Boredom in a relationship is usually just security that you forgot that you asked for. As humans we adjust quickly and forget how much we wanted something that we now have.
Also, my mom always said something to me when I told her I was bored, she said, “you’re not bored, you’re being boring.” It’s up to the individual to add flavor to their life if they want it, not rely on someone or something outside of themselves. ✨
I never understood how people feel that in loving relashionships. I never woke up bored about my mom, sister, my friends or dogs even knowing them for decades - how come one just simply gets "bored" by someone they felt in love with?
HAPPY. ANNIVERSARY!!!!!!! Loved hearing every minute of your beautiful story. At 73, I found the best man I could ever want. We are the same age, from the same city, similar education, both have grown children and both have grandchildren, love each other's family, and do spend all of every day together. We are married for 10 years, which we did originally only to be each other's medical proxy, but soon realized calling each other girlfriend and boyfriend at our age was not that great. We like being husband and wife. I was single for 26 years before we found each other so it was not easy for me to be part of a couple again, but it turned out to be the best life for both of us. We will be 85 this summer and we hope we last together for more happy years.
Absolutely lovely! I think a lot of people disregard the fact that your significant other really must be “ your other half” your “ partner “ and your “ best friend “ and along with great communication there is a reason for these terms and once you find someone who can be that your set for the long term.
Aw, this is beautiful! I've divorced twice because I chose "project" partners: men who actually just needed me because they wouldn't take care of themselves. Something in my longed to help them see their potential. But, I'm over that! To be honest, I would LOVE to have a healthy relationship like Jenny and David's, but at 56 I'm just living my life. If it happens, wonderful! If not, also wonderful. Best wishes to you two! ❤
The most wonderful thing, in my opinion, is a happy marriage with no desire for children. My first marriage in my 20s was to a sterile man and I was so much happier about that than he was. My current marriage is truly childfree BY CHOICE and not "childless" and it's completely different (all in good ways)!
@kerlygerl , I know that's your point of view but just to say it's not always the case as I have a long list of relatives on both mine and my partner's side that have had children and have been together for over 30 years .
My husband and I are in a similar relationship, we've been married for 11 years and we don't have children and don't really want them either, and similar to what you said, we're also together all the time and we never get tired of it because he's my best friend. I think these are very specific relationships where there was a meeting of two people who really like the emotional intimacy, sometimes even more than the sexual one and they really like comfort and routine and something familiar over new people and that's why it works so well. It's a lot about character, some people are looking for a different kind of thrill and that's okay too.
My wife and I are on our 17th year of marriage, going on 18 this September. I do think that not having (human) kids is definitely a part of our happy longevity. If you choose to have children, they will necessarily become your priority in the relationship; without them you prioritize each other. We have also done business together (restaurants, my wife's a chef!) and loved the collaboration. We really don't fight, and we love talking to each other/hanging out. We are soulmates!
I'm 49and met my husband when we had 17 ^^ we have 3 children and it never had been a problem for us. We like that there will always have this link between us ;)
My husband and I are going on 19th years together and 12 married. We also don't have kids. We have worked together, we travel together, and even when we are apart we're chatting with one another. I think our biggest disagreements is in home design, but we're very well suited to happiness with one another. I totally get when jenny says when she states that being single is something that seems scary. It was a relief during college to be in a steady relationship and not deal with the emotional turmoil of dating. I'm thankful for the partner I have. If I feel bored it just tells me it's time to go on a trip, pick up a new hobby or try something new: and that doesn't mean a new person.
When we got married, my husband and I were very poor, coming from poor families. We built our lives and careers while we improved our knowledge, manners and personalities. 21 years later, we have evolved to be successful, kind and prosperous people, never having lost our love and companionship. We didn't have children and rely on each other for many things. The secret is never stop growing.
Your relationship is kind of rare. Because you're so compatible, all around. That does not always work but for you two, it did. You both are on the same page and grew together. I guess what kills most long term relationships is that people don't grow in the same direction. They start liking and doing things that the other doesn't like or enjoy and there is no middle ground anymore.
I was single till I was 38, so adjusting to a live-in relationship was very hard . He was married before he met me so it was not as hard for him, as he was used to sharing his life. I had to work hard to adjust, but once I did it was the best relationship I’ve had. We both needed our space, we learned to be kind to each other, respect each other’s boundaries. We also needed to have a break from each other, he would visit his family in Finland once a year, I would visit mine for a week. But when we got back together it was loving, fun, adventurous and yes even boring sometimes. We were together for almost 21 years. We spent most of our time together, we had a lot to talk about in spite of that. We went to many concerts and trips together. He passed away 5 years ago. This year, I went to a concert, it was the first without him, and even though I enjoyed it, in the middle of it I just started crying, because I knew he would’ve loved being there. Walking alone, without him is still hard.
😢😢❤❤ It sounds that you were very happy together. I hope you are happy now though...I know it can't be the same type of happiness but a different type of happiness, I hope.❤❤
It's so refreshing to hear you're unapologetic and unashamed that you guys live in each other's pockets and don't have a life outside of your relationship. I feel like society today pressures us to have a life outside of one's marriage. They threaten that if you don't, the marriage won't be successful, and that's it's somehow negative to live so intertwined. Which absolutely isnt true and you guys prove it! Thank you! Love your content ❤
This is what I love about the Internet - seeing how others live and that there is no rule for society to decide what's right for you. Thank you for your honesty!
It is super easy to be honest about the stuff that works. Jenny has the tendency to share only the good stuff from her life - which is her choice and totally fine, but not really something to congratulate about. There is no bravery whatsoever in that, in my opinion.
My husband and I are together 16 years this year. We've been together since our mid-20s and we really have grown up together. Even when our life gets mundane and boring I would still rather be bored with him than excited with anyone else.
As someone who's been single my entire life, I honestly can't fathom people who imagine themselves missing singledom and wanting to find out what that's like. I find being single to be exhausting and not much of a good thing. I truly can't imagine a bigger blessing than finding your "person" at a young age and getting to "do life" with them for as long as possible. I'm in my 30s and when everyone else is paired up, you look around and realize that life isn't meant to be lived alone. I think humans are supposed to be like trees - they look solitary above ground, but in the soil they are growing extensive root networks around each other that helps make them all stronger.
I used to think like you up until I was 20. And then when I started the dating game for the following 8-9 years…I realised how complicated it was……I realised maybe that kinda life is not for me and gave up in my early 30s. I mean, there are so many types of relationships nowadays….you have friends with benefits, fark buddies, flings, situationships,platonic friendships….anything except a true committed relationship leading to marriage. Being a decent rational person, I admit this is just too complex for me to digest. The search is just too tiring. And I don’t know if you are assigned male or female at birth or your orientation….but as a straight female, I can say the gender imbalance isn’t helping either, While i do sometimes look at couples enviously like you do, I also shudder at the thought of navigating the casual dating scene again. Guess I ll either find love through fate or never at all..and I just gotta accept the fact. You are not alone my friend.
maybe you are single because you are this insufferable. I love the single life and last thing i'd want is to be with someone. Not everyone is this sad about being single.
I wanted a #1 type relationship, and thought I had it. It worked pretty well while we were both in school. But then I discovered something important about myself: while my values have remained consistent throughout my life, I seem to need to reinvent the externals of myself every few years, and that was not a journey he could take. He never tried to hold me back, but of course it caused increasing separation in our relationship, and I ended up feeling trapped. I need to emphasize that it wasn't him that made me feel trapped, it was my trying to live a life where I felt bored-- with myself -- and unchallenged. We did break up, and while I never found anyone else to share my adventures with, I have been more content by myself than tethered to a life that felt unchallenging. We didn't keep in touch, but I've seen signs that he found someone to share the kind of life he wanted, so I assume he's content as well. While I would rather have had the kind of relationship that Jenny and David have had, I realize that one can't have everything one wants, and I have been content with what I have had.
this sounds interesting and thank you for sharing your experience so wholeheartedly. Would you mind explaining what you mean when you say you needed to change the externals of yourself? You mean your place of residency, work, friend circle?
I got married when I was 40 to someone who was 73. We've been married 3.5 years and it's been the best years of my life. We were engaged and married in 6 weeks. (We had known each other for 15 years!) COVID just made us realise what we wanted. Probably won't make 18 years (although 90 isn't out of the question)!!! No children here either and I do find myself justifying sometimes. Don't need any reason and I need to stop explaining! We spend most of our time together too (he's retired and I WFH a couple of days a week) and it just works. We have hours of comfortable silence and for an introvert this is the best of relationships for me. Don't use the word 'soulmate' very often, but my husband and I are soulmates to the core. When you find the right one, it just works.
My relationship with my boyfriend seems so similar and yet so totally different from yours! We could easily spend every minute of our lives together but we can't because it's a long distance relationship between Austria (Europe) and the US so we only see each other 2-4 times a year. And we would love to tell every tiniest bit od our day to the other person but we can't because we only have certain time windows theoughout the day to talk to each other because of the 7hr time difference. But still this long distance relationship is a thousand times easier than any other relationship I ever had and I genuinely feel like we are growing together in the same pot because there is simply nothing we would ever want keep separate from the other person. And happy anniversary guys! You definitely are some of the relationship role models that made me understand what I do and do not seek in a relationship!
