This realization has helped me sooo much. I've lost countless hours of my life to trying to understand things that, oftentimes, aren't even meant to be understood.
@@9thAvalon Exactly! Nonsense societal norms that we're meant to accept and never question or even try to understand. Questioning them only leads to us being looked at as the oddity that doesn't make sense. Pointing out that the norms are entirely arbitrary and other cultures do things in different, and sometimes more reasonable, ways is always met with comments about how those cultures are weird or wrong from NTs. I honestly can't fathom how they are able to make sense of the world at all.
"You can't make sense out of nonsense" was something my dad used to say too. And even though he was never formally diagnosed with ASD, he 100% would be today.
let’s face it, this world wasn’t made for us. Try explaining to your boss that the corporate expectations are overwhelming you and, no, you won’t be in on your day off because your brain shuts down when its overwhelmed and your personal time is of utter importance to your mental health. To this my boss came back with, “look every employee in here is tired, but they do what they have to do. its company policy”. So there you go, it’s company policy, everyone adheres and no exceptions, they treat all employees equally. ah, how i hate the word conformity. By the way I am very good at what I did and i was clearly an asset, but corporate does not want someone that stands up for their mental health. What good are you if you can’t buck up and be a team player.
My head almost fell off because I was nodding so hard at the part about not knowing what NTs do with their free time. I feel like I'm just wasting time when I have free time and it makes me feel unsure of myself.
I get the feeling that most people just watch tv because they don't have enough time or energy to do much else. For when someone does have enough time and energy, there are millions of different options depending on preference and ability. It doesn't really matter. It's your time to do with as you please. What do you do with your free time?
@@thethegreenmachine I try to occupy my time with things that are fulfilling to me (though that has been elusive lately). I didn't really think about it before someone asked me what I did with my free time and I felt like they were challenging me to defend my use of free time vs theirs. I think that is partly why I feel unsure of what I'm *supposed* to be doing and I have no clue what that means.
@@johnbillings5260 They might've been challenging you, or they might've just been curious. It's hard to tell. They might even have been looking for someone who likes doing what they do so they could do it together.
Thank you for this! ❤ Things that confuse me in no particular order: 1. Queueing/standing in line for anything and what to do when you get to the front of the line if the person behind the desk doesn’t explicitly tell you what to do 2. Interactions at work and how long or in-depth they should be and how to end an interaction 3. Groups of people. Just groups of people. 4. How to arrive at someone’s house if you don’t know them well yet. How to leave someone’s house when it’s open-ended and you want to leave. 5. How to buy tickets at events or for transportation (and I’ve done a lot of traveling since I was tiny and it still confuses me) 6. How to buy groceries for a specific amount of time (been doing this forever too) 7. How to clean and maintain a house (again, I’ve been doing this for so long but it still confuses me) 8. How to act when someone is in the doorway where you need to enter 9. How to enter a room with other people inside it That’s all I can think of right now. But you’re right, perpetual confusion and intelligence somehow coexist because I’m quite good at lots of things including reading and thinking and writing. Is this an example of “spiky skills”?? I just learned about that recently
"5. How to buy tickets at events or for transportation (and I’ve done a lot of traveling since I was tiny and it still confuses me)" I really like public transit, but I've avoided taking the bus in any city I've travelled to because I don't know how the local busses work. At subways there is usually some information on fares and maps in the station before you need to commit.
@@kgmpers100% - I love public transportation and I rarely drive because of a vestibular disorder. I make myself figure out buses and stuff but it confuses the heck out of me and uses a LOT of energy!
"8. How to act when someone is in the doorway where you need to enter " This. I usually just end up standing there awkwardly until someone sees me and says "Oh!" and the doorway person moves out of the way. This can take a long time.
Yup there are many different kinds of intelligence, so it's very common to be a genius in one area and a moron in another -- autistics and NTs alike. I can think of a few cliches -- very smart people having no common sense, the absentminded professor, book smart vs street smart... For the second halves of number 2 and number 4, make up an excuse if you don't actually have one. "I have to get back to work." "I'm really tired. I have to go home." For number 8, I just say, "Excuse me." I'm assuming it's just someone in the way that isn't actually stuck, like a queue that extends out the door. Is any of that useful? It's hard for me to tell.
@@thethegreenmachinewhen I say excuse me I always still feel that’s the wrong thing somehow! Because of the way it feels if that makes sense! I’m saying something polite but yet it feels… rude??
