Being gay is annoying
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 23 авг 2024
- The things we have to deal with. This video was sponsored by Brilliant. To try everything Brilliant has to offer-free-for a full 30 days, visit brilliant.org/JJ/ . The first 200 of you will get 20% off Brilliant’s annual premium subscription.
SUBSCRIBE: www.youtube.co...
FOLLOW ME:
🇨🇦Support me on Patreon! / jjmccullough
🤖Join my Discord! / discord
🇺🇸Follow me on Instagram! / jjmccullough
🇨🇦Read my latest Washington Post columns: www.washington...
🇨🇦Visit my Canada Website thecanadaguide.com
Some music by:
Craig Henderson- / @craighendersonmusic
ComradeF- / comradef ,
HASHTAGS:
![Eminem - Somebody Save Me (feat. Jelly Roll) [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Vwa0HenQMi4/mqdefault.jpg)
To try everything Brilliant has to offer-free-for a full 30 days, visit brilliant.org/JJ/ . The first 200 of you will get 20% off Brilliant’s annual premium subscription.
You are beautiful
Ok
Your sponsored segment is indeed, Brilliant
I definitely agree with the first part, being lgbt+ shouldn’t be used to define who you are professionally. I also agree with the third part. I have a best friend and I’m gay, he’s bi, but we can be male lgbt friends that are platonic. It’s ok for us to hug and talk and hang out without it meaning that we’re in a romantic or sexual relationship.
With the second part though, I was bullied for being gay in high school so tbh public approval makes me feel nice, even if from strangers. I understand your perspective though.
8:00
Whenever I see pride parades in my city, there are always a large contingent of weird sex pests prancing around in fetish gear out in the open, and their inappropriate behavior is never confronted or called out. It always baffled me why this sort of behavior was tolerated. Part of acceptance is combating harmful stereotypes, yet more increasingly I've noticed that many gay people are actively leaning into the stereotype of gay people being excessively promiscuous and hedonistic. Seems like an odd thing to embrace, given that there's an ongoing culture war and such behavior only provides political ammo to the opposing side.
I just want to say I am so proud of you for being so openly Canadian.
😂
Our culture has indeed come so far. And I for one am a proud Canadian ally.
If he didn't proclaim his Canadian identity so loudly, one might think he's.... Californian... 😮
For like a minute until he said "about"...
🤯
JJ has literally the most Canadian accent I have ever heard, and I'm a Canadian
Being 38 and having such a full bodied head of hair is more of a accomplishment that should be used as a qualifier
lmao yes, exactly this
😂😂😂😂exactly 😂
Is it really so rare? I'm 44 and have a full head of gray hair. I dunno.
@@johnlittle3430 Male Pattern Baldness is mostly genetic but lifestyle and personal health play an important part too.
@@Swedishmafia101MemeCorporation to an extent. But if you’re gonna go bald, unless you do something unnatural, you’re gonna lose your hair.
Hey it’s ok to be Canadian! Glad you came out!
I will never see him in the same way ever again
@@ProxiProtogen hey, look at it this way... at least he's not purely French.
@@wdgaminganddisneyhistory6024That’s a very good point
@@areafurrynone1913 I hate to say it but all my experiences online with them were absolutely terrible. They are relentless. However they backed out of/were converted in both World Wars, so they have zero room to crap on me when they couldn't even do it in real life.
Doesn't mean I wouldn't visit France or something, there's cool stuff there.
It's not okay to be canadian
Sexualizing every same-sex relationship is so true. Just let people be friends, it's not that hard. This extends to ships so much as well lol
It really demonstrates more about how heterosexual people view romance and platonic relationships. They can’t seem to comprehend that you can be friends with someone of the gender you’re attracted to without seeking romantic or sexual encounters with them. It’s the same issue really as people sexualizing straight men and straight women being friends.
:/ Probably the worst thing about being gay for me, even gay people assume that stuff.
This is so confusing to me, as I can ship two characters and yet also see them just as friends. Like, reading a fic were they're dating and then one were they're just friends, back to back, also shipping has never been necessarily sexual to me. I always assume it was the same for others but I guess I'm wrong 😭
Yeaa that’s right! Poor Titanic
Incestual gay friend groups don't help though
On the point of being overly-reactive to gay stuff: when I came out to my dad as bisexual, he literally just said “ok.” From that moment on no two letters have meant more to me. I literally started weeping and he seemed super confused. The biggest deal to me was that it wasn’t a big deal to him. It meant a lot to me
Acceptance is supposed to be boring
Imagine he just said “ew”
That's pretty much how it was when I finally came out to my parents. The reaction was basically "no shit, Sherlock"
We haven't really discussed it since...
Me coming out to my dad went something along the lines of:
Dad: "oh, your gay??"
Me: "yeah, so what?"
When I came out to my dad we ended up talking about sexuality for like 10 minutes then spent an hour talking about Star Wars lmao
As a gay guy, honestly one of the biggest annoying things for me is that it’s seemingly impossible to like “gay things” without it being assumed that I like it because I’m gay. e.g. musical theatre, left-wing politics, interior design, tv shows with lgbtq+ themes, etc. My ability to enjoy something goes beyond my sexuality!
On a different note, this is a great video; it’s great to have a role model who just happens to be gay, rather than having a role model BECAUSE they’re gay!
Thanks for the great content JJ, from a loyal fan of the channel :)
I like a lot of Broadway musicals, because I just think telling a story through music is really interesting, and always have. But it's definitely something I often feel ashamed to admit because it's so stereotypically "gay" and I get a lot praise for being a non-"stereotypical" gay. This kinda stuff screws a man up!
@@JJMcCullough so much this. for any European, we've got the Eurovision Song Contest coming up in a few weeks, which is admittedly on the camp side, but I hesitate to tell people that I love it because its one of the most stereotypically gay things ever. But you don't have to be gay to love eurovision!
@@alexander9703 yeah, but... I mean, c'mon dude... You can't be mad, you're kinda playing to type. Say, "but I like guns and monster trucks, but not cuz I'm gay" and you'll have my sympathy.
I also feel for gay people who are the opposite and mostly like things that are primarily associated with straight guys, like punk and hardcore, classic cinema, etc. Must be annoying to have people to talk about the things you truly love and care deeply about as something merely for straight guys.
Hahahaha wait, I'm straight and love interior design. I didn't know people associated that with "typical gay things"
I'm a pansexual guy. I thought the "gay best friend" trope was something we'd moved past in society but I've felt, I don't know, "reverse fetishized" I guess, by women a lot since coming out. It's hard to explain but it feels like I'm a pet tiger or something.
It’s the weird need to virtue signal that a lot of liberals seem to have. This is coming from someone who’s leftist but it’s like they feel the need to put themselves down to acknowledge minorities and I can’t even say it’s with good intention a lot a the time. Zizek has a good talk on it u could probably find a on RUclips.
Yeah, and I’m bi and I’ve had mates introduce me to chicks like yeah he’s bi, or just in general it’s one of the first things they mention, when it was one of the much later things I mentioned. I don’t even seem that gay or so I’ve been told, but as soon as people find out I’m bi it becomes this weird thing. It’s so obvious that people (cis straight mainly but even gay people) struggle so hard w understanding bi or pan sexuality and don’t understand the openness of it cause it seems they think so rigidly
@@trenhen4311ecause a lot of them are terrible people who feel bad they're terrible people. And they do it to satisfy their ego's.
I have a perfect pitch, have a thing for languages. The rainman stereotype is the worst for ASD people.
pansexual just means you’re bi
"It's elevating sex as the presumed main motive for why anyone does anything in life" SO TRUE, and character motivations in stories too
I got relentlessly bullied for being gay in middle school and I was never even gay. I can't imagine how hard life must be for those who actually are
Same my guy. Except in high school.
I’m a closeted Asexual
And a trans man
middle and high school, not even gay, had a gf at one point, even that stopped
Same😞
I had no idea you were gay, nor does it alter or uproot anything I held about you.
You make super sick, informative and entertaining videos with a laid back sense of humor I enjoy. Rock on, boss.
💯 true I thought he was straight
@@j.h.8595 I didn’t actually thought about his sexuality, straight or otherwise. And I think that’s the point of this video in the first place.
He’s not the “LGBTQ content creator” he’s just a content creator who happens to like men.
Its pretty easy to tell by body language. His head is a permanently tilted at an angle and he sits like a little boy whose in trouble. Not all gay people do this but almost all men who do are gay.
@@salmanman2699around half the world's population is (or will eventually be) interested in men. I've never understand why other people care, but then again I am demisexual and in my mind people are just human shaped blobs so it doesn't matter what genitalia someone has.
Wow you are such an upstanding citizen for not letting it uproot anything you previously held against him, bravo /s
Can we talk about how being gay automatically makes you good at make up, hair, fashion, dancing, acting and partying?! Like I specifically started wearing make up to show people I was bad at it!!
I'm gay and hate all those things. 😂 I like cars, video gaming, hoodies, nerd stuff and whatnot. I'm the most unstylish gay guy you'll ever see.
J.J needs to fix his hair and moisturize lets be real
Every gay man I know does not fit these stereotypes. And every man I know who fits these stereotypes is actually straight.
i'm gay and bad at makeup! lol but i'm a girl. (i think people confuse the fact that there's diff types of gay people? like not all dudes are fem? i blame media. we only seem to see the fem fetishized type for the most part with rare appearances of other types.)
Am i the only one who didnt learn how to dress from my time in the closet.
