I got mad at my ex for liking and commenting on a girls pictures. he told me not to worry, so I tried not to. a month later wen we were broken up he was going out with the girl from the pictures so I don't fuck with that shit
The exact same thing happened to me about 6 months ago... All I can tell you is to know that your value is not and will never be defined by whether or not someone likes you or chooses to be with you. If your ex did you wrong, try to "detox" your soul from the hate, resentment or anger, because if you hang onto those negative feelings, they will end up consuming you. It is not in our hands to get revenge, or "make people pay" for anything; whether you believe in god/karma/cosmic energies/etc or not, everything we put out on this world is given back to us, so don't even waist time and energy you could spend on yourself, hating and wishing bad stuff to those who hurt you. What you need is time: time to grieve, to cry, to be with your girls and talk shit about him (lol) and to let everything you're feeling out, but you have to be strong and wise enough to not get stuck at that stage, and identify when it's right to move on. Based on my personal experience I advise you not to hurry onto other relationships and definitely don't go drinking, partying and leaving recklessly all the time in an attempt to prove yourself (and others) that you're fine, or what's even worse, to avoid thinking and feeling*. You'll end up doing things you wouldn't normally do, which will probably put you in a worse place, and you won't allow yourself to FEEL and ACCEPT everything all your emotions, and so by doing this you will only make the brake up process even longer and more difficult. Let yourself grieve in order to move on. *Of course it is important to be with friends and family and to do activities you enjoy to distract yourself, but this can become counterproductive when you start seeking distraction 24/7 to avoid your feelings and thoughts. Be strong and know you're not alone. Breakups can put you in a very pessimistic state of mind, thinking you'll never find love again, but, even though it's cliché, you will. You will get over this and you'll be happy again; with another person or by yourself. ❤️ Ps: please excuse any grammatical mistakes or bad English in general, I'm not a native speaker
Thank you girls so fucking much I love seeing such support and empowerment from so many women but I'm way over that dumbass. it happened about 2 years ago and everything you guys are saying is so true and I love you guys for this
You've reminded me of myself when I was around your age. I feel compelled to reach out to you. Living with anxiety, while trying not to be a burden, unknowingly heaping those burdens onto myself. Insecurity I carried like a compass, allowing it to guide my thoughts and actions. My imagination, the puppet master of all around me, believing they thought this or disliked that; that I wasn't good enough. How overwhelming and impossible it all would feel, I would shut myself away from the world. Strangely feeling sure about things, while being lost in them. How easily anything could throw off my confidence, destroy my dreams/ideas; ultimately grinding my spirit to a halt in despair. My life was in limbo for years and only recently have I been freed from my heart, and began to see the infinite value it has, and by that vision I am able to see the infinite value in others, that includes you. Love in a relationship with another has been my main desire since I was a child, and, although it's a good endeavor, it caused blindness to my own needs. My inner-self needed attention I wasn't able to provide, so I thought I needed someone else to furnish it. In reality I was not able to provide that attention because I wasn't honest with myself, which refreshingly doesn't seem to be a problem for you. Over years I have found that in order to make sense and find worth of anything/anyone outside of me, I have to find sense and inner worth in myself. Now I see clearly, I want a relationship but I am not bound to it or made by it. It hasn't been easy but it will happen, I don't push because my life doesn't require another person. I await the day I will meet love, for now I'm content to build my life and inner-self, and in a way become the person I'd like to meet. Your honesty is refreshing. The search for meaning in your words, and the depth of your questions I find searingly charming. You feel unworthy of compliments, but I and others cry nonsense! I look up to the heavens, full of galaxies and stars, dazzling light at unimaginable distance, from millions of years ago, yet those galaxies and stars only provide a beautiful sight, no beautiful thought. This is the part of human that is most attractive, and listening to you, I sense you do not lack the beauty of mind and introspection. I feel privileged to join the ranks of people that have commented on this video, people who though they have the freedom to click away, choose not to be distant from your hard time, but are close, sharing in your problem and willing to offer words they hope will soothe your heart. We probably have differences in some ideas and opinions, but you've got a friend who can listen, that doesn't judge, if you ever need to talk, or have questions. Now that I've written RUclips's equivalent of a dissertation, I'll bring it to an end. I hope it makes sense and possibly helps in some way. Sincerely, A cry baby
Maintain a solid friendship then take it to the next level. The man that loves you will always show it more than he says it. You are beautiful inside and out :)
i cannot thank you enough for being so vulnerable and allowing yourself to speak about these things. i relate to you so hard, especially with the group of friends thing. i get so self conscious about not having a lot of friends, so sometimes i push myself to hang out with new people, but i usually regret it because i feel like an outcast. this has been my whole life. i think it comes with being a deep diver. we are people who self inspect, we observe, we analyze, we think so deep, and a lot of people cannot deal with that. and sometimes we can be seen as "too much" to a lot of people. i've had people call me eccentric and crazy because i go so deep sometimes and it's hard for people like us to be surface... and when you're in a group of new people typically the topics at hand are surface. that makes me uncomfortable because i don't like that phony vibe. i want to connect with people deeper than that and it leads me to feel insecure when I am surrounded by people rejecting that. but what we have is a gift. and there is so much good that can be done with this trait, we just have to attract the right people who can see it, feel it, and understand it.
First off you're absolutely beautiful. You're personality is so real and genuine. Everything you are saying I resonate with and it sounds like I'm listening to a friend. I appreciate you for putting yourself out there like this. It's truely inspiring!
Honestly, I adore the long chatty videos so much. I feel really connected to you, I've sat and laid in bed watching all of them and ended up crying but feeling so much better of myself. Wanting to change myself. You're honestly so much of an inspiration to me and I've never looked up to anyone before! I'm decluttering my room, writing more, trying to be more confident, change my perspective to better myself. Something I've been trying to do for years, but every time I watch you I feel like I can do it. So much love for you! Thank you I hope you read this! ❣️
i've never related to anything more in my life. I appreciate so much when creators open up like this it's nice to know you're not alone in these things
...must be a scorpio thing. pretty much the same here when it comes to relationships. if it helps at all, 4 months date-less is nothing. ive gone over 4 years. accidentally. we scorpios fall so hard and we cant help it, with so much trust and hope and sincerity, and we need that reassurance and really need communicative partners because its a massive vulnerability for us to give all that to someone. as for friendships, its pretty much the same. and when your a melancholic empathetic scorpio, well, hello depression and anxiety! p.s. your therapist sounds bomb. wish we had therapists like that here in the UK! chin up chuck,
IM A CRY BABY Please don't hurt yourself (mentally or physically!) You're the most kind and beautiful person I've ever seen and you've inspired me to be a more confident and calm person, honestly the way you talk so openly about your issues is incredible, I thought a lot of the things I felt were just me but you've made me feel so much more normal. I LOVE YOU, THANK YOU :)
ME ME ME ME. OMG HITOMI. THIS IS SO RELATABLE. I've NEVER been in a relationship, but I'm so insecure, really independent, self-conscious & afraid to be let down around guys. I REALLY want to date but I feel like I would be too neurotic thinking about him cheating or not loving me enough or wanting someone better.
Also I relate to you so much. You are definitely not alone! I watched till the end, you are a beautiful soul. When I was in recovery from my eating disorder and self harm I had to learn that my beauty, self-worth, and value are independent of appearance or circumstance. There is no specific way I'm supposed to look. My job in life is to love myself and others and to learn, grow, and heal. I am always deserving of respect, I will never apologize for what I look like and I will never try to make myself small, and friends/partners should be proud to know me. This is the kind of mindset you can create for yourself. You have to be relentless about changing your inner monologue because through re-shaping these thought patterns you can in turn re-shape what it means to be valuable and beautiful. It's pretty radical how much you can change with persistence. You've got it, girl.
I'm a crybaby 😖 you're so beautiful and inspirational!!! And a lot of people including myself look up to you and how open you are with yourself and how much you are working on yourself
i feel like everybody hates me also, even in my friend group I feel like everybody is closer to each other than me and and feel like I don't fit in. Usually when I feel like this I go silent and don't talk and I hate that because I hate bringing everybody down and end up feeling like they hate me more for it. I feel like I'm not pretty enough to even be around my friends who do not even care about looks. I have so many moments day to day where I feel bad for the person I'm talking to because they're being seen with me and I feel like they should be embarrassed by me because I'm so embarrassing and too ugly to be seen around. Then I'll fee so grateful for that person because they are actually being seen in public with an ugly embarrassment like me. I hate it and I don't know why I feel like this all the time. I know I shouldn't feel like I should be grateful for someone to not be embarrassed by me and I know all these things about self love and that not everybody hates me, but I can't help it and I can't help from feeling like this. I try to control these emotions and every time after I hang out with any of my friends I always think to myself, why was I so sad, and I'm not going to act sad anymore that's dumb, but then the very next day I'll do the same thing and I have no idea why. I have such a good life and I feel like I don't appreciate it enough. I have been given such a privileged life, so why am I feeling like this? I want to say this to somebody but no matter what anybody tells me like it's not true, and you're not ugly, it just makes me want to cry because they're trying so hard to make me happy and it's not working and then I feel like a burden. I have such a good support system like my friends and family but I'm still not entirely happy and still hate myself. I'm not good at anything and everybody is better than me at everything. There are so many things I want to talk about but I don't have the words. And I think the same thing, why don't I like myself? Why do I even care about how my face looks like? It's just a bunch of things passed down from my parents and grandparents that has nothing to do with my personality at all, so why do I even care? And I'll go about a week without caring at all about my face, and then I'll go straight back to hating everything about myself on the inside and out. And even right now I'm contemplating posting this because I feel like you or anybody reading this in the comments will hate me because they think I'm over dramatic because on a day to day basis, I'm usually pretty happy and it doesn't seem like I feel this way all the time on the outside, or I don't even know how I act in front of people anymore. I don't know if people think I'm sad or happy or whatever anymore. I am a mess.
angeli a It seems like they are toxic for you at this moment. I think you need to spend some time alone to build yourself up. I suggest starting a love journal, listening to personal growth ted talks, and reading poetry lol These helped me a lot. I'm still working on feeling and being okay. I'm trying to get a therapist because I don't think it's something I can handle all on my own. I grew up in a home without healthy relationships and support and I feel like that reflects in any relationship I create with others.
