So its golden child to expect the majority of the houses sleep schedule to be respected when one person wants to be out most the night and procrastinates on assignments until the day they're due and refuses to just move locations in the house if after 1030? Just move to a room where you don't inconvenience people.
This Either all those YTA commenters are lacking reading skills or the just decided to blame OP and stick with it no matter what! EVERYTHING can be solved by just studying in an other room If THAT makes onse sister the golden child then almost all kids are golden child... "What? you don't want to let one kid practicing his drums at night??? clearly all the other kids are your golden kids" /s
Yeah. The comments here were worse than either of the two girls. Especially when you read the other child is taking sleeping pills and they're using blankets to block the light (either they don't have doors, or the light comes in under the door/around the edges of the door). It's not like the child trying to sleep isn't trying solutions here. But drugging yourself (even with basic over the counter pills) is a extreme solution compared to just moving to a different room. If I were the mother I'd stick to the program of not putting on the wifi. Kid will either get it together or she won't.
OMG This is exactly my thoughts. Seems the YTA's missed that it is Nicole that prioritises partying over doing her assignments until the very last minutes. My guess is the YTA's are coming from Nicole and or her friends.
Yeah I have ADHD too (with a dash of insomnia) and this is wild. Why tf does she need to work directly next to her sister's bedroom? If anyone's being a brat it's her.
But if they only light she is getting is coming from the crack under the door, she can lay on her side with her back facing the door and not see it. I’m a night owl and my husband and I had this problem and that’s what he did.
@@paulineisme Um, yeah, being a total brat about light coming in under the door is ridiculously entitled. But, you can't see that because you are just as entitled. Lord help us all with these unreasonable people.
@@duketha5286 Both girls have a schedule. But, only one is taking on a difficult summer study course. She's not going into bratty pants' room and turning on the light to do her homework on princess' lap. No. If light from under a door is ruing your life, you really aren't going to make it in the real world.
Story 1: Gotta love the stories where the commenters infantilize people to justify their take, she had 3 options, go to another room, not do her work at the middle of night, or not save work for an the last minute. If it was so important why is she waiting to do it a little over an hour before it's due? Even with ADHD it's on the person with it to handle it.
She is the one doing something unusual. So, unlike the comments, I think OP is doing the right thing trying to help out the daughter that sleeps normal hours.
I know that a lot of people use deadline pressure as a mean to concentrate, maybe girl used this? I personally don't like that method because it works 40/60 for me, and 60% is freezing my brain in terror. Anyway girl didn't even try to use hotspot, which shows how much she wants to turn it into drama. Probably feels like she's always getting the short end of the stick, and maybe she does, but disrupting sleep for her sister isn't a way to go about it.
I have both ADHD and Autism, so I can relate to both sides of the story. I have delayed circadian rhythms and thus work best at night, and also I can't sleep if I know a light is on/making my room less dark, even if the door is closed, and I have a sleep mask. That being said, the AH is the sister who refused to move where she was studying, come home earlier, or even just studying in the dark with the light from the laptop to work with. Honestly, she had way more options than her sister who can't change her sleep schedule or move rooms
@@idgarobingoodfellow your comment has the most weight. Your a been there, have that, here’s my opinion on the subject kind of person! Bravo! And thank you!!!!!
I have to agree. One daughter intentionally caused disruption and was the one rewarded in the end. There were other ways to find compromise between the girls.
If the young lady gets out of school at 2 why does she comes home from hanging out with BF and friends so late? Why can’t she study while she’s out for 8 hrs or more?
That’s what the mother says……how do we know that’s even true. It wouldn’t be the first time a mother came on here and made herself the good guy of her story.
Wedding guest attire: I’ve been married for 32 years and I have no idea what any of our guests wore and I haven’t looked at any of the photos in about 30 years. It’s not a big deal. Seriously, you guys. It’s not. My perfect day? Barely remember it. Once the day was over life started. Weddings are overrated. Don’t destroy your relationships for them.
Omg I wish I could upvote you more. A wedding is only the first day of a marriage. You got a loooong way to go. I could care less about what people wore (but I'm the person who had a $200 BBQ in my backyard). The chutzpah of the brother to ask for a gift after throwing her out though...
S2 - I agree with the notion of not inviting brother and new wife to OP's wedding when she has one. The brother and wife will use it as an opportunity to make a point to OP themselves. Don't give them that chance. If they take a notion to send a wedding gift, return it.
I feel like I'm going crazy with the comments on story one. ADHD does not make Nicole stay out with her boyfriend until 10-11pm each night. And if she gets distracted anywhere else in the house, most college (even community) have a library that's open at all hours. WTF is with everyone saying Ava should just deal with her sister being disruptive??
most coffee places and even fast food places are open late and have free wifi. I remember when I had internet problems at my house I drove to a Panera Bread at like 8pm and sat in the parking lot using their wifi on my laptop to do an exam on time.
Reactions to the first story are so odd. All the kid had to do was not work in a space that disturbed people who needed to work tomorrow. How is that playing favorites? Prioritizing the sleep of people who need to work the next day is normal and the default in society. Just move your damn laptop and get your assignment done instead of moaning and whining😊
@@trixmania yeah a bedroom can't be moved but you can do a quiz sat on a bed if you need to. Or do it earlier. This will be an issue unless her roommate has a similar routine
All she had to do was go into another room. It's also 11 at night. Why is she making a ruckus keeping people up at night. I have a similar issue where I'm more active at night. You know what I'm not doing? I'm not keeping people up at night, lol. Go to another room!
@blacknerdygirlsrock wifi would have been on had she decided to change rooms so you can't blame the wifi If someone needed water and I told them they could get water by walking 20ft is it ok to cry there's no water?
As someone who works nights, the reactions to the first story are crazy. Why does she have to be in the dining room only, lmao? If any compromise is to be made,‘it’s the one she refused by arbitrarily saying she needed to be in that room only. If magic assigned seats were the cure for ADHD we’d know.
I’m a mother and have been so for 26 years, I hate when ppl say that someone should get a pass or need a break because they have children, uhmmm that was their choice to become a parent and the only other person that responsibility falls to is the other parent and NO ONE ELSE’S
Yeah I don’t think OP is NTA, she has a job, she is just waiting for it to start. I don’t think they spoke about expectations before the OP moved in but this did seem to be a one off situation and the OP wants out. Also where is the OPs wife’s husband and is she a stay at home mom or works where she takes OPs cars and is expected to watch the kids 24/7? I wish there was some more context for this story.
Story 1: Love how it's obvious that Nicole is going out of her way to annoy Ava. It's obvious. She just HAS to study in the one room that was outside of her sister's bedroom, knowing her issue with lights? NTA
I dont think it's obvious at all. When you have ADHD, a way to get around lack of focus is to essentially train your brain to trigger focus. People can do this for falling asleep by having night time rituals. For Nichole, it looks like she's used the neutral area of the dining room. A living room or bedroom is often where people relax so she may not be able to focus there. She's likely trained her brain to focus by having her schedule and using the same place. It isnt her fault it happens to be outside of her sister's room. As long as she isnt being loud, then she is hardly going out of her way to be rude. It's only because Ava has her own special needs that it's a problem. However, Ava knowingly did annoy her sister rather than go to her sister or mom to address it like an adult. There were other compromises than putting the need to change entirely onto Nichole.
Commenter #1 on first story is an idiot , yes they are adults , one stays out until midnight and come home and keeps everyone up when she could be considerate and move to another space . They Nicole has adhd , it doesn’t prevent her from hanging out with her boyfriend until late night and staying up until 2&3 in the morning and disrupting everyone 🤬. She should move in with her boyfriend
Your brother didn’t invite your fiancé and kicked you out of his wedding when you were already there ? That pos expected a gift , gtfo I wouldn’t speak to any of them again you owe them NOTHING! And yes like the commenter said don’t invite either of them to your wedding.
There's helping out with child care and then there's leaving your kids with someone so much that they don't have a life at all outside of watching your kids. Even nannies have time off. But that OP should definitely be cleaning up in general. And if they have a car they should be doing Uber or doordash or something. But they can't do it because the sister-in-law is constantly taking their car so how are they supposed to contribute if they can't make any money?
Last story, last commenter: How exactly does one send such a "non-invite" message politely? Wouldn't it just look like the sender is rubbing it in the recipient's face that they're not invited? Even if it's something the recipient wouldn't want to do, being told out of the blue that there's this event happening but that you're specifically being excluded has got to sting a bit.
I was also curious about how one is supposed to send a "not invited" message. And is this really a thing that EVERYONE KNOWS if one person is left out of an event? In this situation, I would think it was obvious why a notorious picky eater would not be invited to a restaurant where the OP is the one paying for the meals. If everyone was paying their own way then it is a bit ruder to leave Miss Picky at home.
Also, that 'invited everyone else but not me' part made me think they hadn't read the story very well. OP invited her own daughters and her own sisters; immediate family, specifically two generations of sisters. The complainer is just a DIL.
Last story... the problem is not only that dil is a picky eater but also that it is not a normal restaurant. Op said you eat what you are served, which doesn't sound like there being options to choose from.
Neighbor Story... OP (and everyone else there) should be glad there is no HOA. That woman sounds like the type to force herself onto the Board and then make everyone's life a living hell with her intrusiveness and power plays.
Melinda reminds me of an aunt who complained that no one threw parties anymore, I asked my mom 'if she wanted one why not throw one herself? my mom agreed lol. My aunts loved to booze, especially on someone else's dime.
