I must have a strong sense of truth and self, because I have not given into self doubt. But I am ready to leave, because I hate lying more than anything in life.
Great video! As the former scapegoat in a narcissistic family, I was gaslit by my entire family on a daily basis. Unfortunately it took me many years to figure out the nature of my cruel & sick family.
"Keep your reactions in check and pay attention" The key to not being dragged into the dance of madness with narcissists. One of the most insidious gaslighting techniques is 'Omission' - But of praise. It is an engineered silence where a praise or acknowledgement is normal. The narcissist is silent. This goes so under the radar that the Target doesn't immediately get it but reacts and recoils at a deep level and it builds up unknown resentments that then play into fuelling the Reactive Gaslighting later on. Omission of Acknowledgement is a particularly nasty and very subtle gaslighting - missing praise or acknowledgement for a skill or effort or talent or quality - robbing the Target and leaving an imperceptible power imbalance stolen by an 'inferior' Cluster B from a normal Human Being. A nasty manipulation.
When your accomplishments go unnoticed or appreciated by those you care about it hurts, and you succumb to feeling resentful or invisible, that's when you need to stop caring about what they think and start caring more about how you FEEL. What you think matters more than what others think, and when you validate yourself, that's all that matters. They can try to psyche you out with their on/off silent emotional rollercoaster tactics, being kind and supportive one minute and then cold and dismissive the next and you will not falter. You will stay calm, balanced and emotionally stable observing their weird ways. They will not be able to emotionally manipulate you because you pull your own strings. Its liberating to free yourself from others expectations while living life on your terms not theirs, your life ~ your rules.
wow. Your suggestions and analysis is great. It is very unfortunate having to deal with disturbed individuals. I think in many cases, the first thing is to identify the behavior. Once identified, one can decide how to proceed.
I eventually woke up. Went through a tumultuous time of life and focused on healing & self care. Went to EDMR & realised I'd always had the gut reactions to toxic people, I just wasn't confident to listen and take action off it. It's very different now. I'm so nonchalant and confident in myself.
Just curious..what were the signs you noticed inside your body when you were around a toxic person? I’m just discovering this myself and would like to know if my physiological responses are similar to others’ responses .
This is why I started recording conversations with my now ex. He repeatedly would insist that I said/ didn't say/ did/ didn't do countless things that never happened. It wasn't just that he made these false allegations, the problem was that he started horrible arguments about it followed by physical abuse and threats.
You, are not the problem. But the longer you stay the more you will believe that you are the problem indeed. Just Run fast and far if you start noticing it. There is no way to fix it.
I experienced normalization during the aftermath of my wife's affair. She marshalled all sorts of authorities against me to "prove" that what she did was completely normal and reasonable. She would tell me all her doctor's, lawyer's (yes multiple of them all...), therapists, friends, etc. all agree with her and say that she acted completely reasonably and that I am 100% the problem. Of course, I never got a say in what they heard. She would tell them what she wanted them to know and then turn around and tell me that I am stupid to question, and irrational because "he's a DOCTOR, it's SCIENCE!". Gaslit and manipulated half to death! Hardest thing I have ever dealt with in my life, and I've been to war!
still trying to get my head and heart around how deceived i was from this person it scares me that there are people out there that are so abusive/ after they are gone and i have had the life sucked out of me i am left to try and rebuild my sense of self. not been a fun experience.
Her and her kids would eat pizza with light sauce (little to no sauce). I remember several times asking who eats pizza with light sauce. And with a straight face she said "Everybody"
I was with her for 9 years the first two weeks I told her she had a wall up that was a red flag.. I still decided to love her…and give her a family I gave her my all .. I started to disrespect her out of her, provoking me ..I was just trying to stand up for myself for 9 years gave her everything my all and now she’s done with me
For me it was often the case that I didn't miss them, but I was brought up with the idea that 'he or she doesn't mean it the way you see it' and only when it's in an advanced stage and you can't get around it, years and years later, you start to trust yourself and understand that all those previous signals were small steps.
I agree with everything you said and I have seen it happening to me many times. It is vital to pay attention, listen to your gut feeling and respond not react and often do not respond at all. Be confident in who you are and what you think, you are responsible for your life, it is your life so be the master of it do not Let anybody steal it from you. Thank you❤
Subtle gas lighting is hard to detect when they are soft spoken as its taken in stride without question, insidious. I learned to trust how I FEEL when unable to make sense of the situation at hand, rather than be swayed, either talked into or out of something, step back and do what feels right for you. Let the chips fall where they may, much to their dismay, but not yours. If they don't like it, that's on them. Life won't fall apart and the sky won't fall, don't let fear steer you in the wrong direction or do things you don't want to do to please or appease others. Its your life ~ your rules.
