I used to say about myself, not anybody else, that “I have a broken picker”. Now I know that there are a lot of predators out there and I am not the problem. I no longer blame myself. 😊
1. Self trust 2. Self worth 3. Self confidence 4. Self protection 5. Self reflection 6. Self determination I wish this for all people that have been abused by these creatures. Shalom 🙏
I think this stuff needs to be told to kids in high school - that’s when young empaths are often set on a lifelong downward slide at the hands of budding narcissists. These skills are real life skills that are vital for a healthy life. Another great vid 👏🏆
Polopunk, yes! Absolutely agree, I've had same thoughts about this. Trouble is, odds are narcs running the schools, so this will NEVER be taught, they don't want decent people to be educated about them....hell no!
I completely agree. I became empathic from growing up with a narcissist, then I unfortunately married one; the trap. This is so dangerous that I agree public education is imperative. Once you get stuck with one, it is almost impossible to escape.
I am a high School teacher and have conflicting viewpoint on this issue. What if you are teaching the narc students in the classroom to improve their manipulative skills?
Back in 1999 I worked for a stainless steel mill, my job was to sell the scrap and my boss was the commercial director, a narcissist. After getting tired of his yells, insults and being underpaid I quit in order to start a scrap business. When he found out he tired to ruin my reputation with the mill’s customers. One of them was the manager of a kitchen sink factory. I managed to make that company do business with me and when I got to talk to the manager he showed the bars minimum courtesy to me, but I said “sir; I’ve been wanting to talk to you. I know you got bad reference about me, that is subjective, all I will say is I encourage you to know me and have your own opinion of me”. His attitude changed immediately; I kept doing business with that company and always acted very honorably. If we connect with our inner power, the right words and the right actions can override the narcissist’s BS.
K C gossip will occur, you will even be treated like a criminal but you will feel so relieved when you can finally say “I no longer work here”. Some people won’t even want to hear your side of the story but don’t worry, these situations make people show their true colors and you don’t need fake friends. As tempting and this can be, never say a bad thing about the narcissist, because you would be playing Jaír game.
You are so right on about your "friends". It's a hard reality to realize you really have no good friends. And if you have one, including a spouse, you are lucky.
Meredith, you are one of the best teachers on this subject in the world. You are most definitely at the top of your game. You know exactly what you are talking about, and I know that because I lived it. And I continue to do so. You are a light in the darkness. Thank you.
This advice is solid gold. I’ve been discarded by an undiagnosed BPD partner. I’ve also been witch-hunted by a boss and her assistant. They made me a fall-guy and got rid of me. Let people earn your trust.
Even if others don’t understand why I’ve removed certain people from my life, that’s ok. I may be “wrong” about them but it’s “right” for me. I just follow my intuition ✨
We all have an internal alarm 😎 We need to Tune In to it, practise self trust, self validation, self acknowledgement, self honour. Intuition, a knowing for no particular reason, but you just Know. Trust your Gut instincts and listen to that little quiet voice that we need to lean in to hear, to listen to, pay attention. We all have an inner GPS we just need to Tune in and listen to our body when it speaks to us 💗 Trust yourself without question and second guess others instead. 💪😎
They should be teaching about psychopaths in the school systems from early on. Instead they teach you a bunch of frivolous jargon that can't help you in your life (like algebra for instance)
This is what I am working on right now. It is a video lesson for kids. Teaching about these exact topics. Then, to get the school systems to teach it! I cannot believe it is 2019 & this is not taught in schools or ANYWHERE for kids.
Algebra should be optional because its not necessary like learning about toxic people is really. Think about it when do we use algebra in life? Maybe if someone wants to teach maths or be a scientist or something they would need it but many jobs dont require algerbra, yet daily life requires life skills that parents havent taught us either because they arent aware of it enough or they are narcs themselves, if you dont learn algerbra its not going to ruin your life like a toxic person will try to
Thank you, Meredith. You are right about being careful to whom to speak about abuse at work, especially HR people. They are often in the same boat with those narcissistic bosses. It's a nightmare when they all want to destroy you.
Exactly. And I forgot to mention I’m the English version of this video HR often forces mediation between the abuser and victim. The abuser should never be in the room with the victim.
Inner Integration I’m in HR and also a trained mediator. It’s true that HR is there to support the employer, and some in HR take that to the extreme especially if they don’t know what rights the employees actually have (or are narcissists themselves, also not unusual). True mediation can’t be forced, that sounds more like disciplinary counseling or arbitration. You can be made to attend a meeting with your boss, BUT if the boss starts being aggressive or disrespectful you can call time out and say you’ll agree to reconvene when they’ve calmed down. Depending what country you’re in, you may have a right to take a support person of your choice to the meeting (they can also act as a witness and take notes of the main points). Never go into a meeting room with a boss you don’t trust unless you have a support person with you (e.g. union rep, colleague, friend or relative). Don’t try to argue or convince them if they’re lying to your face, just take notes and respond in writing. If you’re being accused of something you didn’t do and they won’t put their allegations in writing to you, or won’t explain by quoting relevant policies or legislation, they’re bluffing you. Don’t react, just keep a record and seek advice from a union or harassment advisor.
Great advice Polopunk! Thanks so much for sharing that with everyone. I’m sure that’s empowering info that some people will really need. I think you’re right also that people don’t know their rights. I’ve worked with victims of sexual and verbal abuse at work who were forced to sit in a room with the abuser to talk about it. Stockholm Syndrome 101 training should be required so they understand a victim should never have to be in that situation defending themselves in front of their abuser.
Exactly, @Truthful Chap! The set-up is planned very carefully to force you out of the company and ruin your career. They will use everything you say against you.
The hardest part of setting free of a narcissistic parent or employer smear campaign was the shame it produced. The. I realized that people who cared about me wouldn’t judge me even if what the narcissist said was true. On the other hand, why should I care for people who believed the narcissist and didn’t bother to hear my side of the story?
I totally agree! My experience is that because of the shame I feel blocked and frozen in life. That shame is nerve- wrecking. Anyway, it's good to know that there are so many enlightened people out there who understand and don't minimize the problem...
The biggest problem is, they don't understand the terminology, they don't know how toxic they are and trying to explain makes YOU sound oversensitive or unstable.
I totally agree. I actually scared off a few healthy friends trying to make them "get it". They just can't if they haven't experienced it or already understand it. I ended up looking like a bitter obsessed nutcase in their eyes. Someone who was overreacting rather than reacting normally to an abnormal situation.
Free Spirit Same thing happened to me. I was treated like it was MY problem. Even after one of the psychopaths from work followed me downtown and verbally assaulted me in front of a ton of witnesses, I was STILL blamed as if I was exaggerating. It took a MONTH of my being out of work before management asked him to leave the premises.
LadyLadyChickChick Thank you for your insight. I just need to ask you something. I’m a victim of narcissistic abuse and I believe I AM oversensitive. I feel like I get my feelings hurt easily. Could I be wrong and really that’s just another part of the narcissistic brainwashing? Is it maybe that when I get my feelings hurt it’s actually legitimate? That would be a game changer for me. I know we’ve never met but I’m just curious as to what you think.
God, are you spot on!! Thank you!! A good test I’ve learned from you and others is to find a reason to tell them no. Their reaction will help confirm your intuition.
My covert husband had/has everyone fooled. Funny, humble, caring and very charming were only some of the qualities that I and many people fell for. This creates self doubt for me even after eight months no contact he wasn’t even handsome but he was so attractive. I can easily go into self blame as this is what they want. Intermittent kindness kept me hooked
You will definitely feel it but sometimes you rationalize it because you can't believe this kind of evil exist, they usually say something that you don't like that will make you feel uncomfortable It makes you feel like you don't want to be around this person because their fake persona is starting to show the mask is slipping even when they try to be nice and nasty to you @ the same time!
When dealing with an office issue and you decide to bring it to H.R. document everything, every conversation , who you spoke with, what time and what was discussed. TRUST NO ONE and keep your mouth shut and on a need to know basis. Don't for one second think anyone is your friend they could very easily be manipulated against you from a while ago. Search for a new job and do it secretly as suggested in the video.
Meredith Miller you are doing a great job of educating people so they can expose manipulators. Dana, unfortunately part of the process of disengaging from a narcissist involves the “discard phase” where they enter into a “smear campaign” such that anyone you might approach to forewarn them may have already been told you are the one that’s got the problem.
Having dealt with "issues" in the past too many to account for now and here, I'm going to explain what I tell everyone who asks about it. "Get f***ing tape." It's an old phrase, but it qualifies. AND for the record, no. It's not illegal except in a very rare handful of cases... Contractual Secrecy, National Security, and that sort of thing... BUT as long as you abide by rules of "non-disclosure" contracts, anything outside that scope is legal and fair game... AND it's worth pointing out that in the case of court, Lawyers have a confidentiality clause with every client, the same as Doctors and Psychiatrists... Yes, I mean RECORD. Don't just use the damn phone either. I know it's a wonderful "multi-purpose" and highly effective technical device... Here's the problem, it's ALSO part of the IOT (Internet Of Things). That opens up the can of worms "making public what is personal"... and even if you never intend or act on publication of the issue, the question is still there... Why record it on a phone if you're not uploading it??? Simple answer, just DON'T. That means, "dedicated electronics"... Sounds complicated? It's not really... Get a camera and a digital recorder... one of those classic "mini-cassette" jobs or a personal audio device with a microphone... Yes, you want that microphone, so you can keep the device in a pocket or what have you (purse, briefcase, attache, satchel, backpack, etc...) and the mic' can still be connected and conveniently placed (on a collar, sleeve, chest pocket...). When you're in contact with "this person", lose all assumptions of privacy. You don't have to make a big secret about recording, either... BUT personally assume it's going to be played back a thousand times in front of people you know as well as perfect strangers. Whatever you do, DO NOT EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, give up the original complete (master) copy to anyone but your personal attorney. AND for the matter, HARD COPY EVIDENCE!!! This means, you keep an accountable, original master for yourself. It's okay to lend a copy to the boss, but only "A copy"... AND make absolutely NO secret that it's not the only copy. IF you advance to video, burn the damn thing to DVD! In fact, make a couple spare originals to keep extremely safe in two separate locations. AND DOCUMENT... DOCUMENT... DOCUMENT!!! Whatever chance you can, get signatures, witnesses, affidavits, and any other legitimately "legal document" signed, dated, in blue or black ink... So you can prove chain(s) of custody to the approval of courts and D.A.'s, and there are no questions. This is to eliminate even the slightest impression that you've somehow created or edited the recording(s) to "shine someone in a darker light"... FINALLY... Don't bother trying the manipulation game, yourself. Don't waste your energy trying to instigate a fight or confront them. Don't engage in useless temptations and luring, and don't act like there's some kind of game to it. It can be fun, catching a lying piece of sh*t... BUT it's all the sweeter when they catch themselves in completely honest, open dialogue, and you had ABSOLUTELY NO CULPABILITY. It's okay to use the evidence when someone else is getting the "raw end" of the manipulator's vice. It's okay to offer to protect and defend your colleagues and friends. BE CAREFUL, when you do. Get right back to that imperative about "...NOT EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE..." because it applies here (probably) more than any other point. Unfortunately, that friend or colleague you offered help, might've been "play acting" to get at YOU... already "twisted" by the manipulator into asking for the help, to get that evidence... and then they will "doctor" the thing, and present that YOU are spreading lies... If you didn't get rid of the original, un-touched, version... YOU have the evidence against both of them... It sucks, but there are ways to get to the bottom of that kind of crap, and it may cost out of YOUR pocket personally... BUT it's been worth it in all my experiences. ...AND DO NOT LOOK FOR REVENGE! That boss who mislabeled you as "weak" or "wrong"... was probably "under the spell". It's unfair when you've been fooled to seek to punish others for being fooled just like you. It burns bridges and destroys more than it will ever help. Sure, take your time, and set those boundaries. Heal yourself, but come back to let that boss know that you understand he didn't see through "the facade"... and it's okay to admit human error. The same with colleagues... AND others around these kinds of situations. Some need space and time... AND some will possibly never be able to process it and reach apology-stages... ...Find your own closure on the matter, and move on. I can't advise you to "just let it go", because there are people I can't "just let it go" for either. It happens. It's a tough world, and we have to make our own way the best we can. Sometimes we do things that "aren't exactly right"... but life is indelibly done, and can't be undone. Forgiveness (too much) can become it's own occupational hazard. ;o)
The timing for this video has been perfect! I became angry with myself for detecting that “bad vibe” in people way too often (even though I have been right most of the time). I was so mad at myself because I thought there was something wrong with me, and these feeling were caused by my fear of committment following over a decade of abuse. I decided to follow my gut and went no contact with someone I had just recently been talking to. Smart, interesting, could have been a really good match, but something was OFF. I had horrible nightmares from the very first night I met him. A few hours after I had gone no contact, he contacted me. I didn’t reply. A day later, I got offensive messages from him, calling me a superficial player, saying I had led him on (I had NOT) and also saying how stupid he had been to think I was different from most people. I was right. Thanks, gut!
