Adam did a great job discussing the many similarities of INFJ'S and ISFJ'S. As well as our differences. I think it is true that INFJ'S are on average more introverted than ISFJ'S.
Adam, i am so grateful for what you said about the "thinking". Debate is not my strong suite, and i always say that i can start it, but i won't finish it until hours later in my own head. With multiple debaters in my family, this always made me feel inferior. I have always been relatively smart in school, as well, but when it came to writing papers, I struggled quite a bit. Like you said, it was a huge frustration to me, and made me question my intelligence. I can see in your reaction how much this bothers you about yourself. You are not alone. I love to play board games, but i cannot play chess.
If you are interested in a typology channel by an ISFJ, you might want to check out Realities of Typology channel. I don't know him personally (listened only to a bunch of his videos), and (to me at least (I'm an ISFP by the way)) he seems like a great guy and I think he explains stuff really excellently. I see several stuff the same way that he sees, but I'm total cr@p at explaining, so I suggest you check out his channel instead :). (PS. His last video (which title at the moment is "Looking Angrily at Shapes of Hearts.") has a pretty strong ranty vibe at certain points of the video (though I personnally find it hilarious and very funny :)) but if you don't like ranty stuff, you might want to check out some of his earliest videos)
as an isfj I find myself locked in details of memories, especially bad experienced, like divorce, death, or old friendships. think about a coworker you relied onwho changes jobs. for me, I always feel like I failed them, or they would have stayed. like I didn't measure up. this intense feeling of disappointment is never verbalized or expressed, and often times I have to retreat and privately express pain alone. I'm learning to allow myself to let these moments pass, because the harder I fight them, the more intense they are. ty for sharing the isfj personality type.
That was very insightful Adam. Much deeper understanding of isfj complexities and motives than anywhere found so far. Isfj are poorly understood from the mbti community maybe because there's so few of them here and they get dismissed and taken for granted when they're really the salt of the earth. X
If you are interested in a typology channel by an ISFJ, you might want to check out Realities of Typology channel. I don't know him personally (listened only to a bunch of his videos), and (to me at least (I'm an ISFP by the way)) he seems like a great guy and I think he explains stuff really excellently. I see several stuff the same way that he sees, but I'm total cr@p at explaining, so I suggest you check out his channel instead :). (PS. His last video has a pretty strong ranty vibe at certain points of the video (though I personnally find it hilarious and very funny :)) but if you don't like ranty stuff, you might want to check out some of his earliest videos)
I have some ISFJs in my life and thought I'd understand them better. Very nice video. It was good to learn from the strengths of a personality type that thinks differently from my own. And it's refreshing to see content that goes beyond stereotypes and reveals the Truth about things that matter.
YES on not being able to feel complete in my feelings if I don't share them. I have a couple of very close confidants, and until I share something that happened/how I felt about it with them, it's as if it isn't real/didn't happen at all. On the one hand, I don't like feeling that needy, but on the other, the delight of sharing feelings with a trusted friend is one of the greatest joys there is.
Overall I enjoy his insights and relate..about the thinking: I view our attention to detail as supplemental to other thinking types who might benefit from our ability to question or even see what they might be overlooking. I think we make good trouble-shooters, and this is a VALUABLE contribution to overall understanding. Nothing to be ashamed of there. It also fits nicely with our desire to be helpful to others. Also I wish the police had hypnotized you, because as an Isfj I believe you subconsciously saw EVERYTHING. Sometimes my dreams are full of an ASTONISHING amount of detail. Thankyou for your insights.
wow, Adam really explains Si and how clearly I don't have this (intj, so "demon"). Every video i watch from Si experts helps me understand so much. He's excellent at explaining how he sees the world! Thank you Joyce (also demon Si ;))and Adam.
Great work Joyce! As an INTJ I enjoyed this video on the perspective of ISFJs. At t=1872 you asked about recalling memories like a video recording. As someone with no conscious visual recall (aphantasia), I wonder, have you noticed any patterns between type and vividness of "imagination"? I've personally only ever met intuitive aphants.
Joyce Meng, obviously we don’t know each other lol that would be absurd. But on a personal note even though we don’t know each other I would like to tell you this. I noticed you’ve just gained 1000 subscribers is short succession. Congratulations! I’m glad to see the incredible level gained in short amount of time, the effort and cognitive ability your applying are making a much deserved impact. I recently learned your age in personality hacker video. And your INFJ discovery age as well. Your dive into your abilities and the depth of understanding your abilities and deeper depths your constantly reaching is for lack of a more accurate sum it all in one word amazing. If this video is your most recent , you have shaped and sharpened your questions noticeably. We are all individuals, but you’re definitely one of a kind. I hope everyone who can understand themselves get the opportunity to find you, because it is one of the greatest paths for any individual to be on and start to begin to truly find the depths that lies within one’s self. Don’t stop being you, and finding the depths that exist within yourself so others don’t have to swim in the shallows of understanding .