I’m a very passable trans woman. 99.999% of the time I just go through life unnoticed, which makes me very happy. However I am tall and like all trans women I have some subtle“clockable ” characteristics. In that 0.001% of the time that I am clocked, it is usually at a Whole Foods by some random woman who goes out of her way to publicly declare how “beautiful and brave” I am.
Being “supported” for my differences actually makes me feel extremely self conscious.
That's disgusting
Having a stranger out you out of nowhere sounds horrifying. Even if someone has "clockable" traits, I don't think anyone should assume, especially cis people.
Just act like u have no idea what they’re talking about n make them too embarrassed to do it again
Honestly this is the only reaction to have! @@Icarebcudo
i feel you
Teacher here. I've had well-meaning colleagues who've tried to figure out which kids might be gay in an effort to help support them in their coming out or their self-acceptance all while forgetting that gay people have a very complicated and fraught relationship with being "discovered" or "figured out."
That's pretty scary. It's possible, and maybe even common, for people whose appearance might suggest that they're gay, to be completely straight, or maybe bi. An appearance it nothing more than an appearance. How would your colleagues figure out the bisexual kids?
Great point!
That is objectively horrifying.
Makeing exceptions or examples of people 😅 I bet they love it.
Wtf people are wierd 😅
the third issue you mentioned is such an oddly prevalent thing for this community, and i really don’t understand why. why can’t i just be friends with other people *normally* in the eyes of other people? like, just because someone who is gay or trans is hanging out with someone who is straight or cis doesn’t mean they’re changing them or whatever. they’re just hanging out. it shouldn’t be that complicated
So true
My wife is bisexual and she just never came out to most of her friends because the assumption was always that she just wanted to have sex with them. So frustrating
I remember hanging out in a lesbian circle and there was a lot of chatter about how they would never be friends with men and straight women because they could never end up having sex with them and it just weirded me out so much. I'm a lesbian, my best friend is a dude and I'm friends with other lesbians/bi/pan/etc women who I don't want to sleep with as well.
@@CheeseOfString I'm either asexual or a very frigid bi so I can relate to not wanting to come out because people assume anything other than monosexuality is just "fuck everything with a pulse", which is not what it means at all. Combine that with the already stupid assumptions people make about me due to the fact that I'm male and its just a whole fucking thing. I prefer to keep my sexuality to myself, but coworkers keep pressuring me to talk about my sex life (how strange, there's nothing here), but the second you say anything that goes against the standard "I live to see tits and eat pussy!" you're suddenly accused of "Shoving your degenerate lifestyle in their face!" JJ is right, being queer is annoying.
@@amelialonelyfart8848 I totally get what you're saying. I'm a bi woman and I keep my relationships and friendships strictly separate from each other. I don't like complicating things, and I would hate to ruin a friendship like that. The worst is when I'm seeing a guy and they assume I'll have a threesome with them, or they try to push me onto one of my female friends. My queerness is not a tool you can use to your advantage.
Guys let's applaud this man for coming out to us as Canadian
My biggest pet peeve is when someone learns that I'm gay and then tell me "Don't worry, I don't judge." This is frustrating to me, because it implies that there is something to judge. They are effectively saying that "Your behavior is judgable." Which if you think about it, is another way of judging you while also elevating themselves.
People, don't do this! Never say "I don't judge" when faced with a newly revealed gay person! Say other positive things like "That's fine," or "Good for you," or even "I know" which is frustrating for different reasons, but still better!
that's really specific. and, point is, they're trying to make you feel ok. because plenty DO judge, and that's right out there in the open.
maybe try to not be so sensitive about the words used versus the concept they are trying to convey?
we're different. people judge.
hell, they judge people on music tastes, food prefs, clothes, religion, etc. it's a constant cycle of judgement.
@@lurklingX it doesn't bother me now as much as it used to. You do have a point that despite the words used, it's usually meant to convey peace and understanding. I'm the kind of person who chooses words carefully, aware of the power they have. So when I first realized I was gay, and had to come out to people while also suffering from symptoms of major depression, the added paranoia made this "I don't judge" response even worse for me.
That being said, it doesn't trigger me so much anymore. And while I recognize now that people use potentially problematic phrases meaning to affirm and that's not necessarily wrong, I still believe there are better ways of conveying affirmation for people who come out to you.
I just say "ok"
All behavior is Judgeable and everyone extremely judges everyone else about most things.
I’ve described it this way before.
If every man was gay, our species would probably go extinct.
If every man was straight- basically the world would be mostly the same.
^this implies that one is not as good as the other- at least in the grander scheme of our species.
Been in similar situations and I always return that comment that I don’t judge them either. When I‘m in a bad mood I‘m like „thanks for your approval, I guess?“ people usually get the point
I can really relate to this. I'm a straight single woman with a good friend who is a straight married male. In our social circles, people are constantly assuming we're having an "affair", and sending me nasty looks. It's very insulting and annoying. His wife has suggested that she and I should start holding hands in public, just to give them something new to gossip about!
It is irritating that people tend to sexualize relationships. I've tended to have more male friends much of my life, friends in highschool who were like brothers to me. We need more maturity and less insecurity in our culture.
-just admit, deep down you want him 😏
Or, thought about it...☺️
right? it's very frustrating. It's also frustrating if two straight married couples are friends, but usually the husband from one couple would not be friends with the wife from the other couple, even if they do have more in common. Like if their spouses are not there, the friendship gets immediately sexualized and therefor inappropriate.
Lol. And how many of those looks come from conservative assholes just like the guy you're empathizing with?
Yeah I am a male and best friend was a girl. We were basically inseparable and she always had me along with her. Kind of had to tell her I was busy or had to go at times because she would choose hanging out with me when her partners wanted to be alone. I didn't want to cause drama.
We were close though. Would sleep on the same bed without second thought. Yet no sex ever. The most we ever did was cuddle when it was cold or we were on drugs or something. Well I'd crack her back and she'd unbutton her bra but nothing else.
One thing JJ? I have ton of male gay friends and my older brother is gay... Let me tell you most of them are self proclaimed sluts haha. Not my brother though he's more sexual reserved like me. They really have had a lot more partners on par or even surpassing what a stereotypical portrayal of a college male is.
They also freaking seem to know each other... Five degrees of separation? Make it two or three for gay men! I am talking about living in Connecticut, moving to NJ and meeting a gay coworker to find out they dated some guy from NYC my brother dated. It is insane to me because it has happened multiple times! They all seemed to know each other of the same age(35 now) group within 50 mile radius for sure. The 2004 plus rapid rise of the internet definitely helped my brothers generation which is cool. Must've been real difficult before that and now GrindR... Is... Yeah. I learned not to help them judge profiles real quick.
Hey JJ.
You'll probably never read this, but on the off chance you do, I just want to say that I have a great appreciation for your level-headedness when it comes to analyzing topics that inherently carry a lot of emotional baggage along with them. It's a skill and a disposition that is too often lacking in modern political thought, but I know I can get it in spades whenever I visit this channel. It's truly a breath of fresh air.
Send him an email. Chances are he wil answer or at least read it
Me too! I find a lot of people who study political science are like this.
Thank you so much my friend!
@@JJMcCullough good luck man, as a fellow canadian person, I hope you get more recognition other than “hes a part of the lgbtq”, you deserve it tons. much love!
@@JJMcCullough Joe
As a lesbian, that sexualization point is a huge issue I've experienced as well. Not only am I sometimes assumed to be pursuing every woman I talk to, strangers will feel weirdly comfortable making sexual comments or asking sexual questions about our relationships. It's frustrating.
:( Relatable, I can't have any friends it seems
Im a butch lesbian and obviously have a lot of female friends and I have had people assume we’re dating or congratulate me for “pulling”. When I post a photo of me and a female friend it has been assumed were dating. Even though my friends never really cared or laughed it off, it’s really uncomfortable for me. I feel as though it’s my fault and I’m embarrassing them in a way.
Thanks for this, JJ. As a gay man, I’ve mostly been spared this sort of thing. However, as a Jew, you wouldn’t believe how many people want me to know how they feel about Israel, or wish me a happy Hanukkah, or just wax poetic about how much they just *love* the Jewish people. I usually appreciate their intentions but it often ends up landing somewhere between tone-deaf and condescending.
This strikes me as part of a larger issue among middle-class liberals today-many of us feel the need to demonstrate our allyship and show that we’re “one of the good ones.” I think this reflects genuine anxiety over how to handle differences of identity in a diverse society, but I also think it reflects the way that political issues have become more central to people’s sense of personal identity.
My basic assumption is that most people, in most situations, just want to be treated like a normal person. If you see someone in your daily life with some kind of difference-racial, ethnic, religious, disability, etc-95% of the time, the right thing to do about it is nothing. Just take a deep breath and remember that people are people, and treat them like you would anyone else. (And if you’re in one of those 5% situations where their differences matter, you’ll know.)
Agreed. The goal of most people is to just be left alone to live their lives as they see fit. I try not to make assumptions about people. I respect people who live their lives and not get in the way of me living mine.
I love Jews!
Great post. Seriously, is it really that hard to just treat people like normal human beings?
@@Paqcar Okay thanks I guess
Hudson Rivers I don't think you should find it tone deaf or condescending if someone wishes you a happy Hanukkah. Unless they're doing it June. But seriously, if you know someone's a Christian you'll probably wish them a Merry Christmas right?
