Hi, my name is Dorian and I'm STILL an addict.. and I keep relapsing.
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- Опубликовано: 23 ноя 2022
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Happy Thanksgiving! I'm thankful that I'm still here..
Theres a challenge infront of you, and a shitton of potential :D dont give up! or give up, whatever ends up working out for you. Also doing a LIFEBOOK from Mindvalley might help a ton.
it's not about it being a "personal or programming channel", you use it the way it helps you. that being said, i prefer the programming content, that also being said, don't beat up yourself over a relapse, keep going, every day matters!
HAPPY TURKEY DAY MAN
God Bless you man. I hope you become stronger by the day to be the better you. Amazing content indeed. Thank you !
You know you can see a Dr. for this mental health Dr. like a phyc? They have many meds that can maybe help. Often as I understand it addiction is due to a chemical imbalance. You're craving something that is missing in your brain. Especially if you have built a tolerance and pruned many neurons and receptors. There's a reason addiction is now considered a mental health problem. There is also medical intervention. Go tomorrow to the Dr. try a few don't just take the first one's "advice" - will power will only get you so far.
Massive respect for putting this out there. It’s not an easy thing to do so I commend you. I’m 32, been sober since 28. Everyone is different, but talk therapy was one of the keys to success for me. Don’t settle for a therapist you don’t vibe with though. And in a way, videos like this are talk therapy too.
Bro pop a perk and relax.
You deserve to be sober. Your family deserves it. But you gotta go 100% sober. My dad is 73 and relapsing into alcoholism. But thankfully he was 100% sober during my teen years, and it honestly changed our lives. I'd be a different person if he'd not abstained for years. He did it by putting a calendar on the wall and marked it ever single day he was sober. Everything is better when you're sober. But it takes 100% abstaining. You can't cheat even a little.
Oh stop pushing that AA bullshit. For instance if a full blown heroin addict quits and only smokes weed the NA community wouldn't have that. Which is stupid. All about harm reduction.
Several studies show full abstinence often leads to relapses more frequently
@@inbarchi123 there are "several studies" for everything. I've got 42 years of very personal research with many cases and results to base my conclusion on.
@@inbarchi123 That's ABSOLUTELY untrue. Harmful to even say.
Show sources to your claims of research.
As I could share many peer reviewed studies and research showing the complete opposite outcomes.
100% agree.
Please don't ever feel the need to make your videos private under the rationale of them being "too personal" for a "programming channel" - the main reason I subscribe to you is how genuine you come across while in front of the camera, in contrast to many other content creators in the coding space who work to cultivate an embellished image of themselves and their lifestyle in order to attract an audience. The honesty you showcase in your videos is so much more valuable to me as a viewer, and not only helps me in extending empathy for people who have endured rougher life circumstances than my own, but also serves the larger purpose of conveying that the field of programming is inclusive to individuals from a diverse range of backgrounds.
Yes
Same
Secrets serve none
Ones job is ones life, they go hand in hand. Thats the BIG picture
@@GetUnlabeled sure
From a video game addict. Don't try to tell yourself that you should stop video games. Tell yourself that you can do more than just gaming. You'll see changes. You'll get bored of games. You'll manage your time and balance it and that's what happened to me. I think that we shouldn't try to change for the best. Just try to change for the better and the best will eventually come.
I don't know what exactly you're putting into a game addict, but i've been a gemr all my life. Right now I also play video games when I'm free (25 , male) but I don't have friends nearby me, didn't make any since last years, from my work its only colleagues and talks about the job.
Can't say that I'm happy, but I don't know and don't have any other hobbies to be into besides games...
Bless you!!! Find and bring joy to your life. AA or NA…doesn’t do it. Especially if you see that EVEN potentially positive actions or habits….can become an addiction. ❤❤❤
It’s the person, not the action. But really…it’s the baby inside of you, that is calling out for you to Love & accept him. Wholeheartedly. Which is truly what he (you) deserves.
Feed that lil one inside. Feed him JOY. Every day. Figure out the things that make you feel like that perpetual 10 yr old Inside of each of us. That still has Hope. Still holds the magic of life. THAT is what EVERY “addict” needs in their every day life.
(Which, sorry all,
but that’s all of us.
We may pick a ‘good’
habit/addiction…but ask why do you do it?)
If you instead, each day focused on finding joy in every day things, feel exhilaration,
That
is what EVERY “addict” needs. And bring others that same experience….well then, that is where self love and acceptance starts…and that is the ONLY PATH you can take towards healing. How can you love another, if you can’t love yourself first!? Start there, then the rest will come. I promise. 💕
Bro.. you are a fucking SOLDIER. I applaud you for surviving, thriving, and now inspiring others. Great freaking job man
I also have a ciggerette and alcohol addiction, sometimes I have long streaks while trynna quit... Sometimes I relapse, HARD... I concluded that the best way to quit is not obssess over quitting, but be to accept and take responsibility as soon as you relapse, you know, before you get too deep into it again. This has worked for me so far ... I pray for the best for all of us!
This hurts. My dad is an addict and my whole life he went through relapse/sobriety/relapse/sobriety. He was never there, though. He would lock himself in his bedroom. He ignored us. When he did interact with us, it was yelling and picking fights. He got fired from all his big boy jobs & blew through my mom & his retirement money… at 69 he works at goodwill and lives with a roommate & my mom will have to work her whole life unless I get rich and can help her. He’s been sober almost two years now, but I worry about him relapsing all the time.
As long as you spend time with your kids and show them you care… I wish you the best. I struggle to have empathy for addicts after what I went through growing up.
How does your mom needing to work for the rest of her life fit the context? Can’t really blame that on him. We all know nobody is expected to take care of us when it’s all said in done..some get lucky some don’t.
Oh no , soooo sorry to hear this. You inspired me into getting my shit together and learning how to code at 52! You're a helluva dude, you got this Dorian... First step is admitting it.👊🏽🙏🏽
⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️.
this showed up in my recommended and I'm glad it did. I saw the title and instantly went to it. I'm 35 and have been an addict since I was 16 or 17. January 1st ill be 4 months sober. haven't done any substance at all. I never thought I'd make it this far. and now I love it. so much has changed in the most positive ways. being honest with yourself is truly important and you definitely do that.
🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿
Hey congrats! Jan 1st is so close i hope you are still doing well. Sending you love and ligth
I didn't even know who you were before this video was recommended to me. You'll likely never see this either but I'M PROUD OF YOU. We're right around the same age, with a similar addiction story. I still struggle with a lot of things related to my addiction. It takes a strong, sincere person to make a video like this. I wish you the best and hope you can make the changes you outlined in this video.
