Why is the sister having a wedding she can't afford herself? If the younger sister saved up for college herself, the older one can pay for her own wedding.
Why didn’t the parents help the person pay for college, instead of paying for the wedding? A wedding is once, but a college education can sometimes go a long way. If they left the person to pay for their own college, then the parents shouldn’t expect them to lend any money.
@@braydenferguison4584 This kind of stuff happens all the time now. He would not believe how many conservative families are willing to pay for a daughter to get married but not for her to go to college! I live out here in the Midwest and I’ve seen families get into huge fights over it
They took out a mortgage to help with a wedding? That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. If you can’t afford a big wedding, don’t have a big wedding!! You did the right thing.
They are so ridicules!! I have been engaged for about 5 years now and we’re pretty much on our own financially(we are in save mode now). I would rather put a down payment on a house then spend that money on a big wedding. Meanwhile my cousin is getting married in November and I heard they are spending around 60,000 on their wedding I do not understand!!!!!
RIGHT!!! Our wedding was like $500, photos included, in a snow beach of Lake Tahoe. It doesn’t HAVE to be expensive. If you can afford it, cool. But don’t be stupid…
Exactly, I agree... It's not my kids job when they grow up to help me financially. It's just wrong I lost my house due to neibors lil bit playing with matches under the bed and caught it on fire an I lost my home too... It's not my son's job to house me. I live in a motel til my new place is ready. It's our job to teach our kids how to survive. Either by example or by lessons .... Ppl amaze me✌🏻💗☺️❣️
I hate when parents act like you owe them something for them giving birth to you. I didn't choose to be born or be part of the family. That was all their choice.
"We should let our child work and not pay for their college, but what we should do is pay a lot of money for our oldest daughters wedding and demand our youngest to give us their hard earned money because we gave them the bare minimum as parents." That's a shitty pair of parents ya got there 😃
That's the right things to do. Here in India people spend so much on weddings like you can buy a entire new house out of that money, but we have lowest divorce rate and actually I haven't seen any divorced person in my 20 year of life till now.
@@TheOne-ot6sl well maybe in India, here like 70% of couples get a divorce, we got to the point where people don't even get married anymore. If you can't afford a big wedding don't have it, and don't assume your youngest child would pay your bills when you didn't even go over giving them the minimum.
the part of this story that messed me up the most was that they were willing to take out that much money for a wedding but not her education. that's fucked
It's obvious who the favorite child is in that family right? It's flippin insane that they expect her to give all her savings because they screwed themselves over with their stupidity.
It is most definitely their fault. No parent has a right to your savings. The only right they ever have was to ask you to pay board/rent whilst under their roof as an "adult", starting the day they asked, no backpay etc etc. As for the complaints that you are where you are because of them, complaints about how much it costed to raise you, good job, they "parented". There is no other reward for parenting than to see their kids be functional adults. Even being involved in their kids lives isn't a given from the moment they leave the nest. Kids owe their parents absoloutely nothing, which sounds harsh, but it's true. Everything to a kid from a parent is a gift and vise versa unless there is a court ordered arrangement somewhere.
This sounds like something my parents would do. Don’t feel guilty about their bad choices. Go to school and get the education you desire, just make sure you enjoy it and it can make you enough money to feel successful. Always remember, if you do what you love you’ll never feel like you’re working a day of your life. Cheers.
@@marylee2732 Mary luv we are all gonna die... It's neither a threat nor a worry Only to shallow ppl an those who think the bible was ment to be followed to the letter. When each church orders the bibles they choose. The Hebrew bible is closest to unchanged... Once translated it loses its meaning an ppl reach their own meanings based on knowledge of their time. So ,so much gets lost. I believe in God 8 don't need a Bible to speaker to him .I need no middle man to speak for me or to me for God..God says I am everywhere an in everything!You speak I hear you... The best thing about America is I can believe what I choose.I do not have to follow your belief...an you don't have to agree nor follow me...it's a beautiful thing....best part is when we die an meet our maker(God) U will finally realize religion was a manipulation an we have been used to make the rich richer an keep the poor poorer but use religion to make them grateful for the nothing churches give...as the pastor lives the high life...an all his favored flock ...yeah it's a scam if the most egregious kind...My opinion mine alone...it's ok if you don't agree
No parent you'll ever make a child give away their hard-earned money to go to college that's very messed up like demanding all their money like that when you know how hard it is to collect a lot of money to go to college I think that's very selfish
At some point in life, you reach a level where parents are no longer superhero’s or godlike figures(w or without their inflicted trauma growing up). The world becomes so clear and you tend to realize with or without their support, you are in this bitch called life ALONE. You have to look out for yourself, make the best decisions for your life which will even help pay off in you taking care of whoever you want(if you want) in the future. Parents should invest in their children not out of fear or entitlement but because real love doesn’t fail to reciprocate. Even if it is not reciprocated where you gave it, it comes back in different forms and even if it doesn’t come back... would you really regret loving someone? If you would, go to therapy or something😹
This story just shows who the favorite child is. I'm glad she stood her ground. Going broke for a 30,000 dollar wedding is beyond me. As well is taking your other child's hard earned money and trying to take their opportunity away to go to college. If there was a parenting book on what not to do this would be in there for sure.
And another things is I don't understand why parents pay for their daughters wedding, the couple is supposed to do that since they claim they are financially ready to live as husband and wife... I don't know am African my we just do things differently...
@@tiffanyarrrr782 to be honest I would give them a back a little sweet revenge and to be honest am not trying to scam nor anything but if they need money give them fake money and if there in need just let there one and only favourite bail them out . or do it but if they don't take out a restraining order and a big lawsuit
I can absolutely not stand when a parent acts as if the child OWES THEM FOR RAISING THEM. we never asked to be born, especially into the families we get born into when you've got some messed up parents. They should think otherwise when becoming parents. If you'd ever think you could do that to your own child, maybe not have them.
Raising a child is a very hard job to do But our parents contribution in our life is actually invaluable. I have seen parents struggling for money and doing all sorts of job for their child's education. I don't support her parents, they were totally selfish.
Absolutely. We didn't choose to be born. Parents made the choice and as such have a legal obligation to raise their children until the age of majority.
Maybe tell the sister to help chip in for her own wedding 🤷🏻♀️ OP worked for their money to put themselves through college, so why doesn’t the sister put forth her own money for her wedding or scale back on it if they’re broke
If the op poster is 19 and the youngest, doesn’t that mean the sister would be old enough to have saved enough money or be responsible for her own wedding? I could never imagine as an adult person getting married allowing or expecting anyone else to pay for my wedding. In fact My fiancé and I are paying for everything ourselves including gowns, hair ,,etc and suits for the wedding party. If you’re adult enough to think you should get married you can find a way to pay for it yourself.
@@marcihernandeztorres3594 some people have this weird obsession with showing off how much money they have by showing off and doing expensive stuff despite not having money at all. It’s weird af
It's clear that the parents spoiled the older sister who in turn became super entitled. Bet she is also a bridezilla. It's sad that the OP's parents expected her to give them all the money she saved so she could get an education so she could have financial stability later in life. My mom used to do this too always wanting my money that I earned saying she'd pay it back, all so she could "pay bills" when she would go get alcohol instead to continue her alcoholism. I put my foot down and told her that I'm no longer giving her any money until she pays me back the near 5k she owes me or I'll flat out cut her out. So now she asks everybody else for money and finally talks to me like a human being instead of an object she thinks owes her because she chose to have kids😑.
Don’t feel bad about not giving them money, if they should get the money anywhere it should be with your older sister 🤷🏼♀️ You’re not responsible for your parents stupid mistakes! Please don’t feel bad about saying no!
My dad sucks at saving money. So he’s always asking his wife and kids for money. Now, he decided to buy more land in his home country and want us to help him financially so he can have it for when he retires. I told him no, bcuz we have our home now, that needs a lot of work. And he said that he wouldn’t be living in it in a few years so he wouldn’t be paying for it. It got me mad bcuz I had to pay myself through college, he never asked if I needed help. Only my mom would help with paying my books so now I feel like I don’t own him anything. Since my mom also pays most of the mortgage, and pays all the bills and for food.
I know that's right I don't do guilt trips first of all and that second of all somebody try to pull some s*** like that hell no you know I might have to cuss somebody out
1. Having an expensive wedding is not essential or mandatory. 2. You did the right thing by helping your family and making a financially sound decision to give what you were able to give without sacrificing your ability to pay for your education and bills. They should respect your decision without guilt tripping you or emotionally manipulating you.
Your sister’s wedding got your parents into debt so her and her husband should be the ones helping your parents out not you. It’s generous of you to help with food and utilities but your NOT responsible for anything else at all.
@@pinki_nk6122 who said the parents are supposed to pay for the wedding? I don’t expect my parents to pay for mine. If they want to pay for a few things like some gifts or something that’s cool but not to pay the whole fucking wedding. I’m the one getting married not them.