7:03 as a gay man, I take complete and utter apathy as a way bigger complement than someone awkwardly announcing their approval out of the random
I agree. I feel like them doing something like that is meant to communicate to everyone else around us that they're one of the "good ones" and a form of self validation more so than them wanting to say anything to or about me specifically. It actually makes me less comfrotable, as opposed to more, when someone calls out that I'm doing something that might be seen as culturally deviant but they're okay with it.
Happened to me in school. Fucking annoying.
apathy implies normalcy, right? you don't have to call out and approve stuff that's just ho-hum normal. which, to me says integration. and true acceptance.
same with tv shows. when they do a whole THING and characters giving speeches of acceptance and all that, it feels so weird. like.... just nod and move on. that's true acceptance. (but i guess they're trying to walk viewers through acceptance? ugh. feels it'd me more effective to just show people being different, and NOT make a big deal out of it. how awkward would it be if they did those kinda speeches whenever someone of a different race was on screen? jeezus. yikes.)
THIS. I never asked for your validation of my existence…
I would just tell them what they should do in order for gay people to have it better in society. If they do or agree with what I say would help gay people then I have made someone better at supporting me more but if they don't like that I tell them what they should do in order to help gay people then they will think twice before announcing their approval again
I feel your #2 comment so much. My best friend from childhood is gay and our friendship literally ruined some of her relationships when she first came out. Her girlfriends were jealous and people talked (guys would often ask me for a threesome specifically because of it). I had a bf I had to eventually end things with because he just couldn’t handle how close we were…yet I behave the exact same with all my other friends, he said she was “creepy”
It sucked, but happily we are still best friends and I’ll be maid of honour at her wedding next year 🥳
Congratulations for her!!🥳
The most annoying thing for me is that just because I'm gay I have to apparently have a certain ideology otherwise I'm not a good gay. It's insane, as if we're all the same and aren't all our own people 🙄
As a straight guy who developed a crush on a friend who happened to be a girl in early adolescence, the first time I heard someone say that boys and girls can't be friends without one of them wanting more I internalized it HARD and it fucked up my relationships for almost a decade. I get so mad whenever I hear that kind of concept getting bandied about.
Oddly relevant to this video, what finally snapped me out of it was moving out into a house with a bunch of friends, one of whom happened to be gay, and hearing the concept being applied to us and realizing how utterly absurd it was.
Yes guys and girls can be friends but I feel like those friendships sometimes get ruined when someone develops feelings for the other person.
I’m sure it’s the same for gay friends as well.
My best friend for years and years was a girl. But in time I realized there's a lot of truth to the statement "guys and girls cant be just friends".
Its difficult for the friendship to survive when either one of you guys get a partner, due to awkward social meshing.
@@SofaMuncher no
@@SofaMuncher Weird opinion. I mean it's valid as a personal experience, but you can't make a generalization like that. It's kinda implying that a man and a woman being friends are never really "just friends" and have some romantic tension, and one of them getting a partner is like... Competition or something? These are not real platonic friendships. One can develop a crush or attraction but it's not a rule. You're not talking about the same thing. True PLATONIC friendships are different.
As a bisexual man the sexualising friendship thing is even worse because people sexualise friendships for me with both boys and girl lol
Oh man
@@JJMcCullough omg JJ responded to me!
Anyways most of the times it's like chill and in a joking way but it's annoying when people actually mean it
Ig I gotta have more non binary friends so they won't sexualise it lol
I get that to with coworkers now but everyone acts like it's high school here anyway. I just ignore them.
People sexualising relationships is super annoying in general, as I vibe with women way more than with men normally, but approaching one with the hopes of being a friend and not a partner is something that 95% of people don't understand or get.
I've never thought about how awkward it would be if i was on a first date and someone approached to comment about how obviously we were deep in the throes of love.
Wince.
The compliment thing sounds like compliments I've received for being such a good father... when doing ANYTHING with my kids. My wife can do WAY MORE and it is just assumed she's supposed it. It's kind of insulting that the expectations are so low.
I was openly gay in high school and although It was a huge relief to see how positively that was recieved by my friends I realized very quickly I was running into the same issue you just described. I had ceased to be my own individual and was now "that gay kid" a handful of my female friends even started trating me like a pet instead of a person.
For that reason I decided to go "back into the closet" when I moved to college and to this day I still only tell a very small group. For example I've been at my current job for 2 years but only one coworker knows I'm gay, and honestly I think he's forgotten.
I'm not "rejecting my authenic self" or whatever you want to call it. I simply don't want people meeting me with preconceived notions about my personality and values. Once someone has gotten to know me for me then, and only then will I tell them about my sexuality.
This is the reason I didn’t come out sooner. I knew I would just be “the gay guy“ and nothing else
If you grow a third arm you'll be "the guy with a third arm" and not "the gay guy" anymore. This method worked for a buddy of mine who worked at chernobyl part-time.
I understand this perspective and am not trying to say you should change it, but I’ve been openly gay since 18 and nobody treats me like I’m “the gay person.” This is because you can be open about something without volunteering it. Most adults don’t care in the same way that high school kids do. Most of the time, my sexuality comes up when asking if my boyfriend can come to a certain work function. People know, but it’s not something I volunteer. If it comes up, it comes up, but there is going to be numerous different qualities that come up before that one ever does.
All of this to say that I don’t want you to think that it’s your only option. If you’re happy this way, then go off, but just know that it isn’t the only way to avoid being labelled. I escaped it by simply being the exception to the stereotype and showing that anyone can be gay. Differentiate yourself by your actions and not your sexuality and you will not have the same problem as high school.
Oh and remember, high schoolers are not the same as adults, most adults don’t care if you’re gay.
OMG! My husband had a friend who would call us "her gays" when she would get drunk. I felt like a corgi, not a person.
This made me thinking what would it look like if I was openly bi during high school... 🤔
Idk if bi ppl have the same problem
Like I always was straight but in the recent years I realized that I like girls too... 😳
I'm a gay guy from rural India...nd it's literally HELL on Earth for me.
My everyday goal is to blend in with the straight guys and just somehow survive.
Dating another gay guy is something I can only dream of.
People sometimes do suspect when the queen in me occasionally comes out but, most of them have no knowledge about the LGBTQ community... so they think I'm just weak or a weirdo.
I'm really happy for you and really appreciate your work and effort to make this world a better place for us, for me.
Thank You J.J. 🙏♥
The worst part is you'll probably get married off to some woman, and basically have to keep the real you bottled up.
Gotta survive, brother. I'm in a similar situation in Moldova. Hear daily mocking about gay people even from "friends" and colleagues.. They don't know I'm gay
Man, I'm sorry about that. I constantly hear western people complaining about how hard their lives are here and I just want to be like no, we have it amazing here.
I'd support a gay-refugee policy :D
@@orirune3079 I think there is a gay refugee visa, you just gotta prove you're not safe, which requires coming out, even though it may not be enough
@@pasdpasse439 Yeah same... It's even worse when u have to agree with them bcoz u kinda need them. Damn, man! It's so sad 😅😅
But, we have parents too, and for them, we have to survive.
God! Even they'll never know I'm gay. 😂😂 I'll stop. Sorry...
Living in the southern USA, what always gets me is the implication that my relationships are just a fetish that I put on display, even among those that are supportive. It's like people don't realize that I'm looking for someone to spend my life with, the future co-parent of my children, and hopefully my most intimate confidant. All that is seen is the gay sex, like anal is in the air around us. It's MADDENING.
„Anal is in the air around us“😂
I wish a middle-aged woman would congratulate me for being alone 24/7 and having no game at all
As a gay guy who was bullied pretty badly in school over being gay, despite being in the closet, it makes me crazy when as adults they post LGBTQ friendly bs on social media.
Maybe they addressed how they made gay kids life a misery and are atoning, but I must say I must have missed it.
Yeah, you’d think they’d do some attempt to seek forgiveness if they actually were atoning for their hatred/harassment of LGBT people
@@austinsmith5061 Exactly, there have been some churches (& other institutions/organizations) that have changed their positions & explicitly apologized for how they have treated LGBT folks in the past, as well as Jewish people, people of color, etc.
@@austinsmith5061 my feeling is that it probably had such little impact on their lives that they may not even remember it. It's rarely a 'big' thing, just a daily grinding down of someone else's self worth.
Hopefully they just grew up and learned to think for themselves. I know one of the biggest meanest bullies in my school (way back in the early 80s!) is a perfectly lovely woman now and I learned that she was how she was because it was how she was treated at home. Thankfully for her and everyone else within punching distance she grew up when she got past that early conditioning. I doubt she went around atoning and apologizing for the brutality she inflicted on anyone in a quiet stairwell but she definitely changed.
I get it, but also growth is good. I see the people who called me slurs, and I'm happy that they have grown. I'm glad they aren't still calling people slurs. What really annoys me is that one of them constantly tries to get me to sleep with his nasty ass. "I'd rather die" must be something he likes hearing
As a bisexual, the weird stereotype that we bisexuals are both very horny and also invisible.
Sexy ghosts?
Apparently you both don't exist and steal everyone's partners. You're like immigrants: both lazy and stealing jobs smh
I'm queer or bi or pan or something. Idk. And to be fair it's very easy and normal for me to feel "invisible". And I don't really care.