Thank you for your kindness, @fearenheit7423! I'm touched by your words and incredibly grateful for your recognition of my work. The journey of self-exploration and understanding is indeed a rewarding one, and it's people like you that make it even more meaningful. Your encouragement fuels my passion to continue creating videos. 🙂
Thank YOU for this Joyce and Adam !Infp with Isfj male boyfriend. He get confused and overstimulated when i come to him with intense emotions and extroverted intuitive ideas like prisoners could be "potentially" good people OR everyone's opinions and feelings matter. He feels safe inside what he is familiar with (work and past memories/senses) while i can go out of my comfort zone (introvertedly of course) with many interests and activity hopping and i believe he finds me to be bizarre with a touch of empathy for my traumatic past. Also, how do i keep content face so my isfj doesnt feel like its his fault that i'm intrinsically sad or melancholy. Oh well... going on two years. Hope we make it ! eek
Hi! I am an INFP male and my gf is an ISFJ. I have learned that this combination can be 1 of the most complicated type pairings. Both parties need to have understanding of where the other person is coming from. My gf and I have been together for nearly 11 years so this type of relationship can definitely work out!!
Huhf, as an intp, i actually aware of my Si a lot. But somehow, my Si is just never gonna catch up with routine and details, it's extremely boring, i would be dead relatively instantly. And the truth is, the way i call past memory, i often find myself to forget about a lot of things, or my memory is not accurate. Also, the lack of Ne is somewhat makes me feels lost when i reflecting on you, i'm more future and past oriented in nature. And Fe, dealing with external harmony is just struggle for me. I learn it over time, but because of Se blind, it always felt awkward, my action i mean. What i could learn is i highly resonate with Si as sensory reactiveness (i felt really disturbed by noice), being meaningful detail oriented, playing movie about the past( actually it's blurry kinda movie, i just aware of impression), building pattern from detail (being overly sceptic, actually it depends on the situation, usually if it doesn't makes sense). Overall i aware of my Si (but it just not felt strong into my awareness, and into my activities, i'm hardworking, but never really detailed oriented in the first strength). Thanks for shared experience as Si dominant. It's enlightened me a lot.
Great interview.➕ I can agree with nearly everything, what has been said.😀 I`m ISFJ and similarly like John very reactive to what is happening around, constantly watching other people, trying to guess if they are comfortable with me, if not I change the course to restore harmony and in most cases, I`m successful at doing that.😀 I also compare what`s going at present with that which occurred in the past, producing some interesting conclusions, which I like to share with others. Using my good memory, I have associations, which for me are very natural and obvious, but for my listeners quite unique and creative.🦊 In fact, ISFJ memory is like treasure house, where precious diamonds are stored, which can be used to improve ones mood, to learn something valuable or to anticipate future. True, when interacting with others, the most important are their feelings, not mine. I can`t even imagine, it could be otherwise.🙃 Yes, order is significant, as an opposite to chaos and unpredictability. Indeed, I reveal some details of my life in order to build trust with other person, hoping that he/she does the same, which is not always the case. 😲 Three words people say about me: perceiver, gentle, intelligent.☑ Me about myself persistent, hypersensitive, empathetic.✅ Thank you Joyce for interesting interview.🥰
Hi Robyn, where ISFJ wants to arrive at an accurate account of the reality it is faced with, INTP wants to develop models that can explain all the ways that things may develop in the future. ISFJ is experiential. I trust my experience. if I once encounter an angel, then, for me, obviously at least one angel exists in the world. INTP is rational and logical. Meeting an angel would not be sufficient to convince an INTP that angels exist, because it could have been a hallucination. The INTP would need to have a testable theory of how angels develop and how they avoid detection by most people before accepting the reality of angels. ISFJ tends to be good at keeping relatively warm relations with people, especially people they don't know well. INTP really wants to have warm relations, but finds it hard to achieve sometimes. If other people do things that seem irrational, the INTP becomes baffled and discouraged. I hope these thoughts help.
@adamfrey471 Hi Adam, thank you so much! Although I'm an INFP, I really appreciated your use of memories to explain points and really make your audience understand where you're coming from. This was an awesome interview!
