I tell myself, as well as my daughters that, “Just because someone asks, doesn’t entitle them to an answer.” So please never feel pressured to answer such intimate questions.
I often use the response "that's just how things have turned out." It communicates that it's not a topic that's up for discussion with that person, and it's also true -- if certain things had happened differently in my life, the outcomes would have been different as well. Not everything is within our control.
As a new mother who was pestered for years about when I was having a child, I can confirm it doesn’t stop even after having a child. The question usually changes to “when are you having your second?” “Why aren’t you having more? They’ll be lonely” It never gets easier being asked and I can’t fathom why people would want to be so intrusive as to push the point!
I wonder how many you have to have before people start turning the corner and asking why you have so many. Don't ask me. I just have ducks. I'm allergic to cats and dogs and birds and basically anything dander. I'm probably allergic to myself... After all, I'm allergic to dust...
I get this question a lot too! People act like the worst thing you could do to your child is not give him/her a sibling. And people get REALLY pushy wanting an answer, but it's not socially acceptable for me to be like "look, it took 3 miscarriages over 2 years before I got one living child and I just physically and emotionally do not want to go through that again in an attempt to have one more living child"
i specifically want only 1 child, but it's good to know the questions come no matter what you choose, i can prepare myself then to answer why i don't want more
I have four children. The first three are boys, and I had a girl after three miscarriages. While shopping with all of them, a woman saw my new baby girl and said, You have your girl now, so you can stop." Even family members asked me if I knew how pregnancies happened or if I knew how to prevent them or don't you think you have enough. Now my babies are all almost grown. They want different numbers of children...from zero to a full house. I want them happy with their choices and hope no one treats any of them terribly.
I'm 46 years old, I don't have kids, I'm vegan, I grew up in a rich family, I had good jobs and today I'm poor and unemployed. My husband is 12 years younger than me. People ask me thousands of horrible questions almost every day. I've also learned to give answers that aren't real answers or that just break up the conversation.
The child question reminds me of when my children died. People want to know if I have more, thinking that solves the problem. Trust me. It doesn't. Or worse, if I had more children, I should concentrate on them rather than focus on the loss. People can be insane! Lol!
Ana, I‘m 58, married and I don’t have children. I grew up in a very abusive family and my greatest fear was that if I had children, there was a possibility I could repeat anyone of the abusive patterns I survived. It was a very hard decision. My wife and I live a rather secluded life and that’s fine. I need a lot of space and alone time even though I‘m married in order to keep up my mental health. I get overwhelmed quite easily. I use to have an American passport, but traded it in for a German passport in the mid 80s (dual citizenship wasn’t a thing back then). A lot of people I knew criticized me on how I could give up the most sought American citizenship. I had very personal reasons to do so. Don’t feel uncomfortable answering questions you don’t want to. Just don’t do it. You share a lot of yourself and your beliefs here and that should be enough.
That is so inappropriate to ask someone why they don't have children. I have been asked that also and I am a man. I guess to them my life won't be complete if I don't have a child. I have my own reasons and I don't feel like I need to explain them to anyone. When asked, "Where are you from?", I respond, "Why do you want to know?". They never know what to say after that. When anyone asks me, "What do you do for a living?", I respond, "Breathe".
Stealing that! I am disabled--not visibly--and taking care of myself is my full time job but if I say that, I'm met with a deer-in-the-headlights blank stare. Your one word response is PERFECTION! Thanks!
I am single. I get asked why, for how long have I been single, and what am I doing about it…. Wow! I just am who I am. I usually just shrug my shoulders like you do , Ana🤷🏼
Oh yeah, I remember those types of questions too from the times when I was single. I just couldn't understand why everybody suddenly cared so much about my dating life and tried to give me their condolences for being miserably alone 😅
Ana, I just want you to know how much I enjoy your channel. I feel you have a gift to share things that many people feel. You help me feel not so alone . Thank you. Sending you love and light.
I definitely relate to the discomfort of the "What do you do for a living?" question because I don't earn a living from my work (although I'd like to). I am lucky enough to be able to survive based on my husband's income. I'm usually embarrassed to share that and it's no one's business, anyway. I heard a content creator once say that she "worked in digital media" and I really liked that. I might start using that and then just change the subject.
These days I get asked questions like “when are you retiring” and “where will you move to”. “Are your daughters in serious relationships”. “Which daughter will look after you in old age”. I often close the conversation by saying “haven’t given it any thought” or “ I need to reflect on that question” or “ it’s all in God’s hands”.
People are to nosey, privacy is a right. I agree that the questions are personal. As a childless by choice 56 year old for at least 30 years I was asked when. I seldom replied as the answer was so complex and is still so.
Sometimes, in these situations, I just politely smile and ask a completely different question of the person, changing the conversation to a more polite topic.
Thank you I agree with all of these questions they are so common but rude at the same time I personally feel the worst one is asking people if they are having kids my daughter cannot have kids due to cancer treatments and she is not afraid to pull out the cancer card if someone would get to nosy that tends to shut them up pretty quick
Your first question brought back some uncomfortable memories of I suppose well-meaning but nosy people who would ask WHEN my husband and I were going to have kids, not IF. We weren't sharing our very personal struggles with infertility and tried to just side-step the question. Many years later we did adopt a child but several relationships were already severed. Of course, we still got asked when we were going to adopt MORE children! Some people just want their curiosity satisfied no matter the cost to you. It's best to just try to not dwell on their insensitivity and move on. Thank you for your insights! ❤
Ugh, I'm so sorry you had to deal with those hurtful questions from people who didn't know your personal situation. I agree, it's important to just move on and not give more attention to that. Thank you for your sharing! 🌷
Hello Ana, your responses to such questions are perfect. I have a simple rule - if somebody wants to discuss such topics , then OK, if not, all questions are pointless. Take care and have a nice week.🌹
I always wonder why we get stuck asking the same questions when there are so many more interesting things to talk about - maybe we feel that without the 'context' of the answers to these questions it's hard to place someone. But really we are all on our own path - and everyone's path is really different even with the same answers to some of these questions! Xx
Dear Chiara, I was joking about "entertainment" 😊 I love making videos and sharing some things that I think might help other people not to feel alone in their situation. Sending love!💙
I love hearing your perspective! I’m 42 and childless by choice. I’ve never wanted kids; I don’t know what that feels like. But I have upmost respect for parents, and also know that it can be way more of a painful subject for other women who’ve never had kids to talk about than it is for me. It’s funny - on the subject of where I’m from, I hate that question as well. Of course, my situation is a lot different than yours, but still. Here in the US other states HATE Californians. And… that’s where I’ve lived for the past 15 years, before we started traveling full-time. When people ask now, I kind of dodge the question… And yes! I’ve always HATED the “what do you do” question, too! For a long time, the fact that I wasn’t “successful” in the eyes of society was a point of shame. Now, it’s something I’m proud of. I feel so much more free because I’m living life my way, on my terms, and have given myself permission to just be me, a “struggling” writer who travels, and lives in a different way than most. I think when it comes to topics like religion and money, people can get quite revved up because their ideology has become so tangled and wrapped up into their identity. So, any differing opinion is perceived as a threat to their identity. I think this is partially why there’s so much division right now. Like you, I despise small talk. I always let my husband answer and “hide” behind him in social situations. He’s a good sport, even though he’s an introvert too :) Thank you for sharing, you bring a fresh much-needed perspective. 😊
Hi Katherine! I've heard about the "Californian" bias before and can draw parallels with some regions in my home country. Again, people now move so much that it's so hard to tell exactly where you're from without overexplaining. Haha, and I do the same with Brian - hiding behind him in social situations 😅 Thank you for sharing your experience! Much love 💙
I am in my mid-50’s and didn’t have children. It wasn’t a decision, it just worked out that way. For me it was also a complex set of considerations that resulted in this outcome. I don’t regret this, these were things outside my control. It was simply my journey. Being without children has its benefits and nobody should feel pressured to have children. There are far too many people who have children for the wrong reasons and screw them up.