Husband just used the fifth one on me the other day. The "everyone has done." My response "we're not talking about everyone right now. We're talking about you and how it's affecting us." The gaslighting is so frustrating and sickening. Trying hard to not respond. Have started to say "I don't know" or "I don't remember " to general things he asks (classic phrases he's been repeating whenever I've had to confront him). My patience is wearing thin.
Hi Christina, keep phrasing things as you wish. Those of us who are fans know what you mean. We appreciate your work and enjoy your teaching on narcissism. I’ve heard all the phrases you mentioned.
What I experienced was being told that I said things that I absolutely did not remember saying, and within minutes of being accused of saying something? After a while I thought I was going crazy because it happened in three different times. I was beginning to doubt myself, I can’t do that anymore I just can’t. Didnot know this was gaslighting?
This has been my life for 26 years. And for the first 23 I was not aware of what was going on. Once I find out about gaslighting and narcissistic abuse, my eyes got opened wide! And I know his is so much insecurity etc. and death by 1000 paper cuts it’s true I think I’ve already had twice as many! Just waiting for the opportunity to come by😉
“death by a thousand paper cuts” whoa!! that is what has happened to me. 20 yrs letter & Im stuck and trauma bonded. If he discards me again that will be my out. Im waiting. uggggggg Im too old for this crap! oh the games are ridiculous. He is sitting on Fl death row & how have I allowed him to brain wash me and bond me to him?
The gaslighting is not just between you and them. They drag their enablers into the gaslighting and create traumatic horror stories (lies) about how you offended them, and you ruined the whole outing and you should have known better because they were abused, or whatever. When actually, THEY are the ones who are doing the abusing and traumatizing! Then all their mob fans join in on the attack and ostracization of you, even your own blood family members. What a nightmare. If only I could see these people for the ugly monsters they truly are before I let down my guard around them.
I was in the hospital and my boyfriend went with me and he was on his phone the whole time. He kept asking, "how long is this going to take?" I told him to just stay at my house because I needed him to take me home sense I didn't have a car but he didn't want to and kept being wishy washy. I finally just told him to leave which he did then when I was done he picked me up. I was so mad that I yelled at him and then he yelled back, his eyes were really black. I hit him on the hand then he said, "If you weren't a woman I would have hit you." I keep thinking I'm the narcissist and abusive though because I yelled at him and hit him on his hand. When I questioned him about this he said, "That never happened." Kept questioning him about it and he apologized. He's been gas lighting me sense forever now he even had his own roommates against me at one point. Today is the first day I went no contact and I feel like I'm dying and want to be dead. I have this huge fear of the world and don't want to be apart of it anymore. I dissociate often. I set a boundary with him yesterday and sense then he's been calling and he calls a lot to. One time he called about 100 times. Tonight he showed up with food and stuff I left behind in his car but I didn't answer the door. When he calls I have his name set to "DO NOT ANSWER LOVE GOD." It's the only thing that's working so far. Every time I set a boundary with him though he ignores it and acts as if nothing even happened my own mother does this so yeah I've cut everyone out of my life and just be depressed alone it really sucks but oh well I'm just numb to it at this point. The worst thing though is to be sober these 11 days from weed and dissociating in my house. I don't even want to go out, I quit my job, my family all hate me, and the list goes on and all I want to do is sleep and not eat.
Normalizing can be infuriating! I'm dealing with a narc neighbor who lives directly upstairs and is hopefully moving to another building soon. (His lies have turned many in the complex against me, some I thought were friends. He's doing more than Normalizing, but it's a big part of how he is trying to isolate me.) However, for months now, he has been monitoring/following me when I come outside to check the mail or go to the trash dumpster, for example. He also makes loud sudden noises at all hours. If I happen to make a phone call or the microwave beeps and he hears it, then he usually punishes me with more noise--weird. I can't tell you how often my dad and I have been enjoying our Sunday phone call, only for him to make some loud noise so loud my dad can hear it over the phone! Yes, I've done all the reporting to apartment management, including that I felt scared and I was being stalked. They said they would talk to him--and led me to believe they were handling the situation for a while with talk of a written warning and eviction, but he must have lied like crazy! Now, other, neighbors watch me for him because he's supposedly afraid of being accused again or something; however, he follows me to the mailboxes later when it suits him. How do you prove stalking when the guy literally lives in the building? Also, he lives with his mom, so they are moving from a 1-Bdrm to a 2-Bdrm...finally. Again, weird! My hope is that once he's gone, he stays gone! I plan to move soon, too. I've had enough, and another city would do me good. As for Normalization? He has many in the complex thinking I'm the crazy one! BTW, I plan to move for work as I graduate next week. Thank God! Also, I've found other channels where people posted similar experiences in the Comments about their neighbors. Some said it felt like they followed them around their apartment either above or below them, and upstairs/downstairs or male/female didn't matter. It was like the person was constantly listening to what they were doing. Yes, it happens, so I'm trying to share my story as much as I can so others don't feel so alone. I felt much better after reading similar stories. You think you are losing your mind trying to be so quiet in your own home. I even limited going outside to once or twice a week to what would happen, and BOOM! There he was! He is/was constantly listening for when I come and go from my apartment. No question. Please, be careful! Maintain situational awareness at all times. Peace and safety to all...
