i'm honestly so confused with myself. when i always think about how lonely i am, i start wishing for close friendships & relationships. but when someone new comes to me, i push them away and feel bad about it later on. the cycle keeps going on and i absolutely hate it. update: it's been 5 years ago since i commented this, and i recently just got evaluated and apparently i have traits of BPD. i am now getting treatment for it, for a year.
tragicramen same here.... i got myself in a situation where someones trying to get close to me at 1st it was exciting and fun but now it feels like i'm gonna lose myself and my own freedom i hate it!
I'm the same. I get so scared of being hurt by someone. I'm very cynical of people, especially men. I have either picked people who like me far more than I like them (which ultimately feels safe but unfulfilling) or I simply push people who feel like a better match far away. I know I do it, but can't seem to stop. At a deep level I don't trust people.
Senorita Aurora This might sound too simple. I just had multiple convos with friends about things we know, and maybe want to change and we can do it fairly easily, IF just one friend gives u that tough love. Like we know the choice has to be different but for some weird human glitch reasoning, we sometimes literally need a human to tell us out of their mouth what we already know. So I’m telling you, next relationship that your heart and gut feels 90% good about, rewatch these vids, try to connect, be present, and be happy who you are, and tell them your concerns with past experiences of abandonment. Wether it’s perceived or a deep deep cut. If the person is supposed to be with you, then they’ll love you for it and you’ll be closer. You are worth nothing but a caring heart of you are also a truthful caring heart. Period. Don’t equate your time on anyone ever not giving an F for more than 2 tries. One life. Make it count. You are a beautiful being that has all the tools on you in this life. There really are plenty of fish. Find your inner happy where you’re smiling at yourself, (Self esteem) from being a productive caring human. And the world will provide. Never fear reaching out for help. Even from strangers. Peace and love to you!
Does anyone else feel lonely, even when there around other people? I’m so scared to connect with anyone because I don’t want to get hurt. My fear of being hurt and abandoned has caused me to push away the people I care about. I feel so empty and alone.
Yes. Tbh being lonely with people is worse than alone for me personally. It means they don’t know you well/maybe you aren’t letting them or they’re not trying. It could be anyone or no ones fault but personally I’ll skip a party and hang at home if I think the company might ultimately feel that way.
I don’t know why but I get uncomfortable when I find out someone has feelings for me and I gradually get distant with them. The feeling of being romantically liked by someone just makes me so uncomfortable.
Genisse Franklin What should I do if my friend abandoned me? We were getting romantic and I don't feel like my feelings were respected, I was giving and she was taking. She could never say "I love you" even though I knew I comforted her. I was upset with her and said some mean things. I want her back in my life but I feel it's too late. I feel so hurt.
I have always done this. I was raised in a traumatic environment, I never felt good enough, love was conditional, and I was reminded all the time that everyone was better than me. I would realize I was pushing, apologize, and then push again.
I'm afraid of being abandoned. That's why I like to stay alone. The moment when I see someone is coming closer I feel the need to go away or maybe disappear. It feels what if after knowing me they just leave me.
Alizah Erum yes same I had/still have a crush on someone and we are very good friends but when we discussed our feelings they wanted to stay as friends and I was really hurt so now it’s awkward and I wish we didn’t say anything at all. We can’t even hold a conversation more than 4 sentences :/ it really hurts
In a good healthy closeness relationship it’s possible to have both closeness and freedom as partners and as individuals. It’s knowing you’re free while being in a relationship/closeness but certainly not free if you don’t give closeness a try. It’s a state of mind ❤
Idk I used to be cheerful and friendly and open, but when you associate with a lot of people, you also meet a lot of negative ones. With just enough of them + the fatality of the damage they cause (for some reason I experience disappointment way more intensely than joy) they can really waste your ''social battery'' straight to the end and make you not want to associate with anyone at all.
I know right! I experience disappointment WAY more intensely than joy as well. I think it has to do with dissociation- like, kind of withdrawing or overthinking or backing away from the joyful emotion because of daydreaming. The actual definition of dissociation is “a mental process of disconnecting from one’s thoughts, feelings, memories or sense of identity... “. You disconnect from it at that moment in time. At any moment in time, it’s kind of become a habit for me. It can be experienced through simply daydreaming, or even pushing feelings down, like joy, by overthinking them so that you become nervous or fearful or even relaxed. Like you don’t care at all - whatever emotion, so the joy, or the actual feeling that you are feeling, is less noticeable.
I don't fully understand it myself but I don't really want any friends, I mean I do but I'd rather just have people I can chat with sometimes and can help/confide in each other and be very close with. I feel like I'm so obligated to meet up with people all the time and constantly talk and be interesting, I'm an introvert and have over time become a bit of a lone wolf, I can only manage 2 or 3 friends at a time, but its so draining. I know its selfish but its true and its so much easier to do everything myself and then sometimes sit with or chat with someone. but people just think you're an antisocial weirdo who has no friends, you know?
I can completely relate. For me being with people is draining. It's not that I don't like people nor that I'm an antisocial, it's just that I really need time on my own to recharge becouse for me interacting with people is so energy consumming. When someone comes to talk to me, I really apreciate it, and I really want them to do it but at the same time I'm thinking all the time "Please go". I just can't help it. And I know that people can tell by my body language and it makes me sad because I don't want them to feel rejected because It hasn't anything to do with them.
Same. I mean all that effort and emotional investment you need to put into an actual bonding with someone seems like a legitimate heavy physical work for me at this point. Even worse if they fuck it up or just take it for granted and then it's all for nothing. What a huge waste of energy.
For those who think pushing others away is reducing the risk of being betrayed, think again. You'll end up building walls around yourself, and eventually you'll just be trapped and lonely, for no-one will be able to help you. The only way to find people who will be true to you, is to go outside of your walls and see for yourself. Just don't get to attached to anyone until you know what they're like inside.
Caroline Quinn someone I love brings me snacks & a hug, I go within myself when I am experiencing grief, I’m also very lucky I have a dog who makes me walk outside everyday and a lovely people who stop by to see me because they love me.
I notice I feel like friendships put too much responsibility on me that I cannot handle/keep up with. I feel like others except too much from me and I cannot deliver such as being a consistent communicator.
Pushing people away is one way of avoiding intimacy. In fact, this avoidance can act as a defense mechanism for people afraid of getting hurt in relationships. Even if you think you've healed from a past relationship that ended badly, worries about further rejection might linger in your subconscious.
Some push people away as punishment for when they feel neglected and/Or to gain a sense of autonomy and control when they’ve been unable to control the loneliness they feel
I push away and don't realize that's what I did until a long time afterwards. I can't figure out why I felt that way, I knew I loved them but still kept pushing.
I used to have friends and I used to really want more friends and be really social but now I honsetly feel nothing. I'm not exaggerating but I just dont feel like bothering to even try to talk to people. I dont have any friends anymore and when my old friends try to talk to me I just cant make myself put in the effort.
I just feel all my relationships are temporary and therfore pointless. My grandparents left to New Zealand when I was 5/6 without telling me. I think this adversely effected me
I know I'm weird because I like to talk to people at times when I feel like it, but other than that, I really don't like being around people. I really feel like relationships require too much attention. I like to keep conversations minimal, I don't like giving affection, I don't like being friendly or "nice". Not to say I am mean but I have no interest in others unless I can get some kind of value that benefits me. I know that people believe that's selfish but to me, it's just normal and rational.
