I worry about the internet’s criticisms of Dr. Honda’s analyses. Whether I agree with the videos or not, they’re one person’s commentary. I don’t want the internet police to make him want to stop making these videos 😞 These people agreed to be on this show and it’s ok to express your opinions about them. Dr. Honda is a good soul and these videos are amazing and I don’t want to see them go away! Anyone else agree?
Yes-some people get exceptionally mean when it comes to this couple's relationship. I think it's because they think Dr Honda is trying to support her relationship with Azan or blame all of Nicole's problems on her parents which of course isn't what he's getting at but it does sound that way at first. I got ripped apart for it too on the last few vids' comments section when trying to agree with Dr Honda in just saying that her parents and family needed to let her deal with these problems alone-not that Nicole is the victim here or that her relationship with Azan is good...
@@johnharrison1456 it's more Nicole is a horrible parent for fucks sake she didn't take free flight home to spend quarantine with her daughter she stayed with Azan. There's plenty of examples of this throughout the show.May needs to be in someone's custody who can provide a stable environment and Nicole can't provide that. She's irresponsible and used her daughter as a weapon to keep dating Azan
@@ayajade6683 I agree. Nicole is a brat and probably doesn't deserve custody of May. However, all Dr Honda is basically saying here is that 2 wrongs don't make a right. If her family believes that her relationship with Azan is a danger to both Nicole and May, then they should immediately withdraw funding and support from Nicole until she ends it. But instead, they're continuing this dysfunction by giving her $$$ and then berating and trying to influence the relationship after giving their support like when her birth dad gives her money for the wedding and then sets rules and conditions that were basically just his own set ideas about how a married couple should behave. Most people, and especially Dr Honda, are not supporting Nicole's actions-but we're just disagreeing with her family and Azan's actions as well...
Honestly when I saw the show I did not see the mom as a problem. It wasn't until I saw Doctor Honda's break down of the mom's and Nicole's relationship and how unhealthy it really is.
celeste la barba i agree! He made me realize that there are so many ways to look at a situation. I always thought of myself as someone who doesn’t judge right away, but i learned that i can improve so much more
This is so mind blowing that I am even getting flashbacks. Reading comments in the past of people destroying nicole. Demanding her mom needed to step in and take control of her and may
@@janettorres641 May shouldn't be in Nicole's custody she is a horrible parent and puts her child in risky situations. On top of that she's neglectful and instead of taking the free flight home to be with her daughter during quarantine she stayed with Azan. May's best interest is with a stable home environment which is with the grandmother or another family member
I'm not sure how anyone mistook his previous comments as supporting the relationship/bad behavior. Dr. Honda clearly (and rightly) speaks from a neutral standpoint in these vids, and does a great job explaining himself and both sides of these relationships if you actually pay attention. I don't care for Nicole from what I've seen of her, but I still agreed with everything he said about being in charge of your own life. It's that kind of calm and collected point of view that keeps me coming back. :)
It’s amazing how many people can misinterpret things. I work with the public as a job, and it’s surprising how many times I’ve had to repeat myself and then explain what I mean to people. I feel it’s because they hear what I’m saying, but they’re not listening and actually looking more in-depth into what I’m saying. So they go by face value and it’s usually the wrong interpretation of what you’re trying to say.
A little over a year ago, I was in a long term relationship with this guy who I was head over heels for. My mom got a bad vibe from him from day 1. But she always told me that she trusted me. Trusted me to make my own decisions. He cheated on me, and I forgave him, stayed in the relationship. Again, my mom didn’t agree with that decision, but said it was my relationship, not hers. He cheated on me again and again and eventually ghosted me. I was devastated. But now, a year later I learned from that relationship, what I did wrong, what I should do next time etc. I’m thankful that my mom let me learn that. Still, my sister blames my mom for letting me stay in the relationship when it was hurting me so much, when really I don’t see that. I’m glad I learned what I learned. I’m sad I got hurt, but I’m glad I wasn’t bullied into breaking up with him earlier, or told I was stupid making wrong decisions. I was allowed to be an adult and make a mistake and learn.
Your sister is wasting energy she could be pouring into you....you were not going to be done until YOU were done! I'm glad you're moving on! Best of luck to you!
Nice with a mom like that, mine is the same and I love her and we have a great relationship. It is nice to have that freedom and support, and still have that safe place to get back to if things doesn’t work out.
So true. I watch a few others wholly and solely as a “what not to do” exercise. One online psych I can think of is immensely conservative and labels very normal behaviour as deviant in cohorts where it would be developmentally or culturally normal.... Love that Dr K is hyper aware of his own biases, he’s a true teacher!
The internet doesn't deserve Dr Honda and his awesome perspective. On that note, often things that trigger us are due to a repressed reflection upon ourselves. I know I'm not the best at adulting, but I accept that, so I can learn and grow from it
I feel like this is the one case where he has to say that though. People were threatening to take away his license on the last video about Nicole. People are being super ridiculous since hes not malicious towards Nicole.
Agree! I couldn't figure out why I felt so triggered when he spoke about Nicole and I had to ask myself....why is this getting under my skin and illiciting this kind of emotional reaction? AND click, it was like looking at one of those magic eye pictures, all of a sudden I could see very clearly that I mirror these behaviors with my family! It was uncomfortable at first and now? I'm starting therapy neck week.
Azan was always very kind to May... I think he liked having there to use as sort of a human shield to keep Nicole from trying to make out with him all the time.
@Lilman Yellow Yeah, but nothing in Azan's personality or behavior suggests he beats people. If anything, he is one of the most calm and tolerant people on this whole series. For example, he doesn't get aggressive even when he should. When Nicole is trying to grab him inappropriately in public, he says "honey, please stop?"... He doesn't even say "Take your hands off me!". When they were arguing publicly and Nicole was physically stopping him from walking away with her giant body, taunting him "what are you going to do now? You can't walk away!"... All he does is keep his hands in his pockets, turn and walk away. So either he is an Oscar worthy actor or he's not a violent person that beats people.
I completely understood what you were saying about Nicole and her choices. I'm sorry people were judgy with you Dr. Honda. I am Always grateful for your insight!!
Just how much hate did Dr. Honda get for these videos? Damn. Edit: I feel like I should add that I really enjoy your videos. Nicole and Azan is what brought me to your page and I've found myself learning a lot, so thank you.
lavinder11 A lot of them were just telling the licensed family therapist and professional that he was wrong, with no research done or education behind their opinions. It’s one thing to have two professionals who disagree. It’s another when uneducated people and a professional disagree.
I can't stand her tbh. her grinning like an idiot because she stopped listening to her dad and step mom after they agree to sponsor Aslan, but not listening to the rest. such a child.