Love that you're taking initiative to be transparent Ana 💛 There's been so many situations where others haven't realised the impact of their words & I have to remind myself that nothing is ever personal as everyone's having their own experience
What a terrific topic! I am going to adopt your shrug and several suggestions from the comments. What a great community you have here. Much love and support to you and everyone who commented.
Hello Ana. Hope you are doing well? Those uncomfortable questions are something we all know too well 😉. Whenever I was asked: why don't you have children? I used to ask them: why do you have them? A few couldn't give me a reason. I guess they were confused with my reaction. I just don't want to justify myself. The question about jobs is also uncomfortable. I always think that people only continue to invest time or talk to you if your job is good enough for them. And I agree, we all have to live as we want as long as we don't harm anybody. Take care ❤
That's a great question. And they would probably give you an answer. Every parent knows exactly why they had their child/children. But then, would you go back and answer your question?
Ana, I decided to type this while I was listening to your content, so I could comment as you bring up each question. I agree, the question about children is no ones business but your own. As far as "where are you from?"; what difference does it make? Although it could be that the person asking the question has a real interest in learning about the world, which would make sense. The question regarding living anywhere has so many factors that it really is important to live where you can - your answer to this question makes a lot of sense. Our world right now has a whole lot of people (many sharing their stories on RUclips) moving from one place to another, for various reasons. The whole "refuge" issue often means that people have to go where it is easiest to go, or is the most comfortable for them. Discovering new places and/or using a particular location as a base that allows exploration of other places is common and logical. The whole "what do you do for a living?" thing is overused and not very relevant (most of the time). What someone does for a living may, or may not, tell us anything relevant about who they are on a deeper level (their passion, interest, talent, and/or spirit long to express). Once again. Thanks for having the courage to dig deep into these (often) difficult issues. You are providing a wonderful service to humankind. Peace to all.
This reminds me of a conversation with a very "successful" cousin last summer. I thought I'd lead the conversation away from work but it turned out the poor man had no hobbies, no free time and nothing interesting to bring in the situation. Poor man. Rich but poor.
Exactly, not all questions are ill mannered nor are they coming from negative people. They are simply that - questions, conversation starters. Way to have a playful discussion.
Knowing that you now rely solely on content making, I am even more happy to see your subscriber number keeping rising, and us Patreons too (people, do become a Patreon. So worth it!). You make unique and important quality content. As someone on partial disability the job question has often been awkward. I'll talk about the general type of work that I do, when I have jobs. So an example could be: "I am a plumber and have worked in the field for many years" (I am not a plumber 😅).
I think the content you create here is thought provoking and excellent. You have every right to be confident telling people what you do for a job. It is well deserved ❤
Ana, I went through all those questions with people too, that is none of their business! You get engaged then it is when you getting married, then when you having kids, now we are old it is when are you retiring! Ugh! I just sometimes want people to go away. I completely understand how you feel and please know you are an amazing woman and doing the best in this 2023 world!
I don't watch you for entertainment. I watch because the more I learn about my fellow humans, hopefully the more charity and understanding I will have.
I've been following you since you had less than 500 subscribers for minimalism videos. When you announced a transfer to Serbia, I never wondered why you and your husband decided to settle there, and that is my ancestral country. I just figured something was easiest visa-wise. In real life, I do find people are extremely curious about career and ancestry, but in Canada there is more sensitivity over such questions than ever in the past, so most people avoid asking about this. I know many RUclipsrs feel that viewers are far too forward and feel too entitled to information in a way that would just never happen in real life.
Ana, this is a very courageous video ...I admire you for your wisdom and healthy attitude! In my opinion, good online content creating is a mix of journalism and creative writing (with a camera on hand). This is a real job and it deserve respect!
Love your channel still! I find your voice very soothing and weirdly, a few days ago, I found myself reading and the voice in my head of the words were in your voice hahaha I found that funny, I wanted to share.
I can relate to that "are you russian" question so damn much. I hate when people ask me about my roots and origin, it makes me very uncomfortable and creates a barrier that i'd rather not have with people. I just have no idea why does it matter and what does it chnage like I'm still a person, an individual with my own personality and issues.
Hi Ana, greetings from the UK, and thank you very much for this video. I am on the other spectrum as far as kids are concerned. I have 4! And the questions that annoy me in this sphere are: why do you have SO MANY?! (For your information 4 is like a milion in the UK), and also “so when are you having a girl?” (I have sons only and like it was MY choice that they turned out to be all boys 🙄). Also I absolutely hate it when people ask me “why him” when it comes to my husband. We are a mixed marriage and not everyone’s ideal “white” couple type of relationship. So thank you for these difficult topics. It is important to talk about them. And you know what… do not be afraid to be rude, ppl are already rude asking you all these questions. You can always use English politeness and diplomacy and say “I don’t mean to be rude but it is none of your business” 😁😁😁
Wow, you do have a unique experience, thank you so much for sharing 💙 Back in Siberia I have a friend who has 3 boys and she's being constantly asked about having a girl, which makes her pretty furious!
Ana, I support you in this totally. You don't owe anyone an explanation for why you do something, or do not. I hate those same questions myself, too. In general many people are shallow and opinionated, sometimes to the point of aggression. It is terrible that you have been severely judged for carrying on with your life in the way you see fit. I understand what that feels like. You don't need to divulge anything to anyone, especially when you can sense the other person may respond negatively. Keep yourself lovely and kind, as you are!
I've come up this: "I let the storks fly freely without heavy luggage. Don't you think there's other more interesting birds? I just saw several Goldfinches yesterday. So beautiful. Do you know the symbolism of the goldfinch in art history/native American people/as a soul animal?" This confuses the person asking so that it's his/her turn to feel uncomfortable or just move on to totally different light subjects.
Hi Ana. I am Ana from Colombia. Living in the USA now. The " where you from" question totally get it...but I learned to not care and show how resilient and happy we are ❤. The passport part...I understand your feeling...my response was "because we want to" and that was the end of it. People in some countries will not understand so don't even bother trying to explain. And the what you do for living...that is a very American question...In some cultures people LIVE to WORK and buy lots of junk then retire and done. Don't take their questions personally. Great video.
Ana, what a great video. Your so right. So, rude those questions that people sometimes ask. They can better mind there own business. Sometimes I think those are the ignorant people that ask those kind of questions……
I don’t kids either. What I do have are great friends, a great career, and a great cat. I don’t ever remember making a conscious choice not to have them, I’ve simply been busy. I take courses, I go to film festivals, and share cat memes with my neighbours. Thank you Ana, for openly addressing the sometimes, unaddressable #noshame “world’s most hated couple” LOL
People can be incredibly rude, and I don't tolerate it! When asked what I do - I respond " about what"? After that they only have to look at my face to see that the question is not appreciated and it ends there. When someone asks the very personal question of where are you from or what nationality are you, I ask them why they want to know or ask if they are writing a book. Again the look on my face tells them the conversation is over. Again, these are incredibly rude questions, and anyone with the proper upbringing would not ask them. If someone wants another person to know something, they will tell them directly or let it naturally come out in a conversation.
Yes, Ana, I agree with you about being uncomfortable with what I consider deeply personal choices, and people judging you based on your answers, or not answering. I also use the shoulder shrug, and sometimes borrow the Indian custom of the head bobble. Noncommittal, but it saves me from making the mistake of overexplaining and regretting it. All the best to you.
Hi Ana, your authenticity is so refreshing. The entitlement people demonstrate with the tactless things that come from their mouths is mind blowing. We have advanced in science, technology, medicine but regressed in humanity. The internet is irony on steroids.
"I don't want small talk to turn into big talks." 😆🤣. I love it. It's how I feel when a retail person at the checkout asks me how my day has been so far and what I have planned for the rest of the day. When I feel like saying, "It's Saturday. I'll do whatever I want with my day. I'm not explaining myself to you."
