What It's Like To Get Diagnosed With Infertility In Your 20s | Bustle
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 23 апр 2020
- Imagine learning of your infertility diagnosis before you've even had an opportunity to think about whether or not you want to have kids. Jordan Davidson, an NYC based journalist and author, was 24-years-old when she learned that she was premenopausal.
Getting a clear diagnosis for any chronic condition is rarely a straightforward process. We're sharing stories from people like Jordan to help shed light on people's relationships to their health.
Follow Jordan on Twitter: / ja_davids
If you or someone you know is seeking guidance on infertility concerns, visit the infertilityawareness.org/
Have you subscribed Bustle Digital Group on RUclips? ►► bit.ly/2BUqGfA 
Развлечения
My favorite line: "Adoption is not a cure for infertility".
You put it in words I didn't know how to.
Telling someone experiencing infertility that they can always adopt is so dismissive of real pain and heartbreak.
As an adoptee I can say that I’ve never felt (and have never known another adoptee in my own life) who thought that the parents who raised them weren’t their parents. Anyone can give birth to a child but it takes work, love and sacrifice to be a parent (I was abandoned on the side of a road at birth.) The desire to want to know where we come from can very much so be tied into ones own sense of identity. It is natural to be curious and wonder where you come from. Some adoptees want to know and some don’t. Either way a child should not be shamed for this natural curiosity and desire to learn more about their own identity. Adoption to me is one of the greatest actions of love. You choose to take in a child who has the odds (oftentimes but not always) stacked against them, who live with disability and the aftermath of trauma. You open your heart and have the ability to change the complete trajectory of a persons life. Of course the foster care/ adoption systems in place are flawed and many unnecessarily suffer but that’s a part of being a human and existing in this world. Just wanted to share my perspective.
This is so sad 😞 prayers to all suffering with infertility
Word! Adoption isn't a cure for infertilty kids end up contacting their real parents and bonding with their real parents in adulthood sometimes adopted kids when they mad turn around and say, "your not my real parent" is a kick in the guts I can understand why some adopted parents lie because they wamt to avoid confrontation or feel betrayed.
That's apart of it. Even kids with their real parents do and say stuff like that. Maybe trying to figure out why they're acting out, instead of blaming them? Lol
Being torn from your mother is traumatic. Yes babies know their moms even at birth. This causes lifelong “issues” that people say “you should be grateful” for.
Adoption is Inherently selfish. Not in the best interest of the child but the infertiles who are just waiting to snatch a baby
@@mol4805
What you said was bunch of bs. Adoption isn’t inherently selfish and non fertility parents also adopt or at least. People like you need to stop thinking that only adoption is only for infertile couples.
@@mol4805
If you are talking about people adopting for selfish reasons then yeah. But calling adoption itself selfish is pretty dumb.
Thank you for sharing this video. I was told that I would never be able to get pregnant when I was 19 years old after I had a tubal pregnancy that ruptured. It didn't hit me hard until some years later when I got married and we were having fertility treatments. My one fallopian tube was blocked. My uterus is tilted. Then I was told I had endometriosis and had surgery. (I had my period all through it. I'm 55 years old now, and menopause was not too bad.) Meanwhile, all my sister in laws were having babies. I felt so alone and cried a lot. After I divorced, I had to finally accept it or go insane. Now, I sometimes think about growing old alone. It's been a long, sad journey.
I have the same conditions as you, blocked tube, tilted uterus and Endo. I am 27. So sorry. It sucks.
god bless you❤️ . that looks so hard to go trough.
I started IVF as a single woman at 23. Nearly 29 now, 2 IUI's and 10 embryo transfers, all unsuccessful.
Did it completely on my own, financially and emotionally. And the resentment is crippling- every time I see a pregnant woman I feel ready to breakdown, even seeing animals and their babies upsets me. To the point of I feel like what is point of going on living? It is my sole biological purpose on this earth, and I can't fulfil it.
Society raises little girls very different to boys, programming them to need to be mothers. I recieved my first toy babydoll at 1 year old. All my childhood it was always prams, and bottles, and cribs and carriers for my dolls- because that's what is marketed to girls.
And then those very same people that raised us like this- can't understand why motherhood is so important to us. Why do you feel so unfulfilled? Why do you feel like you need to have kids?