I relate to this so much. I'm in the beginning of getting an autistism assessment, and it took a long time for me to really comprehend why I can't work in "normal" work envirorments. And then there's the communication issues! Two years ago, it dawned on me how I always take people on their word. I expect them to say what they mean. I had a small internship as help in the kitchen in this retirement home. One of the the ladies I helped was nice and good at instructing me in details, where as the other... well, she just got frustrated with me when I did exactly what she said. The day that let me to quit the internship and in tears for days went like this: I was working with the lady who would get frustrated with me... and for some reason, she got extra frustrated with me this day. We were preparing a dessert for the elders, that they were to have after dinner, that day. I don't remember what the dessert was, but it had blueberries. I was in charge of putting blueberries into the little bowls of dessert, and this was the lady's instruction: "Take a handful of blueberries for each bowl of dessert, and spread them on it." I remember looking at the blueberries, and the number of bowls of dessert. My common sense told me that if I took a handful of blueberries for each bowl, there wouldn't be enough blueberries for everyone... But I didn't question and did EXACTLY as instructed. I was right, there weren't enough blueberries. I told the kitchen lady and she went to check on my work. She was frustrated and told me I shouldn't have taken so many blueberries to each bowl. Apparently, a handful of blueberries didn't mean a hand full of blueberries, but like four or five blueberries at a time. And when she saw how I SPREAD the berries, that was apparently wrong too. I was meant to tug the blueberries neatly on one side. I cried for a week.
Around 9 minutes you talked about overdressing for a job interview. I can totally relate. I once showed up to in interview for a homeless youth advocate wearing a sports coat and tie 😂😂😂. I never understood until now that was probably not appropriate dress. There so many things that I didn’t understand until way later. Minutes, hours, days, years sometimes decades I’ll piece something together. Like today. Thank you 🙏🏽
Job interviews certainly are a prime area for autistic confusion. The typical advice is "dress smartly" but I've been at interviews where's it's been obvious I've been too formally-dressed so right from the beginning I've looked like an outsider. There seems to be an unwritten code that the other interviewees know, often because not only have they worked in that kind of job before but sometimes because they knew the manager or someone else who works there so they have a better sense what's expected of them. I've prepared for the "expected questions" and then been confused because they've asked me something else or just worded a question differently to what I expected. On top of all that it's going to an interview and just feeling extremely tense and not expecting to succeed, both of which are bound to show.
@@MagentaFerret-wd5vt £2.66. Even better. With the right numbers following someone, it's amazing how such a small amount of money can change someone's life.
Reading the comments and watching your videos makes me realize how much energy I spend on just basic things and then I'm exhausted after a few hours. So I'm not going to feel bad for being productive half the day and then completely unproductive the rest of the day. I hope you succeed at this RUclips thing or doing anything you enjoy that doesn't burn you out. I'm constantly trying to figure my life out and it's exhausting. I'm trying to let go of my expectations that are based on what the normal people do without any problem.
One of the main benefits I've derived from knowing I'm autistic is that I don't beat myself up for having "unproductive days." I can hyperfocus, but on some days I'm not focused enough to get almost anything done. To some degree it's about physical energy--how well I slept. But sometimes I just have too much unprocessed junk floating around in my brain, and it needs to settle out. Pacing seems to help, or driving and talking to myself.
@@steveneardley7541what helps me is sleeping, cleaning and tidying, or grounding myself by going over what I need to do and culling what doesn't really need to get done today. Also going out for a bike ride has been helpful for my well being. I don't know if I'll ever be able to go back to full time employment without a huge detriment to my mental health. Part time seems ideal, but it's near impossible to find in my field, so I'm trying to find a solution.
I'm confused a lot of the time. I feel like when I talk to people, I'm so often misunderstood. They don't hear what I'm trying to say, and the harder I try to express myself, the more misunderstood I feel. Finding other autistic people helps. ❤️
Hi Dana, I love your videos. I love your authenticity and that you don't sugarcoat or try to provide forced solutions just because that's what people do on RUclips. I wanted to tell you that you've inspired me to be more casual in content I create (not under this username). It used to be grueling for me to make anything because I would expect too much of myself. Seeing how valuable your videos are to me makes me think I can also create content without it being over processed and excessively planned. Now it sounds like I'm saying something bad about your videos but I'm not! I just mean, you've helped me relax and let go of unrealistic expectations of myself, and as a result, I enjoy what I make, and I'm able to actually make stuff rather than giving up due to having exhausted myself. Love your channel.
I was diagnosed last year at 42 and feel as if I've lived my life in a state of perpetual cconfusion, this video was so relatable for me! Thanks so much for sharing this as it's kind of comforting not to feel so alone
Jobs are hell (for me). I'm not talking about work, working is fine. I also don't understand what job interviewers want to hear or why they never responded back to me. I got a job be sheer luck and after I made myself a whole lot worse. Culture is also confusing to me, especially nowadays, nothing makes sense. Over here if you don't have a job, you're treated like a second class citizen. I don't understand anything about this system called society and the 'rat race'. I always get underestimated in some aspects and overestimated in other aspects. A nice compact live where I work on my things hang out with the people I care about and meet the kind of people I want to meet. But no, the powers to be decided that everyone has to be part of 'society', what does that even mean? I don't know but I feel forced to be part of something gigantic and inhuman, it's confusing and it sucks. So yes I understand that you can be confused about stuff allistic people take for granted, cause I don't understand it either. I try to stay out of it.
Could you maybe explain what the difference between work and jobs is that you mean? I know I struggle a ton with jobs, but I'm also still a student and don't have much work/job experience, but what do you mean with 'work' and how is it easier (as in less confusing, I guess) than jobs?