Agreed‼️
For anyone reading this and struggling with addiction I just wanna say a bit of my story not only to help others but for myself too. I’m currently 23 years old and 3 months sober from smoking weed and about 3 years not drinking. I grew up playing sports my whole entire life, playing hockey, baseball, golf at highest possible levels for my age, especially hockey. I was raised just like most kids being taught drugs are bad never do them. Which I never I did until I was 17 years old. I was going into my draft year in hockey and was ranked top 75 in the country 🇨🇦 and ended up being absolutely ruined by my coaches. After that I just said fuck it my life isn’t going anywhere so I started hanging with the kids that liked to party. I started smoking and drinking just at parties and maybe the odd night with friends. It didn’t start to get bad until I broke up with the first girl I fell in love with. I quickly started smoking bongs from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to bed, I never thought I had I had an addictive personality until I actually sat down and thought about it. Just like Dorian said I also can’t do something without going 110% at it. Also My parents both have never done a single drug in their life so it never even crossed my mind I would be like that. I became so addicted it got to the point where I couldn’t do anything including eating without smoking first (video games, going out, going for shower, walking dog) literally anything. Now I’m here laying in my bed at 2:45 in the morning thinking about how far I have came. And no it wasn’t just weed I had issues with at the start, I abused Xanax for a long time and same with cocaine. I just didn’t want to feel the pain of losing my gf, losing my career in hockey and all the pressure of life in general. I’m kinda of just rambling on now but my point was if anyone is actually reading this and is struggling just know you aren’t alone. I can promise you if you put your mind to it you can do it. People are there for you, I am here for you❤ people do not talk about and converse enough about these things. Society has taught us as men to keep or feelings and thoughts locked in our head and to suck it up and be a man. Well fuck that. If your struggling please reach out to me or anyone. Love anyone reading this, you got this ❤
Thank you for this I really appreciate your comment. I'm struggling but hope that one day I will be 💯 percent sober.
@@sharnehiggan6709 Be positive and keep trying ❤️ it’s hard very hard, that’s why so many people fail, because it’s not easy! Take it one day at a time
23 !! You aren't even born yet ! Just broke in at best. You should understand this a few decades from now.
@@BundaFiend did you speak with some professional about the stress that you had bcoz of heartbreak and the pressure regarding playing sports?
@@szczypi0rek yes I’ve been too many therapists and professionals and notbing really seemed to work! As of today I can gladly say it is not really an issue for me anymore I’ve found other things to enjoy and people that make me happy! It was just a tough journey getting over those things. Thanks for the comment ❤️
Accountability is super important in addiction recovery. Props to you for putting this out there. Highly recommend finding a way to connect with other addicts and mental health professionals who can coach you through this. Addiction is a life long disease and should be treated with the same attention as any other serious disease where the potential outcomes include death i.e. cancer. Good luck to you on your journey!
Thanks for your story. Weed was actually a gateway into my alcoholism (disclaimer: I have an addictive disposition) I spoked weed a lot in my university years,drinking was not an issue, but I'd developed an unhealthy relationship with smoking, obsessing about it, getting angsty if I'd run out. Eventually due to a change in living circumstances, I no longer had access to weed, so the wake and bake became a morning vodka shot, the tired evening buzz became mixing every available drink in one glass and nursing it. That spiralled to being physically dependent on alcohol, consuming a litre of vodka, or gin or Chinese rice wine every day.
I'm now free from the slavery, I don't count days, because the focus is on not picking up the first drink. Ultimately I'm addicted to sedating my brain,I know I'm addicted to heroin,gambling,cocaine,pills despite not dabbling in any of them, because I am an addict.
Good luck.
NOOOOOoOOOOOOoOOOOOoOOOOOOoOOOOOoOOOOoOOOooooooOooo YOU CANT TALK SHET ABOUT WEED, WEED IS GREAT!!!! NOT ADDICTIVE AT ALL!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
It's very psychologically addictive, I would know, I be been a user for 15+ years. It's a medicinal plant that can be used for greater good but you need to treat it as such.
SMART Recovery helped me more than 12 step and Antabuse with my morning coffee ☕ solved any cravings because you won't get drunk even if you drink so it takes away that sudden urge that use to hit me out of nowhere. What's the point of drink if I'm not gonna get high?
This.
The last sentence rang so true to me. I smoke weed for anxiety now, but I abused weed, alcahol coke pills. I wanted my mind sedated so I could function. Was working on drinking myself to death and discovered mom had dementia. Something snapped inside and I couldnt touch alcahol. Still sober as far as alcahol, drugs and pills, no desire for it but I am older now. Thanks again.
Thank you for this! The past few days, i’ve been having trouble facing myself but this has definitely directed me to confront myself and take accountability with my choices. Thanks for being an example!
Much love admiration to you Dorian! I feel you on alot of this. I have been struggling addict for several years and these days If I'm not drinking then I'm smoking and if I'm not smoking then I'm drinking. I'm really glad this video came up because lately I have been thinking about my addictive personality more then ever and I seek to stop my destructive drinking problem (then hopefully move on to weed and nicotine) and it's been so hard.. I don't feel me when I'm not drinking I don't feel fun or as social but I know that I can't keep drinking because I can never have just a few. I really appreciate this video and wish you the best of luck man🤞
There's a lot of resonance between our stories. I started around the same age . . . got high for the first time around 7 or 8 years old. A friend and I were in the habit of swiping cigarette butts as you mentioned and we had no idea what we'd stumbled into when we found a bag of roaches ... it hit us years later when the same friend and I got high together for the first time deliberately at 12 or 13.
I turned away from drugs, including pot, much sooner, but went way further down the rabbit hole with alcohol. I can say this about alcohol ... it only tends to escalate. However bad it is now, it can only get worse. And the tolerance does not seem to diminish with time as it does with other drugs. At least it didn't for me. I drank a lot for a teenager but didn't really make a profession out of it until my early 20s. I worked my way up to 12 - 18 natty ices a night before undergoing a bone marrow transplant in 2005 at 25 years old (I am in good health now). I quit drinking for well over 6 months and I can clearly recall the first night I drank thereafter. I got a 12 pack and figured I'd be hammered half way through, maybe even sooner. I drank all 12 and wished I had more like I hadn't missed a day. I eventually transitioned into a beer connoisseur. I got really into high ABV imperial stouts and porters. I was active on beer advocate, I had a spreadsheet, but I was really just a drunk. The drinking was causing problems at home. I never struck a living thing in a black out rage, but I was a cyclone of random violence unto inanimate objects around the house if set off.