@@acfmiller exactly! She chose to be ridiculously stubborn, and to leave the work to the last possible second (starting at 10.30 when something is due at midnight). She is way too old for her mother to accept any blame for the failed assignment/quiz.
And their arguments against one child could easily be used against the other. Nicole was given different options and chose not to budge. Ava had been accommodating but her problem was the light shining through her door.
You guys realize that ADHD can present more severely depending on the person right? Like not everyone is the same. ADHD isn't going to be the exact same for each person.
"an irresponsible lack of planning/foresight" The comments are wild and clearly missed the point where OP said the job had been pushed back *unexpectedly* which is NOT OP's fault nor constitutes a lack of responsibility on their part. Like as an adult for over 20 years it still grinds my gears people much younger seem to think that unexpected issues cropping up are somehow YOUR fault because YOU didn't plan even though it's well beyond your means to control.
I had to check the comments because S1 comments made me feel like the odd one out. Out if everything here, Ava is the problem child to them??? Nicole has options but decided to throw a fit and make herself fail. She has ADHD yes but that doesn't mean she's incapable of choosing a better location to study.
@@lalvarez5151 Why? As stated Nicole has other options (getting home earlier to study so she doesn't disrupt other's sleep; using a different are where she would not disturb others)
@@SPJPapasan Because Nichole's needs are different than Ava's. She focuses best later in the evening at the dining table. Why should she be expected to be the only person making a change? As long as she isnt being loud then the only issue is light. There are ways to solve that problem.
Nicole can work in another room but nooooooo. Nicole wants to stay out late and cause a ruckus then get mad at the consequences of her inconsiderate action at 20 she can move out if she can’t behave like an adult! Especially in your home. Bye bye Nicole.
Exactly. It's malicious. Are we supposed to believe she never studies or does work in school? That's not the kitchen table is it? Also, when did this become the only place she can work? Sounds recent and not really the truth. OP is NTA.
Honestly ESH. Everyone involved is too old for this crap. Why do these sisters have some low-grade war going? Why the hell doesn't Anna have a door to her room? Why is Nicole out for 8 hrs at a time with her BF if she has an assignment due? I will say that Nicole could've just done the test in her room in order to make it on time. Mom should make them both move out for being petty and exhausting.
So Ava can’t shut her door?? Oh right, because if she did, then she wouldn’t have anything to complain about. How do you know, that Nicole probably stays out so late because of how her mother treats her. She’s probably making plans to move out anyway.
But she didnt cause a ruckus. Noise wasnt the issue with Nichole, it was the light. Ava intentionally caused noise in the morning to get back at her sister. Also how is she not behaving like an adult? She's not coming home and throwing a party, she's coming home and getting work done before bed. Adults do that. It isnt inherently mature to be on a specific schedule, that's something you see more with kids than adults.
@@blacknerdygirlsrocklol it seems like this is personally triggering to you. Let me answer your questions: Ava has a door however if a light is on directly outside said door, it will filter through the gap at the bottom. This is why the OP tried to use blankets at first. Nicole is coming back late because she is irresponsible. How do I know this? Because she waited until an hour before her assignment was due to complete it. So given those facts, it’s clear that Nicole is TA. Why didn’t she just go study in her bedroom? The OP told her that the WiFi would be turned off unless she studies in her bedroom or somewhere else that isn’t the dining room directly outside another person’s bedroom. She’s was being inconsiderate and then didn’t care enough about her grade to just do what she needed to do for her assignment and then argue after. So if she feels that she’s being mistreated by OP then it’s likely because she’s selfish, shortsighted and irresponsible.
As an extremely picky eater, I would prefer not being asked to a dinner everyone knows I wouldn’t enjoy, but I can understand at least giving DIL a heads up on why she wasn’t invited so she doesn’t think she’s being excluded for another reason, especially if this is the first time she wasn’t invited.
Nicole must learn to work somewhere else. OP was right to turn off the WiFi. OP is not 'favouring' Ava. If Nicole has work to do, she should complete her work before she goes out!
4th story. Absolutely NTA. I grew up in a neighborhood and my neighbors were truly like extended family. HOWEVER that being said, it was through years of living with in the community. New neighbors were welcomed and OVER time we got to know them and embrace them into the community. There was NEVER the expectation that new people just open their home up to us. We are strangers to them and them to us. IT is incredibly entitled and obsessively intrusive to expect to be welcomed into a strangers home. No OP not the ahole. Their expectations were ridiculously entitled.
I've got a feeling there is no set tradition, just a few unrelated past events where people actively chose to have housewarming parties and invite the neighbours. Either the crazy pushy one was made to believe it was an obligation when she moved in and wants to validate her suffering by making others do what she did, or she is trying to start/hype up the 'tradition' for clout. I bet everyone who visited on the day she specified came by because she told them to.
I was married 20 years ago and don't remember what any of the guests wore. My only rule was as long as no one's butt crack was hanging out, I'm good. I was just blessed and happy to have the people who love us were able to share the day with us. Many of those people have passed on so to be that picky is a bit much.
What is with the YTA commenters in Story 1? "They're adults, treat them like it." Then the adult could come home early and get her work done before it's actually due. The adult can show some consideration for people she cohabitates with and not keep them awake in the early hours of the AM. The adult thing to do would be to work in another room for goodness sake. People need sleep
Ummm...okay story 1. Ignoring the ADHD, if you're going to be up late at night while dealing with people who are asleep, you better be considerate of that. Wasn't that just called common decency? And if both girls are adults, then why couldn't Nicole act like an adult, move to another spot, and continue her studying once the wifi was back on?
Yes! Thank you! One sister is sleeping in her own room. But she should ( get a door/ wear A MASK/ how about move to another room) so that little miss stay out late / rush home to ONLY THE DINNING TABLE/ complaining rather then getting time sensitive assignments complete in a TIMELY MANNER- that little miss doesn’t feel like the outcast! SHES 20! Bosses don’t care about her issues for time/ spot of work/ or feelings! AND NEITHER WILL FUTURE ROOMMATES!
Reddit comments never cease to amaze me. I've read/heard comments about how people should manage their own (insert issue), and here there's people who must be a bunch of 20 year olds who were held accountable for their behavior and are pissed and projecting.
But both sides have issues. So why is one being accomodated but the other is expected to change? Ava's issue is her autism, Nichole's is her ADHD. Ava could make changes on her end as well and be responsible for finding solutions to her needs too.
@@Wandervennhow? Op covered the light side, ear muffs would be needed for the noise but those are uncomfortable as heck. I doubt someone sensitive would be able to use them
I'm sorry, but are the YTA commentors in Story One dumb? Like she's working on school assignments at one o'clock in the morning when people are trying to sleep, seriously.
So, this woman plans a dinner at a restaurant with her sisters and daughters (only 4 people invited) and that's considered an event? Why do people think they should be invited to every little thing? I doubt it would even occur to me to ask why I wasn't invited, much less throw a tantrum about it.
The commentors in the video are crazy 😳 What's wrong with doing your assignment in your own room rather than the dining room? Sounds to me she insists on that room merely to disturb her sister. If she is out late and needs to do assignments in the middle of the night it is UNDERSTOOD that she not disturb other occupants of the house. It is NOT entitled to expect to be able to sleep at night. It IS entitled to expect everybody to adjust to your schedule and be up when you are up and sleep when you're asleep. Is reddit overrun by 13 year olds or is the one reading and choosing comments trying to stir the pot over here? 😁
Neighbor party story. Any time I have a new neighbor, I go over, introduce myself and, depending on the time of year, will give them a dozen eggs. The chickens don't lay well in the winter. 😂 I'll also give them any information I can about trash pickup, recycling, etc. I don't expect anything from them.
story 1, how is OP TA? she gave Nicole the choice of other places to study so she wouldnt keep her sister up. It's on Nicole that she was too stubborn to think of anyone but herself.
Story 1: Dear God, this post is 🦇 💩. Both girls are adults. My guess is Ava’s does have her door closed but the light still comes through the cracks. If other daughter must use the dining room, get a desk lamp that concentrates the light where needed and won’t be bright enough to come through Ava’s door. Also, the daughter chose to argue rather than go somewhere where even if not ideal to do the assignment/quiz, she could get something done to earn some credit.
13:02 "I recognize every dog". Yup. I recognize my next door neighbors when they walk in and out of their house, when they are in their back yard and when they are walking April.
@@lalvarez5151light was covered by op, noise was the problem. Like I have a quiet laptop, even I know that thing is noisy. That’s assuming she doesn’t do anything else.
@@lalvarez5151 both sisters agreed the top vets too hot for the room to be fully closed so she leaves it abit cracked. Op covered the light part but noise is the problem
Last story: why would anyone have to ask someone else why they weren’t invited to something? That’s the whole explanation, you weren’t invited. Move on. That’s such an entitled mindset to expect someone to have to explain to you why you weren’t invited.