I as a single woman don't have a paid job for various reasons. When people ask me what I do for a living, my answer is I work from home. Once I had someone who brought my new bought couch in my house. He had the nerve to ask if I had a boyfriend and if not, why? People think they can you ask anything and everything. It is ridiculous! Such things are very private and is nobodys business. It is very uncomfortable and confronting. I don't like it at all. It can be very difficult to resist the pressure that people put on you with their rude and shameless questions.
You are so lovely and respectful Ana!! Even with these uncomfortable but unavoidable questions... Regarding the first question, yeah! It seems like people loves to just know that in order to put a person within the "familiar and recognizable box"...and having some one to talk with in a comfortable-or-something way. Sometimes I just think is an automatic question for people who is not happy with their life choices (having kids, among of them) and find "another one" to 1)share each other this "life not completely good for them" or 2) Make others feel bad (the ones who don´t have them) since they see them happy. Anyway, I always say, that even if one regrets of having or no having kids (that happens, as many other things), that is better (I think) not having. If you regret of that later, you have options like adopting...but, if you already have children, it can be a hell for you and for them not being that complete parent for them. Thank you Ana. Take care :).
This was such an interesting video, Ana! It always amazes me that, especially when you're an online presence, people think that they have the right to know everything about you and your life. If a couple don't have children, it may, or may not have been by choice. Either way, it's nobody's business but their own. I think your responses to these awkward questions were fantastic! People will open up and share if they want to share their situations, but if not...don't ask! Love from Australia!
It was interesting to hear your views on the subject. Personally, I have found the questions about my profession distracting. I started studying art when I was young and it was difficult when people asked me what I was going to do for a living in the future. This continued even after I graduated. Later, I have been a part-time teacher at an art school and I am no longer bothered by this question.
Hello Ana. I've been asked many times in my life if I have children. No, I don't. I didn't want to have children. I also have reasons for my decision - complex childhood trauma being one of the issues for me. I have never been married and never wanted to be. In slight disagreement with you, I do not respect everyone that has children, when I see or hear about the way a lot of children are treated. Actually, animals can give so much love.
I almost never ask people about their background or their lifestyle unless they bring it up first, because I know what it’s like to be asked these questions and then be treated badly for my answers. It’s so frustrating that mean people have ruined the process of having curiosity about others. It’s a big reason why I rely on the internet for social interaction. I get to learn about people and their experiences based on what they willingly share. Listening to channels like this helps me feel so much less alone. There are other sensitive, curious people in this world 😌 It is so comforting to be reminded 🌍❤️
Your responses are so gracious. People are curious and I’m sure there is no malice in the asking, but I’m sure it can be really hard to constantly being asked those questions.
I relate to one of the questions you discuss in this video. Where are you from? I find it uncomfortable because I know they are asking because of my accent, and then when I respond, their comment is even more uncomfortable. "Wow, you don't look like you are from there."
Thank you Ana!!! I know it must have been very hard to make this video but it was so helpful to feel we are not the only one who feel that way and you have given brilliant tips on how to deal with nosy people. All I can say is that I understand you 100 per cent and feel exactly the same!!!
Thanks for your openness and honesty Ana. I have found your video really thought-provoking and I have to say I'm totally guilty of posing the second question to other people. I am a curious person and I consider meeting people from different cultures a privilege and an opportunity to learn, and now I realize that's not very empathic or sensitive. I really do hope that life works out in the best way for you both.
@victoriareboiro7742 I ask the same question and don't see anything wrong with it and actually I would be very happy for other people to asking me where I'm from etc, then it's up to me to decide how answer. In my opinion we shouldn't be creating a world of fear, curiosity is natural and healthy. I think we just need to learn and improve how we ask questions 🙂
Ana, i want to ask you another uncomfortable question (you don't have to answer me, just answer yourself) : Why do you feel that you have to answer stupid questions from strangers? I have asked that question of myself and once i was able to answer myself, a wide path to feeling better has opened up in front of me...
I am not sure if I deem questions impolite (although I pick this up more from comments, you made a reference of those questions being 'common') . They might cause me unpleasant emotions, but this is due to my circumstances, and I own my story. I think it's good to have strategies for answering questions that's are likely to happen that allow us to share the amount of vulnerability we want. It's pretty empowering. Your story is AMAZING, and I am always greatfull that you are so kind to share it here, but I appreciate it is on yours terms and time, and not a random person in the coffee shop. Asking questions is exposing some vulnerability as well, the openess to connect...some of us are more direct then others. Sometimes we are lucky that people open up, as they feel we are 'worth' the connection and sometimes those doors are closed. Please note this comment also comes from a person, who will deliberately walk an extra mile to minimise the risk of any potential interactions/questions when her introvert nature is taking over 😉 Have a lovely week my dear friends!
Dear Bogusia, I always enjoy your thoughtful, honest and kind comments! "I own my story" - this phrase spoke to me. Very powerful and inspiring. Thank you! 💙
Lovely and very important video, Ana. Thank you. And I don't think you're impolite for protecting yourself and your privacy. Those who knowingly violate your boundaries are! 😘❤
Nobody should be pressured into having children. If they want to have children, can afford to have children and have support then go for it, but if they don’t want to for whatever reason, then that’s OK too. Raising kids is a lot of work. It takes away most of your time and money and nobody should be pressured into it. There are many considerations and climate change is also a big concern
once again I really know that feeling you are talking about getting asked such very private questions. Especially if and why I don't have kids. I mean how can you ask these questions people you barely know?! You never know how hurtfull this might be...maybe this woman can not have kids or maybe she lost a Child...you just don't know. So that's why I think you should not ask these questions. hugs to Serbia 💚
Thank you Ana for being so honest and open with us. It is really helpful and gives me a lot of faith in the humankind to see people like you. What language do you speak now that you’re in Serbia? Are they welcoming to foreigners? Is it difficult to learn Serbian?
content creator = media producer. try and see if you like this title 😊 people dont ask a lot. and if they do, you can say you do audio+visual work on your computer 🥰👍🏻 works for me if i dont want to say musician/content creator. LOVE ❤️
This was interesting. I tried on meeting you and asking those things. I couldn’t imagine asking about kids; that’s way too personal. And for the record, I had kids and now am alone. My daughter died, my son moved away. Having kids does not mean you won’t be alone. I could see asking where you are from but I would have been intrigued to meet someone from Siberia. That was what drew me to your channel in the first place. I am aware that Siberia has terrible connotations from the Cold War, but I always assumed there must be more than snow and prisons. It was really nice to see Siberia through your eyes. As for why you chose Serbia, I might ask that. But not out of thinking someplace else would be better, just genuine interest in what drew you there. And the last, what you do for work, I can imagine being curious about that, but more from the perspective of wondering what you do with your life. And you share that stuff all the time. As for being a content creator, I think everyone on this channel recognizes the effort and thought you out into these videos. The artistic qualities with headings, images, all the things you add. And the thoughtful topics. The variety. You are very good at this Ana. If I may be so bold, I would suggest you market your service of teaching others to do what you do. You have developed a lot of skill. My news: I’m almost ready to depart next Thursday. My dental appt is not till 9/12/23. So I have to be back by then. But I have 10 weeks to explore the west coast. Probably not enough but it was the best I could do. Looking forward to being back in the car. Much love to you and Brian!! ❤️
Hi Ana, thank you for sharing your thoughts on these three topics 🙏I have experienced all three like you. I have always over and over explained myself. Now, as i think I mentioned in a previous post I simply say that I have attended the universiry of life, often a few moments go by and the other person is not sure what to say or they ask where is that? I leave it at that. I know how hard it is with these questions because when I meet someone I never ask these things. I have learned so much from you because I see so much of myself in you. You are loved by all of us who follow you and you have certainly enriched my life. You work very hard at what you do and I appreciate everything. Take care❤❤❤❤Gale x
about children... that I have. The question is "How old are you?" while looking at my kids and my pretty young (and even more young-looking) face. It comes from total strangers in public places like school, shop, etc. I am aswering with just a number but I am always wondering why it would suddenly become rude if asked to older parent. Irritating if it's small talk question and everybody thinks it's ok to ask, fine with friends for me.
