I gave her a labradorite crystal when she went to that flight school since I was working front desk and knew she would love it. Hope she still has it 🥲
SportCruiser by Lana Del Rey I took a flying lesson on my 33rd birthday instead of calling you or parking on the block where our old place used to be Genesee Genesee Genesee Pathetic I know, but sometimes I still like to park on that street and have lunch in the car just to feel close to you. I was once in love with my life here in that studio apartment with you little yellow flowers on the tops of trees as our only view out of the only window- big enough for me to see our future through. But it turned out I was the only one who could see it. Stupid apartment complex. Terrible you. You who i wait for You You You Like a broken record stuck on loop. So that day on my birthday i thought something has to change, it can’t always be about waiting for u Don’t tell anyone but part of my reasoning for taking the flight class was this idea that if I could become my own navigator- the captain of the sky that perhaps I could stop looking for direction- from you. Well, what started off as an idea on a whim has turned into something more. Too shy to explain to the owners that my first lesson was just a one time thing. I’ve continued to go to classes each week. At the precious little strip off of Santa Monica and Bundy. And everything was going fine we were starting with dips and loops. And then something terrible happened- during my fourth lesson in the sky, my instructor- younger than i but tough as you- instructed me to do a simple maneuver. It’s not that i didn’t do it but i was slow to lean the SportCruiser into a right hand upward turn. Scared, scared that i would lose control of the plane Not tactfully and not gently the instructor shook his head and without looking at me said, “you don’t trust yourself.” I was horrified. Feeling as though I’d somehow been found out. Like he knew me- how weak i was Of course he was only talking about my ability as a pilot in the sky. But i knew it was meant for me to hear those words. for me they held a deeper meaning. I didn’t trust myself not just 2500 ft above the coast of Malibu but with anything. And i didn’t trust you. I could’ve said something but i was quiet because pilots aren’t like poets they don’t make metaphors between life and the sky. In the midst of this midlife meltdown navigational exercise in self-examination, I also decided to do something else I always wanted to do- take sailing lessons in the vibrant bay of Marina del Rey. I signed up for the class as Elizabeth Grant and nobody blinked an eye. So why was I so sure that when I walked into the tiny shack on Bali Way someone would say “you’re not a captain of a ship or a master of the sky” No, the fisherman didn’t care and so neither did I. And for a brief moment i felt more myself than ever before, letting the self proclaimed drunkard captain’s lessons wash over me like the foamy tops of the sea. Midway through, my forehead burned and my hands raw from jibing, the captain told me the most important thing i would need to know on the sea. Never run the ship into irons. That’s nautical terms for not sailing the boat directly into the wind. In order to do that though you have to know where the wind is coming from. And you might not have time to look to the mast or up farther to the weather vane so you have to feel where the wind is coming from- on your cheeks, and by the tips of the white waves- from which direction they’re rolling. To do this, he gave me an exercise. He told me to close my eyes and asked me to feel on my neck which way the wind was blowing. I already knew I was going to get it wrong. “The wind is coming from everywhere- I feel it all over.” I told him. “No,” he said. “The wind is coming from the left. The port side.” I sat waiting for him to tell me, “you don’t trust yourself.” But he didn’t, so I said it for him. “I don’t trust myself.” He laughed, gentler than the pilot but still not realizing that my failure in the exercise was hitting me at a much deeper lever. “It’s not that you don’t trust yourself,” he said. “It’s simply that you’re not a captain. It isn’t what you do.” Then he told me he wanted me to practice everyday so I would get better. “Which grocery store do you go to?” he asked “To the Ralphs and the Palisades,” I replied. “Ok. When you’re in the Ralphas and the Palisades - I want you - as you walking from your car to the store - to close your eyes and feel which way the wind is blowing. Now I don’t want you to look like a crazy person crouching in the middle of the parking lot but everywhere you go - I want you to try and find which way the wind is coming in from and then determine if it’s from the port or starboard side so when you’re back on the boat you’ll have a better sense of it.” I thought his advice was adorable. I could already picture myself in the parking lo squinting my eyes with perfect housewives looking on. I could picture myself growing a better sense of which way the wind was blowing and as I did a tiny bit of deeper trust also began to grow within myself. I thought of mentioning it but I didn’t. Because captains aren’t like poets they don’t make metaphors between sea and sky. And as I thought that to myself I realized- that’s why I write. All of this circumnavigating the earth was to get back to my life 6 trips to the moon for my poetry to arise I’m not a captain I’m not a pilot I write I write.
I gave her a labradorite crystal when she went to that flight school since I was working front desk and knew she would love it. Hope she still has it 🥲
Beautiful. Thank you x
my pleasure❤️
Confirmed Lana's favorite of hers via Honeymoon :)
SportCruiser
by Lana Del Rey
I took a flying lesson on my 33rd birthday instead of calling you
or parking on the block where our old place used to be
Genesee
Genesee
Genesee
Pathetic I know, but sometimes I still like to park on that street
and have lunch in the car just to feel close to you.