I pushed everyone away. Intentionally. I did this completely aware of it and I wanted everyone to be gone. And when they all left I did feel relieved and free. I felt so at peace with myself. But everything just kept getting worse and worse. Now it’s been over a year and I have not had a single social interaction that was not forced or necessary. I am so incredibly lonely. I actually fell into maladaptive daydreaming. Also I now have issues even talking. I just haven’t had anyone to talk to in a year and so I never had the chance to. Now I get anxious and panic whenever I do have to speak in front of anyone. I feel like I can’t breathe. I get so overwhelmed. I struggle with panic attacks. I don’t know what to do. I tried talking to my mother about this as she is the only person in my family I am able to converse with. But she only told me it was my own fault because I was the one who isolated myself and ran away from everyone. She told me those are the consequences of being as asshole and isolating myself. She got so angry at me for being sad about being lonely. I am disgusted by my own self pity. Obviously what she told me is correct, so I can’t go running around whining about this to other people like I did with my mom. But I also know I cannot be with this alone anymore. I don’t see an escape out of this. I don’t know what to do.
One thing that I've found has helped is to be fully still and present in those moments, and let go of as much daily stress as you can, and to do things that get your heart going. I think that when you are used to carrying a lot of emotional stress and then have to suddenly relax all of that tension, it spreads everything too thin, and your body has to readjust itself so that it can let itself be free.
It took many repeated behaviours to get you here. So to get out, it’s gona b the same. Pick something. A behaviour. An action. Decide your gona do that one thing every day. Obv something u stopped doing that was good for you. Even if it feels sh*tty. Do it. (I like walking) After you feel comfortable, choose another. Key is once you decide, there’s no excuses. You do it. You’ll gain confidence that you can come back and not just survive in the real world, but you can thrive. Much love.
My ex girlfriend and I both have abandonment issues. I have no doubt we triggered those issues when we were together. For her, she pushes people away when the two start getting closer and closer to each other. For me, the closer I get to someone, I just want to latch on and never let go. So, our attachment styles might be opposite, but it all boils down to fear of abandonment. I miss her so badly, but it is nice to know that this is why she wishes to keep her distance. It’s better to know that than to make up some story in my mind that she hates me.
I have made some really close friends who I’ve been separated from (moving to another country/ or just another state) and I love them all but I seriously cannot keep the relationship. I suffer from loneliness because of this but whenever my friends actually want to talk, I feel awkward and get annoyed by them. I feel like I’m such a terrible friend but I can’t control it, I think it must have to do with my depression, cause I just push important people I love away.
I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate you and your videos. They have helped me more than you can imagine. Thank you so much, and thank you for being such a beautiful person, inside and out.
I feel so alone and it is in fact my fault and I can't get over the feeling that I am horrible and destroy everything good around me even if it lasts for a little while. I miss the person I used to talk to every minute of every day but now it is so few and far between and I feel so overwhelmed and sad and upset at myself. I wish my dad was here to help me. I wish these old scars would just stop hurting me...they hurt everyday in a way I had no idea they would...I just wonder if my family members that hurt me emotionally even care they did this to me...and then I wonder why do I blame everyone but myself...I'm so confused
I relate to you. I push everything away. Im scared i cant keep an actuall friendship now and now my closest bestfriend is replacing me and i just wish my dad would help me i wish i had a father figure to help me and i dont know what to do anymore, my old friends are all toxic and never have a good talk with me. I dont have anyone and i just wish i would die allready
I push away because of things from my past I am sure. I push people that get too close because they start asking me for money and that tends to happen quite a bit, so I keep some distance to avoid it.
I experienced horrible rejection from someone I loved when I was younger. I'm afraid this has changed my feelings towards relationships as I will not let anyone near me in any romantic way. I will even go as far as telling someone I'm in a relationship even if I'm interested in them. 😔 don't know what to do 😞
Charlie Hill I'm not gonna lie the same thing with me I meet someone and it's all cool and stuff but I guess just because I'm talking to someone I get bad anxiety like idk how to explain just me talking to someone it's gets anxiety idk what it is I'm a colllgee freshman
Stop. Simple as that. Whoever rejected you in the past is not the same person who is standing before you today. You were rejected? Tough. That's life. We've all gone through it. But that's over now. You are reliving it because you chose to. Let it go, it already happened. As long as you keep holding onto the past, you will never move on; you'll remain stuck there. Is that really what you want? If yes, then keep doing what you're doing. If not, then realize and accept that everyone experiences loss; it's a fact of life. Your situation isn't unique in any way. You can choose to be a victim forever or you can choose to understand that these things happen and move on. There is a lot of joy in life but as long as you are focused on the negative that is all you will ever experience. Good luck.
I know this video is old, but I'm shocked at how many people feel the exact same way as I do. Committing to friends and family plans drains me and it feels it's expected to socialize so often but ever since I got married and finished college and am more career-focused now... anything that isn't my husband or my job becomes too overwhelming. Family and friends say they care but then will say things that imply that something is wrong with me... but it's just the kind of person I am. I never had the words before... but now I know how to explain it.
Wish my ex girlfriend was like you ( planning to sel the house). if i may give you 1 example.. Im 32 years of age while she is 31 years old. I got nothing from my side so i worked and saved 25k to buy a house while she got 45k from her parents and only 5k she worked for. I have no mother(belgium) anymore (died 2015 cancer) and my father never looked after us(Nigerian). Tbh i don t know what to do from here. Im stuck and can t rely on nobody. Thnaks for listening
I hope one day I can get to the point where you are! The timing of this video was impeccable. I feel I've been going back and forth from fear to clinging in relationships. so much fear is involved. thanks so much for this video and all the others I've watched. wonderful job!
I start fights out of nowhere, search for reasons for them to leave, tell them the reasons, feel miserable yet that I deserve it, tell them I’m sorry I hurt them and cry all night long. I’m so afraid people will leave I just want to speed up the process so it won’t hit me like a truck.
Me, i push people away because i dont want to be loved, been hurt emotionally and got angry. I figure if im alone i wont get mad. im usually happier when im alone than socializing with others inculding family.
I find that once in a while I have to take breaks from everyone. May it be a few days, weeks or a month. I know it’s selfish to push people away, I don’t want them to be worried for my safety, but somehow I always fall back into the cycle. I just disappear for a while and only come back because I have to. It hurts having your mind as the only company and can drive you nuts, but at the same time whenever I’m with or talk to a friend, I always overthink everything and anything. My thoughts get really toxic to where I’m only hurting myself. So I just leave. It hurts when I’m with or when I’m alone. In the end I only have myself, but in the end I need someone there. It’s extremely hard to find balance.
Wow I closed my eyes, listened to this and cried a very necessary cry. I’ve been bottling a lot of emotions from the past few months from losing my job to recovering from an injury and having to rely on others (feeling like a burden). Then I began to think about my past relationships, friendships and things that hurt me. This video really opened my eyes and now I’m ready to address the things that have hurt me throughout childhood to now
i'm breaking down and have the insane urge to block everyone out of my life and telling myself "you're alone, no one will ever understand you", but i want to change this vicious cycle SO BAD and i stumbled upon your video... thanks for offering calm and straightforward information. i'm still in a panic but this is helping me face my issues...
This is me I push reject ppl away yet I want them in my life , but my fear of abandonment gets in the way after they notice my mental health issues they’ll go away on their own and that it’s more hurtful to me than pushed them away.
I want/do push people away bc of how much they anger me. I have come to the realization that I need to stop making excuses for my friends and family. Bc the more I do the more I start to hate them, and I’m getting to the point where I don’t care if I push away my family and I won’t regret it. But society is so Hellbound on being taught that we need to respect our parents, but for me it’s they have to respect me if they want me to respect them. I don’t care if you’re my parent or not.
Thank you! You don't know this but this was a big problem for me in the past but now I feel I'm improving, and your video helped me do that😌 It means the world to me!