Adoption and fostering isn't an option for me, in my country there is way too many prospective parents and not enough kids. There is a wait-list for the wait-list. You can go overseas if you're lucky enough to afford that, but most don't adopt to single women.
I'd love a child, whichever way I can get it. But it still doesn't cure infertility. It doesn't change the fact that your body cannot fulfil it's biological purpose, and it doesn't cure the gaping hole and emotional damage that it's caused.
I feel your pain. May God bless you.
'it is my sole biological purpose "
From one infertile woman to another, that's simply not true.
No matter how many kids you have they're all going to die, humanity is barely alive for a nanosecond compared to the length of the universe.
Women are not and should not be defined as baby makers, even tho it is incredibly painful when we can't.
Same here, you are not alone, I know it doesn't help but still...😊
My own mother said and I still remember vividly, "you won't 'love' your adopted child" . It's hard for me to have kids
Omg you literally said everything I ever felt i am pre-menopausal I was diagnosed at 19 4 days before my 20th birthday I was ignored by so many doctors they all thought I cried wolf as well and I was diagnosed with premature ovarian insufficiency My fsh right now is a 50💔 I always dreamed of being a mother now I grieve the baby I will never have I can’t afford any treatments I have very good private medical insurance but my insurance won’t cover it because they feel “ it will be a waste of time and money” I feel hopeless!! My doctors constantly tell me about doing all these procedures that can help me get pregnant then say oh nevermind you can’t do it your hormones levels are to high so why even tell me about it in the first place 😞! What I hate the most about what people say to me is “maybe your just not meant to me a mom” , “adoption is always a option”. Thank youu for sharing I can go on and on but this right here spoke volumes no one but the infertility community would understand .❤️
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I wish this were easier for you. - I say this to you now, and it's what I would say to a friend. Does that feel ok?
I feel you ma'am my periods isn't coming anymore because I had my first periods at very early age (9) I could that I'm on my pre menopausal stage.... I'm already 21 so yeah, my dream about becoming a mother won't come true anymore 💔💔💔💔💔
Hi there. I have the same diagnosis and also at 19. I'm 35 now.
You are not alone. My fiancé and I are seeking fertility treatment at 19 and 21. It’s so hard. You hear all of your friends either having babies or telling you how lucky you are that you can’t have children. It hurts, but it helps when you have other people to talk to. Keep your head up❤️
Same! I haven’t found someone else in this situation. We should be friends!!😊
I am the same, I'm 21 and my periods aren't coming so I'm feeling my pre menopausal stage n becoming a mother isn't a dream come true for me which breaks my heart 💔💔💔 but I'm glad I'm not alone in this situation
I love this story you were brave enough to share. I have so many questions if you don’t mind answering. When you were 27 and received care from a female doctor as you said, was the constant judgement and handoffs without clear answers the reason you made the decision to choose a female doctor? Why didn’t you choose a female doctor in the first place? Was the constant imaging ever putting you at more risk for causing further issues? How did you find the next physician afterwards that was more cost effective? Were any of your decisions on the type of care you received based on insurance or personal choice? Did your mom have any reproductive issues herself? How many children did she have? Also how old were you when you first started your period and was your menstrual cycles always abnormal from the start? When did you see a doctor for the first time before your periods stopped? Did you ever take any form of birth control when you were a teen, if so what kind? Did you have an option to save your eggs before everything progressed or did you not have that option due to your bodies early onset of these issues? Do you have underlying health issues besides the diagnosis of endometriosis? Did you ever have any issues with cyst? I’m in nursing school and I just did a project on infertility and there have been several studies showing that endometriosis should not be a cause for infertility until it’s effecting the health and lining of surrounding organs. Whereas poly cystic ovarian syndrome would be a risk for infertility due to several factors. I agree with you that adoption should not be an considered a cure for infertility. I also think birth control after a successful pregnancy after infertility is not a form of birth control. Thank you for sharing.
I am 28 yrs old. I have been ttc with my husband for the past 8 years. I fell pregnant once. Turned out to be a molar pregnancy and had to have an emergency D&C. That was 2 years ago. Never got Pregnant again. The pain of my miscarriage remained and so does the feeling of wanting to be able to hold my own child in my arms. I'm attending a friend's baby shower for the first time after my miscarriage next month. I never wanted to become bitter and envious towards others. I refuse to let infertility turn me into a monster. I believe one day I will get my baby. If it comes naturally or through adoption. In the end we are in charge of our lives.
