Jordan Peterson's dating advice
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
- Lex Fridman Podcast full episode: • Jordan Peterson: Life,...
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Jordan Peterson is a psychologist, lecturer, podcast host, and author.
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Lex: how do you find the love of your life?
JP: that’s a good question
Also JP: that’s a stupid question
I think he is stupid at times like all of us.
Well acknowledging that it is a stupid question early on allows you to move forward by asking the 'RIGHT' question. So, sometimes it is better to ask stupid questions for the sake of not being stupid for the rest of your existence.
@@k.sallar5218 And that's exactly why there are no stupid questions; even if it is the wrong question, it can still lead to the right question, but only if you ask the stupid question in the first place
I hold considerable goodwill and admiration for the professor, but his youth was in a different era. If I'm not wrong, he was married in his twenties, and has had an active sex life since then. He wouldn't know much about the suffering of modern dateless-virgin men, would he now😂😂?
It's possible to be two things.
"Focus on becoming the type of person you would want to be with and then be that person. The person you want to be with will recognize who you are and be drawn to you naturally." This is my advice not JBP's but it worked for me and it's only been 15 years so far, but before I did that my longest relationship was 18 months and horribly unhealthy after the first 3.
Been doing it for 11 years, man, hasn't worked yet.
I want to be with someone who likes fishing. Few ladies like fishing. Thanks JP. Thanks.
Hmm….that’s what Joe Rogan said
Done this since ...for...25 years!... ha! Doesn't work!
@@immortaljanus 25 years for me!... agree with your statement.
What impresses me about him is that you can ask him any question, and he manages to answer something interesting every time.
its called being a grifter, even if you don't have a real answer you make something up/have an opinion in order to sound smarter.
@@dustyowl99 I bet you are fun at parties
@@Jg-hg5ch this dude is literally the prototype of a dude whod be brutal at a party lol you're delusional.
@@dustyowl99 r/whoosh
lol it was just a shitty joke
The fact that I independently came to the same conclusion of being the best I can be instead of worrying about what I get and now hearing Jordan Peterson say the same, restored my hope in myself.
Exactly the same as me.
As soft as a dive and as wise as a serpent.
@@Jp-gw3tusame here guys, shook me to my core hearing it from him exactly as I concluded myself what’s best to do. Hope ur both on track 🫶
Normal people: «wanna have a dance?»
Jordan: «wanna align yourself with the patterns of being, gracefully?»
The great thing about that advice is that it's a positive productive advice. Even though you didnt evetually end up getting the right partner, or gets takem advantage of, the end result will still be to your advantage because you were ablw to become a better person.
It can be disheartening to improve on many aspects and still get no result. Because then what can you do?
Nothing is due, you can only improve your odds.
If you don't just want a partner because you want to have sex and cuddle and think there's some transcendental value in it, then you're just delusional and a liar.
@@MisterL777 exactly… as a intelligent human and not a stupid mule, I will not chase a carrot endlessly
Whoever is making the thumbnails; PAY HIM MORE MONEY.
It’s literally just the same images of Natalie Portman.
lex makes them
Hahhahahhaa
Hi I’m 20, grinding hard to get out the hood, I can’t be 30 with nothing to show for so i smoke weed on my youtube channel 🙏
@@damon5894 is this a joke or do you have a reason to believe this?
Peterson is a master at turning peoples questions back on them. The question wasn’t about attracting girls, it was about determining compatibility when you’re already dating them.
Well then people need to be more specific with their questions.
He answered it, actually. Your partner will be a reflection of your values. If you know yourself and your values, you will know what's good for you. All roads lead to Rome; knowledge of what's good for you (or "compatible" as you say) will stem from self-knowledge. He likes Jung, man: it's all about making the unconscious conscious.
A lot of answers are in the question. You don't know your partner enough to know them? Then know them more! Nobody seems to like you? Be more likeable!
His answer is the reason i haven't been dating in 2 years: im not a good partner at the moment... but im getting close to being there
Profile pic of the seattle space needle and a m4. Are you a vet living in seattle?
@@johnathanmandrake7240 I feel like you know me already
good for you, you will get there
@@ardoren5442 Thank you, i appreciate it. It took me a lot of reflection to realize and accept that fact. It's difficult, but atleast im honest with myself and not screwing someone over by lying to them by having them believe i am fully ready. It's doubly difficult being in my mid 30's with this issue, losing what little youthfulness i have left in my appearance.
Anyway, thanks for the support
@@jun1orbaitor44 34 here, manchild, did the same after my first somewhat sober decision to settle down with a girl fell through. A couple weeks ago I ended my 3 years of exclusive chicken choking, mostly because I was really starting to enjoy my own company too much - not because of the chicken choking - and I feared I might naturally default to the life of a hermit.
Fully relate to losing the youthful appearance at a superficial level, but hear this:
First of all, as a guy, it doesn't matter. I'd even say it's a plus in the eyes of a lot of women.
Second, *more important* point is that when you live with joy, you will regain your youthfulness spontaneously, and that's attractive to any sane person. Don't dwell on it. I know how corny this sounds, but if you have love in your heart, you're ready for anything. Just don't forget what JP said, remember people are bundles of snakes.
I was in Stockholm during the event he did on the tour and I am glad he said exactly that. That the right question would be "How do I make myself to be the kind of person that ther right person will find attractive?" which is pretty much what he described here. That people should work on themselves.
A note to be added as the subcontext to “being the person to be” is that the process of gaining that character will teach you to have the eyes to recognize decency, conscientiousness, and genuine kindness. I realize I was fooling myself after marrying my wife. The reason I misjudged her was based on a habit of judging people the way I assumed others would judge me. I was fooling myself, and that deception lead me to a distorted view of a human value. Honesty and genuineness is difficult because pride, laziness, love of self, and fear - all the things that can ruin a character. When you don’t realize this in yourself, of course you will be deceived into infatuation towards the shallow.