After a particularly explosive night of drinking, I started my recovery journey in 2011. I made it two years before financial issues demanded I drop out of grad school. I came from abject poverty. I grew up knowing hunger in a way a child shouldnt. I never thought I'd go to college, let alone make it to grad school, and when I had to take a leave, I relapsed. Not only did my intake not diminish in two years of sobriety, it increased markedly out of the gate. I never returned to nightly drinking, but the binges increased in intensity regardless of the time between them. I began having to drink so much beer it started seriously fucking with my stomach. I switched to whiskey. Problem solved. I eventually worked my way up to a fifth of whiskey every time I drank. And when that wasn't quite enough, I began purchasing liters. And then the whiskey started fucking with my stomach. Switched to vodka, problem solved yet again. Switching to whiskey and vodka also made it much much easier to hide my drinking.
I'd go months between binges sometimes. I was very adept at compartmentalizing my drinking. I made it back to grad school and finished. I never had another incident of drunken rage as I'd only drink alone. My better half worked nights at the time, which made it easier. However, I was eventually found out in 2016 and thus began my longest stint with sobriety. I made it 3 years and we lost our german shepherd unexpectedly. I took her to be cremated and picked up a half gallon of booze (2 pints of whiskey and 2 pints of vodka). After 3 years without a drop, I picked up exactly where I'd left off.
My last relapse was in December of 2021 and it landed me in the hospital with withdrawal for the first time. That's another thing I learned. I would go months and months without drinking and then go on these mini benders. I had no idea what was going on the first time I ended up in withdrawal as I didn't know it was possible as a binge drinker. Turns out the withdrawal tends to get worse every time you go through it and it's even worse yet for true binge drinkers. It's called kindling and the physiology is quite interesting.
Nothing I experienced in my 5 year battle with cancer, including anything during the bone marrow transplant, comes even close to the nightmare that is alcohol withdrawal. It is hell. And even after ending up in the hospital in seizure territory nearly a year ago, I still struggle. My daemon never screams or shouts, but it whispers at all the right times. When I've been working too much, and things are going to shit, it whispers. I've learned to cope with anger, but when a sadness hits me that I don't know how to cope with, it whispers. When things are going really well and that in and of itself makes me nervous, it whispers.
It's a fucking fight, man. I know that when I'm active in recovery, the fight is a little easier. AA did not resonate with me. SMART recovery, with no higher power, and based on tools founded in cognitive behavioral therapy and rational emotive behavioral therapy, resonated much more. I still haven't drank since the hospitalization, but I'm also not active in recovery right now, and often wonder if it's only a matter of time, even if that time is 3 or 5 or more years. I fall into that same trap of suffocating everything in my addictive tendencies. After a relapse, I'll do at least one online meeting every single day for months. And then once I miss one, I don't do it at all for much longer.
I've talked to hundreds, if not thousands of addicts in the last 12 or 13 years. i learned that while my drinking pattern is atypical, there is no such thing as a unique alcoholic snowflake. i've talked to at least dozens of binge drinkers just like me. I had no idea there were so many people in the world successfully hiding their drinking (until unsuccessful) and finding creative ways to dispose of their empties. My main point is what I said at the beginning. For people like us, this tends to only move in one direction and it tends to end in handles of vodka. One doesn't have to go there, one can get off the train at any time, but it's the only way it goes.
🖤
The first two paragraphs where great then I gave up I’m sorry, this book should be published
@@wescald lol!
Thx for sharing your story here. Very well written. You never know when even a YT comment can help someone on their journey. Appreciate you taking the time. 💪🏻💪🏻
This takes a lot of courage to upload onto RUclips, especially since you already have a core audience for your coding videos. I hope you continue down the good path, don’t give up! Have a good one brother
All I’m gonna say I’m glad I came across your video bro. You have no idea how much your Chanel changed my life.
It's good that you are self-aware about all of this. I am another addictive personality, have my life ruined at the moment. I've took a hard-left on my road and went into some bad paths in my life - 4 years ago due to seeking escape I went into a casino, and these 4 years are the worst years of my life because I became addicted and ruined my whole life in just 4 years.
Prior to that I've been also addicted to gaming for my whole 20s, and I am still a heavy smoker, 7-10 blunts per day. Sometimes when I have only 5 I feel bad coz it's not enough. You see how this sounds...
I am getting a very decent salary as I work in an IT company, yet I don't have anything to eat at this very day and it's just the beginning of the month. My point is - addiction doesn't choose, I have an IQ of 149 and yet I ended up in this black hole with suicidal thoughts and a very hard road in front of me, I wonder if it's manageable to get out of this one really.
Keep yourselves in check people, life doesn't choose who and where to hit sometimes.
Don’t give up, king. It’s never too late to turn it around ❤️ we believe in you
@@blindfreddie9370 thanks for the comment man, I wont ever give up. It's just that sometimes the burdens get so heavy and you want to snap your fingers and disappear from the world, as that seems the only escape in certain situations. Especially if you've been dealt an unconventional life to live from the start of it - and you are living it for 31 years.
As a 28 year currently struggling with the same addictions, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing this. Stay strong!
No one’s perfect. I believe in you and proud of you. Thank you for sharing this video. You show people that it’s ok to fall down. That it’s more important what you do next and that you don’t stay down. Truly thank you for sharing.
I'm not very often on this channel, but it will change after this vid. Everything you mentioned in here was part of my life as well! Minus meth and jiu-jitsu. Even now, with stable relationship, demanding job in IT in finance and while doing Comupter Science degree, I do relapse sometimes. These days it's 'only' alcohol and video games. I try to keep it under control, but I don't live under any illusion I will some day not be an addict. However, it's crucial to learn about yourself, about the brain and how the addiction works, because it get easier to control it. Great vid! Thanks for being so transparent! I hope you had nice holidays with your family in Spain!
Your awareness is growth. Owning your shit. As an addict parent I can relate. Out of my 4 kids my oldest has the disease. She’s also the child that suffered the most from my behaviors. She committed suicide 3 yrs ago after drinking a 5th to herself. Dorian I’m proud of you for how far you’ve come and for recognizing that things need to change to be a better version of yourself. I wish you and yours the best. I have faith in you. Don’t expect perfection shoot for healthy change
Thats so sad, I hope you're doing ok!
As a professional in STEM, I commend you for talking about this. I've also struggled with drug abuse throughout my life. It's a strange feeling blacking out on a weekend and doing a pick-me-up on a Monday before putting on a tie and heading into the office. I had to dial it back after getting hospitalized, and it sucks that I had to hit rock bottom to get my shit together....
For everyone with secret lifestyles, know that you aren't alone. I know how chaotic and isolating substance abuse can be....
Interesting... Are you a professor at university?
How did you start using substances before getting into STEM or after?
I just find your combination kinda interesting
@@klirmio21 No, I’m not in education. I almost chose to become a professor though lol.
