It’s been said that it takes two to make a marriage, but only one to kill it. While I’m still married, and I still love my wife, most of the time the bedroom is Death Valley.
@@dennisfrancisco5686 yes, i had no idea about it before. But when I got depressed I tried to find the reason and solution... I found many. In our country we can't share it even. people will take you in a different way!!! What a fate...It has taken away my smile...
Funny thing is sex doesn't have to be a hour long marathon romp. It can take as little as five minutes. If someone doesn't have five minutes of time to give to their partners don't be surprised if they wonder off
If your partner doesnt care about your needs then dump them cause people dont change. Find someone more compatable but fix your own issues before you search the next one out
He's married to his hand and porn. He calls it working out, in the garage, the bathroom, on my sofa and it's grossing me out. Its difficult to not be synical about it, but 26 years of marriage down the drain. My boys are grown, just waiting for them to move on and out, in the mean time, I'm working on me and my self and preparing for my future.
26 years? Work on your marriage. Nearly anything can be repaired. Anything. Sometimes.... you have to roll up your sleeves and fix it all alone, it can be done.
Love your comments. As a man who has bashed marriage and the lack of sex in it, generally due to the wife, you are a breath of fresh air. If more women were like you, there would be less divorce and, definitely, less horrible marriages. The number of women who are 50 + and admittedely have no desire for sex is shocking.
Along with all that Barbara has said, another reason for a woman's lack of interest in sex when she hits 40+ is inner vaginal dryness. One in three women suffer from this, it feels like the inside of her vagina being rubbed raw with sandpaper at penetration time and during intercourse.
@@dboy6400 I totally agree, however, external lube only deals with the entrance to the vagina. Inner vaginal dryness affects the whole of the inside tract of the vagina, so lubing the entrance doesn't fix this issue. Depending on a man's size, penetration and intercourse can be extremely painful. In my Sex Mastery Enjoyable Sex and Orgasms program for women, I explain a technique which flushes the entire inner tract of the vagina. Combined with coconut oil to lube the outside, this removes all discomfort at penetration time and intercourse to make sex enjoyable again.
Wrote an article on this topic which provides that technique to resolve vaginal dryness I mentioned. Could be of help... and provide some relief for the women and their partners who are suffering, or to share with your female friends: www.endtheproblem.com/best-natural-cures-for-female-dryness/
This video is like a breath of fresh air.. Thank you for bringing me back to reality. She sometimes makes me feel like I am ill or that I am just a superficial animal.. "like all other men"
Going through that right now brother. I met my wife when I was 26 and she was 35. We were so damn hot and heavy back then. She went through early menopause when she was 43 and now for the last 5 years it's cobwebs and crickets. I still love her and want her but after years of this I finally went elsewhere and had an affair. I am a very loyal person so it made me angry that she turned me into a cheater. I only cheated twice and it wasn't even fulfilling. I still only want her but she won't even make an effort. It is the most frustrating situation.
You know what? I don't want to do a lot of the stuff around the house I do. I don't want to always deal with the kids or cook dinner. I guess I'm confused as to what menopause has to do with sexless marriage. Does she love you? Isn't the reason you do for her things you don't like, because you love her? Oh...it's her body? Oh, yeah...I see; so your body isn't involved in cleaning out the gutters, etc. 🤔
Sex in marriage is a sacred dance between 2 people who are equally connected first in the mind and soul, and then in the body. Sex is the highest and deepest form of communication that 2 humans can reciprocate to eachother. If you cannot talk to eachother honestly and openly...then sex is going to be especially uncomfortable. There are some people who don't need an emotional connection to have sex. And there are others who, without that deep emotional connection to that person...their body rejects the idea. It's all about chemical balance and flow. Blaming eachother for not wanting sex or wanting it too much does no good. Nobody should have to be the only one wanting sex in a marriage and the other should not have to have sex when they don't want to. The most important part is to talk about it. And if you can't? If you cannot communicate about it? Or one of you won't? Then...where can you go? A healthy relationship is nurtured thruough communication. Without it...it's dead. A true balanced relationship is one where the 2 individuals grow together. When you stop growing with that person...you end up growing apart. No sex is not everything in a relationship. But...really, shouldn't you want to have sex with the person you're married to? 🌺
@@abad-enoughdude._.3919 I never stated what was right or wrong, just that staying is harder than leaving. That's said, if kids are involved, you are flat out wrong. Family therapists overwhelming prefer children endure a divorce than their parent's toxic marriage.
@@conchobar look up how much more likely children are to be neglected and abused in a broken home. Whoever told you that is either talking out their ass or is volitionally an advocate for the breakdown of western society by promoting divorce outright.
We (no matter the intimate relationship) both have and should take responsibility for talking to each other and being open and honest about our needs. We must attempt to work through barriers to intimacy. In my case, I must ask my wife what she is comfortable with, and what she is not. We must accept our differences, and expand ourselves. It sounds simple, but is difficult. It takes time, energy, and practice. Blessing to the fellow strugglers.
My hubby is a slob, drinks to much, eats himself to death ,overweight and a sport fanatic! No time for me! I gave up not bothering anymore! I find other company more valuable to me .people that have good conversations, good humour and and a positive outlook on life more interesting than my hubby's company! Sex is good with the right partner! .
@WildAl Mayhem what if your attractive other men find me attractive but my husband doesn't sleep with me. Do I leave the marriage? See other men or tell all his friends /family? ?
My husband is a sexual anorex. Yes Intimacy anorexia is a real thing. I have been starved for years. And I don’t how to pick myself up. I am not masculine. But a man who never got in touch with his feelings killed me. Now he wants to change he wants to love me. But I so depressed I can’t receive it.
Perhaps check your behaviour around him, women are very good at making a man feel unappreciated. A huge turnoff. This behaviour can be overt, or done in very subtle ways, manipulating. What I have seen with women in my life. First GF (12 years) went out of her way to make me feel I would not be attractive to other women. Told me after I left her that this was her way of dealing with her fear of being abandoned. The behaviour had the opposite affect, pushing me away. Just some of my thoughts. You know your own situation and if this applies. Not criticising you or your hubby.
The big takeaway from this talk is she only gained enlightenment AFTER the divorce. Lack of communication does not mean people aren't expressing their feelings, it's more likely than not one or both parties simply aren't listening.
@@ozm8642 date your woman? You must not be married brother. My wife blames her age and early menopause for her low sex drive. No amount of dating will get her in the mood. Unless you mean dating other women. Sadly I am getting to that stage now and I hate it. I only want her but I am also only human. Damn I hate this situation.
@@GG-vq6ro I'm in the same boat as well, although my lady isn't old, just all of a sudden stopped and she is happy with it, while I am not. I say date your wife, take her to places you used to take her to or new places, don't stop 'dating' her, show her off let her breathe. And the key is you time. Your strengths, your hobbies, take care of yourself, don't be 100% available to her, do your thing, women are naturally drawn to a man with his own thing going on and his own space and alone time etc. This should help with closeness levels, as for sex, I have yet to crack the code but its a step in the right direction.
@@ozm8642 thanks for that brother! You are so right that women like guys who do things on their own like hobbies. I definitely agree with all you wrote here. Good advice! I am loyal person so seeing other women made me even more unhappy with the situation because I truly only want her. Thanks for the good advice 👍. It is not easy to date in this lockdown world and being winter in Canada but I will try to think of some fun activities. Thanks again and God bless!
That happened to me with my first husband. Hard for anyone to understand who hasn't lived it. Nobody talked about it then. There was no youtube. They call it intimacy anorexia.
