I love that OP’s parents cried and got mad when she told them she was going to treat them the same way they treat her. Yet they still can’t see how horrible they are.
Yeah narcissîśts typically act like that. Don’t care what they do to others, but when the same happens to them it’s the end of the world and they’re the víçtim!
And they never will. That’s how narcissist parents or just narcissist in general work. They will NEVER EVER allow themselves to be in error. They will spend the rest of their lives telling themselves that their child betrayed them for no reason whatsoever. Who cares, the son will never step up, they put all their emotional resources on the one who they can’t rely on. Ha. Ha. Ha
If the last OP chooses to keep her brother in her life she really needs to keep him on an information diet because I guarantee you that mother will be interrogating him constantly for intel to weaponise against OP.
Geez, OP is like a whipped dog. 46 yrs and the mom's still trying to sabotage her life. I'm guessing based on a few clues that she's in Austria or Germany. Lives 5 min walk from evil mother yet somehow thinks she will be successfully NC with her. And her brother apparently has little to no spine either. Hopefully both of them get a clue.
Since she saw how much it hurt him to be on her bad side, she needs to cut him out in order to make him choose! He can not be on both sides! Anything OP tells him goes straight back to his mom😢! "You're either with me and against her or with her and against me! You can't have both! 😢 I love you but she is so evil that I can't have her even that close!" Then OP should remind him of just who raised him, loved & took care of him! And where was mom? Remind him of ALL of the crazy crap OP went through while she was raising him! OP said that dad was the same. But, I wonder if he was just too weak to stay under mom's constant pressure & he took the easy way out😮? I really don't see OP's life getting any better, as long as her brother keeps mom in the loop😢!!!
I have an actual disabled brother. He is non verbal autistic. My parents still paid for my college, they gave small assistance to my wedding, and they show once or twice a year to babysit for more than 5 hours. My brother will inherit everything. But my parents always treated me well.
In his and your case, it makes sense. His disabilities make life, at best, very difficult to navigate. Making sure he’s taken care of into his old age absolutely should be their priority and as we’ve seen before, should not involve you exclusively
Yeah, I read that story as OP didn’t care so much about the inheritance as much as the unequal treatment and how her parents took her for granted while not supporting her AT ALL. I understand different children will need different support from their parents, especially when one or more have disabilities. but OPs parents straight up neglected her. Especially her emotional needs like safety (kicking a kid out at 18 is sick imo.)
I’m glad that OP and her brother get along okay. I wonder if he is ever frustrated with their coddling…hopefully they can be a family together even if the parents are terrible.
@@joshweston5981 even then, there are many people who have low IQ's who have survived on their own without help or hand outs. It isn't a excuse to treat op the way they did and it isn't a excuse to coddle her brother. They did much more damage than good when they treated him like he was a invalid who couldn't take care of himself.
story1: Parents: we're not obliged to help you; you are an adult, figure it out OP *does it all on her own* A FEW MOMENTS LATER: [/spongebob] Parents: You need to help us! OP: You're adults. I am not obligated to help you. Figure it out. Parents: *shocked Pikachu face*
S1: esh but the brother. The lowest possible IQ to join the US Military is 83. Him failing trade school is not surprising. Look up Project 100000 also known as McNamara's Morons. They cause chaos wherever they went with many accidentally unalivings. But the op's parents are definitely handling this poorly by going overboard. She was thrown to the wolves and is now bitter. The op's brother is going to need a degree of extra help the rest of his life.
S1: The US Military has an IQ cutoff of 83. The bro failing at trade school is not surprising. If I remember correctly 5 to 10 percent of the adult population fit in that awkward zone between 70 & 83 IQ. The parents are the problem don't get me wrong.
If the brother is not very smart, the parents should put the money into a trust to give him an income not the whole estate. Otherwise he could be taken to the cleaners by evil people
Exactly my thoughts, it needs to be structured to dispense X amount every year adjusted for inflation, and he needs a guardian ad litem. While I don’t deem OP as being unreasonable, she does not face the life challenges her brother does. He likely flunked out of the trade schools because he simply is not smart enough. There might be other good jobs he can perform without an advanced degree but he is not likely to ever be a high earner with an IQ of 80.
@@lilolmecj My thoughts exactly, an IQ of 80 is just barely functioning above someone that has down syndrome. He's getting more help because he requires that extra help to just survive in life.
@@lilolmecjyes, but, expecting OP to do care for them until they die with no compensation, when there is money to be shared is crazy. Maybe she wouldn't get half, but she needs to get SOMETHING. She would be spending hundreds if not thousands of hours of her life caring for them and their stuff, before and after they die.
I have been both voluntarily & involuntarily committed multiple times throughout my life, but due to the last 2 times I was committed I have actually told both my sister & my mother that if either has me involuntarily committed ever again, then I wiil consider them dead to me. That sort of betrayal is the worst. I'd rather be stabbed in the back than experiencing what I experienced the last 2 times.
Man the title story has been everywhere. Good for Op for disowning her parents. At least she realizes her brother is also a victim and isn’t mad at him
at 35 he knows how bad his mother treated OP and he is a huge AH for what he did. Op needs to realize that 1. her mother never loved her. She was never "loving" she was just being nice for a while. 2. her brother made his own choice and he should not be trusted completely.
Story 2: as a parentified child myself I can resonate with OP. The brother has been victimized as well by a narcissist mother and probably hasn’t had time (I understand the age but shit takes time sometimes), to really deal with that and loves his sister. My own sister spent decades trying to get me to reconcile with our parents, I’m no contact with them all. So OP is doing what a mother knows how to do, love and adore her ‘child’ and express unconditional love to him. I hope all gets better for the two of them, screw that ‘mother’.
This is very true. It can takes years to realize the way you’ve been treated isn’t normal and then years after that to disentangle yourself just to the point where you can take a breath without feeling like you’re about to be criticized for it. It’s only then that you can start to decide what level of contact with them is tolerable and manageable. While I wasn’t parentified, I understand all too well about narcissistic parents and the time it takes to stand apart from them. I’m glad you got out and hope you’ve found some sort of peace for yourself
Story 1: Just over 80 is disabled territory. 83 is the cutoff for the military, they won't take you if you are under that. The reason? "Too stupid to follow orders." Its insane that you need under 70 to qualify for disability.
I had a friend in high school who scored 80 on an IQ test and she was fine. Not the brightest bulb in the marquee but she got decent grades and got a good job after community college. She definitely wasn't what anyone would call disabled.
@@trilbynhissThat makes sense to me. There are other types of intelligence than those tested on an IQ test and other ways to adapt. I have found that sometimes people who have to try harder end up more successful than people with high IQs simply because they are used to working for it. Sometimes people with high IQs expect everything to come easy and quit when they get hard.
I was going to say, isn't this guy's IQ too low to be in the military? If the military doesn't want you as a grunt, there really aren't a whole lot of people who are going to give you work.
Story1: Your parents failed both you and your brother. Even without government support, there are programs out there that might have helped your brother lead an independent life. Despite their good intentions, they've hobbled him, and still aren't hearing what you're saying. It's not about the money; it's about how their 'rules' only applied to you.
For story 2 I have fibro which is made worse with stress. You have to cut the bullshit out of your life. It sucks, and it hurts sometimes but it ends up worth it.
@@wmdkittysounds like a confession on your end. Autism is not narcissism, sorry to burst your bubble. I have been extensively evaluated by professionals, including psychiatrists and the ONLY thing I've ever been diagnosed with, is autism and depression. No personality disorders at all.
@@wmdkitty I have been evaluated extensively by professionals, including well-respected psychiatrists. I have ONLY ever been diagnosed with Autism and Depression. Nothing else. Sure, some autistic traits can mimic narcissism due to lack of theory of mind. But autism is not narcissism, sorry to burst your bubble.
@@wmdkitty in order to be a narcissist, I'd have to have like, 0 or -1 empathy. Except, I have a ton of empathy, and am not selfish or self-centered in the least.
There's nothing unethical about a doctor listening to the concerns of a patient's family member and then contacting their patient to see if they're alright. So long as the doctor simply listened and that's it, they've done absolutely nothing wrong.
I lot of reading comprehension problems this time around. I lot of people thought it was the brother who contacted the doctor. It was the mother who called, after the brother broke OP's trust by sharing her messages. No idea where that one commenter got the suspicion that the doctor might have shared private medical information. They received a call informing them that one of their patients might be suicidal and they did a wellness check, the end.
Story 2: they were never really close, just as there was never a really loving mother. Being made a scapegoat isn't love. Being made responsible for your sibling isn't closeness. No one was really on OP's side.