I’ve been married 54 years. We knew each other six weeks when we decided to get married. We’ve raised two very wanted, very planned children (it was the 70s, many chose not to have children and we were criticized for having them). We’ve had times both young and old that we spent almost every moment together and loved it and had times apart that we were very excited to share everything that happened when we came home. Enjoy what you have.
My husband and I live exactly like you and David! 😃 We are together all the time, we work together, we tell eagerly each other about everything we feel, see and do, we get fascinated by the same things, we have breakfast together, lunch together, dinner together, read the same kind of books. This has been going on for 33 years! We still love to be together 💓💓 And we are also Swedes!
I’ve been with my husband since I was 16 and I’m now 38… that’s 22 years! We are very much an entangled, can’t get enough, want to tell each other everything, plenty to talk about couple, too. We also have moved around the world together, work together and share our friends in common. All these years later and I somehow adore him more than ever. Loved this video! It’s maybe the most relatable account of a long term relationship I’ve seen given my own life. I too feel very grateful ❤️
My fiancé and I spend most of our time together outside of work, and we live together. We also don’t want children; We are completely content with our cats. It seems to me that a lot of the relationships I see that are really good happy relationships, the couples are super close with each other and do almost everything together. My dad’s parents have been married 65 years and they are always together. The people who tell us that we should spend less time together and be more independent are the people in relationships that are miserable. I’m not claiming everyone who’s independent or more dependent on each other are all the same, but this is what I’ve seen in real life outside of the internet.
I think it depends on the couple. I spend a lot of time with my husband, but we both love doing things independently as well. For me it's wild because in my first (9 yr) marriage it was the same way but we had little to no "spark" within the 1st year and I assumed that was normal. Now 11 yrs into my second marriage we still have a very lively spark and very physical.
Jenny, this is so necessary so thank you so much for sharing about your relationship! I'm 22 and surrounded by influencers talking about laid back relationships and non attachment. Plus, I don't have any adult relationships to inspire myself around me as all the grown ups in my life are either divorced or miserable. So, talking about happy long term marriages is so needed in my view. My 2 year anniversary with my boyfriend is this month, I love him dearly and I'm growing so much by choosing to stay in a relationship (yes, is a decision, as in my age people break up at any minor sing of unhappiness) so I feel I'm very inspired by your video. thank you so much
*This is exactly the same thing happening with my husband and I* 🫶🏽 Met at 21 (me) & 24 (him) and been together 15 years and counting. - Never broke up (not even for a day) - Never used drugs to enhance our time together - never spent more than 2 days apart - do not have separate individual social circles - never had family or friends meddle in our relationship journey (ups & downs) - and our time together has never grown stale. Our life together has been the OPPOSITE of *BORING* 😊 So much a mirror of yours ❤ Just love that you have such a healthy and happy relationship.
I met my husband in my senior year in college and we dated for a few years long distance (me in Boston, him in NYC). We have now been married for 26 years and there’s no one else’s pot I would want to share. That said, I don’t think we would work well together and while we share most friends, we still have some separate friends and hobbies. But at the end of the day, we are just good with each other and balance and respect each other - and so we just work. I love what you and David have and I love what Chris and I have and I think love is all about communication, mutual respect and balance. Best wishes and thank you as always for the inspiration. ❤
I also realised that me and my husband talk a lot A LOT about what we want in life. Like not having kids, where we want to live, what we want to do… we never just do anything just because it’s expected, we both believe in living the happiest life we can. I think that’s also a big contributor to our happy relationship ❤ if one of us wanted kids or wanted to live in the suburbs, it would never work (or one of us would compromise and be miserable). So I’m just really happy I’ve found someone who shares my goals. And we often check in with each other to see where we’re going. Are we happy, should we change something etc. We both have a responsibility to articulate our wants and needs ❤
I relate to a lot of this. I think for us it really comes down to we are one another’s Ride or Die. We are the best, best friends we’ve ever had and we can’t see being with anyone else. No one else would get the jokes. No one would be fascinated with the same things. We just fit together so well. We would exhaust anyone else. I’ve never met another person who is so like me in so many ways and where he’s different is the special sauce that keeps boredom at bay. I’ve never for a second had to put on any sort of mask around him. From the very start I have been more myself with him than I even am with myself at times. There’s no artifice. I can’t even articulate it. He’s just my person and I am his and that’s really all there is to it. It’s not been a sweeping, dramatic love story. It’s been a quiet knowing. And after 25 yrs, the fabric we have woven together has so many subtle textures and colours, it’s totally irreplaceable. No other relationship would ever live up to it now. Congratulations on your 18 yrs ❤
I’ve been married for 10 years to a man I married when we were basically children due to high demand religious reasons. We’ve since abandoned that high demand religion and grown together as children into adulthood. Benefits and negatives to growing together as kids into adulthood but we have managed to grow together. I think the key to a long term relationship is ability to adapt and deal with change. With that said it’s ok for a relationship to end if the adaptation to change doesn’t benefit both people. People grow apart or together, and that’s just life. Loved getting a peek into you and David’s relationship ❤ thanks for sharing
@@spirituallysafe if you google “list of religious cults” the religion I came from is on that list. I can’t say I’m religious anymore. I’m a very happy atheist, but to each their own.
I was anxious for many years that our relationship would "turn stale" because we do almost everything "wrong" if one listens to generalized relationship advice. It obviously does work. It also evolves and we are our own people still. You described quite a few reasons why. It's exactly that: "We would chose to be really unhappy together rather than be apart" so we are both motivated to ensure we don't go down that road if possible and stay on top of our game to remain prepared for turbulence. I wish everyone this kind of bond and I would chose being single over any other type of couple relationship. Congratulations!
Congratulations on the 18 year anniversary! I so relate to your relationship. My husband and I have been together for 12 years and also both love sharing every detail of our lives with each other. I have questioned whether that makes us codependent and yet hearing you share your story helped me see it from a different perspective. All I could think is awwww, I love this! Which I now also feel about my experience!:) Thank you.
Happy porcelain! I say this because for you and David to stay happily married for eighteen years is something rare and precious, especially in an age of hookups, swipes, swings, and whatnots.
it's a very healthy attitude and it looks like you both flourish in this relationship. i am a person who feels the freedom and vreativity in being single and i still look at you and say "good for them!"
Watching this video, and having my relationship of 20 years recently end, I can see what could be better for me and my ex partner. And I notice how special these relationships that start from a young age, are. You can't recreate that bond easily... But it is very difficult to keep these relationships healthy and happy. The top reason is that there is not space for the individuals to grow and evolve to the people they are supposed to be. You can't stop this change. Either you grow together or the relationship stops working.
Hi Jenny! My husband and I are very similar to what you described. We've been together for 10 years, and I couldn't even imagine what person I would be without him. Since the pandemic we work together at home, so it's also 24/7 and I never get tired. In our case, we have a baby, and that has made us grow in a different way. I not only know him as a boyfriend, as a husband, as a friend but also as a father. And we talk a lot about our childhoods, and how we want to raise our daughter, with love and respect.
Whoa, it just occurred to me that we, Oakywood, are part of the story of your relationship. But we don't feel like the third wheel at all 🤭We wish our Oakygoods will serve you (both) for the next 18 years and beyond 🌳
I am 20, and I xannot understand most of thing you are explaining. I think this because I have no experience may be. But any how having a successful partnership for such a long time is very impressive. I wish both of you good luck and happy life forever.
Congratulations on 18 years together! Thank you for sharing, very similar relationship to my husband. We've been together for 9 years since our early 20s, and he is my best friend. We are also child-free and we work from home together (separate jobs but it's nice to be around each other for most of the day). I don't think we ever run out of things to talk about. And in terms of romantic life, same as what you described - it depends on where we are in life. If we are both in our busy period, with lots going in at work, it's natural that the energy goes towards that and in other life periods, there is more fun and adventure in all aspects of our life. And even if we have our own time in the evening, I find it so comforting knowing he is in the room next to me. I recently had a short 4-night work trip and it was so weird to be separated and not go to sleep together - I had the worst sleep in years lol I'm very blessed to have found my other half and hope we can have a long healthy and happy life together. Many blessings to you and your partner! Thank you for your videos :)
Love how considerate you phrase your learnings. It is all about your experience but you never give the impression you think other ways of life and experiences are less valid ❤
I think out of all the myths "opposites attract" is the worst. Sure, I think there's some ways where complementing each other is nice, but overall I find relationships work much better when you have more in common and I do not understand how anyone could every conceive it to be the other way around. Like, what do you do with a partner who's completely different from you? My parents were like that and even now (obviously they're apart) when they see each other once in a blue moon all they do is argue. It makes no damn sense. Even my own relationships had a tendency to fail because we had too many core differences we both found annoying about each other.
I have been married to the same man, 41 years. We had the same job. Now we are retired and are together 24/7. We still have lots to talk about. The spark is still there. We did have 2 children, but now, they have been out of the house longer than they lived with us. The grandchildren are pure joy. We love traveling together. We don't have arguments any more because we have argued about it all before. We have grown and changed together, there is no fear about one of us leaving. There is an incredible beauty to having such a long relationship.
I used to think my fiancé and I were very different as people and moved differently through the world, but as time has passed I realise more and more how alike we are. We have even gotten comments that we have started to move in similar ways. I cannot imagine anything more fulfilling and interesting than being with this wonderful person who is the plant I lean on and that we nourish each other. I find it so wonderful that a partnership can be this way.
