Why "Love at First Sight" is Dangerous
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- Опубликовано: 20 сен 2019
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(It’s new video time, baby :). Can’t wait for you to see this one.)
You may have been taught that when the right person shows up, you’ll just know it.
But then how do we find ourselves in situations in life where we fall really hard for the wrong people - people who hurt us, people who are toxic, people who don’t love us back? And what does this say about the dangers of “love at first sight”?
If you keep getting yourself hurt in love…
… if you’re someone who falls too hard too fast…
… if you’re someone whose imagination runs away with them the moment you meet someone you like...
… then video is for you. It’s going to completely change your perspective on early dating. It’ll also massively reduce any nerves, anxiety, or overthinking you have when you meet someone you like (remember, these things stop you from putting your best self forward and makes it far more likely you’ll get hurt).
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It's crazy how much time we actually spend fantasising the "idea" of someone, than us actually seeing the real things you have in common and the things you don't. We fantasise SO MUCH, we completely ignore the things we SHOULD see but choose not to!
Another eye opening video Matt, thanks for being an inspiration for my channel every single day :)
Stay Slick with Kit Beautiful comment, makes so much sense! 😀
@@charlottesmith5760 thanks Charlotte :)
100% true.... sadly
@@Zdenny89 As long as we learn from it, is never wasted time :)
@@stayslickwithkit Nice to read, dificult to live :)
Believing in love at first sight makes you susceptible to lovebombing from narcissists.
Jihan Osama Abdelgawad wow you said it right
Matthew needs to tag this comment.
Sadly it happened to me... I'm an idiot and he's a jerk
@@ChocoParfaitFra You're not alone. It happened to me too, but...NEVER again! It taught me a lot.
Jessica Storm yes! I gotta keep my eyes open from now on
It's that I get attached very soon so I need to learn how to put some distance
The ego asks, “Could I get this person?” and never, “Should I get this person?”
Allison Cook this logic should be applied to a cheater too 🤔
That reminds me of Closer - “If you believe in love at first sight. You’ll never stop looking.”
I grew up on the stories of how my parents fell in love at first sight and as I have witnessed their amazing life unfold, I believed this was the rule. It took me 29 years, a couple of heart breaks and a few really great boyfriends ( I say this with no sarcasm, they were wonderful people, just not right for me) to realise that falling in love at first sight and having it work out perfectly, is nothing short of the biggest lottery ticket. We all want it but very few win it. So now I'm not focussing on the "how" of meeting someone but rather excited to actually get to the finishing line. I wish the narrative of popular culture and projection of love would change from the "how i met your......." to "how we work hard everyday to actually be together". That is the only kind of romance I'm interested in. The real kind.
"How we work hard together everyday to be together" -- this, yes!
Matt is so right! Everytime I have experienced love at first sight, it has been a toxic connection with narcissists.
Love, at first sight, is basically by what you see, which can be confused with love. Real love is based not necessarily on only what you see, real love comes without a full
understanding, it just is and will feel like God connected the two of you, and it won't have
words, it will be a spiritual connection. It will happen fast and it's not forced. The divine puts it in your heart, you don't have a choice and will be with the right person, and not the narcissists, or toxic relationships. Real love will have you saying things with love and respect and all that is healthy when you never had that before in other relationships, the real love of your life you will know, it will be instant.
So true! True love is build with time, true connection that is build on friendship, compassion, understanding, support, attraction, passion. Love at first sight is super dangerous, because it doesn’t have any of that! It’s a blind attraction! Thank you for this video 😊♥️
i agree esp when both are married and felt "love" immediately..so dangerous..i can relate
True love can also be built in "love at first sight" as long as this couple can mate in most scope, I suppose.
The way these comments describe their experience makes me feel like I felt something else.
When it happened to me, the girl in question was taken, so was I, and I had no interest in ruining those relationships to pursue her. It started off just being drawn to her, but then I saw her looking at nothing, thinking to herself, and I could tell she was lost in her own mind. I know because I have the same look when I do it. She confirmed my suspicions about her being like me when she explained she had ADHD in the same way I have it. So started paying closer attention. Everything about us was in sync. I was blown away by her, every fiber of my being said “this is it, the real deal, people spend their entire lives chasing this feeling”. But the thing is it wasn’t a possessive or jealous love, i wasn’t sad she was with someone else, It didn’t bother me, she was so happy, and that made me happy and content with all of it, I was simply overjoyed knowing such a feeling existed. The only thing that made me sad was that she will go through the rest of her life never knowing that simply existing and being her made someone else feel this way. To this day a something inside me lights up thinking about her being happy, and all of a sudden I’m happier just thinking about it. I’ve never known a feeling so goddamn pure and I’m grateful for being able to have the experience.
