I realized today that I use your channel as a quick therapy session. Anytime I am affected by my past relationship - regret, anger, embarrassment, or instances of hoovering - I go to your channel. Thank God you have over 100 videos so I can pick the one I need to hear to be grounded by reality. My friends and counselor are great, but your channel is my go-to when I need a quick dose of support and clarity.
Dead on, from my experience. I finally had to humble myself and ask for help from my friends and family not to let me go back. And I filed a restraining order which ended up being mutual and that's fine. But he still has broken his own. He requested one after I requested a VPO and still tries to communicate with me!? Being away long enough and being forced to comply by my own design, I finally broke free and it's 290 days no contact now!
It’s true, it is arrested development, our entire life is trapped in the inability to regulate our emotions due to (in my case) serious emotional neglect from that young age. After the understanding of why I do what I do, it becomes setting up a healthy system that works, thinking and deciding new choices on a daily basis to create a better self and life.
The self isolation and shame is a real issue, was for me after just 18 months in this crazy relationship because I was warned by my friends who could see through this new guy in my life but I couldn’t
Additionally, one Narcissist disclosed to me that he’d call, send flowers, somehow contact an ex during a birthday or holiday because he said the woman was in a happy mental space and he’d be more likely able to take his call, or meet him for a “birthday drink,” or something that appears benign. But beware, it’s a calculated move. That Narcissist did this a whole year later, at Christmas.
My ex narc has sent me a birthday card every year since I found out he was cheating . I’ve never spoken to him again after I walked away three years ago. My friend said to put “ return to sender” on the card and send it back. I would NEVER do that! Why? Because that’s what he wants! A reaction. He is truly mentally ill.
That’s sick. When I read that I just think of how wounded that person must have been as a child. I feel so bad for them. Not enough to want to help them. I’m too empathetic. I just wish they can heal. It’s really sad.
@@leximakeupful sometimes the narc is so dangerous so destructive healing is not possible, I was so young and had no knowledge, long story short, I finally left, filed for custody and won, he stole the kids and alienated them against me and my whole family. They are adults now one has become his extension the other severely discarded by him, me serious CPTSD been working on healing for 15 years. Getting out staying out before kids is so important, they should teach about emotional manipulation in schools for this very reason. This guy is great to listen too but a high end malignant narc is sooo destructive.
You’ll heal and be wiser next time, coming out of it with a loving heart is a victory ! Don’t let them make you diminish your capacity to love again or they beat you
My narc did the reverse discard with me. When I finally decided I had to end it and for physical safety reasons I called him once he did not answer, I’d didn’t leave a voicemail, I texted him stating, “I’m actually finally done with you.”
Some narcissists are pain in the ass, but some are just insane and dangerous. Maybe it depends on the spectrum. Good for you for getting therapy and trying to change. My father never believed in therapy and has been torturing me my entire life because I don't want to play his messed up game.
Surely the reverse hoover is just another form of narcissistic gaslighting/ stonewalling - another way of punishing the "victim" making them want to come back to the abuser.
@@MentalHealness What makes a narcissists start harassing you after you discard them. Like when they know you aren’t coming back why do they start harassing you? Is it to scare you I don’t understand?
First I want to thank you. I have been listening to you for a short period of time now. I learn a lot. My ex husband is still hoovering me, anyway I can’t take him back regardless. Recently something happened and I think he knows that I know “about who he is” . I thought the hoover time was over. I’ll watch more of your videos to get answers and thanks again. It’s really brave what you do. You help a lot of people this way .
After watching this video I truly am so glad I took that step of getting that restraining order and changed/deleted/blocked ALL ACCESS from him and his family from ever getting in touch with my family and I! I am FINALLY AT PEACE! One year NO CONTACT TO FOREVER STRONG! Thank you GOD for staying with me through that storm!
21 years of this and no more. We’ve been separated so many times. I’m finally in a better place mentally. The key for me was no sexual contact. Being intimate with them keeps the trauma bond intact, and it will take you to a dark place. Now I’m working on my children, (3 adults & 2 teens). I am so afraid for my youngest, 16 years old. He has been affected the most. He’s in therapy at least once a week. He has high anxiety. Thank you so much for the education Lee. It has helped me so much! I’ve been through all of the hoovering tactics you talked about.
Omg!! I finally understand and it’s a weight off my shoulders cause I was dealing with my ex for so long and never noticed till now. And even now I’m second guessing myself even though the relationship is over. Thank you for this clarity!!🙏🏽
Thank you for opening up like this. It helps. My mother is a narc and I've struggled a lot to see her as anything else than a monster. You're helping me see the human side of narcissism,,, the whats and the whys. While I have no intention of ever contacting her again, it's important for my healing that I don't remain angry with her forever! Fair play to you and thanks!
