Listening to this one as I want to move on with my life ASAP. Thank you again. And got to say, you're selling the Carolinas really well 😅 The money side of things is absolutely spot on. My god. Her credit score was shocking. I was lucky that I didn't set anything up with her financially. I count myself lucky the more I learn. Best of luck to the new supply.
The coded abuse in words and text msg only you understand has also been called dog whistle blowing designed to get you enraged, especially in public....best not to let it rise, you don't give the narc the satisfaction
Newbies, go silent, it goes against your nature , but go silent, stay away from the mind games, the confusion. True love does NOT involve mind games. It is painful, but do head over heart , step back , someone who genuinely loves you, wants to talk, to move forward positively , NOT control and play games. Great work Andrew. Peace all.
Spiritual vision leads to clarity and it is one of our highest function that we MUST use. All illusions will dissolve if we do this . Thanks for the comment.
Be Happy and Blessed that you are out of that abusive relationship..None of us Ever Deserved all that B.S.,and all the mind games they did on us,,These people are so Destructive,in every way, You Cannot Have A loving relationship,,They Cannot Love Or Feel any empathy,It is A One Way Street with them,,.we did our best ,they are very Disfunctional,they just use you for everything they can,and have no conscience,they just don't give a Hoot,Exit as soon as you can,They Brainwashed us into Believing Their Reality ,and slowly diminished all our beliefs and values we had So they Could take Full Control ,we were like Puppets for them,go no contact,they are evil people,🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️Blessings,sent.
Well said, but the physical abuse is a real shocker. The very first time it happens you would’ve never expected the individual you love and care about could ever do something like that.
Stress causes all these negative things going on with your body. All that stress raises cortisol levels. Your body was never designed to deal with ongoing mental stress. Cortisol and adrenalin is there to help you escape from a predator. Mental stress is 100 times worse than physical stress.
A few years before even learning anything about Narcissism, I read an article by Robert Sapolsky on his stress research ( nothing hyper intellectual). It was an indicator why some humans act like they do. Several youtube videos are available. I think you can relate even childhood behavior under toxic parenting to accumulative stress at an early age. And the kids grow to legal adulthood and are off to life's race ...starting off carrying a bag of instant stressors!
@@jhavajoe3792interesting stuff. I’ve seen Dr Aimee Apigian ‘the biology of trauma’ summit. She explains how our nervous systems develop in utero and early childhood. So we pick up on what’s going on around us, eg family tensions, trauma, happenings etc. also how we are attuned to by our caregivers so we’re soothed and helped to deal with things (or not). This explains why for some people to experience a difficult event it’s not really a big deal. For others it affects them badly and the effects last longer. It’s like our sensitivities are set at different levels. 🌸
Well said everyone. Truly over her but realizing I need and am learning who I am now and was before her. Sleep is so hard 2:05am here, but look forward to working tomorrow at 6:30am. The narc is disgusting. Gave me a constant anxiety where cortisol is at 110%, but 9 months in, starting to settle down as I learn I it’s my time now to finally heal.
Verbal abuse is more painful and devastating than a physical beating, although that is horrible, too. Gaslighting is something that makes you question your sanity. It is a sick and sadistic thing to do to a person and it really makes me mad, but only momentarily because I will not allow myself to be pushed back into being victimization and become ill moreso than I already am. It isn't always done in the open, at least in my case. The Gaslighting is done by people who are like ghosts. They will, however, have their day of reckoning... it's coming, and I am just biding my time until karma strikes them and they pay the consequences for their actions. I have become indifferent to these evil people. I can't afford to react to their devious and childish behavior, allowing them to destroy my health. I am saying NO to them... NO, NOT NOW, NOT AGAIN.
@@emilywilson7308 thank you Emily, but I am not any better than anyone else here. I appreciate your support and respect and I thank you for your friendship and for cheering me on, but I don't need to be revered or idolized. Please place your faith in God because I am not perfect and I make mistakes all the time. You Are just as valuable and important as I am,. I only wish to be helpful and encouraging to others. But, again, my friend, I appreciate you and your friendship. God bless you 🙏 ❤️
@@emilywilson7308 thank you, you're right, but I just want to shine humbly and not be boastful. Also, I have always been in the background all my life and I guess it is almost second nature to me...and my last relationship with a narcissist and violent alcoholic who almost succeeded in violently murdering me further instilled the necessity to be invisible, a hard habit for me to break.... and although I love my deceased parents dearly, they had violent arguments that sometimes erupted into violent fights, and I very early in my childhood , like at least 1 1/2years of age began to develop the need for invisibility. TY for the enlightening encouragement Emily. I promise to work on being that conduit of divine energy and allow my light to openly shine. TY my dear friend ❤️ Have you heard Vkictory Boyd sing Psalm 91? I am listening to it now...it is a beautiful song that speaks to my soul and she is a wonderful artist. I love all her music 🎶 🎵 ❤️ 😍 soul inspiring. ♥️
@@marybarton5651 I will look it up on RUclips. When you share the burden of your experiences it helps people too. I know it is painful and hard to break old habits, but I believe we are messengers of God and can we can learn from each other. You are such a gem. A child of God.💖
You will have crash days in your healing. Please be kind to yourself on those days. Sometimes it takes a while to stop beating yourself up over what has happened. Namaste 🙏
You have saved me from a 22 yr narc relationship. Living at my mum's but guess what I'm free 😭 I never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would be free ♥️💖
@@aprilmurch1054 Oh sorry, I just refreshed my memory. You were the one who stated this. Ha. I just watched a video of the tactics a female covert narcissist uses. Since I lived 29 years of it, I know her lie better than anyone, and this video really lays out just how much I was manipulated and abused. Like what you had mentioned about it being so surreal like a movie. So much pain to deal with, and yet I’m experiencing so much freedom too. I very much liked your bridge analogy.
They may not be actual narcissists, but may have many of the toxic traits that are are not worth hanging around... and better to seek out supportive allies. If there is a way for these people to change ...if not an actual full blown narcisst, then they would never modify their behavior if they continue to be coddled... but I get what you're saying .... the supportive folks can be identified and opened up to.
There are so many things to deal with post relationship - they are gone and you're left picking up the pieces, including yourself off the floor. Trying to make sense of it all and then one day you wake up, expecting the pain to pierce through and you find that you're starting to heal.....you still have mountains to climb but you're moving forward. They want to paralyse you with fear but God doesn't allow it when you cry out to him. Keep listening to Andrew.....I do believe in earth angels and Andrew is right up there with them. Don't look back, there's nothing to be found there, only heartache. They will never change and dont have our best interests at heart. Our better days are still ahead if us. Stay encouraged! God bless 🙏
Yes 🙌 I too have said that you’re the one left picking up the pieces. They do all of the dirty work and then you’re the cleanup crew. It’s not fair, quite heinous actually.
Calling me old, ugly, because I am seven years older than him, even though we are both in middle age. I am no 'cougar.' He made fun of wrinkles that I didn't have yet, compared me to other women, and made me feel like nothing. Then would tell me how beautiful I was, and so on and so on. It's a terrible thing. YEP, he said I needed 'help.' Said I was crazy, told people I was a drug addict because I take medication for DIABETES and a very severe spinal condition. Said I was a slut. I NEVER cheated on that man, ONE TIME. I loved him so much it was like he was the last man on earth...
The skin problems thing has been my experience, for sure. Even afterwards, I am having new situations where I never had any before. I had actually chalked it up to toxins trying to make their exit. 😂
Hi. Yes, I also did get terrible skin problems form working for a Narc. person for 3,5 years. After leaving that job I tried lot of things to recover physically and mentaly. Medication, therapy even energyhealing. It took me 1,5 years to be ok again. One of the things that was easy accesible and worked amazing for me was listening theta waves binaural beats (7hz) and going for walks in nature. Take care 🌳🌳🌳🌳
After the discovery of narcissistic abuse, which explained the crazy life I lived with my ex, I realised that I’d encountered other narcs in my life. One was a co worker. It was subtle and undermining. I learned that others before me had difficulties with that person (who seemed generally ‘nice’). It was very unhealthy, having problems at work and at home (often not knowing what actually was going on!). I developed a rash on my torso which just kept on for possibly over a year. When some of it healed it would creep to another area and just keep going. It was like literally they’d got under my skin!
After I removed myself the skin on my right hand broke out, itchy red bumps. The narcissist knows my church schedule and show up with his dramas. Now I have two new itchy bumps on my healed hand. Didn’t except the Hoover ‘cause if look back I may turn into a pillar of salt. 😳 Thank You Andrew🙏 I watch your video several times a day 🤩
⛅ The Narc had in their mind to end the relationship long before all your resources were sucked away by the greedy vampire they wanted to make sure they got every drop before they floored you . 💥🦋 Now when the healing process has finally came to the end or on the way .Life is amazing .fun.exciting .and you realize that relationship was doomed before it begun.Its a mind blowing awaking ❤💙💚
And once the healing process does end, surprise surprise they waltz back into your life and act like nothing happened and try to get you back to feeling their loss and fighting for their return.
Yeah, and when I met him I looked 20 years younger. It's called stress. Post-relationship think of ways to treat yourself. Spa treatments, facials, acupuncture, meditation and yoga etc. Invest in good skincare like Clarins.
Andrew, I still can’t thank you enough. Keep doing your videos exactly the way you are. With every video, I feel understood and welcome. I can’t tell you the relief it brings to me. I really had a rough one last night. Trauma Bond. There’s a label to put on my garbage can! Lol your reminders in every video instantly makes me feel better. Brother, you are awesome and so loved. Namaste my friend.❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🏆❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
What i've found really helpful is simply that the truth will set you free. Through the lies and the manipulation our instinctive self began to desire them because the instinctive self can not really see. Our center of clarity was blocked (enter narcissistic fog). Thus the key is that higher intuitive seeing, it will truly set you free. Higher vibrations and intuition will truly unlock a big part of all of this. Remember also that the narcissist is an individual condesantion of the collective darkness/ unconsciousness that we were up against because of our kind empathetic nature. Truth will illuminate all darkness and all illusions that keep us in bondage,
The steps _I_ took got me ABOVE and BEYOND the Pinnacle of Indifference. I developed skills I never dreamed were POSSIBLE, but I really believe they came, in part, because of my newfound self confidence. Confidence was something I had NEVER had, so developing _that_ was HUGE in itself. 🤩❤🤩❤🤩❤🤩 People continue to try to take it away again, but that won’t work THIS time around!!! 💪💪😁
Jennifer PIERCE that balloon of NEGATIVE TALK from other people!!! ( No matter WHO they are in your life!!! ) Familial responsibilities does NOT include soul crushing verbal abuse!
It's comforting to see someone else understand this issue in such an intimate way, the terrible expirience of narcissistic abuse. One thing I had trouble with was to explain with words what my ex was doing to me,my mom would say "what happenned,what did he do?"And he would gaslight me and use word salad,and i often could'int even remember how the fight started or why,my brain felt like mush. They are smart and tactful,they know how to harm without leaving any evidence. I remember I started doughting myself and questioning myself,am I not well,is something wrong with me? They are master manipulators and the saddest truth is they are proud of it.
Me too regarding explaining ‘it’ and brain not working. About 4 years into the relationship we’d gone for a meal with his friend and friends wife. The wife and I went to the restroom. I ended up in a sort of panic attack and got upset. She took hold of my arms and said, “But …what does he do?” (like she was expecting me to reveal physical assault or something really bad)…………... I couldn’t say anything!? I was frozen. Couldn’t speak. I could verbalise what it was. I had the same problem at the doctors too. So glad you are on the healing path with knowledge and understanding now. We are empowered survivors! ❤
Hi Annie, I truly understand the brain moosh, never remembering what happened or how...I think looking back we were so inundated with what happened yesterday, the day before, what's coming this afternoon or tomorrow we never had time to sort out all the chaos so as an analogy not enough bandwidth...it's normal to be mooshed normally we would never ever have to be on that many levels at the same time...hope that makes a bit of sense...☮️🙏
Ohhhhh YES, Andrew. With the kids, it’s GENETIC and generational no matter what you do to change things for the better (pulling toward the light). NOPE!! You were 💯‼️‼️‼️% correct! The kid is lost to the dark side. It’s all me now…….and the pup.