Buddy, every man that gets married is fooling himself.
Dude! Now this slaps hard
@@filthycasual9381 Why?
@@kaitosilva1361 Because marriage has been undermined by women to become the most misandric institution in the world. Ask any honest divorce attorney, he/she will admit that women go from promising the sun, moon, and stars in a marriage, to viciously proving that she owns him, and she'll have the full backing of the social and legal order.
Jordan Peterson's advice is spot on - to find the love of your life, you need to focus on becoming the perfect date, not just what you want from a partner.
The guy who edits these videos really likes Natelie Portman from that one movie. 😂
Natalie Portman was so hot back in the 2000's
@@tinto278 still hot
What movie?
@@PriusTurbo She's a woke muppet now. I saw her in Sydney. Hollywood killed her spirit.
Who doesn't
It's incredible how evan a simple question becomes some kind of introspective and sociollogical dissecation when it's asked to Jordan.
Yeah, it gets old quick
Yes, because he's always discussing semantics. People use words with underlying meanings and to question and understand those meanings is fascinating. I am particularly obsessed with semantics and it's really hard sometimes to talk to others that just take things at face value. Always read beyond the symbols.
I grew up in a quite dangerous neighborhood. Being fragile and sincere with dangerous people saved my skin and maybe even life a couple of times. These moments were, and are even now when I come back to them, very painful. It is not easy to be so close to danger, be fragile, and survive. It is almost as if pay for your life with your honesty...
Nobody that grew up in a rough neighborhood says “I grew up in a quite dangerous neighborhood” 😂
That laugh at 0:39 is as animated as I’ve ever seen Lex, thanks again Jordan
It's really funny
I prefer this JP (psychology, life advice) infinitely more than the political commentary he’s forayed into more and more as late.
It was palatable lol
He needs to speak on the woke culture/censorship/government globalist overreach, stuff though
The Western world is screaming out for freedom
He made more money grifting of the right wing conspiracy crap. The psychology stuff was actually good.
@@cooluser23 yep
@@cooluser23 What conspiracy crap? Explain your mute point sheep boy.
I have a bad habit of over sharing in relationships. My approach was pure enough. I value honesty, transparency, and communication in a relationship. But, when I take this too far I tend to be too open with my own personal insecurities with my partner. It’s not their job to be my therapist. My last relationship ended partly because of this. She lost all confidence in me after 2 years
That was a lesson I had to learn. I wasn't expecting them be my therapist or anything, just I thought that I could share any and everything in a committed relationship. Turns out that's not a good idea for men. The only women willing to accept a man for everything he is, is a mother or a daughter. All other women will turn their back on you if you open up too much.
Some serious advice here, man.
@@rokko_fable i'm afraid you've been hanging out with the wrong women. Although it's catastrophically hard to find the "right" ones, I still cannot quite comprehend how we as a society keep coming back to the "guys should not be open about their insecurities" status quo instead of demanding it to change.
The dynamic existing today for men is that we should be working on ourselves to be desirable. This is something that Jordan expressed in the podcast as well, and this is a stance that I came into disagreement with based on my own experience, in part because of the reason that Jordan outlied himself - the tendency of other people to start manipulating you when they see in you a partner who is willing to do everything possible to make himself lovable for others. But this is a terrible predisposition, since what it focuses on is not on "how do I find a partner who fits who I am as a person" but "how do I make myself fit the image of the "ideal partner" that others have shaped in their heads before they even met me". The problem with this is that nobody is able to completely fulfil the image of an "ideal partner" and we only have as much internal resources to maintain this image. And when we don't - partners get disillusioned because their expectations are not being met. And when they leave us, what we are left with is years of trying to fit others' expectations of you rather than being who YOU want yourself to be, meeting YOUR needs, following YOUR values. The only way you'll be happy in a relationship is if it is consistent with YOUR values and needs. If it isn't, the relationship is doomed to have you disillusioned after years of trying to accomodate others' expectations of yourself.
This dynamic, it also seems to me, is present in many men because of the dynamic of the relationship with their parents in early childhood, particularly if the parents were strict and would not allow us to pursue our own goals. Our parents often criticise us for exhibiting our personalities in early childhood through our interests. They also put a lot of pressure of expectation of us to succeed in what THEY find important. They only validate your success when it is valuable for THEM - they often won't ask their kids what it is that fulfils them, what the kids find valuable. This builds a dangerous coping mechanism in our life - in order to be loved and admired, we need to succeed in what OTHERS want us to succeed in, we need to be "convenient" for OTHERS rather than being "convenient" for OURSELVES. And sooner or later this mechanism transfers to romantic relationships - relational "success" seems to only happen when we meet the preconceived expectations of our partner, when our behavior fits their image of an ideal partner. We build a deep fear of rejection when we open up and show our true selves. We learn that when we do - people turn their backs to us. And we learn to adapt. But this adaptation is terribly fucked up.
Eventually every image crumbles. We all get depressed, we all get life struggles, we don't always manage to cope with them. And when that happens, neither do we need a partner who is willing to accept all of our flaws without any pushback (a "maternal" scenario), nor do we need someone who quickly gets disillusioned once we show traces of weaknesses, vulnerability and doubt and invalidates your mental struggle (the "paternal" scenario). What we need (and who we should look for) is a partner who accepts your experience and your right to be vulnerable and occasionally self-doubting but encourages you to learn and grow and better yourself through this struggle while supporting you along the way. Someone who won't solve your problems for you but will support you and have your back while you're doing it.