I started doing drugs at 15 years old. I’m 29 now.
It doesn't have to be especially today where we can share words and help one another even online like this. God bless
@@modernlunacy4341 Are you in IT?
Check out my story: I hid everything while working because it was so stressful. I became financially independent (so now don’t have to work) and I stopped the alcohol and Adderall. I had to do those substances only while working.
Is that how it is for you, or even if you weren’t working you’d have the secret stuff? 🇺🇸
@@JT0007 No, not in IT either. I’m not sure I understand your question, but I did drugs before my professional career too, so I’ve always lived a double life. I come from a conservative background but I was exposed to alcohol and substance abuse since I was a little boy. I grew up in a lower class and I was naturally curious about drug use.
Respect, man. I think there are a lot of us out there that are having the same struggle, and I don’t think the work ever ends. People like us just have to keep at it every day. Strength to you. Do it for your kids.
I really appreciate this. It get's tiring sometimes with these relapses.
I chuckled when you said weed heads say at least weed is better than alcohol - that's my line.
"I'm not addicted, I can stop when I want".. that too. Our story is pretty similar, from growing up in weird spaces to being self taught programmers.
When you're surrounded by people who seem to have it together especially when you've had to figure sh*t out yourself, it can feel overwhelming sometimes.
Everyone has their inner demons to fight I guess.
Stay strong brother 👍
Recognizing the issue and patterns is the first step. You got this 💪🏼
In 2021 I was registered for a mobile and web dev course in college. I relapsed and quickly remembered why I had quit in the first place. Everyone is either in jail, dead or still doing the same thing except with a bad liver and Hep C. As crazy as it sounds, I still had my mind set on being a coder before, during and now after my relapse. I just needed to fix myself. I've been sober since may 1st and took a year off for myself, I work night shifts, code and play music. All of this in a loop EVERY single day. I'll be in class by next fall. As much as it pains me to see you struggling, you are an inspiration. As we all know, addicts are great at making up excuses and excuses sound best to the person making them up. I now cannot use the excuse " Well they aren't addicts , they don't know how hard it is for someone like me" and so on. You're around my age, you have the career I'm thriving for, you have a loving family. That's all I've ever really wanted and to see that you've done all of that while being an addict set's the bar high but achievable. I thank you for this video very much. I may go to meetings but I havent found jesus or whatever lol I believe in science while others pray to get by I find other ways and this video is one of those ways.
I so get you. My whole life has consisted of replacing one addiction with another. I’m now in my 50’s and it’s all still such a battle. It’s a relief to know there are people like me out there.
Happy Thanksgiving, Dorian. You've inspired me and others to learn how to code and change careers. You'll find your way. You have my prayers man. God bless.
Doubt that you’ll see this but I am also battling addiction. I’m a first generation Cuban immigrant. Been living in Miami for 20+ years & I’ve been through hell and back (not all the way back). I wish you nothing but strength and know you’re not on this journey alone. Take good care ✊🏽
Hey, hope you enjoyed Portugal. I'm in the same place, I need to stop drinking … I'm a functional alcoholic since I can remember. When I'm at school (I'm at 42 Lisbon, learning to code) or working I don't drink, as soon I leave work and meet friends I drink too much. I was able to stop smoking weed, but struggling to quit cigarettes. Let's do this, let's stop this nonsense and live life without addiction. Greetings from Lisbon. ♥ Love your videos
This video really hit home for me. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story
U should be very proud of yourself for releasing this to the public. It brings more awareness to this for everyone, even for me who doesn't suffer from drug or drinking addiction. Love from Canada
Thank you for this video. You're extremely intelligent and I believe a lot of people like you become addicts because they don't know what to do and how to deal with being gifted. We push away our strengths. We also just want to be happy, fit in and have a purpose.but at the same time we are lazy and have no motivation because our brain pathways are fried and dependent. Things that made us happy before, don't anymore. Therefore we get that fix instead of working for it. We don't know how to deal with bad emotions nor we want to be dealing with anything other than feeling good... high. Addiction is the biggest challenge and a teacher. Some of your videos I have stumbled on really made me think and have motivated me. I'm happy you have a family and a career to fight for, I know you can do it.
This is so true. Seems like a lot of society think only dumb people do drugs. When it couldn’t be more untrue.
You are very courageous to share your weaknesses with us I admire your strength as a human being. Especially nowadays where seemingly , everything has to fit a certain way, I find it very positive when people open up about their struggles.
Stay stong dude! Im learning to code for 7 months now and its men like you who keep me on track and help me stay positive when Im feeling like a turd who cant even print out hello world sometimes.
Again thank you for producing content like this its really rare! please continue to do your thing! 👍
Thank you for posting this. I needed to hear this cause I’m going through and went through the exact same scenario as you except that I’m a little younger, almost 30. Constant battle. Wish I had someone like you to talk with man. Stay strong brother.
Aye im here bro. You can hit my snap if you want and we can talk. I spent 3 months in treatment and happily sober after love love loving drugs
Hello, Dorian! This is my first time commenting on your channel but I wanted to commend you for your bravery. Please, continue to strive for greatness! We all have our demons but you not only exposed them but you are constantly battling them instead of succumbing to them. Prayers going up!
I'm craving sobriety I can't stay straight it's a journey I'm here with you understanding your struggles because they are mine stay strong we can do it.
Even though I still struggle with addiction I've stopped calling myself an addict whether internally or externally because change starts with your own perception of yourself. I'm no longer a person who's struggling to break addiction, I'm a person who will and is breaking an addiction.
Dangerwich, all of the spiciest ingredients: pepperoni, salami, black forest ham, provolone cheese and bacon on Italian Herbs and Cheese bread, topped with lettuce, green peppers, tomatoes, banana peppers, and finished with yellow mustard and mayo....Subway Change my mind!
Good for you man and it absolutely does! This one of the reasons I hated rehabs that follow AA because they tout the "You're always an addict bit" which is just ridiculous. It's better to state exactly what you are like how James Clear states instead of saying "I'm trying to quit" it's "I don't smoke". Or in your case it's "I am breaking an addiction now which will result in no longer being an addict". Self motivation really can work with just being truthful with oneself.
@@phyrr2The reason they do this is because if you convince yourself you aren't an addict anymore, you can also try and convince yourself that you can do your drug of choice recreationally without life altering consequences. The real problem is the stigma around the word. You don't see people that have diabetes trying to convince themselves they aren't diabetic. Imagine the health consequences they'd face if they just had more sugar without regard to their condition? It's the same thing for addicts.
Thank you for still being here 💙✨
I pray from the bottom of my heart that you will stay sober.