@@alorena_02 work is the actual productive thing, it can even be something you don't necessarily get paid for, like cooking or cleaning, or it could be coding or doing accounting or writing a spreadsheet or taking care of plants in a nursery, etc, whatever the actual work is. A job is what an employer offers you. He wants you to do work, but on his terms. So for example, you have to come in at a certain time, deal with office politics, have a lunch break that is only this long, report to your superior, attend meetings, do things their way even if it's unproductive and draining. Deal with a side eye if you want to take a vacation, or if they saw you having a coffee break. Jobs can really grind you down.
This is so relatable...its like a permanent state of internal debate and also not knowing how to seek clarification because the cause of the confusion itself is also unclear! also grasping at a 'conclusion' or understanding that seems to resolve a dilemma and finding out I am completely wrong 😅
💯 confusion with everyone and everything. The narrative about growth is not based on autistic perspectives. Not saying learning and studying - especially special interests 😊 - isn't beneficial but that's just it, staying true to ourselves despite the sh!t storm waiting outside the door each day.
There are too many possibilities and yet so many people seem to assume the most obvious one, often absent any real context or investigation, regardless of whether it's the most logical, rational or reasonable. I have a theory (I have no idea if this is an original thought or if it has been considered and/or dismissed by professionals already or not) that one of the fundamental differences between ND/NT is that NT's are more heuristic in their thinking and have incredibly selective memory, almost instantly forgetting prior context in order to adopt a current paradigm and thus 'fitting in', whereas ND's tend to be more deductive and react like, "Wtf? Half a second ago everyone thought something entirely different and yet now everyone's acting like how it is now was how it always was!" Or maybe it's just me.
when I worked as an SEN teacher the way it was explained through the neurotypical lense is that its an issue with 'generalisation'. Basically neurotypicals will assume an answer for literally everything be happy with it and the last part I dont get is actually get it right like 90% of the time? But its strange to me. Many people wont even talk about what they do in an evening. You ask how to do something and theyll assume a common problem you have rather than describing the process. It reminds me of how historians have very limited ideas of how day to day life stuff happened exactly cos no one talks or writes about it. I have university 'education' I still find job interviews impossible. I love the time I dressed semi-formal to a video interview and got accused of being at work when I was literally in my room. I still take hours filling out forms. I spend days agonizing on particular wordings on university tasks then finish the actual work in hours.
My stacks of books (psychology, philosophy, blah blah blah) cluttering my room and shelves are really monuments to my perennial confusion. Just trying to figure out what the heck is going on, and never succeeding at it.
As someone with AuDHD; I don't really know anything else other than confusion. Edit: Even though 'm a bit older than you, I still life with my parents as I can't understand & cope for barely a day on my own.
Me too, I’m 27 and feel the same way. Everyday feels like a marathon to get through, but watching this video and your comment make things feel okay. Hugs ❤
A fellow amazon drop out xD, that place is defo not for us. I feel you, I have no idea how to interact with society, its too confusing and so arbitrary and I just want control of situations and my life but society has chipped away at me. I feel I have no choice but to have others help me and that has lead me to being exploited and abused and if I run out of people to help, well it's game over 😔.
YES the feeling that you just need to figure out that last missing piece, that you are getting close and just need to solve the final bit that makes everything make sense. It was how I kept my head above water for so long, the hope that i was improving and one day would fit in, but the day it finally hit me that I was autistic it broke that fragile hope and led the a severe regression. I really wasn't improving much at all, just masking more effectively most of the time, and understanding why I am like this really shattered those illusions.
Wow i think this is the first time i've ever heard anyone speak about this. I must go back and watch the other video. I've always said I live my life in a state of confusion. "It doesn't make sense".
I used to get really upset by snapping colleagues at work and made loads of mistakes as the work was not stimulating enough, my mind is an artistic mind.
I don't think they tell the truth about it, that's why! Example I had this friend who told me she literally lied to her coworkers constantly about her wknd plans or what she did over the weekend. So, I don't think she's the only one... I feel like ppl are always trying to seem like they are living fulfilling, social and interesting lives...so who knows ??? Maybe they spent the whole weekend on facebook.
@@Silllywalkswhenever I answer, I just say what I did haha and if it’s not much, I’ll say that. I don’t understand there need to lie bc I dont understand personally why it matters if I didn’t do a thing interesting haha
@@Catlily5 well I think my friend would fabricate her weekends because she had a status job in the financial industry and felt pressure to say what cool things she did...I notice it seems a "safe" topic to a lot of ppl at work but can also be used as a way to show your status or something...I went to brunch and then flew to Vegas for a music festival, I don't know about you...jk
I find that i have trained myself to be extremely flexible and ready for anything at my jobs because i know something critical that is obvious to everyone else will not be so for me, and i'll need to be ready to try to see it their way quickly. It is one of the ways i mask. I know that i have the potential to complicate something that NTs see as very simple and straightforward. I try to "tone it down" all the time, knowing that no one else will understand the level of detail im giving it. Always trying to simplify as masking....
This world is chaotic and random, and nothing really makes any sense. I think this is just the way it is to be autistic. We see the world for what it really is.