I love it when I'm at a party or whatever and someone asks me what I do. I talk about my career. Why are people so upset by being asked this question? In American culture, we are told not to ask.
Because people get pigeon holed based on response, what if you are unemployed or your employers business folded or you work at Amazon warehouse or you are a stay at home mum or you care for elderly relatives. Or maybe you're a doctor and you don't want to spend the party giving free medical advice or avoiding giving advice as at a party you can't get all the info you need to answer. My husband used to say he was a mortuary technician to get folks to stop. Maybe you have a career but lots of people in the world just have a job to pay bills etc they may hate it etc etc Unfortunately many people judge other people by their answer and some people stop talking to people if they think they are not worth wasting time with as no networking opportunity. I am sure you are not like this as you wouldn't have asked why it upset some people. Also some people just want to forget work when they are socialising and not talk about it.
It's ridiculous how women are asked when they intend to have children (like you said, no discussion on postpartum depression or psychosis, on means to raise a child, on communities, reliability of partners etc). Immediately after they have the children, the women are on their on, regardless of life circumstances. You had them, you deal with them, no one forced you, they'll always say. In my country, the rise of domestic abuse is noticeable even for the corrupt authorities, the decrease in natality, same. It's getting worse and worse, not to mention the politics, geopolitics, economics of women everywhere, climate change and the coming unavailability of food for everyone. Yet this question comes up again and again. When (and why won't you)?
I don't answer people who ask personal or inconsiderate questions anymore. One thing I have learned is that these people usually would rather be talking about themselves anyway. So, if they ask something I don't want to answer, I turn the subject back to them. Smart clothes, pretty hair, great purse, etc.....
Querida Ana te entiendo pues a mí me hieren también algunas cosas que me dicen. Pero cada vez menos.🙂 No es una receta para todo pero me sirve recordar un principio estoico, de Epíteto, creo: "Aquellos que secuestran nuestra paz mental solo pueden hacerlo con nuestro permiso." No siempre funciona, pero ayuda. Buena semana para ti también 🌻
Настя, привет! Согласна с тобой) Меня тоже эти вопросы ставят в тупик. Про работу могу сказать, что когда я только начала преподавать онлайн, даже моя семья не воспринимала это как работу. Кстати, помню, что ты делала классные коллажи и рисунки. Может, их тебе тоже продавать как постеры для скачивания?
Лена, привет!💜 Ха, работа онлайн вообще до сих часто воспринимается как блажь из разряда забавных хобби (если только ты не айти и прочие priviledged guys). Интересно, сколько еще лет пройдет.... Да, я пытаюсь развивать свои художества помаленьку, иногда получается что-то ими заработать, но чаще нет))
love your honesty Ana, glad your doing well. I get asked why did I move to budapest from the wonderful Canada LOL, which I ran away from LOL! so I say do you want the one word simple answer I escaped or do you want to long convuluted answer. thats what I say. Enjoy your summer, I will be doing a bit of travelling this summer. Love all your videos.
Serbia is a neighboring country to my home country, Romania 🇷🇴 Since you like traveling, I hope you get to visit there if you haven’t already. I miss it and can’t wait to visit it too haha
It seems to me that if you wanted to share about these topics (if we were to meet face to face) you would. I have realized that people are curious, but the questions are often a way to slug you with their opinion(s). You owe nothing to anyone. No explanation, no worry, no time. You are a kind person who is polite, but that doesn’t mean you have to open your life or heart to everyone. Thank you for your video. I’m sorry that AI has stolen your livelihood. 😢 I wish I could support you with more.
I am sorry for how you feel. I am Serbian and I am glad you find your place in Belgrade I see you are extremely sensitive. People ask things without a second thought, just to know you. People care about others and are curious. Last but not least you can tel šta te briga draga ? Lucky you don’t need to have a common work. I hate my work.
It would be extremely rude to say "šta te briga" and adding "draga" would imply that she is being cynical which I don't don't think she would like to do. So, this would not be a good response. 😅
Although I have no children by choice and nevet got married by choice, which is not acceptable in my community( Asian) at the time( i am 50); I had no issue people asking me like when i am getting married or dont you want to have kids? I still get bit of a lecture from people as to how i will be lonely without a partner and such. Lot of times, people are just curious and sometimes they can be nosy, but who cares? There comes a time, when noone wants to ask you that. We all have biases, but it's interesting to know where someone is from. I get asked everywhere i go and i dont care if people judge me, for me, I look different, so they will know I am from certain conutries anyways. We carry unnecessary burden about what other people will think of us.
Darn it! There was one thing I wanted to say that I forgot and it was important. My mother was really shy also. But she said ask people about themselves and they will start talking about themselves and they will forget to ask about you. I don't know if it really works but she said that it did. Maybe it will help. She said that people like to talk about themselves. Somebody else said that the most beautiful sounding word to anyone is their own name. That seems to be true. So of course I'm shy even calling people by name. I don't know why. I'm shy taking pictures of people. I have a zillion pictures of my ducks. Did I say thank you for posting this? Thank you.
You don't owe anyone an explanation of your choices. I can't believe how invasive and lacking in empathy some people are. I am so glad to be in my 60s now so people can't tell me I "still have a chance" to change my mind and have children;-))
It's funny because I always thought asking someone where they are from or what they do is just a way of getting to know them and strike up a conversation. I didn't realize it was too intrusive 🥴 I guess if there was judgement along with it that would be different..
Sometimes I am curious what someone’s life is like, and I don’t want to assume a job-centric life, so sometimes I just don’t know what to ask. Maybe I’ll ask “so, what do you love about your life?” ;)
If you don't follow the regular pattern it seems like people feel they have the right to ask you all sorts of questions. I have been through it too... Questions about children, marital status, job etc etc... And sometimes people are really curious and show absolutely no tact or respect. It's exhausting and we must be OK with just shrugging our shoulders instead of trying to explain. They are not interested in understanding anyway I am afraid.
Ana, Your presentation filled me with laughter, comfort, and recognition. I am an empath raised in extreme trauma. I am misunderstood and judged constantly by people who do not have a clue. You go girl. You represent us well, because you get it. You’ve lived it! Rock on!
I am asked this question and I am in my own country... ;) because I have an accent...English is not my first language... I found it funny... its all good 💟
![DDG & G Herbo - Nosey [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/I9Ra0Zc2NlQ/mqdefault.jpg)
I tell myself, as well as my daughters that, “Just because someone asks, doesn’t entitle them to an answer.” So please never feel pressured to answer such intimate questions.
Totally agree
I often use the response "that's just how things have turned out." It communicates that it's not a topic that's up for discussion with that person, and it's also true -- if certain things had happened differently in my life, the outcomes would have been different as well. Not everything is within our control.
I like this response. I think I will use it from now on. Thank you
This is a great response! I would use it too 😊
As a new mother who was pestered for years about when I was having a child, I can confirm it doesn’t stop even after having a child. The question usually changes to “when are you having your second?” “Why aren’t you having more? They’ll be lonely”
It never gets easier being asked and I can’t fathom why people would want to be so intrusive as to push the point!
I wonder how many you have to have before people start turning the corner and asking why you have so many. Don't ask me. I just have ducks. I'm allergic to cats and dogs and birds and basically anything dander. I'm probably allergic to myself... After all, I'm allergic to dust...
I get this question a lot too! People act like the worst thing you could do to your child is not give him/her a sibling. And people get REALLY pushy wanting an answer, but it's not socially acceptable for me to be like "look, it took 3 miscarriages over 2 years before I got one living child and I just physically and emotionally do not want to go through that again in an attempt to have one more living child"
I’ve raised my kids and support them in their choices. However, given our genetics, I’ve begged my kids to please don’t keep our gene pool going.
i specifically want only 1 child, but it's good to know the questions come no matter what you choose, i can prepare myself then to answer why i don't want more
I have four children. The first three are boys, and I had a girl after three miscarriages. While shopping with all of them, a woman saw my new baby girl and said, You have your girl now, so you can stop." Even family members asked me if I knew how pregnancies happened or if I knew how to prevent them or don't you think you have enough. Now my babies are all almost grown. They want different numbers of children...from zero to a full house. I want them happy with their choices and hope no one treats any of them terribly.