@Relgnef S I am okay, thank you! I reported his fake profiles (in the meantime he had created a couple more, for good measure!). That didn’t discourage him at first, but now he seems to be gone. I’m definitely keeping my guard up.
Thanks Meredith, this is very validating. I struggled for a long time, trying to understand what was going on with my ex narcissist. I kept minimising, rationalising, trying to reason with them and explain why they were hurting me, only to find myself even more confused, as he was never able to take responsibility for his action. He would either gaslight me, or tell me that I had an "anger problem" so that I would end up apologising for being upset or angry at them. Talking to friends and even with my therapist about it did not help me, as they did not seem to get what was going on until the abuse became so overt that they started to believe me. My therapist initially told me that "romantic relationships can often be painful", and that left me so confused, because I knew that it was not love...it was something sick and toxic, something that felt like an addiction. After reading about these personality types and watching your videos, it is clear to me that I kept on coming back not because of love, but because it was an addiction, it was trauma bonding. Everything started to finally make sense... Thank you so much Meredith for your knowledge and insights, and everyone here for sharing your experiences. It is very important to have such a safe place where we can talk about our experiences with people who understand what is going on 💕
Exactly spot on!! I had the red flags right up to the "I do". I ignored them because back then, I wanted love, validation, acceptance, approval, belonging so bad. I'm now 6.5 yrs divorced, no contact and it was only in hindsight now that I see how insecure, immature, and dangerous he was. NEVER AGAIN will I ignore the red flags waving in my face! I have dated a couple of guys since my divorce......not worth it. I love my singleness, my own thoughts, I have a ME. It's not a game. I should be dead. Please dont allow these evil leeches into your life.
My EX brother in law who was a covert narcissist just committed suicide because his mask slipped. He was a prison guard and was molesting his 3 granddaughters and physically abusing the grandson. All 4 in foster care now. Mr nice guy of the community wasnt Mr nice guy..so glad to be rid of my EX and all his narc siblings and mother. 3 yrs no contact. The family is making him out like a saint on FB. Ugh.
@@twalabiscala583 it is and they are all being adopted out. I guess the youngest little girl who is 11 has guilt coming forward and now her grandpa killed himself. So tragic and thank God I'm out because trust me my EX would have taken this out on me. Very toxic sick family. I'm glad the girls will be adopted and not going back into that horror family
@@mlr4524 I know and the whole thing is tragic. My EX whole family are narcissist or psychopaths. There is no one to take them and the state has ruled out everyone in that family. I feel so sorry for these kids. I pray for them daily.
It's said that sometimes people who we meet occur to be angels. To me, you're an angel Meredith, who appeared in my life the moment I needed one. Thank you so much for the whole great job you do. Sometimes I can see and feel a lot from your face and eyes, something that only few people can notice and understand. I wish you joy, love and a lot of happiness.
Thats exactly the problem these days in my line of work, is being damned if you do and damn if you don't. The problem is toxic people who need to be let go are defended by supervisors because they dont want to take off the rose colored glasses. Then corporations cant understand why there is high turn over rates.
I commented on another video about how I had a stalker on my campus. I decided to take the semester off and your point about the distance is so true. The distance is really putting everything into perspective, and the distance is also healing and empowering.
With regard to recognizing cluster B patterns: It is a very solid method to have the ability of realizing what is being perpetrated upon you or someone else. The ultimate position is preempting the length of time that reveals the toxic pattern. If you are recognizing a pattern then you have been involved way too long. Leave before the inevitable pattern gets established. Demonstrating self trust means to truncate the nonsense. Going dark is a perfect description...Thank you Meredith for your insights.
In my experience a "broken picker" is just another label for conditioned behavior. I was groomed and conditioned to respond a certain way to manipulators. Im getting better at seeing them coming sooner rather than later. If I feel uncomfortable, upset and my gut gets knotted up it's F--- off time. People having an off day don't make me feel that way.
I've seriously had a narc/sociopath at the last THREE jobs I've had. It seems like in the town I live it is SO difficult to find a job where people are simply just professional... I quit my last job because I was verbally/physically threatened by 2 employees. The GM instead of giving them any consequences, yelled at them, & then expected me to just "let it go" & "be nice" to them. And my direct supervisor kept scheduling me to work with 1 of them because it was easier on my supervisor to schedule it that way even though she'd said she agreed it'd be best for me not to work with either 1 of them. It was sooooo ridiculous.
Thank you so much! I was really starting to get confused, facing all the different types of manipulators... Now I've finally got the master-key: It's not about diagnosis, but sensing the vibes and taking action for my own good!!! I've somehow known it already as I've felt the different vibes many times. But you confirmed it and now I can go on, not being afraid of diagnosing anything wrong or doing anybody an injustice. Many blessings to you! =)
What a great video! Your scenario at 12:17 totally nailed my situation to a T. I kindly called her out on her behavior saying I saw a pattern that didn't make me feel good and that I wanted to talk about it. She minimized it. About a month later, I kindly called her out again. Her text reply was "I don't want drama in my life and it often seems as though you're upset... I think you're a wonderful person and I hope you find peace." If it weren't for the guidance and tools you have given us, Meredith, I would have probably stayed in that friendship and desperately tried to make it work. Instead, I cut her out of my life, went no contact and haven't looked back. Blame shifting + no accountability = bye bye. Thanks for everything, Meredith. Your work has helped me so much!
I am authentic. I struggle with dealing with people who are clearly manipulative. I can see it happening in front of my eyes to me and to others. People who are authentic, need to say it so that others can see it is a good thing. I may be wrong at times, but I do not create inauthentic situations to exact outcomes that benefit me. This is what a narcissist does well.
That’s exactly what happened at my old job. 2 Psychopaths pursued and targeted me. I called it and was blamed by management. One followed me downtown and verbally assaulted me in front of witnesses, the other stalked my classroom. The rest gossiped enough to over-inflate a hot air balloon. 🎈 I gave notice and their reaction was so dysfunctional that I was shoved to the door. Glad to be out of there. Statistics are 1 in 5 people are Cluster B disordered. Additional statistics are that we will meet 60 actual psychopaths in our lifetime. The only protection we have is self-confidence, documentation, and no contact. Leaving such a job or group is better than trusting HR or management as lack of professionalism, lack of integrity + sabotage and gossip are prevalent. “Do not underestimate the power of one person’s toxicity to poison an otherwise good group of people.”
Trust your gut! The closer they are in your life the harder they can be to see. Get that distance & form your own opinion when your antenna goes up. If there is any doubt, there is no doubt. Meredith's videos offer crucial information to set yourself free.
Thats ok if you have the means to do that, in alot of cases its not that easy unless they are to do with a hobby or club you have joined that you can just drop
I Love your content. It is so truthful. I was probably around the age of 4 when I recognized that people were very manipulative. Unfortunately I was surrounded by really toxic people who really screwed with my reality. It is comforting to know that there are other people who know what I have & others have experienced. I was pressured into all kinds of situations under the guise of virtue signaling rhetoric as if it is one-size-fits-all. And that no matter what was happening to you, you always had to look at the situation from the other person's perspective because after all you don't know what that person has gone through or is going through and basically that your perception never counts and that healthy boundaries are selfish & bad. For this & many other reasons I really really Love that you place an importance on self-worth, healthy boundaries, the importance of your own perception, and the importance of getting out of those situations and getting those people out of your life as soon as safely possible. I think it's so important to get away from those people, because the longer they are in your life, and the more time they have to take steps in different ways to where you may never get them out of your life. Unfortunately, for me my life was too entangled to get completely out of it and do what I wanted to do with my life. But your videos give me Comfort and knowing that this information is getting out there and that other people's lives will be saved by it.
Don't succumb to the sad and dreadful feeling of it being "too late for you." I say this with love. I'm not trying to sound like I have some kind of delusional type of optimism, I know it can be very difficult sometimes to break away from toxic people. However, don't give up hope, and we are ultimately responsible for ourselves.
That sounds sadly so familiar to me ... always told to look at everything from the other person’s perspective no matter what that person was doing to me. Never again. For anyone stuck in that situation, whatever is holding you there is not worth it. Do whatever you have to, to get out. 💛
Polopunk yes, same here, it followed me into adulthood, so bad I didn’t even realise when I was being raped/abused. Still not really over it 25 years later x
Traci K I’m so sorry that happened to you. I think these types of experiences are much more common that we once thought, slowly more people are starting to talk about it. It’s comforting to know we are not alone, and we’re not crazy, and we really don’t deserve it.
Yes, one bad apple can spoil the whole bushel! Even those you thought would know better will chose the side of an abuser out of the fear that they might otherwise become the target.
The last person I talked to was either a narcissist or borderline, and my friends said I was just worried about him not seeming sincere because I had (past) relationship anxiety. He was so nice but it still just didn’t feel right.. and they tried to talk me into giving it a fair shot, but my intuition told me something was not right about him.. so working on trusting myself more! It just sucks when you tell friends that this person seems great and they turn on you and it does work out. It almost is hard to believe that it goes from one extreme to the other so quickly (from their perspective, which I understand) but it can make you (the person experiencing this) feel awful, like it’s just another relationship that didn’t pan out. Thank you for these tools to prevent this in the first place! I appreciate all of your knowledge and insight! ❤️
Hi pjm. Something I learnt, and you might find useful, is not to tell friends anything like that but to keep it to myself. That gives you the leeway to be able to withdraw quietly from a potential relationship that doesn't feel right. Then if they ask what happened to that nice man you can just say something like 'oh, it didn't work out so I'm not seeing him anymore'.