Story 2 - OP´s brother ignoring her text up until the Christmas day... He knows, OP has food and games, so let's pretend for the one day full of benefits, he agrees with her and supports her. Poor OP, she needs a therapy. And her boyfriend too. She needs to cut the toxic, selfish, 35!!! years old brother out, or go no contact. Next Christmas he can spend with his "loving" mother and eat her food and play with her. LOL
i do like how OP makes it clear that the brother is NOT the problem and even that he seems like a decent guy who was just kinda behind in life and even felt bad about the situation despite having no control over it
Often, disabled people don't want to be coddled. I love my parents but they were more focused on making me a "normal" person, to be independent their way, rather than teaching me to think for myself and being independent my way. I still feel very behind and it affects me to this day. I wonder if this is the mistake his parents made.
S2: "...and still consider him my first son." My heart litetaly broke when I heard that. That realization shattered me this past December knowing that I was never a child, always "mature for my age". Lady please get therapy, especially for you chronic condition. I'm only 21, I have one that has completely negatively altered my life because of a situation similar to yours. It will worse, please take care of yourself. All the best OP.
For story 1, as a special education teacher, somebody who has below average IQ does qualify as a disability. Also, as a parent, I empathize with what op is going through, and would have done something different to not make my children feel unequal or less loved. I do also still want to emphasize that could still be an underlying disability going on, and I also empathize with the parents desire to want to make sure that that child is taking care of. Where I live, he would qualify for a special education support. Again, the way the parents have gone about this is completely wrong though.
As a disabled person, I agree. The brother shouldn't automatically be branded a failure because it sounds like he is struggling with disability and not bad. The parents are the problem here IMO and not him.
The social security administration does not consider IQ to be eligible for disability unless it is below 75. He's in the low 80s. Certainly on the bottom end of the functional range, but by no means incapable of functioning.
@@OtisFlint in schools in California, IQ is a factor. 80 is right on the cutoff, and it's understood that the student is significantly low and needs support.
@OtisFlint The military doesn't want him because his IQ is low enough he "can't follow orders". I think people vastly underestimate how difficult it is to be that low functioning. Everyday, hundreds of problems rise, and everyday, your brain works in ways that you don't even notice to overcome them. It compares to previous problems you faced, it will access information that you've been told and try to apply it, it will make you take in information around you, how other people are reacting to the scenario, and allow you to make a decision. Imagine if your brain didn't do that. If every time there was a problem, you just got stuck.
@@OtisFlintyeah, that's the thing though. There are all sorts of reasons this guy could still be disabled, have been misdiagnosed, or otherwise slip through the cracks. It makes me wonder what happens if somebody gets an IQ score of 76.
Story 1. I think she did the only thing she could do . She will probably need a no contact order or restraining order when she has kids. She owes them nothing. Parents like that never see their favortism so might well quit fighting and go no contact
21:06 Mark, please don’t worry so much about your take. Remember, the internet is not real life, not every instance of bad behaviour/betrayal is worthy of divorce, no contact etc… We’re all human, we all act badly and make mistakes sometimes. Everyone has their own personal thresholds when it comes to what is forgivable. In an ideal world we’d all be respectful of that fact.
"Baby brother" is about to be 40. He's well passed old enough to make his own decisions. This is an interesting golden child dynamic. The mom basically abandoned him to be raised by OP. BF is the ops. He should not have encouraged OP to reach out. She is the victim. F**k an apology, but brother was who needed to make the first step, not OP
the parents fucked up both kids. one through neglect and the other with obvious babying. I really hope he has some sort of independence cause he's way too old to start now.
i mean your need to be right can hurt relationships. He apologized. She showed a lot of grace, and it sounds like it has worked out for the best. She is happier with him in her life.
I don't know how parents expect they can kick their kids out at 18 and still be cared for. They're old and wealthy enough to look after themselves even better than a teen. That was their give, now this is their take.
Idk I honestly do think the brother needs a lot of help, 10 IQ points difference between him and someone legally disabled is basically the same, anyone can enter a school/ training but he can't finish it cause he just isn't able to, don't blame the brother blame the parents
I feel bad for OP, and I kind of feel bad for the brother. OP's brother tries, but he never fully learned to overcome frustration. I think a really good mentor who is super patient is what he needs. The chances of those being around to help him function in a good job is low. OP herself, having to join the military at 17 to become the most self-reliant person on the planet, have a husband, working on your Master's, and paying her own way on everything...and the parents cut her out of the will because....Yeah, I don't get it. Even if she doesn't *need* it, it's ALWAYS the thought that counts. And frankly, her parents never spared her a thought. I hope she maintains a relationship with her brother though. He didn't do anything wrong and chances are, he might try to give her some of the inheritance because he said it wasn't fair. Jury's out on that way. He's holding a job at the gas station, but there's no evidence that he's truly selfish or mean or evil.
I predict "disabled" brother will spend through whatever inheritance he gets in a couple of years and will end up broke and begging his sister for help.
Just because somebody isn't legally declared disabled doesn't mean they can't effectively be. He seems unable to manage money, probably due to a combination of his issues and being coddled. His parents had better get him a payee if they can.
S2 Why am I suspicious that the mother encouraged the brother to make up since that's her only link to op or was my family bargain sized messed up and my faith in humanity is damaged?😶
Story #2: OP, it is long past time that you stop setting yourself on fire to keep your brother warm. He has become a willing enabler of your mother's abuse. You need to go NC for your own health. You are not the crazy one.
Story 2: I really hope op's brother doesn't slip back under mommies thumb. Poor op, not only did she have the pain of her brother betraying her but he was essentially her first child and she is trauma bonded with him.
The first story: I can totally relate to this. OP just returned the same energy and discourtesy that she received. She had every right to go no contact with them. They made their stance on the dichotomy in which they raised their children vastly different absolutely clear. Even worse? They're totally unrepentant. They've made their bed and now they have to lie in it and probably the cruddiest nursing home on the planet. I have been in OP's shoes. My brother was treated way better than me, except he wasn't gracious about the obvious favoritism. He was an arrogant butthole. He knew damn well that he was the favorite son, while I was just a background character in my own family unit. He was also a total bully the whole time we were in school and hung out with the people who bullied me. I was terrorized from second grade all the way through graduation. Every time I try to talk to my parents about it, I was told by them to “suck it up,” “don't be a baby,” “be the better person,” “to be my brother's keeper,” “stop making mountains out of molehills,” etc. In other words, they completely minimized the effect of the abuse that I was receiving and devalued how it made me feel. I often thought about control, alt and deleting myself off of this planet because of the way I was treated. In short my life, for a long while, was a living hell. Both me and my brother ended up going in the service, but he lasted longer than I did. He made damn sure to rub that in my face. He had full benefits across the board, health, education and even social security. He squandered all of his opportunities by blowing the government funds on dope. As Uncle Sam follows the money and makes sure that they don't have to pay a dime if they don't have to, he eventually was cut off. It was a toxic cycle of him using smack, odin, ending up in rehab, drying out then getting back out and staying sober for a while only to fall back off the wagon. He overdosed two years ago right before Thanksgiving. I haven't shed a single tear. It's hard to cry for the person who once try to kill me. For the record, he was totally sober when he tried to choke me to death.
It's really interesting you heard this story about a dude who's so low functioning that the military wouldn't take him, and immedietly apply your real life experience with an abusive drug addict that was in the military to make a judgement. It's like you heard a story about a cat scratching someone, then said "well that chimp tore that ladies face off that time, I can empathize with wanting to put the cat down".
@hello93617 While several of the circumstances in the story are different than what I experienced, I shared a story about how I know what it feels like to be the unseen, unfavored child while the other sibling is treated like they can walk on water. Also, relatable is how the parents pretend there is no favoritism while downplaying the sibling who is ignored as if they don't exist. Also quite relatable was how OP only existed when the parents wanted something and, suddenly, expected her to drop everything she was doing then cater to their every back end call. That's why I shared my story. Have a good day.
@@Clyde-S-Wilcox we do know that the brother is the mothers extension to abuse OP we do know that he is siding with the mother (the abuser) instead of OP (the abused), while OP believes herself to be some kind of second mother, from that we do know that OP cares more about him that he cares about her
Honestly I'm glad that the poster and her brother were able to finally have a sibling relationship again and he's starting to see the truth about their mom and I also want to say this I think that most of the top comments on Reddit that disagreed with the poster and her brother situation plus them saying she is gullible for taking her brother back so easily I'm starting to think these people just get pissed off when the poster is able to find a resolution between them and the person they're having a problem with because they just hate progress because progress takes away the drama that they enjoy reading or hearing on any RUclips channel
If they give everything to the brother he just going to waste it. If he isn't physically or mentally disable then they just making him less able to fend for himself when there is no human atm or parent. With update. They are not entitled to get help from op. They gave nothing to op then they get nothing in return. They can pay their golden son to care for them sense they have the money. They just trying to save money by guilt trip op while they spend every dime to keep brother afloat.