@JoyceMeng22 Thanks! This interview is honestly one of my favorites- and you've done a lot of great ones- because you really opened my eyes to people with a type that doesn't get enough understanding. And this INFP really appreciates that 🙂
Interesting. Why is it that ISFJs, with their 3rd slot Ti, 'cannot do thinking' for an extended period of time, or would hate participating in a debate, while INFJs, with the same 3rd slot Ti, dont mind either (from my observation)? 🤔Does having Ni as their dominant function really change so much? (asking as an INTJ, really curious about this)
@@kazesan3431 I was actually hoping to find out more about what Adam's saying about his struggles with building logic-based arguments in college (25:50). I'm a teacher and often see this happen in my lessons - eg. ISFJs finding it really hard to improvise during a debate, to construct a logical argument and defend it on paper, etc. INFJs, on the other hand, don't seem to have a problem with any of these (not that I've met a lot of INFJs, they indeed are super rare, but I have a few 🙂). They might need a minute to collect their thoughts, and it's generally easier for them to comment on what has already been said than lead, but they normally don't shy away from a good debate. So, you confirmed my suspicion that having intuition high in one's function stack (or very low, if you look at it from the ISFJ perspective) must be what makes such a significant difference. Thanks for sharing your opinion 🙂
About ISFJs finding it hard to improvise during a debate: I could be the case, because o INFJs' 5th Ne is much more capable in a "talent" level compared to ISFJs' 4th Ne. (In Socionics, the Dimensionality aspect of the functions explains this, INFJs have 3-Dimensional capability level Ne, which is the "creative, playful" capability level. ISFJs have 1-Dimensional capability level Ne, which is basically the "Trial-and-Error" / "Learning from failures" kind of experiencial 1 dimensional capability. INFJs have a significant advantage in "Ne-natural-talent" regard. An INFJ's 3D Ne "talent" level beats An ISFJ's 1D Ne "talent" level, but an INFJ can naturally beat ISFJ in a random-debate-on-the-fly only if both of them have about the same amount of time/quality practice in debating. If an ISFJ decides to become a debater early on, he will have much more experience from which he have a chance to learn more from so his debating skills that he developed with his 1D Ne have a chance to rise higher than a non-debater INFJ's 3D Ne debating-on-the-fly type of "talent" who(INFJ) didn't developed his debating-on-the-fly skills at all. Sure, INFJs might really not like using Ne by nature, but if they decide to use it for a random debate, then they are going to be able to use their 3D Ne 5th slot function significantly better thatn an ISFJ can use his 1D Ne 4th function (but again, this can be the case only if the INFJ have low or no debating skills, but the ISFJ has significant practice/skills in debating.)
An ISFJ example who seem to be someone who would be able to feel relatively comfortable enough in a random debate that involves improvising and no preparation at all (relatively, I mean compared to a "standard" stereotype ISFJ idea) is the guy who runs the RUclips channel called: Realities of Typology If an Ne-dom would try to "force" him towards another topic that he is not familiar with at all (unlike typology topoc) then the INFJ possibly (or probably(?)) would have a higher chance to win that other topic random no-preparation-style debate, simply because there would be more stuff popping up in her INFJ mind and popping up faster too (thanks to her 3D Ne) compared to the ISFJ, probably less ideas and popping up slower, and for improvisational style debate I guess "wrestling" and grabbing the thing with more limbs (Ne ideas) can be really benefitial and ultimately can decide the outcome of the random no-preparation-beforehand-style debate.
@@Itsmesmileyface What you said for Ni doms isn’t true at all. High Ni and Fe types will also care for the community as much as Si users will, since both still have high Fe. That’s just like saying INFJ, despite having the same level of Fe as ISFJ, won’t care about the community and are low on the agreeableness. You are describing types like INTJ who are high Ni but have the lowest Fe out of all types.
@@ewaperczak5479 As an INFJ I can confirm what you said both about the INFJ and ISFJ. It's probably due to how the dominant functions work. As Ni is concept and big picture oriented, it doesn't need to have previous experience with a concept. If the INFJ understands the concept, they simply understand it and so are directly able to talk about it and form an opinion or even a strategy on what to do within that concept. I myself operate like that very much. But Si in the ISFJ is more like gathering past experiences not in one piece but in separate pieces that are not necessarily connected to each other, so in order to form a concept in their head they'd need to put all those pieces together first and see what the correlations between them are. This is extremely hard to do on the spot so they will not be good in long, intellectually winding debates (add to that inferior Ne as well). But in a short, quick exchange they can be very sharp and witty, cuttingly snarky even but that isn't discussing complicated concepts.
An ISFJ has already examined herself to the little details. She already knows all her flaws and feels bad about them, and is in constant (unconscious) fear of the people around her realizing these faults and rejecting or abandoning her. Picture it like, she's on her knees hitting her own head with a shovel over this fault. Then someone comes up and blatantly points it out to her, and tells her she needs to fix that. It's like they took the shovel and hit her over the head so that now she's face down in the dirt. My suggestion would be that if you're having an issue with something about her (or him obviously), bring it up softly and gently, but as if you're talking about someone else. Don't lie and say it is so-and-so, just act as if you're talking about someone in your life in general. Trust me, regardless of how she acts or what she says, she WILL pick up on your negative reaction you are having to the topic, and will strive instantly within herself to never be like that, or do that, or say that, to you or anyone, because it makes you unhappy or uncomfortable. You will have brought up something seemingly generic, but if you could see inside her brain, there is a huge red warning light with your words in bold AND italics (ISFJ grammar nerd), warning against an atomic reaction. Honestly, she may even turn to you and apologize for any time that she has done that to you, whilst keeping up the facade that it was someone else, thereby lessening the conflict of the conversation and not having to feel the intense emotions of being called out personally by you. Make sense? Edit: Later that day when she is alone, she will go over your words a million times and feel awful because she knows you were addressing her. But she will feel warmly thankful to you for having approached her so gently. She may not meet your eyes the next few times you talk 🙂 Note: True to ISFJ form, I have read and reread this comment multiple times. If that dang autocorrect puts my fixes back again, I am going to chuck this phone into the Ganges and hope it dies a slow, painful, bacteria-infested death. Second Note: To some this will seem like an annoying roundabout way to confront someone about something, but you just have to understand that people are made differently. Some of us take criticism extremely personally. We didn't choose to be that way; we are simply deep feelers who not only feel horrible about our faults, but feel doubly horrible when we can sense your negative feelings and add them in on top of our own. We simply require a gentle hand. And a gentle hand is what we offer, as well.