@@pinki_nk6122 Honestly, I don't agree with the whole "the parents should pay for the wedding". If you're the one who wants the wedding, then you and your partner should pay for it. Parents can lend some cash if they want to help out but shouldn't pay the whole cost.
My wedding was only about 5 grand total. And our venue was only about $100 our reception venue was free And that 5 grand included our honeymoon to Vegas lol
Keep killing it out there! Your so wonderful and caring. There is a difference between being giving and giving more than you can. You still need to take care of yourself. You have a big heart! ❤️
When children are under the age of 18, parents are legally required to pay for the basic necessities of life without being able to demand any compensation in return for their childcare after the child becomes an adult. In other words, it’s essentially illegal for them to threaten you to pay for their horrible mistakes by bringing up something they were legally required to do…
Exactly and it’s not her fault they don’t use their money carefully the older sister should be paying for her own wedding anyways considering how it seems the parents have been borrowing money from her in the past.
Golden rule that anyone should live by: don’t get yourself into something if you’re not financially ready and are just gonna inconvenience others by asking them to solve your problems, other people got problems and stuff going on too. My family has this problem, they get themselves into messes cause they’re used to someone always bailing them out, until you say no, then they learn not to bite off more than they can chew
I don’t know how parents can do this to their children. They should be ashamed. They made the mistake of not making your sister pay for her own damn wedding. If your parents couldn’t afford it then they shouldn’t have done it. Keep being strong. You deserve better.
They’re basically saying you should be grateful that we gave you food and clothes for 18 years. That’s your job as a parent so you have no right bringing the child down because that is your job helping your child grow and learn not bring them down.
My parents say things like that. “You live under our roof we feed you and put clothes on your back” I was like 15 when my parents started saying stuff like this to me. Trying to bring me down and make me do things for them. Like pay them
@@loulou1248 you remind them that no one put a gun to their head and told them to have kids. You are a consequence of their own actions therefore your life is their responsibility until you’re able to take care of yourself. Next time they bring that up tell them it’s their fault. “You had your fun and made a kid so deal with the consequences.”
Then its also childs duty to take care of the parents Obviously Her parents shouldn't have asked for that money like that but it's children duty to take care of their parents
Having children= all the responsibilities that come with it (food and bills and school and clothes and ofncourse all the love and affection you have to give them) They never asked to be born you're the one giving birth to them!
I'd like to quote Sidney Poitier here: "Because you brought me into this world. And from that day on you owed me everything you could ever do for me like I will owe my son if I ever have another. But you don't own me!" You parents should be ashamed of themselves. Your sister should not have an expensive wedding if she or your parents can't afford it. That's just bs.
I LOVE this quote! Sidney Poitier was the first person I ever heard say anything like this and I still remember the day I watched the movie with him saying it. It was like an alarm went off in my head. It literally changed my life. Growing up, my mom was a narcissist and my dad was an addict. He'd quit drinking by the time I was born but he replaced it with gambling and quickly became a bookie to finance his habit. My house was a shit show. Always some kind of drama and my parents would never take responsibility for their mistakes. I was an only child too so there was no one to turn to to be like "this is weird, right?" So I was mindfxcked for many years into thinking I had to be an adult straight out of the womb. And I literally remember hearing Sidney Poitier say this quote and it was like angels were playing their trumpets, the clouds parted and i could finally see everything so clear. I will always be so grateful for that and him.
I TOTALLY agree with you. Parents have an obligation to fully care for a child at LEAST thru high school. And if possible to put them through college. Yet a $40,000 wedding is a complete luxury that the daughter getting married should not expect the extravagance unless it is clear that cost is in the family's budget. Trying to make you feel guilty was un-called for.
As a mother of 7, that money is yours and your parents are a disgrace. Tell them it's most certainly not your responsibility to take care of their financial situation and they should have had that in order before they had children. They failed you and you were smart enough to set yourself up and now they want to ruin that too? Nope. Give them nothing and don't feel bad.
It is the parent and/or guardian's *JOB* to provide for their kids and insure that they are healthy and happy. Children aren't expected to do anything other than be children, no exceptions. If you aren't able to provide for 6 kids, then simple, *don't have 6 kids!!*
Yes, suggest the kids pay for a Financial Planner to get the Parents on track for retirement. Appears parents need to work until they are in their 70's stockpile money and invest.
I have a mother like this who thinks that because she didn’t severely beat me as a child and bc I had a roof over my head for most of my childhood I should be forever in her debt. Honestly it sucks that parents like this can’t see the emotional abuse they put their OWN kids through, some just shouldn’t become parents.
My mother didn't even cared for me for nearly 12 years of my life. My parents always leaved me with random people to live with. When I started living with her she put me and my brothers through a lot of abusive behavior, even leaving us alone to drink and use drugs. Now, me and my brother are living on our own. But she always says like we owe something to her because she give us birth. She really thinks she is right in all this. I honestly think she is a sociopath and have no empathy for us. It's hard when your family is insane, but at least I have my brother.
@@saiphyart that sucks I’m so sorry, idk how abusive and absent parents have this complex about them where they are right and we are wrong be wrong are the ‘children’. Hope you and your brother do well in the future :)
If I didn’t buy or pay for certain things it would simply be thrown at my face in phrases such as “you don’t love me, I put a roof over your head, you’re ungrateful. Really anything to guilt trip me into paying for shit I’m not responsible for. That shit where a parent guilt trips you and really throws everything in your face for their irresponsible finances demanding money hurts. Emotional abuse. Yeah my mind and emotions are fucked. I’ve thought about things I shouldn’t think of. I’ve had nights where I’d cry myself to sleep. I’ve had thoughts of ending it because of how hurt I was to have gone through such emotional abuse.
@@kooladrian02 awww I feel you chick and they are such idiots bc I bet your an actual responsible kid who tries their best only to be put down, someday you’ll have your own family who will appreciate you! Idk if you want children but I just know that ppl in our situation will never emotionally manipulate or gaslight our kids proving that it’s not you that’s the problem it’s just that you have flakey undeserving parents. Hope you find peace and get your head in the right mindset 💕
The fact that she's also the YOUNGEST out of SIX siblings. Like... Can't the other siblings chip in as well? You can't tell me they all don't work, don't know how to find a job or don't earn enough because she's literally doing her all to get enough savings for college...
It's always the youngest siblings that are targeted... My sister is a total narcissist... She is good at online stuff and all(like filling up applications, online billing, bank things literally anything outroverted).... So she thinks she can use it against me all the time. She always belittles me by saying *What do you do for the house huh? You are so useless. You can never do anything in your life.* ....Like I am 7 years younger than her. Of course I wouldn't know a lot of things as I am so much inexperienced than her and my parents always take her side.
Being a parent means that, besides our care for our kid(s) coming from the heart, we are legally obligated to provide our kid(s) food, clothes, shelter, care, protection, and so forth until our kid(s) reach the adult age. That also means that our kid(s) don't owe us a single penny for the work we've done for them and which was legally required from us to provide. Thus, this girl doesn't have to lend her parents a single penny. And parents can't coerce their kid(s) to give them money. It was the parents' decision to take a 2nd mortgage and it's their responsibility to pay it back. What I see here is that the parents most probably took a 2nd mortgage because they thought that their daughter would give them her hard earned money if they demanded it and if they'd put pressure on her by guilt tripping her. If the parents counted on her money, then they should have involved her in the decision making process when the idea of taking a 2nd mortgage came up! The fact that they took a 2nd mortgage to pay for their other daughter's wedding and then asked this daughter to pay for the mortgage, simply means that the parents want this daughter to pay for her sister's wedding, while still taking the credit for paying for the wedding! That daughter did the right thing by passing herself 1st and by not letting herself be manipulated by her parents. It's her money and she can do whatever she wants with it! The parents have no say in how that money is spent because it doesn't belong to them.
@@mewmew1026 that’s what parents are for. You never stop being a parent. Don’t be a broke ass. If someone brings a life into this world then it’s expected. They should be there for them no matter what. Not baby them ofc.
@@mewmew1026 mmm… okay idk what kind of parents you had but that’s just wrong. I’m not saying your parents are bad parents or whatever I don’t know them but if you have that mentality then you had some disgusting thoughts put into your head.
I can NOT stand a parent that says “I took care of you till you were 18” uhhhh 😳🙄 thats YOUR responsibility if you choose to keep and raise your child!
The fact that you were being a good daughter and willing to help them says a lot about you. And the fact that they took a second mortgage on their house to pay for a wedding and then demand you give them $40,000 that you saved up while living in their house says a lot about them. Being a parent means that you should be happy with your child success
WTF, I'm a parent. The moment "we" decide to have children WE accept the responsibilities that come with having a child. The fact that your parents would even ask for your hard earned money let alone demand it makes me physically ill.