Honestly, Dr. Honda explains these videos clearly. When I watched Nicole's story, honestly thought she seemed too childish. I know she is not dumb, just probably misdirected, hopefully Nicole continues to grow and live a healthy life.
go ahead and drop the knowledge on them dr. honda! the first 7-8 minutes clears it ... its interesting how people might be watch these looking for you to agree with them, making them feel correct or something instead of learning ... i watched a video about parasocial relationships recently... i wonder about this channel's and ourselves.. keep doing your thing.. appreciate your work and pov
I wonder if Nicole’s parents are concerned about a man who is a stranger to him living with their young granddaughter. Maybe they want them to live apart in beginning for that reason
Keep up the great work. Even when you reply to contrarians you are nothing but respectful. I’ve learned a lot about how I need my next relationship to work
Hey Dr. Honda! I'm a new patron since the quarantine and have been devouring your youtube content! You might not have time to read all of the comments but I wanted to say thanks for the quality content; I'm learning so much!! Also the longer hair really suits you! 😊
I feel like Nicole's relationship with her mother was somewhat like mine & my family's. I'm the baby of the family & I remember as young as 5 years old, wishing everyone would stop treating me like a baby but also understanding that I _am_ the baby of the family to them. I didn't want to make everyone sad by telling them to stop treating/talking to me as if I were younger and more immature than I actually was so I let them. My whole life. Even to this day, at 28 years old, I still hide things from my grandma & don't feel like I can be my true adult self around her. It caused a lot of problems for me growing up, I was ALWAYS very naive and immature compared to the rest of my friends at almost every age. When I turned 18 and moved out, the real difficulties of life and being an INDEPENDENT adult hit me HARD. My son was about 4 when I noticed I was doing the same thing to him😳. Hes 7 now and every now and then I catch myself treating him as if he's 2 or 3 and thankfully I automatically remember how it felt when that was done to me and how unhealthy it was when I became an adult.
Oh Man I relate as the youngest of 4 and the only girl. I’m only 21, but my parents treat me as if I’m 12. I can’t go out with friends unless I have permission. There is turmoil in my family (parents are incompatible but aren’t divorcing) and I guess as the youngest, I felt I should be the lighthearted one, cheering the whole family up. I still feel that way. I have had to hide romantic relationships from them, I have had to pretend I’m uncomfortable with sex and etc. I have no clue how to navigate a real adult life. My parents actually discouraged me from working because they worried I would “get tired” or I was too “weak”.
Well, she basically told them that if they didn't, she'd take May and move to Morocco. In my opinion they should've called her bluff, but I'm sure it would be hard with that kind of threat.
i'm glad Dr Honda addressed the viewers comments on this video. In the comments of last episodes people were supporting the moms actions and trashing nicole as if it helps the situation🙄
my mother did all the choices for me my whole life. she never tried to make me do anything, even things like writing applications for jobs. i was a child and teenager full of anxiety because i was kept isolated and didn't know how the world worked. i had no confidence and self-worth and now im 30 and everything is pouring down on me. i never had any achievements in my life because im just scared about everything and also come from a family of adhd people, which keeps me from doing things i want because i lack all the energy and trust in myself. i also recently developed stomach issues that create panic attacks and the worst anxiety moments of my life. i desperately look for a therapist now because my mental state has never ever been so bad. to the parents out there: dont do that, ever. even if u wanna protect your child or u wanr your child to have a good life because you didnt have it back then.
Ugh that’s my life 100%. As a child, my mom did everything for me and was my soft place to fall any time anything got rough, so I never had to deal with negative things until I was in my teen years and couldn’t handle anything on my own. As an adult I have a hard time doing “adult” things, and I feel like a complete loser because I can’t seem to establish myself in a career. I settled on being a stay at home mom and lucked out with an amazing partner who works hard which allows me to do that, but I basically have nothing to show for adulthood. Aside from being a mom, I have no direction career wise. I also have horrible anxiety and have really bad panic attacks when things get tough now to the point where my hands go numb.
I read some really nasty and disrespectfull comments here... I hope you don't get discouraged by them Dr. Honda. Some people don't want to look further then their own "truth", they're not open to new insights,... Sad!
You’re right. Many need therapy, which is why they fail to understand. Dr Honda has reiterated that he doesn’t support Nicole and Azan, just that she needs to grow up and think for herself. People like to be in opposition😒
Based on their general concerns and attitudes towards Nicole, I honestly feel like the dad might be making a stipulation like that (Azan and Nicole not living together) because he wants Nicole to be independent and stable. I mean, the other stipulation was that she get a FT job. I wonder if it's more that than a moral stipulation.
The “you might be paying for it for a lot longer” comment makes me think they’re worried about her getting pregnant. Not that living apart would prevent that of course.
'moral' stipulations from a guy that's constantly high, he's been arrested multiple times this year for hard druhs related stuff, steeling beers, fighting. Makes you wonder if that's why Nicole's so unsure, was he already an unstable junkie when she grew up and is that why the parents divorced.
I have to say that I really enjoyed the episode about Nicole and her mother. My mother is much like Nicole as in the “scapegoat”. Growing up I never really understood why she was treated so bad by her sisters and my grandmother. I frankly thought that it was just bc my mom is a fuck up. After watching this play out I understand it better. Thank you for reviewing it. It’s helped me heal
While the financial threshold for the visa may be annoying, I think having it in place is a practical fixture. That’s likely what she would need to afford living expenses for all of them, especially because Azan will not be able to work for some time.
Why on earth would the dad and step mom sponsor this dude......good grief. Sure let the kid make their own mistakes, but she is dragging them in on this huge mist. They are nuts, and I am sorry but if them not living together before marriage, then she needs to deal with it.
I really appreciate your disclaimer about supporting Nicole in the beginning of the video dr. Kirk. I relate a lot with Nicole because I have a ton of dysfunction rooted in religious fundamentalism in my family and was made into a scapegoat for them when I escaped. Things can look different to everyone, it’s never black and white.
Her dad is an addict and arrested twice this year only for stealing beers, fighting, hard drugs stuff.. Knowing that now I don't take him seriously anymore and he sure can't sponsor anyone.
I pretty sure the family is just trying to protect Mae/May. From what I've seen, Nicole isn't really present and just drags her daughter around. Azan was more concerned than Nicole when Mae was running around unsupervised. Kids can get abducted anywhere at anytime and Nicole didn't care at all, she instead scolded/argued with Azan. To me, it's a necessity that the family intervenes before Nicole take Mae away from her support system.
Parker Isles I don’t agree. Only because some of the best lessons we all experience are those when, if we don’t hear, we feel. Some people need to reach rock bottom in their poor choices before any change happens. I know it’s hard because there’s a child involved but, the other alternative is worse imo.
nineteenfortyeight Really? Well, let me guess. You think the way things have been has really worked and Nicole totally gets it and is making great life choices. 🥴🙄
to give more validation to Dr. Kirk, I went through ALOT of trauma my whole life. not gonna go in depth but thats all u need to know. i consider myself the scapegoat bc i adapt a way that I think my family wants me to act. its hard to explain. its all subconscious. they think im this type of person, so i act the part subconsciously when around them. theres alot of things about me and my life most ppl dont understand and while its very frustrating for me bc ppl judge when they have no idea and make assumptions, I also understand where it comes from. I didnt even understand some things going through it until i got therapy. just know theres many things obvious to a person with trauma, someone who never experienced such trauma can never see so please do not make assumptions about anyone. as someone with severe trauma whose seen legit probly a hundred diff therapists for years, I can tell you Dr. Kirk is the best I've seen. and im saying that through a screen, can't imagine how skilled he is when hes actually working with someone face-to-face. you should trust this DOCTOR who has many years of study and qualifications judgements over urs. id say especially if u never experienced trauma bc ur blinded to alot of things but also ppl with trauma who never got help.
