Dating/Relationship with Avoidant Attachment (3 Tips!)
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 9 фев 2025
- Are you currently dating or in a relationship with someone that has an avoidant attachment style or avoidant tendencies? In this video, Carly Ann give three tips to help you navigate this relationship.
Check out Follow Your Fire - A Membership for Women Who Lose Themselves in Love: carly-ann.myka...
Get you FREE 3-part Short Course (Attachment Styles: The NEXT Level): carly-ann.myka...
Follow Carly Ann on Instagram: / carly.ann_
I am avoidant and push everyone away. I found a guy who has green flags everywhere, but my brain is desperately searching for reasons to leave them. It’s me not wanting to accept that I like them a lot, that growing our relationship would require that I come clean about my needs/wants and sharing that. That I have to say how I actually feel. That I have to make advances to bring us closer not leaving the burden on them. I have to sit with my emotions more which sucks because it’s usually the low emotions that I struggle with.
It's amazing to hear that you are trying to address these difficulties, I hope you find joy and a sense of accomplishment every time you try to be mindful and rewrite a little of your programming. Whenever you feel anxious and feel like pulling back into your shell just take a moment to remember the positive feelings that come from your own development and in the fact that you've probably made your partner feel good too.
Just, try not to let any further rejections bring you back to the beginning, believe me I know that is a lot easier said than done... Pfff...
Good luck, you've given me a little hope too, thanks.
I have an avoidant attachment style and I feel like I’ve lost the love of my life over it. I am in therapy and trying to heal so that it doesn’t happen again.
It’s more important that you have recognized the issue and a huge step that you are now healing. I will say it was not meant to be if they are no longer in your life. Trust in the fact that if it were, your paths will cross again. Avoidant or not, that’s up to the universe! Stay strong, keep going and keep healing…you have a huge support system here!
Did a life experience cause you to be an Avoidant ? Problems in childhood, break-up of a painful relationship. I'm in love with an Avoidant and I believe that he loves me, too. It was very good until 1 disagreement. I have known him for 44 years. I've loved him since I was 19 and I'm 64. He is 8 years older than me.
You're one of the rare avoidant ones that chose to do something. You should be so proud of yourself
I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and until I saw the videos about attachment styles, I took everything personal. Like the space that he needed and just the way that he acted versus what he said was not matching up so once I learned about attachment styles it all made sense. Because I have a anxious attachment style versus his avoidant attachment style. I just so desperately wanted to work between us.. he's a good man just has a different attachment style than I do.
Are you sure about that relationship? Are you happy?
a lot of signs I was dating an avoidant attachment girl...wow..learned a lot
I didn't realize this had a name! Being senior citizens, I figured it was just baggage from previous love relationships. I'm very interested in figuring out whether it's worth my effort to stick with this person. I already have deep feelings for this man. I've made it clear that he's worth trying to figure this out.
Newly dating an avoidant when I seem to be an attachment, and loving all these videos so I can understand her better
If the avoidant runs away or disappears, there is no way to have a relationship... it takes two people to have a relationship....
It seems like we have to accommodate the avoidant, but they do not accommodate the other.
How can we honour our own needs to feel loved and cared for in a relationship when discussions about this causes her to shut down and push away further? Is the answer just to leave and find someone more on our wavelength?
I am in a relationship and out of nowhere one day she said babe we need to talk and then she dumped me. I had no idea that she had this type of style. We were deeply deeply in love and then one day it just turned off apparently.
Yep DA
I am anxious attachment, and I am starting to date someone that’s avoidant and I’m trying to learn more about how we can work through our insecurities
Oh good you're an avid attachment. I guess we're a couple now. Wooo hooo
*anxious
Balance out the space. Take space before she does.
I was in a relationship with an avoidant for three years. Here is my tip: RUN.
Great video. Thanks. This sounds like my wife and I. She is avoidant and I am anxious as regards attachment style. At the moment I often feel anxious when we are alone together even though I love her very much. This is making it harder to improve things.
Hi Alasdair, I totally hear you. Navigating a relationship is really challenging when we have different attachment styles. It's great you are here learning about it
I’m watching because I’m avoidant and I want tips to know and understand what my needs are and how to communicate that to my partner so we can work constructively on it
So I will give some advice here...these tips I started using long before I watched this video, so they work...and if you give it enough time the avoidant will end up giving you the attention you needed.
da here with fa partner. just found out about attachment styles. keep up the good work.
can you make a video about how to talk to avoidant partner if he is upsetting you sometimes? avoidants dont like being confronted or called out. maybe you can make a video on how to properly communicate with an avoidant partner
and
how do we know if an avoidant is really telling the truth that they need space or alone time when they dont feel well?what if he is cheating and just making excuse and using his attachment style
thanks
Starting to see someone that has avoidment attachment style.