The reason I myself realised that this is something I want in my partner is not because I am a mentally weak piece of crap with no success in life whatsoever. I'm doing really well, I have a lot of career success, I have great fulfilling friendships and I take care of myself. As I'm writing this I'm several months into one of the best periods in my life where my confidence is hitting through the roof. And considering all this I have no idea why I should settle for someone who would not accept 100% of me, including the insecurities I have, which I have a lot of, even if I'm constantly working on them. And by acceptance I'm not talking about full-on radical acceptance without any constructive pushback or criticism - of course not, because pushback and criticism help you grow. But there are ways to give this constructive feedback that are "healthy" and other ways (more commonly used) that are not. At the end of the day, your imperfections and insecurities are part of what makes you you, and you sharing it is just you being honest about your feelings, and shouldn't honesty be what you strive for in a healthy relationship? In what way is being dishonest helpful to building a successful and long-lasting relationship?
Another thing that's bugging me is how people believe that by sharing insecurities or asking for help men come out as "oversharing" or "unconfident", and that it somehow implies that we assign the role of a "therapist" or a "mother" to our partner. But that's simply not true. What's important here is your intention. If all you need is someone to share your experiences with, while still fully acknowledging that you have to take care of the problem yourself and that you aren't expecting your partner to solve it for you - than it's a perfectly valid need, and in no shape or form this should be considered as "oversharing". You're a human being, and regardless of the level of confidence and success you still have insecurities. Of course you're the only one to take care of them, but a little bit of support and love will fuel you in your battle, and a partner who is capable of providing such support (that you should never take for granted and should always openly and explicitly be grateful for) is worth pursuing.
I've been through relationships with the "I gotta be the best version of myself to deserve her" predisposition. In my last long-term relationship I was living in the dynamic "I am not good enough yet, but if I can better myself and make myself fit her ideal image, if I become the "dream partner", she will eventually adore me". Guess how it ended? I grew, I became better, but nothing really changed. I was only enough when I put 150% of effort and attention to her wants and needs, often sacrificing my own. And when I came out of this relationship, I realised another striking insight - I only came out "better" for HER, not for every other partner because I was striving to fit HER ideal image, which can be vastly different from what others picture for themselves.
My advice for young men (and I keep reminding myself of it, too) - be the best version you want to be FOR YOURSELF. Be so good that you're enough to make yourself happy. Be your own best friend. Be your own best critic. Be self-sufficient and so cool that you are cool being on your own and enjoying your own company. When you do - people will gravitate towards you, because you're true to yourself, your own identity, you can confidently talk about your values and needs, and people will enjoy being around you and want to be with you, without you having to make any changes to your behaviour and who you truly are.
@@richardburakov1998 I agree with quite a bit of what you said, except specifically the child/parent dynamic. letting kids choose and be praised for everything and have no structure imposed on them is a root cause of many of today's problems.
as a parent, i'll let my child enjoy what they find "valuable" for a short time, but not let that be their focus. i don't push my child for things that benefit ME, but that which will benefit them in them in future. if you let kids pursue what they like, they'll have a fun couple of years and then a miserable deadend life.
Also, many of the complaints of how men are viewed and "why do we just accept it instead of demanding change" is because it's simply human nature. it's built into our biology. you're natural instinct will turn you away from and not care for a man who appears weak and helpless. and we'll jump at the chance to protect a women or child who does.
and likewise we are drawn to strong men who can lead and are capable.
I used to be quite indecisive (still am a bit) but I noticed very curiously, people are much happier around someone who continually makes poor decisions, than someone who is slow to make any decision.
You're allowed to share with your partner. My wife knows about all my insecurities, just like I know about hers, because a good partner will learn your insecurities to prop you up. A bad partner will tear you down. I've been with her for 10 years, from when we were both broke until today, and we're just as loving now as we were on day one. However, it took A LOT of work from both of us. We spent many days working through our issues, with her sharing what made her upset and me changing those habits which weren't helping our relationship, and she did the same thing with me. We learned how to argue together amicably rather than fight.
Further, you also have to dedicate yourself to your relationship. Both members must consistently continue to show their affection; simply saying "I love you" isn't enough because words lose their meaning when we say them constantly. A simple act, such as buying flowers, asking about their day, or getting her favorite candy when she's on her period, can demonstrate love and affection in ways mere words cannot. The fact is that relationships are really, really hard, and having practiced as a divorce attorney, a lot of people think they're God's gift to the opposite gender when the reality is they have very little to offer because they refuse to change for the better. However, if you dedicate time to your relationship every single day, they can be very rewarding. Relationships fail when either person thinks they have to stop trying after they've acquired the relationship. You must both always be trying to grow, both emotionally and mentally (and perhaps spiritually if you fall into that camp), and it doesn't matter how you arrive at the goal so long as you arrive at the same goal together.
Don't give up.
"Restraining orders don't work on the sort of people you put restraining orders on."
Sounds funny, but it's oddly true in some cases.
@Optic Flow Only in people without impulse control, which in turn is determined by intelligence.
There's your first clue, as to which kind of people you're dealing with.
👏🏻
@@ErikDeMann So pursue dumb/"dumb" people to likely avoid people without impulse control?
He's right though: all you have to do is become perfect. Good luck everyone.
lmao
yup, it's a crappy answer.
💯 lol
@@1MinuteFlipDoc He didn't say "become perfect" .. he said focus on becoming the kind of person someone wants to be with. Very different things. I can't think of better answer myself. Whatever works for, though. Peace.
only if you want a perfect woman which is impossible. so be the realistic version of the woman you want to date that's what he means
This is what I'm finding about a lot of female friends who just complain about a perfect man not falling in their lap while they never want to approach anyone or ask for the first date or think about what value they bring as a partner. Guy friends I think will talk about improving yourself and working out and getting in shape and getting your life together to be a higher value partner, but those permanently bitter single misandrists never do, and it's their own cycle keeping them down. 40 and living with your parents, high debt, and no real career four decades into life? Obese and not even trying to fix it because you're "perfect"? What's your value as a partner? I've been in a lot of female friend circles talking about finding partners and this never comes up. Guys will just be like "stop being fat and lazy bro" lol, they actually encourage becoming a higher value partner to find somebody. Some of the forever single female friends I have neither want to do house work nor earn their worth monetarily in work work and want the guy to provide for them, so what's your value as a partner? Not much. Get in shape and get your shit together, you're not owed a high value man while you're also super picky about them.