Oh, I am so grieved to read about the child. However, I am facing the same fears about my two. I believed that because I raised them for the Lord, they would eventually be ok. However, I conveniently ignored the fact they were making repeated decisions to be influenced by the narcissist. Sometimes I wonder if they are narcs, too...
It is so devastating to go through.Having the wisdom & the support of the channel makes it a whole lot better to carry on. Hang in there & heal.......REMOVE THE TOXIC IRRITANT SO YOU CAN!!! Blessings Dear Ones 🎀😘
The funny thing is that it's very hard to get rid off some narcissists friends I have. Maybe because I am the one trying to discard them? Because, man, I really wish they would leave me alone. Edit: I removed nearly all of them, so I'm fine! It just took much more time and effort than I anticipated.
So agree, I thought the coast was clear and I was feeling more whole but a few years on, flying monkeys were activated, continued emails that are subtly snarky . ... also in the 'friend' zone. I've been confirming all the info for some time and moving on, but since the narcissist just reared her head once again, then I came back to such channels for support. But I also just want to be left alone by this person... I have a soft spot. Her husband is a far older friend with health issues ... then again I would find out thru other people if something happened to him. I now know I have to close that link to me as well.
No matter if you're strong or weak. Now one stab you. There always be a narc in the shadow. Stay vigilant and strong . But overall live your life. It's the only way to beat them.
@@janefreeman995 😔. As Andrew says: YOU ARE YOUR PRIORITY! YOU come 1st, 2nd, and 3rd on YOUR PRIORITY LIST. NO CONTACT RECOMMENDED ( as you said you have OTHER RESOURCES if something happened with her husband. PLEASE, don't go into that BOTTOMLESS 🕳️ ( black hole ) again. 💪🦾💪🦾💪🦾 sent your way!!! 🙂 💐💐💐💐s ( bouquets ) of happiness for you! 💙💙💙 ( Hope the blue means friendship. ) 🙂
I had a heated talk tonight with my husband (narc). I just couldn’t take him being here and told him this has to end. Oh Andrew, thank you for preparing me. He accused me of being the narcissist in this relationship. He also insisted he did nothing to me last week and has no memory of it. He said I was making things up. Laughed at me. It was the biggest display of narc behavior yet. He’s usually more covert. I demanded out. Now, I’m just scared of what’s next.
And he came home following night after work asking me a general question as if nothing had happened. How do they just turn it off and on? Was he trying to have the mask on again? It won’t work if so. Pure evil.
Sometimes post relationship, you have developed PTSD and do not trust anyone. After healing, you no longer feel that way but are cautious. Just know that there are still good and honest people out there; but be careful not to make them feel that you distrust them. Just a suggestion.
All of the things resonate with me Andrew.Healing takes time . Good days, followed by not so good days . At the beginning after being cruelly abandoned, like you described I felt lost, emotionally exhausted, confused, this was followed by feelings of pure resentment, and trying to locate the Narcissist for some kind of answers, and closure. He didn’t tell me where he was, and I now sadly realise that these people will not take any accountability for hurting us and no way will they give closure.We unfortunately have to do that for ourselves. It helps to talk with people who understand and have gone through this themselves, that’s why your Chanel is brilliant for information and support. Thanks for all you do .
I agree, each day is different than the next when it comes to being out of the relationship. Some days you feel really good and positive while other days you feel overwhelmed and upset. To run back and have things feel like “normal” again is out of the question, but sometimes your mind tricks you into thinking it could happen. That would be taking the easy way out.
They are absolute cowards. I was also suddenly discarded left bewildered. Screw ‘em. We don’t have to listen to their lying opinions of us. They were all lies. Every one. She will not get my attention spiritually either. It’s mine for me now. She was a lie. Any answers I wanted, I realized would all just be lies anyway. They are never wrong are they. It was always you, and that is impossible in a two way relationship. Impossible. Lies. They are pathetic, and you are a lioness. You will conquer this! I will conquer this. Danielle will conquer this. Andrew will conquer this. You have us, and we have you. I don’t need her because of it. Namaste you incredibly bright and loving individual.❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
I’m sorry, I had a truly hard night last night, and I don’t want to anymore, but I apparently don’t have a choice. I feel better supporting others. Please forgive my outburst.
Omg, this is exactly what happened to me. I am currently stuck in my house that is half owned by the N ex husband. He won’t follow the 50/50 of what the judge ordered. So, I live in a corner of the basement with the rest of the house all ready to sell. I keep it perfect. My life is passing by with 5 different illnesses.
I can’t believe I have to manage these medications & still think about how to deal with him legally. A lawyer told me to just wait until he finally dies & then I will own everything. Married 40 years this month to him.
@@Chasing70 🎖🎖🎖🎖for the length of the marriage. Sounds like you need anything to calm your nervous system and try to keep your body and mind in the ‘rest and digest’ state as difficult as it is in the circumstances. If you can’t get quality sleep - sleep meditations you tube - Jason Stephenson, Michael Sealy. Also the mindful movement ‘Heal while you sleep’. Just put them on low volume so you can just hear them. They really help me. Also Reiki, aromatherapy massage, Emotional freedom technique (tapping) to help with stress/physical health. Sending best wishes ❤🌸
We need patience, self-love, self-compassion and slowing our lives down. We are healing from emotional, psychological, spiritual injuries which are severe and need time to heal. Nobody can see them so it’s up to us to take good care of ourselves and address those wounds properly and with compassion. Only WE can do it. Don’t wait for others to give you permission. Thank you. 🙏 God bless you❤
The behavior of a narcissist post discard is something that no one can predict. For example when i went to the lawyer's office after the discard my ex narc made a scene like i had never seen before. He said so many bad things in my face that i just could not believe my ears. He was someone else in front of my eyes. And what made it worst, the lawyer said nothing. He let him do his spectacle. When i went home i was in shock. I could not believe what had happened. Great video Andrew. Hope you are having fun in your sunny NC. Have a wonderful evening. ❤🫶☀️
When I filed for a divorce mine called me a gold digger. I did all the work. Snow shoveling, mowing. I painted the inside of the house. All he did was sit on his a$$. I cooked I cleaned and ironed his clothes. He never lifted a finger to help. His mother and brother treated me like free help at the drop of a hat. They are sad people. It did not matter if I was sick. Do do do do.
@@DonnahodginsHi Donna, sorry you have gone through all of that. Now you deserve someone who will love you, cherish you and treat you right. Wishing you the best. Have a great evening and night. 🤗🙌🙏
It's the sheer two-facedness that gets me. In all sincerity of expression and voice, or so it seems, they will offer to do things for you, to be there for you, call them whenever you need their support etc and then in their next breath, they are plotting your downfall, smear campaigning to whomever behind your back and basically do the opposite of whatever they had promised to be like or do. Haven't quite got to the sit down with solicitors to sign the papers to finalise it all and my ex seems quite happy to drag it out, I guess it must be serving a purpose, one of which is likely that he has taken everything of value and sold it all. Other than that, I am fully prepared to expect all and every possible scenario that may be thrown at me when the time comes. It truly is shocking, we never knew them at all. 🐞🦔🦊
A bad credit score is a big red flag to me. You may have-but I haven't yet- met someone with a bad credit score-that wasn't at least "Narcissistic". Taker's take. They don't pay back.
There are many reasons why someone could have a bad credit score; car accident, disability, laid off, employer shut down, divorce, abuse, prison, lack of education...
@@emilywilson7308 Ok. I believe you. I've never met someone like you as a, you know, partner or a business partner for that matter. I hope things get better for you. I'm not calling you a "taker narcissist". It's a red flag -for me. Perhaps it's a "green flag" for you?
@@sototallyover2359 I have a good credit score, but was thinking of all the bad things that could happen to someone. We are human and fragile, so anything could happen to sink our ship! I've been blessed with good health and success so far, but can't take it for granted. The older I get, the more I think about these things... I could get hit by a truck and disabled tomorrow! Then I couldn't work, have tons of hospital bills and a bad credit score!
Hmmm…. Not unless if the narcissist took you down with them. I’m talking married and everything… every single asset, being in both of your names. The game is real and the ship sinks fast taking you both down for the count. I learned my lesson, the hard way.
I've broken the trauma bond, I see the narc for who she is. Now that I have knowledge I feel like I want to tell my friends and family what happened. But the narc had already driven a wedge in those relationships. I don't know how... I don't know what she told them.. surely all lies. But these people, even my cousins hold me at arms length now. The damage the narc inflicted upon me is immeasurable. But I won. I will not concern myself with those who believe her spiderweb of deceit... they should know me better than to believe whatever treachery she spread.. maybe she did me a favor exposing them for who they are- because I trusted them, too!! I picked myself back up, and I'm moving forward, I can't make new family, but I'm making new friends. I'm stronger today than I was before I met the narc, and I'll be even stronger tomorrow.
Never know what will happen post relationship. In my case, My adult son has taken a hit and doesn’t realize his dad is a narcissist. Explaining it to him doesn’t help and I’m loosing him. He knows his dad never participate in his life and believes the excuses he was told. I’m stepping back and giving my son time to heal. Thank you Andrew! Namaste 💫🐘
If son sees his dad in a different way from you unfortunately. Say nothing, he will eventually see him for what he is and he will understand what you're feeling in time.
@@donna993 yes, I’m understanding this but it still breaks my heart and now trying to heal from both of the men in life. Thank you for the message. 😊💫🐘
Time reveals ALL FACTUAL TRUTHS! Hang in there, his FATHER ( from description that is what he is, NOT DAD. DADS are active in their childrens lives) will diss appoint him and you will have to help him put the pieces back together. ( Sad 😔 that is what will most likely happen but on a brighter note you are ALREADY EDUCATED and AWARE, so your son's path should be easier than your own! 🙂)
An advice: give your son lot of love. This is the one thing a narc can't do. If the narc busting in fier when it see you giving afect gesture. Do it when it is not in the room. And grey stone the rest of the time. Love gesture each time your son feel low, upset, in need. Speak a lot with him. Don't talk about your issues with the narc (just let him know you have to. But don't go in details). Help him in his issues with the narc. And above all stay strong. 🌼
@@suesanders1169 yes your right! I did everything for my son and now realizing I raised him by myself. I had know idea about narcissism. Thanks to Andrew now I do and slowly healing. Thank you for the message. 😊💫🐘
my narc ex had reactionary behavior-so much so that Id point it out to him-I was sick of his rage fits one day I answered him by saying "Why do you always have to be told what the right thing to do is? !" he was stunned -he didnt see himself as anything but brilliant I realised years later that my medical problems were caused by him- skin problems, sexual abuse- hyper thyroidism he doesnt even know to this day that he was so cruel One thing he didnt count on--everything he did -said to me was seen by our sons-they want nothing to do with him to this day bravo for us !
My first introduction to it came from my dentist's receptionist. She referred to my niece as toxic. Someone I had virtually supported through cancer emotionally and worked my work schedule around so I was able to take her for treatment. Although she DID acknowledge gratitude for taking her for treatments, in EVERY other way I supported her ( bags of groceries for her and the kids: what THEY LIKED) , she gave me NO CREDIT. ( Kept talking about how her work colleagues gave her bags of groceries but NO MENTION I had done the same. I AM a single woman, so of course I couldn't spend as much $$$ as 10-12 other people. )
@@streaming5332 Not always. It depends on the relationship between the sisters [ < Mother(s) vs Mom(s) > ]. Although my sister and I were raised in the same house, our perceptions of the upbringing were VASTLY DIFFERENT. She portrayed herself as : Cinderella I was the : 👸 Princess. Could be partially true as I wasn't interested in traditionally "domestic " things: cooking, cleaning, etc. ( Still not. ) However she was and bonded more with Mom ( NOT MOTHER , there IS a difference ). I bonded more with Daddy as I would rather work and pay to have those things done. 🤷♀️ She was a MOTHER to her kids. She thought it was "cute" to pit them against each other in a physical fight. ( They were both toddlers. 😔😔😔 ) I was told to "mind my own business" as they were her kids and I did NOT have kids. [ { I would have been around 17 or 18 yrs old at that time. } ] The " mind your own business" NEVER STOPPED" until the day she died. 😔 Have now had to walk away from BOTH because of TOXIC traits ( most likely stemming from childhood 😔 ).