Remember its always OK to leave a relationship just because of "chemistry". That's a term anyone can relate to and you don't have to elaborate what particular things ruined that chemistry.
So timely Meredith, thank you! With the Ted Bundy doc on Netflix, this topic is way up! Especially, how many young women viewers talk about his sexiness! omg. Also...please interview Sandra Brown about her newly released 3rd edition of "Women Who Love Psychopaths." If you haven't seen the table of contents, it's worth taking a look.
I have known women who were attracted to men who were known to be 'bad lots' or even dangerous. When you talk with them they just say other men are boring. Knew one who left the father of her children, a good but 'boring' man, very loving of her & the children, working to provide for them, to be with someone who is actually in prison, who she started co-responding with, knowing he was a violent criminal. This has got to be a mental illness that causes women to behave like this. Total breakdown of ability to be rational even in the face of physical danger. Have also known of three women who have chosen to stay with abusive/violent partners even though it meant their children were removed from their care by local authorities. Abandoning their children to be with a man who is known to be a danger to children, & who in two cases was violent towards the woman. All were abusive. To me it just seemed unbeleivable that someone would choose to stay with a man like that rather than care for their child/children. Also while working in care, came across children who had been abandoned by parents who had found a new partner & just wanted to move forward into their new life & leave the old behind. Maybe they were Narcissists. They certainly didn't care about the effect they were having on their child, who then had to deal with feeling that they were of no worth. Horrific & crazy. It isn't just women either. Knew a lovely man who choose to be with a woman who was a drug addict, lived in a flat full of dog shit, swore at him & abused him at every opportunity. I fell in love with him but had said nothing due to the fact that he was a friends partner at the time. The next thing I know he has left the area & I hear he is with this woman who is being really abusive & hitting him, while he does all the housework. Last thing I heard they had a baby & the local authority were saying that they would not permit the baby to go home from hospital with the mother & that if he wanted the baby he had to move out of the flat & live elsewhere. For goodness sake choose someone who appreciates you & treats you well at least. As for objecting that a man is boring. I think that is something to be discussed. I mean rather than leaving a man because you are bored wouldn't it be better to take up some interesting activities together. Go canoeing, take up dancing or martial arts or something. Maybe the man needs to surprise the woman sometimes. Suddenly say, 'Get in the car, we are going camping for the weekend', or something. Maybe that wouldn't do it? I don't know. Maybe the woman just has to take up a few interests of her own instead of expecting the man to provide all the interest in her life? I do not know the answers. Just struggling to understand.
Meridith, I cannot EVEN tell you how helpful this video was to me! I was married to the sneakiest covert narcissist for close to 18 years. As his first marriage broke up, suddenly my previous friend and work associate started paying lots of attention to me. He knew I had just broken up with my boyfriend and he seized the opportunity. He knew I really wanted to get married and start a family, and he said that is what he wanted as well. Just before the wedding I started seeing weird little signs from him, like his quick change of moods and how suddenly demanding he became. Everyone assured me it was pre-wedding jitters. ( yeah-nope. The mask was slipping away.). After we were married, it was like I was with a different person. But at that time (1996), nobody ever spoke of Narcissist Personality Disorder. I knew he had been spoiled a lot by his live in Grandmother, so I just chalked most of his behavior up to that. It wasn’t until 2012 when I was at the Police Station filing a report after terrible physical assault that had landed me in the hospital with four hours of hand and wrist surgery that the staff social worker ( who was very embarrassingly my neighbor) talked to me about Narcissist Personality Disorder. I was totally blown away. All the pieces of the puzzle clicked into perfect order in that moment. The main problem I have had since then is blaming myself. Why didn’t I understand this sooner and not marry him? On an intellectual level I know it was lack of experience on my part and the fact that he is such an incredibly skilled covert narcissist. I really believe that on one level he totally understands his horrible behavior and the things he says are unacceptable. (Like that I was his property and that my whole life before I met him was a mistake). But he does it anyway. I cannot tell you how much it meant to me to hear you say it is not my fault that I got trapped in by this nut. I actually call them “spiders”. He wove a web of obligation to him by every means possible, and when I finally filed for divorce he called my devoutly religious parents before I could! ( Old Roman Catholics-no divorce-until “death do you part). Comically, I had to tell him over and over “ I am divorcing you-I do not love you anymore’l. He never got it, and everytime I said I did not love him anymore, his face would register this shocked disbelief! As if no matter what he did, I would always love him no matter what! If our children hadn’t always been listening at the door ( sad), I would have burst out laughing. How do these people think you will love and care about them with the incredible abuse the heap on day after day? The only thing I am thankful for from this disaster are our children. They are truly my sun, my moon and my stars. I cannot imagine not having them-they are truly the best thing I have ever done with my life.
Listening to our inner vouce, gut instincts and intuition. Our body never lies ❤ Trusting yourself is Self Affirmation, self Validation, self acknowledgment. When you know, you know.
I know that they are many. But how tiring is to stay always in guard. Sorry for my bad English. I speak Spanish Saludos Meredith. The mando un cálido abrazo.
This is so true! That vibe!!! Yes!! I’ve also noticed this look in their eyes. They seem normal for the most part but every once in a while they let their mask slip and you can see who they are!
Meredith, you said so much right there!!!! I've got to say, I'm naturally somewhat skeptical about anyone calling themselves a life coach, but I am continually amazed by the insight and knowledge you definitely have!!! Watching your videos for me is sort of like having a good friend stopping by being the voice of reason. I would say detecting a manipulative person is just having this intuitive, gut feeling that something about this person just doesn't add up!!!! It can also be catching someone telling you what you know is a lie, having a sense of, what is this person REALLY after here??? If you're sensing red flags, stay away.
Sometimes it seems like getting rid of the same type of person in my life is like weeding a garden. Lots more weeds than I expected. Scenerio #2 recently after 14 yrs of knowing him....starting talking romantically then bam all the red flags came up right along with what you pointed out. You're videos are so helpful!
Great advice....as usual.... I'm such a "softy"...I have excused abhorrent behavior from loved ones my whole life....and so there goes my family.....but that's okay because I meditate daily and God so comforts me....and brings me WONDERFUL NEW TEACHERS such as you that give me the strength, courage, and wisdom to CHANGE myself....and eventually overcome the anxiety and shell shock.....you're so right QUIT EXPECTING OTHERS to validate you when your intuition KNOWS. You'te so WISE...THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH..
This video has such perfect timing for me! I’ve been texting with this guy I really liked. Couple red flags, but nothing big.... then suddenly he tells me that he’s invented a way to produce and contain anti-matter so it can be used to power spaceships and change the course of humanity forever!! He just has to keep it secret from the military so they don’t weaponize it! 🚀🚀🚀🤦♀️ I guess you have to just laugh a this point! Now... I need an exit strategy.
Meredith, I wanted to thank you. Because of you, I realized that all of my life I was surrounded by narcissistic people in my family and have finally distanced myself from them. My brother is psychotic and tormented me in my younger years (I am fairly sure I have PTSD from it, I am scheduling to see a psychiatrist to find out.) I was also convinced by my mother that because he is “family,” I should help him in anyway that I can which was a big manipulation. I also realized that some of my closest friends were narcissistic simply because I thought this was all normal behavior. It’s not easy at all but I am now finally putting myself first and will never settle for less. I am eternally grateful- David
Thanks Meredith, great advice as always. Number 1, trust your instincts. I have a visceral reaction to these types. My stomach tightens and the hairs on the back of my neck get prickly. I never understood this as a child, but I knew something was wrong and my mom always taught me to trust my intuition.
Love this; I think it's essential to listen to your inner voice and if your concerns/worries of their behaviour is down played consistently and normal behaviour resumes you must walk..they want to manage down your expectations. There's a vast majority of society who is unfortunately like this BUT we have the power and wisdom to control what we keep and what we kick to the kerb. And of course...we have our guardian angel Meredith :)
Wow!!! 1 in 5? 60 Psychopaths in our lifetime??? EEEEEE!!! I'm scared. Seriously!! I already wasted 20 years of my life on two narcs. Overt then Covert. Coverts are the WORST!!!!!! Thanks Meredith!!💙💙💙
I think I've said this in other videos, but you are spot on with the self trust. After getting away from sociopath family member (which meant I had to break from that side of our family), my therapist tried to get me to come to the realization that I saw the signs and just needed to trust myself in the future. I was so deep in a hole that she had to outright tell me and it was like a revelation. I was so reliant on the socios opinion by that point, it just never occured to me to trust myself.
Great video! You are absolutely correct about being weary of HR when reporting a psychopath. I was dealing with a new psychopath manager and thought I could get help for the psychopath manager from HR, wrong answer. That is when I found out that they had sent the psychopath into the department to bully people into quitting and had put another psychopath in HR to backup the psychopath manager. It is crazy when you tell the HR representative what the psychopath manager is doing and it responds, "There is nothing wrong with that I do that all the time". Some of the big corporations are using the psychopath's mental disorder to harass employees. Then they can blame the psychopath's mental disorder for the crimes that are committed. Of course, HR followed up the harassment with a smear campaign. I believe this is the root cause of most of the mass shootings in the United States. The victims have no choice but to fight back because the Psychopaths will never stop. They are that evil.
Thank you!!! That was amazing! You are so on point. You have put my mind at ease about some stuff I've been struggling with . Self trust , perfect advice. Thanks again. Have a great night 💕
Thank you so much Meredith. you changed my life ,I don’t believe I could go no contact For 8 months now after 30 ys suffering with my mother in law ,I passed really hard time with false guilt and false self shame and cognitive confusion But I ‘m still working hard on setting boundaries and building my self trust,worth,confidence,protection,reflection and self determination I can’t thank you enough ❤️😘🌹
Thank you! I’m still learning not to blame myself. I first thought I was stupid for letting myself get i to these relationships, but I now know that’s not true. Then I thought that I’m not stupid, I’m just too generous and giving. But like you said, it’s not our fault that these manipulators show us a different side in the beginning of the relationship. I guess we have come out on top as long as we found out who they truly are. That’s the best that I can ask for. Side Note: That color looks great on you! 🙂
Thank you so much, Meredith. This is incredibly valuable. I'm in a very difficult situation at work now because I never knew about any of this - but hopefully I'll be out of there soon.
So on point. It’s so true that our minds try to talk us out of what our intuition tells us. Great video so validating and great timing for me. Thank you.
So true how your friends can be supportive in the beginning and then shame you later on when you've seen red flags. Incredibly accurate account of how the ebb and flow of a relationship like this works as well as the responses from well meaning people. If your family of origin was less than ideal, you tend to question anyway so is it a real flag or is it anxiety? Very good list!
I absolutely agree with your description and explanation that the statistics are way off. I’m so glad that you’re educating people about this fact and presenting this subject matter in the video. Thank you!