Been together ten years with partner. About 8 sexless years. He won’t go to counselling. I don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried everything. Read everything. Watched everything. Made myself so aware on help to help us and he won’t meet me half way. We’re literally living as housemates. And what makes it worse we are meant to be getting married next year. I don’t want to be in this relationship any more. I’ve tried for too long and it’s all been one sided. I’ve even asked him if he may be gay. We’ve had sex once or year or every 18months for about 8 years. The entire situation about feeling unwanted and taken for granted has me feeling so depressed I think about ending my life. I can’t believe how depressed I am and he doesn’t even try to help me lift the cloud that he sees me in. It’s like living with a friend who pecks you on the lips every couple of days. He knew I was bi going into this relationship and all I think about is getting out of this relationship and exploring that side of me again. Any advice gratefully appreciated.
If he is not willing to work on the problem and you tried through many ways, maybe you need a break from this relationship. I think the right person would not make you feel like that and would try working through the issue. Do not end your life because of another person, it's not fair to you. You are enough just being you and if you need to be by yourself then be by yourself and be strong. Better to be single then with the person who does not even try knowing that it is affecting your mental health. Being mentally dependent on the other person is bad because if something happens then the other person will be too attached and devastated to be alone. Don't let anybody break your spirit, there is only one you in the world. Love yourself and value yourself. Pass through this life journey through loses and wins.
Why did you stay that long and agree to an engagement if this is the case? This is a HUGE deal. Get out before you're tied down in a sexless marriage. 8 yrs is plenty of time to change behavior. It's clear that he doesn't want to, or can't change.
Sadly many don’t understand sex in a marriage isn’t given has a reward or taken away has a punishment it’s given freely to your other half out of love. When God created sex he made it for marriage has a special gift to one another his word goes on to tell married couples to love each other scripture says do not deprive one another unless of mutual consent and for a short time of prayer then get back together so satan doesn’t cause temptation. Scripture also says it’s the responsibility of both husband and wife to be sexual to one another and nether should reject the other.
As a man I feel for her frustration in marriage. There's nothing more heartbreaking and humiliating than the constant rejection to intimacy, that cold body lying next to you and the poor excuses from him only proves that his heart is already gone somewhere with somebody else.
Same here brother. I adore my wife and I want nothing more than to have intimacy with her but she is a total control freak and not a good communicator. Trying to bring up intimacy in any way just leads to arguments. She blames early menopause but if she even made an effort it would be ok but she won't. I cheated on her 2 times and it wasn't even gratifying because I only want her. I am positive that she's not cheating but that almost makes it worse because I just can't see how it will get better. I'm so frustrated with my life now that I'm pouring my heart out to complete strangers on RUclips lol.
@@GG-vq6ro That is so awful. I'm in a similar situation but as the wife. Just curious if you are otherwise affectionate with her or pay attention to her other needs that aren't sexual? It's possible she may have communicated those things in some way, but felt ignored so she shut it down? Hope you can work things out. With my spouse, I believe he's intimacy anorexic due to a messed up childhood and has associated deprivation with love, so he's shutting me out. I can't take it anymore and he's finally seeing a psyc, so we'll see...
@@GG-vq6ro You sound like a sweetee,menopause problems can be sorted,go together to a sex therapist and discuss your sexual loneliness for it will destroy you ultimately in your soul,failing that give her notice of your intention to move out until such times that she will listen to you and change her ways.
so the summary of this is the following: woman as a stronger gender took it all upon herself once again. once again it was a woman’s fault that a man couldn’t be a man without needing to be “invited” to be one. i especially love how men praise all this basically admitting that their masculinity is up to a woman.
“Once again” ... victim- monger much? Sounds like her husband was indeed passive in the face of her dominance, which was his role in ending the marriage. He was unhappy, but didn’t speak up, which was his responsibility to do. But If he had asserted his masculinity, his marriage would probably have also ended - I don’t believe for a moment in her mindset at that time she would have relinquished control of the relationship and she would not have tolerated his assertiveness. Men will not find a woman as she was the least bit desirable or even tolerable as a mate. Good for her for realizing this, hopefully her ex husband was able to grow, too, in his new relationship.
@@chetp8423 Exactly. The divorce was the catalyst for her change of heart. Don't be fooled, there was plenty of communication in her marriage prior to his affair and their ultimate divorce. She simply didn't listen.
I will be 69 in a few months.. I have finally found some good bed partners.. Two male Dachshund dogs.. They never complain.. Never say it is too hot or too cold,, sheets never too wrinkled, they never steal the blanket, they watch what ever movie I want, and I don't have to close caption it, and eat popcorn with me then go to sleep....Cheers; Mike in Louisiana
It's so strange to hear these problems presented as a man being "emasculated" by a "bitchy man-woman" instead of it being about miscommunications and built-up resentments etc based on prescribed gender roles. Recognizing my own patterns in relationships has been so important to me. Having difficult conversations, trying to listen without judgement so I see another person's point of view is SO HARD but also helpful when I can do it. Feeling like a victim sucks, and seeing that you can change behaviours and thought patterns that are holding you back has been empowering to myself and many people I know. But also, those ways of being have nothing to do with my (or anyone else's) gender. Heck, if it was just a matter of modern women ruining their relationships by "emasculating" men then any relationship with two women or two men would never have problems. I think some of your ideas are so great and so important. I know that boiling it down to women being "bitchy" or "masculine" is at best misguided, at worst, dangerous.
WildAl Mayhem look who’s talking about narcissism. a person who assigns value to people and I bet assumes that he himself has a higher value than others and thus his opinion matters more... go back to mama’s basement.
The roles that men and women play in marriages are not "prescribed". They come naturally. The man is naturally inclined to be the provider, protector and leader. The women is naturally inclined to nurture the family and home. Both roles are important. This modern view of "emasculating" men and "empowering" women is what's dangerous. Let men and women decide what they want to do naturally.
Why do you see that way? The person in it took responsibility for her part in the failure why are you so against personal responsibility when you make an error?
It was like you were speaking my story... people always think it’s women that don’t want to but it’s not it’s just not talked about. Only thing different for me is he is alpha male and has to control everything but with no desire to have sex with me... maybe that’s control too, Who knows.
Ya that's so hard. In my dating and relationship coaching practice I hear countless stories of women who want more sex and their men refuse. I believe it can be a control thing but there are usually much deeper issues in the dynamic of the relationship that are at play. Thanks for the comment!
@@DatingCoachBarbaraSanten This is often due to the male worrying about a possible sexual function issue such as premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction (losing erection hardness). It's important for a male to be able to fulfill his woman, and if he feels incapable of this, he will start avoiding sex all together. One in three men suffer from these problems, one in two over forty.
I clicked on this video, looking for help with my sexist marriage. All I got was this woman complaining about her life and offering no solutions whatsoever.....
No one can give or takeaway "manhood." Kudos to you for recognizing your strength could be presented in a different way. However, far too many speakers look at women this way and it misleads men. Your husband could have, should have communicated and still provided affection. Maybe if he had, you would have "shut up" and felt safe. You could have easily took the route he did but maturity and respect plays a huge role in marriage. He didn't respect you. Sometimes, as women, it's easier to blame ourselves than to simply say, " he doesn't respect me."
I feel very delighted she is taking accountability for contributing to the failure of her marriage. Unfortunately, women find out too late when they are no more desirable.