OK so these are adults, as someone with sensory issues and adhd (can't have any light and need white noise to sleep) it's extremely devastating to not be able to sleep Because of selfishness. They are adults, with the right router you can set a time for the wifi to shut off every night and there is no no discussion or arguing about it. It's the parents home. The one that wants to go out all evening and do other things and come home expecting to stay up, possibly keeping others up all hours of the night is not ok. If these assignments are important enough, she would have made sure everything else was scheduled around that. At this point she's taken over the household and the parent is negotiating instead of setting rules and boundaries that the young adult needs in order to function properly as an adult. But no, she's running the show, living at home, parents paying the bills, probably buying all the food, and she can't be in at a respectable time and make sure her work is done BEFORE having free time? No, instead she's gets to disrupt the whole house hold so she can stay out late and prioritize everything else. No
I have a 26 year old and a 29 year old. Both of which are Neroduvergent like myself and my oldest has ADHD. I also have Autistic family members. Yes Autism is a different form of Nerodiversity and so is ADHD but there are many different types of Neroduvergent people. But my girls shared a room and were nice to each other enough to think of each others feelings and sleep. That girl that went out and hung out with her friends is old enough to know what is right and what is not. I knew when I was in school when my assignments were due and I had them in on time. I was going to college in my late 30s and early 40s while working 2 jobs raising 2 girls taking care of my home. Cooking cleaning helping out at my kids school. Helping out my parents and in laws whenever they needed me to physically take care of their yards. Dad was fighting cancer mother in law had CPOD. But I still managed to get my class work done on time and more often then not turned in days before due. Hell most of the time I took lead in group projects. That girl needs to set her priorities.
wedding story: NTA. I told my brother about this and he said "WTF?" about the brother then wanting a wedding gift after kicking OP out of the wedding. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. You don't get to kick someone out of your wedding over something like this and still expect a gift. Entitled pricks!
1st story. NTA. I’m shocked by the "A-hole" comments. Really? How is Ava the "golden child" simply because she needs to sleep in complete darkness at a reasonable hour? As pointed out, there are several rooms available for Nicole to study in, but she is the one refusing to make a simple compromise. Is anyone forgetting that Nicole knew the assignment had a cutoff time? She was fully aware that it had to be submitted by midnight, and she also knew about the Wi-Fi and use of the dining room cutoff, ONLY if she chose not to come home at a reasonable hour. Why should the entire household revolve around Nicole, who insists on being out late, studying until the early morning, and doing so in a room that will disturb Ava’s sleep? There are plenty of other room options that would avoid this issue. It is NOT Ava's fault that Nicole prioritized partying over completing her assignment earlier, or that Nicole chose to come home less than an hour and a half before it was due. Nicole claims favoritism because "OP wants Ava to feel good about herself" What? This is about Ava JUSTIFIABLY wanting to be able to sleep at a decent hour. How is Ava the entitled one here? I don’t know any family that wants to be woken up in the middle of the night because one of them stayed out too late and then chose to study into the early hours. My bet is that the "YTA" comments are from Nicole or one of her friends, because if anyone is entitled in this situation, it’s Nicole.
Neighbor story: NTA. This is a prime example of why I prefer to live in the middle of nowhere so I don't get bothered by neighbors much. Nearest ones are 1/4mile away. I wave and smile if I see them when driving by, I bring packages to them if they get misdelivered to my home (although, they keep my packages if they get them-- one of the reasons I don't interact with them much), but I generally keep to myself. This Melinda person sounds obnoxious. I'd be tempted to sing that song to the State Farm tune "Like a good neighbor, stay over there". Even when I lived in a neighborhood with houses on every side, nobody acted like this Melinda jerk. We did have block parties on 4th of July and neighborhood kids would come swing on our swingset and swim in our pool when invited but no-one demanded anything. Almost every house had a pool, although my dad built us a swingset so not many homes had a play area (we had a swingset and seesaw as well as a little house thingy we could go inside that dad built). OP has zero obligation to throw a party or allow complete strangers into their home. I've had bad experiences with neighbors and others stealing things so I would not trust even people I knew. I know I couldn't trust my nearest neighbors not to steal things. Sounds like OP needs some security cameras and if there's an HOA then contacting them to report harassment from Melinda might be something to do. Might also give the police a call to notify them of the problems and how Melinda vandalized property & has been harassing OP and they want a stay away order.
Am I a lunatic or are these comments on the first story so wrong the world must be spinning backwards? If anyone is the golden child it's the sister that stays out all night and disrupts everyone else. The dads a hypocrite.
1: Why didn’t Nicole just go to her room for the quiz? Nicole had options, but she just didn’t want to. I think OP should reconsider rooms. The door to Ava’s room could also be made to not let light through. I don’t think this is a golden child thing. I think both of these girls need a glimpse of the real world instead of being coddled.
I am AuDHD and lived 4 years with a night owl friend who liked to turn on all the ceiling lights after sunset. It took a toll on my sleep because it disrupted my readiness to go to bed when I came home. Now I live alone and use ceiling lights only in the morning. And the funniest thing is I am less sensitive to light than sound and especially touch
If you choose to study when everyone else is sleeping, you have to do it where it doesn't bother the people sleeping. This isn't about a golden child. This is about an entitled brat that thinks the world should revolve around the schedule she chooses to keep. Nicole has no care in the world for other people's needs. OP should have threatened to kick her out of the house if she can't be respectful of others living there. Oh, and Nicole studied where it would bother her sister's sleep on purpose. It was intentional and that was why she didn't want to study some place else or at a better hour.
Story 1: As a person with ADHD, there is absolutely no reason to allow one night owl and one day person to fight over the sleep schedules being violated. Instead of turning off the wi-fi,OP should have removed the light bulbs in the dining room and shut the day daughter’s bedroom door. Buy her a low power light to work in the dining room is another option but it’s better to make the night owl work somewhere else and another thing is they are adults and they should be living in their own apartment so that this friction can be less of a problem. OP is NTA for simply having two disabled children and having to put up with them instead of kicking them out and having them make their own way in the world. That’s hard work for any parent,believe me.
Nah she can study in any room the other daughter can't sleep in any other room. What the mom did was underreact the kid being an issue would be met with a choice do as I say or go get your own place to live.
Story 1 Easy solution: Let the kids switch rooms for the duration of the course. Let daughter do her assignments earlier. She can miss one hangout with her bf to do her work for the week
Clearly people have the definition of "Golden child" twisted here. Why does one daughter HAVE to study in only the dining room knowing full well the light affects her sister? Why does she have to be out all night? Also why is it "golden child" behavior that Ava wants peace and quiet for work early in the morning 🤦♀️🤦♀️
Why is she purposely making sure to shine light on a sleeping person? She can absolutely study somewhere else at 2am. Crazy that reddit thinks it normal to inconvenience a person that way.
Story 1: ESH. Are there any actual adults in this house? Nicole can study somewhere else. She doesn’t have to stick to one spot. And as one commenter mentioned, does Ava not have a door on her room? And a good night mask can block the extra light that seeps under the door. And if Ava can’t wear a sleep mask, there are still other adjustments that can be made on that end, such as a better fitted door. If the only light slipping in is through the bottom, and the light is off when Ava falls asleep, it shouldn’t be bright enough to wake her up if the door is closed. Both of them also suck for making this a nightly war without either being willing to actually find a compromise. OP sucks for not actually trying to meditate this mess and instead just choosing one side and then turning off the WiFi as a completely idiotic “fix.”.
Op covered the light problem, noise was also a problem. Remember she said no light or noise. She could cover the light cracks but noise still can be heard
If the night owl wants wifi all the time and wants to study where ever, she should get her own place. Until then, stop being a brat to your sibling with a normal sleep schedule.
Changing the study space is way easier than changing a sleep schedule. Very easy choice here. Sounds like they each have their own room too, so absolutely no need to study in the dining room. NTA
Story 1: As long as Nichole isnt being loud then I dont think she's done something wrong. Having ADHD means sometimes you have to do things differently to get your brain to work with you and not against you. She's working in the dining room I assume because there are less distractions, allowing her to keep some focus and she's working later at night because she's a night owl and that's when she has the most focus. The issue was the light which I assume shines through the cracks in the door? There are ways around that and OP had already found one way to block the light. There are also things you can buy for your door to block the cracks without it needing to be a full blanket. What wasnt right is Ava deciding to be vindictive and make a ton of noise in the morning intentionally. Both girls have different needs. If they were roommates in the real world the answer would be that they arent compatible and would do better with different roommates, but for now OP should have found a way to make things work that didnt require one to have to change everything. Block off Ava's door with a curtain or help set up a better work area somewhere else in the house. As long as neither are trying to upset the other then nobody should be punished to keep the peace. And for everyone saying that Nichole is going to have to get better work ethic or do things differently when she gets a job, that's assuming she gets a morning office job. There are options that work for her schedule and needs. Yes, your mental illness is not someone else's problem but that doesnt mean there shouldnt be attempts at accomodations, especially when Ava is getting them.
Op covered the light, as someone who has a quiet laptop, I know they still loud if I’m directly across from a room. So noise was the problem as op said needed dark and no noise
In addition to be really concerned about the story about the two daughters and the sleeping schedule/Wi-Fi use I don’t think letting someone sleep on your couch for a few weeks means that they are required to babysit your children 24 seven At this point if I was OP I’d be sleeping in my car somewhere
1: NTA. These may be adult children but Nicole doesn't sound like she contributes towards the bills. She's deliberately being disruptive to Ava's sleep. Nicole needs to either find a new study spot (living room, her own bedroom, school library, etc.) or accept that the home wifi will be off during the hours the rest of the house are trying to sleep. Instead of being out until 10 at night with her friends/boyfriend, Nicole should be spending that time studying at home or a library. It's Nicole's poor planning that had her coming home to do an assignment/test just TWO HOURS before the due date, when she had all day to get it done. If Nicole absolutely must have this night time schedule, then she needs to get a job and her own apartment.
