I was in a relationship with a partner that was slowly changing how I dress. A little suggestion here, a recommendation there. Influencing me while we shopped together. I went from a trendy goth chick to an old lady in frumpy flower dresses. It was a 5 year process. When I dumped him I also dumped my wardrobe. Fortunately I didn't get rid of my old clothes. I've been shopping and am now back to my goth self and found a partner that supports my fashion choices. I'm going on a 2 week cruise for my big 50 and will be gothed out the whole time. I'll get looks but I will never let someone elses opinion change me again. I'm much happier now.
I have autism so I went to a stylist when I left college. She broke down my day into work, play, rest, event, then seasons and then figured out what clothes I needed to fit my activities by percentage. Then we realized my sensory issues eliminated everything that wasn't comfy natural fiber and that I functioned best with mix and match clothes with limited colour choices. She saved me a fortune, I get compliments on my outfits all the time and I'm so grateful I hired an expert who could explain how to wash and care for my wardrobe. Priceless!
@@Blackroseofplue I'm older than dirt so sadly my stylist has retired. If you have a favorite outfit that makes you feel great and stand tall, start there. Could this look be dressed up or dressed down? What fabrics and colours give you confidence? If there is anything in your closet that makes you sad, donate it. Price, memories, or it 'fitting someday' keeps us from being happy now. Finally, get professionally fitted bras and wash them in a lingere bag and hang them to dry. You might not be as old as me, but you deserve support.
At the age of 75 I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m never going to be slim again so I’m going to embrace my matronly figure and dress accordingly, the moment I said that I went and weighed myself and noticed I’d lost 4 lb in weight, just ordered online a nice floaty dress for an upcoming cruise in a few weeks time, flabby arms , I don’t care anymore, this is who I am now.
One great thing about being “old” is you don’t give a crap anymore about others’ opinions. Also, time brings clarity as in I’m very clear about what I like and what I want in my life.
I have found that the style I like, doesn’t like me back. Being honest with myself about what looks good on my body type, my skin and hair color, and my age, was THE game changer in how much better my clothes look now.
Yep. I love big shapeless clothes that basically remind you of a big cozy blanket. Wide leg pants, oversized drapey tops, shift dresses. They do not love me back. They don't drape off me effortlessly like they do other people. Instead they cling to my hips and butt while i look ten times bigger everywhere else, and make my shoulders look even more narrow and sloped than they are. I have to choose clothes to create more breadth in my shoulders where there is none, and clothes that let people know I have a waist and cling to my hips on purpose (instead of accidentally). often this is a dressier, more va-va-voom silhouette that isnt as reflective of my personality or desired lifestyle as a comfy worn-in flannel shirt and cargo pants would be. But you know what makes me feel good? Not looking like a rag bag every time i go out! Feeling put together when i look in a mirror! Loving how nice i look when I catch sight of myself in a shop window, even if I'm a bit overweight! And it's EASY to get dressed when all my clothes match a specific silhouette and colour palette. Most things go with most other things. (For anyone who hasn't done seasonal colour analysis and/or gone down the Kibbe style analysis rabbit hole, I thoroughly recommend them both. For colour analysis, Sci/ART has the most analytical approach. For Kibbe, use a combination of the Strictly Kibbe facebook group and the subreddit.)
I feel very similar, because I like oversized, masculine looking things while being a romantic body type. It is possible though to modify certain elements of a style to the body shape, it "just" needs adjustment (easer said then done). E.g. I only wear ONE oversized masculine piece and dress very formfitting for the rest of my body (e.g. a huge men's leather jacket with leggings). I hope you find a way to incorporate what you like about your favorite style to your body.
Wardrobe is more complicated than we care to admit. How you feel in clothes affects how you carry yourself, your percieved identity, but people pretend it's surface level and superficial. WFH means I want clothes that feel like loungeware, but look sensible outside. Cut is a huge deal, once I descovered kibbe, I did a capsule wardrobe mini-audit and made myself some 'uniforms'. That saves a lot of stress and time. That pinterest technique yoy shared is worth the effort!
@@magnarcreed3801 If I were you I would take a second to reflect on that. I have yet to meet a person for whom that is true. Your first impression is non-verbal so the clothes you wear absolutely say something and how you interact with what they say will be different. No one is saying you have to be a completely different person in each outfit but they will definitely bring out different parts of you
@@laurenc8387 Hahaha not really. I walk, hold myself and talk the same way I would in a dress, suit, jeans, skirt, etc. It’s fabric. Who I am as a person is stronger than fiber. I never commented on how others perceive my clothes though. Don’t care.
@@magnarcreed3801If your jeans and shirt are an outfit you like/fit the way you like/feel the way you like, of course you’re going to have the same level of confidence you do in a suit. The argument isn’t about feeling the same you do a suit as you do jeans.
When I was in my twenties I read “Color Me Beautiful “ which helped me immensely in creating a wardrobe that suited me. It saved me a lot of time and money in that I no longer felt pressured to wear colors that were fashionable but looked horrible on me. I buy my basics( pants, skirts, dresses) in navy, black or grey. I use my blouses, sweaters and tops to introduce color. I can mix and match most anything in my wardrobe. The most difficult adjustment I have had to make is that now that I’m retired, I don’t need my beautiful suits anymore. It’s time to give them away.
Remember the book too & it's still applicable ! As a boomer , growing up our capsule wardrobe was called " coordinates " ! Most everyone had mix 'n match items , a group for each season , plus a few items ready for a special occasion such as a wedding / funeral , etc.
I felt this for so long! I faced up to some truths and also looked back to fleeting moments where I got it right. For me, as a 35 year old, some of my truths were: I am no longer willing to wear heels, I have never enjoyed wearing trainers, stop buying the size you think you should be, you don’t have to wear make up. My main inspiration I draw on now is the mindset I had when I was a teenager. I loved rock and alternative, but felt uncomfortable wearing any logos. So I had my straight fit, mid blue jeans and a selection of black jersey T-shirts and tops in different cuts and a couple of chunky knit longline coatigans. It was a uniform, but I always felt comfy and well presented. I now wear navy instead of the black, switched the converse for some Boston Birkenstocks and have a couple of heavy cotton/flannel shirts instead of the coatigans. It has felt like coming home.
I love bright colors, wide legged jeans(the bigger the bell bottom the better!), and the 1950s full circle (or more!) swing dresses and skirts. Unfortunately a lot of what I love is only really sold from fast fashion or Uber expensive (the dresses). So I learned how to make my own clothes! I feel so proud and happy in my handmade wardrobe. Especially since I give giant pockets to all my clothes!
I’m quite short so I have to alter my bought dresses to fit, however the I’m hanging on to the large pieces cut from the hem and I’m tempted to make ‘pockets’ !
a big part in overcoming my eating disorder was throwing out most of my clothes and buying things that were actually my size. it was liberating in a way i never imagined!!
Maybe try first to find your own style? Try thrifting, so you can experiment a bit without losing a lot of money. Find out your body type and what flatters you most(if you care about it). Knowing your colour palette is also very helpful.
One of my favorite games is going to a thrift store and putting together an outfit!! And then you hang it up in the closet all together and BANG ready to go for when you need it. It's great to play dress up there bc there's such a variation in styles.
I am currently in the process of getting rid of at least half my wardrobe (I have a ton of clothes). I used to work in an office and it had to be business casual. I bought clothes I loved to match that requirement however I now work from home and only go into the office 2-3 times a year. While I am sad to get rid of clothes (and shoes, oh the heels) I love I know that time period in my life has passed. I am giving them all to a single mom who needs them and will use them
I also had many attractive, business appropriate or just plain pretty clothes that I felt confident and attractive in. I retired 3 years ago and just recently opened the bins I stored them in. I felt very happy to donate them to a resale shop that sponsors and helps dress a local women’s shelter.
Thanks for addressing that moving around a lot can make a person lose their way when it comes to style. I went to five different schools and they all had different social ‘rules’ around what was acceptable to wear and what would get you teased. In my thirties now and still struggling to dress ‘for myself’ because I’m so used to absorbing whatever the culture around me thought was cool 🙃 it’s exhausting, and I’ve tried to fix it with style systems like Kibbe or colour theory but it just feels like more rules that come from someone outside me.
I’m trying to heal my relationship with femininity. My boss of ten years often makes stupid misogynistic comments and over time I started dressing more masculine to try to avoid those comments. I never felt happy in those more masculine clothes. But i realized this happened and now I’m trying to dress however I want and just let the comments roll off my back like water off a duck lol
This is so funny. You had a boss that made woman-hating comments and you (misguidedly?) tried to avoid that by being less feminine. And now you act like femininity was ever the problem and the solution is to make yourself ornamental instead of functional because you like being that way. Well, if only you put half the thought into WHY you want to perform femininity that you put into thinking about WHY you started dressing in a more masculine way. After being inundated with the norm of women dressing more ornamentally instead of functionally your entire life, OF COURSE you want to dress in a feminine way. But you don't analyze that. Astounding. "healing your relationship with femininity".... I couldn't make up such a joke if I tried!
