All of you INFJ's that identify with this, please know that we ENFP's are totally in love with you. You rock our worlds with your depth, awareness, quirkiness, intelligence, sensitivity, tenderness, creativity, authenticity, and we ache in sympathy when we see you suffer under self-recrimination. God, you are so perfect and deserve so much love.
Stumbled here looking for self-acceptance; found a comment that is from the same personality type as my wife (ENFP). Hard to believe when she tells me this so hearing from outside is helpful.
My niece is an ENFP and there's a bond that we have that is simply unexplainable. I love her so much for how compassionate she is with her sisters she literally takes the blame and campaigns for her sisters when mommy gets mad. She's adorable!
@Lore M Ipsum Wow. You are in all ways exactly what we need to hear. It's the feeling of being fully accepted for who you are and not trying to change it for anyone. You are a blessing from heaven! Thank you :) -INFJ 4w5
As an INFJ 4w5 also, I love this stuff. It’s comforting to know there are other alien brains out there. Thanks for being so courageous and vulnerable in posting this!
@@melanie.l6282 for example www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-descriptions And then you can do a free test here: www.truity.com/test/enneagram-personality-test But this site will ask you to register once you have done the test, so just remember your result (type) and use the other site to look up what it means. Thats how I did it. This test may not be 100% accurate, but it was pretty accurate for me (Im type 4).
I am a 71 year old INFJ and I didn't even learn about the personality types until very recently. I've spent most of my life feeling like I'm a freak and there's really no other people like me. You are fortunate to learn about your type while you are young. My life has been emotionally very hard and I'm looking forward to graduating.
Something I wish someone told all INFJ’s during childhood: Just because other people are afraid of their own depths and truly looking at their reflections, doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you 🙏🏻 It’s easier on them to make you feel like there’s something wrong with you rather than for them to live in radical honesty and true integrity with themselves. also if you felt safe and accepted where you were, would you feel the need to retreat to your room so often? People often want you to adapt to them rather than recognizing that you’re just reacting to the energy they bring.
"Real me was inside, screaming to be let out, to have a voice, to be heard, to be free..." This whole video hits home way too hard, but it is helpful to see someone else struggling with the same issues. Thank you for sharing your struggles and triumphs. It is invaluable to all of the other INFJ that we can see we're not alone. Thank you for your thoughtfulness and bravery!
From childhood's hour I have not been As others were; I have not seen As others saw; I could not bring My passions from a common spring. From the same source I have not taken My sorrow; I could not awaken My heart to joy at the same tone; And all I loved, I loved alone.
As an INFJ, what you shared really resonated with me. Please, keep growing and progressing because you have so much to give the world. I finally found my niche as a nightshift psych nurse who creatively engages with Veterans suffering from PTSD and / or Substance Abuse. I feel no shame in crying with Veterans or if the situation calls for it, waiting until I get home and then crying. At night, it is just the nurses and the Veterans which allows me to really help the Veterans. I work 12 hour shifts so in a two week period, I work 7 days and I am off 7 days (but still work 80 hours). On my days off, I spend the majority of them in solitude. I am married to an INTP. She put me through nursing school by driving a tractor trailer OTR solo. She told me, "you need to help people. That is who you are." I am currently paying for her to study Electrical Engineering as she finds purpose in deeply understanding how things work. My rambling point is to keep developing your insights and then find a way to share them to help others. That is our purpose. ;) You already helped me with this video. I still struggle with perfectionism and defining myself as a caregiver.
Wow, that is an incredibly admirable career. I can't believe you work 80 hours, I can imagine you need a lot of time to recharge after that. And your relationship with your wife makes me smile- I feel that in my heart. I hope to have a husband like that someday :) I do think I've decided I want to be a mental health counselor, and specifically I want to work with people who are traumatized. A lot of people close to me worry that I will get burnt out everyday from absorbing everyone's pain. But it's my calling, I need to help people- it's who I am. :)
Katie Marie You are an absolute sweetheart of a person. I am also an INFJ and deeply feel and mirror so much of your words and experiences. Thank you for putting out such relatable and empathetic content! Your family and close friends as well as the entire RUclips community alike are so blessed and fortunate to have you! Good on you for taking better and better care of yourself as time goes on and for accepting who you authentically are deep down as a person. Take care of yourself my friend an don’t ever hesitate to be your true self for fear of anyone else’s responses. I hope L.A. continues to be as good to you as you are to it ❤️❤️
Epiphany! I have NEVER felt loved, not even once in my life. At 4:28 in this video I realized why. I have never met someone capable of loving with the depths, purity and intensity that I love, hence their "love", no matter how sincere and honest, seemed pale and shallow, unreal and artificial in comparison. And yes, you don't have to be engaged with someone to feel their emotions, you just have to be in the same building sometimes, even in a different room. When I was younger, and went to bars because that is what we are told young people are supposed to do, I would arrive early and pound 3 or 4 pitchers of beer with some chasers just to get numb enough to deal with the presence of the crowds. Perfection paralysis. Yup. There are few of us because that level of gift needs to be rare. Only an INFJ can understand and INFJ.
This this this this. I would become so quickly attached with the idea of being loved and loving. But then I realize I can't be loved the way I need. And I start this vicious cycle of feeling like I deserve better and pushing my loved ones away, then being in pain and seeking the love I need/deserve elsewhere.
I've been married once, even then I didnt really feel loved. Honestly just didnt want to be alone, what a regretful decision I made! Oh I am an INFP though sorry.
@@thatoneguy1520 in a similar situation. I love the other person but I don't feel loved anywhere near what I believe I deserve, and my expectations are very very low to begin with. I'm an INFJ, I spend a lot of time living in my mind and even then, when I feel the need to be with another, spending time with and having a deep connection with another. I never seem to find whatever my heart/soul/whatever says I need.
@paul w I didn't go into the relationship feeling like a victim. I actually moved to Australia to marry him. I married him because he was my father all over again. I've spent years and years in therapy, so don't know why you're so angry.
@@kathyhoskin8350 that user has been commenting angry things on many comments under my videos. I've reported him. So totally disregard him. I'm happy to hear you got out of that marriage
This was painful to watch, I had kind of forgotten the extreme pain of childhood (school was basically me hiding in the bathroom, etc.. ) as I'm now an almost 40yr old lady lol...I spent years/decades working with the public, gathering information/learning about myself and the world, and now can say that I DO 'love myself so much & say fuck you to the world, I love the hermit life' 🤣😂🤣 I now work from home, am married and have a ton of animals, but only interact once in a blue moon with others, it's an awesome life!! Nice video! You're beautiful, and very brave for putting yourself out there on RUclips!!
@Jasmine Marie - kudos from and INFJ fellow hermit, boarderline animal hoarder. I jokingly told my mom the other day that I have been social distancing since before it "wasn't cool", cuz I invented the shit. lol am I the only person loving quarantine?
@@girl6girl6 Yep!! We should get an award for early "social distancing" 🤣lol. Nice to know there are others out there, fellow infj!!! Hope you're having a great day! ❤
@@jasminemariedarling you said you work from home. If I may ask, what do you do? I have been looking for a legit work from home opportunity that actually pays well. I have been setting up accounts for voice over work, transcription, and survey taking. Eventually, I want to do an e-commerce store dropshipping so i dont have to carry inventory...of course I am still trying to narrow down what to sell. As soon as I finally get my product list curated, half the stuff is out of stock, and I have to start all over the find the merchandise i want to sell. Anyway...yes I am having a great day and would love it if they would extend quarantine and the special COVID-19 unemployment 18 months like the rumors say
I had a journey to self-acceptance as an INFJ for 2-3 years now. I am obsessed with people and psychology but I also have social anxiety and theres constant tension. I took an acting class this summer because I thought it would be a great way to get me out of my comfort zone and to make likeminded friends but that didnt work out. I also seek really deep meaningful relationships.
“Every part of me deserves to walk on this earth” is truly the best affirmation ever for an INFJ!!!! Thank you for that 😀🙏🏻😘 It’s so beautifully bold in the way of self acceptance.
God bless you, Katie! You're awesome. I'm also an INFJ, 4w5, a bit farther down the road (I'm 55). I'm a coach & spiritual director (not a shocker for our type), but just wanted to say it definitely gets better (a LOT better) so hang in there. The more we come to love the way we are wired and learn about the unique and brilliant gifts we have to offer the world, the easier it is to truly believe we belong and have a right to be here just like everybody else. Your courage is inspiring.
Matthew 11:28-30 New International Version (NIV) 28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
I also felt this!! I had to keep taking my focus off her eyes and look away because I would genuinely feel I was looking into the mirror and my true self was speaking!
INFJ 4W5 here too. I'm kind of going through the self acceptance thing you've gone through. I've spend so long trying to fit into other peoples boxes, pretending I'm something I'm not, when really, I've never loved that person I never accepted and so I have no idea who he really is...He just has this wonderful imagination and watches films of ideas in his head like some kind of daydreaming conscious awareness. I found this video at just the right time. I was honestly going through some real darks days due to facing up to some past trauma pretty head on this week, and I was feeling in existential despair due to my lack of being able to fit in anywhere or 'burrow into another's soul' (beautifully put by the way). It can be heartbreaking being such a walking contradiction with so much endless love to give others, but none of that same compassion for yourself. Your video really, really helped. Going with your gut and recording that was a wonderful thing for you to do. Seeing your video was like seeing a reflection back of the me underneath the pretenses to 'fit in'. Really beautiful. I can't thank you enough you wonderful, wonderful soul ❤
"I've never loved that person I never accepted and so I have no idea who he really is..." Yes, I feel this too.. we know other people so deeply, care for them, and accept them fully.. yet no one can really offer that to us in return, and so, so many parts of who we are go without recognition from the world. And as we neglect ourselves we invalidate those parts of ourselves too. I often feel like I don't know who I really am either. But I'm fighting for it! "watches films of ideas in his head like some kind of daydreaming conscious awareness" YES! haha. A true INFJ state of being. But where do we fit in the world? And why does it feel like no one can really know us or relate? For what it's worth, I don't know you, but I like your dreamy ideas and your imagination. Thank you so much for your comment(s). They truly touched my heart - I have good days and bad days with what I'm going through at this stage of my life, but I had this feeling building up inside that there must be people SOMEWHERE feeling exactly the same, but keeping it hidden inside of them, feeling very alone. So even though it was scary to make a video, I did it for all of us. I want us to get more representation in the world. I want us INFJ's to support each other and help build each other's confidence. I'm so happy my video helped you. Thank you & your beautiful soul as well- you seem like an absolutely lovely human being. Know that your words helped me as much as my video helped you
@@katiemarie8899 ‘As we neglect ourselves we invalidate those parts of ourselves too’ - absolutely and totally. The trouble is that not only do we end up neglecting ourselves, but we end up totally losing any sense of who we are (the little we had to begin with). I’m kind of finding that I am at a real pivotal point in my life, and ‘neglecting’ old me has ‘invalidated’ old me. I can’t say this for certain, but I am pretty sure that most INFJs will go through a rather similar story arc. Here is what I believe to be the INFJ ‘heroes journey’. 0-7: Particularly sensitive. Easy to upset. Somewhat anxious, but on the whole, blissfully unaware. 7-12: I AM AN ALIEN! Why does nothing make sense to me?! Why am I so clumsy?! Why do I keep getting told off for daydreaming?! One redeeming quality: excellent imagination. 13-18: Why?! Why self-awareness?! Why did you have to hold me in your grip?! Why could I not just stay unaware?! I am painfully aware that I have no idea not just what to say to anyone, but how people are evening functioning and taking part in ‘social’? How do people naturally talk and interact? And another thing; why am I different person around EVERYONE I spend time with?! 18-21: Must…be…normal. Must…appear…to be functional. What is going on with me?! People seem to think I’m so exceptional, so smart, so funny, so understanding, so ‘on it’, even that I’m so tough…but I’m just pretending. Underneath all of this, with my Mom, I’m quiet, brooding and so intense…Hell, my Mom even says that I’m ‘boring’. My friends all think I’m an extravert, but I can only keep this up for about an hour (at most) before crumpling into a state of exhaustion. 21: No more. I am NOT that boring person. I am NOT that sensitive person. I CAN BE so much more. People think I’m interesting; I AM interesting. People have always said I had potential, well not I’m going to fulfill it! 22-25: *MONTAGE OF A HAZY DREAM SCENE PLAYING OUT WHERE INFJ FULLY BECOMES WHAT EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE AROUND THEM REQUIRES THEM TO BE. ALL THE WHILE GETTING MORE AND MORE TIRED, MORE AND MORE DRAINED, AND MORE AND MORE CONVINCED THAT THEY ARE NOT BORING AND INTENSE…ALL WHILST NOT CHECKING IN WITH THEMSELVES…FOR AT LEAST THREE YEARS…AND ALSO ATTRACTING EVERY NARCISSIST AND ENERGY VAMPIRE OUT THERE.* 26: OH NO! What have I done?! I’m so tired, and…I’m stuck in a situation with people who don’t accept or love me for who I am, as they don’t really know who I am. Neither do I?! *INSERT DOOR SLAM or FULL SELF-EJECTION FROM CURRENT LIFE here.* Gets own place and lives the life of a hermit, recovering from the damage that they have done to themselves by trying to run away from their truth, and also recovering from damage done by others who essentially ‘used’ said INFJ. 27-30: Realisation of absolute truth hits. Particularly sensitive. Easy to upset. Somewhat anxious, but now fully, FULLY aware. You are nothing but a vessel that can shape-shift into whatever is required by the situation, emotions or other people. Outside of shape-shifting and being some kind of ‘fountain of wisdom’, you are just an empty shell…But you are an empty shell with the potential to see the best, truest and most magical way forward. 31+: You find a cause, you figure out how to get ‘to the top’, and then you make this your life mission with an unstoppable fire…unless you have to spend three hours out with friends in a city because then…then you need to go home, have a bath with Epsom Salts and eat ice-cream. Who am I kidding; you go home and eat FAR BEYOND your capacity for hunger, before the next day feeling guilty and going back to your diet of avocados and fresh foods, because hey, that’s what we do! Our diet is either 'PERFECT' or we go 'WHAT’S THE POINT!?' and eat everything…such is the way we live our entire life. Not sure how much of this resonates with you or anyone else that happens to be reading this, and I’ve never spoken to another INFJ to run this past, but it sounds about right. I do think it’s a great thing that you’ve done this for all of us. Very noble and very brave, but make sure that you do keep looking out for yourself on the day to day too. I know I need reminding of this all the time. A way I get through it all is by actively treating life like a video game. There are rules and metaphysics that most don’t understand and harness, but we can and these are like cheats in a video game. That sounds somewhat ‘elitist’ and compartmentalizes INFJs, but I don’t mean it to sound that way. I actually hate putting things in the ‘INFJ box’ as it feels a little small-minded, but this one is kind of a big one for not just survival, but for thriving too. I basically mean that we give ourselves hell so much and we procrastinate for fear of failure so much and we care so darn much. If we were to use our solitary, detached vantage points to realise that things don’t matter as much as we think they do and things aren’t really as heavy as they feel, and everything doesn’t have to be as perfect as we think it does (that’s a tricky one to let go!), then we can really arm ourselves to move forward efficiently. Hell, every interaction we have feels ‘fake’ and like something fabricated for each individual or each circumstance, so why not use this ‘fake fitting in’ skill and apply the theory of it to every other part of life by knowing that we have a righteous and good-hearted avatar and we will always look for the best for others and us (don’t forget us) in any given situation, but we are going to just ‘play’ instead. It’s easier said than done, especially as empaths too, but it really is the path to ‘leveling up’. Most INFJs have a basic knowledge and understanding of spirituality, the concept of attraction, the nature of time, synchronicities, foresight and all manner of things considered ‘woo-woo’, but I know many of us have found out first hand that these things aren’t ‘woo-woo’, they’re just not readily accepted by humanity yet. I do think that it is being 'mirrors' that help us fully understand this concept. Being a mirror, you see that...everything is everything. Happiness begets happiness, love begets love, wanting begets wanting, and most importantly of all self-respect begets respect. When you feel invisible, you are treated like you are. When you feel loving and powerful, you are treated like you are and this concept really transcends basic attraction and oozes out of EVERYTHING. These are the kind of theories that I personally keep to myself as any attempt at full explanation of this is met with a look of skepticism, mysticism and, let’s be real, they look at me as though I’ve gone mad! 😅 I do hope at least some of this resonates with you. Sorry. Oversharing. Overreaching. It’s kind of what we do though! Sending you all the positiveness 💖
I’m a 48-year-old INFJ 4w5, and found your video after searching my type(s). It’s so refreshing to see/hear someone being so *genuine*, and reflecting the same sort of existential uncertainties I’ve always felt. I find that life is deeply weird, and made weirder by the fact that nobody talks about it! So thank you. I look forward to future videos.