You're in a difficult psychological war, but you're 100% capable of reprogramming your mind. Please, don't give up on yourself!
i wish u the best in your journey and thanks for sharing man, i struggle with addiction myself and i relate a lot with what you said
I was debating myself if I should take a beer right now or not, because it's 23:00h and I hate the fact I drink every day. I work in product, nobody would ever expect for me to battle my somewhat addition with drinking behind doors.I think it's very brave & much needed for you to take a step forward. Especially for women as well, since I have enough things working against me in this industry I would never have the "balls" to speak out about this. You're very brave and thank you for creating visibility for people working in IT + struggle with an addiction. Society just don't want to believe these two things do co-exist.
I work in product as well, starting my day with wake-and-bake when I'm working from home, and I battle gambling addiction which ruined my life while I get an amazing salary. Owe money to at least 10 institutions here and have nowhere to turn. Life hits you sometimes, and it hits you hard. Remain strong and keep pushing, it's funny to say this as a broken guy but I wish you all the best.
Dude I relate to this video so much. Grew up in a rough neighborhood, started drinking and doing drugs young in life, started slanging on the side... all of it. I'm in a decent spot now in my 30's but I need to really shift gears and be the best dad I can for my daughter. She loves her dad more than anything, I don't drink really or smoke around her but I just need to focus on making a career out of my art or programming knowledge so I can set her up when she's an adult.
This popped up in my recommendations and I'm glad it did. Thank you for sharing your story and I can't wait for an update! You deserve the very best. Take care.
Hey man your story is crazy… and you should be glad you’re a parent. And this is absolutely your opportunity to reflect and give your kids a better life. Mad respect, keep working on yourself. It isn’t easy and admitting it is the first step! I’m an addict too and it’s embarrassing. But every day I take steps to change and be a better person. That’s all we can do. Thank you for your bravery please keep sharing your story!
Love your honesty mate. I've had a similar life to yours, trouble with the law when I was young, tried every drug that you named, binged on acid, mushrooms. I was an alcoholic at one stage and I've smoked weed since age 14. I've managed to get rid of all those addictions, except for smoking weed. That's the last one I need to get rid of, eventually, but for real it's better than being a sloppy, arrogant drunkard. Try tapering down your weed intake each day, beat your record daily by having one less hit than the day before. You can still function perfectly as a father and smoke a bit of weed on the side though my friend don't crucify yourself too much.
For someone who struggled with addiction growing up I just want to say you are one of the few people who inspired me to at least recognize the problems & try to change myself for the best. Stay strong man & you should feel immensely proud of yourself for opening up while helping others along your path! Thank you for positively affecting my life more than most people I've ever physically met.
Happy Thanksgiving Bro!
I have never seen one of your videos before, glad I did. Respect to you for putting this out there. I wish you all the best. I believe you can do it. Good luck man 👍
Hey Dorian,
I really appreciate you posting this video. I stumbled on your channel recently and have been loving the content but this video hit home. Ive been struggling with alcohol and substance abuse since end of highschool days (im 31 now) i havent admitted that i struggle or have a problem but you have given me the confidence to face that problem. I also grew up around addicts and my dad i still an addict to hard drugs..I also have 2 kids and I agree I dont want them to see me stoned or drunk n behaving a certain way. Im hopeful my coding journey will help break me out of this cycle and I look forward to getting into coding as a full time job and getting out of sales. Keep doing your thing man and best of luck in your journey!
This was an an extremely brave video to make. These relapses make sense from your childhood exp, but taking accountability shows you're fighting hard against the tide, and being the best version of yourself for your wife and kids is the most commendable action a man can take. Thanks for sharing man!
great video man , I’m currently fighting a fentanyl addiction and it’s so scary to think about how eventually I gonna have to face being sick for a couple weeks
You will absolutely die if you don’t stop. Stopping will suck and there’s no way around that, but do it immediately
Please get yourself clean. I just lost yet another friend the other day, he OD on Fentanyl.. Did you happen to smoke heroin prior to Fentanyl? I heard that it’s way worse than heroin, make sure that you get help, maybe Suboxone if you can get hold of any. The needle exchange usually can get it for you if you’re in the LA area? I wish you all the best, I too am an addict, but will not smoke Fentanyl for the fear of ending up in the LA morgue. ❤
I've been suffering from addiction pretty much my whole adult life since early HS (35 now) and I share a lot of similarities with you growing up and what not. I was getting goosebumps the more I listened. I can get sober but then I can never figure out what to do next. So I get hooked into videos games and use the least its not drugs excuse. When I get sober I isolate and just do not want to talk to anyone or even have the urge to make friends. I got wrapped up in a lot of shit during covid and honestly surprised I'm still alive. I'm to afraid to have kids because I do not want them to have to deal with addiction. I lost my Dad when I was young to alcohol I think alot of problems stem from that. Was nice to hear your story and opened my eyes that I'm not the only one. I'll be following your channel.
Props for sharing your story! It takes a lot to sit there and share with random ppl.
The only real programming influencer. Thanks for keeping me motivated to get a real job.
You and I have a lot in common
But unfortunately I’m spending thanksgiving alone I’ve got a 6 year old daughter and I can’t be there with her and your video has taken me out of a very very dark place. I literally woke up today telling myself this is my last thanksgiving. Thank you for this video.
Stay strong brotha! Has a father myself, your daughter needs you! Hope the best~!
Please be patient and let time do its thing, idk how to be of encouragement but please dont make this your last. There is still so much more to life keep fighting for it
I hate cruel azz women like that. It's literally just to get back at YOU so she's using the child to do it. Unless, of course, you're just an unsafe Father, lol.
@@sirnicholibraden86 she thinks I’m unsafe even though she let me help her raise her 4 children from her prior marriage for 15 years oldest is 25 this month. She literally just let me take my daughter to Chuck E. Cheese 3 weeks ago. Weather im a safe dad or not depends on her mood.
never stop fighting dude
Thank you, thank you, thank you! For sharing! It takes a lot of courage to do this!
Making a public commitment to bettering yourself is an incredible step to take towards sobering up. You’re doing a good job. This fight is far from over, but you’re strong enough to conquer this. You are the master of your life, harness your desires to produce the most productive self you ever have.
Thanks for sharing this man. I've watched a lot of your videos and seeing you become "successful" in my eyes has given me a lot of hope and motivation.
If it helps you have been a positive influence in my life and given me relatable hope that I too can turn my mistakes into a better life.
Thanks for sharing this...story and experience. It made my day more hopeful and bearable.
do not focus on your mistakes... shit happens, people sometimes do bad stuff, even really bad stuff... Important thing is that you understand, you want to be better. Focus on your future, past is only important as a tool to build a better future. And if its hard to find motivation... Try to be not just better for yourself, but also better for others around you. If you have that special someone or kids, or close friend. Try to be a better version of yourself for them. Believe me when you will turn around your life, when you will achieve your goals... that feeling seeing them being proud of you... Thats an awesome feeling. For this alone its worth it.
