👋🏻Hey all! Hope you enjoyed this video! Have you fell for the idea it "takes two to tango"? :) 🚨Come join my NEW Relationship Bootcamp! be.ultranormal.co/relationship-bootcamp?YTE068& - Chris
Thank you Chris! Came across your content today and this is exactly what I needed for my "mixed" relationship. Question - I watched your video about how ADHDers aren't consistent right before this one, so I'm interested in how you reconcile that with the importance you place on consistency in this video.
Hey Mike! Thanks for stopping by, And great question. Consistency of effort is key. We cannot always control outcomes, as there will always be failures/missteps etc... so it's important to be consistent with the effort (ie. Persistent) AND improving the process (e.g. if there is a misstep ensuring that you don't ignore it, but actually DO something with it). In this way you may still be inconsistent in outcomes, but the growth graph is always moving in an upward trajectory, if that makes sense?
@@BeUltranormal Thanks Chris, that makes a lot of sense. I suppose I was interpreting what you were saying as consistency of results, which I really struggle with even when I'm putting in a lot of effort because I've tested in the bottom 1% for inattentiveness, so reframing this as consistency of effort helps refocus on the methods (which I can more control) than the results.
My partner with ADHD is not willing to work on challenges, not willing to work on communication and actually acting in contrary. We are broken up but yet he still wants to spend time together, go shopping, go to his family but not giving me any of intimacy or security. He keeps bringing things from the past, doesn't want to move on, holds on to resentment to point of constant criticism and resentment... Im still wondering why I allow him to do this, why don't I just cut this and heal and move on. I want to keep thinking it's the ADHD and not him but he is not taking any responsibility at all! He actually says how amazing he is, how no one ever complained about him or had issues.... I ask where are those girlfriends now? I'm currently for 6 weeks in another country (my home country) to go through the surgery for ovarian cancer. The only contact i get from him is every 2-3 days "hello, how are you?" And then maybe random picture of burger or street. Really? Why am I only getting scraps of attention? It's just too much and I keep thinking it was right decision to end it, as it requires 2 people to want to be together, communicate and grow together. I rather be alone...😢
I can understand the frustration when a partner is acting in that way, our focus can immediately go into defense mode and we shift our focus to how *they* are the source of all the problems. If your partner is showing defensiveness, think back to a time when you felt defensive and cast your mind back there. Why did you act defensively (we all do!) it's because we feel attacked. So, if all the focus of the relationship challenges is about one person and their ADHD then of course that would make them act defensively. I break it down in this video here: ruclips.net/video/ztsSlqasHt4/видео.html And I don't subscribe to the idea of 'two to tango' as all relationship problems are simply two people who are struggling to overcome the challenges in the relationship, it only takes one person to lead the relationship in the right direction (many of my members have done this by themselves and crafted a relationship back post breakup) ruclips.net/video/u74SwMdU2pQ/видео.htmlsi=XvquK-S8v82q51S4
👋🏻Hey all! Hope you enjoyed this video! Have you fell for the idea it "takes two to tango"? :)
🚨Come join my NEW Relationship Bootcamp! be.ultranormal.co/relationship-bootcamp?YTE068&
- Chris
Thank you Chris! Came across your content today and this is exactly what I needed for my "mixed" relationship.
Question - I watched your video about how ADHDers aren't consistent right before this one, so I'm interested in how you reconcile that with the importance you place on consistency in this video.
Hey Mike! Thanks for stopping by, And great question.
Consistency of effort is key. We cannot always control outcomes, as there will always be failures/missteps etc... so it's important to be consistent with the effort (ie. Persistent) AND improving the process (e.g. if there is a misstep ensuring that you don't ignore it, but actually DO something with it). In this way you may still be inconsistent in outcomes, but the growth graph is always moving in an upward trajectory, if that makes sense?
@@BeUltranormal Thanks Chris, that makes a lot of sense. I suppose I was interpreting what you were saying as consistency of results, which I really struggle with even when I'm putting in a lot of effort because I've tested in the bottom 1% for inattentiveness, so reframing this as consistency of effort helps refocus on the methods (which I can more control) than the results.
My partner with ADHD is not willing to work on challenges, not willing to work on communication and actually acting in contrary. We are broken up but yet he still wants to spend time together, go shopping, go to his family but not giving me any of intimacy or security. He keeps bringing things from the past, doesn't want to move on, holds on to resentment to point of constant criticism and resentment... Im still wondering why I allow him to do this, why don't I just cut this and heal and move on. I want to keep thinking it's the ADHD and not him but he is not taking any responsibility at all! He actually says how amazing he is, how no one ever complained about him or had issues.... I ask where are those girlfriends now? I'm currently for 6 weeks in another country (my home country) to go through the surgery for ovarian cancer. The only contact i get from him is every 2-3 days "hello, how are you?" And then maybe random picture of burger or street. Really? Why am I only getting scraps of attention? It's just too much and I keep thinking it was right decision to end it, as it requires 2 people to want to be together, communicate and grow together. I rather be alone...😢
I can understand the frustration when a partner is acting in that way, our focus can immediately go into defense mode and we shift our focus to how *they* are the source of all the problems.
If your partner is showing defensiveness, think back to a time when you felt defensive and cast your mind back there. Why did you act defensively (we all do!) it's because we feel attacked. So, if all the focus of the relationship challenges is about one person and their ADHD then of course that would make them act defensively.
I break it down in this video here: ruclips.net/video/ztsSlqasHt4/видео.html
And I don't subscribe to the idea of 'two to tango' as all relationship problems are simply two people who are struggling to overcome the challenges in the relationship, it only takes one person to lead the relationship in the right direction (many of my members have done this by themselves and crafted a relationship back post breakup) ruclips.net/video/u74SwMdU2pQ/видео.htmlsi=XvquK-S8v82q51S4
Thanks for this, Chris.
No worries! Thanks for watching!
I see why my 16-year relationship ended in December 2024.
@@jaydub7386 I always say that in long term relationships people have invested so much into it, for the right changes they're willing to wait!