Something that has helped a ton as an INFJ, couples dances such as Salsa, bachata, Tango, Waltz and so on. This as allowed me to comprehend the whole process of interaction with others. Not so long, last Friday I told someone I was an introvert. Her response was "Really? You seem very extrovert." This was thanks to dancing. I have been confused by others as an ENFP or ENFJ. So I understand that you want to be someone else. It is said that INFJ are caméléons too 😅 Me too I had this issue where we forced me to become someone who I was not. For myself, I didn't shove it into a box. I actually told it to hide whenever I would interact with other and tell me to whisper what to do. Because no one was able to tell me how to go about anything due to the fact I was out of this world. As you said, me too I want to change the world. You know, there is a very small amount of people who does tremendous impact on others. Those are the INFJ and INTP. Also, INFJ are sorcerer which means they are able to create their own magic powers within themselves. So tell yourself one thing, you have some magical powers that can do a lot of dps (damages per second). Those damages are done through your empathic habilities and they change people around you. If you strive to fight for others, you shall see you will become a natural leader.
OMG! I'm so glad that I found this video. I can relate to 99% of the things you said. I'm an INFJ 4w5 so/sp I think. My whole life I've been struggling with self-acceptance issues and it brought a lot suffering to me because I didn't understand. So when I dug first into MBTI almost two years ago and recently in enneagram I felt a kind of relief. Every week I discover some aspect of these personalities that iluminates a lot of things in the way I function and my relationship with the outer world. Sorry for my bad english, it's not my mother tongue. Please, keep posting videos if you feel comfortable. It helps a lot of people.
Jefferson Tavares sorry for the late reply, but- Yes!! Since really digging into the MBTI/enneagram it seems like my growth and understanding of myself has been almost exponential. it seems so important to me to keep reading and keep digging. Then all the pain and confusion of going through daily life, suddenly starts to make more sense little by little, and it somehow feels like I’m getting a grasp on how to navigate it, rather than being at the mercy of it... if that makes sense? Haha. There’s truly power in really knowing yourself. Thank you for the comment, it is an indescribable feeling to be connecting with people who are experiencing the same types of things I am. I was hesitant but I think I may post more videos in the future
@@MaritsaDarman I only found out I am an INFJ about 5 weeks ago, I am a 57 year old Aussie , I would love to be able to to other INFJ's on face book, my face book address is the same as on this post.
My earliest school memories were hoping each beginning year the relationships would be so positive, creative and mutually beneficial. Then very soon I would feel crushed with reality and the disappointment that comes.
Infj 4w5 39 year old woman here. I had tears quietly forming throughout your video, I think because you were fighting back tears so much, but also because I relate so much to everything you talked about. I too was an academic perfectionist who hated myself. I too attract extremely broken, damaged and mentally ill people. I hermit, hard, a lot. I have not felt worthy of love, and felt like an anomaly all my life. I have never met anyone who feels just like me - so watching RUclips Vids of other INFJs has blown my mind. I'm very empathic, but I only realised this aspect of myself recently and it turned everything of what I believed about myself upside down. My life has felt like a turbulent identity crises. And yes, I rebuilt my hideous self-esteem by giving all I could to healing others. Eventually I had to stop, stop everything, shut out the whole world because I was utterly drained and depleted and on the verge of collapse. I've struggled with severe periods of suicidal depression for many years. I've felt intensely alone, unsupported, unrecognised and unimportant. So I relate to so much if what you have gone through. So I wanted to thank you so much for communicating your experience. It has helped me immensely to know that I am not alone either. I can see there's so much in you that you've barely used yet - like huge wings that are waiting to be spread so you can truly fly as you were always meant to. I'm excited for you and all the ways you can grow to be even more beautiful and wonderful and uniquely splendid than you already are. It's all in there, just waiting for you. Lots of love to you. 😊💜
I’m also a infj 4w5 and this brought me to tears, I couldn’t relate to anything more. I’ve spent a lot of time digging through any type of system that’s used to understand yourself. First through astrology and Myers Briggs then ended up coming across enneagram and human design as these are such great systems to understand yourself and others deeply. I feel I just want to understand people so deeply as you were saying and it’s hard because it’s never been reciprocated, though I also find these systems are such great tools to create healthy relationships.
INFP 4w5 here. Thank you so much for making this video! It's pretty hard to find (especially IRL) someone else who thinks about and struggles with many of the same things that I do. Emotional intensity, craving true intimacy while at the same time being private and building walls, feeling like there's constantly something missing from who I am as a person. Fortunately, I've always been pretty good about talking positively to myself, about myself, but that's not always true, and I've had plenty of darker periods in my life. I try to embrace the positives, and be grateful. I forget what his name was, but I saw a TED talk from a psychologist who studies happiness, and he said something along the lines of, 'most people go about life thinking that success brings happiness, but what I've found is that happiness brings success.' It stuck with me, for sure. Promotes being grateful, which I do think is profoundly helpful for all sorts of people. I've been on a mission of learning more and more about myself in the past year, and while some things can be difficult to face, it's been so incredibly helpful in a lot of ways. Thank you so much for putting yourself out there! It's a beautiful thing, and really helps a lot of people feel a sense of community and acknowledgment. You go! :)
I'd like to add one more thing: My daughters both used to ask me why we were so bullied at school and called "weird". My answer was : "The people (kids, but teachers too...which is even worse), who call you weird don't mean that. They actually mean 'average'. Name one average person who changed the world? Einstein wasn't average, and until he changed the world and became famous, would have been rejected and marginalized..." Just food for thought.
As a fellow INFJ, I can relate to much of what you shared. I was in the same place when I was around your age, but I want you to know it does get better. I didn't really start to figure out who I was/am until I was around 35. Now I'm in my 40s, and I have a career as a counselor - I help and manage people all day, then I come home and go into hermit mode. I get up early in the morning before work everyday to meditate, journal, and have time in my head to imagine, paint, and write. And journaling has definitely saved me on many occasions. And I am happy - and I know you will be too. The work you are doing is crucial - all of the self reflection you are doing is not a waste of time. It will lead you to where you need to be in this world. And you will continue to help so many people just like you are now with these honest and heartfelt videos. I just wanted you to know that I see you, and I wish you all the very best that life has to give.
I have been reading books by Rose Rosetree and An Empath by Alex Myles. They are helping me with many of the ideas you are expressing. Myles is INFJ. Part of my journey is realizing I have not been correctly mirrored, and I have to figure this mirroring out for myself now. When we are not correctly mirrored parts of ourselves get pushed away and we think something is wrong with us, that part ends up in the shadow. Katie, you are enough, you always have been.
Yes!! Thank you for the book recommendations- I need to read more about empaths. Most of my comments on here have been from other INFJs so it is a pleasant surprise to be getting the perspective of an ENFP. And an ENFP 4, no less. I'm sure we would have hours of things to discuss, compare, and relate with each other if we were able to sit down and talk. Your point about not being correctly mirrored is brilliant, that's truly the root of the problem for me. I haven't been able to put it into words so clearly as that. Thank you, I admire you for what you've said. I'm also fascinated by you and all other ENFP's, I think you are absolutely wonderful. I've said before that the way you all interact with the world outwardly is quite like the way I experience myself inwardly, but am too afraid to express. Your type is truly the most beautiful, poetic, childlike, authentic, wise, goofy, and fun of all. Thank you for being who you are!!
@@katiemarie8899 I feel the same way about INFJs. I linked a video about it elsewhere, about the synergy in these types. I didn't know such a thing existed until I met my first INFJ. I met my first INFJ after having had an encounter with a narcissist. She might have noticed me because I was reading a book about Emotional Vampires at the time. I used to talk for hours with my INFJ. I am sure it would happen if we talked as well. ENFPs also require depth and seek meaning as well. It is said we are inside out versions of each other.
“My greatest desires and goals are also my greatest fears.” I didn’t realize how much that made sense to me until you put it in those words, because I couldn’t put my finger on it. Thank you!
I'm an infp 4w5 so/sx and I really relate to this. I'm still working on loving myself. I was just thinking the other day that there is still a part of me that feels I'm too much and dysfunctional and that I'm not worthy of existing. I have shamed myself for being emotionally intense for so long that I refuse to cry and show my emotions in public anymore. This video is very affirming for me. I feel a little more normal :). Thank you Katie for sharing your story, God bless.
As an INTJ some of your stuff really resonated with me. I know exactly what you mean about feeling weird sometimes around others. I’ve felt the same way yet the way I am feels so normal for me. And I don’t exactly want to change it, i just want people to understand how and why I am that way. It taken a long portion of my life to accept the way I am. Still an ongoing process.
I’m an INFP and I watched this till the end because I just wanna understand your guys’ struggles more. I really wanna hug you and I’m so glad you’re on your way to self-acceptance❤️ I was also once told by my mother to be less emotional and I once boxed myself in and tried to be something I’m not. I’m also learning to accept myself more now. Thanks for sharing your story. You’re beauty shines from within and it’s totally okay not to be perfect. Your community of fellow introverts will accept you as you are.
Here I thought I pretty much was the only one on the planet who feels the way you describe...I knew there had to be others out there like me and this video is proof. 'People pleaser' yes, 'perfectionist' in school, nope, that shows up in my people pleasing, especially in relationships. Such a hard pattern to undo.
I am an INFJ, a 4w5 and I just came across this video today as I was curious to read more on a 4w5. Every single word that you articulated resonated deep within me. For example, what you mentioned about the abstract concepts that you value that cannot necessarily be quantitively measured and understanding the deep patterns of thoughts, when I heard you say that, I felt my stomach jump and my heart skip a beat like YESSSSS! 👏🏼 I’m actually in Grad School right now and what you said about pursuing a Ph.D and how everything inside you was saying not to do it EVEN THOUGH a part of your idealistic self desires to, THAT was so relatable to my current situation. It’s amazing the feeling you get when you connect with someone so deeply, even across a platform, honestly, that’s another level of intimacy. Not necessarily romantic, but it certainly can be, but it’s something rare to find, and when you do, it’s immediately recognizable! It’s that introverted intuition screaming at you like “YES!” That “stronger” sense than a gut feeling, it’s felt more tremendously. That’s like the “real me, screaming to be let out to have a voice to be heard” section you mentioned in 20:23-20:38. Wow, thank you for being so brave and being vulnerable in sharing a part of your life, it was immensely refreshing to hear and know that there are people like us still out there. I hope you’re doing well today and look forward to any more videos that you may be thinking of doing because as an INFJ, I know you’re most likely thinking about it, probably already have ideas or topics set in stone to discuss and are trying to perfect it, but like you said, you just gotta self-accept that you can’t control everything, the best we can do is give it our best shot! Anyways, I loved listening to every minute of your video and God bless you!
I'm still watching the video. After many years I now realize that you are punished for not being yourself in the beginning, then later on standing up for yourself like a butterfly. The people that have done you wrong will place blame and mistreat you for what you did not know you were allowed to be all along, for your positive change. And those very people that claim that they were there for you, will not even stop to think about the wrong they have done to you when you were not strong enough to place boundaries.
Thank you for bearing your soul. I wish we could find more of ourselves out in public. Through watching this, I feel so much more validated and understood. I feel that it’s okay to be me, and it doesn’t matter how people react.
Hello Katie, This is the second time I'm watching this video, as your story has really been stuck in my mind. It's still uncanny how closely your experiences in life reflect my own, despite us both always feeling disconnected from our peers. This world would be so much more wonderful if there were more people who are as genuine and caring as you are, and it gives me such a bittersweet feeling to only know that someone like you exists and that I will still very likely never know you or even anyone like you. You have been getting many more views and subscribers, so I hope you do not become too overwhelmed with the amount of attention that you are beginning to receive...I know that it would be difficult for me to personally deal with, if I was even capable of making myself so vulnerable. Some part of me wishes that you would not receive so many views, since the personal touch of a small community always seems to fade away when transitioning into a large community. Anyway, this somewhat lengthy heartfelt response is very uncharacteristic of my INTJ self, but I believe that you are one of the few people who truly deserves it. I wish the very best for you.
Wow, I feel like you're just reading my journal out loud lol. Solo traveling Thailand really helped me open my heart to humanity. It's a beautiful and tragic world.