For story One, I am very frustrated for OP, but as a disabled person who understands the system, I am very frustrated on her brother's behalf as well. Man alive, they didn't think very much of him, did they? People with intellectual issues are often very good at specific areas, but by coddling him I doubt they gave him the space to find it. At least this didn't rip op's relationship with him apart. I've seen too many stories on Reddit where anger is misdirected at the sibling when the parents are at fault.
I took care of my newborn sister. I was 10 ..I had an older brother 12 at the time, but he was the golden child. My sister is my best friend and the most amazing Aunt. Once my daughter asked her how she learned to be an aunt when we had none.. and I overheard my sister say.. I just treat you like my little sister ❤... it's been 32 years and I'm happy
Story #1: This is a classic case of parental sexism. OP isn't being expected to "step up" and take care of her parents in their "old age," while they baby her brother, because he's "disabled." It's because she's the girl and he's the boy. And I seriously doubt he's disabled. That's just an excuse.
Story 1: so they let OP become a literal child soldier instead of helping her while bragging about having a mil in the bank? And theyre not even giving brother more, but everything? Shit parents.
I have a similar dynamic with my little brother. We don't live in different countries, but on opposite sides of the US. The thing with him is, the less he knows, the more stubbornly he knows it. My standard response is, 'I'm getting irritated. Love you. Talk to you later'. Before mom died, if she came at me sideways, I'd say 'We both know that's not true', or 'You know i didn't deserve that', and, we'll talk when you're feeling better'. My mom was bipolar, and that shut down her outbursts.
If he can work and live independently he's doing f**king fine. These parents remind me of the lazy parents that don't give autistic kids the skills they need to be independent long term because it's difficult short term.
You mean the ones that coddle their kids to the extreme and act like they can do no wrong, resulting in arrogant, ignorant, entitled monsters that think they can do whatever they want, whenever they want?
I have a younger sister who’s 32 now. While diagnosed with autism, she was deemed highly functional. She is, as long as you give instructions. However, she has been coddled, and still treated like a child. While I can’t blame them for almost losing her when she wandered herself around in an amusement park when she was 4, it’s still mind boggling that despite the enrollment to regular schools that fit her, she’s still being treated like a baby. Thus became lazy. My dad has become delulu about my sister “trying to get an artist job” when they never enrolled her to art classes (and honestly her style is like how I draw when i was 7). Hell they can’t let her cook. Or be left alone at home. So idk how she can be taken care of. I can’t be her full time caretaker coz i have my own life too.
Check yourself and your beliefs. You are speaking on things you do not understand. You are projecting onto people you know nothing about. I see parents of autistic-brained people who work really hard to keep their kids disabled for the parent's sake and power. I am a 60-year-old autistic adult who has struggled constantly in my adult life till this year. Nobody knew I was autistic till 3 almost 4 years ago. The biggest issue we have is the attitudes and beliefs similar and the same to the ones you just expressed. Teaching autistic kids the skills they need often comes in the form of teaching us to mask and cover up who we are. It is extremely destructive, and exhausting to us. I know this first hand because I have lived it. The workplace can often be sensory hell for us, but before we ever get into the workplace we have to pass an interview. Only 17% of adult autistics can get a job because the "Normals" have labeled our natural traits as toxic, telling lies and all kinds of fucked up shit. The joke is on all of you though, because corporations are now starting to realize that Normals are expensive, and autistics make them millions if not billions of dollars. They are spending millions on ways to change the hiring process such that autistics can show off what they can do. The day is coming when you will no longer go into a job interview (unless it is forward forward-facing job) and will be made to attempt to show that you can make more money for the company than we do. Good luck with that! We make corporations so much money that the smart ones are actively searching us out and don't see accommodations as having a cost.
@@RiverWoods111masking is good because it increases your chance of living a normal life. Yes it’s VERY exhausting but in the long run it will help you. I’m considered a “normal” as you would put it but have severe issues with interacting with people because I find them annoying and stressful but I have to put in a mask and pretend I’m one of them. Life is going to always be inherently stressful it’s how you cope and respond to the stress that matters. If you put a mask on at work I get it it’s stressful and exhausting but you get to go home and take that mask off and then you have your days off too. It’s livable and I know you don’t want to have to deal with it but life sucks that way and we have to deal with it or go hungry.
@@xirochamber5863 I agree here that masking is valuable and useful. So is learning to unmask for our own safety. Balance is key; balance is very difficult with these things.
Story 2: OP keeps talking about her brother like he's some poor gullible teenager. He's 35!!! I think he is much more like their mom than OP wants to admit. She's also shown him (and their mom, because they are clearly in cahoots) that no matter how bad he treats her, she'll cave and let him back into her life. She's never going to be happy until she accepts that the little boy she raised doesn't exist anymore and that her mom was never loving, by even the most basic standards.
I like how the brother in story 1 wasn't rubbing the favoritism in op face like others would and that he is a decent guy just a bit genuinely stupid but not malicious that is nice
Weirdly, in this situation OP isn't the ahole ... But the daughter is. This is so unbelievably hurtful for her mother and puts everyone in a tough position. And the whole "he can be a bad partner but a great dad", yes but if you cheat and split up the family acrimoniously then you aren't being a good dad. That's making life harder for the child.
Story 1 i can't blame op ,she finally has enough of the disrespectfulness. She has some self respect, and she deserves a better family and stopped the toxicity by walking away nobody's toxicity should be tolerated
S2: Golden AH is upset at OP for ruining his perfect family when it was really him and egg donor who destroyed it for being literal walking nuclear waste bins. I’m glad OP finally stopped giving their egg donor after probably the thirtieth “second” chances when they never deserved a real second chance. Hope they can have peace and keep themselves away so golden AH can deal with the mess he’s creating because of his guilting and enabling.
S2: OP and her brother are dammed idiots. OP is an idiot because, well look at the brother. He'll take his momster's side EVERY! TIME! The brother is an idiot because he will believe his momster over his sister ANY! DAY! No matter what it is, he will always be on the momster's side.
Story 2: I would have gone NC with the brother. He is just as shit of a person as the mom. I hope bro lives like OP had to. Maybe first hand experience will turn him into a half decent person. I doubt it but I can hope.
I can totally understand the second OP. I’m in a similar situation. My brother and I are both young adults, but he has a learning disability, and his mental age is younger than his actual age. My "parents" are keeping us apart. My "mother" sometimes pretends to be him when writing to me, saying how disappointed he is with my behavior. But there’s nothing I can do about the situation. I was allowed to visit him a few days ago, after two years of silence. As soon as I left, I got a message from my "mother" saying I am no longer allowed to visit because I apparently interrogated him. She told me I should stop trying to get him to leave, as he is perfectly fine. I only asked simple questions like if he still liked his job and enjoyed Christmas...
Story 1: Honestly, I agree with the whole grandchildren thing. I'd also prepare for them to try and force OP to be their medical power of attorney etc.
Also story 2: I gotta agree with the commenters on the end of the update, my response to the wellness check would of been "you've completely violated my trust, boundaries and autonomy with your actions so like your mother I can no longer have you in my life" and then blocked him. To me what he did would of been unforgivable
I have an uncle that is not the brightest among the 10 siblings. Most of my aunts and uncles (my mom included) have a career, a degree or some kind of studies certification above high school. My uncle has epilepsy, a squint eye (not sure if that's how you say it in english) and, overall, makes the same 10 jokes that he has made all his life. He's not useless, he's caring and took care of my grandma all her life. My mom and aunts helped from time to time but It was mainly him. People is not useless or worthless, parents make them like that. He's almost 60 now and, while he's having a hard time figuring out his future, he's very capable of handling himself.
"squint eye (not sure....english)" I'm not sure if it's translated in a way that explains what is affecting his eye (especially in a medical way or in how it looks to others), but you have still chosen a very appropriately descriptive word and centered his point of view about it. I suppose I'm saying that it's not translated as clearly or directly as it COULD be AND you have gotten the point across well with what you've chosen. This is meant to be a compliment and encouragement to you.
I heard this story this moring and I will just repost what I said before, " For Story 1: in the more info part. Givinf what op told us about their brother. It does sound like the brother got something but never was tested. Regardless, parents are stupid and selfish."
