The Borderline Monopolizing & Splitting on Their Favorite Person
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- Опубликовано: 9 фев 2025
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Thursday, May 23, 2024 5/23/24
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I’m married to one… and I can’t take it anymore.
Start planning your escape, the only problem is she's probably got some stuff over you're head she can use against you. Black mail, the smear campaign, start turning your friends against you. The BPD I was with her victim after she discarded me, he ended up taking a loss on his house, his savings were wiped out. They were not married but they lived together. He essentially had to start all over, moved away to another town. The guy she was with before me again took a loss on the house she claimed they owned together. Luckily I didn't get financially involved with her she was planning on finding a place too buy, nope not happening.
So sorry to hear that. I hope it helps that you know that you're not the problem, not that that's much of a consolation.
It takes years to recover from mental gymnastics you get put through, the sooner you start the sooner you get to live again. I’ve been out for a year or 2 and the free brain space is wonderful, you get to be yourself again, no more treading on eggshells, constant reality checking, feelings of impending doom, I wish I’d cut the chord sooner.
Time for divorce. Put on your oxygen mask first and don't be ashamed about it.
@@poocumber7806 Yeah it took me a long time to recover. I had her I also had job burnout. I'd say easy 2 years before I got my head clear and straight. Haven't seen her in 9 years until a week ago she appeared. I did talk to her I don't need her going on a witch hunt. Now we will see if I don't see her for another 9 years. They say BPDs are never out of your life you are in a little box on the shelf.
It's amazing how childlike they are and yet they are the most machiavellian personality types.
Yes wen normal, they behave like a kid and wen wild they can go till any extent
My mother was a borderline. She was the most needy woman I have known. I dealt with her for forty-nine years. It will take me a long time to recover from her.
thank you. I have commented before about my ex girlfriend with BPD. I'll just add one thing I thought was weird. She was always on her cell phone checking her Instagram to see how many people liked her posts. She said she had over 1000 followers, which she did apparently. she would always hide from view the phone when she would swipe up to see how many people would look at her post. I didn't really care. I figured she would get plenty of likes. She would brag about it. And then one day, I saw her through a window on the balcony looking at her Instagram and she only had three likes. I could see in her eyes, simultaneously sadness and ambivalence. It was one of the saddest things I've ever seen.She was empty. I could feel right there just how she was gaslighting herself in real time.
That whats happens when we find identity in such things and allow others to determine this.
Once I went to buy a coffee and I was talking to her on the phone and she said where are you? I told her i went to buy a coffee, she got very angry and accused me of not caring about her and that I was playing with her and not serious about the relationship!! This argument continued for two hours on the phone and I did not find a solution to this puzzle except through your channel, thank you, thank you, now I can sleep with a clear conscience. My relationship with her lasted for five months and it felt like 50 years, I will never repeat this experience and I do not advise anyone to try.
@borasha wow this one example explains perfectly my life for the past 6 years. Hour long conversations about nothing. Waking away exhausted. On New Years I chipped my front tooth pulling out a cork. My BF at the time was away and he called me to wish me a Happy New Year i talked to him and then said Im so upset I have to go to sleep. He would not let me get off the phone I finally said Im upset Im going to sleep and hung up on him. The next day he talked to me for 3-6 hours about how rude is was and how hurtful my actions were. I kept saying I was upset I broke my front tooth. I tried to get off the phone and communicate that for 2 hours. I eneded up telling him I have to go bc I couldnt take it any more. He would monopolize my time talking about non sense.
Yes, video subject was spot on as usual. One of the things that make me shake my head, is when they do something or say nasty things to you and then the next day or when they decide to speak to you again, it's like nothing ever happened....
Had that just today, said a bunch of cruel things to me, went to bed, woke up like nothing ever happened. I brought it up, she denied, then blamed me for "bringing out the worst in her" then raged.
What did I do you ask? She was sulking and acting like something was wrong with her all day. That evening I said "Whats bothering you, is there something I can help you with?". She said I should mind my own business and don't provoke her, lol. Ummm this is my spouse I'm speaking of..... Oh sorry, I didn't know we were strangers 😂. Unreal, unreasonable, can't wait to get out.
Oh no, that's awful I'm sorry. She is abusing you and she knows it and doesn't care. Write these down and tell her you won't talk to her u til she makes you feel better and promises to never do it again. Please find help and support.
@@DeMarsCoaching Thanks David, trying to set things up now. Appreciate your videos more than you know.
@@DeMarsCoachingshe can say she’ll never do it again but she will.. its compulsive.. she can’t stop.. they need intense therapy over a very long period of time… years and years of therapy…
I am working up the courage to leave my BPD best friend since kindergarten for the second time this is the last.. she got intense therapy inpatient for 3 years she was a new person.. 8 years later she stopped going to therapy stopped doing the work and for the past 3 years it has been hell.. I can’t take it anymore…
I’m discussing how I’m going to exit with my therapist bc it is hard on us too..