I'll admit my worldview can be somewhat narrow as I've kinda been hiding in my tiny little comfort zone for a long time. Solo traveling to Thailand sounds insane, and, amazing. I hope I can do something like that someday. Well said- a beautiful and tragic world. I can only hope to figure out my place in it, how I can help, how I can make changes in the world. What is the purpose of such a deep and sensitive person like me? I really believe someday it's gonna just click and I'll sit back and reflect on how it all made sense in the end. As if there's some specific purpose I'm meant to fill in this world, and I am the way I am for that reason! It's a beautiful thing to believe in.
@@katiemarie8899 Wow, what a heartfelt reply! I think you're already on the right path asking yourself these questions, making videos that make people like me feel understood and appreciated. You're a good person. The world already needs you. So... Keep on the trail. Keep discovering who you are and what this world is about. You may find it's about less than you think. :)
one theory i have on why infj is seen as the rarest personality type is that some infjs have probably been molding themselves through their whole life and have adopted very very different roles compared to their natural way of being. that would cause many infjs to get different results on tests or at a first glance relate to something they are actually not. but what really defines who someone is.... that’s a question i can’t answer.
Yeah, cause outwardly I'm sure look a lot like an ENFP so that does make sense and I got INFP on a test until I felt that INFP did not resonate with me that well
"You are not alone. You are not a freak. You are worthy of love, exactly as you are. Try to believe it".... those words of yours reflect very, very important ideas that have been very, very difficult for me to believe. I try to remind myself the same thing, but the problem is, I am alone, I am a freak, and I'm not worthy of love, so I have do my best to earn it. Maybe one day I'll figure it out. I feel like I was looking in a mirror this whole video, except you seem to have it figured out better than I do. Thank you for putting yourself out there.
Believe me, I do not have it all figured out. I happened to film this video during a period of time when I was doing really, abnormally well. Most days I am a freak, I am alone, and I do not feel worthy of love. But I'm working really hard to change that. And the more I learn, the more I share, the more I get from others... maybe we can all help each other. That's what I'm hoping for, at least. Stay strong- know that I know exactly how you feel.
@@katiemarie8899 Mutual aid for all of us is exactly what my hope is also. Thanks for the encouraging words. It's nice knowing we're not alone even though we are alone.
You are such a beautiful soul and it’s so rare for me to hear someone put into words what I have struggle with for 50+ years of my life. I wish the internet existed when I was young so I would have known I wasn’t alone. Thank you for making and sharing your experience and feelings. The courage I know it took for you to be so vulnerable is amazing. I’m rooting for you.
INFJ's tend to have similar voice patterns, and yours in particular is very soothing. I was with you and followed the processes in your head the whole half hour video. Thank you for sharing with us, Katie.
I have never heard anyone so perfectly articulate my own thoughts. It is so truly encouraging to know that there are other people who think this way. Thank you so much for posting this!
I read something the opposite of what you said about natural selection. I read that infjs are becoming more common because it’s the newest personality type. Evolution of the types, I hope that’s true!
18:56 those 5 seconds say absolutely everything about INFJ's: high expectations, they're never enough for themselves, no self-love, no self-acceptance, we try though. You little smile shows that you're trying to accept it and try to feel okay about it but one second later, following that little smile, you frown and don't look at the camera anymore, basically showing the exact opposite and some sort of shame, a pure one though, 100% genui'e. We still try, everyday, effortlessly to accept ourselves and the way we are, trying to be happy but inside, we know this will never be the case. As an INFJ myself, those 5 seconds mean a lot. Just want to add, if you read this one day, I totally get this video and truely wish you the best in life.
This! I cannot even.. Shocked today, almost like the level of the FIRST day I found about "INFJ" via " Tom Davison" on RUclips in 2017. It blew my mind and life started to make sense. It is sooo beautiful!
Aww I just love you! I’m an infj and 4 too and can so relate to the struggle with self-acceptance. You did a good thing posting this sweet video, so authentic and sure made me feel less alone in my own being the way I am ❤️
Keep learning about yourself. As INFJs we have powers that are unimageable to most others. It was Victor Frankl who wrote that life isn't about happiness, it's about finding meaning in doing something that is meaningful. As an INFJ you might want to read Man's Search for Meaning. I didn't' find out anything about my personality type until I was in my late 40s and so I struggled with jumping from job to job. Maybe 50 different jobs, never fitting in anywhere. What you said in this video captures the essence of INFJs. I had to start my own business so that I could keep people at arm's length when i need to so that I can recharge. Keep growing, keep learning, keep trying new things and know that you are amazing. INFJs make good film makers and writers.
Thank you so much for making this video! I am also an INFJ 4w5 and related to like everything you talked about. I've never met anyone who is like me and I've always felt like an outsider. I resonated with what you said about finding a community. I have friends but I feel like I can't go deep enough with them and that they will never truly understand me. I really wish I had INFJ or 4 friends that I could just relate to...but it is comforting to know there are other people who are like me out there!
In the primary school I was always asked to be less emotional. In the last grade when we were searching for high school I told my teacher that I want to study psychology. I'll remember her words forever: "You can't help others with their emotions if you can't work with yours." I felt like I'm an alien and tottaly worthless. It was so painful to listen these words from someone who should help you with your future studies or carreer.
Hi I found this searching on 4w5 (which I am, too). It's affirming to learn there are others! A lot of the things you said about self-acceptance and self-care are really hard but they're healthy and courageous.
DoubleTheWorstTroubl I apologize for the very late reply but thank you for your comment! Awesome to hear from a fellow 4w5. I wish I could always be as in tune with valuing who I am and taking care of myself as I am in this video. It seems self-acceptance will be a lifelong battle but I have hope for the future! It truly does take a lot of courage, as you said.
The second video I'm watching from you so far, and it's like seeing myself... What you shared here, and who you are, touches me deeply. There's also this feeling of warmth and... relief, finally getting a glimpse of true reflection, of who I am, met, felt and seen, in another person. I know, I'm repeating myself ;) - but you're such a beautiful soul and human being and I wish you all the best on your journey! Being a walking contradiction is actually so natural and one with nature, in a non judgmental world - self evident. It's proof of harmony between and within the poles. Difficult to accept, surrounded by people, who can't take it all in, at once and seeing the whole picture. There's not much understanding and resonance, which can lead to so much self rejection and self hate, that it breaks my heart... I always had the feeling others are just able to see a small part of me (if even that) , but not me as a (whole) being. The difference is, that usually people are just fine with that, they still seem to feel connected... but not me. Needing this depth in a sensing world full of functioning and surface work... shallow, quick satisfaction,.. is not easy. But no matter how alien or depressed I felt, I never lost sense of being meant to be that way. It's nature's balance... It needs people like us! So thank you for putting yourself out there! Julia
Hi! I saw both of your comments but will respond here- What you've said warms my heart, truly. I feel mirrored by your words in the same way you felt mirrored from my video. It's very interesting that you aren't sure whether you're an INFJ or INFP. Even just from the way you write, I feel that we are very similar. But that could just be our shared 4w5... I honestly want to write out what you wrote about the "harmony between and within the poles" and put it on my wall as a reminder. I slip into self hatred so easily. As you said, it's actually something that is so natural, it's the make-up of the universe. You put that beautifully. Incorrect mirroring from others, and my own self-hatred, caused me to regard my contradictions as ugly, unwanted things. My ability to feel deep pain? = wallowing in self pity, wasting time on sadness... being a depressing human being. That's what I believed. That's what I was told. But our ability to sit with deep pain, venture into it, examine the intricacies of the human condition deep within ourselves, creates a a very balanced, integrated, coherent experience of being human. Everyone has deep pain and suffering within their shadow. Most go their whole lives ignoring it and trying to coast on any high they can find, and their shadow bursts out in reactive moments when the mask slips. The more I explore my dark places and feel that end of the polarity, the more honestly and fully I experience the light, the moments of joy and beauty. In the same way, coming to retreat to solitude and recharge allows me to bring more presence and ability for connection when I do re-engage socially. Holding space for polarities is the path to enlightenment, I believe. Thank you for your comments, you are a lovely human being and I'm happy that you found my video and resonated with it so strongly.
Seeing this post, I thought about this recent video : ruclips.net/video/-liVyuPkbh0/видео.html If we were a fish in his analogie, INFJ would be a whale 🐋😊 It is fascinating to read each of us having those very uncommon and rare way to go about this journey through the jungle of life.
Hi, I'm an INFJ Diplomat. I got 4w5 as well and I really used to be, emotionally turbulent when younger, massively misunderstood etc related massively. I don't quite agree with 4w5 now. l am an ambivert, calm and confident in line with the mental image I have of myself.- I can speak in public and thrive with it, can be in crowds etc far longer than I used to. I live in the moment fully present I still sense emotions beneath the words, I differentiate others energies from mine so I can choose the impact it has on me. I would rather talk about changing the world, quantum physics, than weather and small talk. I still need chill time on my own though. Relationships and depth its like anyone I'm with is just scuba diving but I'm down with the Titanic, exploring in awe and wonder why they won't come and be with me at this level. Diplomat in me wants to bring harmony and peace to the world (in an abstract sense) With a boom box on repeat with that song "Why can't we be friends?" I guess in my way I am doing that, only that boom box is my website I'm developing and the music and lyrics are the content I'm creating. Who says you are weird? Is that the view you have of yourself? Or is it a view others have of you? If the latter is that through your eyes or theirs? Perhaps it is just certain mannerisms, in which case its just mannerisms vs yourself as an entity. The only one who answers to you is yourself. Find the clarity heal what you need to then gain traits and qualities you want to have. Notice the rumination, it may echo even when clear/accepting/healed. Thank you for the vid. I subbed. You're an amazing being, thank you for sharing. (In an empathic INFJ tone not a creeper one haha!)
Anna P-G yes - really good point.. I wasn’t sure whether to put both INFJ and 4w5 in the title because it’s something I rarely see anywhere... I hear most 4’s are INFP’s but I’m extremely certain that both of my types are accurate! I didn’t expect anyone to see this video and it is such a gift to be reading comments from people who relate, especially people like you who are older than me and have been through the same sort of confusing times with it.
Katie Marie yup I think you definitely are accurately typed :) Have you heard of the Enneagram tritype? I just discovered it and it goes even deeper into the identification of the core “fixations” of types. Pretty cool 👌🏻
Woah - INFJ 4w5 is the same for me as well, right down to the instinctual variants! This is definitely me. I can totally relate to the intenseness, the perfectionism, the empathy and I also feel like I've met so many people who tried to make me "fit for human consumption" by trying to fix the introversion and deep thinking. I just couldn't have that, so I've spent most of my life on my own. I went to grad school, and it was hard, but I've come through most of it, and decided to leave academia after that for exactly that - I don't want to be a workaholic anymore.
I relate sooo much! "Fit for human consumption," lol. So glad I don't take it seriously anymore when someone tries to change me. What did you go to grad school for, and what are you doing now instead, if you don't mind me asking? I recently decided I want to study clinical psychology and get my PhD, with a longterm goal of having my own private practice someday. I'm scared about what grad school will be like for me.
@@katiemarie8899 I come from a Biotechnology background, so while I did a PhD titled 'Bipolar disorder and bone health', I will need to go through a Bachelor's of Psychology or something similar to work as a therapist. Don't be scared about going through grad school. Simply keep your specific goals in mind, and work towards them. Don't let the difficulties of the journey deter you from trying that path. The difficulties will prepare you for the big goals you have in mind - if you let it. 😊 Edit: I am submitting my thesis next month, so I am hoping to be a Medical Writer after I graduate. All the best!! Don't hesitate to reach out to me if you feel I can be of any help.
As far as I know, the perfectionism is part of the type. Within my family all four females are INFJ, with my father the sole INTJ, and all of the INFJ portion have some degree of perfectionism. The one advantage of this family was that I didn’t feel alone in being this way, but once I started school I was in for a real shock, as I simply assumed everyone was this way. Admittedly, I was *way* more sensitive/empathetic than my siblings. Probably because my INTJ father was a narcissist who made me the family scapegoat; I had to fine-tune my senses simply to avoid the emotional land mines. I am an INFJ Enneagram 1w2 sp/sx, for whatever it’s worth. One saying that might be useful to think about, is that all the things in ourselves that we might see as flaws hold the seeds of our greatest gifts. If you do have some time away from work or school I encourage you to learn as much about who you are as possible, but without a sense of trepidation. Each person contains great beauty inside of them, and it’s simply a shame that most people never look, in some cases out of fear of what they might find. If they were to face that fear they would find it to be a mere phantom without substance.
Your last few sentences here are really beautiful- I never thought about it that way. Perhaps it's about more than merely accepting my true nature, perhaps the things I've hidden inside of myself are the strengths I will someday use for a larger purpose. I've gotten criticism on my videos from people who think Myers Briggs and all of this introspective work is a waste of time, or even "dangerous" to be "promoting." This has led me to doubt myself a little, as I'm not extremely confident or self-assured at this point. But what you've said is in line with what I know to be true about this introspective work I've been doing. The more I uncover about myself, the less fear and dissonance I feel. Maybe Myers Briggs is flawed and a "pseudoscience," but it sure has helped me immensely. Anyway, thank you for your words, they were very helpful to me.
I don’t think that plumbing the depths of your psyche is for everyone, but the INFJ is particularly well suited for the process. I think that those who criticize Myers-Briggs see it as a fad, and criticize out of annoyance, as if you’re some kind of self-obsessed lemming. (If you want some leverage over this, check out the article “In Defense of the Myers-Briggs” by Aqualus M Gordon Ph.D. on the Psychology Today website.) I think that it’s underestimated the hunger of your generation for a sense of who you are and identity that’s more profound than simply your profession or ancestry; something more permanent and enduring. Besides, you might find Joseph Campbell interesting to look up. Aside from the beauty of his “Follow your bliss” quote, in the book “The Hero With a Thousand Faces” he draws all the commonalities within heroic myths, and in the end they are all are symbolic of the journey within (he was a big Jung fan himself). One of the details I love is that when the hero has to face and kill the dragon, on each and every scale of the dragon is written “Thou Shalt”. Throughout our childhoods-sometimes explicitly, sometimes implicitly-we soak in a huge array of shoulds, musts, and oughts, and assumptions about what makes a person valuable or not. All of these must go under the knife and be reevaluated. And then it is by climbing down further and further into the deepest, darkest cave that you find the treasure. Actually, on that point there’s something called the “Streetlight Effect” that has meaning. It’s based on a joke about a drunk at night who is frantically looking under a streetlight for his keys. A policeman comes along and tries to help him. After quite a while of searching with no luck the policeman asks the drunk “Are you certain you lost your keys here?” The drunk says “Oh no, I lost them over there in the park, but the light is better here.” I think that this phenomena of only wanting to find answers in the easy places is part of why many prefer the Big 5 (Extraversion, Conscientiousness, Openness, Agreeableness, Neuroticism) over the Myers-Briggs, but I personally have never derived any form of decent insight from the Big 5, and I find that my levels on that test vary significantly depending upon physical health.