One of the worse forms of gaslighting is when a person says “I’m a good person” and keeps neglecting your needs even though you tell them 100 times what your needs are. This manipulative tactic is so subtle that makes you doubt your needs and doubt your reality. Just wondering if anyone here had similar experience?
I want to share a personal gaslighting experience. So this person I was in a situationship with, because she was desperately trying to get back to any of her exes, and none of the exes were taking her back. So she was keeping me as the next option. I saw her hoover all her exes. I really learned first-hand from a narcissist. Anyways, coming to the experience. Once she sent me a link to an instagram handmade bags page while we were talking on phone, and then she tells me something like "go down and you'll find that blue bag with yellow graphics on it. It looks so good." And I won't find any blue bag. And she'd tell me "You see this green bag? Now go 5 rows down, and there's the blue bag". But I find nothing. Then she'd be like "oh you can't even find a simple photo. How pathetic." And then go on a rant of how I'm not a good fit for her lifestyle. Another example. She had a clothing business (which was shit, and isn't running anymore after I left. Her yearly income was below $50). So she wanted me to think of new design ideas, and then she'd tell me that she knows that I have even better ideas that I'm hiding from her because she thinks that I'm planning to open my own clothing line and use those ideas myself. And I'd end up explaining to her how honest and loyal I am. But actually, even if I were hiding ideas. They're my ideas. I can do whatever I want with them. I was not getting paid for the ideas I was giving her anyways. Funny thing. I was looking for customers and clients for her when I was with her. But after going no contact. Some of the people I had reached out to earlier, contacted me back for some custom made clothes. And I created my own designs, with new ideas, got them printed by a third party printer. And made some extra money. And they loved it. And that way, I learned a lot about my own potential.
I did an unforgivable thing. One of her many, many ways of gaslighting amd devaluing/triangulating me was unfavorably comparing the sex (and my dimensions ffs) to exes. It was really, really hurtful and also confusing because the sex was a freaking multiorgasmic screamfest (for real). You know how people say they have this instinct to record for their own sanity? Yeah, i started recording. It was just for my sanity but i know it's terrible that i did that. Its good that i was able to eventually understand how incredibly toxic i became in that dynamic and walk. It was really, really hard to throw away those recordings 🔥
In freaking credible, I noticed yes I would modify my behavior or what I would say a lot of times, and most times things I wanted to say, or things I wanted to talk about I wouldn’t even mention because it would cause some type of disruption or I would be accused of abuse of behavior or being too sensitive in freaking credible
Bring up "this is what you said" ..... my god do you want to see fire and being degraded and called out as a manipulative narcissist.. Thanks for these videos and to know im not going through all of this myself
With that last one, normalization, I was told that my expectations for a relationship were unrealistic because my parents were divorced and her parents were not so she knew what it took to make a relationship work. (Nevermind I was her second marriage) What I didn’t realize was her parents relationship was narcissistic (her mom narcissistic, her dad the broken codependent) and that’s the type of relationship she wanted to set up with me.
So does everyone gaslight? Is it always a conscious intention? When does it become abuse? Can two people gaslight each other at the same time? Can someone gaslight and not realise it? Can it ever be a positive defence?
@@DivergentMoon not sure if when you say “you” you mean me or people generally but to put things into context, my mum is a covert Narcissist and for years I have watched her and her husband go back and forth verbally sparring. There are times I am left confused and wondering if she is intentionally trying to gaslight or it’s totally out of her awareness. She plays the victim, lies blatantly, is “never wrong”, shuts others down mid conversation whenever she begins to feel anything, will not allow anyone to disagree with her, needs to control everything around her and has thrown others including me “under the bus” many times to avoid blame and so on. I am genuinely curious and would like to know what the “Common Ego” has to say to my questions.