I was raised by a father like this. But add in an unhealthy dose of moralized frugality. Which meant I was dressed in my older brother’s hand me downs until it was literally impossible because … puberty. After that everything “new” had to be found at the thrift store and an acceptable level of androgynous/casual to be allowed to leave the house/avoid being mocked. And this was not because we were poor or religious, it was because my Dad likes to impose his world view on others. The thing is, I have a womanly body and I love fashion. It took me a long time to get to the point where I don’t feel guilty about that. How we dress is very entwined with identity. If we can’t portray ourselves to the world in line with how we feel, then we are literally stifling ourselves. I had no idea how much happier and more embodied I would become once I went to college. And it can’t be denied that we attract people in to our lives based on how we present ourselves to the world as well. The biggest thing I’ve learned is that it just feels so much better to get to dress like myself and not be hassled for it. I am over 30 and I still carefully pick out what I will wear whenever I visit my parents because I just don’t want to deal with any comments. It’s mentally taxing and not worth it. It’s not my job to change their outlook and no brownie points will be awarded for trying. I just keep the visits limited, which is key. Because having to field judgmental comments while pretending that it doesn’t phase you takes a lot of mental effort. At least for me it does. Not to mention the fact that surviving in environments like this usually entails other forms of self-policing (like constantly monitoring your mannerisms, the tone of your voice or the vocabulary you use, the way you walk, etc). So, if you’re able, maybe think about working towards a new job. You deserve to be accepted for who you are at work. Or at the very least, not be hassled. That is literally workplace harassment/bullying. After 10 years of this boss you might be surprised how different life could be elsewhere. No judgment if you can’t make changes right now, but at least know you deserve better.
On the one hand, few people try in influence women in their mid-50’s like me (we just get ads for grandma-boob bras). On the other hand, I still work and am up in front of audiences a lot, so I need a style that suits my age/body/job. The corporate gear I wore for 20 years is just not working any longer, but neither do old-lady pastels and denim, so I totally get the “I don’t feel right in what society says I should wear.” It has taken me several years to find two stores (Tibi and COS) that make reasonably-priced clothes that are stylish, comfortable, durable, and distinct. In their clothes, I feel better than I have in years! Clothes ABSOLUTELY can have an impact on mood, self-confidence, etc.
When I was in high school (late ‘60s/early’70s), we had health class on days we didn’t have gym. We learned about the various body shapes and which styles and cuts looked best for those shapes. We also learned how to apply makeup with purpose and according to individual features. All of this came in handy when I entered the grownup working world. Oh, one more thing, we were also taught the difference between classic and trending, although the teacher didn’t insist that one was necessarily better than the other.
Nothing you said in this video, sounds crazy, or dramatic, or weird to me. I have had this realization about five years ago. I am still working on putting together my capsule wardrobe though, since my style turned out to be quite excentric (it's mostly history bounding, with some cottagecore and fantasy elements). People often tell me, that they wish, they had the confidence to wear such fabulous styles themselves. But it really is the other way around. I don't need confidence to go outside in my clothes. My clothes give me the confidence to go outside and interact with the world.
my identity all through school and my first few years of work was heavily tied to my wardrobe and I felt very secure in my self-image. then the pandemic hit and I started (and have not stopped) working from home. now, even with the world "back to normal," because I rarely have to go to the office and I'm in a newish city where I don't have too many friends (i.e., I'm not going out at night), I wear mostly loungewear that suits the WFH mullet (professional on top, comfy on the bottom) and the rest of my wardrobe has been left behind. I both love the comfort and HATE that I don't really have a space to express myself through my clothes anymore because I really enjoyed it... So I'm in a weird stasis right now of redefining what "comfort" means to me and how I want to that to translate to my everyday self.
I feel this! Prior to the pandemic, I was traveling for work constantly, working on site, and clothing was super important. I was also partying in clubs and out dating. Fast forward: I met my partner during a lockdown and we both work from home. I miss feeling sexy and fancy, but I do not miss the getting ready time and rashes from makeup. I mostly wear leggings on the bottom and tops oriented to look best on camera. Even the idea of choosing clothes for their camera-worthiness and not real life look is a whole experience.
This was honestly so helpful. I can’t understate what you have put forward here. I have always bought clothes to fit a lifestyle that I thought I wanted and needed, only to realize that the lifestyle I actually have is completely different. I have a closet full of things that are beautiful, but simply not me. It has been quite the process to realize that and this solidified what I need to do next. Thank you so much for sharing this! ❤️
Lost a lot of independence this past year... I'm now starting to see a connection as to why I've been super obsessive with clothing lately. Thanks for the insightful video. Absolutely loved it
I'm a full-time art model for art schools (the person that stands still for hours while people draw/paint/sculpt me), and most of the time I'm nude for work. It allows me to really think of what feels good to wear when I'm not working, because I only get to wear clothes when I'm not working. It's liberating to not have to consider what outfit I'm going to wear for work most days, and pushes me to only have items in my wardrobe that I actually wanna wear and enjoy (shout out to Marie Kondo), because my time in clothes has become precious.
I only started finding my style within the last year and a half. Started thrifting and just wearing things i like, not following a specific aesthetic or trend. Sometimes I'm street style, sometimes I'm y2k, sometimes I'm 90s grunge and sometimes I'm dark academia. It just depends on my mood, the weather, and whatever feels good that day.
I also moved around and changed climates quite a lot (Geneva to Iowa, to central Texas, to central Georgia, to the North-East). But that never affected my central style. I rebalanced my wardrobe in terms of outerwear, boots, sweaters, sandals, and summer wear, but always within my style.
Being in the middle of doing this myself, one thing about the inspiration part of this is to look at people with your body type wearing what you like to wear! Beauty truly exists at all sizes. Ask yourself "is this person fashionable, or are they just skinny?" bc a lot of models are itty bitty but you can't tell in photos. There are A LOT of average sizes folks who rock their styles and look incredible doing it! It'll help you get to a place where you can see yourself wearing what you like, which is a barrier to style/fashion that a lot of people (myself included!) have.
Go to a stylist or image consultant. I go to one every 5 years. My body type has changed over the decades and I find them invaluable for making sure I'm wearing the clothes and they are not wearing me.
I had to adjust my wardrobe based on job transitioning, and who I surround myself with. It's unfortunate that I started as a confident young person, very alternative and goth out loud, but after so much harassment and job hopping, I toned it down to basics. But I'm glad my new job allows more room to be expressive and stylish but I have to maintain comfort. This year I'm dedicating more time in my closet and getting back into my studded boots and favorable trousers. Keeping it work friendly of course, but still fun!
I'm glad this showed up in my recommendations! Since the pandemic started and I got on new meds, I've gained enough weight that nothing in my closet really fits me anymore (except the knit things thankfully) and I need to clear it out and buy myself some new basics. This has given me a good idea on how to start. Thank you!
I love the video editing style here. It’s so different from the usual smoothed off style a lot of influencers go with. That background music feels dated, but in a really charming way, like the kind of thing someone really puts on in the background instead of just being popular. Like it was selected out of an appreciation for the music rather than from a library of editing music. It’s so cool, reminds me of this band music artist/video essayist that looks at 1980s-2000s anime and gaming stuff that makes some comfy videos. Very kino ❤
I feel like i have a weird forum of body dysmorphia. I always think i look good and then i catch sight of my self in a mirror...and an completely shocked by just how bad I look 😂 my hair will be standing up, my pant sagging and i willhave spilled something on my shirt. What is that all about?
I find buying clothes so exhausting! This is definitely helpful. I just want to be comfortable and not have too much in my closet as I don't have the space for it!
I finally found my groove after years of wasting tons of money.... I live in the panhandle of fl. It is super hot and humid most of the year.... So my wardrobe had to jibe with weather first... I will NOT wear shorts or short dresses i love to hide my blue legs.... (Yes so white they blue)so as a lover of layering kimonos where the perfect answer and paired with a flowy maxi or flowy wide leg pants was my jam.... Iv been collecting kimonos for years now (im up to 82).... And im a happy dresser!!!!
I'm pondering what effect it had on developing my own sense of style to not have a whole lot of clothing autonomy while growing up due to family finances and 'religious' constraints. Whenever I try to think about what MY style is, I feel like I run into a brick wall, so I default to t-shirts. (This is also why I have no idea what my preferred style of music might be.) Recently I fell a bit into the rabbit hole of 'women over 50/over a certain size should wear THIS' (or NOT wear). I started to take that to heart, but I was also taking up sewing again at the time and realized that the things I 'shouldn't' wear were all the things that I most wanted to sew. So I'm back to square one, ditching the idea that there is some moral law that says I have to wear blazers and things with belts and nothing flowy. So now I'm focusing on honing in on what makes me happy and ignoring the rules. After all, I don't owe it to the world to 'appear smaller' by what I wear any more than I owed it to the world to 'appear modest.' Anyway, maybe the time I am 60 I will finally have a well developed sense of style that is uniquely MINE. (It will include zero ruffles. That is the one thing I know for absolute certain about my style.)