I've been with my significant other for 16 years, but we first dated 40 years ago! We've grown apart then grown together and if we spend more than 4 nights a year apart it is unusual. We live, love, dance and travel together and are never bored (at least, I'm not). I can see another 20 years together, if we live that long! Our secrets? We don't argue, we talk. We respect each other and have no secrets. It also helps that we both think that the other is totally gorgeous, sexy and wise.
Love your stories🌷 I’m 12 years together with my significant other, we like to spent our time together, just like you and David 😊 He works from home, I work parttime as a teacher. We grow together and explore life together. Can’t think of anything better 💕
Sending you love… I especially enjoyed the point about letting each other grow and evolve and hopefully grow together…. I think it’s hard to know when you are younger but essentially having the same values is extremely important whether that’s religious, secular, career focused, wealth focused or homestead family life, creativity and arts, whatever it is, you need to kind of know early on in the relationship. No point trying to build a life with a person whose values are different to yours
Barbara and I have been together 38 years, still love her.. probably even more. We are not perfect and have ups and downs but I would not want to be with anyone else. Still learning about each other. Even day is a new day. Advice: Always tell the person in your life you love them and give them a long hug and kiss when u wake up and before you go to bed.
Yesss, approx 13mims in Jenny discusses the observing and accepting your partner's growth dynamic which may be the key. Somewhere I saw a quote from a man in a 40+yr marriage who in summary stated his wife changed and grew into a different person 8 or so times and he determined he would and learned to love each version of her. May your long lasting love and growth together continue as this is very inspiring ✨️ 💖 😊
I really love this perspective. So often we hear the opposite. It's a very sweet and beautiful relationship you have. You can tell you like your partner, I love that!
I wish I found someone that wanted to be with me 24/7. But I acknowledge that it is hard to find. I'm glad you have got it for yourself when that is what suits your type of personality and needs :)
Although being in my 20s, I was in many relationships where it felt like we were two completely different people, barely telling each other things and always fighting about holding each other back. I always felt like I had to change myself and be unfulfilled to gain their approval. In my current relationship, we are completely mad for each other, spending nearly everyday together and we just want to grow and encourage one another to do whatever is right for the other with complete support. I was always told to date when I'm older (30s-40s), but I am so glad that I get to do life with him now and we get to grow together! Cheers Jenny!
Thank you for sharing this Jenny, I’m 28 in a 12 year relationship and many things you said really resonated with me. I feel like the only times we have struggled as a couple were when communication shut down, because of life, work, personal issues… Scary times, but love for sure has always been consistent. And like you said, I too would never want to be with anybody else, even after all this time 😍
I resonate with what you said: nothing is more sexier than seeing your partner grow and surprise you! I think it's a bit harder to grow if I am in a super tight relationship when I cannot do anything alone because another person NEEDS me nonstop. But I also don't want to be in a relationship when we grow apart. Everything is a balance. Congrats!
Your example sounds so inspiring! I've had an 11 years relationship, no kids, but the last years we where definitely in the different pots. I vote for the 1st type 🥰
Loved this way of talking about long term relationships! Very needed...Often I feel relationships are treated as an "activity" but a real lasting one is a commitment where you grow and evolve together
I found my person at 64. She is from an entirely different culture to me. I met her by chance. We are from different religions. I'm 15 years older. She still works, I don't. English is her second language. I like reading and watching RUclips, she likes watching Tic Tok. We both don't like noise or TV. The list goes on. But we just get on. We love being together. I like riding motorcycles, she loves that because she loves moving and nature and seeing the world around her, and so do I. I love caring for her and making her life better. She loves taking care of me. We laugh together and have simple times. We go everywhere together unless she is working. We both have friends of our own but when we are together it is just her and me. I have travelled and lived in 4 countries, but she hasn't. I am interested in how society works, she only understands her own culture. I had a marriage years ago and other relationships, she has been married and is now divorced. I was happy to live the rest of my life by myself until I met her, I loved being independent. My past relationships somehow lacked something, I think it was a connection with each other. We are both emotionally the same and automatically understand each other's needs. I've never had that before. We also don't tread on each other toes, that is automatic too. We always sort anything out that needs sorting out. We are both committed to each other as well as our relationship, to me these are distinctly different things and need to be recognised and valued. I think you need to like the person you love. I also lived 20 years alone and in that time I found myself and came to accept me and are okay with myself. I stopped trying to conform to a life that wasn't me, I thought I had failed because I didn't need other people to be happy, but acceptance changed all that. If I had met my partner 20 years ago I would not have been ready for her.
We met at 21, started going out at 22 and married at 25. We have now been married for 41yrs, it’s been amazing, we are like you, we love each others company, we have also worked together in two different careers. We have our children, one has additional needs, but we have always worked as a team and as a family and the outcome is good. We have had obviously had some really tough times over the years…..and some brilliant times, as long as we are together that’s the important thing. We are never bored with each other, we hate being apart for too long and I think we are like thé pot where the roots are entwined.
Hi Jenny, remembering you, with your short hair, and no eye brows 😊 following you since that period. (Still have your cooking book) Today you re talking about your live relationship with David... You re just beautiful together. Guess for resume that Jenny and David it s an evidence. Wishing you both and together all the best.
Congratulations and here’s to long term relationships! 🥳 Me and my partner have our 10 year anniversary and we started dating at 18 y.o. We’ve been through many different arrangements (long distance, very long distance, living together, open relationship) and every phase of it we choose to do it together and to share every phase of live! We are very different but overlap on our core values and world views and have this deep rooted trust in eachother, which is something I wouldn’t want to trade. I feel like long term relationships make people grow in so many different aspects.. and I always thought that with every person there are things that don’t work easily and need work and commitment, so I would always choose to invest further in an already deep connection that just starting over 🙈
I haven't found my person yet, but what you described sounds like my parents relationship. They're going on 26 years together. I can't even fathom, but every time i look at them, i see their love and it's so wonderful. They've been through so much together and still continue to be there for each other. It's amazing really
You are just wonderful and I'm happy for you even if I don't know you.I 'm much older than you, but I've never experienced real deep love in a relationship. I would like to know how it is and you allow me to hope. Thank you.
I totally agree about the boredom, it comes from life itself and I never understood this feeling of boredom. Don't people have problems? There are challenges, sorrow, deaths, family problems, all that make life very far from boring. I never understood the concept of a boring life. And it is so nice to go through all that with a partner, with someone who knows all the context that you don't have to explain and that can mirror you so you can evolve. It is very exciting, ALL THE TIME!
Jenny as a behavioral specialist and similarly the same life scenario as you--count yourself blessed! Why, it shows David is psychologically sound and has not diminished you or the value of who you are. The breakdown of relationships over time are traumas that reveal themselves that may not have been apparent in the first to five years (we are on our best behavior). Then comfort sets in. This is the true test. Who you really are will reveal itself.Kudos!
Long time watcher, first time commentor! I'm celebrating 6 years (!!) with my partner in a couple of months, and everything you said sounds just like us. I cannot imagine myself in any other pot (love this metaphor 🌻) and we simply can never get bored of each other. I only hope and pray we one day get to also celebrate 18 years like yourselves. Y'all are such a beautiful, inspiring couple. Thank you so much for sharing, and for your incredible wisdom as always ❤️
I love my space and my alone time and also struggle with feeling like I can't be myself around other people. When I dated in the past, I always felt so suffocated and uninterested in a relationship that I quietly let it end. I'm coming to the conclusion that I may well be single my entire life and am fine with that. Though I do need to get a lot better in terms of managing my own life and keeping up friendships, I always wanted/valued real, deep friendship much more than romantic relationships. This video and comment section is a breath of fresh air tbh, in my own life I see people squabbling in a relationship over the stupidest things and telling me that "relationships are hard", makes me wonder how the hell it can even be worth it. As a result I've become cynical of long term relationships, so it's nice that Jenny and plenty of people in the comments find it possible to live harmoniously in a partnership.
I’ve never watched your videos but this popped up and I’m glad I watched it. What a beautiful video! It’s nice to see a positive narrative about long term relationships 😊
We are together for 27 years and counting, also childfree by choice and never regret it! We work separately and do not see each other for few hours during the day, and both can't wait to meet after work. We never get bored together, never ever, and we share a lot of quirks and little traditions, we talk together a lot. We also travel a lot, both love museums, long walks and going to the theatre. We have some separate hobbies/sports/interests though, it's essential to have something on your own. I am deeply happy with my life!
What a lovely, lovely couple! So glad you found your person and so glad you shared your journey and what you've learned along the way with us! I am a very happy single by choice person and think we are all strengthened by diversity of stories and choices of paths through life. 🙂
I love that you mentioned feeling loved and seen and having that other person have your back!! I’ve been with my partner 12 years this summer and I think sometimes we’d both rather be miserable than separate 😂 we like 90% the same stuff and it’s nice feeling like a have a best friend, but we’ve both change alot and grown over time, accomplished things etc and I hope it grows into an even healthier happier relationship as we both learn and grow.