Trust me they can get better but it takes years and years of very intense therapy and they can never stop going.
If you are going to stay with her please get her into DBT and internal family systems IFS.. its thier only hope
Once again to a Tee David! Excellent and exactly what I experienced for almost 2 years before I first, became like him, second, lost myself and finally ran for the hills. I like me now ❤
Yay, I bet you even love you now!
@@DeMarsCoaching I do David! I’ve done some deep work on myself and I love spending time with me ❤️
Wow david wow. Yea shes split on me so many times. And the plotting and scheming i didnt know that had a name. Thank you for this. This makes all the sense in the world especially me trying to get her to get help, shes only in therapy for her probation, but they are groups and basic D& A counselors not specialists... and she needs a specialist.
Thanks Tim!
I was lucky if she had a problem every OTHER day... but yea usually multiple, easily solvable, OR had obvious solution, or right severe crazy problem that should not be my responsibility, but mostly multiple times a day. Wow.
STRESS
You describe it perfectly. I was lucky to miss the control stage. She never could so maybe that's why she discarded me in dramatic fashion. I wouldn't give up my friends, family, hobbies and interests and I'm glad.
Yup, thats a reason and controlling manipulator will leave the relationship and also shows how much they believe they cannot control their own life.
Went through the same thing. They always get to a stage where they want to force you to only care about them. It's usually because they have nothing else going on in their lives.
@@Liz-wz8dh Nailed it.
I had the best one, Dave.
" Remember, I love you. I love you. I love you... 2 hours later, my ex died, and you do nothing for me. Goodbye 👋
Thats sad.
@@DeMarsCoachingI don’t understand what he is saying to you? Is he being mean to you David?
boderline is so painfull than a narcicist
Can be so more traumatic
Was married to Bpd husband for 36 y. A person at his job blamed and tonglashed him daily on the road to work, for son visiting her daughter when she was at work. He mortified, lost weight an died from heart attack.
Twas a happy marraige, I came frong scapegoat in narc family. It was heaven to me with him. Ignored his acting-out.
Wow I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you are feeling better and recovering form this.
David, you are so right on as to how they behave . Your validation is the reason I am able to keep my head above water .
Good, try harder!
My ex took advantage of me financially and isolated me
Im.so sorry Katrina. You can help from this and learn.
Those are usually just the first signs of the abuse to come. If that's all they did and you got away, count yourself lucky. It only gets worse when you stay with these people.
Wow I think I'm going though that
Wow spot on with this one 😳 You don't reply back to their texts pronto you're gonna pay for it, their mind goes into overdrive. I asked the BPD I was with why are you so hypersensitive that didn't go over so well kinda like a lead balloon. Jealously, oof I couldn't be around any other woman, where we worked interacting with people out side of the company was a daily occurrence. I'd be talking to another woman I'd turn around there's the BPD she'd sneak up and stand right beside me. If not she would be standing at a distant giving me eye daggers. She didn't like it that so many people knew me, her circle of friends was very small. Control freak oh yes I didn't let her get away with it, if she didn't get her way she'd try do it sneakily I'd usually catch her doing it. She did use me for comfort when I came around I could sense her become calm, I could see it in her face. All in all it was exhausting being with her, she was a high functioning BPD she's educated she was always upgrading her education. How someone seemingly so perfect but she's oh so wrong. In the end it all blew up in my face in a big sh*t storm.
Thats too bad, I'm sorry. Its over now and you will heal from this and maybe not let such insecure people in your life again.
Amazing timing!!
Hi!
@@DeMarsCoaching Hi David thanks
Oh wow david its like youre psychic. I was gonna ask about the favorite person dynamic
Hi Tim, a lot of people ask me about it. Thanks!
I definitely understand feeling like the disordered feel,on almost a daily basis now. I was with her for 8 years. Break up, back together atleast 5 times. I was so stressed out from the daily walking on egg shells, and i was tired of being her constant crutch. I moved out again, this time longer than the usual 30 days(7 mos now) it kills me to not be there for her, the kids, and our pet shihpoo. I miss all of them! The last couple mos, I find myself doing and acting different, ruminating, and the paranoia thinking EVERYONE is out to sabotage things! Almost feel worse now than i did before. Why?