My bf used to have sex all the time with his ex and even cheat. When he met me he decided to stop having sex, and that sex was ugly, and rejected me for almost 5 months. Then it got better, then he rejected me again and again. Now, 4 months later, I'm not attracted to him anymore. He asks me to have sex and now I don't even want it, and I can't ever see myself wanting to have sex with him ever again. I'm only 25 but feel like a washed up 60 year old woman, and it's really sad. Oh well. I aged before my time I guess :/
I’m 22 in a relationship for 2.5 years it’s been 1 year and 5 months since the last time I had sex with my boyfriend. He rejects me Everytime I ask. Before it was I wasn’t enticing him enough in his words eventho I would dress in sexy things just for him. Then it turned into I ask too much and he’s tired of me asking and trying all the time that he didn’t want me to be the one to Initiate sex. So I cry myself to sleep every night. Just laying in the same bed is unbearable. We barely talk. So I feel this. I feel like even if he did want sex he puts my body down so much that I wouldn’t be able to focus on the sex.
@@carolhughes2096 You are not married to him. You have no obligation to stay with him because you have not committed to stay with him until death do you part. By him rejecting you for 1 year and 5 months, there is a problem, and to blame you is selfish. He should care about your wellbeing and do what he can.... Besides an advice? Don't have sex out of marriage.. focus on talking about these things, like intimacy, and your views on things... What you expect from each other etc.. sex is after. ❤🤗
I get so tired of hearing women taking blame. Men need to selflessly love their wives and give them the affection due them. I can almost guarantee you that your woman will go above and beyond to meet her man's needs. Men need to step up and stop being lazy and selfish.
One woman admits that his happens with both genders and you try to make it all about women again....why continue to claim victim status based on your gender ?
You are right! We deserve that. But THEY deserve a wife who doesn't emasculate them. WHo doesn't bitch and complain all the time. Who respects them as the man that they are.... AND, furthermore, it is our responsibility to choose these men in the first place. I never said I took the "blame". I'm taking responsibility for my part. Not his.
@@gregnagy7569 TRUTH!!!!!! It's infuriating!!!! I hate it that fellow women do this. It just creates even more of a gender divide. We need to accept and nurture each other for who we are. Yes, women have been oppressed for centuries, but counter oppression isn't gonna fix this. WE need both men and women to show up in a new way, in a collaborative and supportive way. And OHHHHH how much better the sex will be then!!!!!!!
@@gregnagy7569 if your reply is toward my comment, I'm sorry I do not see the relevance of it. It doesn't make sense. I'm basing my comment on my own personal experiences and observations. It's nothing to debate.
I think me too. I never thought using my knowledge or creativity to make better choices for our future is wrong, but recently realised that it's exactly what hurts my partner. So I'm learning to use my skills in my own hobbies, how to say "yes", cheer him up or make him come up with my ideas ;) - instead of giving my suggestions.
How odd, she obviously worked hard 60 hours a week, asked about her needs etc but she was wrong? So basically women shouldn't work outside the house or ask for anything. Sounds to me like her husband fancied a new woman and used excuses. There is absolutely no justification for adultery. If it had been the other way around and he was working 60 hours a week etc would it justify her going out and sniffing around some random new man at the office? I doubt it.
"She" is me. And, to answer your comment, the point wasnt that I shouldn't work outside the home. You misinterpreted what I said (I'm a very successful business woman still now) but the point is that I thought that would help my marriage. I had it all wrong. Showing up in a different way in my marriage could have helped him feel more seen and more satisfied overall. There's no excuse for adultery, I agree. But I do see there are reasons, that are not always one-sided.
@@DatingCoachBarbaraSanten You are right Barbara, both parties in a marriage are accountable for any problems but I'm sorry to say this, your husband was an underhand louse who should have worked harder on his marriage instead of whoring about. If, after putting the work in, he was still unhappy, he should have simply divorced you. In any case, good for you that you are successful as you deserve it and I hope you also find/have found love with a real man! (If that's what you want!)
@@b.m.t.h.3961 I still disagree. He did what he did because he had no idea what else to do. He thought in that moment that having an emotional affair (at first...) was ok. He justified it in his mind because he felt unhappy. We all do weird stuff to make ourselves feel better. Some people watch porn, some eat sugar, some drink alcohol or are addicted to shopping or facebook. Even you have ways of coping when you're unhappy. That's all I'm saying. What he did didn't feel good to me, that's true, but he didn't do it "to" me. He did it, and it hurt me. He didn't say to himself "How can I hurt her the most..." does that make sense? I forgive him wholeheartedly.
@@DatingCoachBarbaraSanten He did what he did because being a deceitful, immoral, adulterer suited him at the time. It's called making choices. Obviously, maybe it helps you soften the blow to make excuses for him which is fair enough, that too, is your choice.
@@b.m.t.h.3961 Ok darling. You feel free to have that opinion. I understand. Sending you loads of love in your own journey. I'm not making excuses. Remember, I'm no longer married to him. I've moved on. I don't want to be with him. I love him as a human, and let him go to figure out his own shit. I'm not God, I don't get to be the ultimate judge. All I can do is make decisions that make me live my best life. Thanks for engaging with me in this lively discussion ;)
Your video is just making me.cry right now. I feel like it is me in the beginning with all the feelings you're talking about. I've just decided to stop wanting to be the hot pretty woman that I once was and to stop wanting to have a woman's life. The journey is hard sometimes, but the more I get used to the idea "you are not a woman any more" the more I don't feel any sexual desire any more. It is just relief in the end. Because i caused me so much pain over the last 6 years that my hubby rejeted me. I gave up on this part of me. Thank you so much for being honest about this though
@@jeandesbouquets8599 i did not. I am known for always being on my sunday's best. Makeup on, nicely dressed up, clean and smelling good. House clean home cooked meals. Children taken care of. And I work just like him. So no, i did or get lazy
Oh, poor Barbar Santen. It had been months without sex. Try going without for years! I've rarely attracted what I deserve. Dating was such a frustrating experience. Women were a serious disappointment. So what you do? Get married. Ugh!
Oh come on, enough with this bullshit psycho analysis and quoting religious bible phrases and such. If you're in a sexless marriage (whether male or female) and the other one doesn't want to provide the intimacy you're entitled to, then go outside of the marriage for it. Simple as that.
This woman presenting this on stage does not delve into the reasons why the man is rejecting his woman. I will bet the wife has been holding out on him in other areas such as not acknowledging his contribution, perhaps working hard to bring in the bacon, he gets home from work, tired, wants to relax, she becomes a banshee or demanding. Get the garbage bin out now!, the lawn needs mowing, gives him a disapproving look. it goes on. Many ways a woman can make her man feel unappreciated, often in very subtle ways.
Thank you John! This is my passion, to change the world one woman at a time. I'm a dating and relationship coach for women and this is my main message. I hope you'll start feeling like more women around you are taking responsibility soon!
Two problems here. First, feminists in the media have told women for decades that they need to act like men, and men have allowed it. Second, women have this thing I call the nesting instinct, which makes them think they need to control the home environment , and men are just another thing they need to control in that environment. Men come home simply wanting to rest and recharge, and they don’t want to fight any more battles that day. So women act controlling and men put up with it. Sexual attraction goes out the window and you get sexless marriages that result in divorce and kids without fathers and everything that results from all of that. If the man won’t lead, and the woman won’t follow, then marriage won’t work. Call it patriarchy if you want to, but if you’d rather be married than single, then that’s the system that works. Sorry if women don’t like that.
Hmmm.... she describes how if he isn't interested in sex, it's all about her feeling rejected. It's the man's fault. Yet when a man says he feels neglected because his wife isn't interested in sex, he's either called a pig because he's only thinking about his desires or he's told that if he was any good, she'd want to have sex. So again, it's his fault.
Dont get married men. Its just a piece of paper that she gets to legally use against you to take all your stuff after she quits paying attention to you. Remember, she leaves to chores lists all the time. You're just a maintenance man
Thank you coach I see myself in the you you described. It is quite a cultural thing on my end in the African community for the women to have to take charge for the household to run, and we do have to bear love loss and adultery that comes with the men's perceived emasculation (no excusing any bit of it!). Do you believe had you made the necessary changes (before his adulterous decision), it would have been enough in keeping the marriage?