I wish people disliking Dr. Honda's opinion about Nicole and her mother's dynamic would consider that indeed, her mother might really love her, might be right about her daughter's relationship and her worries about her grand daughter AND still have an unhealthy dynamic with Nicole, she's not a monster, nor a villain, but sometimes our parents, good intentions and all, can have a big negative effect in our development. And that's where therapy can really help mending and changing our family dynamic, our relationships etc. For me this videos are an eye opener that made me question my own dynamic with my mother and the struggle I have to differentiate myself not only as an adult but as my own person. I'm really thankful for this videos and for Dr. Honda's perspective :)
He’s just the best! bless your heart Dr. Honda!... we will never make everybody happy... any reaction is going to be an online debate! You handle negative critiques like a pro! 👏🏼👌🏼🙌🏼
I'm so glad to see another Azan and Nicole segment. The family dynamic is very unique to the show. So many viewers have a one dimensional view of the situation (including myself) and it's really refreshing and insightful to hear the opinion of a CLINICALLY TRAINED PROFESSIONAL. You're providing us a great service Dr. Honda. Please continue on :) Some of us really find value in your opinions.
I think people thought dr. Kirk approved of Nicole's relationship with azan because everyone thought nicole mom wasn't doing enough. I mean it's to the point where these people want to take custody away from her.
Dr Honda, thank you for look at Nicole this way, my boyfriend has a domineering mother as well. It is not as bad, but this exreem example of Nicole and her crazy mother has let me notice things a bit deeper then just "his mum being annoying".
And her dad is an addict who was arrested multiple times for fighting, steeling beers, hard drugs related stuff this year. Wonder if he has been a junkie long, poor Nicole
Ty for breaking down Nicole's relationship with her family. It hit home, that's the exact dynamic my family has, and the only way for me to deal with it is to escape. Please don't listen to the people who clearly have no grasp of the concepts your presenting. I truly appreciate you sharing these concepts. Also, pay the cat tax, Sir.
As someone who is 22, I have to agree with you, sometimes I do feel like a "baby". Not because of childish behavior, it's just because as I have quite recently entered adulthood, there's still so much I don't know lol
I understood what you meant from the start. A thought I have always had about my relationship with my own parents is I wish they would let me make my own mistakes.
Dr.Honda, thank you! I apologise for the viterol I expressed towards your previous analysis on Nicole. I realized after some contemplation (on what you were saying on past videos concerning Nicole and her family dynamic )is that I have the same dynamic with my family and it was triggering. I'm a firm believer that one should apologise when they are wrong. I made comments on here being very negative so it's the least I can do is admit on here that I was wrong. You are helping a lot people with these commentaries. You certainly helped me. Thanks to you,I'm going to start therapy next week to work on issues I didn't even realize I had.Thank you very much. Keep up the good work.
Dr Honda: I hope Nicole is navigating the situation with Azan and May in a healthy way. Nicole: Makes May call Azan daddy Poor Dr. Honda is going to have his functional hopes for this couple crushed
Dr. Honda these videos are immensely helpful to me and a bunch of people! There are so many stupid trolls on RUclips who would have negative things to say about everything- even something like a video about adorable puppies! It’s ridiculous.
People need to calm down. It's just your wise opinion and I find your videos insightful. Also hearing your cat meowing at you trying to get your attention was adorable. Made me smile 🐱
I completely agree with the videos thus far on this issue, and they showed a perspective I hadn't thought of before. Dr. Kirk shouldn't have to defend himself against RUclips trolls who view things in black and white.
Doc, it seems to me that the mom is more than happy to let Nicole make her own choices and make her own mistakes. What did she say when Nicole asked her to sponsor Azan. She said flatly. No. I will not do that, under any circumstance. To me that is a great opportunity for Nicole to step up be a grown woman. If you want him here so badly, figure it out for yourself. I'm your mom, I'm not responsible for funding your love life. I just don't find her domineering at all.
Except when Nicole said she was gonna go again and take the daughter with her the mom said she forbids it and she also told her multiple times to break up with him because "what you want isn't necessarily what you need" so I think the mom doesn't support her in making her own decisions. (But I agree that the mom had a better response to sponsoring him than the dad)
But maybe the mom is hoping that by saying no, she's making it difficult for them to continue dating...? 🤔 I have a mum who tried to control everything. Like if I said as an adult that I want to buy new clothes (for example)she would try to convince me not to. If I still wanted to buy them she would belittle me or shout or whatever. I had to teach her she cannot control me by doing exactly what she didn't want me to do/doing what I wanted.
The motjer literally said she said no to stop them being together/get them to break up instead of saying you're grown up, it's up to you to pay for him.
@@Te3time But Nicole is coming to HER with these issues, so mom has the right to say how she feels. That's her grandchild calling this scam artitist Daddy. Why do I call him a scam artist? Because Nicole sends him money. How do we know that? Because mom has an account set up for Nicole that she puts money into every month and the money started disappearing and Nicole would ask her for more. This all came out in the tell all. Nicole has every right to date the wrong guy and give him money... But since it's mom's money she is sending, mom has the right to intervene.
What I would like to know is who is paying for all this? If Nicole is self supporting, she pays her way to Africa and pays for her own wedding - that let her make her decisions. If the family is supporting her, taking care of her child, then they should stop doing that and let her learn what real life is like, so she can learn to make realistic judgements. I don't think the parents should be sponsoring her boyfriend. This is something Nicole should be doing on her own. If it's Nicole's choice, and she's gotta learn from it, it's gotta be on her dime, otherwise she's just a child. The doc keeps talking about Nicole making her own choices and not intervening, and the parents not saving them but if the parents are paying then this won't happen.
She has no bucks except from TLC, and whatever parents kick in. TLC pays all money to the American partner and they are to give the foreign partner their portion. So no her decisions are based on if someone else pays.
How was the conversation adult to adult when the dad said he felt bullied into it..Again Nicole is just a spoiled child who never grew up ...and seems to pretty much get whatever she wants...even from her domineering mother...
The show pays for tickets but she also takes cash off her mom "for May" and gives it to Hassan. That place they live in is a homeless shelter run by her grandparents. She quit her job to travel. So the good doctor is just wrong that she works and raises a child by herself and therefore can't be lazy. She's nothing but a mooch.
I think that Nicole’s dad doesn’t know just how immature Nicole is. Maybe the mom is overprotective because she doesn’t have faith that Nicole is thinking maturely.
I don’t get why anyone would criticize his analysis of Nicole. He’s gone full expert here. He’s not even talking about the relationship-he’s taken a detour to analyze Nicole herself and she needs it. No one else is doing this. We are lucky, we are seeing him do what he does best.
tbh it seems pretty clear that they know she's immature and they approach all this stuff as if she's a teenager because if they don't, something bad could happen to her kid. I can't even imagine what the situation looked like when Nicole was going to have her daughter and why that happened. They don't trust her and they're telling her that constantly. The scene with the Dad kinda feels like they were hoping to be on her side and then get her to turn the offer down and maybe think she came to that conclusion herself. "We could be paying for this a very long time" "you don't have to marry him if he comes over" and she just says, "I know". All the time and money they would put into Azan and she's lightheartedly shrugging it off and admitting if she changes her mind, no big deal, no skin off her back.