This was really comforting to watch, actually! I'm in a relationship similar to yours, very symbiotic, best friends and partners. Your perspective really is refreshing to hear, in a sea of relationship misery and short lived couples, it's nice to an ever in bloom couple like yours. I really resonate with what you said about no being bored of the person but by life/the rhythm of your life itself. I think it easily transfers to the person closest to you when you live together, and it's an issue to always delicately pick and see for what it is, and make sure it doesn't poison your view of your partner, because it's not their fault. I feel stuck right now, in my rhythm, and it is very relevant to me to constantly make the difference between what is causing it and what it affects. In the end, I know my person isn't the problem at all, I want them there, always, I just need energy brought in to keep ME feeling alive, and then that spills into how the relationship feels. We're energetic when new things happen, projects are pursued and completed, progress is made... We are so alike and yet quite different in our organization and schedules, so there lies our struggle, figuring out how to align so that both our needs are fulfilled and we're not let down. It's a constant work and evolution. But when you're with the person for you, at least for me, there's no thought of anyone else even when it's hard. Going through it together and adjusting until aligned is the way, because like you said for you, we would rather be together and unhappy (working things out) then separate. It might seem crazy to some, but unhappy is just a phase, that comes and goes, as life changes and time moves forward. Instead of navigating it alone, you're just nagivating it with someone else. Big congratulations to you two on your anniversary!!!
This has been the most refreshing, encouraging video and just what I needed right now. So much of this describes my partner and I's relationship (even if we havent been together as long) and gives me hope that we can have the lifelong relationship we both want even if we're still so young. We're definitely the marriage #1 scenario!
I envy your relationship. Yours was the way I envisioned a realtionship should be. I'm on marriage #2 and both have been of the "separate flower pots" variety.
Wow!! We‘re 17 years this year… and I am do thankful for your way of seeing on your Relationship. This blows my mind..how Kind and Loving you speak about yours 💞 thank you for that… So many people are Talking… And ask you if it doesnt get Boring after such a Long time together… And i just was thinking of that..- am I getting bored in my longterm Relationship? Where is the Spark and so on… and now I really can honor it again. Even when the partnerchip grew up into another Level.. where the passion and the Sparks Looks different.. it is so rich. It is. Thank you
I've been with my husband for 14 years, and I feel the same way about long term relationships as you do. I love being one with him and just living life together.
Congratulations to you both on 18 years together. That is a wonderful and long amount of time. It's great. Been with my husband 23 years since highschool, married nearly 20. I am his only friend he wants to hang out with, and I have asked if he wants to hang out with dudes, but he is not into sports, doesn't drink, and just doesn't typically connect with them. He likes just being around me and our kids. We work well together and would love to have a business together (there have been times I have helped out at his job with him). I am the one with a lot of friends, but I don't see them too often since most of them moved to other places (and the ones nearby I see when he is at work). We have never spent a day away from one another. We don't mind and like being together. We talk about everything too. We have always made sure we grow together. I think my relationship is a lot like yours but with kids. haha. -JusticePirate
I’ve always thought that saying you’re bored of your partner is a little strange… my husband is not there to entertain me! 😊 we are jointly responsible for building the life we want to live ❤ Also thank you for sharing that you basically live in each others pockets - my husband (8 years) and I do this and it’s honestly the best and I don’t care if it’s wrong because it works so well 😅
I haven't been in as long of a relationship as you, but I can relate to many things: being "an odd couple", loving being present together, and being passionate about life and each other. We may look different from the outside, but we have similar dreams, values, outlook...? We're both very much infatuated with each other, and we don't fight very often - more like cranking up in turns. The topics of our interests are very different, but both of us are curious learners and open thinkers? One of us is a scientist (physics) and the other visual artist.
I really struggle to sleep well with another person on a bed (I wake up very easily) and it makes me sad because I don't know how to battle this. Sleeping with your loved one is a great way to feel connected. I sleep very well when I am by myself though. Anyone else experiencing the same?
In my friendships I also really like to tell them every thivg I notice or realize or experienced! So I would really like a partner who feels like both listening to my chatter and who lovse to tell about their thughts etc as well! That is one of my love languages! I have been in one relationship, which was very long. Too long, one might say, but that's always easier to say in hindsight. It was not a healthy one, and I am still recovering/find myself and who I actually am. So I am not sure what I want. But thanks so much for your persepctives, defenitly gave me some refelctions and, yeah, perspectives
This was lovely. And I’ve never heard a couple described or a mentality around it that is more like mine and my man. We’re just 4 years behind you. Beautiful.
Me and my husband have been together over 14 years! we were 16 and 19 when we met so we really grew up together as well. We had to be long distance for 2 years and then another year, and we learned to manage our fights very well in that period. Whenever we were together and had a small fight, we would always solve the problem as fast as possible, so we didn't waste too much time being mad at eachother. Now we don't fight anymore at all. We learned to appreciate spending our lifes and time together. We also don't subscribe to the ''opposites attract'' mentality. We were really similar in the beginning and only influenced eachother more and more with each year that passed. Now we're basically the same person, AND WE LOVE IT! Never listen to the people that say you spend too much time together❤
My husband and I have been married 11 yrs but together for 19. Also partners in business and we also have our separate careers. We really do enjoy spending time together, talking about the future and traveling. I think one of the things that works for us is we have made a conscious choice to define how our relationship looks. Beyond being married, we don’t really follow convention for the sake of convention.
We're very different in this respect- being in a relationship is exhausting for me and I find it to be so much easier to be single. Luckily I don't want kids so I don't feel pressure to be in a relationship, and I do wonder if I'm just too used to my own company at this point (I'm 38) to ever be in a relationship again.
I'm a few years younger but I share this sentiment, I love my space and my alone time. When I dated in the past, I always felt so suffocated and uninterested in a relationship that I quietly let it end. I'm coming to the conclusion that I may well be single my entire life and am fine with that. Though I do need to get a lot better in terms of managing my own life and keeping up friendships.
@@oksanakaido8437Yes, same! I see people looking for connection during all stages of life so I figure if I change my mind or feel differently later, I’ll look for a partner. For now I’m just going to stay happily single because it’s just what feels right for me. Good luck on your journey!
This was so lovely. I do think I have had both, and am in a very intentional, extended period of singledom which I have enjoyed immensely after being a serial monogamist in my 20s. (I am now 40, and have spent most of my 30s single and just figuring out who I am working hard thriving not thriving haha.) I think now, in this phase of my life I would go with the latter unless I met someone really special, because I do have a propensity to become best friends with my partners... I am just so independent and used to being alone that this version of me can't imagine being under someone 24/7 and vice versa -- I even think I want separate houses because I own my house and it is so me!
lol i totally feel you. If i hadn’t met my husband 15 years ago and moved in with him 2 months after meeting, I think that I might have been exactly where you are. Cuz I am definitely a VERRRRY independent soul (even still). But he’s so compatible for my independent soul that it works that we are still somehow very much intertwined and tell each other every single detail of everything. If it weren’t for him, I don’t think any one could be compatible with how independent I am. Lol and I *looooove* time on my own. And I loved being single before my husband so i didn’t get so lucky with Nick, i might’ve been a carbon copy of you and immensely satisfied. ❤ Cheers
I've always enjoyed watching you and David because no relationship has felt more like my own. I've been with my "David" for 12 years now since we were teenagers and it's DEFINITELY the "1st marriage" type. You're both so inspiring and thank you for continuing to share some of your life with us :)
Boredom in a relationship is usually just security that you forgot that you asked for. As humans we adjust quickly and forget how much we wanted something that we now have.
Beautifully said
Also, my mom always said something to me when I told her I was bored, she said, “you’re not bored, you’re being boring.” It’s up to the individual to add flavor to their life if they want it, not rely on someone or something outside of themselves. ✨
I never understood how people feel that in loving relashionships. I never woke up bored about my mom, sister, my friends or dogs even knowing them for decades - how come one just simply gets "bored" by someone they felt in love with?
@@rainbowtravelingyogi I love that!!!!! 🩷🩷🩷🩷
Hi❤👍🏼
HAPPY. ANNIVERSARY!!!!!!! Loved hearing every minute of your beautiful story. At 73, I found the best man I could ever want. We are the same age, from the same city, similar education, both have grown children and both have grandchildren, love each other's family, and do spend all of every day together. We are married for 10 years, which we did originally only to be each other's medical proxy, but soon realized calling each other girlfriend and boyfriend at our age was not that great. We like being husband and wife. I was single for 26 years before we found each other so it was not easy for me to be part of a couple again, but it turned out to be the best life for both of us. We will be 85 this summer and we hope we last together for more happy years.
This gives me hope, thanks
@@annieobrien83 You're welcome! Never give up!
aww conggrats ! I am so happy for you
Absolutely lovely! I think a lot of people disregard the fact that your significant other really must be “ your other half” your “ partner “ and your “ best friend “ and along with great communication there is a reason for these terms and once you find someone who can be that your set for the long term.
Aw, this is beautiful! I've divorced twice because I chose "project" partners: men who actually just needed me because they wouldn't take care of themselves. Something in my longed to help them see their potential. But, I'm over that! To be honest, I would LOVE to have a healthy relationship like Jenny and David's, but at 56 I'm just living my life. If it happens, wonderful! If not, also wonderful. Best wishes to you two! ❤
I like seeing long successful childfree relationships, gives me hope for the future.