I enjoyed this video very much, so many people haven't realized how much what we wear can affect us. Hannah Louise Poston has done a couple of videos of this nature if anyone is looking for more. I'd really like to see someone cover when and how to let go of the clothing that we love and feel good in, but no longer fit our lifestyle. As an example, I have several midweight cardigan sweaters that I wore when my children were in school, I wore them to meetings and at other times when I needed to appear less casual. I invested both time and money in my little cardigan wardrobe, and I still like them. My kids are out of school, I rarely have a situation in which I'd wear such a sweater, but am having real trouble letting go of them. I have some ideas as to why this is proving to be troublesome for me, however I'd love to find out if I'm on track with why, and then please help me let go.
I’m thinking about clothes constantly. There’s so much to think about! The budget, ethics (which is in collision with the former), and of course our eve changing bodies that are an insecurity all by themselves… I was thinking about what to wear to work - I have to be very comfy and casual because of the nature of my work but I really want to wear flowy dresses and super elegant things which would be impractical and weird…
I understand what you mean at 6:30. I’m from Atlanta too, and we fairly recently moved to New Mexico. The style is VERY different. In Atlanta, you got a mixture of people, but (at least in the areas I was familiar with) most people put in effort with a certain style. Here in NM, everyone wears shirts, leggings, or jeans. Throw in some cowboy boots every once in a while. To say the least, I always felt overdressed. I stood out like a sore thumb. Whenever I’d meet a new person, they would ask where I’m from without me even speaking 😂🫠
Hi, thank you. Your video is very helpful. I have one request or comment about the background music. It is an additional cognitive load. It's difficult for people like me on the spectrum, and I appreciate when youtubers use a little bit of music when they are not talking, and then *don't* talk over music when they are talking. So I hope that makes sense and you don't feel criticized or anything, I just wanted to let you know that the wall to wall music for me is not the best. 😊
? Have you found your personal style or have you found the "required uniform"? Black, white, beige, camel, gray colors and conservative tailored look is not at all original - it is a formula. Almost all my WORK clothes come from Talbots - which I suggest you take a look at. I wear the classic " business casual" to work - I do like the clothes i am wearing but I would not say it is a reflection of my personal style and not really what I wear on my own time. p.s. I would put a white dress shirt with cuffs under that flower vest and add a knee length black wool skirt and black leather flats or knee high boots. 👠
Long, I didn't have to think about clothing, but then I got into a job where I didn't have to wear a uniform anymore. I delved into the topic of clothing and started buying pieces that are timeless and easy to mix and match, suitable for my body type... I hated it. It felt like all were bad purchases. Eventually, I noticed that many of my male colleagues were very casually dressed, often not suitable for the occasion. That's when I decided to only wear things that I like, even if they are eccentric. The more unique a top is, the better. And buying secondhand helps to afford designer pieces. Additionally, I have a mini wardrobe with 4 outfits that I rotate every 2/3 months, which also greatly helps with decision-making in the morning. If in doubt, go for what's clean :D
As a taller woman, I never fit into the crowd and dress for my mental health, too. When I was working, I'd check the weather report then set out clothes the night before. I still plan my outfit based on weather, purpose of the day and flexibility .
Wait I love this. I was born in the ATL-ish suburbs and so it already was relatable from the start. I also have changed my style sooo many times. Trying everything and not finding the best fit. Im in school for social work and I have had many of these same thoughts about life, mental health, and how clothing impacts that. I just subscribed because this was super relatable and real. Thanks for sharing
Loved this video and love your spot on bullshit radar! 😂 I’m just getting started with a capsule wardrobe. Got my colors done and I know my body type. Now all I need to do is diving deeper into what my style really is and what type of clothes I like to wear most. No more fantasy self shopping for me. No more impuls buys or shopping while in a rush. I’m going much slower now ❤
I really appreciate the action steps at the end. I see a lot of videos like this talking about the problems, but thank you for also giving solutions! ❤
Loving this video! Thankyou! I have moved back and forth in all of the different climates there is across 12 towns/cities/states/countries over the past 30 years and am so grateful that you mentioned this in and how it impacts our wardrobe. I haven't dramatically changed my personal style but a little cotton Summer dress that I wore in the Northern Tropics of Australia can't be worn in a cooler summer region and definitely not in a Canadian Winter so one needs to adjust. Plus have had three babies in that time and weight fluctuation and body shape changes means that the winter clothes I kept didn't fit me when we moved back to a cold climates after 5 years or having a baby, so I feel like I have spent so much money on clothes over the years that normally one wouldn't have to. Also, love your Lab Coat diagrams, lol. In Australia, we have school uniforms and I think that makes a big difference for schooling and being dressed as a student! France is actually experimenting with bringing school uniforms back to public schools which is great I think.
This right here is so incredibly helpful. I’m in my mid thirties and like you said I always had a vision for what I would wear at this age but realizing that ideal style is just not me. I still want to look cute but I also want to be comfortable and buy clothes that last years not just one season. This entire process is great advice!
💛De. Influenced. So important in finding / maintaining style It happened to me first in home decor … Then I had to go through this with fashion … Slow learner here 🐌 😅
I have 2 pairs of sequin pants and I've worn them both about 50 times. I love them. Just make sure you wash them sparingly, preferably by hand and in bag to catch micro plastics.
i like closet cleanouts to manage the feeling of "this doesn't feel like me anymore". the problem is maintaining that smaller closet. i personally am the worst example for this bc i have a legit shopping addiction but *cognitively* i know that when i own less, i'm less stressed about finding "the right outfit"
I have kind of a different view than most on clothing - minimalism ain’t it when you have to wear specific clothes for work that don’t necessarily mesh with your personal style. My clothing collection consists of 3 definitive categories, work, casual/ everyday, and FULL GLAM DRAG QUEEN!!! For work, I must wear suits, that’s 1. Then my own casual everyday is broken into two subsections; ultra casual (t shirts and looser leggings), or confident casual (cute crop tops and high waisted flattering leggings or skater skirts that flare out (very flattering on my body type.) Then my full glam is like crazy tights, dresses, skirts, accessories (it’s so fun, sometimes I’ll just dress up in a crazy outfit for no reason haha!!!) I live in a hot climate but have a full suite of winter attire because we often travel and I just love winter layers!! Clothes can be so much fun!
I am myself strongly influenced by what I wear, having to wear dress-code at work makes me suffer. Very cold or very hot weather also make it impossible for me o dress for mood boost because I am sensitive to temperature and comfort, therefore I prioritize that. But I cannot wait for early spring to be able to dress up more freely. It feels great to know that lots of people have the same/similar problem
Everyone goes through this!! One thing I’ve always done throughout the years is ask myself “ what vibe or mood do I want to represent today?” I don’t follow one trend or genre. I like to mix vibes to create a symphony. That being said, I am very selective of the clothes I buy. If I don’t like the way it looks on me, I move on. And yes, fit is important. You can tack it or even using safety pins if you don’t know how to sew.
I went from Disney princess child to frumpy teen to classic monster style to Disney adult to Disney adult mixed with witchy to full Disney princess. And yes I am 30 and I do wear my princess dresses to the grocery store
When you were talking about what viewers were thinking of you making this video, I thought, "Cait, be yourself! No one is more qualified for the job." Instead of focusing on what other people think of what you wear, choose clothes that make you feel good about yourself.
After marrying later in life, changing countries, life on a farm vs a job with title/dress code and then going grey and thru menopause…. the last 5-10 years have been turbulent and I have lost a sense of style/myself. So funny that this showed up in my video feed & kept showing up and today I had a listen and wow… spot on. Definitely re-thinking things and looking for congruence. And how to dress on a farm & yet also feel myself and somewhat put together. And the idea of clothes having meaning and what they say about us… there is something there that I need to ponder a bit more. But VERY interesting video! Thank you ❤️
I have been plagued by weight issues over my lifetime and almost never felt good in any clothes, until I gave up and wear black t-shirts and black pants. Do I like these things? NO, but it takes away any effort or judgement. I get up, dress and leave. the end. Oh, being fat sucks! Just turned 70 so you can see how long I have been uncomfortable.
I completely relate to the feeling of one's skin melting off in central Georgia weather (or other hot places). I did 10 years in that kind of climate. That time of year, it was hard. I love clothes so I wanted the freedom to play with my outfits, but on the flip side, if there had not been decency laws, I would absolutely have given up on the idea of putting on clothes entirely.
dressing for a city is not really a thing. If you have your personal style you can build a wardrobe for cold and warm weather. You've been shopping what social media shows you, what you think you should look like to "match" a city vibe with zero regards to your body type... of course you hate all your stuff. Find what YOU like and then go from there. Buy better quality clothes in natural fibers. If you are a blazer girl, wear blazers. There are unlimited style variations in blazers. If you love tailored trousers there is a cut and style for everyone. If you prefer jeans, same applies. You can absolutely dress for your job while still dressing like yourself.