You are describing my relationship to the T!! 😭😭 So many people I’ve lost after leaving and coming back so many times. Isolating myself even more after returning back constantly 😔
I have experienced the same! Also, he has corralled some friends to “stay neutral” after they told me to leave but would not say why and continue to pal around him but not me because I have self pity! I have gotten and remained sober, started my own business, writing songs again. The stronger I got, I tried to make a friendship work, the worse he got. Blocking the friends too!
I have been dealing with 2 Narcissists for over 30 years couldn't understand them or how they treated me. All that you said is so true. I honestly get it. Omg
Can you please do a video about the smirk? Or how they hide their smile when they like the information you tell them about the other person they triangulate you with.
Some of them will not demonstrate vulnerability of any kind in relation to how they feel about their partner, but will put great effort into igniting the victim's sentimentality, the victims nostalgia and attempt to trigger memories that will cause the victim to think back to times that were favorable with the narcissist, in order to Hoover that person back into the role of significant other over which they have the upper hand.
The reverse Hoover got me like WHOA! The embarrassment aspect is accurate. This last time he broke up with me It feels like it’s over for real though. I hope I’m right and he moved on to the girl he tried to make me jealous of. Smh I’ve been telling him for years to go on dates and to move on. Only because of how he treated me but would never leave me alone when he would break up with me.
Love your thoughts on the reverse hoover. I have been going through it and actually just started thinking maybe I was wrong due to him not hovering, but I have left so many times before that he just expects me to come back. The last few times, he's told me that his mom tells him that I'll be back and then I did come back, so he's now in that mindset. This time, I'm not going back, thanks to your perspective.
I don’t think I’m addicted to the narcissist, self-love healed the traumabond, it took like 9 months or so, but now I’m addicted to watching videos about narcissism 😂 It just makes me feel good and so much more proud of breaking up with him, blocking him, and even date new ppl 😌
Hovering is like a magic trick your thinking you are in control but its really someone controlling you its all in your imagination you are being control but you can't see it only what the Nar is wanting you to see and feel
When he talks about hovering isolating... that is facts. I stopped being friends with my BFF of26years after 12years of her and her narc BBD going through this cycle... it's exhausting for even people connected and an emotional roller coaster for all...i started to get anxiety when she would call and I'm a survivor of Narc abuse so i think that's why it affected me so. Her relationship is so toxic that I was done. Now that says alot. Great talk and transparency
Again, this is the second narc I had: we’d broken up and he began talking to a girl on his birthday after I treated him to his favorite home cooked meal. Even months after that, we coexisted for the sake we shared a lease and a child together, but months later we slept together because I didn’t know he had someone else. He tried to get back to me on my son’s birthday but he wanted me back but I knew it wasn’t genuine. I told him we can’t since we mutually agreed we would be better off without one another. I kept that in mind and especially now that he bought another woman into our situation. I can’t allow him back in once you bring someone else in. I’m better off without him (and both my narcs) because they like to play too many games and I hate that.
My narcissist used to offer me money out of the blue. I’d go hang out grab the cash etc... I thought we were cool until I started noticing little games he’d play thinking he still had me hooked, so I stopped calling and blocked him. He seen my son one day and said hey I miss your mom and I can’t get through to her. My son didn’t know and ended up bringing him to my house. I was pissed! Now I know it was a “Hoover tactic”. Thanks for teaching us.
My narc never begged to stay together when I broke up with him, but he would come back later a few times. He finally found an excuse to discard me, but his exact words were " I don't feel comfortable being in a relationship with you at this time", then after I pleaded to work it out, because he had gaslighted me and I lost my emotional intelligence for a moment, he said we could meet to talk, but we never did and havent heard from him since. Definitely puzzling.
"Its been 6 years and he wont leave me alone despite seeing someone else" Yeah thats the monster I knews ex right there. She allows it by letting him in again.
It's bc we have a routine habit for 13 years. All of a sudden it gets cut clean off. Your ghost haunts us in our homes. We goto the kitchen, we look over at the window and remember seeing you sit there all those years. We pass by the living room and see the couch, we remember and can still see you there in our minds. Omnipresence in every aspect of the home. Even in areas of the town. Attachment is very hard not to do over 13 years even TELLING yourself not to do it. Nature takes its course. And we pay the price for it. We deal with our half and we deal with your half, while the narcissist goes on about their day as if nothing happened. Taking PRIDE in what they've done. It's bad when you don't even want karma to hit the narcissist. You love them so much, you just want them to stop their crap and be safe. Not receiving bad things. The narcissist has received a lot of bad things in their life time from an infant, to a young adult. I felt sorry for her, but in order for her to understand that they are worthy and do deserve affection, companionship etc they'd have to admit they were wrong about their first thoughts about themselves. It will never happen. A narcissist collapse can occur and they may die from it. Or someone else may.