Unless I'm in a queer relationship or have a non straight hook up. Most people just think I'm straight. Which is fine. I dont need everyone around me to know everything about my sexuality all of the time
Well, you’re a “Sinful tictac”, so you could very well be very horny and participating in promiscuity
And I can’t see you, so you’re kinda invisible
"They just want sex." This is the sterotype my family has about Bi people and why I haven't come out to half my family as bi. My mother was so weird about it when I came out to her. My father when he found out from my sister wouldn't shut up about it and it made me super uncomfortable.
I never realized you were gay, and honestly, this video is probably the most relatable thing ever.
Look, I am fine with Canadians but you don't have to be so "in my face" about it buddy.
I've always hated the "gay best friend" thing, I think the trope is very stale and I find it extremely annoying when my female friends try to set me up with a guy or try to insist I participate in feminine activity when I'm not at all interested. Some people don't realize that you don't have to be some flamboyant stereotype, and not every gay man (or bi in my case) has to wear nails and vests.
Excellent video JJ as always, keep on keeping on!
Can I ask why you find it annoying? I'm not generally interested in being set up and I'm not a big fan of baby showers either, but when women invite me to these things I feel happy they're thinking about me and want to include me. Is it possible that it pricks your masculinity a bit to be associated with "those" kinds of gays? Maybe you have some internalized homophobia to work on. (Sorry, not trying to be rude, I'm just suggesting something in case you haven't considered it. Working on your internalized homophobia is well worth it - take it from someone who has.)
@@Isaac-se4cx I mean, being attracted to other men doesn't really mean that you have to be interested in things commonly associated with femininity. Many gay men just very much fall under the stereotypes of just a "regular dude", it just so happens that they are sexually attracted to males.
@@Isaac-se4cx i think it could possibly be due to internalized homophobia, but to be fair to OP- it could also be due to how annoying it is to have straight people assume we all act the same. it also sucks to deal with a person (like certain straight girls) who doesn't care about getting to know us but rather just use us for their "sassy gay friend" movie trope fantasy.
again, you're definitely not wrong- a lot of us do have issues to work through with internalized homophobia. i'm just trying to add a bit more context on top of what you had to say.
@@Isaac-se4cx Maybe some people are just fuckin annoying, gay, bi or straight and them being fuckin annoying has nothing to do with their gayness? You sound more homophobic than he does when you speak of ultra flamboyant gays as somehow "normal", they are a very tiny fuckin minority
@@Isaac-se4cx I agree with the original comment. In my opinion, it’s not about femininity being bad. It’s more about how women specifically will learn that you like men and immediately assume that you fit that mold. While many do, many also don’t. It’s just disappointing and a little bit dehumanizing that learning this one thing about you makes them stop seeing you as an individual.
While its not really the same thing, I have alot of similar gripes with interacial relationships. Everytime my family and my partners family go way overboard in reminding us that, "it's okay". Like, yeah we always knew it was okay.
I have been in more than one interracial relationship for long periods of time, i am young at 23 years old. I was thinking about this recently how incredibly grateful I am that my family does not even mention race in relationships and is not racist or weird about it. They are not perfect in other topics but i am very lucky in that regard. This may partially be because we are all born and raised in Houston Texas and it is very diverse, several of us have interracially dated or had children and married outside of our race.
The reaction I got with my 1st non-white boyfriend wasn't towards his skin color, people didn't like him as a person. Even Black people liked me better than him, lol! In the city, no one blinks an eye, go out to rural areas sometimes you get stares.
My wife is trans, and I’m a cis bisexual woman. We get told by strangers that we’re brave for existing. And we’re in our fifties, and sometimes people comment on us being special for being old and together. Ack!
i guess thats probably really affirming for your wife lol
Its genuinely absurd they described you as a "LGBTQ Content Creator" as this typically implies a significant LGBTQ perspective in the content. I follow several creators like this, but you are not one of them and I'd be confused if I found your content for the first time through that description.
I find the oversexualization of LGBTQ folks to be a huge barrier to building relationships, even with other LGBTQ folks. The expectation that any amount of friendship implies some amount of sexual attaction is toxic. I've unfortunately encountered a lot of LGBTQ folks who seem to have internalized this idea, and I've lost friends (not partners) bc I didnt want to be physically intimate with them. Its frustrating for me that this messaging seems to come from "inside the house", at least around where I live.
Bisexual erasure is still big issue that annoys me. There is still very little understanding and people make a lot of ridiculous assumptions about you. It’s like you can only be bi when you’re single.
I totally agree. Bi erasure is pretty awful because it even how bi people think about themselves. I and many other Bi people I know many times feel like we have to convince not only others, but ourselves that when we are with a person of one gender that we are still attracted to the other gender.
That's one of the reasons that I haven't (and likely won't ever) come out as bi to anyone in my life; I simply don't have to emotional or mental energy to deal with people's BS around bi stereotypes. Also I live in small town Alberta and work in a blue collar industry, both of which are still rampantly homo/bi/trans-phobic.
100% agree. I’m a bisexual woman and I find that a lot of men assume that I identify myself that way for male attention. I think most people my age grew up around the kind of “queer-baity” stuff of the early 2000s like Brittany Spears kissing Madonna, Katie Paries: “I kissed a girl and I liked it”, etc etc. all the sexualization of wlw relationships. Regardless, it’s still really annoying and invalidating that men assume that the purpose of my entire existence is to gain their approval and attraction. Really demeaning.
@@eoz27 It feels like a lot of times people default us to our attraction to men. On the male side of things, as a Bi dude most people just see me as a gay person who isn’t fully out yet. It’s like we are “contaminated” with the gay.
If I were bi and I started dating someone of the same sex I would just call myself gay. And then when I’m single I’ll say bi. It’ll make the options easier bc now people will know what you’re going for (interested in) at that point in time.
I'm not gay, but as a severely physically disabled person, i can relate to several of the experiences you describe in this video. My disability is very often how people try to define me. I also have a lot of experience with strangers feeling the need to stop me in public and tell me how brave i am. Growing up, this was a frustrating thing to deal with. I would find myself getting angry about it, then feeling guilty for being angry because i knew the people applauding my "bravery" were well-meaning and just had no understanding of how it felt on my end.
ableism, homophobia, transphobia, all the same thing
I know! It fucks you up!
I think it's a bit of whiplash for society, where people watched minorities of all types get whumped up on for so long, they now see someone not getting whumped up on, and in a burst of happy "damn! Society IS progressing!" Accidently drop their social filters and pump your hand and congratulate you for being who you've always been. Well meaning, if misguided. Over time, things should relax. I'm trying my best to just be peacefully happy for people. :)
I feel that. I use a cane or walker usually and a wheelchair sometimes. I often feel like I'm being treated like a rolling information kiosk about disabilities. That's all anybody asks me about upon meeting me.
I’m so glad you’re here too, mate. I almost always refuse to tell me people about my disability, but my medical alert bracelet gives it away, to those who know what to look for. My mom would introduce me as someone with a disability and it always hurt me. Like, I was treated differently because of it. Now that I’m in college and away from her (I do love my mom very much and have no issues, don’t read into that) I don’t tell people until I’ve become comfortable around them. Most of them find it strange, as they don’t see me as a disabled person, and most of them don’t change how they act. It’s human nature to act this way, but sometimes it’s really annoying being on the receiving end of pitty, when you didn’t ask for it.
It’s super annoying when people try to put you into a box, like bro it’s not that the most important thing about me
I’m really proud of myself for enjoying a gay man’s RUclips channel.
Was it an accomplishment for you?
You deserve an award 🙄
@@drinkmoreagua8984 Are you being faceteous?
It just came to me that I have never thought about JJs sexuality. Which just goes to show, that it is a complete personal and private matter, that is not anyone‘s business and should never be a reason to judge the things he creates. Never thought about it and now that I know, I won‘t see a reason to even consider it more than just appreciating him for the Person he is. I really like you as a creator and your videos and I hope my expressions did not come weird to you. All the best from Germany ✌🏼
I was just thinking the same thing. I’ve been watching all of JJ’s videos for a little over a year and his sexuality never even crossed my mind. My consecutive thoughts watching this were: “oh, he’s gay, this changes……absolutely nothing about my perception of him or his content” and “….how is it so impossible for bigoted people to have a similar reaction…”
The fact he’s gay wasn’t news to me, not because I figured no, but because it affects absolutely nothing.
@@grantw9635 Same, totally agree. How can people think like that? It changes nothing about him and evermore it hurts absolutely no-one.
It's hardly private with how much people's sexualities are paraded around these days (though perhaps I'm being hypocritical since offline I'm a decked ace).
It's well-running joke that Rick Mercer comes out as gay every few years because everyone forgets😂
JJ didn't have to tell us, but it'd have been kinda weird to hear him lament on the difficulties without some context. Otherwise it might've sound kinda tone-deaf
Were I to describe you, I'd say you were "that Canadian RUclips guy who is always telling me interesting facts about history and flags, and broadening my horizons."
And I appreciate you for that! Thank you!
Same. He mentioned it about a year into me watching his channel, and I thought "oh, cool!".
I can honestly say I have never contemplated your sexuality. Take that however you feel as a compliment.
Exactly, had no idea he was gay nor do I care, he makes good content regardless
exactly, i am an lgbtq+ ally and when i know someone is queer, it does not change my impression of them at all-i see them for who they are. JJ is one of my fav youtubers now because i love listening to him explaining history
Agreed.