I'm an INFJ 4w5 too and for the longest time I felt like people around me were empty shells, because I couldn't find anybody around me who seemed to have a rich inner life, lots of thoughts and dreams as I did. Existence can feel really lonely for us, that's why I think all INFJs are so enthusiastic when they first learn about their type. We can finally find "our tribe" online and feel seen and not alone anymore.
As an INTP woman, I better understand now why INTP and INFJ are often referred as the "golden pair" -- we have so many common points and I can relate to you in so many ways :) but also I now understand how the differences of our personalities can be a very fulfilling one (helping each other about letting go on our respective F and T which in my views are our biggest strength-yet-challenge). Must have been quite intense to take that video out there on RUclips, thanks for sharing Katie!
I feel like I just got really lucky in life, surrounded by a few close friends who wanted to be bestest friends with me. Idk what I would’ve done with myself if it wasn’t for them. 😭 (4w5 INFJ HSP baby here 🙋🏻♀️)
I am an INFJ and I can relate to you so much! It’s annoying growing up and feeling different, but now we must thrive. We are unique and we are special!
I am an INFJ and I just took the enneagram and I am also a 4w5. It feels good to finally be seen. We may be rare, but we are real. I am not a perfectionist, but I do seek approval from others by achieving what I think they believe is success (higher education, a “good job” etc), so that I feel worthy. Thank you for making this video.
To see your wisdom at such a young age, to listen to you describe the same challenges but under different circumstances, it's really a warming experience. I am 53 and I can relate to the way you think so strongly. It's an understanding that you don't find often. You really are a beautiful soul and this expression is part of a life lesson for us all.
Infj 4w5 here as well love. I definitely resonate with every word you said...its the contradictory life that is my very essence...that makes life feel like turmoil on the inside. Apparently type 4 is not a typical typing for infjs, generally infjs lean towards being 9s...so it's nice to hear someone I can relate to, because I cant even fully relate to the few infjs I do know
I was mesmerized by this video. I feel as if I’ve met a kindred spirit. To speak so truthfully and genuinely about your experiences as an INFJ has left me with hope. I have thought and felt many things as you have, like my “weird” personality and how I am perceived by others, how perfection dominates every aspect of my life, how tears readily flow at any given time, how thoughts of analyzing and deep thinking begin even before my eyes open in the morning.. but reflecting on those things, I love that about me. I too will not abandon that part of me anymore. Take care, much love & peace xo
A wonderful transformation is to feel sad about all those who are not INFJ. Not from a false superiority but just a complete appreciation of our positive traits and feeling sorrow that others will not be able to experience what we do. That will also be a great revelation.
Same here. INFJ and type 4. Thank-you for existing and being you. Sending love and peace. I feel you so much when you talked about intimacy, intensity. 💛
Wow this is beautiful and painful. I cried watching this because I can relate so much. I'm INFJ and either a 4 (if in hermit mode) or a 2w 1/3. I went through years of self hatred and changing how I was around different people because I so longed to relate to people. I often felt so unsatisfied with people because everyone felt so superficial and I honestly still get bored with people quite a lot. When I was in school I became unwell with M.E./chronic fatigue syndrome because I was desperate for time out. I was miraculously healed through prayer which was such a fun experience but now I still feel I need excuses that I'm unwell because I have to disappear from the world. I feel everyone's emotions and see spiritual things. An alien and I have asked God a few times "please can I just die so I don't have to feel this way all the time." But there seems to be a reason I'm still here .. I'm definitely on the road to self acceptance too and not letting damaged people suck me dry. It's a process and I'm still in my early twenties but please know how INCREDIBLY encouraging your video was. I feel like the only one who can love me to the depth I desire is Jesus, but I long to be "normal" and be able to have many friends and accepted by everyone I meet. Yet I know that will never be possible Edit: classic me oversharing, I'm sorry
Thank you, Katie! I'm an INFJ/ 4w5 as well. I'm in therapy struggling with bipolar depression. I know exactly what you're talking about. I isolate with music, as I'm both a musician and music fan. I am an empath and can feel everybody's emotions. One thing that has helped me socially is I've taken on the card ministry for the church I attend (birthday cards/ get well cards, etc.) I don't have to get drained being around people, yet I can stay in touch. I can't work due to my illness. But, I'm trying to get out of my shell. I completed my bachelor's degree many years ago, but it took 10 years from the time I graduated from high school. Again... thanks so much for posting this video! :)
INFJ's are one of the strongest types there is along with ESTP's. Your role is to build character within people. Well one of your roles. We need you guys to lead and build us up. -INFP
Thank you. My best friend is an INFP and if I didn't have her growing up I might not be here. We need you INFP's for your caring, non-judgmental, relentlessly loving nature- among your many other gifts. Thank you.
Whoa. The cadence of your voice made me feel like I was listening to myself the entire time. As an INFJ, there’s so much I could say to you right now. But I can’t quite find the words. I relate to so much of what you said and I applaud your courage to be this raw and allow yourself to talk at length about your feelings. Cause it’s something I still struggle with. I’m still searching for self-acceptance and meaning, but it’s videos like this that make me feel a little less alone. I wish all of us INFJ’s could start a giant club. But part of me feels like we already have, just from the comfort of our own bedrooms!
Being an INFJ who totally relates to the pretending or wanting to be an INFP, this whole thing just really made me sit here and cry. I relate to all of this.
Oh my Gawd, you are not a freak. I’m an ENFP married to an INFJ….. the emotional intensity that you all seem like INFJs and INFPs….. I want that. I need that: and yes it’s not for everyone. It’s not. But that’s what makes it so damn special. Guard that heart…. You’re like the Giver… you guys are super special. Be you. I see you. Please exist. It’s the part of humanity worth saving. I sponge feelings too… it’s ok… it’s our greatest gift…. It’s our strength. No, your Mom and others are wrong…. You are exactly how you were made to be. Peace.
Holding back the tears. Almost everything you are saying completely connects with how I feel and what I have been going through in life....'cept for the perfect body thing and caretaker position stuff. Thank you for taking your time with this video and explaining everything so coherently and eloquently. This is why the internet is aweome....we can see others like us, living/feeling/struggling just like us. Sucks for our type that we are introverted, which can lead to hermit mode when we are burnt out, it usually means we will never get to actually meet each other IRL but it's comforting to know there are others like me.
Out of all the videos I have watched trying to figure out what is wrong with me and why I don't feel like I fit in anywhere. You have made more since to me than all them put together. Thank you for make this video.
A problem in the world is the feeling of instant depth, connection, and understanding with others but they don't share it and so ask questions and try to get to know you as an outsider (from their perspective). I feel like I fully get people, but that only they are legitimate or valid.
Katie, it breaks my heart that you are so hard on yourself! I wish I could reach into my computer and hug you and tell you that I love you and that you're adorable and loveable just as you are. That your perceived faults all have a good side too. The quest for perfection is a good thing, except when it becomes compulsive. You're human and nobody's perfect. Not you and nobody else either. Sure, persue perfection, but don't expect it. You are special and unique and valuable and deserve to be happy. It sounds like you are trying to believe it but are having a hard time doing so. Please, please believe it because it's true! You've been blessed with many gifts but it sounds like your compulsive search for perfection only lets you focus on the negatives. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, you'd fall in love with yourself too! I wish I could say something to convince you. What a dull world this would be if everyone was the same, or perfect for that matter. So please embrace yourself for the wonderful, even if flawed, person you are. You deserve it!
I hear you loud and clear. I lived with the idea that I had something wrong with me until I did the work and figured things out. Once I did, and got to understand my authentic self, the world opened up to me. Good luck, and great to see you figuring it all out. You sound like you are well on the path! Once you understand that what you thought was a curse was actually a gift, it is truly liberating. It is not easy, but keep pushing forward.
Hi Katie , hope u r well , I know this is an old post , I've just came across it and I just want to say I found it beautiful , it was so deep and personal yet I can totally understand what you were saying , my heart ached hearing your story , although I can relate with how you were treated by " loved ones " I was the kid that said F %*K you I'm ok and your an arse , I didn't go through self hate or anything like that , I was seen as the cool kid , the fit kid , good at sports but loved sitting in a quite corner somewhere reading a book , my friend alway pulling me away from who I really was but no-one truly ever knowing who was behind the eyes looking out at a screwed up world , I thought everyone else was broken until I was older and then the relationships I attracted made me think there was something wrong with me , I'm glad I found mbti and that I'm an infj and all my soul brothers and sisters out in utube world , it certainly has helped me understand myself so much better , and of course love myself and treat myself the way I want someone else to love me , I know this is old but sending you a hug , it was very brave of you to share what you did . Take care . Namaste 8 ) .
I can 💯 relate. It's like we INFJ'S have a different O.S to everyone else and it does effect your self worth. I too have made efforts to "change" and be more "normal" but the inauthenticity made my skin crawl and was even more detrimental to my mental health. I can relate to the perfectionism too, like if we are perfect we will be accepted. I'm my own biggest critic. I've done a lot of work on self acceptance and self love. But like you say that's not a resignation. I love the unboxing analogy and one of my Mantra's is "Unbox yourself to Evolve." Yes accept yourself 💯 but still continue to grow. The INFJ extinction tangent literally made me laugh out loud. 😂 I've done a lot of work to spend a little less time in my head too and get into the "real" world. Yoga has been MASSIVE for me. I also have been flirting with the idea of putting out RUclips videos to share my perspectives and ideas. You're definitely inspiring in that sense as I know how difficult it is for us INFJ'S to put ourselves out there. Thank you for having the courage to do so. 🙏🏻 We are not alone. ✊🏻✌🏻
u speak my soul ... i've always felt like an alien since childhood,even in my own home,nobody understood me or cared and that hurt me so much... i fell into through the dark tunnel of depression too... it was so hard i could hear my heart crying a voice from deep within "its not u,save me,please stop..." i could literally hear that... it was like someone else within me.... i lost all hope of ever getting out of it .... nobody helped me nor cared i begged for help it would hurt so bad to breathe like physically it was hurting...i started having suicidal thoughts... it was first yr of university and i would go to pharmacy's asking for pills... i felt like i was dying inside so i thought why bear this burden of flesh and bones then.... i felt lost in darkness drowned in self-loathing hatred anger sadness ... but the most hurtful of all for me bear was loneliness i felt alone ... more so when surrounded by ppl who dont understand me or care ... but God did not abandon me.... God saved me... i left uni left home even ... i remember that day at evening i prayed to God crying pleading Him to either relieve me of this or just take my soul out while i was praying to Him in a mosque in His house since that wouldn't be a bad way to leave this realm of existence... i don't remember in details what happened after that incident... but i just remember being told to read Quran and u would find peace... i guess the word peace really struck me... so i started reading this book wo knowing what it means just reciting it... for the next few weeks i dont remember doing anything other than that.... and i can't describe in words what i experienced... i started to feel light like a heavy burden was being lifted from within me that was choking me to death all this time... i felt my heart was starting to regain life after all these years of my futile attempts to save it .... God saved me i knew already this could only be from God now i have rational proofs for it sure... but this was my personal experience which i take as the greatest proof of Quran being the word of God... i feel like He has made me a proof... He gave me life after i died He healed me gave me love gave gave me what i never imagined i am worthy of being given... purely an act of love from Him i know im not worthy of it it is Purely out of His mercy ... Quran is the greatest gift of my life bc it literally gave me life... "O mankind, there has already come to you a heart-penetrating counsel from your Lord / Sustainer, a healing for the ailments of the hearts, and a guidance and act of all-enveloping love/mercy for those who believe. tell them, because of this Gift of God and His act of love, because of this only they should be overjoyed, it is better than all ( the material things/stuff whatver ) that others are gathering/collecting/accumulating" [Al-Quran: Yunus - 10:57-8] all praise and gratitude belongs to Him Who is above all imperfection, besides Whom we have no one else to turn to in times of distress, Who nourishes all of His creation w His all-enveloping love and mercy.
All of you INFJ's that identify with this, please know that we ENFP's are totally in love with you. You rock our worlds with your depth, awareness, quirkiness, intelligence, sensitivity, tenderness, creativity, authenticity, and we ache in sympathy when we see you suffer under self-recrimination. God, you are so perfect and deserve so much love.
omgosh thank you so much for your love 🥲💗 all the ENFPs in my life have been so near and dear to my heart 💕💕
-INFJ 4w5
Stumbled here looking for self-acceptance; found a comment that is from the same personality type as my wife (ENFP). Hard to believe when she tells me this so hearing from outside is helpful.
This almost made me cry..ty it's nice to be appreciated and not deemed as wierd or off
My niece is an ENFP and there's a bond that we have that is simply unexplainable. I love her so much for how compassionate she is with her sisters she literally takes the blame and campaigns for her sisters when mommy gets mad. She's adorable!
@Lore M Ipsum Wow. You are in all ways exactly what we need to hear. It's the feeling of being fully accepted for who you are and not trying to change it for anyone. You are a blessing from heaven! Thank you :)
-INFJ 4w5
As an INFJ 4w5 also, I love this stuff. It’s comforting to know there are other alien brains out there. Thanks for being so courageous and vulnerable in posting this!
what is 4W5?
@@melanie.l6282 enneagram type 4 with a wing 5
@@Emerald081 where to find this enneagram??
@@melanie.l6282 for example www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-descriptions
And then you can do a free test here: www.truity.com/test/enneagram-personality-test
But this site will ask you to register once you have done the test, so just remember your result (type) and use the other site to look up what it means. Thats how I did it. This test may not be 100% accurate, but it was pretty accurate for me (Im type 4).
PS. Beauty starts within, and that you are. Which makes you a total KNOCK out, wow...
“Can we tunnel into each other’s souls and have each others backs forever”
I am a 71 year old INFJ and I didn't even learn about the personality types until very recently. I've spent most of my life feeling like I'm a freak and there's really no other people like me. You are fortunate to learn about your type while you are young. My life has been emotionally very hard and I'm looking forward to graduating.
Something I wish someone told all INFJ’s during childhood: Just because other people are afraid of their own depths and truly looking at their reflections, doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you 🙏🏻 It’s easier on them to make you feel like there’s something wrong with you rather than for them to live in radical honesty and true integrity with themselves.
also if you felt safe and accepted where you were, would you feel the need to retreat to your room so often? People often want you to adapt to them rather than recognizing that you’re just reacting to the energy they bring.