I want to thank you for this! I am at my end of stage 2. I just started having those thoughts with a new friend I made in narc abuse group. I just tried to give her the benefit of the doubt until my boyfriend pulled me aside and shared his thoughts on her, confirming to me, that yes! I can trust my gut with people! I feel the other side and it’s so close. Thanks, ever so much!
Meredith, Thank you - this video is great! I agree that there are more of these types than we have realized. Also, they'll try to target ANYONE. They're like a bee, flying from flower to flower to find which blossom has the sweetest nectar!
Excellent info. One and a half years of no contact later Im still wondering with cool perspective how i let myself be so vulnerable to this manipulating narcissist. I deep down felt with the narc that i was uneasy with this person. Twice early on i I knew deep down things werent right but I was so sucked in i ignored it. The narc unmasked herself when I called her out and I had the courage to say no to their game plan. I suddenly saw that I had been completely used as a guinea pig by the narc in both a proffessional and private capacity. I had been beautifuly brainwashed love bombed and sucked in but I did hold on to a remnant of my independence and strength. I went no contact and suddenly saw that I had been manipulated by a very toxic person. I got out before I lost myself completely. Perspective education and no contact opened my eyes. I was broken and the heartbreak was awful. But it taught me to return to relying on myself trusting my instincts and being independent. With work on myself by myself I rebuilt my confidence. I refound the person I was before the narc. Good news I did find my confidence and moved on and away. I wish I knew then what I know now but hurray for this channel and learning how to spot these dangerous types.
Thankyou for these videos, honestly. I just read about a terrible incident in the states about a girl who didn't manage to escape, although she had ended the relationship and had no contact in place. I stumbled across another article stating the perpetrator (guessing most likely NPD/psychopathic individual) was in the Ayahuasca experience industry. I don't know if they are the same person despite having the same name (and I won't mention names because I feel these kind of people want recognition) but it really emphasised, if they are the same person, how that ties in everything. They often pose as spiritual or religious ect. and no contact is crucial in this gradual non-confrontational way. Block them out completely, move if you have to! Just everyone be saaafe, don't let this happen. It's not just mental health it's your physical well-being too.
I just told my best friend about my mothers abuse. I have known her since 1st grade. She basically didn’t want to hear it and said I was “ruminating” in it. I was kind of trying to make her see and get it, so that is on me but she warned me against psychologists and to just move on from it and not ruminate in the past. Along with things I believe like, “what you focus on expands”. But she never lets me talk about something bad. Like in the past, she hung up on me when I was upset and crying after a breakup. It was too negative for her. She did mention that she was probably being insensitive as she’s always just pulled herself up by the bootstraps and has little empathy for people who don’t and stay in negativity. I said I am working on getting better and doing things to “get over it”. She said she couldn’t figure out why we were still talking about it and how I was ruminating in it. It was the first time I told her and very hard for me and I was emotional about it (I think, understandingly so). How do you tell if someone is just having a normal reaction and finding it hard to believe vs someone who is actually negative for you because they are kind of minimizing what you went through and telling you to just be positive and move on? Almost like, “sorry you’re mom said mean things to you, get over it. My dad said mean things to me and I’m not dwelling on it”. So hard to tell if she is someone I should stay away from who is harmful or someone who just, like most people, doesn’t get it and wants positive people in her life.
Sounds like time to bring more friends into your life and over a period of months, segue her out of your inner circle. Like Inner Integration says, trust your gut. You've grown to a place of greater experience and discernment in your life and now need friends who have also grown in these qualities.
Barb Thank you for your advice and taking the time to respond. I will definitely take that into advisement. I believe in positivity but also lifting people through it. I do feel she more almost condescends with her positive outlook instead of lifts up. Can’t really explain it but I have been questioning that friendship. It’s just hard to lose a lifetime friend I always considered more like a sister. Which is why it is so good to get feedback from those who truly understand the situation. Thank you, Barb.
Inner Integration Thank you, Meredith. I felt she was very dismissive. Heartbreaking but eye opening and good to know. I am definitely preceding with caution.
@@blueshoes915 I agree with II... tread carefully. I just went through segueing out of inner circle status with a friend who I came to realize was a narc. It took about a year and a half. I went from immediately responding to lots of calls and going on weekly outings, to having other plans on some of the dates, and responding to messages and calls the next day or so. That gave her time to develop another friendship and now she's engaged in a long distance relationship with a guy who barely knows her. We enjoy doing the same sorts of things, so I check in with her on those things and keep the lines of communication open but on a much more infrequent basis. She'll be getting married and moving to another part of the country in 4 months.
I've been so scared with encounters with a couple psychopaths and several sociopaths in the past five months. I honestly have never been so scared in my life as I was today. For the safety of myself and my daughter. I had a spiritual awakening this year and I am so thankful. Had I not, I would have minimalized and rationalized - or simply thought these red flags were all in my head. Today was unreal. I'm in as much shock as I am scared. I remained calm, and faked it until I got the opportunity to get out. I'm safe now but I do not feel safe. I don't want to fall asleep, I don't want to leave the house. I am on high alert, my anxiety is through the roof. It has been one hell of a ride and I feel like no one else understands what I've just been through. Thank you for this, thank you for the insight, thank you for understanding. I keep getting up and carrying on but the fear... they know where I live and they don't seem to give up. When will I ever stop looking over my shoulder and feeling paranoid? I think we will be moving from the state. This is unhealthy, it is not living...
Whoa! Diminish... Rationalize... Justify... Blame shift... Oh, crap. Can the “blame shifting” be not onto you, but onto other people or entities? The government, the town/city they owe money to, an employee, etc?
I needed to watch this again, I think it is one of your best videos Meredith, very to the point with lots of great advice! The last part about an N in your social group was hard for me to hear. I have an N friend in a group of three friends. My other friend is empathetic and a good listener. He recently told me that is was hard to keep in touch with our N. N travels a lot and expects us to meet up whenever he is in town, but he never wants to do any activities I propose. I have politely declined N's invitations over the last few months and so the moment is coming were I have to explain to my empath friend why I can no longer be in contact with our N friend. I hope he is understanding and doesn't blame shift and make excuses for the N. Wishe me luck!
1 in 5 people, cluster B. So validating. Thank you. My gut says yes, yes, 1 in 5, possibly even 1 in 3 I sometimes think. My gaslighting myself says, don't be so paranoid/suspicious/negative! But the gut don't lie!! Thank you again, so validating
I have really been tested with a lot of this lately. I have started to trust myself built self confidence and i trust my gut and say no to manipulators.
This program is just great: it is a psychotherapy for free and I cant get enough of it!!! I am getting informed, healed, stronger, I put my past experiences into new perspective, I can explain my surrounding ....In NYC for those kind of sessions one has to pay sometimses $150.- per hour....maybe more....
And the scary part is that $150 / hour psychotherapist could be a damn covert narc. Every month I give a couple dollars for me and a few more for people that can't. Meredith has a lot on her plate and I like to do my part to make sure she has the resources available to keep this excellent content coming.
So true. I love it when they blame me for someone else's behavior towards me and to others. They blame those who have been empathetic enough to recognize and the courage to say it out loud, only to receive blame from the uninformed elite.
Meredith, another great, informative video. You provide excellent real life scenarios that have helped me understand and deal with manipulation. If you haven’t already, can you explore extrication plans in a future video? Specifically the need to justify the breakup to others. How do victims deal with people who buy into the smear campaign or enter into other forms of victim blaming? What are the best responses to comments that because no physical abuse took place the victim is overreacting. What are some real life examples of extrication plans for spouses? Thank you, love your videos!
I think if you look at the experience of foster and adoptive parents and specialized professionals working with children with reactive attachment disorder, you see a link. RAD (a.k.a. developmental trauma disorder) affects a lot of those children, who often do not grow out of their damaged psyche and behaviour. The total need for control, demonstrated by structural lying and manipulation of everyone in their environment, lack of insight and concience, and trail of traumatized families, show the same symptoms which are diagnosed in adults as cluster B or other mental health disorder. As you said, the official numbers dont add up to what is reported by parents/caregivers and specicialized professionals and institutions.
WOW! A real eye opener to the untrained eye! Guess I won’t be miss nicey nicey anymore, and take their lies at face value. You are right, many others are involved because this person is superior to us all.
Thank you Meredith for another great insight. I have been watching your channel for quite long now and with this one I see how much I have come to learn over the time. And you look great in that purple! X
I used to say about myself, not anybody else, that “I have a broken picker”. Now I know that there are a lot of predators out there and I am not the problem. I no longer blame myself. 😊
1. Self trust
2. Self worth
3. Self confidence
4. Self protection
5. Self reflection
6. Self determination
I wish this for all people that have been abused by these creatures. Shalom 🙏
Thankyou & good wishes for your health & happines.
I think this stuff needs to be told to kids in high school - that’s when young empaths are often set on a lifelong downward slide at the hands of budding narcissists. These skills are real life skills that are vital for a healthy life. Another great vid 👏🏆
Polopunk, yes! Absolutely agree, I've had same thoughts about this. Trouble is, odds are narcs running the schools, so this will NEVER be taught, they don't want decent people to be educated about them....hell no!
I completely agree. I became empathic from growing up with a narcissist, then I unfortunately married one; the trap. This is so dangerous that I agree public education is imperative. Once you get stuck with one, it is almost impossible to escape.
You do right!!!!! If I knew about this stuff early it would have save me and my daughter so much heart ache. I wouldn’t have ptsd too.
I am a high School teacher and have conflicting viewpoint on this issue. What if you are teaching the narc students in the classroom to improve their manipulative skills?
💚😉👍
Back in 1999 I worked for a stainless steel mill, my job was to sell the scrap and my boss was the commercial director, a narcissist. After getting tired of his yells, insults and being underpaid I quit in order to start a scrap business. When he found out he tired to ruin my reputation with the mill’s customers. One of them was the manager of a kitchen sink factory. I managed to make that company do business with me and when I got to talk to the manager he showed the bars minimum courtesy to me, but I said “sir; I’ve been wanting to talk to you. I know you got bad reference about me, that is subjective, all I will say is I encourage you to know me and have your own opinion of me”. His attitude changed immediately; I kept doing business with that company and always acted very honorably. If we connect with our inner power, the right words and the right actions can override the narcissist’s BS.
Great job!!
❤❤❤
Francisco Ramirez España Garcia That’s fantastic. Well done.
K C gossip will occur, you will even be treated like a criminal but you will feel so relieved when you can finally say “I no longer work here”. Some people won’t even want to hear your side of the story but don’t worry, these situations make people show their true colors and you don’t need fake friends. As tempting and this can be, never say a bad thing about the narcissist, because you would be playing Jaír game.
Awesome!!!💙💙💙
Psychopath should always be avoided because they only bring misery to those around them.
True
You are so right on about your "friends". It's a hard reality to realize you really have no good friends. And if you have one, including a spouse, you are lucky.
Meredith, you are one of the best teachers on this subject in the world. You are most definitely at the top of your game. You know exactly what you are talking about, and I know that because I lived it. And I continue to do so. You are a light in the darkness. Thank you.