I've been alone for years...friendship and relationship does not last because they take advantage to good people..I am not saying I am a good person I am learning to be me..and push away the bad vibes
I’ve been in nothing but bad relationships. I’ve started and lost three families. The one relationship that I thought was going to last forever, my only marriage, ended because our daughter died on Valentine’s Day in 2005. After the divorce I tried talking to my parents about all of it and my mother interrupted me and told me to “just get over it” instead of simply listening for a minute. My son from a different girl is 18 now and never answers my calls or comes to visit and we use to be very close, at least I thought... I use to be so outgoing, friendly and helpful to everyone. Now I’m a hermit because I’m afraid to get close to anyone else. I’ve tried dating a few times a couple of years ago and I ended up pushing them all away once they got too close. I’ve been a single hermit for nearly two years. I have no friends, no family and no one. I’m kind of torn between enjoying the lack of drama and hating the loneliness.
every time i get close with people, i always get so uncomfortable with myself for some reason and push them away. it’s really sad because i want friends but i can never keep them
Thank you. This is a reflection! I lost the love of my life due to insecurity, fear and falling out of love and I relate to this video in every sense. Thank you! Thank you! I just am speechless ❤️
I have no idea what to do with my depressed "gf" she has pushed me away and ignored my messages, we've been together for a few years and we to a point couldn't live without each other, we had our futures mapped out. It all changed when she started to get clinically depressed (I think she is), she has seen a doctor and is on anti-depressants (as far as I know) but yeah all of this ignoring me isn't helping me at all, like she probably believes this is for the best, but how? It almost seems selfish of her as I am left here broken hearted yet I am meant to be the guy who should support her and be patient with her.
🙁. She just wants better for you . But she actually doesnt want you to leave. At the end let her be her own rescuers or else she can't grow. Wait if ypu can to see if it works if not run away like the wind.
Idk if itll help anyone, but just be kind and supportive. Listen to her needs n be empathetic but also allow her to grow as a person. Build a level of trust so the pushing away doesn't happen.
I suppose depression makes you chose wrong choices that you regret later on. From what I've heard abt it, it seems, Depression is all around centred about hurting yourself, neglecting everything, pushing people who love you away, life has no joy. Getting out of bed is a chore. doing all this, because you told yourself, that you deserve nothing, but maybe be hated. That's a very tough and dark place to be in. I'm not a professional, but maybe stay with her, support her, be there for her, care for her, if she's like "it's all pointless" and she stops even trying to see her therapist, maybe encourage her to continue going to therapy, try your best to show her, that she shouldn't make herself small, that she deserves more than this. Don't just bail, I bet she's gonna take that to heart. But in the end you should also do what you feel is right. But if her mental health worsens, but you want to leave, try to get it at least a little bit up again and maybe make sure she's save, y'know, before you talk about breaking up and going separate ways, because heart break hurts like hell, and depression on top of that could push her, where you don't want to push someone, also she might not even know she's acting selfish. I wish you two the best, and that you both somehow get out of this dark place
i sometimes dont even understand myself.one moment im all talkative and all the next im down and there is no good reason for that. but qs for friends...i hardly there are any because from what i know everyone think for themselves so there is no point 8t trusting them because you will be suprised by how the show their true colours. rather be alone.
I have no one anymore, I know it's because I struggle with mental health, everyday, the only time I seem to be at true peace is when I am completely isolated in my room. I have convinced myself over time that I am a horrible human being, No not that a "Monster", who doesn't deserve love, for I always end of draining them, breaking them ect. I cannot control myself, I feel bond with anyone and A time bomb starts ticking. My time runs short, I know I will destroy the relationship, sometimes it takes mouths, other times it takes just days. I mentally and physically, cannot not operate, long periods of time with other humans, or else I go crazy, yet I wish to be with people, it's a cry in my head, it's quite, when I'm all alone and isolated, I can hear it, I can only shove the feeling off so much.. Finally I give and reach out to make connections, but in the end this endless cycle of pain will continue..
you explain things in a way I wish I could explain it myself. I can barely text because the little girl inside me that was so rejected is flooding my self. thank you again.
I always struggled with my self confidence and fears. I'm still working on it and I'm still very far from getting some results. Funny the timing of this video.. I just met a person recently, after being alone for so long.. I've been hurt from so many friends lately that I'm just on my own all the times.. and I'm scared of letting this new person in, because I had bad experiences with my relationships too..it's very hard to change. But it helps watching your videos Autumn. Reminding us we do have this issues and we HAVE to think and DO something about our issues and NOT hide them into some kind of closet deep in our brain.. I've been watching lots of your videos and I wish many other people would watch them too, but also would understand them and take you as an example. I'd really like to get to know you in person and hug you because you do try your best to help A LOT, and you talk about subjects that so many people want to avoid or they think are silly things.. but for others are very big issues and traumas in life and many of us feel like no one would understand how we feel. And there is when I found your videos. :)
this video was very helpful. as someone with bpd, i find myself very alone and helpless when it comes to relationships because of my disorder. i tend to push people away, and it can be a lot like a rollercoaster ride with those i actually manage to get close to. this had better advice than any of my therapists have ever given me. your videos have always helped me a lot and tend to cheer me up when i'm going through a bad time. thank you very much for making it!
I do that all the time (sighs) chiefly because I don't want to be hurt...physically, mentally, emotionally...and yet...without taking the risk to expose your inner person...one cannot be close to any other...
I can't even pinpoint the "trauma" that makes me act the way that I do towards my girlfriend. We've been together for 4 years and in the past year I just can't stop doing things that push her away. I lover her and want to be with her and she's been very resilient but neither one of us can keep this up. I don't even know where to begin.
Love is a challenge to the miserable. Some ppl you love become cold towards you because you may be showing them too much love. They start thinking they not good enough for you. Or seeing you doing so well and so loving, manifest all the painful memories of how loss they have become. Maybe they not doing well in life, something has cause them to grow thick skin to the world around them. Seeing a free spirited, loving person who chooses to give them attention may scare them when realizing how loss they have become. The tenderness of love causes them to feel weak or vulnerable which makes them see love as a danger to them so they avoids you, becoming cold towards you. Its not your fault, for being a good lover. Its a personal isssue with them, some folks situations have them so hurt to the point they miserable and rather keep that same type of company. Think about it like this, your two different people and at some point will have to go your own way. Maybe when yall together your love makes them feel great and is a good time but when you guys have to seperate, they may have to go face that harsh reality of what ever it is they have grown thick skin towards.
I push people away because so far, when I get to know people and become friends, it’s never as good as it is in my head, it’s never close or intimate enough as what I truly want… so to protect myself from the pain of reality vs. my ideal situation, I push people away.
I became friends and dated a lady for two years before I committed to a proper relationship... When I finally made up my mind to be with her she accepted and we had 2-3 months of real bonding like never before... she then pushed me away very abruptly to have therapy for severe childhood trauma. .. I'm now very sad and I'm unable to even talk to her... to make things worse, I torpedoed things by telling her I'm waiting for her and I love her which has freaked her out big time... its now mid April, I have decided that I will send a message in 6 months... I'm so hurt yet totally understand why she has done this and what she is going through. .. just so hard to deal with zero contact after being so close as friends and more... its been 2 months so far and I've probably cried at least once a day since I was shelved. .. I don't want to move on... I want to be with her.
I do this. I’ve been doing this I realize from when I was a teenager, maybe earlier. I have a friend right now, I haven’t had a friend in such a long time, somebody who knows me and knows about my past. But I find myself pushing them away and I hate myself for it because they don’t deserve it and part of me feels like they would be better off if I wasn’t in their life. I shut down and I stop talking and I treat them unfairly and I really want to stop this because they are a really good friend. I’ve been alone for so long, I don’t want to mess this up.
I'm always there for my "friends" when they need me. But, when I need THEM they dont care. They push me away. They DITCH me. And get mad because I was "too slow" I want a good bsf...someone who wont...ditch me...It makes me really lonely. I feel so worthless...
You write these so well. You eloquently express, inform and educate. I have wondered if you write it out in one sitting or work on it for a while. I have shared your videos with someone who is much older and they have done a ton of self-help/recovery and they were also really impressed with how you are able to make these videos so informal to the public.