Story 1: my father has 6 other siblings, the youngest had problems during birth and due to his brain not receiving enough oxygen then his IQ dropped some points. He is not dumb by any means, just needed more help than the others to do well at school and later in life at work. So, when their father, my grampa, passed away it was decided that most of the inheritance would go to him, the youngest had problems, in order to support him. And here is the kicker, the rest of the siblings agreed to it. One is a dentist, other an IT, an elite sportsman, one is even married to a harbor pilot. They do not need economical support, it is their little brother who does. No fight, no arguing. Here in this reddit story the parents are to blame 100%, for cuddling one but forcing the other to strife.
I would do anything to get a "Welcome" gif from a lot of the people I hurt over the years. _Anything._ I fully believe that little brother is capable of change, and I have faith he means to try, because I was once a horribly abusive person and have totally remade my entire personality to lock those parts of myself away forever. If I could have a second chance with the people I hurt... God, I would do anything.
Story 2: OP cut off her mom, which she needed to do. She herself has said she needs to cut contact for her own mental health, she even pointed this out to her brother. Under those circumstances, a call from OP's doctor is not unwarranted. The doctor already knows OP's situation so doc can actually help, meanwhile, NC with brother and mom is actually a GOOD thing. She wanted them out of her life, now is the time to take advantage of that!
The second story is sad. She needs more therapy. She needs to stop reaching out to people who do not own up to the terrible things they do to her. I learned a long time ago that, you teach people how to treat you.
Re Story 2: As a big sister who was parentified and practically raised her baby brother, and whose baby brother is currently not speaking to her because she decided to go NC with their toxic mother, I honestly thought the ending was beautiful. I would give anything in the world to have my baby brother back, except for compromising my mental health and my safety. That's literally the only thing I won't do. If he came back and accepted that I was NC with our mom and would never have anything to do with his dad ever again, then we could move on. I would forgive it all, because I love him. He's my brother, he was pretty much my baby. Same with my baby sister. I totally understand why OP is happy with this outcome. Yeah, her brother messed up, but it's impossible for people to understand when you've trancended that "sibling" relationship into something bigger and deeper. Is it the healthiest thing in the world? Maybe not, but it is what it is.
I did a lot for my parents and their home for years. Helped with everything and tolerated their abuse. They still are leaving everything to my sister. I wasn't even mentioned in their wills. There are a lot of dark places I had to deal with them and I wasn't even worth an honorable mention or being left anything. .y sister even told them she had no interest in being the executer. The whole family always loved her more than me.
It's so easy to stay mad at the brother on Op's behalf, but ultimately it seemed to be what she needed for her MH. Hopefully it doesn't discourage Op from reaching out to Reddit again if she's in a dark place and needing internet strangers to vent or commiserate with.
I’m in the same boat with my siblings. After years of mistreatment from my siblings or sibling in law. I have decided to treat them in the same way. I won’t reach out, I won’t go running when they are in need. Why? Cause all of this is happening to me and none of them have reached out or offered any assistance. So I’m done, I have a big HEALTH hill to climb, so I don’t need to heavy baggage of my siblings mistreatment. So a singleton I will be..
It’s weird to say someone is “conditioned their whole life” into doing what the mother says then say that he chose to betray OP. If someone has been abused and manipulated their entire life it’s not as simple as them doing whatever works better for them. It’s the response to abuse to some degree.
Story 2 hit uncomfortably close to home. For me it was my sister. We haven't spoken in ten years because she sided with my mother in her gaslighting and manipulation. I hated to lose my sister, but ultimately, my life is more peaceful without them in it. The last I heard, she was a Trump-worshipping tradwife. Which was tragic, but also just confirmed for me I made the right decision all those years ago.
Story 1: seen this alot. Parents will leave everything to the kid that was not unsuccessful because they are more reliant on the parents. While the other kid is more independent so they leave the less
Story one (haven't started tge second): I think if Op has a baby, particularly if it's a boy, they'll be all over her, like white on rice. If it's a girl, eh. Not so much. NTA
Story 2 makes me wonder why the hell some people have kids. They obviously don't actually love them, nor do they want to take care of them. They abuse them and hurt them in so many ways, then blame the kids when they cut off contact. I just don't understand it.
Story 1: People's entitlement is off the charts. This is such blatant favouritism (and probably misogyny as well in this case) and it makes my blood boil when such crap parents treat their child like a necessary evil but still expect them to care and do unpaid labour for them and thank for the "privilege". No, kids aren't entitled to their parent's money. But it also says a lot when you're a parent so shitty you are incapable to even try and buy your child's love as a last resort but still expect them to everything for you. Story 2: NTA too. OP needs to cut this family out. There is a time when you have to stop trying to help and care for others when they couldn't give a shit about you. He isn't a child and is aware of the issues I would have advised to stay away and focus on herself. OP's bf also sucks. Why is he insisting on OP reaching out to her adult brother? And what's with the "sisters are scary when they are mad" bs? This is ridiculous. Be a f-ing adult and reach out. Be a f-ing adult and expect proper steps from the right party instead of insisting that the OP needs to keep the peace.
I keep telling myself that I need to cut off watching these Reddit reads due to how bad they're are. However, it reinforces my "Wow, it's things like this that make me feel like the last person getting on the last helicopter out of Saigon." I guess I should update it to "Grabbing the last plane out of Afghanistan."
Both stories are just heartbreaking because both OP’s parents are POS. The brothers aren’t completely AH but they do get a gain out of it. It’s just heartbreaking to hear.
That 2nd story I know my family would try to weaponize my mental health against me like that so I have zero contact with them. OP, you’ll have to do that for your health’s sake. Your brother doesn’t have your best jnterests in mind, he is not as innocent as you picture in your mind
I suspect that the parents misrepresented their son's IQ to excuse their favouritism and coddle him. Why do I think so? A) If your son is intellectually disabled, why give him money to start a business? B) Is he making his cosplays, or is he buying them? If he's making them, then he's got pretty solid, trainable, skills: math, motor, time, and project management. C) He's got the ability to develop new skills, as evidenced by his learning to drive a car. D) He's living physically independent from his parents with two other people and working. If he can remember to get to work, he can remember to pick up mummy for her appointments.
I love that OP’s parents cried and got mad when she told them she was going to treat them the same way they treat her. Yet they still can’t see how horrible they are.
Yeah narcissîśts typically act like that. Don’t care what they do to others, but when the same happens to them it’s the end of the world and they’re the víçtim!
I’m detecting a case of double NPD here.
They see how horrible they treated her, they just don't think they deserve to be treated the same.
Yeah, it's honestly hilarious. "Y-You're gonna treat *us* the same way we treat *you*?! That's *inhumane! You monster!"" xP
And they never will. That’s how narcissist parents or just narcissist in general work. They will NEVER EVER allow themselves to be in error. They will spend the rest of their lives telling themselves that their child betrayed them for no reason whatsoever. Who cares, the son will never step up, they put all their emotional resources on the one who they can’t rely on. Ha. Ha. Ha
If the last OP chooses to keep her brother in her life she really needs to keep him on an information diet because I guarantee you that mother will be interrogating him constantly for intel to weaponise against OP.
Geez, OP is like a whipped dog. 46 yrs and the mom's still trying to sabotage her life.
I'm guessing based on a few clues that she's in Austria or Germany. Lives 5 min walk from evil mother yet somehow thinks she will be successfully NC with her. And her brother apparently has little to no spine either. Hopefully both of them get a clue.
Agreed. She needs to be careful, until he can prove himself trustworthy, and even then, I'd still be wary. That's a BIG betrayal from him.
Since she saw how much it hurt him to be on her bad side, she needs to cut him out in order to make him choose! He can not be on both sides! Anything OP tells him goes straight back to his mom😢!
"You're either with me and against her or with her and against me! You can't have both! 😢 I love you but she is so evil that I can't have her even that close!"
Then OP should remind him of just who raised him, loved & took care of him! And where was mom? Remind him of ALL of the crazy crap OP went through while she was raising him!
OP said that dad was the same. But, I wonder if he was just too weak to stay under mom's constant pressure & he took the easy way out😮?
I really don't see OP's life getting any better, as long as her brother keeps mom in the loop😢!!!
I have an actual disabled brother. He is non verbal autistic. My parents still paid for my college, they gave small assistance to my wedding, and they show once or twice a year to babysit for more than 5 hours.
My brother will inherit everything. But my parents always treated me well.
