Hi friends. We have NOT had enough conversations about love and marriage on the show, but in the spirit of being a nerd I thought we'd kick off Valentine's day with Brad Wilcox and his data-driven review of marriage in America. It's a long conversation, so if you want to jump around, here's the outline with time stamps. Keep the conversation, and the constructive criticism, coming. It's great! Time Stamps: [0:00] Why is Andrew Tate wrong about marriage? [4:56] The “Divorce Revolution,” class division, and welfare policy [14:01] How can we fix the economic incentives of marriage? [19:45] Why should someone get married? [27:02] The “Boy Crisis” is exacerbating the “Marriage Crisis” [32:55] Is marriage a bad deal for women? [41:55] Happiness and the search for meaning [50:48] The marriage paradox and the hedonic treadmill [1:01:27] The role of parents in getting their kids to form families [1:10:16] Red flags that your marriage is heading towards divorce [1:21:08] Demographic groups that are the best at marriage [1:26:38] These traditions are life hacks for stable marriage [1:38:08] Cohabitation before marriage is (usually) a bad idea [1:46:24] Is shame necessary in a free society? [1:52:04] Blank-slate feminism misunderstands men AND women [2:05:59] Not all family forms are equally valid or optimal [2:11:47] How marriage can save America
Probably the most frustrating thing about the conversation so far, and I'm only about a third of the way through, is that they keep on saying that women have trouble finding men who are marriageable. But they're completely ignoring the fact that men are finding it nearly impossible to find women who are marriageable. Men want different things than women want from a marriage partner. So part of the problem is that men cannot find women who want to give up their materialistic lifestyles to be mothers and homemakers. Instead men are surrounded by women who want to "focus on themselves" or "focus on their careers".
I’ve seen too many dudes in my life get absolutely wrecked by divorce or suffer in abusive relationships where it’s socially acceptable for women to belittle men that I’ve lost any desire to get into relationships with women.
You’ve got to filter for values. I know that’s hard, but it’s the KEY. Don’t give up, brother. Just don’t settle. I tell my son, this every week. Know what really matters to you, and don’t settle for a girl who doesn’t share those things.
I'm sorry for your mates, but unfortunately, nowadays, we are much more blinded by physical appearance and social presentation than a person's values and heart
Wrong. The only way for women to change their ways is for them to be punished. The only way to punish women today, is to get rid of their protector. Their protector is government. @@CaFe73100
He's either naive or stupid when says no one in DC is actively trying to undermine marriage. These welfare policies have been designed the way are for a reason.
For society getting married is the right thing. I wish I could support your argument. And I say this as a happily married man, but no man should ever get married. I would never ever run that risk again. The stories of men who's woman has sex like bunnies before marriage, only to turn into a frigid avoidant after marriage are too legion to even fathom. Thus a man cannot even be sure he will get the one thing that he wants out of marriage. He is giving up access to many different sexual opportunities thinking that he will be having satisfying sex, only to find out that his wife has pulled a bait and switch and he is in a dead bedroom. 50% of men will be divorced and completely eviscerated in "family court", subject to false domestic violence claims that do not require any evidence to sustain. Women initiate 70% of all divorces. So chances are a man will end up getting screwed over by the unfair judicial system. Of the 50% who do not end up getting divorced, how many of them do you think are in a happy marriage where he is getting the sex and peace he wants? Let's generously say 50%. So of 100 men getting married, 25 of them are actually in a happy, satisfying marriage. Not very good odds I would say.
I like your message and goal but I think conversations like this are why young men are flocking to ‘Tates’ of the world. There is obviously an elephant in the room with marriage, you are going to have to face the issue. The problem is far upstream. Mr. Wilcox seems reluctant when it comes to any ‘masculine’ topic. If you’re going to compete with a guy like Andrew Tate, you’ll have to have a better message to deliver.
One of the most interesting things to me in these conversations is that depending on who is being interviewed you get a different statistic. I've heard 80%, 70%, and now from this guy 68% of divorces are initiated by women. This should be a pretty easy statistic to gather. Why is it so hard to get it right?
Looking forward to this conversation. Before listening I will say: there is no value for a man in marriage. Zero. It’s ALL risk for him. All upside for her. Men are forced to take responsibility, while their authority is stripped away. First by her and then by the state/court. One cannot be made responsible while also taking his authority away. Because it leaves him feeling hopeless and taken for granted as well as taken advantage of. 80% of divorces are initiated by the wife. Men commit suicide at a far higher rate than women post-divorce. This isn’t good for men. And any woman who argues that men need to “man-up” should start with first looking in the mirror. Then secondly, she should consider her father, brother, or son, and how they may be treated in court. Finally, any woman who cares about the men in her family has to step up and advocate for change, otherwise this trend of less marriage or more divorce with children also suffering the consequences, will continue to increase. It has destroyed the nuclear family.
Great discussion love it!Have you done any research on marriage after widowhood and would it be recommended? It's very challenging to know how to navigate life single after years of marriage. From dating to independently functioning going solo after being part of a team. How would you merge families and finances if one would remarry? What's best? Have you seen stats as to what makes for the most success? Staying single or trying to find someone and remarrying? Also so many more single widows to single widowers etc.
