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This Is What Infertility Really Looks Like | Shara Hutchinson | TEDxColumbusWomen
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- Опубликовано: 4 фев 2020
- Infertility and pregnancy loss are often taboo subjects, however, after an 8 year battle with both, Shara Hutchinson, author of I Still Want To Be A Mom, breaks her silence on these topics. She shares her gripping story and introduces the concept that it takes a “village” to support those dealing with infertility and loss. She gives advice to “the village” on how to interact with those struggling to conceive or to maintain a pregnancy. Shara Hutchinson is the author of I STILL Want to Be a Mom: An Inspirational Guide to Help Women Struggling with Infertility. She is also the founder of the I Still Want To Be A Mom Foundation . This organization was founded to educate, inspire, and support women diagnosed with infertility. After an 8-year journey with infertility and loss, she is on a mission to raise awareness on these topics while encouraging those affected. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
Struggling to conceive is one of the worst pains I've felt in life.
Shoutout to all the ladies dreaming of being a mother but not even in a relationship.. those struggles are real
Total truth. Its not easy
Yes! This needs to be talked about more .... ladies who have the same dream as this woman but is now past child bearing age and still waiting for the right guy. That is a whole different kind of infertility grief, one rarely talked about.
@@Lczzy yep it’s an extra kick in the teeth to single women. Because at least women like the lady in the video are halfway there sharing their grief ❤️
@@shanahaim5935 Kind of my situation. Im dating my boyfriend of 2.5 years and i have a 5 year old son from a previous relationship (my miracle baby who has supposed to be a twin but i lost the other baby). My boyfriend has commitment hesitations and wants to wait a couple more years before marriage; however, I suffer from infertility and my son is growing asking me for siblings and I can't just get pregnant. It's breaking my heart everyday I feel so lost. We are both in late 20's/early 30's. Wish there was more conversation about this :/
@@ashleycruz7683 the right thing at the right time always 🙏 what’s meant for you will not pass you by. ❤️
I needed to hear this. 5 years of infertility and a miscarriage. I’m in my 40s now and losing hope. I’ve also heard comments from people including husband saying that I’m not getting pregnant because I’m too stressed. I wish they could keep those comments to themselves.
Don't give up, because their is a god, there is hope. I'm praying that you become the mom that you deserve to be.
Update: I finally became pregnant and 3 weeks ago gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby boy. It took 3 rounds of IVF to make it happen. We are so happy! 😀
1 in 5 women are childless not by choice ...theres alot of childless grief out here...
God I needed this. Over 5 years of infertility with one miscarriage. 😥😔
I don't know what to do anymore. I genuinely think I'm slowly losing it. I'm devastated.
Believe in you. We're waiting too.
@@user-mn1fl6hc2u Sending you all of my 💘 and prayers too.
@@midsummersnight3848 Thank you. 🙂We all deserve this tiny mysterious miracle...
Never give up. It's been almost 7 years for me. We were designed to have children. It WILL happen.
Our babies are coming ❤
I hated it when people did and still do make a comment about why I have a 10 yr age gap between my children. They don't know how long I struggled to get pregnant and the miscarriages before our youngest. ❤❤❤ ty for this message
I'm a married guy and my wife and I have been saving up for adoption longer then you could ever imagine, plus I've been working multiple jobs. I'm now at a point where all the hard labor is having a toll on me. My fear is once I have the money, I won't be able to use it for its intended purpose. What hurts the most is that I don't have anybody I can talk to about this.
I’m so sorry Max. It’s so hard and isolating isn’t it. For both men and women and we often experience it differently. My husband and I don’t know anyone going through infertility or who have gone through it and it’s hard with no one to talk to. We are going to try IVF but our cycles keep getting cancelled. I really hope you can both find support and are able to adopt. Maybe reach out to some online support groups?
@@avamehari Thank you so much for your kindness and understanding. My wife didn't quite make it to IVF, but took fertility drugs without much success. She became pregnant one time, but she miscarried and we were never lucky a second time around. She deals with it differently then I do. However, we resigned to the reality that we weren't going to have a biological child and that's when adoption started to be a possibility, but adoption also has problems of its own. Not to worry because I trust God has this. I pray that your prayers and desires to have a child will be answered. Abraham and Sara had Issac much later then they suspected and I believe that if it can happen for them, it can happen for us.