I found this channel today. You have described what I went through for two and a half years like you knew my story. I was so naive, had no idea that this behavior is classic and common in the narcissist. I let him blame me a million times. I always wondered what was wrong with ME. I cot the cryptic messages so many times, am still getting them.
So glad you found the channel!! I definitely recommend continuing to watch more of the videos or watch the old videos too!! They’re extremely helpful and each one imparts a lot of wisdom. I don’t know your situation, but this much I know is true, it wasn’t you. ❤️🩹 You are not alone.
@@DesertBluebells Sorry 😆 I didn’t read my comment from above that you were responding to. So my other comment might not make much sense, I thought you were referring to finding the channel. 😆 Before I make things even more complicated, you’re welcome!! It’s true, it wasn’t you. ❤️🩹
The steps I have taken are: A. Not becoming emotionally vulnerable. B. Not falling for highly charismatic people. C. Creating strong boundaries. D. Not displaying my wealth and knowledge. E. Hypnotizing myself for becoming all that I want to be. F. Prayer Namaste, Andrew.
Yep, I lost many many friends. He'd write my closest friends, creep them out to where they put distance between me and them for their own self-preservation, and I don't blame them. I have FAMILY members who have pulled away from me because they want nothing to do with him. Finances?? I don't even want to admit how much of a devastation this has been to me. I was comfortable and now EVERYTHING is wanting financially. He didn't take money from me; it was that he had me so darned upset every other day I neglected everything imaginable. I AM isolated. Especially, after he beat me, everyone is somewhat distant. Close family friends don't talk to me anymore. When I do open the messages, they are always so painful. Him making fun of my BODY, my life, my pain, my tragedies. He hits the most painful things in my life and makes fun of them and reminds me that it's all because I am "evil, ugly, horrible, a monster, deserve it..." It never ends. I am no longer willing to respond at all.
BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK. Don't give him access to hurt you further. Block so you don't see those messages at all, don't feel tempted to open them and torture yourself further. I know how painful it is when everyone has believed their lies and turned against you. Please know the community here, we all understand. We are all rebuilding our lives in different ways. It is not your fault and you didn't deserve what they did to you. Love, cherish, honour yourself from now on. Bless you x
You mustn’t respond to or open those messages. You know what’s going to be in them and how it will affect you. My body and brain couldn’t function at the end and for years after with chronic illness. I know exactly how it feels, the gut wrenching pain, fear and anxiety. Its doubly hard when family have deserted you. The internet helped me. How you are feeling. Put a question in google. Eg how to deal with being estranged from family after narcissistic abuse. Lots of info will come up with comments from others like you , eg Quora. It helps to know others are in your shoes. Research narcissism, and find out what you’ve really been through and how it’s affected you. You tube - dr Ramani, dr Les Carter . Best wishes 🌸❤
@@proinseasnihanluain4735 Thank you so much for your kind words. And I am also so sorry for your experience. All here have paid a terrible price. But I see the resilience in everyone here! And it is so hopeful!
Mr andrew saved my life... Was at the point of suicide when his knowledge brought light. I was so confused that I thought it was just me.god bless you andrew
Hi all. So much in this post that I needed to hear again. Beenibg on this path for awhile has taught me that the layers take time to peel off. Not having the narc to focus on because leaves me with the work of fixing my life. IT IS not always easy to truely look at myself and admit that my part in this was toxic as well. Not to beatup on myself for not knowing about this, just aknowledging that I made not so good choises and why? Childhood experiences I see has played a part in it. Looking back I can see how that made me a target for abuse. The feeling that I was not good enough. Many other things as well. Those of you who are knew at this, hang in there. It takes time to deal with this really hard experience. Slowly but surely you will get better. Grateful you are all here!!
Same. Thank u for ur encouragement. Right back to u too.❤ It is soooooooo difficult😢. The betrayal. My whole future and I'm in my 50's so I'm mourning a lot. Thank u again ❤
Great video Andrew. Yes since being discarded its been a long journey to rebuilding my life healing my heart and soul. Also learning to walk away from the narcissist and people like him and focusing on building better healthy relationships. It's a tough journey but im glad I've made it this far. Thank you Andrew for the video and thank you everyone for your kind words.
Had a alcoholic narcissist mother she passed away and now my 2 sisters are treating me as the scapegoat! I’m ready to go no contact with them! I had enough I’m an empath and I’m building up my boundaries finally no more people pleasing for me!
Awww ! Love 💕 you are such a huge blessing . ❤ 😢Yes , I will get out for a little walk. I may need a cane or walker but it’s ok. I will get out for a moment. Thank you. ❤ I love 💕 you. You are so loved. You are so blessed. Thank you. Thank you 🎉😂❤You are 🙏💜💕🦋🥰😇🌈🎈❤️🐝👍💰😘🏡 the Best of The Best.
The prompt that led me to path of awareness was “active listening “ I typed in search browser because I couldn’t get a word in edgewise and constantly interrupted whether I was talking to them or anyone else… and that led me here
...I'm coming round the corner to the pinnacle of indifference. 🤟givin' it time. been over a year now since the discard. We live in a small town, I ran into him 5 or 6 times during July..and I felt anger surge. But it's quieted down, and no sightings.😂
My goodness what a very beautiful background and loaded with education message! Thank you. I think I need to do watch this again. Verbal abuse is so destructive it can cause pain and trauma generationally. Very key that you mentioned all you did about it. We should not allow it on any level. Wishing you a glorious evening Andrew and all. 🙏❤️
SOBERING. Nicely done. We need a complete series. I have often wondered since finding your channel, how would it look if presented to the educational system. Chapters. Amazing work! Thank you Andrew. Namaste ❤🩹
Unfortunately, this education system is abusive and narcissistic as well. We need to find a different way to expose this. I don't know what it is. Maybe TV Commercials?
Good video. Narcissists are experts, maybe encouraged by others, a note to newbies. It takes time to learn to be an expert against the narcissist. They are born to be narcissistic. We are with you. Beware, there’s another one around the corner. There are new ones tomorrow just like the ones in the past. This if everyday life. Problem for me is I’m so guarded I miss out on the good people and have a hard time trusting.
I don't know if they're born or raised to be that way, but they surely are experts at what they do. I am often too many steps behind his nonsense, but I am catching on and will hopefully just be rid of him one day soon. 😢
It's my birthday today. He has me isolated from my friends and family after discarding me 5 months ago. Now one of his flying monkeys is making sure I know he's treating his new supply to what he promised me with all his future faking and lovebombing. It's truly sickening as I felt I was beginning to heal from all the hurt he caused. The discard was beyond cruel, and it's taken so long for me to recover my sense of self. Can't believe I fell for it all😔
Here’s one- I took a loan out in my name for MY OWN ENGAGEMENT RING!!! Why? I had, key word HAD, stellar credit but his was in the tank. Make it make sense! Thank you brain fog, trauma bond!!
Thank you for your amazing wisdom it been very helpful. 🙏 I’m still trying to work out what lesson I need to learn as I have quite a few that have sucked the life out of me. I’m slowly breaking free but yes the health has taken a hit, and at times still floating in the fog. 🌫️
Thank you for discussing the topic of abuse, it can be very taboo. Abuse comes in many different forms and once it begins to occur, at any age, you learn to build up a tolerance against it. Of course, once this happens the rate and severity both have a tendency to increase too. The abuser gauges what you are willing to put with and they know exactly what they’re doing, they know exactly how to push your buttons. Even when you try to escape it they have a way of following you around or blowing up your phone to punish you even further. It’s not until they become sick and tired of what they’re doing to you that they then give up, but this could possibly take hours. Abuse needs to have a better light shown on it, especially since it can happen to anyone, anywhere. Sometimes you don’t even know it’s actually happening to you, especially when you’re young and that’s a devastating reality. Oh, the idea about writing down what transpired in a journal during the relationship is a great idea!! It’s easy to focus on everyday thoughts and feelings when writing in a journal, but to write down occurrences with full detail would actually be a really good tool to release what happened to you. Personally, I used to pencil in occurrences of berating and rage fits on my calendar because I knew they had begun to happen way too often, especially during the end of my relationship. Thank you for another great video, abuse is a very serious subject matter.
I enjoyed your mentioning abuse. I did grow tolerance over 26+ years, and I hated to leave only because the shame I would endure would be devastating. Also, it was just that way. He had flying monkeys all lined up to convince me to come back to him. He didn't get his way. I stayed away!!!
@@janetroberts5140 Thank you, I’m glad I posted about abuse too. With sincere truth I’m very sorry you lived through 26+ years of abuse. 😔 You’re right, it can easily turn into being, “just that way” with the abuser. It’s just that way and you don’t question it. It’s just that way and you don’t think twice about it. It’s just that way when the abuse kicks in because you get used to it. It’s just that way when you ask for small favors or assistance with something and then everything blows up in your face because they get mad at you. They can become so very, very, very angry. I'm so glad you stayed away from him!!! Good for you!! It take courage to say "no" and to keep away. You did it!! Be proud of yourself for getting out of there and for keeping away. 💛 I don’t want to trigger you, just sharing my experience, but there was a time this past Spring when I needed help moving the living room ottoman into the bedroom, it’s rather big and bulky. Well, even something so simple as that turned into hours of him being angry with me. It’s because I inconvenienced him with needing help moving something and he didn’t like it. What I’m continuing to learn is that the narcissist does not like inconveniences. This much I know to be true!!
Thanks Danielle, I totally get what journaling does for me. It also sets the truth in concrete easier, and helps me to recall it later when I need it from memory. 👍
Can totally relate to feeling like I was sharing a fishbowl with the narcissist. Living in a small town doesn't help. I thought I was developing agoraphobia, but it was just anxiety about bumping into the narcissist or one of their flying monkeys. I wanted to move out of state but didn't because I wanted to stay near family. It's still uncomfortable for me, but I think when my young nieces and nephews are older, I'll go.
so good post relationship...yes facing and healing all the wounds are hard but sooo much easier than being anywhere near the poisonous narc....over six months out and I am making tremendous progress....grateful...focusing on my creativity...meeting new friends.....and still integrating but now the hard work and distance are paying off...Thank you Andrew and dear community.....we are not alone in fact the opportunity to rise stronger is well worth the focus forward!!!
Be proud of yourself for making such awesome progress!!! It sounds like you’re absolutely flourishing!! You’re someone I aspire to be like as time progresses!! 💝
Watch your thoughts they become words, watch your words they become action, watch your habits they become character, watch your character it becomes t Your destiny.
It's all very simple. Strip the previous neg. thoughts you have been taught and move the fuck on! If you don't move on in this life you will waste this incarnation!
They love to try & trigger you via sending snarky comments through mutuals. Gotta laugh when you hear it, say you don't want further msgs again. If a mutual tries it again, cut them out of your life. Be unflappable. Edit: the only one who wants to put their name on *your* property is the one who will eventually try to steal it out from under you. Keep *all accounts & property* in solely your name you had prior to them coming into your sphere.
If one has extensive holdings: prenup or something similar in domestic partnership. ( WRITTEN, NOT VERBAL. ) Verbal is only as good as the paper it is written on. 😉
Yes! They know exactly how to press your buttons and when you get to a point where what they would typically do begins to not affect you so much anymore they do different things or say different things. They learn as they go.
What also seems to happen possibly narcissistic relationship, is that the person who was married to the narcissist, become extremely suspicious and wary of the world and people around them. Sometimes so much so, that they themselves become toxic. And that is how the narcissistic abuse that they have endured, keep being the narrative from which they see the world. It is the ultimate win for the narcissistic abuser !
I left my alcoholic, sadistic ex 30 years ago. Subconsciously I knew I have to run away. I ran across the ocean. 30 years later, while talking to him I found he is a pure narcissist.