I have a lot of trauma associated with people. I used to be a loving, generous person who saw the world in a positive light. Then one day I found out my girlfriend had cheated on me and it completely flattened me. Now I spend most of my time alone and have serious trust issues even with my closest family members. I wish I could just get over it and move on but it feels like it's changed my life for good 😞 ugh
I am very confident, no fear and ain't afraid of standing in the crowd alone. I have been alone most of my life so i don't really feel lonely often i felt lonely being around with friends or with someone more often coz i love my alone time . But I was told I'm good at pushing people away and don't get attach with or anyone too quick and if I started falling deep I end it quick!
The most common reason why I push people away from me is that they overwhelm me with negative energy. Most seem to need some form of psychotherapy. Conversations are reduced to eternal lamentation. I often feel like a trash can with such people. For this reason, I completely distance myself from them.
Very helpful video. Thank you so much for posting this. You said just the words I needed to hear, to continue my journey of facing my fears of letting others get close. Thank you so much! ❤️
My trust is dead. I feel people have very ill intentions and I get extremely paranoid and think that everyone is out to get me. I wish I could push that away. But I don’t wanna be so naïve. I’m opening up over here, but I’m so vulnerable around other people.
I thought I had a very close, tight knit, circle around me. After things that happened to me when I was young I thought I had experienced the worst life had to.offer and trying to be positive I would learn from those events and nobody could ever hurt me like that again. I never let those events dictate my life. What wad traumatic was when I was over the issues and opened up to the closest people around me and they couldn't deal with it and left me. Those closest to me, when confronted, rather than save a life, they turned away and ignored my pleas for help.
One of OR the best life changing video I’ve ever watched. THANK YOU! You genuinely, presently, heartfully, simplified a convo I just had with a fairly known Dr. friend of mine who I met by rescuing them as a Lifeguard 20 plus years ago. You are magnificent, and brilliant beyond. You just made multiple profound clicks and understanding channel changes in my mind. I literally feel like I just won the lottery with serendipitously coming across this video after the talk I just had. You made so many points that I never knew existed, clear as glass. I’m blown away, Thank You for patiently selflessly breaking it down and giving new eyes as a tool is truly priceless. You are wonderful!!! And you have beautiful calming genuine present caring energy. Thank you! I’ll never forget this. #profoundlygrateful #thensome #thankyou
I’m in a relationship with an amazing sweet guy, I have been pushing him away because of my traumas and emotional issues and yet he still loves me and will not leave no matter what. So it makes me feel as though i don’t deserve his love because it’s just to comfort me and not true and the more I push him the more I am afraid he will actually leave. I feel so lonely even though he’s supportive and i just want out of this grey cloud.
I can stress enough how much this video was needed. Its like God himself was speaking through you to me. I'm in tears right now and for the first time in a while im letting them pour❤. I prayed a lot today and told God that I'd like for him to just read my heart and concerns about things because I couldn't tell him how i felt in words. I just had my srs. Or correction surgery i like to say early this year 2019. Im in my 20s and im " passable" stealth young woman who who lives in a small town. I'm probably the only Native American here lol but I have pushed people away and someone that seems like the perfect man for me has come back into my life and I've pushed him away because of me not feeling im where i need to be at. Anyways...this video was a conformation that God always knows my heart. ❤
I'm at a point where I realized I never had true friends my whole life. I've had people who acted like they were but they were never there at my worst and best. I've been seeking validation my whole life and for what? My entire life I felt like I was a supporting character in my so called friends lives. My ex was like that as well, he was never there for me nor supportive. So I dont feel guilty for pushing people away. I'd rather work on being my best self before allowing new people in my life.
Good. Video. I’d never thought that the fear of not being good enough would push people away. Im in love with a woman who feels like this. She would get really mad when I’d buy her things from time to time. So I’ve learned to give her lots of space, be consistent, listen and I have a ton of patience. She’s slowly changing the difference in her is incredible to watch. It’s been a year so far but I’m willing to stay the course.
not me deciding to watch something like this bcs of him. i kept pushing him away and just now, i felt guilty about it, about how it's affecting him. i realized that i was obliviously making him responsible of healing this side of me - this trauma. and that's unfair. and so i'm doing this and some self-reflection bcs he doesn't deserve to be pushed away. i need to grow and heal for our relationship to be easier and for me to handle my future relationships easier.
My ex fiancé did this to me over and over again.... and as angry as it makes me, I kind of get it now. But she ended up giving up the best thing that could have been because of her past.
it's easy to say "let people in to your heart", but doing so just devastates me and leads to chronic suicidal thoughts. when i let people into my heart it triggers my attachment trauma and then i always end up disappointed and hating myself because i have unrealistic expectations. i have been in therapy for a few years and it still happens every time. i fear i will never be able to undo due this and keep repeating the cycle. i honestly have no idea how people with C-PTSD ever heal enough to let people into their heart without ending up suicidal. i want to enmesh because that's what i was taught but also what was denied to me. i don't think it can ever get better.
i'm honestly so confused with myself. when i always think about how lonely i am, i start wishing for close friendships & relationships. but when someone new comes to me, i push them away and feel bad about it later on. the cycle keeps going on and i absolutely hate it.
update: it's been 5 years ago since i commented this, and i recently just got evaluated and apparently i have traits of BPD. i am now getting treatment for it, for a year.
tragicramen me too
tragicramen same here.... i got myself in a situation where someones trying to get close to me at 1st it was exciting and fun but now it feels like i'm gonna lose myself and my own freedom i hate it!
Me too :(
I'm the same. I get so scared of being hurt by someone. I'm very cynical of people, especially men. I have either picked people who like me far more than I like them (which ultimately feels safe but unfulfilling) or I simply push people who feel like a better match far away. I know I do it, but can't seem to stop. At a deep level I don't trust people.
Senorita Aurora This might sound too simple. I just had multiple convos with friends about things we know, and maybe want to change and we can do it fairly easily, IF just one friend gives u that tough love. Like we know the choice has to be different but for some weird human glitch reasoning, we sometimes literally need a human to tell us out of their mouth what we already know. So I’m telling you, next relationship that your heart and gut feels 90% good about, rewatch these vids, try to connect, be present, and be happy who you are, and tell them your concerns with past experiences of abandonment. Wether it’s perceived or a deep deep cut. If the person is supposed to be with you, then they’ll love you for it and you’ll be closer. You are worth nothing but a caring heart of you are also a truthful caring heart. Period. Don’t equate your time on anyone ever not giving an F for more than 2 tries. One life. Make it count. You are a beautiful being that has all the tools on you in this life. There really are plenty of fish. Find your inner happy where you’re smiling at yourself, (Self esteem) from being a productive caring human. And the world will provide. Never fear reaching out for help. Even from strangers. Peace and love to you!
Does anyone else feel lonely, even when there around other people? I’m so scared to connect with anyone because I don’t want to get hurt. My fear of being hurt and abandoned has caused me to push away the people I care about. I feel so empty and alone.
Am
i feel this all the time
Your not alone bud !
Feeling alone when you're around people is the worse than being alone
Yes. Tbh being lonely with people is worse than alone for me personally. It means they don’t know you well/maybe you aren’t letting them or they’re not trying. It could be anyone or no ones fault but personally I’ll skip a party and hang at home if I think the company might ultimately feel that way.
I don’t know why but I get uncomfortable when I find out someone has feelings for me and I gradually get distant with them. The feeling of being romantically liked by someone just makes me so uncomfortable.
Interesting, I'll try to remember to not tell people that I like them without making sure they dont have problems like that 🔎
same 😅 there are so many times where someone tells me they like me and I start talking to them less
It gets awkward as hell !! So true 🥺
Omg sameeeee i dont know why😭
Same
I push people away because I'm scared to hurt them. :(
Allie Hagan SAME
Well atleast it’s not vice versa
me too. i always do. i’m here if you need to talk.