My parents have paid for my whole life (and still are, I'm 25), and have NEVER asked for anything back. That's why my motivation to continue studying is to provide for them like they have done for me :3
Why pay for your child’s wedding when you can’t afford it? Also, if you don’t have the money, don’t spend $30,000 on a wedding! Wtf?! I would rather use $30,000 on my hobbies than a wedding 😅
That sounds like this guy I knew. His parents kicked him out the day he turned 18. As a present, they gave him a folder full of receipts of items they had bought him since he was a baby (diapers, formula, clothes, school supplies, etc) and demanded he pay them back every cent. I dont understand why people have kids if they're just going to treat them that way. They are the ones who chose to have a child, the child never asks to be born.
I have saved since 9 (I'm 13) and I had 5000 bc I just earn in my birthday when my family gives me something. My parents never gave me money not for food or just nothing. My mom found out about my savings and always asked me to give her some to complete to pay the groceries and went to my dorm when I was sleeping till I finally found my piggy bank empty, and her only excuse was 'I give you everything, I don't need to give you a thing, you are the one that needs to give me". And obviously I can't say a thing bc she's a grown woman and I am just a "little waste of a roach"
Start letting all of the family know that story you would be suprised how well shame works as motivation to become a better person. Sounds like your mother still has some growing up to do hope all is well with you. keep your head up!
@@w2male320 I would try but everytime I want to talk to someone they ignore me or just go with the excuse that they have something to do, guess I'm just a burden to everyone
My stepmother had similar problems with her parents. She is the smartest and sweetest of her other two sisters, and was kicked from home because she got pregnant at 17. Fast forward a few years, her physically abusive father called demanding she paid their insurance. They never gave her any money as they did her sisters, didn't put her through college and forcefully made her marry the father of her son, who was as much as an asshat as the rest of the bunch I've narrated so far. They divorced a few months after and she raised the boy alone. And by alone I mean ALONE. Her parents never ONCE called asking of her wellbeing or their grandson's. G still told me to not be rude to her father when he came to spend the holidays at our house, despite me knowing very well this buffoon wasn't worth the food we're feeding him. I am not a violent person, but had to really hold myself back not to throttle this 70-something-year old on fucking Christmas day. Had the same impulse after hearing your story. Parents like those, if you can even cal them that, are something between a piece of work and a piece of shit.
@@Disgustingwholespices2002 she did. I tried to talk her out of it, but G said despite everything they were still her parents. At least she got her sisters to help foot it
My mom signed me up for a gym membership without me knowing and put me into debt because of it. I was crying and she told me it's all my fault. We went to the bank and she had a lot of explaining to do. She still told me it was my fault even though I ever knew and never even went to the gym.
Seems like she is trying to keep control of you by sabotaging you, maybe with a little petty vengeance sprinkled in. Sounds rough and i hope you're doing okay.
Irresponsible parenting: to remortgage only to burn the cash on 1 kid's wedding. Poor moral compass: to burden a child with their debt and trying to guilt trip in to sacrificing her education.
The whole parents need to pay for weddings needs to be a thing in the past. However she does not owe her parents the $$ just because she made while living in their home. I'm sure they preferred her to be busy working than out running around causing trouble. She was more then willing to help them out with some $$ but her mom got greedy & wanted all the $$. Its also not her fault her father lost his job & had no plan B.
What I learned the hard way is parents have different expectations for each of their kids depending on their choices and how they are doing in life. Whenever I go out to eat with my mom and sister I have to pay for myself because I have a job and my sister just stays home all the time. My parents bought her a car cash but wouldn’t help me with a down payment to buy my car. They later helped my sister apply for a car and their credit got messed up because she couldn’t pay it and gave it back. I am about to pay off my car a year early that I got with my credit alone and never a missed payment. I have way more examples but the morale is they viewed her as responsible and wanted to use her whereas they may have favored the other daughter more or just thought they wouldn’t be able to do it themselves. In the end the kids who get less support do better for themselves because they have to work hard for everything they have and can’t rely on others.
I "lent" my parents a lot of money too, growing up. Difference is, they were embarassed about it, and always wished they didn't have to come to me. Quite honestly I didn't mind, but had my ex of a long time not pushed me to stop, I likely would have never gotten the independance I have today. Sometimes we have to tell the people we love the most "no." And sometimes it becomes our first ticket to our freedom. All that said, I find it absolutely disgusting that they thought you owed them anything. You are 100% correct. THEY chose to have children. YOU didn't choose to be born into their house, so YOU don't owe them a thing. They are being narcissistic in their demands. (Not diagnosing, just pointing out a behaviour.)
Plus, they paid for their other daughters wedding what she should’ve paid for it herself knowing $30,000 for a wedding it way to much and made her parents pay all of if. The narrator shouldn’t need to pay her parents back since she didn’t ask for $30,000 for a wedding. She worked hard, got her scholarship, and had money left over for HER needs. She deserves better and the one who should be paying is the sister with the expensive wedding.
@@errr_-ye8pe good god the entitlement on these people! I can't wrap my head around this kind of thought process! COME ON PEOPLE, WE DON'T BRING CHILDREN INTO THIS WORLD JUST TO HAVE PERSONAL SLAVES AND TO FORCE THEM TO DO OUR BIDDING! CHILDREN. ARE.THEIR. *OWN* .PEOPLE
Now that you got your independence, are you giving them money now? I'm kinda going through the same thing with my mom. I recently got a permanent job and every month she asks for money with a backup sad story, I've been employed since May but struggle to do things I need to do for myself. I had to sleep on the floor for the 1st month and not buy a bed cos she needed the money, months later and I still haven't bought a fridge cos I have to count her in my budget. I can't say no cos she needs the money but I'm taking 1 step forward and 2 steps back here
@@heatherjohnson7260 she does work, but currently her salary isn't enough because of debit orders that are happening. She loaned money last year so she could bury my father so it's kinda rough now paying it back. I'm glad to help but it's really taking a toll on me. It's been 4 months now since I've been working but I haven't made any progress with my money. I'm now living check to check. I don't know when she'll be financially ok but I hope it's real soon.
This is sad. A parent shouldn’t expect their child to support them. It was their choice to procreate. If sister wants a big wedding, they should pay, not you. She’s NOT your responsibility. It’s be different if it were about donating a kidney or something to deal with their health but a wedding?!!! Why do they need a huge wedding? To impress people? I know it’s a happy occasion but honestly, I’d rather NOT start my next chapter in life, in debt. Also, having more people at your wedding will not enforce the bonds you share, it may even cause problems & ruin your day. Stand strong, girl. You don’t need this toxicity in your life. Be proud you have saved for YOUR dreams. Spend your fortune wisely & enjoy every second of it.
I hate when parents use that as a way to make their kids feel bad. That's the bare minimum as a parent that's basically what you sign up for. They don't really have to pay the parents back for that because it's not like they asked to be born anyways.
The parents are being selfish, she was willing to share with them a couple thousand dollars plus some money from her gigs, when she's entitled to denying them any money at all
And to think it would be like no drama at all if the family was european (most of the countries have free or really cheap education) and if her sister didn't pay 30 000 for a wedding🤦♀️
My folks also made me feel like I was a burden for being born. I left when I was 18 even though I work for them from that time I was 13. I was treated poorly. I let my brother have everything and he ended up losing his life trying to steal all their fortune
The way I relate to this my mom said the exact same thing“this is the least you could do for us we feed u for 18 years” it’s so shitty for “parents” to brag abt something they are required to do . kids deserve parents but not all parents deserve kids
It actually shocks me this kind of stuff really happens in the west, as an Indian my parents would pay for everything for me until I graduate and I would take care of them for the rest of the life though they don't enforce it on us. But living on your own would make you stronger mentally and independent . I appreciate both the cultures.
This is why I put myself through college all 6 times and I now use 3 of those degrees to take care of my disabled mother. I'm so glad I have loving parents who would never be like this with me. They show tough love when it's needed and I've turned out better for it.
Nobody told them to become a parent. And Giving care, food, and a roof over a child's head is the bare minimum. They don't owe you anything because they didn't ask to be here.
This hit home. My mom used to tell me similar things and try to guilt trip me for her doing the bare minimum. Straight up told me I should be grateful for her giving me food once
As a mother, I am sorry for how they’re making you feel. You’re right, it is their fault and not your responsibility to bail them out. Don’t feel guilty, keep your head up. I hope you will all eventually find forgiveness and healing. 🙏🏽
My parents never demand money from me , but my mom always said she’s not building me to take care of her and my dad . But in the future it should feel natural to help them in time of need
Who takes out a mortgage to pay $30,000 for a wedding? I'm sorry but you can't be like well we gave our other kid all of our $ & made stupid financial decisions followed by losing our income so the most natural thing would be to demand our other child give us all of the $ she worked her ass off for. Parents of year nominees right here.
“We gave you clothes and fed you for 18 years” Okay but as parents, your SUPPOSE to do that. A choice or not, you knew what you were signing yourself up for when pregnant, so that’s YOUR responsibility to take care of your children /child.