At first I was a bit annoyed at the comments that took what you said previously and made it into something that it was not. However, now I’m happy that they did and I’m happy you addressed it. Not for the sake of those commenters, but for the sake of the people who may have interpreted what you said the same way as the commenters and thought you were supporting reckless decision making in the name of “creating oneself”. Which you and I both know that not what you are saying. But I can imagine there being people who identify with Nicole’s mother/daughter relationship, interpreted what you said the wrong way, and then decide to knowingly make impulsive, irresponsible decisions to rebel and try to break away from that dependent relationship. When in reality, in my opinion, they should recognize the issue, find a therapist and state their concerns, and then find a way to go from there that is healthy and productive.
Why don’t people just admit they don’t understand psychology or empathy in some cases. 🤦🏽♀️ as a psychology student I love your insight. Keep making your videos!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Something I have always been curious about is if Nicole's mom and family did let her make her own choices and decisions as an adult, then she got pregnant with May and her situation with May's dad made them scale back. Additionally, I think they are acting differently about the situation with Azan because she has a child. If she didn't have a child I wonder how different their reactions would be.
Nicole's mom seems to treat her as she did Nicole's dad.. as if she thinks Dad made dumb choices, sees that quality in Nicole, and wants to control it.
Fascinating stuff and appreciate your insights, Dr. Honda. Questions: Would the dad sponsoring Azan be considered enabling Nicole? Also, do the same parenting rules apply if the person has mental health problems or learning issues, both of which has been suggested given she appears delusional and unable to grasp the reality of the situation with Azan? Also, since Mae is a child minor, is there a moral obligation with the surrounding adults to protect her?
Yes on the May issue Nicole is a neglectful parent and can't take care of her child. For fucks sake she literally decided staying with Azan during quarantine instead of getting on the free flight back home to spend it with her daughter. There's also the fact when she's dragged May to meet Azan she was letting her run around a foreign country out of her sight then scolded Azan when he rightfully got worried about May's safety
I agree. Don't the rules change if your adult child really is incompetent? And has a vulnerable child? If she had a severe intellectual disability it would be clear. But her choices are at least as bad, for different reasons.
@@PsychologyInSeattle dear doc, could it be that the comment is not pinned, I mean not visible on the top? I see it somewhere between other comments. I don't say this for me, cause I don't know anything about this sponsor, just to help you so people will stop bothering you with the same comment again ;-) Keep up the good work!
I worry about the internet’s criticisms of Dr. Honda’s analyses. Whether I agree with the videos or not, they’re one person’s commentary. I don’t want the internet police to make him want to stop making these videos 😞 These people agreed to be on this show and it’s ok to express your opinions about them. Dr. Honda is a good soul and these videos are amazing and I don’t want to see them go away! Anyone else agree?
Me too, the internet police is working hard!
Yes-some people get exceptionally mean when it comes to this couple's relationship. I think it's because they think Dr Honda is trying to support her relationship with Azan or blame all of Nicole's problems on her parents which of course isn't what he's getting at but it does sound that way at first. I got ripped apart for it too on the last few vids' comments section when trying to agree with Dr Honda in just saying that her parents and family needed to let her deal with these problems alone-not that Nicole is the victim here or that her relationship with Azan is good...
@@johnharrison1456 it's more Nicole is a horrible parent for fucks sake she didn't take free flight home to spend quarantine with her daughter she stayed with Azan. There's plenty of examples of this throughout the show.May needs to be in someone's custody who can provide a stable environment and Nicole can't provide that. She's irresponsible and used her daughter as a weapon to keep dating Azan
@@ayajade6683 I agree. Nicole is a brat and probably doesn't deserve custody of May. However, all Dr Honda is basically saying here is that 2 wrongs don't make a right. If her family believes that her relationship with Azan is a danger to both Nicole and May, then they should immediately withdraw funding and support from Nicole until she ends it. But instead, they're continuing this dysfunction by giving her $$$ and then berating and trying to influence the relationship after giving their support like when her birth dad gives her money for the wedding and then sets rules and conditions that were basically just his own set ideas about how a married couple should behave. Most people, and especially Dr Honda, are not supporting Nicole's actions-but we're just disagreeing with her family and Azan's actions as well...
Agree..
As if those people have earned Dr. Honda's degrees and professional experience.
Honestly when I saw the show I did not see the mom as a problem. It wasn't until I saw Doctor Honda's break down of the mom's and Nicole's relationship and how unhealthy it really is.
Same here!
celeste la barba i agree! He made me realize that there are so many ways to look at a situation. I always thought of myself as someone who doesn’t judge right away, but i learned that i can improve so much more
This is so mind blowing that I am even getting flashbacks. Reading comments in the past of people destroying nicole. Demanding her mom needed to step in and take control of her and may
Me too!!!
@@janettorres641 May shouldn't be in Nicole's custody she is a horrible parent and puts her child in risky situations. On top of that she's neglectful and instead of taking the free flight home to be with her daughter during quarantine she stayed with Azan. May's best interest is with a stable home environment which is with the grandmother or another family member
I'm not sure how anyone mistook his previous comments as supporting the relationship/bad behavior. Dr. Honda clearly (and rightly) speaks from a neutral standpoint in these vids, and does a great job explaining himself and both sides of these relationships if you actually pay attention. I don't care for Nicole from what I've seen of her, but I still agreed with everything he said about being in charge of your own life. It's that kind of calm and collected point of view that keeps me coming back. :)
Couldn't have said it better
It’s amazing how many people can misinterpret things. I work with the public as a job, and it’s surprising how many times I’ve had to repeat myself and then explain what I mean to people. I feel it’s because they hear what I’m saying, but they’re not listening and actually looking more in-depth into what I’m saying. So they go by face value and it’s usually the wrong interpretation of what you’re trying to say.
A little over a year ago, I was in a long term relationship with this guy who I was head over heels for. My mom got a bad vibe from him from day 1. But she always told me that she trusted me. Trusted me to make my own decisions. He cheated on me, and I forgave him, stayed in the relationship. Again, my mom didn’t agree with that decision, but said it was my relationship, not hers. He cheated on me again and again and eventually ghosted me. I was devastated. But now, a year later I learned from that relationship, what I did wrong, what I should do next time etc. I’m thankful that my mom let me learn that. Still, my sister blames my mom for letting me stay in the relationship when it was hurting me so much, when really I don’t see that. I’m glad I learned what I learned. I’m sad I got hurt, but I’m glad I wasn’t bullied into breaking up with him earlier, or told I was stupid making wrong decisions. I was allowed to be an adult and make a mistake and learn.
Your sister is wasting energy she could be pouring into you....you were not going to be done until YOU were done! I'm glad you're moving on! Best of luck to you!
Wow, this is strong! Good job from your mother. Wish you the best with a loving partner.
As a mum also, I can't protect my kids forever. I trust they cope as I have also. We all hit hard mountains in life. Your mum is wise.
