WANTING : How to control your urges

"Wanting: The Power of Mimetic Desire in Everyday Life" by Luke Burgis explores how human desires are often shaped by external influences, especially through imitation or "mimetic desire." Drawing from the philosophical ideas of René Girard, Burgis explains how we unconsciously adopt the wants of others, which can lead to fulfillment or frustration depending on how we navigate these influences. Here's a breakdown:
Key Ideas in Wanting:
1. Mimetic Desire:
Human desires are not entirely original. Instead, we "mimic" the desires of others (models) who we admire or envy. For example, if someone you respect desires success, you may unconsciously adopt that as your goal.
2. Models of Desire:
People can act as "models" who inspire your desires. Models may either be positive (mentors) or negative (rivals).
Internal rivals, like colleagues, can trigger envy and conflict, while external models, like historical figures, can inspire growth.
3. The Cycle of Rivalry:
Mimetic desire can create unhealthy competition. Rivalry emerges when two people want the same thing, not because the thing itself is valuable, but because of the status or validation it represents.
4. Thick vs. Thin Desires:
Thin desires are superficial and fleeting, often shaped by societal expectations (e.g., buying a luxury car because others value it).
Thick desires are authentic, deeply aligned with personal purpose and values.
5. Breaking Free from Mimetic Traps:
By identifying the sources of your desires, you can shift toward more intentional and meaningful pursuits. Understanding and re-aligning with your "thick desires" leads to greater satisfaction.
6. Practical Applications:
Burgis offers tools to help readers recognize and manage mimetic influences. For instance, reflecting on who your models are and whether their influence is constructive or destructive.
Why It Matters:
The book is especially relevant in today's social media-driven world, where people are constantly exposed to curated lives and desires of others. It helps readers become more aware of their motivations and align their actions with what truly matters to them, rather than chasing what others value.
Key Takeaway:
Your desires are not entirely your own-but they can be. By understanding how mimetic desire works, you can take control of your aspirations, avoid unnecessary rivalries, and live a more fulfilling life aligned with your deeper, authentic goals.