In his and your case, it makes sense. His disabilities make life, at best, very difficult to navigate. Making sure he’s taken care of into his old age absolutely should be their priority and as we’ve seen before, should not involve you exclusively
Yeah, I read that story as OP didn’t care so much about the inheritance as much as the unequal treatment and how her parents took her for granted while not supporting her AT ALL.
I understand different children will need different support from their parents, especially when one or more have disabilities. but OPs parents straight up neglected her. Especially her emotional needs like safety (kicking a kid out at 18 is sick imo.)
Story 1: "You're not entitled to a dime of our money when we die."
And you're not entitled to a second of OP's time while you're old. Simple as.
I’m glad that OP and her brother get along okay. I wonder if he is ever frustrated with their coddling…hopefully they can be a family together even if the parents are terrible.
The guy has an IQ of 80, that's right above forest Gump level and this ain't a movie. He does need way more help
@@joshweston5981he DOES, but they completely ignored OP & that’s not cool.
@@joshweston5981 even then, there are many people who have low IQ's who have survived on their own without help or hand outs. It isn't a excuse to treat op the way they did and it isn't a excuse to coddle her brother. They did much more damage than good when they treated him like he was a invalid who couldn't take care of himself.
@@joshweston5981Not the point dude.
@@joshweston5981exactly.
Parents wasted money on trade school, he's not smart enough and he's disabled no matter what the legal definition is.
story1: Parents: we're not obliged to help you; you are an adult, figure it out
OP *does it all on her own*
A FEW MOMENTS LATER: [/spongebob]
Parents: You need to help us!
OP: You're adults. I am not obligated to help you. Figure it out.
Parents: *shocked Pikachu face*
Story 1: The parents should ask their favorite child. Op owes them nothing.
Story 2: The brother and mother are pos.
S1: esh but the brother. The lowest possible IQ to join the US Military is 83. Him failing trade school is not surprising. Look up Project 100000 also known as McNamara's Morons. They cause chaos wherever they went with many accidentally unalivings. But the op's parents are definitely handling this poorly by going overboard. She was thrown to the wolves and is now bitter. The op's brother is going to need a degree of extra help the rest of his life.
S1: The US Military has an IQ cutoff of 83. The bro failing at trade school is not surprising. If I remember correctly 5 to 10 percent of the adult population fit in that awkward zone between 70 & 83 IQ. The parents are the problem don't get me wrong.
If the brother is not very smart, the parents should put the money into a trust to give him an income not the whole estate. Otherwise he could be taken to the cleaners by evil people
Excellent point 😮
Disabled people are often exploited that way.
Exactly my thoughts, it needs to be structured to dispense X amount every year adjusted for inflation, and he needs a guardian ad litem. While I don’t deem OP as being unreasonable, she does not face the life challenges her brother does. He likely flunked out of the trade schools because he simply is not smart enough. There might be other good jobs he can perform without an advanced degree but he is not likely to ever be a high earner with an IQ of 80.
@@lilolmecj My thoughts exactly, an IQ of 80 is just barely functioning above someone that has down syndrome. He's getting more help because he requires that extra help to just survive in life.
@@lilolmecjyes, but, expecting OP to do care for them until they die with no compensation, when there is money to be shared is crazy. Maybe she wouldn't get half, but she needs to get SOMETHING. She would be spending hundreds if not thousands of hours of her life caring for them and their stuff, before and after they die.
Story 2: I love my sibling to death but he’d be on ice for a longgggg time after betraying me like that smh
I have been both voluntarily & involuntarily committed multiple times throughout my life, but due to the last 2 times I was committed I have actually told both my sister & my mother that if either has me involuntarily committed ever again, then I wiil consider them dead to me. That sort of betrayal is the worst. I'd rather be stabbed in the back than experiencing what I experienced the last 2 times.
Man the title story has been everywhere. Good for Op for disowning her parents. At least she realizes her brother is also a victim and isn’t mad at him
Love an OP that knows that their relative isn't at fault
at 35 he knows how bad his mother treated OP and he is a huge AH for what he did. Op needs to realize that 1. her mother never loved her. She was never "loving" she was just being nice for a while. 2. her brother made his own choice and he should not be trusted completely.
Story 2: as a parentified child myself I can resonate with OP. The brother has been victimized as well by a narcissist mother and probably hasn’t had time (I understand the age but shit takes time sometimes), to really deal with that and loves his sister. My own sister spent decades trying to get me to reconcile with our parents, I’m no contact with them all. So OP is doing what a mother knows how to do, love and adore her ‘child’ and express unconditional love to him. I hope all gets better for the two of them, screw that ‘mother’.
This is very true. It can takes years to realize the way you’ve been treated isn’t normal and then years after that to disentangle yourself just to the point where you can take a breath without feeling like you’re about to be criticized for it. It’s only then that you can start to decide what level of contact with them is tolerable and manageable. While I wasn’t parentified, I understand all too well about narcissistic parents and the time it takes to stand apart from them. I’m glad you got out and hope you’ve found some sort of peace for yourself
Story 1: Just over 80 is disabled territory. 83 is the cutoff for the military, they won't take you if you are under that. The reason? "Too stupid to follow orders." Its insane that you need under 70 to qualify for disability.
I had a friend in high school who scored 80 on an IQ test and she was fine. Not the brightest bulb in the marquee but she got decent grades and got a good job after community college. She definitely wasn't what anyone would call disabled.
@@trilbynhissThat makes sense to me. There are other types of intelligence than those tested on an IQ test and other ways to adapt.
I have found that sometimes people who have to try harder end up more successful than people with high IQs simply because they are used to working for it. Sometimes people with high IQs expect everything to come easy and quit when they get hard.
80 is still functional enough to be a cop, so the kid CAN have a career. All he has to do is follow orders and not ask questions.
@@trilbynhiss This is just more evidence that IQ isn't really a great measure to determine how smart people are.
I was going to say, isn't this guy's IQ too low to be in the military? If the military doesn't want you as a grunt, there really aren't a whole lot of people who are going to give you work.
Story1: Your parents failed both you and your brother. Even without government support, there are programs out there that might have helped your brother lead an independent life. Despite their good intentions, they've hobbled him, and still aren't hearing what you're saying. It's not about the money; it's about how their 'rules' only applied to you.
For story 2 I have fibro which is made worse with stress. You have to cut the bullshit out of your life. It sucks, and it hurts sometimes but it ends up worth it.
FR my autoimmune condition got so much better after NC with my family ... who were awful ableists to me.
spoiler alert: It was NEVER "loving mom". It was only ever always Lovebombing mom. Those are not the same things.
@@shebakoby Tell 'em! 💯
You'd know, being a narcissist yourself.
@@wmdkittysounds like a confession on your end. Autism is not narcissism, sorry to burst your bubble. I have been extensively evaluated by professionals, including psychiatrists and the ONLY thing I've ever been diagnosed with, is autism and depression. No personality disorders at all.
@@wmdkitty I have been evaluated extensively by professionals, including well-respected psychiatrists. I have ONLY ever been diagnosed with Autism and Depression. Nothing else. Sure, some autistic traits can mimic narcissism due to lack of theory of mind. But autism is not narcissism, sorry to burst your bubble.
@@wmdkitty in order to be a narcissist, I'd have to have like, 0 or -1 empathy. Except, I have a ton of empathy, and am not selfish or self-centered in the least.
There's nothing unethical about a doctor listening to the concerns of a patient's family member and then contacting their patient to see if they're alright. So long as the doctor simply listened and that's it, they've done absolutely nothing wrong.
I lot of reading comprehension problems this time around. I lot of people thought it was the brother who contacted the doctor. It was the mother who called, after the brother broke OP's trust by sharing her messages. No idea where that one commenter got the suspicion that the doctor might have shared private medical information. They received a call informing them that one of their patients might be suicidal and they did a wellness check, the end.
Story 2: they were never really close, just as there was never a really loving mother. Being made a scapegoat isn't love. Being made responsible for your sibling isn't closeness. No one was really on OP's side.
Story 2 - OP´s brother ignoring her text up until the Christmas day... He knows, OP has food and games, so let's pretend for the one day full of benefits, he agrees with her and supports her. Poor OP, she needs a therapy. And her boyfriend too. She needs to cut the toxic, selfish, 35!!! years old brother out, or go no contact. Next Christmas he can spend with his "loving" mother and eat her food and play with her. LOL
i do like how OP makes it clear that the brother is NOT the problem and even that he seems like a decent guy who was just kinda behind in life and even felt bad about the situation despite having no control over it
Often, disabled people don't want to be coddled. I love my parents but they were more focused on making me a "normal" person, to be independent their way, rather than teaching me to think for myself and being independent my way. I still feel very behind and it affects me to this day. I wonder if this is the mistake his parents made.