I found I was cess pool of narcissists. Who I thought were family friends creeped their way into my life. It feels gross these sick people were so close and grooming my children for years
I thought that I would straight away be able to start enjoying the activities I used to, post relationship. But it didn't work like that, in fact trying made me very stressed. But I've now found the understanding that this is because your body remembers the tension caused by the narcissist, even after you have figured things out in your mind. For instance, before the relationship I enjoyed going for long walks, but it turned out that so did the narcissist (surprise!) and we started going together. But he would always go marching on ahead, giving me no time to rest or catch up or look at the scenery, and I eventually lost all interest in going. When I started doing long walks again, I have realised that I was marching along in the same way I'd had to with him, and consequently not enjoying it at all. From today I will start walking at the slower pace I used to do before the narcissist was there with me, and take time again to look at the scenery. 🌳🍁🌺🌄🌈😄🎉
A very good insight. The Narc penchant for gloming on to one's interests spoils or alters it in one way or another. Hopes that when his memory is dissolved, you'll return to your peace and enjoyment in whatever you do
It's very hard to lose the association you made between certain activities and the narcissist in your life. I think in times like this when we're trying to get over the trauma caused by an abusive ex it's a good idea to go back to the drawing board and to do something totally new that. I didn't know I was dealing with a narc but after the final discard in my mid twenties I decided to give up all hope with her and instead of going back to what I'd been doing before, I looked a bit further back and focused on the things I really wanted to do with my life but was persuaded to abandon or discouraged subtly from following. This new line of thinking lead to me quitting a job I hated, selling the house I didn't want but bought for fear of missing the housing ladder and ending up homeless, and I went travelling for a bit, I spent some time with family and friends, then I went to university as a mature student to pursue a passion for a medium and an industry I previously thought I had no chance of knowing. I helped having no experience and being totally new to it all because there could be no unwanted associations and reminders of the painful past. It was a whole new life and training with new friends and opportunities. I also played a pivotal role in a couple of friends' lives when I introduced them to their future spouses and was best man at both weddings. They have children now too. It's impossible to fathom the idea that there are two children in this world who would not have been born had it not been for the actions of a narcissist they never knew.
A series on the post relationship would be wonderful. Thank you for another week of great videos. Your education and words of wisdom are endless. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.
It’s like getting hit with an emotional firey blow torch like a dragon spraying flames g-d gave me a fire suit spiritually emotionally mentally to block out the flames I was burning out always hiding in my room to avoid the smoke and flames Sounds like hell can be Thanks Andrew for helping getting that fire suite trying to keep my dignity there is a real me in side 😊❤😊❤😊❤
One of my sister's put a hex on me at birth and constantly put up road blocks and used tacts that i didnt understand or know about until recently. Its such an eye opener and mind blower. Everyday gets a bit better, a bit brighter even in the darkest of past memories. Tonight a family member started a smear campain against cuz i heard the telephone conversation. These people do not give up, they keep applying the gas peddle. We are beautiful, remember you are a beautiful soul and that even though some want to own that soul, its not theres. They are toxic and have an oppion about you even when you go no contact. Remember beautiful soul your not a punching bag or a doormat to be shat upon. Go away Narsisst to never return in my life, thank you for listening universe and for cutting all cords now and eternity.
Only some of this applies to me. I was fortunate enough to not take a huge hit. Neither mentally,. physically nor financially. I got out scathed but not beyond repair in any way. Some of us can't go no contact due to children and the solution that has worked for me is minimal contact and as much as possible by text. If that is not possible record any encounter either by camera or by sound. That takes away the threat of false accusations as well as having proof of agreements and discussions. Don't give the narcissist more chances of gaslighting or lying. And whatever you do dont go back once you're out. Make it abundantly clear and stick to it. With that said, thanks a lot Andrew. I dont think you really understand how much you help people by doing what you're doing.
Its actually comical when you understand about narcissism and you get one of those all CAPITAL text messages. Thats the narcissist having a hissy fit trying to instil fear and get your attention. Do not respond to such text messages, it drives them crazy that you aren’t playing their game!
Actually had the opportunity < through work > to witness " no contact." Person would NOT acknowledge someone after " discard." ( Yes a Narc. ) She taught me HOW to do it and NOT feel guilty about it. 😳 NEVER thought I would be STRONG enough to do it myself BUT I AM learning I DO have that skill for SELF PRESERVATION. 😳
@@marieeakin8534 Thanks for the 💘! 💐💐💐 🌻 🌹 Wasn't sure what you would prefer, so sent a couple of different options for you to choose from, hope 1 is correct. Personal favorite; bouquet of roses ( pink favorite color but ANY color would be appreciated. 🙂 )
Andrew, thank you so much for this video! It was a perfect follow-up to our coaching session yesterday and I will be listening to it again. Your description of what happens is spot on. I’m taking your advice on no response or responding briefly ONLY when necessary. It’s amazing that after such a long hurtful and very distorted text, he’s now trying to turn on the charm again in a text. Reminds me of just what a roller coaster ride I’ve been on for years but now, thanks to you, I’m not taking the bait. 🙏🏻🙏🏻
The narcissist's family are capable of being top grade flying monkeys, and will be out in force after the discard. Sometimes, as Andrew says, they have known about the narcissist all along. Either way, they are capable of weighing in on you with a ton of extra guilt and manipulation disguised as caring. And the show of concern can soon turn into outright abuse if you don't fall back into line. I wasn't expecting it when it happened, and it hurt me and our children so much. It is vital to get the wisdom. The truth will set you free, but first it will hurt like hell.
Good video. It is taking me years to heal. And I believe that I’m not the same person I would have been if not for experiences with narcs. Trying to shed all that and find my way back to myself
This is good. I was able to soak your words in as your calm slow sound in your voice was great. Thank you Andrew. And yes this does take time and discovery!!
How did you find your tribe? I am an empath born into a family of warlords and witches. I came to be a healer but I need my energy for my kids now. I can't heal what they won't acknowledge it's never ending and my children deserve my abundance. I shouldn't be sucked dry until my parents die.
There are also newer programs out there whereby you can designate a family member as your caregiver and they can get paid. ( At least in the country I live in:USA.)
Im The Same i ignore them most of the Time and let them fight and sort things out on there own like you Said The Children Need Us More and we have to be there for them Always lotsof Love Strength And Patience from one Empath to Another🙏👍❤🌞❤
I am so grateful to of stumbled upon your Channel Andrew and have been watching for a while. I ended up ending my relationship of 20 years a year ago now which seriously was the hardest thing I ever did. I can identify with 90 percent of the things you discuss and I’m so appreciative you do these for everyone going through this. Your amazing. It’s not easy but I know it was the right decision in the end though I do have kids with this person and so that’s another layer of difficulty co parenting.
As long as you know in your heart that ending the relationship was the right thing to do, then it’s a very reassuring thought. ❤️🩹 I agree with you, ending a relationship, no matter what’s happening to you in it, is very difficult. It’s not easy to walk away. Continue to move forward each day, even if it takes little steps. I remind myself this often.
@@danielle1103thank you so much. I was literally trying everything to make it work but nothing ever helped and it just got worse and worse. Back then I had no idea why but now I know. Thanks for your support. Means a lot and wish you well in your healing path as well.
@@Harmonious-jm3sythanks for your reply. I understand how you feel completely and when your in it, your asking yourself why all your efforts and everything you do above and beyond isn’t ever enough. It’s really really rough. Just glad you made it out but as Andrew says the healing path isn’t linear and he couldn’t be more right about that. I wish you the best on your journey! Thanks again
Thank you so much and Drew and the beautiful Carolina's credit you and I appreciate you with all my heart that what you doing for us to learn about nurses on me because I don't know nothing about narcissism at all growing up and I'm 55 years old and I'm learning cuz I used to do it to trust me cuz I was raised on it yeah I know how to change for myself and you helping me and all these videos is helping me thank you again and true God bless you and may God protect you 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Listening to this one as I want to move on with my life ASAP. Thank you again.
And got to say, you're selling the Carolinas really well 😅
The money side of things is absolutely spot on. My god. Her credit score was shocking. I was lucky that I didn't set anything up with her financially. I count myself lucky the more I learn.
Best of luck to the new supply.
💜🙏🌊🌲😊
The Carolinas stink
The coded abuse in words and text msg only you understand has also been called dog whistle blowing designed to get you enraged, especially in public....best not to let it rise, you don't give the narc the satisfaction
Very annoying when you pull them up for lack of consideration and neglect to the relationship they they blame it on a women's hormones very unfair
Newbies, go silent, it goes against your nature , but go silent, stay away from the mind games, the confusion. True love does NOT involve mind games. It is painful, but do head over heart , step back , someone who genuinely loves you, wants to talk, to move forward positively , NOT control and play games. Great work Andrew. Peace all.
Spiritual vision leads to clarity and it is one of our highest function that we MUST use. All illusions will dissolve if we do this . Thanks for the comment.
@@panagiotiskarelas5063 Illusions are illusions and reality is reality , when all is said and done. Well said !
No contact, no contact, no contact.....they are filthy , self centered...wack jobs
Be Happy and Blessed that you are out of that abusive relationship..None of us Ever Deserved all that B.S.,and all the mind games they did on us,,These people are so Destructive,in every way, You Cannot Have A loving relationship,,They Cannot Love Or Feel any empathy,It is A One Way Street with them,,.we did our best ,they are very Disfunctional,they just use you for everything they can,and have no conscience,they just don't give a Hoot,Exit as soon as you can,They Brainwashed us into Believing Their Reality ,and slowly diminished all our beliefs and values we had So they Could take Full Control ,we were like Puppets for them,go no contact,they are evil people,🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️Blessings,sent.
Emotional injuries are deeper and take longer to heal than physical abuse. Be patient with yourself. Keep moving forward. If it hurts, you're alive.
How sweet! Thank you, Tutor!
Well said, but the physical abuse is a real shocker. The very first time it happens you would’ve never expected the individual you love and care about could ever do something like that.
@@danielle1103 I never experienced that and can't imagine the huge breech of trust you endured!!!🥲
30+years of emotional abuse. Now I'm out but dealing with parental alienation
Stress causes all these negative things going on with your body. All that stress raises cortisol levels. Your body was never designed to deal with ongoing mental stress. Cortisol and adrenalin is there to help you escape from a predator. Mental stress is 100 times worse than physical stress.
A few years before even learning anything about Narcissism, I read an article by
Robert Sapolsky on his stress research ( nothing hyper intellectual). It was an indicator why some humans act like they do. Several youtube videos are available. I think you can relate even childhood behavior under toxic parenting to
accumulative stress at an early age. And the kids grow to legal adulthood and are off to life's race ...starting off carrying a bag of instant stressors!
@@jhavajoe3792interesting stuff. I’ve seen Dr Aimee Apigian ‘the biology of trauma’ summit. She explains how our nervous systems develop in utero and early childhood. So we pick up on what’s going on around us, eg family tensions, trauma, happenings etc. also how we are attuned to by our caregivers so we’re soothed and helped to deal with things (or not). This explains why for some people to experience a difficult event it’s not really a big deal. For others it affects them badly and the effects last longer. It’s like our sensitivities are set at different levels. 🌸
You are right! I think it's why sleep is hard to come by
Well said everyone. Truly over her but realizing I need and am learning who I am now and was before her. Sleep is so hard 2:05am here, but look forward to working tomorrow at 6:30am.
The narc is disgusting. Gave me a constant anxiety where cortisol is at 110%, but 9 months in, starting to settle down as I learn I it’s my time now to finally heal.
Verbal abuse is more painful and devastating than a physical beating, although that is horrible, too. Gaslighting is something that makes you question your sanity. It is a sick and sadistic thing to do to a person and it really makes me mad, but only momentarily because I will not allow myself to be pushed back into being victimization and become ill moreso than I already am. It isn't always done in the open, at least in my case. The Gaslighting is done by people who are like ghosts. They will, however, have their day of reckoning... it's coming, and I am just biding my time until karma strikes them and they pay the consequences for their actions. I have become indifferent to these evil people. I can't afford to react to their devious and childish behavior, allowing them to destroy my health. I am saying NO to them... NO, NOT NOW, NOT AGAIN.