@@Simon-ik1kb i swear iam at a point where i got my shit together to get into law school and the next i day u drank a fifth of rum and landed in the police station,
Getting back to it now i will never give up never commit suicide
Thanks for not being afraid to talk about these things. As a relatively new developer, I struggle to talk with others about my own challenges, mental health, and addiction. Truth is, you inspire me to break the silence.
You still have a good head on your shoulders keep on working on you and we can finally find some peace and control. I relate with a lot of what you said and I want to do and be better and be here. 🙌 let’s do this
I don’t know a thing about coding but I watched this video and subscribed immediately after watching. Thank you for sharing this!
Huge props for making this video. You're touching home with a lot more people than you think. This is your channel, it has your name attached to it. I believe your channel is more personal than you think. People follow you for you, not JUST your knowledge. Thanks Dorian, you're the man!
Hi from France.
I want to share a bit of my life story: sole son of an alcoholic dad. My old man started battling his addiction in his 50s. That was nearly 15 years ago. He's still struggling. But he's doing his best.
It's not about quiting forever. It's not about being flawless, it's about being able to love and better yourself EVEN if you slip up sometimes.
You're battling something much bigger than yourself. Whether you make it another day in sobriety or not isn't the most important. The most important is that: when you slip up, you get back up. It's not over unless you say it is, so keep it up man. I know it sounds silly but trust me, I'm extremely proud of my dad for him wanting to get his life back together in his 60s, even so because I know how hard this is.
You should not be a slave to the alcohol, but you shouldn't be a slave to your guilt either. Accept that you're work in progress. You can also tell your loved ones you're struggling and that you want to be better. It's your cross to bear but don't be a martyr. You're a survivor. Each day that you haven't touched the bottle is a day you reclaimed, period. Be proud man.
Love yourself, be good to yourself and your loved ones. Peace
You make an excellent point as it's ALL about the struggle. You have to learn how to fight that struggle constantly or you will never be successful. This is why some people relapse so easily after being kept away from a drug during rehab, only to be re-exposed and falling right back into it. Absence of the substance does not cure you. Learning the struggle enough so that you can have it in front of your face and saying "no" is actual progress. When I went through my periods of recovery, my friends would try to be polite and ask "sorry man, I forgot you did " and would either offer to do it elsewhere or just go quiet. But I told them I didn't want to spoil their fun and that my problems were not theirs. So I let them indulge in front of me while I politely declined any offers from other people who were ignorant of my struggle.
This constant practice of saying "no" while it was literally being passed in front of me is what TRULY tested me so that I could be strong in the face of it. And because I was so fervent in quitting I actually didn't feel much temptation to suddenly give in. In fact, stating that I was quitting in front of all of these people made me that much more driven to continue to say no as I wanted to keep my word and quite frankly, not lie or embarrass myself. People who don't quit right away but slowly use less and less are IMO making true progress. Because they are making that conscious choice every day to use less and less. The more you are faced with that choice and make the same choice of "no" the stronger you are making yourself and repeating the proper habit of not indulging.
When you are a person who simply makes the substance absent, never having to exert self control, you are actually setting yourself up for failure because you have no practice of willpower in the struggle to say no (and again, this is what causes many to relapse).
At the end of it, the addict who can consistently make progress in using less becaue they KNOW it's detrimental is a person to be praised. Not everyone is ready to simply stop the habit. But they can at least decide that they no longer want the habit to prevent them from having a life.
From what I've seen, the slow tapering of use can actually show the addict what they've been missing in life. When you use less, you start to get more of your life back bit by bit. When those things start to come back, you get excited and driven to use less and less. That doesn't mean you won't screw up royally and reset everything back to square one. But it's much like someone who is dieting, who after working hard to lose 10 pounds over 3 months, gets it all back in 2 weeks of insane overreating. In which case they have to start all over again. Some will give up and gain even more weight, to the point they are again disgusted with themselves and commit to losing the weight again. Although it's harder, the fact of it being more difficult means you have to earn it even MORE. And the more you have to work in investing into being healthier, the more resistant you are to screwing it all up again.
Do this back and forth enough times and it will get to the point that even your urges start to disgust you. You'll find yourself not instantly reaching for another hit so quickly. Or wanting to only take a small amount so that you're not so screwed up you can't enjoy a night out with friends. Or even more, that you don't do so much that you're not broke again or end up in a "dry period" where you CAN'T fulfill your promise of going to that event or keeping your word in showing up to help a friend or whatever it is.
Eventually, you will have exercised this struggle back and forth so much (but with overall progress inching ever closer) that you hit a point in which you've lost years of your life. Now again, many here will choose to totally give up and end up losing everything, hitting rock bottom, etc., dying or committing suicide. But many others will finally be SO annoyed by the substance because they've had a taste of the life they want back, that they no longer choose to need it. Addiction is as much physical in withdrawal as it is mentally. Not saying you can simply think away the withdrawal but your state of mind really does make a huge difference.
One thing I wish people understood is that withdrawal is not the same for everyone. Some people can still function during it, even being able to go to work. Others (like myself) would end up in states where you couldn't even get out of bed for several days and you were in such a bad mental state that every dry period felt like a trip to hell. Which makes me seethe at the people that say "well get over it dude, just stop using it". Yeah, that's like trying to tell a drunk person to think themselves sober - it's mentally and physically impossible to do. Addiciton is an issue which require more compassion, but also needs more tough love. From what I see today, it's getting too much acceptance that many addicts don't get shamed enough. Shame is important to motivate people to stop detrimental behavior (I'm not talking shame as in 'shame culture' like in some parts of the world). I mean shame in the case of feeling it personally. Addicts need to be understood with empathy and not ostracized. But they should never be enabled to continue their habits.
@@phyrr2 thank you for taking the time to write such a detailed post. I would not have been able to talk at so much length as you did. I wholeheartedly agree with you.
To touch upon your last points. We all have different genetic predisposition to being an addict. I know that for once I am very prone to be one. My only saving grace as a kid was seing what alcohol, tabaco and the misuse of anxiolytics can do to a man. Let me be very clear. If not for that I'd have been dead by my 30s.
Non-addicts do not have "better" willpower than addicts. Some of them have a better environment as a kid. Some of them can chug alcohol by the gallon and not feel a thing because of their good genes. And some of them (like myself) are just lucky enough not to have fallen into it.
Man, screw people who tell you should just "toughen up and take it". They have no clue what they are saying. It's not helping. I know first hand from me and my dad. Given all they want is for you to be better. But they have a sick way to show it.