S1 ESH ADHD doesn't mean you cannot be expected to respect other people's sleep schedules or be able to study elsewhere. Nicole needs to either acknowledge that spending 8 hours hanging with buddies and then coming home to study knowing that it disturbs Ava is rude AF and needs to change, or that her studies are important enough to address what makes the dining room such an appealing space to study and try to recreate it elsewhere. She's a dam adult, not a child.
Story 1: “How DARE you not let your daughter study in the 1 room that blasts light into her sisters room at the hours her sister is trying to sleep, you are clearly playing favourites” …anyone who read the same story we did and came to that conclusion needs their heads examined… No Op is VERY CLEARLY NTA here and her daughter is being a brat
Story 1: " Your daughter needs to learn. The world doesn't roll around her and that she needs to understand ADHD (which she also has) means her sister can't move." "So move your autistic daughter into an entirely another room, (which if you knew anything about autism Would know that would f****** her sleep schedule even more) So your other daughter can take over the middle of the house at 1:00 a.m. in the morning. Because the world does revolve around her."
I disagree with all of the comments. That spoiled brat needs to learn to study else where. She knew her grades would be impacted.. people need to stop using ADHD and autism as excuses for shitty behavior
The ADHD/Autistic Sisters Story: Tell me again why one of them can only work in the dining room outside the of the other one again. There is literally no place else in the entire house where she can work without disturbing the sleep cycle of a person who goes to bed at a VERY REASONABLE 10:30? I find this impossible to believe.
Story 1. So both adult daughters still live at home. So parents most likely pays for the WiFi and can turn on and off when they so pleases. Having ADHD doesn't give you a freecard to procrastinate your studies in favor of going out with friends. And the "only" place she can study is right outside her sisters room ? Yeah right. NTA!
1. Story: Nicole had the choice to not work in the middle of the night with making sure Ava can't sleep if Nicole has so many assignments I don't understand why she is even out till late at night and only then doing her assignments ... isn't it normally the other way around? first work then fun?
Story 2… Did anyone else notice that her boyfriend/fiancé , Jason is picking out her clothes! 4:28 He told her what dress to wear to the wedding because he has another one for their engagement party 😳😳😳 I don’t know any woman, in my circle, whose men are picking out their dresses and telling them what, when and where to wear their clothes. 😳 Suggestions and help is fine. WOW this girl’s got more problems than just her brother and her parents 😳
Story 1 is so weird because theres so many better solutions? Why is the person so light sensitive in the room next to a common space like that? Is the sister banging on pots and pans? Where is her room? Can they switch? Why csnt she wear a sleep mask? (They do wonders) Like adhd does need to plan better, but i cannot imagine putting an curfew on common areas for grown adults. Early or late night
Story 1: ESH. Op sucks for getting involved and turning off the WiFi. She should have let her daughters work it out for themselves like the adults they are. Nicole and Ava do not get to drag anyone else into their fight. Now, I am not neurodivergent, but from my understanding there are ways even with ADHD and AuDHD for everyone to get their needs met so their brains don't work against them and mess up their routines enough. Nicole and Ava are clearly doing none of that, they're just expecting the other to give completely. That is why they suck. Good friggin' god.
Story 1: NTA. Are the YTA commenters high? If Nicole’s homework is so important to her, then she can sit her behind down and get it done early in the day. Just because she has ADHD doesn’t mean that others have to cater to her needs😒 Story 2: Don’t dare give those awful people a wedding gift. Who expects a gift from a guest that they kicked out of their wedding? AHs, that’s who!😠 Story 3: Listen you moocher, you’re living with your cousin rent free and she also purchases your food. In exchange she gets childcare and the use of your car. Fair exchange. If you don’t like this arrangement, pack up your stuff and get out!😒 Story 4: You might want to think about setting up cameras around your home. This woman is a wackadoo!🙄 Story 5: You did the right thing in not inviting your DIL. This place sounds incredibly expensive, so why pay money for a person not to eat what’s put in front of them😒
This first stories comments are wild because I feel like at most it is an ESH but more NTA since Ava argued for like an HOUR instead of just taking her quiz somewhere else and she absolutely can work somewhere that isn't the dining room shining a light into her sister's room. All these people talking about well she can wear a face mask to sleep but the mom said she has AUDHD which can come with tactile triggers. IDK I feel like the mob is off the mark by a country mile with this one.
Story 1: In addition to the issues with Nicole absolutely refusing to study anywhere but the dining room at night, how is it Ava doesn't have a door? Or is it that the tiny bit of light shining in around the door is too much? Regardless, there's a lot of issues with the fact that both Nicole and Ava are actively messing with each other's sleep.
Ava has a door to her bedroom but the bright light from the dining room shines around the door. OP said that Ava needs her room to be pitch black in order to sleep and that is why she has tried hanging a blanket over the doorway to completely block the light but I'm not sure how you get the blanket to stay in place without nailing it in place so that does not appear to be a solution that OP likes to use. It may be a texture thing but Ava should maybe learn to use a sleep mask (she'd likely have to try several to see if she can find one that is comfortable) since there is the potential for her to live or visit many places where a blacked out room is not possible. I have stayed in hotel rooms where an amazing amount of light from the hall came under the door. However, Nicole was a spoiled brat to refuse to move to another spot in the house in order to have the wifi turned on. It was no one's fault but her own that she failed that assignment by missing the deadline.
There must be more context we're missing on the first story, with all the YTA votes going in the post and none in the RUclips comments. Maybe I'll check out their post history.
Neighborhood story. So the neighborhood has a...tradition...wherein they expect a new addition to the community to host a party...for the neighborhood...in their home and at their expense and on the neighborhood's time table? How gracious of the neighborhood to start this tradition for its newcomers. An opportunity to be taken advantage of and have their personal space invaded by strangers who lack any sense of propriety or good manners. Yeah, you don't need to court the good opinion of these people or subject yourself to their imposed tradition. You didn't join a clan or religious sect, you just bought a house. It's typically a good idea to have a good relationship with your neighbors but you definitely shouldn't be a doormat to them.
So its golden child to expect the majority of the houses sleep schedule to be respected when one person wants to be out most the night and procrastinates on assignments until the day they're due and refuses to just move locations in the house if after 1030?
Just move to a room where you don't inconvenience people.
This
Either all those YTA commenters are lacking reading skills or the just decided to blame OP and stick with it no matter what!
EVERYTHING can be solved by just studying in an other room
If THAT makes onse sister the golden child then almost all kids are golden child...
"What? you don't want to let one kid practicing his drums at night??? clearly all the other kids are your golden kids" /s
Yeah. The comments here were worse than either of the two girls. Especially when you read the other child is taking sleeping pills and they're using blankets to block the light (either they don't have doors, or the light comes in under the door/around the edges of the door). It's not like the child trying to sleep isn't trying solutions here. But drugging yourself (even with basic over the counter pills) is a extreme solution compared to just moving to a different room.
If I were the mother I'd stick to the program of not putting on the wifi. Kid will either get it together or she won't.
OMG This is exactly my thoughts. Seems the YTA's missed that it is Nicole that prioritises partying over doing her assignments until the very last minutes. My guess is the YTA's are coming from Nicole and or her friends.
Yeah I have ADHD too (with a dash of insomnia) and this is wild. Why tf does she need to work directly next to her sister's bedroom? If anyone's being a brat it's her.
But if they only light she is getting is coming from the crack under the door, she can lay on her side with her back facing the door and not see it. I’m a night owl and my husband and I had this problem and that’s what he did.
So apparently not wanting someone to shine light in your bedroom after 12 am is entitled and makes you a golden child.
Close the door. If you are that sensitive to light at the bottom of the door that you cannot sleep you should have a sleep mask anyway
@@SA-wc2xqno you don't get to hamper other people's schedules and lives because you are dead set on studying in the dining room at 2:00 a.m.
@@duketha5286whose hampering anyone’s schedule? Closing the door is step one. Wearing a sleep mask would also solve the issue.
@@paulineisme Um, yeah, being a total brat about light coming in under the door is ridiculously entitled. But, you can't see that because you are just as entitled. Lord help us all with these unreasonable people.
@@duketha5286 Both girls have a schedule. But, only one is taking on a difficult summer study course. She's not going into bratty pants' room and turning on the light to do her homework on princess' lap. No. If light from under a door is ruing your life, you really aren't going to make it in the real world.
Story 1: Gotta love the stories where the commenters infantilize people to justify their take, she had 3 options, go to another room, not do her work at the middle of night, or not save work for an the last minute. If it was so important why is she waiting to do it a little over an hour before it's due? Even with ADHD it's on the person with it to handle it.
It’s going to be interesting to see how she handles a job with a boss ( not her mom) with this work ethic.
She is the one doing something unusual. So, unlike the comments, I think OP is doing the right thing trying to help out the daughter that sleeps normal hours.
I know that a lot of people use deadline pressure as a mean to concentrate, maybe girl used this? I personally don't like that method because it works 40/60 for me, and 60% is freezing my brain in terror. Anyway girl didn't even try to use hotspot, which shows how much she wants to turn it into drama. Probably feels like she's always getting the short end of the stick, and maybe she does, but disrupting sleep for her sister isn't a way to go about it.
I have both ADHD and Autism, so I can relate to both sides of the story. I have delayed circadian rhythms and thus work best at night, and also I can't sleep if I know a light is on/making my room less dark, even if the door is closed, and I have a sleep mask.
