My Thoughts on Money, Dating and Relationships
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- Опубликовано: 1 апр 2024
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Would be really funny when your answering relationship questions you cut to Macy saying careful or something.
I’ve been trying to sign up with Acorns for days now but I’m in a constant loop of signing up that tells me that my SSN is invalid or being used with another account. I put in a ticket with customer service but no luck yet. Can you contact them directly again and get them to help me 😂
If someone is going to test me - they're not for me.
The problem is people's priorities are all messed up. Everyone is more worried about financials, comparing and what they stand to gain from someone as apposed to just finding the most compatible partner that is like a best friend
It's just one criteria of many for finding a partner, not the ONLY criteria.
Most instances of marital stress are driven by money related challenges. Ignore financial compatibility at you own peril.
Finances are huge!
My take, if someone is 'testing' you on a date, they aren't the one.
That's dumb
@@DominantBtch disagree, if you have to test someone like that, rather than communicate and have a simple discussion about it, what does that say for the future of the relationship
If it's possible to fail it's a test. Early dates are always tests.
Men usually pay women to leave, not to stay.
@@983mademanI think it’s the opposite. Woman pay on the first date for the man to leave and never come back
In relationship both parties should contribute. it’s not a one-way street
Totally
Every relationship is different,but there is no one way.
Yup. If you don’t find this, they aren’t the right woman for you. Let guys who are suckers take the women who want it both ways. It is alright to pay for the first couple dates just to be nice, but then it becomes about equality after that.
Yep exactly! And every relationship will be different, it's all about sharing and compromise.
if the couple makes about the same money...yeah, thats how it works monetarily. If the man ends up making 2,3, 4x or more...than its his duty to take better care of his woman/ wife/ partner. Thats a mans perspective. Cant say it would work if the roles were reversed.
2:32 “OVERALL!!”
I’ll be honest, I used to not miss a single video, and lately I’m guilty of having not watched a Graham Stephan video for months, but this reminded me how much I love him!
A lot of guys complain about how girls just want them to pay for stuff, buy them gifts ,etc. And I know those women exist, but as a woman with a doctorate degree and a high income I see the other side of it. I've dated guys with all sorts of degrees and incomes from doctorates to trade school diplomas. I always offer to split the bill (but graciously let him pay if he insists) if he invited me out, or offer to pay if I was the one to set it up, and have never once asked someone to buy me something expensive. Gifts are never expected but always appreciated if that's something he wants to do. While I can honestly say I'm much more interested in the person themselves than their 'level' or how much money they make, the fact that I don't need to depend on them turns some guys off -it's kind of like it weeds them out early on - like Graham said, they're just not for me.
All of this seems like confusing insanity until you understand the difference in how women and men are designed and made to function. Men were designed to be the protector and provider, and women were made to be the nurturer and caregiver. None of those are more honorable or dignified than the others, they are simply different. So when one party wants to function as they were designed to function, and the other party wants to function in the same way, yeah, that's gonna create an issue. And if one party is pushing the other party to function how they should be functioning, yeah it'll be uncomfortable, but it'll probably be the best for you and make you grow and mature.
Yep.
It’s deeper than the money dating someone broke sometimes their whole personality is they are broke. They complain 24/7 all they talk about is bills and debt it’s draining . I dated a few guys like this they put the stress on you not worth it .
Honestly, as a woman, if a guy is at least doing something (be it working or studying), has got good hygiene, isn’t morbidly obese and doesn’t live in a trailer park he’s a catch.
The standards are so low for men. But yes that's a great *starting* point.
Nothing below that.
Then you move on to compatibility.
lol. Such low standards
@@Sadude13 would u pass those standards?
So what you're sayin is...there's a chance lol
Pickmesha!!
Anyone who tests a potential partner is toxic....
Graham the truth is, when I was a 19 year old woman, men did expect a first date paid means make out in car, driving home and possibility of something at least something. I remember men trying those in the car and paying them back in that moment to buy myself integrity back. Sad world
Everyone here is talking about a hypothetical date. Paying for a hypothetical date is not an issue. Paying for many many many many many dates with women that are only taking advantage of you or are short-term situations is the problem.
Choose better dates then
You're definitely one of them@@lacebycr
@@lacebycr Agreed....you're supposed to be filtering people out long before you even start dating, no reason to be hopping into dating marathons with reckless abandon.
The truth…
If you ask a woman out you pay.
Don’t go over the top or beyond your means.