@@LeeLynn-vq8yq You've provided the absolute most helpful and accurate portrayal of my experience with her. When it comes to issues I am anything but indirect or roundabout or gentle. I am WTF, are you out of your mind? (To me in a relationship I see this as closeness, care and being authentic) So how does an INFJ process being called out directly with anger? Have I basically hit a dog that's already been abused? She just shuts down and I get angrier then she tries to talk me out of being angry! ISFJs to me are like "nice strangers" always polite but distant and impersonal...like an "amazing, nice stranger." This kind of forever muted, careful, indirect, constantly hypersensitive way isn't for me. I know she likes me but sometimes she won't even look directly at me (shy?) I really care enough to accept I am not for her but thank you from the bottom of ❤️.
The irony is, we can be very direct, even to the point of seeming cold and unfeeling. But I wonder if it's the character flaws, or the issues and faults that are rooted in the character flaws (or weaknesses), that we're overly sensitive about. Other things we send and receive (communication wise) quite practically and unemotionally. Even if we don't like what you're saying about us, we can take the hit and then absorb it as purely factual. Regarding the "WTF" reactions, probably a large part of her instant reaction is the fact that, to an ISFJ, you're being rude, demeaning, and disrespectful. You're talking to her like she's an idiot, a moron who couldn't possibly be so dum as to think bloh bloh bloh. That is an extremely hurtful way to talk to anyone. You can be angry and call someone out on something, very directly, without being insulting and rude. Since you have now opened this train of conversation with anger and (perceived) aggression, you have removed all harmony in communication, and replaced it with straight up confrontation. Now she is extremely uncomfortable and unhappy, and now she is extremely uncomfortable and unhappy about your anger and discomfort. While she wants to defend herself, her first concern is to calm you down and make you feel better. If you insist on remaining angry and (perceived) aggressive, and demand her to take an active role in this confrontation whether she is willing or able to, or not; then yes, she will shut down. If you want to have a more productive confrontation, approach the conversation in a more "let's talk; we'll go in the conference room" approach. ISFJs do react to factual presentations MUCH better than emotional outbursts. You won't need many examples, she'll have it all down pretty quick. Remember, it doesn't take visible anger, yelling, or half an hour of pointing out what she did wrong. One example and a brief exposition on how that action in general upsets you, and she will be weighted down with disappointing you and herself instantly. Like a child who doesn't need a spanking, just that look from Dad. Where you see her as being impersonal, or like a stranger; consider it more along the line of casual business style, where calm, respect, and organized mature communication are key...given the moment in time. If your approach is to be outwardly angry and lash out verbally, there will come a point when she becomes icy to these reactions, and she simply won't feel the need to acknowledge them anymore. And while she'll care that that angers you further, she'll bury that deep and just simply not care. If you won't alter this type of communication out of respect for her, then she will know that she doesn't want to stay with you and deal with this for the rest of her life, but as an ISFJ, she won't leave. I kind of have to guess at the reasons why she wouldn't meet your eyes. One might be that she wants to talk to you about something, but she's unsure about starting the conversation, and hopes you'll reach out to her. The other would be that she's angry with you, but doesn't want a confrontation. Thirdly, ISFJs can be shy, yes. We are introverts, after all. I think in the end it's about respect. And respect is very important to her; both to respect you, and to be respected by you. If you can respect her as her whole person, and bring your reactions down a notch (or two, it sounds like), you could be fine in this relationship. If you feel that that is not being true to yourself, and that by changing your reaction, she isn't accepting you for you, then perhaps this is not a good long term match, and moving on sooner than later would save both of you a lot of heartache.
Adam did a great job discussing the many similarities of INFJ'S and ISFJ'S. As well as our differences. I think it is true that INFJ'S are on average more introverted than ISFJ'S.
Adam, i am so grateful for what you said about the "thinking". Debate is not my strong suite, and i always say that i can start it, but i won't finish it until hours later in my own head. With multiple debaters in my family, this always made me feel inferior.
I have always been relatively smart in school, as well, but when it came to writing papers, I struggled quite a bit. Like you said, it was a huge frustration to me, and made me question my intelligence. I can see in your reaction how much this bothers you about yourself. You are not alone.
I love to play board games, but i cannot play chess.
This exceeded my expectation. This was truly a deep dive on ISFJ. I love the questions and his explanations. Does he have a channel? Very good.
Yes, he is so incredibly knowledgeable and great! He doesn't have a RUclips channel, but he does speaking events with John Beebe.
@@JoyceMeng22 great! I will definitely look into it! Thank you!!