More than that they don't want to put effort in to anything , they'll be a 6 with 3 kids expecting a dude that's a 10 , a dude that's a 10 doesn't have to settle down and if they're gonna it's not gonna be for a single mom . Women do not believe in building a life with someone they actually have an emotional connection with they expect your life to be perfect for them and their kids to just step into , they see us as cum dispensing atm machines.
@Doublem his target demographic (or the people he has generally appealed to) has been young men. He could probably do more in terms of accountability for young women, but they don't seem to be the ones asking questions.
Peterson isn't so much gender specific, though he can only speak as a man fully, but that those who find the most value in his message is most often boys and men. This is most likely a result of lack of role models for most of us as well as a social structure that says one thing but does the opposite.
@Doublem men are accountable. Women aren't anywhere near as much.
They are the facts.
Be a fucking man and accept reality of society is his message.
you find that with men just as well, jus think about nice guy´s and incels. Men and women are a lot more alike in that regard then you think
Well that escalated quickly. From a simple dating advice to story about "worse nightmare" guy.
I imagine it reflects how they think of these guys
🤣🤣🤣
Yea the problem is when you do all these things but you are still invisible. The truth is what you need is confidence and status. Jordan said elsewhere that you should try to get good at _something_ which I thought was good advice. Being good at something others are not good at gives you an automatic status boost. Bonus points if it's a skill that is in demand.
@@wiredvibe1678 I believe you need purpose in life. This singular thing drives so many other things… determination, strength, confidence, not being needy, fulfillment, etc. Ultimately, I think it even works in ways beyond our current understanding of existence. Maybe that is the understanding that’s necessary.
@@truthbrotha1244 what's your "purpose?"
It's all about self-improvement
this man is so reflective and well spoken. it's hard not to get inspired by such a person
Lex: Any dating advice, Jordan?
Jordan: Avoid the axe of a paranoid psychopath by seeking the best in him
That made me laugh out loud 😂
I listened to this whilst driving then immediately played episode 1 of Joseph Campbell and the power of myth. The first mythological story told in the programme is of a Native Indian 'princess' who accepts a marriage proposal and whislt sat in a tent, encounters a snake. The snake asks to be groomed and then leaves, the cheiftan who proposed to her then enters the tent and asks 'were you afraid of me when I came in just now?'. To which she replies 'no, not at all'.
Interesting synchronisity regarding the snake. And literally as I write this, a woman I haven't 'met' in months has just messaged seeing if I can meet up tomorrow. The world sure is a strange place...
Damn
So how did it to
@@BeforeThisNovember he smashed
I think this is a rare instance where JP fails to get at the heart of the question. How to recognize the love of your life is more than just polishing up your dancing moves and being your best self. Yes- optimizing your marketability is important. But the question gets at more than that. He needs to also answer how to RECOGNIZE the love of your life, not just how to make yourself the best you such as to ATTRACT the love of your life.
Lex's use of thumbnails is masterful 😂
I'm going into Monk mode! Just came back from a date, and I don't know, dating is not for me, I rather stay at home and read, work out, study, or do overtime at work.
There's nothing wrong with that.
@@danielstewart3507 there is, the conclusion is that dating isn't for him. It's wrong. He just didn't like that one person.
Yeah, long term, this is not a good thing. We didn't evolve to intentionally live like that over a large period of time. The mental and physical damage can get pretty extreme. Cheers.
What the difference between taking a female on a date and going to the strip club and paying for a dance?
Nothing. There is your answer to freedom.
Going into monk mode after one date seems a bit extreme to me. I would suggest putting that off and try meeting something like 20 or 30 different women, if you do that at least you have sampled a wide enough pool to choose from.
Sorry for giving unrequested advice, but don't give up on women and love just because the ones you have met are not good for you, i know it's tough out there but eventually the right one will come along if you are open to it and put yourself out there.
It's not easy for anyone in the current dating market. Guys like JP got really lucky. Not all of us have that luck, we might have to search a bit more but it is still possible to find a good one.
Good luck and i hope you find what you are looking for.
"I am going to be your worst nightmare."
Hmm, sounds like my upstairs neighbors.
I know that feel
his name is Bruce Wayne
You date who you're attracted to and if it works out out great if not you move on. Don't think too much about it
I can't just do that, that's a really tough thing to do. To ask someone out? That's too risky and scary.
Talking to Peterson just about coffee helps you figure half of your shit out, massive props! thank you!
For me I just stopped getting caught up in trying to seem attractive to others, and when I was able to let my guard down I was able to have a lot more fun talking to others and thus able to engage with others more openly. Although the issue with that was that I assumed at that point nobody would want to be with me, so when I did get hit on I was pretty oblivious and it took getting straight to the point and asking for a date before I realized they had already had a crush on me.
bro ur not a girl how possibly she asked you out for a date
@@lite5474 I've never been in a relationship, but I've been asked on dates or hit on quite a few times already. I have to say that I'm decently good looking (a 7 or 8/10, according to a couple of girls) but I'm rather short, at 169cm/5'6", and pretty introverted.
@@leonro bro being short is an instant drop on attractiveness, I'm 174cm too so we got smth in common :D
@@lite5474 Hey, I'd say that if you're within 3-5cm of the average male height, you're not short, just average. And I know, there's a lot of unrealistic goals and emphasis put on height, but at least us not being tall will naturally help us filter out the shallow women. It's better to be single than in a bad relationship.
@@leonro actually you got a good point. but most of the women that we drool on are that type of woman. you see a bad bitch on streets, she prolly gonna have children of a 190cm rich white guy.
What women want.