The most wonderful thing, in my opinion, is a happy marriage with no desire for children. My first marriage in my 20s was to a sterile man and I was so much happier about that than he was. My current marriage is truly childfree BY CHOICE and not "childless" and it's completely different (all in good ways)!
The childfree relationships are the longest lasting from my pov. Take heart! ❤️
@kerlygerl , I know that's your point of view but just to say it's not always the case as I have a long list of relatives on both mine and my partner's side that have had children and have been together for over 30 years .
YES!!! Representation is so rare despite being sooo important!!
My husband and I are in a similar relationship, we've been married for 11 years and we don't have children and don't really want them either, and similar to what you said, we're also together all the time and we never get tired of it because he's my best friend. I think these are very specific relationships where there was a meeting of two people who really like the emotional intimacy, sometimes even more than the sexual one and they really like comfort and routine and something familiar over new people and that's why it works so well. It's a lot about character, some people are looking for a different kind of thrill and that's okay too.
Hi❤👍🏼
My wife and I are on our 17th year of marriage, going on 18 this September. I do think that not having (human) kids is definitely a part of our happy longevity. If you choose to have children, they will necessarily become your priority in the relationship; without them you prioritize each other. We have also done business together (restaurants, my wife's a chef!) and loved the collaboration. We really don't fight, and we love talking to each other/hanging out. We are soulmates!
That's amazing! All the best to both of you!
I'm 49and met my husband when we had 17 ^^ we have 3 children and it never had been a problem for us. We like that there will always have this link between us ;)
There are lots of marriages that 'survive' the so called hindrance you believe are 'human children'. What a weird Western take.
My husband and I are going on 19th years together and 12 married. We also don't have kids. We have worked together, we travel together, and even when we are apart we're chatting with one another. I think our biggest disagreements is in home design, but we're very well suited to happiness with one another. I totally get when jenny says when she states that being single is something that seems scary. It was a relief during college to be in a steady relationship and not deal with the emotional turmoil of dating. I'm thankful for the partner I have. If I feel bored it just tells me it's time to go on a trip, pick up a new hobby or try something new: and that doesn't mean a new person.
Cheers!❤
When we got married, my husband and I were very poor, coming from poor families. We built our lives and careers while we improved our knowledge, manners and personalities. 21 years later, we have evolved to be successful, kind and prosperous people, never having lost our love and companionship. We didn't have children and rely on each other for many things. The secret is never stop growing.
Your relationship is kind of rare. Because you're so compatible, all around. That does not always work but for you two, it did.
You both are on the same page and grew together. I guess what kills most long term relationships is that people don't grow in the same direction. They start liking and doing things that the other doesn't like or enjoy and there is no middle ground anymore.
I was single till I was 38, so adjusting to a live-in relationship was very hard . He was married before he met me so it was not as hard for him, as he was used to sharing his life. I had to work hard to adjust, but once I did it was the best relationship I’ve had. We both needed our space, we learned to be kind to each other, respect each other’s boundaries. We also needed to have a break from each other, he would visit his family in Finland once a year, I would visit mine for a week. But when we got back together it was loving, fun, adventurous and yes even boring sometimes. We were together for almost 21 years. We spent most of our time together, we had a lot to talk about in spite of that. We went to many concerts and trips together. He passed away 5 years ago. This year, I went to a concert, it was the first without him, and even though I enjoyed it, in the middle of it I just started crying, because I knew he would’ve loved being there. Walking alone, without him is still hard.
❤
So sorry for your loss ❤️🩹 glad you got to experience such deep love ❤️
❤❤❤😢
😢😢❤❤ It sounds that you were very happy together. I hope you are happy now though...I know it can't be the same type of happiness but a different type of happiness, I hope.❤❤
It's so refreshing to hear you're unapologetic and unashamed that you guys live in each other's pockets and don't have a life outside of your relationship. I feel like society today pressures us to have a life outside of one's marriage. They threaten that if you don't, the marriage won't be successful, and that's it's somehow negative to live so intertwined. Which absolutely isnt true and you guys prove it! Thank you! Love your content ❤
This is what I love about the Internet - seeing how others live and that there is no rule for society to decide what's right for you. Thank you for your honesty!
It is super easy to be honest about the stuff that works. Jenny has the tendency to share only the good stuff from her life - which is her choice and totally fine, but not really something to congratulate about. There is no bravery whatsoever in that, in my opinion.
@@barbaratomiceterovic7779 not congratulating, not calling it bravery, just thanking her for giving her POV ;) have a blessed day
What about God's rules for His created beings? We cannot just do what we want. I have never been so fulfilled since I put Christ first not myself ❤❤❤
My husband and I are together 16 years this year. We've been together since our mid-20s and we really have grown up together. Even when our life gets mundane and boring I would still rather be bored with him than excited with anyone else.
Hi❤👍🏼
Exactly same situation here, my bf and I have a 16 anniversary soon and we were together since our 19 ;) We grow up and change together.
Congratulations on 18 years! What an accomplishment. There are couples that don't last longer than 18 minutes! Cheers to another 18 for you both!
As someone who's been single my entire life, I honestly can't fathom people who imagine themselves missing singledom and wanting to find out what that's like. I find being single to be exhausting and not much of a good thing. I truly can't imagine a bigger blessing than finding your "person" at a young age and getting to "do life" with them for as long as possible. I'm in my 30s and when everyone else is paired up, you look around and realize that life isn't meant to be lived alone. I think humans are supposed to be like trees - they look solitary above ground, but in the soil they are growing extensive root networks around each other that helps make them all stronger.
I used to think like you up until I was 20. And then when I started the dating game for the following 8-9 years…I realised how complicated it was……I realised maybe that kinda life is not for me and gave up in my early 30s. I mean, there are so many types of relationships nowadays….you have friends with benefits, fark buddies, flings, situationships,platonic friendships….anything except a true committed relationship leading to marriage. Being a decent rational person, I admit this is just too complex for me to digest. The search is just too tiring. And I don’t know if you are assigned male or female at birth or your orientation….but as a straight female, I can say the gender imbalance isn’t helping either, While i do sometimes look at couples enviously like you do, I also shudder at the thought of navigating the casual dating scene again. Guess I ll either find love through fate or never at all..and I just gotta accept the fact. You are not alone my friend.
maybe you are single because you are this insufferable. I love the single life and last thing i'd want is to be with someone. Not everyone is this sad about being single.
I wanted a #1 type relationship, and thought I had it. It worked pretty well while we were both in school. But then I discovered something important about myself: while my values have remained consistent throughout my life, I seem to need to reinvent the externals of myself every few years, and that was not a journey he could take. He never tried to hold me back, but of course it caused increasing separation in our relationship, and I ended up feeling trapped. I need to emphasize that it wasn't him that made me feel trapped, it was my trying to live a life where I felt bored-- with myself -- and unchallenged. We did break up, and while I never found anyone else to share my adventures with, I have been more content by myself than tethered to a life that felt unchallenging. We didn't keep in touch, but I've seen signs that he found someone to share the kind of life he wanted, so I assume he's content as well. While I would rather have had the kind of relationship that Jenny and David have had, I realize that one can't have everything one wants, and I have been content with what I have had.
this sounds interesting and thank you for sharing your experience so wholeheartedly. Would you mind explaining what you mean when you say you needed to change the externals of yourself? You mean your place of residency, work, friend circle?
My husband died after 20 years together. Enjoy your time. You never know how long you will get xxx
Mine passed over 10 years after 23 years together. I still miss him.
I got married when I was 40 to someone who was 73. We've been married 3.5 years and it's been the best years of my life. We were engaged and married in 6 weeks. (We had known each other for 15 years!) COVID just made us realise what we wanted.
Probably won't make 18 years (although 90 isn't out of the question)!!! No children here either and I do find myself justifying sometimes. Don't need any reason and I need to stop explaining! We spend most of our time together too (he's retired and I WFH a couple of days a week) and it just works. We have hours of comfortable silence and for an introvert this is the best of relationships for me. Don't use the word 'soulmate' very often, but my husband and I are soulmates to the core. When you find the right one, it just works.
My relationship with my boyfriend seems so similar and yet so totally different from yours! We could easily spend every minute of our lives together but we can't because it's a long distance relationship between Austria (Europe) and the US so we only see each other 2-4 times a year. And we would love to tell every tiniest bit od our day to the other person but we can't because we only have certain time windows theoughout the day to talk to each other because of the 7hr time difference. But still this long distance relationship is a thousand times easier than any other relationship I ever had and I genuinely feel like we are growing together in the same pot because there is simply nothing we would ever want keep separate from the other person.
And happy anniversary guys! You definitely are some of the relationship role models that made me understand what I do and do not seek in a relationship!
I’ve been married 54 years. We knew each other six weeks when we decided to get married. We’ve raised two very wanted, very planned children (it was the 70s, many chose not to have children and we were criticized for having them). We’ve had times both young and old that we spent almost every moment together and loved it and had times apart that we were very excited to share everything that happened when we came home. Enjoy what you have.
It's so good to see someone married longer than me
My husband and I live exactly like you and David! 😃 We are together all the time, we work together, we tell eagerly each other about everything we feel, see and do, we get fascinated by the same things, we have breakfast together, lunch together, dinner together, read the same kind of books. This has been going on for 33 years! We still love to be together 💓💓 And we are also Swedes!