This is literally how I've been feeling for the last year or so and I had no idea what was wrong with me. I've always been the 3rd or fifth wheel in every friendship I've had since primary school and I was always trying so hard to fit in with people like changing how I act to be what I considered more likeable. But still felt like they all hated me and only tolerated my friendship because they don't want to hurt my feelings. I found that I was being ignored when talking or people would always talk over me and it made me feel like maybe I had nothing valuable to say and that was why no one was listening. I started questioning myself and sometimes stayed completely quiet when hanging out with them. I've always valued other peoples perception of me so highly and compare myself to other people but that is such unhealthy and toxic behaviour. But yeah I agree with Tshirt Mcshirt people can be really toxic even when they seem loving and supportive. Sometimes you need to be your own support system and tell yourself that you're beautiful and that your voice has meaning. Literally no one has any idea what they are doing anyway so if you feel like you're unsure about yourself just know you're not alone. People don't hate you! They might even be feeling the same thing. We both seem to be deep thinkers with a lot of insecurities but just know everything is temporary and your tears will eventually turn to laughter as you learn to love yourself and build up your confidence. YOU'VE GOT THIS!! love u bitch
Oh my god i feel like shit whenever I am being ignored or talked over, too and makes me feel like anything I say is dumb or stupid so I just don't say anything at all. Thanks so much, I didn't know how nice it felt that I'm not the only one who feels this way, thank you! Love u too b
angeli a I've been feeling this way too at the moment. I feel like I don't fit in, everything I do is just mediocre. I basically have no motivation for anything. I do things just to get them done. I don't know how to get out it tbh. My best friend has noticed that I'm not my usual self but I can't bring myself to talk to her about it. And that's another thing, I hate talking about my problems because I feel like they are a burden to people. I don't even know anymore. Thanks to whoever read this
you literally just described me perfectly like everything you said is ACTUALLY me. I'm being so serious right now. I have never seen someone communicate my mind the same way you just described yours. it's quite refreshing
I just came out of a relationship and I feel the same, i felt disappointed at myself for losing track of who I am, I was completely different in my relationship than I was in my regular life. I completely trusted him and relied on him so much, i was insecure too. But now I'm coming out and I see myself again and I just want to rebuild my relationship with myself and God, and to really see that I am worthy, and trust that if a guy chooses me in the future that he likes me for the positivity that I express and my beliefs and opinions.
I absolutely love this. Thank you for taking the time to share!! I've never really talked with anyone about this, and it's amazing to find someone speaking my exact thoughts & feelings!!
Tinyan Dada Not one person on this planet is better than anybody else....nobody! Apart from evil fuckers of course. You're a beautiful sweet soul any person would be lucky to have you x
i'm a scorpio sun too (aries moon virgo venus) and i related to Everything in this video soooooooo much: the insecurities, putting loved ones on pedestals despite whether or not they like me back, the anxieties of relationships, the flux of self confidence/love, the feeling that i don't deserve good things or even normal necessities, growing up being reluctant to ask parents for things i wanted, not wanting to burden others with my needs... thank you for opening up to us... i really enjoy your "long-winded" self reflective videos!! you're super relatable and these videos help me try to grow and self reflect, too. i think it's ok to be crybaby haha because it shows empathy, a sense of self awareness, and emotional depth, which not a lot of people possess!
I can relate to you on so many levels. It's crazy to think about it even because as you were speaking I was feeling so connected with you and I could think about myself too... I didn't even know I still had some feelings and emotions and thoughts. I got so distracted on the way that I forgot that I still have some "issues" to work on. Thank you for still being with us and for making youtube a better place for a lot of people who just want to feel like they are not the only one out there :)
Hitomi I just love you. Literally never related to someone so hard and I've said this multiple times but SERIOUSLY. All the words. I wish we could be friends because we would get along so well. I hope one day the perfect soul comes along and will cherish you as you deserve and i hope they will meet all your needs and more and treat you like the god damn goddess that you are
I relate to almost everything you say and your experiences. It's rare that I ever find anyone I can relate to but it's so nice finding that. Thank you so much for being brave enough to put all your shit out there. I love you and I love your videos
I relate on such a different level.. that "mom" part with shopping made me cry. I know these feelings too well, I've never talked about this with anyone and hearing you say this, hearing that you go thru this as well truly makes me feel like I am not alone here.
Girl this is hitting me so hard because it's the exact reason why I'm single. I've been so hurt by the last guy I was seeing, he played with my fear of rejection wound and it deeply messed with my mind. I'm healing a bit more everyday tho and am sending you sooooooo much love
damn i just hit the 20 mins mark and you're LITERALLY describing my self-consciousness which stemmed from being bullied. it's not that i want to think about the bullies, because i don't, but it's in my brain, it just feels like i can't love myself. one day at a time bbygirl. heal our hearts. love love love love
Han nah thanks luv, i honestly work everyday towards forgiving him because the whole situation really really hurt and left me so angry. sending you lots of love, you are an angel xx
From a guys perspective, you should probably work on your insecurities before you start looking for a relationship. Sounds like you rely on the other person to make you happy. If we're in a relationship, and I call you sexy and beautiful, you should believe it because you already know, not because I say it. It just comes off needy, ya know? Not trying to be negative or anything, but not everyone is going to be in the physical and mental space to deal with your flaws, just like you aren't and shouldn't always be physically and emotional responsible for someone else's problems. Everyone has a personal obligation to deal with their own shit and make themselves happy. I don't know, I feel like most of your comments just tell you how beautiful you are and whatever like that shit matters. Overwhelming positivity doesn't work for everyone, nor is it 100% always appropriate. You need to be real too. I think that's why so many vegan/always happy youtubers always come off like they are about to have a meltdown no matter how many times they tell their audience how happy they are. Just my 2 cents.
Whenever you describe your previous relationship, I relate to it so much. It's comforting knowing someone feels the way I feel, and about how I feel crazy too when I was in that relationship. You just described it so well. I'm honestly just have been very much in a self-realization journey since the breakup and it feels so good to be myself again.
I needed this! Literally crying, I have been feeling like this so much lately. Always trying to pretend you are okay or feeling so weird and abnormal for not feeling okay. Its so refreshing to just admit 'no, I'm not okay'
i was the same as you but im currently in a relationship and through communication we have learned to grow with eachother. at first it was downhill but i gave it another chance and honestly hes my best friend now i can just be myself around him. and i trust him now cause i just know that were so into eachother... no one else matters
Omggg I am the exact same way in relationships. I'm usually really chill so guys think that they want to date me, but then when we actually do date I turn so crazy and they're like "woooah what the fuck happened??" Like I'll freak out over the littlest things like not calling me beautiful often enough or not complimenting me enough, etc. And it's weird because I literally will not give a single fuck about any of that until we're in a relationship. I'm exactly how you are, I have suuuuch high expectations when it comes to relationships. But I have high expectations because I put so much into the relationship. Like I go so hard trying to make the other person know that I care about them and like them and think that they're great, so then when I don't get that back I'm like "lol why do you literally hate me??????" I'm pretty sure my effort just comes off as clinginess looool. I also have really bad trust issues and I'm always worried that the other person is going to have me looking stupid af for being loyal to them, so I always feel the need to ask whoever I'm dating who all the girls he likes pictures of are and any of the girls he @'s on twitter. Like my brain will overthink it for forever if I don't ask him who they are. And if I ask him then he can't say that he never lied to me if he ends up cheating on me with one of them lol. But I have ruined a few really good relationships that way, unfortunately. Idk, I think my craziness in relationships has a lot to do with my pride/ego which is really shitty. My anxiety definitely doesn't help when it comes to overthinking things :/ All of this is why I've decided to take a long ass break from relationships lmao. P.S. I'm a crybaby Also, I LOVE YOU A TON HITOMI, YOURE A BEAUTIFUL ANGEL!! ITS TOTALLY OKAY IF YOU DON'T POST FOR A WHILE, WE UNDERSTAND
I am just stunned. I have these exact same thoughts. They set me apart from the majority of people I know, so to find someone who views love the same way I do, blows my mind! Listening to you, reassures my own feelings and let's me know I'm not the only one! Keep doing what you do, you're so beautiful inside and out
God how I relate. My therapist would tell me to be angry for mistreatment as a child too. There's so much conditioning and yet at the same time I have to ask myself if I want to continue to allow myself to suffer. Suffering that I allow to interrupt my life and is a constant cycle. I know I've mentioned this before but literally following presence helps so so much. I still have moments like these where I let it out and cry but when I bring presence back in even when crying it transforms to true healing. Instead of getting wrapped up in more thoughts/memories I will sit with that current emotion coming up. Staying focused on it makes me feel less insane in a way too because I find following my mind can take me to crying anger laughter hysteria all in a matter of minutes. I love you Hitomi and literally feel it's uncanny how similar I feel our backgrounds are. You are such an amazing and honest being... know you have that true peace inside of you at all times. Us viewers watching you is synchronicity at best because you're almost a reflection of us and we learn so much from hearing your insights and experiences. 💛💛💛💛
A high sensitive person with all of the following struggles. Reading about this type of mental construction more helped me a lot. Sending you lots of love
I've never related to something so much or have been able to express it the way you did for yourself and I. I just found ur channel and i luvvvv it! Keep creating beautiful soul
I love all your videos where you speak from your personal experiences and your struggles, it's a beautiful thing to be able to reflect on your own life and share it to the world, I feel like I struggle with the same things and to hear you speak so openly about your own experiences and how you share your wisdom is very inspiring. I love your channel so much and I hope you find the peace and happiness you're searching for, you are a beautiful person and you truly deserve the best!
Omg.. I so understand it's like I'm in bed talking to my best friend.. it's so wrong for a guy your with to like hundreds of other girls pictures while your his "significant other". I personally find it so disrespectful..
Thank you so much for posting this. Everything that you described resonates so much with me and the way that I go through life. You just made me feel a little less crazy. And honestly this is going to help me to continue to move forward and improve myself and my mentality. Thanks for putting this out there. -- I never post comments, but I want you to know the impact you've made.