If you are interested in a typology channel by an ISFJ, you might want to check out Realities of Typology channel.
I don't know him personally (listened only to a bunch of his videos),
and (to me at least (I'm an ISFP by the way)) he seems like a great guy and I think he explains stuff really excellently.
I see several stuff the same way that he sees, but I'm total cr@p at explaining, so I suggest you check out his channel instead :).
(PS. His last video (which title at the moment is "Looking Angrily at Shapes of Hearts.") has a pretty strong ranty vibe at certain points of the video (though I personnally find it hilarious and very funny :)) but if you don't like ranty stuff, you might want to check out some of his earliest videos)
@@kaisfp thank you so much! I am definitely going to check it out!
as an isfj I find myself locked in details of memories, especially bad experienced, like divorce, death, or old friendships. think about a coworker you relied onwho changes jobs. for me, I always feel like I failed them, or they would have stayed. like I didn't measure up. this intense feeling of disappointment is never verbalized or expressed, and often times I have to retreat and privately express pain alone. I'm learning to allow myself to let these moments pass, because the harder I fight them, the more intense they are. ty for sharing the isfj personality type.
this is also what I feel, its always so painful, the structure of the world must because my heart just dont wish to be trampled upon.
That was very insightful Adam. Much deeper understanding of isfj complexities and motives than anywhere found so far. Isfj are poorly understood from the mbti community maybe because there's so few of them here and they get dismissed and taken for granted when they're really the salt of the earth. X
If you are interested in a typology channel by an ISFJ, you might want to check out Realities of Typology channel.
I don't know him personally (listened only to a bunch of his videos),
and (to me at least (I'm an ISFP by the way)) he seems like a great guy and I think he explains stuff really excellently.
I see several stuff the same way that he sees, but I'm total cr@p at explaining, so I suggest you check out his channel instead :).
(PS. His last video has a pretty strong ranty vibe at certain points of the video (though I personnally find it hilarious and very funny :)) but if you don't like ranty stuff, you might want to check out some of his earliest videos)
@@kaisfp thanks I will appreciated
I have some ISFJs in my life and thought I'd understand them better. Very nice video. It was good to learn from the strengths of a personality type that thinks differently from my own. And it's refreshing to see content that goes beyond stereotypes and reveals the Truth about things that matter.
YES on not being able to feel complete in my feelings if I don't share them. I have a couple of very close confidants, and until I share something that happened/how I felt about it with them, it's as if it isn't real/didn't happen at all. On the one hand, I don't like feeling that needy, but on the other, the delight of sharing feelings with a trusted friend is one of the greatest joys there is.
Thank you so much to Adam for helping me understand the ISFJ ❤
This is a super useful discussion for me. Thank you both! I'm probably gonna watch this a couple more times to really absorb the details lol 😂
Overall I enjoy his insights and relate..about the thinking: I view our attention to detail as supplemental to other thinking types who might benefit from our
ability to question or even see what they might be overlooking.
I think we make good trouble-shooters, and this is a VALUABLE contribution to overall
understanding. Nothing to be ashamed of there. It also fits nicely with our desire to be helpful
to others. Also I wish the police had hypnotized you, because as an Isfj I believe you subconsciously saw EVERYTHING. Sometimes my dreams are full of an ASTONISHING amount of detail. Thankyou for your insights.
ISFJs are gems. As an INTJ I adore them and am also terrified of not providing what they need and ruining the relationship. This helps!
wow, Adam really explains Si and how clearly I don't have this (intj, so "demon"). Every video i watch from Si experts helps me understand so much. He's excellent at explaining how he sees the world! Thank you Joyce (also demon Si ;))and Adam.
I laugh in the face of detail! I relate so much to all of what he’s saying - ISFJ
Great work Joyce! As an INTJ I enjoyed this video on the perspective of ISFJs. At t=1872 you asked about recalling memories like a video recording. As someone with no conscious visual recall (aphantasia), I wonder, have you noticed any patterns between type and vividness of "imagination"? I've personally only ever met intuitive aphants.
An excellent deep dive. Joyce Meng is pretty sharp! (From an ISFJ)
This video helped a ton. It helped me understand introverted sensing so much better!
Joyce Meng, obviously we don’t know each other lol that would be absurd. But on a personal note even though we don’t know each other I would like to tell you this. I noticed you’ve just gained 1000 subscribers is short succession. Congratulations! I’m glad to see the incredible level gained in short amount of time, the effort and cognitive ability your applying are making a much deserved impact. I recently learned your age in personality hacker video. And your INFJ discovery age as well. Your dive into your abilities and the depth of understanding your abilities and deeper depths your constantly reaching is for lack of a more accurate sum it all in one word amazing. If this video is your most recent , you have shaped and sharpened your questions noticeably. We are all individuals, but you’re definitely one of a kind. I hope everyone who can understand themselves get the opportunity to find you, because it is one of the greatest paths for any individual to be on and start to begin to truly find the depths that lies within one’s self. Don’t stop being you, and finding the depths that exist within yourself so others don’t have to swim in the shallows of understanding .