I’ve been with my husband since I was 16 and I’m now 38… that’s 22 years! We are very much an entangled, can’t get enough, want to tell each other everything, plenty to talk about couple, too. We also have moved around the world together, work together and share our friends in common. All these years later and I somehow adore him more than ever. Loved this video! It’s maybe the most relatable account of a long term relationship I’ve seen given my own life. I too feel very grateful ❤️
Ah yes, and no kids (by choice!)
My fiancé and I spend most of our time together outside of work, and we live together. We also don’t want children; We are completely content with our cats. It seems to me that a lot of the relationships I see that are really good happy relationships, the couples are super close with each other and do almost everything together. My dad’s parents have been married 65 years and they are always together. The people who tell us that we should spend less time together and be more independent are the people in relationships that are miserable. I’m not claiming everyone who’s independent or more dependent on each other are all the same, but this is what I’ve seen in real life outside of the internet.
I think it depends on the couple. I spend a lot of time with my husband, but we both love doing things independently as well. For me it's wild because in my first (9 yr) marriage it was the same way but we had little to no "spark" within the 1st year and I assumed that was normal. Now 11 yrs into my second marriage we still have a very lively spark and very physical.
22 years with my husband. We are the epitome of “opposites attract” and we adore each other. I fall more in love with him every day 🥰
Hi❤👍🏼
Jenny, this is so necessary so thank you so much for sharing about your relationship! I'm 22 and surrounded by influencers talking about laid back relationships and non attachment. Plus, I don't have any adult relationships to inspire myself around me as all the grown ups in my life are either divorced or miserable. So, talking about happy long term marriages is so needed in my view. My 2 year anniversary with my boyfriend is this month, I love him dearly and I'm growing so much by choosing to stay in a relationship (yes, is a decision, as in my age people break up at any minor sing of unhappiness) so I feel I'm very inspired by your video. thank you so much
*This is exactly the same thing happening with my husband and I* 🫶🏽
Met at 21 (me) & 24 (him) and been together 15 years and counting.
- Never broke up (not even for a day)
- Never used drugs to enhance our time together
- never spent more than 2 days apart
- do not have separate individual social circles
- never had family or friends meddle in our relationship journey (ups & downs)
- and our time together has never grown stale. Our life together has been the OPPOSITE of *BORING* 😊
So much a mirror of yours ❤
Just love that you have such a healthy and happy relationship.
I met my husband in my senior year in college and we dated for a few years long distance (me in Boston, him in NYC). We have now been married for 26 years and there’s no one else’s pot I would want to share. That said, I don’t think we would work well together and while we share most friends, we still have some separate friends and hobbies. But at the end of the day, we are just good with each other and balance and respect each other - and so we just work. I love what you and David have and I love what Chris and I have and I think love is all about communication, mutual respect and balance. Best wishes and thank you as always for the inspiration. ❤
I also realised that me and my husband talk a lot A LOT about what we want in life. Like not having kids, where we want to live, what we want to do… we never just do anything just because it’s expected, we both believe in living the happiest life we can. I think that’s also a big contributor to our happy relationship ❤ if one of us wanted kids or wanted to live in the suburbs, it would never work (or one of us would compromise and be miserable). So I’m just really happy I’ve found someone who shares my goals. And we often check in with each other to see where we’re going. Are we happy, should we change something etc. We both have a responsibility to articulate our wants and needs ❤
love that
I relate to a lot of this. I think for us it really comes down to we are one another’s Ride or Die. We are the best, best friends we’ve ever had and we can’t see being with anyone else. No one else would get the jokes. No one would be fascinated with the same things. We just fit together so well. We would exhaust anyone else. I’ve never met another person who is so like me in so many ways and where he’s different is the special sauce that keeps boredom at bay. I’ve never for a second had to put on any sort of mask around him. From the very start I have been more myself with him than I even am with myself at times. There’s no artifice. I can’t even articulate it. He’s just my person and I am his and that’s really all there is to it. It’s not been a sweeping, dramatic love story. It’s been a quiet knowing. And after 25 yrs, the fabric we have woven together has so many subtle textures and colours, it’s totally irreplaceable. No other relationship would ever live up to it now. Congratulations on your 18 yrs ❤
Congratulations!!❤
@@nonFluencerNoWa Awww!! Thank you so much! What a lovely comment to see waiting for me 💕
I feel this incredible joy coming from your relationship and I feel thrilled to hear about it
I’ve been married for 10 years to a man I married when we were basically children due to high demand religious reasons. We’ve since abandoned that high demand religion and grown together as children into adulthood. Benefits and negatives to growing together as kids into adulthood but we have managed to grow together. I think the key to a long term relationship is ability to adapt and deal with change. With that said it’s ok for a relationship to end if the adaptation to change doesn’t benefit both people. People grow apart or together, and that’s just life. Loved getting a peek into you and David’s relationship ❤ thanks for sharing
What so you mean by high demand religion? In Christianity Jesus says His yoke is light and His burden is light so it cannot be Christianity 😊❤
@@spirituallysafe Mormonism, which is an extremist branch of Christianity.
@@spirituallysafe if you google “list of religious cults” the religion I came from is on that list. I can’t say I’m religious anymore. I’m a very happy atheist, but to each their own.
I was anxious for many years that our relationship would "turn stale" because we do almost everything "wrong" if one listens to generalized relationship advice. It obviously does work. It also evolves and we are our own people still. You described quite a few reasons why. It's exactly that: "We would chose to be really unhappy together rather than be apart" so we are both motivated to ensure we don't go down that road if possible and stay on top of our game to remain prepared for turbulence. I wish everyone this kind of bond and I would chose being single over any other type of couple relationship. Congratulations!
I forgot to get you a gift.
This video is a love letter for David 😂❤
😂😂😂
No worries, we at Oakywood did it on your behalf 🫶
Haha, ok, your relationship is similar to ours😅❤
Yours and David’s relationship sounds idyllic. No workplace drama or outside influences from envious “friends”.
Congratulations on the 18 year anniversary! I so relate to your relationship. My husband and I have been together for 12 years and also both love sharing every detail of our lives with each other. I have questioned whether that makes us codependent and yet hearing you share your story helped me see it from a different perspective. All I could think is awwww, I love this! Which I now also feel about my experience!:) Thank you.
Hi❤👍🏼
it's called inter-dependence and is the most healthy
Happy porcelain! I say this because for you and David to stay happily married for eighteen years is something rare and precious, especially in an age of hookups, swipes, swings, and whatnots.
it's a very healthy attitude and it looks like you both flourish in this relationship. i am a person who feels the freedom and vreativity in being single and i still look at you and say "good for them!"
Watching this video, and having my relationship of 20 years recently end, I can see what could be better for me and my ex partner. And I notice how special these relationships that start from a young age, are. You can't recreate that bond easily... But it is very difficult to keep these relationships healthy and happy. The top reason is that there is not space for the individuals to grow and evolve to the people they are supposed to be. You can't stop this change. Either you grow together or the relationship stops working.
Hi Jenny! My husband and I are very similar to what you described. We've been together for 10 years, and I couldn't even imagine what person I would be without him. Since the pandemic we work together at home, so it's also 24/7 and I never get tired. In our case, we have a baby, and that has made us grow in a different way. I not only know him as a boyfriend, as a husband, as a friend but also as a father. And we talk a lot about our childhoods, and how we want to raise our daughter, with love and respect.
So beautiful, congratulations!! ❤ I’m 15 years with my husband living together the entire 15 and it’s very similar as well.
Whoa, it just occurred to me that we, Oakywood, are part of the story of your relationship. But we don't feel like the third wheel at all 🤭We wish our Oakygoods will serve you (both) for the next 18 years and beyond 🌳
I am 20, and I xannot understand most of thing you are explaining. I think this because I have no experience may be.
But any how having a successful partnership for such a long time is very impressive. I wish both of you good luck and happy life forever.
Congratulations on 18 years together! Thank you for sharing, very similar relationship to my husband. We've been together for 9 years since our early 20s, and he is my best friend. We are also child-free and we work from home together (separate jobs but it's nice to be around each other for most of the day). I don't think we ever run out of things to talk about. And in terms of romantic life, same as what you described - it depends on where we are in life. If we are both in our busy period, with lots going in at work, it's natural that the energy goes towards that and in other life periods, there is more fun and adventure in all aspects of our life. And even if we have our own time in the evening, I find it so comforting knowing he is in the room next to me. I recently had a short 4-night work trip and it was so weird to be separated and not go to sleep together - I had the worst sleep in years lol I'm very blessed to have found my other half and hope we can have a long healthy and happy life together. Many blessings to you and your partner! Thank you for your videos :)
Love how considerate you phrase your learnings. It is all about your experience but you never give the impression you think other ways of life and experiences are less valid ❤
Her saying the f word so politely 😂 I would subscribe twice if I could.
oh i didn't even realise she said it. when was it?
14:10 😂
I think out of all the myths "opposites attract" is the worst. Sure, I think there's some ways where complementing each other is nice, but overall I find relationships work much better when you have more in common and I do not understand how anyone could every conceive it to be the other way around. Like, what do you do with a partner who's completely different from you? My parents were like that and even now (obviously they're apart) when they see each other once in a blue moon all they do is argue. It makes no damn sense. Even my own relationships had a tendency to fail because we had too many core differences we both found annoying about each other.