Where my wardrobe is concerned I get quite bad OCD and body dismorphia also I get a mental disturbance which is where I imagine I look like a seventy year old crack wh#@e but also an overgrown twelve year old sometimes. So I now have outfit formulas all written down in my IPhone notes section where every single item I own is paired with what it goes best with including shoes, socks and jacket etc. I also take photos to check it looks right. Then when I am selecting an outfit I look at the list. It’s saved my mental health and I always feel comfortable and happy in what I’m wearing. I also realised a couple things awhile back probably with the help of videos like these. 1. All of my clothing items have to be me. 2. Don’t buy clothes for a life I don’t have 3. The most important items are the things you wear everyday.
The idea of outfits for work, versus outfits for going grocery shopping, versus outfits to go pick up the kids, versus outfits to do chores around the house versus outfits to go take a walk is a modern idea, that does not serve anyone. I use the post WWII method (when there was scarcety). I tailor a wardrobe of comfortable clothes in styles that suit me. I aim it at being work appropriate. I prioritize pieces that are easy to maintain and that I can wear for extended amounts of time. I feel good and I look put together in those clothes even while doing every day activities. Then those are the clothes I wear to work, to the grocery store, and around the house. With some adaptations. If I go for a walk, I put on appropriate shoes. If I am cooking, I wear an apron. The reason this was the method in scarce times is that it necessitates only one set of clothing. In more affluent times, the benefit is that there is less decision fatigue, and time saved changing multiple times a day. During the pandemic shut downs, it worked wonders, as it kept a measure of normality in my life (I never changed how I dressed). I maintained the joy of curating outfits and feeling good in them. The only thing is, I fell out of the habit of wearing outdoor shoes (did not want to damage my floors) and that took a bit to get used to again.
this was such a good video! and you are spot on with the whole “deinfluenced” feeling after figuring out your style. i buy so much less. i used to have giant thrift hauls every time i went, now im lucky if i find one piece! it’s a great feeling :)
I keep my wardrobe very simple. I have a couple of pairs of jeans and a couple of pairs of khakis in taupe colors because that is my neutral color for the most part. I have a few neutral cardigans, taupe off white and gray. An outfit for going out at night that is mostly navy. Shoes for different occasions (mostly taupe) and then I sprinkle the drab wardrobe with multi colors of good quality t-shirts that are my signature look. Long sleeves and short, you will always see that I am wearing a bright t-shirt. I also wear bright nail polish if the season calls for it. I forgot to mention coats. I have a few for the seasons. All high quality and neutral as everything in my small wardrobe is. Small except for the rainbow of t-shirts that is.
I’m happy as a petite 18 to find something that fits my body not just my lifestyle - that’s NOT polyester and the hem isn’t too long. Now, it’s almost impossible to find a pair of pants in my size that’s not “cropped”
Ugh polyester. The bane of my plus size figure. We have the same problem at the other end. 6 feet tall and I can never find clothes that fit right. I feel you ❤
I think the clothes you showed off do look good on you, but I totally get the feeling of not feeling yourself in them. I too have some clothing items that my husband and family members say I look good in, but I don't like what I see at all. So I am currently at a stage at which I remove everything that does not suit me at all, while keeping the things that suit me but that I don't like. In the next step, these things will be replaced by something that suits me AND that I like.
My style these days (I'm 40) is black leggings, a long cardigan usually black, and a fun scarf with boots. I feel good in it and I can choose different accessories to change it up. I'm also always a fan of the boho cardigan/kimono. I never follow trends because they usually don't look good on me but I also don't even know what 40 year olds are supposed to be wearing in terms of fashion lol
Great video and you are really engaging. I would love a printable for your approach. I’m one of those despise shopping people so my wardrobe is in desperate shape. I’ve always preferred a classic look but find it so hard to get good quality classics anymore - thus the reason I just dread shopping.
Your video was recommended to me today and I really enjoyed it. Thanks for the thoughtful content, looking forward to going through more of your videos! ❤
Man I struggle so much because I love things that could be described as "winter chic" and "mum chic". I love turtlenecks, knits, layering, scarves, long sleeves, etc. Just one problem... I live in the tropics 😭
I don’t hate my wardrobe but there aren’t a whole lot of pieces in it that I really love either. It’s kind of just functional. My problem is that what I actually DO love is always either crazy expensive or doesn’t exist in my size. I rarely buy new pieces, and what I do buy often just comes from Walmart because that’s what fits my budget. I work from home and almost never go anywhere so I end up just wearing the same two or three things in rotation. If it’s comfy then it’ll do. What I’d dress like if I didn’t have the obstacles of price and sizing in my way: earthy, flowy, faerie style tops or dresses. Lots of nature themed patterns or accents. Silky or sparkly colorful fabrics layered with muted earth tones. And big chunky necklaces to tie it all together. One can dream I suppose.
Hey, I'm in Asheville.....know what you mean about 'hippy, boho' style! You got me thinking and I 'm not satisfied with my wardrobe, either; going to be making some changes!
We dress like the people around us so we fit in as a survival mechanism. I can relate - I moved a lot and grew up in a religion where clothing is policed and you have to cover up your shoulders, belly and legs to knees , it makes it hard to shop for clothes when your underwear are covering too. I hate a lot of my clothes , but the ones I love aren't considered "normal" or " professional ". How do we find ourselves in clothes we like but not stand out like a sore thumb?
Idkl what happened but i traded my alternative gothic look for "basic" clothes or clubbing clothes that I was never comfortable in even with all the affirmations and hype my friends gave me. I just recently admitted to myself that I'm the most comfortable in black and white, alt gothic, and vintage look that makes me look like a (tatted up) conservative aunt going to church.
Your 3 Style Words - Powerful, Effortless, Put together. (Mine are - Confident, Visible and Engaging.) Do you achieve this through the use of colour, silhouette, accessories? What items are comfortable and fit your daily activities and meet your style words? This is how I constructed a curated wardrobe over a number of seasons with the input of a number of content creators playing their part.
I’ve learned, over the years, that just because I like the way something looks on somebody else doesn’t mean I’m going to be comfortable wearing it myself. When I was younger, I bought way too many things I thought were pretty on other people, only to discover I felt beyond awkward in them myself. It wasn’t that they were unflattering, they just weren’t *me* at all. I was so uncomfortable my self-confidence was in the toilet. It didn't help that I constantly had well-meaning but highly annoying people trying to encourage me to dress in a feminine manner. I’m just…not a feminine person. I never have been. Not only is ‘looking cute’ not a priority for me, it’s something I actively avoid, and too many female family members just could not grasp that, let alone respect it. Now, in my 40s, I dress how I want. I’m a big fan of jeans and flannel, as well as leggings and oversized shirts - T-shirts, sweaters, doesn’t matter. When I’m comfortable with what I’m wearing, my self-confidence improves enormously, even though what I’m wearing isn’t within screaming distance of what’s currently fashionable. My grandmother and aunts still don't get it, but they’ve given up trying to get me to change.
I was in a relationship with a partner that was slowly changing how I dress. A little suggestion here, a recommendation there. Influencing me while we shopped together. I went from a trendy goth chick to an old lady in frumpy flower dresses. It was a 5 year process. When I dumped him I also dumped my wardrobe. Fortunately I didn't get rid of my old clothes. I've been shopping and am now back to my goth self and found a partner that supports my fashion choices. I'm going on a 2 week cruise for my big 50 and will be gothed out the whole time. I'll get looks but I will never let someone elses opinion change me again. I'm much happier now.
enjoy your cruise, queen!
I LOVE reading this. Yeah, you got this!! Slayed!!
This is so inspirational as I recognize myself through your words. Congrats on reclaiming your style 🎉
I love your living your life for you the way you want
Check from another goth alternative lady :)
I have autism so I went to a stylist when I left college. She broke down my day into work, play, rest, event, then seasons and then figured out what clothes I needed to fit my activities by percentage. Then we realized my sensory issues eliminated everything that wasn't comfy natural fiber and that I functioned best with mix and match clothes with limited colour choices. She saved me a fortune, I get compliments on my outfits all the time and I'm so grateful I hired an expert who could explain how to wash and care for my wardrobe. Priceless!
Yay
Nice!
If can, could you please tell me where you found her ?
@@Blackroseofplue I'm older than dirt so sadly my stylist has retired. If you have a favorite outfit that makes you feel great and stand tall, start there. Could this look be dressed up or dressed down? What fabrics and colours give you confidence? If there is anything in your closet that makes you sad, donate it. Price, memories, or it 'fitting someday' keeps us from being happy now. Finally, get professionally fitted bras and wash them in a lingere bag and hang them to dry. You might not be as old as me, but you deserve support.
@@nanimaonovi2528or, if you don't like wearing bras, just wear dresses that are cut favourably where your cleavage is, so that it's less crass.
At the age of 75 I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m never going to be slim again so I’m going to embrace my matronly figure and dress accordingly, the moment I said that I went and weighed myself and noticed I’d lost 4 lb in weight, just ordered online a nice floaty dress for an upcoming cruise in a few weeks time, flabby arms , I don’t care anymore, this is who I am now.