Dear @shem Believer, yes I do believe that I could have saved this marriage if I'd known earlier. That said, the breakup of this marriage is what allowed me to grow into who I am today. I would never want to change it now! I would have been stuck in that life, and not have the incredible life and opportunities I have now... and I wouldn't be the relationship coach I am today.
I think age has a lot to do with it and how long people have been together....My grandmother use to say "new broom sweeps well".. lol at age 68 maybe my broom is worn out....
Dating Coach Barbara Santen - It needs to. I have a 20 year old son that I have taught to lead in the home, protect, provide and support his wife and family. In addition, I have explained the strengths of a woman that a man doesn’t posses and vice versa. Women need to learn that ( most) men are inherently wired to guard his household spiritual, financially and lovingly. Let us do what we are suppose to do.
Happy Louie - with all due respect, we do not live in a time of unequal opportunities anymore. To counter your question, when equal rights were established, why did the feminist continue to press for more. You speak of men being leaders of the home, I reference that as being an Alpha male, not a Beta. I completely support men needing to stand up and be men. However, when the leadership roles reversed due to feminism pushing for women to be strong, independent and not needing a man. That’s not how the good Lord designed it. In addition, where did the lesbian movement get its greatest support from, feminism. It goes to the point that women in those relationships have one the acts the role of a male. That within itself indicates that a female needs a male and vice versa. There are things that are/ were male specific within the family and the same for the female’s contribution to areas of their strong suit. It’s not about dominance, it’s about a relationship that works according to each other’s strength and weaknesses. Not role reversal.
@@bmd1825 Great reply. I agree wholeheartedly. This subject is riddled with peoples defences about feeling inadequate rather than owning and embracing their strong qualities. This does not by any stretch mean I condone traditional "gender roles" of the 50's but there are fundamental "energies" that we embody that enhance each of us. We need to learn to embrace them...rather than try to be something we're not.
Ladies if this happens to you see other men on the side. This lady should have stopped working let him step up and be the provider. He will assume you can manage and don't need him.
yeah tried that... we just ended up not having money at all. look it’s simple: if you can feel good only if someone beside you pretends to be smaller/weaker - YOU have a problem. Other people shouldn’t have to pretend to be smaller just so that you feel bigger. I mean they can. But it won’t last. True faces show anyways. Can’t hide your core.
@@smartiewill9526 nope, that mentality is toxic for a marriage. A man is visual, so one has to be physically attracted, it is what it is. And a man need to feel respected.. men don't need to feel.loved but respected. When you have those 2, then it'll flourish again. I presume you're a woman so I talk about what a man want. A woman want to feel loved and feel affection.
Paul wrote to Timothy: "A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent" (1 Timothy
remind me again - what do you deserve ? the idea of deserving anything is the foundation of a debt owed to you by others because of what you did for them. if you did something for others SO THAT they would do something for you - that's barter / wage or leverage.
@@DatingCoachBarbaraSanten part of your comment is my point. the idea we feel as though we deserve anything is based in selfishness and entitlement. my comment is not based in insult or anger but humility. thinking that you deserve anything implies that someone owes you something and places an unwarranted expectation on them.
This is exactly my wife and I. I have MS and I'm not the problem in our sex life. She said when she looks at me, she only sees the decease. I think, she thinks sex isn't important.
I got MS between proposing and actually getting married. We have two kids. I lost a lot of weight and got too skinny. But I have been in the weight room for the last yr and half. Others have said they see a difference. The weight I lift has gone up.
wow, so sorry. I'm a female who can't figure out my male partner's issue with sex and I have chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia. I had it when I met him, but perhaps he feels this way regardless and won't tell me the truth. You deserve better
It’s been said that it takes two to make a marriage, but only one to kill it. While I’m still married, and I still love my wife, most of the time the bedroom is Death Valley.
Same about me!!!🤷🏻♀️
@@thecaptain2272 Ha ha! Nothing to do...
You’re not alone
@@dennisfrancisco5686 yes, i had no idea about it before. But when I got depressed I tried to find the reason and solution... I found many. In our country we can't
share it even. people will take you in a different way!!! What a fate...It has taken away my smile...
@@sharminlikha6854 it sucks doesn’t it?
It's good to read the comments. At least I know I'm not alone
Funny thing is sex doesn't have to be a hour long marathon romp. It can take as little as five minutes. If someone doesn't have five minutes of time to give to their partners don't be surprised if they wonder off
Most women would be offended by a 5 minute session because they'd see it as the man simply used them.
@@BloodyHeck Truth!
As a man, I am physically incapable of less than 50 minutes... How the heck can you only last 5?
If your partner doesnt care about your needs then dump them cause people dont change. Find someone more compatable but fix your own issues before you search the next one out
When I “snuggle lovingly” - I don’t get “nothing”. Instead, I get cringe, disgust, and withdrawal.
I wonder how many men have thought that.
Me too
Me three.
Mark ...pack your bags and go don't be unhappy life's too short
Sounded more like a poem then a solution to the sexless marriage I was looking for
The power of her belief in being right and being a VICTIM… while de-masculinizing her husband and assuming his role - perfectly described.
He's married to his hand and porn. He calls it working out, in the garage, the bathroom, on my sofa and it's grossing me out. Its difficult to not be synical about it, but 26 years of marriage down the drain. My boys are grown, just waiting for them to move on and out, in the mean time, I'm working on me and my self and preparing for my future.
26 years? Work on your marriage. Nearly anything can be repaired. Anything. Sometimes.... you have to roll up your sleeves and fix it all alone, it can be done.
Love your comments. As a man who has bashed marriage and the lack of sex in it, generally due to the wife, you are a breath of fresh air. If more women were like you, there would be less divorce and, definitely, less horrible marriages. The number of women who are 50 + and admittedely have no desire for sex is shocking.
Along with all that Barbara has said, another reason for a woman's lack of interest in sex when she hits 40+ is inner vaginal dryness. One in three women suffer from this, it feels like the inside of her vagina being rubbed raw with sandpaper at penetration time and during intercourse.
@@jacquiolliver3434 Astroglide. Or coconut oil.
@@dboy6400 I totally agree, however, external lube only deals with the entrance to the vagina. Inner vaginal dryness affects the whole of the inside tract of the vagina, so lubing the entrance doesn't fix this issue. Depending on a man's size, penetration and intercourse can be extremely painful. In my Sex Mastery Enjoyable Sex and Orgasms program for women, I explain a technique which flushes the entire inner tract of the vagina. Combined with coconut oil to lube the outside, this removes all discomfort at penetration time and intercourse to make sex enjoyable again.
Wrote an article on this topic which provides that technique to resolve vaginal dryness I mentioned. Could be of help... and provide some relief for the women and their partners who are suffering, or to share with your female friends: www.endtheproblem.com/best-natural-cures-for-female-dryness/
@@jacquiolliver3434 monopose
This video is like a breath of fresh air.. Thank you for bringing me back to reality. She sometimes makes me feel like I am ill or that I am just a superficial animal.. "like all other men"
My wife went through menopause in her late 40s- and early 50s and lost interest afterwards in sex completely...
Going through that right now brother. I met my wife when I was 26 and she was 35. We were so damn hot and heavy back then. She went through early menopause when she was 43 and now for the last 5 years it's cobwebs and crickets. I still love her and want her but after years of this I finally went elsewhere and had an affair. I am a very loyal person so it made me angry that she turned me into a cheater. I only cheated twice and it wasn't even fulfilling. I still only want her but she won't even make an effort. It is the most frustrating situation.