@@sherlyhyppolite1962 yes they do. That's the whole deal with being a parent if your gonna get pregnant and have children then YOU need to take care of them not anybody else bc that is your responsibility as a parent. Remember it wasn't our choice to be born but it was our choice to have kids.
I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I have awful parents too. Stay strong and live your best life free from toxic people. You choose your family, blood has nothing to do with it. Take care ☺️💐
I hate it when parents are like "We GaVe yOu fOoD, a PlaCE tO sTaY aNd gAvE BirTh tO yOu. yA sHoUlD bE gReAtfUl." *AIN'T THAT WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO!?* *I am your child* *YOU had ME* *I didn't demand from you to pop me out*
A parent shouldn't bear children when they can't afford to sustain all of their child's basic needs. It will never be the child's fault for being born, it will always be the parents' fault for having children when they can't supply. You made that money from the fruit of your hardwork and children aren't required to repay their parents, it ultimately depends if they gave you the life you deserve.
Never feel guilty for standing up for what is right. You did not ask to be here. You were very willing to help. Don't let them put a guilt trip on you for doing the bare minimum.
You guys ever heard the phrase “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb” the relationships you create on your own are more important than the ones given. You can choose who to keep in your life and I’ll leave it at that 🤷🏽♀️
Yeah, but then toxic parents and family contorted, twisted, and chopped it up into "BlOoD is tHiCkEr ThaN WaTEr!!" So they can guilt-trip and manipulate their family and children into caring for them. It's astounding to see how far people will stretch and lie and hurt others to keep from being the 'bad guy' or to be seen as the abusive person they are.
Ah yes, you gave me food and clothes and a roof over my head- because that’s what you sign up for when you push something out of ya that’s been cooking up for 9 months. If you work it’s your money because it was your effort and time. Not the daughters fault the parents are in debt cause they stupid with money
Oh, love. I'm so sorry you had to go thru that. You did the right thing. And of course you felt badly- they are your parents, your family. You love them. It hurts to see the ones we love hurting. It hurts to see the ones we love hurting, and knowing there isn't anything we can do to make it all better for them. And it's absolutely heartbreaking to be hurt by loved ones who are hurting. But the truth is that we do not owe our parents anything. Period. And you especially don't owe your parents for not being shitty parents.
Don’t ever feel guilty for not agreeing to help your parents when you’re not able to. I helped my mother for so many years and sacrificed everything just to be left with nothing and have to start from scratch all over again at almost 30 years old.
That's aweful..my kid is almost 20 and still lives here for free...I'm hoping she saves enough for a small apt on her own or pay for her college. It's the least she can do we pay for everything else including health insurance.
When you have an entire comment thread with absolutely everyone in agreement and not a single question as to who was wrong, then it’s something that a 3 year old should know. The fact that your parents don’t know they were wrong is irrefutable proof that they should never have had children, let alone 6 of them. Hold strong and don’t give in to parents that play blatant favoritism by taking out a loan on something unnecessary for the oldest and expect the youngest to pay it off. All this is just proof that people should have to pass a test to become parents.
Damn so she handled her finances as a teen knowing that college was gonna be “extra” to them and got it done THEN was demanded to handle the parents finances after they chose to go big for something as menial as a wedding? Sounds like their priorities are messed up. 6 kids and clearly at least 20 years of adult and parenting life and still don’t know how to prioritize..
You have to wonder why they were willing to remortgage their home for a wedding and if they were planning on getting the savings all along? I don't understand how people can spend so much for the wedding it's a waste.
This is why you keep your finances to yourself and your spouse. Don’t tell your business because trust me you will end up in a situation like this one.
Why is the sister having a wedding she can't afford herself? If the younger sister saved up for college herself, the older one can pay for her own wedding.
Very good question
Exactly!
Or just don't have an expensive wedding if you can't afford it. Her parents are ridiculous
Her parents sound like ignorant narcissists. She should not pay for her parents mistakes, why would they throw away 30k on a wedding they can't afford
The older sister an her husband better take her parents in when they lose their home ... How bloody stupid!! ✌🏻💗☺️❣️
Why didn’t the parents help the person pay for college, instead of paying for the wedding? A wedding is once, but a college education can sometimes go a long way. If they left the person to pay for their own college, then the parents shouldn’t expect them to lend any money.
I'm sure tradition played a part of it.
Idk. I also don’t know why anyone would have a wedding without money for it but 🤷🏼♀️ to each their own
it's a fake story
@@braydenferguison4584 This kind of stuff happens all the time now. He would not believe how many conservative families are willing to pay for a daughter to get married but not for her to go to college! I live out here in the Midwest and I’ve seen families get into huge fights over it
the sibling's a golden child
They took out a mortgage to help with a wedding? That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. If you can’t afford a big wedding, don’t have a big wedding!! You did the right thing.
That's on point
Exactlyyy👌🏾
weddings in general are honestly just pointless.
They are so ridicules!! I have been engaged for about 5 years now and we’re pretty much on our own financially(we are in save mode now). I would rather put a down payment on a house then spend that money on a big wedding. Meanwhile my cousin is getting married in November and I heard they are spending around 60,000 on their wedding I do not understand!!!!!
RIGHT!!! Our wedding was like $500, photos included, in a snow beach of Lake Tahoe. It doesn’t HAVE to be expensive. If you can afford it, cool. But don’t be stupid…
“My children didn't choose to be born, I chose to have children. They owe me nothing, I owe them everything”
Exactly, I agree... It's not my kids job when they grow up to help me financially. It's just wrong I lost my house due to neibors lil bit playing with matches under the bed and caught it on fire an I lost my home too... It's not my son's job to house me. I live in a motel til my new place is ready. It's our job to teach our kids how to survive. Either by example or by lessons .... Ppl amaze me✌🏻💗☺️❣️
👏👏
@@alyssa_arlert9842 bro Elon said the same thing before her it’s a famous quote
I hate when parents act like you owe them something for them giving birth to you. I didn't choose to be born or be part of the family. That was all their choice.
Well said😌🙌
Didn't consent to being born and now I owe them for it.
I mean true but you still owe them love unless you an abusive family you owe them nothing
@@ivygreen1965 Sue them for giving birth to us without consent if you're from an abusive family
@@ivygreen1965 I mean, I personally was, so I don't know how people that grew up in loving homes would feel about it.
Every child deserves a parent; not all parents deserve a child
I applaud you great scholar
The wordplay is clever
And beautiful.
Not only that,
But it is true.
This needs way more likes istfg
Not all DNA donors are parents wether they birthed you or not.
THIS
"We should let our child work and not pay for their college, but what we should do is pay a lot of money for our oldest daughters wedding and demand our youngest to give us their hard earned money because we gave them the bare minimum as parents."
That's a shitty pair of parents ya got there 😃
Literally they should have just given back the loan money if they couldn't afford it
@@awesomedeloris Exactly.
Agreed. I can't believe what i heard. How could any parents do this to their child
Yesss
Wait a minute 30k for a wedding vs 30k investment on education? Priorities people!
I’d rather pay for someone’s college instead of a wedding.
Especially since so many people and up getting divorced anyway
That's the right things to do. Here in India people spend so much on weddings like you can buy a entire new house out of that money, but we have lowest divorce rate and actually I haven't seen any divorced person in my 20 year of life till now.
@@TheOne-ot6sl well maybe in India, here like 70% of couples get a divorce, we got to the point where people don't even get married anymore.
If you can't afford a big wedding don't have it, and don't assume your youngest child would pay your bills when you didn't even go over giving them the minimum.
the part of this story that messed me up the most was that they were willing to take out that much money for a wedding but not her education. that's fucked
It's obvious who the favorite child is in that family right? It's flippin insane that they expect her to give all her savings because they screwed themselves over with their stupidity.
Yep so fucked
It is most definitely their fault. No parent has a right to your savings. The only right they ever have was to ask you to pay board/rent whilst under their roof as an "adult", starting the day they asked, no backpay etc etc.
As for the complaints that you are where you are because of them, complaints about how much it costed to raise you, good job, they "parented". There is no other reward for parenting than to see their kids be functional adults. Even being involved in their kids lives isn't a given from the moment they leave the nest.
Kids owe their parents absoloutely nothing, which sounds harsh, but it's true. Everything to a kid from a parent is a gift and vise versa unless there is a court ordered arrangement somewhere.
True
This is true but the only thing you owe them is your love for raising you but either way it's true
@@ivygreen1965 depends on how they raised you too tho, like if they raised you under abuse, you don't owe them anything
@@ivygreen1965 you cant and dont owe anybody love. that's not something you owe
@@ivygreen1965 You don't owe anyone love and respect. They earn that.
As a parent I’m telling you, you don’t owe them shit and it was so kind of you to help them.
This sounds like something my parents would do. Don’t feel guilty about their bad choices. Go to school and get the education you desire, just make sure you enjoy it and it can make you enough money to feel successful. Always remember, if you do what you love you’ll never feel like you’re working a day of your life. Cheers.