Thank you again for all your videos dear David ! I have been watching you for a while now and your videos have been of such an immense help ! It just tears my heart that I only realised my boyfriend was borderline at the end of the last year, everything made sense, his sudden disappearance, him ghosting me whenever his brother who lives in France comes home and he literally shuts me off whenever I start blaming him for not being available even his brother is staying for months , after he would break up with me , he would still insult me and treat me in such a horrible way , after the ghosting is over , he comes back to me with a scenario like he has been sick or that he has been into drugs and that those behaviours had nothing to do with him because he had no contrôle over it as he told me the past few months , he would call me every single day telling me that he has been suffering , that he has always loved me , I believed what he said because I felt bad for him I thought that he might need my support and that it would make us even closer, woke up one day after two weeks to find a message telling me that we should break up . Again, the cycle started , he called again to blame me that I haven’t said anything about him breaking up as if it was my fault to let him down? 😂 now, I figured out that he has been talking to his ex ( a married woman and a mother ) and he has been reaching her from a different account , the day I knew about this he told me that he wanted to seek revenge from me because I told him that I don’t want us back together and that he doesn’t have the same privilege as when we were together , he told me this is not how it looks like to you , I just wanted you to feel the same ! After I disappeared I made the decision that it’s too much for me and I firmly believe that it’s just incurable specially that the person does not see that they’re mistaken , Yesterday he called me to ask me for marriage and to tell me that he has always loved me ! This is totally sad yet disgusting ! Does this mean that I have been his favourite person? Or just a doll ? Thank you again David , your video has been really helpful and much needed for my healing journey ! All the love from Algeria 🇩🇿
Hello Samahmonkshoody from Algeria! I'm so sorry for your experience. Please tell your story to someone. Its so important to tell. Get all of it out so you dont hold it inside. Thank you and keep loving yourself.
I broke up a month ago with my ex borderline gf. Yesterday a friend told me that she has beem diagnosed with bipolar too, and did a post on Instagram saying that if life gives you lemons you do a lemonade, thought that little bit weird cause when we were together she didint make efforts to heal. Well, now I'm in an anxious state all the time, starting therapy tomorrow and hoping to heal from this trauma relationship. Your videos are gold David. Thanks.
Had a similar experience, hope you doing better now after some time has passed.
It's exactly like this.....
David you are my go to EVERY time I feel weak , lost, confused or when i forgot how bad shit was.. you are always spot on and so clear. Thank you for all your good work... I been no contact for almost 3 months from a relation that have lasted 11 years now... I get help now, and with you here I have hope to heal enough for when he come back.. All the best Eltong from Copenhagen Denmark
Thats so nice of you to tell me, thank you very much for supporting me Eltong. I'm sorry for your loss and that you have to recover from this long relationship but you will heal and have the life you deserve.
At some point you get so hurt that you can't take it anymore and walk away for your own sake.
I'm 46, married for 18 years with two kids. My wife suffered eating disorder/anorexia in her teenage years. Broken family with alcoholic father. She cheated after 8 years of marriage with 20 years old co worker ( she was 36 ). When I found out she cried, beg and threaten suicide so we stayed together, First couple of years after that it was ok., then she returned to her standard behavior like : very likable outside but not so much at home, always right, knows everything, great taste and style, fancy car, never admit wrong doing, always someone else fault, silence treatments , twisting facts, My younger son calls her passive aggressive, Ten years later ( month ago ) shes cheating again, This time I've served her divorce papers. Am I right thinking that shes a borderline?
You are right for divorcing her Michael. I'm so sorry, please hire professional support, you are deserving of it and need it. She sounds like she has a personality disorder, which one can be more arguable.
Alcohol aggravate the mood
Hi David
Thank you for the video.
I think most people that have been abused have some of these symptoms and need people to take care of them.
Healing family from California, hello David. I was the FP for 8 yrs. Dang, this video is on point David, just like all ur other ones. At this point, ex bpd fiancé is now plotting and planning trying to blame me for all his illness. Thank u David!!! For helping sooo many ppl heal and understand this.
Hi! Try and not communicate at all but if you are going to, try and tell him that he is entitled to believe what ever he wants.