🕸I learnt this the hard way a long time ago. Infatuation is not the same as love.⚘
artwork lara I was just young and naive.
artwork lara Thanks for the hug. ☺
Chuck such a non emphatic and cold comment from someone who will never understand
@Chuck Wow, man! It would be so interesting to know a little bit more about you, and your views and experiences. That is a extremely strong statement, there must be a couple other men who think like you but definitely not all of them. What has triggered this thought process in you, if you don't mind me asking? Have the women in your life treated you badly?
i wish i couldve learrned. i never got to see the LAFS through
Accept people for who they are and not what you want them to be
It's crazy I had love at first sight I met my husband through a picture my friend posted in Facebook of him with a group of friend I showed my mom and I told my mom u see that boy in that picture he is going to be my husband my mom thought I was crazy. Me and him became friends and 9 years later we are married with 3 children.🤷♀️🤷♀️
Just when I think you've covered everything, you keep coming up with more insightful and eye-opening material. Thank you Matthew (and team)!
Absolutely brilliant and accurate. Love at first sight is a fantasy. Friendship is what is sustainable in a relationship. Start with friendship.
Matthew I fell in love at first sight and had nothing to do with looks it was like my heart leaped inside me. Btw we loved each other till he passed away it was 4 years of love, war, joy, laughter .. it was one of the times of my life. So yes I understand it's a rarity but it exist.
I think what you want to distinguish is unconscious attraction (immediately drawn to someone, usually based on archetypal similarity to a parent) and deep intuition where you have an immediate hit that this is a soulmate / your person
I experienced “love” at first sight once and I always say that I am happy to have had this experience but it was the scariest moment of my life because I was not in control of anything or myself, I completely lost myself in it. It was tragic but great for the outcome when it ended. I think that adding up to the part where you say that we over invest (which is exactly where I lost my mind) but I did something even worse. I got so into this guy so quickly (I am talking like shaking his hand the first ever night I saw him in my life and could not let it go) that I projected very quickly my idea of how he was. Quick spoiler alert: he was toxic in SOOOOOOO many different way. But he tried to be the nice guy for he tried for a while to be this “idea” that I had of him. No one should be put under so much pressure in a relationship, anyway. Now that we met again after more than an year and we had a chat I could finally see him, with his bad but also good qualities and I could see him being able to express himself with me in a more authentic way. I actually listened. So right now I am just trying to get to know people better before judge if them in any way. Especially since the one guy I really fell for was one I would have never expected to be attracted to. THAT was more love, for him for us and for myself as well.
Love as first sight, according to Marianne Williamson, is a glimpse into the Divine. Williamson says an immediate attraction is truth, when two people see the gorgeousness in each other. It is something real. The illusion comes later when our shadowy selves, our egos, start to react when our loved ones inadvertently push our buttons.
It's lost at first sight. You cannot love someone romantically that you don't know, as you're in love with the fantasy, not the real person.
Tell the brain that
@@AnnO-qk8ep I know how it feels, it doesn't make it real though ❤️
you are just so inspiring and an amazing human, thank you xxx
Exactly!!! For each person that I got messed on, I looked back and realized they were sooo wrong for my shared values and standards - I think you are wonderful 👍🏽
I've actually never experienced love at first sight 😁 Great video btw.
Perpetual Learner lol me too never
Perpetual Learner tbh same
Ouch. That hurt in all the right ways. I needed to hear that. A month and a half ago I agreed to meet a long time Facebook friend for coffee. It turned into a full blown dinner date. We were both blown away by each other and are officially dating now. We've been on several dates and definitely have that new relationship glow going on. I'm falling in love with him... but you're right. I was leaning towards calling it love at first sight. We weren't exactly strangers, but still... Sigh...
P.s. Jamison is real!!! LOL
This is such great advice 🙏. My boyfriend and I spoke on the phone for two months before we even went on a date, and got to know so much more than what’s on the outside ❤️❤️❤️
Lovely.. i am talking to someone.. for 1 month now.. haven't met him yet
Last thing I want to do is "learn" to love someone. The attraction has got to be there from the minute you spot someone. The rub is having them feel the same way.
I know how this hurts.
I've went back twice to that guy after getting to know what kind of person he is hoping that he'd "change" one day. I was wrong. I learnt my lesson. Distanced myself the fourth time
I’ve always believed this when the topic of “Love at first sight” comes up.