That being said, the AH is the sister who refused to move where she was studying, come home earlier, or even just studying in the dark with the light from the laptop to work with.
Honestly, she had way more options than her sister who can't change her sleep schedule or move rooms
@@idgarobingoodfellow your comment has the most weight. Your a been there, have that, here’s my opinion on the subject kind of person! Bravo! And thank you!!!!!
So she started to work on finishing The assingment 2 hours before return Time and blames other people when she failed. Yeah clear NTA.
I want whatever drugs the YTAs comments from story 1 are on. I am sure if I can sell it, I will be debt free and can vacation 4 times a year 😂
yeah same, like wtf?
😂😂😂
I have to agree. One daughter intentionally caused disruption and was the one rewarded in the end. There were other ways to find compromise between the girls.
I'm reading a lot of similar comments in the discussion session. Where did those people in the story come from to make such comments?
@MrBeevee5 a generation of emotionally coddled and stunted youth who were told they were special everyday and won participation trophies
If the young lady gets out of school at 2 why does she comes home from hanging out with BF and friends so late? Why can’t she study while she’s out for 8 hrs or more?
That’s what the mother says……how do we know that’s even true. It wouldn’t be the first time a mother came on here and made herself the good guy of her story.
People have different schedules for when they do things. Working at night is a very popular preference for many people.
Why can't the other girl close her door?
@@Ayimiithey used blankets so seems like noise was the problem, as blankets would cover light
Wedding guest attire: I’ve been married for 32 years and I have no idea what any of our guests wore and I haven’t looked at any of the photos in about 30 years. It’s not a big deal. Seriously, you guys. It’s not. My perfect day? Barely remember it. Once the day was over life started. Weddings are overrated. Don’t destroy your relationships for them.
Omg I wish I could upvote you more. A wedding is only the first day of a marriage. You got a loooong way to go. I could care less about what people wore (but I'm the person who had a $200 BBQ in my backyard).
The chutzpah of the brother to ask for a gift after throwing her out though...
S2 - I agree with the notion of not inviting brother and new wife to OP's wedding when she has one. The brother and wife will use it as an opportunity to make a point to OP themselves. Don't give them that chance. If they take a notion to send a wedding gift, return it.
I feel like I'm going crazy with the comments on story one. ADHD does not make Nicole stay out with her boyfriend until 10-11pm each night.
And if she gets distracted anywhere else in the house, most college (even community) have a library that's open at all hours. WTF is with everyone saying Ava should just deal with her sister being disruptive??
most coffee places and even fast food places are open late and have free wifi. I remember when I had internet problems at my house I drove to a Panera Bread at like 8pm and sat in the parking lot using their wifi on my laptop to do an exam on time.
I swear they picked out all the stupidest comments on that story to goad us into commenting on the video! Certainly worked a treat for me, lol.
@@corvuscorax7451 I think your conspiracy theory is correct.
The other girl can wear ra sleeping mask or close the door.
Simple answer really
thank goodness for THIS comments section because I thought I was going crazy too!
Reactions to the first story are so odd. All the kid had to do was not work in a space that disturbed people who needed to work tomorrow. How is that playing favorites? Prioritizing the sleep of people who need to work the next day is normal and the default in society. Just move your damn laptop and get your assignment done instead of moaning and whining😊
Yeah, and one refused to move, then blames the mother....
@@trixmania yeah a bedroom can't be moved but you can do a quiz sat on a bed if you need to. Or do it earlier. This will be an issue unless her roommate has a similar routine
Brother’s wedding: the gift was leaving when asked, instead of making a scene.
op should send him a book on manners
All she had to do was go into another room. It's also 11 at night. Why is she making a ruckus keeping people up at night. I have a similar issue where I'm more active at night. You know what I'm not doing? I'm not keeping people up at night, lol. Go to another room!
It’s literal entitlement… She chose to fail her quiz.
@@brookelynnwu8016no her mom cut off the WiFi. That’s why she failed. Y’all just be treating your kids like crap.
@blacknerdygirlsrock wifi would have been on had she decided to change rooms so you can't blame the wifi
If someone needed water and I told them they could get water by walking 20ft is it ok to cry there's no water?
@@blacknerdygirlsrock she cut off the wifi and said she would turn it back on if she studied in another room.
She wasnt being loud though, Ava caused the noise in the morning. Nichole was just using a light, which is something that can be accomodated.
As someone who works nights, the reactions to the first story are crazy. Why does she have to be in the dining room only, lmao? If any compromise is to be made,‘it’s the one she refused by arbitrarily saying she needed to be in that room only. If magic assigned seats were the cure for ADHD we’d know.
I’m a mother and have been so for 26 years, I hate when ppl say that someone should get a pass or need a break because they have children, uhmmm that was their choice to become a parent and the only other person that responsibility falls to is the other parent and NO ONE ELSE’S
Yeah I don’t think OP is NTA, she has a job, she is just waiting for it to start. I don’t think they spoke about expectations before the OP moved in but this did seem to be a one off situation and the OP wants out. Also where is the OPs wife’s husband and is she a stay at home mom or works where she takes OPs cars and is expected to watch the kids 24/7? I wish there was some more context for this story.
Story 1: Love how it's obvious that Nicole is going out of her way to annoy Ava. It's obvious. She just HAS to study in the one room that was outside of her sister's bedroom, knowing her issue with lights? NTA
And don’t forget she has to go out with friends until late THEN rush home to that table with the strong light to COMPLETE A TIME SENSITIVE ASSIGNMENT
I dont think it's obvious at all.
When you have ADHD, a way to get around lack of focus is to essentially train your brain to trigger focus. People can do this for falling asleep by having night time rituals. For Nichole, it looks like she's used the neutral area of the dining room. A living room or bedroom is often where people relax so she may not be able to focus there.
She's likely trained her brain to focus by having her schedule and using the same place. It isnt her fault it happens to be outside of her sister's room. As long as she isnt being loud, then she is hardly going out of her way to be rude. It's only because Ava has her own special needs that it's a problem.
However, Ava knowingly did annoy her sister rather than go to her sister or mom to address it like an adult.
There were other compromises than putting the need to change entirely onto Nichole.
@Wandervenn she will have to do her job when and where her boss tells her so now is a good time to learn how
Commenter #1 on first story is an idiot , yes they are adults , one stays out until midnight and come home and keeps everyone up when she could be considerate and move to another space . They Nicole has adhd , it doesn’t prevent her from hanging out with her boyfriend until late night and staying up until 2&3 in the morning and disrupting everyone 🤬. She should move in with her boyfriend
I don't think adhd has any consideration in what to do here. None!
Your brother didn’t invite your fiancé and kicked you out of his wedding when you were already there ? That pos expected a gift , gtfo I wouldn’t speak to any of them again you owe them NOTHING! And yes like the commenter said don’t invite either of them to your wedding.
There's helping out with child care and then there's leaving your kids with someone so much that they don't have a life at all outside of watching your kids. Even nannies have time off. But that OP should definitely be cleaning up in general. And if they have a car they should be doing Uber or doordash or something. But they can't do it because the sister-in-law is constantly taking their car so how are they supposed to contribute if they can't make any money?
Last story, last commenter: How exactly does one send such a "non-invite" message politely? Wouldn't it just look like the sender is rubbing it in the recipient's face that they're not invited? Even if it's something the recipient wouldn't want to do, being told out of the blue that there's this event happening but that you're specifically being excluded has got to sting a bit.
I was also curious about how one is supposed to send a "not invited" message. And is this really a thing that EVERYONE KNOWS if one person is left out of an event?
In this situation, I would think it was obvious why a notorious picky eater would not be invited to a restaurant where the OP is the one paying for the meals. If everyone was paying their own way then it is a bit ruder to leave Miss Picky at home.
Also, that 'invited everyone else but not me' part made me think they hadn't read the story very well. OP invited her own daughters and her own sisters; immediate family, specifically two generations of sisters. The complainer is just a DIL.
Last story... the problem is not only that dil is a picky eater but also that it is not a normal restaurant. Op said you eat what you are served, which doesn't sound like there being options to choose from.
Neighbor Story... OP (and everyone else there) should be glad there is no HOA. That woman sounds like the type to force herself onto the Board and then make everyone's life a living hell with her intrusiveness and power plays.
Yes. Definitely this crazy neighbor is a reason why the phrase “good fences make good neighbors” exist.
Melinda reminds me of an aunt who complained that no one threw parties anymore, I asked my mom 'if she wanted one why not throw one herself? my mom agreed lol. My aunts loved to booze, especially on someone else's dime.
People acting like ADHD prevents normal schedules and sleep are stupid. The ignorance and YTA’ers in story 1 are laughable
I was thinking that if Nicole is an adult then she made her own choice, which was to fail rather than study elsewhere. That’s on her, not mom or Ava.
@@acfmiller exactly! She chose to be ridiculously stubborn, and to leave the work to the last possible second (starting at 10.30 when something is due at midnight). She is way too old for her mother to accept any blame for the failed assignment/quiz.
And their arguments against one child could easily be used against the other. Nicole was given different options and chose not to budge. Ava had been accommodating but her problem was the light shining through her door.
Psychotherapist here. You are patently incorrect.
You guys realize that ADHD can present more severely depending on the person right? Like not everyone is the same. ADHD isn't going to be the exact same for each person.