I'm 46 years old, I don't have kids, I'm vegan, I grew up in a rich family, I had good jobs and today I'm poor and unemployed. My husband is 12 years younger than me. People ask me thousands of horrible questions almost every day. I've also learned to give answers that aren't real answers or that just break up the conversation.
The child question reminds me of when my children died. People want to know if I have more, thinking that solves the problem. Trust me. It doesn't. Or worse, if I had more children, I should concentrate on them rather than focus on the loss. People can be insane! Lol!
Ana, I‘m 58, married and I don’t have children. I grew up in a very abusive family and my greatest fear was that if I had children, there was a possibility I could repeat anyone of the abusive patterns I survived. It was a very hard decision. My wife and I live a rather secluded life and that’s fine. I need a lot of space and alone time even though I‘m married in order to keep up my mental health. I get overwhelmed quite easily.
I use to have an American passport, but traded it in for a German passport in the mid 80s (dual citizenship wasn’t a thing back then). A lot of people I knew criticized me on how I could give up the most sought American citizenship. I had very personal reasons to do so.
Don’t feel uncomfortable answering questions you don’t want to. Just don’t do it. You share a lot of yourself and your beliefs here and that should be enough.
That is so inappropriate to ask someone why they don't have children. I have been asked that also and I am a man. I guess to them my life won't be complete if I don't have a child. I have my own reasons and I don't feel like I need to explain them to anyone. When asked, "Where are you from?", I respond, "Why do you want to know?". They never know what to say after that. When anyone asks me, "What do you do for a living?", I respond, "Breathe".
Stealing that! I am disabled--not visibly--and taking care of myself is my full time job but if I say that, I'm met with a deer-in-the-headlights blank stare. Your one word response is PERFECTION! Thanks!
I understand your discomfort. People try to be nice giving advice we don't need or silly comments we don't need too. Humor is a good response. 😅
I am single. I get asked why, for how long have I been single, and what am I doing about it…. Wow! I just am who I am. I usually just shrug my shoulders like you do , Ana🤷🏼
Oh yeah, I remember those types of questions too from the times when I was single. I just couldn't understand why everybody suddenly cared so much about my dating life and tried to give me their condolences for being miserably alone 😅
Ana, I just want you to know how much I enjoy your channel. I feel you have a gift to share things that many people feel. You help me feel not so alone . Thank you. Sending you love and light.
Oh, I'm so happy to hear this, dear Kelly! Thank you 💙 Sending love and light back to you.
I definitely relate to the discomfort of the "What do you do for a living?" question because I don't earn a living from my work (although I'd like to). I am lucky enough to be able to survive based on my husband's income. I'm usually embarrassed to share that and it's no one's business, anyway. I heard a content creator once say that she "worked in digital media" and I really liked that. I might start using that and then just change the subject.
These days I get asked questions like “when are you retiring” and “where will you move to”. “Are your daughters in serious relationships”. “Which daughter will look after you in old age”. I often close the conversation by saying “haven’t given it any thought” or “ I need to reflect on that question” or “ it’s all in God’s hands”.
People are to nosey, privacy is a right. I agree that the questions are personal. As a childless by choice 56 year old for at least 30 years I was asked when. I seldom replied as the answer was so complex and is still so.
Sometimes, in these situations, I just politely smile and ask a completely different question of the person, changing the conversation to a more polite topic.
Me too! People get the friendliest turn around respectfully. It is a craft to turn the conversation else where.
Thank you I agree with all of these questions they are so common but rude at the same time I personally feel the worst one is asking people if they are having kids my daughter cannot have kids due to cancer treatments and she is not afraid to pull out the cancer card if someone would get to nosy that tends to shut them up pretty quick
Shrug shoulders! Perfect response!
Your first question brought back some uncomfortable memories of I suppose well-meaning but nosy people who would ask WHEN my husband and I were going to have kids, not IF. We weren't sharing our very personal struggles with infertility and tried to just side-step the question. Many years later we did adopt a child but several relationships were already severed. Of course, we still got asked when we were going to adopt MORE children! Some people just want their curiosity satisfied no matter the cost to you. It's best to just try to not dwell on their insensitivity and move on. Thank you for your insights! ❤
Ugh, I'm so sorry you had to deal with those hurtful questions from people who didn't know your personal situation. I agree, it's important to just move on and not give more attention to that. Thank you for your sharing! 🌷
Hello Ana, your responses to such questions are perfect. I have a simple rule - if somebody wants to discuss such topics , then OK, if not, all questions are pointless. Take care and have a nice week.🌹
This is a great rule, Helena! Thank you, you too have a beautiful week 💜
I always wonder why we get stuck asking the same questions when there are so many more interesting things to talk about - maybe we feel that without the 'context' of the answers to these questions it's hard to place someone. But really we are all on our own path - and everyone's path is really different even with the same answers to some of these questions! Xx
My dearest Ana, I don't want you to feel unconfortable just for entertain us 🥺
Please, talk about what you like, love and want! 💚
Dear Chiara, I was joking about "entertainment" 😊 I love making videos and sharing some things that I think might help other people not to feel alone in their situation. Sending love!💙
I love hearing your perspective! I’m 42 and childless by choice. I’ve never wanted kids; I don’t know what that feels like. But I have upmost respect for parents, and also know that it can be way more of a painful subject for other women who’ve never had kids to talk about than it is for me.
It’s funny - on the subject of where I’m from, I hate that question as well. Of course, my situation is a lot different than yours, but still. Here in the US other states HATE Californians. And… that’s where I’ve lived for the past 15 years, before we started traveling full-time.
When people ask now, I kind of dodge the question…
And yes! I’ve always HATED the “what do you do” question, too! For a long time, the fact that I wasn’t “successful” in the eyes of society was a point of shame. Now, it’s something I’m proud of. I feel so much more free because I’m living life my way, on my terms, and have given myself permission to just be me, a “struggling” writer who travels, and lives in a different way than most.
I think when it comes to topics like religion and money, people can get quite revved up because their ideology has become so tangled and wrapped up into their identity. So, any differing opinion is perceived as a threat to their identity. I think this is partially why there’s so much division right now.
Like you, I despise small talk. I always let my husband answer and “hide” behind him in social situations. He’s a good sport, even though he’s an introvert too :)
Thank you for sharing, you bring a fresh much-needed perspective. 😊
Hi Katherine! I've heard about the "Californian" bias before and can draw parallels with some regions in my home country. Again, people now move so much that it's so hard to tell exactly where you're from without overexplaining.
Haha, and I do the same with Brian - hiding behind him in social situations 😅
Thank you for sharing your experience! Much love 💙
I am in my mid-50’s and didn’t have children. It wasn’t a decision, it just worked out that way. For me it was also a complex set of considerations that resulted in this outcome. I don’t regret this, these were things outside my control. It was simply my journey. Being without children has its benefits and nobody should feel pressured to have children. There are far too many people who have children for the wrong reasons and screw them up.
I LOVE this video. I was smiling through out. I can feel my heart beginning to open.
Love that you're taking initiative to be transparent Ana 💛 There's been so many situations where others haven't realised the impact of their words & I have to remind myself that nothing is ever personal as everyone's having their own experience
This is so true, Nykira! ♥
What a terrific topic! I am going to adopt your shrug and several suggestions from the comments. What a great community you have here. Much love and support to you and everyone who commented.
Hello Ana. Hope you are doing well? Those uncomfortable questions are something we all know too well 😉. Whenever I was asked: why don't you have children? I used to ask them: why do you have them? A few couldn't give me a reason. I guess they were confused with my reaction. I just don't want to justify myself. The question about jobs is also uncomfortable. I always think that people only continue to invest time or talk to you if your job is good enough for them. And I agree, we all have to live as we want as long as we don't harm anybody. Take care ❤
Hi Anita! Thank you for this sharing 💜🤗 I agree, we dont owe anyone any justification of our decisions. Have a lovely week!