Me too
I’d kill to be in your position. You have all the power. I hate being in the other position
Sometimes I push people away cuz I am afraid of getting hurt
Genisse Franklin What should I do if my friend abandoned me? We were getting romantic and I don't feel like my feelings were respected, I was giving and she was taking. She could never say "I love you" even though I knew I comforted her. I was upset with her and said some mean things. I want her back in my life but I feel it's too late. I feel so hurt.
Story of my life
Me also.
Exactly thats the main thing
Me too man
I have always done this. I was raised in a traumatic environment, I never felt good enough, love was conditional, and I was reminded all the time that everyone was better than me. I would realize I was pushing, apologize, and then push again.
R.S. Ray-ez yes!!! Totally agree
Can this be fixed
Can you give an example how this could look like? I also think I am doing this but I am not 100 % sure.
I'm afraid of being abandoned. That's why I like to stay alone. The moment when I see someone is coming closer I feel the need to go away or maybe disappear. It feels what if after knowing me they just leave me.
hazel star Same here! You’re not alone
Alizah Erum yes same I had/still have a crush on someone and we are very good friends but when we discussed our feelings they wanted to stay as friends and I was really hurt so now it’s awkward and I wish we didn’t say anything at all. We can’t even hold a conversation more than 4 sentences :/ it really hurts
I swear that’s so me
Same and to be honest its more painful when u really experience what u thought it might be.
True. I push people away because I am afraid after getting to know me they will leave me.
My God that’s me to a t. I feel the SAME
Way.
I grew up hearing this from my siblings and my parents.
😭 ME TOO
♥️
In a good healthy closeness relationship it’s possible to have both closeness and freedom as partners and as individuals. It’s knowing you’re free while being in a relationship/closeness but certainly not free if you don’t give closeness a try. It’s a state of mind ❤
Idk I used to be cheerful and friendly and open, but when you associate with a lot of people, you also meet a lot of negative ones. With just enough of them + the fatality of the damage they cause (for some reason I experience disappointment way more intensely than joy) they can really waste your ''social battery'' straight to the end and make you not want to associate with anyone at all.
Ageless Dinosaur I'm experiencing that too, and honestly it's so frustrating
Exactly me
Sameee
You have Borderline Personality Disorder. Google it.
I know right! I experience disappointment WAY more intensely than joy as well. I think it has to do with dissociation- like, kind of withdrawing or overthinking or backing away from the joyful emotion because of daydreaming. The actual definition of dissociation is “a mental process of disconnecting from one’s thoughts, feelings, memories or sense of identity... “. You disconnect from it at that moment in time. At any moment in time, it’s kind of become a habit for me. It can be experienced through simply daydreaming, or even pushing feelings down, like joy, by overthinking them so that you become nervous or fearful or even relaxed. Like you don’t care at all - whatever emotion, so the joy, or the actual feeling that you are feeling, is less noticeable.
I don't fully understand it myself but I don't really want any friends, I mean I do but I'd rather just have people I can chat with sometimes and can help/confide in each other and be very close with. I feel like I'm so obligated to meet up with people all the time and constantly talk and be interesting, I'm an introvert and have over time become a bit of a lone wolf, I can only manage 2 or 3 friends at a time, but its so draining. I know its selfish but its true and its so much easier to do everything myself and then sometimes sit with or chat with someone. but people just think you're an antisocial weirdo who has no friends, you know?
Me too! It wasn't always this way. Isolation just feels so comfortable right now.
I can completely relate. For me being with people is draining. It's not that I don't like people nor that I'm an antisocial, it's just that I really need time on my own to recharge becouse for me interacting with people is so energy consumming. When someone comes to talk to me, I really apreciate it, and I really want them to do it but at the same time I'm thinking all the time "Please go". I just can't help it. And I know that people can tell by my body language and it makes me sad because I don't want them to feel rejected because It hasn't anything to do with them.
i have rhe same issue but i think it comes down to the ability to truly listen
Same. I mean all that effort and emotional investment you need to put into an actual bonding with someone seems like a legitimate heavy physical work for me at this point. Even worse if they fuck it up or just take it for granted and then it's all for nothing. What a huge waste of energy.
same
For those who think pushing others away is reducing the risk of being betrayed, think again. You'll end up building walls around yourself, and eventually you'll just be trapped and lonely, for no-one will be able to help you. The only way to find people who will be true to you, is to go outside of your walls and see for yourself. Just don't get to attached to anyone until you know what they're like inside.
I'm so scared that people will leave me or hurt me so I push them away but at the same time I feel alone I HATE IT
Is there anything anyone can do to get close to you? Someone i care about is pushing me away and its hurts so much. X
Caroline Quinn someone I love brings me snacks & a hug, I go within myself when I am experiencing grief, I’m also very lucky I have a dog who makes me walk outside everyday and a lovely people who stop by to see me because they love me.
I'm an antisocial extrovert.
me to
someone finally gets it lmao
add me on snapchat if you want, key.russell
People suck
@@KeyyRussell Get em KEy!
I always get angry at people and snap, then push them away. Even if they forgive me, I don’t want to lash out at them again. So I push them all away.
I notice I feel like friendships put too much responsibility on me that I cannot handle/keep up with. I feel like others except too much from me and I cannot deliver such as being a consistent communicator.
♥️
Pushing people away is one way of avoiding intimacy. In fact, this avoidance can act as a defense mechanism for people afraid of getting hurt in relationships. Even if you think you've healed from a past relationship that ended badly, worries about further rejection might linger in your subconscious.
I block everyone, I love them but I don’t want them to bring meaning into my life I don’t want them to make me feel happy IDK WHY
Circumstances make us that way.
Some push people away as punishment for when they feel neglected and/Or to gain a sense of autonomy and control when they’ve been unable to control the loneliness they feel
I push away and don't realize that's what I did until a long time afterwards. I can't figure out why I felt that way, I knew I loved them but still kept pushing.
it drains me to talk to people or date someone like I can’t I get so tired of them but still be loving them at the same time
I used to have friends and I used to really want more friends and be really social but now I honsetly feel nothing. I'm not exaggerating but I just dont feel like bothering to even try to talk to people. I dont have any friends anymore and when my old friends try to talk to me I just cant make myself put in the effort.
Literally the same and idk what to do :/
I only push friends away who take advantage of me. I only keep those friends who care for me.
same
applause cuz u know what's up
I bet you are super delusional when it comes to who really cares about you or not.
Gaming Jojo nobody cares for me :'(
Thomas Baron
Deep down, you know that's not true
I just feel all my relationships are temporary and therfore pointless. My grandparents left to New Zealand when I was 5/6 without telling me. I think this adversely effected me
I know I'm weird because I like to talk to people at times when I feel like it, but other than that, I really don't like being around people. I really feel like relationships require too much attention. I like to keep conversations minimal, I don't like giving affection, I don't like being friendly or "nice". Not to say I am mean but I have no interest in others unless I can get some kind of value that benefits me. I know that people believe that's selfish but to me, it's just normal and rational.
You're a classic Narcissist. Google it. Not judging, just trying to provide guidance so you can understand yourself.
@@NewYorkNadia lol.
Whoa this is exactly how I feel, sometimes I think I’m bipolar or that something is very wrong with me...
You’re what’s wrong with the world.
typical wank You know if I was sucidal that would have pushed me to kill myself.... lucky for me I’m not 😂
I don't know why i push people away. I just put up a wall and typically only show the happy side of me, i'm scared of being intimate with others...
