Ahh, having trouble posting this note...So for me I can say that I've always had a conscious effort to not come across as judgemental, mostly because of my upbringing. At the same time, I can see now that my family and I have always had a hard time communicating without fear of judgement from one another. I tested this whole unbiased standpoint recently and found that there was almost anticipation of the person waiting for me to have some kind of outcome for them about the situation...
Just seeing this comment, sorry. I've often thought (and experienced this myself) that people suppress their responses, such as calling someone out when they're wrong or speaking up about their needs, due to the anticipation of what judgment will come from voicing such things. An example would be my housemate not telling me he'd like to kitchen to be clean for guests he's hosting later tonight for "fear" of me getting pissed that he's telling me to clean up. It's a two-part responsibility in my book, 1) you speak up about your needs and 2) I listen to them and respond non-violently and voice my own needs (if necessary).
2 motto's I use. 1. Go with the flow 2. Fully Trust everyone untill they break your trust. Then they are an enemy and you dont accociate with that person. The whole trust thing pretty much covers judgment because your not judging anybody from the start and treatign them the same way untill they screw up badly.
That's a very dualistic mindset. First you judge them as trustworthy and then when they do something you don't approve of, you flip your judgement to untrustworthy (or bad) and abandon the relationship. I would be curious to discuss why the felt the need to do whatever it was that broke your trust, first.
well its not that extreme even though that sounded like it Its more like slightly less respect or I am more wary of that person and it also all depends on what they have done. It usually has to be pretty horrible thing to upset me to make me think differently.
Im defiantly growing in more ways kinda tryin to open and be open to other people as wel.l Unfortunately I have not bin able to ponder it or develope it I still live with my folks out of necessity and well they are the same abusive fucks that thy where when I was a child. I am havin a really hard time getting out and it also fucks the social life. To much to discuss in a comment. Im in co to and I love it but I want something that's mine that no one can take from me car house all that bullshit.
I hear you. One of the things I've been challenging myself with is the idea that when I'm mad at someone or dislike them, it's not them that has the issue. The issue and reason I do not like them is within myself. Maybe they remind of a selfish girlfriend or a boss that I hated, but it's me that needs to learn how to love this person and understand the resolution begins within me. That's hard to hear I know, and even harder to apply in real life situations.
I can relate Iv bin mad with a lot of things in my life and Iv come to knowtice in myself that yes in fact its not them who has the issue. I can most of the time let things slide Im very open minded or would like to think so. Im more than happy to have a convo regarding this subject but I would rather it not be public. I sure wouldn't mind bouncing ideas around introspective issues are always complicated. Any way what ever the case is good luck in what ever you do and keep meditating its really helped me.
Ahh, having trouble posting this note...So for me I can say that I've always had a conscious effort to not come across as judgemental, mostly because of my upbringing. At the same time, I can see now that my family and I have always had a hard time communicating without fear of judgement from one another. I tested this whole unbiased standpoint recently and found that there was almost anticipation of the person waiting for me to have some kind of outcome for them about the situation...
Just seeing this comment, sorry. I've often thought (and experienced this myself) that people suppress their responses, such as calling someone out when they're wrong or speaking up about their needs, due to the anticipation of what judgment will come from voicing such things. An example would be my housemate not telling me he'd like to kitchen to be clean for guests he's hosting later tonight for "fear" of me getting pissed that he's telling me to clean up. It's a two-part responsibility in my book, 1) you speak up about your needs and 2) I listen to them and respond non-violently and voice my own needs (if necessary).
2 motto's I use.
1. Go with the flow
2. Fully Trust everyone untill they break your trust. Then they are an enemy and you dont accociate with that person.
The whole trust thing pretty much covers judgment because your not judging anybody from the start and treatign them the same way untill they screw up badly.
Just have to say...your smile is to die for
That's a very dualistic mindset. First you judge them as trustworthy and then when they do something you don't approve of, you flip your judgement to untrustworthy (or bad) and abandon the relationship. I would be curious to discuss why the felt the need to do whatever it was that broke your trust, first.
well its not that extreme even though that sounded like it Its more like slightly less respect or I am more wary of that person and it also all depends on what they have done. It usually has to be pretty horrible thing to upset me to make me think differently.
Im defiantly growing in more ways kinda tryin to open and be open to other people as wel.l Unfortunately I have not bin able to ponder it or develope it I still live with my folks out of necessity and well they are the same abusive fucks that thy where when I was a child. I am havin a really hard time getting out and it also fucks the social life. To much to discuss in a comment. Im in co to and I love it but I want something that's mine that no one can take from me car house all that bullshit.
I hear you. One of the things I've been challenging myself with is the idea that when I'm mad at someone or dislike them, it's not them that has the issue. The issue and reason I do not like them is within myself. Maybe they remind of a selfish girlfriend or a boss that I hated, but it's me that needs to learn how to love this person and understand the resolution begins within me. That's hard to hear I know, and even harder to apply in real life situations.
I can relate Iv bin mad with a lot of things in my life and Iv come to knowtice in myself that yes in fact its not them who has the issue. I can most of the time let things slide Im very open minded or would like to think so. Im more than happy to have a convo regarding this subject but I would rather it not be public. I sure wouldn't mind bouncing ideas around introspective issues are always complicated. Any way what ever the case is good luck in what ever you do and keep meditating its really helped me.