Topic for future video mind going blank when people ask you questions maybes? I suffer from that a lot. I feel like saying "I don't know" is embassrassing. Don't know why we are conditioned to not say "I don't know" like it is shameful or something.
hey i feel alot similar like you but i am waiting for adhd test im 31 female i also could be autistic but doctors dont listen in yorkshire lol, theyre so bad helping females they said anxiety and depression but i feel so lonely and i hate society and i still waiting for diagnosis lol, i really enjoy your perspective on everything and its nice to see another normal person on youtube for once
It only makes sense if your processor came with Socialization 3.0 (industrial revolution) installed. This software produces an instinctive sense of terror if others are not pleased, and also allows for near-perfect mimicry. We autistics by definition lack this software, and end up trying to use Logical Reasoning 4.0 (Homo Sapians edition) to process such information, leading to system errors. 🤓
Yeah, I refer to it as the Official Book of Unwritten Social Convention ... personal copy of which, for some, somehow got list in the mail. I'm technically NT (I think), but with some discernible ND traits. As a wee lad way back during early years, ... Oh, Yes. I could tell that my parents knew there was something off about me. But, then ad if all in one day, everything came together. You'll see. 🎼TD, Boston
OMG. I didn't even realize it but yes i am confused a lot and why i like my routines. WOW. I need to know what im doing and whats going on or i feel very anxious. Forms and instructions dont work for me. And menus.
I have felt that exact same confusion... but I believe it is not an intrinsic handicap, but instead it is the consequence of having been severely neglected by those who had the responsibility of teaching us the "hidden curriculum" of life, and by the "failsafe processes" that NTs use to "fake it 'till they make it" or "pay the price of doing business" or "get along to get along" or to "look like they kmow what they're doing" or to "bullshit their way through it" or to memorize the "cliffs notes study guide" before the test, or "copy the homework from their best friend before the bell rings", or any of the other shortcuts available to be privileged that they assume everyone else uses!
The thing with this is that it is the ‘hidden’ parts of it, they don’t think about it, they’re things they intrinsically know and never had to be taught, so they both don’t know they need to teach it or how to teach it, and a lot of it is very situation specific and can’t really be taught in a way that works anyway.
Either you get rid of stuff or do a lot of packing. Last move I got rid of a little and ended up packing most of it because I was going through things too slowly. The move was a lot of stress and very difficult even though I moved 2 blocks away. Moving takes a lot out of you. Don't forget to plan recuperation time.
is it common to like know u feel a sense of confusion on social situations u can't put ur finger on exactly what about it is super confusing but u still kinda don't fully understand how to fit in or socialize
Don't know if this is any help, but the kind of jobs I know I can do as an autistic person are technical jobs that don't require much interaction with other people. Once tried working at a convenience store and what an utter disaster that was! lol I'm a professional translator, so that allows me to work from home, but if I had to switch jobs I'd get LPIC1+2, which are 2 Linux system administrator certifications and try get a job doing that. The pay isn't great, but maybe you'd enjoy it? Maybe it's different for you, but given the choice, I'd rather deal with machines than with people! EDIT: You can find the textbooks for LPIC online. LPIC 1 has two textbooks, around 500 pages each. 800 means a perfect score, and you need at least 500 to pass. Kind of a shot in the dark, but hey, you never know! IT firms tend to be less demanding in terms of work attire and don't really prioritize social skills.
I’ve tried to learn coding and other tech stuff a few times and it just hasn’t processed/stuck for me, I loved having a job in a video store because VCRs and other tech from the 80’s/90’s makes sense to me and I could fix them no problem, but there’s no need for that anymore 😅
@@DanaAndersen That's very interesting! With me it's the opposite: I'm reasonably good at abstract things like foreign languages and issuing commands on the computer, but I couldn't fix a VCR if my life depended on it. Anything involving manipulating objects in the physical world I tend to struggle with... Maybe look into fixing or assembling computers, or stuff like being an HVAC technician? But hey, you know your skill set much better than I do. Just hang in there!
Listening to neurotypicals talking is like everyone being handed a script that you've heard read a million times before. Are we still doing the "I went to this exotic island and price of beer and food" dialogue thing AGAIN?? Fuck that. I'm out.
Lots of things in society don’t actually make any sense. And you can’t make sense of things that don’t make any sense.
That makes sense :P
This realization has helped me sooo much. I've lost countless hours of my life to trying to understand things that, oftentimes, aren't even meant to be understood.
@@9thAvalon Exactly! Nonsense societal norms that we're meant to accept and never question or even try to understand. Questioning them only leads to us being looked at as the oddity that doesn't make sense. Pointing out that the norms are entirely arbitrary and other cultures do things in different, and sometimes more reasonable, ways is always met with comments about how those cultures are weird or wrong from NTs. I honestly can't fathom how they are able to make sense of the world at all.
"You can't make sense out of nonsense" was something my dad used to say too. And even though he was never formally diagnosed with ASD, he 100% would be today.
I’m autistic & will be 50 this year but I’m still confused.
I turned 50, in December of last year, I'm on the autism spectrum I'm still confused too.
let’s face it, this world wasn’t made for us. Try explaining to your boss that the corporate expectations are overwhelming you and, no, you won’t be in on your day off because your brain shuts down when its overwhelmed and your personal time is of utter importance to your mental health. To this my boss came back with, “look every employee in here is tired, but they do what they have to do. its company policy”. So there you go, it’s company policy, everyone adheres and no exceptions, they treat all employees equally. ah, how i hate the word conformity.
