Struggling to Find a Way Out of a Mess You Made?
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- Опубликовано: 23 авг 2024
- Today, we hear from:
- A man caught in a nasty sports betting addiction
- A woman who’s never felt confident in her marriage
- A mom struggling to understand her teen son’s rebellious behavior
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Nooooo! I thought I’d be a drunk until the day I died.
I have 14 1/2 years sober after a life so dark I had no idea I would make it through
It gets better!
Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly
The miracle will happen!
I have zero cravings today
No cravings
None at all
It had to get that bad to eventually feel this solid
Addiction is addiction
There’s always a way out
Don’t give up before the miracle
3 min in and I just want to hug this kid. He’s too young to have this heavy burden. I wish I could just pluck him out of his pain and give him some relief.
There was a sentence I heard about addiction and a happy life.
Addiction is the progressive narrowing of things that bring you joy.
On the other side of the spectrum:
A good life is a progressive increase of things that being you joy.
💯
As a recovering alcoholic, I approve this message!❤
So good!
Poor guy. 😔 I can feel his pain. Gambling is no joke. It destroys you, your family, your life. He is desperate. I can't stand when people say "just quit".
Part of the "only 1 day away" comment when it comes to addiction... Especially from the old timers in anonymous groups... I think it's not so much saying you still feel the draw like you did when first getting clean, I think it's a way of keeping check on the strength the addiction can have over you and not being prideful believing youre no longer susceptible to being dragged back down.
Yep. I thought I was well after I got sober first time. Relapse was inevitable. I thought, oh crap maybe I'm not an alcoholic. Then I started recovering with help. Sober/recovering ever since.
Kevin,
I'm 30 days in, it DOES get better. I'm no longer suicidal. I have HOPE. I am finding so much help just watching good You Tubes on gambling Addiction. Doing a phone Gamblers Anonymous meeting, reading my Bible, talking to a counselor. Just for today, I will not gamble. I made the decision to ask for help. I made the decision that I cannot control myself when it comes to gambling. I gave my debit card to my mother to hold onto. You may need to have someone else control your money for a time, so you can just concentrate on your recovery. You are in my prayers! You CAN beat this, with God's help. 😊
How are you doing now? You inspire us all
This is the best JD episode I've seen yet. Seeing the seeds of support in real time is inspiring. I really hope Kevin gets the help that he needs, and Craig continues to do well.
I think that last caller needs to quit concentrating on finding a mate and concentrate on spending time with her child she claims she works 6 days a week but she has plenty of time to go find a dude! I'm getting rid of the dude and spend time with the kid he needs it!
I know people can get addicted to gambling as adults but caller #1 is reason 1000 that parents should not give open access to the internet to kids. A lot of young boys(and some girls) are porn addicts as well which is just kind of mind boggling... lucky future spouses!
So sad, that broken people are raising our next generation. This woman has broken this child and is making him a future criminal. My heart aches for this child.
It's not that broken people are raising our next generation.
Every generation since the beginning of time has included broken people and most of them have raised families.
In fact, most of us are broken in one way or another.
My grandmother was broken.
My mom was broken.
I am broken.
My daughter is broken.
My mom's siblings were obviously broken and most of their children and grandchildren are even more broken.
We all have broken things in our lives and some of us deal with it better than others. Some of us just hide it better.
And some of us, while we are "dealing" with it end up doing more damage than those who are obviously messed up.
Becoming aware and making an effort is all we can do.
This third caller is exactly like my mother in law. She destroyed her children in the process of the constant search for a husband. Never cared about how her children were affected along the way. Always telling them that they were the reason she wasn’t happy. My husband to this day has a horrible relationship with his mom.
Narcissistic mothers are the worst!,, I know cause I had one !!
Ikr
She doesn’t sound so bad. At least she’s conscious that she might be doing something wrong.
@@asimdeyaf for sure, it just seemed like Delony was having to lead her there
My mom told me the whole time I was growing up that she would leave my dad, who beat her, if she didn't have me and my sister. I grew up feeling like it was all my fault she stayed in the abuse. After we grew up and left, she never left. It took years but I finally realized it was not my fault but I had carried that around for years. So I know how your husband feels.
Dr. John Delony is like the big brother I never had but needed, he is so compassionate and gives sound advice 🙏🏻😊 This episode helped accept I need help to navigate my own mess 🧡
I’m just watching this now, a year on
I hope so much that this young man has found a gambling free life and purpose and the peace he needed 💙
Good luck to Kevin I really hope Dr. John and Craig can get you through this. You are a brave man reaching out and I hope you find peace! Dr. John is the best and I’m so grateful for him he has changed my life!! ❤️
You can’t shame yourself into evolution you have to love yourself into evolution .