@@anagoldberg you too ❤️
Perfect response!
@@allthebest744 🙏
That's a great question. And they would probably give you an answer. Every parent knows exactly why they had their child/children. But then, would you go back and answer your question?
Ana, I decided to type this while I was listening to your content, so I could comment as you bring up each question. I agree, the question about children is no ones business but your own. As far as "where are you from?"; what difference does it make? Although it could be that the person asking the question has a real interest in learning about the world, which would make sense. The question regarding living anywhere has so many factors that it really is important to live where you can - your answer to this question makes a lot of sense. Our world right now has a whole lot of people (many sharing their stories on RUclips) moving from one place to another, for various reasons. The whole "refuge" issue often means that people have to go where it is easiest to go, or is the most comfortable for them. Discovering new places and/or using a particular location as a base that allows exploration of other places is common and logical. The whole "what do you do for a living?" thing is overused and not very relevant (most of the time). What someone does for a living may, or may not, tell us anything relevant about who they are on a deeper level (their passion, interest, talent, and/or spirit long to express).
Once again. Thanks for having the courage to dig deep into these (often) difficult issues. You are providing a wonderful service to humankind. Peace to all.
This reminds me of a conversation with a very "successful" cousin last summer. I thought I'd lead the conversation away from work but it turned out the poor man had no hobbies, no free time and nothing interesting to bring in the situation. Poor man. Rich but poor.
Exactly, not all questions are ill mannered nor are they coming from negative people. They are simply that - questions, conversation starters. Way to have a playful discussion.
Knowing that you now rely solely on content making, I am even more happy to see your subscriber number keeping rising, and us Patreons too (people, do become a Patreon. So worth it!).
You make unique and important quality content.
As someone on partial disability the job question has often been awkward. I'll talk about the general type of work that I do, when I have jobs. So an example could be: "I am a plumber and have worked in the field for many years" (I am not a plumber 😅).
Thank you for your sweetest words! 🤗💜
I think the content you create here is thought provoking and excellent. You have every right to be confident telling people what you do for a job. It is well deserved ❤
Thank you so much, Ingrid 💙
What a lovely inquiry, thank you!
Thank you so much for your kindest support, my friend!🌿
Ana, I went through all those questions with people too, that is none of their business! You get engaged then it is when you getting married, then when you having kids, now we are old it is when are you retiring! Ugh! I just sometimes want people to go away. I completely understand how you feel and please know you are an amazing woman and doing the best in this 2023 world!
I don't watch you for entertainment. I watch because the more I learn about my fellow humans, hopefully the more charity and understanding I will have.
I've been following you since you had less than 500 subscribers for minimalism videos. When you announced a transfer to Serbia, I never wondered why you and your husband decided to settle there, and that is my ancestral country. I just figured something was easiest visa-wise. In real life, I do find people are extremely curious about career and ancestry, but in Canada there is more sensitivity over such questions than ever in the past, so most people avoid asking about this. I know many RUclipsrs feel that viewers are far too forward and feel too entitled to information in a way that would just never happen in real life.
Thank you for staying here and following me for so long! I really appreciate it 💙 Love to Canada!
Dear Annna, LOVING content.
Having kids doesn’t guarantees dying surrounded by your loving family 😀. Smart of you Ana, to snap back about the job you do !!❤
Ana, this is a very courageous video ...I admire you for your wisdom and healthy attitude! In my opinion, good online content creating is a mix of journalism and creative writing (with a camera on hand). This is a real job and it deserve respect!
Thank you so much, dear Genevieve ♥️
Love your channel still! I find your voice very soothing and weirdly, a few days ago, I found myself reading and the voice in my head of the words were in your voice hahaha I found that funny, I wanted to share.
I can relate to that "are you russian" question so damn much. I hate when people ask me about my roots and origin, it makes me very uncomfortable and creates a barrier that i'd rather not have with people. I just have no idea why does it matter and what does it chnage like I'm still a person, an individual with my own personality and issues.
Hi Ana, greetings from the UK, and thank you very much for this video. I am on the other spectrum as far as kids are concerned. I have 4! And the questions that annoy me in this sphere are: why do you have SO MANY?! (For your information 4 is like a milion in the UK), and also “so when are you having a girl?” (I have sons only and like it was MY choice that they turned out to be all boys 🙄).
Also I absolutely hate it when people ask me “why him” when it comes to my husband. We are a mixed marriage and not everyone’s ideal “white” couple type of relationship.
So thank you for these difficult topics. It is important to talk about them.
And you know what… do not be afraid to be rude, ppl are already rude asking you all these questions. You can always use English politeness and diplomacy and say “I don’t mean to be rude but it is none of your business” 😁😁😁
Wow, you do have a unique experience, thank you so much for sharing 💙 Back in Siberia I have a friend who has 3 boys and she's being constantly asked about having a girl, which makes her pretty furious!
Ana, I support you in this totally. You don't owe anyone an explanation for why you do something, or do not. I hate those same questions myself, too. In general many people are shallow and opinionated, sometimes to the point of aggression. It is terrible that you have been severely judged for carrying on with your life in the way you see fit. I understand what that feels like. You don't need to divulge anything to anyone, especially when you can sense the other person may respond negatively. Keep yourself lovely and kind, as you are!
I've come up this: "I let the storks fly freely without heavy luggage. Don't you think there's other more interesting birds? I just saw several Goldfinches yesterday. So beautiful. Do you know the symbolism of the goldfinch in art history/native American people/as a soul animal?" This confuses the person asking so that it's his/her turn to feel uncomfortable or just move on to totally different light subjects.
Hi Ana. I am Ana from Colombia. Living in the USA now.
The " where you from" question totally get it...but I learned to not care and show how resilient and happy we are ❤.
The passport part...I understand your feeling...my response was "because we want to" and that was the end of it. People in some countries will not understand so don't even bother trying to explain.
And the what you do for living...that is a very American question...In some cultures people LIVE to WORK and buy lots of junk then retire and done.
Don't take their questions personally.
Great video.
Hi Ana! I'm so glad to meet you here 🌸 Thank you for sharing your story, it supported me a lot ❤️
It is so brave to talk about this topics 😅😅
Ana, what a great video. Your so right. So, rude those questions that people sometimes ask. They can better mind there own business. Sometimes I think those are the ignorant people that ask those kind of questions……
Sometimes people just don't give it a second thought and genuinely don't intend to insult. But still it happens.
I don’t kids either. What I do have are great friends, a great career, and a great cat. I don’t ever remember making a conscious choice not to have them, I’ve simply been busy. I take courses, I go to film festivals, and share cat memes with my neighbours. Thank you Ana, for openly addressing the sometimes, unaddressable #noshame
“world’s most hated couple” LOL
People can be incredibly rude, and I don't tolerate it! When asked what I do - I respond " about what"? After that they only have to look at my face to see that the question is not appreciated and it ends there. When someone asks the very personal question of where are you from or what nationality are you, I ask them why they want to know or ask if they are writing a book. Again the look on my face tells them the conversation is over. Again, these are incredibly rude questions, and anyone with the proper upbringing would not ask them. If someone wants another person to know something, they will tell them directly or let it naturally come out in a conversation.
I really liked this talk! As usual, very subtil, intelligent and kind! Love it!
Yes, Ana, I agree with you about being uncomfortable with what I consider deeply personal choices, and people judging you based on your answers, or not answering. I also use the shoulder shrug, and sometimes borrow the Indian custom of the head bobble. Noncommittal, but it saves me from making the mistake of overexplaining and regretting it. All the best to you.
Hi Ana, your authenticity is so refreshing. The entitlement people demonstrate with the tactless things that come from their mouths is mind blowing. We have advanced in science, technology, medicine but regressed in humanity. The internet is irony on steroids.
I was in the same position. I use to say my eggs are scramble. That made people stop asking.
"I don't want small talk to turn into big talks." 😆🤣. I love it. It's how I feel when a retail person at the checkout asks me how my day has been so far and what I have planned for the rest of the day. When I feel like saying, "It's Saturday. I'll do whatever I want with my day. I'm not explaining myself to you."