I pushed everyone away. Intentionally. I did this completely aware of it and I wanted everyone to be gone. And when they all left I did feel relieved and free. I felt so at peace with myself. But everything just kept getting worse and worse. Now it’s been over a year and I have not had a single social interaction that was not forced or necessary. I am so incredibly lonely. I actually fell into maladaptive daydreaming. Also I now have issues even talking. I just haven’t had anyone to talk to in a year and so I never had the chance to. Now I get anxious and panic whenever I do have to speak in front of anyone. I feel like I can’t breathe. I get so overwhelmed. I struggle with panic attacks. I don’t know what to do. I tried talking to my mother about this as she is the only person in my family I am able to converse with. But she only told me it was my own fault because I was the one who isolated myself and ran away from everyone. She told me those are the consequences of being as asshole and isolating myself. She got so angry at me for being sad about being lonely.
I am disgusted by my own self pity. Obviously what she told me is correct, so I can’t go running around whining about this to other people like I did with my mom. But I also know I cannot be with this alone anymore. I don’t see an escape out of this. I don’t know what to do.
One thing that I've found has helped is to be fully still and present in those moments, and let go of as much daily stress as you can, and to do things that get your heart going. I think that when you are used to carrying a lot of emotional stress and then have to suddenly relax all of that tension, it spreads everything too thin, and your body has to readjust itself so that it can let itself be free.
Talk to a therapist. Counsellor. It may feel like they won’t understand but they will. Try it ♥️
You can heal this. I promise.
It took many repeated behaviours to get you here. So to get out, it’s gona b the same. Pick something. A behaviour. An action. Decide your gona do that one thing every day. Obv something u stopped doing that was good for you. Even if it feels sh*tty. Do it. (I like walking) After you feel comfortable, choose another. Key is once you decide, there’s no excuses. You do it. You’ll gain confidence that you can come back and not just survive in the real world, but you can thrive. Much love.
My ex girlfriend and I both have abandonment issues. I have no doubt we triggered those issues when we were together. For her, she pushes people away when the two start getting closer and closer to each other. For me, the closer I get to someone, I just want to latch on and never let go. So, our attachment styles might be opposite, but it all boils down to fear of abandonment. I miss her so badly, but it is nice to know that this is why she wishes to keep her distance. It’s better to know that than to make up some story in my mind that she hates me.
I have made some really close friends who I’ve been separated from (moving to another country/ or just another state) and I love them all but I seriously cannot keep the relationship. I suffer from loneliness because of this but whenever my friends actually want to talk, I feel awkward and get annoyed by them. I feel like I’m such a terrible friend but I can’t control it, I think it must have to do with my depression, cause I just push important people I love away.
I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate you and your videos. They have helped me more than you can imagine. Thank you so much, and thank you for being such a beautiful person, inside and out.
Truueeeee
I feel so alone and it is in fact my fault and I can't get over the feeling that I am horrible and destroy everything good around me even if it lasts for a little while. I miss the person I used to talk to every minute of every day but now it is so few and far between and I feel so overwhelmed and sad and upset at myself. I wish my dad was here to help me. I wish these old scars would just stop hurting me...they hurt everyday in a way I had no idea they would...I just wonder if my family members that hurt me emotionally even care they did this to me...and then I wonder why do I blame everyone but myself...I'm so confused
So damn relatable.. Take care i wish better days ahead for you❤
I relate to you. I push everything away. Im scared i cant keep an actuall friendship now and now my closest bestfriend is replacing me and i just wish my dad would help me i wish i had a father figure to help me and i dont know what to do anymore, my old friends are all toxic and never have a good talk with me. I dont have anyone and i just wish i would die allready
Yet im scared of death
♥️
I push away because of things from my past I am sure. I push people that get too close because they start asking me for money and that tends to happen quite a bit, so I keep some distance to avoid it.
I experienced horrible rejection from someone I loved when I was younger. I'm afraid this has changed my feelings towards relationships as I will not let anyone near me in any romantic way. I will even go as far as telling someone I'm in a relationship even if I'm interested in them. 😔 don't know what to do 😞
Charlie Hill I'm not gonna lie the same thing with me I meet someone and it's all cool and stuff but I guess just because I'm talking to someone I get bad anxiety like idk how to explain just me talking to someone it's gets anxiety idk what it is I'm a colllgee freshman
Stop. Simple as that. Whoever rejected you in the past is not the same person who is standing before you today. You were rejected? Tough. That's life. We've all gone through it. But that's over now. You are reliving it because you chose to. Let it go, it already happened. As long as you keep holding onto the past, you will never move on; you'll remain stuck there. Is that really what you want? If yes, then keep doing what you're doing. If not, then realize and accept that everyone experiences loss; it's a fact of life. Your situation isn't unique in any way. You can choose to be a victim forever or you can choose to understand that these things happen and move on. There is a lot of joy in life but as long as you are focused on the negative that is all you will ever experience. Good luck.
I know this video is old, but I'm shocked at how many people feel the exact same way as I do. Committing to friends and family plans drains me and it feels it's expected to socialize so often but ever since I got married and finished college and am more career-focused now... anything that isn't my husband or my job becomes too overwhelming. Family and friends say they care but then will say things that imply that something is wrong with me... but it's just the kind of person I am. I never had the words before... but now I know how to explain it.
Wish my ex girlfriend was like you ( planning to sel the house). if i may give you 1 example.. Im 32 years of age while she is 31 years old. I got nothing from my side so i worked and saved 25k to buy a house while she got 45k from her parents and only 5k she worked for. I have no mother(belgium) anymore (died 2015 cancer) and my father never looked after us(Nigerian). Tbh i don t know what to do from here. Im stuck and can t rely on nobody. Thnaks for listening
Wow. This brought tears to my eyes. Exactly what I needed to hear. It all makes sense. Thank you
There's only so much pushing one can take. Do it enough and they finally just leave, or get pushed into someone else's arms.
I hope one day I can get to the point where you are! The timing of this video was impeccable. I feel I've been going back and forth from fear to clinging in relationships. so much fear is involved. thanks so much for this video and all the others I've watched. wonderful job!
I start fights out of nowhere, search for reasons for them to leave, tell them the reasons, feel miserable yet that I deserve it, tell them I’m sorry I hurt them and cry all night long. I’m so afraid people will leave I just want to speed up the process so it won’t hit me like a truck.
♥️
I push people away because I'm a piece of shit lmao
Me, i push people away because i dont want to be loved, been hurt emotionally and got angry. I figure if im alone i wont get mad. im usually happier when im alone than socializing with others inculding family.
I find that once in a while I have to take breaks from everyone. May it be a few days, weeks or a month. I know it’s selfish to push people away, I don’t want them to be worried for my safety, but somehow I always fall back into the cycle. I just disappear for a while and only come back because I have to. It hurts having your mind as the only company and can drive you nuts, but at the same time whenever I’m with or talk to a friend, I always overthink everything and anything. My thoughts get really toxic to where I’m only hurting myself. So I just leave. It hurts when I’m with or when I’m alone. In the end I only have myself, but in the end I need someone there. It’s extremely hard to find balance.
Goodness Autumn, you describe me so perfectly it's as if we have been friends for years..I need to self reflect.
Wow I closed my eyes, listened to this and cried a very necessary cry. I’ve been bottling a lot of emotions from the past few months from losing my job to recovering from an injury and having to rely on others (feeling like a burden). Then I began to think about my past relationships, friendships and things that hurt me. This video really opened my eyes and now I’m ready to address the things that have hurt me throughout childhood to now
i'm breaking down and have the insane urge to block everyone out of my life and telling myself "you're alone, no one will ever understand you", but i want to change this vicious cycle SO BAD and i stumbled upon your video... thanks for offering calm and straightforward information. i'm still in a panic but this is helping me face my issues...
We are all so much more similar than we realize. Fear tells us otherwise. ♥️
This is me I push reject ppl away yet I want them in my life , but my fear of abandonment gets in the way after they notice my mental health issues they’ll go away on their own and that it’s more hurtful to me than pushed them away.