@@GG-vq6ro
That's exactly my Marriage.
Sucks but a little comforting to know I'm not the only one.
You know what? I don't want to do a lot of the stuff around the house I do. I don't want to always deal with the kids or cook dinner.
I guess I'm confused as to what menopause has to do with sexless marriage. Does she love you? Isn't the reason you do for her things you don't like, because you love her?
Oh...it's her body? Oh, yeah...I see; so your body isn't involved in cleaning out the gutters, etc. 🤔
After 5 years with no sex I divorced , life is short, she refused go to the doctor I made my decision
Sex in marriage is a sacred dance between 2 people who are equally connected first in the mind and soul, and then in the body. Sex is the highest and deepest form of communication that 2 humans can reciprocate to eachother. If you cannot talk to eachother honestly and openly...then sex is going to be especially uncomfortable. There are some people who don't need an emotional connection to have sex. And there are others who, without that deep emotional connection to that person...their body rejects the idea. It's all about chemical balance and flow. Blaming eachother for not wanting sex or wanting it too much does no good. Nobody should have to be the only one wanting sex in a marriage and the other should not have to have sex when they don't want to. The most important part is to talk about it. And if you can't? If you cannot communicate about it? Or one of you won't? Then...where can you go? A healthy relationship is nurtured thruough communication. Without it...it's dead. A true balanced relationship is one where the 2 individuals grow together. When you stop growing with that person...you end up growing apart. No sex is not everything in a relationship. But...really, shouldn't you want to have sex with the person you're married to? 🌺
Hi
@@daviddickenson1243 hello.
How are you are you a Single lady
@@daviddickenson1243 I'm fine thank you and no I am not a single lady 😉
Ok
It's not as easy as "leave your partner to be happy." When you have people that depend on you, you are screwing them over if you don't stay strong.
Leaving your partner is always easier than the long term suffering you will endure by staying.
@@conchobar There is nothing wrong with enduring it out of love of those around you.
@@abad-enoughdude._.3919 I never stated what was right or wrong, just that staying is harder than leaving. That's said, if kids are involved, you are flat out wrong. Family therapists overwhelming prefer children endure a divorce than their parent's toxic marriage.
@@conchobar incorrect.
@@conchobar look up how much more likely children are to be neglected and abused in a broken home. Whoever told you that is either talking out their ass or is volitionally an advocate for the breakdown of western society by promoting divorce outright.
We (no matter the intimate relationship) both have and should take responsibility for talking to each other and being open and honest about our needs. We must attempt to work through barriers to intimacy. In my case, I must ask my wife what she is comfortable with, and what she is not. We must accept our differences, and expand ourselves. It sounds simple, but is difficult. It takes time, energy, and practice. Blessing to the fellow strugglers.
Wise words, Kirk, and so very true. The best relationships are those where both partners are stepping up to expand themselves.
Hope you didn't marry
You can "talk" until you are blue in the face. If she does not listen, it is an exercise in futility.
She's got most men's problem...I feel for her...
My hubby is a slob, drinks to much, eats himself to death ,overweight and a sport fanatic! No time for me! I gave up not bothering anymore! I find other company more valuable to me .people that have good conversations, good humour and and a positive outlook on life more interesting than my hubby's company! Sex is good with the right partner! .
You just described my wife bit without the sport
You just described my wife just without the sports ..
Force him to step up let him pay ALL THE bills save your money and leave.
@WildAl Mayhem what if your attractive other men find me attractive but my husband doesn't sleep with me.
Do I leave the marriage? See other men or tell all his friends /family? ?
@WildAl Mayhem so what's my best bet ? What can I do about it?
My husband is a sexual anorex. Yes Intimacy anorexia is a real thing. I have been starved for years. And I don’t how to pick myself up. I am not masculine. But a man who never got in touch with his feelings killed me. Now he wants to change he wants to love me. But I so depressed I can’t receive it.
Perhaps check your behaviour around him, women are very good at making a man feel unappreciated. A huge turnoff. This behaviour can be overt, or done in very subtle ways, manipulating. What I have seen with women in my life. First GF (12 years) went out of her way to make me feel I would not be attractive to other women. Told me after I left her that this was her way of dealing with her fear of being abandoned. The behaviour had the opposite affect, pushing me away. Just some of my thoughts. You know your own situation and if this applies. Not criticising you or your hubby.
The big takeaway from this talk is she only gained enlightenment AFTER the divorce. Lack of communication does not mean people aren't expressing their feelings, it's more likely than not one or both parties simply aren't listening.
i've been mgtow monk so long i cant' even relate to this anymore. i'm very grateful for that
10 years. No affection. No sex. Help.
@@pnaylish1004 date your woman. If that doesn't work take her to doctor
@@ozm8642 date your woman? You must not be married brother. My wife blames her age and early menopause for her low sex drive. No amount of dating will get her in the mood. Unless you mean dating other women. Sadly I am getting to that stage now and I hate it. I only want her but I am also only human. Damn I hate this situation.
@@GG-vq6ro I'm in the same boat as well, although my lady isn't old, just all of a sudden stopped and she is happy with it, while I am not. I say date your wife, take her to places you used to take her to or new places, don't stop 'dating' her, show her off let her breathe. And the key is you time. Your strengths, your hobbies, take care of yourself, don't be 100% available to her, do your thing, women are naturally drawn to a man with his own thing going on and his own space and alone time etc.
This should help with closeness levels, as for sex, I have yet to crack the code but its a step in the right direction.
@@ozm8642 thanks for that brother! You are so right that women like guys who do things on their own like hobbies. I definitely agree with all you wrote here. Good advice! I am loyal person so seeing other women made me even more unhappy with the situation because I truly only want her. Thanks for the good advice 👍. It is not easy to date in this lockdown world and being winter in Canada but I will try to think of some fun activities. Thanks again and God bless!
That happened to me with my first husband. Hard for anyone to understand who hasn't lived it. Nobody talked about it then. There was no youtube. They call it intimacy anorexia.
Never heard that term! Love it! Thanks for sharing... it's very painful indeed...
That what most married men r going through
@@jeandesbouquets8599 exactly, but men agony isn't heard well... it takes only a woman to earn sympathy of the society.
@@GrantCX agreed
Phrase coined by Dr. Doug Weiss I believe...
Been together ten years with partner. About 8 sexless years. He won’t go to counselling. I don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried everything. Read everything. Watched everything. Made myself so aware on help to help us and he won’t meet me half way. We’re literally living as housemates. And what makes it worse we are meant to be getting married next year. I don’t want to be in this relationship any more. I’ve tried for too long and it’s all been one sided. I’ve even asked him if he may be gay. We’ve had sex once or year or every 18months for about 8 years. The entire situation about feeling unwanted and taken for granted has me feeling so depressed I think about ending my life. I can’t believe how depressed I am and he doesn’t even try to help me lift the cloud that he sees me in. It’s like living with a friend who pecks you on the lips every couple of days. He knew I was bi going into this relationship and all I think about is getting out of this relationship and exploring that side of me again. Any advice gratefully appreciated.
If he is not willing to work on the problem and you tried through many ways, maybe you need a break from this relationship. I think the right person would not make you feel like that and would try working through the issue. Do not end your life because of another person, it's not fair to you. You are enough just being you and if you need to be by yourself then be by yourself and be strong. Better to be single then with the person who does not even try knowing that it is affecting your mental health. Being mentally dependent on the other person is bad because if something happens then the other person will be too attached and devastated to be alone. Don't let anybody break your spirit, there is only one you in the world. Love yourself and value yourself. Pass through this life journey through loses and wins.