1. Attractive
2. Personality
3. Wealth
Typically yes with MANY women having unbelievably high expectations :)
Should be the other way around.
agreed i'd say it's 80% good looks
Before Jordan even began to answer this, i said to myself “work on making yourself dateable”. And Jordan did not disappoint
How do you meet a woman tho
@@justins5756 the same way you meet a man dude, wtf
This is good. But there's also a danger of resentment in this as well. When attracting beautiful women is the central and primary reason for young men to develop and improve themselves. And let's be honest this is the norm for most young men. Especially in our modern society which does absolutely nothing to encourage or reward men for positive development.
Anyway, this is where the resentment comes in. You will get to a place where you've invested in yourself and have deeply transformed yourself into the man that women would like. You did it, you achieved your goal. However, you now find the reality of women can't measure up to the idealized perfect image of her you had. The allure and potency of woman's beauty have afforded them the luxury of not having to develop to get a man. They have never needed to figure out what would make men happy like men sitting around thinking about how to make them happy. This is a huge source of resentment for men. The imbalance of effort.
Ha, everything he says was the opposite when I met my wife 21 years ago. I was unemployed, living for free with a friend, played world
Of Warcraft 12 plus hours a day. Lol!!!
You’re definitely an outlier and I’ll bet your wife is not very good looking
@@Tinoyevski lol sorry.
And what fish did you catch with that bait?
If he's physically attractive nothing else matters.
Two bits of information.
Do not envy other individuals relationships, romance. Oftentimes their relationships are extremely dysfunctional, when they’re not, it is possible to be happy for them.
IF an individual is intent upon finding romantic love, they have to SETTLE. Settling down with a romantic partner requires one realize, the individual will never be ‘perfect’, as is impossible. Human beings are not ‘perfect’. When settling it doesn’t imply lowering ones standards but rather accepting the individual as they are, seeing beyond the quirks and bothersome aspects and realizing a very high percentage of divorced couples express regrets of/after having divorced/leaving their spouse because they are lonely and based in all of the after effects of the breakup, and perhaps as tough as the dating world is/can be. Thus try to be content, committed and settle, hopefully more satisfied then not, patient, understanding it takes effort and with time, time moves forward as it does. Enjoy the moments, as it seems the so many years married couples had/have been able to, once they have made the commitment to each other, to get married and to stay married. 😊
It's not about evoking the best out of someone, both people should already be in the process of pursuing their best selves.
A big issue with men in our society in that balance of naivete and cynicism is that theyre raised to believe that a women/partner is a status symbol, "completing" them. They'll follow "all the right steps" and see success stories but fail to develop their own genuine self in that process and once they finally do get that success they're terrified to grow under the fear that their partner won't like them anymore. Ironically that causes the women to (understandably) eventually get bored since she's really getting the shell of a man and his drive is linear rather than exploratory. That's where the men turn into the cynics and instead of learning from that mistake to develop themselves they turn to reject those who've gone against that beaten path, thats why we see all these men complain about "the fall of masculinity" when in reality it's simply evolving.
I'm short, moderately overweight, dress flamboyantly, and work in landscaping and case management for substsnce abuse, we don't make the most money but I enjoy my work. I wear my heart and passion on my sleeve and have found nothing but success since I stopped beating myself up trying to fit the "ideal man" structure. I embody my own masculinity through leadership, drive and hard work, I love being a provider for those I care about; but I also know at the end of the day I couldn't care less about having the biggest muscles or most expensive outfit. 30 others dudes at the club have the same $200 shirt and generic pick up line, my whole fit was 50 bucks at burlington and I'll dance in the circle til someone comes over to me
your answer is much better than Peterson's! You be YOU!
@@1MinuteFlipDoc LOL.. he actually did what JBP said. He focused on being a better man for the people around him, in his own way. Props.
3:15 I got so damn happy when I heard that. This was validation for me even though I always stood behind that decision.. I hung around this kid from Detroit and I took that risk, got a little too close to the edge and ended up getting robbed for my gun but I’d be lying if I said I’d take back all the memories and gained knowledge. I chose to tango because that’s just the kind of soul I am.
I've been doing this for a little over a year now. Started going to the gym in October of last year. Started learning about human psycology and started reading books about different topics, like money and stoicism. Those are the main topics right now. I do definately get more attention from women but the more attention I get the more I realise I enjoy being alone. Before I was yerning for a relationship but now I would almost prefer staying single. I am talking to this one girl right now and I can say that it's not going well XD. She is interested I just don't know how to talk sometimes.
People say looks don't matter and I agree to some extent but it matters most when getting to know someone. When you meet a person they lay a foundation in their mind of you and that foundation is based on the way you look. The connection is made from the looks and the relationship is made from the personality. Looks will get you started but it won't make you win.
Learn how to talk to women and learn how to read people. It won't work if you aren't confortable as yourself.
Huge Caveat: Before you do that, take a look at what men women really are attracted to, NOT what societal programming tells you they should be attracted to. e.g. being nice is out the window right away.
He's very abstract minded, so most of the time he will rather try to find perfect metaphors/analogies than give a straightforward answer to the question.
Anyways, he answered this question perfectly. Huge mistake to dream about perfect love and perfect partner. Become the "perfect" partner instead, because you can't impact other people's decisions.
Hes just too embarassed to tell us about his dating history:)
@@elise9537 He married his high school sweetheart.
@@danielplainview6527 I know.... he has no dating experience.
@@elise9537 would you rather have lots of dating experience or find love? Is it possible you did not realize this by yourself...
@@dimitrijekrstic7567 I believe that everyone wants to find love, but to a vast majority of people, that happens after a lot of dating experience. Finding long and lasting love with, probably, the first woman you ever had something serious is insanely rare. Hence why, even thou his advices are solid, it's not really that simple. You could do everything what he says and yet still be shit out of luck when searching for love. That's what the bell curve also tells us.
Did that! Worked on it for 15 years, be the perfect man. Take all the responsibilities. Never lie, always be truthful, expres your feelings with brutal honesty towards yourself no matter how embarrassing. Until I noticed I was the only one working on it and she was just happy that I was so gullible. Then it was too late to learn that it's a 50/50 deal. Work on yourself. Work on your partner.