I feel like being gay should be treated the same way as being left-handed. A fact you don’t learn about someone until you pay closer attention and then say “Oh you’re gay? I didn’t know that” or don’t even say anything at all and move on. I say this as a left-handed person myself
I just wanted to reach out and say that I am so proud of you for being so brave in your pronunciation of “about” ☮️☮️ spread positive vibes 😃😃
As a gay young American in a liberal college town, this video is one of the most accurate ones I’ve seen on sexuality. Whenever I hang out alone with any of my straight friends, I always hear rumors arise from peers that the other person is gay, or that we’re dating-we’re not-and it oftentimes strains our friendship. Other annoying things about being gay:
1. Peers pressure me to ‘come out’. I don’t know what that means. Everyone who knows me somewhat well knows I’m gay, and it’s not something I try to hide. Sure, I don’t have a pride flag on my Instagram bio, but that doesn’t mean I’m not out. Did you make an announcement to the world about being straight? I don’t have to either.
2. The lack of other gay people around me: it’s so hard to just find someone else who’s gay without using a dating app, which sucks.
3. ‘Since someone else is gay, you should just like them-they’re your only option’. I’m not attracted to every single guy. There are people that just aren’t for me, that I find unattractive in some way. So I’m sorry, but I can’t just fall in love with whoever you set me up with.
4. There’s such a stigma around gay people liking a straight person. Straight girls have liked me and I don’t flip off whenever I find out. I’m still kind to them, still friends with them, and frankly am a bit honored they like me. The one straight person I liked (I thought he was gay) cut off our friendship and left our friend group. So…
You don’t know how many times I’ve said ‘being gay is annoying’. This video is perfectly on the dot.
Edit: I had the weekend to ruminate on this, and I thought of a few more annoying things about being gay
5. From day one until the day you come out, you're basically all alone. You feel alone, and it really does something to you. I don't know if this is why I've had issues with depression, but the feeling of being alone for the first 14 years of my life didn't help with anything. Maybe (hopefully) this is something that gets better as you get older.
6. This one isn't as serious, but among my friends there was a bit of drama that I told some people sooner than others. I mean I'm sorry, but I just wasn't ready to tell you yet. People come out on their own time.
Anyways, I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one who had these issues.
Expertly said.
Yeah that’s basically the same for me. So many friendships have been pointlessly ended bc people worry I like them.
To speak on the part about a friend cutting you off the Idea of finding out a guy likes you is such a foreign thing to experience I'd reckon they wouldn't have any idea on how to deal with it so instead it's much easier to ignore it
I resonate with #3 so hard, I was one of only two openly gay guys in my high school, and literally every straight girl in the school was constantly pressuring us to get together, even though we had virtually nothing in common (which ironically we bonded over and became friends) until we had to literally yell at them to stop because neither of us were interested
i dont blame him for cutting you off. I was dating a girl and one of her gay friends tried to befriend me but of course i had no interest. Years later i find out he was asking her to help him ruffy me so he could take advantage of me. She told her cousin and her cousin told me. Nasty.
I didn’t figure out until my early 20’s that it’s a thing to not be attracted to men or women. Growing up my dad would constantly point out women walking down the street and say things like “there’s one for ya.” Even now when I’ve moved out my dad still says that I could move closer to them because “there are single women by us.” I still haven’t explained that I’m truly just happy by myself, and relationships I have had were always more about being friends without benefits.
As a bi woman my pet peeve is getting left out of most conversations, or added on as an afterthought. It’s always “oh but you’re included in the term gay,” until I’m not because I like men 😑
I think the most annoying thing about being gay is just the idea that 90% of the people you’re attracted to are unavailable due to being straight. It’s hard to have hope that you’ll find someone when you basically can’t ask anyone out without risking offending them
Brave of you to be openly Canadian, go J.J
The corrupt country of canada, where you could be fined for not getting the "pronouns" of your child right. As well as where any child could take hormes at any age, to do irreversible damage to ones body.
I like how this comment section just accepted he came out as Canadian instead of gay
I am one of the people that didn't know you were gay. I came across your channel about a year ago and have been watching many of your videos since. I never wondered whether you are gay or not and I would say it didn't surprise me in the intro of this video except for the negative connotations of such a statement.
I think this lack of wonder one way or another is critical for real acceptance in society to happen. For some people, being gay is core to their identity; for others it is just one of many factors. The ability to live life in either of these situations is real progress. Hopefully, we get there someday.
Same here, same here.
Glad I'm not the only one
Well said.
very well said
I literally had no clue ! But I also guess that I never really thought about his sexuality because it wasn't ever relevant to what he was talking about. 😅
I know you’re never gonna see this BUT as a gay teen sometimes I feel like I’m not gonna make it and we all die young and it means a lot whenever I randomly learn someone in their late 30’s or later is LGBT and just walkin around because it reminds me that people like me do grow up and do random shit.
Also, I deeply relate to all of the points you have made. Thank you for articulating them so well.
Hey young pup, you hang in there. The world is full of possibilities for a long and successful life -- especially if you live in a gay-friendly country with legal protections.
As for successful older gay people, look at Tim Cook (CEO of Apple), Anderson Cooper (media celebrity at CNN), J.J., and many others. I'm 63 and head an important nonprofit organization. But you have to take care of yourself and tend to your own health and safety. My best friend in high school died of AIDS in his early 30s before there were effective medications. Just keep moving forward, set goals and achieve them. You'll do fine. 😊👍🌈
your first pet peeve resonates so much with me. Our sexuality doesn't define us. We're more than that.
"... it is far more reflective of social progress when once controversial things be comes so common that they are not explicitly remarked upon anymore."
Dude, you just summed up all of my thoughts on topics like these perfectly.
I mean it's not a difficult thing to do
@@rentisme yeah like if my son is gay and he tells me I'm just gonna go like "ok?? I didnt ask" or something like that lol
@@porto2549 what are you on about?
@@rentisme I don't even know man
And that’s why you’ll never see me wearing a rainbow. No one should even be batting an eye when it comes to gay stuff
You’re 38? I thought you were 25 😭. In all seriousness I’m glad you made this video. My personal pet peeve with how gay ppl are perceived is based off their aesthetic and if they trigger the “gaydar”. I’m bi and I’ve had people question me because I don’t “look bi” or “act bi”. I also know a straight kid who is labeled as gay because he is slightly more feminine. I think we need to stop labeling how gay someone is based off their appearance and personality.
Completely agree! The "gaydar" is bs. It's frustratingly hilarious to see people with "gaydar" just completely get it wrong. Like damn, how does someone look gay or straight. Everyone dresses and does what they want with their bodies, regardless of sexuality. Makes me mad, smh
I’m lesbian but I look pretty feminine, and it feels like I have to justify my sexuality to everyone. People just assume I’m straight and don’t believe me when I say otherwise
@@remish7717girl, same. Everyone just tells me I haven't met the right man, or my standard for men is way too high.
Biphobia is so strong, and oddly prevalent in the LGBT community. I'll never forget how invalidating it felt when my nb friend in high school told me I wasn't bi because I hadn't been with enough women. As if they didn't know I live in a very conservative home that would shun me for dating a woman. I don't think I should have to explain that I was kissing girls in kindergarten before being reprimanded for it, or point out every crush I've ever had on someone that's not a guy, for me to be bi. I mean, I had a crush on that friend and I had even hinted at that to them, but whatever.
It's like telling a middle age closeted gay man that they can't be gay because they haven't been with any men. Preposterous, really.
High-fiving my dirty boot, asking if I want a shot, then saying "I have a room" is no way to proposition somebody after waveringly asking if they're Bi. I know nobody asked but that is just my most recent negative experience.
🦓💚
I try to be open about my sexuality as a bisexual man to people, but I regularly get the reaction from men that they think by simply stating what my sexuality is that I am trying to hit on them. It gets frustrating.
I obviously don't know what "simply stating" is in context, but folks generally assume that their conversation partner is following Grace's maxim of relevance. eg I tell my barista "I'm single". If that isn't relevant to the conversation in some other way, then they'll probably have a similar reaction.
@@jamesdavis3851yeah this
My older brother once said to me "I wish you were less of an Elton John gay and more of a Neil Patrick Harris gay so we could hang out more", that was 13 years ago and it still lives rent-free in my brain.
I remember being in a pub with my friend Adam and getting a random woman - who was obviously aware that Adam was gay - coming up to us and literally saying exactly what you said: 'What I think you guys is doing is great!' I'm not gay and we were just friends, but I just smiled and nodded.
Dunno if it was just the once for you, but this is LITERALLY my experience every time I go to a pub. Like, it was bizarre but funny the first time, but after a dozen or two times, it gets pretty annoying, like, thanks, welcome to the show, you want popcorn?
I think the third point is a core flaw in our society that no one really talks about. That underlying belief that two friends, coworkers or associates can become intimate has so much influence in our perception of gender, how we pick our friends, our gendered prejudices, homophobia, transphobia, even how we pick careers and determine where it's safe to live.
@@jeycalc6877 grow up
@@jeycalc6877cyborg?
@@jeycalc6877 you must have a very sad life if you think being a man is only about sex and women
@@dylanchope8992 What did they say?
@@noway8259 something like gay men can't be friends with other men because men only talk to their friends about sex, and then they signed off with "oh and theres no such thing as 'trans' " or something
The worst feeling I’ve experienced was when a relationship couldn’t happen because I knew one of the guy’s friends and he was a “dl bi” guy. I don’t blame him (except that he shouldn’t have just ghosted me - he could’ve just explained and I’d be fine) I also hate the paranoia involved in all of this and it’s just sad that you’re not allowed to love freely without the fear of being judged by your own friends :(
I am am a subscriber of your channel for a couple of years now. I totally support your openness about speaking of private topics. But it came as a surprise to me. I was today years old when I found out that you are Canadian!