I'm so sorry Max you and your wife seem to be great people. Life is funny because the people who want kids the most often have to go through this. I'm 7 months pregnant right now with a baby I don't even want tbh,i know it sounds bad but it's really taking a toll on me if I were American I'd totally let y'all have it . You and your wife will be in my prayers
I freaking cried so hard when that picture of her son popped up, thank you God for giving her that child, he is BEAUTIFUL, HANDSOME, HEALTHY, such a precious miracle truly.
Stephanie Spencer I pray you get your miracle as well ❤️🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
I'm struggling with infertility without any miscarriage. I'm on medication for depression. I'm always happy for everybody else but not for me. Ivf in my country is too expensive. I always cry to myself when my period came
I'm so sorry man I wish I had my periods,I'm 7 months in and there's nothing good about it 😭😭. Sometimes I wish I'd lend my womb
My daughter was cured from a simple case with herbs by the help of Dr WINA on RUclips.
I just cried myself out watching this. I am one of the 1 in 8. Glad to know there was a happy ending for you.
Suicidual thoughts and depresssion is the last thing that comes on our mind all we need is support and not criticism from others. Wouldn't it be nice if everyone is able to conceive without everything but this videos shows NEVER LOSS FAITH
I've had that same experience losing a baby when you dare to think it's ok. Thanks for educating people, adoption is not actually an easy option and so many of us never go on to be mothers. Anyone who needs to hear about that listen to Jody Days Ted Talk
I'm so glad I found this. This is the only village I can find. My mom says I'm "too impatient" and to stop with all the treatments because "it will come when you expect the least, God knows when He should give you a baby" but how can you not expect it?? My mom especially is very cruel and makes me feel like I'm crazy for feeling what I feel. Also my mother in law is like "omg I'm so sorry, but I can't relate, you see, I used to get pregnant very often, so I had many abortions". My husband is something else, but the infertility problem is on my side and I have no woman in my family to understand and be compassionate.
Am I crying for you or am I crying for me, here...now... ???
"When you are happy for everyone else but sad for yourself"
I was recommended a fertility specialist today after seeing a gyno for the first time. And I’m heartbroken 💔 😔 I never thought this would happen to me.
What’s sad though is that a lot of people cannot turn to their family. Family can be one of the aggressors in this process, because they don’t understand what it’s like to go through this and/or will bombard you with stories of everyone else having babies.
Hey if your trying to conceive, them whatsap the man dAT help My aunt, he will help u
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yeah all of my sisters are pregnant 😭
She said everything I am feeling
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To anyone reading... I KNOW how random this is, but if any of you are inclined to pray or are spiritual... or even believe in sending positive energy/vibes, it would mean the entire world if you could pray for me.
My husband & I have been trying to conceive for over 4 years. Within that time I got pregnant once, only to lose our baby to a miscarriage. I'm getting older everyday and starting to lose faith. We are hoping to try IVF, but it is so difficult physically, financially & emotionally.
I am just so devastated and lost. 😞 I could go on & on for hours about how badly I want to be a mother, but I'll stop.
Any and all thoughts & prayers would be SO incredibly appreciated. ❤💙🙏💛💜
Lord, please remember your child and her desire to bring forth life. Bless her womb oh God. Allow her to have a healthy pregnancy, birth and child of her own. We know you ca Lord. No matter what the doctors say, or what the circumstances are, we know you can. We leave it all in your hands and trust you in all things. In Jesus name, Amen.
@@misskittykitty7220 I praised God seconds later I miscarried. Needless to say I don't believe in God nature sometimes can just be cruel. There's no reason clearly and if there was a God he wouldn't let so many suffer. Yet bad people pop then out like nothing
@@hannah3146 Ohhhh Sis, i know it's hard. I know it is. But God is ever loving, faithful and compassionate. He never said our lives would be free from trouble, but he did promise to always be with us when those troubles come. He makes no mistakes. We sometimes have trials to test our faith. Don't lose that, sis. Lean on God evermore. It's HIS will be done, not ours. I know, I know it's heartbreaking, it's almost sickening to see so many others seemingly bring forth life effortlessly, but we don't know their story. We can't compare. Just focus on you, your health, your well being to welcome your miracle home. It will happen. You have to believe. It may not come the way you imagined it either. Just remain open to all possibilities, and trust that God will see you through. It's ok to be angry, hurt, sad...just don't dwell there. The mind-body-spuritual connection is real. Be careful what you say, how you think and what energy you invite into your space. Sis, motherhood is coming to you. In Jesus' name.