Articulate your expectations.
Express and follow through in your willingness to hear her expectations and needs.
So if she asks you to go on a date and you don’t have money explain your financial situation and if that’s not good enough for her to pay she’s not for you
the obvious answer if you don't want to pay is wait for a woman to ask you out.....but then you'll just be waiting....
@Ndasuunye exactly. These poor guys seem a little clueless. As if women don't have 300 other options willing to pay...
I still don’t agree especially since men usually ask the women out. Better to do a free date for the first. There’s a lot you can do for free that’s fun.
My assumption is, whoever asks the other person, pays. But you know what they say about assumptions! I think the best thing is just to lay your cards on the table BEFORE the date (e.g. "Would you like to meet for coffee? My treat."
wrong we get to get to know each other ....is sexist to say men should pay ...
Hey Graham, some absolutely hilarious situations that you have mentioned!🎉😅😊
After looking up the interview subject, I don’t think that she’s an ideal person to be taking dating advice from, insofar as she hasn’t found a long-term partner for herself. Lori Gottlieb, in her own 2019 book “Maybe You Should Talk To Someone“ describes herself as a “single mom by choice”.
A telling passage from the book: “This wasn't my dream growing up, of course. Nor was it the dream of the other members of Single Mothers by Choice, a national group for women who want to have children but won't shack up with the wrong guy to do so. Its' members-mostly attractive, smart, successful thirtysomethings - subscribe to the "somebody isn't always better than nobody" theory of marriage. Many, including me, have turned down engagement rings from eligible bachelors even as our biological alarm bells started sounding. As a friend put it, we're paradoxically "desperate but picky."”
Toxic, degenerate women
hi graham love your content!
Hey, thanks!
That ringing noice at the beginning broke my ears because I was on my head phones going for my walk
There's also the logic that if they aren't willing to split $5, why would they be willing to split $100?
Testing someone on the first date is ridiculous! Also kind of deceiving as well.
You've gotta clip and make a short of 17:43 -18:43 . It would be such great and helpful advise to share!!
Reminds me about that thing I heard in an episode of ‘The Crown.’ “It’s about signals!”
“Window shopping is FREE ! “ 🤣🤣 you’re too funny, I don’t know why you ever thought you weren’t charismatic enough to start a RUclips channel Graham
I really thought for a moment that you were broke and miserably crying from the look of your thumbnail 😂😂 it just caught me off guard
OK, a perspective from the 1960s (when I was dating). Whoever extends the invitation pays. He buys dinner, I invite him to a friendly game of golf. He pays for dinner, I pay for tee-time. Or, I bring the lunch for a picnic date. The idea is to establish reciprocity - NOT a transactional paid companionship! But, I guess the world has changed and my old-fashioned ideas, are just that: Old-fashioned. God help young men nowadays!
Personally, the way I was raised , if you invite someone to do something ( friend or companion) and you didn’t say it beforehand, you pay. I also never expect someone to do the same because not everyone was raised in my household. So if I invite someone out , im paying. If someone invited me out, I’m still offering to pay my portion
@@daileyklusendorf123 A very gracious and elegant solution, IMHO. Bravo!
Hahaha, the outsmarted stat. Absolutely dead.
Great video
I just cannot wrap my head around going through like excepting free things to the point you get UPSET when people don't pay to speak to you
We are in a weird transitionary period, where women are justifiably gaining more power within society, but men and women are stuck in an old world mindset where the man has to make more and be the bread winner and fully lead the relationship. That doesnt line up anymore. How long will it take for that mindset to adjust to the new reality?
It's not like that.
@@AnnafromHungarylvNW thank you for your well thought out and articulate response that explains your point.
a few generations probably
Society is sooner to fall than change evolutionary ways.
It won't transition to that, female led relationships fall apart thus we have now a ferris wheel where one partner gets off and scoots to the next cart forever. The patriarchy worked for thousands of years, everything else is degeneracy
If a person invites on a date, the invitee pays. If both agrees to go out (no invite) then you split. And a date is not just a free meal, but a opertunity to get to know each other. So go to a place where you can talk, and no you cant do that in the cinema.
Smoothest transition to a sponsored ad.
When a girl offers to split the check it’s really attractive to me. She feels equal to me, and understands that dating is a two way street. I’ll pay no question when I’m in love, but when dating basically a stranger, I really don’t like the feeling of “she’s doing me the honor of going on a date with me so I must pay”. That feels incredibly inequitable.
could you make a video about your thoughts with personal finance in relationships?