This joke is getting old at a lightning pace
Honestly, for me (as a gay man) the worst part has always just been the below the surface awkwardness that is present in every single conversation with anyone that isn't a best friend just because of my sexuality. I feel like no matter what when I talk to someone and they know of my sexuality, it's always at the back of their mind despite that being such a small part of who I am.
I’ll be honest even as a bi guy, as soon as I learn someone else is LGBTQ I see them differently. It’s not always awkward but a lot of times it is. It might have something to do with the fact that I don’t have almost any LGBTQ friends, so I’ve never really interacted with them socially, and to find people who are gay or bi who want to be my friend is like catching a unicorn. I’ve always wanted more diverse friendships but we don’t choose our friends. I love mine, just wish I knew more LGBTQ people.
Thats why I don't really want to come out. Pretty sure people know. But confirming it will completely change the way they see me. My biggest fear is people being like thar makes sense tbh. That would tell me my existence just seems gay.
I can’t help it dude.
This catches my attention as it makes me wonder if the problem is you or homosexuality in general, or people's view of it.
To start, let me tell you about this study about self-consciousness. There is this experiment where the participations are given nasty looking fake scars on their face and told that they are helping the experimenter test the job interviewer. Just before the interview the participant is shown their nasty fake scar, and then they "touch it up a bit" just before the interview, where they actually remove the scar. The participant, not knowing the fake scar was removed, goes through the interview. Those that had nasty scars (which the interviewer never saw) reported the interviewer was judging them for the scar on their face. This study shows that people tend to believe that things they don't like about themselves are also not liked and even discriminated against by others, even if the other's have no clue and were not truly acting that way. So (1) are you certain it's not your own dislike about your sexuality that makes you feel other's know and care (meaning care that it's a thing and might act out, not care as in being extra nice).
The alternative is that there is genuinely something off putting about someone being homosexual, which there might be as it is by all accounts of evolution "unnatural". Perhaps, since all sexual preferences are formed by experience over time, that being homosexual means you experienced something unnatural, and people are unsure if it was your fault and if they should trust you, or that you are victim and they don't want to retraumaize by evoking the trauma but they also mentally cannot let go and end up walking on egg shells which you notice as their weird behavior. So (2) are you certain that homosexuality doesn't involve a personal trait which people have a right/good reason to be weary about?
Or people are just bigots, but what is at the root of that bigotry? I would think the bigotry is tied to the view at least that homosexuality is unnatural.
(3) or is it your opinion people just don't understand? (This last option requires you do some heavy lifting to prove it is natural and/or genetic [which are both false, so good luck with that])
As a straight guy, I’ll be honest: I’m afraid I’ll say something wrong. Kinda irrational perhaps, but I think a lot of us have been fed the idea (as we should) that we should be mindful of how some minorities have it, and this can create the thinking that a lot of things said are homophonic or otherwise discriminating, even if they aren’t. In short, we are afraid of saying something that could come off as offensive, so we end up appearing awkward. The fear of having one’s words misinterpreted. Just my two cents.
I am 55 yrs old, so I am not sure if this is because I came out during a less tolerant time. I hate when people find out that you are gay and think that you have share some deep dark secret or some sort of fetish with them. So, they want to share one with you. The countless conversations I have had with people and walked away thinking "WTF!!!!"
I'm much younger. I remember someone coming out to me by text as bi when I was 13, and I just replied, "okay."
I then felt the need to assure them that I wasn't freaking out or anything, which looked like I was freaking out and backpedalling lol
Also, P.S. my deep dark secret is that I think Twinkies are kinda nasty
@@Direblade11 (Walking away, whispering) "wtf."
You’re my favourite RUclips creator JJ, and your sexuality doesn’t necessarily define you. You’re the absolute BEST Canadian content creator; you create awareness about Canada that wouldn’t be here without you! Props from Peterborough ON!
I can relate to this so much. I even had to explain to my parents in my 20s that my being gay wasn't the LEADING characteristic about me. They kept attributing every decision I made to being gay. Hes moving to the city ... because he's gay. He wants to work in a creative career...because he's gay. The list goes on. I tried to explain that many straight men share my love of art and design and living in urban areas. Their parents never stop and say..."BUT you are straight". The ultimate annoyance is when people ASSUME because you are gay you MUST think a certain way about ALL political topics. If you go off script there must be something wrong with you. Uh, well, gay people are ALSO individual free-thinking humanoids... we are not robots programmed in a lab FOR THEIR CONVENIENCE. I've even had straight people tell me that despite my success and intelligence ... "you are voting against your own self-interests".... AS IF they KNOW all my personal self-interests. Is sucking dick my ONLY self-interest? Uh, no. Not at all. To be honest I sometimes prefer just being around straight conservatives. They just let me be myself. Will they talk about sucking dick and drag shows? Well, no. The women might, but generally, no. lol. But I do like to talk about other things sometimes. I am human first. Gay is just one of a long list of what makes up my personality... and I would like to think this is true of ANY gay person. If someone leads with being gay... I generally assume they are not that deep as a person. I prefer individuals to tribal representatives. But that's just me.
Yeah, this is the one that I hate the most. I'm a nurse and gay. It's often just assumed, although most men in nursing are straight. What I always retort with is that both my parents are nurses. I really shouldn't have to feel like I need to explain it in that way to people, when I knew I liked taking care of people long before I knew I was into men. The irony is that I have a non-existent relationship with my father, which again had nothing to do with me being gay, nor would he have cared, I knew I was gay before our falling out and our falling out happened unrelated to that entirely. However, I'm stuck with people pointing out stereotypes of gay men that really may or may not be there but for me would be exactly the same if I was straight. It sucks that people tend to not look at me as an individual.
I have been accused of secretly fancying my straight friends (often by their insecure girlfriends), it’s extremely hurtful as any legit grievances or issues just get chalked up to “lol he just secretly wants to bum you, chortle chortle”. In fact, about a year ago I fell out with a very good (straight) friend due to his awful behaviour; drink driving, drug abuse, etcetera and even months later I was hearing about how it was because I had a crush on him. I think that’s the most common form of homophobia I’ve certainly experienced here in the UK. In some ways getting shouted out by a drunk truck driver would be preferable because its obvious, whereas the sexualisation of friendships is far more insidious and implies there’s something not just dysfunctional about gay people but also that there is a disease/contagion element to it. Oh and I completely agree about how annoying it is when middle aged women start creating a fuss if you're openly affectionate with your partner in public.
I’ve got that from the workplace sometimes- In jest, but being accused of F-ing a colleague (even if it is blatantly a piss-take) can.. get a little stale over time.
They’ve been good otherwise, though.
@@smasherblues5322 8 billion people in the world do you really believe that? Let's say, 7.8 billion, are straight you think 7.8 billion people there's no pda that's innapropriate? We know already majority of people are heterosexual.
I just want to know answer to the first question
I wonder, if to a certain extend this comes from them thinking about gay people, what they may do them self. Going into a friendship with a guy and being in love with them.
i dont think sexuality has anything to do with drunk driving mate
My favorite annoying thing the straights in my life do is feel the need to tell me acquaintances we encounter together in the wild are gay. Because, you know, it’s super relevant for me to know that the guy you sat in front of in high school math that we bumped into at the Chili’s is into dudes.
My favorite example is when, just a year ago, I decided to tag along while my dad went to Costco and we bumped into this couple who go to the gym he was a salesman for. He walked over and said hi and the conversation seemed really friendly (I hung back by the cart and just sorta smiled and waved) and when he came back he goes “those guys are from my gym. They’re partners. Like… husbands. They’re gay.”
Like no shit dad, two middle aged dudes sharing a grocery cart, spending the whole time physically closer than you and I have been, kinda figured they weren’t neighbors or something lmao
My mother is a hairdresser and does this a lot as well, very ostentatiously informing me whenever she gets a chance that some obviously gay male hairdresser she worked with or met or whatever was gay.
@@jeffforsythe9514 and then there's these guys...
It's such an invasion of personal privacy!! I hate it too. You don't see me introducing my straight friends and being like "oh yeah, you're both straight I thought you'd get along!" Like our sexualities don't automatically mean we'd get along as partners or even friends. And also I do not care about someone's sexuality unless I am the one pursuing them. Such a weird thing that straight people need to point it out. But then also asks us about our "gaydar" as if that's a thing.
@@JJMcCullough Your beautiful hair makes so much more sense now
@@JJMcCullough It happens in many immigrant families too, anyone wearing something out of the ordinary or effeminate - they must be gay 😂
(There’s no prejudice or anything, it just a thing that generation does I guess)
I just want to say, I may not understand your lifestyle and I may even find it a little disgusting but dammit Canadian people exist and you have every right to be as openly Canadian as you can be! You keep being you, J.J. ❤
Had me in the first half ngl
I understand internalized self hatred for being Canadian. Eventually I thought to myself "f*** it, it is not something that I can easily change". Now I hardly think of it anymore.
I just wish Candians would tone it down a bit. Like do y'all need your own flag and songs and accent?
Your comment scared me 💀
If you ever see this J.J., which I know you probably never will, I’m sorry that it sounds like you’ve probably had to put up with an awful lot of crap that you shouldn’t have.
“…an ongoing lack of understanding many otherwise well-meaning people have towards gays.”