Go, Mary!!! I am a big fan of you!❤
@@emilywilson7308 thank you Emily, but I am not any better than anyone else here. I appreciate your support and respect and I thank you for your friendship and for cheering me on, but I don't need to be revered or idolized. Please place your faith in God because I am not perfect and I make mistakes all the time. You Are just as valuable and important as I am,. I only wish to be helpful and encouraging to others. But, again, my friend, I appreciate you and your friendship. God bless you 🙏 ❤️
@@marybarton5651 It's ok to own your inner beauty because God gave you those gifts. You are a conduit of divine energy, so let your light shine!🌻🔆🦋🌈
@@emilywilson7308 thank you, you're right, but I just want to shine humbly and not be boastful. Also, I have always been in the background all my life and I guess it is almost second nature to me...and my last relationship with a narcissist and violent alcoholic who almost succeeded in violently murdering me further instilled the necessity to be invisible, a hard habit for me to break.... and although I love my deceased parents dearly, they had violent arguments that sometimes erupted into violent fights, and I very early in my childhood , like at least 1 1/2years of age began to develop the need for invisibility. TY for the enlightening encouragement Emily. I promise to work on being that conduit of divine energy and allow my light to openly shine. TY my dear friend ❤️ Have you heard Vkictory Boyd sing Psalm 91? I am listening to it now...it is a beautiful song that speaks to my soul and she is a wonderful artist. I love all her music 🎶 🎵 ❤️ 😍 soul inspiring. ♥️
@@marybarton5651 I will look it up on RUclips. When you share the burden of your experiences it helps people too. I know it is painful and hard to break old habits, but I believe we are messengers of God and can we can learn from each other. You are such a gem. A child of God.💖
You will have crash days in your healing. Please be kind to yourself on those days. Sometimes it takes a while to stop beating yourself up over what has happened. Namaste 🙏
You have saved me from a 22 yr narc relationship. Living at my mum's but guess what I'm free 😭 I never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would be free ♥️💖
Go, Wiccan!!!🎉
So glad for you...take good care!
🎀😘
@@aprilmurch1054That’s where I’m at. Living the dream under a bridge. Lol no seriously, it’s that much of a contrast that it’s true. Take care🙏🙏
@@aprilmurch1054 You are saying that anything is better than living with a narc right? I hope so. Your worth it.
@@aprilmurch1054 Oh sorry, I just refreshed my memory. You were the one who stated this. Ha. I just watched a video of the tactics a female covert narcissist uses. Since I lived 29 years of it, I know her lie better than anyone, and this video really lays out just how much I was manipulated and abused. Like what you had mentioned about it being so surreal like a movie. So much pain to deal with, and yet I’m experiencing so much freedom too. I very much liked your bridge analogy.
No longer APOLOGIZE for the behavior of ANY ONE else: just MY OWN incorrect behavior(s).
I find this baffling-when you feel bad-they feel good
Realize that there are many people out there who are NOT narcissists! Now, being enlightened, we can more easily find them!
They may not be actual narcissists, but may have many of the toxic traits that are are not worth hanging around... and better to seek out supportive allies. If there is a way for these people to change ...if not an actual full blown narcisst, then they would never modify their behavior if they continue to be coddled... but I get what you're saying .... the supportive folks can be identified and opened up to.
I do not believe that.
It's definately on the increase, narcissism,,.🌺🌞
This is not a true statement.
Yes, some have a mental illness with symptoms like narcissism but they aren't a narcissist - so this info is still excellent to help. 😃💜
There are so many things to deal with post relationship - they are gone and you're left picking up the pieces, including yourself off the floor. Trying to make sense of it all and then one day you wake up, expecting the pain to pierce through and you find that you're starting to heal.....you still have mountains to climb but you're moving forward. They want to paralyse you with fear but God doesn't allow it when you cry out to him. Keep listening to Andrew.....I do believe in earth angels and Andrew is right up there with them. Don't look back, there's nothing to be found there, only heartache. They will never change and dont have our best interests at heart. Our better days are still ahead if us. Stay encouraged! God bless 🙏
Andrew is 😇 for sure. ❤
Yes 🙌 I too have said that you’re the one left picking up the pieces. They do all of the dirty work and then you’re the cleanup crew. It’s not fair, quite heinous actually.
Calling me old, ugly, because I am seven years older than him, even though we are both in middle age. I am no 'cougar.' He made fun of wrinkles that I didn't have yet, compared me to other women, and made me feel like nothing. Then would tell me how beautiful I was, and so on and so on. It's a terrible thing. YEP, he said I needed 'help.' Said I was crazy, told people I was a drug addict because I take medication for DIABETES and a very severe spinal condition. Said I was a slut. I NEVER cheated on that man, ONE TIME. I loved him so much it was like he was the last man on earth...
😢
The skin problems thing has been my experience, for sure. Even afterwards, I am having new situations where I never had any before. I had actually chalked it up to toxins trying to make their exit. 😂
Hi. Yes, I also did get terrible skin problems form working for a Narc. person for 3,5 years. After leaving that job I tried lot of things to recover physically and mentaly. Medication, therapy even energyhealing. It took me 1,5 years to be ok again. One of the things that was easy accesible and worked amazing for me was listening theta waves binaural beats (7hz) and going for walks in nature. Take care 🌳🌳🌳🌳
After the discovery of narcissistic abuse, which explained the crazy life I lived with my ex, I realised that I’d encountered other narcs in my life. One was a co worker. It was subtle and undermining. I learned that others before me had difficulties with that person (who seemed generally ‘nice’). It was very unhealthy, having problems at work and at home (often not knowing what actually was going on!). I developed a rash on my torso which just kept on for possibly over a year. When some of it healed it would creep to another area and just keep going. It was like literally they’d got under my skin!
This "generally nice" for Narc. person is so artificial so not true care @@freebird968-wg4ye
After I removed myself the skin on my right hand broke out, itchy red bumps. The narcissist knows my church schedule and show up with his dramas. Now I have two new itchy bumps on my healed hand. Didn’t except the Hoover ‘cause if look back I may turn into a pillar of salt. 😳 Thank You Andrew🙏 I watch your video several times a day 🤩
⛅ The Narc had in their mind to end the relationship long before all your resources were sucked away by the greedy vampire they wanted to make sure they got every drop before they floored you . 💥🦋 Now when the healing process has finally came to the end or on the way .Life is amazing .fun.exciting .and you realize that relationship was doomed before it begun.Its a mind blowing awaking ❤💙💚
And once the healing process does end, surprise surprise they waltz back into your life and act like nothing happened and try to get you back to feeling their loss and fighting for their return.
Post, we become discerning, and we observe new people's behaviors more slowly and carefully.❣️
He aged me 20 years 😢
Yeah, and when I met him I looked 20 years younger. It's called stress. Post-relationship think of ways to treat yourself. Spa treatments, facials, acupuncture, meditation and yoga etc. Invest in good skincare like Clarins.
Lol same 😂
I know what you mean. I feel and often look 100. Stress. I hope you are doing better.
Andrew, I still can’t thank you enough. Keep doing your videos exactly the way you are. With every video, I feel understood and welcome. I can’t tell you the relief it brings to me. I really had a rough one last night. Trauma Bond. There’s a label to put on my garbage can! Lol your reminders in every video instantly makes me feel better. Brother, you are awesome and so loved. Namaste my friend.❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🏆❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
💯🙏😌💯
Definitely 🙏
What i've found really helpful is simply that the truth will set you free. Through the lies and the manipulation our instinctive self began to desire them because the instinctive self can not really see. Our center of clarity was blocked (enter narcissistic fog). Thus the key is that higher intuitive seeing, it will truly set you free. Higher vibrations and intuition will truly unlock a big part of all of this. Remember also that the narcissist is an individual condesantion of the collective darkness/ unconsciousness that we were up against because of our kind empathetic nature. Truth will illuminate all darkness and all illusions that keep us in bondage,
The steps _I_ took got me ABOVE and BEYOND the Pinnacle of Indifference. I developed skills I never dreamed were POSSIBLE, but I really believe they came, in part, because of my newfound self confidence. Confidence was something I had NEVER had, so developing _that_ was HUGE in itself. 🤩❤🤩❤🤩❤🤩 People continue to try to take it away again, but that won’t work THIS time around!!! 💪💪😁
🥰💪❤️🙌🤗
Go, Jennifer!!!❤❤❤
Jennifer PIERCE that balloon of NEGATIVE TALK from other people!!! ( No matter WHO they are in your life!!! ) Familial responsibilities does NOT include soul crushing verbal abuse!
Very strong you are indeed Jennifer 💪💪you got this. I am so proud of you. Have a great evening my friend. ❤💖🙌🙏
@@mariefrancebourget1749 You too Marie 🤗❤️🤗❤️🤗❤️🤗 thank you!!!!!
It's comforting to see someone else understand this issue in such an intimate way, the terrible expirience of narcissistic abuse.
One thing I had trouble with was to explain with words what my ex was doing to me,my mom would say "what happenned,what did he do?"And he would gaslight me and use word salad,and i often could'int even remember how the fight started or why,my brain felt like mush.
They are smart and tactful,they know how to harm without leaving any evidence.
I remember I started doughting myself and questioning myself,am I not well,is something wrong with me?
They are master manipulators and the saddest truth is they are proud of it.
Its disgusting... so glad you now can see the truth & have come across others that truly understand.
Blessings 🎀😘
@@marieeakin8534 Thankyou😉
Me too regarding explaining ‘it’ and brain not working. About 4 years into the relationship we’d gone for a meal with his friend and friends wife. The wife and I went to the restroom. I ended up in a sort of panic attack and got upset. She took hold of my arms and said, “But …what does he do?” (like she was expecting me to reveal physical assault or something really bad)…………... I couldn’t say anything!? I was frozen. Couldn’t speak. I could verbalise what it was. I had the same problem at the doctors too. So glad you are on the healing path with knowledge and understanding now. We are empowered survivors! ❤
@freebird968-wg4ye Thankyou for sharing your experience with me! It truly is sad what we went thru,I'm so happy that we're in a better place!!🤗
Hi Annie, I truly understand the brain moosh, never remembering what happened or how...I think looking back we were so inundated with what happened yesterday, the day before, what's coming this afternoon or tomorrow we never had time to sort out all the chaos so as an analogy not enough bandwidth...it's normal to be mooshed normally we would never ever have to be on that many levels at the same time...hope that makes a bit of sense...☮️🙏
Ohhhhh YES, Andrew. With the kids, it’s GENETIC and generational no matter what you do to change things for the better (pulling toward the light). NOPE!! You were 💯‼️‼️‼️% correct! The kid is lost to the dark side. It’s all me now…….and the pup.
It was me and a pupper against the world for 14 and a half years. Happiest time in my life until shedding NARCCICIST(S) from my life. 🙂
Oh, I am so grieved to read about the child. However, I am facing the same fears about my two. I believed that because I raised them for the Lord, they would eventually be ok. However, I conveniently ignored the fact they were making repeated decisions to be influenced by the narcissist. Sometimes I wonder if they are narcs, too...
@ keep in the light with prayer 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
It is so devastating to go through.Having the wisdom & the support of the channel makes it a whole lot better to carry on.
Hang in there & heal.......REMOVE THE TOXIC IRRITANT SO YOU CAN!!! Blessings Dear Ones 🎀😘
The funny thing is that it's very hard to get rid off some narcissists friends I have. Maybe because I am the one trying to discard them? Because, man, I really wish they would leave me alone.
Edit: I removed nearly all of them, so I'm fine! It just took much more time and effort than I anticipated.
Get more involved in your new life and squeeze them out of your time.
Try NOT making time for them.
STOP answering calls/texts right away. Wait a few days and they might "latch" on to someone else. 😉
So agree, I thought the coast was clear and I was feeling more whole but a few years on, flying monkeys were activated, continued emails that are subtly snarky . ... also in the 'friend' zone. I've been confirming all the info for some time and moving on, but since the narcissist just reared her head once again, then I came back to such channels for support. But I also just want to be left alone by this person... I have a soft spot. Her husband is a far older friend with health issues ... then again I would find out thru other people if something happened to him. I now know I have to close that link to me as well.
