Something else that's not talked about often is the guilt tripping and emotional blackmail you have to endure from your own family members. Since the rishta process relies so heavily on family connections, parents are more afraid of offending family members than worried about their own child's happiness. Plus, it is such a public process as so many people can get involved and everyone feels entitled to an opinion. Not to mention the gaslighting that happens when people don't like your opinion about YOUR preferences about YOUR future spouse and being called "picky". So much worse when you're a woman.
I did my 4th girls rishta. First, my daughter spoke to the boy, over the phone, when they both were comfortable to move forward they video called. Then a supervised (@ a distance) meetup face to face was arranged. Only then when both the boy and the girl were ready to pursue, the boys family came prepared to ask for rishta formally out of respect. At that point the families got to know each other. Knowing at this point, they have to make it work. This was followed by an engagement, and a year later, before my daughter got actually married, I asked her again, that do you feel the same commitment on moving forward in your life. Upon her reassurance, we then proceeded with the marriage. Now saying all of the above, parents don't have a textbook to read on how it should be. I am a mother of 4 independent, strong daughters. But over the years I have made mistakes, and learnt a lot too. Keep communication open, discuss everything and anything, you'll be surprised at what you learn from your children. Last but not least is bringing them into this world is the easiest part, rearing them in a special environment is the hardest job.
Ok I’m not the one who submitted but the same thing happened to me! Got a rishta for the older son, but liked the younger one. i said no to the older one and but his family was persistent & kept reaching out every few months. My parents were so confused as to why bc older one was so good on paper so i told them he’s not my “type” and when they asked me what was my type, i gave them vague but specific descriptors of the younger one & then they had their aha moment . We’ve been married for 12 years now…what if told u I was a mastermind….
Our whole desi culture needs to learn and redefine “boundaries”. We cannot live our children’s lives and once a person is ready for marriage and u r in that process that is a wake up call that now he or she is not a child anymore. Let them navigate their lives. Trust their judgement, let them make mistakes. Life is an experience. Let them live it up and if God forbid something goes wrong then as parents support them. Accept any marriage is a chance, love or arrange. So just take a deep breath and jump in ! Best of luck ❤️
Love the pod cast. My husband (Indian), me Mexican American we got married and have a baby girl. When I started dating my husband we had to have this difficult conversation about our cultural differences, finances, religion, view of life and future expectations. Once we introduced families into the picture we also had this conversation with them. It wasn’t easy but it’s not to hard. We have set a lot of boundaries with our families about our marriage and they both respect it. I try to be respectful to some beliefs they have but if it’s not for me it’s something i respectfully decline. One of our challenges In the future is going to be to be religion. My husband is Muslim and I am Christian. I know both my parents and in-laws want us to tell our kids what religion they should follow but that something we both agree not to force onto our children. We will teach from both religions ,we want our kids to know there is a God but we will let them choose what religion they identify the most with when they are older and understand it. We both agree to show culture customs to our kids and languages other then English because we don’t want them feel left out when we gather with our families. Sometimes it can be a bit overwhelming and I know ppl have a lot of opinions about our marriage but at the end of the day it’s our life.
I’m the youngest I got married first lol .. people judged the living daylights out of my older siblings. Also I liked my (now) husband and told my mum myself that I wanted to marry him. We weren’t bf/gf or anything just the way mum was talking about him I fell for him there and then. We had a nikkah and food and then a small walima close family only and food and got on with life Alhamdulillah. This year we are married 10 years Alhamdulillah. ❤
The way these two beautiful sisters half FALL OFF their damn chair when they are laughing! I love it 😂😂 also surprised they aren’t covered with bruises with all the little smacks they give each other when they laugh.
In Pakistan the rishta process has become more of a business for rishta aunties. They have thousands of registeration fee . 1st you have to pay month in order to see profiles. But once u pay the money they don't even reply of answer your calls. Specially they are taking advantage of the situations. My mother has spent thoudnds just for " umar nikali jari hy " social pressure ...
If you have a good family support system, parents, siblings and nieces and nephews and all living around you, then yes you will get by being single. Your work, family, friends and activities will fill the days and you will not be lonely. Loneliness is the worst.