I’m an INFJ-T and 4w5 and I have never related to someone more, especially with relationships
Me too ! It really resonated with me. Thank u for stepping out of your comfort zone validation does help ,andu r fucking cool! Aloha
I’m an INFJ-A and I relate so much to her.
"Real me was inside, screaming to be let out, to have a voice, to be heard, to be free..." This whole video hits home way too hard, but it is helpful to see someone else struggling with the same issues. Thank you for sharing your struggles and triumphs. It is invaluable to all of the other INFJ that we can see we're not alone. Thank you for your thoughtfulness and bravery!
From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Love it bro....... ☺️
Edgar Alan Poe - INFP!!!!
a lot of infjs are misstyped
Poe 💕💕💕
Beautiful man. I know the feeling...
I love this.
As an INFJ, what you shared really resonated with me. Please, keep growing and progressing because you have so much to give the world. I finally found my niche as a nightshift psych nurse who creatively engages with Veterans suffering from PTSD and / or Substance Abuse. I feel no shame in crying with Veterans or if the situation calls for it, waiting until I get home and then crying. At night, it is just the nurses and the Veterans which allows me to really help the Veterans. I work 12 hour shifts so in a two week period, I work 7 days and I am off 7 days (but still work 80 hours). On my days off, I spend the majority of them in solitude. I am married to an INTP. She put me through nursing school by driving a tractor trailer OTR solo. She told me, "you need to help people. That is who you are." I am currently paying for her to study Electrical Engineering as she finds purpose in deeply understanding how things work.
My rambling point is to keep developing your insights and then find a way to share them to help others. That is our purpose. ;) You already helped me with this video. I still struggle with perfectionism and defining myself as a caregiver.
Wow, that is an incredibly admirable career. I can't believe you work 80 hours, I can imagine you need a lot of time to recharge after that. And your relationship with your wife makes me smile- I feel that in my heart. I hope to have a husband like that someday :)
I do think I've decided I want to be a mental health counselor, and specifically I want to work with people who are traumatized. A lot of people close to me worry that I will get burnt out everyday from absorbing everyone's pain. But it's my calling, I need to help people- it's who I am. :)
Katie Marie You are an absolute sweetheart of a person. I am also an INFJ and deeply feel and mirror so much of your words and experiences. Thank you for putting out such relatable and empathetic content! Your family and close friends as well as the entire RUclips community alike are so blessed and fortunate to have you! Good on you for taking better and better care of yourself as time goes on and for accepting who you authentically are deep down as a person. Take care of yourself my friend an don’t ever hesitate to be your true self for fear of anyone else’s responses. I hope L.A. continues to be as good to you as you are to it ❤️❤️
@@katiemarie8899 do you have Instagram BTW 😊😊
Simp. (As an INFJ, that's not what I'm saying but rather what society is)
Girl you just spoke to my soul.
Epiphany! I have NEVER felt loved, not even once in my life. At 4:28 in this video I realized why. I have never met someone capable of loving with the depths, purity and intensity that I love, hence their "love", no matter how sincere and honest, seemed pale and shallow, unreal and artificial in comparison.
And yes, you don't have to be engaged with someone to feel their emotions, you just have to be in the same building sometimes, even in a different room. When I was younger, and went to bars because that is what we are told young people are supposed to do, I would arrive early and pound 3 or 4 pitchers of beer with some chasers just to get numb enough to deal with the presence of the crowds.
Perfection paralysis. Yup.
There are few of us because that level of gift needs to be rare.
Only an INFJ can understand and INFJ.
This this this this. I would become so quickly attached with the idea of being loved and loving. But then I realize I can't be loved the way I need. And I start this vicious cycle of feeling like I deserve better and pushing my loved ones away, then being in pain and seeking the love I need/deserve elsewhere.
I've been married once, even then I didnt really feel loved. Honestly just didnt want to be alone, what a regretful decision I made! Oh I am an INFP though sorry.
@@thatoneguy1520 in a similar situation. I love the other person but I don't feel loved anywhere near what I believe I deserve, and my expectations are very very low to begin with. I'm an INFJ, I spend a lot of time living in my mind and even then, when I feel the need to be with another, spending time with and having a deep connection with another. I never seem to find whatever my heart/soul/whatever says I need.
Thank you for sharing that. This made me feel less alone & alien.
@@thatoneguy1520 no need to apologise friend :)
Here is my first comment on RUclips ever: Katie, i am so proud of you.
I was in a marriage and said to myself "if you stay, you die". We feeling everything and it's exhausting.
@paul w I didn't go into the relationship feeling like a victim. I actually moved to Australia to marry him. I married him because he was my father all over again. I've spent years and years in therapy, so don't know why you're so angry.
@@kathyhoskin8350 that user has been commenting angry things on many comments under my videos. I've reported him. So totally disregard him. I'm happy to hear you got out of that marriage
Good for you for getting out and for choosing to live ❤️
This was painful to watch, I had kind of forgotten the extreme pain of childhood (school was basically me hiding in the bathroom, etc.. ) as I'm now an almost 40yr old lady lol...I spent years/decades working with the public, gathering information/learning about myself and the world, and now can say that I DO 'love myself so much & say fuck you to the world, I love the hermit life' 🤣😂🤣 I now work from home, am married and have a ton of animals, but only interact once in a blue moon with others, it's an awesome life!! Nice video! You're beautiful, and very brave for putting yourself out there on RUclips!!
jasmine!!
@@JonasAnandaKristiansson You know it! Good to know I'm not alone haha Always love your insights, I see you a lot lol 😊
@Jasmine Marie - kudos from and INFJ fellow hermit, boarderline animal hoarder. I jokingly told my mom the other day that I have been social distancing since before it "wasn't cool", cuz I invented the shit. lol am I the only person loving quarantine?
@@girl6girl6 Yep!! We should get an award for early "social distancing" 🤣lol. Nice to know there are others out there, fellow infj!!! Hope you're having a great day! ❤
@@jasminemariedarling you said you work from home. If I may ask, what do you do? I have been looking for a legit work from home opportunity that actually pays well. I have been setting up accounts for voice over work, transcription, and survey taking. Eventually, I want to do an e-commerce store dropshipping so i dont have to carry inventory...of course I am still trying to narrow down what to sell. As soon as I finally get my product list curated, half the stuff is out of stock, and I have to start all over the find the merchandise i want to sell. Anyway...yes I am having a great day and would love it if they would extend quarantine and the special COVID-19 unemployment 18 months like the rumors say
I had a journey to self-acceptance as an INFJ for 2-3 years now. I am obsessed with people and psychology but I also have social anxiety and theres constant tension. I took an acting class this summer because I thought it would be a great way to get me out of my comfort zone and to make likeminded friends but that didnt work out. I also seek really deep meaningful relationships.
“Every part of me deserves to walk on this earth” is truly the best affirmation ever for an INFJ!!!! Thank you for that 😀🙏🏻😘 It’s so beautifully bold in the way of self acceptance.
God bless you, Katie! You're awesome. I'm also an INFJ, 4w5, a bit farther down the road (I'm 55). I'm a coach & spiritual director (not a shocker for our type), but just wanted to say it definitely gets better (a LOT better) so hang in there. The more we come to love the way we are wired and learn about the unique and brilliant gifts we have to offer the world, the easier it is to truly believe we belong and have a right to be here just like everybody else. Your courage is inspiring.
Matthew 11:28-30 New International Version (NIV)
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
We are not in this. This is in us. Saw my name so figured I’d comment. Haha! Weird.
I am hearing your words and it's like I'm staring at a mirror at myself. The accuracy is startling. It's so hard to be this way :(
yes, it is SO hard to be this way, the past few years I feel like I have been struggling more emotionally than I am feeling good emotionally.
Yes exactly
@@mountainhobbit1971
I also felt this!! I had to keep taking my focus off her eyes and look away because I would genuinely feel I was looking into the mirror and my true self was speaking!
You've never met us cause we're in our rooms lol (also a 4w5 INFJ)
This explains why I never find people with my same personality. I’m reading the comments like wtf where all are of you 😂
INFJ 4W5 here too. I'm kind of going through the self acceptance thing you've gone through. I've spend so long trying to fit into other peoples boxes, pretending I'm something I'm not, when really, I've never loved that person I never accepted and so I have no idea who he really is...He just has this wonderful imagination and watches films of ideas in his head like some kind of daydreaming conscious awareness. I found this video at just the right time. I was honestly going through some real darks days due to facing up to some past trauma pretty head on this week, and I was feeling in existential despair due to my lack of being able to fit in anywhere or 'burrow into another's soul' (beautifully put by the way). It can be heartbreaking being such a walking contradiction with so much endless love to give others, but none of that same compassion for yourself. Your video really, really helped. Going with your gut and recording that was a wonderful thing for you to do. Seeing your video was like seeing a reflection back of the me underneath the pretenses to 'fit in'. Really beautiful. I can't thank you enough you wonderful, wonderful soul ❤
"I've never loved that person I never accepted and so I have no idea who he really is..." Yes, I feel this too.. we know other people so deeply, care for them, and accept them fully.. yet no one can really offer that to us in return, and so, so many parts of who we are go without recognition from the world. And as we neglect ourselves we invalidate those parts of ourselves too. I often feel like I don't know who I really am either. But I'm fighting for it!
"watches films of ideas in his head like some kind of daydreaming conscious awareness" YES! haha. A true INFJ state of being. But where do we fit in the world? And why does it feel like no one can really know us or relate? For what it's worth, I don't know you, but I like your dreamy ideas and your imagination.
Thank you so much for your comment(s). They truly touched my heart - I have good days and bad days with what I'm going through at this stage of my life, but I had this feeling building up inside that there must be people SOMEWHERE feeling exactly the same, but keeping it hidden inside of them, feeling very alone. So even though it was scary to make a video, I did it for all of us. I want us to get more representation in the world. I want us INFJ's to support each other and help build each other's confidence. I'm so happy my video helped you. Thank you & your beautiful soul as well- you seem like an absolutely lovely human being. Know that your words helped me as much as my video helped you
@@katiemarie8899 ‘As we neglect ourselves we invalidate those parts of ourselves too’ - absolutely and totally. The trouble is that not only do we end up neglecting ourselves, but we end up totally losing any sense of who we are (the little we had to begin with). I’m kind of finding that I am at a real pivotal point in my life, and ‘neglecting’ old me has ‘invalidated’ old me. I can’t say this for certain, but I am pretty sure that most INFJs will go through a rather similar story arc. Here is what I believe to be the INFJ ‘heroes journey’.
0-7: Particularly sensitive. Easy to upset. Somewhat anxious, but on the whole, blissfully unaware.
7-12: I AM AN ALIEN! Why does nothing make sense to me?! Why am I so clumsy?! Why do I keep getting told off for daydreaming?! One redeeming quality: excellent imagination.
13-18: Why?! Why self-awareness?! Why did you have to hold me in your grip?! Why could I not just stay unaware?! I am painfully aware that I have no idea not just what to say to anyone, but how people are evening functioning and taking part in ‘social’? How do people naturally talk and interact? And another thing; why am I different person around EVERYONE I spend time with?!
18-21: Must…be…normal. Must…appear…to be functional. What is going on with me?! People seem to think I’m so exceptional, so smart, so funny, so understanding, so ‘on it’, even that I’m so tough…but I’m just pretending. Underneath all of this, with my Mom, I’m quiet, brooding and so intense…Hell, my Mom even says that I’m ‘boring’. My friends all think I’m an extravert, but I can only keep this up for about an hour (at most) before crumpling into a state of exhaustion.
21: No more. I am NOT that boring person. I am NOT that sensitive person. I CAN BE so much more. People think I’m interesting; I AM interesting. People have always said I had potential, well not I’m going to fulfill it!
22-25: *MONTAGE OF A HAZY DREAM SCENE PLAYING OUT WHERE INFJ FULLY BECOMES WHAT EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE AROUND THEM REQUIRES THEM TO BE. ALL THE WHILE GETTING MORE AND MORE TIRED, MORE AND MORE DRAINED, AND MORE AND MORE CONVINCED THAT THEY ARE NOT BORING AND INTENSE…ALL WHILST NOT CHECKING IN WITH THEMSELVES…FOR AT LEAST THREE YEARS…AND ALSO ATTRACTING EVERY NARCISSIST AND ENERGY VAMPIRE OUT THERE.*
26: OH NO! What have I done?! I’m so tired, and…I’m stuck in a situation with people who don’t accept or love me for who I am, as they don’t really know who I am. Neither do I?! *INSERT DOOR SLAM or FULL SELF-EJECTION FROM CURRENT LIFE here.* Gets own place and lives the life of a hermit, recovering from the damage that they have done to themselves by trying to run away from their truth, and also recovering from damage done by others who essentially ‘used’ said INFJ.
27-30: Realisation of absolute truth hits. Particularly sensitive. Easy to upset. Somewhat anxious, but now fully, FULLY aware. You are nothing but a vessel that can shape-shift into whatever is required by the situation, emotions or other people. Outside of shape-shifting and being some kind of ‘fountain of wisdom’, you are just an empty shell…But you are an empty shell with the potential to see the best, truest and most magical way forward.
31+: You find a cause, you figure out how to get ‘to the top’, and then you make this your life mission with an unstoppable fire…unless you have to spend three hours out with friends in a city because then…then you need to go home, have a bath with Epsom Salts and eat ice-cream. Who am I kidding; you go home and eat FAR BEYOND your capacity for hunger, before the next day feeling guilty and going back to your diet of avocados and fresh foods, because hey, that’s what we do! Our diet is either 'PERFECT' or we go 'WHAT’S THE POINT!?' and eat everything…such is the way we live our entire life.
Not sure how much of this resonates with you or anyone else that happens to be reading this, and I’ve never spoken to another INFJ to run this past, but it sounds about right.
I do think it’s a great thing that you’ve done this for all of us. Very noble and very brave, but make sure that you do keep looking out for yourself on the day to day too. I know I need reminding of this all the time. A way I get through it all is by actively treating life like a video game. There are rules and metaphysics that most don’t understand and harness, but we can and these are like cheats in a video game. That sounds somewhat ‘elitist’ and compartmentalizes INFJs, but I don’t mean it to sound that way. I actually hate putting things in the ‘INFJ box’ as it feels a little small-minded, but this one is kind of a big one for not just survival, but for thriving too. I basically mean that we give ourselves hell so much and we procrastinate for fear of failure so much and we care so darn much. If we were to use our solitary, detached vantage points to realise that things don’t matter as much as we think they do and things aren’t really as heavy as they feel, and everything doesn’t have to be as perfect as we think it does (that’s a tricky one to let go!), then we can really arm ourselves to move forward efficiently.