Best advice ✌🏻💗☺️❣️
WAIT UNTIL IT IS YOUR TURN.
God and the devil will never leave you alone.
Everyone needs to be tested and refined.
MONEY does not make you a good person.
@@marylee2732 Mary luv we are all gonna die... It's neither a threat nor a worry Only to shallow ppl an those who think the bible was ment to be followed to the letter. When each church orders the bibles they choose. The Hebrew bible is closest to unchanged... Once translated it loses its meaning an ppl reach their own meanings based on knowledge of their time. So ,so much gets lost.
I believe in God 8 don't need a Bible to speaker to him .I need no middle man to speak for me or to me for God..God says I am everywhere an in everything!You speak I hear you...
The best thing about America is I can believe what I choose.I do not have to follow your belief...an you don't have to agree nor follow me...it's a beautiful thing....best part is when we die an meet our maker(God) U will finally realize religion was a manipulation an we have been used to make the rich richer an keep the poor poorer but use religion to make them grateful for the nothing churches give...as the pastor lives the high life...an all his favored flock ...yeah it's a scam if the most egregious kind...My opinion mine alone...it's ok if you don't agree
No parent you'll ever make a child give away their hard-earned money to go to college that's very messed up like demanding all their money like that when you know how hard it is to collect a lot of money to go to college I think that's very selfish
I agree
Same
Imagine your parents were like “GIVE US YOUR NOW!!!!!!” Like forcing you to give them all the money u have that’s sad 😔
Some parents actually do this and its so cruel
At some point in life, you reach a level where parents are no longer superhero’s or godlike figures(w or without their inflicted trauma growing up).
The world becomes so clear and you tend to realize with or without their support, you are in this bitch called life ALONE. You have to look out for yourself, make the best decisions for your life which will even help pay off in you taking care of whoever you want(if you want) in the future.
Parents should invest in their children not out of fear or entitlement but because real love doesn’t fail to reciprocate. Even if it is not reciprocated where you gave it, it comes back in different forms and even if it doesn’t come back... would you really regret loving someone? If you would, go to therapy or something😹
This story just shows who the favorite child is. I'm glad she stood her ground. Going broke for a 30,000 dollar wedding is beyond me.
As well is taking your other child's hard earned money and trying to take their opportunity away to go to college. If there was a parenting book on what not to do this would be in there for sure.
True
And another things is I don't understand why parents pay for their daughters wedding, the couple is supposed to do that since they claim they are financially ready to live as husband and wife...
I don't know am African my we just do things differently...
$30,000 to pay for PART of the wedding!! Pssh bye!
@@tiffanyarrrr782 to be honest I would give them a back a little sweet revenge and to be honest am not trying to scam nor anything but if they need money give them fake money and if there in need just let there one and only favourite bail them out . or do it but if they don't take out a restraining order and a big lawsuit
It would still be wrong but she should’ve asked the daughter that got married for the money
The parents CHOSE to give their daughter a huge wedding.
I can absolutely not stand when a parent acts as if the child OWES THEM FOR RAISING THEM. we never asked to be born, especially into the families we get born into when you've got some messed up parents. They should think otherwise when becoming parents. If you'd ever think you could do that to your own child, maybe not have them.
Raising a child is a very hard job to do
But our parents contribution in our life is actually invaluable. I have seen parents struggling for money and doing all sorts of job for their child's education.
I don't support her parents, they were totally selfish.
Absolutely. We didn't choose to be born. Parents made the choice and as such have a legal obligation to raise their children until the age of majority.
Brava💖💖💖💖
Maybe tell the sister to help chip in for her own wedding 🤷🏻♀️
OP worked for their money to put themselves through college, so why doesn’t the sister put forth her own money for her wedding or scale back on it if they’re broke
If the op poster is 19 and the youngest, doesn’t that mean the sister would be old enough to have saved enough money or be responsible for her own wedding? I could never imagine as an adult person getting married allowing or expecting anyone else to pay for my wedding. In fact My fiancé and I are paying for everything ourselves including gowns, hair ,,etc and suits for the wedding party. If you’re adult enough to think you should get married you can find a way to pay for it yourself.
@@michellemcgill9328 100%
Like it’s great if your family can and will help, but if they can’t, that’s not OP’s fault or problem.
That's what I was thinking like- cant they just get something's cheaper or pay for things themselves??
@@marcihernandeztorres3594 some people have this weird obsession with showing off how much money they have by showing off and doing expensive stuff despite not having money at all. It’s weird af
It's clear that the parents spoiled the older sister who in turn became super entitled. Bet she is also a bridezilla. It's sad that the OP's parents expected her to give them all the money she saved so she could get an education so she could have financial stability later in life. My mom used to do this too always wanting my money that I earned saying she'd pay it back, all so she could "pay bills" when she would go get alcohol instead to continue her alcoholism. I put my foot down and told her that I'm no longer giving her any money until she pays me back the near 5k she owes me or I'll flat out cut her out. So now she asks everybody else for money and finally talks to me like a human being instead of an object she thinks owes her because she chose to have kids😑.
Don’t feel bad about not giving them money, if they should get the money anywhere it should be with your older sister 🤷🏼♀️
You’re not responsible for your parents stupid mistakes! Please don’t feel bad about saying no!
My dad sucks at saving money. So he’s always asking his wife and kids for money. Now, he decided to buy more land in his home country and want us to help him financially so he can have it for when he retires. I told him no, bcuz we have our home now, that needs a lot of work. And he said that he wouldn’t be living in it in a few years so he wouldn’t be paying for it. It got me mad bcuz I had to pay myself through college, he never asked if I needed help. Only my mom would help with paying my books so now I feel like I don’t own him anything. Since my mom also pays most of the mortgage, and pays all the bills and for food.
I know that's right I don't do guilt trips first of all and that second of all somebody try to pull some s*** like that hell no you know I might have to cuss somebody out
A loving parent would never want to ruin their child's future 🤷🏽♀️
1. Having an expensive wedding is not essential or mandatory. 2. You did the right thing by helping your family and making a financially sound decision to give what you were able to give without sacrificing your ability to pay for your education and bills. They should respect your decision without guilt tripping you or emotionally manipulating you.
Your sister’s wedding got your parents into debt so her and her husband should be the ones helping your parents out not you. It’s generous of you to help with food and utilities but your NOT responsible for anything else at all.
@@pinki_nk6122 who said the parents are supposed to pay for the wedding? I don’t expect my parents to pay for mine. If they want to pay for a few things like some gifts or something that’s cool but not to pay the whole fucking wedding. I’m the one getting married not them.
So ultimately she had to pay for her sisters wedding ? Yeah I think NOT!!!!
Exactly!!!!!
@@pinki_nk6122 Honestly, I don't agree with the whole "the parents should pay for the wedding". If you're the one who wants the wedding, then you and your partner should pay for it. Parents can lend some cash if they want to help out but shouldn't pay the whole cost.
@@rock2946 honestly That's just what happened when they were preparing my aunt's wedding but my grandparents said that so I could be wrong
Anyone who spends that much on a wedding is a fool.
@@rbwkn
That sounds gorgeous.
I don't know how anyone can spend obscene amounts of money on a wedding day. It's unnecessary and ridiculous.
Absolutely RIGHT!
Yup I couldn’t agree more. It’s stupidity. And it’s glutinous
My wedding was only about 5 grand total. And our venue was only about $100 our reception venue was free And that 5 grand included our honeymoon to Vegas lol
Keep killing it out there! Your so wonderful and caring. There is a difference between being giving and giving more than you can. You still need to take care of yourself. You have a big heart! ❤️
When children are under the age of 18, parents are legally required to pay for the basic necessities of life without being able to demand any compensation in return for their childcare after the child becomes an adult.
In other words, it’s essentially illegal for them to threaten you to pay for their horrible mistakes by bringing up something they were legally required to do…
So basically The parents are mad that she didn’t want to give them all her money because they gave away there money to a different kid
Exactly and it’s not her fault they don’t use their money carefully the older sister should be paying for her own wedding anyways considering how it seems the parents have been borrowing money from her in the past.
@@Ap-ku1ce I would have been like “ get your own damn money, your get some form your dead best daughter”
@@abigailtheweirdo1107 Yup, I honestly just don’t know how people could act so shameless and entitled.
I also have to agree like this girl does not owe them rlly anything them taking care and feeding her when she was young is a job of a parent🏃♀️
Exactly my point
The sister could’ve got married at the courthouse for $49 tf 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Yeah I never saw the deal with extravagant weddings
Lmao
Golden rule that anyone should live by: don’t get yourself into something if you’re not financially ready and are just gonna inconvenience others by asking them to solve your problems, other people got problems and stuff going on too.
My family has this problem, they get themselves into messes cause they’re used to someone always bailing them out, until you say no, then they learn not to bite off more than they can chew
I don’t know how parents can do this to their children. They should be ashamed. They made the mistake of not making your sister pay for her own damn wedding. If your parents couldn’t afford it then they shouldn’t have done it. Keep being strong. You deserve better.