It's true what he says. I don't date at the moment because I don't have anything to offer anyone. I'm just working on being the best version of myself first.
You also work on that while you date or see people.
Make sure when you find her she also has something to offer
that Natalie Portman image always gives me tingles
It's not a stupid question, which is why he eventually answered it. Figuring out the kind of relationship you want and the kind of person you want to be with is definitely one of the things you need to think about. Then you work on being the person who would attract that type of person (which is essentially what he said, but he only covered half of the story). But his answer seemed to assume that if you just be someone who would be generically attractive then somehow your date will find you. But the obvious question is "how will you know who that is?" and that's basically the question Lex asked. Jordan seemed to think the question was "how do I find a date (any date)?" and sure if you don't care who you end up with then you could try to be generically attractive. But most people don't want that. They do care who they end up with, hence the original (not stupid) question.
I found his answer a bit too cliche. There is no "what women want" because women aren't one thing. You shouldn't try to appeal to all women because in doing so you will give up the unique things that make you, you. If there is any purpose at all to finding a mate, it's to reach for your own highest ideal, and look for someone who shares that vision with you. Someone who you can grow with. So yes, you do need to work on yourself and be your best, but not merely to please someone else. That's fake and any decent person will see through it. Your goal is to be your best self and find someone who wants to join you on that journey. Their journey might be slightly different, but it should be compatible, and you should be as committed to helping them grow as they are to you. You're not two becoming one, but two becoming two and that "dance" he talked about continues for life. You're writing a story and creating something unique together.
Well, I guess not everyone wants that so maybe your situation will call for a different kind of relationship. But I think this style of thinking will lead you to the right place. And if you do this and you don't find anyone, well now you have a choice. You could stay single, or you can adjust your ideals and vision and adapt, or you can adjust your approach. You've always got options. Some options might require more work, but they are there.
Yes.
0:49 how do i make myself the into the perfect date?
1:11 i have to be the person that women want, what do they want: clean, reasonably good physical shape, healthy, productive, generous, honest, willing to delay gratification
2:26 the harder you work on offering other people what they need and want the more people will line up to be with you
I asked the question “what women want?” And then my head blew up and now I am happily married to my husband.
Sus
The way you phrased the sentence makes me think you realized you were gay?
HUH
This is not bad advice, but its more advice to getting any partner than to getting the love of your life. Big difference.
I agree but I don't think it's a big difference, because they're related. Having more options will help find a better partner. I think it would be harder to find love if you barely have options...
@@nardinittrue unless you actually hit that golden jackpots of making to 1% tile that the girl u meet is actually the love of your life 😂
"Restraining orders done work on the sort of people that you put restraining orders on" TRUTH
That's real love. To give unconditionally without expecting reciprocity.
And that existed in a time when men and women needed each other
İt is not love, it is stupidity.
Like Jesus, or Forrest Gump
only works in Hollywood. In real life it will last about 3 to 6 months. Then she will be gone
My 2 favourite ppl to listen to...and I especially love it when JP lets out his funny side. :)
i think this was the best advice i have ever heard anyone say - this was worth like 10,000 hours of dating videos on yt
Jordan Peterson dating advice is like Eskimo advice for a beach day.
fax
He's not giving you advice on how to get women, he's speaking about getting your own life together to be the best partner you can. Naturally this comes with traits that make you attractive to date.
Thanks Jordan’s mom. He says some good things, but a lot of word salad also.
@@alexhusko your inability to understand him doesn't make it a word salad. Your just not able to process that calibare of thinking.
That's good and valid advice but you have to be ready to accept the possibility that you just might end up alone.
"I send you into the world as sheep among wolves. Be as gentle as a dove and as wise as a serpent."
This was the scripture that helped me the most when I was facing my darkest moments. I was so distraught at having been let down or betrayed by people I trusted and loved, I had become bitter in a way I'd never believed I could be. I felt like the irrepressible childlike faith in people I had possessed had been destroyed, and worse, I realized I was just as bad as everyone else. How could I ever hope to be Good again?
That's when I found those words from Christ. I think the very fact I found that piece of scripture in that moment was a miracle.
“When the student is ready the teacher will appear. When the student is truly ready... The teacher will Disappear.” - Lao Tzu , Tao te Ching
@@CYI3ERPUNK Beautiful quote.
@@ethanfrederiksen4327 indeed =] the Tao te Ching is an amazing text
I am not gentle, my words are like spears, my eyes like knives, and my heart like an abused dog.
Not a fan of that quote. I would say the world is more full of sheep. And if u can be a wolf and live your own path strong and mighty, you wont bend to the herd. Also gentleness is weakness, be strong, forthright, and brave. Being wise is important though. Just my opinion. If u are gentle you will be run over and over. If u are a sheep, u are merely a cog and also an animal with no strengh or integrity, just weak that grazes on grass and follows the herd. Be a tiger, be a lion, be jaguar. Roam your own path
Judging by some of these comments It's pretty clear that those people didn't bother to listen to anything Jordan said, which isn't surprising in the slightest.
So, Jordan Peterson’s dating advice is to ask “What do women want?”-the most impossible question in the universe to answer. Thanks Jordan.
Take that as an example. If you or yours identify as 'they' or 'them' the same applies - be the best version of yourself and doors will open.
check out 3% men book by corey wayne, there lies the answer
@@algsimplfd lol im happily married cuz of that book
We know they like in shape people who can take care of themselves and make a good income.
@@SamzSKILLZ To be fair, it was often said in the 90s because the 90s were the absolute peak of confusion on this subject. Ask what women want in the 90s, and you would be told to stop assuming that women were different from you, or [many expletives deleted] "Just be yourself".
What is Lex's thing with Natalie portman? He always use this image for thumbnail
*uses
I've been following this method since I was 10, when I had my first crush. Although this was because I was too cowardly to ask anyone out, so I tried to make other people ask me out.