My ex narc said that EXACT thing to me, "Ain't nobody gon want you and [my son] but me!" This statement STILL triggers me to this day and it's been a little over a year since I put his ass out!
He pretends to be concerned about his son to get his foot through the door. Once he's in, he doesn't care, ignores my son, refers to my son as "that kid", as if my son doesn't have a name. He's nothing more than a sperm donor to me now.
Been in a narcissistic relationship for 41 years. Endless rounds of silent treatment from their side. However, I'm the one who messages an emails when the silence begins. I message like a crazy person. I'm ashamed of it but feel completely desperate every time I'm ignored. I feel there were good times once and we could have them again but I've been living in denial
I'm right there with you. I did the same thing. Then I saw his new supply that he found while he was still with me. So his discard was not so stalkerish. It's better that way.
OMG!! THIS is powerful and needed. Thank you for your truth. I’d like to interview you on my radio show. Contact me via my bio. Thank you for all you do!! I’m sharing your content!! Folk must wake up.
Hi Lee, my ex hoovered me when I separated from him. He has Not done this ever since I told him he is the most insecure person I know. Once I did this and he got defensive, told me how he has done everything his whole life by himself, for himself so he is not insecure. I didn't back down and I said to him, that doesn't mean you're not insecure. He has left me alone since. For that I am truly grateful. I don't think he will hoover because he knows there is no chance at all.
8 times....I have taken him back after he got upset for something trivial, I feel in a healthy relationship you could work out or break up over and it be absolutely done. This last time was me saying I’m done. And I deserve better. And I do. And I wasn’t strong enough to say no once he Hoover’ed. And I wasn’t so sure he was a Narc.
what’s the justification narcs have for loudly proclaiming that they’ve basically respected a new boundary ‘enough’ like it has a time limit? like it’s been a timeout, and acting like we ‘should be over it by now’? why are our boundaries treated like a temporary measure just to feel entitled to go back to the way things were, like it’s a trial run
*** What you allow will continue. **** Mic 🎤 drop What about hoovering after they attempt to discard you (or make it seem like they will, they have no intention to leave), and y'all all married and living together. . Do you guys (narcs) love the drama? I hate drama. He knows I hate drama. He creates it on purpose. Enforcing boundaries is the way to go, if you want to save your marriage. He'll fall in line or get left behind.
These videos got me about to break down at work. I love him so so very much. I think I have GONE CRAZY myself. I have reactive abuse, I was mean and ugly and how do I feel bad? OMG
He threatened to take my kids, even though he has said in front of the boys he never wanted kids. He hated how much I was focused on the boys. I never made him do anything with the family. He always got to do his own thing. I know what his childhood was like. I never expected anything from him. He left out of the blue. Now I know he has been cheating for awhile. After 14yrs dang. He was my only friend, but about a year ago I got a strong female friend that has been through this. He told the whole town I was a lesbian and sleeping with her. I teach most of this towns kids at church...they finally know he's lying 🤥
These videos give a such better perspective !!.. im bpd my ex is high narcissistic traits/tendencies currently getting hoovered.. can't stand him crying.. it makes me feel awful 😞
We separated in May 2020, in the beginning I fought for the relationship because I was so trauma bonded and cuz of our kids. Come July 2020 he was non stop texting, crying, wanting to come home ect. I was gonna let him, he then turned around and said he didn't want too. He did that until October 2020...I then had enough, knew he wouldn't leave me alone unless I told his girlfriend everything, so I did and now we only talk about kids. I fully feel in my gut that its gonna happen again, he has tried little reach outs which i don't respond too...I just lay in wait for it to happen again. 🤦♀️🤷♀️
My child’s father is a narc . He tried to Hoover me by telling me to meet him just to give me some clothes that were my daughters that were left at his house . Any other time he drops the clothing off at the daycare and I get them from the daycare when I pick up my daughter . Now all of a sudden he “wants to meet” to give me clothing . No way!!!
Both of my narcissists discarded me several times and come back crying. This last one calls me a narcissist yet never worked or helped me do anything. He tells everyone I'm a narcissist and he has to get away from me yet he never explains to them why he runs back all the time. This guy uses his health issues to get people to feel sorry for him and to dislike me. He did it to his ex before me. I pray I don't fall for another one because I've been hurt 2 times in a row.