I only hope for OP's sake in the last story, Brother really does get it and stop supporting the mom.
S2: "...and still consider him my first son."
My heart litetaly broke when I heard that. That realization shattered me this past December knowing that I was never a child, always "mature for my age". Lady please get therapy, especially for you chronic condition. I'm only 21, I have one that has completely negatively altered my life because of a situation similar to yours. It will worse, please take care of yourself.
All the best OP.
For story 1, as a special education teacher, somebody who has below average IQ does qualify as a disability. Also, as a parent, I empathize with what op is going through, and would have done something different to not make my children feel unequal or less loved. I do also still want to emphasize that could still be an underlying disability going on, and I also empathize with the parents desire to want to make sure that that child is taking care of. Where I live, he would qualify for a special education support. Again, the way the parents have gone about this is completely wrong though.
As a disabled person, I agree. The brother shouldn't automatically be branded a failure because it sounds like he is struggling with disability and not bad. The parents are the problem here IMO and not him.
The social security administration does not consider IQ to be eligible for disability unless it is below 75. He's in the low 80s. Certainly on the bottom end of the functional range, but by no means incapable of functioning.
@@OtisFlint in schools in California, IQ is a factor. 80 is right on the cutoff, and it's understood that the student is significantly low and needs support.
@OtisFlint The military doesn't want him because his IQ is low enough he "can't follow orders".
I think people vastly underestimate how difficult it is to be that low functioning. Everyday, hundreds of problems rise, and everyday, your brain works in ways that you don't even notice to overcome them. It compares to previous problems you faced, it will access information that you've been told and try to apply it, it will make you take in information around you, how other people are reacting to the scenario, and allow you to make a decision.
Imagine if your brain didn't do that. If every time there was a problem, you just got stuck.
@@OtisFlintyeah, that's the thing though. There are all sorts of reasons this guy could still be disabled, have been misdiagnosed, or otherwise slip through the cracks. It makes me wonder what happens if somebody gets an IQ score of 76.
Story 1. I think she did the only thing she could do . She will probably need a no contact order or restraining order when she has kids. She owes them nothing. Parents like that never see their favortism so might well quit fighting and go no contact
21:06 Mark, please don’t worry so much about your take. Remember, the internet is not real life, not every instance of bad behaviour/betrayal is worthy of divorce, no contact etc… We’re all human, we all act badly and make mistakes sometimes. Everyone has their own personal thresholds when it comes to what is forgivable. In an ideal world we’d all be respectful of that fact.
"Baby brother" is about to be 40. He's well passed old enough to make his own decisions. This is an interesting golden child dynamic. The mom basically abandoned him to be raised by OP. BF is the ops. He should not have encouraged OP to reach out. She is the victim. F**k an apology, but brother was who needed to make the first step, not OP
the parents fucked up both kids. one through neglect and the other with obvious babying. I really hope he has some sort of independence cause he's way too old to start now.
80 IQ
80 IQ is very low.
i mean your need to be right can hurt relationships. He apologized. She showed a lot of grace, and it sounds like it has worked out for the best. She is happier with him in her life.
I don't know how parents expect they can kick their kids out at 18 and still be cared for. They're old and wealthy enough to look after themselves even better than a teen. That was their give, now this is their take.
i love how mark always cracks up when someone gets called a twat
Idk I honestly do think the brother needs a lot of help, 10 IQ points difference between him and someone legally disabled is basically the same, anyone can enter a school/ training but he can't finish it cause he just isn't able to, don't blame the brother blame the parents
Story 1: wtf who doesn't buy their own daughter a wedding present??? They're lucky she didn't just cut them off after that
I feel bad for OP, and I kind of feel bad for the brother. OP's brother tries, but he never fully learned to overcome frustration. I think a really good mentor who is super patient is what he needs. The chances of those being around to help him function in a good job is low. OP herself, having to join the military at 17 to become the most self-reliant person on the planet, have a husband, working on your Master's, and paying her own way on everything...and the parents cut her out of the will because....Yeah, I don't get it. Even if she doesn't *need* it, it's ALWAYS the thought that counts. And frankly, her parents never spared her a thought.
I hope she maintains a relationship with her brother though. He didn't do anything wrong and chances are, he might try to give her some of the inheritance because he said it wasn't fair. Jury's out on that way. He's holding a job at the gas station, but there's no evidence that he's truly selfish or mean or evil.
I predict "disabled" brother will spend through whatever inheritance he gets in a couple of years and will end up broke and begging his sister for help.
Just because somebody isn't legally declared disabled doesn't mean they can't effectively be. He seems unable to manage money, probably due to a combination of his issues and being coddled. His parents had better get him a payee if they can.
The OP parents should set up a trust and a trustee for him.
@@TH-hy9kr They should, I doubt they will.
S2 Why am I suspicious that the mother encouraged the brother to make up since that's her only link to op or was my family bargain sized messed up and my faith in humanity is damaged?😶
You might be right. You know what a pessimist is? That's an optimist with real life experience 😉
@user-wr3vt8uq4s Oof that entirely describes me. I never give up, glass half full, but blue whale sized trust issues
Story #2: OP, it is long past time that you stop setting yourself on fire to keep your brother warm. He has become a willing enabler of your mother's abuse. You need to go NC for your own health. You are not the crazy one.
Story 2: I really hope op's brother doesn't slip back under mommies thumb. Poor op, not only did she have the pain of her brother betraying her but he was essentially her first child and she is trauma bonded with him.
The first story: I can totally relate to this. OP just returned the same energy and discourtesy that she received. She had every right to go no contact with them. They made their stance on the dichotomy in which they raised their children vastly different absolutely clear. Even worse? They're totally unrepentant. They've made their bed and now they have to lie in it and probably the cruddiest nursing home on the planet.
I have been in OP's shoes. My brother was treated way better than me, except he wasn't gracious about the obvious favoritism. He was an arrogant butthole. He knew damn well that he was the favorite son, while I was just a background character in my own family unit. He was also a total bully the whole time we were in school and hung out with the people who bullied me. I was terrorized from second grade all the way through graduation. Every time I try to talk to my parents about it, I was told by them to “suck it up,” “don't be a baby,” “be the better person,” “to be my brother's keeper,” “stop making mountains out of molehills,” etc. In other words, they completely minimized the effect of the abuse that I was receiving and devalued how it made me feel. I often thought about control, alt and deleting myself off of this planet because of the way I was treated.
In short my life, for a long while, was a living hell. Both me and my brother ended up going in the service, but he lasted longer than I did. He made damn sure to rub that in my face. He had full benefits across the board, health, education and even social security. He squandered all of his opportunities by blowing the government funds on dope. As Uncle Sam follows the money and makes sure that they don't have to pay a dime if they don't have to, he eventually was cut off. It was a toxic cycle of him using smack, odin, ending up in rehab, drying out then getting back out and staying sober for a while only to fall back off the wagon. He overdosed two years ago right before Thanksgiving. I haven't shed a single tear. It's hard to cry for the person who once try to kill me. For the record, he was totally sober when he tried to choke me to death.
It's really interesting you heard this story about a dude who's so low functioning that the military wouldn't take him, and immedietly apply your real life experience with an abusive drug addict that was in the military to make a judgement.
It's like you heard a story about a cat scratching someone, then said "well that chimp tore that ladies face off that time, I can empathize with wanting to put the cat down".
@hello93617 While several of the circumstances in the story are different than what I experienced, I shared a story about how I know what it feels like to be the unseen, unfavored child while the other sibling is treated like they can walk on water. Also, relatable is how the parents pretend there is no favoritism while downplaying the sibling who is ignored as if they don't exist. Also quite relatable was how OP only existed when the parents wanted something and, suddenly, expected her to drop everything she was doing then cater to their every back end call. That's why I shared my story. Have a good day.
Story 2 OP and her brother aren’t close she is only deluding herself into believing they are.
We don't know that.
@@Clyde-S-Wilcox we do know that the brother is the mothers extension to abuse OP
we do know that he is siding with the mother (the abuser) instead of OP (the abused), while OP believes herself to be some kind of second mother, from that we do know that OP cares more about him that he cares about her
Imagine just expecting OP to take care of them after telling her she would get almost nothing in inheritance and thinking she wouldn’t push back
Honestly I'm glad that the poster and her brother were able to finally have a sibling relationship again and he's starting to see the truth about their mom and I also want to say this I think that most of the top comments on Reddit that disagreed with the poster and her brother situation plus them saying she is gullible for taking her brother back so easily I'm starting to think these people just get pissed off when the poster is able to find a resolution between them and the person they're having a problem with because they just hate progress because progress takes away the drama that they enjoy reading or hearing on any RUclips channel
If they give everything to the brother he just going to waste it. If he isn't physically or mentally disable then they just making him less able to fend for himself when there is no human atm or parent.