Hell, every interaction we have feels ‘fake’ and like something fabricated for each individual or each circumstance, so why not use this ‘fake fitting in’ skill and apply the theory of it to every other part of life by knowing that we have a righteous and good-hearted avatar and we will always look for the best for others and us (don’t forget us) in any given situation, but we are going to just ‘play’ instead. It’s easier said than done, especially as empaths too, but it really is the path to ‘leveling up’. Most INFJs have a basic knowledge and understanding of spirituality, the concept of attraction, the nature of time, synchronicities, foresight and all manner of things considered ‘woo-woo’, but I know many of us have found out first hand that these things aren’t ‘woo-woo’, they’re just not readily accepted by humanity yet.
I do think that it is being 'mirrors' that help us fully understand this concept. Being a mirror, you see that...everything is everything. Happiness begets happiness, love begets love, wanting begets wanting, and most importantly of all self-respect begets respect. When you feel invisible, you are treated like you are. When you feel loving and powerful, you are treated like you are and this concept really transcends basic attraction and oozes out of EVERYTHING. These are the kind of theories that I personally keep to myself as any attempt at full explanation of this is met with a look of skepticism, mysticism and, let’s be real, they look at me as though I’ve gone mad! 😅
I do hope at least some of this resonates with you. Sorry. Oversharing. Overreaching. It’s kind of what we do though! Sending you all the positiveness 💖
@@TheEnglishWhisperer YES! This. This exactly. Thank you , it's uncannily resonant and accurate.
I’m sobbing, and freaked out because you’re speaking my life and we kind of look alike
I’m a 48-year-old INFJ 4w5, and found your video after searching my type(s). It’s so refreshing to see/hear someone being so *genuine*, and reflecting the same sort of existential uncertainties I’ve always felt. I find that life is deeply weird, and made weirder by the fact that nobody talks about it! So thank you. I look forward to future videos.
Something that has helped a ton as an INFJ, couples dances such as Salsa, bachata, Tango, Waltz and so on.
This as allowed me to comprehend the whole process of interaction with others.
Not so long, last Friday I told someone I was an introvert. Her response was "Really? You seem very extrovert."
This was thanks to dancing.
I have been confused by others as an ENFP or ENFJ. So I understand that you want to be someone else.
It is said that INFJ are caméléons too 😅
Me too I had this issue where we forced me to become someone who I was not. For myself, I didn't shove it into a box. I actually told it to hide whenever I would interact with other and tell me to whisper what to do. Because no one was able to tell me how to go about anything due to the fact I was out of this world.
As you said, me too I want to change the world.
You know, there is a very small amount of people who does tremendous impact on others. Those are the INFJ and INTP.
Also, INFJ are sorcerer which means they are able to create their own magic powers within themselves.
So tell yourself one thing, you have some magical powers that can do a lot of dps (damages per second). Those damages are done through your empathic habilities and they change people around you.
If you strive to fight for others, you shall see you will become a natural leader.
Frédéric Rahgoshay - Chauvin are you sure you are an infj? I think you might be mistyped.
@@quintuplebanned4267 I wonder what make you think as such?
OMG! I'm so glad that I found this video. I can relate to 99% of the things you said. I'm an INFJ 4w5 so/sp I think. My whole life I've been struggling with self-acceptance issues and it brought a lot suffering to me because I didn't understand. So when I dug first into MBTI almost two years ago and recently in enneagram I felt a kind of relief. Every week I discover some aspect of these personalities that iluminates a lot of things in the way I function and my relationship with the outer world. Sorry for my bad english, it's not my mother tongue. Please, keep posting videos if you feel comfortable. It helps a lot of people.
Jefferson Tavares sorry for the late reply, but- Yes!! Since really digging into the MBTI/enneagram it seems like my growth and understanding of myself has been almost exponential. it seems so important to me to keep reading and keep digging. Then all the pain and confusion of going through daily life, suddenly starts to make more sense little by little, and it somehow feels like I’m getting a grasp on how to navigate it, rather than being at the mercy of it... if that makes sense? Haha. There’s truly power in really knowing yourself. Thank you for the comment, it is an indescribable feeling to be connecting with people who are experiencing the same types of things I am. I was hesitant but I think I may post more videos in the future
Thank goodness I'm a Sigma Male INFJ but at the same time it pretty messed up that narrasstic people try to convince other to not associated with me.
Hi I'm INFJ too please friend me on Facebook :) I love having INFJ friends
@@MaritsaDarman I only found out I am an INFJ about 5 weeks ago, I am a 57 year old Aussie , I would love to be able to to other INFJ's on face book, my face book address is the same as on this post.
@@occupiedaustralia9952 Amazing :) I'll add you. I took the test when I was 19 :) I'm 40
My earliest school memories were hoping each beginning year the relationships would be so positive, creative and mutually beneficial. Then very soon I would feel crushed with reality and the disappointment that comes.
Infj 4w5 39 year old woman here. I had tears quietly forming throughout your video, I think because you were fighting back tears so much, but also because I relate so much to everything you talked about. I too was an academic perfectionist who hated myself. I too attract extremely broken, damaged and mentally ill people. I hermit, hard, a lot. I have not felt worthy of love, and felt like an anomaly all my life. I have never met anyone who feels just like me - so watching RUclips Vids of other INFJs has blown my mind. I'm very empathic, but I only realised this aspect of myself recently and it turned everything of what I believed about myself upside down. My life has felt like a turbulent identity crises. And yes, I rebuilt my hideous self-esteem by giving all I could to healing others. Eventually I had to stop, stop everything, shut out the whole world because I was utterly drained and depleted and on the verge of collapse. I've struggled with severe periods of suicidal depression for many years. I've felt intensely alone, unsupported, unrecognised and unimportant. So I relate to so much if what you have gone through. So I wanted to thank you so much for communicating your experience. It has helped me immensely to know that I am not alone either. I can see there's so much in you that you've barely used yet - like huge wings that are waiting to be spread so you can truly fly as you were always meant to. I'm excited for you and all the ways you can grow to be even more beautiful and wonderful and uniquely splendid than you already are. It's all in there, just waiting for you. Lots of love to you. 😊💜
I’m also a infj 4w5 and this brought me to tears, I couldn’t relate to anything more.
I’ve spent a lot of time digging through any type of system that’s used to understand yourself. First through astrology and Myers Briggs then ended up coming across enneagram and human design as these are such great systems to understand yourself and others deeply. I feel I just want to understand people so deeply as you were saying and it’s hard because it’s never been reciprocated, though I also find these systems are such great tools to create healthy relationships.
i am in infj AND a 4w5 as well. this is amazing and comforting to see other people who are just like you.
INFP 4w5 here. Thank you so much for making this video! It's pretty hard to find (especially IRL) someone else who thinks about and struggles with many of the same things that I do. Emotional intensity, craving true intimacy while at the same time being private and building walls, feeling like there's constantly something missing from who I am as a person. Fortunately, I've always been pretty good about talking positively to myself, about myself, but that's not always true, and I've had plenty of darker periods in my life. I try to embrace the positives, and be grateful. I forget what his name was, but I saw a TED talk from a psychologist who studies happiness, and he said something along the lines of, 'most people go about life thinking that success brings happiness, but what I've found is that happiness brings success.' It stuck with me, for sure. Promotes being grateful, which I do think is profoundly helpful for all sorts of people. I've been on a mission of learning more and more about myself in the past year, and while some things can be difficult to face, it's been so incredibly helpful in a lot of ways. Thank you so much for putting yourself out there! It's a beautiful thing, and really helps a lot of people feel a sense of community and acknowledgment. You go! :)
Put your energy into art. Start making pottery or start painting. You are so expressive. Can you imagine what you could do?
I'd like to add one more thing: My daughters both used to ask me why we were so bullied at school and called "weird". My answer was :
"The people (kids, but teachers too...which is even worse), who call you weird don't mean that. They actually mean 'average'. Name one average person who changed the world? Einstein wasn't average, and until he changed the world and became famous, would have been rejected and marginalized..."
Just food for thought.
Congratulations for finding the courage to do you 👍
You inspire me so much. Your commitment to sharing your healing truth. You are a hero, and I am grateful. Kindred spirit INFJ 4W5 BIPOLAR I
As a fellow INFJ, I can relate to much of what you shared. I was in the same place when I was around your age, but I want you to know it does get better. I didn't really start to figure out who I was/am until I was around 35. Now I'm in my 40s, and I have a career as a counselor - I help and manage people all day, then I come home and go into hermit mode. I get up early in the morning before work everyday to meditate, journal, and have time in my head to imagine, paint, and write. And journaling has definitely saved me on many occasions. And I am happy - and I know you will be too. The work you are doing is crucial - all of the self reflection you are doing is not a waste of time. It will lead you to where you need to be in this world. And you will continue to help so many people just like you are now with these honest and heartfelt videos. I just wanted you to know that I see you, and I wish you all the very best that life has to give.
I have been reading books by Rose Rosetree and An Empath by Alex Myles. They are helping me with many of the ideas you are expressing. Myles is INFJ.
Part of my journey is realizing I have not been correctly mirrored, and I have to figure this mirroring out for myself now. When we are not correctly mirrored parts of ourselves get pushed away and we think something is wrong with us, that part ends up in the shadow.
Katie, you are enough, you always have been.
Yes!! Thank you for the book recommendations- I need to read more about empaths. Most of my comments on here have been from other INFJs so it is a pleasant surprise to be getting the perspective of an ENFP. And an ENFP 4, no less. I'm sure we would have hours of things to discuss, compare, and relate with each other if we were able to sit down and talk. Your point about not being correctly mirrored is brilliant, that's truly the root of the problem for me. I haven't been able to put it into words so clearly as that. Thank you, I admire you for what you've said. I'm also fascinated by you and all other ENFP's, I think you are absolutely wonderful. I've said before that the way you all interact with the world outwardly is quite like the way I experience myself inwardly, but am too afraid to express. Your type is truly the most beautiful, poetic, childlike, authentic, wise, goofy, and fun of all. Thank you for being who you are!!
@@katiemarie8899 I feel the same way about INFJs. I linked a video about it elsewhere, about the synergy in these types. I didn't know such a thing existed until I met my first INFJ.
I met my first INFJ after having had an encounter with a narcissist. She might have noticed me because I was reading a book about Emotional Vampires at the time.
I used to talk for hours with my INFJ. I am sure it would happen if we talked as well. ENFPs also require depth and seek meaning as well. It is said we are inside out versions of each other.
“My greatest desires and goals are also my greatest fears.” I didn’t realize how much that made sense to me until you put it in those words, because I couldn’t put my finger on it. Thank you!
I'm an infp 4w5 so/sx and I really relate to this. I'm still working on loving myself. I was just thinking the other day that there is still a part of me that feels I'm too much and dysfunctional and that I'm not worthy of existing. I have shamed myself for being emotionally intense for so long that I refuse to cry and show my emotions in public anymore. This video is very affirming for me. I feel a little more normal :). Thank you Katie for sharing your story, God bless.
As an INTJ some of your stuff really resonated with me. I know exactly what you mean about feeling weird sometimes around others. I’ve felt the same way yet the way I am feels so normal for me. And I don’t exactly want to change it, i just want people to understand how and why I am that way. It taken a long portion of my life to accept the way I am. Still an ongoing process.
I’m an INFP and I watched this till the end because I just wanna understand your guys’ struggles more. I really wanna hug you and I’m so glad you’re on your way to self-acceptance❤️ I was also once told by my mother to be less emotional and I once boxed myself in and tried to be something I’m not. I’m also learning to accept myself more now. Thanks for sharing your story. You’re beauty shines from within and it’s totally okay not to be perfect. Your community of fellow introverts will accept you as you are.
Thank you, SO much
Being an INFJ man with an INFP sister, I feel you and I feel lucky to have her in my life. ❤️
Here I thought I pretty much was the only one on the planet who feels the way you describe...I knew there had to be others out there like me and this video is proof. 'People pleaser' yes, 'perfectionist' in school, nope, that shows up in my people pleasing, especially in relationships. Such a hard pattern to undo.
I am an INFJ, a 4w5 and I just came across this video today as I was curious to read more on a 4w5. Every single word that you articulated resonated deep within me. For example, what you mentioned about the abstract concepts that you value that cannot necessarily be quantitively measured and understanding the deep patterns of thoughts, when I heard you say that, I felt my stomach jump and my heart skip a beat like YESSSSS! 👏🏼 I’m actually in Grad School right now and what you said about pursuing a Ph.D and how everything inside you was saying not to do it EVEN THOUGH a part of your idealistic self desires to, THAT was so relatable to my current situation. It’s amazing the feeling you get when you connect with someone so deeply, even across a platform, honestly, that’s another level of intimacy. Not necessarily romantic, but it certainly can be, but it’s something rare to find, and when you do, it’s immediately recognizable! It’s that introverted intuition screaming at you like “YES!” That “stronger” sense than a gut feeling, it’s felt more tremendously. That’s like the “real me, screaming to be let out to have a voice to be heard” section you mentioned in 20:23-20:38. Wow, thank you for being so brave and being vulnerable in sharing a part of your life, it was immensely refreshing to hear and know that there are people like us still out there. I hope you’re doing well today and look forward to any more videos that you may be thinking of doing because as an INFJ, I know you’re most likely thinking about it, probably already have ideas or topics set in stone to discuss and are trying to perfect it, but like you said, you just gotta self-accept that you can’t control everything, the best we can do is give it our best shot! Anyways, I loved listening to every minute of your video and God bless you!
I'm still watching the video. After many years I now realize that you are punished for not being yourself in the beginning, then later on standing up for yourself like a butterfly. The people that have done you wrong will place blame and mistreat you for what you did not know you were allowed to be all along, for your positive change. And those very people that claim that they were there for you, will not even stop to think about the wrong they have done to you when you were not strong enough to place boundaries.
Thank you for bearing your soul. I wish we could find more of ourselves out in public. Through watching this, I feel so much more validated and understood. I feel that it’s okay to be me, and it doesn’t matter how people react.
Hello Katie,
This is the second time I'm watching this video, as your story has really been stuck in my mind. It's still uncanny how closely your experiences in life reflect my own, despite us both always feeling disconnected from our peers. This world would be so much more wonderful if there were more people who are as genuine and caring as you are, and it gives me such a bittersweet feeling to only know that someone like you exists and that I will still very likely never know you or even anyone like you.
You have been getting many more views and subscribers, so I hope you do not become too overwhelmed with the amount of attention that you are beginning to receive...I know that it would be difficult for me to personally deal with, if I was even capable of making myself so vulnerable. Some part of me wishes that you would not receive so many views, since the personal touch of a small community always seems to fade away when transitioning into a large community. Anyway, this somewhat lengthy heartfelt response is very uncharacteristic of my INTJ self, but I believe that you are one of the few people who truly deserves it. I wish the very best for you.