They’re basically saying you should be grateful that we gave you food and clothes for 18 years. That’s your job as a parent so you have no right bringing the child down because that is your job helping your child grow and learn not bring them down.
ikr like it's ur responsibility to take care of of me until i'm able to live by myself
My parents say things like that.
“You live under our roof we feed you and put clothes on your back”
I was like 15 when my parents started saying stuff like this to me.
Trying to bring me down and make me do things for them. Like pay them
@@loulou1248 you remind them that no one put a gun to their head and told them to have kids. You are a consequence of their own actions therefore your life is their responsibility until you’re able to take care of yourself. Next time they bring that up tell them it’s their fault. “You had your fun and made a kid so deal with the consequences.”
@@littlesadeo I’m 18 today actually. And As soon as I can I’m gone from here. I now know why my older brother went far away from here and never visits
Then its also childs duty to take care of the parents
Obviously Her parents shouldn't have asked for that money like that but it's children duty to take care of their parents
Having children= all the responsibilities that come with it (food and bills and school and clothes and ofncourse all the love and affection you have to give them) They never asked to be born you're the one giving birth to them!
I'd like to quote Sidney Poitier here:
"Because you brought me into this world. And from that day on you owed me everything you could ever do for me like I will owe my son if I ever have another. But you don't own me!"
You parents should be ashamed of themselves.
Your sister should not have an expensive wedding if she or your parents can't afford it. That's just bs.
I LOVE this quote! Sidney Poitier was the first person I ever heard say anything like this and I still remember the day I watched the movie with him saying it. It was like an alarm went off in my head. It literally changed my life. Growing up, my mom was a narcissist and my dad was an addict. He'd quit drinking by the time I was born but he replaced it with gambling and quickly became a bookie to finance his habit. My house was a shit show. Always some kind of drama and my parents would never take responsibility for their mistakes. I was an only child too so there was no one to turn to to be like "this is weird, right?" So I was mindfxcked for many years into thinking I had to be an adult straight out of the womb. And I literally remember hearing Sidney Poitier say this quote and it was like angels were playing their trumpets, the clouds parted and i could finally see everything so clear. I will always be so grateful for that and him.
Straight up, if you want to blow enough money to buy a car, or down payment on a home, on your wedding YOU PAY FOR IT lol damn
You young kids don’t get it.
@@marylee2732 honestly, kids who haven't had to earn what they want, don't know what a ridiculous ask it is to pay for something like that
I TOTALLY agree with you. Parents have an obligation to fully care for a child at LEAST thru high school. And if possible to put them through college. Yet a $40,000 wedding is a complete luxury that the daughter getting married should not expect the extravagance unless it is clear that cost is in the family's budget. Trying to make you feel guilty was un-called for.
As a mother of 7, that money is yours and your parents are a disgrace. Tell them it's most certainly not your responsibility to take care of their financial situation and they should have had that in order before they had children. They failed you and you were smart enough to set yourself up and now they want to ruin that too? Nope. Give them nothing and don't feel bad.
Amen
7 how do you manage, I struggle finding sufficient time for 2.
I hate how parents say “You ruined my life” as if it’s my fault for being born
FR THO. You’re the one who fucked my bio dad w/out protection. You’re the one who didn’t abort me. It’s your fucking fault.
@@bahiyyou5210 ikrrr
My mother told me that, needless to say we never were close.
It is the parent and/or guardian's *JOB* to provide for their kids and insure that they are healthy and happy. Children aren't expected to do anything other than be children, no exceptions. If you aren't able to provide for 6 kids, then simple, *don't have 6 kids!!*
Being selfish is exacerbated when you're extremely financially illiterate.
Yes, suggest the kids pay for a Financial Planner to get the Parents on track for retirement. Appears parents need to work until they are in their 70's stockpile money and invest.
I have a mother like this who thinks that because she didn’t severely beat me as a child and bc I had a roof over my head for most of my childhood I should be forever in her debt. Honestly it sucks that parents like this can’t see the emotional abuse they put their OWN kids through, some just shouldn’t become parents.
My mother didn't even cared for me for nearly 12 years of my life. My parents always leaved me with random people to live with. When I started living with her she put me and my brothers through a lot of abusive behavior, even leaving us alone to drink and use drugs. Now, me and my brother are living on our own. But she always says like we owe something to her because she give us birth. She really thinks she is right in all this. I honestly think she is a sociopath and have no empathy for us. It's hard when your family is insane, but at least I have my brother.
@@saiphyart that sucks I’m so sorry, idk how abusive and absent parents have this complex about them where they are right and we are wrong be wrong are the ‘children’. Hope you and your brother do well in the future :)
@@Charlie-ct8jk thank you, I hope you do well too :). It sucks that these things happen but we need to keep moving forward
If I didn’t buy or pay for certain things it would simply be thrown at my face in phrases such as “you don’t love me, I put a roof over your head, you’re ungrateful. Really anything to guilt trip me into paying for shit I’m not responsible for. That shit where a parent guilt trips you and really throws everything in your face for their irresponsible finances demanding money hurts. Emotional abuse. Yeah my mind and emotions are fucked. I’ve thought about things I shouldn’t think of. I’ve had nights where I’d cry myself to sleep. I’ve had thoughts of ending it because of how hurt I was to have gone through such emotional abuse.
@@kooladrian02 awww I feel you chick and they are such idiots bc I bet your an actual responsible kid who tries their best only to be put down, someday you’ll have your own family who will appreciate you! Idk if you want children but I just know that ppl in our situation will never emotionally manipulate or gaslight our kids proving that it’s not you that’s the problem it’s just that you have flakey undeserving parents. Hope you find peace and get your head in the right mindset 💕
The fact that she's also the YOUNGEST out of SIX siblings. Like... Can't the other siblings chip in as well? You can't tell me they all don't work, don't know how to find a job or don't earn enough because she's literally doing her all to get enough savings for college...
It's always the youngest siblings that are targeted... My sister is a total narcissist... She is good at online stuff and all(like filling up applications, online billing, bank things literally anything outroverted).... So she thinks she can use it against me all the time. She always belittles me by saying *What do you do for the house huh? You are so useless. You can never do anything in your life.* ....Like I am 7 years younger than her. Of course I wouldn't know a lot of things as I am so much inexperienced than her and my parents always take her side.
@@Disgustingwholespices2002 middle children as well the youngest aren’t really targeted as much it all depends on the environment ;-;
@@febrezeairfreshner9222 I don't know about it but in my family it is always me(the youngest child)
Being a parent means that, besides our care for our kid(s) coming from the heart, we are legally obligated to provide our kid(s) food, clothes, shelter, care, protection, and so forth until our kid(s) reach the adult age. That also means that our kid(s) don't owe us a single penny for the work we've done for them and which was legally required from us to provide. Thus, this girl doesn't have to lend her parents a single penny. And parents can't coerce their kid(s) to give them money. It was the parents' decision to take a 2nd mortgage and it's their responsibility to pay it back.
What I see here is that the parents most probably took a 2nd mortgage because they thought that their daughter would give them her hard earned money if they demanded it and if they'd put pressure on her by guilt tripping her.
If the parents counted on her money, then they should have involved her in the decision making process when the idea of taking a 2nd mortgage came up!
The fact that they took a 2nd mortgage to pay for their other daughter's wedding and then asked this daughter to pay for the mortgage, simply means that the parents want this daughter to pay for her sister's wedding, while still taking the credit for paying for the wedding!
That daughter did the right thing by passing herself 1st and by not letting herself be manipulated by her parents. It's her money and she can do whatever she wants with it! The parents have no say in how that money is spent because it doesn't belong to them.
She wasn’t wrong. Parents shouldn’t be relying on their kids.
Facts 💯
What about adult teens relying on their parents even tho they out of the house?
@@mewmew1026 that’s what parents are for. You never stop being a parent. Don’t be a broke ass. If someone brings a life into this world then it’s expected. They should be there for them no matter what. Not baby them ofc.
@@dathanlee2934 no kids who graduated and out of the house shouldn’t still depend on the parents you are on your own parents aren’t all about money
@@mewmew1026 mmm… okay idk what kind of parents you had but that’s just wrong. I’m not saying your parents are bad parents or whatever I don’t know them but if you have that mentality then you had some disgusting thoughts put into your head.
I'm so impressed how focused you were. You're going to be so financially successful. Don't be guilted because you were money smart.
“Every kid deserves a parent not every parent deserves a kid”
I can NOT stand a parent that says “I took care of you till you were 18” uhhhh 😳🙄 thats YOUR responsibility if you choose to keep and raise your child!
Good for you for standing up for what is right. No one has the right to demand anything of a person for past deeds that was responsibilities.
Take a mortgage out to pay for a wedding? That just sounds silly when you say it.