A im 37 and i am going on a firts date in one hour. I know how it sounds and what you think. I'm very nervous, but i'm desperate for warmth in my life and want to give warmth to a nice woman. She looks like a very nice and kind person,i just hope for a genuine smile towards me at the table// Sorry for my english, still learning.
no amount of self improvement is going to make people overlook my criminal record.
Honestly, at my age of 58, I’ve abandoned any notion of being what a woman wants. Ahhh, FREEDOM!
This went from how to find love, to how to deal with an extremely dangerous Psycopath.
This gets you straight into the freinds zone
The thumbnail did not bring me here.
I'm here for the comments
Me too I found this video 16 years ago when I was dating and it helped me
Whoever loves the least has all the power .
@T. D. not in my experience.
@@nadagainagain4987 Your experiences don't really mean anything. It's the collective experience that means more. Your cynicism is fake.
@@WigganNuG you speak for everyone?
@T. D. if they love the least it means they value it less which could be because they are 'high value'
I get what you're saying. Essentially a dominance hierarch within most relationships where typically the more attractive has more 'power' over the other. I've heard about this pretty loosely probably even from jbp and have forgotten
Even if you try by authenticity they will fool you or ghosting !
This is so true, one of the things I regret most in my last relationship was since we were in school and weren’t allowed to date it kind of “compressed our sexual feelings” if you will. After the school was over we made out and we made out and we made out. She never clarified the reason for leaving me for a friend. Maybe it was lack of communication. Maybe I was too young. Maybe she really did just like him more. I realized that I could have done better keeping my own hands to myself once I had graduated and we did all that. It’s not up for her to communicate verbally (though I wish she would’ve for sake of the relationship) if she didn’t like me. Realize that she is also looking for a valuable person so present yourself valuable.
She was just not into you.
The cruelest things ever done to me were done by inconsiderate women. For example, when I was younger a girl put a cigarette out on my chest at a bar. I remember her laughing while I did nothing. Maybe your experiences won't be as bad as mine, but expect concern for your feelings or empathy or anything of the sort to vanish as soon as she looses interest in you. She will keep you around because it's uncomfortable for her to break up with you until the next guy is secured. And she will probably do the same to him, only thinking of herself.
This is not all women, just my predictions for the one you dated. You don't want her back. There are women out there that don't monkey branch or burn people with cigarettes amd actually have good values... good luck finding one.
@@wiredvibe1678 she got engaged a month later, so I dodged one there.
Don’t present yourself as valuable. Be or become valuable. And then simply just be
@@paddyscroggins1 I wish I could think about the world in such a smooth brained way
This is one of the most important and influential clips I've ever seen.
Women want the three 6s. The rest is secondary. This stuff about being less sexually aggressive? Relatively unimportant. Women will break 100% of the rules for a wealthy, attractive and confident man. As they age, they'll realize they can't demand so much anymore, so their numbers start diminishing...but that's the basic rule.
I'd say give it 5 years and women as a whole will become broken. Desperate for at least our last names, to get rid of the shame of being single.
It's 4 6's actually: At least 6 ft. tall, at least a 6 pack, at least 6 figures and at least a 6 inch...well you know.
@@vincentfalcone9218 ah right forgot the 6 pack. :-) I mean I had all four at one point. It was hell avoiding women that I was completely disinterested in. I don't even know how many times I had a "work call" suddenly.
It's just like being rich. You don't know who your friends are. In this case, you didn't know who was the predator.
I literally dressed like a shlub in my day to day, and changed when I got to work, and before I left just to avoid being noticed.
P&D keeps being mantra from many men. That's reckless and divisive, and I never did that. I definitely had casuals, but never did I seek out a one night stand. I've had multiple women around me. but I never lied to them or misled them, and always tried to be filial with them.
With guys like Tate around, seems like aggressive energy is being lionized. I'm rarely aggressive, but I am impurturbable. That's the path I have always tried to walk. Got into too much trouble in my 20s being a martial arts geek and so I gave that lifestyle up. Unlike Tate. There is more than one way to skin a cat.
@@vincentfalcone9218 I'd say 5 6's. You need to be a 6 in the face as well minimum.
I would add risk taking and being able to drive a conversation.
How’d we go from dating advice to psychopaths?! WHAT is going on in the dating world now days?! I’m so glad I met and married my high school sweetheart, sheesh.
Right the segue was a bit intense. One minute, groom, dance, be respectful to psychopaths ha.
@@LeeJones-wk7xv
🤭😂 Totally.
Someone that share the same values, vision and goals, and have for me the same desire I have in her for helping to become better person.
Is Lex in love with Natalie Portman? Always uses her picture for thumbnails on these kind of topics
Who isn't/wasn't in love with Natalie Portman?😂
Be someone that someone wants to be with. Its simple and it works.
OMG! When I was young I loved to dance and I totally had “willing and able to dance with me” at the top of my list, or near top, for men I was willing to date. It definitely shrunk my dating pool, but I didn’t care. And I found one. We’ve been married 40yrs so far and even though we’re long in the tooth now and no longer go to venues where dancing happens, we still trip the light fantastic together in our home when a favourite song is playing. ❤️
Good for you! And really bad for millions of men who chose to develop useful skills instead of dancing.
Today, it dont work like that.
Hills Lex?! Run tooooo theeeee hiiiiiiiiiillls! Run foooor your liiiiiiiiiiife!!!🤣😂
So it turned from an answer about women and love to dangerous criminal psychopaths. Go figure.
Are you Who the person you are looking for, is looking for - Andy Stanley
I knew someone exactly like he's talking about. He was terrifying in that way. He trusted ne more then anyone but trusted no one. I used that trust and took a lot of BS as to not provoke him. He was the most cunning person I've ever met. His presence put me in heightened alert. At times my anxiety was through the roof. He understood all this about himself and could stay in check for the most part. I'm lucky I knew him when he was a little older and not unhinged. I provoked him 1 time out of fear because I was put in a bad position and I was pretty certain I was going to die but I didn't. Listening to Dr Peterson say all of this brought all of that back up.