"Friends" that would say "you've got a broken picker," would be ones I'd want to let go.
Only one Narc / Psychopath didn't like this video? Come on you crazy bastards, I know you're out there. Excellent video as always Meredith.
They’re just getting started 😂
This advice is solid gold. I’ve been discarded by an undiagnosed BPD partner. I’ve also been witch-hunted by a boss and her assistant. They made me a fall-guy and got rid of me. Let people earn your trust.
Even if others don’t understand why I’ve removed certain people from my life, that’s ok. I may be “wrong” about them but it’s “right” for me. I just follow my intuition ✨
Lara Hamilton
WOW great comment. This completely resonated with me. Thank you Lara
I wish there was a wearable alarm that goes OFF around psychopaths and narcissists.
Actually after a while there is. You will start to feel anxiety.
We all have an internal alarm 😎
We need to Tune In to it, practise self trust, self validation, self acknowledgement, self honour.
Intuition, a knowing for no particular reason, but you just Know. Trust your Gut instincts and listen to that little quiet voice that we need to lean in to hear, to listen to, pay attention. We all have an inner GPS we just need to Tune in and listen to our body when it speaks to us 💗 Trust yourself without question and second guess others instead. 💪😎
There are always red flags that we unfortunately choose to ignore. The key for me now is to identify and trust the red flags.
so true, I knew before we moved in that there was something not right about these ppl
They should be teaching about psychopaths in the school systems from early on. Instead they teach you a bunch of frivolous jargon that can't help you in your life (like algebra for instance)
This is what I am working on right now. It is a video lesson for kids. Teaching about these exact topics. Then, to get the school systems to teach it! I cannot believe it is 2019 & this is not taught in schools or ANYWHERE for kids.
What!?! I love algebra! I agree they should teach about psychopaths. I also agree we should learn algebra.
Algebra should be optional because its not necessary like learning about toxic people is really. Think about it when do we use algebra in life? Maybe if someone wants to teach maths or be a scientist or something they would need it but many jobs dont require algerbra, yet daily life requires life skills that parents havent taught us either because they arent aware of it enough or they are narcs themselves, if you dont learn algerbra its not going to ruin your life like a toxic person will try to
@Scarecrow music5
Oh yeah. Absolutely.
My father, academic.
My ex, academic.
All their friends were narcs too
The schools are riddled with narcs
Thank you, Meredith. You are right about being careful to whom to speak about abuse at work, especially HR people. They are often in the same boat with those narcissistic bosses. It's a nightmare when they all want to destroy you.
Exactly. And I forgot to mention I’m the English version of this video HR often forces mediation between the abuser and victim. The abuser should never be in the room with the victim.
Inner Integration I’m in HR and also a trained mediator. It’s true that HR is there to support the employer, and some in HR take that to the extreme especially if they don’t know what rights the employees actually have (or are narcissists themselves, also not unusual). True mediation can’t be forced, that sounds more like disciplinary counseling or arbitration. You can be made to attend a meeting with your boss, BUT if the boss starts being aggressive or disrespectful you can call time out and say you’ll agree to reconvene when they’ve calmed down. Depending what country you’re in, you may have a right to take a support person of your choice to the meeting (they can also act as a witness and take notes of the main points). Never go into a meeting room with a boss you don’t trust unless you have a support person with you (e.g. union rep, colleague, friend or relative). Don’t try to argue or convince them if they’re lying to your face, just take notes and respond in writing. If you’re being accused of something you didn’t do and they won’t put their allegations in writing to you, or won’t explain by quoting relevant policies or legislation, they’re bluffing you. Don’t react, just keep a record and seek advice from a union or harassment advisor.
Great advice Polopunk! Thanks so much for sharing that with everyone. I’m sure that’s empowering info that some people will really need. I think you’re right also that people don’t know their rights. I’ve worked with victims of sexual and verbal abuse at work who were forced to sit in a room with the abuser to talk about it. Stockholm Syndrome 101 training should be required so they understand a victim should never have to be in that situation defending themselves in front of their abuser.
Inner Integration omg you’re so right, that is horrifying 😟
Exactly, @Truthful Chap! The set-up is planned very carefully to force you out of the company and ruin your career. They will use everything you say against you.
The hardest part of setting free of a narcissistic parent or employer smear campaign was the shame it produced. The. I realized that people who cared about me wouldn’t judge me even if what the narcissist said was true. On the other hand, why should I care for people who believed the narcissist and didn’t bother to hear my side of the story?
I totally agree! My experience is that because of the shame I feel blocked and frozen in life. That shame is nerve- wrecking. Anyway, it's good to know that there are so many enlightened people out there who understand and don't minimize the problem...
The biggest problem is, they don't understand the terminology, they don't know how toxic they are and trying to explain makes YOU sound oversensitive or unstable.
I totally agree. I actually scared off a few healthy friends trying to make them "get it". They just can't if they haven't experienced it or already understand it. I ended up looking like a bitter obsessed nutcase in their eyes. Someone who was overreacting rather than reacting normally to an abnormal situation.
Free Spirit Same thing happened to me. I was treated like it was MY problem.
Even after one of the psychopaths from work followed me downtown and verbally assaulted me in front of a ton of witnesses, I was STILL blamed as if I was exaggerating. It took a MONTH of my being out of work before management asked him to leave the premises.
LadyLadyChickChick yes!
Yes like crazy
LadyLadyChickChick Thank you for your insight. I just need to ask you something. I’m a victim of narcissistic abuse and I believe I AM oversensitive. I feel like I get my feelings hurt easily. Could I be wrong and really that’s just another part of the narcissistic brainwashing? Is it maybe that when I get my feelings hurt it’s actually legitimate? That would be a game changer for me. I know we’ve never met but I’m just curious as to what you think.
God, are you spot on!! Thank you!! A good test I’ve learned from you and others is to find a reason to tell them no. Their reaction will help confirm your intuition.
My covert husband had/has everyone fooled. Funny, humble, caring and very charming were only some of the qualities that I and many people fell for. This creates self doubt for me even after eight months no contact he wasn’t even handsome but he was so attractive. I can easily go into self blame as this is what they want. Intermittent kindness kept me hooked
Me too !
We need to start a NPDFREE
me too movement ❤ Emotional abuse is real. Education & support is essential 👍
You will definitely feel it but sometimes you rationalize it because you can't believe this kind of evil exist, they usually say something that you don't like that will make you feel uncomfortable It makes you feel like you don't want to be around this person because their fake persona is starting to show the mask is slipping even when they try to be nice and nasty to you @ the same time!
Ha-ha! Nice and Nasty! I had one say, " I had forgotten that you could be articulate!"
When dealing with an office issue and you decide to bring it to H.R. document everything, every conversation , who you spoke with, what time and what was discussed. TRUST NO ONE and keep your mouth shut and on a need to know basis. Don't for one second think anyone is your friend they could very easily be manipulated against you from a while ago. Search for a new job and do it secretly as suggested in the video.
We need a way to expose these people so other potential victims are forewarned
Meredith Miller you are doing a great job of educating people so they can expose manipulators. Dana, unfortunately part of the process of disengaging from a narcissist involves the “discard phase” where they enter into a “smear campaign” such that anyone you might approach to forewarn them may have already been told you are the one that’s got the problem.
Really? How would you go about exposing them in different settings?
@@elizabethsaville8969 my granddaughter with the Luciferin spirit, oh how they can wear a mask, I gave her everything, Narcissistic-psychopath smh
Having dealt with "issues" in the past too many to account for now and here, I'm going to explain what I tell everyone who asks about it. "Get f***ing tape."
It's an old phrase, but it qualifies. AND for the record, no. It's not illegal except in a very rare handful of cases... Contractual Secrecy, National Security, and that sort of thing...
BUT as long as you abide by rules of "non-disclosure" contracts, anything outside that scope is legal and fair game... AND it's worth pointing out that in the case of court, Lawyers have a confidentiality clause with every client, the same as Doctors and Psychiatrists...
Yes, I mean RECORD. Don't just use the damn phone either. I know it's a wonderful "multi-purpose" and highly effective technical device... Here's the problem, it's ALSO part of the IOT (Internet Of Things). That opens up the can of worms "making public what is personal"... and even if you never intend or act on publication of the issue, the question is still there... Why record it on a phone if you're not uploading it??? Simple answer, just DON'T.
That means, "dedicated electronics"... Sounds complicated? It's not really... Get a camera and a digital recorder... one of those classic "mini-cassette" jobs or a personal audio device with a microphone... Yes, you want that microphone, so you can keep the device in a pocket or what have you (purse, briefcase, attache, satchel, backpack, etc...) and the mic' can still be connected and conveniently placed (on a collar, sleeve, chest pocket...).
When you're in contact with "this person", lose all assumptions of privacy. You don't have to make a big secret about recording, either... BUT personally assume it's going to be played back a thousand times in front of people you know as well as perfect strangers.
Whatever you do, DO NOT EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, give up the original complete (master) copy to anyone but your personal attorney.
AND for the matter, HARD COPY EVIDENCE!!!
This means, you keep an accountable, original master for yourself. It's okay to lend a copy to the boss, but only "A copy"... AND make absolutely NO secret that it's not the only copy. IF you advance to video, burn the damn thing to DVD! In fact, make a couple spare originals to keep extremely safe in two separate locations.
AND DOCUMENT... DOCUMENT... DOCUMENT!!!
Whatever chance you can, get signatures, witnesses, affidavits, and any other legitimately "legal document" signed, dated, in blue or black ink... So you can prove chain(s) of custody to the approval of courts and D.A.'s, and there are no questions. This is to eliminate even the slightest impression that you've somehow created or edited the recording(s) to "shine someone in a darker light"...
FINALLY... Don't bother trying the manipulation game, yourself. Don't waste your energy trying to instigate a fight or confront them. Don't engage in useless temptations and luring, and don't act like there's some kind of game to it. It can be fun, catching a lying piece of sh*t... BUT it's all the sweeter when they catch themselves in completely honest, open dialogue, and you had ABSOLUTELY NO CULPABILITY.
It's okay to use the evidence when someone else is getting the "raw end" of the manipulator's vice. It's okay to offer to protect and defend your colleagues and friends. BE CAREFUL, when you do. Get right back to that imperative about "...NOT EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE..." because it applies here (probably) more than any other point.
Unfortunately, that friend or colleague you offered help, might've been "play acting" to get at YOU... already "twisted" by the manipulator into asking for the help, to get that evidence... and then they will "doctor" the thing, and present that YOU are spreading lies...
If you didn't get rid of the original, un-touched, version... YOU have the evidence against both of them... It sucks, but there are ways to get to the bottom of that kind of crap, and it may cost out of YOUR pocket personally... BUT it's been worth it in all my experiences.
...AND DO NOT LOOK FOR REVENGE!
That boss who mislabeled you as "weak" or "wrong"... was probably "under the spell". It's unfair when you've been fooled to seek to punish others for being fooled just like you. It burns bridges and destroys more than it will ever help. Sure, take your time, and set those boundaries. Heal yourself, but come back to let that boss know that you understand he didn't see through "the facade"... and it's okay to admit human error.