Thank you for your kindness, @fearenheit7423! I'm touched by your words and incredibly grateful for your recognition of my work. The journey of self-exploration and understanding is indeed a rewarding one, and it's people like you that make it even more meaningful. Your encouragement fuels my passion to continue creating videos. 🙂
Thank YOU for this Joyce and Adam !Infp with Isfj male boyfriend. He get confused and overstimulated when i come to him with intense emotions and extroverted intuitive ideas like prisoners could be "potentially" good people OR everyone's opinions and feelings matter. He feels safe inside what he is familiar with (work and past memories/senses) while i can go out of my comfort zone (introvertedly of course) with many interests and activity hopping and i believe he finds me to be bizarre with a touch of empathy for my traumatic past. Also, how do i keep content face so my isfj doesnt feel like its his fault that i'm intrinsically sad or melancholy. Oh well... going on two years. Hope we make it ! eek
Hi! I am an INFP male and my gf is an ISFJ. I have learned that this combination can be 1 of the most complicated type pairings. Both parties need to have understanding of where the other person is coming from. My gf and I have been together for nearly 11 years so this type of relationship can definitely work out!!
every time he says " Introverted sensation," my Ti hero is like ouch🙈
Yes, you're my
sweetheart, Will.
Huhf, as an intp, i actually aware of my Si a lot. But somehow, my Si is just never gonna catch up with routine and details, it's extremely boring, i would be dead relatively instantly. And the truth is, the way i call past memory, i often find myself to forget about a lot of things, or my memory is not accurate. Also, the lack of Ne is somewhat makes me feels lost when i reflecting on you, i'm more future and past oriented in nature. And Fe, dealing with external harmony is just struggle for me. I learn it over time, but because of Se blind, it always felt awkward, my action i mean. What i could learn is i highly resonate with Si as sensory reactiveness (i felt really disturbed by noice), being meaningful detail oriented, playing movie about the past( actually it's blurry kinda movie, i just aware of impression), building pattern from detail (being overly sceptic, actually it depends on the situation, usually if it doesn't makes sense). Overall i aware of my Si (but it just not felt strong into my awareness, and into my activities, i'm hardworking, but never really detailed oriented in the first strength). Thanks for shared experience as Si dominant. It's enlightened me a lot.
Great interview.➕
I can agree with nearly everything, what has been said.😀
I`m ISFJ and similarly like John very reactive to what is happening around, constantly watching other people, trying to guess if they are comfortable with me, if not I change the course to restore harmony and in most cases, I`m successful at doing that.😀
I also compare what`s going at present with that which occurred in the past, producing some interesting conclusions, which I like to share with others.
Using my good memory, I have associations, which for me are very natural and obvious, but for my listeners quite unique and creative.🦊
In fact, ISFJ memory is like treasure house, where precious diamonds are stored, which can be used to improve ones mood, to learn something valuable or to anticipate future.
True, when interacting with others, the most important are their feelings, not mine. I can`t even imagine, it could be otherwise.🙃
Yes, order is significant, as an opposite to chaos and unpredictability.
Indeed, I reveal some details of my life in order to build trust with other person, hoping that he/she does the same, which is not always the case. 😲
Three words people say about me: perceiver, gentle, intelligent.☑
Me about myself persistent, hypersensitive, empathetic.✅
Thank you Joyce for interesting interview.🥰
Question, After listening to Adam, Do "Feeling Men" (I'm an ENFP) have any of the Ruthless "Dark Traid" traits???
I wonder what you and Adam would you consider the difference between ISFJ and INTP?
Hey Robyn! I’ll send him an email about it and if we ever end up filming it I’ll send you a link underneath here 🙂
Hi Robyn, where ISFJ wants to arrive at an accurate account of the reality it is faced with, INTP wants to develop models that can explain all the ways that things may develop in the future. ISFJ is experiential. I trust my experience. if I once encounter an angel, then, for me, obviously at least one angel exists in the world. INTP is rational and logical. Meeting an angel would not be sufficient to convince an INTP that angels exist, because it could have been a hallucination. The INTP would need to have a testable theory of how angels develop and how they avoid detection by most people before accepting the reality of angels. ISFJ tends to be good at keeping relatively warm relations with people, especially people they don't know well. INTP really wants to have warm relations, but finds it hard to achieve sometimes. If other people do things that seem irrational, the INTP becomes baffled and discouraged. I hope these thoughts help.
@adamfrey471 Hi Adam, thank you so much! Although I'm an INFP, I really appreciated your use of memories to explain points and really make your audience understand where you're coming from. This was an awesome interview!
@JoyceMeng22 Thanks! This interview is honestly one of my favorites- and you've done a lot of great ones- because you really opened my eyes to people with a type that doesn't get enough understanding. And this INFP really appreciates that 🙂
Joyce Meng 💐💐🌹💐💐
INFJ who adores
her ISFJ.