I have not watched all your videos so I apologise if you have covered this already but please can you help me . I have an in a relationship with someone who puts me down always, insults me, makes me feel like I am going mad because I am getting older and he puts it down to dementia but it’s not that / I am so tired all dealing with the chaos. I have started talking back to him in his language ( swearing and insults ) but it’s not me / it’s like it’s the only language he gets. I had a really bad mental/emotional breakdown just before we met. I was still v poorly when we met and his strength and apathy was so attractive. So reassuring. I felt safe but now, 6 years on, I feel so so low. I try to be strong and stand up for myself in a non confrontational way but it’s not me. I don’t know how to handle it all. I don’t know hope to cope because I can’t leave yet. I caught him chatting to other girls and the content was more than just being friendly. He said that when people cheat it’s the other persons fault . Not the Cheaters. He puts me down all the time but it’s always as a joke or he says it’s a joke when he sees me react . I want to be me again. I feel ugly and stupid and old. Sorry for my long message. Thankyou, in advance.
They will also try and justify their lies and deception by using examples of things they've recently done that are similar, in an attempt to throw off anybody who would question them about their lies. Such asking them to send an email for you because they're better at making it sound professional than you are, BUT for no apparent reason they felt the need to add, " I'll pretend to be you." " Or I'm having a senior moment." That would be an example of gaslighting that could be easily missed in the beginning until you start picking up vibes, and piecing things together.
Listening to the example of you cant even cut an onion right reminds me of the last time i made a dinner while the ex & i were together that i had broccoli as 1 of the veggies with it. I love broccoli the ex didnt like broccoli at dinner he starts off with, " i'm not eating any broccoli!" I thought no big deal i'm not his momma & he isnt a little boy. He continued on, " i hate broccoli! I'm not eating that its disgusting!" On & on he went throughout the whole dinner about the broccoli which by the way was a side dish & not mixed in a main course & there were 2 other veggies with dinner. I just kept thinking i wish he would shut up about it if he doesnt want broccoli no big deal thats his business. But he went on so much that i decided not have broccoli with any more dinners(this was twds the end of an almost 20yr marriage) i still ate it just not around him. About a week after this clarity came to me that i had modified my behavior to accomidate him so i wouldnt have to hear him go on throughout a whole dinner about broccoli. That made me start wondering how much behavior modification i had been doing to accomidate him over the yrs & with that clarity came the realization he was deliberately manipulating me so that i would modify my behavior to accomidate him.
Would one sine be or might be the child becomes a "best friend" and the other child becomes a comparison ? Like child 2 is compared to child 1. How come you can't do this like child one? You need to do better. But doesn't help child 2 She started treating me like child 2. It started when children 2 was about 5. What I noticed is that she tried to treat child 2 like an adult. And treating me like c child. It was a complete mind --ck😵
In my case, i have numerous stalkers who work together to harass me and keep me confused. They illegally watch me for mere annoyance and to know how to trigger me. Their gaslighting tactic is theyll use noise and witchcraft (making me cough) to communicate that im messing up their mood as they illegally watch me??? For example, when im relaxing playing my music they'll purposely leave it quiet until i start playing a song they disapprove, then to communicate this theyll have their vehicle accelerate in the distance, or slam car door loudly. Or use the flying monkey tenants to make this thumping noise, etc. This gaslighting happens a lot as im in the privacy of my apartment or even when im out ordering food or grocery shopping or picking out clothes...but them stalking me and harassing me is worse than me not folding clothes like they "expect".Think of this-- how can I peep through a ladies window and get mad at her or want her to care about how i feel if she doesnt wear the night gown i want her to? But this is how narcissist are when youre being gang stalked ...sigh view my instagram @tsktskteaser
monkey see monkey do, it’s easy to pick up on a social strategy, the way to fix it is guidance and understanding. we end up more like our parents whether we like it or not
Download the GASLIGHTING PHASES WORKBOOK here: commonego.com/gaslighting
They also normalize other people’s bad behavior, but nothing YOU do is EVER right. Thank you for your clarity on the subject.
When someone is baiting you to react, ask yourself why you're being set up?
Question their motives with awareness before responding
If someone says you're too this or too that ~ they're too toxic !
I must have a strong sense of truth and self, because I have not given into self doubt. But I am ready to leave, because I hate lying more than anything in life.
Great video! As the former scapegoat in a narcissistic family, I was gaslit by my entire family on a daily basis. Unfortunately it took me many years to figure out the nature of my cruel & sick family.
"Keep your reactions in check and pay attention" The key to not being dragged into the dance of madness with narcissists. One of the most insidious gaslighting techniques is 'Omission' - But of praise. It is an engineered silence where a praise or acknowledgement is normal. The narcissist is silent. This goes so under the radar that the Target doesn't immediately get it but reacts and recoils at a deep level and it builds up unknown resentments that then play into fuelling the Reactive Gaslighting later on. Omission of Acknowledgement is a particularly nasty and very subtle gaslighting - missing praise or acknowledgement for a skill or effort or talent or quality - robbing the Target and leaving an imperceptible power imbalance stolen by an 'inferior' Cluster B from a normal Human Being. A nasty manipulation.
absolutely
You're right.