Being in a relationship, even in an amazing loving one, is so difficult if you deal with mental illness, body dysmorphia, and/or being self-conscious. I relate to you a lot, I used to constantly fixate on seeing myself through the eyes of how I think that men would see me. This made me totally hypercritical of myself and it made me have trust issues and it was so toxic of me to do because neither he nor I could win if I was projecting my insecurities onto him. I have grown so much thru my LTR and I'm so thankful that I am able to do so. You can also learn these lessons while single, like you said. Much love
You're gunna look back in a couple of years and wonder how you couldn't see what was right in front of your eyes. You have a lot of people who see you for you, and are rooting for you, embrace it And run with it!!! Stop overthinking everything, you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself! You can't be perfect, being open minded is important, but it's not everything. You're not always going to be consistent, and things about you aren't always going to "add up", and that's okay. Sometimes you'll be vain, sometimes you'll be wasteful, sometimes you'll be inconsiderate, sometimes you'll be loving, sometimes you'll be a bitch. Whatever you are (whenever you are) just embrace it. Even trying to "fit in" is still part of you. Even parts of you you don't like are still you. even "shitty qualities" are still you, but what can you do, you can't please everyone all the time (including yourself). Don't worry about "working on it" just go with the flow. You've got time. Just my little two sense. All this aside, I really appreciate your candidness and think you're a real ⭐️ Just remember you are whatever YOU believe you are, so you might as well just think you're great 😉
relationships seem so messy n really you should just take as much time as u want to find someone who fits well with your own life !! actually i've never been in a relationship but like i still love watching this vid like u have such bomb advice even though you've been through some shit, you always grow from your experiences and i really admire that ! :)
Girl I feel you! This feeling that a lot of people don't like you, the fact that you're so intense in romantic relationships... I've never been the cool one either, but I'm trying to embrace the person I am. I know my value, and I try not to get in situation where I'm not comfortable. I stopped trying to fit in, so I only have few friends, but those make me feel like myself and I don't get as insecure as I used to when I hung out with people that were friends to begin with. I still have good and bad days but I'm happy to have a smart, down-to-earth best friend who's always willing to help me when I'm in a bad place. I really try to be confident for the future because I know I deserve to be happy in my relationships, so do you. Take care, it's gonna be okay, you're beautiful and popping! I know your insecurities but you are a wonderful person, and it's great of you that you keep on working on yourself. (sorry about my english)
I'M A CRY BABY!! also felt like I related to you so much in this video and I noticed instances from my childhood that affect the way that I interact with people and myself ( in terms of confidence and self-love). I expect too much from people when it comes to relationships and it is always disappointing. I really appreciate these videos and love that we both live in the same cityy! much love and positive energy
just be yourself. think like, whats the worst thing that can happen? this person suddenly stops liking me (if i be myself around them) like...... it sounds scary but that happens all the time to everyone. not everyone is going to like you. it could be for the dumbest reason.. you make a joke they think is corny....... so......? that means they are too snobby for u guys to have a good relationship/friendship. look at yourself (your self, not your insecurities) and notice all the good things u have. wouldn't you want to be friends with you? if not thats ok, ur young, still have a lot of time to grow.. NO ONE at your age has it all together. Love, Sliff
I only just realised this a few days ago but my boyfriend and i have been dating for ~9months now and I never thought about him or us as much as I did in my other relationships but then I realised - if you don't have to think about the relation between u then this is a sure sign that you're in a good relationship! Because we just tend to focus much more of our energy into negativity and of course I do sometimes think about him/us when everything feels so good, as I'm afraid it will break apart but these moments usually don't last for too long. I just wanted to say that when you're in a healthy rs , your mind won't have to focus on it all the time because there are no problems to be solved
You are such an honest, humble person who articulates yourself so well.. I don't think I have met anyone like you.. I love how you say "I can't wait to pour all my love into someone.." and "I love sooo hard.." My feelings are exact, but at the same time, I don't see myself in a relationship because of that.. If that makes sense.. If it means anything, I too have low confidence and self esteem.. Low ambition, perseverance and resolve.. Been through the anxiety and depression.. The ruminating.. Working on it though.. Your short story of you going grocery shopping with your family.. I didn't cry, but it certainly made me think about my mother who raised me herself.. Now I'm about to cry.. haha.. I can only imagine how difficult it was, for our parents, how ungrateful I am, how I let her down, how I'm not anywhere close to where I want to be in life as a 37 year old, how disappointing it must be for her.. While it was and still is a dysfunctional relationship and family life, she's basically the only person in this world who gives me care and support.. Thank you for helping this old soul keep things in context and perspective..
i honestly respect you so much for putting this out there. whenever i feel lonely or want to reflect but there's no one around i make video diaries and they help me release so much. time will heal the wounds you are working through. i love you so much and have a lot of faith in your self-love journey
Being in a relationship can be exhausting and complicated, but being single now I definitely understand that feeling of wanting to be held and be in love..coming out of my last relationship left me so insecure, feeling worthless, and unsure of myself, and I can't help but be extra cautious of getting close to a guy I start to like..For now I feel it's just best to focus on loving myself and doing what makes me happy, I just can't help but wonder if there will ever be the right guy..
in terms of social media and jealousy, it depends on the person. If he's the type of person to consider likes on social media to be a way of flirting then it may be a little bit of a red flag, also if you are worried about it you have to ask if you're being irrational or being reasonable. It just depends on what each person thinks of social media basically and if either of yall take it seriously
(IM A CRYBABY) I cried so many times during this video literally, Tomi I felt everything you said with my heart, from the relationship stuff, to the family stuff, the social anxiety, the self worth and even the recent weeks of sadness. I've been dealing with these issues a lot lately and this video deff let me know I'm not crazy or alone. It was like a BFF therapy session which we all need sometimes so please keep the long winded videos coming . Also SHELAH MARIE has a great MEDITATION MIXTAPE to help put you at ease when you are having a rough time. Love ya ❤️❤️❤️
thank you for posting this): so much of what you feel is exactly how I feel but I've been in a relationship for the past two years. I know these feelings are temporary and in the end I am okay but to know someone else feels these things really helps. I hope only positive things come you're way love you💛💫
Hitomi... The content you post is so important. I am so happy that you push past that hate, and the feelings of everyone on the internet hating you. There is so much love in this comment section, girl. Take some time to meditate on these all of these positive comments, and allow yourself to feel the love in them because you deserve it.
I have feelings for an older guy who is an artist poet musician (lol i cannot make this up) (it's unreal) (what is life) and am currently a ball of insecurity about an upcoming date with him. (still unreal) The part where you talk about lowering your self worth, and putting the person on a pedestal because you're just little you... UHG. ME. RIGHT NOW. I am a mess. He is not. At least in the same ways as me. Saying it out loud makes me realize it's silly, though. UHG. Anyway... Some advice (For you & I, both, because I need to remind myself of this): It helps to look at relationships as a meditation practice. A very unique form of meditation where your subconscious beliefs about relationships of all kinds bubble up for someone that thinks you're hot shit to help you work through with love. While you help them work through theirs using your love. You can still be the same poppin' single Hitomi while getting all your wounds kissed by a beautiful soul that loves your soul. Nothing to fear. (: Hope everything works out as far as everything involving working through your past. I can tell you that I went through a very dark time over the past few years working through my childhood wounds, but I think I can confidently say that I am beginning to develop a healthier perspective toward those aspects of my past. It just takes time. You are doing what it is you need to be doing as far as that is concerned. Don't be too hard on yourself, and be an angry bad ass bitch lol (i had problems expressing anger as well, but mami let me tell you, not anymore. I have to work on controlling my anger now. haa) SO MUCH LOVE TO YOU, YOU BEAUTIFUL HUMAN. CHECK OUT THIS RAD AS HELL SPACE YOU CREATED FOR PEOPLE TO OPEN UP THE WAY YOU DID GURL This is a ridiculously long comment, but I needed you to know I was listening lol
Everytime I watch your videos I realize how similar we are. I don't like to be angry and I really don't know how to stick up for myself. And I get very sad easily and put it all onto myself and use to suffer from self harm. The other day something really affected me was when I went to Coachella and this girl behind me shoved me and asked for a lighter and she shoved me rudely and I couldn't stick up for myself and said "no haha I don't" and then she started touching my hair and her and her boyfriend were asking if it was real to eachother and then she pushed me to move forward and it happened two weeks ago but it made me feel so sad and stupid and I shoulda said something but I was so sad and in shock someone I didn't even know would treat me like that and it hurts because I'm such a sensitive person and just want to be kind and it sucks.
Hey I've been through the same feelings you're describing. In particular, the whole being super confident and with it when your single and then getting totally lost in idolising someone and second guessing yourself etc. I just wanted to say that it definitely gets easier to balance all of that and not lose yourself so much while still being in love as you get a bit older. So don't close yourself off too much, you'll learn from your experiences, especially if you keep working on yourself and confidence in the meantime :).
holy fuck this was so amazing i've been feeling exactly the same way and you just described everything i've been feeling and what you talked about your childhood, it gave me flashbacks of certain memories of my childhood that cause me to be afraid of being in love or cause me to feel small and trivial but i also reflected and thought about how, even though certain experiences have caused me emotional pain, they have still helped me be more open to people and be able to be vulnerable with some and understand others more deeply and to also stay woke about the way people treat me or others in any type of relationship and just more specific things but ofc it would take too long for me to get into them~~ anyway i honestly feel empowered now to just keep going forward and just take on all of the opportunities life gives me
I know it's the pettiest thing but in a way it shows a big part of who the guy is. (Social media jealousy) I don't think it's ok for a guy to have eyes for someone else , people will look but if he goes out of his way to like her photos etc.. I think it's an action that expects an outcome. If he just looks but doesn't seek the other girls acknowledgement of his attraction for her ( aka hitting the like button) then I think that's a man with respect for his girlfriend.
not all guys will do things that make you uncomfortable. There's guys that will respect you as a person and things you don't like. I feel like the girls that are fine with it sort of just turn their head to it. Everyone deserves better than that. You don't have to make yourself ok with things that compromise who you are.
hitomi: someone please take me out me: *books next flight from toronto to nyc* lol in all reality though hitomi i'll take you out (in a platonic way) if you are ever in toronto!