@@misskittykitty7220 I have info that will help u. I struggled for 13 years and I'm now 4 months pregnant w a healthy little fetus ❤❤
Sounds like you had an amazing village
Even my own Mother who gave birth to me and my 6 other siblings can not understand. She is so overjoyed with all her grandkids that my condition don’t matter most for her. I am the only sibling out of 7 with no kids, am the 4/7.
Wow. I would LOVE to be a part of that village.
It has been so difficult.
Would you mind allowing me to join your group? It would mean the world.
This infertility journey makes me feel so alone.
I would love to be part of your village as well. I've struggled with infertility for over 5 years. I'm angry,sad and depressed. I don't know what to do.
What if your village doesn't understand how difficult it is. What if your village pressures you without comprehending how hard fertility and even planning is.
How can those of us without and upwards of $15,000 or more ever hope to have a baby? That's another huge block.
I'm glad my daughter have just been cured from infertility with the help of herb's by Dr WINA on RUclips.
Wow.. she said all that I feel 🥺😔
God bless this lady, I pray that every woman that struggles with infertility
won't quit just before the miracle.
This is so spot-on. This is so important. It is terrible that infertility is such a taboo topic in society while so many people are struggling with this. I am one of those people suffering in silence. When I tell someone, most people don't know how to respond. This often leads to me being hurt while they actually only mean well. Infertility should be taught at schools just as protection. Every person has someone in their lives who is struggling with this and often that someone feels very alone. Thanks for the great talk!
Thank you for your compassionate comment!
I want to add that too much vitamin A (hypervitaminosis A) can be a cause of infertility.
Dr. Garrett Smith has an 1 hour video about it on his RUclips channel "Nutrition Detective".
The Canadian engineer Grant Genereux has also written three free e-books about vitamin A toxicity that are available on his blog.
Best wishes to you, and thanks for your sympatric comment!
Infertility is when you spend your entire life without a child. Super glad ivf is an option. Talk to the real childless. The ones like me that have zero options. Being the ONLY person in my immediate family, the only one in my friend group, the only one in my work group who can't have children. Good luck
🙏🏽
Me to it hurt so bad
YES been there
😭
🤗🫂🫂🫂🫂 it’s so horrible. Infertility is gut wrenching and hurts so much. It’s so unfair
This is the most accurate, best illustrated, most powerful talk i've ever heard. Im from Columbus as well, i wish i could have seen this live. God Bless this women.
Stephanie Spencer thank you so much ❤️ God bless you too 🙏🏾
I needed this 🥺
Dear Shara, congratulations on your remarkable inner strength! This is such a powerful, touching speech!!! I feel so fortunate to have been there and watch it live!You are a real role model for so many women!Your cute little boy finally came as a miracle!I truly wish the best for you and your family!!
I’m going through secondary infertility. I’m 39 and it’s been 5 years. My youngest is 5 1/2 years old and I want another little one for her to grow up with but time is slipping by and it has not happened yet. I just chalked it up and said my life is going as it should and I should just be happy where I am in life. I’m devastated but it is what it is at this point.
I feel your pain. We had our first after 2 years of trying Then being told we needed help. I miscarried twins the first IUI at separate times. The 2nd one in my 2nd trimester. Then did a 2nd IUI and got blessed with our son who is now 5. We have been trying to have a 2nd kid with no success. We got pregnant by ourselves for the first time and I miscarried. We then tried 3 IUIs and I got pregnant with the last IUI and miscarried. Then got pregnant on our own again and miscarried. It’s painful. I’m trying to figure out how to let go of the dream of having a 2nd kid. Praying for you and your family.
This month marks a year for my bf & I and
Man this is such a very lonely sad painful journey. Deep inside I’m still hopeful🤞🏿the most painful part is when everyone has a baby of their own and others even on to their 3rd baby while you still trying to conceive, I’ve never felt less of a woman or defecting until this…😭😞it’s really hard
Thank you for this I thank god have had one child but I am trying for my second now it’s been two years and I am starting to feel like I’m broken this brought me to tears. I’m someone who doesn’t like to talk about my feelings on this topic but I needed this and I need to talk about my feelings on this more. Prayers for all of you TTC.
