem from the other AvPD symptoms. Realistically, I might never have considered ADD if I was able to find the info I needed about AvPD in the first place, which is why I'm trying to do what bit I can to help people find out about it. Thanks for the encouragement, I'll try my best to keep it up.
Group therapy - “doesn’t that sound like absolutely hell?” Haha. Yes it does for most people even without any disorders. It’s like college group projects. What a nightmare. One person always does all the work. The one with the most conscientiousness. The ones who don’t do their part don’t care. It’s so bizarre that school systems still do that type of thing. And why would psychologists plan group therapy for individuals with AvPD. Hellish.
@@Lisa-qt4hh In order to get any AvPD to join group therapy you'd have to guarantee them that they'd be liked, welcomed, not judged, etc. No one has to make eye contact or even be in the same room - lol
Thanks for your courage to speak! My Ex love suffers from that disorder, and I can imagine how hard it is to speak for you! I didn't know about his problems until it was too late, I just didn't get him and in hard times I felt completely left alone even though he always was "saying" he wants to be there. It's hard to explain. He is so helpful, physically! But I didn't get a true connection when it came to feelings wich is disturbing and frightening for a woman. I was afraid to trust him fully emotionally because I had hard times with him in the beginning and after that myself went through very tough times. He often was to a degree "paranoid" about me lying to him, it even became a self-fulfilling prophecy because with little things, I thought would hurt him but had nothing to do with our relationship or my deep and honest feelings for him I thought it would make him more insecure than help our relationship when I tell him, wich was wrong (for example signing a contract with the guy I had before him about something unpleasant). I always tried to kind of protect him like a child instinctively wich was wrong (did it unconsciously). Then it came all out and he felt confirmed in his suspect about "almost everything" then, wich was in fact BS because I was talking openly and honestly to him. He for example wanted me to prove things I said, wich hurt me so much, how much he distrusted me although I thought I had given him everything, my life and love, forever, so to say and wanted to build a home with him during the years, wich was mostly on me because he was unemployed. If I had known about his problems my life had gone another way with him, because I loved him so much and with all my heart. But he decided to close himself. I guess due to my lack of understanding his condition and going into a lone fighter mode (me AND he I guess). Today I guess he was never fully committed to me, but never spoke out about this. He said it sometimes but then he needed this or that from me to "imagine it going further". He always said that in such a sweet and insecure way, but it felt so brutal. I lived in permanent fear of his rejection, wich became a self-fulfilling prophecy as well. As a lone fighter I went beyond my powers. He still doesn't know what's up with him I guess.... I wish I could help him now. I care about him a lot. I was ready for a psychotherapist myself in this relationship (no critique about him, its just, one has to understand what's going on otherwise you will question yourself in an unhealthy way) and talked about him for hours..my psychotherapist came up with this diagnosis for him, wich is risky but when you know someone for so long it's clear to you when you are brought on the right path by a psychotherapist... I wish you all the best... I hope you don't read my text about how it felt to be in a relationship with someone with avdp as offensive or so...you all DESERVE the love that is given to you...but its so hard to feel it, right....?
Thank you so much for sharing this :) It's not offensive at all. I can tell how much you cared about him. I can't speak for him, but I know how I would feel in his position. I would feel extremely guilty every time I failed to be there for you, but comforting words to others feel so fake coming out of my mouth that I can't even say them, even though I really want to make you feel better. I would want so badly to connect emotionally, but I would find it impossible to believe that someone would care about me like that. I'm not sure I will ever really believe that anyone wants to be around me. It always feels like I'm forcing my presence on anyone I'm around. I don't distrust people in general, but I have a very hard time trusting that they actually care for me, since I don't particularly care for myself. Very small things can quickly grow that distrust, and then I can't forget about it. It's a feeling like the other person is looking for a way to get away from me, so it'd be better for us both if I give it to them. I've never been in a romantic relationship, but I've experienced something similar with family.
When he was having trouble "imagin[ing] it going further", it was not because of anything you did or didn't do, it was because he didn't think he was worth your trouble. I can't imagine how painful that must have been for you. If someone wants to care about a person with AvPD, it's very important that they both understand the disorder as much as possible. I'm trying very hard to change, but I will probably never be able to fully trust people or show all my emotions at all the right times, because of what's happened to me before when I tried to do that, and I hope someone can like me in spite of that. The person with AvPD also has to make a constant effort to show that they are open to the trust and emotions of others, or no one can feel comfortable giving them. It requires a lot of work from both people, and I can't say that I'm certain it's worth it, but I really hope it is. Even if it didn't seem like it, I'm pretty sure that he knew how hard you tried, and it probably means so much to him that someone did :)
@@JakeAvPD Thank you so much for your words... It helps me understand him even better...:) You're right about your advice that both have to work things out knowing well about the diagnosis. Not knowing what was going on was the problem in our case I guess.