By the way I am very good at what I did and i was clearly an asset, but corporate does not want someone that stands up for their mental health. What good are you if you can’t buck up and be a team player.
My head almost fell off because I was nodding so hard at the part about not knowing what NTs do with their free time. I feel like I'm just wasting time when I have free time and it makes me feel unsure of myself.
I get the feeling that most people just watch tv because they don't have enough time or energy to do much else. For when someone does have enough time and energy, there are millions of different options depending on preference and ability. It doesn't really matter. It's your time to do with as you please. What do you do with your free time?
@@thethegreenmachine I try to occupy my time with things that are fulfilling to me (though that has been elusive lately). I didn't really think about it before someone asked me what I did with my free time and I felt like they were challenging me to defend my use of free time vs theirs. I think that is partly why I feel unsure of what I'm *supposed* to be doing and I have no clue what that means.
@@johnbillings5260
They might've been challenging you, or they might've just been curious. It's hard to tell. They might even have been looking for someone who likes doing what they do so they could do it together.
@@thethegreenmachine Fair enough. We know how hard it can be to read NTs so that's a possibility.
Thank you for this! ❤
Things that confuse me in no particular order:
1. Queueing/standing in line for anything and what to do when you get to the front of the line if the person behind the desk doesn’t explicitly tell you what to do
2. Interactions at work and how long or in-depth they should be and how to end an interaction
3. Groups of people. Just groups of people.
4. How to arrive at someone’s house if you don’t know them well yet. How to leave someone’s house when it’s open-ended and you want to leave.
5. How to buy tickets at events or for transportation (and I’ve done a lot of traveling since I was tiny and it still confuses me)
6. How to buy groceries for a specific amount of time (been doing this forever too)
7. How to clean and maintain a house (again, I’ve been doing this for so long but it still confuses me)
8. How to act when someone is in the doorway where you need to enter
9. How to enter a room with other people inside it
That’s all I can think of right now. But you’re right, perpetual confusion and intelligence somehow coexist because I’m quite good at lots of things including reading and thinking and writing. Is this an example of “spiky skills”?? I just learned about that recently
"5. How to buy tickets at events or for transportation (and I’ve done a lot of traveling since I was tiny and it still confuses me)"
I really like public transit, but I've avoided taking the bus in any city I've travelled to because I don't know how the local busses work. At subways there is usually some information on fares and maps in the station before you need to commit.
@@kgmpers100% - I love public transportation and I rarely drive because of a vestibular disorder. I make myself figure out buses and stuff but it confuses the heck out of me and uses a LOT of energy!
"8. How to act when someone is in the doorway where you need to enter "
This. I usually just end up standing there awkwardly until someone sees me and says "Oh!" and the doorway person moves out of the way. This can take a long time.
Yup there are many different kinds of intelligence, so it's very common to be a genius in one area and a moron in another -- autistics and NTs alike. I can think of a few cliches -- very smart people having no common sense, the absentminded professor, book smart vs street smart...
For the second halves of number 2 and number 4, make up an excuse if you don't actually have one. "I have to get back to work." "I'm really tired. I have to go home."
For number 8, I just say, "Excuse me." I'm assuming it's just someone in the way that isn't actually stuck, like a queue that extends out the door.
Is any of that useful? It's hard for me to tell.
@@thethegreenmachinewhen I say excuse me I always still feel that’s the wrong thing somehow! Because of the way it feels if that makes sense! I’m saying something polite but yet it feels… rude??
I relate to this so much. I'm in the beginning of getting an autistism assessment, and it took a long time for me to really comprehend why I can't work in "normal" work envirorments.
And then there's the communication issues! Two years ago, it dawned on me how I always take people on their word. I expect them to say what they mean.
I had a small internship as help in the kitchen in this retirement home. One of the the ladies I helped was nice and good at instructing me in details, where as the other... well, she just got frustrated with me when I did exactly what she said.
The day that let me to quit the internship and in tears for days went like this:
I was working with the lady who would get frustrated with me... and for some reason, she got extra frustrated with me this day. We were preparing a dessert for the elders, that they were to have after dinner, that day. I don't remember what the dessert was, but it had blueberries. I was in charge of putting blueberries into the little bowls of dessert, and this was the lady's instruction: "Take a handful of blueberries for each bowl of dessert, and spread them on it."
I remember looking at the blueberries, and the number of bowls of dessert. My common sense told me that if I took a handful of blueberries for each bowl, there wouldn't be enough blueberries for everyone... But I didn't question and did EXACTLY as instructed.
I was right, there weren't enough blueberries. I told the kitchen lady and she went to check on my work. She was frustrated and told me I shouldn't have taken so many blueberries to each bowl. Apparently, a handful of blueberries didn't mean a hand full of blueberries, but like four or five blueberries at a time. And when she saw how I SPREAD the berries, that was apparently wrong too. I was meant to tug the blueberries neatly on one side.