Hi Hina amd Urooj. I discovered your channel accidentally via spotify couple of days ago and since then can't stop listening. Your topics are so relatable. As a woman born and brought up in Pakistan and then moved to Canada about 8 years ago I thought desi mindset here would be better but man was I disappointed! As they say you can take Pakistanis out of Pakistan but not the other way around. That's such a bummer! Anyways I just love your podcast and this has become my favorite channel so fast!
Thank you so much for this podcast 💗💗💗 I genuinely feel like I'm listening to my elder sisters sharing their experiences. Ive recently started warching and you two are hilarious omg!!! 🙌🔥
Its so traumatic.my lil sister has been rejected by so many guys and everyone says she is fat. My sis is dr, she is doing mphil, she is pretty just chubbier then usual pakistani girls💔 but the families are horrible😢 Me and my elder sister did love marriage so this is pure first experience of arrange marriage.literally hating it
Loved the podcast 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Genuine question: so what do you talk about when they tell you to go talk to the "larka"? Like what do I ask him? How would I know if he's the one? I am going through this process highly relateable podcast 🤝🏻♥️
I feel like in our desi culture ppl from our community or countries are more progressive than those desis living abroad. Desi parents living abroad will finalise rishta of their children left n right in other countries and the prospective groom n bride would be meeting for the first time at their engagement or roka whatever. More importantly their phone call/video call era is the so called dating stage which is do redundant I feel. I feel so so sorry for all boys n girls in the desi household who have to go through arranged marriage process. For some it could be fun or resting their case to God but for some it leads to a lifelong trauma. 😢😢
Totally agree with all the points and experiencing this shit torturing process. 😂 " Bat Kr Lo " happened with me. U cannot talk n it was the moat awkward moment. Than they ask u to give some answer on the basis of that . How can we judge person like that.
Integrating into a different culture is different from integration into a different religion. There is a difference between religion and culture. In Islam you cannot teach a different religion because that is SHIRK. You cannot allow yourself to practice a different religion because that is also SHIRK. Shirk is one of the main Gunah-E-Kabira that will NEVER be forgiven. Allah SWT says there is no forgiveness for SHIRK. Nauzubillah.
Hey moms, Assalam Alaikum girls I keep watching your videos on Instagram but I found this channel of yours on RUclips today and I like this hodie girl so much they way she speak urdu Punjabi mix 😍and I have subscribed to your channel, I like your videos very much. And I have been watching your videos since morning, keep itup, good luck ♥️♥️ Two hearts for two girls ♥️♥️
You girls are Amazing ❤❤❤❤. Totally relate to everything you say and thank you for the entertainment makes the drive to and back from work more exciting!!!
Yeah, but how do you know that someone is a good person? Like i understands intuition and stuff, but then there wouldn't be bad relationships if intuition plays a part in it.
Some rishta lady took $500 from me …for real and gave me rishtas like a guy who has just come back form Amsterdam and another guy who owned a liquor store…now she’s charging folks at least $1000z
Girl do I agree with the fact that America is not what people think it is. IT IS SO STRESSED. Pakistan is soooooo much better in terms of sakooonnnn you are at peace there.
@OKMomPodcast Well... Hopefully, after hearing those horrifying stories on your podcast regarding arranged marriage processes, some might re-evaluate their preferences. Keep up the good work
I would say that’s between her and her husband.. I share with my husband and we have no problem with that but that’s between us. Finances can be a touchy situation for some people.
Something else that's not talked about often is the guilt tripping and emotional blackmail you have to endure from your own family members. Since the rishta process relies so heavily on family connections, parents are more afraid of offending family members than worried about their own child's happiness. Plus, it is such a public process as so many people can get involved and everyone feels entitled to an opinion. Not to mention the gaslighting that happens when people don't like your opinion about YOUR preferences about YOUR future spouse and being called "picky". So much worse when you're a woman.
This is very true
I did my 4th girls rishta. First, my daughter spoke to the boy, over the phone, when they both were comfortable to move forward they video called. Then a supervised (@ a distance) meetup face to face was arranged. Only then when both the boy and the girl were ready to pursue, the boys family came prepared to ask for rishta formally out of respect. At that point the families got to know each other. Knowing at this point, they have to make it work. This was followed by an engagement, and a year later, before my daughter got actually married, I asked her again, that do you feel the same commitment on moving forward in your life. Upon her reassurance, we then proceeded with the marriage. Now saying all of the above, parents don't have a textbook to read on how it should be. I am a mother of 4 independent, strong daughters. But over the years I have made mistakes, and learnt a lot too. Keep communication open, discuss everything and anything, you'll be surprised at what you learn from your children. Last but not least is bringing them into this world is the easiest part, rearing them in a special environment is the hardest job.