I sometimes felt desperate because he didn't open up, he didn't look into my eyes, I thought he was expecting much from me (f.e. living together) but not provide it, you know what I mean? He could have helped me with renting an apartment for us I thought, and felt left alone with organizing a place (he still lived with his parents and had a tiny apartment in town wich was not for 2) and I was in a chaotic moving situation and he never said: So! I want to do it this way now! He always said: ok. (But guess he felt different.) I understood instinctively I had to organize our living, but I expected his full support (emotionally f.e. on the phone) for this (I had 12 hours long workdays sometimes). If I had known there was nothing to expect because he truly needed me I would have felt true loving compassion and would not have gone frustrated. He truly needed someone. It must be hard for him...
I know he felt guilty and inferior... And I also know he cared a lot for me, that's why I committed fully to him.
But what I still didn't get is that he seems to not having "seen me fully". Also hard to explain. He's been so kind, and then he suddenly got so frustrated with me and it felt like he didn't even see how hard I worked for us. He started seeing only negative things about me, even forgot beautiful things we did together, it was spooky in the end.. He hurt me like no one hurt me. But after all I don't blame him, I still care so much.
I'm so impressed by your awareness and your courage, how you do your inner work and how conscious about yourself you are... Thank you for being here on RUclips:)
@@wildnisfarm2754 I know exactly what you mean about him expecting more than he provided, and you're right to feel that way. Just because we have a lot of problems of our own does not mean that it's fair for others to do more for us than we can do for them. I will not try to be in a relationship until I feel like I really can bring something to it, which includes stuff like being able to work a job, but also emotional stuff. I can definitely relate to his inability to look into your eyes. I can't make eye contact with anyone, I guess because it feels like making a promise of trust and comfort that I feel like I can't keep. And other things, like how it seems that it should be at least as easy to talk over the phone as in person, but it can actually be harder, because we can't read the body language and facial cues that we need to feel certain about how you really feel. Anyway, I'm rambling, but I'm glad I could clarify a bit, and it really helped me to hear how you feel, so thank you too :)
@@JakeAvPD I'm so glad you say it helped you, I kind of felt bad..like..bothering you with difficulties I had in my relationship with a avpd boyfriend.. But you're right, maybe you can also learn something about women when dealing with this disorder in a relationship:)
I think you DO A GREAT JOB! And because you're aware of your disorder you should allow love to come when it comes:)) Talking about what you found out about yourself and the amount of inner work you've already done will impress many women I guess:))
Thank you so much. It really helped me understand better writing here with you:)
You're strong. Thanks for sharing.
Sorry for my bad English, I'm German..
Thank you so much for your help. It means a lot to me🙏🙏🙏
This was very helpful. I just started therapy and I’m not sure how to bring this up to my therapist.
Glad I could help. Hopefully your therapist is the sort of person that will give you a natural opening to bring up any specific things you might wonder about within a couple sessions. If not, you might ask them what they know about AvPD, and they'll probably be interested in talking about it even in the likely scenario that they aren't all that familiar with it beyond the basics. I wish I could give more specific suggestions, but I'm in the same sorta boat. Either way, I hope it goes well for you!
Hey, your videos have helped me a lot. I never really thought of AvPD in terms of high-low functioning. What do think constitutes low functioning? Because I think I am low functioning
It's definitely not an official designation for AvPD. I mainly started using it because I noticed, of the few people with AvPD that had talked about their experiences online, many of them had day-to-day lives that were a bit more "normal" than mine, and I wanted to share my experiences as someone whose was so severe that I was unable to live like that.
So for example, I'm not able to work a normal job, I wasn't able to finish college, I don't have a social life, and basic everyday things like buying groceries are really difficult for me, all because of my anxiety in interacting with other people, and that's what I mean by low-functioning.
It's not a super-definite thing, and it's not fixed either - I'm becoming more functional bit by bit. Even if my anxiety never really improves, I can improve how I handle it - so it's basically just an abbreviated way of expressing how much I'm currently avoiding people as a (suboptimal) method of managing my anxiety.
Hope that helps :)
Thank you for sharing 🙏
🙂
I really appreciate your videos
Thank you for saying so ❤It really means a lot.
Hey, so I’ve been doing a lot of research on AVPD, because I believe I have it as well. And maybe even have dependent and paranoia personality disorder as well. But I was recently diagnosed with inattentive adhd. I was wondering if you think you could possibly have this as well?
I actually thought I had inattentive ADD before I learned about AvPD - I have enough of the ADD symptoms that I could have been diagnosed with it. However, if something else explains the symptoms of ADD better than ADD itself, they tend to not also diagnose ADD. In my case, once I realized I had AvPD, I realized that my ADD symptoms (inability to focus, etc.) are mostly because of my anxiety, whereas someone with ADD might instead have AvPD-like anxiety symptoms because of their inability to focus.
I think you technically could have both AvPD as well as ADD that isn't related to your anxiety, but you could also have symptoms similar to one arising as a result of the other. Kinda confusing, but you can definitely experience symptoms of both, which I do, regardless of what a psychologist decides to diagnose. I would suggest thinking about whether one could be related to the other and possibly bringing it up with whoever diagnosed your inattentive ADD. I also talked a bit more about it in another video on the channel ('AvPD or something else?'). I hope that helps a bit!