'Reverse Hoovering'. Totally makes sense now thank you. I was starting to have doubts that my ex had narc traits because he hasn't really tried to hoover me since he left...... apart from try to get me to share the dog or pay for kennels when I refused (due to his ongoing psychological abuse when we exchanged the dog). He then accused me of 'another betrayal' (who is the betrayer?) and blocked me. Result!
we started off by sharing the cat, he was using this as a way to still stay in touch after breaking up when i told him to stop showing up n take the cat all together he became super moody n we blocked eachother but he stalked me , sent ppl after me to try to kill me in a hit and run accident, sent spyware to disable all my social media accounts.. he lives close by saw him in the hood n he hid behind trees.. guilty coward
I discarded rejected him went back confused discarded him I have shut down all social media platforms changed my number literally have dropped off the face of the earth focused on my healing my prayers is that whoever he is with with work out forever I don't ever want to be hovered or stalked prayers for all of us Thank you lee
Some people are deeply involved, they don’t have enough clarity to see what they want or even if they can get out or how. People wouldn’t simply stay and let everything happen just because they want, sometimes they are unable to get out of it, for many reasons - or fears
In one of the comments someone mentions the smirk. For your viewers would you tell us what the smirk is. Thank you for clarifying and confirming my suspicions.
I swear I questioned myself. Especially the more I read about it. I was damn. Am I the narcissist? But I had to meditate and therapy. It brought a lot of things to perspective
The little games they play are tough. You can see the manipulation after awhile and it's shady. I did one of those little manipulation games, once, and felt so greasy after. He had called (I live in our co-owned house, so we have some dealings) and at first I didn't notice the time stamp, but then did, but still used it as an excuse to call back. I'm pretty sure he knew too. Whether he did or not, I knew I was being shady and I do have a conscious about it. I was still stuck in a trauma bond and looking for validation from the wrong source. Often I couldn't accept that 10 yrs just didn't mean to him what it meant to me (he cheated). I didn't realize I was dealing w/ a narcissist even months after I'd finally kicked him out.
I realized today that I use your channel as a quick therapy session. Anytime I am affected by my past relationship - regret, anger, embarrassment, or instances of hoovering - I go to your channel. Thank God you have over 100 videos so I can pick the one I need to hear to be grounded by reality. My friends and counselor are great, but your channel is my go-to when I need a quick dose of support and clarity.
Me too
Literally same
I thought I was the only one. I see about 5 to 7 vids everyday
Me too
Same
Seeing how you think and act is like learning with out the abuse thank you 😊
appreciate it
@@MentalHealness How are you today?
Some of us had to get the info the hard way--through trial and error. But it brightens my heart that there are less painful ways for you...
Dead on, from my experience. I finally had to humble myself and ask for help from my friends and family not to let me go back. And I filed a restraining order which ended up being mutual and that's fine. But he still has broken his own. He requested one after I requested a VPO and still tries to communicate with me!? Being away long enough and being forced to comply by my own design, I finally broke free and it's 290 days no contact now!
Exactly
Basically narcissists tricks are just like what young kids do. They never grew up
Exactly
Precisely. Their mental age is between 5-8 years old. They suffer from arrested development and are emotionally stunted.
What kids do along side demonic influces.
@@kikikiki3216 yeah no.
It’s true, it is arrested development, our entire life is trapped in the inability to regulate our emotions due to (in my case) serious emotional neglect from that young age. After the understanding of why I do what I do, it becomes setting up a healthy system that works, thinking and deciding new choices on a daily basis to create a better self and life.
"What you allow will continue"
Best piece of advice I've heard. Thank you for that bit of clarity!!!
This is so educational. Cut the narcissist off. Completely. And it’s hard but it gotta be done. Find someone new and better.
I am a surviver and I got out by the mercy of the Most High. Thank you for your work.
You are so welcome
This is why no contact is so important
exactly
The games they play. I have my PhD in NPD. I will NEVER be tricked again.
I felt that. Like he was literally seeing how far he could push me. I didn’t even know where my boundaries were anymore.
Since most of them are not in therapy, those folks are some demonically possessed individuals. Yeah, I said what I said. Satanic imps!
The self isolation and shame is a real issue, was for me after just 18 months in this crazy relationship because I was warned by my friends who could see through this new guy in my life but I couldn’t
"We feel destroyed on the inside and need the outside to match" Damn!
Additionally, one Narcissist disclosed to me that he’d call, send flowers, somehow contact an ex during a birthday or holiday because he said the woman was in a happy mental space and he’d be more likely able to take his call, or meet him for a “birthday drink,” or something that appears benign. But beware, it’s a calculated move. That Narcissist did this a whole year later, at Christmas.
My ex narc has sent me a birthday card every year since I found out he was cheating . I’ve never spoken to him again after I walked away three years ago. My friend said to put “ return to sender” on the card and send it back. I would NEVER do that! Why? Because that’s what he wants! A reaction. He is truly mentally ill.
That’s sick. When I read that I just think of how wounded that person must have been as a child. I feel so bad for them. Not enough to want to help them. I’m too empathetic. I just wish they can heal. It’s really sad.
This makes me want to close my heart off forever. I can’t see how I can get involved with anyone else.
Awe, I know how you feel. In time you will heal.❤️💖
Get therapy and heal.