Jeeeeeez man!? What are we talking here? Like drug dealers ?
@@II-ii2um Yeah... I'm out of that life but definitely was involved in that life. I just tagged along and it wasn't like he was in that life on that side of the fence but I'll say this he spoke fluent Spanish. I don't want to glorify it but thinking about the entire thing makes my palms sweat. Not a big timer but involved enough. Although I never wanted to find out who he knew I was far more terrified of him. I was dependent. It was all my fault but I'm grateful that I'm not in that place. I've dealt with other people who are dead from that life style. None of them would see him coming and they were always alert. They really do go to prison with a masters degree in that world and come out with a PHD with the mindset that they are never going back again.
Lol why you put Natalie Portman on the thumbnail for?
" A five in your bed is worth a ten in your head" Jordan Peterson
Haha
“Restraining orders don’t work on the sort of people that you put restraining orders on”😂 I love hearing jordan talk man, great dude👍
You don't need to be in a relationship to be happy. Just saying...
Some personality types do tho
thumbnail baited i thought you were going to talk about Closer
Jordan Peterson giving dating advice to Lex Fridman reminds me of the greek phrase "καλυτερα πρωτος στο χωριο παρα τελευταιος στη πολη" which means, its better to be first in the village, instead of last in the city. kinda like how the one-eye king rules the blind sort of phrase.
They have found the same thing with some people who got bumped into prestigious schools beyond their achievements. They find themselves the bottom of a new pile rather than the top of another and often end up quitting or struggle in undue fashion for very limited results.
I zoned out after the initial advice about being clean etc...to come back a few minutes later to JP saying, "I am vengeance" or something 😭😭😭
This advice works great I gave it a shot got lucky & hit the megabucks now I got a woman in everyone of my 11 bedroom mansion 🤷♂️🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Some people cannot date the only type of person they are attracted to, no matter what
There is no question or option just to be single. Idk if Peterson would have advice for that
Lex REALLY likes Natalie Portman. I don't blame him.
She is gorgeous, very smart.
Women need to hear this way more than men. Women have changed, as well as their standards and society as a whole. However, men have mostly remained the same. Men are always directed to build their worth/value, and arguably even more so now with the MGTOW and Red Pill movements. A lot of modern women expect to "bring themselves" to the table with very little to offer.
Great advice from JP. Watch it fly over the heads of many who are unwilling to take agency on their situation.
It's not just the unwillingness to take agency. It's the inability to take agency. If one lacks the character or the confidence to act, then none of Jps very good advice can activate. And lack of character doesn't only come from an unwillingness to take responsibility. Character is partly how we are born as well as a summation of the choices we make. If one lacks the ability to act, for whatever reason, then this advice can't activate. And there are plenty of broken people out there.
The advice is hollow, since it relies on a consistent m, predictable preference by women, whose preferences change with the wind.
@@danielplainview6527 I am not entirely in agreement. Female inconstancy does exist for sure, but there is nothing males can do about it. To the extent that they can do something about it, this advice seems to me to be as good as any. Gain wealth and prestige by working hard is about as good as you can get, and that is basically what is being said here.
@@danielplainview6527 The entire point is that it doesn't rely on preference. It is about making yourself as good as you can be, because ANY positive trait is going to increase your chances with the opposite sex. The rest comes down to being capable of understanding individuals.
@@Kyrieru dont waste your breath , they prefer to blame woman . And wonder why they constantly fail with woman .
Focus on yourself and be a good partner, if people do take up advantage of you be wary of that and still commit to see if anything is possible.
It doesn't work like this, especially not as a man. You have to put yourself out there, meet people, force yourself to meet women, talk and interact with them. This is way more important than having everything in your life in order. IF you have everything in your life in order, but never meet new women, you'll absolutely meet 0 potential partners. However, if you only have 30% or so of your life in order, but continuously put yourself out there, you'll meet a potential girlfriend/partner within a couple of weeks/months.
excuses
And when will you put your life in order? When you get married and have kids? Wait for them to come before sorting yourself out? "It doesn't work like this" it absolutely does. He didn't say not to go out weirdo.
Makes sense. I know a guy who has everything pit together but hes in ancell because he has never ever socialized
Putting your life in order also means putting your social life in order, so you think you are disagreeing with him but you're actually not
I mean, that's a non-answer. Figuring out what I should be as a person is exactly the same canundrum of figuring out what people close to me should be like. It's the equivalent of saying that instead of thinking about what good art is you should think about what sort of art do you want to paint. That's just going around in circles.
Interesting arc to this conversation ...
Yep, it's important to work on yourself. But what about your character? Can you change it? Of course not. So my advice would be - just relax. It's not only about dating, it's about finding a partner who won't neglect you if suddenly you are no longer a perfect date. In my life, I've seen many people who try to perfect themselves so hard that they are in a constant struggle, never content and never feeling well. Don't burden yourself with earthly vices, be free and courageous, experiment and find your niche.
You can work on your personality.
If you mean your character about being "Me and Only me", you can change that , at least if it's not a disorder.
Otherwise , idk what do you mean by character.
Are you joking? Of course you can change your character and personality. I've seen it many times in my life
@@rubenssz Well, your character comes from certain genetic traits and interactions with the environment. Once your personality is shaped in childhood and adolescence, further significant change is highly improbable. I am convinced that's real because most people I know don't change that much, once they reach maturity. Some celebrities may like to present themselves in a different light and demonstrate the change of personality and character, but these are only minor, cosmetic changes. If you'd like to indicate to the people who might not have a fixed personality and are in some distress, I think that's another issue and only proves that people can't change that much. Finally, evolution is a painfully slow process, which applied to the level of one individual, means that the environment can't really change core personal characteristics.