"an irresponsible lack of planning/foresight"
The comments are wild and clearly missed the point where OP said the job had been pushed back *unexpectedly* which is NOT OP's fault nor constitutes a lack of responsibility on their part. Like as an adult for over 20 years it still grinds my gears people much younger seem to think that unexpected issues cropping up are somehow YOUR fault because YOU didn't plan even though it's well beyond your means to control.
Sooo, adhd girl would rather get an F than go to another room, i feel like that is cutting off her nose to spite her face
I had to check the comments because S1 comments made me feel like the odd one out. Out if everything here, Ava is the problem child to them??? Nicole has options but decided to throw a fit and make herself fail. She has ADHD yes but that doesn't mean she's incapable of choosing a better location to study.
The other sister has options too.
She can close the door or wear a sleeping mask
@@lalvarez5151They're both adults who are making their problems other people's problems
@@lalvarez5151 Why? As stated Nicole has other options (getting home earlier to study so she doesn't disrupt other's sleep; using a different are where she would not disturb others)
You are correct
@@SPJPapasan Because Nichole's needs are different than Ava's. She focuses best later in the evening at the dining table. Why should she be expected to be the only person making a change? As long as she isnt being loud then the only issue is light. There are ways to solve that problem.
Nicole can work in another room but nooooooo. Nicole wants to stay out late and cause a ruckus then get mad at the consequences of her inconsiderate action at 20 she can move out if she can’t behave like an adult! Especially in your home. Bye bye Nicole.
Exactly. It's malicious. Are we supposed to believe she never studies or does work in school? That's not the kitchen table is it? Also, when did this become the only place she can work? Sounds recent and not really the truth. OP is NTA.
Honestly ESH. Everyone involved is too old for this crap. Why do these sisters have some low-grade war going? Why the hell doesn't Anna have a door to her room? Why is Nicole out for 8 hrs at a time with her BF if she has an assignment due? I will say that Nicole could've just done the test in her room in order to make it on time. Mom should make them both move out for being petty and exhausting.
So Ava can’t shut her door?? Oh right, because if she did, then she wouldn’t have anything to complain about. How do you know, that Nicole probably stays out so late because of how her mother treats her. She’s probably making plans to move out anyway.
But she didnt cause a ruckus. Noise wasnt the issue with Nichole, it was the light. Ava intentionally caused noise in the morning to get back at her sister.
Also how is she not behaving like an adult? She's not coming home and throwing a party, she's coming home and getting work done before bed. Adults do that. It isnt inherently mature to be on a specific schedule, that's something you see more with kids than adults.
@@blacknerdygirlsrocklol it seems like this is personally triggering to you.
Let me answer your questions: Ava has a door however if a light is on directly outside said door, it will filter through the gap at the bottom. This is why the OP tried to use blankets at first.
Nicole is coming back late because she is irresponsible. How do I know this? Because she waited until an hour before her assignment was due to complete it.
So given those facts, it’s clear that Nicole is TA. Why didn’t she just go study in her bedroom? The OP told her that the WiFi would be turned off unless she studies in her bedroom or somewhere else that isn’t the dining room directly outside another person’s bedroom. She’s was being inconsiderate and then didn’t care enough about her grade to just do what she needed to do for her assignment and then argue after.
So if she feels that she’s being mistreated by OP then it’s likely because she’s selfish, shortsighted and irresponsible.
As an extremely picky eater, I would prefer not being asked to a dinner everyone knows I wouldn’t enjoy, but I can understand at least giving DIL a heads up on why she wasn’t invited so she doesn’t think she’s being excluded for another reason, especially if this is the first time she wasn’t invited.
Nicole must learn to work somewhere else. OP was right to turn off the WiFi. OP is not 'favouring' Ava. If Nicole has work to do, she should complete her work before she goes out!
And if she can't use hotspot for studying, I wonder how useful the education can be for her
Ava is sabotaging herself. Most jobs start in the morning, I bet that will be a literal rude awakening for her when looking for a job…
Ava or Nicole the Nightowl?
4th story. Absolutely NTA. I grew up in a neighborhood and my neighbors were truly like extended family. HOWEVER that being said, it was through years of living with in the community. New neighbors were welcomed and OVER time we got to know them and embrace them into the community. There was NEVER the expectation that new people just open their home up to us. We are strangers to them and them to us. IT is incredibly entitled and obsessively intrusive to expect to be welcomed into a strangers home. No OP not the ahole. Their expectations were ridiculously entitled.
Neighbor Party. Tell them that you're sorry, but it's not your responsibility. If your neighbor doesn't like it, tough.
I've got a feeling there is no set tradition, just a few unrelated past events where people actively chose to have housewarming parties and invite the neighbours. Either the crazy pushy one was made to believe it was an obligation when she moved in and wants to validate her suffering by making others do what she did, or she is trying to start/hype up the 'tradition' for clout. I bet everyone who visited on the day she specified came by because she told them to.
Lol yeah idgaf about your tradition. I am not letting a bunch of strangers in my home.
Nicole doesn't have to work in the morning but she needs to not be working on it in the middle of the night.
I was married 20 years ago and don't remember what any of the guests wore. My only rule was as long as no one's butt crack was hanging out, I'm good. I was just blessed and happy to have the people who love us were able to share the day with us. Many of those people have passed on so to be that picky is a bit much.
What is with the YTA commenters in Story 1? "They're adults, treat them like it." Then the adult could come home early and get her work done before it's actually due. The adult can show some consideration for people she cohabitates with and not keep them awake in the early hours of the AM. The adult thing to do would be to work in another room for goodness sake. People need sleep
Agree like for example if Op daughter move out she will need roommates since renting is high and then she need to learn to take other needs seriously
Ummm...okay story 1. Ignoring the ADHD, if you're going to be up late at night while dealing with people who are asleep, you better be considerate of that. Wasn't that just called common decency?
And if both girls are adults, then why couldn't Nicole act like an adult, move to another spot, and continue her studying once the wifi was back on?
Yes! Thank you! One sister is sleeping in her own room. But she should ( get a door/ wear A MASK/ how about move to another room) so that little miss stay out late / rush home to ONLY THE DINNING TABLE/ complaining rather then getting time sensitive assignments complete in a TIMELY MANNER- that little miss doesn’t feel like the outcast! SHES 20! Bosses don’t care about her issues for time/ spot of work/ or feelings! AND NEITHER WILL FUTURE ROOMMATES!
And she gets out at 2 pm. She could come home, do her assignement and go out. She choose to start her work at 10:30 pm for a midnight rendu
Reddit comments never cease to amaze me. I've read/heard comments about how people should manage their own (insert issue), and here there's people who must be a bunch of 20 year olds who were held accountable for their behavior and are pissed and projecting.
But both sides have issues. So why is one being accomodated but the other is expected to change? Ava's issue is her autism, Nichole's is her ADHD. Ava could make changes on her end as well and be responsible for finding solutions to her needs too.
@@Wandervennhow? Op covered the light side, ear muffs would be needed for the noise but those are uncomfortable as heck. I doubt someone sensitive would be able to use them
Story 1 has to be rage bait.
Who are these people saying YTA to all of that?
Because they are idiots
The amount of stupidity and ignorance in the first story comments is just amazing.
Alot of people seemed to forget noise was the problem. Op blocked the light in the cracks, they needed it to be dark and quiet
I'm sorry, but are the YTA commentors in Story One dumb? Like she's working on school assignments at one o'clock in the morning when people are trying to sleep, seriously.
Story #4: Melinda just wanted to come in your house and be nosy!! Tell her to be like State Farm, be like a good neighbor and stay over there!!
Look it’s called a neighborhood NOT A CULT! All those HOA stories are bad enough but now this crazy woman is stalking you
XO laughing at plant warefare made my day
So, this woman plans a dinner at a restaurant with her sisters and daughters (only 4 people invited) and that's considered an event?
Why do people think they should be invited to every little thing? I doubt it would even occur to me to ask why I wasn't invited, much less throw a tantrum about it.
The commentors in the video are crazy 😳 What's wrong with doing your assignment in your own room rather than the dining room? Sounds to me she insists on that room merely to disturb her sister. If she is out late and needs to do assignments in the middle of the night it is UNDERSTOOD that she not disturb other occupants of the house. It is NOT entitled to expect to be able to sleep at night. It IS entitled to expect everybody to adjust to your schedule and be up when you are up and sleep when you're asleep. Is reddit overrun by 13 year olds or is the one reading and choosing comments trying to stir the pot over here? 😁
Neighbor party story. Any time I have a new neighbor, I go over, introduce myself and, depending on the time of year, will give them a dozen eggs. The chickens don't lay well in the winter. 😂
I'll also give them any information I can about trash pickup, recycling, etc. I don't expect anything from them.
story 1, how is OP TA? she gave Nicole the choice of other places to study so she wouldnt keep her sister up. It's on Nicole that she was too stubborn to think of anyone but herself.
I have ADD… you can study anywhere. If Nicole has to get something done, that’s so important and maybe she shouldn’t be out so late
Story 1: Dear God, this post is 🦇 💩. Both girls are adults. My guess is Ava’s does have her door closed but the light still comes through the cracks. If other daughter must use the dining room, get a desk lamp that concentrates the light where needed and won’t be bright enough to come through Ava’s door. Also, the daughter chose to argue rather than go somewhere where even if not ideal to do the assignment/quiz, she could get something done to earn some credit.