I also have a little one but have been trying for 6 years. No go. I try to be grateful for the ONE I have. But I always dreamed of babies and my house being covered in toys and little curly q's. I try not to get mad or even sad when I have friends popping them out like it's nothing. Im sorry lady, I know how it is. Don't feel alone. Us women have to stick together and be that shoulder to cry on. I'm sending you lots of love and hugs
@@breannaautry5820 I totally relate but atleast we're blessed with one
I totally agree with your words about this 'funny joke' about RELAXING.
I crier listen to you.!! Infertility journey is so hard!!! They are days i dont even want to get up of bed ..
I wish I could say family and friends are a strong village in this life sentence of infertility. The truth is that women who are mothers love to take the opportunity to remind me of this heart break. It is the dagger that is thrown at any given moment. I trusted my so call closest cousin to me and she took that info to other family members who were more than happy to say “Go have a baby” anytime I said no to something or disagreed on a totally unrelated topic. Women love to say if you don’t have kids then do not offer any advice or thoughts about child rearing. Yet, they want to tell me what infertility feels like. My favorite is just adopt as though adopting a child is the bandaid to INFERTILITY! I needed a support group filled with strangers and keyboards to really comprehend this struggle. No one ever ask me how it feels, they only provided criticisms or superficial solutions. Just relax and stop stressing….if only it were that easy!!!!
Having my own baby is not a dream deferred, it is a reality DENIED!!!!! The TRUTH is that I am physically and EMOTIONALLY EXHAUSTED!!! I will NEVER HAVE A CHILD OF MY OWN! I will NEVER EXPERIENCE MY HEARTS DESIRE OF BEONG A MOTHER!!!!
I'm a married guy and my wife and I have been saving up for adoption longer then you could ever imagine, plus I've been working multiple jobs. I'm now at a point where all the hard labor is having a toll on me. My fear is once I have the money, I won't be able to use it for its intended purpose. What hurts the most is that I don't have anybody I can talk to about this.I too am physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted. Outside my wife, I feel I can't talk about this issue to anybody else because the truth is they just do not care. Sometimes they even think it is funny. Its anything but funny.
People just tell me well if you can't use your investments for adoption, just o on a very nice vacation with your wife and relax. That's like a dagger digging through my heart. I put too much time and energy into this goal and fr me to just walk away from it would make me feel even more empty. I get up in the morning working very long shifts for the hope of adopting, If it weren't for the goal, I would not get out of bed.
@@pluto4847 I'm sorry. Adoption is incredibly difficult, especially if you want to adopt a baby and not an older child. I hope it works out for you.
I relate to this. Nobody understands unless they are living it.
@@kelb6073 Yes you are right about that. It is true adopting older kids are easier through foster care than a little baby.
Thank you so much for encouraging me..I'm tired and stressed..6years of struggle not even conceive once
Its not easy but then you need to be strong
This is my life. 27 years old. Got pregnant at 20 and had no support, nothing. Didn’t go through with the pregnancy. Now 27, married and can’t have a child…
My biggest fear. So much love ❤️❤️
Dear shara your every word is going through in my life right now...i am emotionally devastated wanted to hide somewhere but your life story really healed me i will really try my best because i still want to be a mom....
Wow, I'm glad I stumbled on the video; this msg spoke to my soul. 7 years of trying as well: 4 unsuccessful IVFs, 1 ectopic pregnancy and 1 miscarriage - the struggle is real. But I still have hope and I must add it's good to see a person of color have a successful transfer. Someone should do a study on why IVF is not as successful for brown ppl.
This talk made me cry and praise! Brilliant. Vulnerable. Amazing pioneer woman!
I needed to hear this. Thank you 🙏🏽
Wow. That was so powerful and described the pain of ttc. Thank you for sharing your story
Jennifer Lorimer I’m so glad it encouraged you . Thank you ❤️
Such an amazing video! I cried my eyes out once I saw your handsome, beautiful baby boy! GOD BLESS!
Thank you for sharing your experience with us! I’ve had a rocky road myself, & it hasn’t been easy! I’m still here, patiently waiting! HOPING that ONE DAY, I can be called “MOM”!
GOD, PLEASE HELP ALL MY FELLOW LADIES ON THIS JOURNEY! WE GOT THIS! 🙏🏼 sending so much love to all of you suffering with INFERTILITY! Xoxo ❤️
What an amazing speech, Shara! 👏👏👏👏👏👏
Obscura Camera thanks ❤️
Omg I came across your talk "by accident" and it was exactly what I needed. Thank you for sharing what this journey is really like. You captured it perfectly. I'm going through it right now and some days, I'm beyond overwhelmed. It's so encouraging to be "seen" and "understood". Congratulations on your miracle, and thank you for doing your part. I now have you in my village ♥. I'm getting your book and spreading the word.. Be blessed.