*also* This video was so calming 👌🏼 the music.. the scenery... his voice. Wow.
To me, I dont understand how you can fall in love with someone by first sight yet know nothing of someone's personality. Yes you may be physically attracted, but love? How can you love someone you dont know just based off seeing them for the first time? I never had that happened to me. Infatuated ? Yes. Physically attracted ? Yes. But love ?? Hell no!!! The guy can be drop dead gorgeous, but what if you get to know him and he's a jerk? Would you still love him? 😬
It's not love if it's just about looks, but when you look into the right persons eyes I swear you feel a shock in your heart
Top Gadget Lover I know right? It only makes sense to fall in love with someone you know their personality. Otherwise, its just an infatuation.
For me it started from codependency, from the tendency to see the reality as I wanted not as it was so I illuded myself, and from a big desperation to find someone who could love me
@@miri29 Thanks for your Honesty! Love this so much😀
@@charlottesmith5760 I needed a confirm about being authentic and you gave me it. Thank you!
This was perfect timing for me. Thank you!! 🤗❤️
Thank you so much for confirming something I already felt but had no way of articulating. I will carry this with me and use it.
Dear Matthew,
I'm just so proud of you when I hear you talk about your retreats because I know that you strive to make it a Disney experience
You just really inspire me to live an impassioned life and find ways to be a contribution in the the lives of others.
Keep on keeping on Matthew!
You are such a light in this world!
Betty
It happens. My hubby I saw him 29 years ago. I knew he was the one and here we are still in love. But never stay with someone who doesn't adore you.
Love at first sight but the outcome was the worst that i haven't experienced in my entire life.
Thanks ex you taught me how to be a rock hearted person now.
Matthew you are so talented! I' ve been following your journey the last 7 years. Your one of my favourite persons! You are amazing! Keep up!
Thanks for this! It couldn't have come at a better time 🙏
your videos always, always pop up at the right time. its frightening and amazing.
I've discovered that I feel in love with a conscious person right away but everybody have their persona to carry and those underlying currents, loopholes and baggage of automatic past-based behaviours is driving us apart. And then there is love that blooms in time when this conscious being that I am in love with, reaches for me through all their layers and complexity and past experience, to share this love in the present and the days that come 💜
And Matt, thank You. And to Your team because I've grown so much since I've started watching this channel 💐🙏
Having trouble moving on ... we casually dated for only a short period of time but i can't seem to get past it. i'm so into the idea of him and how great a relationship with him would be that it built a picture of a "could have been" that never will happen... could vs. should... keeping this in mind as i work to move beyond this... thank you for your videos, they have been helping me lots.
Wow, Matthew upping that production quality 👌🏼👌🏼 Im so proud of how far these videos have come
Your shirt and eyes match the background lights, which I perceive as really beautiful. And then Jamerson shows up with this cool blue hoodie and blends right in as well! I'm aesthetically pleased :)
well.. this just came awkwardly at the right time. thank you Matthew.
Never experienced love at first sight. I believe that we are attracted to people based on characteristics that we admire/wish we had or because they are reflecting a characteristic we see in ourselves.
The older I get, the more life I experience, the more I understand love. Love doesn’t mean losing yourself and self-sacrifice to where you hurt yourself or allow someone to hurt you.
Love is about being able to see qualities in others and plainly love them because they are human beings. Does not mean you need to be in a romantic relationship with them. Just means you go through your days in/love with life and realizing that everything happens in its time, for a reason and appreciating (loving) simple things such as someone opening a door for you; a driving letting you merge into their lane, someone picking up something that you dropped.
Love is about having the confidence and believe that you are worthy and deserving of love and that when you give love to a person, you do so freely without resentment without expectation of a reward.
If you have a break-up etc, it’s not a tragedy. Realizing that the time together was a blessing in its way and it was a learning experience for both parties and for that; everyone is better off
Mathew! I’ll see you in two weeks! 🥰 I’m so excited to be in the retreat! thank you for the wonderful videos..
I was a teen watching a group of guys at the movies and I saw an intriguing guy who wasn't normally my type, but we locked eyes for a moment and there was an instant intense chemistry. I wouldn't call it love, or lust even because he wasn't what I liked at the time, but a definite moment of intuition... A possible future plot point... Seven years later I met the guy, who also remembered that moment, and three years after that became my husband. Love at first sight? No, but WAY closer than I believed at the time could happen
So did you find him or he came to find you
💛Love at first sight very often is just the information that you've got consciously and subconsciously stored about people that took care of you when you were growing up. That guy that gives you weak knees or sweaty palms might be just a reminder of your narcissistic or detached father, always nagging and criticising mother.