Autumn looks especially beautiful in this video. It gives me kind of a late summer vibe cause of the dress/shirt. :D
I don't like new people because eventually I "fall in love" if you could even call it that, when in reality it's just a friend being friendly
I want/do push people away bc of how much they anger me. I have come to the realization that I need to stop making excuses for my friends and family. Bc the more I do the more I start to hate them, and I’m getting to the point where I don’t care if I push away my family and I won’t regret it. But society is so Hellbound on being taught that we need to respect our parents, but for me it’s they have to respect me if they want me to respect them. I don’t care if you’re my parent or not.
Thank you! You don't know this but this was a big problem for me in the past but now I feel I'm improving, and your video helped me do that😌 It means the world to me!
I've been alone for years...friendship and relationship does not last because they take advantage to good people..I am not saying I am a good person I am learning to be me..and push away the bad vibes
I’ve been in nothing but bad relationships. I’ve started and lost three families. The one relationship that I thought was going to last forever, my only marriage, ended because our daughter died on Valentine’s Day in 2005. After the divorce I tried talking to my parents about all of it and my mother interrupted me and told me to “just get over it” instead of simply listening for a minute.
My son from a different girl is 18 now and never answers my calls or comes to visit and we use to be very close, at least I thought...
I use to be so outgoing, friendly and helpful to everyone. Now I’m a hermit because I’m afraid to get close to anyone else. I’ve tried dating a few times a couple of years ago and I ended up pushing them all away once they got too close.
I’ve been a single hermit for nearly two years. I have no friends, no family and no one.
I’m kind of torn between enjoying the lack of drama and hating the loneliness.
♥️
I’m Sorry🌺
every time i get close with people, i always get so uncomfortable with myself for some reason and push them away. it’s really sad because i want friends but i can never keep them
Thank you. This is a reflection! I lost the love of my life due to insecurity, fear and falling out of love and I relate to this video in every sense. Thank you! Thank you! I just am speechless ❤️
I have no idea what to do with my depressed "gf" she has pushed me away and ignored my messages, we've been together for a few years and we to a point couldn't live without each other, we had our futures mapped out. It all changed when she started to get clinically depressed (I think she is), she has seen a doctor and is on anti-depressants (as far as I know) but yeah all of this ignoring me isn't helping me at all, like she probably believes this is for the best, but how? It almost seems selfish of her as I am left here broken hearted yet I am meant to be the guy who should support her and be patient with her.
🙁. She just wants better for you . But she actually doesnt want you to leave. At the end let her be her own rescuers or else she can't grow. Wait if ypu can to see if it works if not run away like the wind.
Idk if itll help anyone, but just be kind and supportive. Listen to her needs n be empathetic but also allow her to grow as a person. Build a level of trust so the pushing away doesn't happen.
I suppose depression makes you chose wrong choices that you regret later on. From what I've heard abt it, it seems, Depression is all around centred about hurting yourself, neglecting everything, pushing people who love you away, life has no joy. Getting out of bed is a chore. doing all this, because you told yourself, that you deserve nothing, but maybe be hated.
That's a very tough and dark place to be in. I'm not a professional, but maybe stay with her, support her, be there for her, care for her, if she's like "it's all pointless" and she stops even trying to see her therapist, maybe encourage her to continue going to therapy, try your best to show her, that she shouldn't make herself small, that she deserves more than this. Don't just bail, I bet she's gonna take that to heart. But in the end you should also do what you feel is right. But if her mental health worsens, but you want to leave, try to get it at least a little bit up again and maybe make sure she's save, y'know, before you talk about breaking up and going separate ways, because heart break hurts like hell, and depression on top of that could push her, where you don't want to push someone, also she might not even know she's acting selfish. I wish you two the best, and that you both somehow get out of this dark place
Some friends are toxic and have no place in one's life. How can you stand someone who keeps on putting you down?
i sometimes dont even understand myself.one moment im all talkative and all the next im down and there is no good reason for that. but qs for friends...i hardly there are any because from what i know everyone think for themselves so there is no point 8t trusting them because you will be suprised by how the show their true colours. rather be alone.
I find difficult trusting people... very difficult.
Me also.
same bro lucky for me i can survive a long time without having anotheir presence.
I have no one anymore, I know it's because I struggle with mental health, everyday, the only time I seem to be at true peace is when I am completely isolated in my room.
I have convinced myself over time that I am a horrible human being, No not that a "Monster", who doesn't deserve love, for I always end of draining them, breaking them ect. I cannot control myself, I feel bond with anyone and A time bomb starts ticking. My time runs short, I know I will destroy the relationship, sometimes it takes mouths, other times it takes just days. I mentally and physically, cannot not operate, long periods of time with other humans, or else I go crazy, yet I wish to be with people, it's a cry in my head, it's quite, when I'm all alone and isolated, I can hear it, I can only shove the feeling off so much.. Finally I give and reach out to make connections, but in the end this endless cycle of pain will continue..
you explain things in a way I wish I could explain it myself. I can barely text because the little girl inside me that was so rejected is flooding my self. thank you again.
I always struggled with my self confidence and fears. I'm still working on it and I'm still very far from getting some results. Funny the timing of this video.. I just met a person recently, after being alone for so long.. I've been hurt from so many friends lately that I'm just on my own all the times.. and I'm scared of letting this new person in, because I had bad experiences with my relationships too..it's very hard to change. But it helps watching your videos Autumn. Reminding us we do have this issues and we HAVE to think and DO something about our issues and NOT hide them into some kind of closet deep in our brain.. I've been watching lots of your videos and I wish many other people would watch them too, but also would understand them and take you as an example. I'd really like to get to know you in person and hug you because you do try your best to help A LOT, and you talk about subjects that so many people want to avoid or they think are silly things.. but for others are very big issues and traumas in life and many of us feel like no one would understand how we feel. And there is when I found your videos. :)
I definitely can see parts of myself in this, thanks so much for this video!!
this video was very helpful. as someone with bpd, i find myself very alone and helpless when it comes to relationships because of my disorder. i tend to push people away, and it can be a lot like a rollercoaster ride with those i actually manage to get close to. this had better advice than any of my therapists have ever given me. your videos have always helped me a lot and tend to cheer me up when i'm going through a bad time. thank you very much for making it!
Beautiful. Deep. Well explained. Well worded. Engaged. I could go on and on and on. Thank you Autumn :) xo
I do that all the time (sighs) chiefly because I don't want to be hurt...physically, mentally, emotionally...and yet...without taking the risk to expose your inner person...one cannot be close to any other...
I can't even pinpoint the "trauma" that makes me act the way that I do towards my girlfriend. We've been together for 4 years and in the past year I just can't stop doing things that push her away. I lover her and want to be with her and she's been very resilient but neither one of us can keep this up. I don't even know where to begin.
Love is a challenge to the miserable. Some ppl you love become cold towards you because you may be showing them too much love. They start thinking they not good enough for you. Or seeing you doing so well and so loving, manifest all the painful memories of how loss they have become. Maybe they not doing well in life, something has cause them to grow thick skin to the world around them.
Seeing a free spirited, loving person who chooses to give them attention may scare them when realizing how loss they have become. The tenderness of love causes them to feel weak or vulnerable which makes them see love as a danger to them so they avoids you, becoming cold towards you. Its not your fault, for being a good lover. Its a personal isssue with them, some folks situations have them so hurt to the point they miserable and rather keep that same type of company.
Think about it like this, your two different people and at some point will have to go your own way. Maybe when yall together your love makes them feel great and is a good time but when you guys have to seperate, they may have to go face that harsh reality of what ever it is they have grown thick skin towards.
I push people away because so far, when I get to know people and become friends, it’s never as good as it is in my head, it’s never close or intimate enough as what I truly want… so to protect myself from the pain of reality vs. my ideal situation, I push people away.