13:02 "I recognize every dog". Yup. I recognize my next door neighbors when they walk in and out of their house, when they are in their back yard and when they are walking April.
There are solutions such as a sleep mask and why can't she move to another room? She can study in literally any room in the house.
prob cause she hates the sister
The other sister can close the door or wear a sleeping mask
It's not like if she makes noise.
why should the sister whos sleeping be forced to change because the one that stays out and does her work at the last minuet?
@@lalvarez5151light was covered by op, noise was the problem. Like I have a quiet laptop, even I know that thing is noisy. That’s assuming she doesn’t do anything else.
@@lalvarez5151 both sisters agreed the top vets too hot for the room to be fully closed so she leaves it abit cracked. Op covered the light part but noise is the problem
Last story: why would anyone have to ask someone else why they weren’t invited to something? That’s the whole explanation, you weren’t invited. Move on. That’s such an entitled mindset to expect someone to have to explain to you why you weren’t invited.
OK so these are adults, as someone with sensory issues and adhd (can't have any light and need white noise to sleep) it's extremely devastating to not be able to sleep Because of selfishness. They are adults, with the right router you can set a time for the wifi to shut off every night and there is no no discussion or arguing about it. It's the parents home. The one that wants to go out all evening and do other things and come home expecting to stay up, possibly keeping others up all hours of the night is not ok. If these assignments are important enough, she would have made sure everything else was scheduled around that. At this point she's taken over the household and the parent is negotiating instead of setting rules and boundaries that the young adult needs in order to function properly as an adult. But no, she's running the show, living at home, parents paying the bills, probably buying all the food, and she can't be in at a respectable time and make sure her work is done BEFORE having free time? No, instead she's gets to disrupt the whole house hold so she can stay out late and prioritize everything else. No
Who wants to be this girls future BOSS, roommate, or spouse? ( DEAD SILENTS)……no… no one?? Me either!
@mellttabor2134 same!
I have a 26 year old and a 29 year old. Both of which are Neroduvergent like myself and my oldest has ADHD. I also have Autistic family members. Yes Autism is a different form of Nerodiversity and so is ADHD but there are many different types of Neroduvergent people. But my girls shared a room and were nice to each other enough to think of each others feelings and sleep. That girl that went out and hung out with her friends is old enough to know what is right and what is not. I knew when I was in school when my assignments were due and I had them in on time. I was going to college in my late 30s and early 40s while working 2 jobs raising 2 girls taking care of my home. Cooking cleaning helping out at my kids school. Helping out my parents and in laws whenever they needed me to physically take care of their yards. Dad was fighting cancer mother in law had CPOD. But I still managed to get my class work done on time and more often then not turned in days before due. Hell most of the time I took lead in group projects. That girl needs to set her priorities.
wedding story: NTA. I told my brother about this and he said "WTF?" about the brother then wanting a wedding gift after kicking OP out of the wedding. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. You don't get to kick someone out of your wedding over something like this and still expect a gift. Entitled pricks!
1st story. NTA. I’m shocked by the "A-hole" comments. Really? How is Ava the "golden child" simply because she needs to sleep in complete darkness at a reasonable hour? As pointed out, there are several rooms available for Nicole to study in, but she is the one refusing to make a simple compromise.
Is anyone forgetting that Nicole knew the assignment had a cutoff time? She was fully aware that it had to be submitted by midnight, and she also knew about the Wi-Fi and use of the dining room cutoff, ONLY if she chose not to come home at a reasonable hour. Why should the entire household revolve around Nicole, who insists on being out late, studying until the early morning, and doing so in a room that will disturb Ava’s sleep? There are plenty of other room options that would avoid this issue.
It is NOT Ava's fault that Nicole prioritized partying over completing her assignment earlier, or that Nicole chose to come home less than an hour and a half before it was due. Nicole claims favoritism because "OP wants Ava to feel good about herself" What? This is about Ava JUSTIFIABLY wanting to be able to sleep at a decent hour.
How is Ava the entitled one here? I don’t know any family that wants to be woken up in the middle of the night because one of them stayed out too late and then chose to study into the early hours. My bet is that the "YTA" comments are from Nicole or one of her friends, because if anyone is entitled in this situation, it’s Nicole.
Neighbor story: NTA. This is a prime example of why I prefer to live in the middle of nowhere so I don't get bothered by neighbors much. Nearest ones are 1/4mile away. I wave and smile if I see them when driving by, I bring packages to them if they get misdelivered to my home (although, they keep my packages if they get them-- one of the reasons I don't interact with them much), but I generally keep to myself. This Melinda person sounds obnoxious. I'd be tempted to sing that song to the State Farm tune "Like a good neighbor, stay over there". Even when I lived in a neighborhood with houses on every side, nobody acted like this Melinda jerk. We did have block parties on 4th of July and neighborhood kids would come swing on our swingset and swim in our pool when invited but no-one demanded anything. Almost every house had a pool, although my dad built us a swingset so not many homes had a play area (we had a swingset and seesaw as well as a little house thingy we could go inside that dad built). OP has zero obligation to throw a party or allow complete strangers into their home. I've had bad experiences with neighbors and others stealing things so I would not trust even people I knew. I know I couldn't trust my nearest neighbors not to steal things. Sounds like OP needs some security cameras and if there's an HOA then contacting them to report harassment from Melinda might be something to do. Might also give the police a call to notify them of the problems and how Melinda vandalized property & has been harassing OP and they want a stay away order.
OP is leaving a bad impression? No consideration for how it looks to demand a new neighbour throws a party?
How is he suppose to go and find said job when she takes his car and has him babysitting 24/7
Am I a lunatic or are these comments on the first story so wrong the world must be spinning backwards? If anyone is the golden child it's the sister that stays out all night and disrupts everyone else. The dads a hypocrite.
1: Why didn’t Nicole just go to her room for the quiz? Nicole had options, but she just didn’t want to. I think OP should reconsider rooms. The door to Ava’s room could also be made to not let light through. I don’t think this is a golden child thing. I think both of these girls need a glimpse of the real world instead of being coddled.
I am AuDHD and lived 4 years with a night owl friend who liked to turn on all the ceiling lights after sunset. It took a toll on my sleep because it disrupted my readiness to go to bed when I came home. Now I live alone and use ceiling lights only in the morning. And the funniest thing is I am less sensitive to light than sound and especially touch
If you choose to study when everyone else is sleeping, you have to do it where it doesn't bother the people sleeping. This isn't about a golden child. This is about an entitled brat that thinks the world should revolve around the schedule she chooses to keep. Nicole has no care in the world for other people's needs. OP should have threatened to kick her out of the house if she can't be respectful of others living there. Oh, and Nicole studied where it would bother her sister's sleep on purpose. It was intentional and that was why she didn't want to study some place else or at a better hour.
Agree and unless she is going to be a baker or security where people works at night no one is going to hire her
Why can't Ava come home and study first, and hang out with her friends/boyfriend later?
Neighbor Melinda story: not even the welcome wagon in The Sims 4 is as annoying as this 😂
My guess is melinda likes to booze and eat on other people's dime, op should ask why she is not organizing a welcoming party instead XD
Emerald Dress at Wedding Story: OP you should simply reply, "GFY!"
I have adhd,and I'm always on time,and hate being late or do things late. So I really dislike when people use it as an excuse!!
Don't most phones have hotspots?
Story 1: As a person with ADHD, there is absolutely no reason to allow one night owl and one day person to fight over the sleep schedules being violated. Instead of turning off the wi-fi,OP should have removed the light bulbs in the dining room and shut the day daughter’s bedroom door. Buy her a low power light to work in the dining room is another option but it’s better to make the night owl work somewhere else and another thing is they are adults and they should be living in their own apartment so that this friction can be less of a problem. OP is NTA for simply having two disabled children and having to put up with them instead of kicking them out and having them make their own way in the world. That’s hard work for any parent,believe me.
the neighborhood party story......is OP living in the sims? it sounds like she just skipped the welcome wagon event.
Nah she can study in any room the other daughter can't sleep in any other room. What the mom did was underreact the kid being an issue would be met with a choice do as I say or go get your own place to live.
Story 1: Everyone acting like children when a simple closed door would solve the problem. Unbelievable.
Story 1 Easy solution: Let the kids switch rooms for the duration of the course. Let daughter do her assignments earlier. She can miss one hangout with her bf to do her work for the week
Clearly people have the definition of "Golden child" twisted here. Why does one daughter HAVE to study in only the dining room knowing full well the light affects her sister? Why does she have to be out all night? Also why is it "golden child" behavior that Ava wants peace and quiet for work early in the morning 🤦♀️🤦♀️
Why is she purposely making sure to shine light on a sleeping person? She can absolutely study somewhere else at 2am. Crazy that reddit thinks it normal to inconvenience a person that way.
Story 1: ESH. Are there any actual adults in this house?
Nicole can study somewhere else. She doesn’t have to stick to one spot.
And as one commenter mentioned, does Ava not have a door on her room? And a good night mask can block the extra light that seeps under the door. And if Ava can’t wear a sleep mask, there are still other adjustments that can be made on that end, such as a better fitted door. If the only light slipping in is through the bottom, and the light is off when Ava falls asleep, it shouldn’t be bright enough to wake her up if the door is closed.
Both of them also suck for making this a nightly war without either being willing to actually find a compromise.
OP sucks for not actually trying to meditate this mess and instead just choosing one side and then turning off the WiFi as a completely idiotic “fix.”.