This was an interesting conversation. But, I have to say, in the end, the attitude was very much that men are the problem, or that only men have a problem. If the issue of declining marriage is to be solved, we need to stop pandering to selfish, entitled women, and tell them honestly that if they want to be happy, they need to get married, and if they want to get married, they need to develop traits that make them marriageable to men. Maybe Brad should do a little research into what men want in a wife rather than focusing solely on women.
Old School They use to say , Pay attention to your own self efficiency And not worry so much about marriage until you have your own To have something to bring to the table. Their wisdom was in what they witnessed was not until your about 30 would you be better established Respect Business savings Planning What is seen is Stagnant 42:46
Best advice I ever received was Never get married. I messed up once, but it is corrected. And nothing is better than living alone without another person's drama. The best life is to date, but never marry. And never live with them....that sounds awful.
Is it me or he's mostly focused on the husband's mostly ar fault. I feel it's been more towards(not to much) the womens side of the spectrum from my perspective with over 4 decades around the sun. Maybe it's the alaskan dating scene which is a very special case compared to the lower 48? Maybe it's my dating trauma speaking here. LoL
I definitely guided us towards that, being "Dad Saves America" and all. I got married in 2004 though, which one of our guests rightly said was like "being on the last chopper out of Vietnam".
Maybe women who stay married end up less poor, but the ones who have to split or whose husbands die sooner are clearly disadvantaged if they had children (and stayed at home with them for a few years). It's obvious: if you work less or not at all, dou don't collect as many pension claims as someone who worked their whole adult life. Or is pension organised that much differently than in Germany? Because female elderly poverty is huge here!
Be careful. Marriage, like parenthood, is not completely irrevocable. If you're not 100% satisfied, you can't just return the unused portion for a full refund. It's also a lifetime commitment, which is bizarre in the extreme, especially given that peoples' identities tend to change dramatically every decade or so. The person you marry today will not be the same person ten or twenty years down the road. No...there are very good reasons that most marriages end in divorce: marriage is a very unnatural, unrealistic contract that seems to have been devised without regard for basic aspects of human nature.
Hi friends. We have NOT had enough conversations about love and marriage on the show, but in the spirit of being a nerd I thought we'd kick off Valentine's day with Brad Wilcox and his data-driven review of marriage in America. It's a long conversation, so if you want to jump around, here's the outline with time stamps. Keep the conversation, and the constructive criticism, coming. It's great!
Time Stamps:
[0:00] Why is Andrew Tate wrong about marriage?
[4:56] The “Divorce Revolution,” class division, and welfare policy
[14:01] How can we fix the economic incentives of marriage?
[19:45] Why should someone get married?
[27:02] The “Boy Crisis” is exacerbating the “Marriage Crisis”
[32:55] Is marriage a bad deal for women?
[41:55] Happiness and the search for meaning
[50:48] The marriage paradox and the hedonic treadmill
[1:01:27] The role of parents in getting their kids to form families
[1:10:16] Red flags that your marriage is heading towards divorce
[1:21:08] Demographic groups that are the best at marriage
[1:26:38] These traditions are life hacks for stable marriage
[1:38:08] Cohabitation before marriage is (usually) a bad idea
[1:46:24] Is shame necessary in a free society?
[1:52:04] Blank-slate feminism misunderstands men AND women
[2:05:59] Not all family forms are equally valid or optimal
[2:11:47] How marriage can save America
Probably the most frustrating thing about the conversation so far, and I'm only about a third of the way through, is that they keep on saying that women have trouble finding men who are marriageable. But they're completely ignoring the fact that men are finding it nearly impossible to find women who are marriageable.
Men want different things than women want from a marriage partner. So part of the problem is that men cannot find women who want to give up their materialistic lifestyles to be mothers and homemakers. Instead men are surrounded by women who want to "focus on themselves" or "focus on their careers".
I’ve seen too many dudes in my life get absolutely wrecked by divorce or suffer in abusive relationships where it’s socially acceptable for women to belittle men that I’ve lost any desire to get into relationships with women.
You’ve got to filter for values. I know that’s hard, but it’s the KEY. Don’t give up, brother. Just don’t settle. I tell my son, this every week. Know what really matters to you, and don’t settle for a girl who doesn’t share those things.
I'm sorry for your mates, but unfortunately, nowadays, we are much more blinded by physical appearance and social presentation than a person's values and heart
Best advice is to never marry. Go have fun...but there is no reason to marry.
@@ryandgarland people with your mindset are unfortunately part of the problem.
Wrong. The only way for women to change their ways is for them to be punished. The only way to punish women today, is to get rid of their protector. Their protector is government. @@CaFe73100
He's either naive or stupid when says no one in DC is actively trying to undermine marriage. These welfare policies have been designed the way are for a reason.
I was thinking the same thing!