With update. They are not entitled to get help from op. They gave nothing to op then they get nothing in return. They can pay their golden son to care for them sense they have the money. They just trying to save money by guilt trip op while they spend every dime to keep brother afloat.
For story One, I am very frustrated for OP, but as a disabled person who understands the system, I am very frustrated on her brother's behalf as well. Man alive, they didn't think very much of him, did they? People with intellectual issues are often very good at specific areas, but by coddling him I doubt they gave him the space to find it. At least this didn't rip op's relationship with him apart. I've seen too many stories on Reddit where anger is misdirected at the sibling when the parents are at fault.
I took care of my newborn sister. I was 10 ..I had an older brother 12 at the time, but he was the golden child. My sister is my best friend and the most amazing Aunt. Once my daughter asked her how she learned to be an aunt when we had none.. and I overheard my sister say.. I just treat you like my little sister ❤... it's been 32 years and I'm happy
Story #1: This is a classic case of parental sexism. OP isn't being expected to "step up" and take care of her parents in their "old age," while they baby her brother, because he's "disabled." It's because she's the girl and he's the boy. And I seriously doubt he's disabled. That's just an excuse.
Story 1: evryone sucks except her brother
Story 1: so they let OP become a literal child soldier instead of helping her while bragging about having a mil in the bank? And theyre not even giving brother more, but everything? Shit parents.
I have a similar dynamic with my little brother. We don't live in different countries, but on opposite sides of the US. The thing with him is, the less he knows, the more stubbornly he knows it. My standard response is, 'I'm getting irritated. Love you. Talk to you later'. Before mom died, if she came at me sideways, I'd say 'We both know that's not true', or 'You know i didn't deserve that', and, we'll talk when you're feeling better'. My mom was bipolar, and that shut down her outbursts.
Story 1 - So glad she doesn't blame her brother at all and recognizes that the parents are the issue
If he can work and live independently he's doing f**king fine. These parents remind me of the lazy parents that don't give autistic kids the skills they need to be independent long term because it's difficult short term.
You mean the ones that coddle their kids to the extreme and act like they can do no wrong, resulting in arrogant, ignorant, entitled monsters that think they can do whatever they want, whenever they want?
I have a younger sister who’s 32 now. While diagnosed with autism, she was deemed highly functional. She is, as long as you give instructions. However, she has been coddled, and still treated like a child. While I can’t blame them for almost losing her when she wandered herself around in an amusement park when she was 4, it’s still mind boggling that despite the enrollment to regular schools that fit her, she’s still being treated like a baby. Thus became lazy. My dad has become delulu about my sister “trying to get an artist job” when they never enrolled her to art classes (and honestly her style is like how I draw when i was 7). Hell they can’t let her cook. Or be left alone at home. So idk how she can be taken care of. I can’t be her full time caretaker coz i have my own life too.
Check yourself and your beliefs. You are speaking on things you do not understand. You are projecting onto people you know nothing about. I see parents of autistic-brained people who work really hard to keep their kids disabled for the parent's sake and power. I am a 60-year-old autistic adult who has struggled constantly in my adult life till this year. Nobody knew I was autistic till 3 almost 4 years ago. The biggest issue we have is the attitudes and beliefs similar and the same to the ones you just expressed. Teaching autistic kids the skills they need often comes in the form of teaching us to mask and cover up who we are. It is extremely destructive, and exhausting to us. I know this first hand because I have lived it. The workplace can often be sensory hell for us, but before we ever get into the workplace we have to pass an interview. Only 17% of adult autistics can get a job because the "Normals" have labeled our natural traits as toxic, telling lies and all kinds of fucked up shit. The joke is on all of you though, because corporations are now starting to realize that Normals are expensive, and autistics make them millions if not billions of dollars. They are spending millions on ways to change the hiring process such that autistics can show off what they can do. The day is coming when you will no longer go into a job interview (unless it is forward forward-facing job) and will be made to attempt to show that you can make more money for the company than we do. Good luck with that! We make corporations so much money that the smart ones are actively searching us out and don't see accommodations as having a cost.
@@RiverWoods111masking is good because it increases your chance of living a normal life. Yes it’s VERY exhausting but in the long run it will help you. I’m considered a “normal” as you would put it but have severe issues with interacting with people because I find them annoying and stressful but I have to put in a mask and pretend I’m one of them. Life is going to always be inherently stressful it’s how you cope and respond to the stress that matters. If you put a mask on at work I get it it’s stressful and exhausting but you get to go home and take that mask off and then you have your days off too. It’s livable and I know you don’t want to have to deal with it but life sucks that way and we have to deal with it or go hungry.
@@xirochamber5863 I agree here that masking is valuable and useful. So is learning to unmask for our own safety.
Balance is key; balance is very difficult with these things.
Story 2: OP keeps talking about her brother like he's some poor gullible teenager. He's 35!!!
I think he is much more like their mom than OP wants to admit.
She's also shown him (and their mom, because they are clearly in cahoots) that no matter how bad he treats her, she'll cave and let him back into her life.
She's never going to be happy until she accepts that the little boy she raised doesn't exist anymore and that her mom was never loving, by even the most basic standards.
True, OP isn't entitled to a dime of theirs when they die, and they arent entitled to a second of OPs time (plus effort)
I like how the brother in story 1 wasn't rubbing the favoritism in op face like others would and that he is a decent guy just a bit genuinely stupid but not malicious that is nice
Weirdly, in this situation OP isn't the ahole ... But the daughter is. This is so unbelievably hurtful for her mother and puts everyone in a tough position.
And the whole "he can be a bad partner but a great dad", yes but if you cheat and split up the family acrimoniously then you aren't being a good dad. That's making life harder for the child.
Story 1 i can't blame op ,she finally has enough of the disrespectfulness. She has some self respect, and she deserves a better family and stopped the toxicity by walking away nobody's toxicity should be tolerated
Being a parent is a lifelong obligation, not a temporary one that ends at 18.
FYI they’re millionaires they can afford a driver or an Uber ffs.
S2: Golden AH is upset at OP for ruining his perfect family when it was really him and egg donor who destroyed it for being literal walking nuclear waste bins. I’m glad OP finally stopped giving their egg donor after probably the thirtieth “second” chances when they never deserved a real second chance. Hope they can have peace and keep themselves away so golden AH can deal with the mess he’s creating because of his guilting and enabling.
Bro: “You don’t love mom who was âwfül to you? YOU’RE SICK!” 😂
S2: OP and her brother are dammed idiots. OP is an idiot because, well look at the brother. He'll take his momster's side EVERY! TIME! The brother is an idiot because he will believe his momster over his sister ANY! DAY! No matter what it is, he will always be on the momster's side.
Story 2- Wellness checks are not done by the person's physician. They're done by the police. I've never ever heard of a physician doing that.
Yuck, another because “family”. The parents never seem to understand that in order to be considered family respect needs to go both ways.
Story 2 op is right to walk away its just seriously self-protection now,and nobody's deserves that level of toxicity
1st story OP could successfully contest the will, my friend did that when her mother left every thing to her 2 brothers
Story 2: I would have gone NC with the brother. He is just as shit of a person as the mom. I hope bro lives like OP had to. Maybe first hand experience will turn him into a half decent person. I doubt it but I can hope.
Pretty sure those comments were meant to come AFTER the update
I can totally understand the second OP. I’m in a similar situation. My brother and I are both young adults, but he has a learning disability, and his mental age is younger than his actual age. My "parents" are keeping us apart. My "mother" sometimes pretends to be him when writing to me, saying how disappointed he is with my behavior. But there’s nothing I can do about the situation.
I was allowed to visit him a few days ago, after two years of silence. As soon as I left, I got a message from my "mother" saying I am no longer allowed to visit because I apparently interrogated him. She told me I should stop trying to get him to leave, as he is perfectly fine. I only asked simple questions like if he still liked his job and enjoyed Christmas...
Story 1: Honestly, I agree with the whole grandchildren thing. I'd also prepare for them to try and force OP to be their medical power of attorney etc.