I have been married to the same man, 41 years.
We had the same job. Now we are retired and are together 24/7. We still have lots to talk about. The spark is still there.
We did have 2 children, but now, they have been out of the house longer than they lived with us. The grandchildren are pure joy.
We love traveling together. We don't have arguments any more because we have argued about it all before.
We have grown and changed together, there is no fear about one of us leaving.
There is an incredible beauty to having such a long relationship.
I used to think my fiancé and I were very different as people and moved differently through the world, but as time has passed I realise more and more how alike we are. We have even gotten comments that we have started to move in similar ways. I cannot imagine anything more fulfilling and interesting than being with this wonderful person who is the plant I lean on and that we nourish each other. I find it so wonderful that a partnership can be this way.
I've been with my significant other for 16 years, but we first dated 40 years ago! We've grown apart then grown together and if we spend more than 4 nights a year apart it is unusual. We live, love, dance and travel together and are never bored (at least, I'm not). I can see another 20 years together, if we live that long! Our secrets? We don't argue, we talk. We respect each other and have no secrets. It also helps that we both think that the other is totally gorgeous, sexy and wise.
Love your stories🌷 I’m 12 years together with my significant other, we like to spent our time together, just like you and David 😊 He works from home, I work parttime as a teacher. We grow together and explore life together. Can’t think of anything better 💕
Sending you love… I especially enjoyed the point about letting each other grow and evolve and hopefully grow together…. I think it’s hard to know when you are younger but essentially having the same values is extremely important whether that’s religious, secular, career focused, wealth focused or homestead family life, creativity and arts, whatever it is, you need to kind of know early on in the relationship. No point trying to build a life with a person whose values are different to yours
Barbara and I have been together 38 years, still love her.. probably even more. We are not perfect and have ups and downs but I would not want to be with anyone else. Still learning about each other. Even day is a new day. Advice: Always tell the person in your life you love them and give them a long hug and kiss when u wake up and before you go to bed.
Yesss, approx 13mims in Jenny discusses the observing and accepting your partner's growth dynamic which may be the key. Somewhere I saw a quote from a man in a 40+yr marriage who in summary stated his wife changed and grew into a different person 8 or so times and he determined he would and learned to love each version of her. May your long lasting love and growth together continue as this is very inspiring ✨️ 💖 😊
I really love this perspective. So often we hear the opposite. It's a very sweet and beautiful relationship you have. You can tell you like your partner, I love that!
I wish I found someone that wanted to be with me 24/7. But I acknowledge that it is hard to find. I'm glad you have got it for yourself when that is what suits your type of personality and needs :)
Although being in my 20s, I was in many relationships where it felt like we were two completely different people, barely telling each other things and always fighting about holding each other back. I always felt like I had to change myself and be unfulfilled to gain their approval.
In my current relationship, we are completely mad for each other, spending nearly everyday together and we just want to grow and encourage one another to do whatever is right for the other with complete support. I was always told to date when I'm older (30s-40s), but I am so glad that I get to do life with him now and we get to grow together! Cheers Jenny!
Pausing the video to comment and say that this shirt combo is AMAZING. Obsessed. Okay continuing...
Thank you for sharing this Jenny, I’m 28 in a 12 year relationship and many things you said really resonated with me. I feel like the only times we have struggled as a couple were when communication shut down, because of life, work, personal issues… Scary times, but love for sure has always been consistent. And like you said, I too would never want to be with anybody else, even after all this time 😍
I resonate with what you said: nothing is more sexier than seeing your partner grow and surprise you!
I think it's a bit harder to grow if I am in a super tight relationship when I cannot do anything alone because another person NEEDS me nonstop. But I also don't want to be in a relationship when we grow apart. Everything is a balance.
Congrats!
Your example sounds so inspiring! I've had an 11 years relationship, no kids, but the last years we where definitely in the different pots. I vote for the 1st type 🥰
Loved this way of talking about long term relationships! Very needed...Often I feel relationships are treated as an "activity" but a real lasting one is a commitment where you grow and evolve together
you have just solved my whole life…I always thought I was looking for a 2 but I really know I want a 1 who is as spontaneous and restless as me
This was so cute. I am really touched how you are able to share your feelings in such a beautiful way.
I found my person at 64. She is from an entirely different culture to me. I met her by chance. We are from different religions. I'm 15 years older. She still works, I don't. English is her second language. I like reading and watching RUclips, she likes watching Tic Tok. We both don't like noise or TV. The list goes on. But we just get on. We love being together. I like riding motorcycles, she loves that because she loves moving and nature and seeing the world around her, and so do I. I love caring for her and making her life better. She loves taking care of me. We laugh together and have simple times. We go everywhere together unless she is working. We both have friends of our own but when we are together it is just her and me. I have travelled and lived in 4 countries, but she hasn't. I am interested in how society works, she only understands her own culture. I had a marriage years ago and other relationships, she has been married and is now divorced. I was happy to live the rest of my life by myself until I met her, I loved being independent. My past relationships somehow lacked something, I think it was a connection with each other. We are both emotionally the same and automatically understand each other's needs. I've never had that before. We also don't tread on each other toes, that is automatic too. We always sort anything out that needs sorting out. We are both committed to each other as well as our relationship, to me these are distinctly different things and need to be recognised and valued. I think you need to like the person you love. I also lived 20 years alone and in that time I found myself and came to accept me and are okay with myself. I stopped trying to conform to a life that wasn't me, I thought I had failed because I didn't need other people to be happy, but acceptance changed all that. If I had met my partner 20 years ago I would not have been ready for her.
We met at 21, started going out at 22 and married at 25.
We have now been married for 41yrs, it’s been amazing, we are like you, we love each others company, we have also worked together in two different careers.
We have our children, one has additional needs, but we have always worked as a team and as a family and the outcome is good.
We have had obviously had some really tough times over the years…..and some brilliant times, as long as we are together that’s the important thing.
We are never bored with each other, we hate being apart for too long and I think we are like thé pot where the roots are entwined.
This Oaky Wood stuff is beautiful ! Thank you for the recommandation !
Hi Jenny, remembering you, with your short hair, and no eye brows 😊 following you since that period.
(Still have your cooking book)
Today you re talking about your live relationship with David...
You re just beautiful together. Guess for resume that Jenny and David it s an evidence.
Wishing you both and together all the best.
Congratulations and here’s to long term relationships! 🥳 Me and my partner have our 10 year anniversary and we started dating at 18 y.o. We’ve been through many different arrangements (long distance, very long distance, living together, open relationship) and every phase of it we choose to do it together and to share every phase of live! We are very different but overlap on our core values and world views and have this deep rooted trust in eachother, which is something I wouldn’t want to trade. I feel like long term relationships make people grow in so many different aspects.. and I always thought that with every person there are things that don’t work easily and need work and commitment, so I would always choose to invest further in an already deep connection that just starting over 🙈
I haven't found my person yet, but what you described sounds like my parents relationship. They're going on 26 years together. I can't even fathom, but every time i look at them, i see their love and it's so wonderful. They've been through so much together and still continue to be there for each other. It's amazing really
You are just wonderful and I'm happy for you even if I don't know you.I 'm much older than you, but I've never experienced real deep love in a relationship. I would like to know how it is and you allow me to hope. Thank you.
I absolutely loved the way you put things straight in this video. Cheers to all of us🥂 almost 11 years and counting ❤️
I’m so glad you’re happy and so is David!
With the right person being with someone is freedom and with the erong person being alone is freedom 😊
omg such a refreshing video! made me look at relationships from another side i never thought there is.
I totally agree about the boredom, it comes from life itself and I never understood this feeling of boredom. Don't people have problems? There are challenges, sorrow, deaths, family problems, all that make life very far from boring. I never understood the concept of a boring life. And it is so nice to go through all that with a partner, with someone who knows all the context that you don't have to explain and that can mirror you so you can evolve. It is very exciting, ALL THE TIME!
❤ you’re just the best ❤ def look to you two for sustainable good living principles
Jenny as a behavioral specialist and similarly the same life scenario as you--count yourself blessed! Why, it shows David is psychologically sound and has not diminished you or the value of who you are. The breakdown of relationships over time are traumas that reveal themselves that may not have been apparent in the first to five years (we are on our best behavior). Then comfort sets in. This is the true test. Who you really are will reveal itself.Kudos!
Long time watcher, first time commentor!
I'm celebrating 6 years (!!) with my partner in a couple of months, and everything you said sounds just like us. I cannot imagine myself in any other pot (love this metaphor 🌻) and we simply can never get bored of each other. I only hope and pray we one day get to also celebrate 18 years like yourselves. Y'all are such a beautiful, inspiring couple. Thank you so much for sharing, and for your incredible wisdom as always ❤️
the haircut you have in that black and white picture; i love that SO MUCH on you. it's everything, and i am here for you cutting it again.
I love my space and my alone time and also struggle with feeling like I can't be myself around other people. When I dated in the past, I always felt so suffocated and uninterested in a relationship that I quietly let it end. I'm coming to the conclusion that I may well be single my entire life and am fine with that. Though I do need to get a lot better in terms of managing my own life and keeping up friendships, I always wanted/valued real, deep friendship much more than romantic relationships.