Op covered the light problem, noise was also a problem. Remember she said no light or noise. She could cover the light cracks but noise still can be heard
Am i nuts?? S1 is so- it's completely normal to respect the sleeping hours of the others that are in the same house!
If the woman with picky tastes were to come to the fancy chef's meal, she'd demand chicken nuggies and have a toddler tantrum if she didn't get them.
If the night owl wants wifi all the time and wants to study where ever, she should get her own place. Until then, stop being a brat to your sibling with a normal sleep schedule.
Agree
Leaving the car wherever and leaving OP stranded is wild af
No notice babysitting indefinitely also sucks. Just get another job and move.
Changing the study space is way easier than changing a sleep schedule. Very easy choice here. Sounds like they each have their own room too, so absolutely no need to study in the dining room. NTA
Story 1: As long as Nichole isnt being loud then I dont think she's done something wrong. Having ADHD means sometimes you have to do things differently to get your brain to work with you and not against you. She's working in the dining room I assume because there are less distractions, allowing her to keep some focus and she's working later at night because she's a night owl and that's when she has the most focus. The issue was the light which I assume shines through the cracks in the door? There are ways around that and OP had already found one way to block the light. There are also things you can buy for your door to block the cracks without it needing to be a full blanket.
What wasnt right is Ava deciding to be vindictive and make a ton of noise in the morning intentionally.
Both girls have different needs. If they were roommates in the real world the answer would be that they arent compatible and would do better with different roommates, but for now OP should have found a way to make things work that didnt require one to have to change everything. Block off Ava's door with a curtain or help set up a better work area somewhere else in the house. As long as neither are trying to upset the other then nobody should be punished to keep the peace.
And for everyone saying that Nichole is going to have to get better work ethic or do things differently when she gets a job, that's assuming she gets a morning office job. There are options that work for her schedule and needs. Yes, your mental illness is not someone else's problem but that doesnt mean there shouldnt be attempts at accomodations, especially when Ava is getting them.
Op covered the light, as someone who has a quiet laptop, I know they still loud if I’m directly across from a room.
So noise was the problem as op said needed dark and no noise
We all know Melinda just wants to snoop
In addition to be really concerned about the story about the two daughters and the sleeping schedule/Wi-Fi use
I don’t think letting someone sleep on your couch for a few weeks means that they are required to babysit your children 24 seven
At this point if I was OP I’d be sleeping in my car somewhere
1: NTA. These may be adult children but Nicole doesn't sound like she contributes towards the bills. She's deliberately being disruptive to Ava's sleep. Nicole needs to either find a new study spot (living room, her own bedroom, school library, etc.) or accept that the home wifi will be off during the hours the rest of the house are trying to sleep. Instead of being out until 10 at night with her friends/boyfriend, Nicole should be spending that time studying at home or a library. It's Nicole's poor planning that had her coming home to do an assignment/test just TWO HOURS before the due date, when she had all day to get it done. If Nicole absolutely must have this night time schedule, then she needs to get a job and her own apartment.
S1
ESH
ADHD doesn't mean you cannot be expected to respect other people's sleep schedules or be able to study elsewhere. Nicole needs to either acknowledge that spending 8 hours hanging with buddies and then coming home to study knowing that it disturbs Ava is rude AF and needs to change, or that her studies are important enough to address what makes the dining room such an appealing space to study and try to recreate it elsewhere. She's a dam adult, not a child.
Story 1: “How DARE you not let your daughter study in the 1 room that blasts light into her sisters room at the hours her sister is trying to sleep, you are clearly playing favourites”
…anyone who read the same story we did and came to that conclusion needs their heads examined…
No Op is VERY CLEARLY NTA here and her daughter is being a brat
Story 1:
" Your daughter needs to learn. The world doesn't roll around her and that she needs to understand ADHD (which she also has) means her sister can't move."
"So move your autistic daughter into an entirely another room, (which if you knew anything about autism Would know that would f****** her sleep schedule even more) So your other daughter can take over the middle of the house at 1:00 a.m. in the morning. Because the world does revolve around her."
I disagree with all of the comments. That spoiled brat needs to learn to study else where. She knew her grades would be impacted.. people need to stop using ADHD and autism as excuses for shitty behavior
The ADHD/Autistic Sisters Story: Tell me again why one of them can only work in the dining room outside the of the other one again. There is literally no place else in the entire house where she can work without disturbing the sleep cycle of a person who goes to bed at a VERY REASONABLE 10:30?
I find this impossible to believe.
Story 1.
So both adult daughters still live at home. So parents most likely pays for the WiFi and can turn on and off when they so pleases.
Having ADHD doesn't give you a freecard to procrastinate your studies in favor of going out with friends.
And the "only" place she can study is right outside her sisters room ?
Yeah right.
NTA!
1. Story:
Nicole had the choice to not work in the middle of the night with making sure Ava can't sleep
if Nicole has so many assignments I don't understand why she is even out till late at night and only then doing her assignments ... isn't it normally the other way around? first work then fun?
Story 2… Did anyone else notice that her boyfriend/fiancé , Jason is picking out her clothes! 4:28 He told her what dress to wear to the wedding because he has another one for their engagement party 😳😳😳 I don’t know any woman, in my circle, whose men are picking out their dresses and telling them what, when and where to wear their clothes. 😳 Suggestions and help is fine. WOW this girl’s got more problems than just her brother and her parents 😳
Story one: all the YTAs are morons. Sleep is important too. It's actually needed to live
Story 1 is so weird because theres so many better solutions? Why is the person so light sensitive in the room next to a common space like that?
Is the sister banging on pots and pans? Where is her room? Can they switch? Why csnt she wear a sleep mask? (They do wonders)
Like adhd does need to plan better, but i cannot imagine putting an curfew on common areas for grown adults. Early or late night
Story 1: ESH. Op sucks for getting involved and turning off the WiFi. She should have let her daughters work it out for themselves like the adults they are. Nicole and Ava do not get to drag anyone else into their fight. Now, I am not neurodivergent, but from my understanding there are ways even with ADHD and AuDHD for everyone to get their needs met so their brains don't work against them and mess up their routines enough. Nicole and Ava are clearly doing none of that, they're just expecting the other to give completely. That is why they suck. Good friggin' god.
Story 1: NTA. Are the YTA commenters high? If Nicole’s homework is so important to her, then she can sit her behind down and get it done early in the day. Just because she has ADHD doesn’t mean that others have to cater to her needs😒
Story 2: Don’t dare give those awful people a wedding gift. Who expects a gift from a guest that they kicked out of their wedding? AHs, that’s who!😠
Story 3: Listen you moocher, you’re living with your cousin rent free and she also purchases your food. In exchange she gets childcare and the use of your car. Fair exchange. If you don’t like this arrangement, pack up your stuff and get out!😒
Story 4: You might want to think about setting up cameras around your home. This woman is a wackadoo!🙄
Story 5: You did the right thing in not inviting your DIL. This place sounds incredibly expensive, so why pay money for a person not to eat what’s put in front of them😒
Story two: who wears an off the shoulder dress that has a dress slit up to the mid thigh isn't wedding appropriate
How is it not? Just looked that up and I see nothing wrong with that style.
Explain why it was "not appropriate". I guess that nothing short of "collar high and ground touching with long sleeves."
This first stories comments are wild because I feel like at most it is an ESH but more NTA since Ava argued for like an HOUR instead of just taking her quiz somewhere else and she absolutely can work somewhere that isn't the dining room shining a light into her sister's room. All these people talking about well she can wear a face mask to sleep but the mom said she has AUDHD which can come with tactile triggers. IDK I feel like the mob is off the mark by a country mile with this one.
Story 1: In addition to the issues with Nicole absolutely refusing to study anywhere but the dining room at night, how is it Ava doesn't have a door? Or is it that the tiny bit of light shining in around the door is too much?
Regardless, there's a lot of issues with the fact that both Nicole and Ava are actively messing with each other's sleep.
Ava has a door to her bedroom but the bright light from the dining room shines around the door. OP said that Ava needs her room to be pitch black in order to sleep and that is why she has tried hanging a blanket over the doorway to completely block the light but I'm not sure how you get the blanket to stay in place without nailing it in place so that does not appear to be a solution that OP likes to use.
It may be a texture thing but Ava should maybe learn to use a sleep mask (she'd likely have to try several to see if she can find one that is comfortable) since there is the potential for her to live or visit many places where a blacked out room is not possible. I have stayed in hotel rooms where an amazing amount of light from the hall came under the door.
However, Nicole was a spoiled brat to refuse to move to another spot in the house in order to have the wifi turned on. It was no one's fault but her own that she failed that assignment by missing the deadline.
@@hrobinson9701op said she got the light problem solved but the noise was the problem
There must be more context we're missing on the first story, with all the YTA votes going in the post and none in the RUclips comments. Maybe I'll check out their post history.
Neighborhood story. So the neighborhood has a...tradition...wherein they expect a new addition to the community to host a party...for the neighborhood...in their home and at their expense and on the neighborhood's time table? How gracious of the neighborhood to start this tradition for its newcomers. An opportunity to be taken advantage of and have their personal space invaded by strangers who lack any sense of propriety or good manners.
Yeah, you don't need to court the good opinion of these people or subject yourself to their imposed tradition. You didn't join a clan or religious sect, you just bought a house. It's typically a good idea to have a good relationship with your neighbors but you definitely shouldn't be a doormat to them.