Interesting. Why is it that ISFJs, with their 3rd slot Ti, 'cannot do thinking' for an extended period of time, or would hate participating in a debate, while INFJs, with the same 3rd slot Ti, dont mind either (from my observation)? 🤔Does having Ni as their dominant function really change so much? (asking as an INTJ, really curious about this)
@@kazesan3431 I was actually hoping to find out more about what Adam's saying about his struggles with building logic-based arguments in college (25:50). I'm a teacher and often see this happen in my lessons - eg. ISFJs finding it really hard to improvise during a debate, to construct a logical argument and defend it on paper, etc. INFJs, on the other hand, don't seem to have a problem with any of these (not that I've met a lot of INFJs, they indeed are super rare, but I have a few 🙂). They might need a minute to collect their thoughts, and it's generally easier for them to comment on what has already been said than lead, but they normally don't shy away from a good debate. So, you confirmed my suspicion that having intuition high in one's function stack (or very low, if you look at it from the ISFJ perspective) must be what makes such a significant difference. Thanks for sharing your opinion 🙂
About ISFJs finding it hard to improvise during a debate:
I could be the case, because o INFJs' 5th Ne is much more capable in a "talent" level compared to ISFJs' 4th Ne.
(In Socionics, the Dimensionality aspect of the functions explains this,
INFJs have 3-Dimensional capability level Ne, which is the "creative, playful" capability level.
ISFJs have 1-Dimensional capability level Ne,
which is basically the "Trial-and-Error" / "Learning from failures" kind of experiencial 1 dimensional capability.
INFJs have a significant advantage in "Ne-natural-talent" regard.
An INFJ's 3D Ne "talent" level beats An ISFJ's 1D Ne "talent" level,
but an INFJ can naturally beat ISFJ in a random-debate-on-the-fly
only if both of them have about the same amount of time/quality practice in debating.
If an ISFJ decides to become a debater early on,
he will have much more experience from which he have a chance to learn more from
so his debating skills that he developed with his 1D Ne
have a chance to rise higher than a non-debater INFJ's 3D Ne debating-on-the-fly type of "talent" who(INFJ) didn't developed his debating-on-the-fly skills at all.
Sure, INFJs might really not like using Ne by nature, but if they decide to use it for a random debate, then they are going to be able to use their 3D Ne 5th slot function significantly better thatn an ISFJ can use his 1D Ne 4th function
(but again, this can be the case only if the INFJ have low or no debating skills, but the ISFJ has significant practice/skills in debating.)
An ISFJ example who seem to be someone who would be able to feel relatively comfortable enough in a random debate that involves improvising and no preparation at all (relatively, I mean compared to a "standard" stereotype ISFJ idea) is the guy who runs the RUclips channel called:
Realities of Typology
If an Ne-dom would try to "force" him towards another topic that he is not familiar with at all (unlike typology topoc) then the INFJ possibly (or probably(?)) would have a higher chance to win that other topic random no-preparation-style debate,
simply because there would be more stuff popping up in her INFJ mind and popping up faster too (thanks to her 3D Ne) compared to the ISFJ, probably less ideas and popping up slower, and for improvisational style debate I guess "wrestling" and grabbing the thing with more limbs (Ne ideas) can be really benefitial and ultimately can decide the outcome of the random no-preparation-beforehand-style debate.
@@Itsmesmileyface What you said for Ni doms isn’t true at all. High Ni and Fe types will also care for the community as much as Si users will, since both still have high Fe.
That’s just like saying INFJ, despite having the same level of Fe as ISFJ, won’t care about the community and are low on the agreeableness. You are describing types like INTJ who are high Ni but have the lowest Fe out of all types.
@@ewaperczak5479 As an INFJ I can confirm what you said both about the INFJ and ISFJ. It's probably due to how the dominant functions work. As Ni is concept and big picture oriented, it doesn't need to have previous experience with a concept. If the INFJ understands the concept, they simply understand it and so are directly able to talk about it and form an opinion or even a strategy on what to do within that concept. I myself operate like that very much. But Si in the ISFJ is more like gathering past experiences not in one piece but in separate pieces that are not necessarily connected to each other, so in order to form a concept in their head they'd need to put all those pieces together first and see what the correlations between them are. This is extremely hard to do on the spot so they will not be good in long, intellectually winding debates (add to that inferior Ne as well). But in a short, quick exchange they can be very sharp and witty, cuttingly snarky even but that isn't discussing complicated concepts.
How does one address issues with an isfj if they hate any criticism or conflict?
An ISFJ has already examined herself to the little details. She already knows all her flaws and feels bad about them, and is in constant (unconscious) fear of the people around her realizing these faults and rejecting or abandoning her.
Picture it like, she's on her knees hitting her own head with a shovel over this fault. Then someone comes up and blatantly points it out to her, and tells her she needs to fix that. It's like they took the shovel and hit her over the head so that now she's face down in the dirt.
My suggestion would be that if you're having an issue with something about her (or him obviously), bring it up softly and gently, but as if you're talking about someone else. Don't lie and say it is so-and-so, just act as if you're talking about someone in your life in general. Trust me, regardless of how she acts or what she says, she WILL pick up on your negative reaction you are having to the topic, and will strive instantly within herself to never be like that, or do that, or say that, to you or anyone, because it makes you unhappy or uncomfortable.