Nice with a mom like that, mine is the same and I love her and we have a great relationship. It is nice to have that freedom and support, and still have that safe place to get back to if things doesn’t work out.
But isn’t that what Bowlby is talking about as well😂 Secure children are confident, using a parent as a ' secure base' while they explore the world.
Thanks Dr Honda for schooling us for our judgements and teaching us not to jump to conclusions..i always learn so much from you
And then he trashes Geoffrey (in Geoffrey and Varya) and brings up his allegations every video to remind us all he's a bad person.
Its so refreshing to see someone as humble as Dr. Honda on here. Rarity 😏
Be kind to him
So true. I watch a few others wholly and solely as a “what not to do” exercise. One online psych I can think of is immensely conservative and labels very normal behaviour as deviant in cohorts where it would be developmentally or culturally normal.... Love that Dr K is hyper aware of his own biases, he’s a true teacher!
The internet doesn't deserve Dr Honda and his awesome perspective.
On that note, often things that trigger us are due to a repressed reflection upon ourselves.
I know I'm not the best at adulting, but I accept that, so I can learn and grow from it
Noone:
Kirk: Total speculation
I feel like this is the one case where he has to say that though. People were threatening to take away his license on the last video about Nicole. People are being super ridiculous since hes not malicious towards Nicole.
Of all the people he’s talked about I relate most to Nicole and his insights on her have helped me IMMENSELY. Thank you Dr. k!!!
I felt so personally attacked by his analysis of Nicole. At least I know why I'm still single.
Agree! I couldn't figure out why I felt so triggered when he spoke about Nicole and I had to ask myself....why is this getting under my skin and illiciting this kind of emotional reaction? AND click, it was like looking at one of those magic eye pictures, all of a sudden I could see very clearly that I mirror these behaviors with my family! It was uncomfortable at first and now? I'm starting therapy neck week.
Same, it's been a good jumping off point when I talk with my therapist 😊
I relate mostly to Jesse. It helped me a lot! ... Now I really understand why he is not a jerk😐
@@amaracrow0501 That would surely please Dr. Kirk to hear! Wishing you all the best on your therapy journey :)
Azan was always very kind to May... I think he liked having there to use as sort of a human shield to keep Nicole from trying to make out with him all the time.
🤣🤣🤣
Lmfaooooo
I can't deal with how funny this is because it's true 😂😂😂
@@libbyaweshious You know it is, girl! He used to literally carry that big 3 year old girl when they would walk around just to keep her off him, lol
@Lilman Yellow Yeah, but nothing in Azan's personality or behavior suggests he beats people. If anything, he is one of the most calm and tolerant people on this whole series.
For example, he doesn't get aggressive even when he should. When Nicole is trying to grab him inappropriately in public, he says "honey, please stop?"... He doesn't even say "Take your hands off me!".
When they were arguing publicly and Nicole was physically stopping him from walking away with her giant body, taunting him "what are you going to do now? You can't walk away!"... All he does is keep his hands in his pockets, turn and walk away.
So either he is an Oscar worthy actor or he's not a violent person that beats people.
I completely understood what you were saying about Nicole and her choices. I'm sorry people were judgy with you Dr. Honda. I am Always grateful for your insight!!
Just how much hate did Dr. Honda get for these videos? Damn.
Edit: I feel like I should add that I really enjoy your videos. Nicole and Azan is what brought me to your page and I've found myself learning a lot, so thank you.
It wasn't hate. Look at the comments; they just disagreed.
lavinder11 A lot of them were just telling the licensed family therapist and professional that he was wrong, with no research done or education behind their opinions. It’s one thing to have two professionals who disagree. It’s another when uneducated people and a professional disagree.
@@lavinder11 disagreements are fine, but from the video it seemed like it was more than that lol.
It was more people hating on Nicole and saying that Dr. Honda was wrong to disagree with her mom.
@@kylria1321 It's youtube. Doesn't matter if you're licensed or not; if people disagree, then they will say so.
COLTEE AND LARISSA PLEASEE! We love you Dr. Honda!
That was a circus!!! But I'd love to hear what Dr Honda would say about gaslighting Debbie lol
Yessss !!!! Colt and Larissa please !
@Lada AchilovaColtee and Erickee 😄 yes!
Ahhhhh when those videos drop, I’ll be the happiest gal in town!
Please Dr. Honda. We deserve it. We really, really do.
I'm a simple man. I see a new vid from Dr Honda, I click.
And like!
Lynard Skynyrds 'Simple Man' is now playing in my head🎶🎵 where is my microphone 🎤😛
@@Lillemor16 And become a patron, and hit the bell, they told him he has to say that...
Am so excited for another Nicole & Azan episode! Your podcasts are keeping me (relatively) sane during the pandemic. Thank you Dr Honda!
I'm glad we're back to Nicole's story
I can't stand her tbh. her grinning like an idiot because she stopped listening to her dad and step mom after they agree to sponsor Aslan, but not listening to the rest. such a child.
I agree 👍🏻
Sam School She’s blind and naive that she believe her and azan is more in love than ever, he couldn’t be less interested in her than he already is 👀
@@samsschool3639 guess u missed the whole point of the video lmao
@@rishaa682 wtf do you mean I missed the point? Ever heard on going off on a tangent?
I totally get what you're saying. I never thought you were supporting the relationship, but her own independence, whatever those choices are.
Nicole does need maturity. However - she needs to bear the consequences of her decisions. She has a child who is at the mercy of her choices.
Yes, but who is bailing her out? Who pays her rent, food, airfare, car, phone. If someone is bailing her out, she will never learn responsibility.
@Lilman Yellow I like this
Honestly, Dr. Honda explains these videos clearly. When I watched Nicole's story, honestly thought she seemed too childish. I know she is not dumb, just probably misdirected, hopefully Nicole continues to grow and live a healthy life.
I punched the air when I saw this upload as I thought you had stopped analysing Nicole and Azan. I love your analysis, I've learned so much from you.
go ahead and drop the knowledge on them dr. honda! the first 7-8 minutes clears it ... its interesting how people might be watch these looking for you to agree with them, making them feel correct or something instead of learning ... i watched a video about parasocial relationships recently... i wonder about this channel's and ourselves.. keep doing your thing.. appreciate your work and pov
I wonder if Nicole’s parents are concerned about a man who is a stranger to him living with their young granddaughter. Maybe they want them to live apart in beginning for that reason
Makes sense
Keep up the great work. Even when you reply to contrarians you are nothing but respectful. I’ve learned a lot about how I need my next relationship to work
My 2 year old is in the “No” phase. Literally every other word is “No.” 😭
unfortunately it can get worst 😔 at round 3 they get in a rebellious phase and its pretty much hell
Seyler-kun on the case 😭😭😭
@@ModernSouthernBelle i feel you 😩 mine was so cute at 2 and now will throw 3 tantrum per day
Seyler-kun on the case I’m sorry girl. I just tell myself “this too shall pass” and sing “Jesus take the wheel” until it’s over. 😂
Here, here
Hey Dr. Honda! I'm a new patron since the quarantine and have been devouring your youtube content! You might not have time to read all of the comments but I wanted to say thanks for the quality content; I'm learning so much!! Also the longer hair really suits you! 😊
I feel like Nicole's relationship with her mother was somewhat like mine & my family's. I'm the baby of the family & I remember as young as 5 years old, wishing everyone would stop treating me like a baby but also understanding that I _am_ the baby of the family to them. I didn't want to make everyone sad by telling them to stop treating/talking to me as if I were younger and more immature than I actually was so I let them. My whole life. Even to this day, at 28 years old, I still hide things from my grandma & don't feel like I can be my true adult self around her. It caused a lot of problems for me growing up, I was ALWAYS very naive and immature compared to the rest of my friends at almost every age. When I turned 18 and moved out, the real difficulties of life and being an INDEPENDENT adult hit me HARD. My son was about 4 when I noticed I was doing the same thing to him😳. Hes 7 now and every now and then I catch myself treating him as if he's 2 or 3 and thankfully I automatically remember how it felt when that was done to me and how unhealthy it was when I became an adult.