I couldn’t have said it better myself. As well as later you say that (paraphrasing) the true hallmark of normalcy is that a topic simply isn’t discussed anymore -> NOBODY (well, very-nearly nobody) unironically discusses a return to Segregation in the Deep South of the U.S., and I long for a day when the same attitude prevails in regards to gay-rights as well; I want gay/bisexual people to simply be treated as individuals and treated no differently than those who happen to have brown hair or green eyes.
I bet/hope that we’d get along great if I were to meet you in real life. If someone happens to be “straight” or “gay” it’s one of the least-interesting facts about them (because no one should care, in a good way).
Great videos mate, please keep making them 👍
Third point is 100% infuriating. I once had a straight male friend tell me that he was worried about hanging out with his friend's gf because "guys and girls can't be friends because it always turns to romance".
And I was like "dude, I'm literally bisexual. Are you saying it's impossible for me to have any platonic friendships?"
I think we should also let go of the stigma that friends shouldn't be attracted to or want to date each other. Maybe you should have an open mind about people you like being around? Saying no doesn't have to be awkward, and it doesn't have to ruin everything either. I swear people watch way too much television or something.
@@futurestoryteller that can be problematic if you are in an exclusive romantic relationship though. It points again to the need for emotional maturity and good boundaries. The whole ‘guys girls can’t be friends’ is rooted in heteronormative contexts, it assumes either party could attract the other. But if one is unavailable by their sexuality, not being friends with them draws from the turning/flipping stereotype.
Yes I'm sorry but you don't get to have friends, if you want to hang out with someone you HAVE TO then marry them on the spot
Yes, but only with the ugly or the old...
It is still weird for a guy to hang out with his friend's gf when he isn't around though. It's not a gender thing. There are 1 billion other women he can platonically be friends with besides the one his friend is dating. It's different if the two of them were already friends beforehand. If the way you meet someone is as your friend's significant other, that is the only way you should view them until and unless their relationship dissolves.
As a younger gay person, a lot of the well-meaning acceptance and activism surrounding lgbt issues actually discouraged me from coming out sooner. I was much more anxious about having to navigate the attention coming out would bring me more than anything else.
I live in a place where both positive and negative attention would be easily expected, so I was extra worried about having to face both 😅
We a married gay couple who decided to foster a child. When we were asked if we had a preference as to a boy or girl. Being an all male couple we preference having a girl over a boy. Due to society maybe being uncomfortable with a gay male couple raising boys, they more accepting of us fostering a girl.
For me doing away with labels altogether
I’m a straight guy with a lot of trust issues due to past relationships. As a result I have chosen to distance myself from romance for about 4 years now. At every gathering that requires we bring a significant other I get asked why I don’t have a partner, am I gay, why aren’t I married yet, etc…
I might not be able to understand what the LGBTQ community goes through, but I can relate to annoying assumptions about things that are no one’s business but my own.
Seeing this introspective side of JJ is really nice, I feel that he has a lot of profound insights. I’ve always found the way he identifies with his sexuality as very relatable to my own experience.
😂🏳️🌈🤡 JJ
I think he does what we should all do with everything in life. Be honest with yourself without letting one part of you take over your whole self
@@yannislaurin5438 quebec 🫵
@@yannislaurin5438 cmon man
@@kpoprat Ok what is the meaning of the comment? What if I'm Québecois? Nothing is ridiculous about us. But JJ🤡. You just have nothing to say .
I’m a straight dude, and I can’t stand how much people focus on someone’s sexual persuasion and sexualize relationships by default. I’m blessed with wonderful friends who are gay as well as straight female friends, and it’s irritating when people ask or imply that we’re more than friends.
I think a lot of it, at least at a base level, has to do with how sex and relationships tie in to perceived social standing.
So long as Sex and Sexual relationships remain a standard for coolness and popularity at the high school and college ages, I'm not sure these kinds of comparisons will ever truly go away.
Thanks for bringing these issues up, your contribution is valuable and appreciated.
skill issue, should've picked a better sexuality smh
I could really relate to the last one as a bi guy. There's one guy in my class who knows I'm bi and constantly "ships" me with my straight male friend, seemingly for no reason other than "because you like guys". Despite refuting it multiple times, he keeps assuming my friend is too shy to come out or we're in denial. It's gotten to the point where if he "catches" us looking at each other he will gasp and smile.
Damn that’s creepy
Whoop that guys ass right now. That’s disgusting.
Well that's unfortunate. Besides isn't it potentially harmful to ship real people? Also what if you started shipping him with someone you know he doesn't like? It might help him understand how you feel. Plus maybe he would get annoyed and stop shipping you. Or not I have no idea.
dude that guy needs to be punched in the face
One of the things I've noticed in my (gen z) generation is the aggressive encouragement to come out, even when the person isn't ready to come out themselves. I experienced this as a bi man. I've had sexual relations with men and women, but I preferred the women much more, so I assumed I was just straight at the time. But when I told my experiences to a few people, they thought I was a secret gay or bi and were telling me that they knew the truth before I did. It was uncomfortable and really weird to not take what I thought at face value and just understand where I was at the moment. They weren't supportive of me and actively made me feel worse about my sexuality, even if they were (somewhat) right in the end
All you have to do is be you. If you need help that is when we can help
I think gen z is so accepting, that too many, especially in liberal accepting areas, fail to understand what unacceptance actually means for many. It's more than a cold shoulder, it could be life or death in some areas. Plus for many quere gen z, they had supportive parents who helped them through discovering themselves, that they think they can be supportive as well and help someone they think is quere also discover themselves.
It comes down to this, I think many quere and non-quere gen z just lack the knowledge of the persecution quere people before them and elsewhere experience and as such are unable to place themselves into these situations. In a way, its the same mentality of those who thought racism was defeated when Obama was elected president.
Clearly human sexuality is a spectrum. The fact that we keep adding more letters and it never seems to be enough to capture all the subtleties makes me wonder whether we ought to stop trying. Especially since every label comes with a bunch of assumption other people will make, many of which won't apply to you.
I recently came out of the closet after 30 years maybe that i m bi sexual. Some already knew like my mom. She loves me and wants me to be happy. But its hard. Some male friends are like it's okay and stopped messaging me and calling me. And i ve never been with a man but i'd love to be. I've had many gf's some for like 5 years. Now I'm opening up and really allowing myself to have feelings for men. And I know it's okay to love who you want. I'm still feeling very strongly I'm doing something bad that's not allowed. And feeling maybe I don't want this life and i shouldn't be here. Don't worry, a friend is a therapist i can talk to. She's been very understanding.But sometimes i feel this way.
Lots of crying involved and i met some great people in the community that are so understanding and sweet and kind to me. Love you guys and girls. New friend is a transfemme. She understands me. I'm just having a bad day going thro this process. ❤
Straight-passing gay man here. It's annoying that coming out is both a required continual process and also perceived as over-sharing. I wish people would think of it as the same tier of info as gender identity. If I say I'm a man, most people think "they are a man and they like women". But if I say I'm a gay man, instead of just thinking "they are a man and they like men", there's a lot of "ugh, why do you have to announce that, it doesn't matter", as though I'm making a big deal of it, when _they're_ the only ones making a big deal of it.
I’m not gay, but as a person with a disability, I also relate to some of the experiences you talked about. Receiving a lot of well-meaning, overt support and kindness is something I experience quite frequently when I am out in public. Being told I am brave for riding the bus on my own, or that it’s good to see someone like me out the house and doing things, when they see me at a baseball game. I understand that it comes from a good place, but is ultimately reductive and condescending, like you said
The same thing for me! I was actually going to comment this exact thing, but I thought against it. I use a wheelchair and have cerebral palsy and the amount of people (mostly middle-aged women) that have said to me, "Oh, you're such an inspiration!" for like EXISTING has been ridiculous. I especially fucking H-A-T-E it when they baby-talk to me like I'm a child when I'm actually in my late 20's.
Why are there two almost exactly written comments like this? LOL is this like a copy-paste just to get likes? Pathetic!!
@@KingofCrushermany of us have the same experiences. Not click farming
@@KingofCrusher I have not seen the other comment you are talking about, but there are a lot of bots that copy comments made by actual humans, and a lot of times the bot comment will have a lot more upvotes than the original comment :P The bot will have a pretty much naked woman as their profile/avatar picture most of the time.
If i was there i wouldve laughed. Not at you but at the situation. Im imagining a mother guiding her young child. Oh? Did you eat on your own? Woooow. Great job.
"You guys must be SOOOO IN LOVEEE" she says to two people on a first date... as a Straight dude, I can't even imagine that happening to me or how I would even be able to react.
"We're actually looking for a third, you in?" Boom! Dominance established
I have noticed that this need to constantly define us by our sexuality by straight ppl is still borne out homophobia ... I have also lost too many friends in my life when they found out or realized I am gay, they coincidentally stop wanting to kick it with me as frequently or even at all, most likely due to them not wanting to be mistaken for being gay by others ... all because in society at large being gay is still not accepted as an equal state of being as that of being straight, which is still to me, such a strange and inane perspective on reality. /blahg.