The same with colleagues... AND others around these kinds of situations. Some need space and time... AND some will possibly never be able to process it and reach apology-stages...
...Find your own closure on the matter, and move on. I can't advise you to "just let it go", because there are people I can't "just let it go" for either. It happens. It's a tough world, and we have to make our own way the best we can. Sometimes we do things that "aren't exactly right"... but life is indelibly done, and can't be undone. Forgiveness (too much) can become it's own occupational hazard. ;o)
Dana just like there is a sexual predator map, there should be a psychopath map to see how many are in our neighborhoods
Meredith. You are simply the best.
The timing for this video has been perfect! I became angry with myself for detecting that “bad vibe” in people way too often (even though I have been right most of the time). I was so mad at myself because I thought there was something wrong with me, and these feeling were caused by my fear of committment following over a decade of abuse. I decided to follow my gut and went no contact with someone I had just recently been talking to. Smart, interesting, could have been a really good match, but something was OFF. I had horrible nightmares from the very first night I met him. A few hours after I had gone no contact, he contacted me. I didn’t reply. A day later, I got offensive messages from him, calling me a superficial player, saying I had led him on (I had NOT) and also saying how stupid he had been to think I was different from most people.
I was right. Thanks, gut!
He’s deleted his profile and made another one... He’s already tried to contact me from it. Scary stuff.
And now he’s at his second fake profile!
@@kain820 I hope you are okay. Stay safe and be careful!
@Relgnef S I am okay, thank you!
I reported his fake profiles (in the meantime he had created a couple more, for good measure!). That didn’t discourage him at first, but now he seems to be gone. I’m definitely keeping my guard up.
@@kain820 Sounds like a stalker. There are really scary people out there!
Thanks Meredith, this is very validating. I struggled for a long time, trying to understand what was going on with my ex narcissist. I kept minimising, rationalising, trying to reason with them and explain why they were hurting me, only to find myself even more confused, as he was never able to take responsibility for his action. He would either gaslight me, or tell me that I had an "anger problem" so that I would end up apologising for being upset or angry at them. Talking to friends and even with my therapist about it did not help me, as they did not seem to get what was going on until the abuse became so overt that they started to believe me. My therapist initially told me that "romantic relationships can often be painful", and that left me so confused, because I knew that it was not love...it was something sick and toxic, something that felt like an addiction.
After reading about these personality types and watching your videos, it is clear to me that I kept on coming back not because of love, but because it was an addiction, it was trauma bonding. Everything started to finally make sense... Thank you so much Meredith for your knowledge and insights, and everyone here for sharing your experiences. It is very important to have such a safe place where we can talk about our experiences with people who understand what is going on 💕
Exactly spot on!! I had the red flags right up to the "I do". I ignored them because back then, I wanted love, validation, acceptance, approval, belonging so bad. I'm now 6.5 yrs divorced, no contact and it was only in hindsight now that I see how insecure, immature, and dangerous he was. NEVER AGAIN will I ignore the red flags waving in my face! I have dated a couple of guys since my divorce......not worth it. I love my singleness, my own thoughts, I have a ME. It's not a game. I should be dead. Please dont allow these evil leeches into your life.
My EX brother in law who was a covert narcissist just committed suicide because his mask slipped. He was a prison guard and was molesting his 3 granddaughters and physically abusing the grandson. All 4 in foster care now. Mr nice guy of the community wasnt Mr nice guy..so glad to be rid of my EX and all his narc siblings and mother. 3 yrs no contact. The family is making him out like a saint on FB. Ugh.
Wow.
@@Traceyi1000 how I feel and he was a abusive wife beater.. I said good riddance
@@twalabiscala583 it is and they are all being adopted out. I guess the youngest little girl who is 11 has guilt coming forward and now her grandpa killed himself. So tragic and thank God I'm out because trust me my EX would have taken this out on me. Very toxic sick family. I'm glad the girls will be adopted and not going back into that horror family
@@mariepresho3653 Except adoption itself is more trauma. These kids will have a very long road ahead either way. (Speaking as an adoptee.)
@@mlr4524 I know and the whole thing is tragic. My EX whole family are narcissist or psychopaths. There is no one to take them and the state has ruled out everyone in that family. I feel so sorry for these kids. I pray for them daily.
It's said that sometimes people who we meet occur to be angels. To me, you're an angel Meredith, who appeared in my life the moment I needed one. Thank you so much for the whole great job you do. Sometimes I can see and feel a lot from your face and eyes, something that only few people can notice and understand. I wish you joy, love and a lot of happiness.
Thats exactly the problem these days in my line of work, is being damned if you do and damn if you don't. The problem is toxic people who need to be let go are defended by supervisors because they dont want to take off the rose colored glasses. Then corporations cant understand why there is high turn over rates.
Exactly !
So much yes!
I commented on another video about how I had a stalker on my campus. I decided to take the semester off and your point about the distance is so true. The distance is really putting everything into perspective, and the distance is also healing and empowering.
Great job!
@@InnerIntegration thank you ! 😄
With regard to recognizing cluster B patterns: It is a very solid method to have the ability of realizing what is being perpetrated upon you or someone else. The ultimate position is preempting the length of time that reveals the toxic pattern. If you are recognizing a pattern then you have been involved way too long. Leave before the inevitable pattern gets established. Demonstrating self trust means to truncate the nonsense. Going dark is a perfect description...Thank you Meredith for your insights.
Yes! I loved when she said going dark, that was impactful.
60 psychopaths? Oh my... I can barely handle the few HARASSING me now... LORD help us!!
I hope I met all 60 of mine already.
In my experience a "broken picker" is just another label for conditioned behavior. I was groomed and conditioned to respond a certain way to manipulators. Im getting better at seeing them coming sooner rather than later. If I feel uncomfortable, upset and my gut gets knotted up it's F--- off time. People having an off day don't make me feel that way.
I've seriously had a narc/sociopath at the last THREE jobs I've had. It seems like in the town I live it is SO difficult to find a job where people are simply just professional...
I quit my last job because I was verbally/physically threatened by 2 employees. The GM instead of giving them any consequences, yelled at them, & then expected me to just "let it go" & "be nice" to them. And my direct supervisor kept scheduling me to work with 1 of them because it was easier on my supervisor to schedule it that way even though she'd said she agreed it'd be best for me not to work with either 1 of them. It was sooooo ridiculous.
Thank you so much! I was really starting to get confused, facing all the different types of manipulators... Now I've finally got the master-key: It's not about diagnosis, but sensing the vibes and taking action for my own good!!! I've somehow known it already as I've felt the different vibes many times. But you confirmed it and now I can go on, not being afraid of diagnosing anything wrong or doing anybody an injustice. Many blessings to you! =)
Meredith, thank you. ive been thinking that the statistics are inaccurate for years, reality simply doesnt match the statistics.
So hard to get away from them when they are family you live with. . . and there's nowhere to go.
What a great video! Your scenario at 12:17 totally nailed my situation to a T. I kindly called her out on her behavior saying I saw a pattern that didn't make me feel good and that I wanted to talk about it. She minimized it. About a month later, I kindly called her out again. Her text reply was "I don't want drama in my life and it often seems as though you're upset... I think you're a wonderful person and I hope you find peace." If it weren't for the guidance and tools you have given us, Meredith, I would have probably stayed in that friendship and desperately tried to make it work. Instead, I cut her out of my life, went no contact and haven't looked back. Blame shifting + no accountability = bye bye. Thanks for everything, Meredith. Your work has helped me so much!
Great job!!
ew.. I just like the title of the video, scary guy.
I am authentic. I struggle with dealing with people who are clearly manipulative. I can see it happening in front of my eyes to me and to others. People who are authentic, need to say it so that others can see it is a good thing. I may be wrong at times, but I do not create inauthentic situations to exact outcomes that benefit me. This is what a narcissist does well.
That’s exactly what happened at my old job. 2 Psychopaths pursued and targeted me. I called it and was blamed by management.
One followed me downtown and verbally assaulted me in front of witnesses, the other stalked my classroom.
The rest gossiped enough to over-inflate a hot air balloon. 🎈
I gave notice and their reaction was so dysfunctional that I was shoved to the door.
Glad to be out of there.
Statistics are 1 in 5 people are Cluster B disordered. Additional statistics are that we will meet 60 actual psychopaths in our lifetime. The only protection we have is self-confidence, documentation, and no contact. Leaving such a job or group is better than trusting HR or management as lack of professionalism, lack of integrity + sabotage and gossip are prevalent. “Do not underestimate the power of one person’s toxicity to poison an otherwise good group of people.”
Trust your gut! The closer they are in your life the harder they can be to see. Get that distance & form your own opinion when your antenna goes up. If there is any doubt, there is no doubt. Meredith's videos offer crucial information to set yourself free.
I think the only way to deal with them is to cut them out of your life. There are some frightening people out there.
I agree that’s the ideal way to deal with them.
Thats ok if you have the means to do that, in alot of cases its not that easy unless they are to do with a hobby or club you have joined that you can just drop
@@cheryl9567 I agree, it's very difficult to get away from them. I am just trying to avoid them in work and keep looking for another job.
I Love your content. It is so truthful.
I was probably around the age of 4 when I recognized that people were very manipulative. Unfortunately I was surrounded by really toxic people who really screwed with my reality.
It is comforting to know that there are other people who know what I have & others have experienced.
I was pressured into all kinds of situations under the guise of virtue signaling rhetoric as if it is one-size-fits-all. And that no matter what was happening to you, you always had to look at the situation from the other person's perspective because after all you don't know what that person has gone through or is going through and basically that your perception never counts and that healthy boundaries are selfish & bad.
For this & many other reasons I really really Love that you place an importance on self-worth, healthy boundaries, the importance of your own perception, and the importance of getting out of those situations and getting those people out of your life as soon as safely possible.
I think it's so important to get away from those people, because the longer they are in your life, and the more time they have to take steps in different ways to where you may never get them out of your life.
Unfortunately, for me my life was too entangled to get completely out of it and do what I wanted to do with my life. But your videos give me Comfort and knowing that this information is getting out there and that other people's lives will be saved by it.
cassiedeehoo I can relate very much to your experience x
Don't succumb to the sad and dreadful feeling of it being "too late for you." I say this with love. I'm not trying to sound like I have some kind of delusional type of optimism, I know it can be very difficult sometimes to break away from toxic people. However, don't give up hope, and we are ultimately responsible for ourselves.
That sounds sadly so familiar to me ... always told to look at everything from the other person’s perspective no matter what that person was doing to me. Never again. For anyone stuck in that situation, whatever is holding you there is not worth it. Do whatever you have to, to get out. 💛
Polopunk yes, same here, it followed me into adulthood, so bad I didn’t even realise when I was being raped/abused. Still not really over it 25 years later x
Traci K I’m so sorry that happened to you. I think these types of experiences are much more common that we once thought, slowly more people are starting to talk about it. It’s comforting to know we are not alone, and we’re not crazy, and we really don’t deserve it.
Yes, one bad apple can spoil the whole bushel! Even those you thought would know better will chose the side of an abuser out of the fear that they might otherwise become the target.