Oh Man I relate as the youngest of 4 and the only girl. I’m only 21, but my parents treat me as if I’m 12. I can’t go out with friends unless I have permission. There is turmoil in my family (parents are incompatible but aren’t divorcing) and I guess as the youngest, I felt I should be the lighthearted one, cheering the whole family up. I still feel that way. I have had to hide romantic relationships from them, I have had to pretend I’m uncomfortable with sex and etc. I have no clue how to navigate a real adult life. My parents actually discouraged me from working because they worried I would “get tired” or I was too “weak”.
The parents are being so "I guess since you're twisting our arm." Like, they have made the choice to sponsor. They didn't have to.
They 100% should have said NO.
Thank you!!!
Well, she basically told them that if they didn't, she'd take May and move to Morocco. In my opinion they should've called her bluff, but I'm sure it would be hard with that kind of threat.
It's poor boundaries all around
oh no Yep, they should have called her bluff for sure.
KARINI AND PAUL! PLEASE DOC!
i'm glad Dr Honda addressed the viewers comments on this video. In the comments of last episodes people were supporting the moms actions and trashing nicole as if it helps the situation🙄
my mother did all the choices for me my whole life. she never tried to make me do anything, even things like writing applications for jobs. i was a child and teenager full of anxiety because i was kept isolated and didn't know how the world worked. i had no confidence and self-worth and now im 30 and everything is pouring down on me. i never had any achievements in my life because im just scared about everything and also come from a family of adhd people, which keeps me from doing things i want because i lack all the energy and trust in myself. i also recently developed stomach issues that create panic attacks and the worst anxiety moments of my life. i desperately look for a therapist now because my mental state has never ever been so bad. to the parents out there: dont do that, ever. even if u wanna protect your child or u wanr your child to have a good life because you didnt have it back then.
100%. I hope you find some support!
Feeling sorry for you! I hope you find a good therapist to help you through this and make you the strong person you really are inside.
Ugh that’s my life 100%. As a child, my mom did everything for me and was my soft place to fall any time anything got rough, so I never had to deal with negative things until I was in my teen years and couldn’t handle anything on my own. As an adult I have a hard time doing “adult” things, and I feel like a complete loser because I can’t seem to establish myself in a career. I settled on being a stay at home mom and lucked out with an amazing partner who works hard which allows me to do that, but I basically have nothing to show for adulthood. Aside from being a mom, I have no direction career wise. I also have horrible anxiety and have really bad panic attacks when things get tough now to the point where my hands go numb.
I am watching this show only through your therapist eyes (it's not available in my country I think) so some of us are discovering it with you :)
We appreciate your integrity as a therapist and human being.
I read some really nasty and disrespectfull comments here... I hope you don't get discouraged by them Dr. Honda. Some people don't want to look further then their own "truth", they're not open to new insights,... Sad!
You’re right. Many need therapy, which is why they fail to understand.
Dr Honda has reiterated that he doesn’t support Nicole and Azan, just that she needs to grow up and think for herself. People like to be in opposition😒
Colt-Debby-Larissa, pls
Yes I want this to happen
Based on their general concerns and attitudes towards Nicole, I honestly feel like the dad might be making a stipulation like that (Azan and Nicole not living together) because he wants Nicole to be independent and stable. I mean, the other stipulation was that she get a FT job. I wonder if it's more that than a moral stipulation.
The “you might be paying for it for a lot longer” comment makes me think they’re worried about her getting pregnant. Not that living apart would prevent that of course.
@@sweetiedahling8137 Yep, they don't want her to get knocked up again, understandably.
@@sweetiedahling8137 I agree!! Probably another reason the parents don't trust her has to do with how she ended up having her daughter
'moral' stipulations from a guy that's constantly high, he's been arrested multiple times this year for hard druhs related stuff, steeling beers, fighting. Makes you wonder if that's why Nicole's so unsure, was he already an unstable junkie when she grew up and is that why the parents divorced.
I have to say that I really enjoyed the episode about Nicole and her mother. My mother is much like Nicole as in the “scapegoat”. Growing up I never really understood why she was treated so bad by her sisters and my grandmother. I frankly thought that it was just bc my mom is a fuck up. After watching this play out I understand it better. Thank you for reviewing it. It’s helped me heal
While the financial threshold for the visa may be annoying, I think having it in place is a practical fixture. That’s likely what she would need to afford living expenses for all of them, especially because Azan will not be able to work for some time.
Kirk: these videos should not be used in replace of therapy
What I hear: tHeSe vIdEoS sHoUlD nOt bE uSeD iN rEpLaCe oF tHeRaPy
Jokes on him because I take his advice all the time
I literally can't afford therapy so yeah, I use these videos as therapy. 😅
Why on earth would the dad and step mom sponsor this dude......good grief. Sure let the kid make their own mistakes, but she is dragging them in on this huge mist. They are nuts, and I am sorry but if them not living together before marriage, then she needs to deal with it.
I think they are nervous that she will take May and move to Morrocco if Azan doesn't get his visa. That is why they feel compelled to sponsor him.
Amelia it must be awful to have grandchild used as a weapon to compel someone to make a decision that could cost them. That is disgusting.
"The OLDER brother approaches her in a domineering way" ouch.
Especially because he’s Nicole’s YOUNGER brother...
Regarding the concerns about BetterHelp, Dr. Grande debunked all of the RUclips rumors in this video: ruclips.net/video/wMyblEeu_TQ/видео.html
I really appreciate your disclaimer about supporting Nicole in the beginning of the video dr. Kirk. I relate a lot with Nicole because I have a ton of dysfunction rooted in religious fundamentalism in my family and was made into a scapegoat for them when I escaped. Things can look different to everyone, it’s never black and white.
I wonder if her dad made that condition, not solely so that he and Nicole wouldn’t live together, but because of May...
Her dad is an addict and arrested twice this year only for stealing beers, fighting, hard drugs stuff.. Knowing that now I don't take him seriously anymore and he sure can't sponsor anyone.
I pretty sure the family is just trying to protect Mae/May. From what I've seen, Nicole isn't really present and just drags her daughter around. Azan was more concerned than Nicole when Mae was running around unsupervised. Kids can get abducted anywhere at anytime and Nicole didn't care at all, she instead scolded/argued with Azan. To me, it's a necessity that the family intervenes before Nicole take Mae away from her support system.