I was once in love with my life here
in that studio apartment with you
little yellow flowers on the tops of trees as our only view
out of the only window- big enough for me to see our future
through.
But it turned out I was the only one who could see it.
Stupid apartment complex. Terrible you. You who i wait for
You
You
You
Like a broken record stuck on loop.
So that day on my birthday i thought something has to change,
it can’t always be about waiting for u
Don’t tell anyone but
part of my reasoning for taking the flight class was this idea
that if I could become my own navigator- the captain of the sky
that perhaps I could stop looking for direction- from you.
Well, what started off as an idea on a whim has turned into
something more. Too shy to explain to the owners that my first
lesson was just a one time thing. I’ve continued to go to classes
each week. At the precious little strip off of Santa Monica
and Bundy.
And everything was going fine we were starting with dips and
loops. And then something terrible happened-
during my fourth lesson in the sky, my instructor-
younger than i but tough as you- instructed me to do a
simple maneuver. It’s not that i didn’t do it but i was
slow to lean the SportCruiser into a right hand upward turn.
Scared, scared that i would lose control of the plane
Not tactfully and not gently the instructor shook his head
and without looking at me said, “you don’t trust yourself.”
I was horrified. Feeling as though I’d somehow been found out.
Like he knew me- how weak i was
Of course he was only talking about my ability as a pilot
in the sky. But i knew it was meant for me to hear those words.
for me they held a deeper meaning.
I didn’t trust myself
not just 2500 ft above the coast of Malibu
but with anything. And i didn’t trust you.
I could’ve said something but i was quiet
because pilots aren’t like poets
they don’t make metaphors between life and the sky.
In the midst of this midlife meltdown navigational exercise
in self-examination, I also decided to do something else I
always wanted to do- take sailing lessons in the vibrant bay
of Marina del Rey. I signed up for the class as Elizabeth
Grant and nobody blinked an eye. So why was I so sure that
when I walked into the tiny shack on Bali Way someone would
say “you’re not a captain of a ship or a master of the sky”
No, the fisherman didn’t care and so neither did I.
And for a brief moment i felt more myself than ever before,
letting the self proclaimed drunkard captain’s lessons wash
over me like the foamy tops of the sea.
Midway through, my forehead burned and my hands raw from
jibing, the captain told me the most important thing i would
need to know on the sea. Never run the ship into irons.
That’s nautical terms for not sailing the boat directly into
the wind. In order to do that though you have to know where
the wind is coming from. And you might not have time to look
to the mast or up farther to the weather vane
so you have to feel where the wind is coming from-
on your cheeks, and by the tips of the white waves-
from which direction they’re rolling.
To do this, he gave me an exercise.
He told me to close my eyes and asked me to feel on my neck
which way the wind was blowing. I already knew I was going
to get it wrong.
“The wind is coming from everywhere- I feel it all over.”
I told him.
“No,” he said. “The wind is coming from the left. The port side.”
I sat waiting for him to tell me, “you don’t trust yourself.”
But he didn’t, so I said it for him.
“I don’t trust myself.”
He laughed, gentler than the pilot but still not realizing
that my failure in the exercise was hitting me at a much
deeper lever.
“It’s not that you don’t trust yourself,” he said. “It’s simply
that you’re not a captain. It isn’t what you do.”
Then he told me he wanted me to practice everyday so I would
get better.
“Which grocery store do you go to?” he asked
“To the Ralphs and the Palisades,” I replied.
“Ok. When you’re in the Ralphas and the Palisades - I want you -
as you walking from your car to the store - to close your
eyes and feel which way the wind is blowing. Now I don’t
want you to look like a crazy person crouching in the middle
of the parking lot but everywhere you go - I want you to
try and find which way the wind is coming in from and then determine
if it’s from the port or starboard side so when you’re
back on the boat you’ll have a better sense of it.”
I thought his advice was adorable. I could already picture
myself in the parking lo squinting my eyes with perfect
housewives looking on. I could picture myself growing a
better sense of which way the wind was blowing and as I did
a tiny bit of deeper trust also began to grow within myself.
I thought of mentioning it but I didn’t.
Because captains aren’t like poets
they don’t make metaphors between sea and sky.
And as I thought that to myself
I realized-
that’s why I write.
All of this circumnavigating the earth
was to get back to my life
6 trips to the moon for my poetry to arise
I’m not a captain
I’m not a pilot
I write
I write.
Thank u so much for doin this, the videos fit so perfect with this poem my favourite from violet
my pleasure🥺❤️ and thank you ❤️❤️
You're doing god's work ❤
👀 😍 Absolute Perfection 👏✨❣️ with such a perfect, magical beautiful poem too ♥️ Thank you ♥️
my pleasure 🥺❤️ and thank you!❤️❤️
Oh, my. I'm very surprised, when find that. It's brilliant!
5:56