Omg I haven't even finished this video and I feel this on 1,000... I don't like who I become when i talk or date people...i idolize the wrong people all the time and think I love them too..lmao and I don't know how long it will take me to not be crazy but idc...and I love all your videos! Thank you so much for being you and just being so open!! Raw honesty is the most precious gift to witness on earth! keep ya head up your so beautiful inside and out!!!!❤
you are so great, raw and real. You say all of the things I can't say out loud. I love hearing videos like this because they're so relatable and I love to know women are not alone. You're vibe is amazing, and your videos are great. Im a NYC native, and live downtown. We should link up!
im a cry baby, and everything you said in this video is exactly what ive been feeling for the past 6 months or more. and from watching your other videos i thought you had all your shit together, but we are much more a like than i originally thought. as much as it sucks its kind of comforting knowing im not the only one who feels this way. thank you hitomi ❤
OMG WE ARE THE SAME PERSON. I'm also a Scorpio and I am extremely hard on myself. My friends have always lectured me that I overanalyze things, that I am easily affected by criticisms that I stop putting myself out there. I am also single because I don't trust people who shows interest in me -- because I don't find myself worthy of love and I'm not pretty enough. It's crazy. And exhausting. Maybe that's why I prefer to be alone, so I won't disappoint anyone, vice versa. But, I am now trying to be more open, to stop caring about what other people say or think about me, and to focus more on people who genuinely care. Because it's true, life it's short. Anyway, hope you're doing great and thanks again for sharing your thoughts. 🙂
I just wanted to say that your videos, especially the ones where you just talk about things like this have really just been so beneficially for me because I've felt the exact same way and I always thought I was like the only person who always put themselves down to build others up and all that sort of stuff. I'm just so thankful that I found your videos and that you have these conversations ❤
Listening to this was like hearing the story of my life, thank you for helping me realise a few things about myself. I feel like I learn so much from each video you post I swear! Keep shining beautiful, you're so inspirational
So...I have been binge watching your videos and I feel such a connection to you. We have the same feelings about ourselves. I am mostly okay alone, but them minute I am involved I shrink and my bipolar self emerges. When I was a kid I was very conscious about money from a really young age. We did not have a lot, and I was very careful not to ask for anything, and even for my birthday or Christmas I felt guilt and could not enjoy it because I knew it was difficult for my parents. I have always felt better giving that getting. I loved ballet so much, and one time I got in trouble with the teacher because I was clowning around an imitating her. I did not know she was watching me. It was totally not my personality, but when the other girls were laughing I felt so special. She told my mom and my mom said that If I was going to act like that I should not be in class because it was very expensive for them. I quit just because she said that. It broke my heart. I was never good at anything else except art, but physically my body needed class. Not just physically but emotionally. I felt like part of something. Since then I was so jealous of girls who do ballet because I felt so cheated. Then I would feel guilty for feeling that way. To this day I get upset about it. I did take classes when I was older but by that point I was so self conscious and all the girls were better because they had been doing it longer. I gave up and went into my shell. Anyway, that is just one story. I have so many. I am quite a bit older than you and it breaks my heart to see you struggling like this. I wish there was a way I could help you. Just know that you are not alone. Be kind to you.
Mariposa I actually relate to you so much. I've always never wanted to be a burden to my parents and I can imagine myself doing exactly what you did. I'm still learning to get better but, I've learnt that sometimes in life you just have to be a 'burden' to loved ones and same the other way around. Life is about balance - give & take. And you deserve some love/money/gift from loved ones. It's them showing their love to you ❤️
i'm a crybaby, but like actually, i really am. Honestly can't even begin to express how much this spoke to me, so much of what you said brought how I feel regularly to life, down to even the childhood experiences that have shaped you. Honestly I have so many weird feelings as a result of monetary issues that my family has had and especially the toll they took on me when I was younger, definitely has had such an impact on my perceptions of worth and shame. thank you so much for this video, hope your path is fruitful and that you continue on this journey, and i hope that i do too.
I'm a cry baby! You are so amazing hitomi and it is actually amazing to feel such a real connection with someone over RUclips because you are so raw and you do put these things online. It's like sitting with a friend and I wish I was there to give you the biggest hug. You are so beautiful and have such a wonderful outlook on life that truly inspires me and I feel like it helps you get through your life and all it's intricacies so much easier. Lots of love, lovely! X
I feel like for alot of people that are really free thinkers and have opened their chakras they have this war inside of them because they have such a free soul now and they choose to not focus on the bad and the negatives and live more happy but this collides with wanting a relationship because when you are in love you cannot be so free. You care so much for another person, sometimes even more than yourself, and that caring opens that door again for you to care about other things. So your soul becomes less free and more about caring. And when you care about the positives your body starts to care about the negatives again too. You can't have one without the other in life. It's yin and yang. I think the issue is your soul is craving to be free, but you also want to be held and loved, so you wont be able to be 100% free. Love you Hitomi!
honestly this is literally so me, it's crazy! I get what you are saying 100% and I'm kinda glad that I'm not the only one that thinks these things about relationships and friendships! thank you so much x
HITOMI MOCHIZUKI, your extremely well spoken, amazingly Beautiful and I'm in love with your energy and sound of your positive voice... your a gifted therapist and don't realize it, just know someone you never meet loves you, cause if your honesty in your videos
omfg I've been the exact same way in relationships before, thankfully my boyfriend is so respectful about the fact that him liking other girls' photos bother me and i have major jealousy issues. we ended it after 2 years and then got back together a few months later after we'd both had time to work out our own problems (my eating disorder, his depression and weed probs) and it's just so much better now. sometimes i still overthink things, but just talking about what's bothering me with him and trusting what he tells me has stopped it from manifesting as much
Hitomi you are such a beautiful person inside and out! And a lot of the things you say that you feel I can definitely relate to. And I love all of your videos but I especially really loved this one because you're so real, and the way that you can literally sit down and share pieces of your life with us. I appreciate you so much, thank you so much for your realness.
Thank you for staying strong and talking to us ☺, I can relate In the sense that I don't like being a burden to others and I also lower my value when around certain people ,so thank you for talking about these topics,I feel like someone finally understands me,you mean so much Hitomi,don't let anyone or anything stop you from being happy and loving yourself 😚❤
That story about the groceries really hit me. I totally relate to everything you said about that. Burden and guilt are really extreme for me. 99% if the time I shouldn't feel that way but I do. It's hard for me to ask for things or stand up for myself. I relate to a lot of things you said in this video. My parent situation was the same as well. My dad died when I was young and my mom didn't tell me those things but I learned them on my own. Anyway, thanks for this.
Thank you!!! I can relate in so many ways and have felt like that and thought because I do love so much or care so much about the other person how they fell or just people in general and animals and everything sometimes I just cry because it makes me sad and feel crazy because other people don't think like that but watching this made me feel like thats not true. So many things you've said are how I've felt at different times! Being honest and real, thats the coolest thing you could do! Thanks girl you're beautiful in and out, I would totally be your friend!
I am in the same situation as you are. I related myself with every single word came out of your mouth. That was so weird. :D the guy i am in a relationship will never say that he loves me. He doesnt text me, never says im pretty etc. and it makes me think like im a dumb and he is a genius.When we are together he cuddles me all the time and gives me kisses, and i think thats the only reason why i cant let him go. I need that intimacy and the feeling of being loved by someone( preferably a male) And i just think that, if i date with him it keeps me moving forward, like having bigger goals and having a reason to achieve them. That's what i like in this relationship. But, sometimes i do get hurt, and feel depressed. I feel like i shouldn't be liking him, i try to avoid showing him my love as much as i can but it is just hard to keep it in. Im just scared that he would get bored of me. I dont feel confident with my body and how i look.Because of that i always need to try showing him how cute, how pretty i am, and expect him to compliment me which rarely happens. I know it gets so frustrating. All we need is self love, but that shit doesnt work when you are with the person you really like. :( it only happens when you know the other person likes you %100 and usually those guys are the guys that you dont have an interest. Huh, annoying stuff _._
oh my God you really are so well spoken you've put into words what I've always felt but been too afraid to put in my own words in my own head. this video has made me realize how I feel inferior to people as well. I relate to you so much even though we have such different stories it doesn't even matter because your energy is just so beautiful. I love you so much just from the small portion of yourself that you show and I would love to be able to chat with you. I'm SUCH a cry baby.
i feel so connected to you. everything you say i can see in myself and i didnt know that anyone else felt anywhere near how i felt. so thank you for being you and reminding me that im not alone
"girl same" was literally all that was in my head during this
idk why im crying in the club rn
Megi Kaca bc ur in the club tryna escape ur life
Megi Kaca 😂😂😂😂 saw that on twitter today
I got mad at my ex for liking and commenting on a girls pictures. he told me not to worry, so I tried not to. a month later wen we were broken up he was going out with the girl from the pictures so I don't fuck with that shit
very understandable , hope you realize youre beautiful and important, unlike him, love you, stranger !
Girl same
tymber579 I feel ya gurl but we shouldn't get bothered by this. You are so worth it okay? Spreading love 😊
The exact same thing happened to me about 6 months ago... All I can tell you is to know that your value is not and will never be defined by whether or not someone likes you or chooses to be with you. If your ex did you wrong, try to "detox" your soul from the hate, resentment or anger, because if you hang onto those negative feelings, they will end up consuming you. It is not in our hands to get revenge, or "make people pay" for anything; whether you believe in god/karma/cosmic energies/etc or not, everything we put out on this world is given back to us, so don't even waist time and energy you could spend on yourself, hating and wishing bad stuff to those who hurt you. What you need is time: time to grieve, to cry, to be with your girls and talk shit about him (lol) and to let everything you're feeling out, but you have to be strong and wise enough to not get stuck at that stage, and identify when it's right to move on. Based on my personal experience I advise you not to hurry onto other relationships and definitely don't go drinking, partying and leaving recklessly all the time in an attempt to prove yourself (and others) that you're fine, or what's even worse, to avoid thinking and feeling*. You'll end up doing things you wouldn't normally do, which will probably put you in a worse place, and you won't allow yourself to FEEL and ACCEPT everything all your emotions, and so by doing this you will only make the brake up process even longer and more difficult. Let yourself grieve in order to move on.
*Of course it is important to be with friends and family and to do activities you enjoy to distract yourself, but this can become counterproductive when you start seeking distraction 24/7 to avoid your feelings and thoughts.
Be strong and know you're not alone. Breakups can put you in a very pessimistic state of mind, thinking you'll never find love again, but, even though it's cliché, you will. You will get over this and you'll be happy again; with another person or by yourself. ❤️
Ps: please excuse any grammatical mistakes or bad English in general, I'm not a native speaker
Thank you girls so fucking much I love seeing such support and empowerment from so many women but I'm way over that dumbass. it happened about 2 years ago and everything you guys are saying is so true and I love you guys for this
You've reminded me of myself when I was around your age. I feel compelled to reach out to you.