The last person I talked to was either a narcissist or borderline, and my friends said I was just worried about him not seeming sincere because I had (past) relationship anxiety. He was so nice but it still just didn’t feel right.. and they tried to talk me into giving it a fair shot, but my intuition told me something was not right about him.. so working on trusting myself more! It just sucks when you tell friends that this person seems great and they turn on you and it does work out. It almost is hard to believe that it goes from one extreme to the other so quickly (from their perspective, which I understand) but it can make you (the person experiencing this) feel awful, like it’s just another relationship that didn’t pan out.
Thank you for these tools to prevent this in the first place! I appreciate all of your knowledge and insight! ❤️
So did he show you who he was in the end? Was there a grand finale?
Hi pjm. Something I learnt, and you might find useful, is not to tell friends anything like that but to keep it to myself. That gives you the leeway to be able to withdraw quietly from a potential relationship that doesn't feel right. Then if they ask what happened to that nice man you can just say something like 'oh, it didn't work out so I'm not seeing him anymore'.
FoxyDevonLady I agree, it’s hard when you feel excited to tell people about someone “good” you met, for it to just be an act in the end
Remember its always OK to leave a relationship just because of "chemistry". That's a term anyone can relate to and you don't have to elaborate what particular things ruined that chemistry.
So timely Meredith, thank you! With the Ted Bundy doc on Netflix, this topic is way up! Especially, how many young women viewers talk about his sexiness! omg. Also...please interview Sandra Brown about her newly released 3rd edition of "Women Who Love Psychopaths." If you haven't seen the table of contents, it's worth taking a look.
@@Watchingyoutube-x6o
It's more complicated than that, because liking broken men can be a temporary condition. Like temporary insanity.
I have known women who were attracted to men who were known to be 'bad lots' or even dangerous. When you talk with them they just say other men are boring. Knew one who left the father of her children, a good but 'boring' man, very loving of her & the children, working to provide for them, to be with someone who is actually in prison, who she started co-responding with, knowing he was a violent criminal.
This has got to be a mental illness that causes women to behave like this. Total breakdown of ability to be rational even in the face of physical danger. Have also known of three women who have chosen to stay with abusive/violent partners even though it meant their children were removed from their care by local authorities. Abandoning their children to be with a man who is known to be a danger to children, & who in two cases was violent towards the woman. All were abusive. To me it just seemed unbeleivable that someone would choose to stay with a man like that rather than care for their child/children.
Also while working in care, came across children who had been abandoned by parents who had found a new partner & just wanted to move forward into their new life & leave the old behind. Maybe they were Narcissists. They certainly didn't care about the effect they were having on their child, who then had to deal with feeling that they were of no worth. Horrific & crazy.
It isn't just women either.
Knew a lovely man who choose to be with a woman who was a drug addict, lived in a flat full of dog shit, swore at him & abused him at every opportunity. I fell in love with him but had said nothing due to the fact that he was a friends partner at the time. The next thing I know he has left the area & I hear he is with this woman who is being really abusive & hitting him, while he does all the housework. Last thing I heard they had a baby & the local authority were saying that they would not permit the baby to go home from hospital with the mother & that if he wanted the baby he had to move out of the flat & live elsewhere.
For goodness sake choose someone who appreciates you & treats you well at least.
As for objecting that a man is boring. I think that is something to be discussed. I mean rather than leaving a man because you are bored wouldn't it be better to take up some interesting activities together. Go canoeing, take up dancing or martial arts or something. Maybe the man needs to surprise the woman sometimes. Suddenly say, 'Get in the car, we are going camping for the weekend', or something. Maybe that wouldn't do it? I don't know. Maybe the woman just has to take up a few interests of her own instead of expecting the man to provide all the interest in her life? I do not know the answers. Just struggling to understand.
Meridith, I cannot EVEN tell you how helpful this video was to me! I was married to the sneakiest covert narcissist for close to 18 years. As his first marriage broke up, suddenly my previous friend and work associate started paying lots of attention to me. He knew I had just broken up with my boyfriend and he seized the opportunity. He knew I really wanted to get married and start a family, and he said that is what he wanted as well. Just before the wedding I started seeing weird little signs from him, like his quick change of moods and how suddenly demanding he became. Everyone assured me it was pre-wedding jitters. ( yeah-nope. The mask was slipping away.). After we were married, it was like I was with a different person. But at that time (1996), nobody ever spoke of Narcissist Personality Disorder. I knew he had been spoiled a lot by his live in Grandmother, so I just chalked most of his behavior up to that. It wasn’t until 2012 when I was at the Police Station filing a report after terrible physical assault that had landed me in the hospital with four hours of hand and wrist surgery that the staff social worker ( who was very embarrassingly my neighbor) talked to me about Narcissist Personality Disorder. I was totally blown away. All the pieces of the puzzle clicked into perfect order in that moment.
The main problem I have had since then is blaming myself. Why didn’t I understand this sooner and not marry him? On an intellectual level I know it was lack of experience on my part and the fact that he is such an incredibly skilled covert narcissist. I really believe that on one level he totally understands his horrible behavior and the things he says are unacceptable. (Like that I was his property and that my whole life before I met him was a mistake). But he does it anyway.
I cannot tell you how much it meant to me to hear you say it is not my fault that I got trapped in by this nut. I actually call them “spiders”. He wove a web of obligation to him by every means possible, and when I finally filed for divorce he called my devoutly religious parents before I could! ( Old Roman Catholics-no divorce-until “death do you part). Comically, I had to tell him over and over “ I am divorcing you-I do not love you anymore’l. He never got it, and everytime I said I did not love him anymore, his face would register this shocked disbelief! As if no matter what he did, I would always love him no matter what! If our children hadn’t always been listening at the door ( sad), I would have burst out laughing. How do these people think you will love and care about them with the incredible abuse the heap on day after day? The only thing I am thankful for from this disaster are our children. They are truly my sun, my
moon and my stars. I cannot imagine not having them-they are truly the best thing I have ever done with my life.
Thanks Meredith! Purple is a very good color for you 😉
Listening to our inner vouce, gut instincts and intuition.
Our body never lies ❤ Trusting yourself is Self Affirmation, self Validation, self acknowledgment. When you know, you know.
I know that they are many. But how tiring is to stay always in guard.
Sorry for my bad English. I speak Spanish
Saludos Meredith. The mando un cálido abrazo.
That vibe! Yes! A pit hole negative distortion that can almost bring about fear and nausea 😷!
This is so true! That vibe!!! Yes!! I’ve also noticed this look in their eyes. They seem normal for the most part but every once in a while they let their mask slip and you can see who they are!
Meredith, you said so much right there!!!! I've got to say, I'm naturally somewhat skeptical about anyone calling themselves a life coach, but I am continually amazed by the insight and knowledge you definitely have!!! Watching your videos for me is sort of like having a good friend stopping by being the voice of reason. I would say detecting a manipulative person is just having this intuitive, gut feeling that something about this person just doesn't add up!!!! It can also be catching someone telling you what you know is a lie, having a sense of, what is this person REALLY after here??? If you're sensing red flags, stay away.
Sometimes it seems like getting rid of the same type of person in my life is like weeding a garden. Lots more weeds than I expected. Scenerio #2 recently after 14 yrs of knowing him....starting talking romantically then bam all the red flags came up right along with what you pointed out. You're videos are so helpful!
Great advice....as usual....
I'm such a "softy"...I have excused abhorrent behavior from loved ones my whole life....and so there goes my family.....but that's okay because I meditate daily and God so comforts me....and brings me WONDERFUL NEW TEACHERS such as you that give me the strength, courage, and wisdom to CHANGE myself....and eventually overcome the anxiety and shell
shock.....you're so right QUIT EXPECTING OTHERS to validate
you when your intuition KNOWS. You'te so WISE...THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH..
This video has such perfect timing for me!
I’ve been texting with this guy I really liked. Couple red flags, but nothing big.... then suddenly he tells me that he’s invented a way to produce and contain anti-matter so it can be used to power spaceships and change the course of humanity forever!! He just has to keep it secret from the military so they don’t weaponize it! 🚀🚀🚀🤦♀️
I guess you have to just laugh a this point!
Now... I need an exit strategy.
Grimes?
Meredith, I wanted to thank you. Because of you, I realized that all of my life I was surrounded by narcissistic people in my family and have finally distanced myself from them.
My brother is psychotic and tormented me in my younger years (I am fairly sure I have PTSD from it, I am scheduling to see a psychiatrist to find out.) I was also convinced by my mother that because he is “family,” I should help him in anyway that I can which was a big manipulation. I also realized that some of my closest friends were narcissistic simply because I thought this was all normal behavior.
It’s not easy at all but I am now finally putting myself first and will never settle for less. I am eternally grateful- David
Thanks Meredith, great advice as always. Number 1, trust your instincts. I have a visceral reaction to these types. My stomach tightens and the hairs on the back of my neck get prickly. I never understood this as a child, but I knew something was wrong and my mom always taught me to trust my intuition.
I literally jump for joy when I see new Meredith material! I appreciate the consistency!
Love this; I think it's essential to listen to your inner voice and if your concerns/worries of their behaviour is down played consistently and normal behaviour resumes you must walk..they want to manage down your expectations. There's a vast majority of society who is unfortunately like this BUT we have the power and wisdom to control what we keep and what we kick to the kerb. And of course...we have our guardian angel Meredith :)
Wow!!! 1 in 5? 60 Psychopaths in our lifetime??? EEEEEE!!! I'm scared. Seriously!! I already wasted 20 years of my life on two narcs. Overt then Covert. Coverts are the WORST!!!!!! Thanks Meredith!!💙💙💙
I think I've said this in other videos, but you are spot on with the self trust. After getting away from sociopath family member (which meant I had to break from that side of our family), my therapist tried to get me to come to the realization that I saw the signs and just needed to trust myself in the future. I was so deep in a hole that she had to outright tell me and it was like a revelation. I was so reliant on the socios opinion by that point, it just never occured to me to trust myself.
Great video! You are absolutely correct about being weary of HR when reporting a psychopath. I was dealing with a new psychopath manager and thought I could get help for the psychopath manager from HR, wrong answer. That is when I found out that they had sent the psychopath into the department to bully people into quitting and had put another psychopath in HR to backup the psychopath manager. It is crazy when you tell the HR representative what the psychopath manager is doing and it responds, "There is nothing wrong with that I do that all the time". Some of the big corporations are using the psychopath's mental disorder to harass employees. Then they can blame the psychopath's mental disorder for the crimes that are committed. Of course, HR followed up the harassment with a smear campaign. I believe this is the root cause of most of the mass shootings in the United States. The victims have no choice but to fight back because the Psychopaths will never stop. They are that evil.
Blameshift = manipulator ... that’s very good.
