same here!!! its both a beautiful, magical, eye opening experience... and also a struggle learning their unique version of autism... one well worth the work tho!!!! best person I've ever met in my life!!!
Can’t say for all autistic people, but for myself the are two ways of feeling loved: 1)acceptance and appreciation of my ways to show feelings and 2)small gestures (not big, as those feel too overwhelming). Several examples: 1) my way to show love is spending time together, no matter where and doing what. So if a person excepts me spending my time near them once in a while (once-twice a week/two weeks, or other exactly described timeframe), even if during that time we do nothing more than just look at one another from time to time, I feel myself loved. Or listening to me infodumping about my special interest (by the way there is no need to remember all the details, it’s enough to just understand the dynamics and the direction, cause that’s the main reason I try to share those) 2) I like flowers, but giving me a bouquet of colorful flowers will be overwhelming. Instead it would better be one to several relatably small field flowers (camomile, forget-me-not, or other usual but not often seen in the area), presented somewhat in a way „I was out for a walk, saw this nice one and thought that you may like it”. Or from time to time making me tea in the exact way (every day would be too often and overwhelming, but once in a while or when I’m tired/disregulated sounds great)
@@purityradebe4082 Have you considered changing the way you say those words? Speaking for my autistic self, I wouldn’t be able to understand and believe it, if those were said too broadly and out of nothing, cause the word itself is too big and overwhelming. When I think of how I prefer saying those, it comes to saying it somewhat „by the way” with a rising level of „emotional strength” over the time. Beginning from subtle forms of „you’re so nice”, „I like … trait of yours”, then some time later „I think I like you”, then not long after „I like you very much”. Over time those passing to „I think I’m beginning to love you” and in the end „I love you”. The idea is that by the time you confess your love the person is ready to accept and understand, as they have logically visible dynamics and reasons. From emotional point of view, if I was unexpectedly told „I love you”, my internal reaction would be „What have I done?”, „What for?”, „Is that a joke?”. But if I saw that coming and knew the exact traits that I’m liked for, especially those which I like about myself, then by the time I heard those words, I would have all the answers and ability to put those pieces together to believe.
No one gave me understanding when I unknowingly married someone on the spectrum. It was hell! You get NOTHING emotionally back. Just one basic example... while slow-dancing, all other couples would be warmly holding each other...he would be looking up at the ceiling. If I tried to get a hug, he would immediately think SEX. Being a tactile person it was awful. I had to leave after 20 years. After going back to university, and getting an MSW, I recognised why he was that way. We dump on narcissists, but give autistic persons a pass. Both have issues beyond their control.
The guy I’m in love with - we’d be on the verge of sex and he would just shut down. I wish I could figure out why. I mean fully ready to go (stimulated just fine lol) and just would dead stop before sex and want all activities to cease. It’s like he has anxiety. I don’t know how to help him. He’s one of the most anxious and paranoid people I’ve ever met.
This seems better suited for a therapist to ask. Idk if its necessarily a good thing to publicly announce someone else's sexual dysfunctions and anxieties
This might be better suited for a therapist. Idk if its a great idea to openly discuss someone else's sexual dysfunctions and anxieties. It feels like you're exposing him against his will and it feels inappropriate.
Hope ur recovering n feeling better Thomas? I'm learning 2 appreciate technology more know I can come here 2listen n get my thotty auti fix :) I also use 2b awesome at deep tissue massages~ I had the strong hands from my training/teaching/caring for horses days... hope u got a massage 2 help u feel better? I look 4ward 2 when I get to discover/explore/learn about what rocks/works in my auti's world...disappointed 2 learn he's not fan of cats as I adore them...I equate a lot of my feminine mystique/ behavior/traits thru living with them...cats were guard animals used by Egyptians b4 dogs, an unpredictable animal r the best deterrent/protectors in my world ~ n I live with pitties now eh!?!!11:59Pm9/24/2023
no one can make anyone else happy. that is (if at all) solely in latters' control. admittedly, I've got zero tolerance allergy against this potentially manipulative emotionalist [..] nonsense, and seeing it proliferated.
It's what you interpret from it. Your partner likes chocolats? You give them chocolats... then they ´ll feel a bit happy. The feeling comes from them. So no you cannot make that "big happy, as in heavenly happy" for someone, but you can make them feel better with themselves. And that's the base of a relationship, making sure you help as much as is healthy so that you both get more and more happy and in peace.
Thank you for this. I have an autistic partner and I can never get enough insight into how to show love to them.
same here!!! its both a beautiful, magical, eye opening experience... and also a struggle learning their unique version of autism... one well worth the work tho!!!! best person I've ever met in my life!!!