Also story 2: I gotta agree with the commenters on the end of the update, my response to the wellness check would of been "you've completely violated my trust, boundaries and autonomy with your actions so like your mother I can no longer have you in my life" and then blocked him. To me what he did would of been unforgivable
I have an uncle that is not the brightest among the 10 siblings. Most of my aunts and uncles (my mom included) have a career, a degree or some kind of studies certification above high school.
My uncle has epilepsy, a squint eye (not sure if that's how you say it in english) and, overall, makes the same 10 jokes that he has made all his life. He's not useless, he's caring and took care of my grandma all her life. My mom and aunts helped from time to time but It was mainly him. People is not useless or worthless, parents make them like that. He's almost 60 now and, while he's having a hard time figuring out his future, he's very capable of handling himself.
"squint eye (not sure....english)"
I'm not sure if it's translated in a way that explains what is affecting his eye (especially in a medical way or in how it looks to others), but you have still chosen a very appropriately descriptive word and centered his point of view about it.
I suppose I'm saying that it's not translated as clearly or directly as it COULD be AND you have gotten the point across well with what you've chosen. This is meant to be a compliment and encouragement to you.
S2 really? I’d cut my losses and move on.
I heard this story this moring and I will just repost what I said before, " For Story 1: in the more info part. Givinf what op told us about their brother. It does sound like the brother got something but never was tested. Regardless, parents are stupid and selfish."
Story 1: my father has 6 other siblings, the youngest had problems during birth and due to his brain not receiving enough oxygen then his IQ dropped some points. He is not dumb by any means, just needed more help than the others to do well at school and later in life at work. So, when their father, my grampa, passed away it was decided that most of the inheritance would go to him, the youngest had problems, in order to support him.
And here is the kicker, the rest of the siblings agreed to it. One is a dentist, other an IT, an elite sportsman, one is even married to a harbor pilot. They do not need economical support, it is their little brother who does. No fight, no arguing.
Here in this reddit story the parents are to blame 100%, for cuddling one but forcing the other to strife.
I would do anything to get a "Welcome" gif from a lot of the people I hurt over the years. _Anything._ I fully believe that little brother is capable of change, and I have faith he means to try, because I was once a horribly abusive person and have totally remade my entire personality to lock those parts of myself away forever. If I could have a second chance with the people I hurt... God, I would do anything.
Story 2: OP cut off her mom, which she needed to do. She herself has said she needs to cut contact for her own mental health, she even pointed this out to her brother. Under those circumstances, a call from OP's doctor is not unwarranted. The doctor already knows OP's situation so doc can actually help, meanwhile, NC with brother and mom is actually a GOOD thing. She wanted them out of her life, now is the time to take advantage of that!
Hope everyone has had or does have a great day
The second story is sad. She needs more therapy. She needs to stop reaching out to people who do not own up to the terrible things they do to her.
I learned a long time ago that, you teach people how to treat you.
STORY2
THE BROTHER DOSEN'T
UNDERSTAND+ DOSEN'T
APPRECIATE THAT
OP RAISED HIM FROM
WHEN HE WAS A BABY.
Re Story 2:
As a big sister who was parentified and practically raised her baby brother, and whose baby brother is currently not speaking to her because she decided to go NC with their toxic mother, I honestly thought the ending was beautiful.
I would give anything in the world to have my baby brother back, except for compromising my mental health and my safety. That's literally the only thing I won't do. If he came back and accepted that I was NC with our mom and would never have anything to do with his dad ever again, then we could move on. I would forgive it all, because I love him. He's my brother, he was pretty much my baby.
Same with my baby sister.
I totally understand why OP is happy with this outcome. Yeah, her brother messed up, but it's impossible for people to understand when you've trancended that "sibling" relationship into something bigger and deeper. Is it the healthiest thing in the world? Maybe not, but it is what it is.
I did a lot for my parents and their home for years. Helped with everything and tolerated their abuse. They still are leaving everything to my sister. I wasn't even mentioned in their wills. There are a lot of dark places I had to deal with them and I wasn't even worth an honorable mention or being left anything. .y sister even told them she had no interest in being the executer. The whole family always loved her more than me.
It's so easy to stay mad at the brother on Op's behalf, but ultimately it seemed to be what she needed for her MH. Hopefully it doesn't discourage Op from reaching out to Reddit again if she's in a dark place and needing internet strangers to vent or commiserate with.
I’m in the same boat with my siblings. After years of mistreatment from my siblings or sibling in law. I have decided to treat them in the same way. I won’t reach out, I won’t go running when they are in need. Why? Cause all of this is happening to me and none of them have reached out or offered any assistance. So I’m done, I have a big HEALTH hill to climb, so I don’t need to heavy baggage of my siblings mistreatment. So a singleton I will be..
It’s weird to say someone is “conditioned their whole life” into doing what the mother says then say that he chose to betray OP. If someone has been abused and manipulated their entire life it’s not as simple as them doing whatever works better for them. It’s the response to abuse to some degree.
Story 2 hit uncomfortably close to home. For me it was my sister. We haven't spoken in ten years because she sided with my mother in her gaslighting and manipulation. I hated to lose my sister, but ultimately, my life is more peaceful without them in it. The last I heard, she was a Trump-worshipping tradwife. Which was tragic, but also just confirmed for me I made the right decision all those years ago.
STORY1
THE PARENTS OF OP
R SO TERRIBLE IF OP HAS
A BABY SHE SHOULD
HAVE NOTHING TO DO
WITH THEM AS WELL AS
KEEP THEM FAR AWAY
FROM THEM.
great one guys I wonder what happened to june?
They didn't even get a wedding present 💀
Story 1: seen this alot. Parents will leave everything to the kid that was not unsuccessful because they are more reliant on the parents. While the other kid is more independent so they leave the less
Story one (haven't started tge second): I think if Op has a baby, particularly if it's a boy, they'll be all over her, like white on rice. If it's a girl, eh. Not so much. NTA
“You’re an adult, you can handle yourself.”
Oh, but THEY can’t? 🤔 Oh well, shouldn’t have been awful parents
Story 1) whew chile the pity party of the op is through the roof
Story 2 makes me wonder why the hell some people have kids. They obviously don't actually love them, nor do they want to take care of them. They abuse them and hurt them in so many ways, then blame the kids when they cut off contact. I just don't understand it.
7 MINUTES AGO, OH BOY, I've never been so excited
Story 1: People's entitlement is off the charts. This is such blatant favouritism (and probably misogyny as well in this case) and it makes my blood boil when such crap parents treat their child like a necessary evil but still expect them to care and do unpaid labour for them and thank for the "privilege". No, kids aren't entitled to their parent's money. But it also says a lot when you're a parent so shitty you are incapable to even try and buy your child's love as a last resort but still expect them to everything for you.
Story 2: NTA too. OP needs to cut this family out. There is a time when you have to stop trying to help and care for others when they couldn't give a shit about you. He isn't a child and is aware of the issues I would have advised to stay away and focus on herself. OP's bf also sucks. Why is he insisting on OP reaching out to her adult brother? And what's with the "sisters are scary when they are mad" bs? This is ridiculous. Be a f-ing adult and reach out. Be a f-ing adult and expect proper steps from the right party instead of insisting that the OP needs to keep the peace.
I keep telling myself that I need to cut off watching these Reddit reads due to how bad they're are. However, it reinforces my "Wow, it's things like this that make me feel like the last person getting on the last helicopter out of Saigon." I guess I should update it to "Grabbing the last plane out of Afghanistan."
Thanks for the video.
Sometimes you need to love people from far far away 😌
Isn’t the first story old or a repeat?
Both stories are just heartbreaking because both OP’s parents are POS. The brothers aren’t completely AH but they do get a gain out of it. It’s just heartbreaking to hear.
That 2nd story I know my family would try to weaponize my mental health against me like that so I have zero contact with them. OP, you’ll have to do that for your health’s sake. Your brother doesn’t have your best jnterests in mind, he is not as innocent as you picture in your mind
Ok thankfully I was wrong about the brother
Last story - did the doctor give out information? Did I read that right?
I suspect that the parents misrepresented their son's IQ to excuse their favouritism and coddle him. Why do I think so?
A) If your son is intellectually disabled, why give him money to start a business?
B) Is he making his cosplays, or is he buying them? If he's making them, then he's got pretty solid, trainable, skills: math, motor, time, and project management.
C) He's got the ability to develop new skills, as evidenced by his learning to drive a car.
D) He's living physically independent from his parents with two other people and working. If he can remember to get to work, he can remember to pick up mummy for her appointments.
Story 1, NTA. BUT, no-one is entitled to an inheritance
5:25 they didn't even buy her a wedding gift???
Ooooh, 3 minutes ago! Good timing, something to listen to while drying my hair!