Thank you!!! That was amazing! You are so on point. You have put my mind at ease about some stuff I've been struggling with . Self trust , perfect advice. Thanks again. Have a great night 💕
Thank you so much Meredith.
you changed my life ,I don’t believe I could go no contact
For 8 months now after 30 ys suffering with my mother in law ,I passed really hard time with false guilt and false self shame and
cognitive confusion
But I ‘m still working hard on setting boundaries and building my self trust,worth,confidence,protection,reflection and self determination
I can’t thank you enough ❤️😘🌹
Thank you! I’m still learning not to blame myself. I first thought I was stupid for letting myself get i to these relationships, but I now know that’s not true. Then I thought that I’m not stupid, I’m just too generous and giving. But like you said, it’s not our fault that these manipulators show us a different side in the beginning of the relationship. I guess we have come out on top as long as we found out who they truly are. That’s the best that I can ask for.
Side Note: That color looks great on you! 🙂
Just happened again last night. .thank you beautiful one..much love..ps violet is your colour.. you are radiant xxx
Thank you so much, Meredith. This is incredibly valuable. I'm in a very difficult situation at work now because I never knew about any of this - but hopefully I'll be out of there soon.
So on point. It’s so true that our minds try to talk us out of what our intuition tells us. Great video so validating and great timing for me. Thank you.
Thank you so much Meredith🙏🏻I’m looking at moving ASAP !!!!Your channel is helping me to truly understand these sick people.
So true how your friends can be supportive in the beginning and then shame you later on when you've seen red flags. Incredibly accurate account of how the ebb and flow of a relationship like this works as well as the responses from well meaning people. If your family of origin was less than ideal, you tend to question anyway so is it a real flag or is it anxiety? Very good list!
I absolutely agree with your description and explanation that the statistics are way off. I’m so glad that you’re educating people about this fact and presenting this subject matter in the video. Thank you!
Very timely. My latest stalker is quite elderly and VICIOUS. It’s freeing to know what I’m seeing and opt out. Thank you
I want to thank you for this! I am at my end of stage 2. I just started having those thoughts with a new friend I made in narc abuse group. I just tried to give her the benefit of the doubt until my boyfriend pulled me aside and shared his thoughts on her, confirming to me, that yes! I can trust my gut with people! I feel the other side and it’s so close. Thanks, ever so much!
Meredith, Thank you - this video is great! I agree that there are more of these types than we have realized.
Also, they'll try to target ANYONE. They're like a bee, flying from flower to flower to find which blossom has
the sweetest nectar!
A huge thank you Meredith. I'll describe this video in 1 word only and that's AWESOME
Excellent info. One and a half years of no contact later Im still wondering with cool perspective how i let myself be so vulnerable to this manipulating narcissist. I deep down felt with the narc that i was uneasy with this person. Twice early on i
I knew deep down things werent right but I was so sucked in i ignored it. The narc unmasked herself when I called her out and I had the courage to say no to their game plan. I suddenly saw that I had been completely used as a guinea pig by the narc in both a proffessional and private capacity. I had been beautifuly brainwashed love bombed and sucked in but I did hold on to a remnant of my independence and strength. I went no contact and suddenly saw that I had been manipulated by a very toxic person. I got out before I lost myself completely. Perspective education and no contact opened my eyes. I was broken and the heartbreak was awful. But it taught me to return to relying on myself trusting my instincts and being independent. With work on myself by myself I rebuilt my confidence. I refound the person I was before the narc. Good news I did find my confidence and moved on and away. I wish I knew then what I know now but hurray for this channel and learning how to spot these dangerous types.
Thankyou for these videos, honestly. I just read about a terrible incident in the states about a girl who didn't manage to escape, although she had ended the relationship and had no contact in place. I stumbled across another article stating the perpetrator (guessing most likely NPD/psychopathic individual) was in the Ayahuasca experience industry. I don't know if they are the same person despite having the same name (and I won't mention names because I feel these kind of people want recognition) but it really emphasised, if they are the same person, how that ties in everything. They often pose as spiritual or religious ect. and no contact is crucial in this gradual non-confrontational way. Block them out completely, move if you have to! Just everyone be saaafe, don't let this happen. It's not just mental health it's your physical well-being too.
Thank you. Its been very validating in the face of what has happened to me in the past!
I just told my best friend about my mothers abuse. I have known her since 1st grade. She basically didn’t want to hear it and said I was “ruminating” in it. I was kind of trying to make her see and get it, so that is on me but she warned me against psychologists and to just move on from it and not ruminate in the past. Along with things I believe like, “what you focus on expands”. But she never lets me talk about something bad. Like in the past, she hung up on me when I was upset and crying after a breakup. It was too negative for her.
She did mention that she was probably being insensitive as she’s always just pulled herself up by the bootstraps and has little empathy for people who don’t and stay in negativity. I said I am working on getting better and doing things to “get over it”. She said she couldn’t figure out why we were still talking about it and how I was ruminating in it. It was the first time I told her and very hard for me and I was emotional about it (I think, understandingly so).
How do you tell if someone is just having a normal reaction and finding it hard to believe vs someone who is actually negative for you because they are kind of minimizing what you went through and telling you to just be positive and move on? Almost like, “sorry you’re mom said mean things to you, get over it. My dad said mean things to me and I’m not dwelling on it”. So hard to tell if she is someone I should stay away from who is harmful or someone who just, like most people, doesn’t get it and wants positive people in her life.
Sounds like time to bring more friends into your life and over a period of months, segue her out of your inner circle. Like Inner Integration says, trust your gut. You've grown to a place of greater experience and discernment in your life and now need friends who have also grown in these qualities.
Barb Thank you for your advice and taking the time to respond. I will definitely take that into advisement. I believe in positivity but also lifting people through it. I do feel she more almost condescends with her positive outlook instead of lifts up. Can’t really explain it but I have been questioning that friendship. It’s just hard to lose a lifetime friend I always considered more like a sister. Which is why it is so good to get feedback from those who truly understand the situation. Thank you, Barb.
The whole “just be positive” bullshit is toxic and a lot of manipulators use that when you want to bring up their behavior. Tread carefully with her.
Inner Integration Thank you, Meredith. I felt she was very dismissive. Heartbreaking but eye opening and good to know. I am definitely preceding with caution.
@@blueshoes915 I agree with II... tread carefully. I just went through segueing out of inner circle status with a friend who I came to realize was a narc. It took about a year and a half. I went from immediately responding to lots of calls and going on weekly outings, to having other plans on some of the dates, and responding to messages and calls the next day or so. That gave her time to develop another friendship and now she's engaged in a long distance relationship with a guy who barely knows her. We enjoy doing the same sorts of things, so I check in with her on those things and keep the lines of communication open but on a much more infrequent basis. She'll be getting married and moving to another part of the country in 4 months.
I've been so scared with encounters with a couple psychopaths and several sociopaths in the past five months. I honestly have never been so scared in my life as I was today. For the safety of myself and my daughter. I had a spiritual awakening this year and I am so thankful. Had I not, I would have minimalized and rationalized - or simply thought these red flags were all in my head. Today was unreal. I'm in as much shock as I am scared. I remained calm, and faked it until I got the opportunity to get out. I'm safe now but I do not feel safe. I don't want to fall asleep, I don't want to leave the house. I am on high alert, my anxiety is through the roof. It has been one hell of a ride and I feel like no one else understands what I've just been through. Thank you for this, thank you for the insight, thank you for understanding. I keep getting up and carrying on but the fear... they know where I live and they don't seem to give up. When will I ever stop looking over my shoulder and feeling paranoid? I think we will be moving from the state. This is unhealthy, it is not living...
Whoa!
Diminish...
Rationalize...
Justify...
Blame shift...
Oh, crap.
Can the “blame shifting” be not onto you, but onto other people or entities? The government, the town/city they owe money to, an employee, etc?
For sure! Check out the video I did on DARVO because it aligns with this whole minimize, rationalize and blame shift thing.
I believe in the beginning thats what you see
.they do it to others ,then it turns to you!
I needed to watch this again, I think it is one of your best videos Meredith, very to the point with lots of great advice! The last part about an N in your social group was hard for me to hear. I have an N friend in a group of three friends. My other friend is empathetic and a good listener. He recently told me that is was hard to keep in touch with our N. N travels a lot and expects us to meet up whenever he is in town, but he never wants to do any activities I propose. I have politely declined N's invitations over the last few months and so the moment is coming were I have to explain to my empath friend why I can no longer be in contact with our N friend. I hope he is understanding and doesn't blame shift and make excuses for the N. Wishe me luck!
I am absolutely on your side, much more toxic people out there!
Thanks 4 your really famous work!!!😘
Not to choose the wrong words, but preach sister.
1 in 5 people, cluster B. So validating. Thank you. My gut says yes, yes, 1 in 5, possibly even 1 in 3 I sometimes think. My gaslighting myself says, don't be so paranoid/suspicious/negative! But the gut don't lie!! Thank you again, so validating
I have really been tested with a lot of this lately. I have started to trust myself built self confidence and i trust my gut and say no to manipulators.
This program is just great: it is a psychotherapy for free and I cant get enough of it!!! I am getting informed, healed, stronger, I put my past experiences into new perspective, I can explain my surrounding ....In NYC for those kind of sessions one has to pay sometimses $150.- per hour....maybe more....
And the scary part is that $150 / hour psychotherapist could be a damn covert narc. Every month I give a couple dollars for me and a few more for people that can't. Meredith has a lot on her plate and I like to do my part to make sure she has the resources available to keep this excellent content coming.
My sisters are so sick of “overhearing” my narc videos. They said can you just stop with the narcissist stuff!
So true. I love it when they blame me for someone else's behavior towards me and to others. They blame those who have been empathetic enough to recognize and the courage to say it out loud, only to receive blame from the uninformed elite.
Meredith, another great, informative video. You provide excellent real life scenarios that have helped me understand and deal with manipulation. If you haven’t already, can you explore extrication plans in a future video? Specifically the need to justify the breakup to others. How do victims deal with people who buy into the smear campaign or enter into other forms of victim blaming? What are the best responses to comments that because no physical abuse took place the victim is overreacting. What are some real life examples of extrication plans for spouses? Thank you, love your videos!
Good idea!
Hi from Switzerland 🇨🇭! I learn so much from your videos, please keep them coming. I love to listen to you 👍. Thank you !
As Always Necessary, Sufficient, Practical and Easy to Implement Advice.
Great Content! Meredith.
I think if you look at the experience of foster and adoptive parents and specialized professionals working with children with reactive attachment disorder, you see a link. RAD (a.k.a. developmental trauma disorder) affects a lot of those children, who often do not grow out of their damaged psyche and behaviour. The total need for control, demonstrated by structural lying and manipulation of everyone in their environment, lack of insight and concience, and trail of traumatized families, show the same symptoms which are diagnosed in adults as cluster B or other mental health disorder. As you said, the official numbers dont add up to what is reported by parents/caregivers and specicialized professionals and institutions.
I love your definition of “self determination”. PRICELESS
SPOT ON!!! Thanks Meredith 💐
Thanks Meredith! I agree with everything you said, and thank you for bringing up the statistics being skewed due to lack of diagnoses.
WOW! A real eye opener to the untrained eye! Guess I won’t be miss nicey nicey anymore, and take their lies at face value. You are right, many others are involved because this person is superior to us all.
Thank you Meredith for another great insight. I have been watching your channel for quite long now and with this one I see how much I have come to learn over the time. And you look great in that purple! X