Just discovered your channel, really enjoying the Canadian perspective on things, particularly from LGBT CANADIAN ACTIVIST JJ lol. Yeah, i usually just roll when dealing with the breeders, they mean well, usually. It's particularly weird with my best friend, who is straight, and everyone just assumes we are a couple, or even weirder they think he is the gay one. He does love the drag shows...but he is working on his 4th marriage, he's straight (but apparently not great at it)
Your last point about same-sex friendships is really great. I have seen this dynamic between straight people, as well. Since everything is so sexualised, as two guys become really good friends, one or both might become unnecessarily confused or worried about their sexuality. "I, a straight guy, really like hanging out with my straight friend John, and I really like him. Maybe I am actually gay?" This might scare some people from forming close same-sex friendships altogether, or inject into the friendship an unnecessary sexual dimension, as sexuality has become the "only way" to express love in non-familial relationships.
That being said, all these concerns and fears are rather juvenile, and I will say that as man in my late 20's, I find it much easier to form meaningful friendships now, than in my teens, with both men and women. I guess it all comes down to emotional maturity and confidence in your own identity. But I do think that our sexualised culture has made this whole friendship thing just a little more difficult for teens.
As a Bisexual man who keeps his dating life fairly private and doesn't talk much about his sexuality, I end up very annoyed when people I know straight up forget my sexuality. Having to come out to the same people over and over because I mentioned I'm going on a date with a guy is very tiring. Plus, I'm well aware that the reason they forget is because I "don't match stereotypes", aka meaning I'm not some insanely sexually hungry person. A mixture of knowing they stereotype, seeing them forgetting about my personal details, and having to come out again (not scary for me but still a little nerve-wracking), just gets to me quite a bit
id... almost consider it a compliment that your sexuality was so unimportant to their view of you as a person
@@terdragontra8900 being unimportant to someone isn’t a compliment. If you have a friend that’s a woman, and she works in construction and you constantly forget because she seems too dainty and feminine to be in construction and you constantly have to be reminded, that would be grating. Knowing basic facts about your friends, regardless of how surprising those facts may be due to your own biases, is just basic respect. I know many details about my friends that never come up in conversation that I rarely think about, but I still remember. The only time I don’t do that is when I view someone as too unimportant to remember any details about, typically because we aren’t friends.
@@braydenreid6542 people dont choose what they remember. the fact you have good memory doesnt mean you should label those who dont as doing something morally wrong.
@@terdragontra8900 well, if they have a bad memory, then it’s not a compliment either. They just have bad memory. You can’t have it both ways by saying it’s a compliment for them not remembering and then just saying they have a bad memory. It’s not a compliment if they just can’t remember anything. If their memory is good enough for it to be considered a compliment if they forget, then I’d say it’s good enough to say they view you as unimportant if they do as well
@@braydenreid6542 yes thats true. but i still maintain that if someone is only an acquaintance, and only remembers basic facts about your personality, and they dont naturally consider your sexuality to be necessarily in that categorization, its not a compliment toward you per se, but a sign of a valuable attitude thats too rare today. Viewing people as people first, with culture sexuality etc second, is rarer than it ought to be across the whole political landscape. (For context if you'd like it, I'm a bisexual man who doesnt think the fact I'm bisexual, or even a man, ought to matter in a typical interaction)
I am an openly Queer and Non-Binary individual, in high school i was in a club surrounded by straight men. The most common thing that I got from those of them who were even close friends of mine was the question of "whats it like to be gay?" I was lucky enough that most didn't worry about me being interested in them since I was in a relationship at the time, but the fact that people think of it as such a foreign idea that it MUST be a drastically different experience from being into a person of the opposite sex annoys me to hell and back.
You have a right to exist, the same as I do. Who you have sex with, and how you have sex is your business and none of mine. It's not my place to pass judgement.
Nice ❤
Wow, sensibility and tolerance. We need more people like you.
As a lesbian identifying individual also living in Vancouver (Canada), who had no clue about your sexuality until seeing this video, it's nice to hear that I'm not the only one who is bothered by these notions. It's usually the assumptions of others intimate affairs that gets annoying for me, like "who's the man/top" situation.
Some people love to be allies more than they care to be decent people. Putting a person on the spot for the sake of masturbatory virtue signaling is lower on the ladder of social conduct than dropping a fart in an elevator. No well adjusted person likes to be applauded over traits of their character they haven't earned.
@@Part.No.1xbil.Prod.Tp.MXMVIII i love this comment
It’s just so strange because these allies don’t realize that they’re being absolutely insane. No one would walk up to a straight couple- “awhh so cute! Who’s sexually dominating who? Do you take it up the a*s or does he do it?” It’s just like explicit. personal, sexual details that we are casually expected to talk about with complete strangers
I am an asexual living in Vancouver, and although it wouldn’t be as impactful as being lesbian or gay, there is still a fair bit of aphobia in the world. But Vancouver is actually super chill and open, and makes me happy that I live where I live.
I am like Switzerland. Civil to all. Ally of none.
Omg this thumbnail is amazing! Glad to have a cool role model like you as a gay guy JJ
Aren't you just proving his point?
@@mirzaahmed6589 it’s satire lol
@@brian_cao it’s not lol, there’s not a huge amount of openly gay youtubers especially not Canadian ones and JJ is the kind of guy I wanna be
JJ is the most Canadian sounding Canadian i've ever heard. Also did not realise you were 38...thought you were way younger than that. ❤
I have come out as gay recently and probably the worst thing that I had no idea I would expirience was that people to some extent started to treat me differently. Not in a bad way, but in general things I used to do with my male friends I just can't do anymore, because they know I'm gay. I would say that's probably the worst part about being gay. Although I can say that it happened to me that some people started to somewhat sexualise everything I said and did, like just talking to my best friend. Thankfuly no one has ever walked to me to say that they think what I am doing is great, probably because in my country people just generaly don't care what other people are doing.
It does not seem to have been mentioned yet:
Something that genuinely bugged me once I came out to friends was receiving a confession at some point of their specific appreciation of me "not being one of those (flaming) gays" or that I never feel "compelled to parade around".
In these cases, I was genuinely surprised and hurt since a lot of them were my only support at the time and who I divulged openly only after a long covert litmus test to see if they were safe. I told them that my "chill" just happened to be my personality, but I wished that I had the bravado of others--especially because of our community's history as well as many personal histories of not being able to freely express themselves until being able to move elsewhere.
This video was great. As a gay in Australia I get pretty much the same experiences. Strangers opinions and comments are almost always positive but I don't need nor want to hear them. The fact that they need to point out that "this is so great and I want you to know that I accept it" contributes to that "othering" that occurs. My gay relationships should be just as significant (or, really, insignificant) as my straight siblings, friends, etc.
We recently had World Pride here in Sydney and I had lots of people asking me what I was doing, what events, clubs, parades I was going to and my answer was that I wasn't interested. Not in an internalised homophobia way, but in a way that those events don't interest me, gay or otherwise. The reaction I usually got was that I MUST do it and I MUST go because I'm gay. The gatekeeping around how you express your sexuality and pride is frustrating. If you want to go to those events, that's amazing and I'm happy for you, however I will not be joining you and I'd like you to respect that.
Honestly, as an Australian citizen myself, I’d have thought my own country would know better than this. Like, it’s cool to support gay rights and all, but it’s not cool to constantly shove them down people’s throats, whether said throats are gay, straight, bi or other.
You should tell them oh I think you're great too. I approve of you being straight you should keep doing it.
We've gone from no gays allowed to avert homosexuality is now mandatory. I'm not a fan of extremes.
i wholly agree with everything you have said here! (i've also never been to a single pride event. it's like saying you have to go to an outdoor music fest to prove you like music?)
Being that I came out as pansexual VERY late in my life (figured it out just before my 27th birthday) I always personally identified more with myself as an individual with an Autism Spectrum Disorder (Asperger's) because that was something I had to deal with pretty much almost my entire life.
When you are a kid with blatant enough autistic quirks, you are Lucky if ANYBODY wants to be friends with you, because in all likelihood, your personality and your challenges prevent you from fitting in with most standardized social norms. The ostracization I faced growing up definitely wasn't as severe as most LGBTQ+ youth (I never got beat up or anything like that) but I definitely could sense when people (including LGBTQ+ people) didn't want to be around me. I was a weird awkward kid who made people uncomfortable, I am aware of that, and it took me years of counselling, coaching and many, many mistakes for me to grow out of that.
Flash forward to decades later when I discover I am pan. I broke the news to a few LGBTQ+ people I know in town and a good chunk of them automatically assumed that I was changing my gender or was going non-binary. I had people hear me say that I'm LGBTQ+ and immediately go "Oh My God! I can't WAIT to see what kind of dresses you wear! Can I go shopping with you?" and just as immediately look super deflated and bored when I tell them that I still identify as male (more so now as accepting my sexuality made me more comfortable in my skin as a male). It's like they immediately develop more of a social interest in me when they find out I'm LGBTQ+, but immediately lose interest when they find out that I am not their BRAND of Queer. It was like being the weird autistic kid again: I don't fit into their narrow view of what they want in a person and as a result of that I'm less socially acceptable.
This is something that I would like to see end, not just from straight people, but from the LGBTQ+ community too: Just because I am LGBTQ+ doesn't mean that I have to fit into some kind of ill-defined categorization of what an LGBTQ+ person is in your head.
Reason I'm not okay with labels, They carry stigmas and it bothers me.
Gay man here
As a straight male, this video is so hilarious. 😂😂 I always thought the most annoying part of being gay is straight people overly cool with being gay. Also, I have noticed that straight women ARE OBSESSED with trying to play gay male matchmaker "oh I have this friend you would love!" I don't know how that couldn't not be annoying.😂