One great thing about being “old” is you don’t give a crap anymore about others’ opinions. Also, time brings clarity as in I’m very clear about what I like and what I want in my life.
That's me ,dont care anymore 😊
Preach, sister!
Absolutely! I wear what I like, what I think looks good on me, and what I find to be comfortable!
Totally agree. 😊
This 💯
I have found that the style I like, doesn’t like me back. Being honest with myself about what looks good on my body type, my skin and hair color, and my age, was THE game changer in how much better my clothes look now.
😂😂😅 same
Yep. I love big shapeless clothes that basically remind you of a big cozy blanket. Wide leg pants, oversized drapey tops, shift dresses. They do not love me back. They don't drape off me effortlessly like they do other people. Instead they cling to my hips and butt while i look ten times bigger everywhere else, and make my shoulders look even more narrow and sloped than they are. I have to choose clothes to create more breadth in my shoulders where there is none, and clothes that let people know I have a waist and cling to my hips on purpose (instead of accidentally).
often this is a dressier, more va-va-voom silhouette that isnt as reflective of my personality or desired lifestyle as a comfy worn-in flannel shirt and cargo pants would be. But you know what makes me feel good? Not looking like a rag bag every time i go out! Feeling put together when i look in a mirror! Loving how nice i look when I catch sight of myself in a shop window, even if I'm a bit overweight!
And it's EASY to get dressed when all my clothes match a specific silhouette and colour palette. Most things go with most other things.
(For anyone who hasn't done seasonal colour analysis and/or gone down the Kibbe style analysis rabbit hole, I thoroughly recommend them both. For colour analysis, Sci/ART has the most analytical approach. For Kibbe, use a combination of the Strictly Kibbe facebook group and the subreddit.)
I feel very similar, because I like oversized, masculine looking things while being a romantic body type. It is possible though to modify certain elements of a style to the body shape, it "just" needs adjustment (easer said then done). E.g. I only wear ONE oversized masculine piece and dress very formfitting for the rest of my body (e.g. a huge men's leather jacket with leggings). I hope you find a way to incorporate what you like about your favorite style to your body.
Wardrobe is more complicated than we care to admit. How you feel in clothes affects how you carry yourself, your percieved identity, but people pretend it's surface level and superficial. WFH means I want clothes that feel like loungeware, but look sensible outside. Cut is a huge deal, once I descovered kibbe, I did a capsule wardrobe mini-audit and made myself some 'uniforms'. That saves a lot of stress and time. That pinterest technique yoy shared is worth the effort!
Maybe for you. My identity and how I carry myself doesn’t change.
@@magnarcreed3801 If I were you I would take a second to reflect on that. I have yet to meet a person for whom that is true. Your first impression is non-verbal so the clothes you wear absolutely say something and how you interact with what they say will be different. No one is saying you have to be a completely different person in each outfit but they will definitely bring out different parts of you
@@laurenc8387
Hahaha not really. I walk, hold myself and talk the same way I would in a dress, suit, jeans, skirt, etc.
It’s fabric. Who I am as a person is stronger than fiber.
I never commented on how others perceive my clothes though. Don’t care.
@@magnarcreed3801
@@magnarcreed3801If your jeans and shirt are an outfit you like/fit the way you like/feel the way you like, of course you’re going to have the same level of confidence you do in a suit. The argument isn’t about feeling the same you do a suit as you do jeans.
When I was in my twenties I read “Color Me Beautiful “ which helped me immensely in creating a wardrobe that suited me. It saved me a lot of time and money in that I no longer felt pressured to wear colors that were fashionable but looked horrible on me. I buy my basics( pants, skirts, dresses) in navy, black or grey. I use my blouses, sweaters and tops to introduce color. I can mix and match most anything in my wardrobe. The most difficult adjustment I have had to make is that now that I’m retired, I don’t need my beautiful suits anymore. It’s time to give them away.
Remember the book too & it's still applicable ! As a boomer , growing up our capsule wardrobe was called " coordinates " ! Most everyone had mix 'n match items , a group for each season , plus a few items ready for a special occasion such as a wedding / funeral , etc.
From that book I can scout a store in about 30 seconds by colour. Don't even look at styles.
I felt this for so long! I faced up to some truths and also looked back to fleeting moments where I got it right. For me, as a 35 year old, some of my truths were: I am no longer willing to wear heels, I have never enjoyed wearing trainers, stop buying the size you think you should be, you don’t have to wear make up.
My main inspiration I draw on now is the mindset I had when I was a teenager. I loved rock and alternative, but felt uncomfortable wearing any logos. So I had my straight fit, mid blue jeans and a selection of black jersey T-shirts and tops in different cuts and a couple of chunky knit longline coatigans. It was a uniform, but I always felt comfy and well presented.
I now wear navy instead of the black, switched the converse for some Boston Birkenstocks and have a couple of heavy cotton/flannel shirts instead of the coatigans. It has felt like coming home.
This! I will no longer wear uncomfortable underwear, or in any way suffer just to wear cute clothes.
This. 100%
I’ve been buying clothes for the life I had 20 years ago. I’m 61 and work from home now.
You’re not alone in your dis functional wardrobe choices.😊
I love bright colors, wide legged jeans(the bigger the bell bottom the better!), and the 1950s full circle (or more!) swing dresses and skirts. Unfortunately a lot of what I love is only really sold from fast fashion or Uber expensive (the dresses). So I learned how to make my own clothes! I feel so proud and happy in my handmade wardrobe. Especially since I give giant pockets to all my clothes!
I’m quite short so I have to alter my bought dresses to fit, however the I’m hanging on to the large pieces cut from the hem and I’m tempted to make ‘pockets’ !
I have adhd and I can hardly watch videos over 3 minutes but i found myself compelled throughout this whole talk. Thanks and good job.
a big part in overcoming my eating disorder was throwing out most of my clothes and buying things that were actually my size. it was liberating in a way i never imagined!!
Maybe try first to find your own style? Try thrifting, so you can experiment a bit without losing a lot of money.
Find out your body type and what flatters you most(if you care about it).
Knowing your colour palette is also very helpful.
One of my favorite games is going to a thrift store and putting together an outfit!! And then you hang it up in the closet all together and BANG ready to go for when you need it. It's great to play dress up there bc there's such a variation in styles.
Exactly
I am currently in the process of getting rid of at least half my wardrobe (I have a ton of clothes). I used to work in an office and it had to be business casual. I bought clothes I loved to match that requirement however I now work from home and only go into the office 2-3 times a year. While I am sad to get rid of clothes (and shoes, oh the heels) I love I know that time period in my life has passed. I am giving them all to a single mom who needs them and will use them
I also had many attractive, business appropriate or just plain pretty clothes that I felt confident and attractive in.
I retired 3 years ago and just recently opened the bins I stored them in. I felt very happy to donate them to a resale shop that sponsors and helps dress a local women’s shelter.
Thanks for addressing that moving around a lot can make a person lose their way when it comes to style. I went to five different schools and they all had different social ‘rules’ around what was acceptable to wear and what would get you teased. In my thirties now and still struggling to dress ‘for myself’ because I’m so used to absorbing whatever the culture around me thought was cool 🙃 it’s exhausting, and I’ve tried to fix it with style systems like Kibbe or colour theory but it just feels like more rules that come from someone outside me.
I’m trying to heal my relationship with femininity. My boss of ten years often makes stupid misogynistic comments and over time I started dressing more masculine to try to avoid those comments. I never felt happy in those more masculine clothes. But i realized this happened and now I’m trying to dress however I want and just let the comments roll off my back like water off a duck lol
This is so funny. You had a boss that made woman-hating comments and you (misguidedly?) tried to avoid that by being less feminine. And now you act like femininity was ever the problem and the solution is to make yourself ornamental instead of functional because you like being that way. Well, if only you put half the thought into WHY you want to perform femininity that you put into thinking about WHY you started dressing in a more masculine way. After being inundated with the norm of women dressing more ornamentally instead of functionally your entire life, OF COURSE you want to dress in a feminine way. But you don't analyze that. Astounding.
"healing your relationship with femininity".... I couldn't make up such a joke if I tried!
Maybe its time to start making the remarks back❤
Report him.
I worked in a male dominated industry and it doesn’t seem to matter what you wear, they can still find a disgusting remark regardless.
I was raised by a father like this. But add in an unhealthy dose of moralized frugality. Which meant I was dressed in my older brother’s hand me downs until it was literally impossible because … puberty. After that everything “new” had to be found at the thrift store and an acceptable level of androgynous/casual to be allowed to leave the house/avoid being mocked. And this was not because we were poor or religious, it was because my Dad likes to impose his world view on others. The thing is, I have a womanly body and I love fashion. It took me a long time to get to the point where I don’t feel guilty about that.
How we dress is very entwined with identity. If we can’t portray ourselves to the world in line with how we feel, then we are literally stifling ourselves. I had no idea how much happier and more embodied I would become once I went to college. And it can’t be denied that we attract people in to our lives based on how we present ourselves to the world as well.