I meet a woman at a McDonald s and from the get go came off very strong with me,and we where spending time to together and things where going good,and all the sudden out of nowhere she ghosted me ,and blocked me without any explanation. One minute she’s loving me and the next she treating me like I don’t exist.
Dear Carly. I believe that my 37-year old girlfriend is a DA. I am 61. I am not allowed to sleep in her place, nor invited to her birthday or her family gatherings. Her close friends are present. She says my age will shame her. I was with her and her daughter on my previous two birthdays. How would she feel or react, if on my next birthday, she would no longer be invited? I plan to be alone. She introduced me to her sisters and to her daughter and we all go out sometimes. But she says that if I push her to meet her friends, the relationship is over. I used to be anxious, now I am secure on my last 3 tests. I provide her with financial support. Intimacy is no problem. Thank you for your reply.
I need to write an article on this topic and look who I found in the RUclips search results 😀 This channel looks great 👏👏
haha hello! Thank you, lovely to see your name pop up! I hope you're well and what a great topic to write about ;)
Good advice doc.
My person is such an amazing man. It's sad that a person lives in this fearful place
This is so accurate. Thanks for the tips!
Hi Jason, I'm so pleased it helped in any way!
Please help! haha
So I just sobered up from alcohol 3 years ago, and had been an anxious attachment style. But through my recovery and a lot of self improvement I have gotten to a place where I feel really good and confident in my self as a person, a friend, and potentially someone to date. I met a girl that shares a lot of same values, and mostly has grown independently, like I have. She was engaged for 4 years to somebody who was very controlling, but now she has been 2 1/2 years single and now we met. we have hung out over 2 months here and there, and I feel like she might be interested. I told her I was but that I would like to see where things go. well now I really like her, but it feels very stagnant. and red flag, she told me she was avoidant attachment style. So I think I can handle it in my progress of self improvement, but Im not sure if it’s my anxious attachment style coming out,m telling me to be more forward, or if I need to play it cool. obviously the two attachment styles are very confusing together but I feel more secure attachment these days. Any ladies with avoidant attachment style have any advice on how to proceed???
Best tip is to run. They are narcissist's. Most of them anyway. Find a healthy person. If they were just avoidant it would be bad enough, but the lying, cheating, manipulations and how the tear your soul down is a nightmare. You can't heal them.
And the dismissive part is so demeaning
Hey - whilst it can be difficult they aren’t narcs! I’ve been a relationship with both someone with NPD and an avoidant. Whilst I understand your prospective - my narc purposely abused and destroyed me. The avoidant actually does have empathy and doesn’t want to hurt you, they just aren’t able to reach into that healthy space of vulnerability and outward love all the time. The world narcissist is used far too often. They are the absolute devil.
My boyfriend i think is a avoident and i am a anxious one, its hard for me because weve been together for almost 4 years. But a big fight between me him and his mother triggered him to close of in everything.
I would like emotional intimacy, to feel heard and seen when I’m most vulnerable. He wont show me his vulnerability, and when I ask for a kiss he sometimes says no.
Sounds like this is difficult. We have to be able to look deep into our needs and understand them, where they come from, and how they are best met in vuknerale moments. It's interesting you said "sometimes" says no, that's hard to judge because it means he sometimes says yes. Follow me on IG if you're not already @carly.ann_
One tip: just don’t
Trying to really messed up my self esteem. It's like trying to ride a bike that steers right when you turn left and turns right when you steer left. You will try your awkward best and still look like a needy mess only to ultimately fall off the bike
Thank you, so helpful
Can you discuss about an avoidant anxious break up. What if I just found out he is a DA after he was heavily triggered during the engagement stage and and has since called everything off and blocked me.
I am in a relationship with an avoidant for 3yrs and 2yrs into it I have asked for commitment and she shutdown and stonewalled. She reached out to me after 45days of no-contact and then it took me a year to gradually rebuild the relationship . This time I am equipped with the skills to deal with a dismissive and approached with a different dynamic. Recently rehashed the discussion about commitment and she politely turned it down and said she is not thinking about it. Also, advised to use time wisely and why not consider dating someone else. I am totally at shock and not certain how to process her feedback. ? DO you have any insights on how to interpret it.