Sometimes I push people away/keep them at arms’s length, because I sometimes find the emotional investment exhausting.
I became friends and dated a lady for two years before I committed to a proper relationship... When I finally made up my mind to be with her she accepted and we had 2-3 months of real bonding like never before... she then pushed me away very abruptly to have therapy for severe childhood trauma. ..
I'm now very sad and I'm unable to even talk to her... to make things worse, I torpedoed things by telling her I'm waiting for her and I love her which has freaked her out big time... its now mid April, I have decided that I will send a message in 6 months... I'm so hurt yet totally understand why she has done this and what she is going through. .. just so hard to deal with zero contact after being so close as friends and more... its been 2 months so far and I've probably cried at least once a day since I was shelved. .. I don't want to move on... I want to be with her.
I don't know about anyone else, but whenever I see a new video by Autumn, I drop what I'm doing on watch it immediately.
I'm too open with my life and people push me away. I don't trust people who don't trust people.
I do this. I’ve been doing this I realize from when I was a teenager, maybe earlier. I have a friend right now, I haven’t had a friend in such a long time, somebody who knows me and knows about my past. But I find myself pushing them away and I hate myself for it because they don’t deserve it and part of me feels like they would be better off if I wasn’t in their life. I shut down and I stop talking and I treat them unfairly and I really want to stop this because they are a really good friend. I’ve been alone for so long, I don’t want to mess this up.
I'm always there for my "friends" when they need me. But, when I need THEM they dont care. They push me away. They DITCH me. And get mad because I was "too slow" I want a good bsf...someone who wont...ditch me...It makes me really lonely. I feel so worthless...
You write these so well. You eloquently express, inform and educate. I have wondered if you write it out in one sitting or work on it for a while. I have shared your videos with someone who is much older and they have done a ton of self-help/recovery and they were also really impressed with how you are able to make these videos so informal to the public.
I have a lot of trauma associated with people. I used to be a loving, generous person who saw the world in a positive light. Then one day I found out my girlfriend had cheated on me and it completely flattened me. Now I spend most of my time alone and have serious trust issues even with my closest family members. I wish I could just get over it and move on but it feels like it's changed my life for good 😞 ugh
I am very confident, no fear and ain't afraid of standing in the crowd alone. I have been alone most of my life so i don't really feel lonely often i felt lonely being around with friends or with someone more often coz i love my alone time . But I was told I'm good at pushing people away and don't get attach with or anyone too quick and if I started falling deep I end it quick!
It's called "Dismissive Avoidant." It is an attachment disorder that results from childhood.
The most common reason why I push people away from me is that they overwhelm me with negative energy. Most seem to need some form of psychotherapy. Conversations are reduced to eternal lamentation. I often feel like a trash can with such people. For this reason, I completely distance myself from them.
I'm avoidant attachment. Too many people have left me, now I protect myself.
Very helpful video. Thank you so much for posting this. You said just the words I needed to hear, to continue my journey of facing my fears of letting others get close. Thank you so much! ❤️
My trust is dead. I feel people have very ill intentions and I get extremely paranoid and think that everyone is out to get me.
I wish I could push that away. But I don’t wanna be so naïve. I’m opening up over here, but I’m so vulnerable around other people.
I don’t trust no one with me, I’m very fragile.
I thought I had a very close, tight knit, circle around me. After things that happened to me when I was young I thought I had experienced the worst life had to.offer and trying to be positive I would learn from those events and nobody could ever hurt me like that again. I never let those events dictate my life. What wad traumatic was when I was over the issues and opened up to the closest people around me and they couldn't deal with it and left me. Those closest to me, when confronted, rather than save a life, they turned away and ignored my pleas for help.
i literally want a deep connection and seek it yet when i have it its like i take advantage of it
when i'm depressed i really don't wanna drag others into my sorrow. i don't feel like they want that.
Honestly I stumbled onto your video and I SERIOUSLY needed to hear this. Greatly appreciated.
One of OR the best life changing video I’ve ever watched. THANK YOU! You genuinely, presently, heartfully, simplified a convo I just had with a fairly known Dr. friend of mine who I met by rescuing them as a Lifeguard 20 plus years ago. You are magnificent, and brilliant beyond. You just made multiple profound clicks and understanding channel changes in my mind. I literally feel like I just won the lottery with serendipitously coming across this video after the talk I just had. You made so many points that I never knew existed, clear as glass. I’m blown away, Thank You for patiently selflessly breaking it down and giving new eyes as a tool is truly priceless. You are wonderful!!! And you have beautiful calming genuine present caring energy. Thank you! I’ll never forget this. #profoundlygrateful #thensome #thankyou
I’m in a relationship with an amazing sweet guy, I have been pushing him away because of my traumas and emotional issues and yet he still loves me and will not leave no matter what. So it makes me feel as though i don’t deserve his love because it’s just to comfort me and not true and the more I push him the more I am afraid he will actually leave. I feel so lonely even though he’s supportive and i just want out of this grey cloud.
i push people away especially when i start catching feelings for a guy and i know im gonna like them even more.
I spent 5 minutes watching an ad about attachment styles not knowing it was an ad because.. its literally the video
The thing that makes it the hardest for me to not push people away, is that when it happens I don't even realize I'm pushing them away until later
Everyone always disappointing me , better push em away. I'm not worry, it's just a feeling it will go away
I can stress enough how much this video was needed. Its like God himself was speaking through you to me. I'm in tears right now and for the first time in a while im letting them pour❤. I prayed a lot today and told God that I'd like for him to just read my heart and concerns about things because I couldn't tell him how i felt in words. I just had my srs. Or correction surgery i like to say early this year 2019. Im in my 20s and im " passable" stealth young woman who who lives in a small town. I'm probably the only Native American here lol but I have pushed people away and someone that seems like the perfect man for me has come back into my life and I've pushed him away because of me not feeling im where i need to be at. Anyways...this video was a conformation that God always knows my heart. ❤
I'm at a point where I realized I never had true friends my whole life. I've had people who acted like they were but they were never there at my worst and best. I've been seeking validation my whole life and for what? My entire life I felt like I was a supporting character in my so called friends lives. My ex was like that as well, he was never there for me nor supportive. So I dont feel guilty for pushing people away. I'd rather work on being my best self before allowing new people in my life.
Good. Video. I’d never thought that the fear of not being good enough would push people away. Im in love with a woman who feels like this. She would get really mad when I’d buy her things from time to time. So I’ve learned to give her lots of space, be consistent, listen and I have a ton of patience. She’s slowly changing the difference in her is incredible to watch. It’s been a year so far but I’m willing to stay the course.
Everyone tends to make me responsible for their feelings. And they want to spoil everything.
not me deciding to watch something like this bcs of him. i kept pushing him away and just now, i felt guilty about it, about how it's affecting him. i realized that i was obliviously making him responsible of healing this side of me - this trauma. and that's unfair. and so i'm doing this and some self-reflection bcs he doesn't deserve to be pushed away. i need to grow and heal for our relationship to be easier and for me to handle my future relationships easier.
This video hits really close to home. I've been pushing people away all my life, and it's just not worth it.
My ex fiancé did this to me over and over again.... and as angry as it makes me, I kind of get it now. But she ended up giving up the best thing that could have been because of her past.
What if everyone rejects you and you can't determine why? That just leads to validation of negative thoughts.
it's easy to say "let people in to your heart", but doing so just devastates me and leads to chronic suicidal thoughts. when i let people into my heart it triggers my attachment trauma and then i always end up disappointed and hating myself because i have unrealistic expectations. i have been in therapy for a few years and it still happens every time. i fear i will never be able to undo due this and keep repeating the cycle. i honestly have no idea how people with C-PTSD ever heal enough to let people into their heart without ending up suicidal. i want to enmesh because that's what i was taught but also what was denied to me. i don't think it can ever get better.