When your accomplishments go unnoticed or appreciated by those you care about it hurts, and you succumb to feeling resentful or invisible, that's when you need to stop caring about what they think and start caring more about how you FEEL. What you think matters more than what others think, and when you validate yourself, that's all that matters.
They can try to psyche you out with their on/off silent emotional rollercoaster tactics, being kind and supportive one minute and then cold and dismissive the next and you will not falter. You will stay calm, balanced and emotionally stable observing their weird ways. They will not be able to emotionally manipulate you because you pull your own strings.
Its liberating to free yourself from others expectations while living life on your terms not theirs, your life ~ your rules.
Whoa, that is eye opening for me. Oh my.
wow. Your suggestions and analysis is great. It is very unfortunate having to deal with disturbed individuals. I think in many cases, the first thing is to identify the behavior. Once identified, one can decide how to proceed.
Oh my gosh... How have I not seen this before?
I eventually woke up. Went through a tumultuous time of life and focused on healing & self care. Went to EDMR & realised I'd always had the gut reactions to toxic people, I just wasn't confident to listen and take action off it.
It's very different now. I'm so nonchalant and confident in myself.
Just curious..what were the signs you noticed inside your body when you were around a toxic person? I’m just discovering this myself and would like to know if my physiological responses are similar to others’ responses .
I really hope that I can get there soon.
This is why I started recording conversations with my now ex. He repeatedly would insist that I said/ didn't say/ did/ didn't do countless things that never happened. It wasn't just that he made these false allegations, the problem was that he started horrible arguments about it followed by physical abuse and threats.
Projection is very similar
@@casperinsight3524 Projection would be him actually doing or saying things and attributing them to me. Gaslighting is purely fictional.
@@Nancy-yw1rr
They often go hand in hand, projection or false accusations are fictional too 😉 its all gas lighting
When someone makes you feel bad to make themselves feel better ~
Observe don't absorb
Easier said than done.
@@NaturalHealingAlchemist
It's an ongoing practice of self discipline to self mastery
You, are not the problem. But the longer you stay the more you will believe that you are the problem indeed. Just Run fast and far if you start noticing it. There is no way to fix it.
Powerful truth ~
You are not the problem and it's not your job to fix it
They are projecting their problems on you
Yes, it's a slippery slope once they start gas lighting you it snowballs into you gas lighting yourself.
I experienced normalization during the aftermath of my wife's affair. She marshalled all sorts of authorities against me to "prove" that what she did was completely normal and reasonable. She would tell me all her doctor's, lawyer's (yes multiple of them all...), therapists, friends, etc. all agree with her and say that she acted completely reasonably and that I am 100% the problem.
Of course, I never got a say in what they heard. She would tell them what she wanted them to know and then turn around and tell me that I am stupid to question, and irrational because "he's a DOCTOR, it's SCIENCE!".
Gaslit and manipulated half to death! Hardest thing I have ever dealt with in my life, and I've been to war!
still trying to get my head and heart around how deceived i was from this person it scares me that there are people out there that are so abusive/ after they are gone and i have had the life sucked out of me i am left to try and rebuild my sense of self. not been a fun experience.
Life is more enjoyable once you get to the other side ~ the rewards of liberation is worth the effort
Her and her kids would eat pizza with light sauce (little to no sauce). I remember several times asking who eats pizza with light sauce. And with a straight face she said "Everybody"
I was with her for 9 years the first two weeks I told her she had a wall up that was a red flag.. I still decided to love her…and give her a family I gave her my all .. I started to disrespect her out of her, provoking me ..I was just trying to stand up for myself for 9 years gave her everything my all and now she’s done with me
I would say 'that's a nice grey' and the response would be 'it's blue'
Thank you for explaining this.
For me it was often the case that I didn't miss them, but I was brought up with the idea that 'he or she doesn't mean it the way you see it' and only when it's in an advanced stage and you can't get around it, years and years later, you start to trust yourself and understand that all those previous signals were small steps.
I agree with everything you said and I have seen it happening to me many times. It is vital to pay attention, listen to your gut feeling and respond not react and often do not respond at all. Be confident in who you are and what you think, you are responsible for your life, it is your life so be the master of it do not Let anybody steal it from you. Thank you❤
Subtle gas lighting is hard to detect when they are soft spoken as its taken in stride without question, insidious.
I learned to trust how I FEEL when unable to make sense of the situation at hand, rather than be swayed, either talked into or out of something, step back and do what feels right for you. Let the chips fall where they may, much to their dismay, but not yours. If they don't like it, that's on them. Life won't fall apart and the sky won't fall, don't let fear steer you in the wrong direction or do things you don't want to do to please or appease others. Its your life ~ your rules.