Like I've tried giving ultimatums, shaming and guilt tripping my dad when I was a from 12 to 16. I would be mad at him during family meetings because he would be to drunk to act approprietly. I thought that would be his wake up call to shame him in public. Nope. Pretty much the opposite in fact.
So don't do that to yourself, don't let others do that to you. They have a right to be pissed at you and they ALSO have a right to get away from you if they feel they are threatened or indisposed by you. That's their right and you have to accept that you will loose people. But they can't berrate you for not dropping the habbit. It's just not working.
That one was a bit rambly. Hopefully I was clear.
Thanks for the transparency brother. Everyone struggles with something. Keep up the great work bro
Great video! I applaud your intentions, and I know what you're going through. My ex-wife was a heroin/crack addict. I also suffer from drinking too much when I do. I even signed up for IOP, the same one my ex went to many times. It was only then that I realized what any addict has learned after going to rehab, and it's scary as shit. And what I thought going in, was that rehab and IOP's would somehow help/cure your addiction. The scariest part is realizing after going that there is not a God dammed thing, they can really do for you. So, the saying "If it's going to be, it's up to me", took on a whole new meaning. An even better saying is "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear". It's ALL on US. And not until WE are ready to get clean can we do so. And that's the depressing part for a true addict. My ex went to over fifty rehabs, overdosed, and almost dies over ten times. When she left me, she was sober for two years. I don't know how she is doing, but as Dorian bravely pointed out, relapsing is part of the process. He also mentioned that the addicted personality can be addicted to ANYTHING. We just change addictions... for A while. The good news for you Dorian is that you are going public with this, have a great awareness of what you want for your wife, kids, and yourself. My opinion is, if your kids are over the age of six, and you do relapse, It would be best to do it away from home in a safe place so the kids don't see. Childhood trauma such as Borderline Personality Disorder or Narcissistic Disorder, and PTSD begin in early childhood. You may even have suffered this from growing up with your mom. Anyway Dorian, you are my hero for releasing this video. I hope it helps many struggling individuals. I wish you and your family the best of health and happiness always.
Dorian, I think I speak for many of us who watch your channel. We all love and respect your honesty. I’m glad you’re open with us.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Dorian, as a person who pretty much had the same dysfunctional childhood in South Florida, aspiring to break away from it and into data science... I am so thankful for you and this channel.
⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️.
I have been watching this channel for advice about programming, but these types of videos are helpful in their own way. Obviously I don't know you as a person but it's amazing to see someone power through a desperate situation and become an entirely new version of who they were. No matter who you are this story is applicable to you, because every person will go through their own form of this kind of struggle. Thank you for sharing your story Dorian.
Incredibly brave of you to be so honest and raw. It's quite rare to see someone be so vulnerable about their struggles. Strictly based on what us viewers can see from the outside, especially those pursuing a career as a Dev. You are a great example of what we're striving for. Getting a well compensated position in tech, having a beatiful family, the ability to decide to travel and not be stuck in the hamster wheel. When you share your ongoing struggles and you're journey, it reaffirms what is easy to forget. We are never finished products as human beings. Everyone has work to do on themselves, even when you reach a lot of the goals you have. As long as we are honest with ourselves, as you so beatifully were in this video, and take action! We have the ability to improve, thank you and whish you and your family the best!
Bro, this is the first time I'm writing you a comment. I understand and relate to your story alot. I'm 34 and still struggle with addiction. I'm married have a job but I am still weak to these substances. I wish I could stop but I think it's really all more psychological than physical. Because I can go some time without drugs but then I always relapse and return to them. I use to be a heavy drinker as well. I've taken all the drugs you have mentioned and then after a accident I got addicted to pain killers. I was never a pill guy becuase I thought thats what white people do, but when I had my accident they gave me heavy pain killers and already being an addict this was a death sentence. I use to take so much i would have multiple seizures in the street and wake up in the hospital. My wife I have now sticks by my side through all of this and she's patient with me. But this is my 3rd marriage and 2 of my wives left me becuase I was an addict. I don't know how to find peace through all of this, I don't know how to stop. I think it just we have addicted personalities and this is why.
Wish the best buddy, I am watching watching video now but I had to stop it just to write this message, and sorry about it being so long.
Nothing to be embarrassed about it’s a sickness and believe it or not if u help just one person it’s a win❤❤❤
I have been fighting for my sobriety for almost almost 9 years. I have relapsed multiple times but I pick myself up dust myself off and keep fighting. It was so important for me not to judge myself. Guilt and shame will keep an addict high. So I continue to forgive myself.
Thanks for your story❤
Sending support your way! I needed this video. It’s comforting to see there’s others in product/design/tech who are just like me by going through these comments.
It happens, mayne. It's a part of getting clean for many people. Harm reduction is the important thing: don't go back to your old dose. Cut it in half or, preferably, in fourths to compensate for reduced tolerance. For some addicts, the black-and-white all or nothing mindset of "I used a tiny bit of any substance so I relapsed & the clock starts over" is harmful. 100% sobriety for 100% of one's life is a great goal but not realistic for everyone. The important thing is your health & safety. Use via a safer method: smoking over injecting; snorting over smoking, etc.
Its not even addicts. Its healthcare professionals who push this narrative. One told me when I was using like once a week or once every three weeks that I wasn't taking things seriously. My addict journey would have been much different if she had compassion and not judgement and shame.
By using a gradual approach you gently let your brain readjust its chemistry. As opposed to a cold turkey approach, with your body being thrown to chaos and your body not knowing how to function.
Highly recommend behavioral therapy. Teaches coping mechanisms and reframes your thoughts and provides new perspective to things.
From what I can tell, most addictions are emotional. I'm a developer that used to wake and bake and I do it every now and then. I remember clearly that it was mostly because I never realized the moments I was under huge amounts of stress and got used to coping that way. I do like Atomic Habits by James Clear because it lists out ways to form good habits while unlearning bad habits. I hope this comments help in any way, shape, or form! Kudos to your Spain trip!
Not a programmer, but that book gave me a lot of perspective and useful tips on how habits work and how can I change them.
You're a beautiful soul Dorian, you'll find your way towards a sober life in which your dopamine hits come from what you love the most, your family and your healthy passions. We are here for you and support you.
Well put man!!! I’ve never looked at things in the way you explained.
Here's the thing. You felt the need to be open and transparent with your audience and speaks volumes how human you are and you are committed to fight this. Thank you for being this open, for sharing your struggles and for being here. Your videos of coding made me feel more confident to get the career done. Big love Dorian, stay strong!
I watched something or read something of yours when looking up a good Branded Despia deck. You code as well?