For society getting married is the right thing. I wish I could support your argument. And I say this as a happily married man, but no man should ever get married. I would never ever run that risk again. The stories of men who's woman has sex like bunnies before marriage, only to turn into a frigid avoidant after marriage are too legion to even fathom. Thus a man cannot even be sure he will get the one thing that he wants out of marriage. He is giving up access to many different sexual opportunities thinking that he will be having satisfying sex, only to find out that his wife has pulled a bait and switch and he is in a dead bedroom.
50% of men will be divorced and completely eviscerated in "family court", subject to false domestic violence claims that do not require any evidence to sustain. Women initiate 70% of all divorces. So chances are a man will end up getting screwed over by the unfair judicial system.
Of the 50% who do not end up getting divorced, how many of them do you think are in a happy marriage where he is getting the sex and peace he wants? Let's generously say 50%. So of 100 men getting married, 25 of them are actually in a happy, satisfying marriage. Not very good odds I would say.
I like your message and goal but I think conversations like this are why young men are flocking to ‘Tates’ of the world. There is obviously an elephant in the room with marriage, you are going to have to face the issue. The problem is far upstream. Mr. Wilcox seems reluctant when it comes to any ‘masculine’ topic. If you’re going to compete with a guy like Andrew Tate, you’ll have to have a better message to deliver.
One of the most interesting things to me in these conversations is that depending on who is being interviewed you get a different statistic. I've heard 80%, 70%, and now from this guy 68% of divorces are initiated by women. This should be a pretty easy statistic to gather. Why is it so hard to get it right?
This was a great discussion! Thanks for having Brad as your guest.
Looking forward to this conversation.
Before listening I will say: there is no value for a man in marriage. Zero. It’s ALL risk for him. All upside for her.
Men are forced to take responsibility, while their authority is stripped away. First by her and then by the state/court.
One cannot be made responsible while also taking his authority away. Because it leaves him feeling hopeless and taken for granted as well as taken advantage of.
80% of divorces are initiated by the wife.
Men commit suicide at a far higher rate than women post-divorce.
This isn’t good for men. And any woman who argues that men need to “man-up” should start with first looking in the mirror. Then secondly, she should consider her father, brother, or son, and how they may be treated in court. Finally, any woman who cares about the men in her family has to step up and advocate for change, otherwise this trend of less marriage or more divorce with children also suffering the consequences, will continue to increase. It has destroyed the nuclear family.
Great discussion love it!Have you done any research on marriage after widowhood and would it be recommended? It's very challenging to know how to navigate life single after years of marriage. From dating to independently functioning going solo after being part of a team. How would you merge families and finances if one would remarry? What's best? Have you seen stats as to what makes for the most success? Staying single or trying to find someone and remarrying? Also so many more single widows to single widowers etc.
This was an interesting conversation. But, I have to say, in the end, the attitude was very much that men are the problem, or that only men have a problem. If the issue of declining marriage is to be solved, we need to stop pandering to selfish, entitled women, and tell them honestly that if they want to be happy, they need to get married, and if they want to get married, they need to develop traits that make them marriageable to men. Maybe Brad should do a little research into what men want in a wife rather than focusing solely on women.
It's always the men's fault isn't it. Women are never held to account
Child Tax Credit is a partial tax refund.
I love your show!
Thank you!!!
Marriage for the win!!
Old School
They use to say ,
Pay attention to your own self efficiency
And not worry so much about marriage until you have your own
To have something to bring to the table.
Their wisdom was in what they witnessed was not until your about 30 would you be better established
Respect
Business savings
Planning
What is seen is
Stagnant
42:46
Best advice I ever received was Never get married. I messed up once, but it is corrected. And nothing is better than living alone without another person's drama. The best life is to date, but never marry. And never live with them....that sounds awful.
Is it me or he's mostly focused on the husband's mostly ar fault. I feel it's been more towards(not to much) the womens side of the spectrum from my perspective with over 4 decades around the sun. Maybe it's the alaskan dating scene which is a very special case compared to the lower 48?
Maybe it's my dating trauma speaking here. LoL
I definitely guided us towards that, being "Dad Saves America" and all. I got married in 2004 though, which one of our guests rightly said was like "being on the last chopper out of Vietnam".
Devoted
That is your sacrifice
Selfless act
57:56
Maybe women who stay married end up less poor, but the ones who have to split or whose husbands die sooner are clearly disadvantaged if they had children (and stayed at home with them for a few years). It's obvious: if you work less or not at all, dou don't collect as many pension claims as someone who worked their whole adult life. Or is pension organised that much differently than in Germany? Because female elderly poverty is huge here!
Issues in the states too and I think it isn't thought through enough and needs to be addressed.
Be careful. Marriage, like parenthood, is not completely irrevocable. If you're not 100% satisfied, you can't just return the unused portion for a full refund. It's also a lifetime commitment, which is bizarre in the extreme, especially given that peoples' identities tend to change dramatically every decade or so. The person you marry today will not be the same person ten or twenty years down the road. No...there are very good reasons that most marriages end in divorce: marriage is a very unnatural, unrealistic contract that seems to have been devised without regard for basic aspects of human nature.