❤️ it's amazing how many of us relate to her story
@@megan.e.amato. I'm been subscribed to your channel ;)
Wow, I feel like you're just reading my journal out loud lol.
Solo traveling Thailand really helped me open my heart to humanity.
It's a beautiful and tragic world.
I'll admit my worldview can be somewhat narrow as I've kinda been hiding in my tiny little comfort zone for a long time. Solo traveling to Thailand sounds insane, and, amazing. I hope I can do something like that someday. Well said- a beautiful and tragic world. I can only hope to figure out my place in it, how I can help, how I can make changes in the world. What is the purpose of such a deep and sensitive person like me? I really believe someday it's gonna just click and I'll sit back and reflect on how it all made sense in the end. As if there's some specific purpose I'm meant to fill in this world, and I am the way I am for that reason! It's a beautiful thing to believe in.
@@katiemarie8899 Wow, what a heartfelt reply! I think you're already on the right path asking yourself these questions, making videos that make people like me feel understood and appreciated.
You're a good person. The world already needs you.
So... Keep on the trail. Keep discovering who you are and what this world is about.
You may find it's about less than you think. :)
one theory i have on why infj is seen as the rarest personality type is that some infjs have probably been molding themselves through their whole life and have adopted very very different roles compared to their natural way of being. that would cause many infjs to get different results on tests or at a first glance relate to something they are actually not.
but what really defines who someone is.... that’s a question i can’t answer.
Yeah, cause outwardly I'm sure look a lot like an ENFP so that does make sense and I got INFP on a test until I felt that INFP did not resonate with me that well
"You are not alone. You are not a freak. You are worthy of love, exactly as you are. Try to believe it".... those words of yours reflect very, very important ideas that have been very, very difficult for me to believe. I try to remind myself the same thing, but the problem is, I am alone, I am a freak, and I'm not worthy of love, so I have do my best to earn it. Maybe one day I'll figure it out. I feel like I was looking in a mirror this whole video, except you seem to have it figured out better than I do. Thank you for putting yourself out there.
Believe me, I do not have it all figured out. I happened to film this video during a period of time when I was doing really, abnormally well. Most days I am a freak, I am alone, and I do not feel worthy of love. But I'm working really hard to change that. And the more I learn, the more I share, the more I get from others... maybe we can all help each other. That's what I'm hoping for, at least. Stay strong- know that I know exactly how you feel.
@@katiemarie8899 Mutual aid for all of us is exactly what my hope is also. Thanks for the encouraging words. It's nice knowing we're not alone even though we are alone.
I’m an intj 5w4 married with an infj 9w1.
INFJ 4w5 must be an extremely interesting person to get to know over multiple life times.
I thought Im the only who still trying hard to accept the reality of being INFJ-T
You are such a beautiful soul and it’s so rare for me to hear someone put into words what I have struggle with for 50+ years of my life. I wish the internet existed when I was young so I would have known I wasn’t alone. Thank you for making and sharing your experience and feelings. The courage I know it took for you to be so vulnerable is amazing. I’m rooting for you.
INFJ's tend to have similar voice patterns, and yours in particular is very soothing. I was with you and followed the processes in your head the whole half hour video. Thank you for sharing with us, Katie.
TRUE. I am INFJ 4w5 and I pretty much speak like you, for some reason 😬😆
I have never heard anyone so perfectly articulate my own thoughts. It is so truly encouraging to know that there are other people who think this way. Thank you so much for posting this!
I read something the opposite of what you said about natural selection. I read that infjs are becoming more common because it’s the newest personality type. Evolution of the types, I hope that’s true!
Interesting. I used to think Ni was the first cognitive function in an evolutionary sense, but now I think it might be lower down.
18:56 those 5 seconds say absolutely everything about INFJ's: high expectations, they're never enough for themselves, no self-love, no self-acceptance, we try though. You little smile shows that you're trying to accept it and try to feel okay about it but one second later, following that little smile, you frown and don't look at the camera anymore, basically showing the exact opposite and some sort of shame, a pure one though, 100% genui'e.
We still try, everyday, effortlessly to accept ourselves and the way we are, trying to be happy but inside, we know this will never be the case.
As an INFJ myself, those 5 seconds mean a lot.
Just want to add, if you read this one day, I totally get this video and truely wish you the best in life.
Infj 4w5 here too. I feel ya, truly do...
This video is beautiful 💕✨
This! I cannot even.. Shocked today, almost like the level of the FIRST day I found about "INFJ" via " Tom Davison" on RUclips in 2017. It blew my mind and life started to make sense. It is sooo beautiful!
INFJ+Enneagram 4+BPD.
this simple equation equals to complicated me.
you are extremely relatable and insightful, thank you.
Omg me too !
Aww I just love you! I’m an infj and 4 too and can so relate to the struggle with self-acceptance. You did a good thing posting this sweet video, so authentic and sure made me feel less alone in my own being the way I am ❤️
Keep learning about yourself. As INFJs we have powers that are unimageable to most others. It was Victor Frankl who wrote that life isn't about happiness, it's about finding meaning in doing something that is meaningful. As an INFJ you might want to read Man's Search for Meaning. I didn't' find out anything about my personality type until I was in my late 40s and so I struggled with jumping from job to job. Maybe 50 different jobs, never fitting in anywhere. What you said in this video captures the essence of INFJs. I had to start my own business so that I could keep people at arm's length when i need to so that I can recharge. Keep growing, keep learning, keep trying new things and know that you are amazing. INFJs make good film makers and writers.
Thank you so much for making this video! I am also an INFJ 4w5 and related to like everything you talked about. I've never met anyone who is like me and I've always felt like an outsider. I resonated with what you said about finding a community. I have friends but I feel like I can't go deep enough with them and that they will never truly understand me. I really wish I had INFJ or 4 friends that I could just relate to...but it is comforting to know there are other people who are like me out there!
We should all get together and make a INFJ 4w5 club ❤️
Megan Mills yes!!
In the primary school I was always asked to be less emotional. In the last grade when we were searching for high school I told my teacher that I want to study psychology. I'll remember her words forever: "You can't help others with their emotions if you can't work with yours." I felt like I'm an alien and tottaly worthless. It was so painful to listen these words from someone who should help you with your future studies or carreer.
Hi I found this searching on 4w5 (which I am, too). It's affirming to learn there are others! A lot of the things you said about self-acceptance and self-care are really hard but they're healthy and courageous.
DoubleTheWorstTroubl I apologize for the very late reply but thank you for your comment! Awesome to hear from a fellow 4w5. I wish I could always be as in tune with valuing who I am and taking care of myself as I am in this video. It seems self-acceptance will be a lifelong battle but I have hope for the future! It truly does take a lot of courage, as you said.
Wow I can sooooo relate when you said “I’m a walking contradiction” I’m also INFJ and 4w5.
WOW & also what your mom said.... that’s exactly what my mom said too. My mom is ISFJ. 😂😂
This is so relatable... thank you for the video 💘
The second video I'm watching from you so far, and it's like seeing myself... What you shared here, and who you are, touches me deeply. There's also this feeling of warmth and... relief, finally getting a glimpse of true reflection, of who I am, met, felt and seen, in another person.
I know, I'm repeating myself ;) - but you're such a beautiful soul and human being and I wish you all the best on your journey!
Being a walking contradiction is actually so natural and one with nature, in a non judgmental world - self evident. It's proof of harmony between and within the poles. Difficult to accept, surrounded by people, who can't take it all in, at once and seeing the whole picture. There's not much understanding and resonance, which can lead to so much self rejection and self hate, that it breaks my heart...
I always had the feeling others are just able to see a small part of me (if even that) , but not me as a (whole) being. The difference is, that usually people are just fine with that, they still seem to feel connected... but not me. Needing this depth in a sensing world full of functioning and surface work... shallow, quick satisfaction,.. is not easy.
But no matter how alien or depressed I felt, I never lost sense of being meant to be that way.
It's nature's balance... It needs people like us!
So thank you for putting yourself out there!
Julia
Hi! I saw both of your comments but will respond here-
What you've said warms my heart, truly. I feel mirrored by your words in the same way you felt mirrored from my video. It's very interesting that you aren't sure whether you're an INFJ or INFP. Even just from the way you write, I feel that we are very similar. But that could just be our shared 4w5...
I honestly want to write out what you wrote about the "harmony between and within the poles" and put it on my wall as a reminder. I slip into self hatred so easily. As you said, it's actually something that is so natural, it's the make-up of the universe. You put that beautifully. Incorrect mirroring from others, and my own self-hatred, caused me to regard my contradictions as ugly, unwanted things. My ability to feel deep pain? = wallowing in self pity, wasting time on sadness... being a depressing human being. That's what I believed. That's what I was told. But our ability to sit with deep pain, venture into it, examine the intricacies of the human condition deep within ourselves, creates a a very balanced, integrated, coherent experience of being human. Everyone has deep pain and suffering within their shadow. Most go their whole lives ignoring it and trying to coast on any high they can find, and their shadow bursts out in reactive moments when the mask slips. The more I explore my dark places and feel that end of the polarity, the more honestly and fully I experience the light, the moments of joy and beauty. In the same way, coming to retreat to solitude and recharge allows me to bring more presence and ability for connection when I do re-engage socially. Holding space for polarities is the path to enlightenment, I believe.
Thank you for your comments, you are a lovely human being and I'm happy that you found my video and resonated with it so strongly.
Seeing this post, I thought about this recent video :
ruclips.net/video/-liVyuPkbh0/видео.html
If we were a fish in his analogie, INFJ would be a whale 🐋😊
It is fascinating to read each of us having those very uncommon and rare way to go about this journey through the jungle of life.
Hi, I'm an INFJ Diplomat. I got 4w5 as well and I really used to be, emotionally turbulent when younger, massively misunderstood etc related massively. I don't quite agree with 4w5 now. l am an ambivert, calm and confident in line with the mental image I have of myself.- I can speak in public and thrive with it, can be in crowds etc far longer than I used to. I live in the moment fully present I still sense emotions beneath the words, I differentiate others energies from mine so I can choose the impact it has on me. I would rather talk about changing the world, quantum physics, than weather and small talk. I still need chill time on my own though. Relationships and depth its like anyone I'm with is just scuba diving but I'm down with the Titanic, exploring in awe and wonder why they won't come and be with me at this level. Diplomat in me wants to bring harmony and peace to the world (in an abstract sense) With a boom box on repeat with that song "Why can't we be friends?" I guess in my way I am doing that, only that boom box is my website I'm developing and the music and lyrics are the content I'm creating. Who says you are weird? Is that the view you have of yourself? Or is it a view others have of you? If the latter is that through your eyes or theirs? Perhaps it is just certain mannerisms, in which case its just mannerisms vs yourself as an entity. The only one who answers to you is yourself. Find the clarity heal what you need to then gain traits and qualities you want to have. Notice the rumination, it may echo even when clear/accepting/healed. Thank you for the vid. I subbed. You're an amazing being, thank you for sharing. (In an empathic INFJ tone not a creeper one haha!)
Thank you for that beautiful, important message
Anna P-G yes - really good point.. I wasn’t sure whether to put both INFJ and 4w5 in the title because it’s something I rarely see anywhere... I hear most 4’s are INFP’s but I’m extremely certain that both of my types are accurate! I didn’t expect anyone to see this video and it is such a gift to be reading comments from people who relate, especially people like you who are older than me and have been through the same sort of confusing times with it.
Katie Marie yup I think you definitely are accurately typed :) Have you heard of the Enneagram tritype? I just discovered it and it goes even deeper into the identification of the core “fixations” of types. Pretty cool 👌🏻
Woah - INFJ 4w5 is the same for me as well, right down to the instinctual variants! This is definitely me. I can totally relate to the intenseness, the perfectionism, the empathy and I also feel like I've met so many people who tried to make me "fit for human consumption" by trying to fix the introversion and deep thinking. I just couldn't have that, so I've spent most of my life on my own. I went to grad school, and it was hard, but I've come through most of it, and decided to leave academia after that for exactly that - I don't want to be a workaholic anymore.
I relate sooo much! "Fit for human consumption," lol. So glad I don't take it seriously anymore when someone tries to change me. What did you go to grad school for, and what are you doing now instead, if you don't mind me asking? I recently decided I want to study clinical psychology and get my PhD, with a longterm goal of having my own private practice someday. I'm scared about what grad school will be like for me.
@@katiemarie8899 I come from a Biotechnology background, so while I did a PhD titled 'Bipolar disorder and bone health', I will need to go through a Bachelor's of Psychology or something similar to work as a therapist. Don't be scared about going through grad school. Simply keep your specific goals in mind, and work towards them. Don't let the difficulties of the journey deter you from trying that path. The difficulties will prepare you for the big goals you have in mind - if you let it. 😊
Edit: I am submitting my thesis next month, so I am hoping to be a Medical Writer after I graduate.
All the best!! Don't hesitate to reach out to me if you feel I can be of any help.
As far as I know, the perfectionism is part of the type. Within my family all four females are INFJ, with my father the sole INTJ, and all of the INFJ portion have some degree of perfectionism. The one advantage of this family was that I didn’t feel alone in being this way, but once I started school I was in for a real shock, as I simply assumed everyone was this way. Admittedly, I was *way* more sensitive/empathetic than my siblings. Probably because my INTJ father was a narcissist who made me the family scapegoat; I had to fine-tune my senses simply to avoid the emotional land mines. I am an INFJ Enneagram 1w2 sp/sx, for whatever it’s worth.
One saying that might be useful to think about, is that all the things in ourselves that we might see as flaws hold the seeds of our greatest gifts. If you do have some time away from work or school I encourage you to learn as much about who you are as possible, but without a sense of trepidation. Each person contains great beauty inside of them, and it’s simply a shame that most people never look, in some cases out of fear of what they might find. If they were to face that fear they would find it to be a mere phantom without substance.
Your last few sentences here are really beautiful- I never thought about it that way. Perhaps it's about more than merely accepting my true nature, perhaps the things I've hidden inside of myself are the strengths I will someday use for a larger purpose. I've gotten criticism on my videos from people who think Myers Briggs and all of this introspective work is a waste of time, or even "dangerous" to be "promoting." This has led me to doubt myself a little, as I'm not extremely confident or self-assured at this point. But what you've said is in line with what I know to be true about this introspective work I've been doing. The more I uncover about myself, the less fear and dissonance I feel. Maybe Myers Briggs is flawed and a "pseudoscience," but it sure has helped me immensely. Anyway, thank you for your words, they were very helpful to me.