Husband just used the fifth one on me the other day. The "everyone has done." My response "we're not talking about everyone right now. We're talking about you and how it's affecting us." The gaslighting is so frustrating and sickening. Trying hard to not respond. Have started to say "I don't know" or "I don't remember " to general things he asks (classic phrases he's been repeating whenever I've had to confront him). My patience is wearing thin.
Yes, you just wonder how it took so long to realise this.
Hi Christina, keep phrasing things as you wish. Those of us who are fans know what you mean. We appreciate your work and enjoy your teaching on narcissism. I’ve heard all the phrases you mentioned.
What I experienced was being told that I said things that I absolutely did not remember saying, and within minutes of being accused of saying something? After a while I thought I was going crazy because it happened in three different times. I was beginning to doubt myself, I can’t do that anymore I just can’t. Didnot know this was gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a kind of manipulation that takes time. Therefore it starts right at the beginning of devaluation.
I ignored so so many red flags
This has been my life for 26 years. And for the first 23 I was not aware of what was going on. Once I find out about gaslighting and narcissistic abuse, my eyes got opened wide! And I know his is so much insecurity etc. and death by 1000 paper cuts it’s true I think I’ve already had twice as many! Just waiting for the opportunity to come by😉
“death by a thousand paper cuts” whoa!! that is what has happened to me. 20 yrs letter & Im stuck and trauma bonded. If he discards me again that will be my out. Im waiting. uggggggg Im too old for this crap! oh the games are ridiculous. He is sitting on Fl death row & how have I allowed him to brain wash me and bond me to him?
They have done it to distract me and embarrass me in front of others for sure to get away with their sneaky behavior and say I restrict them
They even told me to stop talking to my parents about our love life because their marriage isn't perfect and that was a red flag
Funny, I called it "Death by nailclipper."
Thank you
The gaslighting is not just between you and them. They drag their enablers into the gaslighting and create traumatic horror stories (lies) about how you offended them, and you ruined the whole outing and you should have known better because they were abused, or whatever. When actually, THEY are the ones who are doing the abusing and traumatizing! Then all their mob fans join in on the attack and ostracization of you, even your own blood family members. What a nightmare. If only I could see these people for the ugly monsters they truly are before I let down my guard around them.
I was in the hospital and my boyfriend went with me and he was on his phone the whole time. He kept asking, "how long is this going to take?" I told him to just stay at my house because I needed him to take me home sense I didn't have a car but he didn't want to and kept being wishy washy. I finally just told him to leave which he did then when I was done he picked me up. I was so mad that I yelled at him and then he yelled back, his eyes were really black. I hit him on the hand then he said, "If you weren't a woman I would have hit you." I keep thinking I'm the narcissist and abusive though because I yelled at him and hit him on his hand. When I questioned him about this he said, "That never happened." Kept questioning him about it and he apologized. He's been gas lighting me sense forever now he even had his own roommates against me at one point. Today is the first day I went no contact and I feel like I'm dying and want to be dead. I have this huge fear of the world and don't want to be apart of it anymore. I dissociate often. I set a boundary with him yesterday and sense then he's been calling and he calls a lot to. One time he called about 100 times. Tonight he showed up with food and stuff I left behind in his car but I didn't answer the door. When he calls I have his name set to "DO NOT ANSWER LOVE GOD." It's the only thing that's working so far. Every time I set a boundary with him though he ignores it and acts as if nothing even happened my own mother does this so yeah I've cut everyone out of my life and just be depressed alone it really sucks but oh well I'm just numb to it at this point. The worst thing though is to be sober these 11 days from weed and dissociating in my house. I don't even want to go out, I quit my job, my family all hate me, and the list goes on and all I want to do is sleep and not eat.
Normalizing can be infuriating! I'm dealing with a narc neighbor who lives directly upstairs and is hopefully moving to another building soon. (His lies have turned many in the complex against me, some I thought were friends. He's doing more than Normalizing, but it's a big part of how he is trying to isolate me.) However, for months now, he has been monitoring/following me when I come outside to check the mail or go to the trash dumpster, for example. He also makes loud sudden noises at all hours. If I happen to make a phone call or the microwave beeps and he hears it, then he usually punishes me with more noise--weird. I can't tell you how often my dad and I have been enjoying our Sunday phone call, only for him to make some loud noise so loud my dad can hear it over the phone!
Yes, I've done all the reporting to apartment management, including that I felt scared and I was being stalked. They said they would talk to him--and led me to believe they were handling the situation for a while with talk of a written warning and eviction, but he must have lied like crazy!
Now, other, neighbors watch me for him because he's supposedly afraid of being accused again or something; however, he follows me to the mailboxes later when it suits him. How do you prove stalking when the guy literally lives in the building?