Run.
How can I let them know n meet them my needs after 6 mo. gap without the overwhelm as right now my blood is boiling
We have been dating 7 months and I think she is avoidant attachment
probably YOU are the one dating her for 7 months, she still secretly thinks she is single. wish you well, im in the same boat with you, 6 months for me
3 tips on getting yourself wrapped up in trouble
I got a tip, don’t date them. Too much damn work.
There is only one simple rule - don't date an avoidant.
Ohhh..Thank you so much..
So true
I really like your hair
Thanks 😊
Relationships can’t work without conflicts. If one is so avoiding that he can‘t cope with any conflict- bye man
A man chased me a lot and got my number but has hardly contacted me and itsxreally triggered me.v I'm not sure if he is playing a game. We've not even had a date a week on, only a chat in his car. He's phone goes to vm and he says a problem with phone. He's a single dad, but I'm not sure if he's with his wife again. I confronted him at his work and told him I don't like games or being messed around or I will walk. He said no not games, I'll text you and now 8 hrs on no text or call!! I am not sure if I should just give up on him now as I don't know if he's a love rat. He seems genuine when I talk to him.
You shouldn't have confronted him at his work if he's not responding to phone calls and texts why would you go and see him in person.
Don’t!
Is space of 2 weeks normal and he sees another girl spends more time with her. How do you get over that?
Bro that‘s sick. Why are you even allowing that?
I'll just leave...
@@remic3410I left and he has not contacted me since - it’s 6months now
@@HellohellfireI did hardest choice I had to do and have suffered now 6months. Accidentally saw him the other day and he completely ignored me as if I was a stranger
I think my girlfriend is an avoidant. She talks about her going away to college and she talks with other guys in a somewhat flirty way in front of me. I really rely on communications and she doesn't. Please help😅
Bro she doesn’t love you if she flirts with other guys infront of you
This isn’t an avoidant attachment it’s just disrespect and cheating,ppl who have an avoidance attachment don’t do that on purpose so u have to also check if she’s talking to other guys aswell if she isn’t communicating with you
If she never lied or cheated or talked to other guys then she’s an avoidant and I wanna work things out with her hopefully she agrees if she does love me
The fact that she’s talking abt going to college and not talking bout how she can be with u and maybe you move in with her means she planning on leaving u or cheat on u when she’s in college.Personally I would break up with her because of the disrespect of flirting with other guys but yeah I can’t say anything abt Hwo to manage ur relationships
Easy to say…
Absolutely, doing is the hard part - but saying it is SO important. Personally I followed through on the advice that was “easy to say” and I eventually I got the result I wanted! - and now I share it, knowing the power of words to inspire action in some that watch this. What you do with my easy words is up to you now and I wish you all the healing in the world!
Just dont bother with them, it's an emotional roller-coaster with alot of emotional neglect and lonlinesss.
Nope. He’s actually an Avoidant. Patience! Patience!
It seems like you have to walk on egg shells and only the avoidant feelings and needs matter. It seems like dating an avoidant the relationship is only one sided, it all about what the avoidant want and its selfish
7 yrs ago, i went on a date w/a women- M. ; that stirred my soul like no other, but it was only 2-3 magical dates and done. Yesterday, we rekindled that and were on fire, and she basically said she is avoidant (which explained 7 yrs ago). And so i thought she was ghosting then, and so while in that pull away, i met someone- F.- dated 10-11 dates in a row, every day. We moved in together that 1st year and traveled around the world (she's swiss). We got married in a castle in switzerland. I love(d) her, but there were 2 dealbreakers (after 5 miscarriages, she put an end to any hope of family (no adoption), and she also wanted me to moved to switzerland. So I have been divorced for 1.5yrs and now i met M and rekindled, and off the charts and she wants to have a family, she's super smart, witty, and sweet, but avoidant. My heart pounds just thinking about her. But having trouble envisioning how this works, and have 2 others that i could date, to contrast this avoidanness. She is also likely feeling very vulnerable, as i shut the door on us last time, and sure that is in her mind. Do avoidants change adapt? I feel like they are wired that way. I want an amazing relationship with lots of depth, love language= quality time. The funny thing is my two best friends are avoidants, and trying to get their perspective (both are actually in relationships, but weird ones)