Wedding sgould be a celebration not a hole in the wallet.
Ironic how they payed for the wedding but not their child’s education. I’m all for a happy wedding but that’s just wrong :/
Ikr like they payed for a freaking wedding now demanding her to give them her college savings lol
I know weddings are expensive, but 30 grand..? Fuck outta here I'm paying 30 grand for a wedding
The fact that you were being a good daughter and willing to help them says a lot about you. And the fact that they took a second mortgage on their house to pay for a wedding and then demand you give them $40,000 that you saved up while living in their house says a lot about them. Being a parent means that you should be happy with your child success
Who HAS TO have a $30,000 wedding?
WTF, I'm a parent. The moment "we" decide to have children WE accept the responsibilities that come with having a child. The fact that your parents would even ask for your hard earned money let alone demand it makes me physically ill.
My parents have paid for my whole life (and still are, I'm 25), and have NEVER asked for anything back. That's why my motivation to continue studying is to provide for them like they have done for me :3
Why pay for your child’s wedding when you can’t afford it? Also, if you don’t have the money, don’t spend $30,000 on a wedding! Wtf?!
I would rather use $30,000 on my hobbies than a wedding 😅
For sure! Like I would totally spend that on a quality gaming PC and student loans.
Or invest it in something.
Elope, it's cheaper and a lot easier on everybody.
Also, that is ridiculously expensive. I had a pretty wedding for $10,000, and I know many ppl whose wedding budgets were closer to $5,000.
The Quackity once said: “I didn’t ask to be born they asked to born me”
Fr fr
TRUEEE
Fr lmao
Parents: "I didn't choose you either. We both have to deal with the hands we are dealt" 🤷♂️
I so agree with you and I’m a mom. Don’t feel guilty. Good job on working and saving for college and for giving your parents a little help
That sounds like this guy I knew. His parents kicked him out the day he turned 18. As a present, they gave him a folder full of receipts of items they had bought him since he was a baby (diapers, formula, clothes, school supplies, etc) and demanded he pay them back every cent. I dont understand why people have kids if they're just going to treat them that way. They are the ones who chose to have a child, the child never asks to be born.
A very sad story but you are so correct. Some people should not become parents
That’s so horrible.
I have saved since 9 (I'm 13) and I had 5000 bc I just earn in my birthday when my family gives me something. My parents never gave me money not for food or just nothing.
My mom found out about my savings and always asked me to give her some to complete to pay the groceries and went to my dorm when I was sleeping till I finally found my piggy bank empty, and her only excuse was 'I give you everything, I don't need to give you a thing, you are the one that needs to give me". And obviously I can't say a thing bc she's a grown woman and I am just a "little waste of a roach"
That's absolutely horrible. She should be proud you saved up soo much for yourself at a young age. She had no right to take that from you
@@silvermoons7539 yeah but It's not like I can do anything about it now
Start letting all of the family know that story you would be suprised how well shame works as motivation to become a better person. Sounds like your mother still has some growing up to do hope all is well with you. keep your head up!
@@w2male320 Hopefully the other family won't be on the mom's side
@@w2male320 I would try but everytime I want to talk to someone they ignore me or just go with the excuse that they have something to do, guess I'm just a burden to everyone
My mother used to say shit like this all the time. "I gave birth to you." I missed the part where that's my problem
You saved, went to school, and stood up for yourself.... im proud of you xoxoxo
When you have that many kids, especially in a short time frame, you're setting yourself up for a HORRIBLE financial situation
My stepmother had similar problems with her parents. She is the smartest and sweetest of her other two sisters, and was kicked from home because she got pregnant at 17. Fast forward a few years, her physically abusive father called demanding she paid their insurance. They never gave her any money as they did her sisters, didn't put her through college and forcefully made her marry the father of her son, who was as much as an asshat as the rest of the bunch I've narrated so far. They divorced a few months after and she raised the boy alone. And by alone I mean ALONE. Her parents never ONCE called asking of her wellbeing or their grandson's.
G still told me to not be rude to her father when he came to spend the holidays at our house, despite me knowing very well this buffoon wasn't worth the food we're feeding him. I am not a violent person, but had to really hold myself back not to throttle this 70-something-year old on fucking Christmas day.
Had the same impulse after hearing your story. Parents like those, if you can even cal them that, are something between a piece of work and a piece of shit.
I feel hurt for her.
I hope she is okay.
Take care. 💙💙
Did she paid the insurance? God please the answer be no!!
Sounds like you have alot of love and respect for your step mom. I love it. Both of you sounds like good peeps.
@@shlunn I do. She is one of my best friends
@@Disgustingwholespices2002 she did. I tried to talk her out of it, but G said despite everything they were still her parents. At least she got her sisters to help foot it
My mom signed me up for a gym membership without me knowing and put me into debt because of it. I was crying and she told me it's all my fault. We went to the bank and she had a lot of explaining to do. She still told me it was my fault even though I ever knew and never even went to the gym.
That's identity theft she should face some legal consequences for messing up your life.
Take her to court 🏃🏽♀️
That's a felony. Wtf. 😬
Seems like she is trying to keep control of you by sabotaging you, maybe with a little petty vengeance sprinkled in. Sounds rough and i hope you're doing okay.
pretty sure thats a crime.....
Irresponsible parenting: to remortgage only to burn the cash on 1 kid's wedding.
Poor moral compass: to burden a child with their debt and trying to guilt trip in to sacrificing her education.
The whole parents need to pay for weddings needs to be a thing in the past. However she does not owe her parents the $$ just because she made while living in their home. I'm sure they preferred her to be busy working than out running around causing trouble. She was more then willing to help them out with some $$ but her mom got greedy & wanted all the $$. Its also not her fault her father lost his job & had no plan B.
What I learned the hard way is parents have different expectations for each of their kids depending on their choices and how they are doing in life. Whenever I go out to eat with my mom and sister I have to pay for myself because I have a job and my sister just stays home all the time. My parents bought her a car cash but wouldn’t help me with a down payment to buy my car. They later helped my sister apply for a car and their credit got messed up because she couldn’t pay it and gave it back. I am about to pay off my car a year early that I got with my credit alone and never a missed payment. I have way more examples but the morale is they viewed her as responsible and wanted to use her whereas they may have favored the other daughter more or just thought they wouldn’t be able to do it themselves. In the end the kids who get less support do better for themselves because they have to work hard for everything they have and can’t rely on others.
I "lent" my parents a lot of money too, growing up. Difference is, they were embarassed about it, and always wished they didn't have to come to me. Quite honestly I didn't mind, but had my ex of a long time not pushed me to stop, I likely would have never gotten the independance I have today.
Sometimes we have to tell the people we love the most "no." And sometimes it becomes our first ticket to our freedom.
All that said, I find it absolutely disgusting that they thought you owed them anything. You are 100% correct. THEY chose to have children. YOU didn't choose to be born into their house, so YOU don't owe them a thing. They are being narcissistic in their demands. (Not diagnosing, just pointing out a behaviour.)
Plus, they paid for their other daughters wedding what she should’ve paid for it herself knowing $30,000 for a wedding it way to much and made her parents pay all of if. The narrator shouldn’t need to pay her parents back since she didn’t ask for $30,000 for a wedding. She worked hard, got her scholarship, and had money left over for HER needs. She deserves better and the one who should be paying is the sister with the expensive wedding.
@@errr_-ye8pe good god the entitlement on these people! I can't wrap my head around this kind of thought process! COME ON PEOPLE, WE DON'T BRING CHILDREN INTO THIS WORLD JUST TO HAVE PERSONAL SLAVES AND TO FORCE THEM TO DO OUR BIDDING! CHILDREN. ARE.THEIR. *OWN* .PEOPLE
Now that you got your independence, are you giving them money now? I'm kinda going through the same thing with my mom. I recently got a permanent job and every month she asks for money with a backup sad story, I've been employed since May but struggle to do things I need to do for myself. I had to sleep on the floor for the 1st month and not buy a bed cos she needed the money, months later and I still haven't bought a fridge cos I have to count her in my budget. I can't say no cos she needs the money but I'm taking 1 step forward and 2 steps back here
@@minenhlemaphanga9548 you HAVE to put a stop to it. Just because it's your mom does NOT mean you owe her anything. Is she not able to work?
@@heatherjohnson7260 she does work, but currently her salary isn't enough because of debit orders that are happening. She loaned money last year so she could bury my father so it's kinda rough now paying it back. I'm glad to help but it's really taking a toll on me. It's been 4 months now since I've been working but I haven't made any progress with my money. I'm now living check to check. I don't know when she'll be financially ok but I hope it's real soon.
This is sad. A parent shouldn’t expect their child to support them. It was their choice to procreate.
If sister wants a big wedding, they should pay, not you. She’s NOT your responsibility.
It’s be different if it were about donating a kidney or something to deal with their health but a wedding?!!!
Why do they need a huge wedding? To impress people?