Took me years of chasing unavailable men to learn that 😊 I've made a series of videos on my chanel about it. It's something that I find fascinating.
Matt, this is one of your best videos. Really enjoyed it. Thank you!
This is great advice Matthew .
Matthew. This is AMAZING. This is what I needed!!
I Love listening to what u have to say - always so interesting. Thank u. I’m So glad that I subscribed - Sending you good, happy thoughts x
😊 great video Matt
I've believed in love at first sight for over 8 years and ... couldn't understand why I had "bad luck" in love. Now, I think I know something new and...it makes sense! Thank you for your time!
Greetings from Peru, South America.
did you end up finding love? with this new mindset?
In October last year, 3 days before my birthday, my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me because he said he met THE one. Apparently he knew she was THE one after the first 5 seconds he saw her. He was literally officially in a relationship with this woman 13 days after we broke up. They are still together and posts lost of " I love you, you are my everything" etc. posts on FB. Lots of posts of them kissing and looking silly. It used to hurt me sooooo much, but thanks to Matthew I have learned to move on. It's only been a little over 5 months now since the break-up, but I am smiling again, and laughing out loud at his stupidity! Smh!!
They still together
Another Great video Matthew! Thank you so much.😀
"Buy mode" instead of "sell mode", amen to that 💛💜💚💙♥️😇
I know I love emerald green on you 😉😂 as always ... thanks Matthew 🤗
Thank you. I have just asked Mark this week to talk about it. I fell for it. 😮
There is a Portuguese look that criples me. I just love big black beatiful eyes and olive skin. I need to make better choices and grow love.
Fantastic advice thank you
Great video Matt!
The first time I saw my husband I didn't fall in love at first sight. At first sight I thought he was too good for me. He's been dead for 14 years and now I know he was too good for this world.
Such a beutiful picture! Great job. I agree with the idea for 100%
I agree with this. Now that I think of it, my ex had a love-at-first-sight experience with me, only for him to runaway when I actually fell for his ways already. It's still painful, but now I know that there are men out there that are too good to be true.
Hi Mathew and to all your amazing team work🙌!
Your video from today came just right on time because:
- I am in love at first sides (since a while 😂😂😂) to somebody which is shining and seems melting everytime I pass around
his work place
- today is my birthday and wish I could get a sign from him(without me calling him first)...maybe I should wish to be as clever (as usually) also in the moments I fall in love 🤔( somehow my IQ is going in holiday in that moments 😂, and my brain remains empty in front of „first sides“ 😂😂😂)
So, thank you for your briefly advice 🙏.
Great video!
Thank you Matt! You are amazing man!
It was a great subject in a perfect and nice location......thanks mat
Wow, great video with a great message!!!!!!
I experienced this when I was at university many years ago. It consumed the better part of my life for over a year. We hung out together but never on an official date. I got over him (painfully) of course. Then I met the man who would eventually become my husband. A few years later, we ran into each other at a wedding of a mutual friend of ours and I finally saw him for who he was. When he saw me with my husband, he seemed angry, jealous and resentful as if I had hurt him. It made me realize he enjoyed the validation I gave him and it made me see he was not a good friend after all.
love the editing!!!
After watching I have come to believe & understand that emotions are overrated!! They get you in trouble, get hurt & drive you crazy!! So because of this...I have decided to be single & will not let my emotions get the better of me for a long time!!
These Video is high cuality! Its very true ❤️
For the first time I'm the first comment, just to say I love you work thanks for all 🤗🤗
I've been married for 5 years but we will be together for 19 years. It was definitely more lust at first sight rather than love but there was something there in his eyes that I was very drawn to. Our lives have been crazy chaos but what makes us "work" is how much we each independently strive to be our own best person. But .... there was something in him that I knew he was my person ❤
Love is our esence, we fall in love with the person's soul but then our egos ruin things
I loved him at first sight. Unconditionally. I can't help it.
Babe when it comes to be rational about love you are the best.
It's true.I once fell for a girl when I met her while depressed and was instantly attracted to her only for her to find out as time went on that she was a baby machine for almost every ex and has bad taste in men.She turns me down,but she dates guys that treat horribly and end up in jail.Next time it's getting to know her before developing feelings for her
Honestly Matthew as much as I love your content and agree with most of it but I don’t know whether I should be watching your videos anymore or not.