Also, he lives with his mom, so they are moving from a 1-Bdrm to a 2-Bdrm...finally. Again, weird! My hope is that once he's gone, he stays gone! I plan to move soon, too. I've had enough, and another city would do me good.
As for Normalization? He has many in the complex thinking I'm the crazy one! BTW, I plan to move for work as I graduate next week. Thank God!
Also, I've found other channels where people posted similar experiences in the Comments about their neighbors. Some said it felt like they followed them around their apartment either above or below them, and upstairs/downstairs or male/female didn't matter. It was like the person was constantly listening to what they were doing. Yes, it happens, so I'm trying to share my story as much as I can so others don't feel so alone. I felt much better after reading similar stories. You think you are losing your mind trying to be so quiet in your own home. I even limited going outside to once or twice a week to what would happen, and BOOM! There he was! He is/was constantly listening for when I come and go from my apartment. No question.
Please, be careful! Maintain situational awareness at all times. Peace and safety to all...
Very helpful.
One of the worse forms of gaslighting is when a person says “I’m a good person” and keeps neglecting your needs even though you tell them 100 times what your needs are. This manipulative tactic is so subtle that makes you doubt your needs and doubt your reality. Just wondering if anyone here had similar experience?
I want to share a personal gaslighting experience.
So this person I was in a situationship with, because she was desperately trying to get back to any of her exes, and none of the exes were taking her back. So she was keeping me as the next option. I saw her hoover all her exes. I really learned first-hand from a narcissist.
Anyways, coming to the experience. Once she sent me a link to an instagram handmade bags page while we were talking on phone, and then she tells me something like "go down and you'll find that blue bag with yellow graphics on it. It looks so good." And I won't find any blue bag. And she'd tell me "You see this green bag? Now go 5 rows down, and there's the blue bag". But I find nothing. Then she'd be like "oh you can't even find a simple photo. How pathetic." And then go on a rant of how I'm not a good fit for her lifestyle.
Another example. She had a clothing business (which was shit, and isn't running anymore after I left. Her yearly income was below $50). So she wanted me to think of new design ideas, and then she'd tell me that she knows that I have even better ideas that I'm hiding from her because she thinks that I'm planning to open my own clothing line and use those ideas myself. And I'd end up explaining to her how honest and loyal I am. But actually, even if I were hiding ideas. They're my ideas. I can do whatever I want with them. I was not getting paid for the ideas I was giving her anyways.
Funny thing. I was looking for customers and clients for her when I was with her. But after going no contact. Some of the people I had reached out to earlier, contacted me back for some custom made clothes. And I created my own designs, with new ideas, got them printed by a third party printer. And made some extra money. And they loved it. And that way, I learned a lot about my own potential.
You win fellow human!
I did an unforgivable thing. One of her many, many ways of gaslighting amd devaluing/triangulating me was unfavorably comparing the sex (and my dimensions ffs) to exes. It was really, really hurtful and also confusing because the sex was a freaking multiorgasmic screamfest (for real). You know how people say they have this instinct to record for their own sanity?
Yeah, i started recording.
It was just for my sanity but i know it's terrible that i did that. Its good that i was able to eventually understand how incredibly toxic i became in that dynamic and walk.
It was really, really hard to throw away those recordings 🔥
In freaking credible, I noticed yes I would modify my behavior or what I would say a lot of times, and most times things I wanted to say, or things I wanted to talk about I wouldn’t even mention because it would cause some type of disruption or I would be accused of abuse of behavior or being too sensitive in freaking credible
Bring up "this is what you said" ..... my god do you want to see fire and being degraded and called out as a manipulative narcissist.. Thanks for these videos and to know im not going through all of this myself
With that last one, normalization, I was told that my expectations for a relationship were unrealistic because my parents were divorced and her parents were not so she knew what it took to make a relationship work. (Nevermind I was her second marriage) What I didn’t realize was her parents relationship was narcissistic (her mom narcissistic, her dad the broken codependent) and that’s the type of relationship she wanted to set up with me.
8:38 this is what was happening to me🤦♂️
So does everyone gaslight? Is it always a conscious intention? When does it become abuse? Can two people gaslight each other at the same time? Can someone gaslight and not realise it? Can it ever be a positive defence?
My guess is the first thing you need to do is learn why, how, and when you are gaslighting. Then choose not to. Bet help.
@@DivergentMoon not sure if when you say “you” you mean me or people generally but to put things into context, my mum is a covert Narcissist and for years I have watched her and her husband go back and forth verbally sparring. There are times I am left confused and wondering if she is intentionally trying to gaslight or it’s totally out of her awareness. She plays the victim, lies blatantly, is “never wrong”, shuts others down mid conversation whenever she begins to feel anything, will not allow anyone to disagree with her, needs to control everything around her and has thrown others including me “under the bus” many times to avoid blame and so on. I am genuinely curious and would like to know what the “Common Ego” has to say to my questions.