Happy Thanksgiving Dorian! Many of us are grateful for you and your articulate way of sharing your story. You give back more than you know with your videos. Hope you’re enjoying your travels with your loved ones!!
Will pray for you Dorian. Your frankness honesty enlights the astronomical power of strenght inner in your soul, that is longing to straighten up to it's best self. I understand that your issues with addiction are due to the fact that the first steps in your life it was a normal part of the comprehension of the world around you, so it feels like there's a voice that persistently is trying to convince you that relapsing will be, in the best case, like getting a taste of home, of something you once enjoyed long enough as for you may have come to believe that it is an important part of yourself, that deservers revist, like if relapsing could be justified as a guilty travel to a known past, in the purpose of coming back to the present a little more like yourself. But for the good that made you all of that you have left behind, you have know better, and moved far and forward. And you will know even better and go further. That's for sure.
Hey man I'm in a rehab program right now and I'm glad that you're sharing about your addiction and I wish you the best in recovery.
Your honesty, vulnerability and your ability to hold yourself accountable are a great sign that you’re on the right path. Sometimes you may think that relapsing is a setback but it’s really an opportunity for growth, to learn what factor contributed to the relapse and an opportunity to redirect yourself again towards your healing path. You’re an inspiration and I wish the best, I know you will overcome these obstacles and become the man that you REALLY want to be. Greetings from Spain too! 🙌🏽🇪🇸
Everyone has struggles Dorian. No ones is perfect. Happy thanksgiving to you and your family!
I'm so glad i came across this video. please, continue being yourself. one thing we are missing from RUclips is your level of realness.
It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there like that. Just know you are loved!❤️
Relatable man, main difference is I've never been addicted to anything 'good' yet in 25 years. This video has inspired me to find that thing and then go on to be a positive role model. Stay strong man 💪
Thank you for putting this up, Dorian.
I related to everything you said.
Keep fighting the good fight, my brother. You're inspirational.
If it helps, you are the healthiest looking addict I've seen in a minute. Most addicts I know have a sunken face. That's not me doubting you, just a compliment. I hope you continue to improve and stay healthy. Peace be with you
I drink way too much, and that always ends up with me doing cocaine.
I've been going like this for 7+ years.
I'm 22 and a self taught software engineer. I have been coding since I was like 13, and been working professionally for 4.5 years.
I wanna quit drinking etc and begin working out, eat healthy, get enough sleep and take care of myself.
Unfortunately I keep relapsing and procrastinate.
I have a very addictive behavior as well, and I also think that's why I've become so good at my job.
Whenever I'm not preoccupied that's where I begin to relapse.
Yeeeeee
I’m almost at a year sober. I’m 36. I nearly died several times when I was 22. Keep trying. I promise you it’s worth it to keep trying. Someone out there will benefit from you being the best version of yourself! Keep trying!
@@JonJosephKuhn I've been way too close several times. What I regret the most is not taking care of my physical & mental health.
Congrats man, keep going, be proud of yourself!
@@uziboozy4540 I am. Be proud of yourself to. The biggest shift for my mindset was realizing even if I think there isn’t a point to anything, that I can then act like a vessel to serve my community, family, friends. Happy Holidays. 👊🏻
@@JonJosephKuhn thanks brother, appreciate it! Happy holidays to you and your closest as well
Happy Thanksgiving! Whether you relapse or not, everything you've survived makes you a champion in my eyes. I hope you're proud of yourself man.
Thank you so much for sharing this Dorian, you're so brave and good human being.
God loves you, God bless you and is taking care of you all the time no matter what it seems.
Don't give up, The thurh will set you free!
We support you kinggggg 👑🛐🛐🛐... We're with you... I pledge to spend lesser time on my phone from now on... Since I'm a subscriber i want to take an anti-addiction challenge with you so u know ur not alone!!
Much respect for putting this out. I never would I just hide it from my jobs. From a very similar background, hs dropout, obsessive personality, drug addict parents, etc. etc.
Pro tip: Don't call yourself an addict. You are obsessive yes but that's not a problem that's a very useful personality trait. You only have a problem if you believe you do.
I love this comment
You are one brave soul and I am sure that this message will help and inspire a lot of people out there! I wish you all the best
All the best in your journey!
You don’t sound like an addict. You sound like someone who experimented with drugs…
Addicts cannot stop themselves at all at the cost of everything else.
I wish you a good and safe journey.
Happy thanksgiving 👍🏻
That is a very one dimensional way of viewing addiction...
@@courtr1588 you could look at it as a spectrum of behaviour. But my classification, based on decades of experience, is as follows.
99% of the people I have met in my life have taken drugs in one form or another. Everything from our favourites Ethanol + Caffeine, to Crack Cocaine and Heroin.
Of all those hundreds, if not thousands of people whom I've met. I can say that two of them were addicts. The rest, experimented, or indulged in a hedonistic lifestyle, or got quite involved in the actual drug industry.
But only two of whom I met, had and have an addiction.
Now, that addiction, in my experience, is no matter how long or how bad their life is, they cannot stop using the drug, independent of how bad the resulting outcome of use is.
Also, I would call addiction, a state whereby you want to stop something but, in many attempts, have failed to do so and even though you see it's toxic effect on your situation, still cannot stop.
It's also different to someone who knows they are doing harm, and has no desire to stop. Someone with such an attitude is not an addict, but a nihilist.
Just my 5D chess dimensional thoughts friend.
You clearly haven't dealt with addiction. It comes in all shapes and sizes. Be kind
@@jessgobills I would have thought my comment was indeed kind. But then again, it depends on how you interpret the comment. It was meant in kindness.
Hey Dorian, Props for putting that out there! As someone who had a similar journey I commend you for being open about the struggle. It's clear you have an addictive personality, which as you've outlined, can be a blessing and a curse depending on how you use it. I've watched just a few of your videos (recently discovered your channel) and it's clear that this coming year is going to be one of the most challenging in your life. It also has the potential to be the most rewarding. If I were you, I'd stick to the YT addiction because it can give you the financial peace of mind on your journey for the next year. Put everything else you have in to being the best dad and husband you can be. These memories will be some of the most influential in all of your lives. I don't imagine you want to repeat the cycle with your kids of what you went through growing up (I'm referring to your first experience doing coke) so to me, that's priority number one. Also, despite what your family and friends said about this trip, you're not crazy. You're doing the right thing. I think you dodged a bullet on the 700k mortgage. You can rent apartments in Thailand for far less than what the bank would have been pocketing off you. You'll probably second guess yourself but don't worry, it's natural. We sold everything and left Canada back in 2015. We've made mistakes but I still think we made the right decision. I know this is long-winded but I genuinely wish you the best. Much respect. - Alex