@@leximakeupful sometimes the narc is so dangerous so destructive healing is not possible, I was so young and had no knowledge, long story short, I finally left, filed for custody and won, he stole the kids and alienated them against me and my whole family. They are adults now one has become his extension the other severely discarded by him, me serious CPTSD been working on healing for 15 years. Getting out staying out before kids is so important, they should teach about emotional manipulation in schools for this very reason. This guy is great to listen too but a high end malignant narc is sooo destructive.
You’ll heal and be wiser next time, coming out of it with a loving heart is a victory ! Don’t let them make you diminish your capacity to love again or they beat you
Just be smart and look for the signs.
I went back to my narc twice and it got exponentially worse both times.
That’s how it goes
When I went back once and got abandoned, I was like neverrr again.
Thank you for explaining things from inside the mind of a Narcissist. It reinforces my decision to stay far away without contact forever.
you're welcome
I was too smart for him. I knew what he was after the discard and went full no contact. Jokes on him.
Same here
My narc did the reverse discard with me. When I finally decided I had to end it and for physical safety reasons I called him once he did not answer, I’d didn’t leave a voicemail, I texted him stating, “I’m actually finally done with you.”
“We want the outside to match our inside .” Thank you . This answers a question in my head
you’re welcome
Some narcissists are pain in the ass, but some are just insane and dangerous. Maybe it depends on the spectrum. Good for you for getting therapy and trying to change. My father never believed in therapy and has been torturing me my entire life because I don't want to play his messed up game.
Surely the reverse hoover is just another form of narcissistic gaslighting/ stonewalling - another way of punishing the "victim" making them want to come back to the abuser.
Yes it is
@@MentalHealness What makes a narcissists start harassing you after you discard them. Like when they know you aren’t coming back why do they start harassing you? Is it to scare you I don’t understand?
First I want to thank you. I have been listening to you for a short period of time now. I learn a lot. My ex husband is still hoovering me, anyway I can’t take him back regardless. Recently something happened and I think he knows that I know “about who he is” . I thought the hoover time was over. I’ll watch more of your videos to get answers and thanks again. It’s really brave what you do. You help a lot of people this way .
I have written on Instagram for years about narcissists. Your different sights have validated all my work... thank you so much
I see your posts on IG all the time!
Your posts give me hope. Thank you
@Maria Consiglio!! Hiiii! Your writings have helped me a LOT! Just wanted to say.... Thank you!💜
After watching this video I truly am so glad I took that step of getting that restraining order and changed/deleted/blocked ALL ACCESS from him and his family from ever getting in touch with my family and I! I am FINALLY AT PEACE! One year NO CONTACT TO FOREVER STRONG! Thank you GOD for staying with me through that storm!
21 years of this and no more. We’ve been separated so many times. I’m finally in a better place mentally. The key for me was no sexual contact. Being intimate with them keeps the trauma bond intact, and it will take you to a dark place. Now I’m working on my children, (3 adults & 2 teens). I am so afraid for my youngest, 16 years old. He has been affected the most. He’s in therapy at least once a week. He has high anxiety. Thank you so much for the education Lee. It has helped me so much! I’ve been through all of the hoovering tactics you talked about.
stay strong. it's tough
@@MentalHealness thank you
That "reverse hoover" still hurts the narc while waiting......but know exactly what you mean. Next level manipulation.
Omg!! I finally understand and it’s a weight off my shoulders cause I was dealing with my ex for so long and never noticed till now. And even now I’m second guessing myself even though the relationship is over. Thank you for this clarity!!🙏🏽
Your honesty is so important and commendable!! Thank you for what your doing! Keep up the good work!
i appreciate it
These videos keep from going back when I miss him. Thank you.
Gotta say, every time you say ‘everybody’s favourite narcissist’ I can’t help but laugh 😂
Not untrue though 🤔..the competition sucks lol
Thank you for opening up like this. It helps. My mother is a narc and I've struggled a lot to see her as anything else than a monster. You're helping me see the human side of narcissism,,, the whats and the whys. While I have no intention of ever contacting her again, it's important for my healing that I don't remain angry with her forever! Fair play to you and thanks!
You are describing my relationship to the T!! 😭😭 So many people I’ve lost after leaving and coming back so many times. Isolating myself even more after returning back constantly 😔
It’s called Trauma Bonding, get therapy.
I have experienced the same! Also, he has corralled some friends to “stay neutral” after they told me to leave but would not say why and continue to pal around him but not me because I have self pity! I have gotten and remained sober, started my own business, writing songs again. The stronger I got, I tried to make a friendship work, the worse he got. Blocking the friends too!