Living with anxiety, while trying not to be a burden, unknowingly heaping those burdens onto myself. Insecurity I carried like a compass, allowing it to guide my thoughts and actions. My imagination, the puppet master of all around me, believing they thought this or disliked that; that I wasn't good enough. How overwhelming and impossible it all would feel, I would shut myself away from the world.
Strangely feeling sure about things, while being lost in them. How easily anything could throw off my confidence, destroy my dreams/ideas; ultimately grinding my spirit to a halt in despair. My life was in limbo for years and only recently have I been freed from my heart, and began to see the infinite value it has, and by that vision I am able to see the infinite value in others, that includes you.
Love in a relationship with another has been my main desire since I was a child, and, although it's a good endeavor, it caused blindness to my own needs. My inner-self needed attention I wasn't able to provide, so I thought I needed someone else to furnish it. In reality I was not able to provide that attention because I wasn't honest with myself, which refreshingly doesn't seem to be a problem for you. Over years I have found that in order to make sense and find worth of anything/anyone outside of me, I have to find sense and inner worth in myself.
Now I see clearly, I want a relationship but I am not bound to it or made by it. It hasn't been easy but it will happen, I don't push because my life doesn't require another person. I await the day I will meet love, for now I'm content to build my life and inner-self, and in a way become the person I'd like to meet.
Your honesty is refreshing. The search for meaning in your words, and the depth of your questions I find searingly charming. You feel unworthy of compliments, but I and others cry nonsense! I look up to the heavens, full of galaxies and stars, dazzling light at unimaginable distance, from millions of years ago, yet those galaxies and stars only provide a beautiful sight, no beautiful thought. This is the part of human that is most attractive, and listening to you, I sense you do not lack the beauty of mind and introspection.
I feel privileged to join the ranks of people that have commented on this video, people who though they have the freedom to click away, choose not to be distant from your hard time, but are close, sharing in your problem and willing to offer words they hope will soothe your heart.
We probably have differences in some ideas and opinions, but you've got a friend who can listen, that doesn't judge, if you ever need to talk, or have questions.
Now that I've written RUclips's equivalent of a dissertation, I'll bring it to an end. I hope it makes sense and possibly helps in some way.
Sincerely,
A cry baby
Ibeaurifully written and full of truth.
I know it’s been a while since this comment was made, but oh myy your words really spoke to my heart!! This made my day!!
feels like I'm sitting on your bed chatting with a bff. thank u for being my bff!!
javelinm this is almost exactly what I was gonna say 😭
same, she's amazing ^^
javelinm same!!!
javelinm the same :)
javelinm same here!!! She's so awesome for talking to us about this.
Maintain a solid friendship then take it to the next level. The man that loves you will always show it more than he says it. You are beautiful inside and out :)
Mike M such kind, wise words.
YES!
I 100% RELATE TO EVERYTHING YOU JUST SAID IT BROUGHT ME TO TEARS BC NOTHING FEELS BETTER THAN THE FEELING OF BEING UNDERSTOOD I LOVE YOU SO MUCH
omfg same girl words can't even express how much she gets it!!! everything literally
i cannot thank you enough for being so vulnerable and allowing yourself to speak about these things. i relate to you so hard, especially with the group of friends thing. i get so self conscious about not having a lot of friends, so sometimes i push myself to hang out with new people, but i usually regret it because i feel like an outcast. this has been my whole life. i think it comes with being a deep diver. we are people who self inspect, we observe, we analyze, we think so deep, and a lot of people cannot deal with that. and sometimes we can be seen as "too much" to a lot of people. i've had people call me eccentric and crazy because i go so deep sometimes and it's hard for people like us to be surface... and when you're in a group of new people typically the topics at hand are surface. that makes me uncomfortable because i don't like that phony vibe. i want to connect with people deeper than that and it leads me to feel insecure when I am surrounded by people rejecting that. but what we have is a gift. and there is so much good that can be done with this trait, we just have to attract the right people who can see it, feel it, and understand it.
Lex Gradante I feel the exact same way as you! You spoke my thoughts so perfectly!
Oh my god i relate to everything you just said
don't worry, I LITERALLY LOVE your "long winded" talking videos ❤
your vulnerability is fucking beautiful
her soul is fucking beautiful
First off you're absolutely beautiful. You're personality is so real and genuine. Everything you are saying I resonate with and it sounds like I'm listening to a friend. I appreciate you for putting yourself out there like this. It's truely inspiring!
Honestly, I adore the long chatty videos so much. I feel really connected to you, I've sat and laid in bed watching all of them and ended up crying but feeling so much better of myself. Wanting to change myself. You're honestly so much of an inspiration to me and I've never looked up to anyone before! I'm decluttering my room, writing more, trying to be more confident, change my perspective to better myself. Something I've been trying to do for years, but every time I watch you I feel like I can do it. So much love for you! Thank you I hope you read this! ❣️
i've never related to anything more in my life. I appreciate so much when creators open up like this it's nice to know you're not alone in these things
...must be a scorpio thing. pretty much the same here when it comes to relationships. if it helps at all, 4 months date-less is nothing. ive gone over 4 years. accidentally. we scorpios fall so hard and we cant help it, with so much trust and hope and sincerity, and we need that reassurance and really need communicative partners because its a massive vulnerability for us to give all that to someone. as for friendships, its pretty much the same. and when your a melancholic empathetic scorpio, well, hello depression and anxiety! p.s. your therapist sounds bomb. wish we had therapists like that here in the UK! chin up chuck,
IM A CRY BABY Please don't hurt yourself (mentally or physically!) You're the most kind and beautiful person I've ever seen and you've inspired me to be a more confident and calm person, honestly the way you talk so openly about your issues is incredible, I thought a lot of the things I felt were just me but you've made me feel so much more normal. I LOVE YOU, THANK YOU :)
You‘re amazing seriously.
I relate so much and feel a lot stronger hearing someone talk about things I struggle with from their perspective. Thank you
"Ew why am I this girl now" hits the nail everytime!!!
Eileen Guibone right
Eileen Guibone exactly!!!
ME ME ME ME. OMG HITOMI. THIS IS SO RELATABLE. I've NEVER been in a relationship, but I'm so insecure, really independent, self-conscious & afraid to be let down around guys. I REALLY want to date but I feel like I would be too neurotic thinking about him cheating or not loving me enough or wanting someone better.
Carbs Are Happiness yes homie ugh it's like u took the words out of my mouth
Carbs Are Happiness sameeeee, btw, how old is Hitomi?
Sophia McFay 19 I think
Carbs Are Happiness same 😔
Also I relate to you so much. You are definitely not alone! I watched till the end, you are a beautiful soul. When I was in recovery from my eating disorder and self harm I had to learn that my beauty, self-worth, and value are independent of appearance or circumstance. There is no specific way I'm supposed to look. My job in life is to love myself and others and to learn, grow, and heal. I am always deserving of respect, I will never apologize for what I look like and I will never try to make myself small, and friends/partners should be proud to know me. This is the kind of mindset you can create for yourself. You have to be relentless about changing your inner monologue because through re-shaping these thought patterns you can in turn re-shape what it means to be valuable and beautiful. It's pretty radical how much you can change with persistence. You've got it, girl.
I'm a crybaby 😖 you're so beautiful and inspirational!!! And a lot of people including myself look up to you and how open you are with yourself and how much you are working on yourself
i'm in tears. i relate to you so much. i've learned more about myself watching this video than i have in the past few years. thank you.
kaila villamor i also actually cried bc she spoke for me
i feel like everybody hates me also, even in my friend group I feel like everybody is closer to each other than me and and feel like I don't fit in. Usually when I feel like this I go silent and don't talk and I hate that because I hate bringing everybody down and end up feeling like they hate me more for it. I feel like I'm not pretty enough to even be around my friends who do not even care about looks. I have so many moments day to day where I feel bad for the person I'm talking to because they're being seen with me and I feel like they should be embarrassed by me because I'm so embarrassing and too ugly to be seen around. Then I'll fee so grateful for that person because they are actually being seen in public with an ugly embarrassment like me. I hate it and I don't know why I feel like this all the time. I know I shouldn't feel like I should be grateful for someone to not be embarrassed by me and I know all these things about self love and that not everybody hates me, but I can't help it and I can't help from feeling like this. I try to control these emotions and every time after I hang out with any of my friends I always think to myself, why was I so sad, and I'm not going to act sad anymore that's dumb, but then the very next day I'll do the same thing and I have no idea why. I have such a good life and I feel like I don't appreciate it enough. I have been given such a privileged life, so why am I feeling like this? I want to say this to somebody but no matter what anybody tells me like it's not true, and you're not ugly, it just makes me want to cry because they're trying so hard to make me happy and it's not working and then I feel like a burden. I have such a good support system like my friends and family but I'm still not entirely happy and still hate myself. I'm not good at anything and everybody is better than me at everything. There are so many things I want to talk about but I don't have the words. And I think the same thing, why don't I like myself? Why do I even care about how my face looks like? It's just a bunch of things passed down from my parents and grandparents that has nothing to do with my personality at all, so why do I even care? And I'll go about a week without caring at all about my face, and then I'll go straight back to hating everything about myself on the inside and out. And even right now I'm contemplating posting this because I feel like you or anybody reading this in the comments will hate me because they think I'm over dramatic because on a day to day basis, I'm usually pretty happy and it doesn't seem like I feel this way all the time on the outside, or I don't even know how I act in front of people anymore. I don't know if people think I'm sad or happy or whatever anymore. I am a mess.
angeli a It seems like they are toxic for you at this moment. I think you need to spend some time alone to build yourself up. I suggest starting a love journal, listening to personal growth ted talks, and reading poetry lol These helped me a lot. I'm still working on feeling and being okay. I'm trying to get a therapist because I don't think it's something I can handle all on my own. I grew up in a home without healthy relationships and support and I feel like that reflects in any relationship I create with others.