Very true thanks for sharing
Ok I’m not the one who submitted but the same thing happened to me! Got a rishta for the older son, but liked the younger one. i said no to the older one and but his family was persistent & kept reaching out every few months. My parents were so confused as to why bc older one was so good on paper so i told them he’s not my “type” and when they asked me what was my type, i gave them vague but specific descriptors of the younger one & then they had their aha moment . We’ve been married for 12 years now…what if told u I was a mastermind….
Love that for you!
Girl same!
Got asked for the older one, I told my parents I like the younger one. Married 3 years now!
Couldn’t be happier
Our whole desi culture needs to learn and redefine “boundaries”. We cannot live our children’s lives and once a person is ready for marriage and u r in that process that is a wake up call that now he or she is not a child anymore. Let them navigate their lives. Trust their judgement, let them make mistakes. Life is an experience. Let them live it up and if God forbid something goes wrong then as parents support them. Accept any marriage is a chance, love or arrange. So just take a deep breath and jump in ! Best of luck ❤️
Very true
Love the pod cast. My husband (Indian), me Mexican American we got married and have a baby girl. When I started dating my husband we had to have this difficult conversation about our cultural differences, finances, religion, view of life and future expectations. Once we introduced families into the picture we also had this conversation with them. It wasn’t easy but it’s not to hard. We have set a lot of boundaries with our families about our marriage and they both respect it. I try to be respectful to some beliefs they have but if it’s not for me it’s something i respectfully decline. One of our challenges In the future is going to be to be religion. My husband is Muslim and I am Christian. I know both my parents and in-laws want us to tell our kids what religion they should follow but that something we both agree not to force onto our children. We will teach from both religions ,we want our kids to know there is a God but we will let them choose what religion they identify the most with when they are older and understand it. We both agree to show culture customs to our kids and languages other then English because we don’t want them feel left out when we gather with our families. Sometimes it can be a bit overwhelming and I know ppl have a lot of opinions about our marriage but at the end of the day it’s our life.
Absolutely! Wishing you the best. Thanks for sharing
I’m the youngest I got married first lol .. people judged the living daylights out of my older siblings. Also I liked my (now) husband and told my mum myself that I wanted to marry him. We weren’t bf/gf or anything just the way mum was talking about him I fell for him there and then. We had a nikkah and food and then a small walima close family only and food and got on with life Alhamdulillah. This year we are married 10 years Alhamdulillah. ❤
That’s amazing to hear❤️
The way these two beautiful sisters half FALL OFF their damn chair when they are laughing! I love it 😂😂 also surprised they aren’t covered with bruises with all the little smacks they give each other when they laugh.
I didn’t know they were sister!!
In Pakistan the rishta process has become more of a business for rishta aunties. They have thousands of registeration fee . 1st you have to pay month in order to see profiles. But once u pay the money they don't even reply of answer your calls. Specially they are taking advantage of the situations. My mother has spent thoudnds just for " umar nikali jari hy " social pressure ...
That’s so unfortunate
Love listening to you guys it’s like talking to older sisters!!
Thank you for listening ❤️
6:58 it’s because girls are told not to be too picky, but guys are told to not settle. So the guys will see many more girls and be like nopeeee.
If you have a good family support system, parents, siblings and nieces and nephews and all living around you, then yes you will get by being single. Your work, family, friends and activities will fill the days and you will not be lonely. Loneliness is the worst.
Hi Hina amd Urooj. I discovered your channel accidentally via spotify couple of days ago and since then can't stop listening. Your topics are so relatable. As a woman born and brought up in Pakistan and then moved to Canada about 8 years ago I thought desi mindset here would be better but man was I disappointed! As they say you can take Pakistanis out of Pakistan but not the other way around. That's such a bummer! Anyways I just love your podcast and this has become my favorite channel so fast!
Thank you so much for the love and support❤️
Thank you so much for this podcast 💗💗💗 I genuinely feel like I'm listening to my elder sisters sharing their experiences. Ive recently started warching and you two are hilarious omg!!! 🙌🔥
We appreciate you watching and engaging thank you!