I cried for a week.
Around 9 minutes you talked about overdressing for a job interview. I can totally relate. I once showed up to in interview for a homeless youth advocate wearing a sports coat and tie 😂😂😂. I never understood until now that was probably not appropriate dress. There so many things that I didn’t understand until way later. Minutes, hours, days, years sometimes decades I’ll piece something together. Like today. Thank you 🙏🏽
Job interviews certainly are a prime area for autistic confusion. The typical advice is "dress smartly" but I've been at interviews where's it's been obvious I've been too formally-dressed so right from the beginning I've looked like an outsider. There seems to be an unwritten code that the other interviewees know, often because not only have they worked in that kind of job before but sometimes because they knew the manager or someone else who works there so they have a better sense what's expected of them. I've prepared for the "expected questions" and then been confused because they've asked me something else or just worded a question differently to what I expected. On top of all that it's going to an interview and just feeling extremely tense and not expecting to succeed, both of which are bound to show.
Donation sent.
If every one of Dana's 9000 subscribers donated *22p a month* via Ko-Fi that'd be £2,000 a month. Just saying 😉
Or 3 GBP per year, easier to donate once a year than every month
@@MagentaFerret-wd5vt £2.66 even better. Life changing money with minimal effort/cost when you have the right number of followers.
@@MagentaFerret-wd5vt £2.66. Even better. With the right numbers following someone, it's amazing how such a small amount of money can change someone's life.
Reading the comments and watching your videos makes me realize how much energy I spend on just basic things and then I'm exhausted after a few hours. So I'm not going to feel bad for being productive half the day and then completely unproductive the rest of the day. I hope you succeed at this RUclips thing or doing anything you enjoy that doesn't burn you out. I'm constantly trying to figure my life out and it's exhausting. I'm trying to let go of my expectations that are based on what the normal people do without any problem.
One of the main benefits I've derived from knowing I'm autistic is that I don't beat myself up for having "unproductive days." I can hyperfocus, but on some days I'm not focused enough to get almost anything done. To some degree it's about physical energy--how well I slept. But sometimes I just have too much unprocessed junk floating around in my brain, and it needs to settle out. Pacing seems to help, or driving and talking to myself.
@@steveneardley7541what helps me is sleeping, cleaning and tidying, or grounding myself by going over what I need to do and culling what doesn't really need to get done today. Also going out for a bike ride has been helpful for my well being. I don't know if I'll ever be able to go back to full time employment without a huge detriment to my mental health. Part time seems ideal, but it's near impossible to find in my field, so I'm trying to find a solution.
I'm confused a lot of the time. I feel like when I talk to people, I'm so often misunderstood. They don't hear what I'm trying to say, and the harder I try to express myself, the more misunderstood I feel. Finding other autistic people helps. ❤️
It'll happen ... just as you described. There is a key that unlocks everything. You'll find it.
Hi Dana, I love your videos. I love your authenticity and that you don't sugarcoat or try to provide forced solutions just because that's what people do on RUclips.
I wanted to tell you that you've inspired me to be more casual in content I create (not under this username). It used to be grueling for me to make anything because I would expect too much of myself. Seeing how valuable your videos are to me makes me think I can also create content without it being over processed and excessively planned. Now it sounds like I'm saying something bad about your videos but I'm not! I just mean, you've helped me relax and let go of unrealistic expectations of myself, and as a result, I enjoy what I make, and I'm able to actually make stuff rather than giving up due to having exhausted myself. Love your channel.
I love Otis so much. He's such a handsome cat with beautiful markings.
I was diagnosed last year at 42 and feel as if I've lived my life in a state of perpetual cconfusion, this video was so relatable for me! Thanks so much for sharing this as it's kind of comforting not to feel so alone
Jobs are hell (for me). I'm not talking about work, working is fine. I also don't understand what job interviewers want to hear or why they never responded back to me. I got a job be sheer luck and after I made myself a whole lot worse. Culture is also confusing to me, especially nowadays, nothing makes sense. Over here if you don't have a job, you're treated like a second class citizen. I don't understand anything about this system called society and the 'rat race'. I always get underestimated in some aspects and overestimated in other aspects. A nice compact live where I work on my things hang out with the people I care about and meet the kind of people I want to meet. But no, the powers to be decided that everyone has to be part of 'society', what does that even mean? I don't know but I feel forced to be part of something gigantic and inhuman, it's confusing and it sucks. So yes I understand that you can be confused about stuff allistic people take for granted, cause I don't understand it either. I try to stay out of it.
Exactly. Work is fine, jobs are not. I relate to that so much.
Could you maybe explain what the difference between work and jobs is that you mean? I know I struggle a ton with jobs, but I'm also still a student and don't have much work/job experience, but what do you mean with 'work' and how is it easier (as in less confusing, I guess) than jobs?
@@alorena_02 work is the actual productive thing, it can even be something you don't necessarily get paid for, like cooking or cleaning, or it could be coding or doing accounting or writing a spreadsheet or taking care of plants in a nursery, etc, whatever the actual work is.