This happened to me is like we give them what thay want while they tell us what we want but actions are louder than words thank you i get it
I have been dealing with 2 Narcissists for over 30 years couldn't understand them or how they treated me. All that you said is so true. I honestly get it. Omg
He sent me my favorite holiday reeses in the mail to hoover 🤣 It didn't work. After 6yrs, many discards, abuse... I didn't fall for it
wow lol
Excellent!! Stay strong
Thank you so much for your honesty. This is powerful. You are helping so many people ✨
You are so welcome
Victims need to be validated in their abuse. Regardless of what we went through, no one deserves it. This guy's got some guts 🔥
Can you please do a video about the smirk? Or how they hide their smile when they like the information you tell them about the other person they triangulate you with.
OMG YES... this is real... and beyond scary. The eyes would turn all black... sometimes I thought it was possession no joke.
Yes! The smirk!!!!
Maaaaan
My mind is blown right now 🤯 I so appreciate your videos
Some of them will not demonstrate vulnerability of any kind in relation to how they feel about their partner, but will put great effort into igniting the victim's sentimentality, the victims nostalgia and attempt to trigger memories that will cause the victim to think back to times that were favorable with the narcissist, in order to Hoover that person back into the role of significant other over which they have the upper hand.
Mine actually started sending me email money transfers in $20 increments because I had him blocked everywhere else. He gave up at the 60.00 mark 😂
girl one time, mine left $27.55 taped to my front door. Claimed he "owed me money" WTF
Extremely powerful. Thank you for being my go to “therapist” haha
Glad you enjoyed it!
Aggghhh you are triggering me so bad with this one. I thank you, thank you, thank you so much for this! You have truly opened my eyes.
The reverse Hoover got me like WHOA! The embarrassment aspect is accurate. This last time he broke up with me It feels like it’s over for real though. I hope I’m right and he moved on to the girl he tried to make me jealous of. Smh I’ve been telling him for years to go on dates and to move on. Only because of how he treated me but would never leave me alone when he would break up with me.
Love your thoughts on the reverse hoover. I have been going through it and actually just started thinking maybe I was wrong due to him not hovering, but I have left so many times before that he just expects me to come back. The last few times, he's told me that his mom tells him that I'll be back and then I did come back, so he's now in that mindset. This time, I'm not going back, thanks to your perspective.
It’s like the old saying…. I don’t want you nor do I want anyone else to have you.
Very insightful, thank you for your transparency
you’re welcome
I don’t think I’m addicted to the narcissist, self-love healed the traumabond, it took like 9 months or so, but now I’m addicted to watching videos about narcissism 😂 It just makes me feel good and so much more proud of breaking up with him, blocking him, and even date new ppl 😌
So very clear! Everything, I started thinking I was crazy.
Hovering is like a magic trick your thinking you are in control but its really someone controlling you its all in your imagination you are being control but you can't see it only what the Nar is wanting you to see and feel
I appreciate you say the things people will get mad about. The truth with narcissists isn't pretty, but it's important to know.
I currently live with a narcissistic partner... I commend you for your truth and honesty...
Thank you for what you do. You have opened my eyes to so much and I am so thankful. ❤
When he talks about hovering isolating... that is facts. I stopped being friends with my BFF of26years after 12years of her and her narc BBD going through this cycle... it's exhausting for even people connected and an emotional roller coaster for all...i started to get anxiety when she would call and I'm a survivor of Narc abuse so i think that's why it affected me so. Her relationship is so toxic that I was done. Now that says alot.
Great talk and transparency
Right! They want to feel wanting and needed. But, it feels they don’t want us there, but bother us.
🙌🏾
Again, this is the second narc I had: we’d broken up and he began talking to a girl on his birthday after I treated him to his favorite home cooked meal. Even months after that, we coexisted for the sake we shared a lease and a child together, but months later we slept together because I didn’t know he had someone else. He tried to get back to me on my son’s birthday but he wanted me back but I knew it wasn’t genuine. I told him we can’t since we mutually agreed we would be better off without one another. I kept that in mind and especially now that he bought another woman into our situation. I can’t allow him back in once you bring someone else in. I’m better off without him (and both my narcs) because they like to play too many games and I hate that.
I'm no contact! IM SO HAPPY! working on my own traumas. I don't need anymore from the narc
🙏🏽🙏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
My narcissist used to offer me money out of the blue. I’d go hang out grab the cash etc... I thought we were cool until I started noticing little games he’d play thinking he still had me hooked, so I stopped calling and blocked him. He seen my son one day and said hey I miss your mom and I can’t get through to her. My son didn’t know and ended up bringing him to my house. I was pissed! Now I know it was a “Hoover tactic”. Thanks for teaching us.
wow. can't believe he did that b.s
@@pinnakal1 🤣🤣🤣 AND DID!!! But in all seriousness, that was just a tactic to see if I had moved on and keep me on him.
@@pinnakal1 😂😂
Thank you for doing the hard inner work to help spead awareness. I appreciate you so much
I really wish I had known about you and all this information a year ago. Thank you for your work!!