Parker Isles I don’t agree. Only because some of the best lessons we all experience are those when, if we don’t hear, we feel. Some people need to reach rock bottom in their poor choices before any change happens. I know it’s hard because there’s a child involved but, the other alternative is worse imo.
@@mrsa6925 it's obscene to say May should be abducted so Nickle can learn.
nineteenfortyeight Really? Well, let me guess. You think the way things have been has really worked and Nicole totally gets it and is making great life choices. 🥴🙄
to give more validation to Dr. Kirk, I went through ALOT of trauma my whole life. not gonna go in depth but thats all u need to know. i consider myself the scapegoat bc i adapt a way that I think my family wants me to act. its hard to explain. its all subconscious. they think im this type of person, so i act the part subconsciously when around them. theres alot of things about me and my life most ppl dont understand and while its very frustrating for me bc ppl judge when they have no idea and make assumptions, I also understand where it comes from. I didnt even understand some things going through it until i got therapy. just know theres many things obvious to a person with trauma, someone who never experienced such trauma can never see so please do not make assumptions about anyone.
as someone with severe trauma whose seen legit probly a hundred diff therapists for years, I can tell you Dr. Kirk is the best I've seen. and im saying that through a screen, can't imagine how skilled he is when hes actually working with someone face-to-face. you should trust this DOCTOR who has many years of study and qualifications judgements over urs. id say especially if u never experienced trauma bc ur blinded to alot of things but also ppl with trauma who never got help.
It made me smile so much to see the heart, Thank you so much 🥰
These videos on Nicole have taught me so much about arrested development. Thanks Dr. Honda!
You are in for a looooong ride Dr. 😭
I wish people disliking Dr. Honda's opinion about Nicole and her mother's dynamic would consider that indeed, her mother might really love her, might be right about her daughter's relationship and her worries about her grand daughter AND still have an unhealthy dynamic with Nicole, she's not a monster, nor a villain, but sometimes our parents, good intentions and all, can have a big negative effect in our development. And that's where therapy can really help mending and changing our family dynamic, our relationships etc.
For me this videos are an eye opener that made me question my own dynamic with my mother and the struggle I have to differentiate myself not only as an adult but as my own person. I'm really thankful for this videos and for Dr. Honda's perspective :)
He’s just the best! bless your heart Dr. Honda!... we will never make everybody happy... any reaction is going to be an online debate! You handle negative critiques like a pro! 👏🏼👌🏼🙌🏼
Been anxiously awaiting the Nicole & Azan series! Great content!! thank you for everything you do. I’ve learned so much.
I'm so glad to see another Azan and Nicole segment. The family dynamic is very unique to the show. So many viewers have a one dimensional view of the situation (including myself) and it's really refreshing and insightful to hear the opinion of a CLINICALLY TRAINED PROFESSIONAL. You're providing us a great service Dr. Honda. Please continue on :) Some of us really find value in your opinions.
so it kinda sounds like the system around Nicole is similar to that of Meg from family guy?
Haha ya that actually sounds the exact same
If Peter were a lying and stealing hard drugs user getting in trouble with the law.. (Google Nicole's dad, poor woman, what a guy)
Hey! You finally got to a hair cutter lol. Looks good 👍
Waited so long for this 🤧❤️ we deserve it
I think people thought dr. Kirk approved of Nicole's relationship with azan because everyone thought nicole mom wasn't doing enough. I mean it's to the point where these people want to take custody away from her.
The low self-esteem one, THAT'S the direction Nicole selected. It's going on right now.
(I also suspect that's how Mae happened.)
Dr Honda, thank you for look at Nicole this way, my boyfriend has a domineering mother as well. It is not as bad, but this exreem example of Nicole and her crazy mother has let me notice things a bit deeper then just "his mum being annoying".
And her dad is an addict who was arrested multiple times for fighting, steeling beers, hard drugs related stuff this year. Wonder if he has been a junkie long, poor Nicole
@@SampfanCresta not relevant to my comment, but alright lol
Ty for breaking down Nicole's relationship with her family. It hit home, that's the exact dynamic my family has, and the only way for me to deal with it is to escape. Please don't listen to the people who clearly have no grasp of the concepts your presenting. I truly appreciate you sharing these concepts.
Also, pay the cat tax, Sir.
I love your 90 Day reactions videos. I’m learning a lot from them! Could you please do Kalani and Asuelu?
I would love to see that!!
I know I'm one of many to say that Dr. Honda's videos help me so much in my day to day life and approach in all my relationships!
I’m only 24 and for some reason 22 seems like a baby to me lmao
Lmao I was thinking this too lowkey
As someone who is 22, I have to agree with you, sometimes I do feel like a "baby". Not because of childish behavior, it's just because as I have quite recently entered adulthood, there's still so much I don't know lol
I understood what you meant from the start. A thought I have always had about my relationship with my own parents is I wish they would let me make my own mistakes.
I always watch the new episode while I have luch at My work, thank you for your Company and inspiration Dr. Honda.
Ps I Send you an email yesterday
Yey! Thanks Dr Honda for this review I was really hoping you'd be continuing with Nicole and Azan.
Dr.Honda, thank you! I apologise for the viterol I expressed towards your previous analysis on Nicole. I realized after some contemplation (on what you were saying on past videos concerning Nicole and her family dynamic )is that I have the same dynamic with my family and it was triggering. I'm a firm believer that one should apologise when they are wrong. I made comments on here being very negative so it's the least I can do is admit on here that I was wrong. You are helping a lot people with these commentaries. You certainly helped me. Thanks to you,I'm going to start therapy next week to work on issues I didn't even realize I had.Thank you very much. Keep up the good work.
Dr Honda: I hope Nicole is navigating the situation with Azan and May in a healthy way.
Nicole: Makes May call Azan daddy
Poor Dr. Honda is going to have his functional hopes for this couple crushed
Dr. Honda these videos are immensely helpful to me and a bunch of people! There are so many stupid trolls on RUclips who would have negative things to say about everything- even something like a video about adorable puppies! It’s ridiculous.
Nicole has Mae call every BF ," Daddy" Yep that'll turn out well
I hope you never stop doing this. Im learning so much!
Dr. Honda's cat crying in the background made me really nervous for a second. I thought there was a hurt cat outside my house. (13:16)
I needed that clarification in the beginning. 👍 Why are you just the best?
People need to calm down. It's just your wise opinion and I find your videos insightful. Also hearing your cat meowing at you trying to get your attention was adorable. Made me smile 🐱
He has one grandchild out of wedlock. Why would he want another one, especially while he is legally responsible for this guy.
I completely agree with the videos thus far on this issue, and they showed a perspective I hadn't thought of before. Dr. Kirk shouldn't have to defend himself against RUclips trolls who view things in black and white.
Doc, it seems to me that the mom is more than happy to let Nicole make her own choices and make her own mistakes. What did she say when Nicole asked her to sponsor Azan. She said flatly. No. I will not do that, under any circumstance.
To me that is a great opportunity for Nicole to step up be a grown woman. If you want him here so badly, figure it out for yourself. I'm your mom, I'm not responsible for funding your love life. I just don't find her domineering at all.