I think you are so interesting! Thanks for your openness
I as a single woman don't have a paid job for various reasons. When people ask me what I do for a living, my answer is I work from home. Once I had someone who brought my new bought couch in my house. He had the nerve to ask if I had a boyfriend and if not, why? People think they can you ask anything and everything. It is ridiculous! Such things are very private and is nobodys business. It is very uncomfortable and confronting. I don't like it at all. It can be very difficult to resist the pressure that people put on you with their rude and shameless questions.
You are so lovely and respectful Ana!! Even with these uncomfortable but unavoidable questions...
Regarding the first question, yeah! It seems like people loves to just know that in order to put a person within the "familiar and recognizable box"...and having some one to talk with in a comfortable-or-something way. Sometimes I just think is an automatic question for people who is not happy with their life choices (having kids, among of them) and find "another one" to 1)share each other this "life not completely good for them" or 2) Make others feel bad (the ones who don´t have them) since they see them happy.
Anyway, I always say, that even if one regrets of having or no having kids (that happens, as many other things), that is better (I think) not having. If you regret of that later, you have options like adopting...but, if you already have children, it can be a hell for you and for them not being that complete parent for them. Thank you Ana. Take care :).
I really really really like you just the way you are! Take care. You are loved.
Thank you, dear friend ❤️
❤ a comment just for to support your work ❤
This was such an interesting video, Ana! It always amazes me that, especially when you're an online presence, people think that they have the right to know everything about you and your life. If a couple don't have children, it may, or may not have been by choice. Either way, it's nobody's business but their own. I think your responses to these awkward questions were fantastic! People will open up and share if they want to share their situations, but if not...don't ask!
Love from Australia!
Thank you, Linda! Love back to Australia 💜
It was interesting to hear your views on the subject. Personally, I have found the questions about my profession distracting. I started studying art when I was young and it was difficult when people asked me what I was going to do for a living in the future. This continued even after I graduated. Later, I have been a part-time teacher at an art school and I am no longer bothered by this question.
Thank you for sharing this, Heli! Indeed, people of art get asked inappropriate questions all the time....
Hello Ana. I've been asked many times in my life if I have children. No, I don't. I didn't want to have children. I also have reasons for my decision - complex childhood trauma being one of the issues for me. I have never been married and never wanted to be. In slight disagreement with you, I do not respect everyone that has children, when I see or hear about the way a lot of children are treated.
Actually, animals can give so much love.
I almost never ask people about their background or their lifestyle unless they bring it up first, because I know what it’s like to be asked these questions and then be treated badly for my answers. It’s so frustrating that mean people have ruined the process of having curiosity about others. It’s a big reason why I rely on the internet for social interaction. I get to learn about people and their experiences based on what they willingly share. Listening to channels like this helps me feel so much less alone. There are other sensitive, curious people in this world 😌 It is so comforting to be reminded 🌍❤️
Your responses are so gracious. People are curious and I’m sure there is no malice in the asking, but I’m sure it can be really hard to constantly being asked those questions.
I relate to one of the questions you discuss in this video. Where are you from? I find it uncomfortable because I know they are asking because of my accent, and then when I respond, their comment is even more uncomfortable. "Wow, you don't look like you are from there."
Great video ana. Hope u have a great week ahead . Hope u and brain are well
Thank you Ana!!! I know it must have been very hard to make this video but it was so helpful to feel we are not the only one who feel that way and you have given brilliant tips on how to deal with nosy people. All I can say is that I understand you 100 per cent and feel exactly the same!!!
Thanks for your openness and honesty Ana. I have found your video really thought-provoking and I have to say I'm totally guilty of posing the second question to other people. I am a curious person and I consider meeting people from different cultures a privilege and an opportunity to learn, and now I realize that's not very empathic or sensitive. I really do hope that life works out in the best way for you both.
@victoriareboiro7742 I ask the same question and don't see anything wrong with it and actually I would be very happy for other people to asking me where I'm from etc, then it's up to me to decide how answer. In my opinion we shouldn't be creating a world of fear, curiosity is natural and healthy. I think we just need to learn and improve how we ask questions 🙂
Hi Ana One of your best ever videos. Best wishes
Thank you Ana. The 'job question'.. 🙄
I respect you for who you are. I just want you to be happy. Love your art and content. Loves
Ana, i want to ask you another uncomfortable question (you don't have to answer me, just answer yourself) : Why do you feel that you have to answer stupid questions from strangers? I have asked that question of myself and once i was able to answer myself, a wide path to feeling better has opened up in front of me...
I am not sure if I deem questions impolite (although I pick this up more from comments, you made a reference of those questions being 'common') . They might cause me unpleasant emotions, but this is due to my circumstances, and I own my story. I think it's good to have strategies for answering questions that's are likely to happen that allow us to share the amount of vulnerability we want. It's pretty empowering.
Your story is AMAZING, and I am always greatfull that you are so kind to share it here, but I appreciate it is on yours terms and time, and not a random person in the coffee shop.
Asking questions is exposing some vulnerability as well, the openess to connect...some of us are more direct then others.
Sometimes we are lucky that people open up, as they feel we are 'worth' the connection and sometimes those doors are closed.
Please note this comment also comes from a person, who will deliberately walk an extra mile to minimise the risk of any potential interactions/questions when her introvert nature is taking over 😉
Have a lovely week my dear friends!
Dear Bogusia, I always enjoy your thoughtful, honest and kind comments! "I own my story" - this phrase spoke to me. Very powerful and inspiring. Thank you! 💙
Lovely and very important video, Ana. Thank you. And I don't think you're impolite for protecting yourself and your privacy. Those who knowingly violate your boundaries are! 😘❤
Nobody should be pressured into having children. If they want to have children, can afford to have children and have support then go for it, but if they don’t want to for whatever reason, then that’s OK too.
Raising kids is a lot of work. It takes away most of your time and money and nobody should be pressured into it. There are many considerations and climate change is also a big concern
once again I really know that feeling you are talking about getting asked such very private questions.
Especially if and why I don't have kids.
I mean how can you ask these questions people you barely know?!
You never know how hurtfull this might be...maybe this woman can not have kids or maybe she lost a Child...you just don't know.
So that's why I think you should not ask these questions.
hugs to Serbia 💚
Thank you Ana for being so honest and open with us. It is really helpful and gives me a lot of faith in the humankind to see people like you.
What language do you speak now that you’re in Serbia? Are they welcoming to foreigners? Is it difficult to learn Serbian?
Thank you for your kind words 💜Serbia is really welcoming, and I mostly speak Russian with little bits of Serbian for politeness.
I don't know why women have to justify why they have kids or not. How often men get this question.? There is no need to answer that!
Great video.
content creator = media producer. try and see if you like this title 😊 people dont ask a lot. and if they do, you can say you do audio+visual work on your computer 🥰👍🏻 works for me if i dont want to say musician/content creator. LOVE ❤️
Love this tip! Thank you, Patty ❤️
This was interesting. I tried on meeting you and asking those things. I couldn’t imagine asking about kids; that’s way too personal. And for the record, I had kids and now am alone. My daughter died, my son moved away. Having kids does not mean you won’t be alone.
I could see asking where you are from but I would have been intrigued to meet someone from Siberia. That was what drew me to your channel in the first place. I am aware that Siberia has terrible connotations from the Cold War, but I always assumed there must be more than snow and prisons. It was really nice to see Siberia through your eyes. As for why you chose Serbia, I might ask that. But not out of thinking someplace else would be better, just genuine interest in what drew you there. And the last, what you do for work, I can imagine being curious about that, but more from the perspective of wondering what you do with your life. And you share that stuff all the time.
As for being a content creator, I think everyone on this channel recognizes the effort and thought you out into these videos. The artistic qualities with headings, images, all the things you add. And the thoughtful topics. The variety. You are very good at this Ana. If I may be so bold, I would suggest you market your service of teaching others to do what you do. You have developed a lot of skill.