A job is what an employer offers you. He wants you to do work, but on his terms. So for example, you have to come in at a certain time, deal with office politics, have a lunch break that is only this long, report to your superior, attend meetings, do things their way even if it's unproductive and draining. Deal with a side eye if you want to take a vacation, or if they saw you having a coffee break. Jobs can really grind you down.
This is so relatable...its like a permanent state of internal debate and also not knowing how to seek clarification because the cause of the confusion itself is also unclear! also grasping at a 'conclusion' or understanding that seems to resolve a dilemma and finding out I am completely wrong 😅
Uhgg.....I'm just too tired to engage with neuro-typicals any more ❗🙄
Brain fog is the worst!
💯 confusion with everyone and everything. The narrative about growth is not based on autistic perspectives. Not saying learning and studying - especially special interests 😊 - isn't beneficial but that's just it, staying true to ourselves despite the sh!t storm waiting outside the door each day.
There are too many possibilities and yet so many people seem to assume the most obvious one, often absent any real context or investigation, regardless of whether it's the most logical, rational or reasonable. I have a theory (I have no idea if this is an original thought or if it has been considered and/or dismissed by professionals already or not) that one of the fundamental differences between ND/NT is that NT's are more heuristic in their thinking and have incredibly selective memory, almost instantly forgetting prior context in order to adopt a current paradigm and thus 'fitting in', whereas ND's tend to be more deductive and react like, "Wtf? Half a second ago everyone thought something entirely different and yet now everyone's acting like how it is now was how it always was!"
Or maybe it's just me.
when I worked as an SEN teacher the way it was explained through the neurotypical lense is that its an issue with 'generalisation'. Basically neurotypicals will assume an answer for literally everything be happy with it and the last part I dont get is actually get it right like 90% of the time?
But its strange to me. Many people wont even talk about what they do in an evening. You ask how to do something and theyll assume a common problem you have rather than describing the process. It reminds me of how historians have very limited ideas of how day to day life stuff happened exactly cos no one talks or writes about it.
I have university 'education' I still find job interviews impossible. I love the time I dressed semi-formal to a video interview and got accused of being at work when I was literally in my room. I still take hours filling out forms. I spend days agonizing on particular wordings on university tasks then finish the actual work in hours.
My stacks of books (psychology, philosophy, blah blah blah) cluttering my room and shelves are really monuments to my perennial confusion. Just trying to figure out what the heck is going on, and never succeeding at it.
As someone with AuDHD; I don't really know anything else other than confusion. Edit: Even though 'm a bit older than you, I still life with my parents as I can't understand & cope for barely a day on my own.
Me too, I’m 27 and feel the same way. Everyday feels like a marathon to get through, but watching this video and your comment make things feel okay. Hugs ❤
A fellow amazon drop out xD, that place is defo not for us. I feel you, I have no idea how to interact with society, its too confusing and so arbitrary and I just want control of situations and my life but society has chipped away at me. I feel I have no choice but to have others help me and that has lead me to being exploited and abused and if I run out of people to help, well it's game over 😔.
YES the feeling that you just need to figure out that last missing piece, that you are getting close and just need to solve the final bit that makes everything make sense. It was how I kept my head above water for so long, the hope that i was improving and one day would fit in, but the day it finally hit me that I was autistic it broke that fragile hope and led the a severe regression. I really wasn't improving much at all, just masking more effectively most of the time, and understanding why I am like this really shattered those illusions.
Wow i think this is the first time i've ever heard anyone speak about this. I must go back and watch the other video. I've always said I live my life in a state of confusion. "It doesn't make sense".
I used to get really upset by snapping colleagues at work and made loads of mistakes as the work was not stimulating enough, my mind is an artistic mind.
I'm not the only one
You have become my comfort tuber each night of alone time after my kid is asleep ❤
Yes this, its sucks so bad and I get so frustrated with myself over it
Not knowing what people do with their time is something I get confused about as well.
I don't think they tell the truth about it, that's why! Example I had this friend who told me she literally lied to her coworkers constantly about her wknd plans or what she did over the weekend. So, I don't think she's the only one... I feel like ppl are always trying to seem like they are living fulfilling, social and interesting lives...so who knows ??? Maybe they spent the whole weekend on facebook.
@@Silllywalkswhenever I answer, I just say what I did haha and if it’s not much, I’ll say that. I don’t understand there need to lie bc I dont understand personally why it matters if I didn’t do a thing interesting haha
From listening to them talk it seems as if they watch movies, TV, play video games, social media and go out to eat. But maybe they lie? 🤷🏻♀️
@@Catlily5 well I think my friend would fabricate her weekends because she had a status job in the financial industry and felt pressure to say what cool things she did...I notice it seems a "safe" topic to a lot of ppl at work but can also be used as a way to show your status or something...I went to brunch and then flew to Vegas for a music festival, I don't know about you...jk
@@Catlily5 I used to laugh so hard when she told me she lied about her weekends. She was funny, she didn't care...
Oh I can relate massively to this 😮
Your cat absolutely adores you.