Graham loves Acorns!
I think that in general, if you have similar future/career goals, similar financial goals, similar family goals, and compatible personalities, the rest of it is superficial in most cases, and can be adjusted on a case by case basis.
Let's not forget that this all starts with physical attraction to begin with, and the rest of it comes very soon after if there's any chance of something long-term happening.
Graham, does acorns no longer have all the fees you talked about in your past video?
OFFERING goes such a long way. I will never want her to pay on a first date but just the fact that she has the courtesy to offer is so greay
If you can’t afford to pay for the first date, be creative. Take her on a picnic. Save money and you’ll get bonus points for being different.
I once went on a date and forgot my wallet and she had to pay. She later told me that her paying turned her on so much.
Pro tip: do something free or cheap on the first date so that way you’re not paying for someone that you don’t want to pay for. Once you like someone, you’ll want to take care of them. But first dates at restaurants you have the pressure of paying, getting to know them, and being as impressive and unique as possible.
Hi graham do you think you can do a video on prenups. There hasn’t really been a good video out there of one.
The Financial Diet has a really great video on it w an interview from a family/divorce lawyer I think. Really conceptualized what ppl - even normal ppl - should consider when you’re trying to quantify paid labor, unpaid labor, earning potential, assets before the marriage, etc.
@@uchewb3 thanks!
The tumbnail made me say: "ya same."
i heard something i really liked regarding first date: if he doesn't pay, he was not raised well. if she doesn't offer to pay, she was not raised well. I think that is really nice assuming it is a normal, not expensive date, the girl offers to pay her part, the guy can say oh no, no, no way, he feels good to cover it, she feels good, everyone is happy :D
12:32 I would say it’s an ick because in my immigrant household you are supposed to offer to pay. I don’t expect them to pay but offering to pay is an expectation
“You do what you want to do.” I think that’s great advice, if you want to pay and they get offended they aren’t for you. There are so many people that overthink the situation or make all kinds of theories as to what the right way to date is. There’s no right or wrong way.
Men date down. Woman always want to date up. A rich man can change a broke woman's life, but a rich woman won't even glance at a broke man.
That’s not true, lots of rich woman can’t find a man
Hahahahaha
I've always heard that women are smarter than men but never have I heard it so perfectly explained.
Date down financially, date way up physically. Rich men do not want ugly rich women.
@@yitongxu2977 literally proves his point. There are not much rich men so they don't have many options because they won't look down.
I just happened to pay for the first date at in n out because I got there before him. We've been happily together for almost three years (:
I'm super career driven and he has no issues being a confident and funny guy who's my comfort space when I need to destress. I'm hoping, in the future, he will be a stay at home dad 💕
Graham, you're approaching this from the point of view of someone who is in a relatively healthy relationship. When you're purposely dating and looking for X, Y, Z features/traits/whatever it felt like chaos and it would never happen. Some people want to party others want to settle down, while I agree with pretty much everything you're saying the single people have very little "skin in the game".
Men care way too much about money. Majority of women aren't chasing your bank account. We're looking for emotional intelligence, kindness, moral support, etc. There's no price tag on those qualities and they are extremely rare to find in modern men. If you want to make yourself a catch without having to become a millionaire, that's where your focus should be.
I'd love to see you do an iced coffee episode with Steven Bartlett
Split the DIF !!!!!!!!!!!!
If you grow up not thinking men are supposed to pay for dates socially, then it’s not something they think about. It’s still weird to me that despite both young people having bad jobs and being the same age and treated as equals, that a man still is socially required to pay. So much so that many (even most apparently) women won’t see you again if you don’t pay for them. But we’re equals and both taking the same amount of time to get to know each other.
My dream in life is to have a conversation with Graham🙏 These reaction videos are iconic “very little weight, broad generalizations”
Still liking!
That coffee guy was probably you 😂
If she didn't want to go out with him over $5, it wasn't meant to be
Am i the only one who finds successful women extremely attractive? If we both work, we can retire in 20 years or less instead of only me working and retiring in 40 or more. Then we can just be parents or whatever we want!
Oh yeah they're wildly attractive. Please take some of the responsibility off my shoulders. At 6'1 270 I'm not emasculated because she makes money. That's just stupid.
I am someone that does make more than her husband, but we got married when he made more than I did at that time. Our view is that an increase/promotion for one is better for the family - we're excited, but its our money and it works towards OUR future.