Why did you stay that long and agree to an engagement if this is the case? This is a HUGE deal. Get out before you're tied down in a sexless marriage. 8 yrs is plenty of time to change behavior. It's clear that he doesn't want to, or can't change.
I can't believe you even consider getting married. Get out and be still. Be silent. Love yourself before a new love.
By not meeting you half way speak volume
Give him his walking papers and find someone else. He is not worth your time!
Sadly many don’t understand sex in a marriage isn’t given has a reward or taken away has a punishment it’s given freely to your other half out of love. When God created sex he made it for marriage has a special gift to one another his word goes on to tell married couples to love each other scripture says do not deprive one another unless of mutual consent and for a short time of prayer then get back together so satan doesn’t cause temptation. Scripture also says it’s the responsibility of both husband and wife to be sexual to one another and nether should reject the other.
And then there's the man that refuses, for whatever reason, to step in to his role, no matter how soft a woman is. 🤔
Definitely .
Exactly!!!! Sexual anorexia. Intimacy anorexia. Yes men suffer from this.
I am empty and clinically depressed.
As a man I feel for her frustration in marriage. There's nothing more heartbreaking and humiliating than the constant rejection to intimacy, that cold body lying next to you and the poor excuses from him only proves that his heart is already gone somewhere with somebody else.
Because rejection Is just that. Eventually they won’t even sleep in same room
Leave the person
I married a control freak to and I hate it everyday
Same here brother. I adore my wife and I want nothing more than to have intimacy with her but she is a total control freak and not a good communicator. Trying to bring up intimacy in any way just leads to arguments. She blames early menopause but if she even made an effort it would be ok but she won't. I cheated on her 2 times and it wasn't even gratifying because I only want her. I am positive that she's not cheating but that almost makes it worse because I just can't see how it will get better. I'm so frustrated with my life now that I'm pouring my heart out to complete strangers on RUclips lol.
@@GG-vq6ro That is so awful. I'm in a similar situation but as the wife. Just curious if you are otherwise affectionate with her or pay attention to her other needs that aren't sexual? It's possible she may have communicated those things in some way, but felt ignored so she shut it down? Hope you can work things out. With my spouse, I believe he's intimacy anorexic due to a messed up childhood and has associated deprivation with love, so he's shutting me out. I can't take it anymore and he's finally seeing a psyc, so we'll see...
@@GG-vq6ro You sound like a sweetee,menopause problems can be sorted,go together to a sex therapist and discuss your sexual loneliness for it will destroy you ultimately in your soul,failing that give her notice of your intention to move out until such times that she will listen to you and change her ways.
so the summary of this is the following: woman as a stronger gender took it all upon herself once again. once again it was a woman’s fault that a man couldn’t be a man without needing to be “invited” to be one. i especially love how men praise all this basically admitting that their masculinity is up to a woman.
“Once again” ... victim- monger much? Sounds like her husband was indeed passive in the face of her dominance, which was his role in ending the marriage. He was unhappy, but didn’t speak up, which was his responsibility to do. But If he had asserted his masculinity, his marriage would probably have also ended - I don’t believe for a moment in her mindset at that time she would have relinquished control of the relationship and she would not have tolerated his assertiveness. Men will not find a woman as she was the least bit desirable or even tolerable as a mate. Good for her for realizing this, hopefully her ex husband was able to grow, too, in his new relationship.
@@chetp8423 Exactly. The divorce was the catalyst for her change of heart. Don't be fooled, there was plenty of communication in her marriage prior to his affair and their ultimate divorce. She simply didn't listen.
I will be 69 in a few months.. I have finally found some good bed partners.. Two male Dachshund dogs.. They never complain.. Never say it is too hot or too cold,, sheets never too wrinkled, they never steal the blanket, they watch what ever movie I want, and I don't have to close caption it, and eat popcorn with me then go to sleep....Cheers; Mike in Louisiana
It's so strange to hear these problems presented as a man being "emasculated" by a "bitchy man-woman" instead of it being about miscommunications and built-up resentments etc based on prescribed gender roles.
Recognizing my own patterns in relationships has been so important to me. Having difficult conversations, trying to listen without judgement so I see another person's point of view is SO HARD but also helpful when I can do it.
Feeling like a victim sucks, and seeing that you can change behaviours and thought patterns that are holding you back has been empowering to myself and many people I know.
But also, those ways of being have nothing to do with my (or anyone else's) gender.
Heck, if it was just a matter of modern women ruining their relationships by "emasculating" men then any relationship with two women or two men would never have problems.
I think some of your ideas are so great and so important.
I know that boiling it down to women being "bitchy" or "masculine" is at best misguided, at worst, dangerous.
WildAl Mayhem look who’s talking about narcissism. a person who assigns value to people and I bet assumes that he himself has a higher value than others and thus his opinion matters more... go back to mama’s basement.
The roles that men and women play in marriages are not "prescribed". They come naturally. The man is naturally inclined to be the provider, protector and leader. The women is naturally inclined to nurture the family and home. Both roles are important. This modern view of "emasculating" men and "empowering" women is what's dangerous. Let men and women decide what they want to do naturally.
"What you believe to be true is true". I believe I'm queen of England. Crap it didn't work.
So..... cute little talk ..... what the HELL do I do ?? You didn't tell me HOW to overcome my SEXLESS MARRIAGE !!!!! What do I do ?? HELP
Dump them life is too short.
Have an affair.
Sexless marriage is abuse
Foodless Restaurants are the next Fun Fad... Followed by Waterless Swimming Pools, and Musicless Concerts.
I see myself in your story, how do i change?😥😥😥
I bet he was happy to spend that money you made. He didn’t reject that did he? You emasculated him my foot. He’s a big baby is more like it.
Yet the "Big Baby" moved on with his life and found a new love shortly after. She on the other hand is still talking about it years later.
Why do you see that way? The person in it took responsibility for her part in the failure why are you so against personal responsibility when you make an error?
For every woman in a situation like this there are a thousand married men who haven't had sex in years.
There are far more men who won't have sex with their wives than anyone admits, it's not all a one way street.
It was like you were speaking my story... people always think it’s women that don’t want to but it’s not it’s just not talked about. Only thing different for me is he is alpha male and has to control everything but with no desire to have sex with me... maybe that’s control too, Who knows.
Ya that's so hard. In my dating and relationship coaching practice I hear countless stories of women who want more sex and their men refuse. I believe it can be a control thing but there are usually much deeper issues in the dynamic of the relationship that are at play. Thanks for the comment!
@@DatingCoachBarbaraSanten This is often due to the male worrying about a possible sexual function issue such as premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction (losing erection hardness). It's important for a male to be able to fulfill his woman, and if he feels incapable of this, he will start avoiding sex all together. One in three men suffer from these problems, one in two over forty.
@@jacquiolliver3434
Or maybe he's just a self-centered, spoiled dick. Plenty of those, male and female.
I think we can match all the sexually starved husbands and wives together; there are going to have bunch husbands still left behind.
Overcoming a sexless marriage is ease. Divorce.
I clicked on this video, looking for help with my sexist marriage.
All I got was this woman complaining about her life and offering no solutions whatsoever.....
Well, I am in the same situation. Only I am the husband.
And I am not supposed to cry, because if I do it, then I would be forced to simply leave her.
No one can give or takeaway "manhood." Kudos to you for recognizing your strength could be presented in a different way. However, far too many speakers look at women this way and it misleads men. Your husband could have, should have communicated and still provided affection. Maybe if he had, you would have "shut up" and felt safe. You could have easily took the route he did but maturity and respect plays a huge role in marriage. He didn't respect you. Sometimes, as women, it's easier to blame ourselves than to simply say, " he doesn't respect me."