See ever since I started watching your videos and following you i have to admit became wiser and more proof to disappointments and less likely to get hurt but at the same time I am not as spontaneous or excited about relationships as I used to be. Yes I don’t get hurt as much as before but I also don’t get excited about the idea of relationships and I really miss going after my instinct and letting myself feel without following rules or dissecting things mentally. Following you made me more logical and more reserved. I cut people out faster I see red flags faster I invest only minimally coz I have to get same investment back so eventually I get stuck. I am sure this is not what you are advocating for but that’s the effect it has on me. Hope you could help me with that.
Sending you so much love for everything you do
This happened once to me. First time in my life I had this experience. And I got so lucky.. 2 years ago. And you helped a lot Matthew. Before I met him, I was so insecure about meeting men. Never expected a relationship at this point, but well it happend.
I learned a lot about myself, my actions and how to interact with my partner. Going to marry this guy, build a family. You do a great job. Ty for everything.
So it's real
Great Video. So good explained. 👍👍👍
This advice is very wise and I agree with it. It does rarely happen but I'm lucky enough to have had it happen to me. It wasn't that we found eachother physically attractive at first sight though lol we were at a party and I heard a loud noise from across the room so I looked up to see what was going on and at the same time, he looked up too. He shrugged his shoulders and I shrugged mine and we smiled at eachother then started laughing because we were just staring at eachother. He raised an eyebrow and so did I lol. I already could tell a lot about his sense of humor just from that and how he interacted with other people at the party. We eventually sat at a table, talked and laughed all night. We still laugh and talk the same way over 7 years later. Maybe "love at first gestures" would be more appropriate in my case lol
You have NO IDEA how much I needed this right now 😂
Thank you for this. It's lust at first sight. I could never believe in the idea of loving some random guy I don't know.
from my experience it wasnt lust. i wanted to get to know them and they were endearing and with kind eyes. but i don't think it was love either. it was infatuation.
Please come to Argentina with your retreat. I can't go to Florida! :'(
Thanks for your videos.
"Watch me tie something that was said in a dinosaur movie to your love life" 😂 I vote that quote of the year.
Also,
Matt: "Make 2020 our greatest year ever!"
Me in 2020: Ummm... 😐
I love this video - so true
This is so right! And so hard to do! Falling for someone can make you so blind and so stupid. And it baffles me how many people still don't believe that you should choose your partner on more than just feelings.
This was exactly what I needed to hear
Watched it twice. Ahh.
THANK YOU.
Thank you! ❤️
Well said!
I’ve never been in love at first site. Even if I feel a connection right away, I have to get to know a guy first before I know if I’m in love with him.
I'm nearly 30, married to my highschool sweetheart, and it definitely was not 'love at first sight' BUT instead 'there is something about that person that makes me want to talk to them' He felt that way about me, started talking to me, and I felt that way about him, found a reason to spend more time with him. I agree it's a romantic notion but I really prefer the 'there is something about that person' because we could've been just great friends or what we are now. 'Something' is a vague enough feeling that'll show you can be curious or interested without having to obsess. It's slightly safer, and I wish they'd show that in more media.
But I never could put into words why 'love at first sight' was dangerous without sounding like a cynical shrew. So I'm really grateful for y'all putting logic behind the feeling.
Matthew when are you going to do a retreat or seminar in the UK! I need your help 😁
I experience myself and even we broke up. I still remember the first moment I met him. I am wondering if we can find that moment again with next SO
Dude, you hella talented!
Thanks bud 🙏
I've been so busy trying to 'sell' (usually resorting to discount, but never clearance) that I never considered that I was allowed to 'buy' with discernment. It's weird. I'm so tolerant of the imperfection of others (often making up excuses for abusive behaviour) and yet am seldom comfortable with my own. Thanks, Matt.
Suppose you do a video on what it takes to be comfortable with and value yourself. What would that advice look like? Jaimeson, ideas??
Go to Shallon Lester's channel 😊 she gives great advice
@@xcobmi I've been watching Mathew for many years,since he's tapped into the American Market...he had become a Salesman...The Nutters jumping around at the end of this Video hit the nail on the head for me🙄
I don’t understand what love is so I think I will be single for the rest of my life 😫
You're using Jurassic Park as a reference? Okay I think it's love at first sight. 😉
My parents met while my dad was a tourist in Central America. They got married within a week of knowing each other, and barely spoke the same language. They divorced a year after I was born. It was an extremely contentious divorce that was based on love at first sight. It involved lawyers and police. I’ve become very wary of love at first sight.
But what if you're already in love?or even kind of obsessed? Like, how do you stop this feelings?