@JakeAvPD I went for an adhd diagnosis and in the end was diagnosed bpd. Now ocd and social anxiety. Weird how there's the connection with adhd with other people too
Thank you for sharing. It is not a lot of information about this diagnosis. Considering that this might be the most common personality disorder and also have a lot of silent suffering it is a bit odd. Do you think it is good for your family and relatives to know about your AVPD? Or is it still hard to explain - the name of the personality disorder is a bit odd and I do not think it is as well known as e.g. bipolar disorder, autism spectre disorder or ADHD?
Honestly, I think it barely changed how my family felt about me and my difficulties, because they already felt like they understood. It's a tricky disorder to explain. Most everyone has experienced anxiety, so they might have trouble understanding why mine never ends. Most everyone has gotten their feelings hurt and hurt someone else's, so they might not get how little things they say or do seem to really dig deep for me. So the causes and symptoms sound like things they've experienced themselves, and they might not get how those things in other people's experiences can lead to the AvPD maladaptations like avoidance. I think more societal awareness about social anxiety and poor self-esteem is the best thing to help people understand and accept the reality some of us deal with.
Curious if you still meet diagnosis for AVPD or have had any new diagnoses since this video was originally posted 2 years ago...💛💛💛
I do still meet the diagnosis for AvPD, yeah. For most people it's a lifelong thing, though it can improve. I don't have any new diagnoses. I still suspect I probably could have inattentive ADHD, but I've remained focused on trying to manage AvPD :)
@@JakeAvPDRight on! Thanks for replying to me and keep up the great self care!! 💜
I honestly think I have this. 😮
🫂
What about fantcies of APD? I really relate to what your saying please keep it coming
I did mean to make a video about AvPD fantasies, and I might still later, but I wasn't sure whether I had enough more to say. It seems really weird to me, but I realized it's pretty much just daydreaming, just triggered by specific things (a project I'm working on, or a person I see), and it's always just dialogue between myself and somebody else. A little skit, like my brain is trying to convince me that I should try to do something, because other people will react really well to it, but it seems farfetched when it's over. I'll try my best to keep it up.
It's called maladaptive daydreaming
Not to mention a lot of psychologists get into the field because of their own family or their own mental health issues so you have to take that into account into accounts you don't even know if they're on their own 15 meds or not
serious question for you, and anybody else. what about this as a therapy idea. i understand how difficult it is for you to face people, and how you might beat yourself up about your current state in life. as a way of confronting your fear of people, why not have a series of short meaningless interactions with people in a low consequence situtraion. what about doing 2-3 hours of door dash before your therapy session? you could prepare yourself a priori that there are a lot of types of people our there, and you doh't have to please them. could you try that out and then sit through a therapy session directly thereafter for some discussion of how it went?
That disheveled comment was probably there because they want to also evaluate for schizoid pd, as it's basically adjacent to avoidant on the schizo spectrum. I don't think she meant to be mean
That is probably true! I don't think she meant to be mean either. I mostly just thought I looked decently well put together, haha 😅
Hi Jake - I sent you an email.
Wait, did my gym/healthy foods advice get deleted here?, what the hell.
Nah, you posted it on a different video :) (it's on my first one, Diagnosed with AvPD)
Eat meat and veggies cut off sugar and carbs get some marcogreens green drink get some lemon balm herb supplements take 1000 MG magnesium a day drink water
And the one thing that helped me is lay down and let the anxiety go it'll be scary pretend your on a roller coaster knowing it'll end its a trip I won't lie but if you feel it move through you it's a trip
And when you have anxiety when you're a by yourself the things that make you anxious make yourself do them I used to be afraid to check the mail for fear of bad news from like the IRS or something or answer my phone so I basically forced myself And typically if you know a time when you didn't have anxiety 80 chances are something gave it to you something got you stuck in the flight mode if you can't remember before you had this anxiety cancer possibly it is your personality I know mine came from3 events that happened back-to-back that were just medical that were just medical personal personal and my dog passed away and I lost a pregnancyAnother thing that helps is if you put headphones on and listen to music and go walking or or hiking I used to just put my favorite radio show with the mixed music and go walking it really really helped help like burn off that energy because you're basically running the marathon but not going anywhere inside your body
Maybe people should be avoided. Especially the people deeply woven into society with their big smiling faces. It's truly a madhouse. I would posit that there is no disorder, just taboo wisdom.
That's one way to look at it, but I would say that overlooks a fair amount of people who probably aren't that different from us. Personally, I have enjoyed some social interaction, but the difficulties I've outlined in these videos make them harder to enjoy, and I know it's a "me thing" to some extent. There are certainly people that just enjoy life more alone, and while I can relate, I'm not entirely like that (though for a while I thought I was; introspection changed my view), and I think many people with AvPD aren't.
Thanks for your message. Sharing is caring my friend. 🙏🏔️
Thanks!