I feel very delighted she is taking accountability for contributing to the failure of her marriage. Unfortunately, women find out too late when they are no more desirable.
My bf used to have sex all the time with his ex and even cheat. When he met me he decided to stop having sex, and that sex was ugly, and rejected me for almost 5 months. Then it got better, then he rejected me again and again. Now, 4 months later, I'm not attracted to him anymore. He asks me to have sex and now I don't even want it, and I can't ever see myself wanting to have sex with him ever again. I'm only 25 but feel like a washed up 60 year old woman, and it's really sad. Oh well. I aged before my time I guess :/
I’m 22 in a relationship for 2.5 years it’s been 1 year and 5 months since the last time I had sex with my boyfriend. He rejects me Everytime I ask. Before it was I wasn’t enticing him enough in his words eventho I would dress in sexy things just for him. Then it turned into I ask too much and he’s tired of me asking and trying all the time that he didn’t want me to be the one to Initiate sex. So I cry myself to sleep every night. Just laying in the same bed is unbearable. We barely talk. So I feel this. I feel like even if he did want sex he puts my body down so much that I wouldn’t be able to focus on the sex.
Talk about it.... Talk about it. Talk about it 🤗 be open
@@Mshabbak I try to but he’s in denial that no sex is not an issue he thinks I’m just being ridiculous
@@carolhughes2096 You are not married to him. You have no obligation to stay with him because you have not committed to stay with him until death do you part. By him rejecting you for 1 year and 5 months, there is a problem, and to blame you is selfish. He should care about your wellbeing and do what he can.... Besides an advice? Don't have sex out of marriage.. focus on talking about these things, like intimacy, and your views on things... What you expect from each other etc.. sex is after. ❤🤗
carol hughes love you first
There is only 1 cure when your woman is frigid.....LEAVE!!! or get a side chick.
Courageous share. Thank you for the wisdom.
I get so tired of hearing women taking blame. Men need to selflessly love their wives and give them the affection due them. I can almost guarantee you that your woman will go above and beyond to meet her man's needs. Men need to step up and stop being lazy and selfish.
One woman admits that his happens with both genders and you try to make it all about women again....why continue to claim victim status based on your gender ?
You are right! We deserve that. But THEY deserve a wife who doesn't emasculate them. WHo doesn't bitch and complain all the time. Who respects them as the man that they are.... AND, furthermore, it is our responsibility to choose these men in the first place. I never said I took the "blame". I'm taking responsibility for my part. Not his.
@@gregnagy7569 TRUTH!!!!!! It's infuriating!!!! I hate it that fellow women do this. It just creates even more of a gender divide. We need to accept and nurture each other for who we are. Yes, women have been oppressed for centuries, but counter oppression isn't gonna fix this. WE need both men and women to show up in a new way, in a collaborative and supportive way. And OHHHHH how much better the sex will be then!!!!!!!
@@gregnagy7569 if your reply is toward my comment, I'm sorry I do not see the relevance of it. It doesn't make sense. I'm basing my comment on my own personal experiences and observations. It's nothing to debate.
Back pedal all you like....you have been exposed...
Marriage is the end of sex .period.
Not true.
When were you born
Rather,how many times have you been married.. its the bait
This is my wife without the money or accepting responsibility.
yes, it's so hard. Most women are not aware of this and feel justified to bully their man. It's awful. Trying to change this one woman at a time ;)
I think me too. I never thought using my knowledge or creativity to make better choices for our future is wrong, but recently realised that it's exactly what hurts my partner. So I'm learning to use my skills in my own hobbies, how to say "yes", cheer him up or make him come up with my ideas ;) - instead of giving my suggestions.
Easy, don't get married.
How odd, she obviously worked hard 60 hours a week, asked about her needs etc but she was wrong? So basically women shouldn't work outside the house or ask for anything. Sounds to me like her husband fancied a new woman and used excuses.
There is absolutely no justification for adultery. If it had been the other way around and he was working 60 hours a week etc would it justify her going out and sniffing around some random new man at the office?
I doubt it.
"She" is me. And, to answer your comment, the point wasnt that I shouldn't work outside the home. You misinterpreted what I said (I'm a very successful business woman still now) but the point is that I thought that would help my marriage. I had it all wrong. Showing up in a different way in my marriage could have helped him feel more seen and more satisfied overall. There's no excuse for adultery, I agree. But I do see there are reasons, that are not always one-sided.
@@DatingCoachBarbaraSanten
You are right Barbara, both parties in a marriage are accountable for any problems but I'm sorry to say this, your husband was an underhand louse who should have worked harder on his marriage instead of whoring about. If, after putting the work in, he was still unhappy, he should have simply divorced you. In any case, good for you that you are successful as you deserve it and I hope you also find/have found love with a real man! (If that's what you want!)
@@b.m.t.h.3961 I still disagree. He did what he did because he had no idea what else to do. He thought in that moment that having an emotional affair (at first...) was ok. He justified it in his mind because he felt unhappy. We all do weird stuff to make ourselves feel better. Some people watch porn, some eat sugar, some drink alcohol or are addicted to shopping or facebook. Even you have ways of coping when you're unhappy. That's all I'm saying. What he did didn't feel good to me, that's true, but he didn't do it "to" me. He did it, and it hurt me. He didn't say to himself "How can I hurt her the most..." does that make sense? I forgive him wholeheartedly.
@@DatingCoachBarbaraSanten
He did what he did because being a deceitful, immoral, adulterer suited him at the time. It's called making choices. Obviously, maybe it helps you soften the blow to make excuses for him which is fair enough, that too, is your choice.
@@b.m.t.h.3961 Ok darling. You feel free to have that opinion. I understand. Sending you loads of love in your own journey. I'm not making excuses. Remember, I'm no longer married to him. I've moved on. I don't want to be with him. I love him as a human, and let him go to figure out his own shit. I'm not God, I don't get to be the ultimate judge. All I can do is make decisions that make me live my best life. Thanks for engaging with me in this lively discussion ;)
Most men won’t give a rat’s behind about the paycheck their woman brings home, nor their education. To some, it’s a detriment.
No you're right but that's why he said "you don't meet my need either!".
Exactly my situation
Sex is a primary blessings only few couple get.
Your video is just making me.cry right now. I feel like it is me in the beginning with all the feelings you're talking about. I've just decided to stop wanting to be the hot pretty woman that I once was and to stop wanting to have a woman's life. The journey is hard sometimes, but the more I get used to the idea "you are not a woman any more" the more I don't feel any sexual desire any more. It is just relief in the end. Because i caused me so much pain over the last 6 years that my hubby rejeted me. I gave up on this part of me. Thank you so much for being honest about this though
U probably got lazy and gain weight
See other men on the side.
Don't allow him to use emotional blackmail on you.
@@neneosei7168 see it should be ilegal for woman to vive advice
Perhaps you don't make an effort physically or you don't make him feel respected.
@@jeandesbouquets8599 i did not. I am known for always being on my sunday's best. Makeup on, nicely dressed up, clean and smelling good. House clean home cooked meals. Children taken care of. And I work just like him. So no, i did or get lazy
Thank you for sharing your heart felt testimony. I totally relate, and I will share this with my wife. God bless you!~....
Thanks!
Smart Woman. Other Women need to listen. Great commentary.
Oh, poor Barbar Santen. It had been months without sex. Try going without for years! I've rarely attracted what I deserve. Dating was such a frustrating experience. Women were a serious disappointment. So what you do? Get married. Ugh!
Oh come on, enough with this bullshit psycho analysis and quoting religious bible phrases and such. If you're in a sexless marriage (whether male or female) and the other one doesn't want to provide the intimacy you're entitled to, then go outside of the marriage for it. Simple as that.
Then they'll divorce you and take your kids away...