Think you
I have not watched all your videos so I apologise if you have covered this already but please can you help me . I have an in a relationship with someone who puts me down always, insults me, makes me feel like I am going mad because I am getting older and he puts it down to dementia but it’s not that / I am so tired all dealing with the chaos. I have started talking back to him in his language ( swearing and insults ) but it’s not me / it’s like it’s the only language he gets. I had a really bad mental/emotional breakdown just before we met. I was still v poorly when we met and his strength and apathy was so attractive. So reassuring. I felt safe but now, 6 years on, I feel so so low. I try to be strong and stand up for myself in a non confrontational way but it’s not me. I don’t know how to handle it all. I don’t know hope to cope because I can’t leave yet. I caught him chatting to other girls and the content was more than just being friendly. He said that when people cheat it’s the other persons fault . Not the Cheaters. He puts me down all the time but it’s always as a joke or he says it’s a joke when he sees me react . I want to be me again. I feel ugly and stupid and old. Sorry for my long message. Thankyou, in advance.
They will also try and justify their lies and deception by using examples of things they've recently done that are similar, in an attempt to throw off anybody who would question them about their lies. Such asking them to send an email for you because they're better at making it sound professional than you are, BUT for no apparent reason they felt the need to add, " I'll pretend to be you." " Or I'm having a senior moment." That would be an example of gaslighting that could be easily missed in the beginning until you start picking up vibes, and piecing things together.
They hate being questioned about anything they can't answer but love being questioned about things they can take credit for
I’ll just wear my too-too and swan dive through the ring of fire. See ya…
I believe this person woefully underestimated me.
thank you
Like " the straw that broke the camel's back"
I actually said to him right before I went NC-this is death by a thousand cuts-that cognitive dissonance is a powerful thing
I think about all the times God intervened in my life and then showed me how things would have turned out otherwise.
Listening to the example of you cant even cut an onion right reminds me of the last time i made a dinner while the ex & i were together that i had broccoli as 1 of the veggies with it. I love broccoli the ex didnt like broccoli at dinner he starts off with, " i'm not eating any broccoli!" I thought no big deal i'm not his momma & he isnt a little boy. He continued on, " i hate broccoli! I'm not eating that its disgusting!" On & on he went throughout the whole dinner about the broccoli which by the way was a side dish & not mixed in a main course & there were 2 other veggies with dinner. I just kept thinking i wish he would shut up about it if he doesnt want broccoli no big deal thats his business. But he went on so much that i decided not have broccoli with any more dinners(this was twds the end of an almost 20yr marriage) i still ate it just not around him. About a week after this clarity came to me that i had modified my behavior to accomidate him so i wouldnt have to hear him go on throughout a whole dinner about broccoli. That made me start wondering how much behavior modification i had been doing to accomidate him over the yrs & with that clarity came the realization he was deliberately manipulating me so that i would modify my behavior to accomidate him.
Yaaa Soo this why I quit teaching..just straight up abuse ☠️😭
Would one sine be or might be the child becomes a "best friend" and the other child becomes a comparison ?
Like child 2 is compared to child 1.
How come you can't do this like child one? You need to do better.
But doesn't help child 2
She started treating me like child 2.
It started when children 2 was about 5.
What I noticed is that she tried to treat child 2 like an adult.
And treating me like c child.
It was a complete mind --ck😵
What is the splicing thing on your videos? It’s distractive
Gaslighters Are Cowards Seriously!
She says “stay tuned”……and 21 minutes later at the end of the video, she finally tells you!! 👎👎
👍
The old bait and switch.
In my case, i have numerous stalkers who work together to harass me and keep me confused. They illegally watch me for mere annoyance and to know how to trigger me. Their gaslighting tactic is theyll use noise and witchcraft (making me cough) to communicate that im messing up their mood as they illegally watch me??? For example, when im relaxing playing my music they'll purposely leave it quiet until i start playing a song they disapprove, then to communicate this theyll have their vehicle accelerate in the distance, or slam car door loudly. Or use the flying monkey tenants to make this thumping noise, etc. This gaslighting happens a lot as im in the privacy of my apartment or even when im out ordering food or grocery shopping or picking out clothes...but them stalking me and harassing me is worse than me not folding clothes like they "expect".Think of this-- how can I peep through a ladies window and get mad at her or want her to care about how i feel if she doesnt wear the night gown i want her to? But this is how narcissist are when youre being gang stalked ...sigh view my instagram @tsktskteaser
monkey see monkey do, it’s easy to pick up on a social strategy, the way to fix it is guidance and understanding. we end up more like our parents whether we like it or not