Except when Nicole said she was gonna go again and take the daughter with her the mom said she forbids it and she also told her multiple times to break up with him because "what you want isn't necessarily what you need" so I think the mom doesn't support her in making her own decisions. (But I agree that the mom had a better response to sponsoring him than the dad)
But maybe the mom is hoping that by saying no, she's making it difficult for them to continue dating...? 🤔 I have a mum who tried to control everything. Like if I said as an adult that I want to buy new clothes (for example)she would try to convince me not to. If I still wanted to buy them she would belittle me or shout or whatever. I had to teach her she cannot control me by doing exactly what she didn't want me to do/doing what I wanted.
The motjer literally said she said no to stop them being together/get them to break up instead of saying you're grown up, it's up to you to pay for him.
@@Te3time But Nicole is coming to HER with these issues, so mom has the right to say how she feels. That's her grandchild calling this scam artitist Daddy.
Why do I call him a scam artist? Because Nicole sends him money. How do we know that? Because mom has an account set up for Nicole that she puts money into every month and the money started disappearing and Nicole would ask her for more. This all came out in the tell all.
Nicole has every right to date the wrong guy and give him money... But since it's mom's money she is sending, mom has the right to intervene.
13:15 Younger* brother, Dr. Honda.
I love me Doctor Honda scolding us and saying to not mind others' business.
What I would like to know is who is paying for all this? If Nicole is self supporting, she pays her way to Africa and pays for her own wedding - that let her make her decisions. If the family is supporting her, taking care of her child, then they should stop doing that and let her learn what real life is like, so she can learn to make realistic judgements.
I don't think the parents should be sponsoring her boyfriend. This is something Nicole should be doing on her own. If it's Nicole's choice, and she's gotta learn from it, it's gotta be on her dime, otherwise she's just a child. The doc keeps talking about Nicole making her own choices and not intervening, and the parents not saving them but if the parents are paying then this won't happen.
She has no bucks except from TLC, and whatever parents kick in. TLC pays all money to the American partner and they are to give the foreign partner their portion. So no her decisions are based on if someone else pays.
Her parents give her money and her grandparents give her housing. They all need to stop.
I have been to couples therapy before. He's doing his job. He is not in support of the relationship he is here to support the parties involved. Period
How was the conversation adult to adult when the dad said he felt bullied into it..Again Nicole is just a spoiled child who never grew up ...and seems to pretty much get whatever she wants...even from her domineering mother...
And when asked a serious question she just smiles coyly and shrugs. She's not an adult with anyone.
Your opening dialogue here is so amazing, thankyou
Wow, Dr H you called it thats exactly what's happening now!
@13:09 I can hear your cat having a misfit in the background (-:
Is no one going to talk about the phone conversation and you can clearly see that he has been ghosting her 🙈
Thank you so much for these videos ❤️ I think Colt and Larissa would be a great couple to do next!
Man I am early 😂 Hi there, deserving therapist!
I'm honestly curious how she's even affording all of this travel working part time as a barista.
The show pays for tickets but she also takes cash off her mom "for May" and gives it to Hassan. That place they live in is a homeless shelter run by her grandparents. She quit her job to travel. So the good doctor is just wrong that she works and raises a child by herself and therefore can't be lazy. She's nothing but a mooch.
I think that Nicole’s dad doesn’t know just how immature Nicole is. Maybe the mom is overprotective because she doesn’t have faith that Nicole is thinking maturely.
I don’t get why anyone would criticize his analysis of Nicole. He’s gone full expert here. He’s not even talking about the relationship-he’s taken a detour to analyze Nicole herself and she needs it. No one else is doing this. We are lucky, we are seeing him do what he does best.
I enjoy watching the nicole azan reacts more than any other couple-I can relate to this alot
tbh it seems pretty clear that they know she's immature and they approach all this stuff as if she's a teenager because if they don't, something bad could happen to her kid. I can't even imagine what the situation looked like when Nicole was going to have her daughter and why that happened. They don't trust her and they're telling her that constantly. The scene with the Dad kinda feels like they were hoping to be on her side and then get her to turn the offer down and maybe think she came to that conclusion herself. "We could be paying for this a very long time" "you don't have to marry him if he comes over" and she just says, "I know". All the time and money they would put into Azan and she's lightheartedly shrugging it off and admitting if she changes her mind, no big deal, no skin off her back.
At first I was a bit annoyed at the comments that took what you said previously and made it into something that it was not. However, now I’m happy that they did and I’m happy you addressed it. Not for the sake of those commenters, but for the sake of the people who may have interpreted what you said the same way as the commenters and thought you were supporting reckless decision making in the name of “creating oneself”. Which you and I both know that not what you are saying. But I can imagine there being people who identify with Nicole’s mother/daughter relationship, interpreted what you said the wrong way, and then decide to knowingly make impulsive, irresponsible decisions to rebel and try to break away from that dependent relationship. When in reality, in my opinion, they should recognize the issue, find a therapist and state their concerns, and then find a way to go from there that is healthy and productive.
@6:05 yes! She’s an adult and can make her own decisions like a grown woman should. I love that u are in support of supporting that fact.
Maybe they don't want a stranger to live with their grand-daughter? Christ, it not hard
Why don’t people just admit they don’t understand psychology or empathy in some cases. 🤦🏽♀️ as a psychology student I love your insight. Keep making your videos!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Something I have always been curious about is if Nicole's mom and family did let her make her own choices and decisions as an adult, then she got pregnant with May and her situation with May's dad made them scale back. Additionally, I think they are acting differently about the situation with Azan because she has a child. If she didn't have a child I wonder how different their reactions would be.
Nicole's mom seems to treat her as she did Nicole's dad.. as if she thinks Dad made dumb choices, sees that quality in Nicole, and wants to control it.
Fascinating stuff and appreciate your insights, Dr. Honda. Questions: Would the dad sponsoring Azan be considered enabling Nicole? Also, do the same parenting rules apply if the person has mental health problems or learning issues, both of which has been suggested given she appears delusional and unable to grasp the reality of the situation with Azan?
Also, since Mae is a child minor, is there a moral obligation with the surrounding adults to protect her?
Yes on the May issue Nicole is a neglectful parent and can't take care of her child. For fucks sake she literally decided staying with Azan during quarantine instead of getting on the free flight back home to spend it with her daughter. There's also the fact when she's dragged May to meet Azan she was letting her run around a foreign country out of her sight then scolded Azan when he rightfully got worried about May's safety
I agree. Don't the rules change if your adult child really is incompetent? And has a vulnerable child? If she had a severe intellectual disability it would be clear. But her choices are at least as bad, for different reasons.
omg the cat meows🖤🐈🖤
I love that Dr. Kirk Honda got a sponsorship, but I’ve heard that Better Help is really sketchy. So I’m very curious about that.
I get it. But see pinned comment above.
@@PsychologyInSeattle dear doc, could it be that the comment is not pinned, I mean not visible on the top? I see it somewhere between other comments. I don't say this for me, cause I don't know anything about this sponsor, just to help you so people will stop bothering you with the same comment again ;-) Keep up the good work!
You tell em Dr. Honda! :)