She unfortunately has the worse case of infertility you can’t make new eggs and it’s extremely rare to run out of eggs in your 20s and even 30s. And no one ever seems to care or pay attention to male infertility which can be the cause of it all but it wasn’t in her case
Eye opening video. Thank you for posting,
The closeups keep getting weird
I believe it means you hit the wall 10 years sooner than expected.
@SliceofCheeseOnTheFloor yea but are they MARRYING her. No. Because she can’t bear children and continue their legacy.
Wall.
I would be throwing an infertility party bro
I hate my period and never want kids at all
A pregnant person?! You mean a woman right. Right?
Because trans men can still concieve and birth children, they dont like being referred to as women, so pregnant person is the correct term when referring to the larger group of childbearing parents. I get youre trying to be edgy for brownie points, but dont be a prick to people, we all have feelings hun.
Being a trans woman myself you dont even know the pain that so many other trans women undergo not being able to carry and concieve their own children, the resentment some end up holding against their partners out of jealously. Then theres people like me who never had an option to have children from birth, ive been tested multiple times with a resounding 1% chance before transitioning, now its most likely a resounding 0%. Cis women experience pain and feelings of inadequacy due to getting the results of being infertile, especially when all their friends are having and raising children of their own, we're no different.
@@stephanieemerik so because you’re infertile we have to call women who want to be men, pregnant people? I’m missing your point.
@@juliat9211 because they arent women at all hun. Theyre men, they have the ability to get pregant. Calling them women is actually insensitive to them.
@@stephanieemerik they have the ability to get pregnant because they were women, are still women, and will always be women. It does not matter how you mutilate or style yourself, you cannot change that. If they understand this reality and want to be called a man- that’s a different story and its called mental illness.
@@juliat9211 then by that definition anyone that isnt fertile is not a woman then?
She's different from most whining women that sob about their fertility online. I appreciate her straightforward approach. It's refreshing to listen to a woman who is clearly not the usual sob sister.
Why cant we sob about it? Shit hurts especially when you're closing in on your 30s and everyone is having kids around you. Making new friends is exponentially harder because everything revolves around the kids, even the discussions, you're just left feeling like a black sheep because you dont fit in around other women your age. Plus most men are taken and its heavily frowned upon for a single woman to be friends with a taken guy at this age.
@@stephanieemerik Nobody said you "couldn't sob about it". However, a thinking person perhaps should consider who benefits from this? Therapists make money listening to it, that I do know. However, if you do it in public, you will sometimes receive unpleasant responses and should accept that. Before social media became an addiction to too many small-minded people, men and women would confide their sorrows to CLOSE friends and family. Making a public spectacle of yourself is a risk and IMO, is undignified. As to the "black sheep" status that you claim childless women have, they might consider making new acquaintances who don't bore each other to death with kiddie talk. My husband and I didn't have kids, never regretted it and I never felt left out by not terribly bright women who had no topics of interest to share. Here's a nasty secret: more than one mother has told me after a few glasses of wine that I was "smart" or "lucky" NOT to have kids and that they wish they had made the same choice. None of these women were abusive or neglectful, just honest.
@@carecc7191 sounds like you got the choice though 😒
@@brimc740 Yes, I had and have the choice to take FULL responsibility for my own decisions and to avoid the poison of self-pity.
So the male doc was honest then went with a female doc and got lied to and robbed 😂🤣
Theres no way she's in her 20's... Sorry
People in their 20s can suffer from infertility. Just because you can’t accept doesn’t make it less true.
She probably looks older because hormonally she is close to menopause
I've never wanted children. I don't understand this at all.
Some women dream of being mother's. It's sad though cause infertile women really want to conceive. Then you have these broads popping 3-4 kids and they don't take care of them.
@@Pinesol605 exactly!
@@Pinesol605 Lol stop being bitter that some people are more fertile.
I'm envious of you. I'm infertile and wish I dont want kids
Having a biological child isnt a human right.
We need more infertile women there r too many ppl