Do they believe if u tell them that you love them? I sometimes feel like he doesn't take it at all..
Can’t say for all autistic people, but for myself the are two ways of feeling loved: 1)acceptance and appreciation of my ways to show feelings and 2)small gestures (not big, as those feel too overwhelming). Several examples:
1) my way to show love is spending time together, no matter where and doing what. So if a person excepts me spending my time near them once in a while (once-twice a week/two weeks, or other exactly described timeframe), even if during that time we do nothing more than just look at one another from time to time, I feel myself loved.
Or listening to me infodumping about my special interest (by the way there is no need to remember all the details, it’s enough to just understand the dynamics and the direction, cause that’s the main reason I try to share those)
2) I like flowers, but giving me a bouquet of colorful flowers will be overwhelming. Instead it would better be one to several relatably small field flowers (camomile, forget-me-not, or other usual but not often seen in the area), presented somewhat in a way „I was out for a walk, saw this nice one and thought that you may like it”.
Or from time to time making me tea in the exact way (every day would be too often and overwhelming, but once in a while or when I’m tired/disregulated sounds great)
@@purityradebe4082 Have you considered changing the way you say those words? Speaking for my autistic self, I wouldn’t be able to understand and believe it, if those were said too broadly and out of nothing, cause the word itself is too big and overwhelming. When I think of how I prefer saying those, it comes to saying it somewhat „by the way” with a rising level of „emotional strength” over the time. Beginning from subtle forms of „you’re so nice”, „I like … trait of yours”, then some time later „I think I like you”, then not long after „I like you very much”. Over time those passing to „I think I’m beginning to love you” and in the end „I love you”. The idea is that by the time you confess your love the person is ready to accept and understand, as they have logically visible dynamics and reasons.
From emotional point of view, if I was unexpectedly told „I love you”, my internal reaction would be „What have I done?”, „What for?”, „Is that a joke?”. But if I saw that coming and knew the exact traits that I’m liked for, especially those which I like about myself, then by the time I heard those words, I would have all the answers and ability to put those pieces together to believe.
I love it when you talk from a grounded space isntead of a commercial rah rah rah space dont fall for that NT trap please
I’m so excited for this series!
Thank you, Thomas, great video as always. You really help me in my relationship with my wonderful ASD partner.
No one gave me understanding when I unknowingly married someone on the spectrum. It was hell! You get NOTHING emotionally back. Just one basic example... while slow-dancing, all other couples would be warmly holding each other...he would be looking up at the ceiling. If I tried to get a hug, he would immediately think SEX. Being a tactile person it was awful. I had to leave after 20 years. After going back to university, and getting an MSW, I recognised why he was that way. We dump on narcissists, but give autistic persons a pass. Both have issues beyond their control.
The guy I’m in love with - we’d be on the verge of sex and he would just shut down. I wish I could figure out why. I mean fully ready to go (stimulated just fine lol) and just would dead stop before sex and want all activities to cease. It’s like he has anxiety. I don’t know how to help him. He’s one of the most anxious and paranoid people I’ve ever met.
This seems better suited for a therapist to ask. Idk if its necessarily a good thing to publicly announce someone else's sexual dysfunctions and anxieties
This might be better suited for a therapist. Idk if its a great idea to openly discuss someone else's sexual dysfunctions and anxieties. It feels like you're exposing him against his will and it feels inappropriate.
@@HiddenMongoose this was an anonymous comment
Hope ur recovering n feeling better Thomas? I'm learning 2 appreciate technology more know I can come here 2listen n get my thotty auti fix :) I also use 2b awesome at deep tissue massages~ I had the strong hands from my training/teaching/caring for horses days... hope u got a massage 2 help u feel better? I look 4ward 2 when I get to discover/explore/learn about what rocks/works in my auti's world...disappointed 2 learn he's not fan of cats as I adore them...I equate a lot of my feminine mystique/ behavior/traits thru living with them...cats were guard animals used by Egyptians b4 dogs, an unpredictable animal r the best deterrent/protectors in my world ~ n I live with pitties now eh!?!!11:59Pm9/24/2023
Where was your t shirt from?
no one can make anyone else happy. that is (if at all) solely in latters' control. admittedly, I've got zero tolerance allergy against this potentially manipulative emotionalist [..] nonsense, and seeing it proliferated.
It's what you interpret from it. Your partner likes chocolats? You give them chocolats... then they ´ll feel a bit happy. The feeling comes from them. So no you cannot make that "big happy, as in heavenly happy" for someone, but you can make them feel better with themselves. And that's the base of a relationship, making sure you help as much as is healthy so that you both get more and more happy and in peace.