The biggest thing I’ve learned is that it just feels so much better to get to dress like myself and not be hassled for it. I am over 30 and I still carefully pick out what I will wear whenever I visit my parents because I just don’t want to deal with any comments. It’s mentally taxing and not worth it. It’s not my job to change their outlook and no brownie points will be awarded for trying. I just keep the visits limited, which is key. Because having to field judgmental comments while pretending that it doesn’t phase you takes a lot of mental effort. At least for me it does. Not to mention the fact that surviving in environments like this usually entails other forms of self-policing (like constantly monitoring your mannerisms, the tone of your voice or the vocabulary you use, the way you walk, etc).
So, if you’re able, maybe think about working towards a new job. You deserve to be accepted for who you are at work. Or at the very least, not be hassled. That is literally workplace harassment/bullying. After 10 years of this boss you might be surprised how different life could be elsewhere. No judgment if you can’t make changes right now, but at least know you deserve better.
On the one hand, few people try in influence women in their mid-50’s like me (we just get ads for grandma-boob bras). On the other hand, I still work and am up in front of audiences a lot, so I need a style that suits my age/body/job. The corporate gear I wore for 20 years is just not working any longer, but neither do old-lady pastels and denim, so I totally get the “I don’t feel right in what society says I should wear.”
It has taken me several years to find two stores (Tibi and COS) that make reasonably-priced clothes that are stylish, comfortable, durable, and distinct. In their clothes, I feel better than I have in years! Clothes ABSOLUTELY can have an impact on mood, self-confidence, etc.
When I was in high school (late ‘60s/early’70s), we had health class on days we didn’t have gym. We learned about the various body shapes and which styles and cuts looked best for those shapes. We also learned how to apply makeup with purpose and according to individual features. All of this came in handy when I entered the grownup working world. Oh, one more thing, we were also taught the difference between classic and trending, although the teacher didn’t insist that one was necessarily better than the other.
Nothing you said in this video, sounds crazy, or dramatic, or weird to me. I have had this realization about five years ago. I am still working on putting together my capsule wardrobe though, since my style turned out to be quite excentric (it's mostly history bounding, with some cottagecore and fantasy elements). People often tell me, that they wish, they had the confidence to wear such fabulous styles themselves. But it really is the other way around. I don't need confidence to go outside in my clothes. My clothes give me the confidence to go outside and interact with the world.
Those last sentences hit deep. I needed to hear that, thank you
This happened to me. I watched so many RUclipsrs who influenced my style. I look at my clothes like they’re nice but they’re not ‘me’
my identity all through school and my first few years of work was heavily tied to my wardrobe and I felt very secure in my self-image. then the pandemic hit and I started (and have not stopped) working from home. now, even with the world "back to normal," because I rarely have to go to the office and I'm in a newish city where I don't have too many friends (i.e., I'm not going out at night), I wear mostly loungewear that suits the WFH mullet (professional on top, comfy on the bottom) and the rest of my wardrobe has been left behind. I both love the comfort and HATE that I don't really have a space to express myself through my clothes anymore because I really enjoyed it... So I'm in a weird stasis right now of redefining what "comfort" means to me and how I want to that to translate to my everyday self.
I feel this! Prior to the pandemic, I was traveling for work constantly, working on site, and clothing was super important. I was also partying in clubs and out dating. Fast forward: I met my partner during a lockdown and we both work from home. I miss feeling sexy and fancy, but I do not miss the getting ready time and rashes from makeup. I mostly wear leggings on the bottom and tops oriented to look best on camera. Even the idea of choosing clothes for their camera-worthiness and not real life look is a whole experience.
This was honestly so helpful. I can’t understate what you have put forward here. I have always bought clothes to fit a lifestyle that I thought I wanted and needed, only to realize that the lifestyle I actually have is completely different. I have a closet full of things that are beautiful, but simply not me. It has been quite the process to realize that and this solidified what I need to do next. Thank you so much for sharing this! ❤️
Lost a lot of independence this past year... I'm now starting to see a connection as to why I've been super obsessive with clothing lately. Thanks for the insightful video. Absolutely loved it
I'm a full-time art model for art schools (the person that stands still for hours while people draw/paint/sculpt me), and most of the time I'm nude for work. It allows me to really think of what feels good to wear when I'm not working, because I only get to wear clothes when I'm not working. It's liberating to not have to consider what outfit I'm going to wear for work most days, and pushes me to only have items in my wardrobe that I actually wanna wear and enjoy (shout out to Marie Kondo), because my time in clothes has become precious.
I only started finding my style within the last year and a half. Started thrifting and just wearing things i like, not following a specific aesthetic or trend. Sometimes I'm street style, sometimes I'm y2k, sometimes I'm 90s grunge and sometimes I'm dark academia. It just depends on my mood, the weather, and whatever feels good that day.
I also moved around and changed climates quite a lot (Geneva to Iowa, to central Texas, to central Georgia, to the North-East). But that never affected my central style. I rebalanced my wardrobe in terms of outerwear, boots, sweaters, sandals, and summer wear, but always within my style.
Being in the middle of doing this myself, one thing about the inspiration part of this is to look at people with your body type wearing what you like to wear! Beauty truly exists at all sizes. Ask yourself "is this person fashionable, or are they just skinny?" bc a lot of models are itty bitty but you can't tell in photos. There are A LOT of average sizes folks who rock their styles and look incredible doing it! It'll help you get to a place where you can see yourself wearing what you like, which is a barrier to style/fashion that a lot of people (myself included!) have.
100% agree with you, I feel at my best when my clothes fit me well and I like what I wear !
Go to a stylist or image consultant. I go to one every 5 years. My body type has changed over the decades and I find them invaluable for making sure I'm wearing the clothes and they are not wearing me.
I had to adjust my wardrobe based on job transitioning, and who I surround myself with. It's unfortunate that I started as a confident young person, very alternative and goth out loud, but after so much harassment and job hopping, I toned it down to basics. But I'm glad my new job allows more room to be expressive and stylish but I have to maintain comfort. This year I'm dedicating more time in my closet and getting back into my studded boots and favorable trousers. Keeping it work friendly of course, but still fun!
Just wanted to say that you have a great personality!✨
I'm glad this showed up in my recommendations! Since the pandemic started and I got on new meds, I've gained enough weight that nothing in my closet really fits me anymore (except the knit things thankfully) and I need to clear it out and buy myself some new basics. This has given me a good idea on how to start. Thank you!
Wow! Katie you hit the nail on the head- talking about what nobody knows and hasn’t got a clue. Wow!
I love the video editing style here. It’s so different from the usual smoothed off style a lot of influencers go with. That background music feels dated, but in a really charming way, like the kind of thing someone really puts on in the background instead of just being popular. Like it was selected out of an appreciation for the music rather than from a library of editing music.
It’s so cool, reminds me of this band music artist/video essayist that looks at 1980s-2000s anime and gaming stuff that makes some comfy videos. Very kino ❤
It’s a tiny tad too loud though…
I feel like i have a weird forum of body dysmorphia. I always think i look good and then i catch sight of my self in a mirror...and an completely shocked by just how bad I look 😂 my hair will be standing up, my pant sagging and i willhave spilled something on my shirt. What is that all about?
Kristie we must be sisters 😂😂
Same here
Same 😂😂😂
Same here!
I feel this
I find buying clothes so exhausting! This is definitely helpful. I just want to be comfortable and not have too much in my closet as I don't have the space for it!
Glad it was helpful! I get the exhaustion 😮💨
I finally found my groove after years of wasting tons of money.... I live in the panhandle of fl. It is super hot and humid most of the year.... So my wardrobe had to jibe with weather first... I will NOT wear shorts or short dresses i love to hide my blue legs.... (Yes so white they blue)so as a lover of layering kimonos where the perfect answer and paired with a flowy maxi or flowy wide leg pants was my jam.... Iv been collecting kimonos for years now (im up to 82).... And im a happy dresser!!!!
This is one of the best fashion videos on the world wide internet that will ever be made! 💐thank you! Best regards
🥀 Miss. Lilly🥀
Wow, thank you! I hope it helped! 😊
I felt that when I gained weight, I have never had that when my weight was in the normal. Confident comes with looking good healthy body.
Same! When I gained weight I felt like I was in someone else’s body.
I'm pondering what effect it had on developing my own sense of style to not have a whole lot of clothing autonomy while growing up due to family finances and 'religious' constraints. Whenever I try to think about what MY style is, I feel like I run into a brick wall, so I default to t-shirts. (This is also why I have no idea what my preferred style of music might be.) Recently I fell a bit into the rabbit hole of 'women over 50/over a certain size should wear THIS' (or NOT wear). I started to take that to heart, but I was also taking up sewing again at the time and realized that the things I 'shouldn't' wear were all the things that I most wanted to sew. So I'm back to square one, ditching the idea that there is some moral law that says I have to wear blazers and things with belts and nothing flowy. So now I'm focusing on honing in on what makes me happy and ignoring the rules. After all, I don't owe it to the world to 'appear smaller' by what I wear any more than I owed it to the world to 'appear modest.' Anyway, maybe the time I am 60 I will finally have a well developed sense of style that is uniquely MINE. (It will include zero ruffles. That is the one thing I know for absolute certain about my style.)