This video and comment section is a breath of fresh air tbh, in my own life I see people squabbling in a relationship over the stupidest things and telling me that "relationships are hard", makes me wonder how the hell it can even be worth it. As a result I've become cynical of long term relationships, so it's nice that Jenny and plenty of people in the comments find it possible to live harmoniously in a partnership.
I’ve never watched your videos but this popped up and I’m glad I watched it. What a beautiful video! It’s nice to see a positive narrative about long term relationships 😊
We are together for 27 years and counting, also childfree by choice and never regret it! We work separately and do not see each other for few hours during the day, and both can't wait to meet after work. We never get bored together, never ever, and we share a lot of quirks and little traditions, we talk together a lot. We also travel a lot, both love museums, long walks and going to the theatre. We have some separate hobbies/sports/interests though, it's essential to have something on your own. I am deeply happy with my life!
What a lovely, lovely couple! So glad you found your person and so glad you shared your journey and what you've learned along the way with us! I am a very happy single by choice person and think we are all strengthened by diversity of stories and choices of paths through life. 🙂
The absolute happiest of anniversaries to both of you! Love you both!!❤
I love that you mentioned feeling loved and seen and having that other person have your back!! I’ve been with my partner 12 years this summer and I think sometimes we’d both rather be miserable than separate 😂 we like 90% the same stuff and it’s nice feeling like a have a best friend, but we’ve both change alot and grown over time, accomplished things etc and I hope it grows into an even healthier happier relationship as we both learn and grow.
This was really comforting to watch, actually! I'm in a relationship similar to yours, very symbiotic, best friends and partners. Your perspective really is refreshing to hear, in a sea of relationship misery and short lived couples, it's nice to an ever in bloom couple like yours.
I really resonate with what you said about no being bored of the person but by life/the rhythm of your life itself. I think it easily transfers to the person closest to you when you live together, and it's an issue to always delicately pick and see for what it is, and make sure it doesn't poison your view of your partner, because it's not their fault. I feel stuck right now, in my rhythm, and it is very relevant to me to constantly make the difference between what is causing it and what it affects. In the end, I know my person isn't the problem at all, I want them there, always, I just need energy brought in to keep ME feeling alive, and then that spills into how the relationship feels. We're energetic when new things happen, projects are pursued and completed, progress is made...
We are so alike and yet quite different in our organization and schedules, so there lies our struggle, figuring out how to align so that both our needs are fulfilled and we're not let down. It's a constant work and evolution. But when you're with the person for you, at least for me, there's no thought of anyone else even when it's hard. Going through it together and adjusting until aligned is the way, because like you said for you, we would rather be together and unhappy (working things out) then separate. It might seem crazy to some, but unhappy is just a phase, that comes and goes, as life changes and time moves forward. Instead of navigating it alone, you're just nagivating it with someone else.
Big congratulations to you two on your anniversary!!!
Congrats to you and David! 🥳🥳🥳 love everything you do! Here's to many more!
This has been the most refreshing, encouraging video and just what I needed right now. So much of this describes my partner and I's relationship (even if we havent been together as long) and gives me hope that we can have the lifelong relationship we both want even if we're still so young. We're definitely the marriage #1 scenario!
Happy Anniversary you two! 🎉 this video was so relatable! My husband and I also have this kind of relationship ❤
I envy your relationship. Yours was the way I envisioned a realtionship should be. I'm on marriage #2 and both have been of the "separate flower pots" variety.
you met your soulmate so early in life. I'm so happy for you guys. I hope I'm gonna watch this in 16 years and my partner and I will feel similar.❤
Wow!! We‘re 17 years this year… and I am do thankful for your way of seeing on your Relationship. This blows my mind..how Kind and Loving you speak about yours 💞 thank you for that…
So many people are Talking…
And ask you if it doesnt get Boring after such a Long time together…
And i just was thinking of that..- am I getting bored in my longterm Relationship? Where is the Spark and so on… and now I really can honor it again. Even when the partnerchip grew up into another Level.. where the passion and the Sparks Looks different.. it is so rich. It is. Thank you
I've been with my husband for 14 years, and I feel the same way about long term relationships as you do. I love being one with him and just living life together.
Fun. I'm definitely a pot number two kind of person. Or even better, two plants growing next to each other in the same garden.
Congratulations to you both on 18 years together. That is a wonderful and long amount of time. It's great.
Been with my husband 23 years since highschool, married nearly 20. I am his only friend he wants to hang out with, and I have asked if he wants to hang out with dudes, but he is not into sports, doesn't drink, and just doesn't typically connect with them. He likes just being around me and our kids. We work well together and would love to have a business together (there have been times I have helped out at his job with him). I am the one with a lot of friends, but I don't see them too often since most of them moved to other places (and the ones nearby I see when he is at work). We have never spent a day away from one another. We don't mind and like being together. We talk about everything too. We have always made sure we grow together. I think my relationship is a lot like yours but with kids. haha.
-JusticePirate
I’ve always thought that saying you’re bored of your partner is a little strange… my husband is not there to entertain me! 😊 we are jointly responsible for building the life we want to live ❤
Also thank you for sharing that you basically live in each others pockets - my husband (8 years) and I do this and it’s honestly the best and I don’t care if it’s wrong because it works so well 😅
I haven't been in as long of a relationship as you, but I can relate to many things: being "an odd couple", loving being present together, and being passionate about life and each other. We may look different from the outside, but we have similar dreams, values, outlook...? We're both very much infatuated with each other, and we don't fight very often - more like cranking up in turns. The topics of our interests are very different, but both of us are curious learners and open thinkers? One of us is a scientist (physics) and the other visual artist.
I really struggle to sleep well with another person on a bed (I wake up very easily) and it makes me sad because I don't know how to battle this. Sleeping with your loved one is a great way to feel connected. I sleep very well when I am by myself though. Anyone else experiencing the same?
In my friendships I also really like to tell them every thivg I notice or realize or experienced! So I would really like a partner who feels like both listening to my chatter and who lovse to tell about their thughts etc as well! That is one of my love languages!
I have been in one relationship, which was very long. Too long, one might say, but that's always easier to say in hindsight. It was not a healthy one, and I am still recovering/find myself and who I actually am. So I am not sure what I want. But thanks so much for your persepctives, defenitly gave me some refelctions and, yeah, perspectives
This was lovely. And I’ve never heard a couple described or a mentality around it that is more like mine and my man. We’re just 4 years behind you. Beautiful.
Me and my husband have been together over 14 years! we were 16 and 19 when we met so we really grew up together as well. We had to be long distance for 2 years and then another year, and we learned to manage our fights very well in that period. Whenever we were together and had a small fight, we would always solve the problem as fast as possible, so we didn't waste too much time being mad at eachother. Now we don't fight anymore at all. We learned to appreciate spending our lifes and time together.
We also don't subscribe to the ''opposites attract'' mentality. We were really similar in the beginning and only influenced eachother more and more with each year that passed. Now we're basically the same person, AND WE LOVE IT!
Never listen to the people that say you spend too much time together❤
My husband and I have been married 11 yrs but together for 19. Also partners in business and we also have our separate careers. We really do enjoy spending time together, talking about the future and traveling. I think one of the things that works for us is we have made a conscious choice to define how our relationship looks. Beyond being married, we don’t really follow convention for the sake of convention.
We're very different in this respect- being in a relationship is exhausting for me and I find it to be so much easier to be single. Luckily I don't want kids so I don't feel pressure to be in a relationship, and I do wonder if I'm just too used to my own company at this point (I'm 38) to ever be in a relationship again.
I'm a few years younger but I share this sentiment, I love my space and my alone time. When I dated in the past, I always felt so suffocated and uninterested in a relationship that I quietly let it end. I'm coming to the conclusion that I may well be single my entire life and am fine with that. Though I do need to get a lot better in terms of managing my own life and keeping up friendships.
@@oksanakaido8437Yes, same! I see people looking for connection during all stages of life so I figure if I change my mind or feel differently later, I’ll look for a partner. For now I’m just going to stay happily single because it’s just what feels right for me. Good luck on your journey!
This was so lovely. I do think I have had both, and am in a very intentional, extended period of singledom which I have enjoyed immensely after being a serial monogamist in my 20s. (I am now 40, and have spent most of my 30s single and just figuring out who I am working hard thriving not thriving haha.) I think now, in this phase of my life I would go with the latter unless I met someone really special, because I do have a propensity to become best friends with my partners... I am just so independent and used to being alone that this version of me can't imagine being under someone 24/7 and vice versa -- I even think I want separate houses because I own my house and it is so me!
lol i totally feel you. If i hadn’t met my husband 15 years ago and moved in with him 2 months after meeting, I think that I might have been exactly where you are. Cuz I am definitely a VERRRRY independent soul (even still).
But he’s so compatible for my independent soul that it works that we are still somehow very much intertwined and tell each other every single detail of everything. If it weren’t for him, I don’t think any one could be compatible with how independent I am. Lol and I *looooove* time on my own. And I loved being single before my husband so i didn’t get so lucky with Nick, i might’ve been a carbon copy of you and immensely satisfied. ❤
Cheers
I've always enjoyed watching you and David because no relationship has felt more like my own. I've been with my "David" for 12 years now since we were teenagers and it's DEFINITELY the "1st marriage" type. You're both so inspiring and thank you for continuing to share some of your life with us :)