Unpopular opinion: In my mind, BPD could be part of the Dark Triad (or dark personality traits). I see so, so many overlaps here. In BPD, I see overlaps of Paranoid PD, Dependent PD, Histrionic PD, Anti-Social PD, Narcissistic PD, and in some cases, Sadistic PD. Let me know what you think, Alec from Melbourne Australia
Read up on it from different sources...it's a disorganized identity disorder that manifests in different ways in different people..the reason it looks like all of these things is because they are temporary self states in which the borderline oscillates...it's a cocktail of all the cluster b disorders ...alcohol or drugs can escalate it into psychopathy and it is often mislabeled as narcissim because it is also a self state but not permanent...unlike npd ...bpd is treatable but the borderline has to be aware and acknowledge they have a problem just like an addict.. npd is incapable of accepting this and can't be helped and psychopaths are fully aware of eveything they just dont give a shit..some professionals postulate that all of the cluster b disorders are so similar and have so few differences that they should all be classified under the umbrella of cluster b disorder
Oh yes, the texts!! Several per hour during business hours🤯
Yes, at a certain point I started to feel like her also I became impulsive like her especially when it comes to alcohol (Just like her) even though before that, I'd never tried alcohol
And I want to thank you, David, your videos helped me get through it, especially the "no contact" video, I feel a lot better now
Thank you, David! So many similarities with what I went through with my husband! Even most of the comments, not all, are familiar to me and what I experienced with my husband! Thank you for sharing such valuable insight!😎❤️
Thanks David
12 years. I really thought he loved me and I could not be replaced. 😂 Horrible, empty and sad. Cannot believe he was cheating on me and had another girlfriend for two of those years. the minute I found out he let me know that I was his closest best friend, like family....Mind blowing trauma. Trying to recover.
David u r brilliant
OMG! This is spot on accurate in my last relationship
My ex of 7 months. Court problems. Car problems. Kid problems. Financial problems.
It was odd though because he never really put the problems on me, so I figured he was venting. But at the end it was ridiculous. Apparently I was his best friend at 6 weeks. Once he was in a bad part of town and said I didn't stay on the phone with him. Idk what I was supposed to do if something went bad. He cut himself mowing lawn, debris flying because he maintains nothing. Burned himself on pans all the time. He wanted to borrow money 2.5 months in but said he'd pay me back. Wouldn't know, didn't loan it. Flat tire he wouldn't fix, just kept filling it with air. Said I wasn't there for him. Maybe I wasn't but at 3 months I didn't know him well enough. He also tried to tell me my best friend wanted to sleep with him. She didn't. If he came over he just stayed to long. It's kinda crazy to think about. A 7 month relationship felt like 5 years.
Hey David great video! Can you make a video explaining why they say “you don’t prioritize me, you don’t hear me” and can you explain your thoughts on developmental trauma disorder? Thanks as always david!
Why do people when they have someone else filming them showcasing a boat do they degrade the person filming them, I have been seeing this a lot on youtube videos.
Im not sure Emile?
Just by the title, I'm going through this now... Well, and for some years before I recognized. The person will not ever ever admit the splitting either though it was literally between the last two texts. Maybe "got irritated" or something will be admitted. It's abusive whether it's idealization or devaluation bc neither are seeing the other as a real person. I never get to be a real person and I've never gotten to know one either. I dug and dug and tried and tried and there was nothing there 😞 maybe more than bpd with mty core? Every text I get these days are words I've said repeatedly trying to help our relationship thrive and pull us both up in our mental health. Over a year of trying to figure the miscommunication or what tf was going on and not a word I had ever said was understood well, sometimes faked with empty promises attached. But NOW that I'm very nearly no contact, they are HIS original thoughts, words, research, etc. I am getting my words and concepts thrown at me and it's getting to the point of being existentially creepy. My brain is FRIED either way. I feel like he's wearing a mask of me. And I feel really crappy for sharing info like Philosophical concepts and really breaking them down bc I've seen it being used to "impress" ppl already, it makes me more worried for the next person who gets attached before they figure out that their anxiety is fear bc their body is picking up danger and all those lovely little EQ lessons I think most ppl watching something like this had to learn at some point in adult hood. Needed the lesson. It was a BRUTAL one but I've grown SO MUCH this past year even though I wasn't ready to fully leave, I was working my butt off learning and doing different practices. Ha, the day I heard and really realized that emotions could be felt in our bodies. I was like "exxxxxxuse me?" I went around telling everyone I spoke to for weeks lmao felt like an education I should've received in 2nd grade but hey, reality upgrades are goooood stuff.
Thank you 🙏
My ex would get over the top mad over certain movies I watched. She was checking my continue watching on prime and some of the movies pissed her off! One time she threatened to break my new glasses if I didn’t give a reason why I was watching some movies. Called me a disgusting pig one time for watching American pie. She threw the remote and broke the tv watching keeping up with the joneses. “The dressing room scene” after all that I found myself making sure movies didn’t have nudity in it before watching them.
I guess I have to be one of those comments you said not to make earlier. I've had two long term favorite people. and I've never done any of this. But maybe it's my quiet BPD. I'm only watching this video because my ex friend and crush just asked me why I never split on her. I don't understand splitting. And these moments always make me wonder if I actually have BPD.
But you're wrong for the way you call us. good content though
I think my boyfriend is BPD, not bipolar as he claims.
from south africa
Hi David
How can you stop rumination? I don't have any control over it and nothing I do makes it go away, and I don't notice when it is happening.
🤗🕊
Good to see you Cindy!
You sound like a Narcissistic person. You speak without empathy .