My narc never begged to stay together when I broke up with him, but he would come back later a few times. He finally found an excuse to discard me, but his exact words were " I don't feel comfortable being in a relationship with you at this time", then after I pleaded to work it out, because he had gaslighted me and I lost my emotional intelligence for a moment, he said we could meet to talk, but we never did and havent heard from him since. Definitely puzzling.
"Its been 6 years and he wont leave me alone despite seeing someone else" Yeah thats the monster I knews ex right there. She allows it by letting him in again.
This is so healing I cannot thank you enough ❤
It's bc we have a routine habit for 13 years. All of a sudden it gets cut clean off. Your ghost haunts us in our homes. We goto the kitchen, we look over at the window and remember seeing you sit there all those years. We pass by the living room and see the couch, we remember and can still see you there in our minds.
Omnipresence in every aspect of the home. Even in areas of the town. Attachment is very hard not to do over 13 years even TELLING yourself not to do it. Nature takes its course. And we pay the price for it. We deal with our half and we deal with your half, while the narcissist goes on about their day as if nothing happened. Taking PRIDE in what they've done. It's bad when you don't even want karma to hit the narcissist. You love them so much, you just want them to stop their crap and be safe. Not receiving bad things. The narcissist has received a lot of bad things in their life time from an infant, to a young adult.
I felt sorry for her, but in order for her to understand that they are worthy and do deserve affection, companionship etc they'd have to admit they were wrong about their first thoughts about themselves. It will never happen. A narcissist collapse can occur and they may die from it. Or someone else may.
My ex narc said that EXACT thing to me, "Ain't nobody gon want you and [my son] but me!" This statement STILL triggers me to this day and it's been a little over a year since I put his ass out!
Narcs are not original at all. They all say the same thing. Don’t let it be a trigger.
He pretends to be concerned about his son to get his foot through the door. Once he's in, he doesn't care, ignores my son, refers to my son as "that kid", as if my son doesn't have a name. He's nothing more than a sperm donor to me now.
Thank you for what you're doing. Is very powerfull to hear the truth. "The truth will make you free". Thank you again.
Been in a narcissistic relationship for 41 years. Endless rounds of silent treatment from their side. However, I'm the one who messages an emails when the silence begins. I message like a crazy person. I'm ashamed of it but feel completely desperate every time I'm ignored. I feel there were good times once and we could have them again but I've been living in denial
I'm right there with you. I did the same thing. Then I saw his new supply that he found while he was still with me. So his discard was not so stalkerish. It's better that way.
Find something else to.fill that void. Preferably yourself ☺️
Wow! God bless you your ministry is powerful!!
God bless you as well
You answer so many questions fast.
Thank you! I care!
you’re welcome
I,m glad to found you..
OMG!! THIS is powerful and needed. Thank you for your truth.
I’d like to interview you on my radio show. Contact me via my bio.
Thank you for all you do!! I’m sharing your content!! Folk must wake up.
Wow! I didn’t know about any of this! Thank you for sharing your knowledge! 😊
You are so welcome!
You’re AMAZING!!! Thank you for speaking out about this. You’re helping sooooo many!
Thank you. I really appreciate it
After 25 years iv been hooverd both ways to many times. And one thing you said is truth it got worse
😩
Im literally stunned
Hi Lee, my ex hoovered me when I separated from him. He has Not done this ever since I told him he is the most insecure person I know. Once I did this and he got defensive, told me how he has done everything his whole life by himself, for himself so he is not insecure. I didn't back down and I said to him, that doesn't mean you're not insecure. He has left me alone since. For that I am truly grateful. I don't think he will hoover because he knows there is no chance at all.
There is nothing worse than telling a narc they are insecure...im saving that for my narc repellent ..thankyou great advice ...
It's very hard all of it is very powerful you are speaking truth
💯🙌🏾
These are the things that victims need to hear definitely closer
Agree
8 times....I have taken him back after he got upset for something trivial, I feel in a healthy relationship you could work out or break up over and it be absolutely done.
This last time was me saying I’m done. And I deserve better. And I do. And I wasn’t strong enough to say no once he Hoover’ed. And I wasn’t so sure he was a Narc.
Absolutely correct!
🎯
I have learned a lot watching these videos. Thanks.
what’s the justification
narcs have for loudly proclaiming that they’ve basically respected a new boundary ‘enough’ like it has a time limit? like it’s been a timeout, and acting like we ‘should be over it by now’?
why are our boundaries treated like a temporary measure just to feel entitled to go back to the way things were, like it’s a trial run
*** What you allow will continue. **** Mic 🎤 drop
What about hoovering after they attempt to discard you (or make it seem like they will, they have no intention to leave), and y'all all married and living together. .