Tshirt Mcshirt thank you so much! I'll try this out:)
This is literally how I've been feeling for the last year or so and I had no idea what was wrong with me. I've always been the 3rd or fifth wheel in every friendship I've had since primary school and I was always trying so hard to fit in with people like changing how I act to be what I considered more likeable. But still felt like they all hated me and only tolerated my friendship because they don't want to hurt my feelings. I found that I was being ignored when talking or people would always talk over me and it made me feel like maybe I had nothing valuable to say and that was why no one was listening. I started questioning myself and sometimes stayed completely quiet when hanging out with them. I've always valued other peoples perception of me so highly and compare myself to other people but that is such unhealthy and toxic behaviour.
But yeah I agree with Tshirt Mcshirt people can be really toxic even when they seem loving and supportive. Sometimes you need to be your own support system and tell yourself that you're beautiful and that your voice has meaning. Literally no one has any idea what they are doing anyway so if you feel like you're unsure about yourself just know you're not alone. People don't hate you! They might even be feeling the same thing. We both seem to be deep thinkers with a lot of insecurities but just know everything is temporary and your tears will eventually turn to laughter as you learn to love yourself and build up your confidence. YOU'VE GOT THIS!! love u bitch
Oh my god i feel like shit whenever I am being ignored or talked over, too and makes me feel like anything I say is dumb or stupid so I just don't say anything at all. Thanks so much, I didn't know how nice it felt that I'm not the only one who feels this way, thank you! Love u too b
angeli a I've been feeling this way too at the moment. I feel like I don't fit in, everything I do is just mediocre. I basically have no motivation for anything. I do things just to get them done. I don't know how to get out it tbh. My best friend has noticed that I'm not my usual self but I can't bring myself to talk to her about it. And that's another thing, I hate talking about my problems because I feel like they are a burden to people. I don't even know anymore. Thanks to whoever read this
I resonate with this so much. What you said about relationships throwing you off balance is so insanely true for me. Love your videos ❤
you literally just described me perfectly like everything you said is ACTUALLY me. I'm being so serious right now. I have never seen someone communicate my mind the same way you just described yours. it's quite refreshing
Lololol I'm never okay so I feel, I constantly feel like shit cause I have no friends, I've never been in a relationship and no one likes me
JustSimplyDaisy Same.
JustSimplyDaisy CAN I GET THAT ON A T SHIRT DAMN HAHA
M.E. O.N. A. S.P.I.R.I.T.U.A.L L.E.V.E.L
I'll be your friend😛
This comment is meeeeee
I just came out of a relationship and I feel the same, i felt disappointed at myself for losing track of who I am, I was completely different in my relationship than I was in my regular life. I completely trusted him and relied on him so much, i was insecure too. But now I'm coming out and I see myself again and I just want to rebuild my relationship with myself and God, and to really see that I am worthy, and trust that if a guy chooses me in the future that he likes me for the positivity that I express and my beliefs and opinions.
Thank you for being so raw and vulnerable! sending all my luv
I absolutely love this. Thank you for taking the time to share!! I've never really talked with anyone about this, and it's amazing to find someone speaking my exact thoughts & feelings!!
*pours whiskey*
Always remember "single you" is waaaay different from "relationship you."
You should do podcasts. No joke. Plz do
yes
Tinyan Dada Not one person on this planet is better than anybody else....nobody! Apart from evil fuckers of course. You're a beautiful sweet soul any person would be lucky to have you x
i'm a scorpio sun too (aries moon virgo venus) and i related to Everything in this video soooooooo much: the insecurities, putting loved ones on pedestals despite whether or not they like me back, the anxieties of relationships, the flux of self confidence/love, the feeling that i don't deserve good things or even normal necessities, growing up being reluctant to ask parents for things i wanted, not wanting to burden others with my needs...
thank you for opening up to us... i really enjoy your "long-winded" self reflective videos!! you're super relatable and these videos help me try to grow and self reflect, too. i think it's ok to be crybaby haha because it shows empathy, a sense of self awareness, and emotional depth, which not a lot of people possess!
I can relate to you on so many levels. It's crazy to think about it even because as you were speaking I was feeling so connected with you and I could think about myself too... I didn't even know I still had some feelings and emotions and thoughts. I got so distracted on the way that I forgot that I still have some "issues" to work on.
Thank you for still being with us and for making youtube a better place for a lot of people who just want to feel like they are not the only one out there :)
Hitomi I just love you. Literally never related to someone so hard and I've said this multiple times but SERIOUSLY. All the words. I wish we could be friends because we would get along so well. I hope one day the perfect soul comes along and will cherish you as you deserve and i hope they will meet all your needs and more and treat you like the god damn goddess that you are
I'm single bc im fucking ugly
micaela maza no your not 😍💖
micaela maza personality is the true attraction. Not looks
I'm 100% sure that you're beautiful
if your soul is pure and filled with love you are beautiful love radiates through your external appearance
Ha same girl😂🙋🏻
I relate to almost everything you say and your experiences. It's rare that I ever find anyone I can relate to but it's so nice finding that. Thank you so much for being brave enough to put all your shit out there. I love you and I love your videos
I relate on such a different level.. that "mom" part with shopping made me cry. I know these feelings too well, I've never talked about this with anyone and hearing you say this, hearing that you go thru this as well truly makes me feel like I am not alone here.
Girl this is hitting me so hard because it's the exact reason why I'm single. I've been so hurt by the last guy I was seeing, he played with my fear of rejection wound and it deeply messed with my mind. I'm healing a bit more everyday tho and am sending you sooooooo much love
damn i just hit the 20 mins mark and you're LITERALLY describing my self-consciousness which stemmed from being bullied. it's not that i want to think about the bullies, because i don't, but it's in my brain, it just feels like i can't love myself.
one day at a time bbygirl. heal our hearts. love love love love
last comment p.s. i'm a crybaby
Léa Racine I
much love to u girl, I'm working on something similar and I hope ur able to move forward
Han nah thanks luv, i honestly work everyday towards forgiving him because the whole situation really really hurt and left me so angry. sending you lots of love, you are an angel xx
two vids all in the time span of a few minutes amazing
I'm so grateful whenever you post. I love these deep connected videos. I get to cry along with you cause it's just so relatable
love her honesty 💖 thanks for being so genuine xx
From a guys perspective, you should probably work on your insecurities before you start looking for a relationship. Sounds like you rely on the other person to make you happy. If we're in a relationship, and I call you sexy and beautiful, you should believe it because you already know, not because I say it. It just comes off needy, ya know? Not trying to be negative or anything, but not everyone is going to be in the physical and mental space to deal with your flaws, just like you aren't and shouldn't always be physically and emotional responsible for someone else's problems. Everyone has a personal obligation to deal with their own shit and make themselves happy. I don't know, I feel like most of your comments just tell you how beautiful you are and whatever like that shit matters. Overwhelming positivity doesn't work for everyone, nor is it 100% always appropriate. You need to be real too. I think that's why so many vegan/always happy youtubers always come off like they are about to have a meltdown no matter how many times they tell their audience how happy they are. Just my 2 cents.
JustAnOtter *starts clapping*
wow, so spot-on !
the accuracy
Dude what is you real name,well just your first name.From the way you said this,I feel like I might know you.
Doubt it, I don't know anyone named Erika, if that's your real name.
Whenever you describe your previous relationship, I relate to it so much. It's comforting knowing someone feels the way I feel, and about how I feel crazy too when I was in that relationship. You just described it so well. I'm honestly just have been very much in a self-realization journey since the breakup and it feels so good to be myself again.
Rose J girlie me too
I needed this! Literally crying, I have been feeling like this so much lately. Always trying to pretend you are okay or feeling so weird and abnormal for not feeling okay. Its so refreshing to just admit 'no, I'm not okay'
I Love the fact that I found someone that I can relate so much too and I’m also working on my self. ❤️ You are so beautiful in and out and powerful!
i was the same as you but im currently in a relationship and through communication we have learned to grow with eachother. at first it was downhill but i gave it another chance and honestly hes my best friend now i can just be myself around him. and i trust him now cause i just know that were so into eachother... no one else matters
Omggg I am the exact same way in relationships. I'm usually really chill so guys think that they want to date me, but then when we actually do date I turn so crazy and they're like "woooah what the fuck happened??" Like I'll freak out over the littlest things like not calling me beautiful often enough or not complimenting me enough, etc. And it's weird because I literally will not give a single fuck about any of that until we're in a relationship. I'm exactly how you are, I have suuuuch high expectations when it comes to relationships. But I have high expectations because I put so much into the relationship. Like I go so hard trying to make the other person know that I care about them and like them and think that they're great, so then when I don't get that back I'm like "lol why do you literally hate me??????" I'm pretty sure my effort just comes off as clinginess looool.
I also have really bad trust issues and I'm always worried that the other person is going to have me looking stupid af for being loyal to them, so I always feel the need to ask whoever I'm dating who all the girls he likes pictures of are and any of the girls he @'s on twitter. Like my brain will overthink it for forever if I don't ask him who they are. And if I ask him then he can't say that he never lied to me if he ends up cheating on me with one of them lol. But I have ruined a few really good relationships that way, unfortunately. Idk, I think my craziness in relationships has a lot to do with my pride/ego which is really shitty. My anxiety definitely doesn't help when it comes to overthinking things :/
All of this is why I've decided to take a long ass break from relationships lmao.
P.S. I'm a crybaby
Also, I LOVE YOU A TON HITOMI, YOURE A BEAUTIFUL ANGEL!! ITS TOTALLY OKAY IF YOU DON'T POST FOR A WHILE, WE UNDERSTAND
I am just stunned. I have these exact same thoughts. They set me apart from the majority of people I know, so to find someone who views love the same way I do, blows my mind! Listening to you, reassures my own feelings and let's me know I'm not the only one! Keep doing what you do, you're so beautiful inside and out
THANK U so much for making this and being brave enough to post ❤️❤️ u put so many things ive never been able to express into words
God how I relate. My therapist would tell me to be angry for mistreatment as a child too. There's so much conditioning and yet at the same time I have to ask myself if I want to continue to allow myself to suffer. Suffering that I allow to interrupt my life and is a constant cycle. I know I've mentioned this before but literally following presence helps so so much. I still have moments like these where I let it out and cry but when I bring presence back in even when crying it transforms to true healing. Instead of getting wrapped up in more thoughts/memories I will sit with that current emotion coming up. Staying focused on it makes me feel less insane in a way too because I find following my mind can take me to crying anger laughter hysteria all in a matter of minutes. I love you Hitomi and literally feel it's uncanny how similar I feel our backgrounds are. You are such an amazing and honest being... know you have that true peace inside of you at all times. Us viewers watching you is synchronicity at best because you're almost a reflection of us and we learn so much from hearing your insights and experiences. 💛💛💛💛
This sums up a lot of my feelings at the moment can totally relate ,thank you for making this ❤️
A high sensitive person with all of the following struggles. Reading about this type of mental construction more helped me a lot. Sending you lots of love
I've never related to something so much or have been able to express it the way you did for yourself and I. I just found ur channel and i luvvvv it! Keep creating beautiful soul
I love all your videos where you speak from your personal experiences and your struggles, it's a beautiful thing to be able to reflect on your own life and share it to the world, I feel like I struggle with the same things and to hear you speak so openly about your own experiences and how you share your wisdom is very inspiring. I love your channel so much and I hope you find the peace and happiness you're searching for, you are a beautiful person and you truly deserve the best!