My news: I’m almost ready to depart next Thursday. My dental appt is not till 9/12/23. So I have to be back by then. But I have 10 weeks to explore the west coast. Probably not enough but it was the best I could do. Looking forward to being back in the car.
Much love to you and Brian!! ❤️
Thank you for your updates and kind supportive words as always, dear Ginger! Much love to you 🌷
Hi Ana, thank you for sharing your thoughts on these three topics 🙏I have experienced all three like you. I have always over and over explained myself. Now, as i think I mentioned in a previous post I simply say that I have attended the universiry of life, often a few moments go by and the other person is not sure what to say or they ask where is that? I leave it at that. I know how hard it is with these questions because when I meet someone I never ask these things. I have learned so much from you because I see so much of myself in you. You are loved by all of us who follow you and you have certainly enriched my life. You work very hard at what you do and I appreciate everything. Take care❤❤❤❤Gale x
Thank you for your sharing and your kindest words, dear Gale! 💙
about children... that I have. The question is "How old are you?" while looking at my kids and my pretty young (and even more young-looking) face. It comes from total strangers in public places like school, shop, etc. I am aswering with just a number but I am always wondering why it would suddenly become rude if asked to older parent. Irritating if it's small talk question and everybody thinks it's ok to ask, fine with friends for me.
I love it when I'm at a party or whatever and someone asks me what I do. I talk about my career. Why are people so upset by being asked this question? In American culture, we are told not to ask.
Because people get pigeon holed based on response, what if you are unemployed or your employers business folded or you work at Amazon warehouse or you are a stay at home mum or you care for elderly relatives. Or maybe you're a doctor and you don't want to spend the party giving free medical advice or avoiding giving advice as at a party you can't get all the info you need to answer. My husband used to say he was a mortuary technician to get folks to stop. Maybe you have a career but lots of people in the world just have a job to pay bills etc they may hate it etc etc Unfortunately many people judge other people by their answer and some people stop talking to people if they think they are not worth wasting time with as no networking opportunity. I am sure you are not like this as you wouldn't have asked why it upset some people. Also some people just want to forget work when they are socialising and not talk about it.
Great answer!
It's ridiculous how women are asked when they intend to have children (like you said, no discussion on postpartum depression or psychosis, on means to raise a child, on communities, reliability of partners etc). Immediately after they have the children, the women are on their on, regardless of life circumstances. You had them, you deal with them, no one forced you, they'll always say. In my country, the rise of domestic abuse is noticeable even for the corrupt authorities, the decrease in natality, same. It's getting worse and worse, not to mention the politics, geopolitics, economics of women everywhere, climate change and the coming unavailability of food for everyone. Yet this question comes up again and again. When (and why won't you)?
I don't answer people who ask personal or inconsiderate questions anymore. One thing I have learned is that these people usually would rather be talking about themselves anyway. So, if they ask something I don't want to answer, I turn the subject back to them. Smart clothes, pretty hair, great purse, etc.....
Querida Ana te entiendo pues a mí me hieren también algunas cosas que me dicen. Pero cada vez menos.🙂
No es una receta para todo pero me sirve recordar un principio estoico, de Epíteto, creo: "Aquellos que secuestran nuestra paz mental solo pueden hacerlo con nuestro permiso."
No siempre funciona, pero ayuda.
Buena semana para ti también 🌻
Настя, привет! Согласна с тобой) Меня тоже эти вопросы ставят в тупик. Про работу могу сказать, что когда я только начала преподавать онлайн, даже моя семья не воспринимала это как работу. Кстати, помню, что ты делала классные коллажи и рисунки. Может, их тебе тоже продавать как постеры для скачивания?
Лена, привет!💜 Ха, работа онлайн вообще до сих часто воспринимается как блажь из разряда забавных хобби (если только ты не айти и прочие priviledged guys). Интересно, сколько еще лет пройдет.... Да, я пытаюсь развивать свои художества помаленьку, иногда получается что-то ими заработать, но чаще нет))
love your honesty Ana, glad your doing well. I get asked why did I move to budapest from the wonderful Canada LOL, which I ran away from LOL! so I say do you want the one word simple answer I escaped or do you want to long convuluted answer. thats what I say. Enjoy your summer, I will be doing a bit of travelling this summer. Love all your videos.
Thank you Anna!💙
Serbia is a neighboring country to my home country, Romania 🇷🇴 Since you like traveling, I hope you get to visit there if you haven’t already. I miss it and can’t wait to visit it too haha
It seems to me that if you wanted to share about these topics (if we were to meet face to face) you would. I have realized that people are curious, but the questions are often a way to slug you with their opinion(s).
You owe nothing to anyone. No explanation, no worry, no time. You are a kind person who is polite, but that doesn’t mean you have to open your life or heart to everyone.
Thank you for your video. I’m sorry that AI has stolen your livelihood. 😢 I wish I could support you with more.
Thank you for your kindest words as always, dear Kami 🌷
I am sorry for how you feel. I am Serbian and I am glad you find your place in Belgrade I see you are extremely sensitive. People ask things without a second thought, just to know you. People care about others and are curious. Last but not least you can tel šta te briga draga ? Lucky you don’t need to have a common work. I hate my work.
It would be extremely rude to say "šta te briga" and adding "draga" would imply that she is being cynical which I don't don't think she would like to do. So, this would not be a good response. 😅
Although I have no children by choice and nevet got married by choice, which is not acceptable in my community( Asian) at the time( i am 50); I had no issue people asking me like when i am getting married or dont you want to have kids? I still get bit of a lecture from people as to how i will be lonely without a partner and such. Lot of times, people are just curious and sometimes they can be nosy, but who cares? There comes a time, when noone wants to ask you that. We all have biases, but it's interesting to know where someone is from. I get asked everywhere i go and i dont care if people judge me, for me, I look different, so they will know I am from certain conutries anyways. We carry unnecessary burden about what other people will think of us.
Darn it! There was one thing I wanted to say that I forgot and it was important. My mother was really shy also. But she said ask people about themselves and they will start talking about themselves and they will forget to ask about you. I don't know if it really works but she said that it did. Maybe it will help. She said that people like to talk about themselves. Somebody else said that the most beautiful sounding word to anyone is their own name. That seems to be true. So of course I'm shy even calling people by name. I don't know why. I'm shy taking pictures of people. I have a zillion pictures of my ducks.
Did I say thank you for posting this? Thank you.
You don't owe anyone an explanation of your choices. I can't believe how invasive and lacking in empathy some people are. I am so glad to be in my 60s now so people can't tell me I "still have a chance" to change my mind and have children;-))
It's funny because I always thought asking someone where they are from or what they do is just a way of getting to know them and strike up a conversation. I didn't realize it was too intrusive 🥴 I guess if there was judgement along with it that would be different..
Sometimes I am curious what someone’s life is like, and I don’t want to assume a job-centric life, so sometimes I just don’t know what to ask. Maybe I’ll ask “so, what do you love about your life?” ;)
I think it would be a wonderful approach! Very out of the box and engaging 😊
Books, Films and cats YES! ❤💜💕🤗☺
If you don't follow the regular pattern it seems like people feel they have the right to ask you all sorts of questions. I have been through it too... Questions about children, marital status, job etc etc... And sometimes people are really curious and show absolutely no tact or respect. It's exhausting and we must be OK with just shrugging our shoulders instead of trying to explain. They are not interested in understanding anyway I am afraid.
This is absolutely true, Inger. I agree with you so much, and you've put it perfectly.
Ana, Your presentation filled me with laughter, comfort, and recognition. I am an empath raised in extreme trauma. I am misunderstood and judged constantly by people who do not have a clue. You go girl. You represent us well, because you get it. You’ve lived it! Rock on!
Thank you so much for your sweet words and support, my friend 🌷
I am asked this question and I am in my own country... ;) because I have an accent...English is not my first language... I found it funny... its all good 💟
❤️❤️❤️
How you live your life is your business not mine or anyone else. I adore you and wish you and Brian only love, happiness and peace.
Thank you, dear Susan 💜
@@anagoldberg You are so welcome!