This is so incredibly true ❤
Have to say this addiction to Dr John’s podcast has been / is life chg ing for me. I’m old enough to be his mom but timely / honest advice never gets old. Just listening has given me fresh insights and the gameplan for making amends w my adult kids. Also Dr John has convinced me to start therapy. At 72!!!! It’s never too late! Prayers for you and your family 🙌🙌🙌🙏🙏🙏
I hope Kevin gets help now at 23 and not waste years of his life for nothing. Because in the end, gambling leaves you with nothing.. No money, no relationships, nothing.
The first call!!!! If I could give him a HUGE HUG! Damn I would.
With the attention a child needs to be loved and well adapted, I can’t imagine throwing dating in the mix honestly. I couldn’t afford to drop the ball if my heart was thrown to the curb. We have our kids for such a short time, I need to leave this world knowing they’re happy, loved and living well in adulthood.
Sending Kevin so much love. My heart breaks for the literal child who found himself under the influence of gambling. Oh man…. The “inner child” is a joke to some, but if you show yours some compassion you won’t be laughing - you’ll be crying. But it will be a good cry. A necessary cry.❤😘❤️😘❤️
For him to be asking for and seeking help at 23, gives hope he will overcome his addiction.
Give it to God. It’s hard to stumble when you’re on your knees. I hear a shaky ego and a young man trying to fill a hole with something only God can fill.
Agreed, but we also need to walk alongside those who are new (or old) to faith. We need to be there with them, and have people be there with us. Relationships are key to expanding the Kingdom.
@@sawyersprott 100% agree. 23 is a great age to turn his life around, like most of us did around that age.
I pray for the 1st caller freedom in Jesus name. Lord free him from this bondage. Lord. 😢😢😢😢😢
Whatever pain Kevin feels from his addiction, he's getting something out of it that is more powerful than the pain. Unless/until he can find a way to meet that need in a better way it will continue to draw him back.
I think certain things like gambling s** and such a compulsions not addictions, technically?
@@CC12398 I think clinically they are addictions. You can become addiccted to the dopamine hit you get when you engage in the activity.
@@thermalreboot yes I'm not really sure.. I think scientists and medical doctors are split on the meaning of addiction in general. I believe I read an article in PubMed in regards to this and also that drug addiction by definition is not a disease it should not be in the disease nomenclature
Not sure it matters if can be defined as an addiction? It controls and is destroying his life.
He is getting the dopamine release. Same for every single other "addiction" out there.
This was so awesome!! Praying for him - I wish addiction was never a thing for mankind. John Delony is so awesome and such an understanding and incredibly intelligent man. Such an awesome and raw and beautiful show!!❤
My heart goes out to this guy. I hear his desperation.
Just listed to the last caller. WAY TO GO, Dr. John.❤
16:47 A meeting every hour on the hour!! That is the most incredible support team I have ever heard! I wish that existed for more addictions!! Incredible and so beautiful!!!
Jodie, don’t give up on your marriage… I’ve struggled with depression & anxiety, to the point of some really dark thoughts … you may find as you become healthier that your marriage is more satisfying… even if your husband does nothing to change.
I take medication and I see the value in it for many. I would explore you to check out side effects. I have tried a few medications… one that I took ended up making me feel very flat and not able to enjoy things - killed my s3x drive completely - I discovered many others also had that experience and it really hurt their marriages. I gained 20lbs on it (which was highly unusual for me) and then felt bad about my body. The name brand begins with a Zo_ _ _ _ . I don’t want to get in trouble here … everyone has their experience… I would say that one helped for a short term. Now I take something different.
Don’t give up… be careful about putting so much expectation on your marriage or husband … they cannot carry that weight. I’m rooting for you!
I really felt that conversation with Kevin! I can so relate with the desperateness that is engraved in the walls of the perceived and (therefore) actual prison of addiction! It's absolutely disgusting how -at least in the Netherlands- betting is promoted during sport events and in commercials. The same goes for alcohol, and people who really do not have intimate experience with addiction will say things like: just quit then. Or have just one. Duh, if we could, we would, wouldn't we? Nothing wrong with our willpower, because we can be incredibly sucessful people in other areas of our lives.
What Kevin noticed about GA was what drove me away from AA, where I also saw people with long clean times talk about their daily struggle to not pick up. They talked about: I can never drink again, I would like to, but I know I can't. The idea of having to be in such a 12 step program, work the steps every day, continously putting your sobriety on the top of your priority list made me feel so defeated. Is this what my life would be like? Be grateful for another day clean? Having to put work in it for the rest of my life? That is the same miserable life that I led while drunk! It came across as if these people had nothing to define their identity with but to call themselves addicts, suffering from a disease, living with a sick mind, that is totally not to be trusted. A relapse was your fault, not the program's fault, because 'we have never seen someone fail who really, REALLY worked the program.'