No matter if you're strong or weak. Now one stab you. There always be a narc in the shadow.
Stay vigilant and strong . But overall live your life. It's the only way to beat them.
@@janefreeman995 😔. As Andrew says: YOU ARE YOUR PRIORITY! YOU come 1st, 2nd, and 3rd on YOUR PRIORITY LIST.
NO CONTACT RECOMMENDED ( as you said you have OTHER RESOURCES if something happened with her husband.
PLEASE, don't go into that BOTTOMLESS 🕳️ ( black hole ) again.
💪🦾💪🦾💪🦾 sent your way!!! 🙂
💐💐💐💐s ( bouquets ) of happiness for you! 💙💙💙 ( Hope the blue means friendship. ) 🙂
I had a heated talk tonight with my husband (narc). I just couldn’t take him being here and told him this has to end. Oh Andrew, thank you for preparing me. He accused me of being the narcissist in this relationship. He also insisted he did nothing to me last week and has no memory of it. He said I was making things up. Laughed at me. It was the biggest display of narc behavior yet. He’s usually more covert. I demanded out. Now, I’m just scared of what’s next.
@@Harmonious-jm3sy yes, this was the biggest display yet. His mask fully fell off.
And he came home following night after work asking me a general question as if nothing had happened. How do they just turn it off and on? Was he trying to have the mask on again? It won’t work if so. Pure evil.
Sometimes post relationship, you have developed PTSD and do not trust anyone. After healing, you no longer feel that way but are cautious. Just know that there are still good and honest people out there; but be careful not to make them feel that you distrust them. Just a suggestion.
💯😌💯
All of the things resonate with me Andrew.Healing takes time . Good days, followed by not so good days . At the beginning after being cruelly abandoned, like you described I felt lost, emotionally exhausted, confused, this was followed by feelings of pure resentment, and trying to locate the Narcissist for some kind of answers, and closure. He didn’t tell me where he was, and I now sadly realise that these people will not take any accountability for hurting us and no way will they give closure.We unfortunately have to do that for ourselves. It helps to talk with people who understand and have gone through this themselves, that’s why your Chanel is brilliant for information and support. Thanks for all you do .
I agree, each day is different than the next when it comes to being out of the relationship. Some days you feel really good and positive while other days you feel overwhelmed and upset. To run back and have things feel like “normal” again is out of the question, but sometimes your mind tricks you into thinking it could happen. That would be taking the easy way out.
They are absolute cowards. I was also suddenly discarded left bewildered. Screw ‘em. We don’t have to listen to their lying opinions of us. They were all lies. Every one. She will not get my attention spiritually either. It’s mine for me now. She was a lie.
Any answers I wanted, I realized would all just be lies anyway. They are never wrong are they. It was always you, and that is impossible in a two way relationship. Impossible. Lies. They are pathetic, and you are a lioness. You will conquer this! I will conquer this. Danielle will conquer this. Andrew will conquer this. You have us, and we have you. I don’t need her because of it. Namaste you incredibly bright and loving individual.❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
I’m sorry, I had a truly hard night last night, and I don’t want to anymore, but I apparently don’t have a choice. I feel better supporting others. Please forgive my outburst.
You're just the best. Thank you 💕namaste
Omg, this is exactly what happened to me. I am currently stuck in my house that is half owned by the N ex husband. He won’t follow the 50/50 of what the judge ordered. So, I live in a corner of the basement with the rest of the house all ready to sell. I keep it perfect. My life is passing by with 5 different illnesses.
Wow! 5!
They are so selfish. 😢
Keep strong!! ❤️🩹❤️🩹 You will get through this!!
I can’t believe I have to manage these medications & still think about how to deal with him legally. A lawyer told me to just wait until he finally dies & then I will own everything. Married 40 years this month to him.
@@Chasing70 🎖🎖🎖🎖for the length of the marriage. Sounds like you need anything to calm your nervous system and try to keep your body and mind in the ‘rest and digest’ state as difficult as it is in the circumstances. If you can’t get quality sleep - sleep meditations you tube - Jason Stephenson, Michael Sealy. Also the mindful movement ‘Heal while you sleep’. Just put them on low volume so you can just hear them. They really help me. Also Reiki, aromatherapy massage, Emotional freedom technique (tapping) to help with stress/physical health. Sending best wishes ❤🌸
We need patience, self-love, self-compassion and slowing our lives down. We are healing from emotional, psychological, spiritual injuries which are severe and need time to heal. Nobody can see them so it’s up to us to take good care of ourselves and address those wounds properly and with compassion. Only WE can do it. Don’t wait for others to give you permission. Thank you. 🙏 God bless you❤
The behavior of a narcissist post discard is something that no one can predict. For example when i went to the lawyer's office after the discard my ex narc made a scene like i had never seen before. He said so many bad things in my face that i just could not believe my ears. He was someone else in front of my eyes. And what made it worst, the lawyer said nothing. He let him do his spectacle. When i went home i was in shock. I could not believe what had happened. Great video Andrew. Hope you are having fun in your sunny NC. Have a wonderful evening. ❤🫶☀️
When I filed for a divorce mine called me a gold digger.
I did all the work.
Snow shoveling, mowing.
I painted the inside of the house.
All he did was sit on his a$$.
I cooked I cleaned and ironed his clothes.
He never lifted a finger to help.
His mother and brother treated me like free help at the drop of a hat.
They are sad people. It did not matter if I was sick.
Do do do do.
@@DonnahodginsHi Donna, sorry you have gone through all of that. Now you deserve someone who will love you, cherish you and treat you right. Wishing you the best. Have a great evening and night. 🤗🙌🙏
It's the sheer two-facedness that gets me. In all sincerity of expression and voice, or so it seems, they will offer to do things for you, to be there for you, call them whenever you need their support etc and then in their next breath, they are plotting your downfall, smear campaigning to whomever behind your back and basically do the opposite of whatever they had promised to be like or do. Haven't quite got to the sit down with solicitors to sign the papers to finalise it all and my ex seems quite happy to drag it out, I guess it must be serving a purpose, one of which is likely that he has taken everything of value and sold it all. Other than that, I am fully prepared to expect all and every possible scenario that may be thrown at me when the time comes. It truly is shocking, we never knew them at all. 🐞🦔🦊
Hoping your lawyer caught his "outburst" on tape. It would be helpful for you in court! 😉
Same experience for me in a different way. Bless you.
Everybody is gone. It’s ok. Because that speaks volumes. ❤😂🎉😢😅😊GOD is for me & that’s all that matters.
A bad credit score is a big red flag to me. You may have-but I haven't yet- met someone with a bad credit score-that wasn't at least "Narcissistic". Taker's take. They don't pay back.
There are many reasons why someone could have a bad credit score; car accident, disability, laid off, employer shut down, divorce, abuse, prison, lack of education...
@@emilywilson7308 Ok. I believe you. I've never met someone like you as a, you know, partner or a business partner for that matter. I hope things get better for you. I'm not calling you a "taker narcissist". It's a red flag -for me. Perhaps it's a "green flag" for you?
@@sototallyover2359 I have a good credit score, but was thinking of all the bad things that could happen to someone. We are human and fragile, so anything could happen to sink our ship! I've been blessed with good health and success so far, but can't take it for granted.
The older I get, the more I think about these things...
I could get hit by a truck and disabled tomorrow! Then I couldn't work, have tons of hospital bills and a bad credit score!
Hmmm…. Not unless if the narcissist took you down with them. I’m talking married and everything… every single asset, being in both of your names. The game is real and the ship sinks fast taking you both down for the count. I learned my lesson, the hard way.
@@danielle1103 That makes sense and is a nightmare!
I've broken the trauma bond, I see the narc for who she is. Now that I have knowledge I feel like I want to tell my friends and family what happened. But the narc had already driven a wedge in those relationships. I don't know how... I don't know what she told them.. surely all lies. But these people, even my cousins hold me at arms length now. The damage the narc inflicted upon me is immeasurable. But I won. I will not concern myself with those who believe her spiderweb of deceit... they should know me better than to believe whatever treachery she spread.. maybe she did me a favor exposing them for who they are- because I trusted them, too!! I picked myself back up, and I'm moving forward, I can't make new family, but I'm making new friends. I'm stronger today than I was before I met the narc, and I'll be even stronger tomorrow.
Never know what will happen post relationship. In my case, My adult son has taken a hit and doesn’t realize his dad is a narcissist. Explaining it to him doesn’t help and I’m loosing him. He knows his dad never participate in his life and believes the excuses he was told. I’m stepping back and giving my son time to heal. Thank you Andrew! Namaste 💫🐘
If son sees his dad in a different way from you unfortunately. Say nothing, he will eventually see him for what he is and he will understand what you're feeling in time.
@@donna993 yes, I’m understanding this but it still breaks my heart and now trying to heal from both of the men in life. Thank you for the message. 😊💫🐘
Time reveals ALL FACTUAL TRUTHS! Hang in there, his FATHER ( from description that is what he is, NOT DAD. DADS are active in their childrens lives) will diss appoint him and you will have to help him put the pieces back together. ( Sad 😔 that is what will most likely happen but on a brighter note you are ALREADY
EDUCATED and AWARE, so your son's path should be easier than your own! 🙂)
An advice: give your son lot of love. This is the one thing a narc can't do. If the narc busting in fier when it see you giving afect gesture. Do it when it is not in the room. And grey stone the rest of the time. Love gesture each time your son feel low, upset, in need. Speak a lot with him. Don't talk about your issues with the narc (just let him know you have to. But don't go in details). Help him in his issues with the narc.
And above all stay strong. 🌼
@@suesanders1169 yes your right! I did everything for my son and now realizing I raised him by myself. I had know idea about narcissism. Thanks to Andrew now I do and slowly healing. Thank you for the message. 😊💫🐘
💯✌️😎 absolutely. If you love yourself why would you let others treat you like shit? Think about that.
😌😌
They will never make you happy they just use and abuse. Move On.. forget their sorry ass.
my narc ex had reactionary behavior-so much so that Id point it out to him-I was sick of his rage fits
one day I answered him by saying "Why do you always have to be told what the right thing to do is? !" he was stunned -he didnt see himself as anything but brilliant
I realised years later that my medical problems were caused by him- skin problems, sexual abuse- hyper thyroidism
he doesnt even know to this day that he was so cruel
One thing he didnt count on--everything he did -said to me was seen by our sons-they want nothing to do with him to this day
bravo for us !
My first introduction to it came from my dentist's receptionist. She referred to my niece as toxic.
Someone I had virtually supported through cancer emotionally and worked my work schedule around so I was able to take her for treatment.
Although she DID acknowledge gratitude for taking her for treatments, in EVERY other way I supported her ( bags of groceries for her and the kids: what THEY LIKED) , she gave me NO CREDIT. ( Kept talking about how her work colleagues gave her bags of groceries but NO MENTION I had done the same. I AM a single woman, so of course I couldn't spend as much $$$ as 10-12 other people. )
Nieces are the worst.
@@streaming5332 Not always. It depends on the relationship between the sisters [ < Mother(s) vs Mom(s) > ].
Although my sister and I were raised in the same house, our perceptions of the upbringing were VASTLY DIFFERENT.
She portrayed herself as : Cinderella
I was the : 👸 Princess.
Could be partially true as I wasn't interested in traditionally "domestic " things: cooking, cleaning, etc. ( Still not. )
However she was and bonded more with Mom ( NOT MOTHER , there IS a difference ).
I bonded more with Daddy as I would rather work and pay to have those things done. 🤷♀️
She was a MOTHER to her kids.
She thought it was "cute" to pit them against each other in a physical fight. ( They were both toddlers. 😔😔😔 )
I was told to "mind my own business" as they were her kids and I did NOT have kids. [ { I would have been around 17 or 18 yrs old at that time. } ]
The " mind your own business" NEVER STOPPED" until the day she died. 😔
Have now had to walk away from BOTH because of TOXIC traits ( most likely stemming from childhood 😔 ).