I enjoyed this video very much, so many people haven't realized how much what we wear can affect us. Hannah Louise Poston has done a couple of videos of this nature if anyone is looking for more.
I'd really like to see someone cover when and how to let go of the clothing that we love and feel good in, but no longer fit our lifestyle. As an example, I have several midweight cardigan sweaters that I wore when my children were in school, I wore them to meetings and at other times when I needed to appear less casual. I invested both time and money in my little cardigan wardrobe, and I still like them. My kids are out of school, I rarely have a situation in which I'd wear such a sweater, but am having real trouble letting go of them. I have some ideas as to why this is proving to be troublesome for me, however I'd love to find out if I'm on track with why, and then please help me let go.
I’m thinking about clothes constantly. There’s so much to think about! The budget, ethics (which is in collision with the former), and of course our eve changing bodies that are an insecurity all by themselves… I was thinking about what to wear to work - I have to be very comfy and casual because of the nature of my work but I really want to wear flowy dresses and super elegant things which would be impractical and weird…
I understand what you mean at 6:30. I’m from Atlanta too, and we fairly recently moved to New Mexico. The style is VERY different. In Atlanta, you got a mixture of people, but (at least in the areas I was familiar with) most people put in effort with a certain style. Here in NM, everyone wears shirts, leggings, or jeans. Throw in some cowboy boots every once in a while. To say the least, I always felt overdressed. I stood out like a sore thumb. Whenever I’d meet a new person, they would ask where I’m from without me even speaking 😂🫠
EXACTLY! 😂
Hi, thank you. Your video is very helpful. I have one request or comment about the background music. It is an additional cognitive load. It's difficult for people like me on the spectrum, and I appreciate when youtubers use a little bit of music when they are not talking, and then *don't* talk over music when they are talking. So I hope that makes sense and you don't feel criticized or anything, I just wanted to let you know that the wall to wall music for me is not the best. 😊
? Have you found your personal style or have you found the "required uniform"? Black, white, beige, camel, gray colors and conservative tailored look is not at all original - it is a formula. Almost all my WORK clothes come from Talbots - which I suggest you take a look at. I wear the classic " business casual" to work - I do like the clothes i am wearing but I would not say it is a reflection of my personal style and not really what I wear on my own time. p.s. I would put a white dress shirt with cuffs under that flower vest and add a knee length black wool skirt and black leather flats or knee high boots. 👠
Long, I didn't have to think about clothing, but then I got into a job where I didn't have to wear a uniform anymore. I delved into the topic of clothing and started buying pieces that are timeless and easy to mix and match, suitable for my body type... I hated it. It felt like all were bad purchases. Eventually, I noticed that many of my male colleagues were very casually dressed, often not suitable for the occasion. That's when I decided to only wear things that I like, even if they are eccentric. The more unique a top is, the better. And buying secondhand helps to afford designer pieces. Additionally, I have a mini wardrobe with 4 outfits that I rotate every 2/3 months, which also greatly helps with decision-making in the morning. If in doubt, go for what's clean :D
As a taller woman, I never fit into the crowd and dress for my mental health, too. When I was working, I'd check the weather report then set out clothes the night before. I still plan my outfit based on weather, purpose of the day and flexibility .
Wait I love this. I was born in the ATL-ish suburbs and so it already was relatable from the start. I also have changed my style sooo many times. Trying everything and not finding the best fit. Im in school for social work and I have had many of these same thoughts about life, mental health, and how clothing impacts that. I just subscribed because this was super relatable and real. Thanks for sharing
So glad you found it helpful! Good luck in your schooling. It's definitely worth it! 😊
Loved this video and love your spot on bullshit radar! 😂 I’m just getting started with a capsule wardrobe. Got my colors done and I know my body type. Now all I need to do is diving deeper into what my style really is and what type of clothes I like to wear most. No more fantasy self shopping for me. No more impuls buys or shopping while in a rush. I’m going much slower now ❤
I really appreciate the action steps at the end. I see a lot of videos like this talking about the problems, but thank you for also giving solutions! ❤
Loving this video! Thankyou! I have moved back and forth in all of the different climates there is across 12 towns/cities/states/countries over the past 30 years and am so grateful that you mentioned this in and how it impacts our wardrobe. I haven't dramatically changed my personal style but a little cotton Summer dress that I wore in the Northern Tropics of Australia can't be worn in a cooler summer region and definitely not in a Canadian Winter so one needs to adjust. Plus have had three babies in that time and weight fluctuation and body shape changes means that the winter clothes I kept didn't fit me when we moved back to a cold climates after 5 years or having a baby, so I feel like I have spent so much money on clothes over the years that normally one wouldn't have to. Also, love your Lab Coat diagrams, lol. In Australia, we have school uniforms and I think that makes a big difference for schooling and being dressed as a student! France is actually experimenting with bringing school uniforms back to public schools which is great I think.
This right here is so incredibly helpful. I’m in my mid thirties and like you said I always had a vision for what I would wear at this age but realizing that ideal style is just not me. I still want to look cute but I also want to be comfortable and buy clothes that last years not just one season. This entire process is great advice!
💛De. Influenced. So important in finding / maintaining style
It happened to me first in home decor …
Then I had to go through this with fashion …
Slow learner here 🐌 😅
I have 2 pairs of sequin pants and I've worn them both about 50 times. I love them. Just make sure you wash them sparingly, preferably by hand and in bag to catch micro plastics.
i like closet cleanouts to manage the feeling of "this doesn't feel like me anymore". the problem is maintaining that smaller closet. i personally am the worst example for this bc i have a legit shopping addiction but *cognitively* i know that when i own less, i'm less stressed about finding "the right outfit"
I laughed out loud at ‘I look like Tim Allen from Santa Clause’ 🤣🤣🤣
I have kind of a different view than most on clothing - minimalism ain’t it when you have to wear specific clothes for work that don’t necessarily mesh with your personal style. My clothing collection consists of 3 definitive categories, work, casual/ everyday, and FULL GLAM DRAG QUEEN!!! For work, I must wear suits, that’s 1. Then my own casual everyday is broken into two subsections; ultra casual (t shirts and looser leggings), or confident casual (cute crop tops and high waisted flattering leggings or skater skirts that flare out (very flattering on my body type.) Then my full glam is like crazy tights, dresses, skirts, accessories (it’s so fun, sometimes I’ll just dress up in a crazy outfit for no reason haha!!!) I live in a hot climate but have a full suite of winter attire because we often travel and I just love winter layers!! Clothes can be so much fun!
I am myself strongly influenced by what I wear, having to wear dress-code at work makes me suffer. Very cold or very hot weather also make it impossible for me o dress for mood boost because I am sensitive to temperature and comfort, therefore I prioritize that. But I cannot wait for early spring to be able to dress up more freely. It feels great to know that lots of people have the same/similar problem
Everyone goes through this!! One thing I’ve always done throughout the years is ask myself “ what vibe or mood do I want to represent today?” I don’t follow one trend or genre. I like to mix vibes to create a symphony. That being said, I am very selective of the clothes I buy. If I don’t like the way it looks on me, I move on. And yes, fit is important. You can tack it or even using safety pins if you don’t know how to sew.
I went from Disney princess child to frumpy teen to classic monster style to Disney adult to Disney adult mixed with witchy to full Disney princess. And yes I am 30 and I do wear my princess dresses to the grocery store
I want to see all your outfits!
When you were talking about what viewers were thinking of you making this video, I thought, "Cait, be yourself! No one is more qualified for the job." Instead of focusing on what other people think of what you wear, choose clothes that make you feel good about yourself.
After marrying later in life, changing countries, life on a farm vs a job with title/dress code and then going grey and thru menopause…. the last 5-10 years have been turbulent and I have lost a sense of style/myself. So funny that this showed up in my video feed & kept showing up and today I had a listen and wow… spot on. Definitely re-thinking things and looking for congruence. And how to dress on a farm & yet also feel myself and somewhat put together. And the idea of clothes having meaning and what they say about us… there is something there that I need to ponder a bit more. But VERY interesting video! Thank you ❤️
I have been plagued by weight issues over my lifetime and almost never felt good in any clothes, until I gave up and wear black t-shirts and black pants. Do I like these things? NO, but it takes away any effort or judgement. I get up, dress and leave. the end. Oh, being fat sucks! Just turned 70 so you can see how long I have been uncomfortable.
I completely relate to the feeling of one's skin melting off in central Georgia weather (or other hot places). I did 10 years in that kind of climate. That time of year, it was hard. I love clothes so I wanted the freedom to play with my outfits, but on the flip side, if there had not been decency laws, I would absolutely have given up on the idea of putting on clothes entirely.