Honestly graham is right I can say nun but agree on his views that how I look at it. It honestly manipulation in many forms and ways being push now adays nothing better than doing what you truly feel like doing.
8:43 It is stupid but it’s very real, as a woman that makes a significant amount of money for my age. The men I’ve met do feel insecure
As someone who makes a solid income, I would have no issue dating a woman who makes more than me.
advice from Charlotte that I like. first date offer to pay, no problem to split you just met. only let him pay if you like him enough for another date.
I'm the kind of man that would pay for the date, but if she reacts badly to that, or reacts as if I expect something from her for doing so, then there won't be a second date. I don't care if/or how much she makes more than I do. I once dated a woman who made more in a single trade every day than I did in a year at the time. However, I've also not gotten a second date from another, simply because I took her to a place within my budget, at the time, not to some place expensive. While I could have gone more fancy at the time than I did, I've always been one to be practical and look for at least some of that practicality in a hopeful future spouse.
Guy couldn’t get a girl but give relationships advice! 😂😂😂 just like how he predicted the market without knowing what it is😂😂😂
Dating and trust aren’t the problem.
The system is.
We live in a wealth redistribution world.
Child support.
Spousal support.
Alimony. Palimony.
Housing subsidies.
Food stamps.
Welfare.
Child daycare subsidies.
State medical.
Equal division of assets even if it wasn’t equal earned income.
Child tax credit.
Now think about this very hard.
At no point in time did I say what gender was receiving or paying these benefits.
Which gender did you think was paying,
which one receiving.
🤔
I want to know how many years of being in a relationship whom you are engaged to someone do you keep splitting all the bills including rent/morgage. If the man makes 250K a year and the woman makes $40,000 a year but every single bills is split down the middle. Is that fair, especially years down the road? Thoughts?
yes it doesnt matter how much she earns you split the bills ... women up if you want a better life why should he pay more becaouse he makes more ? are you more important your time is more important ?
you mentioned in the video that some peoples icks are other peoples green flags. I agree. Everyone has different love lanugages and everyone is different. That's just dating but lots of people have their own rules about dating and it just is what it is
Thank God, not another "I'm quiting RUclips" video 😅
honestly graham i agree with you that you should date whos best for you honestly ive had it each and every way ive paid,shes paid and even split the bill and in my experience it doesnt matter if the person doesnt mesh well with you and ive learned that over and over again they can be rich and never spend a dim on you they can pay but still make your life miserable its more about after the dates not during.
Graham, You should have Rollo Tomassi (author of "The Rational Male" book series) on the Iced Coffee Hour. He has been called the "Godfather of the Manosphere" by many people. He has been writing about these topics for over 20 years. He just moved to Las Vegas last month.
Stephan
:)
its all about income compatability and being on the right path .if one partner can hold the fort while the other improves or catches up thats great .all depends on wether you are traditional..most men if money is tight are quite happy if the woman contributes more their ego goes out the window with bills esp with children .its about becoming a team and not his n her money
4:55
At the end of the day it really is the woman's problem also if she complains about not getting a date. Like Grahim said, it take two to tango.
I think the man should pay the first few date, then openly communicate with your partner (girls can initiate the convo too) and depending on financial ability, pay the bill every other time. And yea for small bills ($5) guys should pay (especially the first few dates come on). This is just my take.
As a woman who wants kids then I desire a husband you can atleast take care of the household bills fully or 75% atleast. With that being said I am ok doing 50/50 but it is important to know that he is capable of carrying the full load financially. My reasoning is bc when kids are thrown into the mix most women are expected to have to carry most of that load. I dont ever see myself not working but if we have sick kids or a lot of kids I do not want for us to need me to work full time and take care of kids and house.
If my husband cant take care of everything financially then we definitely need to be on the same page that domestic house work will be split equally.
My personal experience with men is that most of them want a traditional woman who also works and contributes financially while all they do is work and throw up their feet when they get home. Not signing up for that
so you are a strong independ women but want a traditional men isnt that hilarious
@@pentrubarbati no where did I say I want a traditional man
@@sidehustlevikki1066 a man who takes care of household bills fully is a traditional man
Why is this right after andrei jikh’s video
I'd pay for our coffee. I wouldn't let a coffee determine a potential relationship. I"d also be confident enough to ask him if he minds if I pay.