Having to get up every 2 hours for weeks to hand feed him as a kitten really paid off 😂
I find that i have trained myself to be extremely flexible and ready for anything at my jobs because i know something critical that is obvious to everyone else will not be so for me, and i'll need to be ready to try to see it their way quickly. It is one of the ways i mask. I know that i have the potential to complicate something that NTs see as very simple and straightforward. I try to "tone it down" all the time, knowing that no one else will understand the level of detail im giving it. Always trying to simplify as masking....
This world is chaotic and random, and nothing really makes any sense. I think this is just the way it is to be autistic. We see the world for what it really is.
Topic for future video mind going blank when people ask you questions maybes? I suffer from that a lot. I feel like saying "I don't know" is embassrassing. Don't know why we are conditioned to not say "I don't know" like it is shameful or something.
Are we supposed to be all knowing beings?
Thank you, it's me.
hey i feel alot similar like you but i am waiting for adhd test im 31 female i also could be autistic but doctors dont listen in yorkshire lol, theyre so bad helping females they said anxiety and depression but i feel so lonely and i hate society and i still waiting for diagnosis lol, i really enjoy your perspective on everything and its nice to see another normal person on youtube for once
It only makes sense if your processor came with Socialization 3.0 (industrial revolution) installed. This software produces an instinctive sense of terror if others are not pleased, and also allows for near-perfect mimicry. We autistics by definition lack this software, and end up trying to use Logical Reasoning 4.0 (Homo Sapians edition) to process such information, leading to system errors. 🤓
Yeah, I refer to it as the Official Book of Unwritten Social Convention ... personal copy of which, for some, somehow got list in the mail. I'm technically NT (I think), but with some discernible ND traits. As a wee lad way back during early years, ... Oh, Yes. I could tell that my parents knew there was something off about me. But, then ad if all in one day, everything came together. You'll see.
🎼TD, Boston
OMG. I didn't even realize it but yes i am confused a lot and why i like my routines. WOW. I need to know what im doing and whats going on or i feel very anxious. Forms and instructions dont work for me. And menus.
Have you ever listened to Alan Watts on RUclips about the polarity of yin yang ☯? It’s a fascinating take on life 😁👍
Can definitely relate to having been confused about things I’ve said and done in social settings - who is that person?!
I have felt that exact same confusion... but I believe it is not an intrinsic handicap, but instead it is the consequence of having been severely neglected by those who had the responsibility of teaching us the "hidden curriculum" of life, and by the "failsafe processes" that NTs use to "fake it 'till they make it" or "pay the price of doing business" or "get along to get along" or to "look like they kmow what they're doing" or to "bullshit their way through it" or to memorize the "cliffs notes study guide" before the test, or "copy the homework from their best friend before the bell rings", or any of the other shortcuts available to be privileged that they assume everyone else uses!
The thing with this is that it is the ‘hidden’ parts of it, they don’t think about it, they’re things they intrinsically know and never had to be taught, so they both don’t know they need to teach it or how to teach it, and a lot of it is very situation specific and can’t really be taught in a way that works anyway.
Video request: how would you move house with all the possessions that you own?
Either you get rid of stuff or do a lot of packing. Last move I got rid of a little and ended up packing most of it because I was going through things too slowly. The move was a lot of stress and very difficult even though I moved 2 blocks away. Moving takes a lot out of you. Don't forget to plan recuperation time.
I don't really care that much what most NT people do. I just do what I like in my free time.
is it common to like know u feel a sense of confusion on social situations u can't put ur finger on exactly what about it is super confusing but u still kinda don't fully understand how to fit in or socialize
Don't know if this is any help, but the kind of jobs I know I can do as an autistic person are technical jobs that don't require much interaction with other people. Once tried working at a convenience store and what an utter disaster that was! lol
I'm a professional translator, so that allows me to work from home, but if I had to switch jobs I'd get LPIC1+2, which are 2 Linux system administrator certifications and try get a job doing that. The pay isn't great, but maybe you'd enjoy it? Maybe it's different for you, but given the choice, I'd rather deal with machines than with people!
EDIT: You can find the textbooks for LPIC online. LPIC 1 has two textbooks, around 500 pages each. 800 means a perfect score, and you need at least 500 to pass. Kind of a shot in the dark, but hey, you never know! IT firms tend to be less demanding in terms of work attire and don't really prioritize social skills.
I’ve tried to learn coding and other tech stuff a few times and it just hasn’t processed/stuck for me, I loved having a job in a video store because VCRs and other tech from the 80’s/90’s makes sense to me and I could fix them no problem, but there’s no need for that anymore 😅
@@DanaAndersen That's very interesting! With me it's the opposite: I'm reasonably good at abstract things like foreign languages and issuing commands on the computer, but I couldn't fix a VCR if my life depended on it. Anything involving manipulating objects in the physical world I tend to struggle with...
Maybe look into fixing or assembling computers, or stuff like being an HVAC technician?
But hey, you know your skill set much better than I do. Just hang in there!
Listening to neurotypicals talking is like everyone being handed a script that you've heard read a million times before.
Are we still doing the "I went to this exotic island and price of beer and food" dialogue thing AGAIN??
Fuck that. I'm out.
Yay
I'm forever proud to be a NEET :D NEET gang
Thank you for your content Dana you’ve been a great help in many videos 🧩😄