I know it’s a happy occasion but honestly, I’d rather NOT start my next chapter in life, in debt. Also, having more people at your wedding will not enforce the bonds you share, it may even cause problems & ruin your day.
Stand strong, girl. You don’t need this toxicity in your life. Be proud you have saved for YOUR dreams.
Spend your fortune wisely & enjoy every second of it.
I hate when parents use that as a way to make their kids feel bad. That's the bare minimum as a parent that's basically what you sign up for. They don't really have to pay the parents back for that because it's not like they asked to be born anyways.
Facts
The parents are being selfish, she was willing to share with them a couple thousand dollars plus some money from her gigs, when she's entitled to denying them any money at all
Are we just gonna casually gloss over the fact that she had ALL the money to put her thru college +savings by 19?!!
No. I’m not. I also question whether or not I should believe the person sharing the family drama so freely.
@@SophisticatedTeacher Anything for Tik Tok/RUclips Shorts clout
@@SophisticatedTeacher yes that is exactly what I thought.
And to think it would be like no drama at all if the family was european (most of the countries have free or really cheap education) and if her sister didn't pay 30 000 for a wedding🤦♀️
@@SophisticatedTeacher I believe it. I've seen worse on Reddit 😂
Taking out mortgage for a wedding instead of sending you to college with the money WHAT A GREAT CHOICE MOM AND DAD
My folks also made me feel like I was a burden for being born. I left when I was 18 even though I work for them from that time I was 13. I was treated poorly. I let my brother have everything and he ended up losing his life trying to steal all their fortune
Girl don’t feel bad you worked hard for that money you deserve it
The way I relate to this my mom said the exact same thing“this is the least you could do for us we feed u for 18 years” it’s so shitty for “parents” to brag abt something they are required to do . kids deserve parents but not all parents deserve kids
Yh they gave us no choice but to live this life and on top of that I have to be thankful? Nah
Please don't feel guilty. You earned that money. I hope your parents come around and recognize how proud they should be of you
It actually shocks me this kind of stuff really happens in the west, as an Indian my parents would pay for everything for me until I graduate and I would take care of them for the rest of the life though they don't enforce it on us. But living on your own would make you stronger mentally and independent . I appreciate both the cultures.
Everyone: These parents are HORRIBLE!
Me: M E A T
They do look like the ham cubes you get at a salad bar…
Yes
@@snowwolfe ikr 😂😂😂
And cheese
@Zenytjeee 😂😂😂
This is why I put myself through college all 6 times and I now use 3 of those degrees to take care of my disabled mother. I'm so glad I have loving parents who would never be like this with me. They show tough love when it's needed and I've turned out better for it.
Tough love can hurt so many...your a lucky gal✌🏻💗☺️❣️
Nobody told them to become a parent. And Giving care, food, and a roof over a child's head is the bare minimum. They don't owe you anything because they didn't ask to be here.
This hit home. My mom used to tell me similar things and try to guilt trip me for her doing the bare minimum. Straight up told me I should be grateful for her giving me food once
You realize what ur parents said is emotional abuse
That's kinda selfish of parents to demand something you save for yourself
As a mother, I am sorry for how they’re making you feel. You’re right, it is their fault and not your responsibility to bail them out. Don’t feel guilty, keep your head up. I hope you will all eventually find forgiveness and healing. 🙏🏽
My parents never demand money from me , but my mom always said she’s not building me to take care of her and my dad . But in the future it should feel natural to help them in time of need
Who takes out a mortgage to pay $30,000 for a wedding? I'm sorry but you can't be like well we gave our other kid all of our $ & made stupid financial decisions followed by losing our income so the most natural thing would be to demand our other child give us all of the $ she worked her ass off for. Parents of year nominees right here.
“We gave you clothes and fed you for 18 years” Okay but as parents, your SUPPOSE to do that. A choice or not, you knew what you were signing yourself up for when pregnant, so that’s YOUR responsibility to take care of your children /child.
Especially since she laid up and got pregnant SIX TIMES. You know she never worked a day in her life. Get the money from the $30,000 bride.
No they don’t they could kill or put your ass on the street you ungrateful fuck. They didn’t have to give you clothes or food
@@sherlyhyppolite1962 yes they do. That's the whole deal with being a parent if your gonna get pregnant and have children then YOU need to take care of them not anybody else bc that is your responsibility as a parent. Remember it wasn't our choice to be born but it was our choice to have kids.
@@sherlyhyppolite1962 and they also didn’t have have open their legs.
@@sherlyhyppolite1962 they didn't have to have sex either just say you don't like taking responsibility
My parents are the same but well done for setting boundaries!!! That’s how you say no to a narcissist 👏👏👏
I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I have awful parents too. Stay strong and live your best life free from toxic people. You choose your family, blood has nothing to do with it. Take care ☺️💐
I hate it when parents are like "We GaVe yOu fOoD, a PlaCE tO sTaY aNd gAvE BirTh tO yOu. yA sHoUlD bE gReAtfUl."
*AIN'T THAT WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO!?*
*I am your child*
*YOU had ME*
*I didn't demand from you to pop me out*
fr I barely even wanna be here anyway
Amen
Lol I am YOU child 😂🤣😂🤣
Yea. And what’s sad is some parents don’t
I don't wanna be here either. I didn't ask for this.
"you were born under our roof for 18 years, we feed you and raised you, so it's our right to have yur money"
...then i guess you shouldnt have 6 kids.
A parent shouldn't bear children when they can't afford to sustain all of their child's basic needs. It will never be the child's fault for being born, it will always be the parents' fault for having children when they can't supply. You made that money from the fruit of your hardwork and children aren't required to repay their parents, it ultimately depends if they gave you the life you deserve.
Never feel guilty for standing up for what is right. You did not ask to be here. You were very willing to help. Don't let them put a guilt trip on you for doing the bare minimum.
You guys ever heard the phrase “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb” the relationships you create on your own are more important than the ones given. You can choose who to keep in your life and I’ll leave it at that 🤷🏽♀️
Yeah, but then toxic parents and family contorted, twisted, and chopped it up into "BlOoD is tHiCkEr ThaN WaTEr!!" So they can guilt-trip and manipulate their family and children into caring for them.
It's astounding to see how far people will stretch and lie and hurt others to keep from being the 'bad guy' or to be seen as the abusive person they are.
Whenever this phrase is said by anyone just say that water is purer than blood implying that the friends you have treat you better than your family.
Wow that's deep, is that like Harry Potter or something
Ah yes, you gave me food and clothes and a roof over my head- because that’s what you sign up for when you push something out of ya that’s been cooking up for 9 months. If you work it’s your money because it was your effort and time. Not the daughters fault the parents are in debt cause they stupid with money
Exactly, I bet they’re the kind of people who buy the most expensive stuff but always ends up being in debt.
Yes girl. I applaud you . As a parent i would never expect my kid to bail me . We as parents need to provide and care for and walk away .
Oh, love. I'm so sorry you had to go thru that. You did the right thing. And of course you felt badly- they are your parents, your family. You love them. It hurts to see the ones we love hurting. It hurts to see the ones we love hurting, and knowing there isn't anything we can do to make it all better for them. And it's absolutely heartbreaking to be hurt by loved ones who are hurting. But the truth is that we do not owe our parents anything. Period. And you especially don't owe your parents for not being shitty parents.
Imagine demanding money from a person who is willing to give a couple thousand dollars to you. Couldn't be me 🤦🏾♀️
Don’t ever feel guilty for not agreeing to help your parents when you’re not able to. I helped my mother for so many years and sacrificed everything just to be left with nothing and have to start from scratch all over again at almost 30 years old.
That's aweful..my kid is almost 20 and still lives here for free...I'm hoping she saves enough for a small apt on her own or pay for her college. It's the least she can do we pay for everything else including health insurance.
When you have an entire comment thread with absolutely everyone in agreement and not a single question as to who was wrong, then it’s something that a 3 year old should know. The fact that your parents don’t know they were wrong is irrefutable proof that they should never have had children, let alone 6 of them. Hold strong and don’t give in to parents that play blatant favoritism by taking out a loan on something unnecessary for the oldest and expect the youngest to pay it off.
All this is just proof that people should have to pass a test to become parents.
Damn so she handled her finances as a teen knowing that college was gonna be “extra” to them and got it done THEN was demanded to handle the parents finances after they chose to go big for something as menial as a wedding? Sounds like their priorities are messed up. 6 kids and clearly at least 20 years of adult and parenting life and still don’t know how to prioritize..
But they Kno how to guilt trip her... Sad...
You took a second mtg out for one kid to get married ( which may or may not last), but you wouldn't help your child save for college?
You have to wonder why they were willing to remortgage their home for a wedding and if they were planning on getting the savings all along? I don't understand how people can spend so much for the wedding it's a waste.
This is why you keep your finances to yourself and your spouse. Don’t tell your business because trust me you will end up in a situation like this one.
Na don’t let your family bring you down you worked hard for your success you deserve it