You will have brought up something seemingly generic, but if you could see inside her brain, there is a huge red warning light with your words in bold AND italics (ISFJ grammar nerd), warning against an atomic reaction.
Honestly, she may even turn to you and apologize for any time that she has done that to you, whilst keeping up the facade that it was someone else, thereby lessening the conflict of the conversation and not having to feel the intense emotions of being called out personally by you.
Make sense?
Edit: Later that day when she is alone, she will go over your words a million times and feel awful because she knows you were addressing her. But she will feel warmly thankful to you for having approached her so gently. She may not meet your eyes the next few times you talk 🙂
Note: True to ISFJ form, I have read and reread this comment multiple times. If that dang autocorrect puts my fixes back again, I am going to chuck this phone into the Ganges and hope it dies a slow, painful, bacteria-infested death.
Second Note: To some this will seem like an annoying roundabout way to confront someone about something, but you just have to understand that people are made differently. Some of us take criticism extremely personally. We didn't choose to be that way; we are simply deep feelers who not only feel horrible about our faults, but feel doubly horrible when we can sense your negative feelings and add them in on top of our own. We simply require a gentle hand. And a gentle hand is what we offer, as well.
@@LeeLynn-vq8yq
You've provided the absolute most helpful and accurate portrayal of my experience with her. When it comes to issues I am anything but indirect or roundabout or gentle. I am WTF, are you out of your mind? (To me in a relationship I see this as closeness, care and being authentic) So how does an INFJ process being called out directly with anger? Have I basically hit a dog that's already been abused?
She just shuts down and I get angrier then she tries to talk me out of being angry! ISFJs to me are like "nice strangers" always polite but distant and impersonal...like an "amazing, nice stranger."
This kind of forever muted, careful, indirect, constantly hypersensitive way isn't for me.
I know she likes me but sometimes she won't even look directly at me (shy?)
I really care enough to accept I am not for her but thank you from the bottom of ❤️.
The irony is, we can be very direct, even to the point of seeming cold and unfeeling. But I wonder if it's the character flaws, or the issues and faults that are rooted in the character flaws (or weaknesses), that we're overly sensitive about. Other things we send and receive (communication wise) quite practically and unemotionally. Even if we don't like what you're saying about us, we can take the hit and then absorb it as purely factual.
Regarding the "WTF" reactions, probably a large part of her instant reaction is the fact that, to an ISFJ, you're being rude, demeaning, and disrespectful. You're talking to her like she's an idiot, a moron who couldn't possibly be so dum as to think bloh bloh bloh. That is an extremely hurtful way to talk to anyone. You can be angry and call someone out on something, very directly, without being insulting and rude.
Since you have now opened this train of conversation with anger and (perceived) aggression, you have removed all harmony in communication, and replaced it with straight up confrontation. Now she is extremely uncomfortable and unhappy, and now she is extremely uncomfortable and unhappy about your anger and discomfort. While she wants to defend herself, her first concern is to calm you down and make you feel better. If you insist on remaining angry and (perceived) aggressive, and demand her to take an active role in this confrontation whether she is willing or able to, or not; then yes, she will shut down.
If you want to have a more productive confrontation, approach the conversation in a more "let's talk; we'll go in the conference room" approach. ISFJs do react to factual presentations MUCH better than emotional outbursts. You won't need many examples, she'll have it all down pretty quick. Remember, it doesn't take visible anger, yelling, or half an hour of pointing out what she did wrong. One example and a brief exposition on how that action in general upsets you, and she will be weighted down with disappointing you and herself instantly. Like a child who doesn't need a spanking, just that look from Dad.
Where you see her as being impersonal, or like a stranger; consider it more along the line of casual business style, where calm, respect, and organized mature communication are key...given the moment in time. If your approach is to be outwardly angry and lash out verbally, there will come a point when she becomes icy to these reactions, and she simply won't feel the need to acknowledge them anymore. And while she'll care that that angers you further, she'll bury that deep and just simply not care. If you won't alter this type of communication out of respect for her, then she will know that she doesn't want to stay with you and deal with this for the rest of her life, but as an ISFJ, she won't leave.
I kind of have to guess at the reasons why she wouldn't meet your eyes. One might be that she wants to talk to you about something, but she's unsure about starting the conversation, and hopes you'll reach out to her. The other would be that she's angry with you, but doesn't want a confrontation. Thirdly, ISFJs can be shy, yes. We are introverts, after all.
I think in the end it's about respect. And respect is very important to her; both to respect you, and to be respected by you. If you can respect her as her whole person, and bring your reactions down a notch (or two, it sounds like), you could be fine in this relationship.
If you feel that that is not being true to yourself, and that by changing your reaction, she isn't accepting you for you, then perhaps this is not a good long term match, and moving on sooner than later would save both of you a lot of heartache.
I'm sorry that was so long winded, but I wanted to be thorough.
We need an Arabic translation
ISFJs are wonderful people