Money never cheats and love doesn’t pay the bills
It really does suck not being able to get what you want in life, even after trying so hard to get there… 💯💯💯👎👎
I was told to always split the bill until you are a couple. Personally, I like to split the bill unless I am adamant about the date we are going on and I genuinely want to treat the person (e.g. movie I've been wanting to see, my favorite ice cream stand).
“Meal might be like 50 bucks.” Graham, oh my sweet, sweet Graham. Hahaha Multiply that by roughly 3x.
Bro imma keep it a buck, I've never ate at a restaurant that expensive before nor has a woman I've dated ever wanted to. So if your talking to women that like that fine dining please keep them over there with you.😂
@@e.cforest5422 you’ve never eaten at a restaurant with $35ish dollar entrees? That’s $70. You split an app, that’s $15, so $85. Drinks at restaurants are $12. Minimum $24. So that’s $109 at a minimum. Tax and tip and we’re close to $140. $35 entrees restaurants are basically every non-chain restaurant in a city.
I think it also depends on location. You can get a nice meal for two in my area for like $30. I would never even dream of dropping over $100 on a first meal/date. Ofc this doesn't include the cost of gas and stuff but still . @@e.cforest5422
Ha. No woman who is doing a lot better than me is even giving me the chance to be with them. They're usually too busy at work to even notice anyone
and a lot of these women think a 5 year degree in square dance is worth the same as a 5 year degree in engineering...
most of the time if the woman is out earning the man she will be the one to leave like you said graham
Glad I’m gay, when I was dating it’s gay standard operation you split the bill first on date.
Then 2nd date you can fight over who pays. We completely done away with the free loader option on dating.
I had many female friends during gay brunches brag about how many guys they got to pay for her weekly dates.
That's really interesting, removing the free rider problem in dating by splitting first dates non negotiable. Wow. Yeah I am totally cool with spending money for dating women, personally, but it's still interesting to learn about that.
No reason for that guy to not cover the girl's $5 coffee damn lmao.
It’s messed up…aren’t the partners supposed to cover each other’s backs? The more they earn as a couple, the better…regardless of who exactly earns more😅
You should react to Dr. Mike, I Bought My First Home | House Tour, The place is Incredible I'd love to hear your thoughts opinions on it.
Your comments been one of the most sensible critiques of dating I've heard on the internet lately, accepting that people are different and that people can compromise. The small percentage of people that are terminally online make such off the wall remarks.
I'm glad I met my wife when I was lonely and poor. Nowadays I'm still poor but happily married...
My sweetie is the breadwinner of the family, but I also took care of the kids for the longest. i'm so you know it doesn't matter, really? It's just whatever works for whatever family. I'm an old man and I'm trying to build a little nest egg. Considering that longevity might be popping up sometime soon, we'll see.
George Davis
Graham the reason you struggle with some of this is because you're trying to use logic and common sense when 50% of the world doesn't have that lol
You could also say it was a rookie mistake for her to deny a second date with a dude she's clearly interested in all because of a $5 cup of coffee. Maybe that was his test to see if she was using him or mutually interested.
Income inequality only starts when women become mothers. As a woman, the least you should require is marriage since having this man's children is going minimize your economic viability. In the event of relational failure, he needs to compensate for your reduction AND his children. He can take the kids if he doesn't want to pay you and endure the reduced advancement opportunities himself because he is a primary care giver.
You shouldn't be "testing" someone on a first date, in my opinion. If a man asks me out, I expect him to pay for the first date. If we continue seeing each other, we can alternate.
Who did the thumbnail makeup or AI?
Just date somebody will empathy. The rest will fall into place.
The disconnect comes when trying to understand that men and women value different things as we are different. Men are success objects, women are beauty objects. Men marry women for their femininity. We want a woman that provides us peace and we can start a family with. We don’t care about how much money she makes. In fact, most men would rather her be at home raising the kids and tending to the home.
Women who are financially successful act like men. We are not interested in starting a family with a woman who acts like a man. Successful women, struggle because they want a man on “their level”. A man on their level has many options. He is not going to want to deal with her as she is more than likely too old, and past her prime. He is going to go after a younger, more fertile, more agreeable woman.
I paid for myself on dating and sometimes for both. Here we are: 17 years in marriage and two kids 😅. But in my late 30s, if I would date now, I wouldn’t do that. Men should be more proactive. It is a shame to be with a greedy person.
Where are you taking someone on a date for $50? Chuckee cheese?