I don’t think that plumbing the depths of your psyche is for everyone, but the INFJ is particularly well suited for the process. I think that those who criticize Myers-Briggs see it as a fad, and criticize out of annoyance, as if you’re some kind of self-obsessed lemming. (If you want some leverage over this, check out the article “In Defense of the Myers-Briggs” by Aqualus M Gordon Ph.D. on the Psychology Today website.) I think that it’s underestimated the hunger of your generation for a sense of who you are and identity that’s more profound than simply your profession or ancestry; something more permanent and enduring. Besides, you might find Joseph Campbell interesting to look up. Aside from the beauty of his “Follow your bliss” quote, in the book “The Hero With a Thousand Faces” he draws all the commonalities within heroic myths, and in the end they are all are symbolic of the journey within (he was a big Jung fan himself). One of the details I love is that when the hero has to face and kill the dragon, on each and every scale of the dragon is written “Thou Shalt”. Throughout our childhoods-sometimes explicitly, sometimes implicitly-we soak in a huge array of shoulds, musts, and oughts, and assumptions about what makes a person valuable or not. All of these must go under the knife and be reevaluated. And then it is by climbing down further and further into the deepest, darkest cave that you find the treasure. Actually, on that point there’s something called the “Streetlight Effect” that has meaning. It’s based on a joke about a drunk at night who is frantically looking under a streetlight for his keys. A policeman comes along and tries to help him. After quite a while of searching with no luck the policeman asks the drunk “Are you certain you lost your keys here?” The drunk says “Oh no, I lost them over there in the park, but the light is better here.” I think that this phenomena of only wanting to find answers in the easy places is part of why many prefer the Big 5 (Extraversion, Conscientiousness, Openness, Agreeableness, Neuroticism) over the Myers-Briggs, but I personally have never derived any form of decent insight from the Big 5, and I find that my levels on that test vary significantly depending upon physical health.
I'm an INFJ 4w5 too and for the longest time I felt like people around me were empty shells, because I couldn't find anybody around me who seemed to have a rich inner life, lots of thoughts and dreams as I did. Existence can feel really lonely for us, that's why I think all INFJs are so enthusiastic when they first learn about their type. We can finally find "our tribe" online and feel seen and not alone anymore.
As an INTP woman, I better understand now why INTP and INFJ are often referred as the "golden pair" -- we have so many common points and I can relate to you in so many ways :) but also I now understand how the differences of our personalities can be a very fulfilling one (helping each other about letting go on our respective F and T which in my views are our biggest strength-yet-challenge). Must have been quite intense to take that video out there on RUclips, thanks for sharing Katie!
"I don't know why but something telling me I should" - basically our life motto.
I feel like I just got really lucky in life, surrounded by a few close friends who wanted to be bestest friends with me. Idk what I would’ve done with myself if it wasn’t for them. 😭 (4w5 INFJ HSP baby here 🙋🏻♀️)
You are right, no one should be stuck in their weaknesses and stop progressing in their life. We can get better at anything we want and can.
I am an INFJ and I can relate to you so much! It’s annoying growing up and feeling different, but now we must thrive. We are unique and we are special!
I am an INFJ and I just took the enneagram and I am also a 4w5. It feels good to finally be seen. We may be rare, but we are real. I am not a perfectionist, but I do seek approval from others by achieving what I think they believe is success (higher education, a “good job” etc), so that I feel worthy. Thank you for making this video.
To see your wisdom at such a young age, to listen to you describe the same challenges but under different circumstances, it's really a warming experience. I am 53 and I can relate to the way you think so strongly. It's an understanding that you don't find often. You really are a beautiful soul and this expression is part of a life lesson for us all.
Thanks Katie keep going! I am also an INFJ-T 4w5... been misunderstood all my life but felt unique never a freak.
Wow I'm the male version of you.
Infj 4w5 here as well love. I definitely resonate with every word you said...its the contradictory life that is my very essence...that makes life feel like turmoil on the inside. Apparently type 4 is not a typical typing for infjs, generally infjs lean towards being 9s...so it's nice to hear someone I can relate to, because I cant even fully relate to the few infjs I do know
I was mesmerized by this video. I feel as if I’ve met a kindred spirit. To speak so truthfully and genuinely about your experiences as an INFJ has left me with hope. I have thought and felt many things as you have, like my “weird” personality and how I am perceived by others, how perfection dominates every aspect of my life, how tears readily flow at any given time, how thoughts of analyzing and deep thinking begin even before my eyes open in the morning.. but reflecting on those things, I love that about me. I too will not abandon that part of me anymore. Take care, much love & peace xo
A wonderful transformation is to feel sad about all those who are not INFJ. Not from a false superiority but just a complete appreciation of our positive traits and feeling sorrow that others will not be able to experience what we do. That will also be a great revelation.
Literally started crying at 29:40. A moment of healing for me. Thank you❤️
Same here. INFJ and type 4. Thank-you for existing and being you. Sending love and peace. I feel you so much when you talked about intimacy, intensity. 💛
Wow this is beautiful and painful. I cried watching this because I can relate so much.
I'm INFJ and either a 4 (if in hermit mode) or a 2w 1/3.
I went through years of self hatred and changing how I was around different people because I so longed to relate to people.
I often felt so unsatisfied with people because everyone felt so superficial and I honestly still get bored with people quite a lot.
When I was in school I became unwell with M.E./chronic fatigue syndrome because I was desperate for time out.
I was miraculously healed through prayer which was such a fun experience but now I still feel I need excuses that I'm unwell because I have to disappear from the world.
I feel everyone's emotions and see spiritual things.
An alien and I have asked God a few times "please can I just die so I don't have to feel this way all the time."
But there seems to be a reason I'm still here .. I'm definitely on the road to self acceptance too and not letting damaged people suck me dry.
It's a process and I'm still in my early twenties but please know how INCREDIBLY encouraging your video was.
I feel like the only one who can love me to the depth I desire is Jesus, but I long to be "normal" and be able to have many friends and accepted by everyone I meet. Yet I know that will never be possible
Edit: classic me oversharing, I'm sorry
I’m also an INFJ-T 4w5 and I really appreciate you making this video. It’s nice to know I’m not alone
Thank you, Katie! I'm an INFJ/ 4w5 as well. I'm in therapy struggling with bipolar depression. I know exactly what you're talking about. I isolate with music, as I'm both a musician and music fan. I am an empath and can feel everybody's emotions. One thing that has helped me socially is I've taken on the card ministry for the church I attend (birthday cards/ get well cards, etc.) I don't have to get drained being around people, yet I can stay in touch. I can't work due to my illness. But, I'm trying to get out of my shell. I completed my bachelor's degree many years ago, but it took 10 years from the time I graduated from high school. Again... thanks so much for posting this video! :)
INFJ's are one of the strongest types there is along with ESTP's. Your role is to build character within people. Well one of your roles. We need you guys to lead and build us up. -INFP
As an INFJ, it means a lot to hear this from someone. Thanks for taking the time to share this with us.
Thank you. My best friend is an INFP and if I didn't have her growing up I might not be here. We need you INFP's for your caring, non-judgmental, relentlessly loving nature- among your many other gifts. Thank you.
Whoa. The cadence of your voice made me feel like I was listening to myself the entire time.
As an INFJ, there’s so much I could say to you right now. But I can’t quite find the words. I relate to so much of what you said and I applaud your courage to be this raw and allow yourself to talk at length about your feelings. Cause it’s something I still struggle with. I’m still searching for self-acceptance and meaning, but it’s videos like this that make me feel a little less alone.
I wish all of us INFJ’s could start a giant club. But part of me feels like we already have, just from the comfort of our own bedrooms!
Being an INFJ who totally relates to the pretending or wanting to be an INFP, this whole thing just really made me sit here and cry. I relate to all of this.
THE MEEK SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH...
John 17 3. Mat 5 17 20.
...whatever is left of it lol!
LETS GO CHAMPP!!!
Oh my Gawd, you are not a freak. I’m an ENFP married to an INFJ….. the emotional intensity that you all seem like INFJs and INFPs….. I want that. I need that: and yes it’s not for everyone. It’s not. But that’s what makes it so damn special. Guard that heart…. You’re like the Giver… you guys are super special. Be you. I see you. Please exist. It’s the part of humanity worth saving. I sponge feelings too… it’s ok… it’s our greatest gift…. It’s our strength. No, your Mom and others are wrong…. You are exactly how you were made to be. Peace.
Holding back the tears. Almost everything you are saying completely connects with how I feel and what I have been going through in life....'cept for the perfect body thing and caretaker position stuff. Thank you for taking your time with this video and explaining everything so coherently and eloquently. This is why the internet is aweome....we can see others like us, living/feeling/struggling just like us. Sucks for our type that we are introverted, which can lead to hermit mode when we are burnt out, it usually means we will never get to actually meet each other IRL but it's comforting to know there are others like me.
Out of all the videos I have watched trying to figure out what is wrong with me and why I don't feel like I fit in anywhere. You have made more since to me than all them put together. Thank you for make this video.
To be honest I kind of hate how much I have in common with this person. It’s like a strangely pleasant form of torture
A problem in the world is the feeling of instant depth, connection, and understanding with others but they don't share it and so ask questions and try to get to know you as an outsider (from their perspective). I feel like I fully get people, but that only they are legitimate or valid.
Katie, it breaks my heart that you are so hard on yourself! I wish I could reach into my computer and hug you and tell you that I love you and that you're adorable and loveable just as you are. That your perceived faults all have a good side too. The quest for perfection is a good thing, except when it becomes compulsive. You're human and nobody's perfect. Not you and nobody else either. Sure, persue perfection, but don't expect it. You are special and unique and valuable and deserve to be happy. It sounds like you are trying to believe it but are having a hard time doing so. Please, please believe it because it's true! You've been blessed with many gifts but it sounds like your compulsive search for perfection only lets you focus on the negatives. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, you'd fall in love with yourself too! I wish I could say something to convince you. What a dull world this would be if everyone was the same, or perfect for that matter. So please embrace yourself for the wonderful, even if flawed, person you are. You deserve it!
I hear you loud and clear. I lived with the idea that I had something wrong with me until I did the work and figured things out. Once I did, and got to understand my authentic self, the world opened up to me. Good luck, and great to see you figuring it all out. You sound like you are well on the path! Once you understand that what you thought was a curse was actually a gift, it is truly liberating. It is not easy, but keep pushing forward.
Hi Katie , hope u r well , I know this is an old post , I've just came across it and I just want to say I found it beautiful , it was so deep and personal yet I can totally understand what you were saying , my heart ached hearing your story , although I can relate with how you were treated by " loved ones " I was the kid that said F %*K you I'm ok and your an arse , I didn't go through self hate or anything like that , I was seen as the cool kid , the fit kid , good at sports but loved sitting in a quite corner somewhere reading a book , my friend alway pulling me away from who I really was but no-one truly ever knowing who was behind the eyes looking out at a screwed up world , I thought everyone else was broken until I was older and then the relationships I attracted made me think there was something wrong with me , I'm glad I found mbti and that I'm an infj and all my soul brothers and sisters out in utube world , it certainly has helped me understand myself so much better , and of course love myself and treat myself the way I want someone else to love me , I know this is old but sending you a hug , it was very brave of you to share what you did . Take care . Namaste 8 ) .
I can really relate to the self rejection. I’m INFJ / 4W5 too. It’s been a tough life.
I can 💯 relate. It's like we INFJ'S have a different O.S to everyone else and it does effect your self worth. I too have made efforts to "change" and be more "normal" but the inauthenticity made my skin crawl and was even more detrimental to my mental health. I can relate to the perfectionism too, like if we are perfect we will be accepted. I'm my own biggest critic. I've done a lot of work on self acceptance and self love. But like you say that's not a resignation. I love the unboxing analogy and one of my Mantra's is "Unbox yourself to Evolve." Yes accept yourself 💯 but still continue to grow. The INFJ extinction tangent literally made me laugh out loud. 😂 I've done a lot of work to spend a little less time in my head too and get into the "real" world. Yoga has been MASSIVE for me. I also have been flirting with the idea of putting out RUclips videos to share my perspectives and ideas. You're definitely inspiring in that sense as I know how difficult it is for us INFJ'S to put ourselves out there. Thank you for having the courage to do so. 🙏🏻 We are not alone. ✊🏻✌🏻
u speak my soul ... i've always felt like an alien since childhood,even in my own home,nobody understood me or cared and that hurt me so much... i fell into through the dark tunnel of depression too... it was so hard i could hear my heart crying a voice from deep within "its not u,save me,please stop..." i could literally hear that... it was like someone else within me.... i lost all hope of ever getting out of it .... nobody helped me nor cared i begged for help it would hurt so bad to breathe like physically it was hurting...i started having suicidal thoughts... it was first yr of university and i would go to pharmacy's asking for pills... i felt like i was dying inside so i thought why bear this burden of flesh and bones then.... i felt lost in darkness drowned in self-loathing hatred anger sadness ... but the most hurtful of all for me bear was loneliness i felt alone ... more so when surrounded by ppl who dont understand me or care ... but God did not abandon me.... God saved me... i left uni left home even ... i remember that day at evening i prayed to God crying pleading Him to either relieve me of this or just take my soul out while i was praying to Him in a mosque in His house since that wouldn't be a bad way to leave this realm of existence... i don't remember in details what happened after that incident... but i just remember being told to read Quran and u would find peace... i guess the word peace really struck me... so i started reading this book wo knowing what it means just reciting it... for the next few weeks i dont remember doing anything other than that.... and i can't describe in words what i experienced... i started to feel light like a heavy burden was being lifted from within me that was choking me to death all this time... i felt my heart was starting to regain life after all these years of my futile attempts to save it .... God saved me i knew already this could only be from God now i have rational proofs for it sure... but this was my personal experience which i take as the greatest proof of Quran being the word of God... i feel like He has made me a proof... He gave me life after i died He healed me gave me love gave gave me what i never imagined i am worthy of being given... purely an act of love from Him i know im not worthy of it it is Purely out of His mercy ... Quran is the greatest gift of my life bc it literally gave me life...
"O mankind, there has already come to you a heart-penetrating counsel from your Lord / Sustainer, a healing for the ailments of the hearts, and a guidance and act of all-enveloping love/mercy for those who believe. tell them, because of this Gift of God and His act of love, because of this only they should be overjoyed, it is better than all ( the material things/stuff whatver ) that others are gathering/collecting/accumulating"
[Al-Quran: Yunus - 10:57-8]
all praise and gratitude belongs to Him Who is above all imperfection, besides Whom we have no one else to turn to in times of distress, Who nourishes all of His creation w His all-enveloping love and mercy.