Omg.. I so understand it's like I'm in bed talking to my best friend.. it's so wrong for a guy your with to like hundreds of other girls pictures while your his "significant other". I personally find it so disrespectful..
Thank you so much for posting this. Everything that you described resonates so much with me and the way that I go through life. You just made me feel a little less crazy. And honestly this is going to help me to continue to move forward and improve myself and my mentality. Thanks for putting this out there.
-- I never post comments, but I want you to know the impact you've made.
Being in a relationship, even in an amazing loving one, is so difficult if you deal with mental illness, body dysmorphia, and/or being self-conscious. I relate to you a lot, I used to constantly fixate on seeing myself through the eyes of how I think that men would see me. This made me totally hypercritical of myself and it made me have trust issues and it was so toxic of me to do because neither he nor I could win if I was projecting my insecurities onto him. I have grown so much thru my LTR and I'm so thankful that I am able to do so. You can also learn these lessons while single, like you said. Much love
You're gunna look back in a couple of years and wonder how you couldn't see what was right in front of your eyes. You have a lot of people who see you for you, and are rooting for you, embrace it And run with it!!! Stop overthinking everything, you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself! You can't be perfect, being open minded is important, but it's not everything. You're not always going to be consistent, and things about you aren't always going to "add up", and that's okay. Sometimes you'll be vain, sometimes you'll be wasteful, sometimes you'll be inconsiderate, sometimes you'll be loving, sometimes you'll be a bitch. Whatever you are (whenever you are) just embrace it. Even trying to "fit in" is still part of you. Even parts of you you don't like are still you. even "shitty qualities" are still you, but what can you do, you can't please everyone all the time (including yourself). Don't worry about "working on it" just go with the flow. You've got time. Just my little two sense. All this aside, I really appreciate your candidness and think you're a real ⭐️
Just remember you are whatever YOU believe you are, so you might as well just think you're great 😉
relationships seem so messy n really you should just take as much time as u want to find someone who fits well with your own life !!
actually i've never been in a relationship but like i still love watching this vid like u have such bomb advice even though you've been through some shit, you always grow from your experiences and i really admire that ! :)
Girl I feel you! This feeling that a lot of people don't like you, the fact that you're so intense in romantic relationships... I've never been the cool one either, but I'm trying to embrace the person I am. I know my value, and I try not to get in situation where I'm not comfortable. I stopped trying to fit in, so I only have few friends, but those make me feel like myself and I don't get as insecure as I used to when I hung out with people that were friends to begin with. I still have good and bad days but I'm happy to have a smart, down-to-earth best friend who's always willing to help me when I'm in a bad place. I really try to be confident for the future because I know I deserve to be happy in my relationships, so do you. Take care, it's gonna be okay, you're beautiful and popping! I know your insecurities but you are a wonderful person, and it's great of you that you keep on working on yourself.
(sorry about my english)
I'M A CRY BABY!! also felt like I related to you so much in this video and I noticed instances from my childhood that affect the way that I interact with people and myself ( in terms of confidence and self-love). I expect too much from people when it comes to relationships and it is always disappointing. I really appreciate these videos and love that we both live in the same cityy! much love and positive energy
just be yourself. think like, whats the worst thing that can happen? this person suddenly stops liking me (if i be myself around them) like...... it sounds scary but that happens all the time to everyone. not everyone is going to like you. it could be for the dumbest reason.. you make a joke they think is corny....... so......? that means they are too snobby for u guys to have a good relationship/friendship. look at yourself (your self, not your insecurities) and notice all the good things u have. wouldn't you want to be friends with you? if not thats ok, ur young, still have a lot of time to grow.. NO ONE at your age has it all together. Love, Sliff
I only just realised this a few days ago but my boyfriend and i have been dating for ~9months now and I never thought about him or us as much as I did in my other relationships but then I realised - if you don't have to think about the relation between u then this is a sure sign that you're in a good relationship! Because we just tend to focus much more of our energy into negativity and of course I do sometimes think about him/us when everything feels so good, as I'm afraid it will break apart but these moments usually don't last for too long. I just wanted to say that when you're in a healthy rs , your mind won't have to focus on it all the time because there are no problems to be solved
You are such an honest, humble person who articulates yourself so well.. I don't think I have met anyone like you.. I love how you say "I can't wait to pour all my love into someone.." and "I love sooo hard.." My feelings are exact, but at the same time, I don't see myself in a relationship because of that.. If that makes sense.. If it means anything, I too have low confidence and self esteem.. Low ambition, perseverance and resolve.. Been through the anxiety and depression.. The ruminating.. Working on it though..
Your short story of you going grocery shopping with your family.. I didn't cry, but it certainly made me think about my mother who raised me herself.. Now I'm about to cry.. haha.. I can only imagine how difficult it was, for our parents, how ungrateful I am, how I let her down, how I'm not anywhere close to where I want to be in life as a 37 year old, how disappointing it must be for her.. While it was and still is a dysfunctional relationship and family life, she's basically the only person in this world who gives me care and support..
Thank you for helping this old soul keep things in context and perspective..
i honestly respect you so much for putting this out there. whenever i feel lonely or want to reflect but there's no one around i make video diaries and they help me release so much. time will heal the wounds you are working through. i love you so much and have a lot of faith in your self-love journey
Being in a relationship can be exhausting and complicated, but being single now I definitely understand that feeling of wanting to be held and be in love..coming out of my last relationship left me so insecure, feeling worthless, and unsure of myself, and I can't help but be extra cautious of getting close to a guy I start to like..For now I feel it's just best to focus on loving myself and doing what makes me happy, I just can't help but wonder if there will ever be the right guy..
in terms of social media and jealousy, it depends on the person. If he's the type of person to consider likes on social media to be a way of flirting then it may be a little bit of a red flag, also if you are worried about it you have to ask if you're being irrational or being reasonable. It just depends on what each person thinks of social media basically and if either of yall take it seriously
(IM A CRYBABY) I cried so many times during this video literally, Tomi I felt everything you said with my heart, from the relationship stuff, to the family stuff, the social anxiety, the self worth and even the recent weeks of sadness. I've been dealing with these issues a lot lately and this video deff let me know I'm not crazy or alone. It was like a BFF therapy session which we all need sometimes so please keep the long winded videos coming . Also SHELAH MARIE has a great MEDITATION MIXTAPE to help put you at ease when you are having a rough time. Love ya ❤️❤️❤️
thank you for posting this): so much of what you feel is exactly how I feel but I've been in a relationship for the past two years. I know these feelings are temporary and in the end I am okay but to know someone else feels these things really helps. I hope only positive things come you're way love you💛💫
Hitomi... The content you post is so important. I am so happy that you push past that hate, and the feelings of everyone on the internet hating you. There is so much love in this comment section, girl. Take some time to meditate on these all of these positive comments, and allow yourself to feel the love in them because you deserve it.
I have feelings for an older guy who is an artist poet musician (lol i cannot make this up) (it's unreal) (what is life) and am currently a ball of insecurity about an upcoming date with him. (still unreal) The part where you talk about lowering your self worth, and putting the person on a pedestal because you're just little you... UHG. ME. RIGHT NOW. I am a mess. He is not. At least in the same ways as me. Saying it out loud makes me realize it's silly, though. UHG.
Anyway...
Some advice (For you & I, both, because I need to remind myself of this): It helps to look at relationships as a meditation practice. A very unique form of meditation where your subconscious beliefs about relationships of all kinds bubble up for someone that thinks you're hot shit to help you work through with love. While you help them work through theirs using your love.
You can still be the same poppin' single Hitomi while getting all your wounds kissed by a beautiful soul that loves your soul. Nothing to fear. (:
Hope everything works out as far as everything involving working through your past. I can tell you that I went through a very dark time over the past few years working through my childhood wounds, but I think I can confidently say that I am beginning to develop a healthier perspective toward those aspects of my past. It just takes time. You are doing what it is you need to be doing as far as that is concerned. Don't be too hard on yourself, and be an angry bad ass bitch lol (i had problems expressing anger as well, but mami let me tell you, not anymore. I have to work on controlling my anger now. haa)
SO MUCH LOVE TO YOU, YOU BEAUTIFUL HUMAN.
CHECK OUT THIS RAD AS HELL SPACE YOU CREATED FOR PEOPLE TO OPEN UP THE WAY YOU DID
GURL
This is a ridiculously long comment, but I needed you to know I was listening lol
Everytime I watch your videos I realize how similar we are. I don't like to be angry and I really don't know how to stick up for myself. And I get very sad easily and put it all onto myself and use to suffer from self harm. The other day something really affected me was when I went to Coachella and this girl behind me shoved me and asked for a lighter and she shoved me rudely and I couldn't stick up for myself and said "no haha I don't" and then she started touching my hair and her and her boyfriend were asking if it was real to eachother and then she pushed me to move forward and it happened two weeks ago but it made me feel so sad and stupid and I shoulda said something but I was so sad and in shock someone I didn't even know would treat me like that and it hurts because I'm such a sensitive person and just want to be kind and it sucks.