Praying to be a mom someday
Girrrllllll you got the ultrasound pic up...I'm in tears!!!
Thanks so much for sharing your story. Great advice. Beautiful message.
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so heart touching
My village is not great all people can do is say a negative remarks about me because of my infertility.
This is amazing queen!🙌🏾💕🧡
Journey with The Farooks thanks ❤️
Thank you for your passion!
Wonderful job!
Carolyn Moss thank you ❤️
This hit home.
Thank you. I cried...
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This is me struggling with infertility and pcos. Failed iui insurance coverage and no funds
I can't even go to a baby shower at all. It hurts when coworkers complain about kids and ask do i want to deal with them
I think we need to talk about how the modern white collar career path is incompatible with women's fertility. Today, women are told that they should be well established in their career before they should even consider trying for a baby, so basically dont start trying until you're 30, but female fertility begins to decline at age 28.
I think fertility treatment is just a bandaid solution that fails most people. Structural changes to society are needed to help women become mothers without dozens of trips to the fertility doctor and hundreds of pills and needles.
AMEN!
Thanks for saying the truth. I was blinded by the feminism lie through my twenties until I met my husband. I'm 32 now, we started trying to conceive 4 months ago. My family never bothered me with the 'kids' question, instead they told me that 'women just have kids later now'. As if that's a good thing! I learned so much about fertility and conceiving in the last few months and was shocked about how actually difficult it is even if you do everything right. And then there could be still something wrong with you.
Society should focus back on supporting families and staring them early. At a job you're expendable. In a family you're not.
@@SkiraReed So true! You might like this quote from G.K. Chesterton:
"Feminism is mixed up with the muddled idea that women are free when they serve their employers and slaves when they serve their husbands and children."
Best of luck to you and your husband! I will pray for you that you are able to conceive :)
@Frieda Wells Thank you so much! I heard that quote before and I love to share the one. I think what a lot of women (including me back then) get mixed up in the idea is that they always picture an abusive relationship and they can't imagine that the reward is greater than money. Every time I'm home and I get to manage the day the way i need it and get stuff done, including a nice meal for me and hubby it feels SO MUCH MORE rewarding than just another 8hrs on the job. And the work at home won't get less the more you work on a job. Lol
Great speech! Brave lady
Fertilitycoach Natalie thank you 😅
Oh and She had him on my Birthday...🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾❤❤❤
Thank you 😢
Amazing, thank you for this ❤️
Thank you for your story!
Amazing video
Thank you for all of this.
Im crying😞
You did wonderful...
LaChe McCoy thank you
Yes its a struggle
I agree that it's a struggle. Though there are other wonderful things in life and I love my husband we want to have a baby. I don't envy mums. I just don't like being asked as it's rude. And I want to have our own child. But I wish everyone patience. We're still waiting and will be.
Dam that’s the cutest little baby I ever seen 😍
Unfortunately, it doesn't always work out. Even if you can afford IVF. I would say, if you can afford a surrogate, you have a decent chance probably, but that's not for me or a lot of people.
my worst nightmare is getting some disease related to uterus bcz since i first saw a baby i wanted one of my own a mini version of me nd my lover
This video is probably not for you.
Congratulations on the birth!
I needed to hear this
God bless you mom,,,,that's very powerful
Omg thank you 😭😭💔
Beautiful speech 🎤
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For me this title is misleading. I had to give up and am trying to move on. I'm doing pretty well, but sometimes I wish there were stories as well written and delivered like this... but for women like me.
may god help u sister
Yasssss girl 7:08
Comparison
❤️
😢
👏👏👏👏👏
❤❤❤❤
Mmmmmm depending on age
You sound just like me
🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
💔💔
😢😢😢😢😢
You can't control👈
Dr. Google....last resort
Masturbation can be a cause of infertility.
Just accept that it is not your destiny, be at peace with it, and get on with your child free life....
explain abortion then
This was a very insensitive comment to make sir 💔. You have no idea.
Like seriously
The fcuk?!?
This is incorrect. This is not inclusive of infertility. As a non straight couple this is not how infertility looks. This channel and content should be more mindful
No one wonder you don’t have kids…
👏👏👏👏👏