I found this channel today. You have described what I went through for two and a half years like you knew my story. I was so naive, had no idea that this behavior is classic and common in the narcissist. I let him blame me a million times. I always wondered what was wrong with ME. I cot the cryptic messages so many times, am still getting them.
So glad you found the channel!! I definitely recommend continuing to watch more of the videos or watch the old videos too!! They’re extremely helpful and each one imparts a lot of wisdom. I don’t know your situation, but this much I know is true, it wasn’t you. ❤️🩹 You are not alone.
Block his number or change your number. It will only get worse. I know from experience!
@@danielle1103 Thank you, Danielle!! Thank you!
@@DesertBluebells You’re very welcome!! Andrew and all of the community members are true sources of inspiration, strength, and perseverance. 💫 ✨❤️🩹
@@DesertBluebells Sorry 😆 I didn’t read my comment from above that you were responding to. So my other comment might not make much sense, I thought you were referring to finding the channel. 😆 Before I make things even more complicated, you’re welcome!! It’s true, it wasn’t you. ❤️🩹
The steps I have taken are:
A. Not becoming emotionally vulnerable.
B. Not falling for highly charismatic people.
C. Creating strong boundaries.
D. Not displaying my wealth and knowledge.
E. Hypnotizing myself for becoming all that I want to be.
F. Prayer
Namaste, Andrew.
Namaste 😌🙏🙌
Yep, I lost many many friends. He'd write my closest friends, creep them out to where they put distance between me and them for their own self-preservation, and I don't blame them. I have FAMILY members who have pulled away from me because they want nothing to do with him. Finances?? I don't even want to admit how much of a devastation this has been to me. I was comfortable and now EVERYTHING is wanting financially. He didn't take money from me; it was that he had me so darned upset every other day I neglected everything imaginable. I AM isolated. Especially, after he beat me, everyone is somewhat distant. Close family friends don't talk to me anymore. When I do open the messages, they are always so painful. Him making fun of my BODY, my life, my pain, my tragedies. He hits the most painful things in my life and makes fun of them and reminds me that it's all because I am "evil, ugly, horrible, a monster, deserve it..." It never ends. I am no longer willing to respond at all.
BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK. Don't give him access to hurt you further. Block so you don't see those messages at all, don't feel tempted to open them and torture yourself further. I know how painful it is when everyone has believed their lies and turned against you. Please know the community here, we all understand. We are all rebuilding our lives in different ways. It is not your fault and you didn't deserve what they did to you. Love, cherish, honour yourself from now on. Bless you x
Block his number
You mustn’t respond to or open those messages. You know what’s going to be in them and how it will affect you. My body and brain couldn’t function at the end and for years after with chronic illness. I know exactly how it feels, the gut wrenching pain, fear and anxiety. Its doubly hard when family have deserted you. The internet helped me. How you are feeling. Put a question in google. Eg how to deal with being estranged from family after narcissistic abuse. Lots of info will come up with comments from others like you , eg Quora. It helps to know others are in your shoes. Research narcissism, and find out what you’ve really been through and how it’s affected you. You tube - dr Ramani, dr Les Carter . Best wishes 🌸❤
@@proinseasnihanluain4735 Thank you so much for your kind words. And I am also so sorry for your experience. All here have paid a terrible price. But I see the resilience in everyone here! And it is so hopeful!
My narc just dumped me...I am hurting!!! He seemed he was in a fake love!!! I know all this will resolve sometime! I am in pain!!!
🙌😌🙏
Mr andrew saved my life...
Was at the point of suicide when his knowledge brought light.
I was so confused that I thought it was just me.god bless you andrew
Hi all. So much in this post that I needed to hear again. Beenibg on this path for awhile has taught me that the layers take time to peel off. Not having the narc to focus on because leaves me with the work of fixing my life. IT IS not always easy to truely look at myself and admit that my part in this was toxic as well. Not to beatup on myself for not knowing about this, just aknowledging that I made not so good choises and why? Childhood experiences I see has played a part in it. Looking back I can see how that made me a target for abuse. The feeling that I was not good enough. Many other things as well. Those of you who are knew at this, hang in there. It takes time to deal with this really hard experience. Slowly but surely you will get better. Grateful you are all here!!
@@debbievoss3496NEVER GIVE UP because then the NARC is victorious. 🙁 You are OBVIOUSLY A WARRIOR or you would have surrendered a LONG TIME AGO! 🙂
Well said, so proud of you! 👍
Blessings 🎀😘
Thank you!@@marieeakin8534
Yeah Debbie. It really does get better as time passes!@@debbievoss3496
Same.
Thank u for ur encouragement.
Right back to u too.❤
It is soooooooo difficult😢. The betrayal. My whole future and I'm in my 50's so I'm mourning a lot.
Thank u again ❤
Great video Andrew. Yes since being discarded its been a long journey to rebuilding my life healing my heart and soul. Also learning to walk away from the narcissist and people like him and focusing on building better healthy relationships. It's a tough journey but im glad I've made it this far. Thank you Andrew for the video and thank you everyone for your kind words.
It's amazing how many men are going through this. I'm so sorry for your pain, Carlos. Hoping for a brighter future for you!
How do ii get to where u r?
Had a alcoholic narcissist mother she passed away and now my 2 sisters are treating me as the scapegoat! I’m ready to go no contact with them! I had enough I’m an empath and I’m building up my boundaries finally no more people pleasing for me!
Awww ! Love 💕 you are such a huge blessing . ❤ 😢Yes , I will get out for a little walk. I may need a cane or walker but it’s ok. I will get out for a moment. Thank you. ❤ I love 💕 you. You are so loved. You are so blessed. Thank you. Thank you 🎉😂❤You are 🙏💜💕🦋🥰😇🌈🎈❤️🐝👍💰😘🏡 the Best of The Best.
The prompt that led me to path of awareness was “active listening “ I typed in search browser because I couldn’t get a word in edgewise and constantly interrupted whether I was talking to them or anyone else… and that led me here
...I'm coming round the corner to the pinnacle of indifference. 🤟givin' it time. been over a year now since the discard. We live in a small town, I ran into him 5 or 6 times during July..and I felt anger surge. But it's quieted down, and no sightings.😂
My goodness what a very beautiful background and loaded with education message! Thank you. I think I need to do watch this again. Verbal abuse is so destructive it can cause pain and trauma generationally. Very key that you mentioned all you did about it. We should not allow it on any level. Wishing you a glorious evening Andrew and all. 🙏❤️
🤗❤️🤗❤️🤗❤️🤗 You too Chelsea!!!
@@jennifernewton4637 🥰 thank you 😊 🤗❤️🤗❤️
It's almost overwhelming, there is so much to digest in this video!😮
I think i will watch this video another time too. Andrew really nailed it. Have a beautiful evening Chelsea. 💞🙌🙏
It is a beautiful background!!
Went through all the comments FIRST! NOW I AM going to watch the video. 🙂
SOBERING. Nicely done. We need a complete series. I have often wondered since finding your channel, how would it look if presented to the educational system. Chapters. Amazing work! Thank you Andrew. Namaste ❤🩹
Unfortunately, this education system is abusive and narcissistic as well. We need to find a different way to expose this. I don't know what it is. Maybe TV Commercials?
Good video. Narcissists are experts, maybe encouraged by others, a note to newbies.
It takes time to learn to be an expert against the narcissist.
They are born to be narcissistic.
We are with you. Beware, there’s another one around the corner.
There are new ones tomorrow just like the ones in the past. This if everyday life. Problem for me is I’m so guarded I miss out on the good people and have a hard time trusting.
I don't know if they're born or raised to be that way, but they surely are experts at what they do. I am often too many steps behind his nonsense, but I am catching on and will hopefully just be rid of him one day soon. 😢
I hear you there . I have difficulty trusting any potential romantic relationship now . I think I wouldn’t survive going through that abuse again .
You have a hard time trusting because you are smart!!!
@@emilywilson7308 Yeah, but there are some wonderful wonderful people still.
Use your "gut instinct." It is there for a reason: SELF PROTECTION. 😉
It's my birthday today. He has me isolated from my friends and family after discarding me 5 months ago. Now one of his flying monkeys is making sure I know he's treating his new supply to what he promised me with all his future faking and lovebombing. It's truly sickening as I felt I was beginning to heal from all the hurt he caused. The discard was beyond cruel, and it's taken so long for me to recover my sense of self. Can't believe I fell for it all😔
🙏😌🙌💯
Here’s one- I took a loan out in my name for MY OWN ENGAGEMENT RING!!! Why? I had, key word HAD, stellar credit but his was in the tank. Make it make sense! Thank you brain fog, trauma bond!!
Thank you for your amazing wisdom it been very helpful. 🙏
I’m still trying to work out what lesson I need to learn as I have quite a few that have sucked the life out of me. I’m slowly breaking free but yes the health has taken a hit, and at times still floating in the fog. 🌫️
Thank you for discussing the topic of abuse, it can be very taboo. Abuse comes in many different forms and once it begins to occur, at any age, you learn to build up a tolerance against it. Of course, once this happens the rate and severity both have a tendency to increase too. The abuser gauges what you are willing to put with and they know exactly what they’re doing, they know exactly how to push your buttons. Even when you try to escape it they have a way of following you around or blowing up your phone to punish you even further. It’s not until they become sick and tired of what they’re doing to you that they then give up, but this could possibly take hours. Abuse needs to have a better light shown on it, especially since it can happen to anyone, anywhere. Sometimes you don’t even know it’s actually happening to you, especially when you’re young and that’s a devastating reality. Oh, the idea about writing down what transpired in a journal during the relationship is a great idea!! It’s easy to focus on everyday thoughts and feelings when writing in a journal, but to write down occurrences with full detail would actually be a really good tool to release what happened to you. Personally, I used to pencil in occurrences of berating and rage fits on my calendar because I knew they had begun to happen way too often, especially during the end of my relationship. Thank you for another great video, abuse is a very serious subject matter.
❤🙌🙏
I enjoyed your mentioning abuse. I did grow tolerance over 26+ years, and I hated to leave only because the shame I would endure would be devastating. Also, it was just that way. He had flying monkeys all lined up to convince me to come back to him. He didn't get his way. I stayed away!!!
@@gratefultobehere ❤️🙌🙏✨
@@janetroberts5140 Thank you, I’m glad I posted about abuse too. With sincere truth I’m very sorry you lived through 26+ years of abuse. 😔 You’re right, it can easily turn into being, “just that way” with the abuser. It’s just that way and you don’t question it. It’s just that way and you don’t think twice about it. It’s just that way when the abuse kicks in because you get used to it. It’s just that way when you ask for small favors or assistance with something and then everything blows up in your face because they get mad at you. They can become so very, very, very angry.
I'm so glad you stayed away from him!!! Good for you!! It take courage to say "no" and to keep away. You did it!! Be proud of yourself for getting out of there and for keeping away. 💛
I don’t want to trigger you, just sharing my experience, but there was a time this past Spring when I needed help moving the living room ottoman into the bedroom, it’s rather big and bulky. Well, even something so simple as that turned into hours of him being angry with me. It’s because I inconvenienced him with needing help moving something and he didn’t like it. What I’m continuing to learn is that the narcissist does not like inconveniences. This much I know to be true!!
Thanks Danielle, I totally get what journaling does for me. It also sets the truth in concrete easier, and helps me to recall it later when I need it from memory. 👍
This video is gold!!!!
Can totally relate to feeling like I was sharing a fishbowl with the narcissist. Living in a small town doesn't help. I thought I was developing agoraphobia, but it was just anxiety about bumping into the narcissist or one of their flying monkeys. I wanted to move out of state but didn't because I wanted to stay near family. It's still uncomfortable for me, but I think when my young nieces and nephews are older, I'll go.
You must stop caring of those jurcks. Live your life to the full.
so good post relationship...yes facing and healing all the wounds are hard but sooo much easier than being anywhere near the poisonous narc....over six months out and I am making tremendous progress....grateful...focusing on my creativity...meeting new friends.....and still integrating but now the hard work and distance are paying off...Thank you Andrew and dear community.....we are not alone in fact the opportunity to rise stronger is well worth the focus forward!!!