As a Christian, this just didn't click with me.
As a scientist, it also didn't resonate with me.. how can alcoholism be called a disease, or an allergy..
Personally speaking, calling alcoholism an allergy didn't resonate with me on a language level.. if you have a peanut allergy, that leaves you break out in rashes after you have been eating peanuts, and it will highly likely lead you to avoid peanuts in every situation, and definitely not craving for peanuts, or overeating on peanuts once you have one..
But also as a Christian, how could I not find my way out of this destructive behavior? Hadn't Jesus set me free and totally free? Why did I still drink then and why did all my quittings fail? Drinking was a sin!
What I found out, was that the truth would set me free, and not just the yada-yada truth everyone knows about alcohol, that is causes cancer, that it gets you addicted, that it's bad, because everybody knows that and still everybody still drinks, no, I'm talking about the heart-opening, mind-blowing, life-saving, game-changing truth about alcohol and addiction in general (I'd say also applicable to gambling). I was as defeated as Kevin, deeply drowning in the knowledge that this is no life to live, this is absolute horror, and I just can't seem to quit. For me, as it turned out, that was my rock bottom, and I decided to give this just one last try. I'm gonna quit one last time and if I fail, I'm going to never try quitting again. I am done quitting and I would accept the fact that I would live my life addicted and probably dying an early death. As a Christian, a free Christian, whatever Jesus meant by that.
And God saw that I was serious, because all of a sudden a book came on my path, called This Naked Mind, and I wasn't even twenty pages in when everything clicked for me, and I knew I was free. I was right being appalled by the AA-idea that you would be addicted for the rest of your life, having to deal with that, wanting to drink, but never able to any more. I found freedom, I don't ever WANT or NEED to drink any more. That makes all the difference!! That is no struggling with prison bars, that is stepping through that door that was open all that time, you just didn't see (or believe) it.
I wish Kevin all the best, there is true freedom to be found out of the prison of addiction! And there is actual life outside. I hope he's doing good, better and well!
Thank you for this explanation. I will try to pick up a copy of that book.
Ahhh what a mature and articulate young man. Kudos to him for having the courage to reach out. Great things are in store for him. Jeremiah 29:11❤
You are brave, Kevin, and the fact that you called Dr. John's podcast shows that you want to get well. I am sending you a virtual hug.
Omg this made me cry. So wholesome and helpful - just strangers helping each other😭😭❤❤❤
I want in update for Kevin so bad
Props to this dude. Take courage to come on and open up your heart like this
Maybe you and your husband can take short walks together or picnic in a park. Just to be outside and see things
Kid problems? Flaky mom problems. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh!
I have a step son who was a "problem child) at 13.
I told him, if would do well at school, shower and make passing grades, i would pay for private music lessons he wanted. We did this through high school. Hes not a professional musician with a family
"Since I (Craig) was 10 years old, I was trying to do it alone." Can you share where that comes from? How that happens to kids?
I was wondering about that too.❤
Wow, I am Jodi. I’m 63. Had to medically retire in ‘17 after car accident ruptured 4 discs. Was an RN with a cool job. Busy but good. Husband disabled bad back. Rods. We sit in our reclining in our beds. We don’t do anything. We tried to RV for 6 months but it was physically too hard. We feel the defeat of that daily. I’m on meds, need to find a therapist. Also found out 2 yrs ago my daughter got diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos syndrome. Congenital connective tissue disorder. Joint pain continuously. Physical stuff is painfully limited.
❤ Isn't it wild how far we can travel without going anywhere? There's so much we can learn about ourselves & our families & life, just by getting into podcasts like this. Peace & love to your family.
What i didn't like about meetings was the obligation to befriend me
“An external factor will not fix and internal challenge”
I feel like the last caller just has a ton of excuses. And young and dumb but have a teen?
Love this. Thank you
You will always have to deal with your gambling addiction but one day, if you can raise above, it will feel like a war you're winning and a victory rather than an Unwinable struggle
Love your show, could you time stamp the phone calls...please and thank you!
@51.55 i can just see doctor eyes say "jesus, help me be gtaceful with this woman."
Yes, because everything in him wanted to scream,"It's you! You're the problem!"
Oh kevin, hes a good boy. Hope hes gottwn better
It doesn’t have to be a battle. I know that for sure. Contrary to popular belief. Coming from an intravenous meth user at 16 after getting with a boy who was 18 who I fell head over heels for and never thought I’d live the life I lived in that relationship. I’m 25 now and clean. No AA or any rehab. I changed everything after that…. It’s not a life sentence…. Any addiction.