I bet your channel will blow up soon - you add so much value 🧡
Peewee Herman looked great and so stylish, wdym????
I just randomly found this video and it is really speaking to me. Nice to meet you, Caity!!! Subscribed!
Cait, you just got yourself a new subscriber! I hope this video reaches more people
Thank you! 😁
Really liked this video!!
dressing for a city is not really a thing. If you have your personal style you can build a wardrobe for cold and warm weather. You've been shopping what social media shows you, what you think you should look like to "match" a city vibe with zero regards to your body type... of course you hate all your stuff. Find what YOU like and then go from there. Buy better quality clothes in natural fibers. If you are a blazer girl, wear blazers. There are unlimited style variations in blazers. If you love tailored trousers there is a cut and style for everyone. If you prefer jeans, same applies. You can absolutely dress for your job while still dressing like yourself.
Interesting video…clothes really do control how I’m feeling that day. 😊
Save money by purchasing clothes in your (color analysis) palette. You may look better & feel more confident. 🌈
Where my wardrobe is concerned I get quite bad OCD and body dismorphia also I get a mental disturbance which is where I imagine I look like a seventy year old crack wh#@e but also an overgrown twelve year old sometimes. So I now have outfit formulas all written down in my IPhone notes section where every single item I own is paired with what it goes best with including shoes, socks and jacket etc. I also take photos to check it looks right. Then when I am selecting an outfit I look at the list. It’s saved my mental health and I always feel comfortable and happy in what I’m wearing. I also realised a couple things awhile back probably with the help of videos like these. 1. All of my clothing items have to be me. 2. Don’t buy clothes for a life I don’t have 3. The most important items are the things you wear everyday.
The idea of outfits for work, versus outfits for going grocery shopping, versus outfits to go pick up the kids, versus outfits to do chores around the house versus outfits to go take a walk is a modern idea, that does not serve anyone. I use the post WWII method (when there was scarcety). I tailor a wardrobe of comfortable clothes in styles that suit me. I aim it at being work appropriate. I prioritize pieces that are easy to maintain and that I can wear for extended amounts of time. I feel good and I look put together in those clothes even while doing every day activities. Then those are the clothes I wear to work, to the grocery store, and around the house. With some adaptations. If I go for a walk, I put on appropriate shoes. If I am cooking, I wear an apron. The reason this was the method in scarce times is that it necessitates only one set of clothing. In more affluent times, the benefit is that there is less decision fatigue, and time saved changing multiple times a day. During the pandemic shut downs, it worked wonders, as it kept a measure of normality in my life (I never changed how I dressed). I maintained the joy of curating outfits and feeling good in them. The only thing is, I fell out of the habit of wearing outdoor shoes (did not want to damage my floors) and that took a bit to get used to again.
I appreciate the video but you are good enough to leave the music out. It detracts from your message
I like your content but the background music is so distracting, I prefer to just hear your voice.
this was such a good video! and you are spot on with the whole “deinfluenced” feeling after figuring out your style. i buy so much less. i used to have giant thrift hauls every time i went, now im lucky if i find one piece! it’s a great feeling :)
I don’t even know what my style is. If you look in my closet, I’m a lumberjack lol. 😂
good info but that background music was too loud and annoying
I keep my wardrobe very simple. I have a couple of pairs of jeans and a couple of pairs of khakis in taupe colors because that is my neutral color for the most part. I have a few neutral cardigans, taupe off white and gray. An outfit for going out at night that is mostly navy. Shoes for different occasions (mostly taupe) and then I sprinkle the drab wardrobe with multi colors of good quality t-shirts that are my signature look. Long sleeves and short, you will always see that I am wearing a bright t-shirt. I also wear bright nail polish if the season calls for it.
I forgot to mention coats. I have a few for the seasons. All high quality and neutral as everything in my small wardrobe is. Small except for the rainbow of t-shirts that is.
I am LOVING this video so far. I just found you. I think a microphone could go a long way in elevating your already beautiful films ❤️
I’m happy as a petite 18 to find something that fits my body not just my lifestyle - that’s NOT polyester and the hem isn’t too long. Now, it’s almost impossible to find a pair of pants in my size that’s not “cropped”
Ugh polyester. The bane of my plus size figure. We have the same problem at the other end. 6 feet tall and I can never find clothes that fit right. I feel you ❤
I think the clothes you showed off do look good on you, but I totally get the feeling of not feeling yourself in them. I too have some clothing items that my husband and family members say I look good in, but I don't like what I see at all. So I am currently at a stage at which I remove everything that does not suit me at all, while keeping the things that suit me but that I don't like. In the next step, these things will be replaced by something that suits me AND that I like.
It also helps to find your color season and body type
My style these days (I'm 40) is black leggings, a long cardigan usually black, and a fun scarf with boots. I feel good in it and I can choose different accessories to change it up. I'm also always a fan of the boho cardigan/kimono. I never follow trends because they usually don't look good on me but I also don't even know what 40 year olds are supposed to be wearing in terms of fashion lol
Great video and you are really engaging. I would love a printable for your approach. I’m one of those despise shopping people so my wardrobe is in desperate shape. I’ve always preferred a classic look but find it so hard to get good quality classics anymore - thus the reason I just dread shopping.
The plaid suit and sneakers sounds really cute. Im 66 and Id wear it....
RIGHT?! 😉😊
Your video was recommended to me today and I really enjoyed it. Thanks for the thoughtful content, looking forward to going through more of your videos! ❤
New suscriber! Keep doing this u are amazing!
Man I struggle so much because I love things that could be described as "winter chic" and "mum chic". I love turtlenecks, knits, layering, scarves, long sleeves, etc.
Just one problem... I live in the tropics 😭
9:32 made me laugh. 😂 So true and so funny.
I really wanted to watch this, but your background music is quite loud - I have ADHD and it is too distracting for me.
I don't have ADHD, but struggle to hear her through the annoying music.
I don't have Adhd either but the music made it very difficoult to focus for me too!
I have adhd and I didn't even notice there was background music until I read this comment.
@@MeridaEllaSinnottDBurtram Everyone is different.
I have adhd and i played a game on my phone at the same time to tune out music and got most of the message 😊
I don’t hate my wardrobe but there aren’t a whole lot of pieces in it that I really love either. It’s kind of just functional. My problem is that what I actually DO love is always either crazy expensive or doesn’t exist in my size. I rarely buy new pieces, and what I do buy often just comes from Walmart because that’s what fits my budget. I work from home and almost never go anywhere so I end up just wearing the same two or three things in rotation. If it’s comfy then it’ll do.
What I’d dress like if I didn’t have the obstacles of price and sizing in my way: earthy, flowy, faerie style tops or dresses. Lots of nature themed patterns or accents. Silky or sparkly colorful fabrics layered with muted earth tones. And big chunky necklaces to tie it all together. One can dream I suppose.
Hey, I'm in Asheville.....know what you mean about 'hippy, boho' style! You got me thinking and I 'm not satisfied with my wardrobe, either; going to be making some changes!
We dress like the people around us so we fit in as a survival mechanism. I can relate - I moved a lot and grew up in a religion where clothing is policed and you have to cover up your shoulders, belly and legs to knees , it makes it hard to shop for clothes when your underwear are covering too. I hate a lot of my clothes , but the ones I love aren't considered "normal" or " professional ". How do we find ourselves in clothes we like but not stand out like a sore thumb?
My style is black leggings and an anime tshirt😅 sahm
Idkl what happened but i traded my alternative gothic look for "basic" clothes or clubbing clothes that I was never comfortable in even with all the affirmations and hype my friends gave me. I just recently admitted to myself that I'm the most comfortable in black and white, alt gothic, and vintage look that makes me look like a (tatted up) conservative aunt going to church.
Your 3 Style Words -
Powerful, Effortless, Put together.
(Mine are - Confident, Visible and Engaging.)
Do you achieve this through the use of colour, silhouette, accessories?
What items are comfortable and fit your daily activities and meet your style words?
This is how I constructed a curated wardrobe over a number of seasons with the input of a number of content creators playing their part.
I’ve learned, over the years, that just because I like the way something looks on somebody else doesn’t mean I’m going to be comfortable wearing it myself. When I was younger, I bought way too many things I thought were pretty on other people, only to discover I felt beyond awkward in them myself. It wasn’t that they were unflattering, they just weren’t *me* at all. I was so uncomfortable my self-confidence was in the toilet.
It didn't help that I constantly had well-meaning but highly annoying people trying to encourage me to dress in a feminine manner. I’m just…not a feminine person. I never have been. Not only is ‘looking cute’ not a priority for me, it’s something I actively avoid, and too many female family members just could not grasp that, let alone respect it.
Now, in my 40s, I dress how I want. I’m a big fan of jeans and flannel, as well as leggings and oversized shirts - T-shirts, sweaters, doesn’t matter. When I’m comfortable with what I’m wearing, my self-confidence improves enormously, even though what I’m wearing isn’t within screaming distance of what’s currently fashionable. My grandmother and aunts still don't get it, but they’ve given up trying to get me to change.
Very well made video