Hey I've been through the same feelings you're describing. In particular, the whole being super confident and with it when your single and then getting totally lost in idolising someone and second guessing yourself etc. I just wanted to say that it definitely gets easier to balance all of that and not lose yourself so much while still being in love as you get a bit older. So don't close yourself off too much, you'll learn from your experiences, especially if you keep working on yourself and confidence in the meantime :).
holy fuck this was so amazing i've been feeling exactly the same way and you just described everything i've been feeling and what you talked about your childhood, it gave me flashbacks of certain memories of my childhood that cause me to be afraid of being in love or cause me to feel small and trivial but i also reflected and thought about how, even though certain experiences have caused me emotional pain, they have still helped me be more open to people and be able to be vulnerable with some and understand others more deeply and to also stay woke about the way people treat me or others in any type of relationship and just more specific things but ofc it would take too long for me to get into them~~ anyway i honestly feel empowered now to just keep going forward and just take on all of the opportunities life gives me
I know it's the pettiest thing but in a way it shows a big part of who the guy is.
(Social media jealousy)
I don't think it's ok for a guy to have eyes for someone else , people will look but if he goes out of his way to like her photos etc.. I think it's an action that expects an outcome. If he just looks but doesn't seek the other girls acknowledgement of his attraction for her ( aka hitting the like button) then I think that's a man with respect for his girlfriend.
not all guys will do things that make you uncomfortable. There's guys that will respect you as a person and things you don't like. I feel like the girls that are fine with it sort of just turn their head to it. Everyone deserves better than that. You don't have to make yourself ok with things that compromise who you are.
hitomi: someone please take me out
me: *books next flight from toronto to nyc*
lol in all reality though hitomi i'll take you out (in a platonic way) if you are ever in toronto!
Omg I haven't even finished this video and I feel this on 1,000... I don't like who I become when i talk or date people...i idolize the wrong people all the time and think I love them too..lmao and I don't know how long it will take me to not be crazy but idc...and I love all your videos! Thank you so much for being you and just being so open!! Raw honesty is the most precious gift to witness on earth! keep ya head up your so beautiful inside and out!!!!❤
you are so great, raw and real. You say all of the things I can't say out loud. I love hearing videos like this because they're so relatable and I love to know women are not alone. You're vibe is amazing, and your videos are great. Im a NYC native, and live downtown. We should link up!
im a cry baby, and everything you said in this video is exactly what ive been feeling for the past 6 months or more. and from watching your other videos i thought you had all your shit together, but we are much more a like than i originally thought. as much as it sucks its kind of comforting knowing im not the only one who feels this way. thank you hitomi ❤
OMG WE ARE THE SAME PERSON. I'm also a Scorpio and I am extremely hard on myself. My friends have always lectured me that I overanalyze things, that I am easily affected by criticisms that I stop putting myself out there. I am also single because I don't trust people who shows interest in me -- because I don't find myself worthy of love and I'm not pretty enough. It's crazy. And exhausting. Maybe that's why I prefer to be alone, so I won't disappoint anyone, vice versa.
But, I am now trying to be more open, to stop caring about what other people say or think about me, and to focus more on people who genuinely care. Because it's true, life it's short. Anyway, hope you're doing great and thanks again for sharing your thoughts. 🙂
I just wanted to say that your videos, especially the ones where you just talk about things like this have really just been so beneficially for me because I've felt the exact same way and I always thought I was like the only person who always put themselves down to build others up and all that sort of stuff. I'm just so thankful that I found your videos and that you have these conversations ❤
Listening to this was like hearing the story of my life, thank you for helping me realise a few things about myself. I feel like I learn so much from each video you post I swear! Keep shining beautiful, you're so inspirational
So...I have been binge watching your videos and I feel such a connection to you. We have the same feelings about ourselves. I am mostly okay alone, but them minute I am involved I shrink and my bipolar self emerges. When I was a kid I was very conscious about money from a really young age. We did not have a lot, and I was very careful not to ask for anything, and even for my birthday or Christmas I felt guilt and could not enjoy it because I knew it was difficult for my parents. I have always felt better giving that getting. I loved ballet so much, and one time I got in trouble with the teacher because I was clowning around an imitating her. I did not know she was watching me. It was totally not my personality, but when the other girls were laughing I felt so special. She told my mom and my mom said that If I was going to act like that I should not be in class because it was very expensive for them. I quit just because she said that. It broke my heart. I was never good at anything else except art, but physically my body needed class. Not just physically but emotionally. I felt like part of something. Since then I was so jealous of girls who do ballet because I felt so cheated. Then I would feel guilty for feeling that way. To this day I get upset about it. I did take classes when I was older but by that point I was so self conscious and all the girls were better because they had been doing it longer. I gave up and went into my shell. Anyway, that is just one story. I have so many. I am quite a bit older than you and it breaks my heart to see you struggling like this. I wish there was a way I could help you. Just know that you are not alone. Be kind to you.
Mariposa same
Mariposa I actually relate to you so much. I've always never wanted to be a burden to my parents and I can imagine myself doing exactly what you did.
I'm still learning to get better but, I've learnt that sometimes in life you just have to be a 'burden' to loved ones and same the other way around. Life is about balance - give & take. And you deserve some love/money/gift from loved ones. It's them showing their love to you ❤️
i'm a crybaby, but like actually, i really am. Honestly can't even begin to express how much this spoke to me, so much of what you said brought how I feel regularly to life, down to even the childhood experiences that have shaped you. Honestly I have so many weird feelings as a result of monetary issues that my family has had and especially the toll they took on me when I was younger, definitely has had such an impact on my perceptions of worth and shame. thank you so much for this video, hope your path is fruitful and that you continue on this journey, and i hope that i do too.
Thank you for showing yourself this honest and vulnerable. We looove you ❤️
I'm a cry baby! You are so amazing hitomi and it is actually amazing to feel such a real connection with someone over RUclips because you are so raw and you do put these things online. It's like sitting with a friend and I wish I was there to give you the biggest hug. You are so beautiful and have such a wonderful outlook on life that truly inspires me and I feel like it helps you get through your life and all it's intricacies so much easier. Lots of love, lovely! X
I can relate to you so much, you're so real, thank you for sharing!!
I feel like for alot of people that are really free thinkers and have opened their chakras they have this war inside of them because they have such a free soul now and they choose to not focus on the bad and the negatives and live more happy but this collides with wanting a relationship because when you are in love you cannot be so free. You care so much for another person, sometimes even more than yourself, and that caring opens that door again for you to care about other things. So your soul becomes less free and more about caring. And when you care about the positives your body starts to care about the negatives again too. You can't have one without the other in life. It's yin and yang. I think the issue is your soul is craving to be free, but you also want to be held and loved, so you wont be able to be 100% free. Love you Hitomi!
honestly this is literally so me, it's crazy! I get what you are saying 100% and I'm kinda glad that I'm not the only one that thinks these things about relationships and friendships! thank you so much x
I'm definitely a crybaby, thank you Hitomi your a beautiful blessing 🕊️❤️✨✨
HITOMI MOCHIZUKI, your extremely well spoken, amazingly Beautiful and I'm in love with your energy and sound of your positive voice... your a gifted therapist and don't realize it, just know someone you never meet loves you, cause if your honesty in your videos
omfg I've been the exact same way in relationships before, thankfully my boyfriend is so respectful about the fact that him liking other girls' photos bother me and i have major jealousy issues. we ended it after 2 years and then got back together a few months later after we'd both had time to work out our own problems (my eating disorder, his depression and weed probs) and it's just so much better now. sometimes i still overthink things, but just talking about what's bothering me with him and trusting what he tells me has stopped it from manifesting as much
Hitomi you are such a beautiful person inside and out! And a lot of the things you say that you feel I can definitely relate to. And I love all of your videos but I especially really loved this one because you're so real, and the way that you can literally sit down and share pieces of your life with us. I appreciate you so much, thank you so much for your realness.
Thank you for staying strong and talking to us ☺, I can relate In the sense that I don't like being a burden to others and I also lower my value when around certain people ,so thank you for talking about these topics,I feel like someone finally understands me,you mean so much Hitomi,don't let anyone or anything stop you from being happy and loving yourself 😚❤
im a crybaby :) LOVE YOU HITOMI !!
i love you, sending love and positivity your way
That story about the groceries really hit me. I totally relate to everything you said about that. Burden and guilt are really extreme for me. 99% if the time I shouldn't feel that way but I do. It's hard for me to ask for things or stand up for myself. I relate to a lot of things you said in this video. My parent situation was the same as well. My dad died when I was young and my mom didn't tell me those things but I learned them on my own. Anyway, thanks for this.
Thank you!!! I can relate in so many ways and have felt like that and thought because I do love so much or care so much about the other person how they fell or just people in general and animals and everything sometimes I just cry because it makes me sad and feel crazy because other people don't think like that but watching this made me feel like thats not true. So many things you've said are how I've felt at different times! Being honest and real, thats the coolest thing you could do! Thanks girl you're beautiful in and out, I would totally be your friend!
i've watched this video 3 times and fuck. i look up to your spirit so much it sucks to see you this way. i'm sorry, i feel u, ily, keep your head up.
I am in the same situation as you are. I related myself with every single word came out of your mouth. That was so weird. :D the guy i am in a relationship will never say that he loves me. He doesnt text me, never says im pretty etc. and it makes me think like im a dumb and he is a genius.When we are together he cuddles me all the time and gives me kisses, and i think thats the only reason why i cant let him go. I need that intimacy and the feeling of being loved by someone( preferably a male)
And i just think that, if i date with him it keeps me moving forward, like having bigger goals and having a reason to achieve them. That's what i like in this relationship. But, sometimes i do get hurt, and feel depressed. I feel like i shouldn't be liking him, i try to avoid showing him my love as much as i can but it is just hard to keep it in. Im just scared that he would get bored of me. I dont feel confident with my body and how i look.Because of that i always need to try showing him how cute, how pretty i am, and expect him to compliment me which rarely happens. I know it gets so frustrating. All we need is self love, but that shit doesnt work when you are with the person you really like. :( it only happens when you know the other person likes you %100 and usually those guys are the guys that you dont have an interest. Huh, annoying stuff _._
oh my God you really are so well spoken you've put into words what I've always felt but been too afraid to put in my own words in my own head. this video has made me realize how I feel inferior to people as well. I relate to you so much even though we have such different stories it doesn't even matter because your energy is just so beautiful. I love you so much just from the small portion of yourself that you show and I would love to be able to chat with you. I'm SUCH a cry baby.
i feel so connected to you. everything you say i can see in myself and i didnt know that anyone else felt anywhere near how i felt. so thank you for being you and reminding me that im not alone