This woman presenting this on stage does not delve into the reasons why the man is rejecting his woman. I will bet the wife has been holding out on him in other areas such as not acknowledging his contribution, perhaps working hard to bring in the bacon, he gets home from work, tired, wants to relax, she becomes a banshee or demanding. Get the garbage bin out now!, the lawn needs mowing, gives him a disapproving look. it goes on. Many ways a woman can make her man feel unappreciated, often in very subtle ways.
This is the closest thing to a female taking accountability as I have ever heard. Too bad more females won't do this
Thank you John! This is my passion, to change the world one woman at a time. I'm a dating and relationship coach for women and this is my main message. I hope you'll start feeling like more women around you are taking responsibility soon!
So true.. self awareness and accountability
you forgot to add “for a man”. a female taking responsibility for a man. where he himself couldn’t do it. very typical though.
@@smartiewill9526 Nah. It is a womans default mode to blame a man for everything, and never apologize. After all, they are never wrong, are they?....
Mine sure won't, very sad.
Two problems here. First, feminists in the media have told women for decades that they need to act like men, and men have allowed it. Second, women have this thing I call the nesting instinct, which makes them think they need to control the home environment , and men are just another thing they need to control in that environment. Men come home simply wanting to rest and recharge, and they don’t want to fight any more battles that day. So women act controlling and men put up with it. Sexual attraction goes out the window and you get sexless marriages that result in divorce and kids without fathers and everything that results from all of that. If the man won’t lead, and the woman won’t follow, then marriage won’t work. Call it patriarchy if you want to, but if you’d rather be married than single, then that’s the system that works. Sorry if women don’t like that.
He is a dismissive avoidant partner! Join the club!
Hmmm.... she describes how if he isn't interested in sex, it's all about her feeling rejected. It's the man's fault.
Yet when a man says he feels neglected because his wife isn't interested in sex, he's either called a pig because he's only thinking about his desires or he's told that if he was any good, she'd want to have sex. So again, it's his fault.
Don't play theater, offer a solution
Brothers just get your passport
Dont get married men. Its just a piece of paper that she gets to legally use against you to take all your stuff after she quits paying attention to you. Remember, she leaves to chores lists all the time. You're just a maintenance man
Welcome to our hell ladies, thank feminism.
He probably never wanted to marry her...
Thank you coach I see myself in the you you described. It is quite a cultural thing on my end in the African community for the women to have to take charge for the household to run, and we do have to bear love loss and adultery that comes with the men's perceived emasculation (no excusing any bit of it!). Do you believe had you made the necessary changes (before his adulterous decision), it would have been enough in keeping the marriage?
Dear @shem Believer, yes I do believe that I could have saved this marriage if I'd known earlier. That said, the breakup of this marriage is what allowed me to grow into who I am today. I would never want to change it now! I would have been stuck in that life, and not have the incredible life and opportunities I have now... and I wouldn't be the relationship coach I am today.
@@DatingCoachBarbaraSanten no accountability on her end just blaming d guy.
Know how to overcome a sexless marriage....get a divorce!
I'm married and not getting much sex.
Life is too short to put up with a sexless marriage, get out it fast and move on. Rather be single that put up with that nonsense.
Just remember ladies, this is how rejection feels. And women do it ALL the time to men.
I think age has a lot to do with it and how long people have been together....My grandmother use to say "new broom sweeps well".. lol at age 68 maybe my broom is worn out....
Lol good one
Feminism killed chivalry.
WORD!!!! But it's coming back.
Dating Coach Barbara Santen - It needs to.
I have a 20 year old son that I have taught to lead in the home, protect, provide and support his wife and family. In addition, I have explained the strengths of a woman that a man doesn’t posses and vice versa. Women need to learn that ( most) men are inherently wired to guard his household spiritual, financially and lovingly.
Let us do what we are suppose to do.
@@bmd1825 way to go on teaching your son in this way! Thank you from all of the daughters out there!!!!
Happy Louie - with all due respect, we do not live in a time of unequal opportunities anymore. To counter your question, when equal rights were established, why did the feminist continue to press for more. You speak of men being leaders of the home, I reference that as being an Alpha male, not a Beta. I completely support men needing to stand up and be men. However, when the leadership roles reversed due to feminism pushing for women to be strong, independent and not needing a man. That’s not how the good Lord designed it. In addition, where did the lesbian movement get its greatest support from, feminism. It goes to the point that women in those relationships have one the acts the role of a male. That within itself indicates that a female needs a male and vice versa. There are things that are/ were male specific within the family and the same for the female’s contribution to areas of their strong suit. It’s not about dominance, it’s about a relationship that works according to each other’s strength and weaknesses. Not role reversal.
@@bmd1825 Great reply. I agree wholeheartedly. This subject is riddled with peoples defences about feeling inadequate rather than owning and embracing their strong qualities. This does not by any stretch mean I condone traditional "gender roles" of the 50's but there are fundamental "energies" that we embody that enhance each of us. We need to learn to embrace them...rather than try to be something we're not.
wow gr8
Thank you!
No he had emotional anorexia. Don’t blame yourself ladies
That was me “the man woman”
Ladies if this happens to you see other men on the side.
This lady should have stopped working let him step up and be the provider.
He will assume you can manage and don't need him.
yeah tried that... we just ended up not having money at all. look it’s simple: if you can feel good only if someone beside you pretends to be smaller/weaker - YOU have a problem. Other people shouldn’t have to pretend to be smaller just so that you feel bigger. I mean they can. But it won’t last. True faces show anyways. Can’t hide your core.
@@smartiewill9526 nope, that mentality is toxic for a marriage. A man is visual, so one has to be physically attracted, it is what it is. And a man need to feel respected.. men don't need to feel.loved but respected. When you have those 2, then it'll flourish again. I presume you're a woman so I talk about what a man want. A woman want to feel loved and feel affection.
Seriously, I wouldn’t want to have sex with someone who spoke like she does.
I. Mean. Really. Why. Does. She. Pause. So. Much. When. She. Speaks?
Paul wrote to Timothy: "A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent" (1 Timothy
Relationships are stupid
You kidding me? Is that it?
👏👏👏👏
Thank you!
Jesus loves you! Doug Weiss is excellent. Maybe you want to listen to his story.
remind me again - what do you deserve ?
the idea of deserving anything is the foundation of a debt owed to you by others because of what you did for them.
if you did something for others SO THAT they would do something for you - that's barter / wage or leverage.
I'm not understanding you. I deserve happiness and contentment. That can be created solely by myself... no one needs to give me anything.
@@DatingCoachBarbaraSanten part of your comment is my point. the idea we feel as though we deserve anything is based in selfishness and entitlement. my comment is not based in insult or anger but humility. thinking that you deserve anything implies that someone owes you something and places an unwarranted expectation on them.
This is exactly my wife and I. I have MS and I'm not the problem in our sex life. She said when she looks at me, she only sees the decease. I think, she thinks sex isn't important.
I got MS between proposing and actually getting married. We have two kids. I lost a lot of weight and got too skinny. But I have been in the weight room for the last yr and half. Others have said they see a difference. The weight I lift has gone up.
I'm so sorry you're going through that.
Praying for you both
Dude leave don't get counseling it waste of ur time. It over and ur wife knows it.
wow, so sorry. I'm a female who can't figure out my male partner's issue with sex and I have chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia. I had it when I met him, but perhaps he feels this way regardless and won't tell me the truth. You deserve better
Men are men and women are women! Simple as that.
Pay backs.
Spice it up with copenhagen, don't get it in your eye
Welcome to being a man, sucks don't it.
remember the only rule that really maters, The only winning move is not to play!
LOVE THIS!!!!