Guy , this is an example of men helping men , we need to understand The Brotherhood , everybody helps women , heterosexual men need to look out for eachother , Man Cave Fo Lif!!!
To the young guy, you life is not destroyed, you are so young even if it doesn’t feel that way. What will help you is vision, take all that money and follow the Ramsey steps, trust me that is a new kind of fix and obsession. Ramsey steps have given me direction and hope again, and I’m much older than you
We love you😢 and team.
OK, I’m going to put my two cents in on this conversation… I was a three pack a day smoker for 15 years… I quit cold turkey in 1981 because I started have breathing problems. From that moment on to this day, I have never been tempted to have a cigarette ever… In fact, I can’t stand to be around a smoker in 2011. I gave myself to Christ… At that time I was a functioning alcoholic… I got into the Bible, and read about what God’s will was for me, and I sat down and prayed to him like he was sitting right next to me and asked him to take the temptation away from me because I knew as a child of God now that was not his will for me to continue drinking. Here it is 12 years later and I am no longer or have ever been tempted since I established a relationship with God… I found that the Bible is our life’s handbook to get us through whatever we are experiencing. So no, I don’t believe that anybody is only one day away from going back to there, addiction… I can guarantee that if you follow Jesus and make him you, Lord and Savior, you will overcome whatever you need to overcome. I will keep you in my prayers, but I would encourage you to turn to Jesus… God bless.
I can promise you you’ll find more joy in getting into the gospel and getting into men’s Bible studies and getting involved with the church they have programs at the church for addiction… Those are the people you need to surround yourself with not secular psychiatrist psychologist… I could never understand how anybody could go to an AA meeting or any kind of a meeting for their addiction and not come out of it, wanting to do it even more because that’s all you do is talk about it again, I’ve been addicted to smoking and alcohol and the moment I turned to Jesus and got involved with the church and had people coming alongside of me praying for me that’s when I started to heal… Only Jesus can help you with this…God bless you🙏🏻🙏🏻😇
24:58 voice is totally different🙏🏼
That last caller is an awful human and parent.
Someone needs to ask the last caller if she is into substances.
She didn't love him is what I'm hearing. She rushed something she shouldn't. She said it herself. Sad, nonetheless.
You have to learn to enjoy your own company and be secure alone before you can have a healthy relationship with someone else.
The first caller sounds like intelligent young man .i hope he believes himself.i feel bad him
Dr. John, pleeeeze please please - when you ask someone if they’re being abused and they don’t immediately say no - don’t dive in instantaneously with some version of “I think you don’t like yourself” or “you had a picture of life that doesn’t look like your life as it is.” Those things are going to be true… you’re not wrong, but c’mon man - vet for abuse first! It’s the humane, responsible thing to do. You’re such a talent and a light for so many….it always surprises me when you do this. Is your ego involved? Do you drink too much coffee? Slow. It. Down. You could end up with the worst possible outcome, which is having an abused person leave the phone call doubled down on blaming herself.
John has a lot of practice and experience with listening for cues and responding from a place of empathy. Let him do his job.
*Solve for safety* 🎉
❤❤❤❤❤
jcstuart: Thank you...
Chick with the kid sounds just like my ex. She probably takes all her problems out on that poor kid. Just like my ex, who is also in and out of relationships
❤❤❤
❤
I wonder if theres a website like the gambling one for alcoholics.
I think what he is saying is one day at time 😟
Oak wood 🪵🪓😊❤
The mom of the teenage son- I can relate ❤. Hold on momma. It’s not your fault. Don’t give up on him.
I hope the principle is a safe choice and they're not trying to groom or trans him.
WtF is wrong with you?
OK, I’m going to put my two cents in on this conversation… I was a three pack a day smoker for 15 years… I quit cold turkey in 1981 because I started have breathing problems. From that moment on to this day, I have never been tempted to have a cigarette ever… In fact, I can’t stand to be around a smoker in 2011. I gave myself to Christ… At that time I was a functioning alcoholic… I got into the Bible, and read about what God’s will was for me, and I sat down and prayed to him like he was sitting right next to me and asked him to take the temptation away from me because I knew as a child of God now that was not his will for me to continue drinking. Here it is 12 years later and I am no longer or have ever been tempted since I established a relationship with God… I found that the Bible is our life’s handbook to get us through whatever we are experiencing. So no, I don’t believe that anybody is only one day away from going back to there, addiction… I can guarantee that if you follow Jesus and make him you, Lord and Savior, you will overcome whatever you need to overcome. I will keep you in my prayers, but I would encourage you to turn to Jesus… God bless.