Be proud of yourself for making such awesome progress!!! It sounds like you’re absolutely flourishing!! You’re someone I aspire to be like as time progresses!! 💝
love yourself and focus forward...it gets easier and one can get stronger !!@@danielle1103
Good for you 👏💪
Happy Saturday, Andrew!! 🥰
😊😇💯
Watch your thoughts they become words, watch your words they become action, watch your habits they become character, watch your character it becomes t
Your destiny.
Love this!! 🙌
@danielle1103 love you!
It's all very simple. Strip the previous neg. thoughts you have been taught and move the fuck on! If you don't move on in this life you will waste this incarnation!
They love to try & trigger you via sending snarky comments through mutuals. Gotta laugh when you hear it, say you don't want further msgs again. If a mutual tries it again, cut them out of your life. Be unflappable. Edit: the only one who wants to put their name on *your* property is the one who will eventually try to steal it out from under you. Keep *all accounts & property* in solely your name you had prior to them coming into your sphere.
If one has extensive holdings: prenup or something similar in domestic partnership. ( WRITTEN, NOT VERBAL. )
Verbal is only as good as the paper it is written on. 😉
Yes! They know exactly how to press your buttons and when you get to a point where what they would typically do begins to not affect you so much anymore they do different things or say different things. They learn as they go.
@@suesanders1169 verbals are so useless as to be laughable. Laughed right out of court that is.
@@danielle1103 what do you mean? Can you give an example? 😃
@@dubaiedgeWait, are you being facetious? 🤪
Every word here is so spot on, thank you for everything you do, you have helped me so much❤
What also seems to happen possibly narcissistic relationship, is that the person who was married to the narcissist, become extremely suspicious and wary of the world and people around them. Sometimes so much so, that they themselves become toxic. And that is how the narcissistic abuse that they have endured, keep being the narrative from which they see the world. It is the ultimate win for the narcissistic abuser !
I’m learning a lot from you, thank you Andrew. Namaste 🙏
Namaste 😌🙌🙏
Right on 💯
I left my alcoholic, sadistic ex 30 years ago. Subconsciously I knew I have to run away. I ran across the ocean. 30 years later, while talking to him I found he is a pure narcissist.
I found I was cess pool of narcissists. Who I thought were family friends creeped their way into my life. It feels gross these sick people were so close and grooming my children for years
I thought that I would straight away be able to start enjoying the activities I used to, post relationship. But it didn't work like that, in fact trying made me very stressed. But I've now found the understanding that this is because your body remembers the tension caused by the narcissist, even after you have figured things out in your mind. For instance, before the relationship I enjoyed going for long walks, but it turned out that so did the narcissist (surprise!) and we started going together. But he would always go marching on ahead, giving me no time to rest or catch up or look at the scenery, and I eventually lost all interest in going. When I started doing long walks again, I have realised that I was marching along in the same way I'd had to with him, and consequently not enjoying it at all. From today I will start walking at the slower pace I used to do before the narcissist was there with me, and take time again to look at the scenery. 🌳🍁🌺🌄🌈😄🎉
A very good insight. The Narc penchant for gloming on to one's interests spoils
or alters it in one way or another. Hopes that when his memory is dissolved, you'll
return to your peace and enjoyment in whatever you do
It's very hard to lose the association you made between certain activities and the narcissist in your life. I think in times like this when we're trying to get over the trauma caused by an abusive ex it's a good idea to go back to the drawing board and to do something totally new that. I didn't know I was dealing with a narc but after the final discard in my mid twenties I decided to give up all hope with her and instead of going back to what I'd been doing before, I looked a bit further back and focused on the things I really wanted to do with my life but was persuaded to abandon or discouraged subtly from following. This new line of thinking lead to me quitting a job I hated, selling the house I didn't want but bought for fear of missing the housing ladder and ending up homeless, and I went travelling for a bit, I spent some time with family and friends, then I went to university as a mature student to pursue a passion for a medium and an industry I previously thought I had no chance of knowing. I helped having no experience and being totally new to it all because there could be no unwanted associations and reminders of the painful past. It was a whole new life and training with new friends and opportunities. I also played a pivotal role in a couple of friends' lives when I introduced them to their future spouses and was best man at both weddings. They have children now too. It's impossible to fathom the idea that there are two children in this world who would not have been born had it not been for the actions of a narcissist they never knew.
Joint accounts are a bad idea because you can never know your spouse well enough. My share of savings were stolen.
A series on the post relationship would be wonderful. Thank you for another week of great videos. Your education and words of wisdom are endless. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.
Thank you Andrew ❤
It’s like getting hit with an emotional firey blow torch like a dragon spraying flames g-d gave me a fire suit spiritually emotionally mentally to block out the flames I was burning out always hiding in my room to avoid the smoke and flames
Sounds like hell can be
Thanks Andrew for helping getting that fire suite trying to keep my dignity there is a real me in side 😊❤😊❤😊❤
Welcome 🙌😌🙏
I loved ur comment: "Narcissists INFLICT DAMAGE upon people" 🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💔💔💔©️
Thank you Andrew for reminding us of the steps to healing and the healing path we are on and the work involved, so true. Love you ❤🙏
Hi 👋 Andrew. This is
💯 accurate information. Took me many years post relationship to “get” what happened to me. 😮😢❤
You have all of my sympathy and care.❤
Thank you Andrew. Your videoes have been so helpful.
I am stunned at how precise and true you have insight of what it means to be with a narcissist ..
It is amazing.
Post relationship - i had no idea the level of smear campaign 😟rebuilding my life👍🏼
🙏😌🙌
One of my sister's put a hex on me at birth and constantly put up road blocks and used tacts that i didnt understand or know about until recently. Its such an eye opener and mind blower.
Everyday gets a bit better, a bit brighter even in the darkest of past memories. Tonight a family member started a smear campain against cuz i heard the telephone conversation.
These people do not give up, they keep applying the gas peddle. We are beautiful, remember you are a beautiful soul and that even though some want to own that soul, its not theres. They are toxic and have an oppion about you even when you go no contact.
Remember beautiful soul your not a punching bag or a doormat to be shat upon.
Go away Narsisst to never return in my life, thank you for listening universe and for cutting all cords now and eternity.
😌🙌💯🙌
Only some of this applies to me. I was fortunate enough to not take a huge hit. Neither mentally,. physically nor financially. I got out scathed but not beyond repair in any way.
Some of us can't go no contact due to children and the solution that has worked for me is minimal contact and as much as possible by text. If that is not possible record any encounter either by camera or by sound. That takes away the threat of false accusations as well as having proof of agreements and discussions.
Don't give the narcissist more chances of gaslighting or lying.
And whatever you do dont go back once you're out. Make it abundantly clear and stick to it.
With that said, thanks a lot Andrew. I dont think you really understand how much you help people by doing what you're doing.
The walking apology I love it
Its actually comical when you understand about narcissism and you get one of those all CAPITAL text messages. Thats the narcissist having a hissy fit trying to instil fear and get your attention. Do not respond to such text messages, it drives them crazy that you aren’t playing their game!
Actually had the opportunity < through work > to witness " no contact."
Person would NOT acknowledge someone after " discard." ( Yes a Narc. )
She taught me HOW to do it and NOT feel guilty about it. 😳
NEVER thought I would be STRONG enough to do it myself BUT I AM learning I DO have that skill for SELF PRESERVATION. 😳
👍👍👍👍👍
🎀😘
@@marieeakin8534 Thanks for the 💘!
💐💐💐 🌻 🌹
Wasn't sure what you would prefer, so sent a couple of different options for you to choose from, hope 1 is correct.
Personal favorite; bouquet of roses ( pink favorite color but ANY color would be appreciated. 🙂 )
Andrew, thank you so much for this video! It was a perfect follow-up to our coaching session yesterday and I will be listening to it again. Your description of what happens is spot on. I’m taking your advice on no response or responding briefly ONLY when necessary. It’s amazing that after such a long hurtful and very distorted text, he’s now trying to turn on the charm again in a text. Reminds me of just what a roller coaster ride I’ve been on for years but now, thanks to you, I’m not taking the bait. 🙏🏻🙏🏻
The narcissist's family are capable of being top grade flying monkeys, and will be out in force after the discard. Sometimes, as Andrew says, they have known about the narcissist all along. Either way, they are capable of weighing in on you with a ton of extra guilt and manipulation disguised as caring. And the show of concern can soon turn into outright abuse if you don't fall back into line. I wasn't expecting it when it happened, and it hurt me and our children so much. It is vital to get the wisdom. The truth will set you free, but first it will hurt like hell.
Omg you said it true a rash physically drained emotionally I am so glad I’m out and I’m alive thank you
I forgive myself for not knowing what i didnt know before i knew it!!!!!❤❤❤😔💛💛💛🙏
Yes! His Granddad was miserably cruel...his mother, him...his 19yr daughter. Seen it in her at 15...😢
Andrew..... ☆namaste
Good video. It is taking me years to heal. And I believe that I’m not the same person I would have been if not for experiences with narcs. Trying to shed all that and find my way back to myself
As soon as someone shouts at you on the phone hang up. If they send an email delete it straight away
This is good. I was able to soak your words in as your calm slow sound in your voice was great. Thank you Andrew. And yes this does take time and discovery!!
Welcome 😌🙌🙏
How did you find your tribe? I am an empath born into a family of warlords and witches. I came to be a healer but I need my energy for my kids now. I can't heal what they won't acknowledge it's never ending and my children deserve my abundance. I shouldn't be sucked dry until my parents die.
If finances permit look in to at home care for your parents.
If you are NOT an only child, get your siblings to help. 🙂
There are also newer programs out there whereby you can designate a family member as your caregiver and they can get paid. ( At least in the country I live in:USA.)
Im The Same i ignore them most of the Time and let them fight and sort things out on there own like you Said The Children Need Us More and we have to be there for them Always lotsof Love Strength And Patience from one Empath to Another🙏👍❤🌞❤
I am so grateful to of stumbled upon your Channel Andrew and have been watching for a while. I ended up ending my relationship of 20 years a year ago now which seriously was the hardest thing I ever did. I can identify with 90 percent of the things you discuss and I’m so appreciative you do these for everyone going through this. Your amazing.
It’s not easy but I know it was the right decision in the end though I do have kids with this person and so that’s another layer of difficulty co parenting.
Sending love and prayers ❤️🌺🌞🌹🌹🙏🙏
As long as you know in your heart that ending the relationship was the right thing to do, then it’s a very reassuring thought. ❤️🩹 I agree with you, ending a relationship, no matter what’s happening to you in it, is very difficult. It’s not easy to walk away. Continue to move forward each day, even if it takes little steps. I remind myself this often.
@@flowerpower4944
Thank you so much! I appreciate it so much
@@danielle1103thank you so much. I was literally trying everything to make it work but nothing ever helped and it just got worse and worse. Back then I had no idea why but now I know. Thanks for your support. Means a lot and wish you well in your healing path as well.
@@Harmonious-jm3sythanks for your reply. I understand how you feel completely and when your in it, your asking yourself why all your efforts and everything you do above and beyond isn’t ever enough. It’s really really rough. Just glad you made it out but as Andrew says the healing path isn’t linear and he couldn’t be more right about that. I wish you the best on your journey! Thanks again
Thank you so much.sir,yes I’m so alone in this world,so afraid,pls help me
Please don’t feel alone ❤️🩹 You have us, the community. We’re here for you!!
Thank you so much and Drew and the beautiful Carolina's credit you and I appreciate you with all my heart that what you doing for us to learn about nurses on me because I don't know nothing about narcissism at all growing up and I'm 55 years old and I'm learning cuz I used to do it to trust me cuz I was raised on it yeah I know how to change for myself and you helping me and all these videos is helping me thank you again and true God bless you and may God protect you 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Lovely comment,🙏🙏🌹🌹🦋🌻❤️❤️
Thank you Andrew.
Great video Andrew!
Wishing everyone clarity and peace