Its so traumatic.my lil sister has been rejected by so many guys and everyone says she is fat. My sis is dr, she is doing mphil, she is pretty just chubbier then usual pakistani girls💔 but the families are horrible😢
Me and my elder sister did love marriage so this is pure first experience of arrange marriage.literally hating it
That sounds like such a hard time. Hoping it gets easier but the stories are wild
Loved the podcast 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Genuine question: so what do you talk about when they tell you to go talk to the "larka"? Like what do I ask him? How would I know if he's the one?
I am going through this process highly relateable podcast 🤝🏻♥️
Thank you! It’s personal to everyone. What are things that are important to you that you’d like to know about them. Such as will you live with inlaws?
Love you guys. You guys are so relatable.
🙏🏼🙏🏼 thank you
I feel like in our desi culture ppl from our community or countries are more progressive than those desis living abroad. Desi parents living abroad will finalise rishta of their children left n right in other countries and the prospective groom n bride would be meeting for the first time at their engagement or roka whatever. More importantly their phone call/video call era is the so called dating stage which is do redundant I feel. I feel so so sorry for all boys n girls in the desi household who have to go through arranged marriage process. For some it could be fun or resting their case to God but for some it leads to a lifelong trauma. 😢😢
Hopefully we can change things and make the process better it is definitely hard
Totally agree with all the points and experiencing this shit torturing process. 😂 " Bat Kr Lo " happened with me. U cannot talk n it was the moat awkward moment. Than they ask u to give some answer on the basis of that . How can we judge person like that.
Integrating into a different culture is different from integration into a different religion. There is a difference between religion and culture. In Islam you cannot teach a different religion because that is SHIRK. You cannot allow yourself to practice a different religion because that is also SHIRK. Shirk is one of the main Gunah-E-Kabira that will NEVER be forgiven. Allah SWT says there is no forgiveness for SHIRK.
Nauzubillah.
Hey moms, Assalam Alaikum girls I keep watching your videos on Instagram but I found this channel of yours on RUclips today and I like this hodie girl so much they way she speak urdu Punjabi mix 😍and I have subscribed to your channel, I like your videos very much. And I have been watching your videos since morning, keep itup, good luck ♥️♥️
Two hearts for two girls ♥️♥️
Thank you!
You girls are Amazing ❤❤❤❤. Totally relate to everything you say and thank you for the entertainment makes the drive to and back from work more exciting!!!
Thanks for listening!
1:08:42 I said this how can you once be a daughter in law who was treated badly and they in turn out to be the same thing.
Facts
Great podcast ladies ♥️ waiting for the next one
More to come!
Not true! Even Indian Muslims get their daughters/sons married to their cousins😭😭
AHAHAHA I'm dead!! Seema aunty needs to chill!
Neewww Episode ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Yeah, but how do you know that someone is a good person? Like i understands intuition and stuff, but then there wouldn't be bad relationships if intuition plays a part in it.
Some rishta lady took $500 from me …for real and gave me rishtas like a guy who has just come back form Amsterdam and another guy who owned a liquor store…now she’s charging folks at least $1000z
Could you upload English subtitles for the Urdu parts?
These days we cater
Love you guyss!!!
❤️
100% true,
Girl do I agree with the fact that America is not what people think it is. IT IS SO STRESSED. Pakistan is soooooo much better in terms of sakooonnnn you are at peace there.
Yup!
But why go through an arranged marriage process? Being born and raised in the US/ Canada, why not find someone on your own like most americans do
Some people prefer arranged marriages
@OKMomPodcast Well... Hopefully, after hearing those horrifying stories on your podcast regarding arranged marriage processes, some might re-evaluate their preferences. Keep up the good work
❤❤❤❤
Is it ok to ask the wife to share 50% of the finances?
I would say that’s between her and her husband.. I share with my husband and we have no problem with that but that’s between us. Finances can be a touchy situation for some people.
I think if the housework is 50 50 the finances should be 50 50 aswell.
depends on the couple financial situation and goals
@@hellocx6350 so should men not be expected to contribute in housework too?
@@maqpi8335 Sometimes, it's nice to do certain acts of kindness without expecting anything in return.
I love love you
Thank you!
❤️❤️❤️🇬🇧
😆😆😆❤️