Do you guys (narcs) love the drama?
I hate drama. He knows I hate drama. He creates it on purpose.
Enforcing boundaries is the way to go, if you want to save your marriage. He'll fall in line or get left behind.
These videos got me about to break down at work. I love him so so very much. I think I have GONE CRAZY myself. I have reactive abuse, I was mean and ugly and how do I feel bad? OMG
He threatened to take my kids, even though he has said in front of the boys he never wanted kids.
He hated how much I was focused on the boys. I never made him do anything with the family. He always got to do his own thing. I know what his childhood was like. I never expected anything from him. He left out of the blue. Now I know he has been cheating for awhile. After 14yrs dang.
He was my only friend, but about a year ago I got a strong female friend that has been through this. He told the whole town I was a lesbian and sleeping with her. I teach most of this towns kids at church...they finally know he's lying 🤥
These videos give a such better perspective !!.. im bpd my ex is high narcissistic traits/tendencies currently getting hoovered.. can't stand him crying.. it makes me feel awful 😞
😖today was tough to listen. Lots of triggers. But thanks again for the info
Your talking FACTS!!!
We separated in May 2020, in the beginning I fought for the relationship because I was so trauma bonded and cuz of our kids. Come July 2020 he was non stop texting, crying, wanting to come home ect. I was gonna let him, he then turned around and said he didn't want too. He did that until October 2020...I then had enough, knew he wouldn't leave me alone unless I told his girlfriend everything, so I did and now we only talk about kids. I fully feel in my gut that its gonna happen again, he has tried little reach outs which i don't respond too...I just lay in wait for it to happen again. 🤦♀️🤷♀️
he might. just stay prepared and hold you ground. enjoy life
My child’s father is a narc . He tried to Hoover me by telling me to meet him just to give me some clothes that were my daughters that were left at his house . Any other time he drops the clothing off at the daycare and I get them from the daycare when I pick up my daughter . Now all of a sudden he “wants to meet” to give me clothing . No way!!!
woah.
Reverse hoover is ultimate mind game
Both of my narcissists discarded me several times and come back crying. This last one calls me a narcissist yet never worked or helped me do anything. He tells everyone I'm a narcissist and he has to get away from me yet he never explains to them why he runs back all the time. This guy uses his health issues to get people to feel sorry for him and to dislike me. He did it to his ex before me. I pray I don't fall for another one because I've been hurt 2 times in a row.
'Reverse Hoovering'. Totally makes sense now thank you. I was starting to have doubts that my ex had narc traits because he hasn't really tried to hoover me since he left...... apart from try to get me to share the dog or pay for kennels when I refused (due to his ongoing psychological abuse when we exchanged the dog). He then accused me of 'another betrayal' (who is the betrayer?) and blocked me. Result!
we started off by sharing the cat, he was using this as a way to still stay in touch after breaking up when i told him to stop showing up n take the cat all together he became super moody n we blocked eachother but he stalked me , sent ppl after me to try to kill me in a hit and run accident, sent spyware to disable all my social media accounts.. he lives close by saw him in the hood n he hid behind trees.. guilty coward
I discarded rejected him went back confused discarded him I have shut down all social media platforms changed my number literally have dropped off the face of the earth focused on my healing my prayers is that whoever he is with with work out forever I don't ever want to be hovered or stalked prayers for all of us Thank you lee
Some people are deeply involved, they don’t have enough clarity to see what they want or even if they can get out or how. People wouldn’t simply stay and let everything happen just because they want, sometimes they are unable to get out of it, for many reasons - or fears
Your already clean ....don't need Hoover...this man's proof.
Watch I heal like a G
🥳 🙌🏾 And be ready and equipped for a good and awesome man.
In one of the comments someone mentions the smirk. For your viewers would you tell us what the smirk is. Thank you for clarifying and confirming my suspicions.
Man, been twenty years of this, four little blessings, divorce for seven years and I’m still trying to break away and heal.
@@emmm_4465 Thank you sweetie!
These videos are so helpful. I really felt like I was crazy or maybe I was the narcissist
ME AF!!!!
I swear I questioned myself. Especially the more I read about it. I was damn. Am I the narcissist? But I had to meditate and therapy. It brought a lot of things to perspective
The little games they play are tough. You can see the manipulation after awhile and it's shady. I did one of those little manipulation games, once, and felt so greasy after. He had called (I live in our co-owned house, so we have some dealings) and at first I didn't notice the time stamp, but then did, but still used it as an excuse to call back. I'm pretty sure he knew too. Whether he did or not, I knew I was being shady and I do have a conscious about it. I was still stuck in a trauma bond and looking for validation from the wrong source. Often I couldn't accept that 10 yrs just didn't mean to him what it meant to me (he cheated). I didn't realize I was dealing w/ a narcissist even months after I'd finally kicked him out.